The Commercial Break - Double Flop Homicide

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

The Bit: Mikey Jr. tries to read the line. The Show: Bryan and Hoadley are back from vacation after taking no time for vacation! Hoadley and Jeff encounter the Florida heat, Bryan has a baby and makes himself useless as usual. Don't forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO ([phone]) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever had a dream that you had? You could do what you want. You could do so. You want Tim to do you so much. You could do anything. In early 2020, the world shut down. Stores, restaurants, schools, and whole communities shut their doors in an effort to protect human life. As the world quickly changed, one man went on Facebook to get a degree in Internet epidemiology. Brian, along with his lab assistant, hopefully, are curing coronavirus by commenting on fake

news and reposting recipes of secret virus cures from a friend of a friend who works high up in government. Join Brian and Holy as they discuss the world and like doing this forced interruption, learning, laughing and loving in this real life commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break, I couldn't be away from the microphone and my good friend, Kersi Ali, for too long. I missed you and the truth is, I'm going fucking insane. It was wonderful.

When we first got down there, we saw right away. It rained a little bit and all was in a double rainbow appeared in the sky. It's a double rainbow. And I said, Hey, doctor, I think I'm going to need a bigger, you know, thing from my head. I'm going to need a bigger covering for my and he says, I don't think you're gonna need a bigger covering for your head. I'm sure those are gonna fit your feet just fine. You were trying to put the booties? I was trying to put the booties on my head. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Check your microphone, check, check, a microphone.

Check your microphone, check, check, a microphone. Chic-chic-microphone. Chic-chic-microphone. Chic-chic-microphone. Chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic-chic- flute playing in the background. No, it's almost kind of Saturday night live. It is a little bit, isn't it? It's like, well, can you into the program with high energy and a little bit of like, you know it's going to be court. You know whatever your rattleist into is going to be quirky and funny and the host is going to be incredibly sexy. The flute adds flair. Yes, don't let the flute adds flair.

I've got some flute flair coming right up on the commercial break. It's jazz flute. It's jazz flute. I don't even know that's jazz flute. That's like funk flute. That is. Yeah. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian.

This is my good friend, Chrissy Houdley. Episode number 15. We're just plowing through these episodes. You know, we were supposed to take a vacation, but we just didn't even take a vacation. I feel like we I feel like we took three days off and now we're right back to it, but I just couldn't I couldn't be away from the microphone My good friend, because they only for too long. I missed you and the truth is I'm going fucking insane And this house in the pandemic with a brand new child and an old child I got a brand new child and then I got an old child.

I got the new one, new model that came in and then I got the old model that's still here. Please. That's right. TCPpodcast.com is where you can go to find all the show notes, find out more about Chrissie and I, drop us an email and let us know what you'd like to hear on the show. Leave comments, feedbacks, or questions

and everyone's in a blue moon will do a show, just dedicated to emails. And I think that one's gonna come up soon. I'd like to do it because we're stacking up and I don't want it to get too old. I want fresh emails when we do this. Oh, they just be mindful. Brian likes fresh.

And that's why, yeah, that's why last week, I had this whole spiel about how we were gonna be off for a couple of weeks and they may not be fresh episodes and you might hear something that's dated and then we're gone for one fucking week and we're back. Because Brian can't figure out how to work the fucking audio. And so all the episodes that we recorded are now shit. So, but that's okay.

Fear not, my friends. What does Sean had to be say, let not your heart be troubled. Of course, Sean, you're a multi-million dollar TV host. What is there to worry about? I think so. Let not your heart be troubled or something like that, or maybe that's Roshalimba. I don't know.

He's got some trouble right now, he's being sued. Oh, is he? Yeah, but I'm sure that that, I'm sure that that's- Oh, yeah, well, when you're at Fox News and you're sued for sexual harassment, that's just like welcome to the club. And that other day, yeah.

I mean, I think that whole TV newsroom was built on sexual harassment. It's like a restaurant full of children, and they're just all running around touching each other. Yeah. Something like that. A restaurant full of children. I know. Hey, I want to thank everybody who's joined the break room on the website.

We've got quite a few people that signed up, and I think that's super exciting. Now we have to go to the work. You're making us work. We don't make any money on this podcast, and now we actually actually have to go to the work. You're making us work. We don't make any money on this podcast. Now we actually have to go to work. But I've got some good ideas, so I guess that's the... But I also, I have a lot of great ideas in my life that I just never have executed on.

So I hope the break room is one I follow through. We're gonna realize all of your dreams here at the commercial break. Making your dreams come true Little Timmy broke his leg and wants to go to Disney world I haven't slept in 72 hours because of my child and unfortunately the break room will not be giving out Disney world Vacations anytime soon. You don't want to go to Disney world in the middle of a pandemic anyway But there's lots of people that are down there. I there are I'm a Disney fan. But there's lots of people that are down there. There are. I'm surprised.

I'm a Disney- I love Disney, but I read today that Disney expected there to be very high demand for all of their shit and all of a sudden it's not so demanding down there. Like even though they've ratcheted down their the amount of people that can come in the attendance level to like 15 or 20%, which is just amazing.

