The Commercial Break - Dating for Dummies

Episode Date: April 7, 2023

Bryan & Krissy might not be able to get to the videos they intend to...but they do have a lot to say about modern dating shows! The Bachelor, Season 185: Boring Girls, Troublemakers, and an Idiot. Bryan's Irish Goodbyes are deeply at odds with the culture he has married into Blue, the dog Bryan secretly loves, has to get knee surgery Are our dogs over-medicated? Please don’t call PETA on Bryan! What is it about British people that just gives them a leg up? Amsterdam says No More British Men! Doing drugs in 2023 is a daaaaangerous game Krissy has a recurring dream about the radio station Bryan has nightmares about TCB Bryan found a new dating show to binge It’s…The Trap! Bryan hates Chris Harrison Nothing's real on The Bachelor! Look hot, cause drama. When you actually try to make people fall in love, it's boring, but if you dgaf, it's great TV Back in the day Bryan & Krissy had Mishel from Married at First Sight Australia on TCB LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I honestly probably want to keep it off there in there. I would have been like, if I can see it. I feel dizzy. I'm going to win your ballsy. And number two, look at you and look at me. I'm a ten out of ten with me. And you're a five out of ten, I'm sure that's coming late for a reason

because, you know, you've got no money. How is it energy? Fuck it off. On this episode of the Commercial Break. Now, of all the chicks, I've stuck my dick in here You are the second best And also football What?

I'm sorry Oh, I'm sorry And also I love you The next episode of the commercial break Starts now The hairpons What the hairpons? The next episode of the commercial break starts now. The Heart Wants With The Heart Wants! Ah yes it does! Welcome back to the commercial break on Bryan Green! This is my dear friend and co-host, Chris. Enjoy, Holy Best of You, Chris!

And Best of You, Bryan! Best of You, out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on this episode of the commercial break, Recorded Live! Inside Bryan's all pets emergency hospital and Venice Wailing Youth Hostel. episode of the commercial break, recorded live, inside Brian's All-Pets Emergency Hospital, and Venezuelan Youth Hostel. That's right, I came over to a whole new... It's a whole new...

A whole new world! A whole new visit that you had started. We've got the dog is down, the cars are broken. I don't even know what's going on over my house half the time. Part of the beauty of being, you know, the Venezuelans, they're like such a lovely culture. And for 30, almost 30 years,

I have been embedded directly in the Venice Wayland culture as my best friend for that many years, has unfortunately was Venice Wayland. So what did I, I just walked into it, I didn't have any choice in it, but I know a couple things about the Venice Waylands. If you say the party's at 8, it really starts at 11. Oh yeah.

First of all, don't expect anybody to be on time or even close to on time because that's not gonna happen. If someone is within four, if a cousin of your cousin's cousin, a cousin fifth removed, is also a cousin, and if they're within 400 miles of your house, they're staying at your house. That's the way that it is. There's no choice in the matter whatsoever.

Yeah, roll with it. You just have to roll with it so as an irish guy who grew up not even saying that you're crap i never even stayed at my i mean i did stay at my grandmother's house a couple times but like on christmas eve we were literally 38 miles away from my grandmother's house and on christmas eve at one forty five in the morning when it was blowing snow my dad drove us home because irish people don't stay with other Irish people. That's not what I have. Get the fuck out of my house. What are you talking about?

There's a lovely hotel down the street. That's what happens. Hence the name Irish goodbye. It's true. It's a game. How? I did wonder how that started. So now you...

It's how quickly can you get out of the house without... Get out of the house without saying goodbye. Yes, because you like we're at a birthday party. And I know I told I promise that I couldn't talk about this, but I will anyway. I'll skirt the edges. I'll keep her in a state of constantly piss to me. That's how you keep a relationship going. If you want to know how to walk that razor's edge between divorce and a really happy marriage, have a podcast where you never shut your fucking trap. About your life.

Well, about my life. So we go to this birthday party. There's a lot of people there. It's a kids birthday party. There's a lot of people there. It's a lovely birthday party. We had a great time. All the parents are wonderful.

It's a lot of fun. I, and I actually do mean that. Like there's some, we have some great parents of the children that go to school with my children. So anyway, whatever. So we're at this big party, and there's however many people, 50 people there, and blue has just had surgery on her knee.

I know, it's a little long. So we can't stay for very long. And as we're walking out, I'm like, Astrid, Irish goodbye. Irish goodbye. Just let's get the kids to go. Yeah. Grab a gift bag, say thank you you and get head out the door.

Because I'm Irish and that's what we do. We don't want long drawn out goodbyes because then you have to kiss and hug everybody. You got a… There were people who say no, don't go. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even know. Barky the clown is coming.

I didn't even know I was doing an Irish goodbye years ago when I first started doing this because I noticed that like then you get pulled back in Yes, so just kind of sneak out. I remember discussing this with another friend of mine And he was like yeah, you know what I do is just say hey, I gotta go to the Xium and nobody stops you then That's why I want to lend you money. Yeah, they think the drugs are on the way. Oh, yeah, they want to lend you money You gotta get a team okay, go ahead. I owe a bookie 10,000 bucks. So I gotta go unless you have an extra 10,000 bucks laying around. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, go. Go go.

Take care of your business. I'm about to be a reigned on drug trafficking. Do you want me to stay here? They'll probably want to come in and get me. I leave. I just like, I'm going to be you leave. Yeah, you leave. But at least I'm not the former president of the United States. It won't be that big of a deal. You're not going to see an end out in front of your door. So,

you know, we blew poor blue, the dog that I love, the dog that I hate. And somebody, somebody, one of the fans said something about, hey, that dog that you hate, I don't really hate the dog. It's a joke. Everything on this show is a joke, just to assume that. I love the dog. Yeah, I brought her home on my little shoulder and her and I have been best buddies ever since. She literally does not leave my side

if she had a choice. She won't. And I love her. She is absolutely obnoxious. But I love her. Hey, listen, I've dated plenty of people that I'll say the same thing about. She won't. And I love her. She is absolutely obnoxious. But I love her. Listen, I've dated plenty of people that I'll say the same thing about. She wouldn't leave my side. She's absolutely obnoxious.

