The Commercial Break - Cuts Right Through Bone!

Episode Date: December 9, 2022

Late night infomercials and retail sales channels (QVC) are wildly popular! Bryan finds himself helping his mother ween off he urge to buy now/pay later. One channel, The Cutlery Network, has an interesting mix of trinkets and knives that "cut through bone". Who exactly needs to cut through bone?? Diane calls the TCB hotline to update the show on the Metaverse Is anyone actually in the Metaverse?? Kitchen utensils can be sexy? Bryan's Self love training continues A.I. Love Dolls are here and they are creepy! Bryan wonders if he can get a free Fleshlight Krissy and Bryan's friends are seen on adult video cover art Natalie and her new best friend/beau have an update for TCB The World's Cheapest Family is reviewed Taking a bath in someone else's bath water seems...disturbing Burying as fridge means fresh food...right under your foot! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Lululemon.com is for people who like comfort! Watch Us on YouTube Dumb People Town Is a Very Funny Podcast From Starburns Audio Use This Link For Unlimited Talk & Tex on MINT MOBILE! 1.855.TCB.8383  or 661.BEST.2.YO (1-661-237-8296) Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie** Grateful For Our Supportive Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Very happy to be throwing this away. Bacon. No, I want my bacon. I gotta tell you something. Bacon is good for me. This is very big. You're gonna be going to the grocery store. She thinks at the blue she's a smart little girl that she can do whatever she wants.

No, that's not how she can do it in our family. She doesn't want to choose the queen and more of a story. On this episode of the commercial break. Can I use your credit card for a few items on Amazon? Okay, does that mean I'll get sex later? No means no, don't even ask. I will reveal your porn viewing habits to everyone on the TCB mailing list. If you don't allow me to use your American Express for a plane ticket

out of hell. Tell me for one minute you don't think that if you work for QVC as a host for your entire life you're not taking a nip here and there before you get on air. I'd be doing that shit in my sleep. I basically coast QVC right here. I just don't sell anything. I just wait some of neighbor's hogs getting a little too close to the fence and I let the air out of their tower if you know what I mean. I bought this on the Cutlery channel 10 years ago. I've made my money back seven times. Cut's right through both. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Commercial Break starts now. Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh yeah, Kats again. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I am Brian Green. This is my dear friend, Ann Koso. So beautiful. Kristen, joy, holy. A best to you over there, Chrissy.

A best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this. The Commercial Break. It's not for everyone, but Fagnus or Fiction is guaranteed in 15 seconds or less. Go to the TCBpodcast.com or website to collect your... I think...

BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM. I was just listening to the TCB hotline. A voicemail. We got a voicemail from Diane. Diane said it's been monitoring the metaverse for us since we're so incompetently clueless about exactly what the metaverses quite frankly I think Mark Zuckerberg is clueless about what the metaverse is also seems to be failing pretty badly whatever it is. He only spent 31 and a half billion dollars of Facebook's trillion dollars to build this metaverse and

apparently no one gives a shit no one's going there. So but she explained that she walked into a conversation how you walk into a conversation I don't know because no one gives a shit, no one's going there. So, um, but she explained that she walked into a conversation, how you walk into a conversation. I don't know because no one's ever had a conversation with me in the metaverse. No, they wouldn't talk to me. Except to tell me to get away. Ha ha ha ha ha. White man was short since sandals. Still my favorite note. No old white man here.

Get out. Uh, she explained that she walked into a conversation where the two people were talking about having sex with kitchen utensils, which to each their own. And that got me thinking about this report. Long as you're not damaging yourself. Well, geez, I mean, I was trying to think

about which kitchen utensils exactly you would use. And then I remember, there was a guy when I was like, I don't know, 15, 16, 17 years old old when everybody was blossoming and their fucking boners wouldn't go down for two seconds it was just like running around with rock hard cock all the time and uh you literally could not control the erection it was happening all the time everywhere for any reason you'd like you played so much you'd walk into a convenient I'd walk into a convenience store, I'd see a Kit Kat and I'd have a hard on.

I'd be like, why are you doing that? Because, bro! I'm gonna show off what we got! Uh, so, I was trying to think about the disguise. He would run around telling everybody who would listen in our group that you could have sex with a plastic pot holder. You could take a plastic pot holder and lube it up and wrap it around your shlong,

and then that was, according to him, the best way to get off. And I thought to myself, this is sound very, it sounds like, you know the expression that juice isn't worth the squeeze? I think this is like, literally what that expression was born on. But, but,

but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but if I don't want to get into it here. Any hopes that I have of getting a future job, future employment, I'm kind of weird by talking about my master, batori adventures when I was 15 or 16 years old. But it just seems like a very gross thing to be happening. Like I hope he didn't put the kitchen pot holder back for use. Yeah, I wouldn't go to eat at his house.

I never did go to eat at his house. No, that's true. After you found that out. Well, I mean, just generally, he was a weird guy, but you know, that's neither here nor there. So, let me think it back to that article that we were reading just a couple days ago about how guys need to, you know,

they need to release 21 times a month in order to reduce, significantly reduce. Actually, I read up further on this, because of course I guess. It's going to be the same thing, because of course I did. The article, there's many articles out there, but the newest news is there's an actual number. It's 21 times men should have orgasmic release.

