The Commercial Break - Dr. Henry Fonda's Marriage Bootcamp

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

Dr. Henry Fonda joins Hoadley and Bryan to give some, never needed or wanted, marriage advice... and much more! Don't forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO ([phone]) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is gonna be a changing day in your life. I'm Brian and it's your mom. On this episode of the commercial break. Oh my god, listen to this. Are you ready for this? You haven't read through all this, have you? Silicon design is completely waterproof and washable. That's right.

For use in the shower or the bathtub. You need it. You know your next really sore the bathtub. You need that, my son. Oh my god, the sharper images, just a smut peddler. That's all they are. It's unreal, the shit people do. It wasn't just because they went to Rally.

No. Didn't wear a mask. Well, that could be possible, too, right? I mean, hey, listen, I don't get it. Shit people. It wasn't just because they went to Rally. No. Did Mura Mouth? Well, that could be possible too, right? I mean, hey, listen, I don't get all the signs. No, I'm saying that's what happened. I know what you're saying. That is what happened. That is what happened.

The entire, yes. But anyway, with my no-found degree in marriage psychology, I thought I'd want to come on and share some of the customs and cultures and things that might country. The things I've been learning about marriage. Okay, that sounds good. Okay, so first, the little update. How are you in Jeff doing? Jeff and Eric are fantastic. Jeff looks great. I'm telling you, he looks fantastic in those pictures and every time I see him come out of the apartment, he looks wonderful. I'm glad you've been watching us. Well, you know, I've given the same neighborhood

around the corner just checking to make sure that you're okay. I'm a little suspicious of Jeff. I'm just going to be on the... Oh, why? Only so protective of you. I mean, usually in my country, we get married. It's the last thing we're worried about. It's our right to check them out.

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. It's a good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good wanted to take a few minutes to say this would be my last episode of Santa Santa reindeer Santa I've been arrested with tax evasion possibly messing with the prostitute I'd like to apologize to both of my wives and all seven of my children At this time I might certainly advise me to say not much more but I do have a few extra words The tournament advised me to say not much more, but I do have a few extra words. It was not a prostitute, that was an erotic massage. But there was a difference. When we got to my edge, you're lucky if the tubing still works.

You know what I'm saying, Chrissy? Sure. The piping still works. I'm saying to Sanderson saying to sail later. Oh, ho ho. Do you like my glasses? Yeah, we're good. I like them. They got two little light bulbs on them.

Yeah. And then we can find you right on the tube. We can just go balls that hang from the sides of them. Oh, honey, I know about balls hanging on the side. Let me tell you about that. Let me tell you about that. It's a shoe shiner. I get a note of scrute in there

That is still one of the funniest things I think we have ever done in the show Every at this couple notes of scope Keeping a decanter and the idea I mean my D In a ramacomabal that's right Your balls are one fine taster Hi, I'm Steve I'll be your scrody a today I'm splash some of this marmana my balls and tell you whether or not it's okay to drink. It's coming.

It's coming. Mark my words. We didn't think that television star could be a president. We've had two of them. So there you go. Yeah, that's true. We're doing a little Christmas shopping here at the commercial break in TCP studios. The Star Bar Bar image catalog. That's amazing.

Which I think Star Bar image has probably been responsible for more orgasms. Orgasms. With their neck massagers. And Dr. Drew. Yeah, because, you know, it used to be the day, actually, tried to hide what was going on. You know, it would be some odd shaped machine that would vibrate at some frequency that you could change, right?

But it didn't actually look like a dick. Now it just looks like a dick. It's shaped like your actual, like, it fits in your claw torus. Yes, perfectly. And they're like, sure, use it on your neck. Why not? But I made it for your clitoris. They have a whole section of massager.

It's just dedicated to your clitoris. They have a whole section of massager. It's just dedicated to your, the Jetta. I love the winner of the reviews from a woman that said I'm very happy with this gift. Very happy. We were in a mess by a couple days ago, and Astrid and I are walking by, now they have like the, they have like a little sharper image section, right?

It's not sharper image, but it's just like all different kind of variety of different. Gadgety types. Yeah, gadget type stuff. And it's like, it's a sharper image, but it's just like all different kind of variety of different. Gadgety types. Yeah, gadget type stuff. And it's like, it's a massager, and it looks like a triangle where, and then you put, it has a hand hold, so you put your hand hold, and then it's got one big thumper. And that thumper is supposed to like, you know,

give you a back massage, what it really is for is just pounding your vagina into submission. And Astrid goes, what's that? And I'm like, no, no, we're in that part of the relationship. Where Astrid starts a collection of my solvers and that's... This is literally the only product in the whole catalog that has a review. It says, very happy with it.

It says, five stars. Five squirts and a pump. It looks like a dick. I don't know, you can see it. It looks like a dick. I don't know. You can see it. It's just a dick. That's all it is. It's meant to go in your body.

Yes. Look at this. What does it say? It says, the heated personal massager is velvety soft. Cordless. That's good. You don't want to stick anything in your vagina with a cord. And it heats up to 102 degrees.

