The Commercial Break - Check Yer Thermals

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

An important lesson when you're on the hunt for a Sheepsquatch: always check your thermals. Bryan & Krissy are back on the ground with Mountain Monsters. Being middle of the pack Bryan feels close t...o Conan A half-cryo machine The Tour de Fra Mr. D Everybody in the closet! The Poptart Story Mountain Monsters He’s got them huge horns Sneaky little sheepsquatch... HYAH! Shake that camera Don't swallow yer damn tobacco Plum outta dodge Bryan wants hard evidence LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This NBA season make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gamling Tom, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. They also studied the way gay and straight people talk. Hi, nice to meet you. I ride a skateboard. Sounds straight to me. And it is straight. Hey you. I ride a skateboard. Sounds straight to me. And is straight. Hey there, I ride a scooter. Okay.
Starting point is 00:00:31 On this episode of the commercial break. Check your thermal. Check your thermal. Check your thermal underwear? Yeah, no they're good. I'm in a little bing bang in my pants earlier from Crafts Services, but I'm good. Anybody got any wet wipes? I got a delicate anus. Biodegradable please, I don't want to hurt this Boone County. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, guys and kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Gray and this is the one hit wonder, Kristin Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristin.
Starting point is 00:01:15 Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We certainly do appreciate it. I just read that Cheesecake Factory is the highest grossing restaurant chain in America. Yay, maybe the world What have I been missing what did I miss when I went What was I missing? I don't know See when you just stick to just fine. Yeah, just fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. It's great. It's fine. I know it's not great
Starting point is 00:01:44 It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. It's great. It's fine. It's not great. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. And that's what we're sticking to. So maybe we're on that track. Yes. I really do think that we might be the Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcasts. We're not offending anybody. The food is fine. The service is fine. You go in the restaurant, it looks fine. Everything's fine. It's just fine. everything's fine. And yeah, I think that's our lot in life, Chrissy, and that's okay. Somebody's gotta be middle. Somebody's gotta be middle. Someone's gotta be mediocre. And I have always said this, and I don't think that there's an issue with this, and I don't say this lightly, actually,
Starting point is 00:02:20 this is a philosophy in life. If you stick in the middle of the pack, then, you know, life is grand. Because once you get up to the top or the bottom, the things start getting a little shaky. I mean, look at this, uh, peepotty over here. What is his name? Pee Diddy? He rose all the way to the top. And now look at him. He's a hot mess. This guy can't keep his thing in his pants and everyone's suing him and the police are after him and sex trafficking and all that. I don't want to go to that level. I don't want to be at smartless level or Conan level. I told our agency yesterday we were trying to get a...
Starting point is 00:02:48 I don't think we're in danger of that. No, no, no, no, no, no. But it's good that we don't want it anyways. No, we don't want it. We don't want it anyways. I don't want it. Yeah. Chrissy has always said, because like I have been recognized a few times for the commercial break, a few times. And I'm telling you that these people were probably mentally ill in some way. But anyway, so I was talking to Chrissy about this one time,
Starting point is 00:03:13 maybe a year ago, and I was like, yeah, I've gotten recognized a few times, the show's doing well, I'm on the charts. And I said, we were asking the question, when is famous? When do we hit famous? And Chrissy said to me off air, I don't want to be famous. I'm not looking for anybody to bother me anywhere. I don't want anybody to know me, quite frankly. And I don't blame her. She might have to get a job eventually. She's just hoping she can ride in the middle of, the commercial break is in the middle
Starting point is 00:03:39 and Chrissy is in the middle of the middle. She is insulated. I say, good for you. That's a good strategy, because I'm the asshole who keeps saying, it's going to get me in trouble. Cheesecake Factory, the number one grossing restaurant chain in America. Well, there's something for everyone. There is something for, it's a 272 page menu. So if you haven't been to a Cheesecake Factory,
Starting point is 00:04:01 I don't know where you live. And they do have good cheesecake, I have to say. They do. I haven't been in years, but- No, I think the last time I went was before the pandemic. I haven't been to a Cheesecake Factory, I don't know where you live. And they do have good cheesecake, I have to say. I haven't been in years, but... No, I think the last time I went was before the pandemic. I haven't been as recently as Kanye. No, Kanye apparently is hitting up Cheesecake Factory every third fucking day. Every third day.
Starting point is 00:04:15 Oh, when you find something you like. It's insane. I was sharing with our agency, we were negotiating to get a special guest in on the commercial break we were negotiating. And I said, if you must, if you have to, if push comes to shove, feel free to drop my name. Our agents all laughed. It's like a big chain message. They were all like, ha ha ha ha. And I said, and by my name, I mean Conan's name. Conan loves them. But that's not true. Conan doesn't love us.
Starting point is 00:04:45 So... Did you see him on the recent Larry David... Oh, Carburet Enthusiasm? No, I didn't, but I heard it was brilliant. It's funny. It's really funny. There's like a whole system that you have to go to actually say hello to Conan. I get to be approved by another friend in order for Larry to talk to him. It's a funny bit. Jared S just super pleasant as they can be. I feel like, clearly, we are no Conan O'Brien. He has a storied career and a storied history. SNL writer, Simpsons writer, had one of the best late night television shows that ever existed. Conan was the shit for a long time.
Starting point is 00:05:38 And he's done, he's been out on stage. Like, I don't know to stand up necessarily, but he's done live shows. He's a musician. Now he's got one of the top podcasts in the world, for a long time he's had that top podcast. He gets all, everybody swings through there. And so, we are nowhere close to Conan O'Brien level. I don't want anyone to think we ever compare ourselves to Smart Liz, Conan, Theo, any of those guys, they're doing their own thing and they're doing great at it. But, but I will say this, I do sense, I do sense that my name does carry some weight in this industry.
Starting point is 00:06:13 And it's usually- It's good to feel good about yourself. But I feel like it's a magnet and I feel like, you know, the magnet has two sides and right now we're on one side of the magnet where if you push another magnet toward, it just pushes it away, you know what I'm saying? But we're working on swinging to the other one.