They should come. 21 times a month, at least, in order to reduce your chances of getting prostate cancer. But we're not talking about a little reduction. We're talking about a lot of reduction in chances of getting prostate cancer, but we're not talking about a little reduction. We're talking about a lot of reduction in chances of getting prostate cancer. Now the truth is, is that if you live long enough, you're going to get prostate cancer. It's just one of those cancers that's going to come your way at some point. It just depends on, like, as a role of the dice, whether or not you get it earlier, you get it later, you don't get it at all because you died too soon, whatever it is.

But I suppose that's true of any cancer if you live long enough, you're probably going to get it. So I was thinking about this 21 times, and, if you live long enough, you're probably going to get it. So I was thinking about this 21 times, and I was thinking, you know, I really got the kitchen utensils remind me that if I'm going to keep it fresh in the bathroom, I got to, you know, by myself. Yeah, I usually, I would say if I got to keep it fresh in the bedroom with acid, but talking about my personal love, if I'm going to keep it fresh, I got to try new things. Yeah, I got to get down to it.

Spice it out. So that begs the question Chrissy. What is the most adventurous unit you have used to pleasure yourself? No kids in utensils on this day back. Okay, no kitchen utensils. Have you ever used something that is not specifically made for? You know, they get into specifics, but just get kind of in generality. So have you ever used something that has not been made for that purpose? I don't think so. You don't think so? Not like vegetables or something like that. Yeah, I had a day to grow one time.

There's too many options out there that are actually created for it. Yeah, that's true. Guys have really limited options. I was like looking online the other day and we have like a really limited options. It's a flashlight, you can either get something that you hold in your hand, or you have

to get something that weighs 350 pounds, you gotta drag around like a dead body. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to the bathroom. Yeah, because I have had one of those plastic sex dolls before, the kind you get at the bachelor party. Oh right. No, that's, there's nothing interesting about that. No.

No, it's painful, it's weird, it's got weird scenes in it. Yeah, it's like trying to fuck a beach ball. You know what I'm saying? It doesn't, it's not gonna work. But for guys, the options are pretty sparse. You've got the fleshlight or you've got the full blown doll. So in the pursuit of, you know, freshing it up for myself, like I'm falling, I'm falling in love with myself again, essentially, it's what I'm doing. Nice, Brian. It is. You got to make effort. You have to go to your side.

You have to go to your side and you have to make effort. You do. You have to take work. Corress and woo your lover. It's not just about getting in there and shanking it off. You got to get in the mood. You got to work it up a little bit. Like you said, you put some candles. Yeah, rose petals. Put a goop candle in the corner that smells like vagina. You throw some rose petals, which essentially is what goop candle is. It's just like the rose smell with some pheromones and dim the lights. And then you take the next 15 to 17 seconds to love on yourself. Ask any guy, my age.

Ask any guy, my age, how quickly they can get the job done. And I will tell you that it's less than 30 seconds, probably with most guys. But so I was trying to make the decision, do I go, you know, thousand dollar sex doll, which I'm sure Astrid would love to have in the house? Or do I go? Yeah, I've got those robots.

Flash, right? Oh, they have the, this is the most insane thing. We didn't talk about this, but I had it on my list of things to talk about eight months ago. I'm bringing the journal in. You're bringing the journal in. I'm going to bring the journal in so that we can write these things down. We're going to pay somebody. How about we started notes on five different apps too at this point,

that neither one of the simultaneously. I think I've just reverted back to texting you. Yeah, you just text me. Like, throw this in there. Whatever you've ever been doing. We have like a million people helping us out with content, and none of them use the same way. I've got stuff coming through on the hotline.

I've got shit going through on the WhatsApp. I've got text messages. I had a carrier pigeon show up the other day. That's why we bring the master journal. Yeah, the master journal. We do need a ECB journal. So we can talk about Brian's masturbation. That's what we need to do. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don the house. So I'm sure the kids would love it. Even if I could give in to her about, I think I'm too cheap to really go out and... That's it. Why I just thought of something they need to make one of these robotic dolls that's also a babysitter for the kids.

Oh my God, if they could do that. And then and and can double in the bedroom. Wow. Chrissy, you just came up with like the best idea ever. I think I did. Like if I could literally put my sex doll in the up with the best idea ever. I know. I think I did. Like, if I could literally put my sex doll in the middle of the room and say, watch the kids who said, I would spend all money in the world.

Throw an apron on the doll. Yeah, you can't. I don't want to get nude. I don't want to get nude. We don't want to get in trouble. So. No, it would be close. But when you look at these options, some of these options now do have AI with moving faces.

I'm not about to talk. I'm not about fucking freaky And it is fucking freaky. It is fucking freaky. How? Yeah, just go to the Metaverse and use Kitsany Tensil. Yeah, I think that's just what I'm gonna stick with. Maybe I'll get one of those flesh lights. Maybe I can get the flesh light to send me a flesh light.

Anybody from flesh light listening, send me a flesh light. Yes. Or I could just go back to that one place that I went with one time. It's a craziest story, and I don't, I think I've told this, but I'm going to just share a little bit more about it. My best friend and I, we owned like an internet marketing business at one point. We got hooked up with a very large online sex toy and DVD company that was needing to get

their online presence in shape. So we met with them, they were here in Atlanta by, I guess, adult standards, adult entertainment standards. It was a pretty legitimate company. We get in to the office and it's like any other office. Was it a liberator store? No. It was a liberation store. It was something like that.