Just happens to be the same temperature as your penis with an erection. For soothing sensation, choose from one of 10 massage patterns. Hornie White teenager, college age, college age, FAP, or big hang, big hairy man. That's what it says and it says oh my god listen to this Are you ready for this you haven't read through all this of you? Silicon design is completely water proof and washable that's right for use in the shower or the bathtub the bathroom. You know your next really sore the bathroom. Oh my God. The sharper images just a smut peddler. That's all they are. Well, they have all kind of weird things. They

do. And for a little while back, I think it was last year. And why I was even on this list to get the guy, which they sent to me all the time now. But I had bought a couple things. I was like, you know, this stuff looks cool. So I'm a bit like there was a knife sharpener. I got that. It worked. That's all. That's all the knife sharpener.

Oh, you got a knife sharpener. Yeah, there's the picture of the one in here though. Yeah. It's like a chain saw. It's a chain saw for your turkey. It's a mini chain saw. I thought that was hilarious. How many missing fingers are there's also

the one that I really thought of you for was the one where the person on the soldier. No, it's the one that's the like it's the plastic thing that straps around your waist and holds your phone. Oh yeah, it's got it's like a wire like a metal wire thing and it straps around your waist so the phone can be directly in your face no matter where you're traveling. I just see me walking down the busy streets of New York. I'm putting these on. Watching the crown.

That would be me. I'm still lady died. Died in the end. Oh my god. I have a little bit into the crown now. Love that crown. It's the most boring show that's ever interesting. I mean, that's it's so so fucking slow and you know what happens. It's clear what happens.

Everybody knows what happens. Lady die dies. That's what happens, right? The queen hates Lady die. Lady die is dead. That's what happens. But yet they make it so interesting. I guess that's why they call it palace intrigue

because that's where it started. They were things from like the first and second season I didn't know about because they were back in the 40s. No, I don't know about any of that. Shit, I wasn't alive. I was in the north of that car. It's pretty crazy though to think for me to think about her coming onto the throne, about wearing the crown at 21.

21 years old. She's 93 now. I know. And she just won't give it up. She's been the longest running man. She just won't give it up. She knows that Charles is going to just fuck it up. Well based based on what I'm seeing in the sport that's the answer for season. I don't think she wants.

I think she's hanging on so Charles can't do it. That's right. She's like he can't handle it. He's yeah, I mean his taste of women is atrocious. He married Camilla Parker bowls and I'm sorry, but I mean he was cheating on her the entire time he's with Lady Die and Camilla Parker bowls while looks are not everything They are something and he is the fucking king. He's gonna be the king of the you know, whatever they call it the Monarchy well, yeah, but they call it a common well the common well at some point and You know lady die was beautiful. She was gorgeous. I know she was a little loopy, but you know, she was gorgeous Well again, she was a young she met him when she was 18. She was gorgeous. I know she was a little loopy, but you know, she was gorgeous. Well, again, she was a young, she met him when she was 18. He was 31.

He was 31. Yeah. She was 18. Yeah. So there's an age difference there, but she's poor thing. I mean, she was kind of thrust into this. Yeah, she really had it. That's, that's, that's gotta be a tough life. Yeah. It's gotta be a tough life. Are you on the season with Lady Di? Yes. Okay. So you see that, you know, it's just like once you, yeah, they basically just turned the lights on one day and she was all the sudden. Yeah. Famous. She was living with like a pack of other college-age kids. Right. And then all the sudden she's like, you know, the most proud of her. Now she's just learned who her heart sees her first and who to say what to. If I was that, I'd just say fuck all that

bullshit. We just fuck all that bullshit. Yeah. Okay. I don't need to do it. I mean, come on guys, 2020, we really need to learn all that shit. But then again, no monarchy is gonna come hang out with me. That's for sure. TCB podcast. I'm the king of this throne. And I mean, I this throne. I mean, the ones I'm sitting on right here. It's gotta be difficult to be a monarchy.

Once you watch that show, you understand it. I understand that. I know why Harry and Megan are like, see ya. Yeah, like, see ya later. Well, he's not gonna be the king. Well, right. I'm never gonna be the king and this bullshit is crazy.

That's right. Which one in California and Canada? Which one of the Jonas Brothers is gonna be King again? Which one? It's Harry, Mary and Larry, Harry, Mary, Mary and Mary and Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, he's got two and there's a girl I think. Yeah, so I mean and so like Harry's out He's never gonna be any yeah, he's just basically a side show But he's I mean he's incredibly wealthy gets to do whatever he wants. Yeah, you know, he's got that Meghan Markle Yeah, I love her. Whatever her name is you like her. I don't know anything about her. I used to watch the show

Pretty she was on the show suits. What is suits? It was a show about what? Suites. It was really about suits. Yeah, it was set in like an attorney's office. Oh, so it was like yeah, okay. God God it 10 for that's right marriage TCP podcast the dot com is where you go to read all the show notes. You can find out more about Chrissy and I, and you can join the break room. The break room will get you access to the After Show YouTube channel. That's where we do 15, 20 minutes extra right after each show.

You can watch it. You're gonna give people epilepsy. Chrissy has these, for those of you listening, she's got the Christmas, she just described them, but then there's lights on them and they're pretty bright. Yeah. And we were just outside, you know, with the studios inside my house, so we were just outside and showing my scunt son. And he just ran off and it under the couch.