If you went to Disney World and there was only 15% capacity, in my opinion, that's like a dream fucking come true because you pay a lot of money to go down there and then you have to wait 10 hours to get on any ride that's worth a shit, right? But even with the 15 or 20% ratchet down in attendance, they still don't have much demand to go down there. I guess I'm happy that people are smart enough to know that Disney World is probably not

where you want to be in the middle of a fucking pandemic. But listen, to each their own, totally, to each their own. That is very true. To each their own. To each their own. To each their own. Yeah, I think you can't, like like the characters and things that come out and hug

the kids and whatever you have to stay away from them. Yeah, now there's no more touching. It's like the Fox Newsroom. There's no more touching. So back to what I'm saying, everybody that joined the break room. So you can go to the website. There's a big button there that says join the break room. Drop your name in your email address and subscribe to what we're calling a monthly newsletter or a monthly club and you'll get access to our live shows, monthly newsletter with behind the scenes content. And in extra free, no charge, hour of content, only available to those who subscribe to the break room. And I want to explain something and I think this, Astrid and I were talking

about this and I think this is good to share with the audience here. We don't charge anything for the commercial break because we're smart enough to know that no one's gonna pay for it anytime soon. So we're just doing this for fun. This is purely just for shits and giggles right now. We appreciate all the people around the world that are listening, but we don't have any intention to charge anytime soon,

but there may come a day down the road when we have a Patreon page, or I don't even know what that is, but whatever founding in Denver. We're gonna have an only fans page and for a $5 to Brian will take off his glasses. I'll shave my beard. And so maybe some day comes when like a lot of podcasts there's like what they call gated content, and it's behind a wall. And if you pay, you know, if you're like a donor or $5, you get this much content

or $10, you get that much content, let me repeat, we're not doing that now. The break room's completely 100% free. But we had an idea, and I think this is a good one, for the next 100 people, there's already a bunch of people that have signed up. So those people are already included in what I'm about to say,

but the next 100 people that go and sign up, we'll consider them like maybe founding members, right, of the break room. And so the next 100 people and the people who have so far signed up will be included in this founding membership, and they will never, ever, under any circumstances, no matter what we charge,

they will never pay anything. So if you're one of the next, you know, 100 people that sign up to the break room, you will never be charged for free shows, for content, for whatever it is that we put behind a paywall, if we ever put it behind a paywall. And I thought that was a really cool thing to do that Astrid had that idea. So go to tcbpodcast.com and join the breakroom and there you go. And if you've already joined the break room, you're already included in that group of people. So, so like I said, yeah, the next hundred people. Uh, and so that would make. So let me do a little math in my head. I'm really good at math.

One plus carry the two minus three. If, if you, if we add the next 100 people, that means that there would be a 101 total people in the break room founding members. So we have 101 people. 101 people. Did you follow my math there? Yes. So there's one person already signed up. Plus the next 100 people will have 101 people. Perfect.

So join the break room and you can go to all our social media and follow us there and subscribe. It's like a podcast, no, no, subscribe so that you don't miss any episodes. And leave a review. It's like a podcast. No, no, subscribe so that you don't miss any episodes. And leave a review. It's like a podcast. Doug, did you leave a review yet? You. Did I? Did you? Have I left a review? I didn't know if it was allowed for me to leave a review on our own. I think it's frowned upon. But if you leave a review, then that means we'll have two reviews. Mine and yours.

Okay, I will absolutely leave a review. Or at least at the very least have Jeff leave a review. Have Jeff, make it just so no one gets crazy about anything, right? Just leave a review and click that little star. So whichever podcast platform you feel like you. There's so many out there by the way. I can't't believe it I had no idea once until we started doing this podcast because I've always listened to mine really through Apple and then come to find out Spotify doesn't mean pod bean pod bean and overcast and stitcher and castros and castos and yeah there's a lot of Spotify is a big player in the marketplace right now I heart media our former employer is a big player They say they're the number one podcasting platform in the world now

I don't know what that means because I think Apple actually has a lion share of the market But you know clear channel and I heart media they You know They're the same. I, they're the same. I know they're the same. They're probably, I mean, they say they're the number one podcasting platform out there, but I don't know that that's true.

I don't know. I know they have, they have Will Ferrell's, the Ron Burgundy. Oh, they do? That's an original content to, I heard. They always talk, yeah, he always talks about it on his show. I'm a correct kind of reference is it? And when you look at the actual podcast, it does say, I heart so they must be producing

their platform. Yeah, I never thought I never really thought of Will Ferrell as a clear channel kind of guy. But, you know, he listened. You know who's running that I heart media now for the content? Our old guy, Chris, what's his name? Remember that guy Chris, what's his name?

