The Commercial Break - Cans Out, Yams Out!

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

EP945: It's a heat dome outside and it's a bald dome inside! Bryan takes his legs out for a ride and everyone is curious how those yam-yams got so silky smooth!  TCB is a The Commercial Break LLC production Visit: www.TCBpodcast.com Insta: @thecommercialbreakBryan Green on Insta: @BryanWGreen Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Created by: Bryan Green Written by: Bryan Green, Krissy Hoadley Produced by: Astrid Green & Gustavo  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

On this episode of the commercial break. My legs were full of hair. My legs specifically, like a few little chest hairs, but my legs specifically, sprouted a fucking, you know, chia pet worth of hair overnight, basically. And then I was the only kid. This is third or fourth grade. I was the only kid that had any kind of body hair anywhere on my body. And during gym, I was so, like, self-conscious.

about it because I looked all over the place and I saw everyone else was bare-chested and bald and here's Brian, you know, carrying around, I look like fucking Chewbacca and I wasn't good at sports. So it was like a double, it was like a double whammy on it. It just didn't make me feel comfortable. So I've always had a little bit of a hang-up about body here. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Negathkins, welcome back to the commercial break.

I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show. Chris and Joy Haudley. And I am Brian Green with a big old set of earphones on my head. I look, I look like a fucking idiot. Best to you, Brian. Best to you, Chris. Best to you.

Best to you and your cans. Thank you. Me and my cans. I got my cans and my yams. My yams and my cans are out today. I refuse to do it. In the history of the commercial break, name one time when I've ever walked into this studio with shorts on. I know.

I was noticing. Never happened. I have a no Brian's legs. Policy. Policy. No showing my skinny white boy legs that are usually very hairy, but I've trimmed up my hair, my leg hair for the show. Oh, okay.

It's a leg grooming. Chrissy, I do a whole, there's a whole thing that goes on in my bathroom. You don't even want to know of it. No, I don't. Yeah. We have a vacuum that's full of my hair. God. From head to toe, my hair.

Just my hair. I suck. I vacuum it all up. My kids are. Is it your hair vacuum? It's my hair vacuum. Your body hair vacuum. That's it.

That's all it is. It's the hair vacuum. It stays in the bathroom. And every time I shave. my head, I vacuum up the hair. I've learned over the years, this is a science, Chrissy. I've got it down to a science. Yes. So I knew your head shaving was a science, but I did not realize you're including your legs now. Body hair, leg hair, chest hair, the whole nine yards. You don't want to see what's going on down there. No one wants to see that. And then my brothers make fun of me. Do you have like a floby?

It kind of is, yes. It kind of is. It kind of is a leg floby. I have to get a stand and like put, I have to shave my legs like a woman shaves her I did not know this. But with a trimmer. You didn't notice? No. Do you think my legs look normally like this? I didn't know. Does that look normal?

I've just never mentioned shaving your legs before. No, but you've seen me enough in my life to know that my legs are generally just full of hair. But, you know, over the last, probably seven years, I've taken to trimming my leg hair. Okay. I just can't take it. I can't take it anymore. All right. Well, it looks good.

It looks good. It looks good. Thank you very much. Your yams are looking good. Your yams and your cans. My brother pointed out, my brother Patrick was over. I don't know. This is probably like three summers ago when I started doing this.

I started doing it like seven years ago. But like three or four summers ago, Patrick comes over and we're all at the pool and we're hanging out. And him and his then. Now I can't stop looking at your legs. You're like, what's going on? I'm like studying. They look good, right? They do look good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I try not to make it look too ridiculous. Right. No, there's still hair. There's still hair. Yes. It's just. as if like a trimmer had gone over.

It's not a natural length. It doesn't look like natural hair. What did Patrick point out? So Patrick is with his then girlfriend, and they are just laughing over in the corner of the pool. And so I get out of the pool and I'm walking up to them. And then Patrick goes, hey, Brigh, and I had told knowing this until right now,

the only people who knew about this were some close advisors and my own family. And Fatscher goes, hey, Bri, did you trim your legs? And I go, no, what are you talking about? And he goes, yes, you did. And I go, no, I didn't. And he pointed out that I had trimmed my legs starting right here. So there was like two inch long hair on my ankles.