It's there. I think he had a seizure or something. I was trying to be festive. It's our Christmas. It is our Christmas. Oh, I forgot my mug. Oh, that's okay. You can't have any muggins. So, tcbpodcast.com is where you can go and watch the YouTube channel.

Subscribe, please do that. And we made a plea last show. We'll make the plea again. We love the fact that there's a bunch of people listening and we want to get you involved in the show in many different ways. And one of the ways we want to get you involved is engage with us talk with us and let us know which is like to hear on the show Ask us questions so send an email info at tcbpodcast.com But we have a personal goal of getting a couple hundred additional Instagram followers in the next month or so so at the commercial break at the commercial break on Instagram follows

We are creating a bunch of content, almost daily creating a bunch of content that we'll be pumping out there only on our Instagram channel, only on our Instagram account, excuse me. So go to at the commercial break on Instagram. And we're gonna do giveaways and different things. So revamping it. There's incentive to go on there.

We're putting new focus on our social. It's not just a picture of, you know, or a link to the next show. We've been put, we've been told by the head Han Cho's at podcasts universe that if we want to turn this into a million, had a million dollar podcast, we've got to get some people engaged in the social media because they knew I was saying last show, I think we 50, 60, 70,000 people listening. However, we got like 26 Instagram followers. And there are family and friends. Yeah, and our family and friends. So it's all

my fake accounts. We started new accounts too, though. TCB Chrissy and TCB Brian. That's Brian with a Y. Chrissy with a K and a Y. So make sure you follow us on all of the socials. I certainly would appreciate it. I, speaking of Sharper Image. Now, I know that I don't think they have one here, but do you know what a Faraday cage is? I don't.

Okay, so a Faraday cage in case you're unfamiliar, is a metal wire cage that you build. Some people build them around like server centers, you know, like where all the servers are. They'll build an entire, the server center is wrapped in what's called a Faraday cage. Why is it called Faraday? The guy who was a Faraday, I, I, know, like, where all the servers are, they'll build an entire, the server center is wrapped in what's called a fairity cage. Why is that called fairity? The guy was a fairity.

I, the guy from lost. There was this character lost. It was a good fairity. Did you watch lost? No, I didn't. Oh, God. I had no, I watched one episode of Lost and I was lost. I was like, I'll see you later. I don't know.

No, it was so good. One of the best shows. I thought the plane crash was cool, and then hell was gonna be about them living on an island and surviving. I know, but then there's like magical things happening. It's so hard to follow. And you know, at that time, you could barely DVRs around,

you couldn't just go and binge watch it. It really became like, honestly, after the first episode, the second episode, when magical things started happening, I was like, I don't wanna watch about magical things. I just wanna watch them eat each other or something. Like, you know, like, eat each other up. And I thought it was gonna be like,

it's a survival, yeah, it's a survival. But more serious. It was really good. I loved it the whole time until the end, of course. I don't even know, don't tell me, because maybe one day, yeah, the 21 seasons of it though. There's a lot.

Yeah, I'm never gonna get to it. Never gonna get to it. And that's so funny to think about the real quick, sorry, I don't get it. Yeah, please. But it's so funny to think about the real quick. Sorry. Yeah, okay, please But it's so funny to think about back before there was Ben James. That's right. You had to Set your VHS to record or then your DVR when those came out. Yep. You're Tva and it was appointment viewing Where I mean you that's one episode of absolutely you had know to wait absolutely with the wait until it came on next week

We don't have that anymore. You can just you know You can like literally wait for an entire season to just finish itself and then watch it in one day You don't have to worry about any of that other stuff. Thanks. Thanks Blue and Nico for jumping in on that This is my dogs in the back. We're just gonna leave this in because this is real stuff This is what happens during the show. I've got two really obnoxious dogs and they bark at everything and that's what they're barking at. I'm probably barking at someone coming in the door.

But the Faraday cage is like this, get back to it, there's metal cage that they build around things to protect it from electromagnetic electricity and electromagnetism and all this other stuff. It's supposed to protect you. So say your car is a ferritate cage when you're in a thunderstorm.

Like even if lightning hits it, you're protected by the metal cage, essentially. So it deflects the electromagnetism. That's basically the principle of a ferritate cage. So people have been building these for a long time for many different reasons. Tesla built them and you know, Edison built them and all this other stuff.

People, I don't know who these people are, I'm not friends with them, but people. People have decided that 5G is causing coronavirus. Don't know why, has something to do with Captain America and a picture of spaghetti in the meantime square. I don't wanna get into everything, right? But some people have made up this entire whole horse shit, bull shit, no scientific proof whatsoever

that 5G does anything except deliver content to your phone. I mean, that's basically what it does. It doesn't fry your brain or cause ball cancer. And you COVID, I mean, what? Give you COVID. What? I mean, guys, come on.

Give you COVID. How does a wave that comes from electromagnetism then calls a virus in your body? What, you know what? It does, and it doesn't work like that. But listen, some people believe this, okay? And, you know, I- You can do one of those shows again,

those conspiracy theories. We will do a conspiracy theory show in season two. Maybe they'll be our show opener. Because there's a lot of them now, and they're all, and the lot of people are believing them. And I wanna say how fucking silly, but the truth is that so many people believe them, there's a reason why they're believing.