Remember that guy, Chris, he used to run one of the radio stations? Yeah, he's over the content over there now. So, you know what? I'll say this, I like that guy. Yeah, that guy's doing a good job. Yeah, successful company. Successful company. Well, other, the festival was really kind of what catapulted them over the,

the edge and then that's probably not going on right now. No, I don't think there's any festivals going on right now. No, there's not. I mean, they're talking 2022. I think that that's probably correct because even if you get a, like, you know, there's some talk about the, yeah, I don't want to make this whole show about coronavirus yet again, but, you know, it's hard, not, it about coronavirus yet again, but, you know, it's hard not to. I know it's hard not to, but, you know,

I think I hope that maybe some people come here and listen to these, I wanna get away from coronavirus, bullshit. But I will say this, I think that even if we do get a, a vaccine and there's some, sounds like there's some promising vaccine trials going on, if we get a vaccine, then you have to produce, you know, whatever it is, 16 and a half billion, you know, shots of this vaccine twice or three times, because they're

saying it's going to be like a booster shot. You got to get it a couple of times. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's going to be a while. I mean, if, you know, Bill Gates wants to get his software into your brain, you're going to have to have more than one shot. Exactly. Go to WayFair.com and buy children. People are going crazy, healthy.

This pandemic got people going shit. It's fucking nutty. I mean, nutty. The things that are going on in my Facebook page, it gets me so loud up, but I'm not going to talk about it because I just promised I wouldn't make this off of coronavirus. So we'll skip it. So hold me a now, you're back from a little vacation. Like we said, we're going to take a couple weeks off, but here we are recording again. And what did you do during vacation?

I took a little trip with the fam. That's right. That's right. We went down to Amaya Island. Yeah. That's a beautiful island in the Northeast coast of Florida. Yes. Yeah, it's lovely down there.

It's lovely. Over 100 degrees. So it was very, very hot. Was it really over 100 degrees? Like the actual temperature was over 100 degrees? Whoa, shit, that's hot. Yeah, that's really hot. In that Florida humidity, that's hot.

Yeah, but it was good though. I mean, we were there at the beach. The beach was not crowded at all. I was a little worried about how, you know, crowded the area was going to be down there, but everybody was very chill and relaxed and kept their distance. And it was, it was wonderful.

When we first got down there we saw right away it rained a little bit and all of a sudden a double rainbow appeared in the double rainbow. I know I had never seen the video. You've never seen the Hawaiian guy who's like double. I took something into my ass and I watched the guy talking about the double rainbow as we were looking at the double rainbow. Oh, good for you.

That's like a, that is a dream come true. The budget for me. If I was one of those kids that had a wish, I'd be like, I want a double rainbow guy. When I see a double rainbow, just put just a pair on it and be like, I'm going to double rainbow. And also give me whatever a a fucking concoction, a fucking rainforest concoction he was drinking. Give me some of your eye wasca.

Back away from the eye wasca. I got his grade. Yeah, so I'm healing on it. You know, no secret here, I've been there a bunch too. It's beautiful down there, just absolutely gorgeous. And it is a quiet island. I think that's, Asher and I have also been to the island. That's the one place we went

besides my, you know, in my family's house. That's the one place we've gone during the pandemic too. And it's absolutely gorgeous down there. And there's not a lot of it. It's not a very crowded beach. There's a couple hotels down there and that's it. And so it's like, you know, you go and there's plenty of space. Like it's like half a mile between you and the next person. Yeah, it really is. Yeah, it was great. Very slow, sleepy little island. Yes, yes, very nice. But you guys had a good time, huh?

We had an amazing time. We did witness a double homicide there, unfortunately. A double homicide. A double homicide of a paraphernalist. I thought she was about to get real for a second. Like, we saw a double homicide in New Mealy. I don't think there's ever been a homicide on New Mealy. I think there's only two full time residents.

And they're both dogs. Right. So, what happened? Were you being your flip flops tied? Well, the flip fl flop story is that we all, the four of us, we all went to the beach, and we were heading to the beach, and Jeff was up front, and he decided to take his flip flops off before we walked through the sand to go to our spot. Like little wooden boardwalk to the sand and then sand to the beach, and then we'd

get off the wooden boardwalk here like, Oh, takewalk here like a take my people that had done it too and we had done it the night before when we first got in and went to the beach because it was it was cool and it had been raining and the sand was fine but Jeff tech takes off in the sand and quickly realizes that the sand is very very hot. Oh no. But he's already left the flip-flops up at the thing. Uh-oh. So the girls and I kept ours on and we're fine. We're walking through the sand.

So we get there, we get it up, we have a great day at the beach. It's so nice. We just decided to pack up and head back in and Jeff and I were walking and we kind of went ahead of the girls. They stayed down there and so we were walking back up and it's increasingly getting hot on just feet. Yeah, it's like it's a hundred degrees. I mean, that's like, that sand has got to be on fucking fire.

So we're almost up to the little dock thing and Jeff is like, oh my god, oh my god, like my feet are on fire. Yeah, like I got a run and grab these sandals. He runs to the flip flops and sticks his feet in them. I'm sure Melton. The flip flops were hotter than the sand. Oh my God, he freaked out, goes taking it all

running towards the grass. And goes, when you pick up my flip flops. I can see Jeff just taking like a face plan into the dune. I think I've been flip-flopped. They fell apart because I completely melted it into the two parts. I mean I started laughing at the same time I felt so bad for him because his feet literally were burned. I couldn't pick up the flip-flops and paint it melting. Welcome to Florida. We're cooler than hell.

I'm so hard. I started laughing so hard. I actually peed by the way. Oh my God. Oh yeah, I was like, I'm already in a bathing suit. What's that? Just let it fly. Oh my God.