It was like, dude, you got to get it all the way, bro. You got to go all the way. Yeah, you got to be in for a penny and for a pound on the leg trimming. I said, okay, all right. Point taken. Yeah, Astrid thinks I'm ridiculous. She's like, you're just ridiculous. What are you doing?

But you have to understand from my point of view that being blessed with hair all over your body except for your head is not like it's not the best thing in the world. And I can appreciate a little chest hair. I love a good chest hair. Yeah, dude. Listen, and I can appreciate. I like to snuggle in a job. do you like to get in there? Jeff's got a little blanket of chest hair for you.

You know the smell that we've talked about with your person. I do like the way Jeff's chest hairs. The way that your person, you know, that you're attracted to, the pheromones, whatever, yes, I can really smell it. I can appreciate that. Yeah, there's that pheromones, I'm sure, play a part of it. And you get that, you know, you got that natural body oil that gets on the hair. But when I was fourth or fifth grade, I just woke up one day to like all these leg hairs just flying all over the place. Oh, yeah, your hormones kicked in.

And then within a month and I was, my legs were full of hair. My legs specifically, like a few little chest hairs, but my legs specifically sprouted a fucking, you know, chia pet worth of hair overnight, basically. and then I was the only kid. This is third or fourth grade. I was the only kid that had any kind of body here anywhere on my body. And during gym, I was so self-conscious about it because I looked all over the place and I saw everyone else was bare-chested and bald. And here's Brian, you know, carrying around. I look like fucking Chubaca.

And I wasn't good at sports. So it was like a double whammy on it. It just didn't make me feel comfortable. So I've always had a little bit of a hang-up about body hair. Okay. I recognize it. I understand it's going on in my head. But also, it's such a fucking, I just hate it.

I don't like the feel of body hair. I don't like the way that it looks. I don't like the way. There's a lot of people like that. Yeah. So I didn't go 100% all in shaving your legs like some people, like some guys do. I'm not going to go there. Yeah.

No, I'm not going to do it. Yeah, no, no, no. Well, I trim my chest hair too, but I have to do it a little bit longer. You don't go all the way. No, no. You're going to go. No, no, no. I still have some chest hair. Yeah, yeah. But I can't go trim it like my legs because Astrid says it's bothersome. Like when we are, you know, romantically.

On the three times that we've had sex, it doesn't feel good to her. Right, because it's kind of stubbly. It's kind of stubbly. It's like a woman who shaves her private parts, you know, all the way down. And which I have never been a fan of, by the way. I'm not up for bald anythings, you know, because it just, doesn't look natural to me. It looks a little creepy if I'm being honest. And I've dated plenty of women who've gone for that look and fine. That's your personal body. It's your own choice. I'm shaving my fucking leg here. I got no room to talk. But for me, it just doesn't, it doesn't look or feel natural. But then if it's just one day off, if you're one day off from the shave, then it starts

getting a little, you get a little grind going on. It's like sandpair. You start a fire down there. Between my long hair, between my big bush and your no bush, we're going to start a campfire over here. Start a campfire. Out in the back in the bush. I'm watching little singles on... Oh, okay. I've seen it. It's popped up on my HBO. You've got to watch this show. You've got to watch this show, Chrissy.

First of all, it's manufactured. It's clear that they're giving these people plot points to move the plot along. But I'm okay with that. It's all reality TV is like that. There's nothing under the sun that's different there. Yeah. And so I think a lot of this is like manufactured drama. but that's okay with me because something about the little people having that kind of drama makes it more engrossing than if it was just like, you know, like the fucking people in the Hamptons or whatever, the real housewives of bullshit. Summer House. I'm on a summer house kick right now. I put it on my list. I'm going to give it a try.

Yeah, yeah. I was, I didn't think that I wanted to watch it. I was like, you know, whatever. It's been around for like 10 years. I had no idea. I know. And well, I knew, but I just was like, eh, I don't want to see them. 10 years ago I was not in the mood. Now I am. And I like, and I really love it all. There's a big scandal that just happened. There's scandals all over the place. What about that? Is that tied in any way to the Vanderpump rules? No, and I never got into Vanderpump rules.

Well, you know that guy. What's his name? Sandival. Sandival. Tommy Sandivali. Tommy Sandivoli is like, him and his father-in-law got into a fistfight and he threw his father-in-law into like a backyard firepane. Oh, God. It's insane. It's quite insane, right? But apparently Sandoval was in the right here and not in the wrong, but I don't know. I just saw a video about it, like, TMZ. But then that Vanderpump Rules lady just opened a fucking hotel in Las Vegas.