They wanna believe that there's something nefarious going on, and that's the reason why things in this world are so fucked up when the truth is, is the things are just fucked up. So bye bye. Bye bye. Uh, it just happens. It just happens.

Shit bad shit happens, right? Strange shit happens. Sometimes unexplainable shit happens. It's just the way of the world. But scientifically, it's impossible for electromagnetism to carry a virus into your body, your brain, your nose or anything. But here's the point.

People have been convinced by Hucksters that by buying a Faraday cage for their Wi-Fi receiver at home that they can protect themselves. In other words, they think that 5G is being carried into their Wi-Fi receiver, then the Wi-Fi receivers, and then spreading it all over their house. The virus caused by 5G fucking waves.

It's unreal, the shit people. It wasn't just because they went to a rally. Didn't wear a mask. Well, that could be possible too, right? I mean, hey, listen, I don't get, I'm a science guy. No one's saying that's what happened. I know what you're saying. That is what happened.

That is what happened. The entire, yes. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. You've been co-planned. So they buy these Faraday cages and now all online, they're like from these Amazon sellers and Etsy sellers and all this other stuff and people are getting pissed

and you know why they're getting pissed? Because it's a Faraday cage and you put it around your Wi-Fi receptacle, you're not gonna get Wi-Fi! It's fucking dumb as shit! If you put a metal box around your Wi-Fi receiver or distributor, you're not gonna get Wi-Fi. People are like, I put the third-aid cage around my Wi-Fi, and I can't get Wi-Fi.

This thing doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work, you moron! You think it's like a two-way mirror? It just gets a little out, but it doesn't let it back in. It's a metal cage built in someone's fucking backyard for 50 cents and you're buying it to put around your Wi-Fi receiver. Where did you think was going to happen?

Don't get upset. It worked. It worked. You're certainly not gonna get coronavirus now because you can't get Wi-Fi. So if you don't know about it, it doesn't exist. That's the way it is. Now you can't have any of that science in your phone. Science is causing five Gs, man. Science, science, five Gs, and shit like that.

I swear on all the totally, we have lost all common sense of this, right? All common fucking sense, please. It's a virus, yes it may, did it come from China? I don't know, that's debatable. That, I can understand you might have some suspicions about where it came from and why it came from there. I get that part of it, but to believe it, it came from an electr, that's debatable. That I can understand you might have some suspicions about where it came from and why it came from there. I get that part of it, but to believe it,

it came from an electric, it's like, yeah, fucking brains full of fucking electric seconds. Static electricity out there. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, that's bad. I wonder if they can build like a Faraday lay cage. A Faraday cage. Can we build a Faraday cage to put, a Faraday-Laycage. Can we put a build a Faraday-Kage

to put all these people into? Yeah. Is that possible? Mm. I have one of those. It's called the United States of America. We're all living here. Stuck unbeknownst to us.

Yeah, I want to, like, I'm going to put a, you know how the women are constantly bothering me. They're always up in my shit. Ballering you have. Oh, I don't know. I want to have sex with me and stuff like that. Oh, right. You know, you know how all the fans out there are constantly

you know, writing it and that's right. Creepy. I've got one lady that is way low. But I don't know when either does my wife, but she just, I mean, she doesn't say anything rude. She's very nice actually, but she responds to everything. Everything, everything we do. She's always like right on it, like,

do a minute later. It's as if she's waiting for the commercial break to say something and then she's like, I love it. Perfect. So funny. That's great. I know it is great.

I love it. So, okay, so, but you know how the lady, so I'm wondering if we can like build a cage where around me, so protect me from all of these vibes that are coming in. Because I don't think that's nice. Causing riffs in my marriage, just going to be honest with you. You don't think it's needed? No.

I don't know. The electromagnetic static. Electromagnetic? Hey, you should listen to your inner voice, by the way. It's electromagnetic, hot lid, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh look, it's our old friend, Henry. Hi everybody, how's everyone doing? Happy Christmas, Merry Holidays, all the shit, do you?

Well, listen, I mean, I don't know, people practice, you know, there's the dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, and then there's Hanukkah, there's Festimus, there's all that Christmas in our country. We call it the day of no presence, you know, there's a couple different ways. Well, listen, I mean, we have other things more important to worry about than the senti clothes or whatever you call it. So I heard Brian talking about maybe he's having problems in his marriage and I thought that it'd come on. I've recently got my PhD from the local college down here, the University of, I know everything

and it's partly online, partly in person. I just took the online portion of it, but I am now a certified psychologist and marriage counselor. Hi, he's congratulations, you know. Thank you. And I wanted to be, because you and I had a hard time connecting on some things. I know that Jeff has been very protective of you.

He's very concerned that I may step on his toes or his balls or whatever. And he's going to have a slow hanging balls. Get that together, Jeff. You need one of those balls perhaps you know The one the kind that you just you you hook two clips and then you put it up You hope to clips to your balls and then one on your headboard and then you just stretch your scrots back I saw that in sharper image sharper image is one of my favorite catalogs

Let me tell you we also have podcast universe image, which is another place. It's full of Dill dose We also have podcasts, Universe Image, which is another place that's full of dill-dose. It's full of fruit-shaped fruit that you can use for whatever you want. We sell apple massagers for your apple bags, if you know what I mean. But anyway, with my north-found degree in marriage psychology, I thought I'd want to come on and share some of the customs and cultures and things that in my country. The things I've been learning about marriage. Okay, that sounds good. Okay, so first, do the little update. How are you in Jeff doing? Jeff in our friend Tastic. Jeff looks great. I'm telling you, he

looks fantastic in those pictures and every time I see him come out of the apartment, he looks wonderful. I'm glad you've been watching us. Well, you know, I live in the same neighborhood around the corner, just checking to make sure that you're okay. I'm a little suspicious of Jeff, I'm just going to be on the side. Why? Only so protective of you. I mean, usually in my country when we get married, it's the last thing we're worried about is our wife.

