The Commercial Break - A 3 Legged Wannabe Table

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

With restaurants, it's all about the secret sauce: food, service, atmosphere, and the coke dealer at the end of the bar. Bryan & Krissy know all about it, and Bryan gives us the rundown on his latest Atlanta restaurant experience. Bryan realizes TCB will soon be a source of embarrassment for his son. The average penis size has increased by 30% Will this eventually put us in the metaverse? February is Krissy’s time to show up to TCB intoxicated! Bryan thinks Valentines day is a scam Are Bryan & Krissy the new AbFab? What makes the perfect restaurant? Bryan talks shit about an Atlanta restaurant…drama! The TCB Treaty is updated! Moral of the story…just go to Houston's! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh Alex, this is the mood board for the next edition. Six pitch, Aristos! Six punk, whore, bitch! Prossey, prossey, levy, punk, tar! Slaps, slaps, total Alex, Alex with lovely shoes. Oh yes! On this episode of the commercial break... Those three things have to be there.

And if you have a Coke dealer at the end of the bar. It can even better. You're a four-legged table. You're gonna stand the test of time. You're always gonna be there. No matter what comes a rocket, you're always gonna be there. But it's better than two obvious. Yeah, not two obvious.

Yeah, he's got a look. He's upscale. He's got a look, like a person. He's by himself. That would be at the bar. Yeah. Not the white guy with dreadlocks that smells like patchouli and his wearing sandals in the middle of December.

And... The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Ah, yeah, Cathy. Welcome back to the commercial break. I am Ryan Green. This is my dear friend Anne Valentine. Kristen, joy, holy best of you. Oh, and that's the Brian. That's you out there in the podcast universe. So Valentine's Day last week, I'm waiting for my son to ask these eventual questions. Like, we're driving by and he's like,

there's a big heart sound in someone's yard and it says like, be mine. We're sound to the stoplight and he's like, Daddy, what's be mine me. And I'm like well twice a year mommy and daddy get together without the children. Damn, consensual but really rough sex. He's like I'm gonna go play with my legos. Exactly what you should do son.

Exactly. It's like two legos. One of these days you're gonna find out what an asshole your dad is. I woke up in like a cold sweat the other night. And I was having this conversation and then I woke up in a cold sweat because I'm realizing that at some point, his friends are going to find the commercial breaker.

He's gonna tell them, my dad does, the commercial break. And then that is gonna be a source of embarrassment for the rest of his life. I don't know that that many people are listening. No, no, no. Just a few people listening. That's it. And the good news is, it's no one that we actually know

that's listening to the show. Right. And the good news is, there's a thousand million podcasts out there, so. There's a million podcasts. Yeah, so it's kind of like a podcast. Every boy, girl, white boy, white girl, this team, friends, as a podcast about comedy.

And we're all doing it poorly. Except for a few. I just wonder if like Matthias is gonna come home one day and be like, I hate you and I hate what you do. How many started around as Lamborghini and go into the chef's school? Yeah, as he's going to the chef's school. Bye, honey! Bye!

Keep those episodes coming! Yeah, it's just going to chefs go. Bye, honey. Bye Keep those episodes coming your son's going to Chefs going again. He's been going for 26 years in a row and Italy in Italy Just waiting for you to die honey. Just waiting for you to die. But put more than a couple more episodes before you do. Gotta keep that back catalog nice and thick. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I read some crazy news the other day, and I'll share it with you,

and then you tell me what you think. Okay. The average penis size in the last 30 years has grown by 30% the average erect penis size has grown. I think I'm saying that. Should I put a comma there somewhere? Because of course it's grown by 30%. Mine grows by double.

Why Brian? Why Brian 3000? Why Brian 3000? I read this article and I was like, oh, that's interesting, but how is that really relevant? Mine's not growing by 30%. So I don't know what I read was that this scientist in Stanford did a 30 year study.

Now penis measurement goes back 80 years. I actually think it goes back to the beginning of time. I think so too. Yes, men have been like. Yeah, men have been measuring clocks forever. Long time, there's gotta be been like, that's the most measuring Cox forever. There's gotta be like, you know, the caves, where there's, you know, a drawer. That's right.

Yeah, that's right. You go. Oh, wait. Oh, me penis big. Me penis bigger. Show me penis bigger Rub together to make fire I'm sure that since it's a constant fascination

Yes with penises us and the us and our penises and I can't explain why I guess it's because it's there and it's out like it's not It's not in it's out. It's not it., it's out. That's true, it's not in. Yeah, it's like if someone puts a ball in front of me, I'm gonna pick it up and start playing with it, right? That's just how I am. Because it's something that I can touch. Yeah, it's there and something I can touch and it's outside my body and I like to touch it.

