The Commercial Break - Coach Ed...Sex Ed

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

Bryan shares his thoughts on the new advertisers popping up inside the show. Bryan and Krissy reminisce about simpler times...when no one listened to the podcast. Then, Bryan thinks back to puberty and that sends him down a Sex Ed Video rabbit hole on YouTube. It's safe to say that Germany is not afraid to teach it's children about EVERY aspect of sex. Finally, the gang reviews a sex video from a Catholic nun and some old sex ed videos put out by the U.S. government. You'll learn absolutely nothing as TCB takes on Sex Ed! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And welcome back to WSHIT's continuing coverage of the 2022 Crab Apple Mayoral election. Steve's got some collars on the line, he's taken some questions for the mayoral candidates, let's go live to Steve in the studio. Hello, speaking of new faces, I'm generally have voted Republican over the years, but recently I've become disillusioned with the party and I found an independent candidate that's been getting some press lately called These Nuts and I was wondering what your views on that were, what his chances are. By the way, These Nuts has been identified as a 15-year-old farm boy in the Brady Olsen.

Well, I don't know about you, but I think these nuts is the refreshing change we need in office. We'll be back after this. Get a merch show break. On this episode of the commercial break, one of the two ways that we can do this Chrissy is right is we can charge. We tried that. It wasn't an incredibly successful venture.

It was early on, very early on, in episode number 30. But we kind of felt dirty about that a little bit because the whole thing about podcasting is lettering content. We didn't have premium content. Right. That's the thing.

When exactly that happened. Right. For a long time. We had 43 exactly after that't have freemium content. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not entirely sure when we were doing Patreon that that was freemium content. That's what I'm saying. It wasn't freemium content. Okay.

Those episodes have been lost forever. By the way, never to be shown again. Hey, you know something? No, what? I had a white dream last night. Hey, you know, here's something what? Hey, you hear about Babe Ruth's big homer and the night thing? By the way, I got gizz all over my underwear. I just came in my pants! Oh, gee Jimmy!

Why have I not gizzed in my pants yet? What's that? Oh, you know, this brand comes out of your penis. Bleh? Yeah, what are the sticky stuff? Yeah, that white sticky stuff, I can't get out of my hair The next episode of the commercial break starts now How are you on Brian Green this is Chrissy Hodeley and Happy Holidays.

Best of you, Chrissy. Best of you, Brian. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of The This, The, The commercial break. The. Don't forget the commercial break. One and only. The one and only.

Glad you're on board today. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- that part we've done right now if we can just get the middle part of the program you've buttoned up a little bit more we'll be good good the people listening to us don't worry I think by number I think by episode number 180 we should we should break it and let's know remarks stay tuned for 180 please stay tuned so we're gonna get the 10 listeners we need you we'll be good by them we'll be good by them we're just we're we're just, we're gonna, we're gonna prayer over here. We're gonna pray. We're gonna pray.

You know, this brings up an interesting topic. We're gonna pray, yeah. Take my hand, we'll make it, I swear. Whoa, we're gonna get you listening to it. Yeah. Yeah. This brings up a fantastic, this is a good segue to my next point, which I wanted to point out a couple weeks ago. Actually I pointed it out at the end of the show, but I'm not entirely sure how many people stay toward the very end of the show.

So I'll put it in front of the show so we cover those who stay and those who don't stay. Of our nine listeners, I bet seven of them don't listen to the very, very, very end of the show. Yes. Maybe, I don't know, actually the stats tell me differently, but whatever. A couple of, I got a couple of emails. And those emails weren't negative emails. They were just question marks. Did you know that on such and such platform,

there are advertisements running inside of your show. Now, we're not talking about the host red ads, which Chrissy and I actually do, Chrissy and or I do inside of the show. But you'll notice that there's a little commercial break for the commercial break. And that's where I stuff all those liners that everyone hated when I was talking for 17 minutes

about WWE this and WWE that. I do remember that. Yeah, that was horrible. I went back and listened to some of this episode. I'm like, what are you droning on about for 26 minutes? Fucking care. I think I would just kind of like zone out and drink wine.

I know you would. Hey, thank you. What? Fucking care. I think I would just kind of like zone out and drink wine. I know you heard. I think you would. But honestly, sometimes a third of the episode was dedicated to telling where people, where they could find us, additionally, when they were already listening to us, like why was I doing that? Yeah. Anyway, now I do it very quickly in the middle of the show.

It's a tape segment. Spotify has asked us if we would be okay with them selling ads on our behalf. And we have said yes of course because that's a big deal. In the podcast universe that's a big deal. Yeah that is. So as well as the host red ads sometimes you will hear at the very beginning of the show or in the middle of the show a commercial or two, 15 to 30 seconds of commercial or two. That is us, we are doing that. We did say yes to Spotify. At least we know. Yeah, we know.

We know. And here's the reason why, in all honesty, is, we desperately need the money. We desperately need the money. We need some money. Fucking dying. Yeah. We just thought we'd share that with you.

Yeah, I think people get it. Yeah, I think you get it. I don't think I need to dumb this down. Here it is. Yeah, you're either gonna pay for a subscription service with no commercials, or you're gonna have a free service and hear a couple of calls.

Or you're not gonna listen to the show at all. Or you're not going with that off. Okay, all right, all right. Fair enough. You like the commercial break and one of the two ways that we can do this, Chrissy is right, is we can charge. We tried that.

It wasn't an incredibly successful venture. It was early on, very early on in episode number 30. But we kind of felt dirty about that a little bit because the whole thing about podcasting is, we didn't have premium content. Right. Let's do that. When exactly that happened.