This is important, you know, for going to keep the species going or to get other make babies, but not with our lives. That's terrible. Mary's is not for sex. It's for toiletries and nice towels that you get when you get a gift. The gifts, basically. So let's go through a few things that I think you and Jeff and possibly Blaine and Astrid may be doing wrong or or maybe we can just you and Jeff and possibly Brian and Astrid may be doing wrong or maybe we can just maybe there's a little help that I can offer you is that okay you don't mind if I give these are Henry funders tap then marriage tips and tricks okay yes okay I took some notes if

everyone doesn't mind that keep my notes here because you know I've got a lot of things on my mind lately with the divorce going on with Ariana Grande. She now refuses to show up the court. She claims she does not even know who I am. This is crazy business. I took picture. I took picture. I buried the in-ground.

I did ceremony of dance. I set two lamas feet on fire, and I sent her notification by USPSPSPSTS, which is our local postal system. Not so good, just going to be real honest. Listen, I think one of the things that Astrid and Brian did correctly that you and Jeff may be missing is you've got to get right to the baby making. I mean, listen, right to the baby making. There's no other point that being married except to procreate to pop up with the children

that can then pay your bills down the line. Right, take care of you when you're old. And if this is a matter of fertility, I can give you a little help in this department, too. There's a fertility technique that I call mashed potatoes. And this is it. This has been going on for a long time in my culture. What I want you to do is next time Jeff comes in the door, the first thing is you tell

Jeff, stay right there. Come over to him. You're going to kneel down before him, head right around the crotchier area, right there. That's what it's called, I think, that's the technical name. You guys have had your new shoes, so you understand what a man and a woman do when a woman gets on her knees. I want you to constantly bunch Jeff right in his penis. Oh that's the mashed potatoes? Well it gets the sperm going.

It's going to wake them up and it's time to go to work. It's like sometimes you can't wake up for work and you need the eggs. You need a it's like sometimes you can't wake up for work and you need the experience you need a it's new sky sometimes you need two punches and defeat it this is long standing family tradition and I'm telling you what my mom my aunt had 12 children this way it's where another thought now they're different colors you know, that's the story for a different day. That's a story for a different podcast, which is letting you know.

So, you know, get to the match potatoes. You get the match potatoes. Or I'd end up at the potato. Okay. Bang, bang, keep on going. If he screams in pain, this is okay. That's just him waking up to the reality of marriage. We all go through it.

There's no big deal. I'm making notes. Yes. Okay. Now it's important for Jeff to keep his girlish figure. I'm talking to you, Jeff. So, I know you're listening. Okay.

And when I say girlish figure, I'm talking about the men. Men should be on a constant diet. In my culture, men are on constant diets. I personally like a diet of hash browns mothered and covered and Paw Patrol goggers. I'm Paw Patrol cook. And I don't know if you're into probiotics. Are you into probiotics? I am.

Yeah, we are into probiotics to see if the deeper list. Have you seen this one? Yes. Okay. Really, what it is is just ground up, Dan the lion. But Jeff needs to maintain his girl's figure because this is very important to keep the marriage going, to keep him healthy and good spirits and in and additionally, we don't want to waste a lot of money and extra clothing for Jeff. This is supposed to go toward the woman, not toward them in. You just want to let you know that.

So if Jeff keeps his girlish figure, you won't have to buy a new clothing. He's keeping it. He looks good. Only the most important things that I've noticed that you and Jeff do, that is very bad for your marriage. It's just tearing you to a part right now. Is that you guys never go to bed angry. This is number one thing in marriage. I'm sure you've heard this for many

people. You must go to bed. Never go to bed without being angry. I thought it was the other way right? No, no, no, no. This got the messed up many times ago. This is a long standing tradition that you got the messed up. Someone said it wrongly and it's like a game of telephone and now everyone believes it. But the truth is, you're supposed to be angry when you go to bed. This is a very important step in healthy marriage. How are you supposed to wake angry when you go. This is a very, very important step in healthy marriage. How are you supposed to wake up and find your mistress attractive if you're still happy at home? This doesn't work and let me tell you something.

We all know a mistress as a key to a happy marriage. Many mistress is in my case. So this is... You tell Jeff right before you go to bed. If you guys are having a really good night and things are going very well, you say, Jeff, you got a small dick. That's all you say. That's just leave it there and then say, I'm going to bed.

Good night. I'm going to bed. Good night. Yes, you're small dick. I love you. Talk to you soon. You're ill-equipped to provide for this family. I can't believe I married you. I should have married Henry. This is good. Okay. Another thing that you and Jeff are doing completely wrong.

