The Commercial Break - #GapLife

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Episode #583: Bryan talks penises He needs a deep dick fake Rafa’s biohacks Shakti mat Krissy’s a napper IDINA MENZEL, BROADWAY STAR OF WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rush Szn Gap Decades Lockers! Daddy Caputo Blue will keep the frat boys away Bryan saying “on fleek” Bryan’s algorithm Earthquake noises in Bryan’s house A graduation card mix up Mr. Green the creep! Come To Our Shows: Dania Beach Improv (Tuesday, Sept. 24th) The Funny Bone Orlando (Wednesday, Sept. 25th) Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: INSTAGRAM:   https://www.instagram.com/thecommercialbreak/ https://www.instagram.com/bryanwgreen/ https://www.instagram.com/tcbkrissy/ YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@tcbpodcast Visit our website:  https://tcbpodcast.com/ CREDITS: Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer:  Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. One thing you can count on me for is to not suffer in silence. If I'm feeling any sort of way, it could be just off kilter 0.1%. You're gonna know about it. On this episode of the commercial break.

I wish I could go to frat parties and hang out and go to cool concerts and do cool things on campus without all the book stuff or, you know, be taking tests and shit like that. But I do. A lot of kids do that their freshman year. Yeah, of course. That's freshman years four. Then you fail. Yeah, that's why a gap year is never a bad thing, right?

Right. Unless you're like me and you just, the gap year becomes a gap four decades. Gap life. Yeah, gap life. Gap life. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, kids and kids, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green.

This is the Blue You to My Bingo. Kristin Joy Hoadley. Best of you, Kristin. Best of you, Brian. And best of you out there on the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I appreciate it. I'm already missing the Olympics.

I know. I'm already missing the Olympics. Everybody I've talked to says the same thing. Yeah, because I used to like pop open my social media and then I would see all the funny Olympic stuff. Now I pop open my social media and Elon and Trump are talking. And I'm like, can we bring back that break dancing girl, Reagan?

Where's Reagan? Or the pole vaulting. Where's Reagan when you, or yeah, big dick guy. Where's big dick pole vaulter? Where's big pole guy? I wonder if he's gonna take up the offer for him to, what was it, $250,000?

Yeah, 250 grand to show his shlong for an hour on some CDS website. Hey, I'd do it, why not? What do you got to be embarrassed about? No, I mean. They said you don't have to get, like they just said you gotta show it for a period of time. Like show it for at least 15 minutes of the hour

or something like that. Just show it. Yeah, very specific deal. It just stands there? Yeah, just show it and then read all the treacherously dumb comments that come in telling you to do stuff like, stick a hot needle in your penis. Turns me on. No, I probably wouldn't do it.

No, I'd do it. Well, not with this penis, I wouldn't, but with his penis, I would. If I could borrow his penis, if AI could recreate his penis on my penis, then I'd do it on Harpy. Of course, with my luck, the AI would stop working at some point and be like, whoa. Brian deepfake.

Oh, a deep dick fake. That's what we need, a deep dick fake Brian Green. That's all the world needs, as if it isn't confusing enough. Let me ask Claude to do that. Claude? Yes, it's an AI assistant. Claude.

It's such horse shit. It's such horse shit. I mean, the deep fake stuff is not funny, but you know. No, it's bad. Yeah, but it's not even particularly good. Like even when you see photos that have, it's just clear that it's AI because AI can't quite get it right.

I mean, it'll eventually get it right, but it can't quite get it right. So you're still able to determine. Of course, I did follow on Instagram that girl one time for a year until I realized she was AI. It had said right on the profile, AI. You were checking in on her? Yeah, I was checking in on her. What was she doing? Was she going all over the world?

She was going all over the world for the first six months. And then for the second six months, she was, it was like, she was playing like strip travel. Like every time she ended up in a new space. Follow your dreams. Follow your dreams. Here's my labia. Speaking of, so I think I, I think that the Love and Light girl has a sister and she is on that show that I was watching, the Love Off the Grid. Wait, Love and Light girl has a sister and she is on that show that I was watching, the Love Off the Grid. Wait, Love and Light Girl has a sister on Love Off the Grid? Well, if she had a sister or if she does have a sister.

Anyways, it's very much like her. Oh really? Yes. Oh, I gotta check it out now. I was hoping to stay out of Love and Light Girl for a while because the last couple of videos I've seen of hers, they're just like snooze fests. They're not really all that interesting.