Yeah, yeah. That's insane. I know. She's big time. Wow. Who fucking want, do we really care that much about the same, like the Vanderpump? She came from that restaurant world anyways. She and her husband Ken, they moved over from England, and they were big and

restaurants there and then started the bunch of them in L.A. I went to one of them in L.A. Remember? I saw Sam... Yeah, was it Sir? Did you go to Sir? Yeah, I went to Sir, but then one time on a business trip, we went to Sir, and then there was all the, you know, people were... It was a whole scene. But then we went to that famous Italian restaurant over in WeHo, and I saw Tommy Sandoval sitting there with this cowboy hat on, remember? Yeah, I can't remember the name of the one in WeHo either, but Weho. Listen to me, Sam, like I live there. I'm Weho, Soho, No Ho. It's all. It's all got the abbreviations now. I noticed when I was out in Denver, I was in Lido. Oh, okay.

A low-do. Yeah. I live in Eco. Like lower downtown. Yeah, we should start making names for art for like where you live. I know. I'm in Rojo right near Eho. Eco. Yeah.

I'm over by Eco. I'm just a little south of Eco. Right. Yeah, but unfortunately, the neighborhoods here aren't as cool as they are. I do give it to New York to this, at least where I am. I'll tell you what This is going to be a little bit of a shorter episode So glad that you joined us today YouTube.com slash the commercial break

You can follow us on YouTube And then you'll be notified about when we go live We've been having a lot of fun doing the streams Everyone's been in the chat Welcome me to board We're moving into the holiday weekend Thank you very much for having us I just remind you one time

Probably forever and ever a man I'll remind this to you I'm going to put a link in the show notes To a foundation that is sending money, food and AIDS Aid aid directly down to Venezuela exactly where it's needed. They're an organization who not only has a lot of people in the ground in the United States, but they are Venezuelans, so they have many people helping in Venezuela.

And I can assure you, I can assure you that the aid and support is getting to the Venezuelans, not being stolen, it's not being sucked up by the government. That's important to know. And I did a lot of, as someone, I say this and it's going to sound ridiculous, but as someone who's got a little bit of a following on Instagram, I did my homework. before I shared a link. No, Brian got it wrong again. No, no, but, you know.

Now, you didn't want to get this wrong. This time I got it right. Okay, good. I promise you. All right. So I'll put a link in the show notes if you can. If you do, if you will, help those Venezuela. It will it ever end.

Today. Today. It ends today. It ends today. Yeah. In the show notes. All right. We're going to take a break.

We'll be right back. Hey, it's Rachel. Your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much. much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to TCB Podcast.com and

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and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you can make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now, I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment

while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break. I wanted to do like a kick. Yeah, I know, that's exactly what you do. It's got that 80s white snake vibe. It does. Remember white snake?

Oh, yeah, white snake. Yes. There was a couple of white snake, white lion. There was a couple of, like, whites in the 80s hair bands. Yeah. So I will see this about New York. Like, there are some very cool neighborhoods and very close proximity. What I didn't realize is, I've been saying at this hotel, I talked about the hotel.

It's a beautiful hotel. It's not the Ritz, but it's not the Roach Motel. Well, at least it's not the one. the other one that you were in. The roaches are walking over your feet. Yeah. Oh my God, Chrissy. What was it the disco hostel or something we called it?

It's a disco hostel. It's thumping techno music playing downstairs with all these weird like German videos with like guys like whips. It was like, boom, boom, boom, drop the beat. These guys were like whipping women. And I was like, what in the fuck? All these like, but they were like TVs you would buy at best buy if you need. needed to fill a hotel lobby with cheap TV. Right.

And then there was like mirrored ceilings. It was just like a weird vibe altogether, which I didn't mind. I was into, I thought, hey, okay, it's the S&M, you know, it's the S&M hotel. If the room... Well, I was going to say the stain on the floor. No, no, no, no, no, no. And they cut out the dead body, right? And then tried to like exactly match it to the way they cut the stain out.

I think I probably could have let it go. But once a roach curls over your foot, it's game over. No. I don't care what... It could have been the Ritz. I would have gone somewhere else. Well, another. Well, you know what I just thought about, too.