Right. Which episode? Evisote 43, exactly after that. We don't exactly premium premium content I'm the pranos level and you gotta throw some commercials in there Now, I'm not entirely sure when we were doing Patreon that that was premium content

That's what I'm saying, it wasn't premium content Okay, those episodes have been lost forever By the way, never to be found again You get it We only're here. We did five. We did five. Yeah. They're not going to be played in. I think at some point we will put like a whole catalog out there of all of the episodes. Like the one we just recorded 30 minutes of and then figured out that we did. That's why I'm feeling bungee. Yeah, that's right. We're so little extra wine in there.

Yeah. You get it. We come here. Yeah. We take some time with energy, effort, and money to make the show. And now we've gotten to the point where we're able to sell sponsors into the show.

And we felt like that was the right move just to compensate us for a little bit of the money that we put out there. It's not a lot. Just when it's not Joe Rogan money. We're not independent living off of the podcast yet. But we hope to someday, and so we really appreciate that you stick around and listen to the commercials. It's not that big of a deal. It's a couple minutes, and the sponsors give you free shit.

So if you like it, go and use their URLs and codes. If you're in the market for it, and we promise we'll never sell anything on the show that we would not use ourselves. So you will not see, you know, testosterone supplements in vermicthin or whatever that's you never gonna hear that on our show. It's not gonna happen. So just know what you appreciate. I like everything that we've put on here. Yeah, so far all those host red sponsors we've had, and we have a little less control over what gets sold by Spotify, but I do have the ability to say, I want this, I don't want that. And so, you know, I just put in basically, I said,

ED medication is the only category. So now you're going to hear bone or medication 24 hours a day on the commercial break. Sweet. That's our target audience, men with erectile dysfunction if you have a medication for a reptile dysfunction I've got two shows and then what are all these things they say on the medical commercial? Yeah, it could cause It could cause the other the prism your penis could explode

You may not be able to jack a lead for six to 12 weeks. Don't worry about it. Yeah, otherwise Totally take it. I know I love the ones that are like you know death is a is an uncommon occurrence Uncontrollable diary and it's one of my favorite explosive blood coming out of your ears Mayonic a she's a Lose a left- I'm calling your doctor. Conductor doctor. Talk to your doctor about a missing nose in the morning. Blindness. If your teeth start falling out while you're eating soft foods,

call your doctor. Talk to him about it. Like, wow. Yeah, they say everything under the sun. Uh-huh. That's the CYA. You know, we're one of the only countries in the world that allows for private

medication companies, like private pharmaceutical companies to actually advertise on television. Oh, really? I know that. One of the only ones in the world. In Europe, they cannot do that. Probably because I don't live in another country. Yeah. Well, there you go. You cannot do that. I don't know what the TV production companies do when they don't have all that pharmaceutical money. You know what I'm saying?

That's true. It's big money. It's like every third commercial is for this or that or the other thing. And it's sometimes it's really random medications. Like, you know, if you have erectile dysfunction coupled with schizophrenia, coupled with breast cancer call that, you know, you may need, you know, flip open, flip open helps.

Help you stay away. Flip open. Flip open. If you're a truck driver with one leg driving down the street, driving down the street. You may need them. Yeah, and notice in itch in your nipple, you may need flip open. Flip open it has been proven to keep you awake while getting rid of that itchle, itchle nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple nipple n I was thinking the other day. I was thinking about our changing bodies. You know, I'm getting up there in age,

I'm in my late 20s now, and things are starting to... Right, that was also the name of our very first podcast of 2021. Our changing bodies. It's amazing that you still remember that. That's crazy. And that's a pretty funny episode if you want to go back and listen to it. It's the first episode that we recorded here in this studio. And that's a pretty funny episode if you wanna go back and listen to it. It's the first episode that we recorded here in this studio.

And that's when we say a happy new year. Ah, happy new year. And the continuing. For six months. Yeah. And then that second half of the year we flipped to happy holidays. Happy holidays.

I was thinking about my changing body as I get a little bit older and all the things that come along with a changing body. And it made me think for some reason think back to puberty. Like aging happens slowly, but puberty happens, show fucking quick, right?

Oh my gosh, and there's a really good show. I don't know if you've seen this. It's on Netflix. It's called Big Mouth. And I've seen a couple episodes. Oh, Larius, Nick Croll, does it? I mean, it's all about puberty. It's done in an animated, animated form.

Nick Croll's so funny. It's really, really funny, Jeff and I love it. I remember the former monster is the big one. I've seen it. I remember when I got hair on my chest, I had hair on my legs extraordinarily early. I was 11 or 12 years old when I started getting hairy legs, and that was not fun in the gym class.

I also had a raging heart on every time one time when the guy asked me to climb the rope and I just told him no. I just literally laid flat on the ground. I just can't do it. Don't put me in coach. You not put me in coach. There's a lot of stuff that goes on during that puberty and a very short order of time. So I remember back to a specific class that I had back in my Catholic high school freshman year. That is when the Catholics taught you about sex ed was in freshman year of high school.

I'm sure he's very informative. I'm sure he'll make it through. It was taught by the assistant, like the fill in the substitute gym teacher was the guy who taught this class. I'm pretty sure because the gym teacher was like this is too embarrassing. I can't do it. I'm calling and sick today. Yeah, I can't ask you to climb that rope and look you in the eyes after I've talked about your

boner. The substitute teacher was probably the worst sexual educator that has ever lived. In the first 13 seconds of the conversation. He mentioned condoms, dildos, KY jelly, and anal sex. All in one sentence, he just literally blurted it out. He was like, put the condom on some with the KY jelly and the anal sex with a dildo. I was like, oh my god. I think he was trying to connect with the kids, you know, he was trying to be like, I know what tip.

