The Commercial Break - Ask Uncle Bryan

Episode Date: February 4, 2022

Krissy tells Bryan about her Find My iPhone arrangement with her husband. Leaving Bryan to wonder how that would work at his house. Bryan asks for an update on Papa Joe, Hoadley's grandpa and most interesting man. Then Krissy wonders how Bryan still has permission to go to the tanning bed. Finally, Krissy takes questions from the World Wide Web and asks Uncle Bryan for answers! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Huge Thanks To Our Supportive Listeners, Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Well, a good Sunday afternoon to you and to yours. It's Reverend Pluser coming to you live from the FUQU Studios, 1107, on the FUQU Clock and every Sunday afternoon with dedicated now to the high-only one, the only one that matters. I'll let you fill in the rest,s with a J, ends with an S. I'm so happy and proud to offer some diversity on today's show. We've got a great group, about a Southern Texas, taking the name from the Book of Genesis and the Book of Isaiah,

its Goma and the Nimrods with a rap song for the Lord. Take a listen. And it's Christ in me! The renewing line is the key To the power that we need It's the only way to be Strong and thick, already Dory! As my brothers and sisters would say Just south of our border here in Texas That's praising for your pantalones

We'll be back After this Commercial break Back after this commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break. On Tuesday night he's likely sitting at home watching reruns of Golden Girls on Wednesday night. He's brought a stripper home from this trip. He's been happy hour and Thursday he's in the car. He's still driving. So much to our display. Yeah, this guy has one eye that works, by the way.

Why did you give him a license? We're putting everything on the DMV, I like it lap dance, but I like it on my left lap, but that's okay. I can't do that on my right. Yeah, if you have nothing to hide, it should be no problem. She hates when I go to the tanning bed. That's something I'm concerned about. Are you still going to the tanning bed?

Still. Are they still operational? Still, but I ever stop I mean what I Yes, I go to the tannin. I go to the tannin bed during the winter months I don't go during the summer months very often Unfortunately what you won't be catching is a paycheck a Degree or a real job anytime soon, but still let that stop you You keep playing Sonic.

You know, they're paying kids for that these days. Oh yeah. So maybe you're on to something there. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, these questions are bountiful. Chrissy, bountiful. You're not bountiful. Like your bosom.

OK. Oh, what? Oh, what? The next episode of the commercial break starts now. No, no, no. No, no, no, my dress. You dropped it up. You dropped it up. All right, I'll accept on this one occasion. Exception made. Since it's not written down everywhere, I guess we can get away with it.

Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of the commercial break, the only commercial break that you ever need. And I had to jump right in. We had to get right started right away. Because Chrissy and I were talking about something And then I heard the most amazing thing come out of her mouth the most amazing idea that I had never thought about and I don't know

If I would get away with in my house and I hope she doesn't tell my wife, but then it's possible That this is probably Solves maybe some issues not issues like marriage issues Yeah, just issues as far as where is she, where is she, what are they gonna be back, kind of thing, right? So we're sitting here in the studio and every time that someone comes in the door, both of my bloodhounds decide that they're going to bark voraciously.

For bloodhounds in their head. Bloodhounds in their head, meaning, the blue will draw Nico's blood if Nico gets out of mind. Mind you, this is the same dog that had a rat running around it in the kitchen eating all of the food I did nothing to learn us. He literally lifted his head up and went back to sleep. Yeah, it was like, everything's cool. I'm not getting a go for rope. I am. I'm ready. You're gonna work out with Brian. You better not tell anybody a little doggy. Come on doggy idea. Fuck little doggy, fuck.

Get to see how the rat's talking to you. And Nico's like, oh, I don't want to know. Not getting involved. I don't see anything. I don't see anything. So dogs bark, kids run in inevitably Matthias will end up in the studio. It's just how it goes. It's a whole thing.

So I was like, we should just wait a few minutes until Astrid gets home. And that way we don't have to stop the show or listen to the background noise We just get away with it and you said well, but she might be at the store and I said well, can't you check your find my app? And I said what the fuck is to find my app? I mean, I know what to find my app is I have to find my app. It's like find my phone right my watch find my I can also be for finding people it It can be for finding people too, and I never thought about this. I mean, I know you can share location,

like on maps and text message and stuff, but yeah, but you can share, you can pick who you would like to share your location with on the find my house. So who made the decision in your household? Who made the decision that this was gonna go down? How did that conversation go? Well, it was twofold.

One was, Jeff wanted to have the location on with the girls. Okay, that makes sense. I get that. For safety reasons and just because they're teenagers. Okay. And then at the same time, we do have a 90-year-old grandfather who has an iPhone. And so my sister, separately, was asking, you know, hey, shouldn't we be sharing location for Papa Joe or Papa Joe? He shares location. Can I tell you? And then we all just started to share ours.