Starting point is 00:06:29 Yes, it repels it. There is no good reason for a guest to come on the commercial break. None. Zero. None. Just ask Neil Brennan. He'll tell you. It's, you know, it's one of those things that I feel grateful for the position that
Starting point is 00:06:48 we're in, but it makes me a little bit like skeeved out almost a little bit. Like I'm here, I'm doing it, I'm putting one foot in front of the other. Do you feel like you have imposter syndrome? Very much. Yeah. Very much so. I feel like I have imposter syndrome. It is a thing and I have it.
Starting point is 00:07:04 I don't know that I'll ever get rid of it, but what I wanted to circle back with on Conan is, I do sense a bit of kinship in spirits, not that I've ever talked to the guy, but kinship and spirits in the sense that I think he has imposter syndrome. I feel close to him. I do, I feel like we're really close. In my head. In my head, when I'm listening to his show, we're best friends. I just feel like if he knew I existed, that he might take a liking to me. If he wasn't as famous and talented as he was, that Conan and I would be fast friends.
Starting point is 00:07:38 I think so. Yeah, it's hard not to have imposter syndrome, I think, a little bit when you just start a podcast and then all of a sudden 10 people are listening to you. You know, that's- It's big numbers. Listen, ask 10 people to stand in your bedroom. You know, like some people at first- What?
Starting point is 00:07:56 Listen to this. At your bedroom? Yeah. Alison one time was like, it was way in the beginning of the podcast. Alison Hare, great friend of ours. She's got a podcast also, Late Learner, go check it out. So Alison Hare, great supporter of the show, great friend of the show. And she's part of the reason why I actually started the show. Because she had started podcasting long before we did, and she decided to sell a course on how to
Starting point is 00:08:16 start a podcast. Getting the title, doing the names, how do you hook it up? Which hosting platform do you use? Which microphones do you use? And all that stuff. And a lot of that knowledge, technical knowledge, I already had. I was doing it poorly at many other places. I had a job. But, you know, I think Astrid had been encouraging me to do this for a while. We had already gone through the commercial break, the actual real estate version of the show. And so it was right before the pandemic, like December before the pandemic. And Allison puts out this Facebook post and Astrid goes, you need to sign up for this right now. Just sign up for it. Cause it'll give you the courage, the push that you need to actually do this. So Allison said to
Starting point is 00:08:55 me one time, a couple of months into the show, and we've got like 350 downloads per episode, which for some people is, for us at the time was huge. But I also recognized that that was not like a huge accomplishment, right? 350 downloads per episode wasn't like, it wasn't going to make us rich. Little did I know that 10 times that much wouldn't make us rich either, but you know, we've got to start somewhere. So she says, imagine three... We're still chasing that high. We're still, yeah, it's like heroin. You could never get back to that original high. The best day of my life as a podcaster was the day I woke up and I saw that we went,
Starting point is 00:09:39 this is like week number two, we went from 12 downloads on our first episode to like 120 downloads on our. I was so fucking excited until I learned all of that traffic came from Venezuela because my mother-in-law, not understanding exactly the nature of the show, put it on her LinkedIn where she has like 60 million people. Yeah, she made a LinkedIn post.
Starting point is 00:10:00 And then all of a sudden, all these people from Venezuela are downloading us. And I'm sure it's probably caused her a lot of trouble in life. But I'm sure that post has been taken down by now. We listen to your Sun and Loss podcast. While we don't speak English, we're pretty sure it's bad. You don't need to speak English to know this show is shitty.
Starting point is 00:10:23 So Alison says to me, Brian, just imagine that you have 350 people, like, at a bar or a club or in your house, and you're talking directly to them, you're doing, like, comedy for them. She goes, that would seem like a lot of people. You would feel like that was a lot of people. And she's goddamn right about that. That feels like a lot of people. So, no matter how many listeners we have, and that's neither here nor there, it's neither
Starting point is 00:10:44 here nor there because we don't have any, But whether you're here or there, it is difficult for me to put myself into a mindset where I believe that 350 people should be listening to me do anything, let alone try and be funny. So, you know, it's just one of those things. So, when I hear Conan, he's kind of self-deprecating a little bit, like he can't be self-deprecating. I think to myself, we're in such the same mental head space, Conan and I. And if only Larry David and Tom Cruise would stop by our podcast, then maybe we could be in the same financial space as Conan also. Conan, share some of your guests. What are you doing? You always give me guests. I think we are sharing guests.
Starting point is 00:11:24 Oh, we do. Oh, we do. We share a lot of guests. That's for sure. But I promise you this much, Conan gets there first. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're like, because can you imagine, just imagine the little bit of success that we've had on this show.
Starting point is 00:11:38 And imagine someone picks up the phone and says, book John Conan. You would freak the fuck out. You would be like, holy shit. I don't know how many downloads he has, 20 million a month or whatever. Oh my God, fucking Conan, that's crazy. We're going to go on Conan. That's insane. Yeah. And then the next day, commercial break. Yeah. Then the next day, commercial break. And they're like, do I have to? Am I contractually obligated to do this? Who? What? Yeah. I think we've had a few guests on who are pretty... What's that? The commercial break? You want me to do an ad for a podcast?
Starting point is 00:12:10 What's going on over there? And I know, I know for a fact that a few of our guests have listened probably moments before they're supposed to be on the show and they're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I got to do more research before I agree to these things. And most people have been just wonderful about it. They've been like, well, it's shitty, but I guess it's, you know, it's only- I think most people are having fun. And it's, we're, you know, we're doing what you and I do. And then we're doing it with a guest.
Starting point is 00:12:42 And then we're doing it with a guest. Yeah then we're doing it with a guest. Yeah, just ask Vir Dasow at all. Well, he was our first. You know he's gonna remember your first. He won't, but we will. He probably went to, he probably took a cold plunge right after that to forget everything. I like the cold plunge thing. The cold plunge.
