The Commercial Break - Earnest Goes Camp!

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

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On this episode of the commercial break. Lucas, George Lucas, was looking for Hans Solo, saw Harrison and asked him to do a screen test. And a screen test to be the person talking against Princess Leia. And there was such chemistry between the two of them that he said, this is my Hans Solo. Got to be my Han Solo. And Harrison had only done bit parts here and there and whatever. And so really, Harrison Ford will go down as one of the greats. I mean, he's got to, right?

He really does. Yeah, absolutely. Him, Andy Dick. Who else? Ernest. De Niro. De Niro. Puccino. Ernest goes to camp. Yep, that guy. What are you talking about?

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Haudley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there on the podcast and streaming audience. Thanks for joining us here. We're just here in the breaking news.

That Christy Noem is out as the DHS person. And the whole world is shedding a tear right now. Oh, yeah. Why, Don? Why? She was doing such a great job. We all had confidence in her. What's that?

She just bought that plane. She just bought that plane with the bed in it. What's she going to do now? Who's going to sleep in the bed now? Apparently, a former MMA fighter, Marco Wayne Mullen? Listen, he's a former soldier. I know that much. I think he was in the military.

So, okay, give the guy a chance, I guess. What's going to do? He's going to take over now? He's going to take over now. He's going to take over the secret police known as the DHS now. There you go. Hot dog. All right, but we can all agree.

Christy will be missed because without her, who's going to lie to our faces? Who's going to lie to our faces? She will go down as one of the most incompetent government service, government officials in history. I guarantee it. She was terrible. Yeah. Terrible. She's the one who shot her dog.

I know. Yeah, I was, what was I watching? I was watching something where I guess Trump originally was maybe going to have her do, be the vice president? Yes. I saw that. Yeah. But then when the whole dog thing came out, he was like, oh, that's really. Yeah, I'll put her in charge of rounding up humans.

Unbelievable. Ah. It's all going to work out just fine. I'm sure of it. I am sure of it. That's the only way that we can think. Somebody asked me the other day, they said, how do you feel about the situation in Iran?

And I said, listen, I don't think anyone's going to be upset that the Ayatollah is gone. I actually have Iranian friends from Iran, who are now living here in the United States. And I asked them directly over the weekend, what do you think? And again, no tear is going to be shed by most people. Most people, let's call it. He said, he said, 90% of Iranians are not going to be sad that the Ayatollah is dead at all. Because he has had an iron fist. He has killed a lot of people.

It's a terrible regime to live under. And then he said, well, you know, don't you think it's a little bit like Venezuela? And I said, yes, ish. And here's why it's an ish. I don't believe for one second that Iran should be able to have nuclear ballistic missiles ever because they do have a regime based on ideology that is very reactionary and opposed to any Western type of civilization. Right. So in other words, they want to see us dead. That's just that's a fact.

They say it. That's it. That's what they've been saying for 47 years. The Iranian people are living under in terrible oppression, just like the Venezuelans were. So, but this is not that, if you understand what I'm saying. Venezuela is a banana republic and has no real standing army and is just basically a bunch of people playing pretend with oil money in a very oil rich nation. I saw that they were preparing an indictment for the... Delcy.

Yes. It just reminded me. Yeah, let's put her in charge and then indict. What? Yeah. What? What? What happened there?

I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to reserve judgment until I hear the rest of it. Listen, I'm going to just, I'm going to chill out on the Venezuelan speak for a second when it comes to politics for a lot of reasons. But I'm just, let's put it that way. I don't know what in the world. I'm going to put a pin in it. I will comment sometime down the road.

But the difference with Iran is Iran has a very capable, very big, very dangerous, military. military and the Iranian National Guard, the IRC, the Iranian Republic Command, they are dangerous and they are capable and they are all over the world. They have a huge spy organization. They have tried to have people murdered on American soil, including our president, senators, you know, former directors of national security. Like they are dangerous. And to not exactly have a plan when you're just going to go randomly in there. and start loading people up with missiles seems a bit unhinged to me. But, but I will share that if it leads to some kind of change in the Iranian leadership that is more, less ideological, let's put it that way, and so irrational about their hatred for most of the world, then I would consider it a good thing. But right now it doesn't look good. It doesn't look good right now.

Yeah, it looks chaotic. It doesn't look like it's going the way they had hoped it would go. But they will say different until the cows come home. But I do have to say this. Anytime the men and women who go and fight for this country, even when it's misguided fighting, they should be honored. Their service should be honored. They are brave. Absolutely.