I just let it fly. So they died. Oh my God. Four flip flops. One of these like a cheap piece of shit flip flops. Are these the real deal? What's going on? They were nice. They were nice 18 years ago when he got it.

When you met him, when he was wearing them, when you met him. Born me later, the bad last 18 years. Then are the words. The only, my wife has changed me 100%. When I met my wife, I had the same flip flops I was wearing when I met you when I was wearing a clear channel. It's like, it's years ago. Yeah, they're just like, they're half a millimeter thick

because I've just worn them down to, I got back problems. My wife's like like I wonder why. You might as well be living in a fucking Mexican village with no shoes on. Oh, for Jeff, I just have this vision of Jeff like dancing like dancing across the sand and then like jumping into the into the dune Like ah Yeah I was crying my feet are up because I was already felt bad for him Did he has to go get a new pair of flip flops after it?

I picked up the flip flops and they melted. And I'm like, oh my god. Someone gave me some water. They really was hot. Oh, really is hot out here. Flirt is tagline is wet. Well, at least it's cooler than hell. Florida, you can cook breakfast on your forehead.

I had an uncle, like we took this cross country trip one time and I was in an uncle, like a great uncle. And we went to Phoenix, Arizona, we took the trip in between school years. So like my, I don't know what was in my freshman and sophomore year or something. It's a cost country trip 42 days in a caravan with my family. And we stopped in Phoenix, Arizona to see a long lost uncle of my father. So he's got my great uncle or whatever.

And he lives in the Sun City West, which is the like the world's largest retirement community. I think I've heard of that. Yeah, it's, they have one in Florida too, I think, in Sun City East. But so in Sun City West, there's like, you know, 10,000 homes. And it's just like this village where it's all these people, these retired people live in these small little homes.

And it's the middle of the fucking desert. I'll never forget we got to the embassy suites where we were staying. And there was like a big thermometer sitting over the pool. And it said like 107, right? And I'd never seen anything like this. I was like, it's a hundred and seven. And it was even too hot to go in the pool.

Like the pool water was so fucking hot. You just, you didn't even want to go. And my dad was like, no, you know what, I go in the pool, that's gonna boil your fucking, you fucking nuts off, kid. You're nuts bags are gonna fry, kid. And so we go over to my uncle's house and I'll never forget this.

It's this great uncle guy who I think was in World War II or something. He is wearing a fucking cardigan sweater with golf pants and shoes and he is out back grilling on an open flame grill. Oh my. And he's not in there's like not a bead of sweat is coming off his forehead. And he keeps explaining to my father how it's a dry.

Like you know, everyone says it's a dry. Right. Now he made it. The fucking brain is rotted from the inside out. It's a dry heat like you know everyone says it's a dry Fucking brain is rotted from the inside out. It's not a dry heat. It's fucking hot 177 is a hundred and seven When you shoes are melting it's fucking hot. Oh my god. Well, I'm glad you guys had a good Yes, but overall it was very nice and hey Jeff has a brand new pair of flip-flops They're awesome. Well listen, maybe it was time, maybe it's just the universe telling Jeff it was time to get a new fucking pair of flip-flops.

The universe just burned them up. It burst into flames. Oh, and hey you got a good laugh out of it and you peed yourself. But don't feel bad because you're not the only thing pe being itself around here. I had a daughter when we were coming. Yes. I did. I had a daughter. That was an, that was interesting.

It was interesting to have a baby in the time of the pant. I mean, listen, anytime you have a baby, it's interesting. It's interesting. It's not like it's a run of the mill. You know, unless you're that lady who has 18 kids and counting or whatever it is. Yeah. But we had the baby. And so Astrid had a planned C-section.

It was like a 10, 45 in the morning. And they want you to be there at like 8, 45 in the morning or 8, 30 in the morning. So we get up early, we didn't sleep. The kids and the dogs went away the day before. Like the dogs went to the play place and my parents took Matthias, who's my son. And so everyone is away.

So my wife and I were actually alone for the first time in a long time in our own house. But of course, it's just like we're just packing and getting ready, and then neither of us really slept. It was fantastic. It was a patient. Yeah, you're just kind of tossing in turn. I mean, I think I got a few hours of sleep.

So get up and just do everything calm and chill, just trying to keep it cool. Everything's fine. Kind of have a baby. They're gonna cut you wide open seven layer deep You know, they're gonna push a baby out of this small incision in your stomach that's gonna take months for you to recover from and We get to the hospital and there's like a huge hospital and it's just it's the most It's the busiest birthing center in the world is this hospital that we go to here in Atlanta

And so they have like 200 babies a day or something like that come out of birthing center in the world, is this hospital that we go to here in Atlanta. And so they have like 200 babies a day or something like that. Come out of that, this hospital and the seven stories and it's all... Wow. So we get there and you have to check in to kind of the front and check in. They want to make sure you can pay them and all that. That's a good stuff. And so the lady says, yeah, okay, you're all good to go.

