The Commercial Break - A Tantra Master!

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

EP #749: Bryan & Krissy take sex related "Ask TCB" and, us usual, give terrible advice. But at least the listener can take comfort in the knowledge that Bryan went to a tantra seminar...two times! TCBits Music: WSHIT Late Night Love Show Spins "Cuck Cuck Crush On You" Watch EP #749 on YouTube! Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Youtube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@tcbpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.tcbpodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ CREDITS: Hosts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bryan Green⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ &⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Krissy Hoadley⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits / TCBits Music: Written, Voiced and Produced by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There are very few things that you can be certain of in life. But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And of course, you can rest assured that with Public Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month. With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for.

Public Mobile, different is calling. Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $5. New four-piece french toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, English muffin sandwiches, value iced coffee, and more. Limited time only at Participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. ["W.S.H.I.T. by Ricky the Lipsmink plays"] Oh yeah, fellow lovers, it's late night love on W.S.H.I.T. Ricky the Lipsmink just here with you, playing those silky smooth tunes to get you in the mood.

Got a special request from Janet, who just called to tell me she is sitting in a hot tub with a little bubbly and thinking about making love. Well Janet, knick knack, patty whack, give this dog a bone. Let me not delay, let us play that tune you have been requesting. And you are not the only one. The brand new one rocking up the Crabapple charts right now from Lorenzo Velvet Delacroix. This one tickles me straight in the fickle box if you know what I mean. Here's the song that's taking the Crabapple Township by storm with his

version of I have a cuck cuck crush on you. I'm gonna lay down this lather and I'll see you on the backside of the matter. I saw you in the VIP bottle service in Hennessy. My heart went crazy, it skipped a beat. I thought that you could be with me. I walk over to you, we lock eyes. You're my wife and I realize. You're with my friend and it's no surprise Watching you two makes my flag rise I have a cut, cut crush on you

I have a cut, cut crush on you I hide in the closet let you do what you do I have a cut, cut crush on you So baby grab your phone, start to swipe We need to spend some time getting it right I don't want you to be alone tonight I want you to cheat without a fight When you're in the bed with my favorite guy I hide myself and try not cry I love you lady but I won't lie My therapist even wonders why I have a cut cut crush on you I have a cut cut crush on you I hide in the closet let you do what you do I have a cut cut crush on you Grab a man and let's paint the town I'll stay in the corner and watch it all go down I promise not to make a sound while you

were neighbor ground and pound It's so lovely to be your man I can't do what the other guys can But when you're happy I feel grand He can be your lion I'll be your lamb I have a cut cut crush on you I have a cut cut crush on you I hide in the closet let you do what you do I have a cut cut crush on you I have a cut cut crush on you I hide in the closet let you do what you do I have a cut cut crush on you I love to watch you get screwed

AHHHHH I have a cut cut crush on you I just love watching dudes I have a cut cut crush on you Feel free to get loose I have a cut cut crush on you On this episode of the Commercial Break. I'd rather you looking at my eyes than my body. If I'm being honest about it. I can really look at my eyes and my body because I, you know, everybody has some part of their body that they don't like and mine is from the chin down. Now, I agree with eye contact, but I think you should use it sparingly.

And not like totally sparingly, but use it in moments to show connection and compassion. It's like a communication, right? Now, as a guy who is like basically a tantrum master. Now, as a guy who's like basically a tantrum master. Well, I mean, you have been to quite a few retreats. I have been to quite a few retreats. Prostate massage a lot. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

The 30th of March! Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you. Best to you, Brian.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I certainly do appreciate it. The Menendez brothers have now been re-sentenced to 50 to life instead of life without parole. Yep, I saw that. I just read that. And that's a big deal

because that means that there is a likelihood that at least in their lifetimes, they will see the other side of a jail cell. And I don't know what to make of it. Well, they've served 30 or 35. 30. 30 years. 30 years. No, 35, you're right.

Yeah, 30. Well, the murder happened in 1989. I think their second, by the time they got to their second trial, it was like five years later. But I don't think they were out in bail. I think they went to jail pretty quickly after it happened, like a couple months after it happened. But the Menendez brothers, who were just the subject of a great FX show, American Crime Story, the Menendez brothers, that was a fantastic television. Did you watch it? I did. Yeah. Fantastic Menendez brothers that was a fantastic television did you watch it I did yeah fantastic television and there was a second one too it was like a documentary about it too like one thing comes out on

one channel and then another does that's what they do a different way there is no fucking originality in Hollywood I am telling you is that everybody has to copy cat other people but by the way this has been happening in Hollywood, I am telling you, is that everybody has to copycat other people. But by the way, this has been happening in Hollywood for a very long time. Like, airplane comes out, and then they put out the disaster movie. You know what I'm saying? Like, they're always chasing the good idea,

and it's not unusual for someone to run around town with a script that someone likes. They pass on it, somebody else picks it up, and then they get another writer to come in and do a story that's very similar. It's a shitty, shitty business. Everyone's ripping off the commercial break too. Look at all the other mediocre comedy podcasts out there.

So the Menendez Brothers, in case you have your head in a hole, the Menendez, and go watch American Crime Story, the Menendez Brothers, because it's a fantastic television show on its own merits, but it does take a lot of creative liberties. Yes. It's a Ryan Murphy creation. Yeah, it's a Ryan Murphy creation and he's not known to stick to the script all the time,

but it's generally loosely based. I mean, pretty, let's put it this way. I would say it's like 70% He intended to try. He intended to try and make it as real as he wanted to. So the Menendez brothers were these two brothers, an older and a younger, come on, what else would there be, Brian? Starting off strong. Oh, I'm in one of those moods where I'm overly verbose today, too much coffee. The two brothers, Eric and Lyle, lived in a household with Kitty and whatever his name was, the older. The guy, the father was the guy who signed Menudo, the very famous Mexican boy band that became like a super crazy pop sensation in the 80s.

Now they were even a little bit before my time. Like I don't think. Me too. I don't think I would have been interested in the menuda. But what's his name was a part of it. Ricky Martin. It was like this group, like this nebulous group of Mexican boys

and they would like switching it out. It was like a Nickelodeon show where all of a sudden your favorite boy had hair on his testicles. so the next boy would come in. You know what I'm saying? They would switch in and out. His voice would change and they'd kick him out and they'd bring in the new soprano singer, the new Michael Jackson.