I am and I respect the people who serve in our military. 100 percent. And I support them 100%. I don't always support the mission. but I support them. And already six, eight, ten people are dead with many more citizens and people around the world suffering. So let's see how this all plays out, but this is a tough time. This is a dangerous time for sure.

And now Brittany's in rehab. So what are we going to do? Top it all off. Brittany's in rehab. And that, my friends, is really what's at the top of my mind today is that Britney is in rehab. And they still haven't found that Savannah Guthrie's mom. I know. You know, I saw the most disturbing fucking thing I think I've ever seen in my entire, and maybe one of the most disturbing things I've seen.

Certainly this year, if not in the last decade, if not ever. And it has everything to do with this fucking life that we live on our fucking phone, social media, streaming, Twitch, all this other shit. Thank you to all our streamers. Thank you to all our streamers. Thank you for streaming. Thank you. Thank you, Twitch. Thank you.

Thank you, re-stream. someone was taking a video from like up up high on their patio that overlooked the street where the house is where Savannah Guthrie's mom lived. And there was a line, a line four or five different people, not reporters, people, one girl in a bikini, basically, streaming from the scene of the crime. What? Streaming from the scene of the crime. in various states of dress and undress, making commentary and comedy, and basically being jackholes. Do you remember in the movie Natural Born Killers when the guy is running around with the video camera and taping everybody? I do, yeah.

It's going to be stream live to 600,000 people. You're going to be famous. Mallory and whatever his name. This is starting to feel like that. And I am really disappointed. So, Chris and I. What are they streaming saying? Well, I don't know because you couldn't hear it.

Like, they were filming the people streaming. They weren't, it wasn't the actual stream I was watching. Oh, oh, you were filming four. You were watching the stream of the streamers. Like 10 people. One person filming, one person, you know, being the host of the show or whatever. So Chrissy and I are going to take the commercial break there and straighten this all. We'll solve this problem.

Lickety split. Yeah, as soon as we get there. Yes. This is not all the murders in the building, guys. This is a real life caper that they're trying to solve. And there are people's lives and family members and relatives are there suffering. And you fucking morons are in your bikinis out in front of her house trying to get clicks and views. Now, listen, clicks and views, cool.

I know the game. We play it. That's the same game that we play. But we sit here in our studio and we don't bother anybody. We're not out there in the middle of someone's investigation, pissing all over the crime scene for a couple extra views. It's just a really shitty thing to do. I think so too. Shitty. Shitty thing to do.

Yeah, a try and profit off of a tragedy. That's right. If you're one of these people that is streaming the streamers that are at Savannah Guthrie's mom's house, turn it off. Turn it off. Like, you know, vote with your pocketbook. Don't give those people more clicks and views. It's just

terrible. It's just terrible. It's like, what's going to happen next? You're going to show up at the site of a school shooting or something like that? Why? For what reason? You can sit, If you want to make commentary like everybody else on the internet about Savannah Getherie's mom's kidnapping, then do it from the comfort of your studio like the rest of us. But don't go out there and bother everybody with your fucking bullshit. People are terrible. People are terrible. People are the worst. People are the worst. I'm out of here. I don't even want to be around you. Everyone's terrible. I'm kidding. I'll be around you. Okay. Thanks. I'm contractually obligated to be around you, but I'll be around you. Yeah. I mean, it's just, it is, it's awful. It really is. just people just again trying to profit and to what end right and to what end what are you getting are people really tuning in to see you at the scene of the crime is that really going on i don't know because i don't know who the street none of them look particularly famous i mean i've seen footage of the house what else are they going to show yeah so footage of the house on cbs on a bc on nbc where like there's actual reporters out there trying to you know report on the actual like actual facts of the

case. Not someone just out there shit posting to make a few extra bucks. I mean, that's just like, let's not go there. I don't think we need to go there, you know? I wonder if people were streaming like when, because I saw that Savannah Guthrer actually went to the house. Oh, she did. I guess and like laid flowers down or something and said, you know, we're still thinking, still hoping. Yeah, I mean, after this long. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't seem likely that Savannah Guthrie's mom is going to be found alive. The question is, will she be found at all? You know, I know Cash is on the job. So we got that going for us.

Yeah. Speaking of competency. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I texted Chrissy the other night, I know, two weeks ago, when they arrested somebody in connection with this. And I said, oh, it looks like they caught somebody, you know. Chrissy said, yeah, it's Cash Patel announcing it.

So I'm sure it's true. And one day later, they released the guy. Yeah. They've arrested like six people. They've released them all. And that's been through different investigations. The allegations, not even just Savannah Catharys, yeah. All of them.