But I loved her. It's just... So about, and it's got a year ago, two years ago, we noticed that occasionally she would just like fall down. Like her legs would go lame. Right. And I was like, oh, that's probably not good. When you're like, it's go lame like that.

We're just sliding yourself across the floor. But I thought, she, you know, one of the kids maybe knocked into her or something, but then over the last six months, it's gotten worse. And one of her legs, she would just lift in the air. So we doped her up with a bunch of pain medication. That seemed to work great because anytime you dope yourself up with a bunch of pain medication, it's a good day. But eventually, I'm like, this is not normal.

Like we can't have a dog. This is not sustainable. No, we can't, I can't just keep feeding her tram at all. And Xanax, like, we gotta do something else. Take her to the dog orthopedic. Who knew? Who knew? Oh yeah, yep.

We go to the dog orthopedic and the dog, and the orthopedic says, without even looking at her twice, says, this is a neep, this is a patella thing. The patella is the bone where the kneecap slides in, you're supposed to have a groove there so the kneecap stays in place, so it doesn't flop to one side. Well, with the smaller dogs, the groove can get flattened out.

And blue has no groove whatsoever on both of her patellas. So what is happening is that she has to get a double essentially knee, it's not a knee replacement, they're not replacing the kneecap, but they're cutting the groove. Yeah, they're cutting a groove in there, and then they're putting some pins and some rubber bands and all this shit.

Is it pretty common? It's amazing. I can only believe a little. I know. It's very small. It's tiny, that's what the doctor was telling me. Is she's like, these pins, these metal pins that I put in, they're like a third of an inch in diameter,

and they'll break really easy. Those tiny little nails you get in the pack, you know, like where you get every size of the nail. In the one that you never use. Yeah, the one you're like, where would you use this? The 15 inch long nail that you go, what in the fuck could anybody possibly use this for? And why would you only need two of them?

Do you know what I'm saying? Like if you need a 15 inch long nail, you need a box of those. Whatever you're dealing with, it's probably not just one. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm in a coffin. I always wondered this. I'm like, a coffin, you're not even doing a good job.

It's like, anyway, and then, yes, it's tiny little, tiny little thing. The tiny ones. Yeah, she showed me one of them. It's tiny.. And then, yeah, so it's tiny little tiny little thing. That's tiny, me one. Yeah, she showed me one of them. It's tiny. And she said, listen, these things snap like a thumbtack. So you got to keep her calm.

Oh great. For eight weeks. And I'm like, how do you fuck? I mean, if you listen to the commercial break for any length of time, blue is as big as a, she's the third co-host of the show. She never calms down.

That's not what blue does. Blue goes crazy. Something to myself, this is going to be an absolute nightmare. How do I keep this dog crazy, who barks at anything and everything and jumps up and runs around? Oh, yeah. Well, there's an answer to that and it's really good drugs. And so now blue is sitting literally underneath the table right now. On the zone now, look at her face.

She's full of chrasa, don't. I'll never forget. You remember that girl that I dated that I had to like I went on like six dates with her and then I had to get a restraining order because she went. With one. The hard ones with the hard ones. The hard ones with the hard ones. She came over to my house and probably the second night she spent the night over at my house. The first night was right out of the club, so she just had a purse with her, but the second night she brought a crew tram once. She literally brought clothes that then she put in my closet. We should have been the first indication that there was a problem.

But then she brought medicines, and I had no idea that she was on. Well, she took these medicines, put them in her hand, like made to her little packet of medications and put it on the bedside table. My dog, my like, you know, 80 pound Labrador at the time, went and decided to eat all those medications. And so I'm like, what the, and she's like, who took my medications?

I don't know, I didn't even have medications. I put them right here on the side. Well, all of a sudden I can see this dog is like, like, doping around a little bit. She ate a bunch of trasa don is what it was. So this is what they're giving her to keep her calms trasa don. And it's working pretty well, actually. Yeah.

So I'm thinking about giving it to all the Venezuelans who have decided to stay at my house. Keep them all calm. Sue. I know people would take it for sleeping. They take it for sleeping? It's a sleep medication? It can be. I know people would take it for sleeping. They take it for sleeping? It's a sleep medication? It can be.

I thought it was like a psychiatric medication. I think it's an antidepressant and a sleep medication. Okay, that's all we need is to give blue a little pep in our step. Not a good idea. And I thought they would like for sure give her some kind of good drugs. I've had dogs before and they give them the good drugs.

They give them like, what is that stuff? Not morphine, but hydromorphine, like you know, hydrocodone or something like that. I've had a vet who literally gave me vikin' in for a dog's cough. And he gave it to us for like months and months and months that Nico was on this stuff. Are you sure you were at a doctor?

I'd, you know, when someone offers hydrocodone, I don't ask questions twice, except for trying to explain to the pharmacy that you're actually getting this for a dog is a different story altogether. Right. But so I thought I'd give her some morphine or something to take care of that pain. They just cut a groove into her fucking bone.

And she had an ACL that was torn too, so they yanked it and pulled it with a rubber band and tied it up I don't even know what they do. It sounds disgusting, but they they didn't give her anything They didn't give her any pain medication just trasodone and some anti-inflammatory. She does yeah, that's her fifth trasodone today Give her one every 12 hours. I'm like I'm gonna give her a half every hour There you go. Doesn't that equal the same? No, it doesn't. Okay, just check it. So for those of you asking

and there have been a couple people, Blue is doing, well, she's recovering right here on the side of us. And we do love her very much. We will decide. We have decided to keep her. She gives me, she gave me little kisses. They know.