And I know this because I just suspect this. I haven't seen it actually not in a long time anyway. You changed your Wi-Fi password. You put your Wi-Fi in a fair day cage and now I can't get through it. We did. You need to make love as quickly as possible. This is number one important thing when we're having noob shores, if I may, please. And it's very important, because as the story goes, the longer you're in the watering hole, the more chances you have to drown.

So just I just want to just get to it. It's not just, you know. Just want to just know that quicker is better when it comes to making love to your wife. That's right. Fast, just quick. Rabbit life. Yeah. Three to five seconds. I spend three to five seconds on four pie, which is typically me talking

a good, you know, you know, we mean I like to get excited for their ears, right? And so I say a few things like, hey, how are you? Or it's nice to meet you. You're just a factor than you were in the picture, but was it something like that? Something along the line. I was a compliment. Sweet talking.

Sweet talking. They're right to their brain. That's how it goes. They'll just make sure he knows. And then I typically spend three to five seconds fluffing, and then... Yeah. And then I typically spend three to five seconds

completing the transaction, and then, you know, I have other things to do. Wow, that is quick. Well, what did you expect? I mean, in my culture, it's a race. That's a race. That's a good thing. It's done very quickly.

Yes. It's a matter of fact. We are very fond of the world's fastest love maker, Ron Paul Fantastico. Ron Paul Fantastico. His name is Ron Paul Fantastico. He's three foot seven It used to be a jockey used to ride horses and then he had a terrible axe

and Yes, and but what he found was after the terrible accident while his while his Unit did not look quite the same He actually actually split into three different penises But what he found was the middle penis was as quick as it could possibly be. And so he actually holds our nation's world records for fastest love. Wow. 1.6 seconds. That is quick.

That is very quick. Even for me, I've done my personal best in six seconds, but I'm working on it. Remember anniversaries. Yes. That's it. Just remember anniversary. That makes sense. Don't do anything. Just remember. That's right. Well, you wake up in the morning and remember it's a day of mourning. Really? It's like, oh my god. Another year has gone by. I like to mark mine weekly. Another

week. Another Thursday gone by. I got married on Thursday morning at the coffee shop. Just the thing you know that. Communication is key, hardly. If you want to maintain this marriage in the long term, communication is key. That's right. If you're going to earn the respect of your partner, you must communicate. So let me give you an example of me and Adiana before the unfortunate accident, probably got the divorce. I would call her up and I would often say, honey, I feel like we're not communicating well. So did you do the laundry?

That would have well. What's for dinner? Yeah, what time are we eating? Do you have a few dollars? You could spend. What's for dinner? Yeah, what time are we eating? Do you have a few dollars? Kids, hey. Hey. Do you mind if I bring another woman into the bedroom? Communication is key.

Just letting you know it's, but can I remember, communication is a one way street. You don't want a lot of back talking. If you get on a street. It's a one way street. It's a one way street. So if you get a lot of back talking, you go back to the mashed potatoes.

Oh, and August back to the mashed potatoes. And August back to the mash potatoes. Back to the mashed potatoes are both punishment and reward. It's like doggy treats with nails in them. Don't argue over other people's finances. Oh, wait, don't argue over other people's fiance. I'm sorry, I wrote that down the wrong way. Don't argue over other people's finances. Oh wait, don't argue over other people's finances. I'm sorry, I wrote that down the wrong way. Don't argue over other people's finances because it's probably, just give it a couple of weeks

and then you go in for the kills. You know what I'm saying? There's a pretty common in my part of the world actually. You go to a wedding not necessarily to celebrate someone else's love but to check them out and see if they're they're good mysteries. Wow. Yes, this is how I- It's more of like a dating sight.

That's right. Onside. I've gotten six or seven of my past girlfriends. Weddings. Yeah, it's like a Tinder date. You never know what you're going to show up with, but when you see them in a wedding dress, I typically give a little, we give, in our country we give a little hooter howl. You know what I'm saying?

Whoa, mama! Nice ass! Really gets the crowd going, if you know what I'm talking to. Yes, like... Things are a little bit different in my country, but not too much from yours. Spend quality time together. Really, spend a lot of quality time together. This is very important. That makes sense. What I like to do is I like to get up early in the morning,

and I say, you know what what honey we're going to spend some quality time together today. So get in the car and you and me we're gonna go on a nice shopping trip and I always find this is my ladies have always loved this. I'm gonna say if we're gonna go in a nice shopping trip and we get to them all and I drop her off and I tell her I'll pick her back up and work my mouth. I didn't say we had to be in the same room. I just want us to spend while doing something at the same time in different places. Oh, okay. Yes, I go to the bar, she goes to the shopping, it's much better that way. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Other men and women in fidelity lying, these are small issues, not even worth discussing. This is not, this is not where and remember ladies when it comes to your man looks are everything don't marry a man for his wallet don't marry him for his personality he's got to be sexy this is all I'm saying you need to keep this in mind these are just a few of the tips that I came up with in my dissertation to get my PhD. It's part of your thesis. And as I think that you can get a copy of this online at podcastuniverse.com back splash Henry Fonda's Marriage Bootcamp. We'll post them to Instagram too.