We caught him. We got them. Oh, that was sorry. Just kidding. JK. J.K. Hashtag. Well, he's got his girlfriend all SWAT teamed up.

Yeah. Cash bash. We're having a party on the plane. Cash bash. Yeah, I mean, listen, it's just ridiculous. It is. We live in an unserious country and unserious times going through some serious shit. That's the truth.

It's unserious. People are raiding the liquor cabinet while the world crumbos around them. And we've got. clowns at the top of every single post. Clowns. We've got the Vince McMahon's wife running the Department of Education that is no longer. We've got Cash Patel flying billion-dollar planes around so he can go have a beer with the guys. We've got Christy Noem shooting dogs and fucking her special assistant to the envoy of whatever. And it's just like there's no competent human beings at all in charge of our government.

There's all the insider trading knowledge and stuff, you know, those sites where you can back on things. Cali. Yeah. Kalshi will be the downfall of our society. Well, there's that one and another one. Yeah, polymarket. Yes. Polymarket in Kalshi. Let me share. And if you trade on this, I don't, listen, I know. You're trying to get in on the hype. And I get it. If you could make a million dollars, simply guessing, if Brian's wearing a white or a black sock today, it's black, by the way. If you can get, if you can make a million dollars doing that, then I would, too. The truth is, though, the house always wins. And the insiders always have the information before you do. So even if you win, you're going to make. much less than they do. People, $500 million worth of money went into the trade. Will the U.S. attack Iran 10 hours before the U.S. attacked Iran. 500 million dollars, move the entire market,

move the entire line. Do you think that's because someone didn't know that? Like soldiers, people that generals, people that were inside of meetings, or people that were just told that So they could go make money. He's on the board. He's on the fucking board of both of them. You don't think he was moving money around? His crypto, Bipto, or whatever the fuck it is. Of course he is.

And it's all anonymous. Yes. And here's the hard part that I'm going to give you the hard truth, Chrissy. It's completely legal. It's completely legal. Even if it was Don Jr., it's completely legal. Because he's inside of the government. If he had that information, it's not, it might be illegal for him to share it.

It's not illegal for him to place a trade. it's these markets are completely legal they should be illegal but they are completely legal and it is a fucking disaster and meanwhile there are people probably just like you and i have very little money if any money at all that are betting their homes on this stuff happening but they are not going to make the line because they don't have the inside information they can't do it quick enough and that's the way that it is it's just a fucking nightmare when you think about it it's really a nightmare. And then I don't know if you heard about this, but there was like two million dollars worth of bets that were placed on whether or not the Ayatollah was going to be killed.

Yes. He was killed. There was like a hundred million dollars worth of payouts that were supposed to go. And Kalshi or Polymarket sends out an email saying, I'm sorry, we're not paying these out. You can't bet on someone's death. Meanwhile, they were the ones who put the line up. They were the ones who put the bed up. You can't just pretend do that. They did it. It's like, and they even showcased it in an email. Like there are people that. We must have read the same story. because, yeah, that's what I read. It's fucking, it's just, it's unbelievable what is going on. And who's going to do anything about it?

I don't know. Not me. I can do anything about it. I wish I could do something. I could talk about it. But that's not going to make any much difference. If me talking about anything made a difference, we would have known about it a long time ago. Do you know what I'm saying?

We would have known about it a long time. Oh, congratulations on our 900th show. Oh, yeah, our 900th show. Yeah, we're round in the corner. Maybe before the end. of the year. I think so. Maybe before the end of the year we'll hit a thousand. We got another hundred in us before the end of the year. I think we got another hundred in us before the end of the year. Yeah, in some way, shape or form. Yeah, our new network is asking for more

episodes. So I think we'll probably hit a hundred before the end of the year. We might be, again, contractually obligated to do at least three a week, if not four a week. So, okay, let's do this. Let's take a short break and then when we get back, we'll talk about more. We'll keep you in the cups. How's that? We'll keep you happy. What are we going to talk about. I don't know. Let me look at my phone. Okay. Look at your phone. Let's go back to a simpler time. Let's talk about an episode of Lassie. Remember Lassie? Oh, Lassie. No one seemed to be upset when Lassie was on TV. No. Let's go back to the days when CBS was run by the people who put on Lassie instead of the girl who's making billions of dollars on Polly Market. Oh, I'll tell you this real quick. Also, Harvey Levin.

the guy who runs TMZ. Yes. And Mark Garagos, the very famous lawyer who defended Scott Peterson and other people, Mark Garagos, they have a show called like two angry guys or something like that, right, the podcast that they do live every Thursday, right? Last Thursday, before this whole Iran thing happens, they go on live with their show. And Mark Garagos is in a restaurant. And Harvey is busting his balls because he's like, you know, we do the show once a week, and for once a week for an hour,

you'd think you'd be able to go somewhere where it's not fucking noisy. Right? And Mark says, I was going to go somewhere. It was absolutely going to go somewhere. But you will not believe what I just heard and the conversation I'm hearing at the next table that I overheard at the next table, and that's why I stayed.