So now I share with my sister, my dad, and my grandfather, and my husband. Can I tell everybody that her 90-year-old grandfather is not like any other 90-year-old grandfather? No, he's not. He's out and about. He is a coxman of the highest order. He is the captain of his own ship. He is like the most interesting man in the world. On Tuesday night, he's likely sitting at home watching

reruns of Golden Girls on Wednesday night. He's brought a stripper home from the stripper club. He's a happy hour and Thursday he's in the car. He's still driving. Oh my god. So much to our display. Yeah, this guy has one eye that works, by the way. We're like, why did you give him a license again? This guy has one eye that works

Why did you give him a license? I mean we're just we're putting everything on the DMV people. I like a lap dance But I like it on my left lap, but that's okay Yeah, I'm all right He smells good. He smells good. He just He's a snazzy drasor. Yeah, theer. The one time I've been to an actual party of his, we went to a company Christmas party and this guy had more women around him than I could, then I think.

Oh yeah, the ladies love Papa Jack. Then I had in an entire year. This guy was incredible. And these ladies weren't like, oh, he's cute, Papa Joe. They were like, I wanna get up on them. No. I wanna ride that turtle down. He, Papa Joe. They were like, I want to get up on them. I want to ride that turtle down. He did it to me and spin me around, I think,

to attract the ladies then to him, and then they would fly. I don't know, he's got that. He's got that cool factor that you just can't buy. Okay, so you guys have, I can understand this. I can understand this. I can understand this kind of creeps up on you, right? So it's like, you know, you have the teenage daughters.

I agree with this sentiment. When I have teenage daughter, she is certainly going to have the fine Maya. And, and quite frankly, my son, like, you know, you have the teenage daughters. I agree with this sentiment. When I have teenage daughter, she is certainly gonna have the fine my eye, and quite frankly my son. Like I don't want anybody to think that, you know, it's just because a girl can't take care of herself. I want to understand where my 13, 14, 15, 16 year old son and daughter are at all times, because I know.

Really is where their phone is. I didn't have find my shit. No. Find my was. I didn't have find my shit. No. Find my was. I hope Brian returns home this morning. I know that my parents were the same one. We didn't even have phones you could get on with it. I had a beeper.

I just ignored it. Papers, whatever. And unless you were looking for weed, man, I just ignored it. But I never thought about this as a possibility of something that we could do to help each other understand exactly when and where we're going to be home because that's a powerful. If after and I call each other five times in a day, three of those phone calls are where are you? Yeah, that's it.

Or I'm on my way home. Share locations. Come on. We're going to bring this up in front of the committee tonight. It goes down. If you have nothing to hide, it should be no problem. She has to go to the tanning bed. That's the only thing I'm concerned about.

Are you still going to the tanning bed? Still. Are they still operational? Still, but I ever stopped. I mean, but yes, I go to the tanning bed. I go to the tanning bed during the winter months. I don't go during the summer months very often. I don't go very often.

I didn't know this was still a thing with you. Yeah, no, it's like smoking cigarettes. I'm going to have to kick the habit one day. But I really do feel like it improves my mood. Oh, there is the light. Yeah, I do feel like it improves my mood, especially during January, February and March, when it's just like the days are short, I don't get any sunlight. I hate the fucking cold, so I don't get any sunlight, I hate the fucking cold, so I don't wanna be outside almost at all, and I just feel like it brightens my mood, and I don't go to the tanning bed daily.

It's not like I'm there every afternoon. You bought the daily package. I did. I think my wife got me, she got the American Express. She was like, did you buy a package because they keep charging our card on the third, and I'm like, no, no, no, that's when I go. When I go, she's like, when you go, it's $120 and I'm like,

I don't know, talk to the people at the tanning bed. She's like, I am, I am gonna call them. You gotta stop going to the fucking tanning bed. And I might go once every 10 days. And that's, I can go on boots. I can go on boots. But, you know, unless Astrid asks, I don't offer that information off.

Okay, well, so that's the only thing you have then. But I told her, I said, if you want to know if I go into the tenting bed, just smell me, because I always smell like dead burnt skin. Yes, that smell, I remember that smell. God, that's a wonderful smell. Yeah, no. No, it's not.

I love it. I would go to the pool when I was single, we were friends and I was living over downtown, we would go to the pool and we'd sit out there for hours drinking. I mean, I used to rub oil, just straight oil. Like, not baby oil. I was at least doing the Australian gold. Yeah.

I had no SPM protection and I would just get real very tired. I can't even believe I was doing that. I never won. I didn't even own any kind of sunscreen until I wasn't even believe I was doing that. I never won, I didn't even own any kind of sunscreen until I was in 40. I didn't even own scone screen. And that wasn't until I met Astrid.