Starting point is 00:13:03 We have those places too that are like the cryotherapy. Cryotherapy. Yeah, where you go in like the frozen, do you go in like, it's like a tanning bed but cold. It's tanning bed but it's cold. But it's tanning bed but they are literally spraying you with minus 20 degree air. Like misting.
Starting point is 00:13:19 No, thank you. You remember when I told you I went to Spain and we were staying at that hotel and they had that nice spa where they had the water spa. They had one of those cryo machines in there, but it wasn't like an official cryo machine. It was like a kind of a half cryo machine, meaning you did it to yourself. So you just kind of pulled the door closed. It wasn't as cold as the real cryo machines.
Starting point is 00:13:43 But I will tell you what, I just walked by the cryo machine and I was, I, thanks anyway, fuck that. Yeah, brrrr, let me go look at those strange boobs again, brrrr, I don't like that. I just don't like cold air. It's not interesting to me. And I don't, until someone comes to me and says, this is it, this cold air, this cold water, these cold plunges are doing this to your body in a positive way, until someone proves that to me scientifically, I don't want to chase that particular methodology. Yeah, well, we were talking with someone too where they had tried it and they said, look, you know, I'm just a regular exerciser.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Yeah. Like, I think there might be some legit benefits to high performance athletes. I agree with you. You know, that go, that are running. I mean, think about how football. Especially football players. Yeah. With the bruising and the beating up and the, you know. Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking about soccer or football, as they call it. Football, football.
Starting point is 00:14:47 But yeah, to where you're just, I mean, your muscles are just working, working, working, so overheated and I think there might be a benefit there, but I don't think just for us. No, and I mean, like when you get a bruise or a sprain or something, but that's your thing. Yeah, no, I'm not saying don't do it. Listen, anything that we review on this show, fine and dandy, as long as you're not hurting anybody else, fine. As long as
Starting point is 00:15:08 you're not like storming the Capitol or something, I don't give a shit what you do. But at the end of the day, this cold therapy just doesn't seem beneficial to a guy like me, who the most exercise I get literally is rocking my daughter to sleep at night. Like that's, you know, an occasional run. I don't need to sit in the ice bath for an hour. But if you're like a pro athlete and you're really, your body's taking a toll. Like the guys who do the Tour de France, I could see, Tour de France, do you see how I said that? I said it correctly, just letting everybody know that. The Tour de France. What happened to my mouth? It just stopped. It was like tour de France. I fell off there. I was like tour de France. See, just like Conan. That's comedy gold right there. How
Starting point is 00:15:56 do you get better than that? The Tour de France? Tour de France. The Tour de France. And then you are riding up a mountain at 30 miles per hour for days on end. Just pushing your body, just muscles. I can see how getting in an ice bath at the end of the night, while probably still uncomfortable, you're almost certainly used to it. You've been doing it for a while. But what would the trainers do anyway?
Starting point is 00:16:21 They would put ice packs on your legs and just sit there for an hour. Exactly. You might as well get in the tub. Yeah,. You might as well get in the tub and do it. But I am not a high performance athlete. I am not a high performance anything. I am not. I'm not high performance anything. And nor am I interested in being a high performance anything. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:16:39 That's the theme of the podcast. It's gone. Those days are gone. Any chance that I had... Sometimes I'll watch TV. Like, I'm watching this show right now. My nighttime show right now is a Canadian comedy show called Mr. D, starring Jerry D. He's a famous Canadian comic. And to me, it is so funny. It's like my third time watching this series. There's like eight seasons of it and I just, I love it. I usually
Starting point is 00:17:02 fall asleep within the first seven minutes, but that's no indication of how the comedy is. The comedy is really good. But I'm watching this Jerry D and it's all about teachers, right? A comedy show about teachers. And I sometimes think to myself, I would have been a good teacher, but as I get older, I'm starting to realize those days are gone. I'm not going to be a teacher. No one's giving me a teaching degree. No one's going to agree to have me in their, especially not after the commercial break. Yeah. So I was gonna say, especially not now. But then I think to myself like, yeah, you know,
Starting point is 00:17:30 I'm watching at night. You have a ton of kids, that's a classroom. This is true. I am a teacher. You are their teacher. I teach them nothing, but I am a teacher. I just try and keep them from killing themselves. But then I'm also watching all these science
Starting point is 00:17:44 and engineering videos. I like to watch those in the shower at night. Yeah, with, you know, the space engineering of the space shuttle, or how SpaceX gets the rocket so big, or whatever. And I'm watching these, but I watch the complicated versions where they actually break down and do like, you know, equations and stuff like that. I don't understand a fucking word of it. But I think to myself sometimes in that shower, I'm like, I could have been a good fucking space engineer if I had any organization or follow through skills. I could have been good at that. But then I remind myself, you're done, Brian. This is it. This is it. One last shot of glory. There was a fork in the road. You took the one.
Starting point is 00:18:17 The podcast. You took the one away from engineering. If you're looking for a get rich quick scheme, kids, podcasting is not it. I will tell you that right here, right now. Blue agrees. Yeah, Blue agrees. Well, Blue making her 506th appearance on the commercial break, in case anyone's wondering. Luckily she's mostly stayed out of the interviews lately because I locked her in a closet.
Starting point is 00:18:44 We have this lady who helps us around the house. She's lovely. I love her. Her name is Noemi. And she's been with our family since before the children's. And so she helps with the kids and she helps with the house, you know, just a couple of days a week. And Blue and her have really bonded in a lot of ways. But I know that Blue is extra irritating right now because even she is getting a little, is irritated. Stop it! Yeah, she's like, shut up. And that's just not like her. She's just, that's not her in her personality. But when we were getting ready for an interview earlier, she was like, do you want me to lock Blue in the closet? And I was like, yes, yes, I do. And the three
Starting point is 00:19:22 children that are currently at home, if you would do that for me too. Awesome. Everybody in the closet, daddy's got to work. Daddy! Daddy! Oh yeah. Or they just walk in and scream my name. Dad, bah!