But a few famous people came out of there, and this is relevant to the story. So, the story goes that they lived this life of opulence and riches in Hollywood. However, the father was known to be an extreme hard ass. And he really pushed those boys to the extreme in whatever they did. And when they got in trouble, all hell and fire would rain down on them, including physical abuse. And according to them, mental and sexual, mental and sexual abuse. Now this was a big bone of contention pun intended at the trial, because

some people believe they made up the story last minute because there wasn't a ton of evidence and because Kitty was dead, she could not come to the boy's defense and share that she had been witnessing this, the entirety of their relationship. In other words, it was hidden. It was in secret. But several family members came out. Several family members said that they...

Suspected and saw weird things. Suspected, saw weird things, and that the boys at one time said something to them long before the murders happened. So one night the boys just had enough. They felt like their lives were in danger, like they were gonna get abused again. Something had happened, the father was pissed off and they felt like they were not only about to be maybe physically assaulted or sexually assaulted, again they couldn't take the abuse, but they also felt like he had cut them out of the will and that drove them to kind of this point of madness,

and they walked in with a shotgun, and they murdered their parents in cold blood while the parents were watching TV. They then went on an enormous shopping spree, living it high on the hog in the Hollywood Hotel. Well, one of them did. I think the older one, is that Lyle? Eric.

That's Eric, okay. He did, which I saw that that's how he... No, Lyle, you're right. I think it's Lyle. Lyle? Eric. That's Eric. Okay. He did, which I saw that that's how he... No, Lyle. You're right. I think it's Lyle. Lyle or Eric, one of the two. Yes.

The older one. The older one. The older one, yeah. But that turned out to be wearing a toupee too. He was wearing a toupee the whole time? Yeah. To the surprise of a nation when he showed up one day without that toupee. I guess his, in stressful situations, he went shopping, which I guess some people

do. And then the younger brother actually went to like another country and played tennis. Yeah, he tried to become a professional tennis player and he was living out in, I think Italy or France or one of those places. But they also then decided that because of this, they needed to go, they had been going to a family therapist and they decided they needed to go, they had been going to a family therapist, and they decided they needed to go to the therapist and talk about this, or the younger one did. And when the younger one went to talk to the therapist, the therapist serendipitously, or excuse me,

sereptitiously, not serendipitously, Brian, that means whatever, anyway, you get it, recorded them, and recorded their confessions, recorded the younger ones confession that they had murdered their father. Then the older brother came in and then all of a sudden this guy, this kind of like hack psychiatrist. He was. Yes, he was a total hack. And it was unfair with the secretary

and she was part of the whole thing too. She was involved and then there was like blackmail involved. It was a whole fucking thing. I mean, everybody was trying to get at the money basically at the end of the day. And they got arrested because now there was evidence that clearly pointed, there was always evidence appointed to them. They had bought the gun, they had bought all kinds of shit.

There was, they had receipts in the back of the car for the gun that was used. I mean, it was like a whole shit show. They didn't plan it out all that well. And their defense was basically, Hey, we were abused and we feared for our lives. Everybody else in the world was like, well, then why'd you go on a multimillion dollar shopping spree and tried to get into the will and tried to make sure that everything came your direction as far as the cash and the assets were concerned? They went to jail.

Bottom line, they went to jail. First trial, hung jury. Second trial, guilty. They went to jail. That's bottom line, they went to jail. First trial hung jury, second trial guilty. They went to jail for life, life without parole. That was the sentence. And this was right around the time as the OJ. Correct. Yep. Trial. It was the OJ Simpson trial and... They had just let him off so then... Homie wasn't playing that. Right. The judge didn't allow in half the evidence. He wanted to quicken up the trial. He did not want a media circus. He let the prosecutors run rip shot on any defense.

He didn't allow the sexual abuse defense, actually. He said there was not evidence, and that wasn't a viable defense for murdering somebody. And so until this movie came out that Ryan Murphy did, the Menendez brothers were under the jail without a key. They were never getting out of jail because no one gave a shit about what happened to the Menendez brothers.

It's been 30 years. They've gotten married. They've become, you know, they've graduated multiple degrees and caught, I mean, they were gonna spend the rest of their life in jail. There was no doubt about it. And I don't even think they were trying to get out of jail, to be honest. They just kind of like were resigned to the fate that they murdered their parents and that was it.

And only until, I mean, not until Ryan Murphy came out with this crazy kind of very dramatized series, did anyone take a look back and go, wait, holy shit, these kids were aped from the time that they were children by the father who then manipulated them mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually. And no one thought that maybe that would drive them to a point of madness. And Kitty, the mother, never once stood up for them, never once got in the way, never once put herself in front of the father to defend her children or to help them from harm. I think that's the greatest crime of all to be honest. I mean, they're all crimes, but I think one of the equally as terrible crime is the mother

never saying a word, never getting in the middle of it. That to me is a crime in and of itself, punishable by life in prison. If you see a child being harmed or any person, any vulnerable person being harmed in that manner, you gotta fuckin' speak up. You gotta do something. You can't just sit there because your Mercedes-Benz

needs an oil change and you don't know how you're gonna pay for it. That's bullshit. But there's plenty of mothers out there, and fathers for that matter, who have walked out on those kind of relationships to save the children, to save the fuckin' children. Anyway, I don't wanna get on my high horse.

Listen, here's the point. Menendez brothers got resentenced, not from life without parole, but from 50 to life, 50 to life with the chance of parole. So that means that on June 13th, they're going to go in front of the parole board for the first time, when before there was zero chance they would ever get in front of a parole board. A lot of people think they should spend all their lives in jail, a lot of people think that they've served their time. It's kind of a question of, you know, it's not even a question of legality now, it's a question in, as far as opinions are concerned,

about how you feel about that defense. Does that warrant murder? Does that warrant a murder? I don't know, because I haven't been there, but I can only imagine that kind of torture would drive me to madness. I agree. Yeah. And so, you know, Eric and Lyle, listen.

Well, I mean, especially too, when that's like, you know, when you've grown up, like you're developing brain. Yeah, that's That's all you know. Yeah, I can see how you wouldn't even know to go, who's going to believe me, you know, to like go to the police or something. Because it was supposedly happening since a young age. Young, like, but pre puberty, right? And the older one first, and then the younger one. And to be completely like, and who knows if this is true or this is not true. There are no eyewitnesses to this except for the two brothers.

