The Commercial Break - #DryHumpDay

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

The Bit: Howard Dean rallies his troops. The Show: Bryan remembers his first band gig at the Wreck Room. then Bryan and Krissy discuss the long lost art of the dry hump and Bryan tells Hoadley about his blast from past music video watching. Truly. Creepy. Stuff. Don't forget to rate and subscribe so you never miss an episode! Text us or leave us a voicemail at +1-661-BEST2YO ([phone]) LINKS: Get a FREE TCB limited edition collectible sticker Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Facebook Subscribe and watch the show on Youtube Join us live on Fireside New episodes every Tuesday & Friday everywhere you listen to podcasts! For advertising contact AdvertiseCast  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know something? You know something? If you had told us one year ago that we're going to come in third in Iowa, we would have given anything for that. And you know something? You know something? Not only are we going to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin, we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico. We're going to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin. We're going to South Carolina, and Oklahoma, and Arizona, and North Dakota, and New Mexico. We're going to California, and Texas, and New York. We're going to South Dakota, and Oregon, and Washington, and Michigan, and then we're going to Washington,

and you see it, and take back the White House. Yeah! We will not give up. We will not give up in New Hampshire. We will not give up in South Carolina. We will not give up in Arizona. Or New Mexico. Oklahoma, North Dakota, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan.

We will not quit now or ever we run our country back for ordinary Americans. In early 2020, the world shut down. Stores, restaurants, schools, and whole communities shut their doors in an effort to protect human life. As the world quickly changed, one man went on Facebook to get a degree in Internet epidemiology. Brian, along with his lab assistant, Hothley, are curing coronavirus by commenting on fake news and reposting recipes of secret virus cures from a friend of a friend who works high up in government. Join Brian and Hothley as they discuss the world and life doing this forced interruption, learning, laughing and loving in this real-life commercial break.

On this episode of the Commercial Break. Thank you for buying the Gateway, Brian. It's came, did you, are you enjoying your Gateway? I really am, thanks so much, it works just wonderful. Yeah, I've got the three-day guarantee. So don don't worry if it breaks down in the next 16 efforts you're good turn it back in Hey, oh, okay, just go ahead. Uh, go ahead. Oh Okay um, la la la la la la la la

Simulence Simulence Simulence Uh Okay, okay, go ahead guys. Oh, okay, you want to do the drums next? No, I want you to start playing. It's 305, you have exactly 27 minutes left. It's on lifetime time. You're watching lifetime time. I- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Because I have a two year old and a two minute old child and then a dog that won't shut up and a job that won't shut up

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but since I can't figure out exactly how to put it all up on, I've actually got it on YouTube, it's just like hidden behind the wall, because for some reason, it's fine at the beginning, and then our voices start to go like sideways. Like, I had something to do with my computer, which absolutely just took a dump on the floor a couple of weeks ago. And now we've got this brand new beautiful

Computer it say It's a gateway. Do you remember the gateways the ones with the ones that look like the cow it's a gateway 3000 I bought it online. I bought it online from the same guy So thank you for buying the gateway Brian. It's Brian. Did you are you're enjoying your Gateway? I really am. Thanks so much. It works just wonderful. Yeah, I've got the three day guarantee. So don't worry. It would break down in the next 16 hours. You're good. Turn it back in.

Are we doing on the banner ads? Were you good? Let me tell you brother. I almost have two subscribers. We've had six plays. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. No problem. Each of my family members has pressed twice. I almost have two subscribers. We've had six plays. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. No problem.

Each of my family members has pressed twice. OK, we'll talk to you later. Did you like my big word? Did I used? Haberdashedly? I did. I did. I know Haberdashery.

And that's like where you're going. Oh, yeah, that's where you get your coats and your boots. Nice clothing. I thought that's where you get, like, a leather thing. Like a Haberdash that's where you get your coats and boots. I thought that's where you get They're not good like a leather thing like a have a dash or is where you get leather shit or is it any kind of clothes Don't check your internet because then you're gonna because then the whole thing's gonna crash We're doing the show on a high wire today as Christie's got 10% battery life She's in a concrete bunker somewhere out there in the universe Traveling.

Traveling. Yeah. And I've got this brand new computer. I've removed. It took all of seven days just to figure out how exactly I was going to record the show. And I know I know I know how to do nothing else on this computer except for do this. Well, we're doing right now. So we hope you enjoyed the broadcast.

Yeah, I use that big word, hyperdashedly, because I made that shit up. Nice. I mean, all you have to do I made that shit up. Nice. I mean, all you have to do is that confident. That's right, I am I am a... It's just like getting backstage. Oh yeah, that's true, you just got to pretend. I'd like you know where you're going.

You should be there. It has never not once worked for me. I'm like, I'm with the band. It has never not worked for me. What's the name of the band that I was trying to use? Who are the guys at the bottle room? What was their name? Shit, we said it like a million times.

Moon shadow, moon taxi. I'm with moon taxi. I'm here to get some beer. Come fuck yourself, man. Go get your own beer. All right, thanks. I was told that if I just come in here with confidence, I could get some beer.