When she was like, you're a fucking dumb, yeah, okay, the tan might look good, but skin cancer's gonna look worse, right? And she's like, so you gotta stop that shit. If you don't want wrinkles and stuff like that, I think I'm lucky in the sense that I have a little bit of a baby face, like I'm not like, you know, I see some pictures of some guys that are my age,

and I'm like, holy shit, they look every bit of 40 something. And maybe more, I see some of these guys, I look back on some old television shows when these actors are like in their 40s, doing these shows, and they look like they're 60 or 70 years old, and they're in their 40s. Not me, I keep getting better with age. I'm like Benjamin Button.

I am, I'm like Sean Array. I just keep on going. It's by the way, Sean Array has gone on dates and it's in the episode. We'll talk about it another time, I'm not particularly sure everyone's interested in it because I got some mail. It really like.

Yeah, the TLC shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it probably. Thank you, listeners. I know. They said 90 day fiancee, okay, but I don't want the whole TLC line up in a show. All right, I get it. Stop being an asshole.

Okay, so Chrissy and I have decided we're going to start a new segment here on the show. Chrissy's idea. I have to give credit to Chrissy. Thank you. It's Chrissy's idea, you have to give credit to Chrissy. Thank you. It's Chrissy's idea. Back into my heyday. And when I mean my heyday, I mean from like 19 to 42. It's like a very dastard.

Some people in my circle affectionately would refer to me as Uncle Brian. And like- Do you mean the people from the pool? They were trying to keep their friends Cute girlfriends away from you Trying to keep their cute go from the wafer. I was like, you know, I was like the old man at the pool Yeah, uncle Brian until everyone got drunk and it's like That Parker

Let's get a Uncle Brian that Parker the guy's drinking straight into Uncle Brian's bedroom I swear to God, you know they'd be Parker, you know, whatever the 22 year old kid would be you know laid out on the floor of Puking is mouth and on his shirt and they'd be like oh Uncle Brian's holding it together pretty good 72 Bud lights in He's so cool. Uncle Brian's so cool. Look at him with that Honda Accord 46 inch screen TV flat screen I might add He's so cool. Uncle Brian's so cool. Look at him with that Honda Accord. He's on the front. He did. He's got a 46-inch screen TV, flat screen, I might add. People started referring to me as Uncle Brian. And it really came from the fact that I had kind of a godson,

like, or a goddaughter, like child, you know, when my best friend had a child, and he started referring to me as Uncle Brian, and then it just spread. Everyone then just called me Uncle Brian. You have kind of like a sage wisdom too or at least you admit that. Yeah. I don't know what it's rooted in anything real but I think you admit that.

Yeah, I've got a I've got a bullshitty glow about me. I've got that brown glow. I was going to put tanning that glow. I've got that tanning, but- That's what it's been all these years. Yes, it's that brownish hue that floats off my forehead. People are like, wow, he looks wise. This guy goes to the tanning, but he knows what's up.

He was smart enough to find sunshine in the middle of January in Chicago. This guy is good. We got to get with this guy. You know, think about the famous people that we know that have a tan all the time. Well, Donald Trump, that's not a tan. I don't know what that is. It's not a tan. Yeah, everything is fake now though.

It's the spray tan. But the safe thing to do. Guys who had the real tan. So who's that guy who was always on television? You know, with a, he was super dark. Oh God, I wish I couldn't remember his name now. But Harry's something. Well, basically everybody from the 80s and 90s.

Yeah, but this guy was like famous for how dark he was. And I mean, when I say dark, he was dark. Oh, like Harrison. Yeah, Harry Harrison. No, not George. No, not George. George. Yes, but it was George. Yeah, Harry Harrison or no, not George George the Derset. Yes, but it was George. George. Yeah, to Hamilton.

George Hamilton. Okay, when you look to George Hamilton, he came on screen. You go, that guy knows what he's fucking. Well, he was wearing the, you know, he was like, he was I was wearing the hippie beads in the patchouly scented sandals. Yes, similar. The flip flops. It's very similar. Similar, similar.

I had a similar vibe. So we thought, why not bring Uncle Brian back? What did he ever go anywhere? But let's bring Uncle Brian back and let's have him answer some questions from around the world. So here we go with our Ask Brian segment. Ask Uncle Brian. there you go.

Yeah, well I think we're gonna... answers. I'm interested in your answer. You want sage advice. I want sage advice about relationships, about parenting, about all kinds of things. I got it. So listeners, if you have any questions, you would like Uncle Brian to answer. Please do send them in. 661 bestio 661 237 8296 go to the website and you can send us an email. Okay.