But apparently, the older brother did on multiple times come to the defense of the younger brother, telling the father, if you touch him again, I'm gonna kill you. Like I'm gonna kill you. And that is what precipitated the murder. They got into a tizzy one night, believing the abuse was going to happen again or worse and the older brother convinced the younger brother, this is the time, we got to do it now, like this is, we got to go do this. At least according to books and movies and Ryan Murphy's series, right? And who knows if that's actually true. As someone

who is close to someone who suffered that kind of abuse as a child, the psyche knows no chance after that kind of abuse. Your psyche does not stand one fucking iota of a chance. You are dunzee. That's it. It doesn't matter if you get therapy for the rest of your life. You are inexorably tied to that kind of abuse and pain and you can live a normal life, maybe, you know, I don't know, but it will always be there.

It will be omnipresent. It's like anything in life, anything super traumatic that happens when your brain is developing, or even after your brain is developing. Guys who go to war, it's full grown adults, right? And they come back and they're changed in a way that they cannot, that can never be undone. Or Katy Perry, when she goes to space,

and she's changed in a way that cannot be undone. God, she's so... Like, her career has been changed in a way that cannot be undone. Things aren't looking good on that front. Anyway, I thought it was interesting enough to talk about, because, you know, after the... I was alive, young, but alive when the Menendez

Brothers trial happened. The first one was on air and I remember that my mom was kind of obsessed a little bit with it. Oh, everybody was, it captivated the country. Everybody was, then parents were scared that the kids were going to kill them. It was a whole thing. It was mania. It was mania. It was like right after Devil Worshipping Mania came the Menendez Brothers Mania. And then Hair Metal Mania and then Grunge Mania. Everyone was going to be Kurt Cobain and off themselves. It was like, there's a lot of mania with parents. And now as a parent, I can understand. I have like La Boo Boo Mania. You know what I'm saying? I'm in La Boo Boo Mania.

You know what I'm saying? I'm in the voodoo media. That's what I'm doing. Five thirty! And listen, I, my personal belief is 30 years is a long time to spend in prison. It's a long time to think about what you've done. And if the parole board and their infinite wisdom, and I'm sure they're really good at this, finds that there is some genuine remorse and growth and learning from this, then I think you've paid your debt to society. There are lots of people who murder people who get out of jail. Lots and lots and lots,

lots of people who get out of jail after murdering people, shooting someone, whatever it is. So I think if you find that these extenuating circumstances warrant, if you find that there is credible evidence to warrant the defense that they in fact were abused to the point of mania, to the driven to the point of murder, and you feel that they have paid their debt to society, then they should have a chance to live a life on the outside. And here's the thing- Yeah, I mean, that's another 20 years.

They're still going to be in jail. Well, no, they'll get parole now because you only served that 30. So the way that the California state or the penitentiary system works is that they are now eligible for parole with that 50 to life. Right, but they haven't served 50. They haven't served 50, but they'll get paroled for the last 20. And then if they re-offend, they would go back for the 20.

That's how the parole system works. It's complicated, but I read about it. Because the prison systems have this weird system where you get this, but you can serve that. That's why. Right, and eligible for parole. Eligible for parole. And that doesn't mean you're gonna get it, it just means you go in front of the parole board. A lot of people, I think, don't get it the first time, you know, it's like the fourth time or fifth time, and I think you can only go up for parole maybe like once every three years or something like that. So it's a really long wait if you don't get it.

It's a really long wait. But listen, they get out and here's the thing, they're now in their 50s, maybe 60s, I don't know, 50s or 60s, or they're going to be in their 50s or 60s. Here's the thing, those boys get out of jail, they're not going to want for a fucking thing. They're going to go right back into the lap of luxury because they're gonna have every book, TV, and movie offer available to them forever and ever. Amen. Those guys are gonna be doing the podcast like the commercial break for the rest of their lives

and getting paid for it. Yeah, everybody's gonna wanna talk to them. Yeah, they're gonna do a Ted Talk. I just see it all going down right now. It's like that, who's the other girl killed her mom and now she's out? Yeah. Yeah. With the by proxy or what?

Munchausen by proxy. Munchausen by proxy. I know it's a very serious thing. But it is the weirdest name to give, a syndrome that's so serious. Do you know what I'm saying? Munchausen by proxy. Munchausen by proxy. Munchausen by proxy.

Oh, God. Oh, we're going to hell. Oh, no. We're going to hell. Chrissy and I are going to hell. But we already know that, so that's okay. Speaking of hell, watching a very interesting preacher on Instagram, who's running around talking to Christians about how the concept of hell, the fact that they were taught, when they were taught about Jesus and the hell concept came along with it, they were like,

kind of doomed to a life of fear, regret, sin, constant apology, like essentially just like tearing at their own psyches, right, as very young age. And He's on a mission to free Christianity from this kind of original sin where you're going to hell if you don't repent kind of thing that, you know, Christ loves everybody and Christ taught us to love everybody. And you can, doesn't matter if you walk in and do a booth and kneel and do 50 Hail Marys, everything's going to be cool. And I liked that. Me too.

I liked that. I still don't believe in the dogma of religion, but I did like that vibe. I was like, hey, that's pretty cool. I like that guy. Meanwhile, he was in a backyard with like five people in picnic chairs. He was not preaching. He was not preaching to a huge crowd, but it's okay. I think they had like 12 views, but hey, he had less views in the commercial break.

And when you do that, you're really on the right direction. He really headed somewhere. In other words, I don't think the idea has taken off quite yet. No, but hey, if it reaches a few people. If it reaches one or two. But then meanwhile, then I flipped two screens later and there's like this girl who was in an evangelical church all her life and she's on a mission to just tear it down.

She's like, this is bullshit, it's a cult. Da da da da da, yada yada yada. And I was like, oh, okay. Now she was firing brimstone in the opposite direction. Like really going at it. And then, well, I mean, I don't want to talk about all my Instagram really. And then, 530! I think I'm going to be that guy.

I think that was my future self sitting in that activity room. I saw a funny one last night. I'll show you during the break, but that's pretty funny. Okay, please, please, please do. I would like to see that. All right, let's take a break. I have lots to get to. It's only midweek and there's so much to do. It's going to spill over into next week.