Just sit and then a nurse is going to come back and get you. And the last time that we had a baby, Astrid was in active labor when we got in there. So we didn't wait for anything. We just kind of went straight back and they got in a room. We go and we sit down and all of a sudden, the security guard wheels this lady up and kind of sits her right in front of us, right? I mean, it's like a huge waiting room. And the security guard wheels this lady up, who's holding a bag, like holding her purse, right? I mean, it's like a huge waiting room. And the security guard wheels this lady up who's holding a bag, like holding her purse, obviously incredibly pregnant,

and just wheels her and sticks her about six feet in front of us. And I look at Astrid and Astrid looks at me and she doesn't even look at us. She's just like staring straight down at the bag. And I thought, oh, well, I hope she's okay, right? Maybe she's getting ready to have a C-section too, right? Maybe they're just winning her in, then all of a sudden it's okay, right? Maybe she's getting ready to have a C-section too, right? Maybe they're just winning her in all the sudden.

It's like, oh. Oh. And I'm like, oh my God, what? Is that coming from that lady? Her mouth wasn't open, right? And I was like, is that coming from that lady? And she's like, oh right? And I was like, that's, that's, that's, is that coming from that lady?

And she's like, oh my god, I think that lady's like, like in, in labor. And then, and then just like, ah! And I was like, oh my god, this lady's, but poor lady, like somebody helped this fucking lady, she's, she's, she's dying here. Right, she's in pain.

The lady's just had to front desk, just writing shit down, you know, paying no attention to her. And this poor lady is like, I mean, you can tell. Now her head looks like it's about the pop. It's like purple, right? She's like screaming in pain, but under her breath, she's trying, I think she's trying to hold it in.

Whoa. Her, I am assuming husband or significant other. Finally walks his ass into the waiting room after about 15 or 20 minutes. So I'm assuming this is how it went. Here, honey, get out of the car. I'm gonna go park. Happens a lot, okay.

He comes in after 10, 15, 20 minutes, whatever. It felt like forever because this lady was moaning under her breath. I mean, it was so fucking strange. And here comes this guy and he stands about 10 feet away from his wife. I'm assuming it's his wife, right? Because he said, hey, I got the bag. And she's like, okay. Okay. Oh, it was the most disturbing thing that I've seen.

I mean, like, and I watch my wife give birth, right? And my wife wasn't making noises like this. This lady was like an active labor about to give a fucking birth. And here she is screaming in the middle of this hallway and her husband is like standing away from her as if she has coronavirus and he doesn't run it. What a fucking asshole. I was, it was really weird, really strange.

So anyway, so then they get us back to the room, right? They put us in a pretty op room, super nice. Did I see the lady get some help? I did not, actually, they just kind of grabbed us and they said, here, come on. And I can't remember if Astrid said something or somebody said something about, hey, that lady, but I mean, I sure they see this all the time.

This is probably like, hey, you know, yeah, she's given birth, she's in the right place. What do you want us to do for getting a room ready? Yeah. Yep, what do you want us to do? She's here at the burning center. Yeah. At the hospital.

It's my son, he's sick. Yeah, you're at a hospital. It's gonna be okay. Like, people in the emergency room and it's like, my husband is sitting here and he is in room, and it's like, my husband is sitting here, and he is in pain. And it's like, yeah, he's at the hospital, everything's gonna be fine.

You came to the right place. They think it's back to this room, and the lady's like, you know, she's like, okay, I said, here you put this garb on, and then, you know, dad, you're gonna put this garb on, which is like, it a huge blue overcoat, as if I was going into a like a Beastie boys video for soothed things.

Zip up, so it's this whole package that she puts together, and it's a big blue zip coat, right? And it covers me completely, and then there's a mask, and then there's two separate head things to go across your head. Right. They're white and they're pretty heavy duty. So as I'm getting dressed and putting this on,

the doctor comes in and, hey, it's gonna be good. We're gonna have a good birth. Okay, great. I'm trying to stick this thing over my head. And I said, hey, doctor, I think I'm gonna need a bigger thing for my head. I'm gonna need a bigger covering for my head. And I said, Hey, doctor, I think I'm going to need a bigger, you know, thing for my head. I'm going to need a bigger covering for my head. And he says, I don't think you're going to need a bigger covering for your head. I'm sure those are going to fit your feet just fine. I was trying to put the booties on my head. I hadn't put two and two together and there was like a left one and a right one.

What do I do, Doc? I stitched these together. Did I go for my ears? Is that what the right and the left one for? Are they mittens? Oh my God. So, yeah. That's a funny mistake to make. I mean, I'm sure you were kind of out of sorts.

I felt like I was pretty witted. Thank you, Ed. I found myself relatively and strangely calm during this whole process. I thought I would be a little more freaked out than I was. But they get you back. And so, once the epidural comes, the epidural is like a whole fucking process. And so, the last epidural that my wife got, the doctor came in, right, when it was like,

you know, she was feeling enough pain that it was time for epidural. So she gave regular vaginal labor last time. So when the anesthetician came in, it was a lady and she had an assistant with her, but it was me, Astrid and the two anesthetists, they call them anesthetists, or is that who takes care me, Astrid and the two anesthetists. They call them anesthetists, or is that who takes care of your fingernails?

Yeah, anesthetists. Anesthesia. Anesthesia. Anesthesia. The anesthetist. The lady who's removing hair from your vagina comes in and it's just me and. That's an esthetician.