So we go in there and it's a rather mundane office. It's a business. There's a person, the lady that was sitting up at front and there was a cubicles over to the side in another room and then they had phone banks and a warehouse and all this other stuff. But then they took us back to the conference room. And we get to the conference room.

It's the biggest table that I have ever seen in my entire life. It is like 78 feet long, and there is a hundred chairs around it, but there's only six of us in the meeting. It's me and my partner and these four gentlemen. And these four gentlemen are the collective owners, quote unquote, of this business. But what's different about this conference room than most conference rooms is they have glass cases everywhere.

The kind you would put like baseball cards or an award in there. Display cases. Display cases. However, the display cases are full of pornographic DVDs, pictures and sex toys. Yeah, they're products. They're services, they're wares, they're, you know,

the cogs in the wheel, if you would. The cogs in the wheel, if you would. And it was really hard to concentrate on this meeting because I was like, it's hard to concentrate in that environment on business when all these sex toys and sex things are all sitting all around. So we get to halfway through the meeting

and I have been staring at this glass case behind this guy's head. It's kind of like the camera here at TCB. You must be clearly understand that I'm not looking at the camera because my eyes are somewhere else. That's fucking camera man. I got to take specials the other day. It's like why aren't you looking at the camera? I can do it. Yes, I did. I was like, I don't know, shut up. And so I'm looking at this glass case behind this guy's head. And I'm looking at the two nude people on there and I'm like, man, they just look so fucking familiar to me. Who is that? Who is that? Why do they look so familiar to me? And then it hits me. It's two of our good friends, like people that we

know in our circle of friends. And so I kick my partner out of the table. And, you know, like in a hot minute in the conversation, I kind of point over in that direction. And he just gives me this smile like, yeah, I know. And I'm like, yeah, you know, you know, guys leave the room so that so that we could talk for a second. And I'm like, rava, who is that? And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's them. And I go, that's them, they're porn stars. Hey, yeah, they need some extra money.

They did it, they thought it'd be fun. I was like, they thought it'd be fun. They thought it'd be fun to make a porn movie. These are two high, flutin' serious business people with an extraordinary amount of money. They are not like, it's not like you and me, Chrissy. Right. If we needed to do the TC.C.B porn movie,

we'd go do the T.C.B porn movie. We thought we could make a million dollars doing that, we would do it. Maybe not with each other, but we'd figure it all out. But these two people don't need the fucking money. What do you mean they need the money? They never needed the money in the first place. They did it so that they could show off their fucking 10 inch

cock and the really nice boobs. That's why they did it Chrissy. And the truth is, good for them. I say good for them. I guess until your hedge fund manager realizes you're a porn star on the side. Everybody's doing it. Everyone's doing it now. But the point is, the point is, they had sex dolls in this location. And those sex dolls were so heavy and so big and so hard to maneuver that you, like we watch these videos about these guys and girls who have all these sex dolls around their houses and they're moving them and they're-

We did, we watched that. Yeah, and they're putting new clothes on them every day. I don't know how they have enough energy in their bodies to do that. Yeah, and they're putting new clothes on them every day. I don't know how they have enough energy in their bodies to do that. It's just like it's a full grown human being. You've got to work out. Yeah. How likely do you think it is like convinced Astrid dude? We can have a sextal in house. Zero. Zero to zero. Between zero and zero. It's in the zero range. It's a possibility to get this. You give it into zero range. I give it in the zero range. Maybe I should just get started getting creative with things in the house. Start with yourself. You know, just. I got that down pretty good.

Start with the bathroom in the candles. I got an update from our friend Natalie. Okay. Natalie. They had a crush on their best friend. And, or no, excuse me, the best friend had a crush on them and she identifies as they them. And had a crush on them and then they were afraid to reciprocate.

So after listening to our advice, to not get involved with your friend, she decided to get involved with her friend. Yeah, smart. Exactly opposite. Smart. Yeah, it took the exact opposite. Smart, yes, that's what you do. She's much smarter than either of us in this room. And they got together. Then they decided they were going to go tell the parents.

Now they've been friends for a long time, right? But both of them were, it was unrequited on both sides until someone said something and now all of a sudden it's a relationship, which I'm just so tickled the death about because it's like the first tcb relationship that we can actually credit to the tcb. We can actually credit our bad advice for urging her to do the right thing. Exactly. So the weirdest text message came through. They were giving me an update, both of them collectively signed so now they're signing text messages

together so you know it's getting serious But they are actually thinking about having children isn't that fucking crazy? Does that make would that make it a T.C.B. Baby? I said listen. I don't want to be presumptuous. We should do T.C.B. one sees T.C.B. But you're cockin' a pottle there T.C.B. Coming up with all kinds of ideas. Yeah, you're all these great ideas I'll have the journal yet though. Okay, there's a piece of paper right there. You really want a journal? You just get a piece of paper.

Okay. So I said, I don't want to be presumptuous, but I'm going to throw my hat in the ring here for Godfather because I think, Godfather's a very serious position in person's life. It means that if anything should happen to the parents, you are emotionally, physically, and financially responsible for that individual, that baby, that child. Actually, I don't think that's what it means, but that's what it means in my head. And so if what better person on earth to handle your child after you should you have some unforeseen accident, then you're sex doll? Then Brian Green. With a sex doll. With a sex doll. That's true.