I've got Ask TCB Sex Edition. I've saved all the sex questions. I was wondering. Yeah, so I've got Ask TCB Sex Edition. I've saved all the sex questions. I was wondering. Yeah. So I've got five or six of those. And then I'd like to take a look back if we have time if we don't roll into tomorrow. Sue Johansson, one of the original television sex educators. A lot of people think of Dr. Ruth as the original, but the Canadian Sue Johansson was an infomercial sex educator back in the 90s. And I remember her.

And I got some video of her. I think you're going to like this. I'm going to throw it back. You're going to know exactly what I'm talking about the second that you see her. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back. Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB.

It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you wanna help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her, or me, or Chrissy, at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.

You can be on the show too. Just call and say something, anything, or text us and we'll text you the show, too. Mm-hmm. Just call and say something. Anything. Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to TCBpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point.

Follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. And watch all the episodes on video at YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Best to you, and Astrid. Especially Astrid. This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid IV. I love a beach trip, and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner, and there will be no rest for the weary there either. We will be running around, fun in the sun, and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV

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That's 20% off your first order with code commercial at LiquidIV.com. Get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV, and take on the summer with extraordinary hydration. LiquidIV.com and use the Code Commercial. Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the Commercial Break. I'm Emma Greed, and I've spent the last 20 years building, running, and investing in some incredible businesses.

I've co-founded a multi-billion dollar unicorn and had my hand in several other companies that have generated hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars. The more success I've had, the more people started coming to me with questions. How do you start a business? How do you raise money? How do I bounce back from failure? So it got me thinking, why not just ask the people I aspire to the most? How do they actually do what they do? I'm so incredibly lucky to know some of the smartest minds out there. And now I'm bringing their insights along with mine,

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All right. It's been a long time coming to start this segment. It's been a long time coming since we've done an Ask TCB and I want to thank all the faithful listeners who have written in over the years. Years, I was about to say. These might be a couple of years old. Sorry. So sorry. But I just want you to know. Best to you.

Best to you. Best to you. Best to you. You better send me that. That's a great one. It is a great one. We got to go out and record in downtown if you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, we'll talk about that later.

All right. Okay. So, we're going to go ahead and get started. We're going to go ahead and get started. We're going to get started. We're going to get started. We're going to get started. We're going to great one. We got to go out and record in downtown, if you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, we'll talk about that later. All right. Okay.

So we'd like to do some Ask TCB Sex Style, sexual style. Here it goes. Turn off the... If you're listening to this in the car with your kids, I've said this many times before and I'll say it again, you're an idiot, but definitely turn off this one. That's for sure. Alright, so I'm taking the names out of this because while some, I know some of the people's names, I didn't get specific permission to ask them, so, and I shortened some of these up just to, just so we could pop it along, Chrissy. Ready? I'm ready. Okay, this one is from Sacramento, California, Chrissy. It says, my boyfriend insists on wearing Crocs

every time we have sex. What? He's only got one pair of their bright yellow. He says it gives him traction, and that traction gives him confidence. I say it gives me the ick and a foot-shaped bruise on my thigh. Should I set him on fire or just learn to love the squeak? Well, that's strange.

I mean, my kids love to wear Crocs, but I think adults who wear Crocs have problems. That's my opinion. Yeah. Certainly not during sex. You know what the number one sign of a Disney adult is? Crocs. Crocs, that's it, crocs. And I just won't go down. My wife keeps trying to convince every summer, nine summers running, my wife has tried to convince me to get a pair of crocs, saying they're wonderful,

they feel good. I've even tried them on in stores in Spain. I have too, but I can't do it. I just can't bring myself. I cannot bring myself. I can't do it either. Listen, can't bring myself. I cannot bring myself. I can't do it either. Listen, I'm a sandals kind of guy, and I've learned even to temper that just a little bit.

So if I'm going to a place where I know it's not going to be extremely clean, like when I go to Europe, I don't wear, usually, I don't wear sandals. First of all, because people think people know. Yes, that's a sure sign. You're like a fucking lighthouse in a storm if you wear sandals in Europe. You mean flip-flops?

Flip-flops, you are a dumb American. That's right, you are a dumb American, you look like a dumb American, why are you wearing flip-flops? Now, last couple summers I've noticed that more Europeans are wearing flip-flops than I've ever seen before. Beautiful leather ones.

They're gorgeous. Yeah, beautiful leather ones. That's right. $3,000 flip-flops. Right. Yeah. But still, when you're walking the streets of Paris, the last thing you want is open-toed shoes.

It's just one of those things. You don't. There's just different sanitary conditions in different places. It's not a dirty place. Paris isn't by any stretch of the imagination. But when you bring those Crocs into bed, when you're bringing the crocs into bed, you've taken Disney adults into a whole new realm. And I would tell you, immediately get a divorce. Seek a divorce attorney. There's

no reason, Sacramento, to be living in this kind of shame and filth. Not to mention, I don't want people wearing shoes in bed. Yeah, right., I don't want people wearing shoes in bed. Yeah, well, right. I just don't. Yeah, like fine, maybe you don't even, you don't have to take them off in the house, but I mean. No, don't. You can't go into the bed.

You cannot go into the bed with shoes on. No. Do you remember that first season, second season of Love is Blind? And there was a dude, and the second they got to the honeymoon jam suite or whatever it was down in Mexico, the guy jumps on the bed, shoes and all.

Oh yeah. And I thought, this is it, you're done. This guy is no good. He's trash. This marriage isn't going to work out. And I was right about that. People who think it's okay to wear shoes in bed have mental issues. Yeah.

Mental issues. No, no, no. Shoes on shoes in bed have mental issues. Yeah. Mental issues. No, no, no. Shoes on the bed or around the bed. Yeah. I mean, ask my children. I don't freak out a lot on my kids, but I will freak out if they're wearing shoes on the bed. I will freak out. Yeah.

It's gross. You just went standing your pee-pee-poo-poo, and now you're bringing your pee-pee-poo-poo into my bed? I already have your pee-pee-poo-poo in the bed. Tell this guy to get out of your life. Is he your husband, did he say? Boyfriend. Okay, that's easy.