I'd like to know if anybody has any additional marriage questions they would like answered. Please can I use a remaladresse? Is that okay? Sure. Info at tcbpodcast.com address it to Henry funders marriage boot camp and ask me anything I'm sure that I can help you out with whatever noob show or problem you are having. It's important that we keep the strong family nuclear unit together too. And that can be too meant to women. I appreciate you taking the time Henry. I appreciate you being here. Now, it's my show. I do the show.

Oh, well do with Brian what happens to Brian every time I come on he seems to make himself scarce I think he's no match I think he's got a drug problem that's my personal opinion

he likes it so he can go in the room and do I don't know what the kids are doing these days what are they doing? Peiody that's the kids are doing these days peyote. Nothing, nothing, paint cleaner. Maybe, maybe still.

That's right. Okay, remember, mashed potatoes got a bad angry. Don't sweat the small stuff. Those are three most important. Okay, I've taken no. And, and always have a guy on the side. Just in case things fall through with you and Jeff, I consider myself in the running.

Yes, of course. When are you gonna come over? When are we gonna consummate this flirtation? We have been going on for a long time. I'm really busy through the holidays, but let's talk it. Sure. Let's talk it again in the new year in our season two.

Season two, I don't know if I've been invited back after this. I don't even know if people will be listening after this episode. But yeah, listen, you discuss it with Brian and you let me know. I don't have anything to do for the holidays, actually. I don't know if I've been invited by anyone. So if you and Jeff have extra room under the tree, and in between two of you in the bedroom, let me know, and we'll get together.

I'm not too afraid. I'll do a little sword fighting with Jeff. We'll get it figured out. We can see who's the quickest. Guarantee I win. We can have a race. We can have a practice. So don't worry about it. Don't worry. We won't use you as the track. We'll do a little practice. Okay. We'll go into the closet into the closet and we'll show each other what's made of. This is how we do it in my country. Are you ready for a race? Get in the closet, show me what you're made of. We bring flashlight and put the Rocky music.

Getting harder! with the Rocky music. Get in, harder. Oh, okay, got the girls. Things are looking so good for me. Okay, bye everybody. I think I'll let it in. I mean, I don't need to remember. We had here, Henry Fondes' bootcamp, Barrett's bootcamp, I always here to stroke here. You go, okay, goodbye.

Bye. Wow, another rousing. Another show stopping appearance by Henry Fonda. Oh, he's a classic classic. Classic Henry. Where is sunglasses? I feel like he was run on the run from the law or something. Well, I think he's Ariana Grande's stalker.

Yeah, I don't think he's Ariana Grande's stalker. Yeah, I don't think he's actually... I don't think he's actually married to Ariana Grande. I feel like we would have heard about that. He's on drugs or something. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he's really on drugs. He's really on drugs.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, I think... His marriage tips were quite interesting. Did you hear those? I know you run the bathroom. I was in the bathroom ships were quite interesting. Did you hear those? I know you run the bathroom.

I was in the bathroom doing lines. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I heard a couple of the mashed potato was an interesting approach. The mashed potato. Well, I haven't heard that one before. I feel like I have known somebody, a girl,

who told me that the guy that she was dating at the time was into this. The mashed potatoes. Yeah, it was into the mashed potatoes. Like into penis torture or penis, I don't even know what you call it, you know, dick torture. I feel like, if I'm remembering correctly, she dated a guy, this is so long ago. She dated a guy and the guy one night, they were drunk and they were making love and the guy was like, can you nemy in the balls? And she said, she, if I remember the story correctly, and she might, she may be listening,

she can refresh my memory if she wants to. And she said, what? And I said, and I said and he said can you need me in the balls? It heightens the excitement for me. Yes Yes, I was making love to a man I was making love to a man and he said can you need me in the balls? But yeah, so the mashed potato go to bed angry those those sound like perfectly reasonable Requests of a marriage on Mars like I don't know I'm still wondering where he where he where he's coming from like literally where he's coming from which reasonable request of a marriage of Mars. I don't know. I'm still wondering where he's coming from, like literally where he's coming from,

which country? Which, yeah, we need to do a look on the map. Yeah, they're like ancestry DNA or something. I think it's like Kazakhstan. I'm gonna say it's, he sounds and seems kind of similar. At first it sounded like South America, but now it's starting to... Knowing like in the region of Borat. Yeah, it might be, you might be right about that. I felt like it was South America, but now it's starting to going like in the region of Borat.

Yeah, it might be. You might be right about that. I felt like it was South America at first, but over the months it's turned into something completely different. What is it? Doesn't make any sense to me. So there you go. Yeah, I wanted to say one more thing about the crown. Oh.

Yes. I wanted to get back to the crown just for a second. I didn't know, I guess maybe I did. I guess I knew this, but I didn't realize that Princess Diana was struggling with mental health as much as she was. Belemia. Yeah, but I had heard she was also like

borderline personality disorder. Someone had said once, but the crown does a good job of articulating it. But that princess, that prince Charles, he's such a dick. Well, I know, and they actually, that was talking to my best friend the other day too, about it. They really make the, on the first couple of seasons, especially Prince Philip, it's like a total dick too. He's like flandering around. He is. Yeah. He's having his mane and he turns out to be like a, yeah, he turns out to be like a nice father and I guess. I mean, he's 99. He's 99. He's really old. In fact, he just got into like a car accident a little while. He was driving. He was driving.