Yeah, I know what the kids are doing. They're throwing KY on a cucumber and sticking it up their ass What you can do that? Yeah, you can yeah, hey You haven't tried it yet That's called a reviews reverse cucumber. It's called a pickle in game Well the pickle you throw some vinegar on it shove it up your ass Turn into a pickle

That's how they make them for the Chick-fil-A sandwiches. Unbelievable. But it would be a little bit more conservative over there, Chick-fil-A. I think they are. As a Catholic kid in Catholic high school, we had the video, too. Everybody had the video of the one along with it. The video.

But the video that would have gone along with my particular class would have had to kind of dance around all of the eccentricities of the Catholic religion. Right. Like, you can't have sex before marriage, you can't wear a condom, you know, your birth control is a sin. You know, all these other shit that basically they're teaching you sex even though they want you to be scared of the actual sex.

They're teaching you about what happens when you get married. Yes, when you get married. When you get married. Yes, when you get married. In freshman year in high school. That's what they're teaching you. That's right. And now I had long sense known about sex. I may have even had sex at this point. I'm not even sure.

I had hair on your legs. I had hair on my legs. I seemed older. So I went on the internet and I was like, I'm going to see if I can find this Catholic video that they would have been showing around the 90s, you know, because the Catholics, they all just, you know, they make one and then they distribute it to all the Catholic schools. Right.

But I couldn't find it. And what I did find was a schmorgishborg, literally, in German, a schmorgishborg of sex and tapes. Oh, God. I can imagine. Some of these are extraordinarily, extraordinarily graphic, probably. In Europe, they have a very popular television show,

put on by the BBC in the British colonies, but then in Germany, they have their own version of it called Sex Ed. And it's a show that runs on the public television. Okay, I like it. And they literally have a naked lady spread out on a bed. And there is a, what looks like a doctor, she's got a medical code on anyway, right?

Spreading the vagina lips to touch the clitoris, to point to where it is. I mean, Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo for my late night browsing here in the studio. I got it on private browser, man. Boom.

This is not at all what I saw as a child, but maybe exactly what is needed. I think so because with the porn that's a little bit... Yeah, that's not real estate. I mean, it's not. It's not realistic for me. People need to be taught that. Yeah, people need to be taught how to have normal, regular sex because porn- With people's changing bodies. With people's changing bodies.

Yeah. That's right. You got to teach these kids and you got to show them. There weren't even diagrams involved in my sexual education. It was literally some rotund guy talking to us about where the vage was. We were all like, yeah, we know.

We got it. Between the legs, 10 to 4. And then they say, you know, try and explain all the holes and stuff like that. I've got whatever. You get it. So I went on a hunt to see if I could find one of these educational videos that might have been playing around that time.

I really wanted to see, like, I don't remember the video. I just remember the guy who was trying to explain the video to us. So I found some. Would you like to hear? Yes. Hey guys, it's that time in the show for the commercial break. It's the commercial break inside of the commercial break. Go to www.tcbpodcast.com to learn more about Chrissy and I read all the show notes, listen to all the audio and watch all of the

video. Also, you can get your free TCB collectible sticker right there on the website. Click on the button that says, I want my free sticker. We'll tell you how to get one. You tell us where to send it. It's easy. 661, best to yo, that's 661, 237, 8296. If you want to leave us a voicemail or a text message, please do. Make sure to include the phrase best to you on your voicemail and we'll use your audio in a future episode at the commercial

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It's a win-win for everybody and we really appreciate you listening to the commercial break and paying attention to the sponsors. PayTCB listeners gotta let you know that Coinbase is sponsoring part of this program. Are you one of those people like many of my friends who have been asking me about cryptocurrency for many years? For about seven years, I have been involved myself in cryptocurrency and had a Coinbase account. Coinbase makes it easy to buy, sell, trade, and use cryptocurrency from your phone, your tablet, or your desktop. Coinbase offers a trusted and easy

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As I do, let me get the video here up. Okay, now, I can't, I'm not gonna give you some of the more graphic stuff. I'm gonna stick with the older stuff. I'm first gonna listen, we're first gonna listen, to a sister, a sister, a nun trying to give sexual education to the Catholic kids. Do they have sex? No. Okay. Just one of the places. Nudge. Nudge. They have sex. Okay. If you watch HBO's the young

Pope, they are fucking all over the place. They're literally blowing the Pope 24 hours a day, which is a great show, by the way, the young Pope. I need to watch that. It's the by the way. I need to wonder. It's been on my list. It's incredible. It's such a good show. But, you know, those sexy nuns, the world's most attractive nuns that ever live, are always in some state of undress, blowing somebody, right? And the, you know, the, anyway, no, nuns take a vowselva to see just like the father do,

which is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Let's get real. Come on. A vowselva, see just like the father's dude, which is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Let's get real. Come on. A vowselva, she just leads them down the darker path. We know it, don't do it. But here, this nun seems to be okay with talking about the ins and outs. You wanna hear?

She drew the short cock on this one. She may have never even a sex. Yeah, that's nice. I mean, how do you teach about that? I don't know, I guess you just, I guess someone teaches it to you and then you say, okay, I can figure that one out. Yeah.

But I think this is Irish public television video from Ireland, which is why I said Irish. Yes. Yes, Mr. Green. And here she is teaching us the Bats of Birds in the Beats. Hello, I'm Angela, and over the next few sessions, we're going to be together, talking about you growing up, your body, its changes, and a lot more.