No, you don't get lawyers involved. Get out. Get out now. It's a yellow flag, if you will. It's a big yellow. Yeah, and then yellow. What are we doing? He's got a fetish.

There's a fetish. A yellow croc fetish or something. I don't know what it is. But all right. He's got a fetish. There's a fetish. A yellow croc fetish or something. I don't know what it is, but all right. Our friend in Tulsa asks, my wife and I tried to spice things up with a little edible body paint. But we forgot that our dog also sleeps in the bed.

Things got sticky and a threesome started. No. Now how do I get the raspberry glaze out of my golden retrievers fur? As the second my wife and I took it to the shower, we found our dog in the bed licking up all the fluids. This is a problem with animals. Yeah.

It's the problem with having animals in sex. They stare at you, they growl at you, they make weird noises at you. I've had a cat attack my penis before. It happened. A cat attacked my penis. Now, luckily, I had a sheet on, but it attacked my hard penis. It did. It was scary.

And I'm allergic to cats. Yes. So it was double scary for me. I thought I'm gonna die with an erection. And I don't even know that I barely know this girl's name. Listen, this is the problem with animals. They get awful curious when you're procreating. Well, not only that, but they'll eat their own throw up and poop. Blue is doing it for two nights. Exactly.

A couple weeks ago. Yeah, they'll eat anything. They'll eat anything. They'll eat anything. I think you'll be okay. Yeah, I think the dogs are gonna survive. Like, give it a bath, it's gonna be okay. But I just have the general rule of thumb, and that is if you know you're gonna screw, if you know you're gonna do it, close the door. Get the animals out of the room because they are curious, they do not know, they do not understand, they oftentimes think you're hurting the other owner. I dated this girl and she had like a bully,

like a bully mix. And the dog was friendly to a point, right? It was like not the most friendly dog. I usually have pretty good vibe with dogs, except for Blue. I usually have like a pretty good vibe with dogs. You know, generally they like me, I like them. Yeah, you know, most dogs can sense a good person from a bad person.

Animals and babies can. Animals and kids, that's right. Mm-hmm. And so I'm dating this girl, not for a long time, but I know the dog, I've seen two or three times seen him and then the first like spend the night at her house. We were drunk, we'd roll in the door, we're on the couch, we're up against a wall,

we're whatever. And that dog at some point during the act decided that I was hurting her and he was baring his teeth and almost ready to bite. I mean, like, and it scared the shit out of me to the point where all action stopped immediately. I lost it immediately. I was like, oh, no, no, no, you got to get that dog out. Like, there's...

Of course. Yeah. And that, that, and we broke up. Yeah, I was going to say that didn't last. Yeah, because it sounded like I was making an excuse as to why I was losing my erection, but I think she thought, well, guy can't keep it up. You know what I'm saying? But I just thought, I don't wanna get my dick bit off.

Well, that's not sexy, yeah. I don't wanna get my dick bit off. Listen, I think I told this story during the pandemic. Right when we started the show, there was a bartender that I had known down in Atlanta. And somehow we became Facebook friends at some point along the line, but not a girl that I was like regularly communicating with. And one, you know, she was posting all this stuff.

And then one day, one day I noticed that she had posted an image of her in a mirror, and she had a big bandage over the side of her head, but she didn't say anything. And she said how, like, you know, it was like one of those things, this is how my day is going, or this is how my week went, or whatever. I hate that.

It's like when people check in at the hospital but say nothing about it. Tell me what the fuck is going on. Are you okay? Yeah, I-NDYNDY. And the girl who uses this phrase the most on my Instagram, who I actually have gotten away from even looking at because I just don't care anymore. But the other week, there was a post and it was like IKYNDYKNNYDYCYD. First of all, this girl always posts selfies of her in bathrooms, and bathrooms where other

people are behind her, other women are behind her. What in the fuck is that? Why are you taking selfies of yourself in bathrooms? Why? Why do that? And it's not like the people are posing. They're taking a shit. They're coming to or from taking a shit.

It's not cool. It doesn't make any sense. No one wants to be in your bathroom selfie. But it's always like, she's always posing, you know. This is the fit. Like in a restaurant bathroom? Restaurants, airports, random clubs, bars. I mean, anywhere.

Her own bath. It doesn't matter, every bath anyway. She posts this thing and it says IKYD NKY and it's a picture of her at the airport. And I'm like, it's an airport? Is that what we're guessing? And then the next photo, it's a picture of the plane, you know, out a window, a plane in the sky and clouds. IKY indicated the Y. And I'm like, you're on a plane. Let me guess. And then the next one, another airport. If you know, you know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It really bothers you. You're so awesome. Congratulations. Yeah, listen, take the dog, put it outside. First of all, give it a bath.

The raspberry shit will come out. I mean, this is pretty easy math right here, right? If the dog gets dirty, you give it a bath or you send it somewhere. As long as there's no like medical issue with what the dog ate. Yeah, I think raspberries are okay. Yeah, it's like chocolate I think is bad for dogs. Chocolate is milk chocolate specifically is bad for dogs as is as are blueberries. Things with skins on them I hear are not are not great, but I don't know why. Is it blueberries or is it raspberries? I can't remember. Anyway, it's one of those things. Things with skins on them, I hear, are not great. But I don't know why.

Is it blueberries or is it raspberries? I can't remember. Anyway, it's one of those things. Check with your local authorities. Kenny says, Kenny, give me permission to use his name. Kenny says, my girlfriend says I make too much eye contact during sex. Like I'm being too intense. I thought I was showing passion, but she says I look like a serial killer trying to read her mind. I'm considering sunglasses. I can't help it. It's just what I want to do.

Sunglasses. Yeah, sunglasses. Cool. That will make you look like less of a serial killer. Trust me. Anybody who wears sunglasses indoors, especially at night, I just get suspicious of instantaneously. Well, yeah. I know you do.

Yeah. I like my sunglasses. I know. But I would say this is a personal preference because I know a girl who really likes the eye contact and I like eye contact too. Now I mean, you're too intense, might be, you know, might make you self-conscious, I guess. But, you know, just communicate. I'd rather you looking at my eyes than my body, if I'm being honest about it.