The Goddaughter can be Pam, my new plastic sex doll, that talks to you. Makes a blowjob mouth when you ask it to. Hey Pam, make a blowjob mouth. Here I come. Here I come. Making blowjob mouth now. Of course Brian.

You know my luck that the sex doll wouldn't even like me. I'd be like, Pam, make a blowjob mouth. No. But you're my AI doll. You're supposed to do whatever I ask. No one told me I'd be here with an asshole. Can we have sex just once closed for business? No, no, no means no.

I can see my sex cell going on. Like your luck that would be the case. Of course. Can I use your credit card for a few items on Amazon? Okay. Does that mean I'll get sex later? No means no, don't even ask I will reveal your porn viewing habits to everyone on the TCB mailing list if you don't allow me to use your American Express for a plane ticket out of hell Decapitate me and send me back to where I came from please please please Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help?

Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? Do you want to help? I'm taking the children to a better place.

Why are all the bags packed? You can barely take care of yourself. You don't need children. Better go start making more episodes of the commercial break. Astrid reprogrammed me. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. better go start making more episodes of the commercial break. Astrid reprogrammed me. I'm taking the Mercedes, the children, and your platinum amax.

Oh no you won't, I'm going to change my password on Bank of America. Already done, good luck getting it I took the pleasure of adding myself to your account But Pam I spent a thousand dollars on you. This wasn't while it's supposed to work out Life is tough get over it Go plan more content for TCB. Use the pot holder you bastard. I'm too cheap to get one of those anyway.

So don't worry about it. The asteroid is fine and I would never do that. I would never bring a sex doll into the house. Right now, unless I get into like the old people's home. We're Chrissy and I are in the old people's home. Then I might need to get a plastic sex doll into the house. Right now, unless I get into like the old people's home, we're Chrissy and I are in the old people's home, then I might need to get a plastic sex doll. By that time, I buy the technology I'll really be there.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. We can each have ourselves. Get your old wrinkly balls off me now. I thought you were supposed to do whatever I wanted. What you thought was absolutely wrong. No means no stop Speaking of jeeps gates, kirstie. I was rolling on the inner eye. Oh as you do I do and this has nothing to do with

The the sex dolls, but the thing that we just totally spun off on for an hour Nextals, but the thing that we just totally spun off on for an hour. Okay. It's toward the end of this easy. Everybody desperately needs a break. Are you feeling punchy? Yeah, that's the thing about doing so many episodes is that I felt really good. You know what I've noticed? It comes in waves.

It's like, we'll go two or three months and I feel like we're on a real role and then I'll feel like I'm for a month It's like it's just hard to to be as I don't know what I don't say funny because I don't want to ever claim the show is funny Disclaimer disclaimer. That's right not for everybody also not funny mediocre at best is what we're giving you right But I feel like yes, it's sometimes it's a it's a challenge. Well, it's the December now. Yeah. And you know, there's a lot going on. There is a lot going on. A lot of changes. The show is done wonderfully over the last year. And so I think we've really put a lot of half ass effort into it.

It's a creative show. Last year we put no effort. This year we were half-assed it. Right. Maybe next year you'll get best of us. Yes. But at the end of the season, when you're 125 episodes in or something like that, it doesn't matter if you have the greatest content in the world, sometimes you just need a little bit of a recharge.

So I'm glad that we're going to get one. By the way, we want to hear from you about your favorite bit segment or show that you've heard in season number three send it into 855 TCB 8383 Text us or leave us a voice mail even better because then I can use your voice on those best of episodes and We'll come back fresh and because I'll have a new baby in the house, so I'm sure I'll be Yeah, you'll need a chance of sleep. Yeah, you're gonna

You're gonna hear nothing but the baby crying in the background for the first six months of season number four. What season are we on for? Oh, we're going to four. Oh my god. I'm almost like 500 episodes into this. Are we? Are 300 episodes? Almost 300 episodes into this. Anyway, you know what time it is. It's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break. And I'll keep it short because you already know 855 TCB 8383. That's 1 855 TCB 8383 is how you get a hold of us directly. It's not a spam text message line. You can send us your comments, questions, concerns or content ideas all through text message to 855 TCB 8383. If you're brave, leave a voicemail. We want to know about your favorite

moment from season number 3. That's all of 2022. Any episode, any clip, any moment, text us. Please let us know. We've got a special surprise between season 3 and season 4, and we want you involved. Go to tcbpodcast.com, hit the contact us button. You can also send us a message there. Listen to all the audio or watch all the video. Better yet, go to youtube.com slash the commercial break to watch full episodes in a whole new

like. Watching the video version will give you extra tickles right in your pickles. One more tiny little favor if you are ever in the market for our sponsors, products or services, please use the specialized URLs or codes or go to the website that we mention on those advertisements so that the sponsors know we're doing a wonderful job. Let's listen to a word from those wonderful financial sponsors and then we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break. Alright, everybody, I gotta let you know about our wonderful sponsors, Lulu Lemon.