Starting point is 00:19:37 Yeah, I'm trying to make money. You kids have clothes. I realize that you're, you know, the boys are wearing the girls hand-me-downs and the girls are wearing the boys hand-me-downs and the girls are wearing the boys hand-me-downs. I'm sorry kids, podcasting didn't work out how I intended. But don't let that stop me. I'm dumb enough to believe we'll continue forever. All right, now, this is what I want to do.
Starting point is 00:19:56 I know that last episode we had a mountain monster's moth man. It was requested by our friend Caden, one of the listeners of the show. And it was really funny, I have to say. It was really funny. And I had a second part to it. What I didn't realize in that second part was that it was paywalled, and I do not want to get on the bad side of a company who sometimes sends us guests and generally probably could copyright the show. So I don't want to do that. I'm not going to do the second part of Mothman, but I found something just as good from the Mountain Monsters. So, I don't want to let anybody down. I'm going to do a second Mountain Monsters for you today. What do you think about that, Chrissy? I think so.
Starting point is 00:20:34 Right here, right now. $1.99, 99 plus shipping and handling. Announce our voice. Yeah, now go into the announcer voice and get into that commercial. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break and then we'll be back. and get into that commercial. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break and then we'll be back. Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB and you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are. Thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are. This episode is sponsored in part by PrizePix. Okay, now a sporting season has come around that I actually enjoy the MLB. He's back, baby.
Starting point is 00:21:36 And I'm sitting here on Easter weekend and I am playing some games on PrizePix. And let me tell you how easy this is. I picked Joe Boyle, a pitcher from Oakland, to throw more than 6.5 strikeouts. And I got Aaron Judge, you know Aaron Judge, hitting a home run on tonight's games. And that's it, it's that easy.
Starting point is 00:21:54 You pick over, you pick under, you pick more, you pick less. It's just you against the numbers. Prize pick is America's number one fantasy sports platform where you do not have to be an expert on any of the sports because you're playing against the stats. And while I'm playing boil and judge tonight, I will be playing my boys from Atlanta later on this week. And now because PrizePix loves the commercial break listeners and you happen to be a commercial break listener, you can go to prizepix.com slash tcb and then use the promo code TCB for your first deposit match of up to $100.
Starting point is 00:22:25 That's prizepicks.com slash TCB and make sure to use the code TCB for a first deposit match of up to $100. Now you'll have to excuse me as I go watch the Oakland game and I'll follow up with you next week and let you know what happens. Prizepicks.com slash TCB, use that code TCB to get up to $100 on a first match deposit. Thanks Price Picks for being a sponsor of The Commercial Break. Oh my God, before we get into Mountain Monsters, you know what I'm so excited to see? The Pop-Tart Story starring Jerry Seinfeld.
Starting point is 00:23:01 Don't ask me why. I am Melissa McCarthy and I didn't even know this was a thing. It's a movie, it's coming out on Netflix May 3rd. And it's about the story about how Pop Tarts got started. About the guy who started Pop Tarts.
Starting point is 00:23:18 Which I've seen documentaries on this and it's very fascinating. I don't want to give it away here but I'm sure that Jerry Seinfeld when has Jerry Seinfeld ever starred in a movie besides the B movie, which was critically panned at the time. Like everybody disliked, all the critics disliked it. My kids are not one of those critics because I've seen that movie a hundred times and actually think it's all right. But, but Jerry Seinfeld in a Netflix movie, that's a big deal. I think that's a big deal. All right. Last episode, we did Mountain Monster. Some of our favorite guys on earth are those mountain monster guys and Chuck Chuck and Huck
Starting point is 00:24:06 Very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very No, no, Willie! That's right! Tone Free Willie, there he is, the rat that I let go years ago. He did just fine. Now he's living in the backwoods of Kentucky, spotting mothmen. West Virginia. Yeah, West Virginia. I'm pretty sure this is all filmed at the exact same place. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. And it's probably not West Virginia. It's definitely Kentucky. I don't know, who knows? Anyway, so here's what I did. I found us another one without further ado. I'm scrolling on the internet. As you do. As I do like to do. And here, the mountain monsters are not chasing Sasquatch, they're
Starting point is 00:24:36 chasing Sheepsquatch. Oh, Sheepsquatch. Yeah, it's a combo of the Sasquatch and a sheep. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe he hehehe hehehe hehehe hehehe he hehehe he he he he he he he he he That's Sheep Squatch, always running around the woods, ramming people. It's huge. I'm assuming it's big. Oh, it's gotta be. And it has horns. Oh, you don't know how big it is. And yes, it does have horns.
Starting point is 00:25:13 When it gets excited, it gets horns. All right, let's take a look and see. We're on the final night of the hunt, according to- There's a full moon. Of course, there's always a full moon. It's B-roll footage. They gotta make some kind of explanation as to why it's so very bright everywhere they go.
Starting point is 00:25:34 A full moon! True. There it is again. There it is again. There it is again! There it is again! Yeah, guys, listen, I'm over here and I got my dick stuck in a pussy willow. I'm trying to get it out.
Starting point is 00:25:55 It's making a knocking sound. Don't mind me. We're in Boone County and we're hunting the sheep squawks. He said that with a straight face. They're always in Boone County. Boone County is the same county every state. It's Boone County. Poor Boone County. They got the worst reputation on it.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Look at this, oh my God. They put up a picture of the sheep squawks. Oh wow. It has got the body of a. Sasquatch. Sasquatch. Bigfoot. And a weird piranha mouth. And a dog face, and then goat horns. I don't even think that's a sheep. I think it's a goat.
Starting point is 00:26:32 Six and a half, seven foot tall, weighs over 600 pounds. He's got a rat tail. What the fuck is going on? These guys are going a little too crazy. They're just making up anything. Of course they are. And by the way, I'm so proud to announce, I'm so proud of our country, I'm so proud of us as the United States of America, that I will read a lot of the comments below some of these videos on YouTube and people take it just as we do. It's just comedy golf to them. And has a huge set of horns like a ram.