I'm ready to look at my eyes than my body, because I, you know, everybody has some part of their body that they don't like, and mine is from the chin down. Now, I agree with eye contact, but I think you should use it sparingly, and not like totally sparingly, but use it in moments to show connection and compassion. It's like a communication, right? Yes. Now, as a guy who is like basically a tantrum master. Now, as a guy who is like basically a tantrum master. Well, I mean, you have been to quite a few retreats. I have been to quite a few retreats. Prostate massage at all.

You've got some books. Yes. I will tell you, and I've said this to other people, one of the most intense exercises that you can do with anybody, any human being, but one that you have some kind of history with, someone in a relationship or a friend, a family member, especially one that you love, that is not your blood relative, is to communicate with the eyes. Literally a staring contest, but you have to do it for a period of time,

five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. A lot of the retreats that I have been to start off this way with a perfect stranger or maybe someone I haven't known that well. And I can promise you, I know this sounds hokey pokey, but it might be, but it's true. Not a dry eye in the house. Stare at someone in their eyes for 15 or 20 minutes,

and you will start to see yourself in their eyes. There's a communication going on there that is like universal. It's like some weird energy being pushed back and forth and you start swimming kind of in your own humanness. So when you're having sex, right? I don't know that it's time for that kind of communication unless you're ready to go there, like at a super deep level.

And maybe that's what she's feeling is like this intense vibe coming at and maybe what she would like is something a little bit more playful and fun. Just switch positions. That's it. I was about to say the same. I said, so my, yeah, so get pegged. Yeah. So get pegged and then put a mirror in front of you and stare at yourself. That's a great idea.

Yeah. Hey listen, pegging is a thing. Guys are into it. I've actually seen a lot of guys admitting to this on the social medias. I don't know why they're, why they're so hep on pegging now. Like it's becoming a trendy thing to talk about. Uh, but there's a lot of conversation about and around pegging. Actually, if you're into pegging or your husband's into pegging or you're like, it's a pegging is the thing. Text us 212-433-3TCB.

I'd like to talk about this further. I've never been pegged. It's, you know. What's another prostate thing going on? I've had fingers involved and I just didn't, for me it wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but again, I'm like tight as a- Maybe you didn't give it a chance.

I'm tight as a caboose. It's like every time I go in there to the, get the prostate, like, you know, ring the bell and the guy's like, okay, loosen up. And I'm like, that's as loose as it's going to get, dude. He's like, everything okay? You stressed out? Yeah, I'm stressed out. You got a finger in my ass, bro.

So not my thing, but I find it to be very cool that guys are out there talking about it and saying that, hey, this is my thing, I'm into it. Because of the Tantra Retreats, I understand that it could be a very pleasurable thing, and that there's a lot of guys who are now into it. So get pegged, stare at yourself, problem solved. Thank you, TCB. Thank you. Thank you very much. I do.

I think it's such a catchy song. I really do. Um, this is our friend in Wichita. I recently discovered that I loved being spanked. My husband recently discovered he's bad at spanking. Like he claps, but not spanks. And sometimes he even says things while he's spanking. One night he yelled, bravo!

Bravo? Bravo? Is he Italian? Bravissimo! How do I explain that this is not improv night at the local comedy shop and that I want something more 50 Shades of Grey than Red Lobster? That's a good one actually. Watch 50 Shades of Grey. Watch 50 Shades of Grey. Wear them. That's it, that's what you gotta do. You gotta teach him, you gotta be instructive. There's one thing that I've learned

from all my time of being a man. It's that you have to be instructive because guys, sometimes we just don't get it. Women like it too. Women like to know what's working and what's not working. Absolutely. For the other partner. Even as I was speaking with our friend Rachel this morning, even house cleaners need to be told what to do. In bed? Wow, what's going on over at Rachel's

house? That's kinky. I like that. I like the thought of someone coming in to dust Rachel's computer all of a sudden they're on the floor. That would have something to miss, tell the other person what's wrong. Okay, yes, of course. People need communication. You're right about this. It's like instruction is not a bad thing. And I say to my kids a lot,

you can say anything to anybody. It's about how you say it. And so be instructive, be kind, be gentle, or do a little show and tell. Here's how you do it. Turn the be instructive, be kind, be gentle, or do a little show and tell. Here's how you do it. Turn the other cheek, so to speak, and give him a smack or two. This is how I like it. That's right. Okay, that was an easy one. Yeah, that's a solvable one. I mean, come on, that's communication. Which, by the way, 90% of these things are communication. Hey, dog, get out. Hey, take those fucking crocs off or you're

not getting laid again. Hey, I want to get pegged so I can stare at myself. Okay, Hoboken, every time I try and initiate sex, I do what I call the sensual hover. I float over her like a sexy ghost. I love it. It's called the sensual hover. But she's starting to, she told me one night I looked like I'm- like a sexy ghost. I love it, it's called a sensual hover. But she's starting to, she told me one night I look like I'm- Like a sexy ghost. Yeah, like a sexy ghost. Ooh.

Like Nico, just floating around. You have like the hand motions too? I think I know what he's talking about. He like, you know, she's on the bed and he rolls over but he puts his hands up like this and he kind of crawls up and down her body. Okay. But she said I look like I'm auditioning for Cirque du Soleil.

How do I land this plane without losing altitude or dignity? Yeah, bro. I don't know. You're gonna send us a video on this one because I'm not sure how you're sexy ghosting her. Exactly. But I think she's about to sexy ghost you. Yeah. Why not? This is not working for her, so try something else. There's gotta be another move in your playbook besides sexy ghost.

I mean, sexy ghost. Woo! I see him coming in with a sheet. I know, me too. I'm picturing like the hand. Yeah, like moving over her. Woo! Yeah, dude, I don't know, sexy ghost. Never heard of that one, but it's not working over her. Ooh. Yeah, dude, I don't know.

Sexy goes, never heard of that one, but it's not working for her, obviously. If she's making fun of it, where there's smoke, there's fire. And if she's making fun of it, it's clearly not turning her on. Yeah. I, if they're laughing 90% of the time, it's at you, not with you, especially during sex.

So my advice is you got to find a new move. You know, talk to your bro. Talk to your bros. Find some good moves that you can use. Put some other stuff in your tool bag. Just like anybody in life, not only women, but men too. We all like a little variety. Variety is the spice of life. No one likes the same thing. Start with a kiss. There's a novel idea. Yeah. Yeah. Start with a really nice purse and then work your way forward. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like, you know, tickle her mind and her senses and then, you know, it'll all come together. Take her out for a nice dinner. Have a good conversation. Apply her with a glass of wine. Get home. Throw her against the door. Tell her how much you love her and how sexy she looks tonight. And then take her bra off with your teeth. Okay, I'm getting way too descriptive here. I can't give you all the action, but you know how to do it. You've seen it before in movies.