So anyway, so I'm sure this has been going on forever, but actual scientific measurements, keeping records of it, it has been going on for 80 years. And the size stayed relatively consistent with the size of the human body, as people have grown taller, the penis has grew a little bit bigger, but over the last 30 years, it's accelerated,

and 30% growth, that's 10% a decade, is a lot. Scientists are trying to figure out exactly why this is happening. It's cow's milk. Yeah, the hormone. Grass fed grass, yes. Viagra. That's Yes, Viagra. That's right Viagra. Warburg in 3000.

Viagra is fundamentally changing the body makeup. It's changing the body makeup and it's in the fucking water. Like it's in your water Viagra, vikin in first of all, who's throwing out vikin in? What kind of stupid idea? You get $5 a pop on the street for that shit. First of all, second of all, all this shit in the water and the chemicals that are in the air

and in our hands. Everything, these microphones, this hat I'm wearing, these headphones. We are fucked. As a human race, I think we got about 10 good years left, but forth, everything changed, everything changes. And. That's why we'll be avatars.

Yeah, that's right. We're gonna go to the vetiverse think we should go to the vetiverse. That's what's gonna happen. The kids are gonna start making babies in the vetiverse because their penises are too big to get, penises are too big to get erect without harming themselves. They're gonna have to go into the vetiverse and have metasex and have metachildren,

where it's safe and it's relatively, the thing that's crazy is, while the penis sizes are going up, the testosterone counts and the testosterone counts are going and sperm counts are going down. So this scientist thought, well, sperm and testosterone going down, penis size will go with it. Not true, going up.

And this is concerning. Why is this concerning? Because anytime you fuck with reproductive organs of any living being, it could spell trouble for birth rates. And birth rates are a big deal. Like China right now has a huge problem with birth rates. They are going to crash and burn because they have way more old people than they do young

people and the young people are not procreating. They're not having sex. Yeah. So this is a big... Because they're in the metaverse. They're right ahead. Anyway, there's all that anime stuff. Oh yeah. There. Yeah. So this is a big because they're in the metaverse. That's right. I had any of you all that anime stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen some of that anime?

That's crazy. Jesus. Dragon tail penetrating somebody from their anus through their mouth. And enjoying it. I just don't get it. Yeah. There's way more options. It's called the, I think, Hentai is the name of some of that stuff. Okay. No, I don't think that's Chinese, I actually think that's Japanese, but Hentai porn is crazy. I mean, it's insane. I've never watched it, but I've heard it's insane. I've watched it.

It's pretty insane. So, yeah, so the penis sizes have grown to an average erect of 5.5, doesn't 5.5 inches seem small erect? I mean, not for me. That's about three inches more than I got going on. But. I mean, it seems like I thought six, maybe was an average.

I thought six or seven was the average. I always had that, like, I think this is like one of those urban myths that runs around when you're a teenager that your penis is supposed to be seven inches erect. Well, it depends on the sample size you've got. Yeah, that's true. The penis is started with porn stars. porn stars. You're going to go a little up one way or the other. The guy who is the largest, the largest

measure to penis in the world is a guy named Jonah. He lives in New York. He's like a Metz fan and commentator on the internet. He has his own podcast. Of course he does. Of course he does. Yeah. He's not famous for his penis. He's famous for being a man. Did they discover that the Metz fan part was he like out of game? And there he is. There he is. They look at the size of that man's penis. We can see it through his shorts. Jonas Dick showed up three minutes before Jonah did. We got to clear the four seats in front of us. What if you're just like watching a Metz game and he's sitting right behind home plate and

he's just got a flat hole. What if you're sitting at a meds game and someone bumps you from behind and you're like, oh, and then you turn around and there's like, you get hit in the back of the head like, oh, sorry man, I got a pee. That happens every time. His dick cannot get hard because they are afraid that if not, they are afraid it just can't get hard because not enough blood can flow there. Yeah, but even doctors have told him like, hey, if you get fully erect, it's likely you're going to pass out or die because your blood's going to go all your penis and there's not

going to be enough left in your body, which is just crazy. I have the opposite problem. I have the opposite problem. I have the opposite problem. I get smarter when I get erect. That's good. Yeah. And so this, this, take all the funny dick jokes out of it, like the low hanging fruit, which is what we do basically, but take all of that out of it.

And it's just concerning in a way because if the female reproductive organs are not changing to accommodate that, and I'm talking about like, you know, having babies, like heterosex having babies, if the female organs are not changing to accommodate that, then it could spell real trouble. You're doing your part, Brian. I am doing my part twice a year when the kids are asleep because we've given them way too much. And you and you've had the big children. So you're doing your part on that side too. Still not sure who the second or third father is, but we're going to find that out real quick. We're going to we're going to morph into Jerry's figure.

Yeah, that's right. You guys know. We're going to use Brian's family. We should submit to go on Mori. Povich totally. My wife will never let that happen, but it would be fun if we could. Would you go?