That's an esthetician. What is it anesthetician? Anesthetician is somebody who does face-holes and hair removal. Not as much schooling as involved in that. More proof to anybody who listens to this podcast that you should never take anything I say with a degree of seriousness because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So the anesthesiologist, and her assistant is there on the first birth, and I actually helped keep Astrid steady while they put it in, right?

So I was right there. I watched the whole thing. It was a rather disturbing. It's just as disturbing as described. It's a huge needle that they stick right directly in between two of your vertebrae. But this time, a whole crew came in, like two nurses, two anesthesiologists,

somebody else, and then they kicked the doctor's chair across the room, and when the anesthesiologist, like the head guy, who was like, no joke, no, he didn't have a bit of sense of humor whatsoever. He just kind of kicked the chair and he goes, okay, dad, you're gonna sit there and don't move, right? And I was like, oh, okay, you know, I can't watch hold my wife's hand or something. And he was like, stay there, stay right there, right?

And so later on I learned that they now have it in practice, that the dads have to sit on the other side of the room, because too many of them, while holding the wife's hand or while watching or while looking will pass out and cause you like they don't want them they don't want them you don't want to move while someone's sticking a needle in the back of your fucking vertebrae. So dad's pass out all the time when they're watching this process happen and apparently now it's like a like you have to sit on the opposite side of the room or leave the room one of the two but they need to do their job and they don't want any danger. So I sat there and once the a net like it was very calm until the anesthesiologist put the epidural in and then it was like show time, right? It right.

They quickly made sure that she was numb and then the doctor comes in and he says, hey, listen, I'm gonna go in. I'm gonna prep your wife. There's gonna be a bunch of people in the operating room. You're gonna sit outside on a chair and when we're ready to go, I'm gonna come get you, we'll be all about 10, 15 minutes. And so there's this weird, strange time where there's about 10 to 15 minutes sitting right outside the operating room when it's just me with my thoughts. There's no one else, you know, one else around, right?

It's just me and my thoughts. And the only thing I could think of is how we get more subscribers to the break room. So I thought that. I think you were texting me. I think I might. No, I'm kidding. I took a few minutes and I'm like, wow, it's really weird. Like it's I'm going to have another life to take care of here in just like in a millisecond. But then also, I hope everything goes okay, right? Because I watched how many people walked into the room and I realized just how serious this is.

So then these two, really nice. I'm assuming Nigerian men, because it sounded like the accent they had, two Nigerian men, one really tall, one really short, come over there all dressed up and they said, hello Brian, yeah, I'm going to be, you're dead. Okay, man, you're going to be a baby. You're going to have a baby, congratulations.

We are the baby technicians and we're going to take care, right? And I was like, take care of what? And he's like, we take care of the babies. As soon as they come out, we're going to take the baby for 10 minutes and then I'm going to give them back to you. I promise, right? And he's like, but I want you to worry about anything, standard protocol, all good.

And I was like, oh. To get them cleaned up and everything. Yeah, because, you know, when you have a C-section, when you have a regular birth, the baby has time to cough out all the bullshit. And it's a process. Like, their ribcage is squeezed while they're Going through the vagina. We're giving right

I'm giving yes. I'm now a phlobottomist giving a Lesson on how babies work So they can cough out all that bullshit over the help of an esthetic with the help of an estetist. So, but when you have a C-section, you know, it's not quite prime time, like the baby's not ready. Oh, here's the strange thing, too, is that actually, Astrid on the way to the hospital says, I think I'm having a contraction. And when they hooked her up to the machine, when we got to the hospital, she was having contractions. The baby was coming anyway. Oh, wow. And they were low and slow. So, I mean, it could have been a day or two or three or whatever. But the baby was making, she was making her way out, right? One way or the other, she was coming anyway. Oh wow. And they were low and slow. So I mean, it could have been a day or two or three

or whatever, but the baby was making, she was making her way out, right? One way or the other, she was coming. It's ready. So 15 minutes go, so the guys go in there and I say, okay, whatever, you know, I guess that sounds good. And you know, 15 minutes go by.

And then one of the doctors comes out and says, okay, it's show time. I want you to put your hands in the air, walk straight back to where your wife is, you know, and sit with her, right? And so I walk into the room and Astrid's feet are at one end and her heads are the other and there's a big screen Across her chest really the top of her chest. So I walk in and I walk past her belly and as I walk There's just a little, you know, there's a drape with a little hole cut out where her belly button is and they're putting iodine around it right and so I sit next to

Astrid and the anesthesiologist assistant is now standing there and he's really nice and helpful. He says, I'm gonna tell you everything that's going on. Don't worry, I'll walk you through the entire thing. I'll watch so you don't have to, right? And we're like, okay, great. And so, hopefully, when I say this, I'm not even kidding. I sat down and two and a half minutes later, I had a child. It happened so incredibly quickly, and I guess maybe that's how it's designed to happen. It's supposed to happen very quickly, so there's not a lot of trauma to the baby or the mama, but I couldn't believe how quick we have been told 45 minutes. It happened in two.

It happened so quickly. Wow. It was just so strange show when, when you could kind of tell what was going on, but I couldn't see anything. So I just stared at Astrid and both of us are, you know, tears in our eyes, and we're gonna have a baby and all this.

