The Commercial Break - Burnt Wedding Toast

Episode Date: June 8, 2021

Bryan explains to Hoadley his bathing routine of choice. Bryan celebrates his wedding anniversary. Then the gang reviews a few of the most inappropriate wedding toasts the internet has to offer! It's a Pinot Grigio kind of episode...  LINKS: Win $500 from TCBtv-(minus) by following Instagram or subscribing on YouTube and leaving your best comment in the month of June. Watch this episode on Youtube TCBTV-minus Sponsor Apostrophe: Dinner Table Dermatology. $15 off your online appointment. Use The Code COMMERCIAL Subscribe to The Commercial Break Podcast Youtube Channel Join The Comedy Podcasts Club on ClubHouse New Episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays everywhere! Text or leave us a message: +1 [phone] FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak @bryangcomedy @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: @bryangreen @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: The Commercial Break Club on Clubhouse! (home of live recordings) Twitter: tcbbryan Facebook: The Commercial Break Podcast YouTube: Youtube.com/TheCommercialBreak Email: [e-mail] A Chartable Top 100 Comedy Podcast #1 Trending Comedy Podcast Worldwide! (Chartable) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast U.S.(Chartable) An Apple Top 100 Comedy Podcast  Top 1% Downloaded Podcasts, Worldwide (ListenNotes) A Hot 50 Podcast (Podcast Magazine) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to WSHIT, okay, okay, settle down everybody. Oh my gosh, we're just so tickled to have in this studio tonight. John, Daker, what an evening we have planned for you. John has been gracious enough to stop by the studio and perform a couple songs for the good people of Krabapple Township. That's us, oh my gosh. He is, of course, smack dab in the middle of a 26-city tour with his next stop being Shady Grove retirement farm in Topeka.

He is widely regarded as the most accomplished tone-deaf singer in history, and he has over 106 fools gold records to his name. So exciting. We would like to thank our sponsors tonight, Wanda Delcois, Pet Salon, and Butcher Shop for helping bring this special evening to our station. Remember, if your pet needs a cut, bring them on up, and while you're here, buy some ground chuck. Wanda, such a wonderful place to get meat, and your nails clipped if you're a jog.

Okay, without further ado, John Daker here WSH IT studios take it away John My name is John Daker When the moon hits your eye like a big beautiful fine that's a more It's more rain, bells will ring, sing a little each other's name as a bell in more rain I'm already, I've got some fresh wings for more eggs I'm using shires and it's pure and lost When you know that you feel some more rain To me but you see back in old Napoli That's a morey That's a morey indeed We'll be back right after this

Come our show break On this episode of the commercial break, I was getting ready in the bathtub and all the sudden getting one of you in the bathtub. I don't take a bath tub, what am I talking about? I was luxuriating in a bubble bath. Well, that's right. Taking care of the kids. I was luxuriating in a bubble bath That's right I had some patchouli and motor oil bath bombs going on Listening to some old acid tests from the grateful dead while I was smoking ayahuasca

Wonder about the good old days gonna have to worry about me fuck the pool boy who cares I turned off after 40 She has like four jobs when she's now working. She's face booking her freaking face off So my god that laugh fucking face off. Hahaha. Oh my god that laugh. Hahaha. Hahaha. She's like them pretty much the hardest worker ever when she's not giving, when she's

not giving sensual massages. She's stripping on Instagram. Oh wait, is that your secret job? Sorry, best. I love you. You're on the best dress, worthless! As if you'd be in a greasy outfit! It's literally where to be found! The next episode of the commercial break starts now! Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh yeah.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh Simmons energy. That's right. You do sure that's To figure it out on Brian. This is Chrissy and happy new year best to you Chrissy Best you brought and best to you out there in TCB land. I hope you're enjoying whatever day It is and whatever time it is Because I just don't know because we don't know we broadcast to you specifically. Yeah, so wherever you are whatever you're doing best to you specifically. So wherever you are, whatever you're doing, best to you. And happy new year.

Both of those things all together. Yes. I was reminiscing. Aw. Yeah. Which is something I can still do at my young tender age. Look, Dad, that is just awful. We here at the TCB Studios are having major malfunctions

with our video camera. It kind of looks very psychedelic. It does, yeah. It's too much as per tank. Go to your ass for tank. I'm feeding a lot of ass for tank lately. And I can't tell if it's just my eyeballs or we'll check that out. Yeah, yeah, it's just my glasses. There we go.

Oh, we have this video camera here. We've got these cameras that we have, so we can bring you the YouTube version. We're asking everybody to go to YouTube, and here they are. Can't even, it's just flickering. It's like, it's like, I don't know, it's going back and forth in slow motion.

It's almost like dial up. It's like, it's like, you're gonna think you're using dial up when you watch the episode. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. That's where you can go to watch us on YouTube or add the commercial break on Instagram. Either of those two places, if you're just awful, that's just awful.