They're not even on purpose funny. They're just kind of like snooze fests. Well, and this girl does, she has a very successful online business where she does energy work. Energy readings. I do energy readings. Speaking of energy readings.

So I go over to Rafa's house today, you know, going over to visit my friend. We already said this once, but we'll say it again. I go over to Rafa's house to just check in. He's like, I tell him yesterday, I said, hey, listen, I'm just snoozing in the afternoon. It's like, I'm trying to keep my eyes awake after we get done with these shows, but I can't. It's really difficult. It's almost as if someone's given me a narcotic. It really is, that somatic response is so heavy.

And I said, it sucks. I mean, not that I was ever particularly wakey-bakey, but I, you know, and I like to take- It's that afternoon crash. It's that afternoon crash, and it's terrible, and I hate it, and I know it probably has something to do with the coffee I'm drinking, or the terrible food that I'm eating,

or what a cream and cereal, whatever. But I said to myself, I was just sharing this with him and he's like, oh, I got the biohack of all biohacks, bro. Yes, he does. And I'm like, listen, I love my brother, Raphael. There's like, we're certainly, we're maybe even married in some other life and we're just like, car-matically twisted up together and we're never going to leave each other. But he does have a biohack every third day. Like, there's a new biohack, there's something new.

He's one of those guys, to his credit, always trying something new, always trying to figure it out. To my discredit, I'm always doing the same thing, never wanna be bothered. But when he starts talking about biohacks, I get extra sleepy, I'm like, okay, Ralph, I got it. Yeah, you gotta say it. I get extra sleepy. No,, I get extra sleepy. I'm like, okay, Raphael, I got it. I get extra sleepy. Now I'm just extra sleepy. But he says, listen, you gotta just do yourself

a favor, drop the kid off at school, get your ass over to my house, and then I'm gonna give you this super amino acid shake with a double shot of mushrooms. Not the kind of mushrooms you're thinking about, but just like regular mushrooms. And then you're gonna try my Shakti Mat. And I'm like, your Shakti Mat, what is that? It's basically a bed of nails. And I'm like, oh. That's one way to wake you up. That sounds refreshing.

Let me take a dip in a bed of nails. What are you fucking talking about, dude? And he's like, it's this mat that replicates the bed of nails, it's not really nails, but it's like nails, but it'll feel like nails. And I'm like, okay, I'm not, I don't know what. I got a bad back as it is, and I can go laying down on a bed of nails on purpose

at 8 15 in the morning. So I get up there, I go, hugs and kisses, hey, how you doing? And it's been a minute since we've seen each other face to face. And so when I walk into the kitchen, Chelsea greets me, his wife greets me at the door, and then we walk into the kitchen,

and then Rafa is literally on the floor on this mat and he's like zoned out and he's like, oh, hey brother. And Chelsea's like, do you want me to help you up? Because he's on this Shakti mat. And he's like, no, no, no, let me do it myself this time. And I'm like, if you have to be helped up from this mat, I'm not sure that's like the kind of biohack I'm looking for. I already need to be helped up in the mornings, you know what I'm saying? Yes. So he gets up, gingerly gets up, and then he turns around to put his shirt on, because his shirt's off. He turns around to put his shirt on, and there are literally thousands of little pinpoints in his back. His back is bright red. I mean, bright red. Like, it hurts so bad to look at it. Now,

I don't know if I want to even like touch the thing, let alone lay on it. But he convinces me. And I, okay, I'm gay. Did you have to get naked? I took my shirt off, which I'm sure is exactly what Chelsea wanted to see at 8.15 in the morning. A strange man in her, not a strange man, but you know, a very familiar man with his shirt off. That's not what I was looking for this morning, but okay, Brian, go for it. So I take my shirt off and then he's telling me

how to get on this mat where I should position my body. And I slowly start to lay down. But it's kind of one of those things like jumping into a cold pool, which he does, by the way, also. He's like a cold plunge kind of guy, right? He's been taking cold showers for years now. And I'm like, dude, I get in a cold shower for one minute

and I'm done for the year. I'm like, that was enough. Please don't let my hot water go out because I don't know that I'll survive. I'm like 40 minutes in a hot shower kind of guy. That's what I am. He's like, no, two minutes of a cold shower, that's all you need.