I should have just been honest. I was in Daxie. So yeah, Haberdashedly, I'm an expert in all things, dictionary. I'm an expert in all things that start with the word dick. Like a dictionary and dictation and dick delicious and the tasty tones. Dictalicious.

It was. Dictalicious. I'm pretty sure. My memory, you know, just give me a let's just pretend. Let's go with it. Let's roll with it. Dictalicious and the tasty tones

is a band that used to travel here in the southeast of the United States of America, I think. And if I remember correctly, I saw them once at the at the rec room. Do you remember the rec room? You weren't here. Actually, you were you here? I briefly, well, because I grew up in Atlanta. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. So you would have known. Yeah. What else? Sixteen and then, you know, always was coming back. So yeah. So the rec room was this like under like a look like basically like a bunker, right? It had a it had a brick facade and then you would walk down into the earth and then it would be this I don't know. Let's call it 200 by 200 room like square room pool table off in the corner bar on each side with you know

Oh like bartenders in their late 50s who just hated children that came in and tried to use the fake IDs in their late 50s who just hated children that came in and tried to use the fake IDs. But the rec room was a place where any band could guarantee that they could get a spot because they didn't give a shit. They were just like, you would call them up. I remember I was in a band and I was like 16 years old and the band was called 33 Willie. It's a genius name that we came up with. 33 Willie. Isn't that an interesting name?

So we're in this band 33 Willie and we're going back to all things today. That's right. And I'm writing all of these, I was a singer and played some guitar in the band and I was writing all these melodramatic songs because I was a teenager and it was the 90s and everything was so dramatic and the girl that loved me and maybe she didn't, maybe she didn't. The era of Nirvana. Maybe I was alluding to suicide. Maybe it wasn't, right?

And people were dying on the front lawns. And just this crazy crap that I was right. This is just bad, bad music, just bad, bad music. But we thought we had our shit together, but it was our first show, so we were really nervous. And we were like, one of the guys in the band knew that you could call the rec room and get yourself a spot for, you know, for nothing, right?

You be a... Rec room. How can I help you? Yes, I'm a band and I'd like to book a show. Okay, what are you doing this Thursday at three o'clock? Well, I'm a sophomore in high school, so I'm gonna be in high school. That's really bad, too bad. We got a spot you could fill it to Thursday at three o'clock.

Okay, we'll get out of school, I think. You know, everyone in the background's like, we'll get out of school, we'll get out of school. Yeah, we'll do it. Okay, we're doing it. Okay, so what do we need to do? Show up. I didn't show up. Okay, how do we promote it?

That's entirely up to you. We here at the Rec Room have an open promotion policy. You feel free to do it however you want. Okay, great. Can we use your logo and stuff? We don't have a logo. It's just spelled Rec Room. Okay, great.

We're going to be there Thursday at three o'clock. What time is soundcheck? Three o'clock. Oh, that's what time soundcheck starts. Sure, man, whatever you want. Three o'clock. You call it soundcheck. Three o'clock to three thirty five. It's all you. So we show up, we get our gear, we show up, I swear to God. Maybe it's not a Thursday, but maybe it's a Friday. And it's like 4'30, right? So we show up, we put out these flyers at school, we get like 26 people to attend, right? And everyone is super excited

and I am just a ball of fucking nerves. I'm like, oh my God, I gotta get up there in front of people. Like we've been doing this in this guy's attic, you know, to no one. And now I gotta get up and sing these melodramatic songs that no one's gonna like. And just all this stuff that goes to your head and I had a real bad bow to stage fright.

And so I was like, oh my god holy shit. And so we get up there, we start plugging in our instruments and the guy is in the back of the room, right? He's like at the soundboard. Hey y'all, okay, just go ahead. Go ahead. Oh, okay. Fala la la la la la la.

Similance. Similance. Similance. Okay. Okay, go ahead guys. Right. I'm testing microphone one, microphone one. You're testing microphone one. It's fine.

I can hear you. Oh, okay. You want to do the drums next? No, I want you to start playing. It's 305. You're having exactly 27 minutes left. Oh, I, you want to do the drums next? No, I want you to start playing it's 305. You have exactly 27 minutes left. Oh, I'm sorry I thought we're and there's like the 26 people are standing out there and they're all like what is going on? Like and I was like, I'm sorry. I thought we had a stage. I thought we had a a sound check Hey brother do the sound check on your own time. You guys gotta get go

And I'm like, oh, okay, and then so I'm like, all right guys, one, two, three, and four. And four. And one, and two. And my guitar wasn't plugged in. And so it's just like, it was the biggest shit show ever. 26 people, most of them sitting,

no crowd interaction whatsoever. We ripped through the three songs that we know. We had a show, it started at 307, we had till 335, It ended at 313 because even with the sound check, that was it. We were done. And in the rec room, I don't think it's longer when you're doing it. Yeah. It's like a speech you give in school. That's right. You're absolutely right about that. Yeah. I have five minutes. But then you actually sat out loud. It's 30 seconds. It's you're 100% right about that. Yeah, I have to be five minutes, but then you actually stand out loud at 30 seconds. It's you 100% right about that, Hoodley. Like every time I got on stage, I felt like I just did like some opus concert, right? And then I get off and it was seven

and a half minutes after I had gotten on stage. And as I got older and became, you know, a more emboldened singer, I never got over my stage fright. Then I would just drink it away, right? Yeah. I'll just put it back. Yeah. And I remember we played a show in Alabama in like some other band that we were in that actually we had a tiny bit of movement.