It's a fucking expensive surgery. I can imagine, I know my best friend had that drug too when she was like, I can't believe my dog has to get a name for a place with her dream. But what are you going to do? You're going to do it. Of course you are. I'm like, do I fly first class to Spain on our vacation? Or do I keep the dog alive? Or at least keep her legs moving because the dog. And I decided, I talked to Astrid about, we talked about this for about six seconds. It's clear that we were gonna do this early.

We were gonna figure out how we had to get it done because I'm not gonna let my dog go lame, mainly because I don't want her to be in pain, but then the second and close second is that I don't want my children to be scared of as their own dog. It's like, I can't fully walk. Do you know what I'm saying?

I don't wanna ask. That's quite, she can't we walk? Do you know what I'm saying? I don't want to ask. It's like she's crawling out of pet cemetery. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I don't want this to become a pet cemetery. Right. Nick, they're still asking when Nico's coming back from the vet. And I'm like, you really liked it there. There could be a long time.

Ask me when you're 15. I'll tell you the real reason. I told him I said it died, but I can't let my dog go lame. And not this one. Blues really. It's too close to Nico too, of when you had to put Nico down. Yeah, there's a lot of, I don't want to have to do multiple explanations as to why.

And then if we ever get another pet again, I don't want the kids to think that every time the dog goes to a vet, they never come home. True, yeah. Because yesterday, I, or on Friday when I was taking the dog, Mia was like, you know, daddy, were you taking? I'm like blue. Yeah, bye by blue. And she was like, like, Nico?

And I was like, no, no, no, no, not like Nico. Nico sucked. That's why we didn't bring him home. We like her. She's kidding. People are going to start calling me. I don't want to get beat at the front door. We like her kidding People are gonna start calling Get Pita at the front door

Can you imagine like a bunch of unarmed Pita officers outside? You've got a protest that went on front Sir just come outside your hands up from my heart. Sir, just to come outside with your hands up. I come outside with your hands up. I won't be able to break the dog with me if I have my hands up. Put her on your lap. You want me to put her on my lap with my hands up and walk outside? We've listened to your podcast. Release the dog. Listen to your podcast. Release the dog.

Release the hound. Okay, but she's a big pain in the ass. We're trained in this, sir. Bring the dog outside. Three days later. We're back with blue. Come outside with your hands up, ready to carry blue back in the house. We've decided you've been a good parent

We have not found a foster home for blue unfortunately She's been through 30 foster homes in three days in one day sir We gave her some chrasano and she was good, but when she woke up, it was like, hold on, they're nightmare. You're surrounded. You have to take her back. Oh, man. So Blue's doing good. She'll survive. She's got all eyes on Blue.

We're watching her right here. So just know that Blue's in good hands. And thank you, some people that we communicate with on the text messages. We knew that she was going to have to have this knee surgery. So thank you very much for asking, Blue is fine. Chrissy, you know the fun is gonna be over at some point. One of the things, one of the things that I like about the British culture,

me personally, is kind of the understated, I don't call it elegance, but the very like, it's a very refined and slick sophisticated sophisticated culture. Now I'm sure that they have, you know, their Florida too. I don't know where their Florida is, but I'm sure they have there. Oh yeah, no, I know some people, British people that are very crazy in Florida. Yeah, oh, I know what you're talking about.

Oh yeah. And also awesome. And also because they have that voice in them. Yeah, I know. And they're all yeah, and also awesome and also because they have that voice And I know and they're all rich and they dress well. Yes. Yeah. Why are all the British guys that I know rich It's because of that fucking accent tall people and British people they all end up doing well Yeah, you can just like skip through with that's right. I'm short and I used to stutter. And so I got nothing. I got nothing. Well, let's be honest, I mean, the commercial breakfasts never going to be my sail off into the sunset. Vehicle anyway, but all right. Okay. So one, yeah, cheerio, cheerio, cheerio. It's cheerio.

One of the things I really like about the culture is that refinement in some cases and just kind of this understated elegance. And also, you know, their comedy is very dry and very witty. And it's- I do love their comedy. Oh man, I love it. It's all I watch is British comedies. And I don't know why,

but I just don't even love with that type of television show. Let's can be like dry and sarcastic, I love that. It's dry, it's sarcastic, it's witty, and it can also be very loony-tune. Yes. I mean, and there's a lot of, you know, US-based comedy that's just as funny, and so I'm not saying one is better than the other. I just have to- And a lot that's based on British comedy, like the office is originally a British.

Yeah, but the US version of the office is so much better in my opinion. Yeah. And normally I would say, it's British it's better, but it's not in that case. Still good, but not as good. So that's what surprises me about this new campaign that Amsterdam has going on to tell young British men do not come to Amsterdam for your crazy night. So apparently it's very popular because it's very cheap to fly over to Amsterdam. You know, a lot of times if you're going to Europe,

you fly through Amsterdam. It's like the connection point for whatever reason. Yeah. In Amsterdam, it's a joke. It's a trope. It's been around for a long time. Amsterdam, long before anybody was thinking about legalizing weed here in the United States,

has had legalized drugs for a very long time. Not just weed, most drugs are legal or at least decriminalized. You can walk in, my understanding is I've never been there, but you can walk into a lot of different places and get a lot of different selections of things. If you want something harder, it's not hard to find. Have you been to Amsterdam? I have not, but I would love to go. I mean, I've flown through there, but I've never actually, you know, I've stepped foot on Amsterdam in an airport.

Yeah. What's been happening over the last decade or so is that the British and especially young men, they go there for a night. They go, they fly in in the morning, they get fucking hammered, they have sex with the sex workers, and then they leave.

And Amsterdam's sick of it. They think that it's ruining their tourism because the British boys have, it's like our trope of Vegas, right? Go to Vegas, get fucked up, throw up on your shoes, go to a brothel outside of town or whatever. Yeah, when me, while the country's beautiful and has a lot of good art and history, it's there.