Starting point is 00:27:01 He just ran off. He just ran off. Damn it. Damn it. He got away with this huge six hundred pounds. God damn it, I'm gonna go chase this thousand pound piranha mouth dog faced, scass, quatch with horns that could kill me by myself. Y'all stay here. Careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful,
Starting point is 00:27:20 careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, I don't think that's running more than it is just leaping over a log moving your feet in place. What is he doing? Where'd he go? I can't see.
Starting point is 00:27:33 Holy cow, look at that right there. How do you expect to catch anything at a groundbreaking 1.2 miles per hour? They're just swinging their guns all over the place at each other. Look at that! Right through that tree he was lying up against! He was just right here. He was just here. He was just here, two and a half feet from us because we didn't run anywhere. We literally stumbled two feet. He was right there. Imagine, we could have actually had a camera take a picture of this creature so that we could be the most famous people on earth!
Starting point is 00:28:10 It got away too quick, Brian. Yeah, so they always do, Chrissy. Oh, guys, I'm sorry! It scared me! Look at that! He tore up Jack, didn't he? Or! Now, Seabrack just attacked this tree. He just tore a bark up. I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I tore up the bark, then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing,
Starting point is 00:28:30 and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then
Starting point is 00:28:38 the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing, and then the thing Baaaaa-whoop! Baaaaa-whoop-whoop! That was good. This is baaaaaad news, I'm telling you what. Dug a big ol' hole in the ground where he slung against that thing, and just tore out north, right towards that track. Keep going to the left.
Starting point is 00:28:56 That was the worst fucking word you said! He's the worst. I know. Phil. I'd have earmuffs if I worked with that guy. And I'm a guy who screams for a living. Keep an eye on your left up there, Trapper. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Careful there, Willie. You fall off that son of a bitch, we'll never get you out of here. There's a tree that has fallen over what is clearly a three and a half inch ravine. Yeah, it's not very tall. And they're saying, don't fall off, we'll never get you out of there. Mainly because the rest of you are 380 pounds. Out there towards right straight in front of me, about 75 yards.
Starting point is 00:29:30 I can hear him. Back up and come around, come up here with us. Our logs will lead you to no place. I love how these guys, they're so sweet with each other. Don't get yourself stuck on a log that's falling down. That'll lead no place. Well, I'm pretty sure anywhere you go in this scenario leads you to no place. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Across the ravine, back through there. I see his eye right there, right there, right out there. About 60, 70 yards. I see it, I see it right there. He's moving up to the left. I see his eye. Guys, that's me. I see his eye. That's it though, just his eye. Guys, that's me! I see his eye.
Starting point is 00:30:06 That's it though, just his eye. Yeah, from 75 yards away he sees his eye. Hehehe. Guys, that's me! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! There he is. He's going exactly in the right direction we want him to though. Trapper.
Starting point is 00:30:22 Trapper MD. CBS needs a new episode by Tuesday. Go ahead. Yeah. Trapper MD. He's over here hitting up against a tree. He's got leaves kicked back. He's right between us on the trail. Did we just see him over here, see his eyes go up this ridge line?
Starting point is 00:30:42 No, I'm perfectly relaxed in this situation. I'm just gonna be sitting on the ground, but the guy who's closest to the sheep man Sheep Squatch, sheep foot, whatever it is The guy who's closest to the sheep foot. He's sitting on the ground just relax as he can be Don't worry about me guys. I'm good. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa We need to join back up. Are you close to the log pile? Yeah, we're pretty close, son. We'll meet you at the log pile.
Starting point is 00:31:26 Are you cl-close to the dumping pile? Meet me at the log pile. Meet me at the log pile. You mean the hole in the ground where we take our shits? Or the actual log pile? No, the stinkies. Let's go! I just heard the sheep squawks roar. That thing was loud. It echoed all the way up this holler.
Starting point is 00:31:46 It's incredible. Over here! Over here! We're coming! We're coming! We're coming! Go! Wow, the action in this is crazy.
Starting point is 00:31:54 They're all moving at a glacial pace, just swinging their guns wildly around. I think they also just met up with the other. There was one team and then one other team and then they missed them now. You've never hunted for cryptids, but if you had hunted for cryptids, you know that's how it goes. Cryptids, that's what they're called, these wild animals that don't really exist,
Starting point is 00:32:15 but people wanna believe that they do. They're called cryptids. I didn't know that. And so let me share with you, is that when you go cryptid hunting, like a 3000 pounds, seven and a half foot tall thing with fangs and muscles. At night. Yeah, at night, like a 3,000 pound, seven and a half foot tall thing with fangs and muscles at night, under the full moon. You know what you do? You split up. It gives the creature a better
Starting point is 00:32:32 chance to eat you alive. We're hurting. We're hurting. We've seen him too. We've got to keep pushing him north, right towards the trap. Let's move right through there now. Oh, they've got a trap. Form a line. Everybody point your gun at the guy next to you. Let's form a line and we'll walk slowly until one of us dies accidentally. The team just met up. We're going to keep pushing north on this deer trail, right up where Mason had his encounter with the sheep
Starting point is 00:32:59 squads. They got a map on there that's showing you where they are. That's not a map. It's just a... Ar's showing you where they are and that's a not a map It's just a arrows. Yeah, it's just arrows. I want to get a northerly direction Feeters just right over the hill Go go go go go run slower than you were running before. Go, go, go, go, go. God damn, dude. Check the fan right now. Check your thermal, Jeff.
Starting point is 00:33:31 I'm scanning now. Check your thermal. Check your thermal. Your thermal underwear? Yeah, no, they're good. I'm in a little bing bang in my pants earlier from craft services, but I'm good. Anybody got any wet wipes?
Starting point is 00:33:49 I got a delicateness. Biodegradable, please. I don't want to hurt this Boone County. He's moving fast, guys. Yeah. Oh, God. Straight down the hill. Come on, Bill. Straight over the hill!