And I'm like, oh fuck, how do you even get clean in two minutes? He does not wash his legs. No, he definitely doesn't wash his legs. So I start to like roll my back. You know, I sit down on my butt and I start to roll my back on this and the pain level goes to 11 immediately because they really are like nails. They are razor sharp. And I just roll my back down. Then I just kind of plop down on it because it hurts so bad. The first part hurts so bad that I'm like, fuck it, just get into it. So I kind of plopped down on the mat and he wants me to put it where my head goes on it too. I don't have any fucking hair. And so it's going right into the skin on the back of my head.

On your scalp. Yeah. And that part was very uncomfortable. Like it hurt like a son of a bitch. So now he's like walking me through this whole experience, right? He's like, okay, a bunch of people have tried this. Don't worry about it. You can make it a minute. You're doing good. You get it two minutes. You start to feel the pain will start to go away. At minute number three, it's going to be intense pain. And I'm like, this is an intense pain? Minute number three, I got to wait through three minutes to get more pain? What is this, a contraction or a shock demat? I don't know

what's going on here. But minute number four, it'll all start to melt away. And then you're going to feel like a heat, like a real heat sensation. And that's when the magic is happening. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure when your body is in pain, 11 out of 10, and it feels hot, that means you've been like bitten by a rattlesnake or something. That doesn't mean you're about to feel better. But you know, he's convinced me that, you know, this is going to happen. And as if, as if he was inside my body, that's exactly

what happened. Minute number one, completely uncomfortable. You want to jump out of your skin. Minute number two, a little bit better, but not great. Like you're, you're go down to a nine. Minute number three, you jump up because now your body's really alive. There's a bunch of blood back there. The nerves are firing off. Minute number four, you start to numb out, and then you get this really hot sensation, and that hot sensation feels good, probably because you've been in intense pain for the last three and a half fucking minutes,

and now your body's like, fuck it, let's just shut down all the receptors. Yeah, the pain receptors in your brain are like, nope, overload. Oh my God. And so, but then, Chrissy, we get to minute number seven, and now I'm feeling something that I really don't remember feeling before.

It's not a narcotic feeling. It's not like I'm on drugs, but it is a wave of calm and, but an energy also. And now my eyes are starting to close and my arms are feeling floaty. And I'm like, wow, okay. And he's like, dude, just get it. If you can get to 10, just get to 10. I mean, you know, I don't think we're gonna get to 10 the first time, but get to 10 if you can get to 10. I sail past 10. I'm into 12, 13, and I'm like, I don't want to get up. I want

to like take a nap here. This is incredible. This feels really great. So, I shock demorning it, and then he's like, okay. And then he's like, okay, now you, you, you. At some point, I'm like, okay, I actually have things to do today, so I can't lay on the shock de-mat all day, making myself bleed. And so I said, can you help me up? Because I don't want to do this on my own. And so he helps me up, the nerves fire off again, there's another wave of pain,

and then it goes away very quickly. Now you can feel that some, you know, you've been laying on this bed of nails. So he's like, all right, now it's time for the amino acid drink, you know, he's like, slam it. I'm like, I don't want to slam it. What am I, three? I'm not going to slam it. Yeah, shoot it. But it's a whole cup. It's like 14 ounces. So I drink it as fast as I feel comfortable doing it at 830 in the morning. And so I drink it and then we just kind

of wander around the house. He's showing me some stuff they did with the house or whatever. And I, Chrissy, like, I felt great. I felt fucking fantastic. I was like, this is amazing. Something worked. Rafa has given me so many biohack tips. Some of them I've tried and some of them I've just left by the wayside. Like the cold plunge and all that bullshit. And he was like, no, it's not for me.

I'm telling you right now, it's completely uncomfortable. I'm not interested. I don't care if after six minutes you feel better. I don't want to be in cold water for six minutes, but I'm telling you what, after all of the biohacks and all of the parties in the woods and all the whatever's and whatever's, he finally found something that I think for me personally works and I want one of those shock deminers now. Well, the real test is going to be here this afternoon coming up soon. Oh no, I'm already feeling tired. I don't think it, I'm saying it worked in that moment.

You know what I'm saying? I think I need the shock. I think I need another round of the shock. Maybe that's what you do in the afternoon when you're feeling tired. That's when you jump on it. He was telling me. And then all of your 30 kids will come jump on top of you too. Oh my God. Well, that was the thing. See, the funny thing about Rafa and Chelsea is we've known each other for so long And then all of your 30 kids will come jump on top of you too. Oh my God. Well, that was the thing. See, the funny thing about Rafa and Chelsea is we've known each other for so long.