What's the update on the guy across the way? The guy. Oh, the guy across the way. Oh, do you mean the dude who's like... Who you thought was looking at you? Who was looking at me. The guy... He still stares out that window.

I don't know if he's looking at me. Listen, every room in the hotel has a balcony, right? And there's that half window, half fog window, half regular window, and the big curtain you can slide across. So as I said mentioned in a previous episode, I don't, I didn't know that you could actually see into the rooms because you don't think about that if you don't live in New York. If you don't live in New York, then you don't think that there are 7,000 other people that are facing you at any given time. Now, I've taken to window staring over there too. Like, you know, I'm all about it.

We have like binoculars on the top of my office roof and I'm always like looking in on other people's roofs. We're up on like the 13th floor so we can see a lot of roots. It's so much fun. Roof watching is fun. Oh, yeah, roof watching in New York. And I didn't put the binoculars there, just FYI. They were there already. So other people are doing this too.

So, but yeah, there's this one guy and he just like hangs out in the wind. He's like, you know, stare at his bed, just, you know. Just stare it out. Hey. So sometimes I give him a show. You know what? Why not? I'm at a certain.

I'm a man of a certain age. What do I got the shaved legs? With the shaved legs. I'm in the, I'm in the, I'm in the, I'm in the, I'm in the, I'm in the shower with my electric razor and my sock to cover up my long foot hair. Oh my God, we have a friend and he's got toe hair, like the long toe hairs. Now, I can't get down with that. I just, I had to say it one time. I had to say, hey, you know this guy. I go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. How do I do you being a dirty fucking hippie? But what I do care about is staring at your toe hair, right?

No, no to toe toe. Toe. No, no to Toto. That's right. In Weho, no, no to Toto. Weho, no, Toto. So, yeah, I got, you know, there's a guy. He's in an adjacent building, and his bed is just right there, and he just likes to stare out the window. I'm sure he's, he's probably just watching TV, and I'm making a big deal.

He probably is. The TV is probably, like, right above where this window is. Yeah, no, you can see the TV. No, the TV is in the corner of the window, right? But you can, it's hard to tell. hell whether or not he's staring out the window or at the TV, whatever. I mean, at this point, we're all friends, right? So I didn't realize that where I am staying, you know, Little Italy, Chinatown, all these different villages that they have, the village, like all these places that

they have are really close. I'm like in the center of all of them. All I needed to do was take a left down the street I always take a right on. It's that, you know, New York is like that. So I took a left the other day, the Germany soccer game is on. Oh, yeah. It was a Germany and Bosnia-Herzegovina? I think so.

No, no, no. We just put, the U.S. just played Bosnia. Oh, yeah. It was Germany and Belgium, I think. I don't fucking know. Paraguay? Paraguay.

Okay. Paraguay. That's right. I'm going to get this wrong and everyone's going to be upset at me. Yeah, we were watching on the way on the plane.

It was on Monday night, right? Yeah, we were watching the plane and way home. Yeah, that's right. Germany. That's right. It was Germany and Paraguay. You're right about that. So that game was on. I take a left down the street. I'm like, I got to find something besides a fucking cheeseburger and pizza to eat in New York because that's all I'm consuming is cheeseburgers and pizza in New York. Because it's so fucking good. It's so good and convenient. It's easy. I know it. I's on my way one place or the other. Like I'm just getting the lay of the land. New York's a big city, obviously. Luckily, it's in blocks and you have Google Maps. That's the other thing too is you have Google Maps. You're just on my way. You're just on my way. You're just going to. You're just going to. You're just You're never going to get lost. But you also have to, you know, I don't want to get too far off the beaten path also. I take a left down this street and all of this sudden I'm on, I can't think of the name of the street, but all of a sudden I'm on this street and I'm walking and I'm walking and I'm walking three blocks and I crest a little hill. And there it is. The hanging sign across the buildings little Italy. Oh, nice. And it is four fucking blocks, five blocks of restaurants, shops, and parties.

Oh, I would be in heaven. Oh, Chrissy. It was amazing. It was right as it was just about to get dark. You know, it was like the, it was dusk. So these big lights were coming on. They were stringing those lights across the thing. You can walk in the middle of the street.