And you can hear the doctor say, okay, she's coming out, do you wanna see? Daddy, like Papa, do you wanna see, right? And I told myself, if I was given this option, I would not look because we talked about this, right? Yes. But like a fucking idiot, just like when they asked me this with the vaginal birth, it's like a fucking reaction.

I said no, I don't think so as I was standing up, right? I'm like, no, I don't think so. And I stand up and I was like, oh my God, I actually just saw them pulling the baby out like her feet coming out. And it was like, it was supposed, I actually just saw them pulling the baby out, like her feet coming out. And it was like, it was most amazing thing in the world. So here we are. Now we have a new baby, the baby's crying right off the bat.

So you know, that's a good song. Yeah, that's a good song. Healthy, everyone's doing good, right? The baby's crying. And so they hold the baby, they take a little piece of the plastic down and they hold the baby up. They don't want you to touch it before they,

you know, do whatever they're gonna do to it. But they show the baby, healthy baby baby girl and everyone's happy, right? Mama and baby. Yes. Aw. Are doing really well. I couldn't believe how incredibly quickly this happened. I mean, really quickly.

And they stitched her up really quickly. I went with the baby and they stitched her up and the baby was good. They're good with that hospital. Yeah. Well, listen, 200 a day. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I was going to say. And our OBGYN is one of the most busy OBGYNs in the country. And so they're really known for doing this and doing it professionally.

So we have a little baby girl and she's just beautiful. And for the most part, Astrid did good, except, you know, she has this bad habit. She has syncopy, you know what syncopy is? No, I don't. It's like low blood pressure, right? And it's not bad low blood pressure. It's just lower blood pressure than the normal human being, right? It's like the low, on the low end of blood pressure.

And so she's prone to, if she's sick or on medication or whatever, she's prone to passing out. And like passing out is a very scary thing if you've ever seen it for real. And so- Yeah, not like a drunk pass. No, no, no, not like a drunk. Like I just fell asleep on the bar,

but like you're going down like a fucking log that has just been cut, right? Right. Your color comes out of your face and you just go down and you hit the deck. And yeah, Esther likes to do that to me. And I had to pull like the emergency red cord in the room. You know, we're there for like five days afterwards. So I had to pull that cord a couple of the room. We're there for like five days afterwards.

I had to pull that cord a couple of times. And I'll tell you what, those girls were there fast. Man, they came quick, they came like fire. I pulled that cord and it was like a second later when someone was busting through that door. Oh, that is shit. And they're all like, all the really, there's so many great nurses that were there.

And I wish I could say all their names on air, but I don't want to embarrass them. I don't have their permission to say their names on air No, but a lot of them. Yeah, that's true Probably the only people are listening are Astrid and her mother We are 199 listeners away from 200 listeners. Yes. Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! Yay! We're now celebrating. We're now celebrating our third listener. Yay! Yay! I love it.

So, I, but a lot of the ladies that were there that worked there, they were from a different country, right? Jamaica or Nigeria or Brasilia Brasilia, I just said that I fucking work Let's go on with you ride. This is what happens when you don't have sleep from My little babe and so they're from different countries and they come here and they they work miracles And they're still loving and wonderful and I just got to say thank you to all of them if they're listening Oh, I told them about I told them about my podcast.

I told them about my podcast. I said, hey, listen to the commercial break and a few of them didn't show up for the next shift. They're like, oh no, lady, call out sick. I'm not lady, call out sick. I'm not lady, call out sick. I'm not lady, call out sick. I'm not lady, call out sick.

I'm not lady, call out sick. Are you sure you don't wanna leave today? We're giving you a discount on your bill. I'm not lady, call out sick. I'm not lady, call out sick. Are you sure you don't wanna leave today? We're giving you a discount on your bill. Do you have a room where I could record? Right.

I've got my kid. As poor as her, she's on her back and she's like, I'll cut up and like, you know, don't up on morphine and I'm like, what do you think about this idea for the podcast? She's like, you better get a real job. You got another kid now. This is a real job. They're going to pay it someday. Oh, we'll congratulate you. Thank you, the baby is doing an astray. But the baby doesn't have any bladder control.

The baby has peed more in my hand than she has in a diaper. You know, the equipment's different. I don't know if they tell you this in school, but the equipment's different for the men and the women, for the boys and girls. I have heard this. Yeah, so, you know, the boys, yeah, they can shoot across the room. They can shoot across the room on a Tuesday.

The girls just kind of trickle out and, you know, so when I'm changing the baby, it's just, she always seems to. Maybe it's my warm hands and she's just like, it's time to be. That's the way she's associated like, it's time to be. That's the way she's associated with James England. Yeah.

Time to pee. And she's also getting used to using her stomach, like her anus. So she's, she's, she's, she's got an anus control. Oh, my gosh. She's a magic anus worker. That goes on for a little while. Yeah, it does. She's a magic ainus worker. That goes on for a little while. Yeah, it does.

They have to get used to real food. Yes. So anyway, there's my break. I took a break. I had a baby. Here she is. And she's just. Yay.