Would you have lunch? No. We have any friends we could send over there? I'm sure. We sent Will the champ or somebody to just make up a whole. Will would be perfect for it, actually. You know that the MoriPoVich show

probably has the exact same standards for getting on air that the Jerry Springer show did. Which is just just pretend. None. Yeah. None. Because so many of those guys are not the father and I have a hard time believing.

I mean, I guess that happens lots, but it seems awful suspicious that every person who comes on Mori Povid shows a know who the father is. Like, wouldn't you know that probably within a degree of certainty, unless? Maybe even before you came on the show. Yeah. Well, now with Ancestry and 23 and me, all of that stuff's coming to light. Oh, that stuff.

Don't do that stuff. I did it. I know that they've actually pitched us to be an advertiser before. One of those companies, but I know you did, but they have your DNA now. I know. If you don't think they're selling that to the government. Oh, what? Have you been on the internet?

Yes. I have. Our data is long gone. True, but my DNA is mine. I'm keeping my DNA. Okay. Well, actually, I don't, I'm sure my DNA is so. Oh, you have to have as many of your relatives do it.

So, yeah, that's true. Fuck, and I got a twin brother. Fuck. Yeah. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. A Kevin, don't do 23 in me. I implore you, actually I think he's done it. So we're all screwed, whatever.

Anyway, so this reminded me this whole lovemaking thing that Valentine's day was just a couple days ago, what did you do? We didn't do a lot because you didn't made any love. Well, we did make love. You did oh Now I mean we we have Valentine's Day every day really at our in our house Valentine's Day is such a fucking sham, but my birthday is really close. Oh, yeah That's right happy birthday. Happy happy happy So it's a whole month of February celebrations. Yeah, Chrissy requested off the entire month of February. I told her no And she said in her contract. It's a cannot guarantee sober. That's what I was gonna say fine. I'll just come in Well, whatever

No one's listening anyway. No one's listening except for my kids friends. So I'm not worried about it. Hey kids No one's listening except for my kids friends. So I'm not worried about it. Hey kids Blue's glue is on the TV Daddy and here talking about cocaine don't worry about it. Yeah So you guys just kind of you do it like we do it. We don't care. I like a good card a very thoughtful card Just like a gesture of Something but no my birthday is the main finale It's the big bang.

So that's where the big present comes in. Well, I have to say, you got through it relatively sober, right? I mean, relatively intact, not sober, but relatively intact. You see me as fast as we can. I didn't, but you showed up to work today. So I'm happy about that. I don't for sure. I was going to get that phone call Monday, like, hey, sorry,

can't come in today. No, you only call and say to places you don't for sure I was gonna get that phone call Monday like hey sorry Kekovid today No, you only call in sick to places you don't care about I care about it That's very sweet I'm the other one who calls in sick on this show February Valentine's Day is such a fucking scam To me it is such a fucking scam if you somebody, you should give them a debt of bow of gratitude every single day in some way shape or form.

There shouldn't be some, I mean, listen, I get it. It reminds you of the- Like normally every day, I don't really like you, but today. Yeah. I know we don't get along that way. Now let's go have sex. Like that doesn't make sense anyways. I know we don't get along all that way. let's go have sex. That doesn't make sense anyways.

I know we don't get along all that well. I thought I'd remind you of how much I loved you one time. Right. I thought I'd remind you of when I used to say I love you to you. Exactly. And if you were that person still, I would love you. The things have changed. Yeah, the things have changed.

But we've got this data remind us though. So let's just love each other one day a year, though. It's that one day a year. Yeah, going on on Valentine's Day is a little bit... It's a little amateur. If you ever worked in the restaurant business, then you know that Valentine's Day is like New Year's Eve when you pay $185 to go into that small room

where techno music is playing too loud, and everybody is too drunk to see and throwing up on themselves. Yes. I'm still cleaning off my shoes from last year. I'm not interested in going. Yeah, and if you work on Valentine's Day, it's the one day a year you do not want to work. Why? Because everybody who's never showed up at a nice restaurant or any restaurant whatsoever

comes out of the woodwork on Valentine's Day. Crams the place, makes it miserable for everybody. You're never gonna get your food on time. Your drinks aren't gonna be there. Your order's gonna be wrong and your check's gonna be way too much money. That's how it works. And most restaurants, they just, you know what they do?

They buy a buttload of steak and a buttload of lobster and they charge you twice what they would normally on a normal day because they know that you are gonna come in the restaurant and you are gonna spend money because you, like a Pavlovian dog, are gonna see that day, 14th of February on the calendar and you're gonna feel obliged to make a reservation for you and your loved one.

That's the way it goes. For sure. It's like, you know, Marty Gras, I don't know, is it you pay too much money to get me to drink booze that you would normally pay $3 for. Right. But Astrid and I decided we were gonna go out to a restaurant the day before.

That's not that's a smart move. That's a pro move right there guys. Here's a love tip from Brian. You wanna love tip from Brian? Yeah. A love tip from Brian. Take. I love tip from Brian. Take your girlfriend out on, take your girlfriend boyfriend or otherwise out on Valentine's day, but just pretend it's the day before.