And they used to live in Costa Rica. When they moved back here to Atlanta, they had... Fuck that dog. I swear to God. I was just about to talk about a dog and Blue's already jealous. They got a little puppy. Like one afternoon, we were all like me and his... I remember that little puppy.

Me and his family like wandering through some fest of like afternoon festival in Duluth or somewhere. And this lady was selling dogs, like selling Maltese dogs. He had like five of them in this little cage. And she was like, oh, I'll give you one for three thousand dollars or whatever. And so they ended up picking one. They ended up picking a dog and grabbing it. They named that dog Suki.

And so but then they had to go back to Costa Rica at times for extended trips, like week, two, three, whatever. So, I would either stay at the house. I was single at the time, very single, nowhere close to being, you know, with anybody. And so, they would ask it, they would just say, we're leaving. And I'd be like, oh, I'll watch Suki. So, I would stay at their house. Suki's cute. Suki would come over to my house. Suki is adorable, a little Maltese, we're leaving. And I'd be like, oh, I'll watch Suki. So I would stay at their house. Suki is cute. Come over to my house. Suki is adorable, a little Maltese, a little fluffball. And so Suki and I really bonded when she was a puppy, puppy. And I loved her. And then I spent

many years, we worked together and I would go over to the house almost on a daily basis. And Suki would always be there. And Suki was my buddy. I was on that shock dem mat. And when I came in the house, when I first got to the house, Suki was so excited to see me, hadn't seen me in a year. She was like whimpering. She was like flipping all around, jumping on me, you know, licking my hand. And so I spent some time petting her. And then I, I, I get on that Shakti mat in about seven minutes in all of the sudden, you could hear Rafa going, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Laughing, talking loudly or having dogs on your belly. Not a good idea if you're on the Shakti mat.

Yeah, maybe do that in private. No, yeah, if I'm gonna be on that Shakti mat, it is definitely gonna be with that door locked for fucking sure. That biohacked worked, I like that. I'm giving that Shakti mat a shout out. I might have to try it. Yeah, I think they're like, you know, 40 to $80,

depending on what like configuration you get. And they have different types of them where you can get one with a lot of needles in them or a lot of these, I don't know what they call them, but they're little round things that have sharp edges coming out of them. It's like almost like it looks like a gear with sharp edges coming out of them.

And you can get like the light, medium or heavy. And the heavy one apparently has one like every millimeter. And then the medium one has a more spaced out and then the light one has a more spaced out. So anyway, whatever configuration you get, I'm gonna give a shout out to shock you man I've only tried it once but it made me feel wonderful. Maybe it was just I got to forget for 15 minutes about my life Now I want you to try it when you feel tired.

Oh my God. Yeah, I'm going to try it when I feel tired and see if A, it puts me to sleep or B, it wakes me back up. One of the two. I'm starting to do it with my shirt on. That would probably feel better. What if I put like a pad on top of it and then I do it and then I fall asleep? And the answer is like, what are you doing?

And I'm like, I'm on my Shakti mat. Shakti time. Shakti, Shakti. You know, I'm a son of a bitch without my Shakti, Shakti. I'm up to two hours, hon. Be back in a minute. Ohm. What if I just record myself saying ohm

and just loop it and then ohm, ohm. Astrid walks by and she's like, oh, yeah, the sound bowl. Ding. Oh, he's on the Shakti mat. Don't bother him, he's on the Shakti mat. Meanwhile, I'm in here on like, you know, one of those mattresses you get in the mail, like... Yeah, afternoon naps help as well.

You're tired. Oh my God. That's exactly right. I wish I could, I wish I was afforded afternoon naps. Sometimes, sometimes it happens. A nap is, I've been a big nap fan for a long time. My mom was a napper. My whole family's napper, not my dad, but my whole family were nappers.

And I love a good nap. And I just need it for like 20, 30 minutes. That's it. Yes, but it takes me about 20 or 30 minutes to get my brain in a position where it's nap time. Sometimes, sometimes I'm so fucking tired that I just go in and I'm done, right? But a lot of times it's like I gotta spin out

some of the bullshit that's in my head, especially like after we do a show or something, I'm always like, you know, rewinding the show and so it takes a little bit. But let me tell you a little, Oh, it is. It, those like 20 minute power naps, you know, Einstein only naps. He only naps. Yep.