We're so bad at this. We are so bad at this. We're so bad at podcasting. It's not even funny. And yet you still listen to us. And yet you come and droves to listen to us. Probably just to make fun of us. As you can see, episode of CCB, I did. It was worse than the last one. It's amazing how they can

actually top themselves by being worse than the day before. People are like, how are they going to lower themselves this time? Some people go, man, they can't, you know, they'll show you. Yeah, they watch an episode of like, you know, I don't know. Game of Thrones or something. They're like, how do they top that? When they go to TCP TV minus, they're like, how do they lower that? How do they get lower than that? Yeah, they can. Yes, they can.

Oh, Brian's gonna talk about a scrum to both of them. There we go. Maybe there'll be the vacuum in this noise the entire time. Oh, or just come to youtube.com and watch the flickering camera all afternoon. That is horrible. I don't even know if we were able to run that video,

but whatever we'll keep rolling with it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Hey, as they say, the show must go on. That's right, Brian. So, uh, yes, uh, tcbpodcast.com, where you go to find all the show notes, read more about Chrissy and I, and watch all over our audio and video in one place.

You can do it all at thecomershopraigt.com. You can also drop us a line there, infoattscb.com, or if you'd like to, 470-584-8449, is where you can leave us a voicemail or leave us a text message. Okay. Somebody just test it out. Somebody just test it out.

Just test it out, just see if it works. Are we getting message? Are we still here? Hello. Hello. We get messages. Yeah, we do, we get messages. I mean, you know, you just can't read them. Well, I mean, listen, I don't,

some of them are just too friendly and they're not funny. And it's like, you know, so we want you to have a jovial back and forth with us. It's what we're really looking for. And that's why we're giving away $500 in the month of July for the best comment in the month of June. That's 2021. In case you're listening to this in some far off distant future. So if you'd like your chance to win $500, do us a favor. Become a subscriber of the commercial break on YouTube or a follower at the commercial break on Instagram.

Leave us a comment in the month of June. We will reply when we reply. That means you are instantaneously entered into your, for your chance to win $500, cold hard cash in American Express, green dart gift card Green dart gift card Whatever gift card you want whatever gift card you want we'll scrumble slap you right all these

Sephora That's in beyond yeah, the best pro shop whatever you dominoes. I see the domino Who gives a domino's gift card? What is that? Yeah, I'd be pissed too Well, I mean like if you were I don't know let's say that you were a soccer mom or something like that There's the end of the year soccer party and you give everybody like a $20 gift card to Domino's You know, hey, you know order go have your own party order some gut-busting. I go have your own party clean your own toilets, sir Have diarrhea in your own house, sir. Have diarrhea in your own house, sir.

Today, take your run somewhere else, my friend. We're gonna have a big pizza party. We're gonna have a big pizza party. We're gonna have a big pizza party. Hold on. Here's the gift card. I'll show everybody. Get your own pizza.

We were, I was in the shower today. I was getting ready in the bathtub and all of a sudden, or getting run the bath tub. I don't think a bath tub, what am I talking about? I was luxuriating in a bubble bath. Well, that's right. Taking care of the kids. I had some patchouli and motor oil bath bombs going on.

Ha ha ha ha. Was really a motor. Listening to some old acid tests from the grateful did and motor oil bath bombs going on. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Uh, and Astrid comes running in the bathroom with my son, who's got shit just rolling down the back of his legs. He's wearing shorts, he's got a white shirt, that white shirt is like, he's got it tucked into the back of his ass. So it's just like, now it's just a piece of toilet paper.

And there's just shit rolling down his legs. I'm talking about a little bit of shit. I'm talking about both legs, just shit. And he's just dropping shit as they run across the house. And so she's- It's permissible to let that happen up until a certain age. What is that? 45?

No. So she dropped his pants in the shower. She turns on the shower and I'm telling you, it was a fucking mess. Yeah, you just have to go straight to the shower. Yeah, go straight to the shower. Just hold it down. And then she's trying to like stuff the extra shit

down the drain and I'm like, oh, god, put my feet on that. I'm getting ready. I know, I've just two seconds ago. I was just thinking about a wonderful living the 21st century with a hot shower. Bubble bath. A bit of luxurrating and bubble bath.

Master and I celebrated at-50 year anniversary. Oh my gosh. Recently. Happy anniversary, you two. Well, thank you. To our legal marriage, not our actual wedding wedding, because we had it. You know, it's traditional in her culture.

Did you do a legal ceremony? Yeah. And then you have the big party, so we kind of followed up on that tradition. How long was it? Just when I did that. Yes, you did. Yeah, you guys, that's right.

You did. But yeah, you did yours in Italy. We did ours. You know, rockdale road or whatever. Yours was a beautiful wedding. It was. No, the wedding was beautiful. Yes. The ceremony, we literally went to a judge's office where she gave us a few points of advice. She like came out in her robe. We were in the lobby of her office. It was Friday afternoon at 6.30. Everything was closed. No one was there. She had like a little helper with us.

And she was like, okay, I see that you two can, you love each other. And I just want to give you a piece of advice. Many, many, I've been married for 57, how many? We've 100 years, whatever. Many, many times you're going to want to get divorced. Don't do it. And we were, and I was like, why is advice?