But in the meantime, we're going to start with what was already out there. We're going to start with what was already out there. We've pulled some questions, called some questions from around the internet, and because this is Chrissy Segment, I'm going to let Chrissy lead an I will answer. Hey you, Mr. and Mrs. Podcast listener. We're going to take a short break to let you know a few things. TCBpodcast.com is where you can go to find out more information about Chrissy and I. If you choose, you can watch all the video there or listen to any of the audio.

Our entire catalog is there at TCBpodcast.com. You can also drop us a line if you have any questions, comments, concerns or content ideas. You can send it to the website or you can text us. 661-237-8296. That's 661, the word best, the number two, and the word yo. If you'd like to take a look at us while we're doing this silly program, you can go to youtube.com slash the commercial break.

We have brand new clips of these episodes every single day of the week, and we do YouTube exclusive content called TCB in the studio every couple of days. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Subscribe if you don't mind. At the commercial break on Instagram, if you'd like to follow us there. A lot of people have written us over the last couple of months and asked how can we support the show?

How can we help it grow? You can tell your friends and family if you think they might be interested if you're not embarrassed to tell them you listen to the commercial break. Or you can leave us a review and or a comment on your favorite podcast publisher. That's the way that we grow the audience and we certainly would appreciate any help you could give us. We really are grateful that you take the time to listen to our program every couple of days. If you want to support the show even more, if you're in the market for their products or services, you could use our sponsors, specialized URLs or codes.

That's how they know that we're doing our job, and that means we can continue to do our job for you, for free, and now a word from said sponsors. So I like to take a moment, get inside of our penis chakras. The badge of a chakra. That's right. Vajakra.

I'd like you to open up your Vajakra for me, and I'll open up my Pachakra. And we'll both open up our Anus Chakras, and let's answer some questions from around the internet now. Okay. If you'd like to ask a question of Uncle Brian Oryan, Chrissy, feel free to text us or go to the website. That's www.on.com. And drop your Ask Brian segment. Now, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever,

Ask Uncle Brian. Please Chrissy. Okay. Ask me. That feels it. Should I whisper it? Okay. Whisper it scream it whenever you want to.

I'm gonna stay, I'm gonna stay in a bubble of equanimity over here. Yes, stay. Stay in my moment. Stay in your zone. Stay in my center. Okay. I'm present.

Uncle Brian. Destiny from the internet would like to know Uncle Brian Am I sure I'm the real mom of my kid Destiny I Hear your pain. I understand and I feel you destiny. I get this question a lot actually How do I know that I'm the mother of my own child? There's a couple different ways that we can approach this question, but

I'm going to take the most direct route. Destiny, you need to check the birth certificate. It'll have the mother's name written right there on the birth certificate, but then I think we're going to get we're going to have to take this. False reference that with your ID. I want with your identification. I want you to pull out your third grade science quiz. I want you to see what you scored on it. Destiny.

If there's a D or an F on that science quiz, that means it's most likely your child. Now, there's another way that we can go about this. And that is to cooperate in conjunction with other people around you, like maybe the man who put his penis directly inside of you. I want you to ask him directly, is this my child? This my child? See what his answer is.

If he answers, I don't know. You're meant to be together for the rest of your lives. There's also a third way. There is a third way. Yes. It's an ancient way. It's an ancient practice handed down from baboon to baboon. If you put your child in a tub of water for three, nay four hours, just soak them up,

little raisin, turns into a little prune. You take them out, make sure you dry them off so the little guy can cold, and then you pee directly in the water. If it turns purple, the child is yours. Does not turn purple, nay, if it does not turn any other color, the child is not yours, and that that means you can give him away. Sell him if you want to. Destiny, you were meant to be a apparent. You understand the complexities of the world. And I sure hope for your sake that your son that came out of your room is your child. Thank

you, Destiny, for your question. Oh, I think you should open up your Vichakra. Open it up to the world. Please, Christy. I'm on a roll. I feel strong. I feel that forces with me. Okay, this is from Gwen. Oh, Gwen. Uncle Brian, can I tell by the smell of my husband's gas if he has been cheating? Oh, breathe deeply.

Smells like your husband's gas in here right now. That's just Nico. Glen you asking an important question. We all make puff puffs out of our anus. It's how the universe made us, Gwen. And I do think that you can tell if your husband has been cheating on you by his gas smells. And let me explain. Every time a man has that most intimate of pleasures, when he puts his pachakra in your vachakra,

it changes the lining of his stomach, It coats it with a different smell. Every time we have sex, our farts smell a little bit different. If you'd like to buy some of my farts, please go to TCBPodcast.com and get yourself some Brian ass. It's the good shit. Be careful. and get yourself some Brian ass. It's the good shit. Be careful. This isn't for beginners. If you wanna just a little teasedy tanner, a little teetiner, just a little taste.