So you'll pay less money and have less aggravation. Actually, if you really want to promove, go the week before. Right. Because the day before everyone's onto that one too. Or have a birthday on the 19th and then. Yeah, and then yeah and then you just celebrate it all. Yeah watch Chris you'll walk around the skimpy clothing the entire month. Right. Half drunk, little dupity dabs.

Bartini Gloss and then. Bartini Gloss and then she's like one of those two girls. We're those two ladies that used to do that show. The British Lady absolutely fabulous. Yeah, you remind me of one of those ladies. G-C-B! Hey everybody out there in the podcast universe, it's time for the dreaded commercial break inside the commercial break. It's season number four. You've heard it all before, so let's get to it quickly. You can text us or leave us a voicemail at 1-855-TCB-8383.

Questions, comments, concerns, or content ideas, send them to 855-TCB-8383 toll free from anywhere in the world. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com to listen to any of the audio, watch any of the video or send us a message, hit the contact us button. Instagram and TikTok at the Commercial Break. And now YouTube videos the same day they air on the audio feed, vilairyoutube.com slash the commercial break. Chrissy and I are very grateful every time you choose to listen to the commercial break.

If you're ever in the market for our sponsors, products, or services, all we ask is that you use the specialized URL's or codes. Thanks again for being part of the TCB family. Now let's hear from those sponsors and we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break. So, as you're not going to decide, we're going to go out to this restaurant. A restaurant we have been to before, but just for drinks. We just went to the bar part, because they couldn't get us in. It was so crowded. Everybody is... It's the buzzy new place.

It's the buzzy, buzzy new place. There are a couple types of restaurants, but I'm going to focus on two during this conversation. The first is the restaurant that opens the doors and day one, the first time you go there, that new restaurant that's got a lot of buzz and everyone wants to go to and it's a hard reservation to get you walk in and from the moment that you walk through the door, everything is great. The atmosphere, the music, dark lights, simple,

yes, simple decor, the food is fresh, simple ingredients cooked really well. Music isn't too loud. There's not a menu that's 10 pages long. You don't have to go QR code your menu. That's right. It's not 10 pages long. It's a couple simple items that the chef knows how to kill.

Like he just knows how to kill it. People are talking but not too loud enough so they don't hear your conversations but not too loud that you can't hear your conversation. A little bit of music going on the background, not too slow, not too fast. Not too slow, not too fast. Uh huh. Maybe it'll be piano. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe there's a guy playing piano in the bar but he's like, you know, tada tada tada.

Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the holiday in Jebouillon. I'll be with you here all week. Now let me get in the way of your me. Now let me stop you from having that steak. Don't go or changing. A giant piece, man. You never will that way here, my foe. Don, I don't want you steak to be perfectly cookful.

It's another valentines day, another day. Yeah, you know, you got it. You get the restaurant. Everyone has every any town in America. Anywhere in the world. You can just automatically think of it. You think of it and you know, that's steady, Eddie, shit.

I'm gonna go in there. I'm gonna pay a little bit of money and I'm gonna have fantastic service and fantastic food. Then there's a second time for restaurant. That wants to be all those things, but has fallen short. Yeah. Well, there's a trifecta of things

that make a great restaurant like we were just saying, atmosphere. Yep. As well as service. Yep. And food, those three things have to be there. Those three things. And if you have a Coke dealer at the end of the bar,

it even better. You're a four-legged table. You're gonna stand the test of time. You're always gonna be there. No matter what comes a rocket, you're always gonna be famous. There's not too obvious. Yeah, not too obvious. Yeah, he's got a look upscale.

He's got a look like a person that would be at the bar. Yeah. Not the white guy with dreadlocks that smells like patchouly and his wearing sandals in the middle of December and sunglasses in the middle of December and sun glasses in the middle of the night. You know what I'm saying? He's an upscale dealer. Yeah, he's an upscale dealer.

He's drinking a whiskey. Yeah, he's drinking a whiskey. He's not doing his own shit. He's not doing his own shit. No, no, no. Yeah, but if you go to the bar, then you're like, yeah.

He's, my bro's getting married for the third time. You know, you know, don't make it too obvious. Go like this. Put your finger to your nose. Hey, buddy, buddy, you know, you holding? You holding? And don't do that. And what your bartender goes, don't do that.

He's like, don't do that. That guy at the end of the bar. I'll talk to him for you. Clearly, you don't know that. It was a bartender goes, don't do that. He's like, don't do that. That guy at the end of the bar. I'll talk to him for you. Right. Clearly, you don't know the language, so I'll talk to you. And I'll make 20 bucks for doing it. I'll get free Coke because you're buying through me. Yeah.