What? Thanks, judge. And then she's like, you're ready? Do you have your check? And you do your check for $480? Okay, let's do it. I charge more to do it here in my place. That's so romantic. But it was fun. We had a great time when we went out to dinner with a bunch of friends of family. So anyway, the point is, this has got me thinking about the actual wedding, like the wedding that we had. So much fun. So

beautiful. And how, you know how everyone got up and gave a toast, and you know, an Astrid's dad gave a toast, and you know, my dad gave a toast, and my twin brother gave a toast, and Raphael gave a toast. A lot of the toasts that went on at that wedding. And I really thought that Astrid's dad, and my dad did a great job too,

but I really thought that Astrid's dad, just kind of knocked it on the park. Yeah, good, good. And then Kevin and Raphael, he also gave a beautiful, you know, our families are now joined. I think Kevin said a few things about a few things. You know, listen, everyone is having fun.

We're all good. Everyone is, you know, loosening up and, you know, greasing the wheels and getting drunk. As basically I have all went down. I had taken off my spanks. You had taken, that's, holy was, spanksless. Yes, I had my scrunder bundle all hanging out.

But we had a great time. And it got me thinking, but my first wedding, you know, not as many people gave toast because we actually didn't want people to give toast because we don't think we trusted a lot of people that we were around to give us a toast. And I'm not sure everybody in her family liked me.

So I was thankful that we got rid of the toast part because I was like, if her family starts giving toast, I'm toast. It's gonna be some backhandled compliments. Yeah. It got me thinking. Are there people out there that really have like embarrassing toasts? Gotta be. There's gotta be, right? And so I went on the great internet hot internet sleuth that I am. You are. I want to get a great, I'm really good at this. I want to shoot. I know and it comes you I'm like a gun show I'm like the shit show running down my hallway with this pants hanging down the bank

Daddy The funny thing is that he calls mommy in because like this mommy. Uh-oh poo poo You know, we usually that means like we I got to go to the bathroom But at this point this didn't mean I had to go to the bathroom this meant I just shit on your rug Yeah, I just shit on your dining room floor take that old man. I'll show you We have this what's app group going on and just decide now. This is what's app group going on Uh-huh, and you know, it's full of, you know, people that wanna be funny.

And so, Chrissy and I were talking about how some guy, he made comment about another guy, you know, he made fun of him essentially, right to his face. In this other social media platform, but the guy never said anything back. Like, he said, you know, you're an asshole basically, you know, and then he sent a picture of it to our WhatsApp group, believing that everyone was gonna think that it was hilarious, right? What a tough guy he was

Yeah, and then we look at it and we're like, well, what I mean the guy respond. No, you showed him I mean What is that funny? Yeah people's people trying to get somebody and then they just ignore you Then you didn't get it if you go to their social media Call them an asshole and then they don't respond and there's no reaction. You didn't you didn't get them There's nothing you think there's no got there. We're gonna try to be funny. Everyone's a funny guy leave the funny to us DCB TV minus all your favorite comedies minus the left So I thought that I would get a few of these

Oh, good. The weddings speeches that kind of went sideways and I put them together. Oh, I get you want to hear a few There's gotta be some good one. There's a great one. I mean, there's a whole movie. There's all. Oh, yeah, that's true The wedding singer right. Oh, yeah, yeah Well, I kind of showed some bad speeches. There's also something called the Mate of dishonor, which is Which is a good one too, and they have a couple of things. But he movies are funny. I agree, because there's a lot of funny shit that happens at weddings.

It can be a great time for some people. It's a miserable time for others. Depends on how you're looking at it, right? It's usually the bride and the groom who are most excited, but most stressed out. There's a couple people in the audience who are just looking to get free booze, and that's fun. But then a wedding often times changes people's lives

in ways that you cannot yet comprehend. Like if you have a brother who gets married, well then things are changing for that brother, not just the person getting married, but for the brother. And so sometimes that's for you. To run and buddy anymore. Yeah, that's right.

Running buddy. The only thing my family's run is moonshine. That's right, well he's not your partner. Yeah, he said everyone in North North Carolina, North North Carolina, think about that one. So I thought I would say, I thought I would find a few people that maybe weren't so happy that their friends were getting married and decided to take it out of them during the speech.

You ready for this one? I'm ready. We'll start off with a strong one. I want you to know. This guy is giving, he's, they're out of wedding. And oh, let me just get right into it. I think it's self-explanatory. He's the best man, getting up to give the best man speech.

When Dan asked me to make the speech, it was a bit nervous, because I was kind of low on inspiration. So, I don't know your laugh, I'm serious. This guy, by the way, he's a little slow. He drags on for a minute. So I've got it on pause so we can all talk about it. But about five minutes long, he works it up.

