The Commercial Break - Bonus: Sickly Santa

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

On Bonus EP1 we hear part of Episode #32 when Bryan and his family visit the Sickly Santa! Don't forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO ([phone]) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, it's Brian from The Commercial Break, so listen, everyone's in a blue moon, we're gonna drop a bonus episode. But not a full episode. What we're gonna do is we're gonna take our favorite segments from our old episodes, we're gonna shorten them up into bite-sized little chunks, just for you. And we're gonna drop them randomly whenever we feel like it, because we have the power to do so. So on this week's episode, we go back to Christmas time when I tell Chrissy about my trip to C Santa Claus. Enjoy this bonus episode of the commercial break.

Are you getting the sense here in the first week or two of November that Christmas is coming earlier and earlier every year? Yes. Yeah, because I saw the Christmas stuff going up before Halloween. And now we went to Target yesterday. Oh yeah. And it's like, full on. It was packed. People were in and out of the Christmas stuff. I think this goes one in two ways.

Either you really want to decorate for Christmas badly. Like, you're going to spend a lot of money because you know it's the only holiday. It's the only chance you have left of having some semblance of normality. Normality is to actually have a Christmas and make it really special. Yeah.

Or this is the last Christmas you ever think you're going to have ever because the Civil War is coming. Well, those two things could probably be the case. Yeah, I noticed people getting all decorated out. Already? Yeah, well, we got in the Christmas mood because we took the kids to go see Santa Claus. Yeah, it went about as well.

I always love those pictures. One of the kids is just like one of the kids. Both of the kids band me are the kids? It's just like, one of the kids. Both of the kids, and me, all three of us. Look at my face. I hate those pictures. I never know what to do with pictures. I'm not comfortable. I'm comfortable behind a mic,

but I'm not comfortable in front of a camera. So I always have this goofy look at my face because I'm trying to give the blue steel look or something. I want to have some kind of nice picture. So I'm like, you can see that online. I'll put that up on the YouTube. My son is, they,

you were making some funny faces when we were doing some picture taking recently for the podcast. We'll put some of those out, take some on the website. That was funny. We do. Yeah, we were taking some pictures for the podcast that's going to go on podcast magazine in December. And if you feel so inclined, I'll remind you again that you can go to the Hot 50, which

is a podcast, go to podcast magazine.com and then look at the Hot 50 and it says, you know, vote for Hot 50. You can go vote for the commercial break. If you choose to do so, that'd be super great. I, I guess we get in the podcast, the podcast, that is the Hot 50 podcast. Yeah. And you get some recognition.

It's anything. And if you want to do it great, and if you don't want to do it, I totally understand. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that's cool. Classic podcast magazine, classic. So we get there, and we get there 15 minutes early.

And of course, my main concern is that there is a raging fucking pandemic going on here in the United States. Yeah, it's up like 80 something percent. 200,000 new cases on this day that we are recording, which is Sunday before the Tuesday, when this will be broadcast. And so I'm really concerned about this, because now I'm gonna put my son and my daughter in the lap of a strange man who's been touching

thousands of other children over the course of the week. Yeah, how are they making that safe? They're not, well, here's how they do. They're not. We should have been in there. Come on, then go, Vib Christmas. Our Santa Claus. Our Santa Claus. Our Santa Claus wearers plastic and nothing else.

No clean and no sanitizing. Your kids will give COVID. Don't worry. Herd immunity right around the corner. COVID Christmas. It's the COVID Christmas castle. Come on down. We have 12 Sanas 11 of died.

Your kids hate Santa. We do too. We permit him to not wear a mask. No, Santa Taza. And we require that he be wrapped in plastic. Nothing else. Yeah, was he wearing a mask? No. No, I sand he wearing a mask? No.

No, I was saying to wear a mask, please. It's like a death drug. Because it could have been disguised underneath like a beard. Could have. Yeah, that would have been a little weird. Santa's got no mouth. Because the kids aren't scared enough.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. because the kids aren't scared enough. Hahaha. Hahaha. Santa's got no pupils. Hahaha. Hahaha. Oh, Santa boxes, young man. Cauliflower eyes, no pupils. His mouth is missing. Step right up.

Step right up. He's got a broom for an arm. A clostomy bag from being um. Remember that hair Michael Jackson had same hair This hair belted in the Pepsi commercial Come on down the Christmas govian castle take our view Oh my gosh, this sounds like a great outing Look all of sickle sale Santa Woo! Wee! Uh, uh, uh. Woo! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I know me too. Every time I would say something, I would picture like another missing piece of his body. They weren't sanitizing our masks. They're cornbread pants for knees. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you got to make an appointment because this is like the best Santa I would that one that's that one okay. There's one it fits plaza here that land I was one of the highest paid maybe individuals in the history of early I think he gets a base gallery of 250,000 it's been reported I know I know some people have disputed this and I've read it and then another place is I've heard it dispute it gets a base gallery of like $250,000. And then it costs 26 bucks just to sit on the guys lap. I mean, well after all of that for six weeks, it might be well paid.