And I think you're going to find it fascinating. Oh, I've already fascinated sister Oduham I'm already My grandma's teaching me about sex. I can't wait Everything is based on love and the person who loves this most of all is God So let's start by asking him to do I have a boner? Dear God, dear God, can you make my penis work just one more time? It's Frankie B. He got! What do you say about making this shaft get up hard and I haven't. I can have 60, 30-year-old. Help us to understand about it all. Dear Lord, I want to invite you

to be with us as we talk together about growing up. It's about growing up. That's a broad umbrella. She just threw out. She doesn't want to offend Jesus. She doesn't want to say dear God, please help us as we talk about reverse cowboy anal sex. The double star.

Yes. Please help us as we talk about double penetration with these youngsters, with these 10 to 15 year olds. Oh my God. Because you are the inventor of people. And penises. You are the one best able to understand us and help us to understand and love one another.

And our changing bodies. That was a great prayer. Oh, they're getting you in the mood here, you notice? This is Casio 3. Stop it, stop it. This in the mood here, you notice? Ding, ding, ding, ding. This is Casio 3. Shut up! This is the newlywed couple here. They're showing their love for each other. Oh, newlywed. Yeah, that's a pretty new catch there.

Good catch. By lovemaking. Lovemaking just means making each other feel loved. No, no, no, no. Not in my world. making each other feel loved. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I didn't know Zedabalpanies and you're going out. Oh sister, you're way off the mark here. And I can guarantee you whatever Irish kids are watching this are like, come on. Really? Yeah.

But between a man and a woman, it's a bit different. Because when they... Man and a woman. Man and a woman. No room for interpretation there. Hold each other really close and give a long kiss and a warm hug. They tell each other that they're beautiful and everything like that. They also have a bit of a laugh because they are the best friends.

Just like Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian. That's right. That's fun. They have a good gig at the size of his dingle. And then something happens. Uh-oh. In a very short time, because they're so close, the man feels his penis becoming erect.

In Gorge, in fact, he's been waiting for a long time. He hurts bad, and he needs to release the poison. Straight, hard. And the sperm coming down into it. Like it did when he had a wet dream. I hate that term. By the way, I hate that term. I hate the term wet dream.

I hate it. A moist dream? Now, what? I just prefer like a jizz dream. Like a drippy dream. Like, I just prefer anything except for wet dream. It drives me crazy. I don't know why. And the sperm is coming into the man's penis. The woman's body is getting ready to receive the sperm. It's amazing, you know how God made it. Because while they're making love and being happy together, the woman feels her vagina becoming kind of slippery inside, so that the penis can easily slip in and out. Clear splash, I was taking a bath.

Oh, that was sad. Let's just... They're all doing show-ya with the old crudgy crutch. Someone's sister old dools age may need a little help, but a little jump start. That's why this video is sponsored by Catholic K.Y. Made with real holy water to protect your cock during in the course. Here's the happy cock and happy cock and no trouble.

So he slips. If I was making love to this lady and she was like, don't worry about it. No trouble. Not trouble. Just try again. Just try again, Brian. Let me give you a little spanking on your bottom and we'll have a long hug and a deep kiss.

And maybe a bit of a giggle, because we are the best of friends. And then you can slip it in me, in and out. No trouble. Get me trouble. This penis, inter-arvagina, gives her the sperm. Then she has the sperm. Then the penis slips out.

And then tag your it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I was about to break. Give her the sperm and he runs off. Yes, it is. And then it's her turn behind. Tag your it. Oh my god, that was funny Brian.

Oh, yeah, about what happened. No takes you back. Funny Brian What happened no takes me back If you can manage to steal the flag from the other person then you win the game Who's got the hot juice? She's got it now No, she sits on his face and gives it right back to him. We call this a Jesus chain, passing the jizz from one Jesus to the other. Oh my God.

And that's all. And that's all. That's it. No, we're done. We're hard to talk about. Tag she's it. She runs away and that's all. That's it. No, we're done. No, we're done. We're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done.

No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done.

No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done.

No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No, we're done. No give it a three. Yeah, what's that scale from one to 10? I give it one three. She didn't say anything. No, I'm laughing. I know we're hugging. We're kissing. Then boo. We're laughing. Slips, slides, and I've enjoyed it. That's all folks. Easy. Yeah, there's no problem. You, you would realize as an adult, now I realize just how little sex education I actually got. I got one year of it. I got it for two classes from the substitute gym teacher who was having a hard time even standing in the class and looking anybody in the eye. I mean, can you imagine like all the young faces looking at you?

No, I can't. I know. What does it all mean? What does it all mean? Oh, what? And it was boys and girls in the class. Yeah, I can't. I know. What does it all mean? What does it all mean? Oh, what? And it was boys and girls in the class. Yeah. So that was the weird part. I was this girl. Oh, really? Yeah. They separated you guys. I don't know why they didn't separate up. It seems like you got the better way. I don't know. Yeah. They make me a little more open and free. That way I can imagine.

A specific woman's body or a way. I can look at the back of your head. I'm thinking about a vagina. You have that. You have what? Ryan has what? Wow, that's crazy. Crazy. Crazy is doing that. Yeah, you saw you get into the National Geographic magazine.

Yeah, I was there. He's our boobs. Are they? They don't look like boobs to me. He had a hard time. That guy had a hard job. Now I look back on it and I think, to me. He had a hard time. That guy had a hard job. Now I look back on it and I think, well, he really did have a hard job.

This is the Catholic version. Obviously, they're not telling you anything. They don't want you to have sex before marriage. They want you to be informed enough to be dangerous, meaning, you know, know what goes on, but they don't necessarily want you to have sex. So now, I want to tell you what the US government was talking about.