Even when people do drive in the street, you can walk in the middle of the street. And every fucking restaurant has patio, has tables out on the sidewalk. Love it. Every fucking restaurant. Yes. I love those little specialty, Italian specialty stores. Yes. There's also a lot of shitty, like, souvenir stores, too.

But, okay, it's part of the flavor, right? Yeah. But every single. restaurant and bar had the TV with the game on and so as that game is going on as every goal is scored as the shootout is going on the whole of little italy it's just going fucking banana there's a lot of germans that are sitting there at those italian restaurants it was a vibe and i was all about it i thought to myself this is amazing i've been here for like 13 weeks now and i didn't know the little italy is literally behind the hotel so i'm about to be coming in a town i'm taking my new yorkdom

to a different level. I will now be a tourist Italian because I'll go to Little Italy, and I'm just going to start hanging out at those restaurants. Oh, good. This also smells like heaven down now. I mean, fucking, eh, I had some, what do you call that, the pasta with the eggs, the Carbinar. Oh, Carbonara. Oh, and Bolognais. Which is so much better than pizza and cheeseburgers, Carbonara. Right. Right. Exactly. It's got the cream. Yes, exactly. It's so delicious.

It is so delicious. So I just had the best time walking around. I mean, I wasn't there for long and maybe spent an hour just kind of walking around. But that little Italy, man, I'll tell you what. And then I moved over to Chinatown. Like, Little Italy and Chinatown are kind of connected. It's like you move one street and you're going to. But here's the thing about Chinatown.

Astrid was like, go get some food in Chinatown. Yeah. And I said, yeah. But it looks like really authentic, if you know what I mean. And you've had that experience before. Yes. I've had that experience before. In San Francisco. Yeah, but that was Japanese food.

That was sushi, nonetheless. But I don't, some of those flavors are not my favorite. And they do have things, they have very exotic foods. China is a huge place. They've got to feed a billion people. They will eat a lot of different stuff. We talked to Ari Shafir about this. Yes.

Like the guy was almost ordered dog, right? And legitimately, it was dog. It was like on the menu. And so I just want to be careful that I like don't walk in somewhere, you know, and I mean, of course, I can just look in the menu and order something. But, you know, I don't know. I just want to be like a little bit. I'm a little bit picky when it comes to. You can't get wrong with like a fried rice.

Love a good fried rice. Love a good dim sum. Or lo main. Dim sum. Dim sum. Dim sum. Ding some. But I just got very excited at the thought that I was like in the middle of the action and I didn't, the power he is right down the street for me.

I thought, well, I could go to a show and be the oldest guy there. I could go to the show and be the old shithead. You should go check out some music while you're up there. I should go check out some music. Yeah, why not? The worst part about being in New York a couple days a week is the nighttime. Like when I'm busy and everything's and I'm rushing and I'm running around and I'm rushing around, all of that. Okay, fine.

It's all good. The part that gets bothersome is when you get back to the hotel. At seven or eight at night, you're not quite tired. You need something to eat. and there's no one that, like, I can't just pick up the phone and call somebody. Right, I understand. I mean, I know a few people, you know, but who, I could ask the guy across the way. Maybe that's what I'm going to do.

Put up a little sign. I'm going to get a flashlight and I'm going to start doing Morris Code to him. Would you like to cook at a beer? Dinner, question mark, right? Freshly shaved? Freshly shaved legs right here for the taking. Oh, they're sexified. Look at those things.

Oh, yeah. But I want to get back to something two segments ago. Little singles. So I'm watching the show, manufactured drama. They got a bunch of characters on the show. All of them are characters. You know, obviously they got personality. That's why they have a show.

But they're going to throw a birthday party for one of the girls. One of the girls, I would say she would be the, like, most attractive woman. Universally understood. Like everybody in the house that they're renting also knows this. She's the most attractive. attractive girl. Yes. Okay. But she has spent her life sheltered from other little people. She only has, she only sees other little people when she goes to these LP conventions. So she has not lived the life of a little person necessarily. She's lived the life of an average size person because that's who she's always around. So she's never been to a grocery store by herself. She's never had to be, and like these other little people are like teaching her the way they're taking into a grocery store, teaching her how to climb up, you know, and grab things. All these things we take it for granted. Yeah, interesting. It is interesting.