So I think I told you this story, right? There's like a little bit of movement. I maybe wonder two people out there actually enjoyed the music and both of them were in the band. I was like, me and the other guy. And we played a show. And I'm just like, I'm in it. I'm so hammered on to keep, I'm just shit face, not to Keela.

And like, I'm into it. And this is the best show we've ever played. And in my mind, it's like this big, Dramatic, I'm Jim Morrison, and you know, lizard king. Prolific. And then somebody from the crowd. And then go fuck yourself. Woo!

It's rock and roll for you. Good times. Yeah, so the right-room. Here's an ode to the right-room, the place you could always play. And I think we've ended up playing here, so the right-room. And what the deal was is that, you know, they charge $5 to get in and they tell you they will split, will split the door after you get a hundred people in the door and they knew we were never gonna get

a hundred people in the door, so. Yeah. Yeah, that's the worst. Yeah, yeah, I was never gonna, don't, and then eventually we were like, can we get a cut of the bar? And he's like, me, you ain't even old enough to drink. What are you about to, you got a cut of the bar?

The only guy drink it is the bartender. What are you talking about? Yeah, could I please have a beer? Yeah, at least I'm up here. Oh, so I wanted to update you on a situation that we had talked about earlier on an earlier episode. Maybe we'll go back to episode number 18. How you doing on power over there?

I've got 32%. Oh my God, we're my god. We're gonna go It's like my show at the record. We gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. Um, so The remember we were talking about married at first sight the television program Mary Actually just saw an article about something about the Married at first sight Australia Australia? The one in Australia? I don't know. I would have to go back to my net notes.

Okay. So let's go to Married at first sight, Australia. Because there's two versions. The one in the US, which I find to be a little bit on the boring side now that I've watched the Australian one, which is just like a total fucking... That was with Michael and... And Michael and Michelle.

It's actually Steven Michelle. I said Michael and Michelle. I was totally wrong. It's Steven Michelle. Right, and so Steven Michelle. It's actually Steven Michelle. I said Michael and Michelle, it was totally wrong. It's Steven Michelle. Right, and so Steven Michelle are now, they've been together. They stay together, right? They did.

Yes, they stay together. And they're still together. And it's like, we're got two more episodes left. I think. Did a spark spark? Kind of, they actually ended up sleeping in the same bed together, you know, but I've, and they said there was a little cuddle there,

but she's been pressing them. She's like, listen, all, she's like baby steps, right? She's like, all you have to do've, they said there was a little cuddle there, but she's been pressing them. She's like, listen, all, she's like baby steps, right? She's like, all you have to do is let's just sleep together. Don't let's touch me. Don't have to do anything. Let's just spend the night together in the same bed, because they've been married for four fucking weeks, and he hasn't even slept in the same bed with her. How do you expect a spark to happen if you don't even least give it a try, right?

And so this week they, they come up and, and the question is, you know, the experts are like, you have to get intimate, right? You have to get intimate. And Steve says, well, I have been intimate, mate. Right? I feel a real, a great degree of intimacy with Michelle here. And I'm like, what do you consider intimate?

Like, what is intimate to you? Someone says, have you been intimate? What is intimate to you? Someone says, have you been intimate? What does that mean to you, hardly? I mean, it's getting intimate. I mean, it's going past kissing. Oh, okay. So there's like a degree like, okay, so intimate is past kissing. Is that rounding second base? Is that over the brow or under the brow? Yeah, that's a little bit of a gray area, but I think it's, you know, yeah, like you guys are going into, there's my, there's bodily fluids. Oh, bodily fluids. Wow, you take it there.

I don't know. You got to be gushing. So someone's going to be gushing for intimacy. I think of intimacy as like, I don't know, like a closeness to a person, right? I agree with you. What's that? Like, I give pecs on the cheek to some of my friends, but I don't know, like a closeness to a person, right? And I agree with you. Like I give pecs on the cheek to some of my friends, but I don't consider that intimate, right?

I consider like a certain closeness with someone, a sexuality, a Savuafair, if you will, with someone in a interaction that's more than just friendly, I would consider intimate. Kind of, it kind of got me thinking. I don't know why it got me thinking about this. intimate kind of it and that got me thinking I don't know why it got me thinking about this when I was a young man we had a sexual thing that we used to do and when I was like I don't know for 13 14 15 16 I want to see if this resonates with because I want to I want to campaign to bring

this back now that I have a daughter in the world and the son in the world I think I want to campaign to bring this back because I don't feel like the kids know about this and I'm a little bit concerned that they're missing out on something that wasn't all that fun, but I definitely didn't end up in pregnancy. Dry Humping. Oh, the dry Hump, right? I remember the dry Hump. I think this is a super important thing that we have got to teach these children, especially my children. I think your original safe sex.