It's not all about the pot brownies. And red light to stuff. Let me read this to you. Amsterdam asks wild young male British tourists to stay away. Amsterdam is asking British men to stay away if they plan on cutting loose and going wild. The Netherlands capital, New Orleans capitals, New Online campaign to tackle nuisance tourism,

launch this week and targets visitors between the ages of 18 and 35. If British tourists search online for a term such as Stagg party Amsterdam quote unquote, cheap hotel Amsterdam quote unquote or pub crawl Amsterdam quote unquote, a video advertisement will appear warning them of the consequences of drinking too much and taking drugs or causing trouble and anti-social behavior. One video shows a drunk man being arrested. The company tech says coming to Amsterdam

for a messy night, plus getting trashed, equals 140 euro fine, plus a criminal record, equals fewer prospects for your future. So if you're coming to Amsterdam for a messy night, stay away. Okay. So, and they're serious about this. Because, yeah, they're literally spending millions of dollars

to tell people to stay away from, like your tourism campaign usually encourages you to visit. Like not, not visit. You know what I'm saying? That's correct, yes. And place like places like Vegas, they lean into it, you know. Yeah, and I feel like you almost know when you're going to a place like Vegas, they lean into it, you know? Yeah, and I feel like you almost know when you're going to a place like that,

and you would kind of skirt around maybe the areas that are crazy. Yeah, I know, but these guys are going over there for one purpose and one purpose only, and that's to get fucked up. Somebody ruined it for the whole group. That's right, there's one last call that this started with. You know what is, and I hate to be this guy,

but he's probably known by name name and like young circles of British men Fucking Bob Roondit for everybody. Yeah fucking Bob went to Amsterdam Got a Blumkin in the middle of the street high on heroin and then kicked a prostitute in a fake titty it exploded blood Was everywhere Bob's the problem and now everybody's a Bob, right? They're all like, oh, here comes Bob. Here comes a Bob. So now they're ruining it for everybody, but I don't blame them.

They're young men and there's, of course you have an outlet. Beautiful sex workers. I know guys who you would never suspect would have ever visited a sex worker, right? They're just too prudish for that or that it doesn't seem like that, that they go to Amsterdam.

And the first thing that they do is get fucking high. But the second thing that they do is go walk down the red light district to have sex with the sex worker. God bless. I think sex workers work and it should be legal here, but that's a different story for a different time. But these guys are going and they're having one hell of a night, but everybody else around them that's not there to get fucked up and have sex with strangers and all this other stuff. They're all

getting bothered by this. So they're staying away from Amsterdam, especially some areas of Amsterdam that are beautiful, like Canal Street and all this other stuff. So Amsterdam has to spend all these millions of dollars telling certain people to stay away. I just think it's so funny. They ruined it for everybody. They really did. The next thing that's gonna come, guaranteed, hands down, no, it's gonna happen, is they're gonna start restricting drug use inside of Amsterdam.

It's gonna start with the hard stuff, the Coke and the heroin, and then it's gonna go to the lighter stuff, like LSD, the punk stank. Have you heard about the punk stank? No. It's this new type of fentanyl that they're putting out there that makes people zombies. It's a people are calling it the punk's tank. If you heard about the punk's tank, it's this new type of fentanyl that they're putting out there that makes people zombies. It's a people are calling it the punk's tank. I don't know what they call it the punk's tank.

Well, there's also something that's eating people's skin away. And that's a Russian drug. It's called carpool or some shit like that. Yeah, it's fucking to be a to be a drug user in 2023. It's very risky. Super scary. Very risky. Super scary. Very risky. Super scary. Like, we're not only just talking about death, like it used to just be about death and that's bad. Yeah, death is bad.

Yeah, that's really bad. But now you've got a skinny disease and zombie like things that happen and whoa. These pictures of these guys that like, and especially, I think it was, maybe it was Virginia in Virginia, Connecticut or somewhere, in a downtown area. And they had all, obviously, just gotten high on the same drug from the same supplier. Like, you know, it's like a rundown part of town, where the drug addicts and the people that don't have homes,

they're living, and there is literally a street full of people that are like bent over back, they're standing, but they're bent over backwards like a gymnast. And then they would, then they're standing up and they'll look like zombies. That's the only way to explain it. I could try and explain it, but the best way to think about it

is think of your favorite zombie movie where everyone's just kind of walking around in a strange way. And that's what they look like when they're on this shit. It is unbelievable, Chrissy. I'm glad we, we got it out of our system. Yeah, no shit. Let's just tell my wife this the other day. I'm glad we got a dollar of our system. Yeah, no shit. Let's just tell my wife this the other day.

I'm like, listen, we gummy every here, the hair in there, all right, I get it. But there's no way that I would touch any kind of powdered material. No. At this point in my life, there's no way. Because I think there's a good chance that I would die. Yeah.

Or become a zombie. Yeah, or go right back to calling D every 15 minutes I forget I like this. Hey D. What's going on? It's Brian Brian green Can you come by the house you swing by the crib Man fuck your mom man fuck you mom. What would happen if I called you? I don't know.

Anyway, don't find out. Everybody has, everybody has gone too crazy in Amsterdam and now it's ruining it for everybody else. So on behalf, we should go now while it's the crazy thing. That's what I'm saying. Okay. Because Amsterdam might be, can you, I don't know, can you actually get like legal cocaine in Amsterdam? I don't know, can you actually get legal cocaine

in Amsterdam? I don't know, I don't think I've heard of that, but it seems very Lucy Goosey wanted some. Yeah, I think what the, I think that you can get mushrooms and weed for sure. Oh, for sure. Yeah, for shops. Yeah, yeah.

Legal shops. And then I think whatever else you want, you just ask those people. Yeah, everything else is decriminalized. So it's really not that big of a deal. I don't think you can actually traffic drugs. But I mean, you think of Amsterdam, like you think of the ex factories

and the Molly factories that they have over there. Isn't that like the big place where they make all that shit? Like, Amsterdam. I still feel like it's Mexico. You think it's Mexico? Well, in Mexico, listen, say what you will about Mexico, but they are some fucking entrepreneurial mother fuckers down there.

They are. They're like, what do these people want that we can make money on? Oh, yeah. That's not a fake. No problem. Yeah. You like those vikin' in? I got something.