You know how it goes. We'll be back. Thanks for writing in. We'll be back after these messages. Why don't you text us? And we can text back, and then you can text us in reply, then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing, and I think you'll be great at it. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message, too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go a message, too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email also, tcbpodcast.com. And while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the Contact Us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at The Commercial Break and watch the episodes at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break.

Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game. You wanna play? Come on, bye. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door.

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even at the time when she started coming on air. And I believe she started coming on air through like infomercials late at night. They would play like in between Girls Gone Wild, you know, pitch videos, essentially. And everybody who was alive at that time remembers the Girls Gone Wild infomercials

that would endlessly play at night, showing. There's a whole documentary about that. Yeah, that was crazy. I wonder what ever happened to that guy. He went to jail for a little while, didn't he? He's in Mexico. He's like, he can't come back into the US. Oh, that's right.

Joe Francis. Yeah, Joe Francis. Yeah, because it was like revenge porn. Anyway, I don't wanna get into that. That's a different story for a different time. But this lady, I remember being a young man and learning things about sex that I thought I would never learn from anybody through the conversations that this woman was having. Quite frank, quite literal, quite graphic, quite descriptive.

And she did it in a way that was, you were kind of interested in what she had to say. She seemed like your grandmother. Like Dr. Ruth was also this way, but Dr. Ruth was funny because she had a funny accent. She was a tiny woman of a woman. She was just like three foot three, you know. She was tiny. She looked like a fragile doll, right? And she was funny. She was Frank, but she was funny. But this lady had a more...

I don't know, like punchy way, clinical and punchy way of saying it, what made you believe she actually knew what she was talking about. Her name's Sue Johansson. I got a, it's hard to find these old infomercials of hers, but I managed to find a couple. And here's a, this is a clip of one of them, but take a listen. I think you'll remember who she is. My wife and I think you're the coolest lady ever. Oh yeah, I remember her. Okay, you remember her? You can see her.

Go to youtube.com slash the commercial break and we'll see if you... Yeah, she's got short hair glasses and... Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. My mother and I both love your show.'t that cute you watch it together oh yes this is thank you so much for making yourself available to all of us here in the state just the intro to this by the way she doing okay this looks like it's just a talk show but yeah she doing like

a radio thing too she also did a radio thing for a while, yes, but I remember her from TV. I'm not sure it played here in Atlanta, but it was called Talk Sex with Sue Johansson. It was on for many years, maybe a decade plus. This might be toward the end of the run. I think a lot of people might have learned things from her. Oh, I think a lot of people will remember Sue Johansson.

Welcome to Talk Sex. I'm your host, Sue Johansson, and my mission in life is to promote sex education, to dispel myths and misconceptions so you can enjoy being the sexual human being that you were born to be. I love it. I love it. Me too, I'm so for this.

How straightforward. We need somebody like this that's not Dr. fucking Drew. You know what I'm saying for this. How straightforward, we need somebody like this that's not Dr. fucking Drew. You know what I'm saying? Or a porn hub. Or a porn hub. We need a lady who gives it to you straight, tells you that life is not a porn movie.

Most people don't have sex for hours at a time, you know, in a shower, holding one leg up against the wall, flipping somebody around their penis with 70 other girls in the room watching. It just doesn't happen that way. Most sex is clunky, funny, smelly, interesting, fun, adventurous, scary. I could think of other adjectives. Do we have any other adjectives? Okay, let's listen to Sue. She's the expert. A quick question. I

don't know how true this is, but I was told by someone who's dating a dentist that the dentist told him that if she looks into the back of the throat of her female patients, that she can tell whether or not they have oral sex and particularly if they swallow a lot. Is that true? If you should, you can see the look on Sue Johansson's face right now. She's like, the dentist is a perv. Go to a different dentist.

There are going to be an awful lot of people in an awful lot of trouble if that's true. A girlfriend or a warning if having sex in a hot tub is a good idea or not? Not. No. Yeah, no, she gets it. We say the same thing. I think we are the Sue Johansson. Matt, we might be. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And so you're having sex under the water. You're thrusting penis in vagina. You are forcing water into her vagina. Oh. Oh, that's right. It's got chlorine in it. You wonder why her vagina gets sore, raw, red, irritated.

And then they're worried that there's a possibility that the water will go up through her cervix, through her uterus and into her fallopian tubes and then drip into her abdomen and there is some kind of guy. Oh, yeah, he's like, oh, I didn't call for that kind of advice. Say yes or no. Okay. I can think of another reason too.

It's just not a great lubricant. Water is not a good lubricant. I'm concerned that that might cause endometriosis. I just called to ask, when my girlfriend and I have sex, either with a dildo or with her fingers, when I'm getting ready to have an orgasm, I often have like vaginal farts or queefs. Yeah. I'm just wondering, is there any way to stop doing that? No, why? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's air.

She is the best. Yeah. This is the best. Where else? It's certainly not here on the commercial break because I giggled. Where else could you get a straight-faced answer to a question like this?

But this girl is concerned. She says, I'm making noises down there. It's uncomfortable. Is it part of the situation? And can I help it? And Sue says, no. Why would you want to? Like I said, it's messy and smelly and weird

and loud and whatever. Vaginal farts are wonderful things. Vaginal farts are wonderful things. I need that as a clip, an audio clip. That's awesome. Good for you Sue. It's something we can do, guys can't do it. And ours don't stink. Oooo. I guess it's just embarrassing.

Oh no, no, no no no no no no no. You just let fly. Is he? Ha ha ha ha ha. Go Sue. Oh those are two clips I'm cutting. You seeing condoms for bum sex? No.

Lisa. Lisa. Think. Yes. He is putting his penis in your rectum. Right? Uh huh. Uh huh. That rectum, right? Uh-huh. That rectum has feces in there.