That is the original safe sex. It's dry, humping, right? Because... Yeah! I feel like the kids today, they watch the pornography, they look at the titties and the penises, and they get themselves all excited and they go just go right for it. Not knowing exactly what them getting they're getting themselves into, right?

They're all these little 16 year old porn stars running around trying to have sex with each other and film it and put it on TikTok and cock-talk and whatever the fuck else is out there in the universe. But what they don't realize, they're missing one step in the process, in the intimacy process. Because when you're a kid that age, intimacy truly is, it's by basis, right? I've kissed her, I've friends kissed her, I touched her breast,

or she felt my ping-pong over the pants, under the pants, and then whatever it is for you in your particular sexual predilection. But you're really missing out on something if you don't go to dry-humping. If you don't, it's on starting a campaign here, hashtag dry-hump. I love it.

Here on the commercial break, we here at the commercial break are in full support of the dry-h hump because it's a way that you too can feel like you're having sex with a wall rug, a burlap sack, but you can practice your motion and your energy without all the dangers of sex. And the reason why I really want to start this campaign now, why it's important to me why it's close to my heart right here. I know I want you to go out and vote too. Those are a couple of things that are important to me. Go out and vote.

And then hashtag dry hump. Bring dry hump back. I'm totally gonna hashtag the dry hump. It's because I have a daughter and a son now. And I'm hoping that, you know, that this, because the kids today, they just go, they go right to it, right? And some of them even are having anal sex

because they don't believe that's real sex. Right, that's what they, I'm like, that's how to a friend. Who did anal sex because she didn't believe in real sex? She didn't think it was the real thing. I'm like, he's really convincing you of something. What, yeah, I wanna meet that guy who convinces somebody, but I hear that a lot of the evangelicals

and some of the more strict, even Christian's Catholic stuff like that, they say that when you're doing it in that hole, you're still keeping your virginity in your respecting God. I got news for you. I don't know. I don't know what you consider a respect, but that hole is consider a respect, but that whole is not for respect, right?

That is not the respect whole. I'm just letting you know that and you might as well just go for it. Yeah. I dated a woman, and why this all came about when I was watching my Married at First Site, Australia, I'm not particularly sure,

but this is just how my mind works. I dated a woman when I was, let's call, let's say that I was in my 27 to 29 range. I dated a woman, she was an interesting girl, she was a bartender. I met her at a bar. She was a bartender. She was a wily cat. She was a short little thing. She was, you know, just one of those girls, like a pocket rocket. It's full of energy. Yeah, yeah. She was from like snail, veil, joer, ja, right? Real red neck, super.

Short hair? Short, no, not short hair. Not short hair, not long hair, right? It's so cute, short hair, yeah. I get it, like when you're short, with the short hair, it makes all the sense in the world. I don't care how tall you are, actually short. Women I find to be very interesting.

But so this girl girl let's call her Let's call her Rocky Rocky and I started dating and you know as adults do Eventually we got intimate right? I went we went to first base and then eventually the second and then at some point We rounded We rounded home rounded Rounded third. And that was to consent. To consenting adults were just, you know,

doing what to consenting to adults to do. What we were giving, we were using the things that God gave us, holy. That's what I'm trying to say out of this. And thank you very much. And so we have sex on a couple of occasions, and I, you know, okay, I think I would give myself a solid C minus on the performance.

Feel like I'm right there in the pocket. I feel like it's not good enough that she wants to talk to her friends about it and make people jealous, but it's not bad enough that she wants to walk away from the relationship yet. I feel like her friends about it. Either way, really get a really bad, you're talking to your friends about it.

Oh, really? I got to change my game plan. And then, I feel like I'm bringing in a satisfactory performance. Let's put it that way. If you, if I was in school, the teacher would say, you did your homework. They wouldn't say, you know, congratulations, you did a great job.

They would say, I'm proud of you you did your homework right I never want to overperformed because I feel like then you just setting expectations you can't have but I don't want to under deliver either because then I feel like you get yourself in trouble right so I like to be straight right there in like the C minus to C range I feel like that's a good place to be. In life in general, I feel like that's a good place. You don't get noticed. One way or the other. So, we have sex a couple of times.

I'm sure you would applaud cast. To three people. Do you want to make it four? Okay, dude, I'll spend money with you later. Okay, just give me a call. I can tell you're going to need more subscribers after this episode. You're a huge family. Yeah, he is a huge family. Give me a call. This is me. I can tell you're good to need more subscribers after this episode. You're a huge family.

Yeah, he is a huge family. So we have sex a couple times. And then we're getting intimate on the couch one night. And I go to do what I do. I'm getting ready for my solid C minus performance. And I figure, you know, let's get below the belt and start working under the trunk, right? Let's get everything primed and ready.