10 times is good for you. You might die. Yeah. But it's really cheap and we're making a lot of money out of it. So we're just going to keep pumping it over there. Say what you will about Mexico. They have an entrepreneurial spirit. And I applaud it. I love the Mexican people and the, uh, the, the, it's over just gonna keep pumping it over there. Say what you will about Mexico, they have an entrepreneurial spirit. And I applaud it.

I love the Mexican people and the, it's beautiful. The country's beautiful. I live there for you. But absolutely, I mean, as many TV shows have now watched that are have narcos somewhere in the title. Yeah.

There's like a hundred. Narcos is like, it's become like NCIS. It's like law and order. It's just a new version every day. Narcos, Pablo Escobar, Narcos, what's that other guy? El Chapo, Narcos, D. Narcos, Brian and Chrissy, the gravy years. We've been selling more cocaine to these one address than anywhere in the United States.

It's Chrissy only's apartment. They were shipping that shit in by the time. Oh my God, that's too funny. All we have to do is wait till 3.30 in the morning. And when we see Chris and Brian coming outside the bar, we pull up and we sell them the whole just all truck. Now, they won't have the money immediately, but they'll get it soon. A couple of couple of sponsorships, which, oh my God, makes me think, I don't know.

Do you ever have a recurring dreams? Oh, yeah. So I keep having this one recurring dream. I thought about it earlier today that I had to tell you about it. And it's that I still work at the radio station. Oh my God. But here's the thing. I haven't sold anything in like a year. Oh, I have a whole whole type of dream. And I'm like, and I'm kind of walking around the office. I think yourself, that's skirting the management. Yeah, and somehow we're in a manager flux

where like somebody's taking over but hasn't yet. And I'm like, shit, the new manager is gonna fuck that. I'm still getting paid. I know. But I have so many things here. Oh my God. This like, yeah, I used to have, when I worked in McDonald's, I would have nightmares about the fries being overcooked

or like the button, the beeper going off, but I couldn't get to it fast enough. And those just every, every job I had, I have another stress that like, sometimes I have a dream about the commercial break. Where do God I do? I have a dream about the commercial break that I turn on the microphones,

and I'm talking, but I can't hear myself. Like, I'm not saying anything, and I just get crazed over it. I've had this dream like three times. Like, I can't, like, like this. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Oh no. Oh no. Yeah, those dreams are crazy. Yeah, they are. I mean, I haven't had that job in so long, but I think since we work, since we work so closely together again now, it's bringing up all those bad memories. It's bringing up all those bad memories.

Old fears. It's not good or? Old fears, yeah. It's waiting for the other shooter job. Yes. I don't think that's an uncommon fear actually. I meet so many people. And by the way, they're not tall or British. So there you go. I don't think that's an uncommon fear actually. I meet so many people.

And by the way, they're not tall or British. So there you go. But I meet a lot of short, un-British people that are like, I'm just, I don't know why this is happening to me. This is too good to be true. It's called Irish Catholic Dope Chrissy. Get used to it.

It happens all the time. You're just rubbing off on me. Yeah, and the truth is, we're not selling anything here either. So, I know. I know. Yeah, and the truth is, we're not selling anything here either. What the heck? I know. They're gonna find out. They're gonna find out. Who's they?

No one cares. The listeners don't want to hear it. Doesn't matter. Oh, man. Oh, man. So speaking of British bad boys, and I know we're gonna have to run this into a second episode because we're already 15 minutes behind, but whatever, doesn't matter. Speaking of British bad boys.

Oh yeah. T-C-B. Hey you, guess you. I hate to interrupt all the fun, but I just want to remind you that tcbpodcast.com is where you find all the audio and the video, plus you can contact us to get your free 21EPM sticker. Just go to tcbpodcast.com, hit the contact us button, tell us you want to stick or drop us your address, and off we go.

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So let's take a minute to hear from our sponsors and then we'll be back to this episode of the commercial break. I watched one of the most insane dating shows that I've ever watched before. I think it's on BBC or ITV, whatever it is. One of the most insane dating shows that I've ever watched before. I think it's on BBC or ITV, whatever it is. That's saying something. That is saying something, because I've seen probably every dating show that's out there that fascinate me.

They fascinate me. Did you watch the new? Love is blind? Oh my God, Brian. I haven't. So don't tell me too much. But first of all, I'm pissed that it's even already out. I just got done hate watching the last one.

Yes. And then all of a sudden a new one is a bright area. They got something hot and they needed they need to keep on going. I was like I refused but then find me in a couple weeks. Yeah. We can't record. Yes. Got three kids. Because I got three kids. I got a dog with two broken legs. Yeah. Next thing. I know. Well, let me just see what happened. So is it as crazy as everybody's been telling me it is? I don't have it. I haven't watched it. Oh, you haven't watched it. I watched the old new one that dress was new. There was just new like five months ago. And now they have another one. Yeah, that's

like lightning speed. No wonder Nick Lachey and who literally just did one of those follow-ups to the last season. And then now there's a new one. I know. They did two follow-ups. They did one right after the season started. Now they did a new one. I know, they did two follow ups. They did one right after the season started. Now they did a second one. I guess so that lady could apologize to a gaslighting that poor guy. Did she apologize? I think she did.

I didn't watch it, but I think she did. Okay, so Love is Mine has a brand new season. This explains why Nick Lache and what's her name? Vanessa. Why Vanessa and Nick are never ever in the episode after the first- Yeah, they go like that. After they say hello to after the first, after they say hello to everybody. And they don't even say hello to everybody.

They're like, you are here to find out if love is blind. Thanks everybody. Talk to you later. Yeah, the most action they get is at the reunion. That's the most action they get. And then they're gone. Yeah. Yeah. They'll be they come in the first episode. Then they're gone. They don't even glide in like what's his name from the bachelor. I wish they did. Yeah, I wish somebody would give us a clue as to what's going on.