But it's her birthday and they're going to throw her a birthday party, right? And this is what I want to say. So they're doing all these cutaways about getting ready for the birthday party. And every one of them, to a key on the cutaway is like, little people just do it different. We just party harder than everybody. We just know how to do it. I love it. And I thought to myself, if there is a trope in reality TV or a trope in life, if you ask somebody, you know, how do you,

party. They're all going to say the same fucking thing. We party the hardest. We just do it different. Things are just different. Who's going to say anything different? Chrissy, you and I spent 20 years of our life in a haze. The things we did, the things we didn't do, the things we probably should have done, but we didn't do. Right, right. Because we were physically unable. They did a lot. Like drive a straight line. Like those things, we, we, partied fucking hard. I can appreciate the sentiment that you think for some reason you have some special way of partying. But anybody who has been through a bit of a bender can say the same thing. You party hard. Partying hard is universal. It does little people don't corner the market on that,

nor do any other reality television shows. You hear it so much, you know, oh yeah, we're going to have a party tonight. We just do it different. We do bangers different. Okay, maybe, maybe. Well, did you see the party? Some of it. Of course, you know, there's a cliphanger for next week's party. They got half the party. It was like two of these little people are making out in the kitchen. And one guy's got a thong on.

He's running around with this ding-dong hanging out. I mean, maybe they do party different. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. It sounds like Summer House, too. One of the girls, it's an exotic dancer. Uh-huh.

And she's like a one of it. So this is like crazy. So it's not actually that crazy for a reality show. but they're inviting like these random little people to the house. Every episode, there's a couple of new little people that come to the house just for an event or a thing. And they all seem to know each other from these little people conventions in some way, shape, or form. So the attractive, I'm calling her the attractive one, right, just to give you an idea. The attract, oh, no, excuse me, they're all attractive in their own way.

Honestly, they're like, they're all attractive in their own way. Yeah. But the one who is the exotic dancer, they say, oh, Oh, we're inviting Andy over. And the exact cut away to the exotic, the girl does the exotic dancing. And she says, or the burlesque dancing, excuse me, I should name it correctly. Burlesque's different than exotic. But she goes, yeah, I know Andy.

I met him at a little people's convention when I was 17 years old. I made out with him. And then for three years, he told everybody that I was sleeping with him, that we were having sex. But I only kissed the guy, right? So I'm a little uncomfortable. He's coming over. Yeah. Fair enough.

So apparently this is like a big deal. This whole thing is like a big deal. Andy. Andy. fucking Andy. And Andy looks like an asshole. If I'm being honest, he just looks like an asshole. He looks like the kind of guy who would spread rumors about somebody. So they're all sitting at dinner, right? But, you know, they're all sitting at dinner and right before the big party starts and they're having a nice dinner. And they're playing, never have I ever given a blowjob on my knees. You know, for little people, I guess that's a thing. You know, that's a thing. You just stand up and give a blowdown. And then never have I ever made out with somebody at this table, right? And so just a couple people raise their glasses. Andy doesn't, but the girl does. And then she gets, fired up. She's like, you and I actually made out. He's like, did what? Wait, but he was the one spreading the room. He was one spreading the room. So I'm like, you fucking cock knocker. Like, how can you, you, you're such an asshole. Yeah. He fucking made

out with somebody. It's not like it was 20 years ago. It was like seven years ago, six years ago, you know exactly who you make out with. And, uh, do you? You always remember. I was just thinking about this the other day. I was going backwards in my mind about some stuff. And I was like, what was the name of that girl? Do you know what I'm saying? And there's like four or five of those. So there's like, what was the name of that chick? I was the same. Yeah. I remember one night, I lived in an apartment complex with my mother, right? My mother lived in an apartment complex after got divorced. My dad, I lived in this apartment complex, huge apartment complex at Sandy Springs. Oh, yeah. So one night, and I worked at a bar that was on Roswell Road right in front of the complex.

So it was like I could just walk through the woods and be back in my house. So I'm bartending one night. This is the same time I had met the Jess and Jess on the bare naked ladies to her, but I was still living with my mother. So living on the couch in my mother's one-bedroom apartment. It's about as sexy as it sounds. So one night, it's a girl that keeps coming up to the bar with her friends. And then one night we get to talking and she says, oh, I live in the same neighborhood as you do.

And I, okay. And then we closed down the bar, she's still there, and her and I are just, you know, flirting with each other. And I got a bag full of whatever I have. And I'm like, hey, you know, I'm either going to go back to my mom's couch or I'm going to go back to your apartment. Uh-huh. And we went back to her apartment. And then I told her that I had an expertise in tantric massaging. Nice.