And she was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just dry on me. And I was like, what? And she's like, I just want you to dry on me. And I was like, oh, oh, I get it. Maybe it's like, maybe it's, maybe it's that time of the month. She doesn't want to like, she's like,

you know, one of the things, right? One of the things that my showvinistic mind thinks immediately, right? Is it's definitely all, there's a problem with her and not with me. She, you know, something's going on. Right. So I'm like, okay, I don't know, I don't remember how to do that, but okay, you know, let's try. I don't remember how to do that.

I've got these button fly jeans on, right? You just hump. Yeah, you just hump with the jeans on, right? The jeans on. Yeah, you just hump with the jeans on, right? Yeah, with usually jeans. Yeah, usually jeans. You start a small fire. You do? By rubbing as fast as you can with jean material

until someone gets burned or ripskin, right? Which, so I'm like, okay, so we go through this whole, we have these whole motions, right? And then I'm like, but, so we go through this whole we have these whole motions Right, and then I'm like, but it doesn't do anything for me because quite frankly It's just not after a while it really hurts. It's for me it hurts. It's I'm not all that interested in it But yeah, okay, so and then the night wraps up and then I then we're back together a couple nights ago And she says it's okay. I'm getting ready right going under the trunk doing the whole nine yards I'm gonna round home here we go, I'm getting ready, right, going under the trunk, doing the whole nine yards, I'm going to round home. Here we go. I'm going to put it under the

hood. I'll go into the hood. Guys, say going under the trunk. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, for the Christians, it's under the trunk. I got it, 10 for. If you wanna keep your virginities, stay under the trunk. Jack.

Jack. I'm chunking the trunk. So here I go again, right now, I've decided in my mind, I'm gonna put in a solid C performance now because I feel like my confidence is... All the dry hump. Yeah, well not on the dry hump, but... Oh, I thought we were gonna go right back into it. hump, but... You're doing it? Oh, oh.

I thought we were gonna go right back into it. I thought this was a temporary problem, like a temporary setback. And now we were gonna go right back into where we started from. Like I thought maybe, you know, maybe she was having her period and this is just why she wanted to do this. And that's okay with me, whatever. I mean, we're all, we're consenting adults

and that's what that means. If she's not consenting, you know, or she wants to do something else, you know, hey, I'm game, not particularly exciting, but so a couple nights later, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna put in a solid-sea performance with the sex, with the actual sex, the sex. So that she knows that she doesn't have to go back

to dry-humping, that I've stepped up my game just a little bit, right? And then again, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Right? Now friction begins. And I'm like, oh my god. You know, it's starting to hurt a little bit, right? Because we just did this a couple nights ago. And now it's starting to hurt again. I have button fly jeans. Chafing.

Chafing. And then I'm like, well, I don't know what's wrong. I wonder if I should have a conversation about this, but I let it slide the second time. Again, because I figured, well, whatever. Third time, third time. I said, that's a, I mean, it's a good way to build up.

Yeah, it's a good way for build up. But, you know, usually as consenting adults, then you follow through with the action. Or at least if you've had sex before, you would think you would follow through on the action. I'm not saying it's a given that if you dry home, then you're gonna actually home. But we had a history of actually having...

Dry hump in, oh, you had a history of having sex. Honey, we had sex like four times before all the sudden she switched to dry hump in. Oh, I miss that, okay. And I'm like, so now my confidence is shaken. I'm a little bit blown. My penis hurts.

And I, we've now started a small brush fire in between the two. Is that what's going on in California? Yes, there's a lot of that. Maybe we brought dry-humping back. Hashtag dry-hump. So then the third time, and here we go again, right? I'm getting ready to go under the tire and get, you know, get into the trunk, go under the tire and back through the hood. And I'm like, and she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And I'm like, is everything okay? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's great.

Let's just dry out. And I'm like, okay, but we had the sex. Like we did the sex a couple times, and now you just want to dry out. But that's okay. Like if there's a reasoning behind this, is it just, you know, listen, listen, I just feel like with you, it's so much better.

She said this. With you, it's so much better if She said this with you, it's so much better. If I just have a little bit of pressure and with the dry hump, I just get there quicker. And I was like, oh, oh, what? Excuse me? I was like, did you just say that with me, it was better if you, if I didn't insert my penis? Yeah, listen, it's just so much better with you if I just, if I don't even see your penis anywhere near me. How do I, how would I, listen, I swear to God this one, I said this one. I'm actually kept wanting to dry hump.

I think I might have been like, oh, yeah, I, well, listen, let's get out of here. Listen, I'm doing this anymore because we're having a backtrack. I know I've I'll listen let's get out of here Because we're having a backtrack. Well listen, I've never been one to take you know I'm not exactly the world's most intelligent human being and I figured this was just a temporary setback And we get back to the we get back on the ball field sooner rather than later Little did I know that this girl had no intention of letting me back in the ball field. She was just like Yeah, and so my Cp minus perfect. I'm still in the bad engages. You've gone back.