This does nothing to, by the way, this does nothing to usage. The guy who said that all we talk about is, okay. We talk about what we know. We know, we know, we've lived a long life. We've lived a long life as many years ago, but we still know. Once you know, you know, you can't unsee what you see. If it comes part of your DNA,

you're always gonna be a restaurant worker who saw a lot of drugs be transacted across the bar. It's just the way it is. All right, got it? 10, 4. All right, got it? 10, 4. All right, so we all know what a good restaurant is. Then we have the opposite of good restaurant, and that is bad restaurant,

but somewhere in between there is wanna be good restaurant and never will be good restaurant. Restaurant that's destined to close within 30 days. Because. Or might hang on for six months. Might hang on for six. You know, here in a lake, like every... They'll give enough people enough time to try it

and not go back. That's right. That's right. It'll give all of the city of Atlanta enough time to go in and never return. Yeah, don't go back. Enough people will talk shit about it. Like I am here on the commercial break

that they'll just won't go. And then, you know, because for restaurant businesses hard, restaurant tours, a lot of them have no fucking clue what they're in for. It's not like a franchise. Like you go to get a Chick-fil-A, you're going to spend five years because spending a year at every position in the Chick-fil-A, before they'll even entertain the idea of you owning a Chick-fil-A restaurant, which will make you an instant millionaire, right?

But in the restaurant business, like sit down, dining restaurant business. You see a little money to get started by space. That's it. That's it. Or rent a space. Rent a space, have them build it out, get the purveyors to give you some food on credit. And there you go. Every 10 restaurants.

I have a nice cheap labor. That's it. How you're some cheap labor, higher people that have no idea what's going on in a restaurant. And you have a recipe for a wannabe good restaurant, right? They're beautiful people maybe, but they don't know what's going on in a restaurant and you have a recipe for a wanna be good restaurant, right? They're beautiful people maybe, but they don't know what's going to be there. That's right. For every 10 restaurants,

eight of them close within the first three years because restaurant business is hard. It is very hard. It's really hard. And you have to have that magic sauce. You have to have three of the four components that we talked about. You have to have good service, good food, good atmosphere,

and a under low-key cocaine deal. You can take one of those away. You can take away the good service and keep the cocaine dealer, but you can't take away two. And you certainly can't have zero, right? We know a guy who opened up four different restaurants in the same fucking space in like three years. He just kept changing the name and getting new wait staff didn't pay the old one and just move on.

Try this, try this. Try this shitty food or shitty service and shitty atmosphere. Oh and by the way, walk through my metal detectors before you come. So as soon as I go to this restaurant that we thought when we went to the bar looked really good, we saw that the reservations were jam packed for weeks ahead of time. And so we were like, let's go to that restaurant. It was a beautiful space. It was a beautiful space.

It's Chrissy, we walk in and it is absolutely gorgeous. One of the most beautiful restaurant spaces I've ever seen. They have a carpet, a ceiling that looks like a carpet made of flowers, real flowers. I don't think it was real flowers, but it looks greenery and a waterfall behind, in the hall night, the tables are beautiful, this chairs are beautiful, everything is on fleek.

They've got that. They've got that, they've got the one thing. Good atmosphere. The second that you walk in the door, there are 15 hostesses standing at that fucking host. I don't understand. What is that all about? I know, there's like a team. They don't even have menus, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, hey, who do I talk to again? I'll four of you. I'll four of you are not doing anything.

You haven't even said hello. You're just looking at me. When the host is or host looks at you with the stain, the second that you walk into the door, you are automatically. It's done, I'm done. I don't wanna come back. I do not wanna come back.

Now I need a big welcome. There were 15 hostesses and hosts standing at the stand and none of them said hello. And then someone took us to our table and they were like, you know, they don't even say anything. They just dropped the menus there and they're like, John will be with you. You know, it's like, oh, okay, great. But then the Zodjon.

It's not John. Wendy comes up. And here's Wendy. Hi, I'm Wendy. Welcome to whatever blah, blah, blah restaurant. Want to be restaurant. And it's going to be me and Dave and April and John are gonna be taking care of you.

Anytime there's team waiting, that means that they're all gonna pass the buck to the next guy. Everybody's gonna fall short. You're never gonna be paying attention to. Especially when it's just two of you. They're paying attention to the 10 dollars that's gonna make them $100. They're not paying attention to Brian and Nasr.

They don't give a shit. And so it's like this, he is like, you know, hey, Wendy, Wendy, it's been like 30 minutes. You think we could take a drink order? Oh, John's taking drink orders tonight. He'll be right back. And then Dave comes over and Dave's like, hey guys, how you doing?

You got a chance to hear the specials? No, actually, we'd like a drink. Oh, Wendy's showing the drinks. Let me get, she said John was doing drink. No, John's in the back. He just passed out. But don't worry, we got you covered. All five of us taking care of you.

You know, he ends up getting you the drinks? The bus boy, you want to know why he's paid the least, he cares the most, it's unbelievable. He sees you, and he sees you. Getting agitated as he's clearing other tables, and he sees you. And he sees it. Yeah, he notices.