You may not be able to have sex with me, but your husband can. And then his farts will smell like me. Gwen, you ask important questions. And for that reason, I I send my love all the way over a puff of ass to you and to your family. Thank you, Gwen, for that important, important question. I'm sure a lot of our listeners will get something out of that that they can put into daily use. I think that's a question we've all been asking ourselves from time to time.

Wow, Astrid's ass smells really bad today. Wonder who she's been banging. Yeah. And- Who have you been with? Yeah, that's right. If your husband's ass smells like dick, and you have a whole different set of circumstances

on your hands, and I may not be the right person to answer the question. Chrissy, please. Okay, I'll continue here. Please, I'm opened up to the heavens right now. You are, you're in a complete, I'm in a complete, I'm in a complete, I think it's the music.

We have a question from, it's just a question mark. Okay. That's the name. It's from the universe. It's from the universe, Chrissy. Yeah, okay, here we go. Uncle Brian.

I made Jesus shaped pancakes, but I burned them. Am I going to hell? Probably. I don't have another way to... I don't know how to let you down. I don't know how to let you down easily. It's likely you're going to burn any turnity. A thousand fiery deaths every minute. Your skin will crawl with scorpions and spiders.

This is a bad one. There's no way that I can help you. I'm sorry. But she made your own pancakes. Now you have to eat it. However, maybe you should contact Gwen and the two of you can find a way to live together in harmony.

You can eat the burnt panch Jesus pancakes and she can smell your ass. Yeah. And together, two of you will have holy communion I've burnt the Okay, here we go. Oh, no, this is the question again. This is from pirate man. Oh pirate man. I know you will pirate man Okay, you've been stealing my booty for a long time Try to catch up with you please

Let me get myself free centered. Let's throw it off a little bit by the man Young man who's gonna spend the rest of eternity burning. Yes, what is pancakes? Sad. I wish I had a good answer Uncle Brian. Yes. I was bitten by a turtle when I was a young lad. Can I still drink orange juice? Yes, orange juice. Yes, but this is a common question. I've seen this now a couple of times. Have you really? Yeah. Orange juice. Yes, but pineapple juice I would stay away from. For it'll activate the turtle's semen, and then you will be pregnant with turtles. But however, we can go back to destiny.

Does your son look like a turtle? Oh, good, good point. I am, I am. Oh, why is that? Thank you. Thank you. I'm putting the pieces of the puzzle together as the universe hands them to me, Chrissy. Now, let me ask you this, Chrissy.

Why have we heard this question a number of times around the internet? Is there actually a thing about turtles? I mean... There is. There is. People think that if they get bit by a turtle, there is a certain venom that goes into your blood,

but the blood is only activated by orange juice. It makes sense to me. If you believe that, activated by orange juice. Makes sense to me. If... If you believe that, I don't know why I don't make it get into it. I was gonna go down a road there, but hold on. Uncle Brian.

Chrissy. This is a question from my Eve. My Eve. From my Eve as in naive my Eve. Yes. I'm looking forward to this question. Are skeletons real or made up? Oh, wow. They're asking questions that have plagued humanity since the beginning.

Archaeologists have been trying to put this together. Bill Cosby was on the hunt one time when he said, Jello pudding pops! I'm afraid skeletons are not real. Skeletons are made up by the Skeleton Skeletor Corporation from the He-Man Division of a Chinese corporation. They have been planting them all around the Earth to make it appear, appear, that there were people before us, but we are the only ones.

And when we die, no one will come after us. Therefore, Crystal's baby was never real. Who was the other person? Gwen. Gwen doesn't have to worry about her husband's farts. And if you have turtle babies, it's okay. They don't have skeletons anyway. Turtles don't have skeletons, do they? They're reptiles, right? Do turtles have skeletons? Are there skeletons in bones in there?

Are the skeletons real? I think so. They definitely have the shell that's left behind, but think about it, the little feet. Yeah, the shell is the best part to eat. Their feet are will become skeletons. I'm having turtle feet for dinner. The shell is the best part. It's crispy on the outside, soft on the inside.

Our skeleton's real, God, I wish I had thought of that question myself. I know, it's delicious. Na'eep. I'm a bliss. Na'eep. Why wasn't anyone even ask? It's unreal. Have you never seen yourself in the mirror?

I don't know. Let me get re-centered. Oh. I've never had an X-ray. Fake news, Chrissy. Fake news. Okay, here we go. Are you ready?

Please. Call me Jack Warpaw. Uncle Brian. Yes. This is from Scott. Oh, Scott. Doc Scott. Doc Dr. Scott.

Dr. Scott. Not even a doctor. But I'll continue to call you Dr. Scott. Doc Scott. Doctor Scott. Doctor Scott, not even a doctor. But I'll continue to call you, Doctor Scott, because I like it better than regular Scott. Makes you sound big and important. And for that, you can thank me. Just like Uncle Dreyer. Ha, ha, ha.