I'm not from major league down to minor league. That's right, I'm ready to get on the field and she's like still warming up. So I said, oh, I'm, did I do something wrong? No, no, no, no, nothing wrong. I just, this is how she talked to. It's like she's like, you know, when we were, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

it's just, it's just better if we try. Wow. Wow, it was right. And you don't know how upset this made me, how this shook my confidence. And it made me really like like my C minus performance, probably was more like an NF plus, right? Because she really just didn't wanna have

the sex with me anymore, it was just done. So I did exactly what any man with his pride and tack did. I dry humped her. Yeah. Yeah. I dry humped her and then called it a night and I left. And then all the quits. I, so a couple weeks fast forward.

So I was just dating by the way, just dating around, right? So a couple of weeks fast forward, she lived in a different county than I did and we didn't see each other all that often anyway, like maybe once a week or twice a week. And so a couple of weeks went by for whatever reason. We didn't see each other and I met somebody else. And then so I, so I called her and I said, hey, listen, I just wanna let you know, I have met somebody else.

I don't wanna be like a player. I don't want you to think that I'm, you know, stroking behind your back. I just wanna let you know that I've met someone else and we're gonna go out and we're gonna see each other. Oh, that's okay, don't worry about it. Everything. Yeah, she was like, that's what,

she didn't even have, yeah. She was like, that's okay, don't worry about it. Brian. Yeah, she was like, that's it. She didn't even have. That's for letting me know. Yeah, she was like, that's okay. Don't worry about it, Brian. I just want you to know that it's, I've really enjoyed my time with you. And I was like, this is not an exit interview. Why don't you feel a little bit of like sadness that I'm breaking up with you? No, not whatsoever. Not whatsoever. I don't think so. Thanks. That's actually a really good tactic. I agree with you. Yeah, she just, she literally.

I think about it. She, she back the train right up. She back the train up and went to dry hump. And then, she went to dry hump. Like, or instead of an actual breakup, you go to dry hump. I just went, you just go straight to dry hump. So we're married. So we'll never get to, you know,

I don't think that tactics ever going to come into play. But my wife actually ever says, let's start dry home. I know we're in a trouble. But I swear this happened to me, and it was like the most self deflating thing that it's sexually that I had ever been through. And I've been through some pretty deflating things sexually. I have no Casanova. And I've been through some pretty deflating things, sexually.

I'm no Casanova. And I was like, oh my God, this girl literally just, like, she took it all the way there, and then she was solely backing me up. I imagine if we had stayed together, she'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, as Brian. She backed up the intimacy on me. So listen, so let's wrap it back around to Married of First Night Australia. I feel like Michelle and Steve could at least give it a try on the dry hump. All the dry hump? Yeah, just give it the dry, give it the old dry hump.

I had a second thought about this though. You did a little dry hump try. Yeah, you know, Michelle is not that bad looking of a woman, right? And she's in her, I'm guessing 50s and maybe he's in his 60s. She is not that bad looking, not woman, right? And she's in her, I'm guessing 50s, and maybe he's in his 60s, she is not that bad looking, not for me, for my taste, or I don't find her unattractive at all.

I may be, but he is a man of a certain age. And I'm starting to think I'm wondering if he's getting performance anxiety. Like if this whole situation is just based around, maybe he's had some performance problems in the past Sure in front of a bunch of cameras. Yeah, well, I mean you're not doing the sex in front of the cameras But yeah, no I get it. Yeah, yeah But they're gonna report on everything right? So if you get into the bedroom and then you can't perform for some reason

It's definitely coming out. Yeah, everyone's gonna know because you know, they just talked to each other The whole world is the whole show the whole premise and why married at first sight, Australia is so much better than the US, is that they all get together and talk about each other's marriages. And it's all out in the open. You know everything where you think, you know, everything that's going on. And for Steven Michelle,

this has been a real issue the entire time. I am rooting for them because I do have a soft spark in my heart. You just watch the show. It's really trash. It's really shitty television. I think you're gonna enjoy it. No, it's not in Netflix.

It's on what network is it on? TLC? No, not TLC. The lifetime. It's on lifetime. It's on lifetime television. You're watching lifetime. I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no life? I mean, did you say life? Yes, I did. Oh, shit, man. I don't know if you can run your

banner at any more. Why? I doubt it's on lifetime. It's on lifetime. It's on lifetime. I'm 95% sure it's on lifetime. Because they're like all, like, you know, documentaries or creations. Bad, yeah, bad horrible stories. Yeah, of...

Stalkers, standard. Yeah. It's just a crazy... And then Christmas shows. Oh yeah, then they have the Christmas movies. I actually never watched the Lifetime Network in my entire life, but until married at first, I could say, until married at first sight,

came on, and it was on a different channel. It was like on thing on Discovery or something, or TLC or one of those. You know, my brother called me the other day, my twin brother, and he says, you have to bring up on the commercial break, you have to bring up the fact that TLC or one of those. You know my brother called me the other day of my twin brother and he says, you have to bring up on the commercial break, you have to bring up the fact that TLC actually used to be called the learning channel.

The learning channel. Yeah, and now it's just called, what fucking shit can we put on the air channel? I mean, what are you learning on that channel? There's no learning about it. I think they actually had to legally, I'm not legally, but I think they legally changed their name to TLC.