He's because that guy should own the fucking restaurant. That's the trick. And we'll one day, and it'll be a great restaurant. That's right. We'll all go back two time and again. Goddamn right. Goddamn skipping. I look around this restaurant and I realize quickly that I'm in a want to be restaurant

in all senses of the world. This isn't the hottest restaurant in Atlanta. This is the hottest restaurant amongst people who want to be at the hottest restaurant. Yeah. Who couldn't get into the real hottest restaurant. So they came to this one. Me included, by the way, sharing that. I'm the same dumbass who walked in the door.

There are guys wearing 12-piece suits. There are girls with their nipples hanging out. There's a lot of leopard skin going on in there. You know, bright colors and leopard skin. I just duck lips. Dark lips. Yeah, smoky eyes. Duck lips. Duck lips.

Mm. Yeah, average age, like, you know, 49 years old, you know what I'm saying? 49, two second breast-thaw, some augmentation. Mm-hmm. I look around, and listen, whatever you look like, whatever you look like, dress how you dress. That's cool. No problem.

But I just look around and I see that there's just a lot of want to be going on. Yeah. And within two, three, four minutes of sitting down, it's like most restaurants, it's got a bar area, it's got a dining area. The two, three, four minutes. You spy the Coke guy at the bar. I spy the Coke guy right next to me. I didn't need to go to the bar. I spy the Coke guy. You're eating there, too. Yeah, I think the Coke guy was young, who never showed up to take our drink orders. It's horrible service from the beginning. It was, no, let me rephrase that. Let me rephrase that. It wasn't a horrible service. It was service. It just wasn't good. It just wasn't good.

And that, it makes the huge difference. As for the lady of one of the, you know, 12-weighters, oh, there was waiting. Hey, do you have any recommendations? Like, do you have any specials, anything special that you would recommend? And she's like, no, not tonight. No, not tonight. Okay, take yourself back to Friday night. Do you have any specials or any of you that you were trying to make? Right, or anything you specifically like on the venue? Is there anything you would like on the venue?

That's what she asked her, basically. And she's like, no, not tonight. Nice. And then when they ask, nice. And then we ask if you want to drink it. And you say, no, I'm good with the water. It's over for a lot of leaders at that point. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That's where I make my money. I'll just fuck that guy. Right? Within the second. I know. That's true. They automatically discount you.

And I don't blame them because I also had that mentality when I was a waiter. Sober guy in a table 21's an asshole. Not even an order of drink. Probably gonna tip me in quarters. That's sober asshole. I'm drunker than he is. Within two, three, four minutes to sit down at the table.

All of a sudden there's all this racket coming from the bar. It's a fucking four piece band. This restaurant is tiny. It's a four piece band There's 50 foot ceilings with the flower wall or whatever the fuck is going on It is so obnoxiously loud, but it's not music that you can discern because of all it's such a big room It's all echo. It's like you know, it's it's just it's just crazy. It was just awful And I'm like I can't can't hear anything right and then we're sitting on this long bench with the tables parked at the bench and then you got one chair one bench the whole situation is just cofucked up we're sitting in the back of the

restaurant all I can hear all I can hear I'm not a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. Hey, David, do you think you can get windy because we need another fork. I heard she's in charge of forks tonight.

No, that's Dave. I'll get him in a few minutes. Thanks, bud. No problem. Let me drop off these alcoholic drinks to this table over here and then I'll be back to you after I serve that other guy. I just need a fork. I drop mine on the floor. No problem. Got you covered. I'm going to send the best boy over as soon as I take her drink at his dessert and talk to the cocaine dealer. I'll be back later. You're not going to tip me anyway so I don't give a shit. It was so the whole

experience was so bad. Then the food comes out. And let me tell you about the food. Chrissy. I order. What did I order? Oh, I ordered. Because at this point, things could have redeemed themselves with the food. Absolutely. Because you can almost deal with the bad service if the atmosphere is great, although the music is sounding like was really. It was so loud in there. And then if the food though was excellent, then you might. Okay. Yeah. Let me, let me share me share about the music, having run restaurants with live music.

That's part of the ambience. It's part of the ambience, but what I determined is, it's late night and late night only. Yes. Can you have a four piece band playing when the drunk people are ready to talk to the co-dealer? Right? That's when you have the music playing

because it keeps the party going. When it's dinner time, maybe the piano, maybe a guy with a guitar, but you have to keep a quiet so that just the bar can hear it. It's ambiance music. Maybe a harp. Maybe a harp. A harp. Welcome to One of Be Restaurant.

Here's your steak, sir. See that? That could work? That's a thing. That's something like a good concept, actually. Actually, if they had a heart fist. Let's start a restaurant, Brian. That's it. Every time they put something down in the table, they'd be like, REEE! Y'all for fully all-pops

I love this concept I know man you're martini sir you're water Oh Hey man, you know what I get me So you're My god, that really would be okay, that would have changed the whole game. But that's not what happened. Because what I ordered, I ordered, what's the pasta that Rachel loves?