Give him a chance. So I asked a few of my already married friends. What's it like to be married? Hopefully that love will come through and they'll tell me about it. And I'll be able to get some inspiration. I'm a man to fewer, so I'll try to keep this brief as possible. Oh, I will project as best I can, believe me. So when I talked to my married friends about marriage, they really threw me some tidbits

and nuggets of wisdom and it took that in. I internalized it. And then I wrote it down in the format of a testimonial for an infomercial. I feel like, what's that? Creative guy. Creativecial. I feel like. What's that? Creative guy. Creative guy. I feel like this is starting off real strong.

I'm like, wow, okay, he's a little, he's talking a little slow. And I feel like he's trying to get warmed up. Maybe he's trying to testing the crowd, seeing where they're at, and seeing if they're going to laugh at a couple of these softball jokes. You know, okay, I like it. You're getting creative. You found some advice from other married couples. You put it together and you're going to do a little info marshal. I actually wish you would have gone into it. Like you too get married.

1999, 1999, shit, I'm gonna be handling. But it doesn't go there. You just kind of stay slow, steady pace. And info marshal on marriage. I'd like to share that with you now. Kevin from Pennsylvania writes. I'd like to share that with you now. Kevin from Pennsylvania writes. Funny, right? Kevin from Pennsylvania writes, I like it. Okay, good. Good for you.

Whatever your name is, John. Good to, good, John. Good job. You have the crowd as with you, everybody's laughing. I like it. If I'm him, I'm like, this is worth, we're going. Yeah. Okay, whatever I got next, this is the punch line.

Here it comes. Guys, be serious. Okay, whatever I got next this is the punch line here comes Guys be serious I used to cry when I masturbate Okay, all right like I see it is dicey Good a little it in front of parents. You're in front of parents. Scrants, parents. Kids probably.

Good kids, great parents. Children, yeah. Yeah, you know, some people have no children policy at their weddings. You know, a lot of people don't. So, yeah. You know, okay, so the kids don't know what masturbation is. So they're just probably thinking,

you know, I'll go Bob's drunk again, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm good drunk. I was a John's grab another microphone, right? But okay, you went for, you went in, you went all in, you went scruntle sack first and you decided you're just gonna ignore

the rules of decor of it, most weddings. This would be the one, if I were him, this would be the one joke where I went edgy and then I would just, you know, bring it back, right? What did he say about masturbation? He said, he said, John from Pennsylvania says, he's talking it in the third person. As if someone's writing a review like about,

you know, he said, in Photoshop, it's not really in Photoshop, it's almost like review. Right, John from Pons of Pennsylvania. It's like a letter to the editor. That's correct. Right, you know, I used to cry when I masturbated, right? I used to cry, okay. Okay, all right, now you get a few laughs out of it, right?

If I were him, I'd read the room more more time. There's a lot more laughs when I said John from Pennsylvania, right? Then when I said John from Pennsylvania cries when he masturbates, but Bob proceeds. Focus. But now I have sex with my wife. Thanks marriage. Oh.

Okay, he got a few laughs. He got like a quarter of the crowd. Because they were like, oh my God, I can't believe he's saying that. I can't believe he's saying that. But okay, you would get away with one racy joke. If you're known as being that guy. Yeah, and I'll send you go to like a good... Then you go into like a good solid get toast, right?

Marriages made amusing. And by the way, you two are, you know, you're penis and vagina are a men's of V together. I'm sure they fit perfectly together. Yes, I've seen your wife naked and she's a hot piece of ass. Something like that. You go in a different direction now, right? Let's say I go any more, but no.

Bob decides I'm already scrundle sack first. I'm gonna go balls deep It goes on Julie from New Jersey writes Now that we're married, I don't have to swallow anymore Thanks marriage Thanks, marriage. Mm. Whoa.

Ah! Yeah. Yeah. Bob went there. Oh, man. The masturbation joke was, it could have been funny. If you, I think of the timing was right, it could have been really funny,

but that's as far as I would have gone. I would have then immediately reeled it back into something sweet and sentimental. Yeah, you did. But then you went to the, come swallowing joke? In a room full of people that you probably don't know. Oh. into something sweet and sentimental. But then you went to the cum swallowing joke in a room full of people that you probably don't know. Oh, who gave you, you know when you're a best man,

you should run your toasts by somebody else. Yeah. But Bob doesn't stop there. Mike from New Jersey Rites. No, she certainly doesn't swallow anymore. But once a month, she lets me put it in her pooper. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. no girl, no wife doesn't. You put it up her ass once a month. That's just untrue about marriage. She wants a year of pah, so if you can get her, you know, if you have a big talk about it

and then you have five days of animus and you know, get, get you, you both get drunk enough. Anel sex is not all as correct of to be. I'm just gonna tell you that right now. I'll share that story with you another time. This is a story about love and weddings. This guy is a total douche now. He has gone way too far.

Now he's talking about anal sex. I know, all I wanna do is have that cane, the end, and you pull it back. Yeah, but you can't see here. His mom is lurking in the corner. I think maybe the bride's mom, but maybe his mom is lurking in the corner, and now she's like slowly working her way up toward him.

Yeah, and he's a little too drunk, but he's, he's, he's, he's staying the course. He's staying the course. I'm here now. Oh, I'm not in the deep end. I'm not as well tread water. Yeah, that's all I got. That's all my index card. I was going to do something sweet and sentimental.