Oh, you pulled out the tantrum. I did. I did. And so this is why I was thinking about it the other night. I'm like, what a douchebag thing to say. Honestly, Brian. What a douchebag thing to say. Even if that was true, which likely was not.

Even if that was true. It's not something you say. But then again, we were so fucked up. I mean, I just remember those words coming out of my mouth and instantly wanting to eat myself alive. Like retract those words. And she's like, oh, really? Then let's do it.

Took off her shirt. And then whatever. And the next morning, like, you know, 7 a.m. She gets up and she's like, I have to go to work. And I'm like, oh, okay. And she's like, so you have to leave. Yeah, you've got to go. And I never saw her at the bar again.

Never. I called her a couple times. She never answered the phone. So I don't know. I don't think I was the expert in tantric massage. I think it's the bottom line of the story. I really don't. Not yet.

Hey, listen, you know, when you're a young man, you're just trying to sort your wild oats, right? Yeah, you're just trying to throw out the seeds. Yeah. See what grows. I hope nothing grew out of the wild seeds. Let's put it that way. Right.

She had my phone number. She could have called me, but she never did. I remember one time I saw, that's like a year and a half later, I saw her at a gas station and as like a QT. So I walked in. She was at the other end of the gas station getting a drink or something. It was like 9 o'clock at night. And I was like, oh, hey.

And she was like, hi, and then let's... Oh, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, see you later. All right, we'll get to take a break. We'll be back. Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us.

212-333-3-TCB. That's 212-4333822. Visit our website, TCB Podcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at YouTube.com. the commercial break. And finally, share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian?

That really wasn't that difficult. Now was it? You're welcome. Yeah, I mean, I think everybody... So anyway, the guy says, you know, did we? And he's like, yes, we did. But that's all we did. Yeah, but that's all we did.

And he was kind of like aloof about the whole thing. And so I look forward to next week, and we'll see if we get more into it. But don't be that guy. Don't be that guy. No. Just don't. This little singles, man, I think they got a hit on their hands. They were like replaying it all the time in between, you know, in between new episodes.

They're replaying it. Okay. I'll check it out. They got to find something to replace that 90-day fiancé, even though I would say 90-day fiancé, this season is pretty, pretty good. You said that, but I can't delve back into it quite yet. Chrissy, let me tell you, there's a British guy. Because I know I'll get sucked in. You're going to get sucked in.

There's a British guy. who has come over to be with the OCD girl who wants to check under the bed all the time. Right. But she also has O.C. When she drinks, she has to make out with people. Right. Or so she says. And so they have this whole come to Jesus, right?

You know, I don't, please, you're not respecting our relationship. Yeah. You know, and she says, I know, I'm sorry, you know, yes. And he's like, you know, I think that it's something about a code word, like Galapagos is going to be the code word. if we say that, it means you're getting out of control and you can't do it. Well, she's throwing him like a welcome to America party and she invites all of her friends, which happened to be guys, they're at a bar. The second they get in there, she starts drinking and they have, there's one of these guys is a guy that she made out with in front of her British boyfriend when they were in Europe

together. Like it was a whole drama scene. And the British guy, the guy she's marrying, the fiancé, is really upset at this guy. He's really upset his fiance. But the guy who she made out with, this third party, he comes over and he's like, Maya Copa. I'm sorry. I disrespected you. I apologize. Can we start fresh? And he said, the British guy took it like a British guy. He said, yeah, I accept your apology. I don't know how interested I am being friends with you, but this can't happen anymore. You can't disrespect my relationship. Not but three minutes later. No. She is over in the corner with this guy trying to get her tongue down his throat. No. And anybody, she is just running around the bar trying to put her tongue down anybody's throat. It's like, what kind of OCD is that? I don't know.

Usually aren't you afraid of germs when you have OCD? Yes, right. But this girl is the opposite. She needs everybody's saliva down her throat. It doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah. I've never seen that before. It's wild.

You got to get into a, I'm just like, this one is wild. And then they have the one in the castle, too, with all the old. couples just did you know the Jenny you know Jenny and Samit? No. The older American woman who's with the younger Indian guy and they she moved and they like live with his parents and they like started a coffee shop in India or something. Yeah. She has ALS.