And I guess with a brain like that, you can't waste too much time. Huh? If you're going to be blessed with that brain, I guess you don't want to waste too much fucking time. Um, but let me tell you a funny thing about this, about visiting Rafa and Chelsea. So, Suki is running around like a mad woman, then eventually she calms down and she's laying under this table that they have that's right next to me on the shock team mat. And at one point, after I get up and I'm drinking this thing, she goes, like that. And Chelsea's like, Suki, stop it.

And she looks at me and she goes, she's getting old. I think she's getting senile. She barked once. And I go, oh, what do you mean? Like, how old is she? She's 12, 13 years? Yeah, about 12, 13 years. And I go, but she just barked once. And she's like, I know, so annoying. Sorry about that. I apologize. And I'm like, you're fucking sorry about what? I go, that happens three times a second at my house. What are you talking about? It just made me realize how miserable all that barking is. You should be ashamed of yourself. Settle down to the crate for you for the rest of the day. How dare you talk out of turn. Meanwhile, I got earplugs I wear around the house, trying to dry out the noise. Oh my God. It did make me realize just how fucked up the situation is with Blue. Just how fucked up it is. It gave you a little perspective.

It did. It gave me a little bit of perspective. All right. I got lots to talk about. It's going to be a fun episode. Stay tuned. We'll be right back. All right. Thank you. Oh my God, Christina, you're an icon and a legend. That's my impression of you when I tell you that you can officially get tickets to come see us in Florida. We'll be at Daniel Beach Improv on September 24th and the Funny Bone Orlando on September 25th.

And both of those links are already in the show notes. So come see us and giggle your way into our little hearts. If you can't make it to Florida to win our love, don't worry, we're easy. All it takes is to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Or you can text us at 212-433-3TCB and check out our website tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio video content and any sneaky links

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. No matter what you're going through, you are never alone. Join me on my podcast, From the Heart, with Rachel Breitham every Friday. Each episode is like sitting down with your best friend for a cup of coffee. From self-care tips to inspiration for healing, this podcast offers the chance to return to nature, return to community and return to who you are at your core. Straight from my heart to yours. Listen to and follow From the Heart with Rachel Braitham on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Hmm. Brian just jumped on his Shakti mat. I just jumped on my Shakti mat. Wow, we were gone. Because I got a terrible headache while we were talking. I have to, I saw this real, you know that girl, Adina Menzel? Yes. The girl who sang Let It Go, that song that will never be out of any parent's head for

the rest of their lives. Right. I mean, one of my daughters, and I have daughters behind her, but the daughter, I mean, she just loves that song. Anytime we have on Spotify and it's her turn to play, it's nine times out of 10, it's Let It Go, right? Which is a beautiful song. It's a lovely song, you know, but when you've heard it for the seven millionth time and it's her turn to play. It's nine times out of ten it's Let It Go, right? Which is a beautiful song. It's a lovely song, you know? But when you've heard it for the seven millionth time, it's a little much. But this lady, Idina Menzel, who I know everybody

knows, has got a beautiful voice. She was in high school. Was she in High School Musical? Or what was that show? No, I didn't watch it. Glee? Was she in Glee? Maybe. I think maybe she was. I might be completely wrong about this. I don't watch it. Glee? Was she in Glee? Maybe. I think maybe she was. I might be completely wrong about this. I don't want to be completely wrong about this.

She's a lovely singer. Anyway, I saw a video where she goes down to Orlando. Yeah, you look it up while I talk. I saw a video where she goes down to Orlando and does a live show because she goes out and she does, she tours because she's got this beautiful voice. And of course you're down in Orlando. You're in the land of Disney. Close to the bone. Close to the bone.

Close to the bone. I don't think she was at the bone. There's about 30,000 people there, but she might have been. She might be the shy, who knows? Maybe she's playing the bone. She could be opening for us at the bone after this performance I saw. So she is doing a performance of Let It Go, down in Orlando, where all the magic happens, where let it go, you know, you get it. And she goes to hit that high note, right? You know, whatever. The one.