I went this direction. I forgot what I was going to say in the other case. And, um, thanks, marriage. something sweet and said to me, I went this direction, I forgot what I was gonna say in the other case. And um, thanks marriage. And uh, and so I think what we can robin focus. I'm right here. Robin is the is the is the bride by the way and he's saying robin focus I'm right here because she is like, yeah, she's like looking away at other people. She's like Is he really saying that? She's probably looking at her husband. Yeah, husband. Like your fucking jackass friend is never invited to another party. I'm right here. Focus guys.

And so I think what we can learn from this. Guys, give me the speech here. Keep your composure. here keep your composure you keep your composure what the fuck dude so I think we can learn from I think what we learn from this is Bob shouldn't be giving any speeches anymore yeah not to mention this has six and a half million views on YouTube so now we probably don't get a job anywhere either. Is that sometimes, you know, marriage is about compromise. No, seriously. Marriage is about compromise, just like any relationship, friendship or whatever, but in marriage, when you compromise, you have to know when to spread your butt sheets. You just have to know like, well, you know what?

I didn't let him do this, but I'll bend over and take it in the kisser. And that's him. He's completely lost the crowd now. He's off the rails. You know there's one thing that I'm really good at. He jumped the shark. He jumped the shark.

There's one thing I'm really good at. And so reason why I like having you in the room. It's because I feel like I can read a room. Right? Sometimes I you in the room. It's because I feel like I can read a room. Right? Sometimes I take it a little too far, but I feel like I can read a room. If I understand things are not going well, I can get ahead in a different direction pretty quickly.

This guy lost the crowd. Like, joke number one, he should have just been there. He should have gone, he probably should have just said, congratulations on your wedding. Yeah, exactly. Sorry about my shitty joke. I'll talk to you guys later. Right, I love you guys so much.

Important. That's important. But also, you know, I think what about my shitty joke. I'll talk to you guys later. Right. I love you guys. Yeah Important that's important but also You know, I think what we can all learn from this is that Two people come together they find each other and this mixed up crazy cynical world that we live in He like putting a movie at the point mixed up crazy Medical world. I think this is a thing that I can tripping into because of my jokes. I think this is his attempt at reeling it back, right? But it's going as a deal.

We're so truly blessed to have found each other, like really, because there are some people who will never ever find what you have. And those people will be doomed to forever cry while masturbating. This goes a call back in standard comedy, by the way. You mentioned your first joke. Yeah, the last joke. And clearly nothing's funny about any of this. Like it did this morning.

Oh, like I did this morning. Right now everybody's picked around. I can just see this guy in front of the mirror. Like, it seems like he might be... He might be sweaty and kind of like... He actually, at one point, he has to go over and pick up the brides water and drink it. Yeah, I think he's doing good. Because he can tell this is not going well,

but again, he's in the deep end. He's got a thread water now. What do you do? He just might as well finish it through. He got a few laughs on the first show. Let's hope we get some on the last. Let me say under my breath like I did this morning. I mean, come on, man It's bad. So and now I'd like to share with you a poem. No It's actually performed by Neil Patrick Harris and No, no, no. It's actually performed by Neil Patrick Harris.

And when I first, hey, how are you? He's like, hey, how are you? That's his mom. He's like, no, wait, mom. I mean, I think it's pretty good. No. I guess some people are trying to say something. They're like, yeah!

Get him off the stage! We never like the bride and groom anyway! Congratulations. Congratulations. Woo! Cheers. Oh yeah, congratulations. Yeah, what you can't see here is that then he walks over to the bride and groom to say some stuff that obviously you can't hear.

Yeah. But they are not having it. They don't even look him in the face. He's like saying some stuff and he's like, he's going like this. And the bride is like like this. Totally, completely, in a sense. Of course you would. That's how he didn't invite anybody to our wedding.

It is probably good idea. So obviously this guy, he's in way over his head. Yeah. There's nothing he's going to fix. This guy was a real douchebag. He is probably good at it. So obviously this guy, he's in way over his head. Yeah. There's nothing he's gonna fix. This guy is, that guy was a real douchebag. He really was. But then there's the opposite side. There's the guy who goes total douchebag and absolutely, you know, obnoxiously obnoxious. But then there's also maids of dishonor. Yeah. There are the best men who give the douchebag speeches, but then there are maids of dishonor who are also just as an e-breated with not a lot to say. Well and if there's been a brideszilla involved. I think the brideszilla here is possibly the woman giving the speech. You ready? You want to hear this? Okay, here we go. Can somebody please give me a glass of wine? Oh, that's a ratio.

a glass of wine. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's great. It's a big pleasure. It's a big pleasure. Thanks, Karen. With like two ice cubes. Thank you. And that all leads totally good to go.

Haha. Okay, so best of my life actually only, only know each other for like five years. Like who has a best friend for like five years me and Batsu Like this is starting up pretty rough. I don't really know her Who has a best friend for only five years I do. Yeah, that means I hate At first since I met her. I knew something special. Uh-oh, but she sounds... This is like the typical white girl.