Do you know what I'm saying? They're the way to check in. When stuff gets juicy, they need a narrator there. And what they do is they use the other people now. I have an opinion that they have planted some people and the girls in the boys room to ask questions. Possibly. Yeah, I don't think all of those people are there

to find love. I think they're actually just producer plans. To plan the story along. Move the story along. That's right. And I think that also they probably have a good idea of who they want to follow. And so they may press those, it's all production.

But anyway, they started a brand new love and vibe. But love is blind has nothing on this show that I watched, this British dating show. This British dating show is called the trap, dating trap. Nothing like going to a final level if you're like this show called the trap, the dating trap, or whatever it's called. Chrissy, I swear to God, one guy or one girl,

three girls and three guys. And maybe there's like a version where there's all guys and all girls, but I just saw the one, one guy, three girls and three guys. And then maybe there's like a version where there's all guys and all girls, but I just saw the one, one guy, three ladies. He gets to ask them three questions. He asks them three questions. They're all standing there. Each one of them is standing on a circle, like a carpet.

He asks them three questions, and at the end, the narrator or the host says, which one do you not want to take into the second round? And he's like Evelyn. And Evelyn literally drops through the floor. They open the floor. She dropped that like swear on all the toes. Like a trap door. I swear to Christ. It's a trap door. No! Yeah! She falls through the floor. I know, I mean that's as bad as somebody like

sliming her or, you know, dumping something on her hair. Oh my god, it was like... She just goes through. I know, you just goasted. Wait, I meant Debbie! She's still alive. Can we figure out that? Can we back up the slide.

Imagine if they just shoot her back up. They just shoot her up through the hole in the floor. She lands all like, I like through the bank. Yes. He was a gas checker. Yeah. That's so cool. Boom.

Boom. A soon as we get medical attention for Debbie will let her continue. Three broken bones, a ruptured liver and an eardrum that no longer works. Debbie, how are you feeling? I think Bob is so cute. Oh my god, it's the best. So I'm going to continue watching that. The audio wasn't that great,

or I would have put it on here, but the audio just, it wasn't all that interesting. Bob was kind of lame and so were those girls, but there are other episodes out there. I'll look at them. I know, it's so crazy. And then I watched the fucking end of the bachelor.

That's embarrassing too. Yeah, well she looked, I guess all you look really familiar, wait, were you the one that got dropped through the trap? Yes. Are you the trap? Yes. Are you that girl? Who was there one moment and gone the next? Are you the loser who went through the trap door first?

I mean, you really need love that much. If you're looking for your 15 minutes of fame, it shouldn't be that you fell through that fucking floor because the producer didn't like you. And you know for a fact that those producers pick who's going to go through that floor first? Oh, yeah. But then I watch the bachelor. I can't, I can't do it.

It's just so I refuse to do it any longer. It's so fucking fake. It is. So fucking fake. Nobody ever stays together. I mean, I guess there's a few sprinkled, but I mean, yeah, but you put 300 people in 300 women in a room together of the course of two decades with a bunch of alcohol with a bunch of alcohol. You're bound to have one idiot that stays with it for long enough, but these all these guys, they just do the same thing. It's hard.

And I guess that's part of the, the lure of the show, right? Is that at the end, he's got to pick one. And that's it. But he, this bastard was- So he'd go in on for so many years. I know. 20 years. And I gotta say, 20. I don't agree with anything that hosts said in whatever his name.

What was his name? I forgot. Hey, what the trap door? Pete Davidson, what was his name? He went through the trap. Chris Harris. Chris Harris. I don't agree with anything Chris Harris had said.

He should have kept his mouth shut. That was his job. All he had to do was walk in, say there's one more rose left, goodnight ladies, and that was it. That's all he had to do. And he would have made millions of dollars of the day that he died. But he didn't do that. He opened his big fat fucking mouth because he thought he knew something cute and smart

about politics. And on top of that, he didn't even talk about politics. No. He talked about race. You're a fucking moron, dude. He didn't take the temperature in the room. And I guess the good news is we vetted out someone who may not be all that great of a human being,

I mean, at the end of the day. But for the purposes of the bachelor, just silo the bachelor for a second. If you can't, take Chris Harrison's shitty personality out of it. Chris Harrison was the... Well, does the thing I didn't even know he had a personality? of it. Chris Harrison. What does it say? I didn't even know he had a personality.

I didn't either. And that was the, that was why he needed to shut up. He would have been fine if he just would have walked in the door and said, here's the rose ladies, but he didn't do that. He had to go blabbing on some podcast and no one listens to and no one cares about. Number one, number two, the show is just dull now. It's just dull.

It's everything is all the same. Everyone's up for the drama. And so I didn't watch one episode, except the final episode. Oh, good for you. Yeah. Well, mine is usually, if I start watching from the beginning. Did you watch this season?

Oh, no, no. I watched it in a few years now. Asher watches it, right? And I know. It's fantasy, it's fun. It's fun to watch people fall in love and see who's gonna pick who and the cute guys and the cute girls and all this. But it is such it's a caricature of itself. These guys this dumb dumb that they have on this last season.

Huh. Buddy, I just want you to know that of all the chicks I've stuck my dick in here. You are the second best And also football What? I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry and also I love you And also I I think the production assistant is cute That's a man. I know, I know, I'm pretty gay, actually.

Not just here for the fame. This guy is such a dumb dumb. Dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. And then he goes and he picks. And I don't understand because I don't want the entire season. There's two beautiful ladies that have all of the love and intention that he could ever want. and he picks the one that's like least interested in him. There's one girl that's really in love with them

and then there's one girl that's least interested in him and he has two to pick from and one's just obviously Less of a fit than the other one and I only watched one fucking episode and I knew this and then they drag it out for days and days and then you know this and then they drag it out for days and days and then you know they spend such a great wide with you everything's been so wonderful from the day I met you I knew something special was happening and then you supported me when I had my doubts you lifted me up on high it was like punches fucking pilot you lifted me up on. You carried the cross for me. Everything was great, but you're not the winner. And I love you. Like no other person I ever loved. Because the heart wants with a heart wants. And you saw that in me. You were the only one who believed in me. And you're not the winner. But I didn't get believe in me. And you're not the winner. Yeah, I can't do this with you. But I didn't get you in the game.