Yeah, the one. You know the one in the song. I'm not even trying to replicate it. No, don't. It's making my headache worse. And she goes to hit it and she fails miserably. I mean, she's so off note, she's so out of tune. It's terrible, it sounds horrible. So then the video cuts,

this is an audience member that's taking this video, the video cuts and she goes, I don't normally do this, but okay Orlando, I'm gonna take it from the top, we're gonna try this again, right? She does it again. She fails miserably the second time. She's so off key. She's out. She just can't hit the note. Her voice is not going there. And this is like a professionally trained singer. She's, you know, she, you

would think they practice this a few times in rehearsal. Yeah, I'm looking at her, her list here and I can't, it's very, very long. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's in Wicked. Oh, she's in Wicked. That's what she was in, Wicked. Okay. The original version of Wicked on Broadway. Okay.

So she does it a third time, can't do it. Does it a fourth time, can't do it. Does it a fifth time, cannot do it. All the while making jokes. And so finally she's like, listen, it's a hard song to sing and it's really hard to sing live, but no one is being, no one's upset. They're kind of laughing at this point, right? And she's like, you do it. How about you fucking do it, right? And so the band plays, and the audience hits it dead on. I mean, however many people are there,

it looked like an arena to me. So let's say 12 or 13,000 people, they hit it. And I mean, they hit it well. It was like, oh, wow, there's some singers in that audience. They hit it well. But then she just kind of laughs it off. How fucking professional is it to just like seize the moment where you're obviously your instrument is your voice and your voice is not doing great. Compare that with like Corey Feldman. Yeah.

Who just slacks. Well, we still don't know if he is the joke. He knows he's the joke. Compare that with like Corey Feldman. Yeah. Who just like. Well, we still don't know if he is the joke. He knows he's the joke. I don't think so. He's doing the joke or if he's on the joke. I know this episode has not aired yet. Like as we're saying this, this episode has not aired yet, but we had a debate with one of our celebrity guests who will be coming up very shortly. She did an interview with Corey Feldman. She knew him. They grew up in the same,

they were in the same kind of acting circles. And she interviewed him recently and I said, is he in on the joke or is he not in on the joke? And she goes, well, listen to the interview that I did and you'll figure it out, but I think he knows, right? He must because he's not dumb. He reads the comments. He sees the things he does that, you know, he's not dumb. He reads the comments. He sees the things. He does it. You know, he's not dumb. The question is, does he mistakenly still believe that he's got the talent or does he just keep going? Riding the wave. Riding the wave. Either or is not wrong. He's on tour with Smash Mouth. He's on tour with Limp Bizkit, Smash Mouth.

We just saw Smash Mouth. Sorry. Smash Mouth is six feet under. Sorry. The guy died. Another great gone. Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Sinead O'Connor Prince, the guy from Smash Mouth. I don't mean to make fun. I thought you were on tour with. Oh yeah, he's on tour with the remaining members of Smash Mouth, which I think pretty much were the one guy from Smash Mouth. Anybody can name, first of all, the singer from Smash Mouth, second of all, any of the other members of Smash Mouth. It's like does anybody know the Blowfish?

You know who Hootie is, but does anybody know the Blowfish? Yeah, Darius Rucker. No, I know but who's the Blowfish? Oh, right, cuz he was Hootie. Who are the Blowfish? I actually don't think he was Hootie. I think he said one time, I'm not Hootie. And I was about to say, that's a... I don't know, I don't know about that name. Where did you go to school? Ole Miss? Got it, 10-4. And I was about to say, that's a, I don't know, I don't know about that name. Where did you go to school? Ole Miss?

Got it, 10-4. Speaking of Ole Miss, anyway, Corey Feldman, I got, I'm building a Corey Feldman breakdown of all of these appearances that he's doing. And what gets me every time is that every concert he does what he calls a shred, where he does a guitar solo for like three and a half minutes. It is obvious to anyone that has ever picked up a guitar with any kind of musicality whatsoever, that this is not a shred. This is him just plucking the strings

while his fingers go up and down, like a three year old, right? And so that makes me think, he must be pranking us all. Like one of these days he's gonna come out and he's gonna, I don't know, he's gonna be like, I don't know, he's gonna put out like a Wu-Tang album or something. He's the missing member of Wu-Tang. I don't know. I hope so. Speaking of Old Miss, it is officially Rush season.

Yes it is. It's Rush and Dorm season. And man, do I love it. I'm here for it. I'm here for it because I can't fucking believe how spoiled these children have become. Listen, I get it. You wanna make your room as comfortable as possible. You wanna make sure that it's got all the trimmings and accoutrements that you might be used to in your home. But some of these room makeovers are ridiculous.