We're two men on the same side of the coin. OK, Doctor Scott. OK. Shoot your best shot, my friend. OK, I'm ready, Dr. Scott. Shoot your best shot, my friend. Okay. I'm ready. Yes. If I eat myself, would I become twice as big or disappear completely? I wish I had an answer for that. But I have tried to eat myself many times. Oh, no, that's trying to give myself a blowjob. I'm sorry, we're talking about two different things.

If you physically eat yourself, everybody knows you will not become the same size of yourself. Because I'm assuming you're going to cook yourself before you eat it and cooking will boil off a lot of the water and fat. So, but might I add, I just want you to be sure that while you're eating yourself, you use Brian's all natural paprika. I don't know the answer to that and I'm sorry I couldn't give you a better one, but unfortunately there's just some questions still we don't have an answer to, not even the universe knows if you eat your...

I mean, who's eating themselves? I think that's a philosophical question. Actually, and if you're looking for real answers to real philosophical questions, don't come to ask Uncle Brian. I'm ready for another one. Here I am, wide open. Uncle Brian.

My Pachakras just, it's open. I mean, some of these are so ridiculous. Okay, how about, Uncle Brian? This is from James. James. I already know it's a good question. James is a name from the Bible. It's what.

It's a King James of Bible. Come on, man. Yes, it is. Okay. Okay, here's not. Yes, the King James of Bible. Oh, he's a... Come on, man. Yes, it is. Okay. Okay, here we go. Please. Yes. I swallowed a nice cube hole.

Mmm. And I have it pooped it out. Is it stuck? It is. Stuck forever in your esophagus. Here's the good news. Your pee will always be cold and your shit's always frozen. Cheers to that. Cheers to that. You're like a walking koozy. If you ever need to chill some beer quickly at a party, just swallow it and throw it back up.

Just swallow it and throw it back up. Okay. In the person's family. That's right. If you ever need to cool off hot food for your child, swallow it. She had it back out and feed it to your child. I feel like James, you might be, you might be Crystal's husband.

I'm just wondering. I don't want you to worry about that ice cube. It's God's gift to you. Take it. Receive it. Open it up. I only wish that you had put it in your pachakra instead of your mouth chakra. That's a good question James. Thanks. Yes, thank you James. Yeah. First, a first here on Ask a

boy. I've never had anybody ask about an ice cube. It's time long time. It's time long time. Okay, next. I think we only have a time for a couple more of these. Oh, we got time. We really only have time for a couple more. Okay. Oh, how about this one? Uncle Brian? Yes.

What animal is Sonic the Hedgehog? Sonic the Hedgehog. That's a great question. Sonic the Hedgehog is a Miranda Malope and this is an ancient animal, part hedgehog, part mangrove, part antelope. And I know you're about to say to me that Brian mangrove is not an animal. There it is an animal So I Have to wonder how much how much time I just want to I just want to recognize how much time It must have taken you sitting there on your couch and your basement with your cheeto fingers It must have taken you sitting there on your couch in your basement with your Cheeto fingers Playing your video games to ask that question. What's his name?

It didn't have a universe again. Let's let's say his name is I don't know Carter Carter Because I imagine this is Carter Same guy from the gym Carter I just have to say I know how much time it took your little brain to figure out that co-edges. Well, this is just a little background on why he thought that. He's just curious because he's curious because it doesn't say Hatchock because that's what everyone says he is. But he can't be a Hatchock because Hatchock's aren't blue.

They're brown. Hmm. He's smart. He is. He's catching on blue, they're brown. Mmm. He's smart. He is. He is catching on. Unfortunately, he didn't go the distance. Unfortunately, what he will be not.

He got half way. That's right. He got half way there. Unfortunately, what you won't be catching is a paycheck. A degree or a real job anytime soon. But to look at that stuff, you keep playing Sonic. You know, they're paying kids for that these days. So maybe you're on to something there.

Oh, these questions are bountiful. Chrissy, bountiful. They are bountiful. Like your bosom. Okay. Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh sage Brian. Uncle Brian had the slip one in there by the gole. Uncle Brian would be waiting for Jeff to come to his house today.

It's sliced his little throat. Japs doesn't listen to this. No, I'm not too worried about, I don't worry about offending any people I know, because I understand they're not listening to the podcast. It's a safe space here at the back. Most of my friends, I say, I've already heard Uncle Brian and all of his wise wisdom That's how my daughter got pregnant

Do we have one more we do have one more I'm happy about that that makes me happy in a place I can't explain Okay, please Okay, here we go. There are so many. There are so many. There's turtles. There's not a turtle question, too. Turtles are complicated creatures. The universe made them for us to ponder.