The Bolognese? No, one with the egg on it. I can't remember the name of that. Oh, shoot. The egg. Carbonara. Carbonara. Carbonara.

Yes. It's supposed to be, it's this carbonara is what it says. So I'm like, let me give the carbonara a shot. Firstly, it's 13 different times of food on the menu. They had fish, they had steak, they had pasta, they had sandwiches, I should've known, right? And then you're paying like 40 bucks a plate for this. It's not cheap.

But so when they bring the food, you know what shows up? Like a ravioli filled with duck fat and bacon jam. Oh, which is not at all what a carbonara is. And it was filled with this, and it was made with beet paste. So the pasta was made with beet paste and it had bacon and duck fat in it. It was absolutely horrific.

It was not even cooked well. Asteroid orders a piece of fish, and they must have gone to the local senior citizens garden. You know the kind that they plant, the community garden? They must have gone to the community garden and pulled every root vegetable possible, not washed it and put it on Asteroid's plate, because it was a huge bowl of root vegetables

with a piece of sea bass that you could use as a hockey puck on the back It was the most awful Restaurant and the only time that the waiter or waitress even paid attention to us even paid one bit attention to us Was when it was time for the chat. Oh, yeah, when I said let me get you You've got to get a follow up to like how is your meal? Oh, no, no, no I mean that like very close to the time after I get the meal. Not too soon. No, I want to give me a little time to take it.

Give me a couple bites. Yeah, but then I need to follow up. She didn't care. They didn't care. No one cared. Only they only cared when it was time for the bill to come because now we've racked up a hundred dollar bill and she realizes there might be 20 bucks in this for me

or they realize this might be 20 bucks for me. So only then did she stop and she was like, oh well, what are you guys celebrating today? Oh, we're celebrating the death of my cat. It's fucking February 13th. Ding-bat. What do you think we're celebrating? What are you celebrating today? We're celebrating that one day a year when we say I love you to each other. Fuck her. I love you. This could not have gone worse, but after I had a good time, we laughed about the whole thing. Well, you got to, just make fun of it and be like, we'll never come back. That's right.

Here is the pack that all couples in any kind of relationship should make. Let me explain. We gotta put this on the treaty. Okay, let me get the book, the notebook. When you and your long time loved one, go trolling around town, and it's time for a date night or it's time to go out and do some things together.

And you wanna go to a nice meal. There's gonna be two parts of the conversation, three parts of the conversation. One, you're already hungry, so you need something to eat, but no one can quite decide where to go, right? And you say, what about this or what about that? And then, inevitably you go,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh it'll be you go, eh, that wasn't good last time. We didn't like that. Smells like farts in a jar. Like, you know, there's all these reasons. The second part of the conversation is gonna be, oh, there's that new restaurant we wanted to try. That's true. Do you remember we drove by yesterday, Dave and Bob told us

it was fantastic. See if, pull it up, see if we can get a reservation there. And then there's the third part of the conversation. Should we just go to Houston's? Right. Where we know. Every couple who has a Houston's in their town knows this. They go, should we just go to Houston's?

Because Houston's is going to knock it out of the park every fucking time. It's like McDonald's, but you pay $3,000 for it. It's really good food, right? Let me tell you what the treaty should be. Anytime that you have that special night out alone, when you guys are gonna go together, it's spent some time, right?

You know, loving on each other. Go to fucking Houston's, forget the new restaurant because here's the conversation that inevitably happens after you go to the new restaurant. We should have gone to Houston. Yeah. Yeah. Should have gone to Houston. Go to Houston. Yeah. That's right advice for you. It almost is better if you try one of those new restaurants out with a group. Yes. Because that way even if you two get something that's, you could maybe see other stuff that's good.

Yes. And, you know, everybody's talking and it's a little bit louder anyways and you could try it. I agree with you a thousand percent. You go to those restaurants, you go with a group or on a non-special occasion, so you got really nothing to lose.

Exactly. You always have a backup plan at home too. You gotta have like the frozen pizza stuff. Right. Stuffed away. I am undetouriously finicky eater. I'm not picky about what I eat, but I'm finicky about whether or not I like it.

And this is like a running joke in my household, right? Brian, we're gonna go somewhere and Brian's not gonna like it. But I never say anything. I'm not a complainer. I just will push my food around and then, you know, throw the plate. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just gonna make you feel uncomfortable when I go,

when I sigh a lot. Man, I really wanted that to be good, I'm just fucking hungry. Guess I'll eat that frozen pizza. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Shut it up. Shut it up, you're using it. So, when I go to a restaurant,

my standards are high for what I'm gonna like because I worked in the restaurant business for so long and I've seen it done poorly so many times. I can never unsee what I saw. I can never not be a restaurant worker. I can never not look at a restaurant in a certain way. There's lots of restaurants that do it great, but there's lots of restaurants that do it poorly. So if you do a couple things poorly, my opinion automatically starts to sour and it really

doesn't matter what comes out on the plate. If it's bad food, if it's good food, if I haven't enjoyed the experience so far, I'm not going to want to go back there, right? I'm not going to want to go back. That's why in this treaty, when you have that favorite restaurant that you go to, Houston's or whatever it is, and you say it's a special night. Let's go out, let's treat each other, let's have some fun, let's made some love, let's do it, go to Houston. Gotta use that. John's got that, has that! Or that special Italian restaurant, you like.