Yeah. Ever since I met her, I knew like... We're so spangled like the first night we met. We were both on our periods. And it was like God made us together at the same time. Same menstrual cycle. Oh, God, did that Pinnegrino has a coming. That's big butt.

Has that been a crazy? Go just give me the bottle. Yeah, exactly. The bottle! Is that the bottle? I'm fine. Everything's fine. Got some tissues.

Where's Beth? Beth, come here. Beth, sit next to me. Hortes parties, runaway cats. Like the pretty must mooch like hilarious, moving experience ever and. When people start talking about, obviously in her mind, this is all together.

Like she's got it all straightened out right. And everybody knows about the parties, let's run away cats. And the most this is seven is just moving so experiences ever. I mean, she mine as much said, wet fart. Cheerios.

And uh, Goldioocks. Right. And the stone, Goldioocks and the stone. Remember that movie. Yeah, she's tanking a lot worse than the other guy was I was at playing the video coming Peter Grisio Taking picture He's crazy

Mike Alparnathy He's probably here somewhere I have nothing You probably hear somewhere. Um, girl, am I, I'm not. I have nothing. If you remember the picture, give me a hand. Give me a hand. But we both had sex with you. I remember you and you.

Everyone, you had the two sides of Dildo and you were on like this back and forth. I'm where are you? Yeah. Remember when I swallowing your tears and then I spit it into best smell last Tuesday remember that Remember that time best told us bull that she wanted to marry you As long as it's not

Can't find a real job How's that been aggressive? I'm picturing hiccups. I'm picturing throwing up. Yeah. The La Mousks, we did that. It's so embarrassing, but we had the most fun times ever. Ever.

Oh my god, this is the widest woman I've ever met. And during these entire times, I figured out that she was pretty much the funniest person I've ever met in my entire life. And also, we should have a look at the commercial. I know, we're issue, we're best. She's pretty much the funniest girl I've ever met in the entire room of my life. That's what she said. She prefers the funniest girl in the entire life of my room. The most beautiful person inside. I love the crickets in the background.

No one's laughing or laughing. She's taking more than the other two. Wait, more. At least get a dude in at something to say. Okay, so back. Ready for this? I guess. I guess. I guess. Somebody is like, this is bad. That was one of the waiters. The waiters was like, never seen anything like this before. I've got a lot of wedding.

Not gettingMan whistle. She's pretty much smarter than like 75% of people in here. Wow. I mean, if you got a lie, at least go 99%. Well, I go 70%. She's pretty much smarter than 30%. She's pretty much smarter than 30%. I'm not even in here.

Why are you even going? Why even go? If you're gonna go 75, just go 100%. Yeah. Jesus, more is worse than I know. Like she really is. And if she's not smarter than you? She's a bigger smart ass.

Hahaha. Ahhh. Hahaha. made a funny. I just pooped myself a little. I'm just being a grazier. She's the most caring. Don't clap for this lady. She's just going to keep on going up forever. And loving person.

I've ever met in my entire life, but she would judge you if you were on like the worst dress, Bethless ever. The what? Ah! Or the worst dress, Bethless. I think this is what she said. Well, honey, this is our daughter.

This, no wonder she has never enjoyed this darling because our daughter has never kind of get married. She can't even. Worst dress. So much. The worst best dress list. She's like the pretty much the careiest person ever. It's your face.

But then behind your back, she's not shit about all of you. Including my arms strong. And his heart carbs. And his huge cock. She, yeah. She's also a really hard worker. She works her flippin' ass off. She has like four jobs, but when she's now working, she's face-booking her freaking face off. Oh my god, that laugh. She's like to have pretty much the hardest worker ever when she's not giving

when she's not giving sensual massages. She's stripping on Instagram. Oh wait, that's your secret job. Sorry, Beth, I love you. You're on the best dress word list. Has it been a greasy old comment? It's anywhere to be found. That's awesome.

All right, so I still look, well, are you ready for this? A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down True for a different You wait unless you're passing out You're dead weight in the middle of a fraternity party Somebody with the in the audience was kind of like oh Yeah, they were like oh, they're trying to go with it. They're trying to give her Either that or they have no comprehension. They just walked in the room like, oh, that's a sweet speech.

Sorry, I missed it. What I miss, John, well, you missed Cindy giving a big hot wet shit up there on the microphone. You miss Cindy giving her best version of an AA meeting. Cindy given her best version of an AA meeting. I've been going down a lot when I wear too high of heels outside of Show Tune Tuesdays. And you've helped me a lot. And you've also helped me a lot. I thought that was going to go somewhere else. I've been going down Especially since I lost my job at who lands barn grill Fuck that manager. He knows he was in the wrong. It was his kid

Yeah, but it was also not too high heels. That's too high heels and too Do high heels and too low of pants trousers Wrap them Trap them, Mr. Where's my gun strong? Get me my car strong Mikey Me I know you don't mean I'd tell you I know you said you never become a dead in a photo with me But we have to take pictures later I know you said you never become a dead in a photo with me.