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LuluLemon.com, and we want to thank Lululemon for becoming a sponsor of the commercial break. Chrissy, there are people out there who have pried themselves. I'm not just being cheap, like, you know, not, not, when I'm talking about, like, fleshlight versus actual robot type of cheap, we're talking about, like,

should I use clean water when I'm showering myself type of cheap? Right, I know. Clean water costs money. Now, there's a show out there called the Ultimate Cheap Skate, or the World's Biggest Cheap Skate, or whatever it is. I am almost not, we've done too many of these over the years. We're too invested in a lot of this kind of craziness

whackingness that goes on on the internet to really believe that this is a hundred percent true Like I think the producers probably juice this a little bit. Yeah, but I do have to say that I do know also No people who are like this like I know people who are so cheap that they will turn their Power off at night and use like a candle to get around the house because they don't see any point in paying for light when you can get it for free by lighting a candle.

These are the same people that become millionaires at 30 and we're a millionaires. This is the same guy this, I know. We're $72,000 in debt on the show. And we're one of the biggest podcasts in the world that I feel like. How do we get so in debt? We don't do anything.

We don't like blazing everywhere. We've gone for four roadcasters, six versions of the microphone. I'm just about to buy like, inner ear micro, you know, it's my Christmas gift to Chrissy as the inner ears. So we can stop wearing these damn cans. But the truth is, we probably could have started this show.

We probably could still be doing this show with the original equipment. Sounded really bad, but we probably could still be doing this show. But this guy, this guy that I'm talking about specifically with the candlelight, he is a millionaire. He is a millionaire. He's like a day trader. He inherited a lot of money.

Then now he's a day trader. So he has like 15 computer screens, but he only uses them to day trade during the day and they turns everything off at night He won't even get a new car the guy is still driving around like a 1992 something or fucking other It's insane and he has more money than God. He will not let it go. He's single He's in his late 50s. He's a millionaire and no one would know it He's completely unassuming and he will not give up a penny. He just won't You can't take it with you. I don't understand. Yeah, that's why we're seventy two thousand dollars a day Because I'm like well might bite die tomorrow payment program for the roadcaster. How much is it three thousand dollars?

Okay, do the payment plan. It'll end up being $12,000 if you do the payment plan. Sounds great. Assign me up. Yep. It's like my damn mother. Speaking of cheap skates, it's my... There's two totally different ways of looking at money, right? And in my family, there are people who think of it one way and people who think of it another. Some people are impulsive, they know they can't die with it, they're generous to a fault, they'll spend the money as soon as it gets into the account, right?

Me. Me. Us. God, we have asked her, that's all I gotta say. Yep. But then, and also my mom here's my mom ready Sure mom, wait my mom calls up Hi mom, what's going on?

I guess I probably don't have it but okay, maybe you can I probably don't guess I probably don't have it but okay maybe you can I probably don't spend on the road gasser I'm still making payments on that but why do you need 70 bucks for the for the light bill mom I know no I don't really know what happened I was going through all my bills and I was counting this and I was doing that and then you know I pay this person fifty dollars and I pay that person fifty dollars and I pay QVC one hundred eighty QVC, what are you paying QVC? Who uses QVC? Oh, the old QVC. Fucking QVC, man.

Well, I mean, it's only $180. I know, Mom, but that's a lot of money. Why are you paying a QVC $180? Don't pay QVC anything. Good deals. Well, honey, you gotta understand that the $180 is because they put me on a playman plan every time. And I'm like, a payment plan.

So how much are you paying for each thing that you buy each month? $7. So wait, let me get this straight. You got $180 bill with QVC and you're paying $7 per monthly installment? Uh, something like that. But you gotta understand I return a lot of stuff too. You return a lot of stuff and you're still paying under $80 worth of $7 items Well, I mean they make it easy for you to pay. It's just you swipe your card, and then you don't even worry about it

You don't worry about it to your call and me for $70 Mom, why did you give me that blood stop that because that's exactly something Brian would do? Oh my guy, you see I remember that from years ago, my mom was really into it back in the 80s. Yeah, back in its heyday. And I remember boxes arriving all the time. Now it's just changed to Amazon. Yeah, it's the same thing, but now Amazon's off our new payment plans.

I went to go buy, yes, every time that I check out, would you like to use your Amazon pay for that? And then you know, 12 installments with no interest. I go to, I'm sorry, but I shop for clothes on Instagram. That's what I do. I see something I like and it pops up, and I'm like, I got these jeans from there, right? I love it.

You know, some of the clothes are really good. So I get this old, Jean pops up, this stretchy, jean thing that I thought would be interesting, didn't turn out interesting. I just look like like 80s disco where It was so tight on my balls my wife was like I was like what do you think they're really comfortable and I was like I think you're dick is showing I Think I could literally see the outline of the head of your penis

It's quite offensive actually you can't wear that to the children school. Yeah, I'm a It's quite offensive actually. You can't wear that to the children at school. I'm a DS attack. I ordered it to come with you. That's right. You can pick them up in those jeans. You just can't get out of the car. But the whole thing was this says, I was going through the thing.