It's like kind of like KFC legally changed their name to TLC. It's like kind of like KFC changed their name from Kentucky Fried Chicken. To just KFC. Yeah, because you know, they don't put any chicken in their KFC, but I don't think that that's true. I just don't think that that's true. I'm still holding on to it. Well, you're learning.

We're all learning. That's why I watch the learning channel. I feel like I all learning. That's why I watch the learning channel. I feel like I'm learning. So I was going back and listening to some old music that my parents used to play this soft rock station in Chicago. And I grew up in the 80s. So a lot of the soft rock was coming in and out of the 70s and the early 80s. And there were some cheese, tastic rock back then. Let me tell you.

I don't know if you remember this song, but there was a song called Into the Night by a guy named Barry Mendronas. And she's only 16 years old. Leave her alone. They say. Yes, yes. The pedophile song.

Yes, the pedophile song. So I listened to this song and the lyrics are absolutely unbelievable and how this guy got away with this. So I decided I was going to see if there was a video attached to this particular song, Google this, because I can't play it on here. I don't know if the license is right, so I can't play it on the actual show. But the song is called Into the Night and it's got by a guy named Barry Mendronas and look at the video that they attached

to this particular song. It is the most rapy thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It starts off with Barry Man Dronez. It's a song about him falling in love with a 16 year old girl, right? And how the father of... Totally normal. Totally normal.

And he... For another 16 year old. Yeah, that's correct. For someone in the age range of 15 to 17, not 38 years old. And Barry Man Dronez looks like he's 92 when he's singing this song. The guy's still alive. I don't even know how this guy's not jail somewhere. But basically he sings this song. And it's about him, him getting him justifying the relationship or the lust he has for a 16 year old girl. So the video starts off, it's a really bad video. So they're the beginning of the video age.

So he knocks on the door and the father mimes the words, she's only 16 years old, leave her alone, right? But then Barry decides undeterred by the father, it's just a misunderstanding. They don't understand. Oh no. They never understand when I'm in love with 15 year old women. So. In fact, the law doesn't understand. They never understand when I'm in love with 15-year-old women.

So, back the law doesn't understand. Yeah, I don't. I don't understand. I don't understand why they don't understand. But if you get married, that's a different story. So, he runs around to the side window and the girl is literally sitting on the floor, like staring at a flower or something, and he is staring at her through the window. I'm like, they don't understand my love. And I'm like, oh my God, that's so fucking creepy, just the imagery. So then it gets worse because as the video goes on, Barry goes to the store. He tries to ring her on the telephone, right?

She doesn't answer the phone. The father answers the phone and hangs up. Barry goes to the open-air market, wherever the fuck there's an open-air market in 1980. And he buys a rug. He buys that rug. And he takes it back to the window. And he pops open the window of the girls bedroom.

And he throws the rug on the floor. And he lays it down. And then he lays her back to the window and he pops open the window of the girls bedroom and he throws the rug on the floor and he lays it down and then he lays her down on the floor. I'm not even kidding you. This is not, this is a video that happened. It's out there. And so then they use all of the technology that they can muster in 1980 to make the carpet fly while the two are making love.

So now it's just like this carpet, like this cut out of this carpet in two people kissing while it's flying around scenes, like the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty. Chicago's Beltway, it's just like flying all over the place while Barry's trying to seduce this 16 year old girl. It's the creepiest fucking thing. That girl that was actually in the video,

I mean, can you imagine if you're like, people are like, you look so familiar. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's like, have you. Same you make it love to a man on a flying car. And in probably in 1981, this was like, I'm pretty mad. Are you in the into the night video?

Oh yes, I am. That's me. I actually got to make love to very much. Ah. We needed to do a lifetime. Where are they? Oh, yeah, where are they now? She's probably in a cave somewhere buried under Barry mandron is house So fucking creep Oh my god, it was oh that you have to go to I'm gonna put a link to the video in the show notes and

Oh, you have to go, I'm gonna put a link to the video in the show notes and it's just I Can't believe that in the 80s they were getting away with this stuff, but there's a lot of They were getting away. I get a lot of stuff. My Emmy vice for one. Oh my god. My Emmy vice was like It's like what the crocket and tubs are at a high school and they're like doing it And then they meet some some freshman cheerleader and they're like, what the crocodin' tubs are at a high school? And they're like doing a, and then they meet some freshmen cheerleader and they're like, yeah. So you're in like a line of coke as they're speeding off on a speedboat in no shirt and a white sport. And that's right.

I think that style is coming back. Asard and I went to Miami one time and we go to a, we go to, not little Havana, but we go to, I think it's a circle day Havana is what it's called. It's a street in Miami and they close off the street. The street is closed off and every night it comes to life with Latino music and restaurants and it's like pure, Cubano and Latino.

It's awesome. I love it. I love Miami. I love that music too. I really love that music. Me too. So we end up going out to eat and while we're at, we see this shop.