And Harvey goes, what are you talking about? And he goes, you wouldn't believe this. You won't believe it if I told you. And he says, tell me, what are you talking about? And he goes, I just overheard. at a conversation at the next table, he goes, and I'm not going to say who it was, but this is legitimate information that it's happening. Iran is going to be attacked in the next 24 hours. He said that on Thursday.

Oh, wow. And it happened on Friday. So in a crowded fucking restaurant next to Mark fucking Garigos, someone is letting the cat out of the bag. It's an unsurious government and an unsurious time when very serious things are happening. That's all I got to say. Mark Garagos knew before we did. I bet Mark Garigos placed that $500. Probably.

I would have. If I was Mark Garagos, fuck yeah. And he doesn't need money. Hey, Garagos, call me. I need your services. I'll be back. Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple.

Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely, Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her, or me or Chrissy, at 212-4333-3-T-CB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show too. Mm-hmm.

Just call and say something. Anything. Or text us and we'll text you're right back. Promise. Then head over to TCB Podcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break.

and watch all the episodes on video at YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid. Well, we had a, I'm talking to somebody on the stream. We had a Discord server. We have a Discord server. And we started to do it, but that's when we had somebody that could help us with the Discord server, like somebody that was actually helping us with the, managing of the Discord server.

And that was Christina. And when Christina laughed, I did not keep up with it because, quite frankly, I'm already doing quite a lot. And so to manage a Discord server at the same time was really difficult. But if someone wants to volunteer to manage the TCB Discord server, I'm all about it. Like, I'll just hand it over to you and you could be in charge of it and you can do what you like with it. Just don't say bad things about me.

So I've got a little headline here that I saw one of your first. favorite people, Army Hammer. Army Hammer? Is returning to the big screen. Army Hammer? Yes. Armandhammer is back? What?

Isn't Army Hammer the one that was eating people? Yes. Yes. All right. Yeah. Oh, good old Army Hammer. I love that guy. Wasn't he selling condos and Barbados for a second or something?

Yeah, he was. He's back. Well, he's handsome. It's hard to deny that. He played the Winklevoss Twins in Social Network. Yeah, he was good in that. So he's returning to the big screen, how? Well, let's see.

I'm still reading it here. Five years later, he was making his return to the big screen. In December, he starred in the Western Frontier Crucible playing an outlaw. Oh, okay. I didn't see that one. I mean, either. And he has two other movies in the works. Okay, listen.

Hey, you know, I actually have been watching, I follow and have been watching a podcast that Army has been doing. Yeah, that's inside Army Hammer or whatever it's called. The Army Hammer Time. Amy, our Army Hammer Time. And I do have to say, while Army is a little on the weird side, he does seem to have a bit of self-awareness. And so I will give him that. He understands that he has come across. He has done some things that are not great.

He said, I never ate people. I was interested in the topic for a while, but I never had. Like, I was not eating people or anything like that. But I will share with you that, you know, someone who's self-aware, is at least self-aware. He also says that he has narcissistic personality disorder, not hard to believe, and that he's getting treatment for it. So it was actually fascinating to watch his Instagram for a while because he was talking to all of these people in his life. And these people were being real honest about what an asshole he was. Yeah, it comes from that family. I watched the

whole documentary on that. Didn't you? You watched it too. I watched it too. We talked about it. Yeah, we did. This is like three or four years ago during the pandemic. We talked about it. Yeah, it was bizarre. It was bizarre. The whole situation was bizarre. Army was bizarre. His family is bizarre. He comes from weird circumstances and he is weird. But, you know, everybody deserves a second chance. And I don't think if he didn't actually heard anybody. He tied some woman up one time. Wasn't that it? Like tied her up and left her there while he went out to dinner. No, it's not cool. God. But there was some question about whether or not she asked to be tied up or didn't ask to be tied up. I can't remember the whole situation.