Quite frankly. Okay, Uncle Brian, here you go. This one is from Sarah. Oh, Sarah. Oh, here we go. Gonna knock me off my center. Does it have anything to do with my guitar? No, okay, just check it.

It's wondering if she had found it. And my bed. Any other things. Wondering she had found it. Am I better? Thanks. Best my credit card. I'm just wondering. Okay, good. Okay, here we go. Uncle Brian.

Is it weird that my dog likes to watch me pee? No, no. Dogs are people too. They're into weird shit also. I don't want you to judge your dog for his plicivities. He was born in that way. He can't help it. If your dog was gay, would you worry about it?

No, of course not. You know why? Because people are into things they're into and dogs are people too as they say. That's right. Your dog is just interested in watching a stream of urine come out of your hole. Yeah. And who amongst us can't say we're not interested in that Donald Trump became president because of it Oh My god Think the universe for the questions we really appreciate it being wrong What is this one about the chain saw?

This is an ad. Oh, can you actually lose weight by rubbing your stomach? I was gonna ask that one. No, okay. Go ahead. Let's do it one more. Okay, I'll go buy and reset I'm a recenter. And can you actually lose weight by rubbing your stomach? This comes in from Mrs. Mitchell. Depends on how low on your stomach you're rubbing. Because for me, I know I can lose a couple of ounces if I just rub low enough. And what's her name? Mrs. Mitchell. for me I know I can lose a couple of ounces if I just rub low enough. And what's her name?

Mrs. Mitchell. And Mrs. Mitchell if you'd like to help please contact us at tcbpodcast.com. I'm losing weight one. What do we call it Chrissy? One creative explosion at a time. That's right. It's the world's creation right there in your junk. Right there in your man-fetch ready to go

And I'd like to now wrap up Ask Uncle Brian with a wise saying from Uncle Brian There once was a man from next-tucket He tried to have the earth in a bucket, but when he couldn't fill, he got his thrill and decided that he'd like to fuck it. Thank you.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Almost been tuned there for a second. I know. I think I like the new segment. I think it's all I need to. He's going on.

I'd love to answer some questions about relationships specifically because I feel like. Let's get this going. Let's get this going. Now you want me to do one of the answers. Yeah, you got one. Okay, you got. All right, okay. We'll do one more.

Let me get back into my sentence. Yeah. Oh. Can you hear my microphone cutting in and out? That's called the top end. Oh. listen. Oh, yeah I can. Yeah, that's called a, that is called a top end cut.

It happens with that microphone. I don't want to explain it to you here. It's complicated. Oh, I'm so excited to be back in the frame of mind. Answer more questions from the viewers and listeners. While we're at it, I'd like to remind you that Brian Green is the greatest podcaster of all time. That's right.

To get more of his podcast, go to tcbpodcast.com. Okay. He's interesting, irreverent, and handsome. Please, Chrissy, go ahead. Uncle Brian. Yes. Should I continue driving my husband to see his mother, who refuses to see me and her grandchild and makes us wait in the car?

Oh. Oh. I think first we have to point at ourselves whenever we're looking at someone else. What's this, the caller's name? Listener. Listener's, that doesn't say it. It doesn't say. Well, this, the caller's name, this, no? This, this, this, that doesn't say. It doesn't say.

Well, that's, that's call her Janice. Janice? Janice? I think the first thing we have to do is point a mirror directly at ourselves. And we have to ask ourselves, are we the ones who don't want us to come inside and see the mother?

Or is it the mother that doesn't want us to come and see the mother? And if the answer to that is not satisfactory, then your mother-in-law is a bitch, and let her die on her own without any friends or family. And by the way, your husband needs a driver's license. And so does your little bratty daughter. The three of you need to figure out how to they're better driving situation if you heard of Uber I mean, what's going on over there?

Your husband can't drive, mom won't let you in the door I know the answer is no, you do not have to continue However, someone's gonna have to put some force in the effort to get the driver's license Or an application on their phone. Thank you. Sorry, got a little rowdy there. I felt like that was a silly question. There are no stupid questions, only silly ones.

Okay, this one was just one that I wanted to read. We'll let Uncle Brian comment on this. But I just want to read this. Being put on the sideline. I thought it was pretty good. It's going to depend on you, boss. I agree. Okay, good. Okay, the headline for this is, am I a jerk for leaving fake notes to self around my house because I knew my fiance's mom snoops. Oh. So you can maybe comment on that either way right now and then I can tell you the context.

Tell me the context. Okay, so I bought a house seven years ago and I met my fiance, Al, four years ago. This year he moved in. We're talking about making a home for both of us. But as of now, he hasn't moved much stuff in. Right now, 95% of the stuff in the furniture has an house of mine. When his mom comes over, she's got a snoop.