Starting point is 00:34:05 He's just marching in place. I know, they're just going so slow. They're trying to chase a 7,000 pound creature that's seven and a half feet tall, and they could not be moving slower. It's like they're running in place. They're doing the backwood shuffle. They're just shuffling their feet along the ground.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Right here by this deer stand. Something just smacked it and took off down the hill. What do you got? Well, I found it. Unfortunately, Huckleberry number three is gone. He's dead. But I did find him and then he ran away. And as hard as I ran, I just couldn't catch up with him. I was right there. I can't see nothing. I'm right in there, what is it? We gotta get to the side, side, side, Buckleberry.
Starting point is 00:34:55 He's moving too fast. We gotta get the what? We gotta get to the side, side, side, side, Buckleberry. Jump, jump! He's moving too fast. Jump, jump! And he's moving too fast. Or maybe you're moving too slow. Maybe half your problem on this stupid show is that you guys just don't know how to run.
Starting point is 00:35:14 Just crawling basically. What's the new driver? We gotta get the cyber sides of pushing north. Huckleberry and I'll take one, you guys take the other one. I mean there has got to be a more scientific way of doing this, don't you think? Like, shouldn't you have a chopper up above, like with thermals? I was going to say like a drone. Yeah, like a drone, a couple scientists who are ready to draw blood or something. There's got to be a better way to go about capturing the sheep squad. I mean, that's just their process, Brian. Don't knock it. I don't knock it.
Starting point is 00:35:42 I've made a good living off their process, but I'm just sharing with you that it's kind of silly the way they go about this. They just stand in a circle, swing their guns around and yell at each other, essentially. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree.
Starting point is 00:36:10 I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree.
Starting point is 00:36:18 I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. I'm behind the tree. Come on, Buck, run down that hill. Whoops, gotcha, you missed me. I'm behind the tree.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Red Rover, Red Rover, send Buck over. Marco! Marco! Oh, these fucking mad monsters, I love scurrying them. Here, let me scramble up this tree real quick. Oh, these fucking mouth monsters. I love scurrying with them. Here, let me scramble up this tree real quick. Woo! So much fun. Hey guys, if you do catch me, I'm just gonna eat ya,
Starting point is 00:36:55 but let's have some fun with it for a while, huh? Here, I'm gonna run at a normal human pace, and you guys will be a mile behind me in about five minutes. Woo, come get me lets go come on lets go willy lets go willy lets go where you guys going go go go where I'm right here you don't need to get into a golf cart
Starting point is 00:37:24 you can just walk to me. And then I'll eat ya! Ha ha! Oh, here come my horns. I'll be right back. Let's go! Get Ashley! We're on him! Yeah, let's go! Stay right on him, Piper! Stay right on him! Get some! Get some! Stay right on him!
Starting point is 00:37:39 Listen to the crazy noises in the background. He's back on the ground, boys! Rawr! Rawr! Am I scaring you yet? Rawr! Here, wait. Let me make a little tapping noise. Just fuck with him.
Starting point is 00:37:51 Over here! You missed me! Hey, you want to play a game of tag? You tag my mouth and I'll chop off your arm. What do you think? No? Alright. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
Starting point is 00:37:59 hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, me! Hey, you wanna play a game of tag? Uh, you tag my mouth and I'll chop off your arm. What do you think? No? Alright. There's my one eye.
Starting point is 00:38:11 Yeah, I got one eye. Even with my one eye and dislocated shoulder and my bad hip, I'm still faster than Buck. Okay, alright. Run, you bastard, run! I'm back. There I am. Run, you bastard, run. Like they're on a horse. Yeah! Get him, John Deere tractor lawnmower. All right, let's take a break and we're going to be back
Starting point is 00:38:46 with Mildmouth. We got to figure out what happens here, Chrissy. I'm excited now. I feel like there's a good shot we're going to see a picture this time. This time they're going to get their man. This time Billy's going to get it. He's going to get it. All right, we'll be back. I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at The Commercial Break and then follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Done? Perfect.
Starting point is 00:39:12 Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3TCB? Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-3TCV. And don't forget to check out tcvpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break. All right, let's get back into it because I'm feeling they're on hot on the trail.
Starting point is 00:39:57 By the way, they're traveling 32 miles per hour in this cart. Stay up with them. Is he running down the same trail? I mean, honestly, he's running fast. Oh, there's lots of words here, but what I'm going to do is I'm going to run down the road. So you guys can see me clearly. Is that cool? Is that good? You think you can catch up with me? Man, this is rough. This is rough. Doesn't look rough to me. It looks like a fucking road. Gliding through.
Starting point is 00:40:29 Yeah, you're gliding down a road in a John Deere tractor. It's rough in here. He ain't got no choice now. He's an arsehole. We're gonna get him. We're gonna get him. We're gonna get him. Oh yeah, we're gonna get him. We're gonna get him. We're gonna get him. Can they see him? Because I can't. I know that they're flashing up the thermal camera, which shows nothing. I don't know what I'm looking at.
Starting point is 00:40:53 It just shows the woods. That's it. I guess the woods are red hot tonight because everything's red on the screen. Oh, damn, he can go through this **** quick, can't he? Oh, **** damn Boone County. If it was easy, we wouldn't be down here. God damn Boone County. God damn Boone County. Boone County is where you're making your bread and butter, kid. You're always in Boone County.
Starting point is 00:41:16 Damn Boone County. They've all got guns too and nobody can like, you know, just at least point. Point and shoot. Yeah. Point and shoot. If he's close enough to see, he's close enough to shoot. Get a dart gun. I mean, wouldn't that be the wise thing here? Get a dart gun, fill it with some good stuff
Starting point is 00:41:32 and just shoot him in the neck. I've seen it in movies. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. No, stay with him, he's going right there. He's still headed that way. We're on his ass. They keep that way! We're on his ass! We're on his ass! On his ass!
Starting point is 00:41:50 Don't threaten me with a good time! Get up in this ass! It's lonely out here for a sea squatch. I'm just letting you know. There's not a lot of single female sea squatch in Bird County. So if you guys want to take out it, I'll just bend over. Let you ram me for a few minutes, then I'll basically mutilate you with my teeth.