You know what I got the other chick. But stand by, stand by, never work out with it. Never work out with the one-haper. Exactly. Would you mind being my sad chick? That's what I'd be like. I'd be like, would you mind buying my sad chick? Sad chick's always get the best sex.

Don't worry about it. We always save the best sex for the sad chick. It's like, what the fuck? Well, maybe that was all kind of like you were talking about with the production stuff. So maybe that was all kind of planned so that she would become the bachelor wreck. Cause usually the second of the runner up, yeah. Yeah. It's all planned. It's gotta be. Well, and maybe that I don't know at the end of the day what how this guy really feels. I know he's kind of a thull. you don't hate it if the bitchy girl didn't find love. No, fuck not.

But the bitchy girl is only good for one thing, and that's three episodes of drama, and then he lets her go until it's completely obvious to everybody including the audience, who it's been obvious to you from the beginning, that this girl does not need to be here anymore. But the producers, here's the thing. There's one squeaky wheel always in the group,

and that squeaky wheel is there for nothing else But to be incredibly attractive in the camera and cause drama. She obviously riles everything up She gets in the middle of all the dates. She shows up at his door on the next the best date Sometimes you know where he takes her and on an alone date. Not a group. Nope, an alone date To the top of the Eiffel Tower, where there are helicopters flying around with roses, with roses. Fireworks along the Shantilly Zay. They close down the Chanel store.

She gets to pick whatever she wants. That's what they have done. That was the challenge. That's right. Yes. Fucking Gordon Ramsay shows up and cooks you a personal meal. It's all great. It's all gravy, right? And then she comes back and she's like, I sucked his dick. It was huge. And then there's always that one girl.

I haven't even talked to him. He flew me on a private jet to Paris. I sucked his dick the entire way. And I got these 12 Chanel bags. And there's always one girl. I don't even know his name. And I'm sorry, but usually that girl is a minority because of course, right? They're trying to make things all equally and even, but it never is. I know. It's always such an obvious ploy to just satisfy advertisers and it's fucking bullshit. And they, I mean, just none of it is real. It's so crazy.

It's none of it is real. It's all those poor girls. I's not if it is real. It's a those all those poor girls They say I have COVID You're just boring darling. You're just boring. We keep you in the boring room Because you know that they do. That's produced in their instantaneous. They're probably identified long before the show even started rolling.

This girl's boring, this girl's boring, and this girl's boring. So keep the cameras off them. But this girl's a hotshot. And they probably pull that hotshot aside, and they say, listen. You're a hotshot. This is your moment.

These, you're gonna have at least 50,000 new Instagram followers. And this is all said and done. You don't really like him anyway. He's not that good looking. We know, you know, everybody knows. He's like 10 feet tall, but that's it. So let's not and cause drama. Look hot, cause drama.

We got a stylist on hand. And by the way, we're flying you to the Shomta Lise, we're a private dinner from Gordon Ramsay. There's no that's in there, right? And then, yeah, then she comes home and tells about all wonderfully, he is, but then she like, you know, peas and somebody's champagne

and it's causing drama everywhere. And so the girls don't like them, but the guy seems oblivious to everything that's going on. Oh, no, he has no idea. And that means that other girls need to go and tell him. That's right. They have to pull him aside. Just don't want to let you.

Could I talk to you for a minute? Yeah, if it was Chris Harrison, if it was Chris Harrison, he'd be like, he'd knock on the door. Hi, Dave. No! Listen, I just want to sit down and talk with you for a moment about some things

that have been happening outside of the... Oh, okay. I put on pants. Yes, you should put on pants. Shoes all by myself Yes, go ahead and put on shoes too Chris the girl you took out on date last night murdered two of the other contestants But we don't want to jump to conclusions. I want to hear what you have to say

But we don't want to jump to conclusions. I want to hear what you have to say. I like airplanes. Great. We're going to have them come in and talk to you about it. And then the girls are like, I know that you think that she's here for you, but she murdered two other contestants yesterday. Oh. I guess I'm gonna have a conversation with her separately.

At the Chanel store. At the Chanel store, that's right. Such a harsh shit. It's such harsh shit. And then that girl, the troublemaker, the murderer, stays for the next 12 episodes because the producers love it. They think this is great.

They can make dramatic commercials out of it. Chris meanwhile is just like, you know, whoever the contestant is has no fucking clue what's going on or pretends to have no clue what's going on. But I can guarantee you, there's a production meeting that wraps up about this and they know everything.

They're in a fucking resort. They all know each other. They all know what's going on. Yeah. If, you know, we should have our own dating show where we can stay at a resort for two weeks and just do nothing but fly to fancy locations where fireworks are being blown off. It's so unbelievable. And the things that what happens when these people get out of the, the, that's why it never works out. Right. Because you're in a fantasy land. That's why I like

bubble. I used to like that married at first sight. By the way, married at first sight, UK is back on and Chrissy this show is the shit. Is what? Oh, god damn, you like? Okay. Married at first sight, UK and Australia, no, it's unlike lifetime or some shit like that.

I haven't recorded it. I can, I'm like, that's your watch. Okay. Thanks. Because in the US version, it's the same as the bachelor. Like, it's gotten way boring. They're way boring. It's everything's just so predictable.

But in the Meredith first site version in the US, they actually give a shit and they're trying to put two people together, I mean, in the US. They try and put people together that actually care about it. They're actually trying to set people up on success format. That's why it's boring.

It's boring because it really deals with the minutia of actual relationships. trying to set people up on the that's why it's boring. It's boring because it really deals with the minutia of actual relationships. In the UK, they don't give a shit what happens. It's all about the drama. And Australia is even like 10 times as work. I wonder to our new listeners out there,

you probably don't know this, but Brian and I had a contestant on Mary at first sight, Australia. We did. Yeah. And now it was part of, Australia. We did. Yeah. And now it was part of the shit show. Michelle. Yeah, the show beginning. Yeah, the podcast.