Oh. Back as early as the fifth. I bet they really have something to say. Yeah, they really stepped it up a notch. Here you go, you ready? This is called the changing boy or the boy's body, the changing boy body. The changing boy body.

I don't know. Something like that. But it's produced by the US government. Are you going to play this for Matthias? No. No. I've already thinking about this conversation that I'm going to have with Matthias.

It's a good one. And I'm going to be like, use the force sun. Us greens, we don't need to have a long talk and a big book pointing out diagrams and diagrams. You already have this information right inside your head. Just let it fly. Just go for it. Yes. Find the back of a wreck, find the back of a rectory at some Catholic church here in the city. Find yourself a nice young lady and you, or man and you two go explore. That's how you figure it out. Go explore.

So no, I don't need to have a conversation with the kids. No, I'm already embarrassed actually All right boys get off your boners Let your boners fly I want you to stand erect for the American flag Literally, and he doodle went to town I can fly! Literally! Yankee Doodle went to town. Yankee Doodle went to town riding on my bone or da da da da da da da da da da da da da da

And called it macaroni. There's always some kind of fucking weird music playing. Weird music playing. Yeah. Oh, here comes the Cavalry. Yeah. Hey, not bad, Jimmy. Good job with that hand, Shandy. You were given yourself. That's right.

Yeah. Coach Joe was watching you. Yeah, what you doing? You know what you're doing. Don't need to tell you about sex, son. You handled that like a champ. You kids really poured it on. Hi.

I'm Gene Douglas. Hi, good old Gene Douglas. Hey, Gene Douglas. Hi, I'm Gene Douglas. You may know me from such movies as, well, I get touching yourself. And look out for menstruation. I mean, this is my brand new film, The Monthly Curse. Gene Douglas.

Gene Douglas. I don't know. He's a movie star, actually. Okay. Yeah, I don't know what movie he was in, but I think he's a movie star. He's playing a coach, and then there's a bunch of kids just give you kind of frame of reference they're in a they're in a track and field and uh... the coaches now going to point out all of the boys and these boys just to let you know are different shapes and sizes so that's part of my freshman track team boys are really working very hard it's so are there erections they're home or on on hormones are also…

Clocking in double time. Say, maybe you'd like to meet some of them. Oh boy, would I? Well, there's Bill, he's going out for the high jump. And Jim, the broad jump and sprints too. Mike is number one boy at the shot put right now. He's also trying to see how many times he can masturbate in one session. This is hilarious. He's a pretty good distance runner too.

But Ben's clocked the best time for the 440 so far. Paul volk is Georgia's specialty but he's giving the high jump a good try too. And Pete, well he's trying most everything right now. Oh, Pete! What are you doing? Boys, small animals. Pete's an adventurous young man. Yeah, he's into it all. They make a pretty fair team. Anyway, they sure are trying hard enough.

They coach. Yeah? I twist in my ankle. Oh, is it sad? I don't think so. Well, see me inside, will you? Okay. Okay. All right.

You little shithead, stop complaining. Go on, man. You're so dramatic, Pete. Grow up. Come inside, let me teach you about boners. Well, that kickings over, I guess. Wow, that was loud. That was.

Stop practicing, boys. They didn't have an audio mixer back then apparently. Hey, everybody inside. Hello. Here. Let's take a look. At least they let's take a look. I'm just taking a jump.

He's wrapping Pete's leg. When I landed sideways, Yeah, I can see. Which leg? Well, Oh, it's not the same. What does it matter? Then I got the joke. Like, honestly, you're worried about that?

I don't remember. Watch this video three weeks ago. I'm not sure. I'll put an elastic bandage around it. I'll take a look at it and see how it is tomorrow. Okay? Why does this always have to happen to me? Some guys never get hurt.

Oh, you're just having a little bad luck. Yeah. And you're a little shy. Yeah. What? Yeah. Sure. You're basically the runs of the litter.

Don't worry about it Jimmy, we'll find a good use for you before long. He'll be digging ditches in no time. Why me? Look at Mike, he never gets through. Well, Mike's big and strong. Mike's a sexy young man if you know what I mean. He's built a little different from you Pete. He's developed earlier. Yeah, but why? He's not you know what I mean. It's built a little different from you Pete. He's developed there earlier.

Yeah, but why? He's not any older than I am. It's not just how old you are. Kids develop a different time. It's how much you masturbate. We gotta get the juices. That's right. Go now to get a JC Penny's catalog, son, and look at the Brazier section.

Lingeery. Hey coach, is Mickey Mouse here gonna live? He's catalog son and look at the brazier section Lingerie Hey coach is Mickey Mouse you're gonna live Mickey Mouse All right, we're gonna make you into this all right settles down Go beat the shit out of each other somewhere else away from my prime eyes. I know Mickey Mouse Why did they throw Mickey in well because I think Mickey Mouse is probably is probably a symbol of like a diminutive human being back then. I don't know. I don't know.

You better get your clothes on. Wait, he was like the clothes on? Jesus, coach. Oh, coach. Yeah, wow. I'm picturing a whole other thing going on now. I didn't think this was a stag film That might he sure filling out

He's so good Jean yeah, yeah, my he's still out those bridges nicely. I've been watching. Ah, I love my job. And it won't be long before Pete starts putting on some weight too. In fact, all these kids are starting to develop now. They're all around 14, 15 years old. And there'll be a lot of changes taking place. By the time the 18, I'll be ready to ask about an update. Until then, I'll keep a close watch for lies.

Hey, do you want more? One homework. You know, do you know? Oh, that? Sure. That couldn't get the last one. Oh, great. That's the one I was wondering about.