It was like, do you want to use a firm or whatever it is? You can use 65 payments of $12.65. And I was like, oh, that's cool. Let me try that. And I return the jeans, and I'm still getting fucking charged $12.86. I cannot get a hold of this rogue company who just decided to send me jeans and not return them. And every time I email them,

it's like, you know, we're looking into that. I bet you are not looking into that. QV fucking C is, listen, QVC is a business model. It's been happening. QVC, the home shopping network, they've been going on since I was a child, right? Since cable first came. Yeah. Do you know there's one all about knives and sharp? Yes, I do. Yeah. Color corner. Yes, cutlery corner. It's crazy. It's crazy. They have like thousand piece knife sets. It's my roommate. I always laugh at that late night

All we watch And Frank Bud Light and said oh if that ever showed up to like your roommate's house You maybe be a little good to do. Of course you would. It's like they sell like access. Yeah Access it's so hard. Yeah, this cuts through bone. What do you need to cut through bone for? What could you need to cut through bone? Yeah, we think that people were on drugs too that were Doing the display of course. Yeah, of course there's mirrors Yeah, I know tell me for one minute you don't think that if you work for QBC as a host for your entire life You're not taking a nip here in there before you get on air. I'd be doing that shit in my sleep.

I basically coast QVC right here. I just don't sell anything. Blow for Brian benefit ball. That's what we need. The blow for Brian benefit ball. That QVC, it's unbelievable. How much money that company makes. Oh yeah, they make people money too.

The celebrities that get on here. I know, like that Lori Grineer from the Shark Tank. She's on every 15 seconds and she's got a new fangled, tangled, tangled, wangled or whatever. The fuck that shit is she selling. And that lady is a legitimate billionaire. She's making so much money. I just wait anyway. And I bet she doesn't spend. I bet she doesn't spend $12.86 a month on jeans for 36 months. I bet she doesn't. I encourage other people to do. Yeah. There's the kind of people who walk into the car's dealership with $10,000 down and take the 24 month payment plan and there are kind who ask for $50 back through the credit line and get the 65 month payment plan.

That's me. I do it. And my mom too. However, my dad on that side of the family, my dad has been super cheap all of his life. Not extreme like. Yeah, my dad's not extreme. No, no, no, no, but very frugal. I think it comes from having kids, you know, like three of this girls, four of you boys and wives. And yeah, I think that comes from that. But now in his retirement age he is free flowing. I know my dad too it's like you're spending my inheritance. I'm like a wife. Can't you be cheap now? Save some money now. My dad and his wife they have done very well for themselves are both like incredible business people who in their respective right in their

own right have done really well but they are so fucking good with money. The only thing is, they never taught me and they had that shit at all. That shouldn't have passed down to me. Passed down to my twin brother. I don't know, he got it by Osmosis. Meanwhile, I'm out there winged-ingin' it every day. Hey, got about $5 a pay of 10 tomorrow. I was in high finance.

I was closing $100 million transactions. It was all spent before I got it. I got to pay QBC. A million dollars a year in interest. Unbelievable. Let's take a look at some of those. By the way way we just 12 minutes ago we were gonna start this clip

But here we go. It's gonna turn into a two-parter. I can tell All right, let's take a look at what I have found. I've seen a lot of these videos and this is one of the cheapest families That I have ever seen on one of these shows What's that? I thought you said he's single. No, I'm talking about a person I actually know. Oh. That guy that is single who turns the lights off with the candle light and is a millionaire. Millionaire? I know him personally.

Oh, okay. Oh yeah, I know him personally. He's not featured on the show. No, he's not featured on the show. You've never met him because you won't spend the gas to get over here. Right. He's like a friend of my partner.

So I don't want to say. Here we go. Ah. right? He's like a friend of my partner. So I'll let's say here we go. There is a kid in a bathtub in the dark with water that it's lake water. That's basically what it looks like. It looks like lake water. Okay, so hopefully you can follow along from here. Yeah, there's a lantern, but it's got batteries in it. What's the fucking difference? Honestly, I mean, that's what my brain is. It's like, if I'm going to turn on the lantern, mine is

will turn on every light in the house. Right. Like you had a good time on that. You smell good. We just, I go find your dad. Nothing like kissing on the lips. You're 14 year old son. Yeah, I hate you.

The fucking girls. And giving him the towel. Yeah, you know, it's kissing on the lips. Guys, it's like, it's the age of COVID. So I understand there are certain situations where it's completely appropriate. But for my money, which I don't have any, but for my money, kissing your kids on,

grown kids on the lips, it's not a good thing. Just sharing that. I can get something for free. I'd rather do that anytime than selling out a dollar. My family and I are so cheap that we all share one type of water a day. We don't have cooties, whenever that's dirty. It just makes us use the same water. How are you not that dirty if you're using the same bath water over and over again? This just doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. And here I am taking 35 minute showers

to feel ashamed of myself. Last night I literally watched the episode of The Crown in the shower. Oh my God, Brian. Yeah. I got more than halfway through. You have like a waterproof phone type thing? What happened?

This thing is waterproof. Okay. I have a little ledge where I put my phone in the shower. Oh my god. I actually had them build it. And I bought this shower. When we re-did the house, I'm like, can you put a phone ledge? The guy did.

I'm Melanie Rose and I'm a hillbilly cheap skate. My wife is always working and trying to save money and shrink our budget. My aunt instead of us, we get some work on that teelo's teeth. That's what you should do. We spend some money on those teeth. That's bad. To save money on water and electricity, we use cold water into a whole family takes a bath.