Thank you very much. So now I got a razor. Yes. Now, how you do? I told her. I said, you're sh and you're shit and solid. Now you got a parent. That's how it works.

That's right. The green household. Speaking of passing out, so the day after we got back from the hospital, I went to FedEx to mail something out. I'm standing at the FedEx line. There is a guy and a teenage guy and a teenage girl that are standing there and they're mailing out a package. I'm just kind of behind them waiting like six feet and they don't have masks on. It's not the point of the story but they don't have masks on

and the other lady standing next to them doesn't have a mask on. But as I'm watching the guy, he's talking to the lady having a conversation with her. I watch as the young girl who's very skinny and tall, right? And her hair's dyed blue, but, you know, kind of young. Like I was a 15 years old. I watch as whatever color wasn't her face goes away. And she kind of crumped down on one arm onto the, like really quickly, like just kind of fell down onto like her elbow onto the counter.

And then all of a sudden, and I knew, then I knew something was wrong. I was like, oh, but no one kind of noticed, right? Even the guy that was with her just kind of looked at her and then started talking again. And then I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then the elbow came out from under her and she went head first into the counter

and then fell straight backwards onto the back of her head, passed out fucking cold. I mean, cold, like cold, I mean cold, like, as soon as I woke up, we woke up with some smelling salts. This girl was out like a fucking light. I mean, we couldn't wake her up. I'm like snapping my fingers, smack in her face.

I mean, this poor girl was out. Now when she wakes up and you could tell, like she's reeked of pot, like reeked of marijuana. So I thought to myself, this girl is just really high, right? She's really high and she knocked herself out. She got too high for her skinny little frame and she's not used to it. And so I asked the guy that she's with, like the FedEx people are scrambling around. One of them says that I'm a retired nurse, so let me help. And so she runs back to grab whatever she

were like a cold cloth or something. And I'm trying to wake this girl up. She's like in and out of consciousness. And I turn to turn to the kid and I go, hey man, you all been smoking weed? Like I'm not a cop, I'm just asking because that may explain what's going on here. And he's like, no, no, never touch this, what weed? No, we don't smoke that. I never smoke weed my entire life.

And I'm like, you fucking deep shit, your friend just fucking smacked her head. And she was bleeding too. And I'm like, your friend just fucking smacked her head. Like, you know, come on, man, no one cares about the weed. But but you know it's just weird that like three days in a row I'm watching some people pass out. Oh my gosh. Do you think it's me and my good look? It is now you can recognize the signs. Some people I'm like I feel like I'm like a Harrison Ford

like I get better with age. You're exactly like Harrison Ford Brian. Zach. Oh my God. So anyway, so that was my, uh, that was my vacation, quote, unquote, my vacation. Hey, did you see that, uh, did you see the Trump, uh, tweeted out where I'm asked? Did you see that? I did see that. That's amazing. Yesterday, and then he showed up to an event last night with no mask. So, listen, that's Trump for you

He likes to stoke the fire when I saw that tweet go out and I saw the picture I feel like I heard a million Facebook posts being deleted at one time like I could hear it like the suck of Facebook posts being deleted Well, I guess it get a bit of egg in my face Well, I guess it gets a bit of egg in my face. Honestly, I don't care how he gets there. And I don't care if you're late to the party. It's okay with me. It's, yeah, it is.

It's got to be done. We got to change it. We got to get this controlled. So I, yeah, and there's, there's only one or two ways to do that. You know, one of those two ways is we can hire an anesthetician to figure out the problem. Or we can wear masks. And so I'm going to get a degree in internet anestheticiology. Perfect. Well, I appreciate you jumping on here last minute and having a wrap with me. Yeah, I miss you too.

I know, it's been too long. So okay, we'll come back with another episode. Next week, make sure you go to tcbpodcast.com to find out more about the show, read show notes, all that good stuff. At the commercial break for Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, we're all there. Please join there and subscribe if you like the show, read show notes, all that good stuff at the commercial break for Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, we're all there Please join there and subscribe if you like the show subscribe on your favorite podcast platform Whichever it may be and we want to say hello to all of our listeners out there Internationally we didn't get to say hello to specific countries today

But a stony is back by the way more people listening from the stony So cheers, yeah, I love a stony it too. It's a beautiful country. You look at pictures and you're like, wow, it's really pretty in Estonia. Maybe someone will pay for us to go there. Yes. When we have an only fans page. Next 100 people who sign up to the break room at tcbpodcast.com. Next 100 people will be part of the founding members and you will never pay for anything that we charge for as far as content is concerned, ever, ever, ever.

You will be in on the ground floor. I will consider you a close personal friend of mine. So the next 100 people, and that would mean I have a 101 close personal friends, hopefully, and the 100 people would join. The very crew. So thank you very much. And what can I say?

What else is there to say? Where are fucking masks? I love you. Well, I love you too, Brian. We'll see you next week on the Commerce Week. Bye. Next week, bye. Email us at thecommercialb at gmail.com. Find us and follow us on Facebook and Instagram at the Commercial Break. New episodes drop every Wednesday. We can be found on Spotify, iHeart Media, Apple, Google and all major podcast providers. The Commercial Break is a great middleweight production, written and produced by Ryan Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Hodley. you