Say, what happened to your fame? Oh, this? Oh, I was wondering about. Say, what happened to your fame? Oh this? Oh, there's pimples. Nothing. Yeah. What if he was like, what do you mean? I don't know, you just got to glean all of a sudden. You look like a real rat couldn't you, Nair?

Jimmy. Oh, myself, Shagun. Yeah. Maybe I'll start shading soon. Come on, you better get a move on or we'll be late for class. Have you ever heard of man-scaping? Yes, shaving is part of it, and there were still other changes. Some of these things most kids knew about, while others didn't.

Hey, you know something no, what I had a way dream last night Here something what I hear about baby. It's big Homer and the night thing By the way, I got gizz all over my underwear I just came in my pants Oh gee Jimmy Why have I not just in my pants. Oh, gee, Jimmy. Why have I not just in my pants yet? You haven't filled out yet. This is not how I'm in talk, by the way.

I mean, I don't know. Maybe we did. I'm not really sure. I remember a lot of awkward situations around sexuality back then, but I don't remember sitting on a lawn talking to somebody about my wet dreams. Wet dreams. What's that? Oh, you know, this brand comes out of your penis.

Spray? Yeah. Yeah. What about the sticky stuff? Yeah, that white sticky stuff I can't get out of my hair. That white sticky stuff I've been collecting in a styrofoam cup in my bedroom I don't want it to go to waste. I might need it later. If you know what I mean say did you hear Walt Disney got his head frozen? Wow, oh my god

I part of a baby Didn't you better ever tell you about that? It was part of a baby. It was part of a it's part of a baby. Didn't you brother ever tell you about that? It was part of a baby. It was part of a baby. It was part of a baby. It was part of a baby. Not yet. Not yet.

He never says much about anything. He just goes off in the bathroom and wax off. He never says anything about his wet dreams. Which is probably the more appropriate way to handle it. So that means you can start a baby. It was something new to Bill. This business of nocturnal emissions. Just a car.

Nocturnal emissions. That's even worse than what it is. It's a good place to be. You have nocturnal emissions. Not a fucking car. You don't have to... You're gonna regulate. You don't have to... You're gonna regulate... You don't have to stick a pollution meter on my ass.

I'm not killing the earth. I'm just jizzing in my undies. It's perfectly normal. A lot of other things were new. Growing up is a time of change. Everything seems to happen at once. Uh-uh, the coach that is bland. Well, you get the ocean appears.

Hey, what is this? Hey, what is this? I told you, if you're gonna talk about sex, I wanted to be included in the conversation. Now, fill in a run-along. It's not done, Uncle Jean. Now, fill in a run-along. I'm gonna talk to these other boys about bonus.

PD, take your broken leg and run down the street. Oh, taking the accident on off? Hey, Coach, didn't you say it was planned that made guys different? Yeah, that's right. Well, today in biology class, Mr. Davis said we're all different because of our parents. That's right. I meant the way your body develops the puberty. Puevity. What's that?

Well, that'd take a little explaining Maybe later, huh? Yeah, but when? Well, how about after practice is afternoons? Sure, great Okay, but we've got work to do now He says, okay, weird Okay

Okay Meet me in the locker room after class And we'll talk about sex Just us boys Nothing strange about that. Perfectly normal. Don't tell your parents, kids. It's so weird.

Why is the coach just giving random sex lessons? Yeah, it wasn't even scheduled. Yeah, my coach couldn't even show up for that day. He didn't even care. He was like, I'm not gonna be a part of that shit. I don't want to think these kids about their brothers. Come on, look at that, there, come on fellas. That's shit. I don't want to use these kids about their boners So that afternoon in the locker room I started answering some of the boys question I hold myself up and I got out a few pictures from me and Nancy

I showed the kids how to go to work if you don't I mean Hey, how do I mean? No, just talking sit on if you want to I'm sorry my Gmail is not working. Did somebody send us to me an outlook? I'm talking. Oh yeah. Well, yes, I'm psyched and invite. There was I. Oh yeah. Well... Oh yes, boners.

Boners. They were born. No two people are exactly alike. Some of those differences are inherited from our parents. See? I said so. Then at puberty, certain glands begin to work, and our bodies begin to change.

But we're all these glands. Yeah. And what's puberty? puberty. Go into the can of worms here, Gene. Gene's good luck back into this one, buddy. He thought you're just bad and all him. Sorry, Gene. Now you're stuck. Yeah. What's Puberty? What are glands? What is the earth, me? Where did we come from?

Glance what is the earth me? Where do we come from? I've been here in my nose. I'm gizzin' I love the place, jeez. I don't know what to do. I've got good gizz from me. I'm literally like one of those long sprinklers. She's telling me, jeez. This is the third mattress my parents have had to buy this year. I don't know what to do

I find the Christmas tree sexy. I don't even know what's going on Mainly though at the time of change For you what means your bodies are changing from boys to men You mean like having a great a man a See bitty these goes family. You mean like the Grammy award winning singing? Boys and men? I've been having noctural emissions to them. Say, once the guys start achieving, anyway.

Oh, there isn't any special age. You're all gonna start at different times. That's because everybody matures, according to his own body's rules. In general, everybody grows broader in the shoulders, the ribs, and the pelvis. That's a penis. Go ahead and say a gene. Yeah, you've already crossed legia minigames. They're not worried about that word. Your arm and leg bones grow longer, and so does your back, from the neck. Yeah, you've already crossed way too many lines. They're not worried about that word.

Your arm and leg bones grow longer, and so does your back, from the neck to the buttocks. Like a lizard. There's a buttocks! The buttocks. And you grow a tail, like a lizard. And you start panting like a dog, and you piss on everything like a cat. You know what I'm saying? Good talk, boys. start panting like a dog and you piss on everything like a cat. You know what I'm saying?