Starting point is 00:42:11 How's that? Oh, that's deep! Damn! Right away! Trap freeze right here! Right here! What the? Oh, man!
Starting point is 00:42:18 Oh, man! What the? Oh, my God! Ha ha ha! This is worse than 50 Shades of Grey! Did they just crash into a tree and fell over? Yeah, but it was so bad, you could tell no one crashed, it was just the camera shaking. This is the worst, I mean, it's the best comedy, but it's the worst non-fiction show on television.
Starting point is 00:42:49 It's clearly fiction. Piper and Huckleberry just hit something, we gotta get down right, shit sound like a grenade went off. We gotta take time to talk to the camera real quick and then we're gonna go rescue our friends. I'm gonna do an interview real quick. We're gonna go down there and help them. We're gonna take the next 30 to 35 minutes to do this cutaway and then we're gonna certainly find out whether our friends are dead or not. It sounded like a grenade.
Starting point is 00:43:15 Yeah, I'm actually in a hurry, guys. Can I get a sandwich from craft services? Sounded like a grenade. Fuck. Buck's gonna kill himself on this show. They gotta have a stunt double for Buck. He weighs like 180 pounds. Just switch it out. Because Buck's pants are all the way down Sun double for both. Was like, weighs 180 pounds. Just switching out. Because Buck's pants are all the way down around his thigh.
Starting point is 00:43:51 His whole ass is sticking out as he's trying to shuffle down a hill. Buck! Trevor! Buck! Trevor! Trevor Uncleberry! Oh, he's sliding, just on his butt. They're all sliding down their butts.
Starting point is 00:44:02 Yeah, that's probably the best idea, that size. That's probably faster. Yeah, probably faster. If you would just roll down, like, what was her name in the Willy Wonka movie? Veruca Salt, yeah. You okay, Huck? Oh! Down goes Buck! Down goes Buck! They're just tripping all over themselves. I know.
Starting point is 00:44:26 The medic cost on this production must be huge. Cause everyone's always falling or hurting themselves. Remember that one time, was it Huckleberry that fell into the freezing water? Yes. Well, the water was coming down on him. That was a different one. Oh no, yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:44:45 It was like our first ever mountain monsters and he fell into a creek and it was freezing. What was that what happened? We just seen you hit something. We hit a goddamn tree. Well. We hit a goddamn tree? We hit a goddamn buck! And don't worry, the golf cart is completely unscathed, but we are profusely bleeding everywhere. Look at the windshield!
Starting point is 00:45:15 Damn, Trafford! You alright? Uncle Barry, you alright? They're discombobulated. They're all discombobulated! I think these guys might need medical attention right now, but we're in Boone County. Walmart is the closest doctor. They got their cage rattled.
Starting point is 00:45:33 He went that way. He went that way. He went that way. Go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go. Leave me alone. Leave them alone. There's like broken glass.
Starting point is 00:45:43 Everywhere. Their hair is all discombobulated Yeah, they can't talk they're like in some state of confusion And then one of one of the guys who's been in the accident says he went that way and everyone just starts running away Don't worry about it. It'll be fine I think that it got mad it it got irritated, and it turned. Instead of going to the trap, it went ahead and just attacked them. Come on.
Starting point is 00:46:11 Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what happened. There were cameras on that cart, too. There are literally cameras attached all over that cart, and they didn't catch one shot of being attacked? No. Come on. Damn, they don't just go, bam! You all right, Uncle Barry?
Starting point is 00:46:25 Looks like you're about to puke. Well, I swallowed my damn tobacco! What? That will make you puke, from what I've heard. Oh yeah, I've done it. It's, when I was in high school and I tried to chew, right, actual chewing tobacco, that's the nastiest shit in the world.
Starting point is 00:46:45 And you better be goddamn close that throat. Don't swallow one bit of it. Cause it's not going to go down easy. Yeah. It's gross. There's light over there. Yeah. All right. After I got down here and checked on Trapper, man, God, his eyes look like he's been doing acid for a month. It's crazy. He's got all acid for a month. It's crazy. He's got all pupils, no eye. While Bill got over there, picked up on his trail, let's not lose him.
Starting point is 00:47:10 I don't care if he sees nothing or not to win. He has to be wounded. I don't see how in the world something will get through here good Lord. He has to be wounded? Your friends just got into a terrible accident with the sheep squash. The windshield is broken, they're discombobulated, only no one got wounded. Do you think the sheep squash left in the same way? We took right up, all the pressure running through that thing, it going through that thick...
Starting point is 00:47:37 What? What is he saying? We went down to the thing and I got to the thing and saw a fucking bug and I went over there down the thing. I didn't see a damn thing thick brush We couldn't even remotely you know would be fun to go on YouTube watch one of these videos and put on the closed caption that the AI does Right on out of Dodge it left the patch we couldn't even keep up with Sam I don't see nothing.
Starting point is 00:48:05 Look at this. What a mess. You can see the round part of his horn where his horn was right here. Look at this. Pfft. Hahaha. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:48:16 This thing is seven feet tall, 800 pounds, and he's showing a circle where he thinks the horn went through? It's the size of a dime. It's the size of a dime It's the size of a dime Are you sure you're not just dealing with like a really irritated roach because this doesn't seem Like a thing that big would make such a small dent. Yeah Wow, I think it little bitch rammed us. I'll tell you exactly what happened.
Starting point is 00:48:49 Please do. He had a choice between the trap and me. He actually turned to fight. He rammed that big head and horns right in front of the side beside. Okay, where is the picture? Where is the photographic evidence? You're with a fucking camera crew, mic'd up. Cameras everywhere. Lights in action. All the whole nine yards. Where is the picture?
Starting point is 00:49:11 It's elusive. I know. Me and Wild Bill picked right up on his tracks. It's real thick in there. We made it out about 300 yards. We just couldn't keep up with the trail. I mean, he just prattled around like right out of Dodge. I mean, plumb out of Dodge. Plumb out of Dodge. When's the last time you heard someone say plumb out of anything? That's like from a movie in the 60s where they just like stereotype Southerners. Well, I'm plumb out of cheesecake, honey. I'm plumb out of cobbler. Plumb out of Dodge. We are plumb out of plbbler. Plum out of dodge. We are plum out of plums today. Slow him down none.