But we have to take pictures later. But to bring my shelf up, so I thank you for that. I don't know if any of you guys know how Ben and Beth Med, super cute. Ben and Seth met Seth. Ben and Beth. A Ben and Beth. Oh, maybe they have a cute name for each other. Like benefit.

Benefits. Benefits, that's a threat. Oh, no, man. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh! Does it come in a box? Cause that's the kind I like. Yep, by the way. We had very low expectations for that night. I bet you did. Oh. It sounds like that's a reoccurring theme in your life.

Yeah. Very, very low. That's what we believe in. I'm on people 20. Burnily. I don't know where he is, but he has a very very large cap What is he saying what just happened there? She's like we had very low expectations and then

Burnie Lee table 20. I don't know where he is Bernie has gone underneath Is that where Bernie has gone underneath the table? Yeah. Oh. Bernie just left out the fire. Bernie's like, should they call it out Mike? That's right. Yeah, get to.

Bernie just jumped out the fire window, which is on the fifth story, by the way. It's on the fifth floor. I'm hoping God did with her. Don't look at my body. Very fancy Bose hyon. I want him to stand up. Bernie Lee stand up. Stand up right now. Look at how fabulous he looks. Yes, it's all his fault. We never ever wanted to go. We never

wanted to go to the stupid, stupid, major brands chasing for Nouveau. A major brand says to be a major brand chasing for Nouveau. Ha, ha, ha, ha. From Pavaka Kur 3000, it's the Nouveau ring 300. Ha, ha, ha, ha. What, what the hell is the major brand? Now you and your best friend can enjoy double extenters.

At the same time with Mike Armstrong from table number 20. And Bernie Lee. We never wanted to go to that stupid party, but we got double-donged. The extender lets you walk into the next room. Don't worry about it. Gotta go to the bathroom. No problem. Double extender.

Ha ha ha. Giving a speech at your best friend's wedding. Don't worry about it. The double extender lets you get seven miles away from Nouveau and Barbacca Cooler. Tastes like cereal. Which socks anyway. But tastes like cereal. Which sucks anyway. But we went anyway.

I don't know, I know the breathing. Yeah, I heard the breathing. And they met. And it was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life because I I knew as soon as they as soon as they looked at each other they something happened and I knew that my best friend in the entire world would never be the same. Something happened. I called the police on me and they spent to the rest of the night

What is she saying and I'm trying to follow the story, but it's hard no Why because I keep it around me No, I mean I'm able to pick back up. Yeah, it's hard to understand this. There's like a girl talk going on Girl talk going on here that you can understand that I have no clue I she lost me at at gas for the peanut grease Yeah, you gotta You gotta read the sweet lines here. There's a guy named Bernie Bernie Lee there's Max there's Bob Something at the newvo ring crew to no Ben. It was a newvo tasting. I feel like they're talking about the newvo ring But yeah, we grew to no bend did we I actually fell in love with him as much as Ben did also

Waiter we're not talking about wait she said I fell in love with Ben as much as Ben did But whoa now it's getting scandalous I Feel in the first and I told that or to leave him alone But then he got the restraining order and I missed out on two months. She pulled the head a little bit, I got it, man. But now I'm just, I'm thinking Ben and I have a chance. Yeah.

You find out about that affairs, all of them. And as soon as I met his family, and I met his best friends like Manuji and everyone, it was... You're doing such a good job. Should we give him a toast? You're doing such a good job. It's a good job.

Should we give him a toast? They called in real important. I did, yeah. By the way, this is the wedding coordinator. I know this because I know the video. I've watched it. And there's a much longer than what I putting here. I cut a lot of it out But what happens is the wedding the wedding coordinator comes up with the Pina Grigio

Yeah, and Beth this girl goes to reach for it and she pulls it away from her And she's like yeah, she's like you're doing a great job follow me Give me the microphone follow the Pina Grigio right out the door to the Uber We're gonna have the Pina Grigio in the Uber now back on the right of the hotel room Where they're asking you to sleep in the bloom closet Yet so she's now saying get up stand up take a toe stop all this shit down She's sitting down the entire time on the stage. She's just like swaying back and forth. She's putting like she's got her leg up or skirt is all, I mean, listen, and then her,

at some point also, but right before this, it looks like a friend, another bridesmaid, it sits down next to her and is like patting her on the back and keeps on going, you know, go on, go on. Trying to speed her up. I got the speed. Oh, God, God. Trying to speed her up. I got this speed. Oh, thanks. Ah. Yeah.

Give her more booze. That's what she needs. That'll shorten this up. Nothing shortens a drunk person up, like giving him more booze. That's right. Nothing makes a drunk person get to the point more than booze, more booze Whatever I'm on a long-silly liquid. You know it gets me going yeah

That was so fucking mad word Yeah, thank you Ben is usually might you I had a crush on you also because I knew my No, but it sounds like she's like making this all about Maybe she's one of the love with Ben and she's getting drunk to carry a rose because she keeps on talking about Ben in a way that only the bright should like I fell in love with you and then as soon as I met your family and I told them I really loved you more than Beth did that's the slut noise has been I'll cry Sean you know and I am so I'm so happy that you um and how many siblings are you?

it's another friend coming in? Yeah. Now she's got all the friends are sitting next to her and we're all trying to give her the signal like you're really making an ass of yourself and there's a video camera right in front of you. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing.