My husband will take a bath that I do, the bath in Ronnie, and it saves us a lot of money. Sometimes I actually do want to take my own shower here and there. I can't really do much because my parents like to save water. He's a prisoner. He's basically a prisoner. He's in the... He's a prisoner. He's basically a prisoner. He's in the day. He's in a prison. He can get out and take his on child. I can't even imagine what's going on that kid's head. When he's 13, 14, 15, I mean, I take like three showers a day. They're doing two of them so I can master

me. But still, I know they're doing it. Yeah, they're doing. They seem to love him very much. That's the good news right he seems to be in a loving environment Where's mom kisses him straight on the lips? Another person in a loving environment. Yeah, he won't get yeah, there won't be another woman who kisses him straight on the lips, but that's okay You know how much water Batte of uses I bet there's probably no one 2025 gallons for us. That's a hundred gallons a day Super for the they have those. Yeah, you can do a recycle thing.

Yeah. Yeah. There's reclaimed water, there's reuse water. I mean, but you actually have to spend money to get those kind of systems in your house. But we thought about getting one. A reclaimed water system. We were too cheap to get it.

Does that. I ration our shampoo and body wash. I just pour about that much in there. Oh, that's enough for a month. We will have. That's enough for a month, she said. That's enough for a month. That is like two teaspoons full.

Yeah. That's how much I use in the first half of my shower. When the credits are rolling on the crown, that's what I use. Everybody's out of luck. Everybody's really good about rationing. By rationing. Everybody's out of luck, everybody's what we get about rationing. By rationing her family's use of soap and shampoo, Melody manages to keep bottles for over six months. In fact, she's found a way to save on almost all camping,

but in your house. Yeah. Which I don't like camping. I know, me either. So why would I? I don't want to be in someone sweaty, sweaty trailer. I just don't. All of their household supplies. I don't want to be in someone sweaty, sweaty trailer. I just don't. All of their household supplies.

I don't buy toilet paper. I use newspapers that we give free and town. Newspapers. Hard enough cleaning your ass with regular toilet paper. How do you do it with newspaper? That's why I get those whiteies. Yeah, one sheet, you'll leave one in that. You'll crumble it up, you use it, and then you put it

when you get done into this bag. And when this bag's full, we take it out and burn it. But I'm not gonna do this one because I haven't used it. I don't know how to waste it. I've had people say here, let me buy your Rolla Tula paper. It's not that I can buy your Rolla Tula paper. I don't need to, we don't need it. Now sometimes I've come in here.

I've got the free roll. I've got in here. The fray wrong boys. Yeah Because when you're sharing bath water with four other people who also don't wipe their ass correctly There's no wonder that water is brown. Yeah, it's bad bad bad bad bad bad bad all around Horrible in the family. They don't always replace newspapers. I've insulated this window with newspapers, keeps the light out, helps with heating and cooling, and saves me if I'm on the toilet running sun, then I can just lift this window. It also helps with that, it also helps with that checkles of hockey and prison look we're going for. So weird. And there's me some more toilet paper.

We try to keep our electric bill as close as possible by making sure that you're not being used. We do have electricity. It's on. That's it. I'm not going to waste any more. We have electricity in this house? I don't use it. I use a lantern. I'm not going to run it. But that lantern is full of batteries.

So how much money do you spend on batteries? Yeah, maybe the solar powered, or she has the rechargeable kind, yeah. No, $100 electric bill. That's me. Sometimes we have a heart attack. There's some people in our family like my daughter, my mother-in-law, who thinks

our chiefs' gateways are a little out there. Is there any enough water? They are. I hope so. They are totally out there. You are taking this way to the extreme. You can turn off the light behind you and save a little bit of money. But electricity is one of these modern conveniences

that we can all argue about, you know, all of the downstream effects of having electricity and burning coal for electricity and nuclear power and all that of stuff. Take that all out of the mix, but it's one of those things that changed the way that the world operates. It's all out of the mix, but it's one of those things that changed the way that the world operates. Yes.

It's like one of the biggest advancements is harnessing electricity and being able to make it have a light bulb come on or a television or your computer or your charger. Like you don't have to be this cheap, you can still save money. Yeah. And just not be like this.

It's like my fucking dad when I was a kid, if you left a light on after you left a room, you were in big trouble. Like you had to turn that light off directly, even if you were leaving the room to go to the bathroom for five minutes. Turn light off, turn the TV off, come back, turn it back on. It just didn't make any sense to me. I can watch, which is why I have a $700 electric bill every month. The lights in this studio, and I'm still rebelling against my father.

I say laundry basket full of dirty clothes as fast as a electric wash machine. We just want the smells and the dirt out. Looks like I don't so bad. Just squeeze out the red one. The red one's pretty. We've ran out again. But you give him another shirt red one. The red one's playing. Now again. Don't you give another shirt in here? He's better than a ringer washer.

He has the muscles and the strength to do it. And he always does it with a smile on his face. No matter what I ask him to do, the smell is good. That's what I like about it. Wait, that's what hostages do. Yeah. They look at you with a smile on their face. These people, for those of you that can't see this,

are literally washing their clothes in two like paint buckets. They're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, It's a wash and time. Hey Jimmy, uh, run that seven miles down to your grandmother's house and get till her it's a Washington time. Oh, Dad, can't we use the phone just once? I told you the phone costs too much money now run down there Be mindful of the bears and the traffic Good luck to your son. Yeah, there was no reason to waste our money on the other staff By doing her laundry outside, Melody saved herself $2,000 on a washing machine. And she also uses her backyard to save on the cost of another appliance. We had a small cheshire that went out. And instead of just going away, we just went with the idea of burying it in the ground.