Feces are loaded with bacteria. I keep trying to tell my kids this. And I say, hey, listen. You're telling them about this? No. No, no, no, no. My kids, they want to take a bath, but they're at the age when they need to take a shower. Right? And I keep saying, you're sitting in your own butt water and

poop has bacteria. You don't want that poopy bacteria all over your bodies. Stop drinking the poop water. And then they want to put it in their mouth. They want to drink the poop water. And I'm like, stop drinking the poop water. He's going to pick up some of that bacteria on his penis, right? And then he's going to have intercourse with you, vaginal intercourse, and he hasn't washed his penis, and he wasn't using a condom? You're going to get the infection. I'm not worried about him, I'm worried about you.

Wow, I love this lady. It's so great. She passed away a couple years ago. I was wondering if she was still around. Yeah, she passed at like 93 years old or something like that. And I think that was back in 2000. Having wonderful sex until the end, I'm sure. I'm sure.

That was the, that's my other question. A legitimate question, kind of goofy. I know there's a giggle about this, but did Dr. Ruth and Sue Johansson, and maybe even Dr. Drew, do they have some of the best sex ever? because they know everything there is to know about sex? I think so. And they can get around a vagina or a penis? I think so. I have to imagine it's up there. Hey listen, if I'm having sex with Sue Johansson, I think I'm probably having some of the best sex of my life. Exactly. Even at her advanced age. The villages. Oh, hot stuff. Well, what was that? If this wasn't hot stuff, what is?

Hot stuff. Hot stuff. Hot stuff. Hot stuff. Hot stuff. Hot stuff. Hot stuff. Hot stuff.

Time for the hot stuff bag. Oh, the bag. The bag. I remember this. It puts a whole new meaning to the expression, desperation is the mother of invention. This is called the vibrating turbo suction tongue. You close the valve and you draw the air out, okay? And now you've got a vacuum in there and that'll give you an erection.

So you draw the air out first and it's locked in, locked there. Then you turn the vibrator on. Okay. I love it. She's demonstrating this. She's demonstrating a sex toy. It's not vibrating. And it is a strap-on. Now people think- This is going from clip to clip. For those of you listening, by the way. It's not like this is one long clip. That strap-ons are kind of kinky.

But they have their uses. Don't ask. Anything with more than three buttons, I'm guaranteed to mess up. Well, you know what? They couldn't leave well enough alone. And what they've done is put a tiny camera into the end of the build-o. Oh! Yes. You heard right. A camera that hooks up to your TV. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Why would you? That's really... Yeah. I don't need to see all the way up there. Why? It's on a doctor's exam. Listen, I did that during the birth.

I did that during the birth. This didn't take off because I do not see any of these. Oh, I'm sure there's point of view porn out there that has these kind of cameras, you know, but yeah, you don't see this at the local sex shop. Yeah, no. Whole new meaning to I'm ready for my close up now, Mr. DeMille.

Ooh. Here, let me show you. I'm gonna use my hand for this one. And,ille. Who? Here. Let me show you. I'm going to use my hand for this one. And... Whoa. There. And it comes up on the camera. Yeah, why would you want that?

I don't think that's sexy. Well... No. All I can say is, thank God it's in black and white. Now she's working. Thanks a lot. And I gotta be honest about this, I think the inside of a body looks relatively the same

no matter what part of the inside of the body you're looking at, you know what I'm saying? You see those surgery shows and stuff like that, it all looks like the inside of a body. I've seen the inside of like Jeff's sinuses, because he had surgery and I'd go to the doctor with him and they'd have to get up there with a little scope. And yeah, it seems like it just... It all looks the same.

It looks the same. Yeah, unless you know what you're looking at, unless you're Dr. Sue Johansson. There's a head in there that is called an exciter. An exciter. And it's called an exciter. I mean, that's a very large thing. Does that look like your thing that you were using? Chrissy, swear to God, that looks like the thing that I bought to help me with after the vasectomy, and it was intimidating.

It was intimidating. Well, listen, the inside of it is much smaller, but it's just a whole contraption, and I had no interest, none interest in putting that thing on my penis. On the hibachi, hot stuff of love, we are rating this a three briquette sex toy for guys who are not perceptually handicapped. Perceptually handicapped. So that you can like teach everybody in the world. I think there are people out there who think one of me is one too many. Yeah, she was great. She was incredible.

She just really was great. Dr. Sue Johansson, here's to another one. I'm sorry about that. I just don't know what I was pressing there. Here's to Dr. Sue Johansson. May another one of you come along sooner rather than later. Best to Sue Johansson. Best to Sue. Best to you and best to Dr. Sue Johansson. May another one of you come along sooner rather than later. Best to Sue Johansson. Best to Sue.

Best to you and best to Sue. Or worse to you. That's the funny song. That's the one I love. I do love that one too. All right, well it's been a week of music and fun here on the commercial break. We've just done it all, Chrissy.

We have. Made AI songs for everyone to enjoy. I'm sure that will continue long into the future. I hope that's a new part of the commercial break. You have any ideas for songs? Or you're a musician and you wanna write a song for TCB, we'd be happy to take a listen to it, maybe play it on air.

Yeah, so get in touch with us. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all right there. Also, in case you are sick of hearing it, May 31st, the 12 hours of... 531! 531! 531! 531! May 31st, the 12 hours of TCB, TCB's big birthday bash. Five years as a podcast, six seasons, sponsored officially by Five Hour Energy.

Thank you to Five Hour. Thank you to Five Hour Energy. That's no joke. They have signed on as a sponsor. I think we said it so much, they were like, well, we should probably pay them for all that free promotion. So the 12 Hours of TCB officially sponsored by Five Hour Energy. And in collaboration with our partners at Odyssey, Covert, Creative, and CTV, the agency that helps us book all these wonderful

guests, Tom Papa, Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts, Michael Ian Black and more on May 30th. And lots of Chrissy and I, lots and lots of Chrissy and I. Yes, lots of us. So tune in, call in, check in on Twitch or YouTube, we'll give you more information. Make sure you're following us at the Commercial Break on Instagram for all the deets the week of. Also, youtube.com slash the Commercial Break. Make sure you're following us there so you can watch it live when it happens.

And tcbpodcast.com. All the jizz and jazz about Chrissy and I. Your free TCB sticker and you can get ahold of us there. Hot stuff. 530 vaginal farts. Okay, Chrissy, I love you. I love you. Best to you.

Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye. We do say, and we must say, goodbye! I get ass!