That's the other thing that surprised me about the crown is to learn that at some point not anymore But at some point the royals literally like drove themself around They'd like come out of the garage and just like hang a left and I'm going to the night They wouldn't go to the store, but yeah, you know I'm going to whoever's house and they just drove themselves around. They didn't have any protection or anything They did whatever they did now as the years go on, you know You'll see an episode coming up here soon where someone actually broke into the queen.

I saw that one. That's crazy. And like asked her for a cigarette. Asked her for cigarette. Wanted to look at what kind of towel she had in the bathroom. Wanted her to know that things were tough there out in the streets, but then, but meant no harm whatsoever. It was just like, I just wanted to talk to you.

I just wanted to tell you that things are rough out here. And I mean, there was a elaborate security system that ain't got through. I mean, the elaborate security system looked like two guys smoking cigarettes outside the wall. I did, that's, honestly, that's what it looked like to me. Yeah, elaborate security system. How are you? Just good, how are you?

Fine, I just have a fact, no problem. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I some man running up the cut. You know what show I'm into? I'm gonna tell you real quick and then I know we gotta go. But you know what show that I'm into on Netflix for like the last couple of months? Kath and Kim, have you seen this? Have you seen this show, Kath and Kim? No.

Okay, Kath and Kim is like, it's an Australian show and it's about a mother and a daughter, like a grown daughter and a mother in Australia, just like their comings and goings. This is their average everyday life. It is the fucking funniest show I swear to God it is. Okay, I'm gonna check it out. Cath and Kim, and it's, again, it's all straight.

You have a huge mouth? No, not yet, but I know I gotta get into that. It took me a little while to get into it, like get past the first couple episodes of the shock of what Nick Rol is saying. And it's all about puberty, you know, these kids that are gonna do puberty. And they get real and they have hormone monsters

and it's really, really funny. Okay, I'm gonna watch it. The new season just came out of that. Yes, Jeff and I were last night just, a hollering, we were laughing so hard. I liked the, the in-betweeners. Have you seen that one? The in-between, oh mine are like British comedies.

The in-betweeners are about a bunch of high school guys that you know, can't find girls to date and stuff like this. That was a really funny one too. There's not, again, there's only three or four seasons of each of these shows. I don't understand. Like if it's a good show, keep it going. Why do you, why do you cut me off at three or four?

Yeah. So ridiculous. I wonder what shows are listeners or watches are watching info at tcbpodcast.com That was a perfect segue in high five. We're professional in shit Yeah, so go ahead in the emails. Let us know what shows you're watching ask us any questions Follow us on the Instagram our goal is a couple hundred followers in the next couple of months I know you can help us achieve that. Please go to at the commercial break, at the commercial break on Instagram, or at TCB Chrissy, or at TCB Brian, Brian with the Y, Chrissy with the Y, and Chrissy with the K.

Go there, and follow us. We're going to put new content on almost every day that you cannot get on the show. I mean, you know, you know what kind of content they have on Instagram pictures and small videos and stuff like that. But we're making it effort. Yeah, we're making it effort. Do that because we want this to be our show. We feel like so many people are listening. We want to, we want you to be a part of it. So that's our only goal. We don't get paid for your Instagram. We don't get paid for anything. We don't get paid for anything. This is a one way street. Remember how Henry said the communication is a one

way street. This is a one way street. Remember how Henry said the communication is a one way street? This is a one way street. We keep talking to you and spending money on it and you do nothing back for us. Not a fucking thing. But maybe someday we'll find a way for you to return the favor someday. We don't put commercials in there,

we don't bother you with all that bullshit while we could, we don't. So look at all this, look at all, look how wonderful we are. And then you can all that bullshit while we could. We don't. So look at all this. Look at all, look at all, look how wonderful we are. And then you can't even like our Instagram page. Kind of listener, are you? Kind of friend, listener. What kind of stranger are you?

What? What? Stanger. And on that note, happy holidays. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. I'm very much happy. I'm happy.

She's more understanding to sure. I had my glasses on, but they were piercing my skull. Yeah. But then I saw. I know me too. This happens every day. Like every time these glasses just go right into the side of my head by the end of the show.

There's a certain point. Like that's a pressure point. That's why I put them up a little bit, right? Just over the thing. We got to get new headphones. I think we need those like, like, the inner ear stuff because that stuff is tailor made just for you, so you can like, you know, just put them in there and I'll let get jazz. So, and just let, you know, in case you're still hanging around here, we are at the last two

weeks of the year, the last week in December of Christmas into New Year's. We are going to be taking off, taking a break to get ready for season two, new studio, new all that stuff. And so therefore you will be hearing season one the best of. I'm gonna put together all your favorite clips are all our favorite clips from info at tcbpodcast info at tcbpodcast.com, but you gotta let us know soon. Yeah, don't write us in February, let us know what your favorite clip is. Yeah, but let us know if you have a favorite clip or you have a favorite bit,

we used to do the long bits at the beginning of the show. If you have something like that, we're gonna put about four hours of content out the best of at the end of the year. So we hope you look forward to that and we'll catch you in the new year. So, from Brian and Chrissy to you are strangers. We love you.

It's not our friends. We love you. We'll all get through this. Bye. Bye. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now,

now, now, now, now, now, you