Yeah, they'd be well paid. Yeah, I'm like, that's COVID, no doubt. He's got no mask, he's no protection against those shitty little, you know, naughty, peachy district children running around. It was snotty noses. So we get this, so we make an appointment and we get there. It's like Monday, I don't know, seven o'clock at night. And we get there. It's a huge line.

And everyone's social distancing enough, and everyone has a mask on. But when you get up there, how they're really handling this is Santa is sitting in his chair, and then there's a couch next to Santa. And they don't let you sit in the lap. But Santa will, you know, kind of lean in and talk to the kids What do you want for Christmas?

I can't hear I can't hear you I got my cauliflower here He's got one of those 10 horns from 1920 Would you say son I? Want to Mickey Mouse scooter What'd you say, son? I want to make him out scooter. You want a walking game made a pewter? What? So we decided we're going to do a family photo instead of the kids and the individual photos.

Okay. Because we can't get the kids to sit still. Right. I might be getting my two-year-old son to to sit still He's so excited about Santa when we get there He's looking at all the pictures and he's saying Santa Santa Christmas Christmas You know likes the Christmas trees and the lights. He's running all over the mall going up and down the escalator up and down the escalator up And we went on that 70 time But finally they call our name and we take off our masks and we go and we sit as soon as

My son gets even close to Santa, it's like full bloom. He doesn't even know what to do. I don't know why Santa is so scary to see him. So much fun. And live in person. Yeah, live in person. That's what it is.

That's what it is. It's all cartoon. It's a lot like when you see one of those characters at Disney World, they get scared of that too, because they're like, hold on a second. It's not as small as it is on the TV. And why do his eyes move? That's a wrong with that.

So we sit him down and they are all over the place. I mean, me has got her dresses flying up over her head. Matthias's pants won't cover his socks. It's up on his ankles. So the lady keeps saying, you wanna pull his pants down? You wanna pull his pants out? And meanwhile, there's a guy behind her, you know, a guy who's an elf. Yeah, an elf, right? Who's a little feminine, right? And he's like, hey, hey, look over here. Look, it's ammo. Do you like ammo? And he's like running around. He's got a horn.

He's got a bell. You're so cute. You're so cute. You're a little curl more like Elmo. And he's like running around, he's got a horn, he's got a bell. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Wow, you're so cute, we do little carols, smile. Meanwhile, my son is like, he's like, fuck you. Yeah, right. I don't know what you're having a conibction fit back there, but this is, all the mom is like, give me the phone with.

That's right. I want to watch 60 minutes. My dad's phone, is that okay? And everyone's running around trying to make the kids pay attention, but they don't want to pay attention. And all my mom does, I mean all my wife does is she is just trying to get Matthias just to sit still. And the guy keeps on saying, hey, you want to pull his pants down? So it looks a little bit better. And I'm like, no, I don't want to pull his fucking pants down. I want you to take a picture. Take a picture.

Meanwhile, Santa wants to have a whole conversation with my son. My son is not talking. He doesn't want to have a whole conversation with my son. My son is not talking. He doesn't want to have a conversation. My son doesn't know what he wants for Christmas. He doesn't know what he wants in the next minute and a half. He's too. He doesn't know what he wants. You know what I want?

I want to get up off this fucking COVID couch. And I want to go somewhere else. Have a drink. Negative $180. If you have a drink, you can pay $180 to get reprints, just to get a disk with the pictures on it. And all of them are like me like,

me trying to look like it's my, mm, mm, mm, mm. I hate pictures, I hate them. I defy people out there to find a good looking picture of me. And circle it, circle it and send it to me because there isn't one out there. One time I had a lady tell me she was an endocrinologist and she told me that I, she thought I had a thyroid problem.

And I said, why do you think I have a thyroid problem? Well, I've been looking through pictures of you and every picture your eyes are wide open like this. Like bulging eyeballs. That's a sign of a thyroid problem. And I'm like, no, this is a sign of a guy who's not gonna take a picture. I'm just like, uh, this is sign of a guy who does not take a picture. Just a, uh! Oh my god, holy. Too much.

Too much. See? Now, wasn't that easy. Aren't you glad you stuck around for this shortened version of the commercial break? Help. Listen. Listening to me talk for an hour is painful under any circumstances. So only listening to 10 minutes at a time, I figure is a much better way to do it.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this bonus episode of the commercial break. We'll drop them every once in a while. Until next time, bye! The commercial break Friday episodes can now be found on Patreon at patreon.com. Slash the commercial break. New episodes are available on YouTube every Tuesday. Visit www.tcbpodcast.com. For more information on all of our content, follow us at the commercial break on Instagram or leave us a message at 470-584-8449.

The commercial break is written and produced by Brian Greene, co-hosted by Chrissy Holtley, the commercial break, tune it in and write it out. you