Listen, if Army has made amends, then, okay, you know, Army's the least of my concerns right now. Do you know what I'm saying? Arm and Hammer. Okay. That just came across. Just not good movies. Shitty movies. As long as he's in shitty movies, that's good.

Brendan Schwab or what's his name, Brendan, the guy everybody loves. Fraser? Brendan Fraser. Let Brendan Fraser have all the good roles. Leave the shitty rolls, Arm and Hammer. Brendan Fraser is the light of the life for everybody, everybody. Did you see that Harrison Ford got a Lifetime Achievement Award at the SAG? I did.

And got up there, Voice Week, you know, old man, he's in 87 or something like that, and gave a beautiful, touching speech about his career and how he was excited that everyone was excited about him having it. And, you know, he's excited. I'm excited that you're excited about me. Yeah, but that is Harrison Ford. He is... No, he's great. I started watching that show shrinking, and it's cute.

Harrison Ford, for those of you that don't know and may want to know, really got his start in acting very late in life at like 36 years old, right? And when the first Star Wars became a hit, I think he was 40 already. And then he went on to do Indiana Jones and all this other stuff. He was a carpenter who worked his way on set. to whatever. Lucas. Yeah, but he wasn't working for Lucas. He was working at Universal or whatever.

Like the building. The building, right? And he, Lucas, George Lucas, was looking for Hans Solo, saw Harrison and asked him to do a screen test. And a screen test to be the person talking against Princess Leia. And there was such chemistry between the two of them that he said, this is my Han Solo. It got to be my Han Solo.

And Harrison had only done bit parts here and there and whatever. And so really Harrison Ford will go down as one of the greats. I mean, he's got to, right? He really does. Yeah, absolutely. Him, Andy Dick. Who else? Ernest.

De Niro. De Niro. Puccino. Ernest goes to camp. Yep, that guy. What are you talking about? Ernest. Hey, Bob, what's talking about?

I forgot about Ernest. Oh, Ernest. Ernest T, Wankadoodle or something like that. Ernest, I watched a documentary on Ernest on YouTube because, you know, it wasn't going to get the full HBO treatment, but it was a YouTube documentary. Yeah. And it was good. It was like 40 minutes long. Take a guess how Ernest got his start.

Gas station attendant? Local television commercials. Okay. Okay. So he's working at a, you know, WTT. Like I used to do. on a charter media. Right, exactly.

He's working at WTT or whatever in Tennessee, I think it was. He's working a WTTT in Tennessee. Double tits at Tennessee. He's working up there. They say, oh, the window world needs a new commercial. You know, and Ernest or whatever his name is. He says, oh, okay. And they said, well, can you be the guy who does the, you know,

let's do some help create some creative. And so they do some screen tests. And he comes up with this wacky character. He's like, well, when I need to get some new windows, you know where I go. And then the window falls on his hand. And he's like, Earl, Earl, you forgot about me, Earl, right? He does this whole bit. And the company loves it so much that they're like, give us 10 of those.

Give us a series of those, right? And he goes and he does a series of those. Wow, he parlayed that. Yes. And then he parlayed that into everybody in town wanted an earnest commercial. So everybody in town got an earnest commercial. So now he's like, regionally famous and you know like northeast Tennessee or whatever people love it and it just snowballed

from there until someone said hey you should do this as like a show show like a television show so i think if i'm television special or something like that so if i'm not mistaken that he did like a local television special that then got picked up jim varney that's right that was his name that's right um and he I mean, for like a year, you couldn't go anywhere. Not a McDonald's, not a movie theater, not a television channel. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing Ernest T. Barmer or whatever his name was. He was everywhere. And that catchphrase, Ernest T. Bass.

That's right. Ernest T. Bass. They can fill in the audience. I know. Help us out. Ernest T. Bass. Ernest T. Bass. And he wore the gene overalls and stuff. Yeah.

What's you talking about Earl? Hey Earl, Earl, help me out here, Earl. Earl was always the guy behind the camera. You were looking as if you were Earl. I mean, you have to watch. Go watch some Ernest T. Bass commercials. You'll see it. Ferris Bueller will go down as one of the greatest movies.

So will, Better Off Dead. I was talking with a friend yesterday. Oh, Better Off Dead is a fantastic movie. Fantastic. I want my $2. Oh, the $2. I used to laugh with my mom and my sister about that scene. That's so funny.

He's snorting snow off the top of the mountain. Yeah, that guy from nerds. Yeah, a guy from nerds. It's pure snow, man. He's like, that actually is snow. I know, it's fantastic. And they have like the ski race off. Lame Meyer.