We'll talk about it tomorrow in the morning. Yeah. You'll find out. Just wrap it up. You're doing great. You'll find out all about it tomorrow when you're not invited to brunch. When people keep asking you if you're okay, you'll figure it out.

Yeah. I love you both. Yeah. Even though we barely know each other. Everybody thinks it's over and they're all like, good job, hun, good job, hun. Wait, I'm not done. I haven't said everything I want to say.

He's going, babe. Did you do a great job, Steve? This is so awkward. You can raise your basketball. No, I don't. I'm so proud. OK. Uh-oh. No, I don't.

Ben, I just want to tell you that we've had our ups and downs. And I had a crush on you ever since, like, we met. I knew who would be the most perfect. There was the hiccup. Yeah. Oh. Uh-oh. Ben, I know. There's the hiccup. Yeah. Oh. Ha ha ha. Ben, I love you.

Ha ha ha. It sounds like the Joker. I did take the hiccup. I did take the multiple personalities. No, I don't want to give a toast. Ben, we've had our ups and downs, but I love you. I've got my wall. What are you on it? Person for a bath.

Honestly. Honestly, I really did. And like, bath has become the woman she's always wanted to be with you. And Beth has become the woman she's always wanted to be with you. The offense has become the woman she's always wanted to be. How would you know that? So I'm very, very happy about that.

Oh my God, crime must, and I'm done. And I'm done. When you get a applause when you finish, it's probably... Everybody's like, woo! There's something wrong with her. And they're like, wow! Woo! Get her home!

Yeah! Never again! She was gonna be a prize main's my wife and no more! My wife said, fuck that, she's in love with all the men. Eddie and Billy and Beth's wife and all the men, yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Have to be a fly on that wedding wall.

You know what I'm saying? Yes, yes. We didn't even scratch the surface. We got to do this again. We have to do this again. We have to. I know. We got to the two.

I think because everybody can relate as well. Yeah, everybody's been to. I'm where you're going I'm always been to a way that person's Those person's not giving me the best speech whatever Everybody can relate. I love it. I love it. Tell us about your favorite wedding story Go to have the commercial break on Instagram or go to tcbpodcast.com where you can leave us a message from the contact us page Or info at tcbpodcast is the direct email address Tell us about your worst wedding story. We want to hear about it

We want you to interact and that's why we're giving you some a some pan of gracious I think she's still waiting for a pinagrisio She's probably somewhere in mishie. I imagine Michigan right now like in a hotel room somewhere. Yeah. I never got that glass of vinegar. Ben. Ben. Ben. Oh. Ben.

Uh. Maybe that's what that was. That's what it was. Oh, in the, yeah. Maybe she was in the hall. She's like, oh, look at her. She never got her. She's been appreciate.

And also, oh, look at her. She's got to say, oh, yeah. Yeah, she's a little sad. Never give the girl with a lowest self. It's never give the person with the lowest self esteem the microphone. When they're drunk, just don't do it. No.

It's the bad recipe for the show. We've got lots more examples of guys and girls that do this, by the way. The girls aren't the only one to get some of the microphone in cries and make a fool of himself. I've got one where a brother of the groom calls him a douchebag. Oh.

And an asshole and he never- That's part two. We're doing part two. We're doing part two. We'll get to it soon. So tcbpodcast.com's where you go find out more about Chrissy and I, read all the show notes. Our entire library is there.

Audio and video 470-5848-449. So we can leave a message or text us. Standard text messaging rates to apply for your chance to win $500, make a comment, make a good, make it funny, make it hateful, we don't care, just don't make it dangerous. That's it, that's all we ask. Don't get into like, you know, racist bullshit, we don't suffer that very easily.

We'll block you, you know, out of the contest. If you do that, okay, so leave a comment on our insta at the commercial break, leave a comment on one of our YouTube videos You must be a subscriber slash the commercial break YouTube comms slash the commercial break subscribe leave a comment on one of our Videos or comment on one of our Instagram posts $500 given away the first week in July And you could come on the commercial break to receive your winnings that will be a happy new year that will be a happy new year Somebody I'm so excited about this. We already have a couple comments.

And so I'm thinking, I'm already thinking. Get in early because I might pick early. You never know. You want to get in early. Am I going to be the tiebreaker on what you're thinking now? Yeah, of course you're going to be. I'm going to boil it down to like five, four. And then let me choose.

And then I'll let you choose. Yes, perfect. And you can choose. You can choose the winner. I'll let you do it. OK, so from my scrondled bundle to your to your patchouli package Looking for your dingus, but you found your dangus. Yeah, I've got to say the following. I love you I love you too Brian best to you

And until next time, bye! Bye! and you you