Starting point is 00:49:50 I mean he must be one tough hombre. Tough hombre? You're assuming he's Mexican. That's pretty racist there buddy. Hombre. This critter is big, he's agile, and he's mean. Very agile. Yeah, he's very agile. He's right there, but you can't catch up with him. He's everywhere, but you can't get a photograph of him. He's dancing all over the place, but no one seems to shoot him. It's just, I mean, come on, guys. It's the sheep's quads. Yeah, I understand. This has been going on for whatever, 12 seasons, and you've never once, that I know of, photographed or had any evidence that any of these things exist, like hard evidence, except for tree
Starting point is 00:50:33 markings and a dent and some guy got a, you know, I got a... Scat. Scat. But you don't take that to a scientist or a doctor or NASA or somebody who can test that shit. What you do is you just make- Keep filming. Just keep yelling. He tore up Jack, didn't he?
Starting point is 00:50:51 Or the Sheep Squatch War is just as bizarre as the creature itself. We heard that thing and it just shook the whole holler. Listen. The whole holler. The whole holler. Get down to the holler, get down to the creek, boys! Get down to the creek!
Starting point is 00:51:08 It's a killer, and it's dangerous, and it's befearing. But it didn't kill us, nor did it try to eat us or any other thing of the sort. This thing turned and challenged us and attacked us. Oh, f***ing hell! He hit something! He hit something! What the f*** is going on? He took his horn and ran it right attack. Oh, f***ing hell, you hit something there! Hit something! What the f*** is going on there? He took his horn and run it right through the windshield,
Starting point is 00:51:28 right at him. It took a dime and threw it at us. This thing is dangerous. This windshield ain't going to go nothing. That's why this crack team of monster hunters that are all like approaching 70. Probably, yeah, except for Huck. And Buck.
Starting point is 00:51:45 His body probably is 70, but his age is probably less. And they'll just find a new Huckleberry when this one ages out. They'll just get a new Huckleberry, a similar age. I think each Huckleberry lasts about a season. What happened? I came running over that hill and I busted the crossbowman out of my britches. Oh, he did. Oh, ****.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Oh, his pants are ripped. Oh, he did. Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:05 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:06 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:07 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:07 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:08 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:09 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:10 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:11 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:11 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:12 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:13 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Starting point is 00:52:14 Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh ripped because he's a big boy and at some point going down that hill where they got into the car and he slid down on his butt because the walking wasn't doing it for him and then even while sliding he still managed to tumble down his pants are ripped open in the front down one leg and they just showed a shot where you can see his white boxers and his dangling participles it's a good thing I have on my long underwear you You ought to be seeing more than what you bargained for. Don't make me laugh, it hurts, Doug.
Starting point is 00:52:48 This is the funny part of the show. Oh, that's funny. Forget about that old sheep-squatch. Forget about that old sheep-squatch. We're fine. Let's look at my balls. Let's look at my torn pants. Let's look at the real monster in this situation. My mammoth cock! Yes, sir.
Starting point is 00:53:05 Sheep's scotch has to be heard. I think we were taking it easy, Huckaberry. I bet that son of a bitch is dinged up worse than I am. I bet he's up here someplace pulling Trapper out of his ass. You're right. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:53:13 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:53:21 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not heard. I think we were taking easy Huckabee. I bet that son of a bitch is dinged up worse than I am I bet he's up there someplace pulling trapper out of his ass. You're right there buddy. Yeah. All right He's up there somewhere pulling trapper out of his ass What does that even mean? But also is he now able to just jump?
Starting point is 00:53:40 Yes, up there. Yeah, he's up there. He's gone up. He's scampered up the tree like a bear. Take care of him, Buck. I got him. The sheep squash may not be in our trap, but I know for sure he's in Boone's family. Well, once again. Cow-killing bastard. Once again, we don't get proof, but we get comedy. There you go.
Starting point is 00:54:04 Oh man, I love a good Mountain Monsters. Thanks, Kaden. Thanks for reminding us. Yeah. Gave me a little extra push I needed to get back to the Mountain Monsters. It's a good one. Yeah, now we'll put them away for a couple months and then we'll be back. Okay?
Starting point is 00:54:16 Can't do too much. I don't want this to turn into season number two or three. Repeat. Every episode is Mountain Monster. Oh man, so much fun. I just love it. Season number two or three, repeat. Every episode is mountain monster. Oh man, so much fun. I just love it. They can't catch a break.
Starting point is 00:54:30 They can't get one of those on video. No, it's Billy's fault though, really. It's Billy's fault. It's always been Billy's fault. That's who I blame. Billy and Huckleberry, those two are engineering, manufacturing this drama behind the scenes, and everybody else thinks it's real. I'm on to you, Huckleberry number four. I'm on to you. Oh man, hey listen, you know what I'd
Starting point is 00:54:50 also I'd like to be on to? I'd like you to be on to the commercial break. We are plum out of people to talk to here in this neck of the holler. So we need you to come on the commercial break. Don't you want to? Don't you need to? Wouldn't you like to? You can dial in on the phone. We'll disguise your voice if necessary. If that really is necessary, we can do that. All you have to do is let us know you want to be on the show by contacting us at 212-433-3822. 212-433-3822. Text us. Let us know if you want to be on the show. Give us a little synopsis 3 3 3 t cb 2 1 2 4 3 3 3 8 2 2 Text us let us know who you want to be on the show give us a little synopsis of what you'd like to discuss the question
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Starting point is 00:56:05 free TCB bumper sticker. All you gotta do is hit the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we will send it away. I think we're in the process of creating the new one. So at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and youtube.com slash the commercial break. Thanks Dr. Phil, you're welcome, Brad. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you.
Starting point is 00:56:32 I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we always say, we do say, and we must say, Goodbye. Goodbye. I'll say good bye. Hey, back on the ground, boy!

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