The guy that pulls up next to him. Oh, great movie. They don't make it like that anymore. I'm telling you, I'm watching this guy that does these VHS tapes. Oh, yeah. He's still watching that. I'm so in love with him. He's my best friend.

And he doesn't know me, but he's my best friend. Because he takes these VHS tapes and he pops them into his VHS tape machine and he does commentary on them. And people send them from all around the world. Oh, I'm sure. He doesn't know what's in him. He's got a garage full of them, right? But he's doing it and he's doing it well. But mainly what he likes is not only to watch what's on the videotapes, it's very rarely home movies.

It's almost always something that's been recorded off television from the 80s or 90s. Right. And he said something the other day, and it was 100% true. And he said there was nothing like being a child or a teenager and waking up in the morning or going to bed late at night to television. He's like, it's just a magical time when things were just different, right? And he's so right about that. The commercials all had jingles. They went on for 60 seconds. You know, it was just a magical time when there was like narrative and story and, you know, your brain was allowed to go somewhere. and the screen was fuzzy and you couldn't see things clearly, but you just loved to watch what was on television. And I know maybe everybody gets nostalgic for that time in their life because it's formative years. But, I mean, it must be tough to grow up right now and everything's just flipping and flashing in front of you every five seconds. Listen to me. I sound like a fucking dead man.

It sound like my dad. I'm talking about Ernest T. Bass and Better Off Dead. Let's talk about the weather next. It's nice outside. But the allergies are hidden. That's all I got to say. Oh, I couldn't breathe yesterday. I was like, I know, I know.

It's awful. It's terrible. If I'm not, if I don't have a cold in the winter, then I have allergies in the spring. The only time I get any relief is for like eight weeks in the summer. That's it. That's the only time I get relief. I was saying I think I need to go to see like an allergy specialist. You might need to.

You might need to. If anything, just for some peace of mind. Yeah. He can tell you you're not crazy that you're actually full of allergies. No, I know I am. And then I have coffee every morning with Chipper. And I'm allergic to dogs and he sheds all. over the place. So I gladly turn in Chipper, blue for Chipper, but I'll deal with Blue. I'm dealing

you. Okay? I'm learning to deal with Blue. I'm learning to fall in love again with the doll. And by fall in love, I mean, ignore her. Just ignore her. Well, you're not going to see her for a couple days, right? That's right. I'm not going to see her for a couple days. So this will be good for our relationship. Yes. Time of hard. Sometimes you just need a break. That's the way it goes. All right. We'll be, give us a minute and we'll be back. Let me go tinkle. I'll be back. Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break.

Text or call us. 212-4333-3-TCB. That's 212-4333822. Visit our website, TCB Podcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at YouTube.com slash the commercial break. And finally, share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian?

That really wasn't that difficult. Now was it? You're welcome. How do what? Are these two making sense? At least I didn't. Why are so many episodes? None of which are great.

That's my favorite song. That is my favorite song. Nice trill up there, girls. Nice trill up there, you fake AI grills. That's a great song. Chachia-cha-cha. Yeah, I got to go to my brother's wedding. Yes, that's exciting.

big party, the big party version. He's going to go and have a couple people and, you know, do the thing. Yeah, it's exciting. I'm, I am looking forward to it, as they would say. This is his first wedding. This is his first wedding. Let's hope it's his last wedding. Yes.

And we're getting too old to do this shit again, Kev. Yeah, no, I think he's got a good one. I think he's got a good one. And I'm wishing nothing but the best for them. And it's always exciting when you go to see two people commit in front of friends and family. And then you have the big party, which I know is the important. in part for them. So, and they're going to do it where I did it. They're going to do their big party where I did my big party the first time around. And so let's hope the results are different.

Let's hope it's not the place. Yeah, I think, I think it will be. Yeah. You know, and this is a party crew that is showing up. So it's should, it stands to be interesting for sure. There's going to be stories to be told. Whether or not I can tell them, I don't know. We'll have to see. I don't want embarrass my friends. But there's, you know, I have a twin brother, and his name is Kevin, and Kevin is the one that is doing the do this weekend. And I'll stand up there with him alongside him and we'll, you know, I'm sure lots of hugs and then lots of alcohol. I hate to think of the, the booze bill on my wedding with Astrid was pretty big because it was Venezuelans, Irish Catholics, all some of the same people. Haudley. There was a separate line for Haudley.