Oh no. So she's like like you can tell she's like her speech is very slow and slurred. That's sad. Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that. Don't let that be my fate. That's the one thing that like that scares the shit out of me. being honest, to have one of those, like, you know, diseases where you could have trouble

swallowing. But these shows, like, TLC has got to find the new 90-day fiancé. They have to find it because they, I think they understand that they, you know, they're jumping the shark. Where's Big Ed? Where's Big Ed? Where did he go? He's no longer.

That got kind of played out. Listen, you could do a whole, you could do a whole year worth of Big Ed and I'm all about it. He's a fucking cockknocker, that guy. Yeah, the last I saw him was on that, whatever last resort with the girl. Yeah, and I think he tried to, like, I think he tried to go to another network and get a show, and it didn't work out. And so now, like, he's banned from the 90-day Beyonce. He tried to take it elsewhere. They were like, no, no, thanks.

We'll show you. Right. Okay, cool. No problem. Go off back to obscurity you go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I will say, let's get on good TV.

I will say that Widows Bay lived up to every bit of the hype. The finale was excellent. And I thought to my- I think it leaves it open for a second season too. Oh, no, no, it definitely leaves it open for a second season. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's season two's coming, for sure. I haven't heard that read that officially.

But clearly, there's so many strings that have not been tied up yet that they can get right back into. I mean, I don't know many times you can have the island to attack you. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, there's only so many mythologies. Yeah, I think they might have to get off the island. Yeah, get off the island or there's got to be some new twist. Well, there is a twist. And we'll figure out how that plays out, I think, in season number two.

But you can see Apple is, like, scrambling to catch up with all the hype. Because now, like, when it first came out, I heard two people talking about it. No, I didn't either. All I did was see it on Apple, like pull up. And I was like, you know, I really like that guy, Matthew Reese. Matthew Reese is so good. I want to watch that show and I waited for it to build up a little bit. And as soon as I started watching it, then all of a sudden, everybody was talking about it too.

It's all over the world. Yeah. It's on my Delta app. It's on my. Yeah, it's really good. So is my friends and neighbors with John Hamm. Yeah. I just.

Wasn't your thing? No. I love John Hamm. I really do. I mean, Mad Men was like one of the best television shows ever created. And he's funny. He is. He's like really funny.

He's funny. Did you know that he had like a drinking problem and he sobered up? Did you know that? No. Good for him. Yeah. I heard it on Howard Stern. I did.

didn't know that. But anyway, I just don't know, like, the premise of the show is what? He stole a bunch of money and now he's got it. Oh, so you haven't even seen it? I haven't seen it. Oh, well. Give it a shot. Okay. I watch the first episode. I hate when stuff gets memified to death and then I get irritated by it. Now I don't want to watch it. Oh, you've seen a bunch of memes. Yeah. Like the, where he's in the club and he's like, I don't know, he must be on ecstasy or something. And he's like, you know. I was like a tiny, tiny part that I've seen on every fucking Instagram now. No, it's ever. Amanda Pete, I love her too, and she plays the ex-wife. Love me some Amanda Pete. Oh, she's so good.

Man, I'll tell you what, in that, what is that movie with Bruce Willis that she did? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, God. Shit, I cannot remember it, but she is topless in that movie. Yeah, those are the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen in my entire life. Yeah, she's fantastic. You know she's married to the Game of Thrones. I did know that.

Yeah, been off. Been off. Been off. Yeah. All right, short episode, I know. Give us 15 minutes, maybe 20 tops. We're going to be back for a second shorter episode. YouTube.com slash the commercial break.

You can go there. You can follow us. You can have all the fun in the world. Right there at YouTube. Next episode, if we have a few minutes, I have a zon-parignon and mystery together doing a Zoom phone call. It's a high watermark for duchery. It's a high watermark for the duchery.

But it is really interesting. So maybe we'll get into that next episode. hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July vacation. We love you. We mean it. We'll be back next week for more episodes. Not going anywhere next week, actually. No. No.

We've got to talk about that. What are we going to do? We'll actually be here. I'll be here. Yeah, there we go. We might actually get all new episodes of the commercial right. All right. So let me wrap it up there.

I will say that's all I can do for now. I think so. But I will tell you that I love you. And I love you. I will say best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say. We do say, and we must say.

Goodbye.