Good talk, boys. If you're lucky, you'll be a lizard person and control part of the world's wealth. But everybody doesn't develop at the same time or in the same way. Jim, for instance, is bigger all over than you, Pete. But that just means he started filling out earlier you'll catch up you'll catch up I'll show you I've been taking pictures of your boys for a long time I'll show you how fast it grow you want to see George now is going tall tall instead of filling out. Mike is more like Jim. Ben will be tall probably and big all over. Well everybody is just nice. Big all over. Big all over. I would see. Big foot. He's in. Oh my god. Yeah. I love this. But Jean is still doing a better job of explaining than sister Oduel. Sister Angela. Yeah, sister Angela O'Dool.

Little different. Yeah, the word of these lands come in. Well, it's the sex lands or testies that actually get these changes going here. Yeah, let me show you. Let me get some gear on. Let me show you, boys. To chew. To chew.

To chew. To chew. Let me show you boys Now boys don't be surprised with my balls dropped down to my knees as I let my shorts go Those are the glam those are the glands and if I didn't keep them tied up they'd swipe around my shoe You ever see the grown man naked? You ever been to a Turkish bath? Maybe a diagram will help. Did you say diagram? Diagram. Mommy gave me one of those for breakfast. Here's the penis and the scrotum.

A coach that's not a diagram. That's your actual penis. There's just a hole cut out of that cardboard I can see. Sorry boys. I must have picked up the wrong diagram. What video? Vengeu close on. What minute but

But you close on Coach why are you testing on the table I'm sorry boys didn't recognize they were there when you get this old they just Flop out of my short shorts if you know what I mean. I try and keep them under control but they cut a mind of everyone. The whole of the testicles are testes in size. Now when you're around 14, maybe sooner, maybe later, the testes start making a chemical substance called a hormone.

It's this hormone that causes the changes It enlarges the penis itself and starts hair growing here and under your arms and on your face and on your ears and in your nose and your anus and Sir, no one loves you anymore And you tossed out like yesterday's news It even affects your voice makes it deeper. It also makes you grow thicker or taller or both. That hormone. Is that what you call sperm?

What's a hormone? Is that what Jimmy plays in the school band? No, that's a trombone, not a hormone. Jane. Oh, jeez, jeez, you're doing a good job. He's trying to do the fancy thing. He's doing the fancy candy under the watch-alive, the FBI. Sperm is something else. Sperm is made in the test these two.

You all know what sperm is? Yeah, it's the guy's part of the baby, isn't it? That's right. But how does it get out from the testicle? Oh, here we go. Oh, now we're... Now you're really putting gene to the test. Now time for a little show and tell. Have you ever met Mrs. Gene? She's going to help us with a little demonstration. I like to call bear back in for the boys. Tubes here. There's one for me. Testicle goes up, down again through a storage place. It's your storage facility. It goes to the local U-Haul. It comes back. It goes to the local U-Haul when it comes back. You know, you know, you know, Donovan from the, yeah.

From the hardware store. He seconds as a delivery boy. You put your tears in a cup and then he runs into the storage facility. And then when the woman's ready, he's literally tosses it in there. That's how babies are made in 1952. And out into the penis. Now when a penis erect gets hard, the sperm can come out and what's called an ejaculation.

Stay here! Look! This is how. This is a photo from last night. What's flying toward Mr. Gene's eyeball? So check, LH. I love these color-eyed cameras. These new fanglet cameras are great! What do you mean? Well, I mean, sometimes the pinnacle is hard without, well, oh without an ejaculation of sperm. Oh yes, that's... Oh yes! Oh yes!

Boys, you're about to run the gauntlet! You don't even understand You can expect to have a boner anywhere literally anywhere You could be at the local diner ready to eat your flap jacks and there it is Now you're not attracted to the flap jacks all you do me. I don't think so No, that's just your bone that's another kind of batter you who's in charge That's a different kind of battle That's right you see all an erection is as an increase in blood in the penis which is made up mostly of sponges

Yes, now when something excites is sexual. Yes, which is made up mostly of sponges. Yes. Now when something excites you, yes, it's made up mostly of sponges. The kind your mom washes dishes. God, there are these stuff that you sponges in your penis. Now boys, you may notice when you get in the bathtub it fills up real big just ring it out when you're done sponges yeah well I mean they had certain words like that yeah this tissue fills up with blood and the whole organ is extended they're hard you're right sometimes that just happens by itself doesn't it you know like in the morning? Yes. You know. Morning.

You know. What else is thinking about my cousin? Say, is it wrong to have sex with your cousin, Gene? What's a cousin? You don't have to be thinking about sex to have an erection. Pressure from a full bladder can cause it, or rhythmic movements of the body. Horseback riding, say.

Horseback riding. What? I've been a horseback riding. I've never gotten a boner, a horseback. I was about to say I think that might be more woman that would get hurt. Yeah, because of the pressure on the clitoris. But, you know, I've mostly get pain in my balls.

It's not something I enjoy actually. Riding a horse can be tough on your nuts. I bet it is Yes George There's an erection Well, that thing you have to much burn and you ought to get rid of it That's the poison that's the poison you gotta get it out Yeah, you gotta get it out. That's what you tell the girls now boys. That's what you tell the girls I don't get it out, I'm gonna be sick. And I have to go to the hospital and you don't want me

to go to the hospital, dude. Yes, this is teaching a generation. Oh Jimmy, I sure don't. What do you say I give you a few rhythmic motions up against your leg and then everything will be fine. It's easy, no problem. Coach said, ride you like a horse. Oh, problem.