He was used to that. But when she comes to our house, it's so uncomfortable because she's just going through my shit. One thing she snooped on was my actual embarrassing. In my home office, I had a little affirmation, quote, unquote, posted note as we all like to have. Sure. Monitor saying, I am smart, I am skilled, I am deserving of great things. That's natural. That's I tell myself that every moment. Yes. Anyway, she made a comment

about my ego to him about my ego. So as a joke, I decided to do it again. I had my best friend over and we got wine drunk and wrote a bunch of affirmations to hide. Somewhere here are the examples. Medicine cabinet. My teeth will regrow. I am shark-like and powerful. Here's one of the kitchen drawers. I know in this food, but I also know in the fork. I have sexy and selfish shirt.

I work desk. I will not just fuck my way to the top of the company. I will fuck my way to the top of the world. That's good. I like that. I've been enjoying this. Walking closet, I am beautiful with clothes and without, especially without my boots or legendary.

I'm close to this girl. Good job, young lady. Yeah. I might ask. So that caused a problem next time, the mom came over because she was almost. Good. Because she's a bitch. And she doesn't know how to take a joke.

I'm a spidee, the little road back. I'm strong and powerful. I would add one to that, if you don't mind. I'd like to throw it in Uncle Row. Throw it in an affirmation. On the bedpost. I'd like to throw it in Uncle Row. Throw it in the affirmation. On the bedpost. I'd like you to write, it's okay that he calls me mom. Yes, yes.

And then you can put, selling our part, selling our intimate videos is okay for money. We have to feed ourselves. It will become successful. Pamela and Tommy Lee. What's the husband's name? Oh, what are you all saying? It says it's like Odom or what?

Odom. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. You could go this with so many different places. I like the fake affirmations. Yes, I'm so proud of you. That's pretty good.

That you've taken your life into your control. And I'm sorry about your shark teeth. I hope they go away some days soon. That's strong. That's strong and powerful shark teeth. That's a good one. I like it. Congratulations.

Good for you. Everyone seems to be doing well. I like it. Congratulations. Good for you. Everyone seems to be doing well. All great questions. There are, like I said, there are no stupid questions. Only silly ones that shouldn't be asked. And I'd like to thank all of our listeners for writing in and asking these incredibly silly questions. Well, you know what they say about questions.

Eventually, they need answering. I'm just right. There we go. Oh, I like the Uncle Brian segment. Good idea. Thank you. If you want to get in on it, go to tcbpodcast.com, send us a line there. You can listen to all the audio.

You can watch all the video. You can get your free tcb collectible sticker, all these people who are writing these wonderful reviews, you can get stickers, you know that. I would say we've had one to five comments to sticker requests. So, I mean, no, not really, because I want you to have your sticker. So if you want your sticker. Oh, they were commenting about a sticker request? One person would, for every five reviews, we're getting one sticker request.

I want everybody to get their sticker. So if you- You have to actually go to the site. Yeah, you have to go to the site. Yeah, I don't know how to give it to you. I don't know how to give it to you via your Apple iTunes. Yeah. I'm sorry. I wish I did. We can even reply to those, right? No, you can't do anything about that. That's Apple is one place where it's pretty locked down. Yeah. And if they think it's fake, they'll take it. They won't even post it. So trust me, I've tried. Okay, well, ask Uncle

Brian 661, best the number two, yo 661 237 8296, you can text us and ask Uncle Brian a question and ask an and Chrissy question and we'll get to that around at the corner. Hey, guess what guys? We wanna make a big announcement here on TCB for those of you that stick around to the end of the show. I know it's not a very popular segment of the show, but in case you did, Chrissy and I will be going to a third episode every Wednesday.

So we're gonna move to a Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule. Sometime in the month of February, we'll let you know, don't worry, but Monday and Friday, your regular show Wild Talk Wednesday. Yeah, sometime by March. That sounds good. Just a set expectations in February. That's it. Just in February, but we'll let you know it'll be Wild Card Wednesdays, where we'll be doing

a lot of fun and interesting stuff. So a third TCB episode on the way, go to youtube.com slash the commercial break. To get content, you cannot get anywhere else. We just recorded it in the studio about Sam Talon's new book running the light. I think it's really interesting. And we'd also like to thank all of our sponsors here at The Commercial Break. If you're ever in the market for their products or services, please use our specialized URLs and codes. It's so important to the show. Leave your reviews, leave your comments. I think that's all we can do for today.

Yes, I think that's right. Is that? You're the sage wise one. That's it, that's all we can do for today. I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe until we meet you on another episode of

the commercial break we always do, we do and we will do say bye! The commercial break, new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays, new YouTube clips dropped daily at youtube.com slash the commercial break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Houdley, with additional content provided by Tina Connell.

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