And it's all the entirety of the shop is linen clothing, white linen clothing, like back like they used to wear in the 80s, right? Chloe. And at Chloe, and it was just like a hot, sweaty night. And I was like, you know what? I want to go in here and see if they have like an actual linen shirt that I could wear on the beach, right?

Yeah. We get in there. And there is this little lady from Argentina who makes all this linen clothing and she is like, hi, welcome, welcome. And I'm like, I know you are one sexy man. I mean, really, honestly, you have the body of like a 22 year. The body of a 20 year.

And look at your wife, look how beautiful. She is the big breasts and the wonderful bat and she's so beautiful. And she was pregnant at the time. I've never seen a more beautiful pregnant woman in my entire life. You can tell she's glowing. Look at this.

And look at the look a bigger penises. Oh my God. This is a penis. It's so big. I can tell by your shoes. We can't fit these pants. I know. And she's like, so while she's doing this,

she's slowly like walking us around the store and just grabbing stuff off the shelves And she's like I just made this it's guaranteed to fit your body type and your body type is very handsome Let me tell you if I have to put you up there. I know you make the sex at like a B plus right and I'm like no C Minus actually B plus in this linen shirt So she's she's pulling stuff off the racks that she's going along. Oh, yeah, I swear to God I didn't walk out of there without spending less than $1,500. Fucking dollars.

I went in for a shirt and the girl complimented it. How many times have I worn that Lending shirt? Zero times. I've never worn anything Lending. As a matter of fact, I just gave it to Goodwill. $1,500 worth of clothing, I give to Goodwill. That girl just complimented me into $1,500 worth of clothing. It's like a Venus flytrap.

Oh, is it happening at all? Yeah It's like a Venus flytrap. Oh, it has a half. I think a real good sale person. I'll give you a glass of wine. I think you have a glass of wine and they're like, that looks amazing on you. Amazing. Try this on, try this on, try this on.

Next thing you know, yep. I think I missed my calling in life. I should have been like a salesperson for clothing because I feel like I could do that because I feel like I could do that. I feel like I could do that. You would get an A plus from that. Yeah, I'm bringing my game up a little bit. The nice handsome man walks in.

If Steve walked in, I'd be like Steve. Steve, you're so good looking. You're so good. You know what's good looking on you? You know what's good looking on you? These capri pants. Let's put some capri pants. Yes.

Oh my God. How much internet life do you have there? I'm 9% love. I guess that means we got in the show. This is the first time we will end the show based on Chrissy Hodey's battery life. But I think we actually got it in. I think we got in almost of it.

I wanted to talk. I enjoyed this. I know I did too. I wanted to talk. I enjoyed those. I know I did too. I wanted to talk about the Trump boat parade and some other stuff that I thought was interesting. We'll save it for episode 23. TCBpodcast.com is where you go. You can read all of the show notes. And the show notes, we had a little problem with the show notes.

So if you've been going there and reading and looking for the show notes, we actually had an issue with the show notes. We didn't recognize it. Until just a couple of days ago, because we're on top of shit around here. And so we're going through and we're fixing the show notes. You can find links to some of the stuff that we talk about. I'll put up the video of Into the Night. I'll do all kind of stuff.

And then send us your audio clips, your parody songs, all your funny stuff. Send it to infoatcbpodcast.com or you can go to the website contact us and I'll find a way to get the larger files over to us. Make sure you join the break room because this week, I think we got good enough video that this week, we will be broadcasting an episode on YouTube,

but only to those who join the break room. Hot, hot, hot. So if you want to see us actually do what we do, shhh, shhh, right? Let's just take it easy. We don't want to go straight to video. I can't go straight to it. Are you talking about tri-humping? I was, I'm hon. I used to do that when I was like, back in my 22. I don't even want to hear about it. You know you can dry-hump and they don't even touch you.

It's a good way to make love during coronavirus. Okay, thanks mom. I love you. I Brian, it's your mom. I love you too mom. Okay, for episode number 22, Chrissy live from some strange place. Hopefully we get from some strange cement bunker

and the southeast of the United States of America. Thank you for joining. I know we did this on a high-wire act today, so I appreciate it. I love you too. I love you too. I love all our listeners and appreciate it. Oh yeah, all our listeners, around the world. 92 different countries listening every state and the union. I think we're all in all 50 states. In all 50 states.

We have subscribers in all 50 states. I can't really, I don't really know if they've subscribed, but we know they're listening. Hello. Yeah. That thing, you think the podcast universe, you have all 50 states are listening. Yeah.

Actually, that was before you did it. Yeah, but I mean, you know, we have to take credit for something. Do you want to buy more banner ads? Yeah, I'll get with you after the show. Okay, bye, bye. It's your ego. I love you, we're gonna get through this.

I love you, we are gonna get through this. Until next time, bye! Bye! Email us at thecommercialb at gmail.com. Find us and follow us on Facebook and Instagram at the Commercial Break. New episodes drop every Wednesday. We can be found on Spotify, IHART Media, Apple, Google,

and all major podcast providers. The Commercial Break is a great middleweight production, written and produced by Ryan Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Hothley. you