Oh yeah, everybody has that Italian restaurant. That special one that you just know is good. We've got that one. Mine is Olive Garden. Oh yeah. God. Let me introduce you to what we've got in town. Here's your frozen pasta, sir. But free breadsticks to make you fatter. The breadsticks and the salad are good.

I will say that. I didn't even like those last time I went there. I'll never go back. You'll never go back? No, I will never go back either. I've got one up at the corner. I've got one like within earshot of my house and I just despise that place.

And every time my father comes in and father and law comes in town, he wants to go and he's always making fun of me. Let's go to Olive Garden. No. Wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot, wot,ot, wot, wot, wot, Here's your water, sir. Do you and do you and Jeff have the same problem that I have which is when we're hungry? No, we stick to what we know. Oh, man. Yeah, we usually stick to what we know we usually do But I mean you can't go to Houston's every single time. I guess you could we've got like four go-to's

You've got four go-to recipe. Yeah, we've got an Italian and then we've got a pizza like a upscale pizza I like upscale pizza with a good salads and things like that good apps And then you've got the good like just American place And good Mexican too. You got to have a good Mexican. You got to have a good Italian You got to have a good like like Mid-casual like oh, right not quite fine, like a Houston, so not quite fine dining. You gotta have a good, we're gonna go spend $500 on dinner. Gotta have one of those good ones.

That's where I think you can really take chances. Is that you can go to a place that other people have gone to where they spend a lot of money and they said it was fantastic. Usually they're right, right? Usually when you're spending that kind of money, someone's paying attention to service and style, but it's like those middle of the line, like you know, you're paying a hundred bucks for dinner for the both of you. It's those restaurants where so many restaurants fall short. But if you have a

good Mexican and you have a good Italian and you have a good, you know, for us, Venice Wayland, and then you got a good mid-casual restaurant, you know what? Just go to Houston. from, you know what? Just go to Houston. That's all I got to say. Just go to Houston. I'm hungry. Now hungry. Well, that talk of foods got me hunger. Well, until next year when I say I love you to you. Ha ha ha ha. Uhhhh. We got so much wonderful stuff coming up in season 4 for you. We're so excited. And one of the things that you can do now to participate with us is you can call 775-TCB Live. 775-TCB Live if you'd like to be a part of the show.

Monday through Thursday, noon to 5 p.m. call. And if we're around, wem. Call and if we're around We'll answer the if we're around and we want to we'll answer the phone if not leave a message and we may call you back That's a we call that a a new component to the show Chrissy Took a lot of brainstorming to get that one. I had to go all the way back to radio 1939 to get that idea And then I had to buy equipment from 1939 to make it work. Because when's the last time you had a guy

installing a phone line in your house? It's been a while. It's been a long time. So 775-TCB-Live, if you want to text us, 855-TCB-8383-1855-TCB-8383, text us. It's never spam. We promise we will respond directly to you. We'd love to hear your content's ideas, your comments, questions, text us, it's never spam. We promise we will respond directly to you. We'd love to hear your content's ideas, your comments, questions or concerns, anything

else you can text it to 855-TCB-8383 or go to the website, tcbpodcast.com and hit the contact us button. If you want your 21 EPM sticker, text us, email us, make sure you leave your address and your name and there it is there's a 21 EPM sticker. I love it. It's really cool. I really want to put it on the back of my mic. I don't have any bumper stickers but I'm tempted to put that one on the back of my car. I know I should because that's probably the only way I'm ever going to see one on the back of a car. Actually we've given quite a few of them away so we're really excited about

that. You want yours, you know what to do. Email or text. At the commercial break on Instagram, follow us if you would. TCV live on TikTok. I just started posting again on TikTok. I'd say posting again, I never posted in the first place. And youtube.com slash the commercial break. Full episodes available the same day that they air on the audio feed. We're super excited about that.

Subscribe to the channel if you would please like and comment on your favorite video. If really does help us grow the audience and Lord knows we need the help. Okay, Chrissy, well we talked a lot about food so I think we should go get some food. I think so too. Alright. I love you. I love you. Best of you.

Best of you out there in the podcast universe until next time. Chrissy and I must say we we do say and we always say. Good bye!Dance in the nightOh, the night in the night Dance in the night Dance in the night Dance in the night Dance in the night Dance in the night

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