Do you mind getting on all fours that I'm gonna sit on? Dobby, I'm just pretending you like a horse. Oh, problem. Do you mind getting on all fours that I'm gonna sit on, Dobby, I'm just pretending you're a horse. It's not sexual. Not every bone is sexual, but I do have to let the boys in out. You had rid of it? No, but sometimes your body will do that by itself. It's nice.

It's called an optional emissionissioner, wet dream. Oh, does that? Well, I was told I had something to do with pimples and stuff. Is that right? No, no. You see when you reach puberty and all these changes start taking place, there are a lot of plans involved, not just the sex plans. For instance. It sounds like there's a helicopter overhead. I know, I'm sorry, I know it's so bad. I told you to stay a few more minutes, we'll get through it. G-T-M-Z, it's hovering up there.

G-T-M-Z, it's hovering up there. G-T-M-Z, it's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there.

It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It's hovering up there. It, but listen to the commercial break for their ideas. Stop it, I wanna take a moment and tell you to stop it. Stop listening to my show for your ideas. Get an original thought. I realize that there are only so many topics we all gotta go on and there's a million comedy podcasts,

but at least you could wait an additional week before you, I mean, you're literally going back to back. Literally. Can you stop it? You know who you are. There's one in the back of the brain called the pituitary. And then there's the thyroid glands here in the neck. That's making Bobby fat.

He's filling out too much. He's filled out too much. Don't know for those ho-hoes and ding-dongs, Billy. Now some things about these glands are still in mystery, but we do know that a hormone from one can affect the others. And in a lot of people, you're a, this may partly cause skin trouble. Well, what can you do about it? Oh, if it really bothers you, you should see a doctor. He'll tell you what to do. He'll get lies, Sir, Dick Asic acid and put it all over your face.

Stay to stop being a big baby. Everyone gets zits, Jimmy. It's just a just life. It can be cleared up pretty well these days. Hey, it's about time. Hey, we go on with this tomorrow. Yeah, how about it? Sure, okay.

Come on down early, huh? Come on down extra early. Yeah. Coach, jeez. Yeah. Oh my gosh. We're gonna skip practice tomorrow. We're gonna skip practice.

Talk about your boners. Yep. Oh my gosh. We're only through part one. So we'll have to do a different, we'll have to do it another day, but this is Thanksgiving Week and so we don't wanna bore you with all sex edged talk. We got a special episode on Friday about Thanksgiving for you.

And yeah. Well, if we're playing this after. No, we're playing this before Thanksgiving and then we have a special Thanksgiving app. Playing this tomorrow. Okay, good. Well, for you, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. Just don't even worry about it.

Don't even worry. It's a man's life. It's just no other. We're trying to teach you a little bit of sex. Yeah. That's it. Well, I do have to say that Jean was a much better coach than Angela.

I mean, oh, well for sure. I learned more from Jean than I learned from Angela, but I didn't expect anything. But we're just mostly learning about just only the man body. Yeah, the part two gets into the woman body. Oh, okay. I would be interested to see if it's Jean has to say about that. There's a lot of, you know, there's a movie called The Curse,

which is about menstruation. And then there's a movie where everyone calls menstruation, menstruation, menstruation, which is really like weird to me And I wish that they would just say menstruation instead of menstruation Yeah, I hate when people well, it's actually spelled like that But I still hate that they say the correct way tries me crazy. It's like nails on a chalkboard And then there's ones about you know the vulva of a giant listen. We'll get to it We might even have Dr. Senn back. That might not be a bad idea

Maybe she'll listen to one of these videos with us and then we can all learn to get them. Yeah, I think Dr. Sin is probably much advanced from the SynchroVitch. Dr. Sin as an episode, you can go back. I think it's in the 80s somewhere. Dr. Sin has an episode. She is a sexologist and a gynecologist. And she came in one day to teach me how to make a woman happy. It still didn't work. We might need to bring her back. Astrid Wonser back.

Yeah, Astrid Wonser back. All right, tcbpodcast.com is where you go. You find all the show notes, read more about Chrissy and I, listen to all the audio, watch all the video, all from one location, tcbpodcast.com. Want to thank all of our sponsors and advertisers for being on the commercial break. We sure do appreciate it. You can go to tcbpodcast.com and get all of the URLs and

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Spike and sales, look at that. Who knew? Congratulations, thank you. If you went in both squatty. I mean, it really is the best. So it should be a part of every household. We're the only podcast that they're advertising on right now, so they can, so they know for sure that we

literally drove sales. So thank you guys. We appreciate it so much. And we say, happy Thanksgiving to you. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm grateful for you, Brian. Grateful for you.

And I'm grateful that we're alive and well, and we have our health for the most part. And grateful for this podcast and our listeners. For sure. These listeners are amazeballs the TCB family is amazing. It's really fun. Enjoy it. Have a good time with your family and your friends. Don't get too drunk.

Or do. Or do. Just don't drink and drive. That's all we got. That's all we got. We're too old for that shit. We're too old. Come on. Even if you're 21, you're still still smart for that. Yeah, so don't drink and drive

I got to tell you about the accident I almost got in I got to tell that story on the different episode I literally almost died a flying car in the air Wow, and if I had not if I had not just pressed the gas pedal I'm sure I would be in the hospital for sure without a doubt anyway. That said's it, that's all we can do. Anything else from you? I think that's it. I love you. I love you. Best of you.

And best of you out there in the podcast universe. And until next time, Chrissy and I always must say, Hi. The commercial break, new episodes on Tuesdays, and now Fridays. New YouTube clips drop daily at youtube.com. Slash the commercial break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram.

Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green co-hosted by Chrissy Hodley with with additional content provided by Tina Carnot.I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man