Chrissy and Rachel. Yeah, it said Haudley budget. Oh, Rachel was a third. third line, Rachel Budget. But I think this might even take the cake. This might even take the cake. There are lots of people that are coming. They can really hammer it down. So we'll see how it all. Plus it's going to be at the beach setting. Yeah, there's ocean. So I hope no one falls in. I hope no one falls in. My first wedding, I ran into a plate glass door and broke it and ended up with a bloody nose and a big bump on my head. And then after that, well, here's the thing. Everyone had to been drinking after the rehearsal dinner. Oh, those rehearsal dinners.

Everyone took it back to a condo that was on the beach, third floor on the beach. And I was already gone. But there was a girl that was part of Julia's wedding party, but Julia's part of the wedding party, a bridesmaid. And she was handing out Xanax. For what reason I don't know? But she said, you need one of these. You get a good night's sleep and you calm down.

and everything's good in the morning and all that other stuff. Maybe she went for you to take it the next day. I don't know what she meant for me to take it, but she gave it to me, and I do not take Xanax. It's not my thing. I have very rarely taken a couple times on, usually for medical purposes, usually because I do need to take it to calm down, right?

So I took it, and when I took it, there was a big glass door, sliding glass door out to the patio, and I walked from the kitchen straight into that glass window and cracked it. And I mean, these are these like hurricane windows. They're not small. I ran into it with force. And I, with my forehead and then my nose and it bled everywhere.

So that was how you got married? Well, listen, my nose wasn't broken. Luckily, I don't think. I mean, it does look like I got broken at some point. Maybe that was it. But it didn't look like it wasn't swollen the next morning. That's the good news. Okay.

I did have a bump. You can barely see it. They put a little makeup on it. You can barely see it. But later on, I got some hair in my eyes. ass that I needed to swim. And rather than go to the pool that was right out front of the condo building, I went out back to the ocean. In the dark ocean? In the dark ocean. And had Raphael not been with me, I might still be in that ocean today because it was not a particularly calm night.

I remember it was windy. There were waves. And if there are waves in this particular beach, it is choppy. That means the ocean is rough. And I walked straight out in there and I dove in the water and started flopping around. And Raphael had to come in and pull me out. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I thought it was having fun. Right. Right.

But Raphael was like, dude, you're going to die the night before you get married. You got to stop this. Let's go inside. And so we went inside and I will never forget that we walked up. We went straight back to my condo. And he literally put me to bed, took off my shoes, my wet, sloppy shoes, took off my wet, sloppy clothes, handed me a pair underwear and wearing a t-shirt and was like, now, in the bed. And he closed the door. This is what he said to me. He grabbed my phone, too.

And he said, I'm going to be sleeping on this couch and I'll wake you up when it's time to get up. Don't worry about your phone. Don't worry about anything, but you're not leaving the condo again tonight. And I actually woke up before he woke me up and he was still sleeping out on that couch when I woke up the next day. He was absolutely stepped in and made sure that I didn't do something really fucking stupid. High as a fucking kite, drunk as a fucking skunk. So I'm hoping something like that happens this weekend so I can report back. You'll be the person saving. I'll be the person saving because I likely won't be drunk. But I, you know, I hope everybody stays, you know, shoreside. That's all I got it. Yeah, God. I have no interest in an ocean at night.

No. Other than just maybe like walking on the well that's the sand where it's just kind of the the tide is just kind of splashing up. Love that. You can give me a nice long... Beautiful stars outside. And I think there's a full moon this weekend. Well, no, they just had the full blood moon. Oh, really? Okay, so I guess there's going to be no moon. Well, no, it'll be waning. We'll at least it'll be a little bit of a moon out, right?

And so there'll be a little bit of a moon out, so at least there'll be some light, we'll be able to keep everybody on the shore because you're right. Night swimming is a dumb idea in the ocean. It's a dumb idea. You don't know what's down there. No. You can't see the sharks. You can't see the jellyfish. You can't see anything.

Certainly not the Atlantic. No. And this is not crystal blue water. That was going to say. There are places on the Atlantic where it's crystal blue water, but that's down in Miami. That's not where we're going to be. And that mucky, muddy, brackish water, also it's going to be freezing cold. It's still March.

Yeah. It's not going to be warm. It's really never warm, to be honest with you. Not that far. But we'll see how it all goes. Listen, happy to just get a day away. Just a day away. We'll be nice.

Yeah, be a little vacay. Take the kids down there. Show them a good time. throw them in the ocean at night, show them what night swimming's all about. Night swimming. Night swimming. That's a great song.