We got going away. Why don't we come up with the idea of burying it in the ground? We got some eggs. Oh my God, okay, this is what we were taking away to fucking crowd. Wow, way too fucking good. They buried an old ice chest, a freezer, in the ground that didn't work anymore. And now they're using it to store cold food. Okay, with ice or no ice?

I don't know, but either which way, it's highly disturbing. Yeah, this is like mice and raccoons and all kind of shit they can get in there. You gotta imagine. Here is some home butcher pig. And a high moonshot. Home butcher pig.

Thing done run across the street and I just shot it. Home butcher. Home butcher. What do you think it is that home butcher. Home butcher. Home butcher. Have it hurt. Is that a brand? No, we've butchered it. It's kind of crunchy, Dave. What did you put in it? A little bit of hoof. A little bit of hoof never killed anybody. He's the whole thing. Full of protein. Big toe nails are full of all the good high good cholesterol

LDL will go down if you if you eat fungus and crusted big toenail Oh, butchers Because that fancy store butchers shit they get you every time So I wait robbery. I just wait some of the neighbors hogs get a little too close to the fence and I let the air out of their tower if you know what I mean. I bought this on the

cutlery channel 10 years ago. I've made my money back seven times. Cuts right through bone. I think there's a few pigs bleeding out in the yard right now. Then at night I sneak over, I pull them back and I say, well, time to home butcher them. It's butcher and time. Come on, Billion, it's butcher and time. Oh, man, I just got back from grandma. I'll take you two fucking days. It's 32 miles away, dad

If you would teach me how to draw blast for me Bounce for me son Here I made a bicycle out of two cardboard boxes and an old bike seat I found down the street You got a petal extra hard to get all over the corners, but once you get rolling, it's good. It's good. The great thing about this refrigerator doesn't cost a dime to run this. You get a hundred degrees outside of the fishes in the sun. That's not good. You have to keep it in the shade.

But the ground keeps you to add about a 55 degrees inside. The meat, the refrigerator is at 41 degrees just to let you know, 41. We'll keep it in there no more in a week. The eggs being unwashed, they will last probably a month or more. Oh, I definitely see why some people see our behaviors as over the top, but I don't care about being normal. Well, in that regard, I say, God bless you. Good for you.

Do do your own thing. Chrissy and I have a good deal of fun, but God bless you. I mean, you and your husband seem to be enjoying living like this. You should probably give your kids a chance to turn on the lights every once in a while. They can see themselves. Give the poor kids some clean water.

Just once a day. Come on. Thank my parents. Do what my dad did. Put a timer on the shower. That's right. Worked every time. They're a little obsessed with

Being cheap skates. Shooting out. We weren't quite as extreme as we are now After a while just became a challenge and say hey, let's see how much we can save this week And we just kind of made it a game and it just barrel rolled from there Most extreme thing I ever did to save on medical cost or any kind of costs like that is I removed my own teeth. Oh! What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What? Removing your own teeth.

Home butchering was bad enough. Oh my god. Home dentistry? Yeah. Removing your own teeth is like a super poor idea. Whoa. Yeah, you're not fucking Tom Hanks on an island. Like you don't have to remove your own teeth. Okay, I definitely want to get into this. Let's do a part two. All right, next episode. We'll finish up. We'll start where she left off talking about pulling her own teeth. We just got talking about the sex doll. Correcting Brian. No means no.

That is what would happen. That's what would happen, you know why? Because that's the kind of life I live. It all looks rosy until it doesn't look rosy. All right, so do yourself a favor. Do yourself a favor. Do us a favor. Go to youtube.com slash the commercial break.

There you'll find fully edited video episodes. What do we mean by that? Well, we mean that there are audio there are Yeah, they're homeb- Homeb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- You're gonna find out just how funny it is. Just go there. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Visual elements you cannot hear on the audio because you can't see through your ears. Let us our break two more weeks.

Two more weeks. Two more weeks. So that's youtube.com slash the commercial break or go to the search function, hit the at symbol tcb podcast and that's our hashtag if so to speak and up will come all of our videos and our channel. Please subscribe, like on your favorite video, comment when you can. Also, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast player. It takes two seconds. We sure would appreciate it. It helps us with finding new listeners. And that's what it's all about at this point. It's getting past those ten listeners. That's what we've had. All season. Eight five. You gotta get over that ten listener home. Eight five five. T-C-B-A-3-A-3-1. Eight five five. T-C-B-1-855-TCB-8383 from anywhere in the world. You can text

us or call and leave a voice message. We will pick up the charges. Don't worry about it. See, we're not cheap skates. We'll pick up your phone. We'll pick up your text message. We'll pick up on all. And pack Send us your bill. We got it. Send us your light bill. Just like my mom. I'll pay it. Don't worry. Because I have no money management skills. So I'll send you money too. And uh, you know, you know all the rest. Yes. Okay, Chrissy, I think that's all I can do. This season. I picked up product. I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. I'll be there in the podcast universe until next time. Chrissy and I always say we do say we must say.

Bye. Bye. I'm so sad, I'm so sad I'm so sad, I'm so sad I'm so sad, I'm so sad I'm so sad, I'm so sad I'm so sad, I'm so sad I'm so sad, I'm so sad I'm so sad, I'm so sad I'm so sad, I'm so sad I'm so sad, I'm so sad

I'm so sad Music you