Somebody else gave it a day. They go, do you have guests on? And I'm like, no, and she goes, why? And I go quite frankly, we're barely holding it together. We're two of us in the room. We put a third in the room. It's all over. It's game over.

We tried it. But we did have Michelle on. And Michelle was lovely. But she was lovely. She was lovely. Yeah. And you know what she's doing now? She thought she was going to be on some big time podcast. Yeah, I don't want to get into like every bit of minutia, but just listen to this.

There's a version of all of you that married at first sight. They run it during the pandemic. It's married at first sight, Australia. Now in Australia, it had run two years earlier, so it was an old version in Australia. But there was an older couple, and I say older, they're like in their late 40s, right? There was an older couple when everybody is younger.

Yeah. And the lady is named Michelle, and the guy is named whatever his name is. So we reach out to both of them. We being my wife and I reach out to them on Instagram. The podcast is like four episodes old. Yeah. And we're like, hey, maybe we can get one of these people on because we're really enjoying

watching the show. And this couple, this guy will not sleep in the same bed with Michelle because he thinks she's old. Well, he's an old fucking self, right? So, yeah. So we reach out to both of them and they both respond instantaneously. And Michelle's the first one to say, yeah, I'll come on. And I'm like, great, I'd love to hear your side

of the story as to why this guy treats you like such a dick. So then Michelle comes on and she spends the next hour and a half doing nothing. I ask all the tough questions. She answers every single one of them. She was a great sport. Yes. And she talks about what a kind of a dick this guy was to her.

The day after this episode aired, this guy Instagrams me and he's like, I will not be coming on your show because you have not treated me fairly. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, wah, wah, wah. First of all, you know what you're talking to? It's a fucking commercial break. And at that time, I mean, the commercial break

means nothing now, but that's it. I mean, I was under 10 episodes because I remember doing it front of my house and on video to video. And in the middle of the night. In the middle of the night with with the earphones on the Apple with the earpods that are so great for podcast audio. Yeah. Yeah. Not like we've gotten much we took a step up. So so she spends the entire

time she gives all the tough answers. Very sweet. Yeah., in that episode, part of that episode goes all over the internet. Her saying this, her saying that on this podcast, no one knows who the fucking commercial break is. By the way, we saw a huge spike in listenership in Australia that quickly went away after that. Very cool. Because while Michelle was on it, it was interesting.

But then they go, oh, this is the show without Michelle. Ah, yeah. So much better with Michelle. But this guy, Mike, or whatever, is they were, he sent me the nastiest nasty gram on Instagram. And I was like, listen, Mike, you come on and you defend yourself, if that's what you feel.

If you're upset about my opinion about your relationship, I understand that no one is dumb here, Mike. Everyone knows that the producers of the show, and certain situations along. And I said that on the show, that it's all manipulated, and they have hours and hours of raw footage that they can twist and turn anyway they want to. You want to defend yourself? Come on the show and defend yourself. Unfortunately, I think Mike figured out exactly what the commercial break was on, unlike

the show, who was so sweet, by the way. And we still, we still talk, we still like touch base every once in a while. I love her. Do you know what she's doing? She's running around Australia selling, uh, uh, sex toys. Oh, you know, you told me that I love that for her. And good for her.

Yeah. She's like a super empowered, super beautiful woman, so she deserves that. She does. Mike's still an asshole because fuck you. If you're still listening to the show, I doubt it. He probably said to himself One podcast that don't have to worry about the commercial whatever's the commercial breaks with over 20 downloads per episode Somebody on the on the review said I love this show. I wish they I wish they knew how good they were Oh, we know how good they were.

Oh, we know how good we are. And that's why we're always talking shit about ourselves. We get it. We get it. We're here. We're not here. We're here. Oh, Chris, we're just being us.

We're just being us and what more could you ask for? So we got to nothing we planned on today. Oh, but we've been gone from each other for a little while in the studio. We're gonna get it all. We'll watch videos next time when we have nothing more to say to each other. Right, you can only do props. Yeah, it's like a marriage.

Only we have videos to keep us entertained. It's like when you're married for a long time and you go out to eat. And you're like, when you have kids and you're like, oh my god, it's gonna be awesome. I'm going out with my wife on a date. And then you get there and you're like when you have kids and you're like oh my god it's gonna be awesome I'm going out with my wife on a date and then you get there and you're like which we talk about the kids like gas. But we have fun don't we? We do. We do. We do. We do. And hey thanks for joining us we really appreciate it go to tcbpodcast.com

That's where you can listen to all the audio, watch all the video, find out more about Chrissy and I, and most importantly, you can contact us. Would you like a 21 EPM sticker? Gratis? Paro gratis? We will not charge you one bit for the 21 EPM sticker, 21 ejaculations per month, with the commercial break. Stay on it, you can put it on the back of your car, make all your friends and family proud.

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Yeah, social media is just a cesspool of negativity. That's why they offer it. Yeah, maybe I deserve it in this case. Got to say, you say, off it. So, at the commercial break, follow us on Instagram. We sure would appreciate it. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. That's the most important thing that we have going on besides the audio feed because they're

full episodes edited to your liking. Just the way you want it. Just like Burger King. Have it your way on youtube.com slash the commercial break. Money back guarantee. Please like and subscribe. We certainly would appreciate it. Well it's been a rousing episode. Yes it has. have a flying pan back into the fire. A lot. The dog is still alive. I guess that's good news. That is good news.

Well, I guess I'll say I love you. And I love you, Brian. I love you, Blue. And best of you, Chrissy. And best of you, and Blue. Yes. And best of you out there in the podcast universe until next time.

Chrissy and I always say we do say, and we must say. Good bye. Good bye. Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say good. ByeI'm a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a you