There is that guy Michael Shanahan, the actor, Michael Shanahan, who usually plays some kind of creep in the movie, who has now done a tour with David Bowie's band after David Bowie died posthumously as David Bowie, doing Space Odyssey and the Lazarus and all that other stuff, right? And now he has been doing two of the first REM albums in a string of shows at the 40-watt club where REM got its start in Athens. And it's become such a big deal these shows.

He's been doing like two a week, three a week or something like that for a month and a half. Really? It's become such a big deal that now members of REM are showing up and doing the shows with him or songs with him. That's cool. Including Michael, everyone is a lot. has been now up on stage. And then there's other famous musicians that have come.

It's become quite the comp big deal to see Michael Shanahan doing his best Michael Stipe impersonation up at the 40 watt. You can check it out on Instagram. You can look. I don't even know where they're selling the tickets. I look for tickets.

I don't know where they're selling them. They might not be selling them. They might be just giving them way to people they know or whatever. But it is very interesting. Michael Shanahan. Yeah. You ever seen the movie Bug?

Oh. Have you seen Bug? I don't think so. Okay, here's the premise. You ready? Real quick, here's the premise. Michael Shanahan is a stranger, comes into town, meets a waitress. Michael Shanahan is a stranger who apparently worked on some army base or something like that,

and the army base implanted bugs in him, right? Bugs, like mechanical bugs in him. And he's also happened to be doing a lot of meth. Oh, where that is. Yeah, this stars Priscilla Presley, I think it's not Priscilla. Who's not Lisa Marie, Priscilla. Her mother. Well, I mean, Priscilla was an actress.

Who's her daughter? Lisa Marie. Lisa Marie. Lisa Marie. It stars Lisa Marie-Presley and Michael Shanahan. All of a sudden, like it starts closing in, and now they're just in a small house, and then they're in a room, and then they tape the room off with plastic, and then they've they think they've got bugs, and they're looking at each other, and sometimes it looks like they have bugs, and other times it doesn't look if they have bugs.

It is a insanity-inducing movie where Michael Shanahan is so good, so good, but it is bothersome. The movie is bothersome. Yeah, that does make me want to watch it. It's the first time that I saw Michael Shanahan do anything. It's like, this movie's like 20 years old now. But if you really want to freak yourself the fuck out, watch Bug. I'm okay. You don't want to watch bug?

No. I'm going to tell Kevin to watch that before he gets married. Hey, Kev, I'm going to sit down. No, no, no, no, no. I've got some advice for you. No, I know you want to watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Let's watch Bug. Great.

Well, Mazel Tov and cheers to Kevin and his lovely bride. Yes. Here's to doing the thing. Safe travels, going down there, don't speed. No. Do not speed. No. I don't think I'd have a license if I speed again.

No, you're not going to. I mean, I already have two super speeder tickets. How many more can I have? Yeah. They got me in one week. One week, I got two tickets going 20 miles per hour over. I can't do it again. Yeah.

No, I've slowed down because my insurance went up. Well, right. Yeah, bad. Yeah. Well, no, you get their third one. I think they... Drop you? I got my license, my ability to get a commercial driver's license got suspended for one week

because I got that super speeder ticket. Like one week. But I don't have a CDL. I don't need one, but it's on my driving report. I saw it. Like, my CDL got suspended. I don't have a CDL. But it was one week.

It's like one week. They were just covering all the bases. Gosh. All right. Bye, Candlecane. Best to you. As to you. All right, Christine and I will be back next week.

Despite all the festivities. Tuesday. Tuesday. Wish you nothing with the best. Have a good weekend. Keep your hats on South Georgia, Sean. Best to you. Best to everybody in the group in the stream right now.

Keep your hats on. We will survive this. Whatever this is, we'll all figure it out. Get through it together. Go vote. Register to vote. Make sure you're registered to vote. Make sure you know where you're going to vote.

And go vote. No matter what, no matter what, go vote. No matter who's standing there. No matter what guns are out front, go vote. That's what we got to do. That's what we got to do. Oh, yeah. And I think Republicans and Democrats are both starting to realize.

This is what we got to do. We got a change. We've got to come. And let's get all those old farts out of there. They're all no good. They're all doing nothing. Get them out of there. We need fresh young blood.

Fresh, yes. Yeah. If you've been a senator for 48 years, it's time for you to go do something else. It's time for you to go retire. Play some goal. You know you made enough money. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCBpodcast.com for your free sticker and all the audio and all the video and YouTube. dot com slash the commercial break for all the episodes and streaming.

Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast of streaming universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say.

Goodbye.