They go fucking nuts. This isn't like, at my age, and even though I never had a dorm room, because I never really went to college, even though I never had a dorm room, I went to dorm rooms, lots of them, and they tended to be just like Ikea pieces of, like beds that were there,

Ikea pieces of furniture that were clearly- Some Bob Marley posters. That's it, a black light maybe, maybe a glow poster somewhere, right? If you were a female, then maybe you just dolled it up a little bit more. You had like some, I don't know, some furry pens sticking out of a cup

that was nice or something like that. Furry pillow. Yeah, furry pillow. But now they got like, you know, flat screen TVs, they got thousand dollar mattresses, they got, you know, headboards that cost more than my house, they installing cabinetry and closets. And I saw one that someone built like an ensuite, they basically built like a seven by seven shower. I swear to God, Chrissy, it's fucking insane. And you're only there typically for

one year, maybe two. But I don't think they let you go much past sophomore year, do they? And the dorms, not most colleges, because they got a new crew coming in. They got to say, you got to go find your own fucking place to stay. Now we got you. You got to find your own fucking place to stay. Now you can drink, so get out of our dorms, legally anyway. But these things are crazy.

And I'm just like, because last year I got all into Bama Rush, now I'm getting served all this content, these transformations of these rooms. And it's just insane. They must spend $10,000, $20,000, $30,000. Oh, we just went through it. Yeah. How much did you spend on it? I mean... I mean, they didn't tell me like an actual dollar amount. Yeah, I mean, we didn't go too crazy, but yeah, we did like the mattress topper

and the, you know, the new sheets, bedstreads, we did do the TV, but that was because we had an extra TV and so we gave that over. You do want to do some shelving, that kind of thing. However, we did pass some rooms that people were going nuts in. Like the parents are there all day long, you know, hooking up, setting up, building, whatever, completely transforming these places. Jared Ranere And here's the problem, and it's not because

I'm angry with you. I don't, you know, I wish that I could live the life that you're living. I really do. I wish I had less responsibility, less bills, and more dorm nights. I mean, that's just the truth, right? I wish I could go to frat parties and hang out and go to cool concerts and do cool things on campus without all the book stuff or, you know, be taking tests and shit like that. But I do. A lot of kids do that their freshman year.

Yeah, of course. That's freshman year is four. Yeah, that's why a gap year is never a bad thing, right? Unless you're like me and you just, the gap year becomes a gap four decades. Gap life. Yeah, gap life. Gap life. We need to start a hashtag. Hashtag gap life. Hashtag gap decade. Or two. Astrid, make that a sticker. Write that down.

No, don't write it down. Write it somewhere. I'll write it in the notebook. Write it in the notebook so you remember that. Gap life. Okay, so you have a gap life like I do, then you're, yeah, I'm a little bit jealous of all the wonderful plushings that you have and your fucking shit, but here's why I'm really upset. Because now I got a kid that's going to big school, and big school means lockers, right? And I don't mean like these in a high school or something like that. I mean, he's in a high school or something like that. I mean, he's just in his school, but they give him a cubby.

And then when they get to a certain grade, then they give them a locker, right? So in two years, he's gonna have a locker. Right now he has a cubby. But there are already parents who are taking cues from this fucking trend of decking out everything in thousand dollar Coco Chanel leather, having a fucking espresso machine and a bullet, a ninja in your fucking cubby so that you get

your daily nutrients. I mean, I swear to God, you're going to have Japanese vending machines in some of these, they'll even vend you some Shakti mat when you need a nap. It's crazy. So there are now parents that I've seen do this for these lockers with the children. I don't mind some, I don't know, some old Christmas wrapping paper you have that looks cool, put that around the thing and dangle a cute little disco ball. Cool. looks cool, put that around the thing, and dangle a cute little disco ball, cool. But when you're literally installing chargers

and cabinetry and all this shit, Target has a whole section for locker decorations. What? What? Do you know what my locker looked like? It looked like the locker of a kid who was about to drop out of high school. That's what it looked like.

I had a shelf, that was it. Yeah, I didn't have anything, I didn't buy anything for it. I literally put my book bag down. I threw my, I had one of those big lockers in high school and I would just throw my books on top, throw my book bag down on the bottom. There were, one time I went to school,

I think it was my freshman year, I went to school and I found a grilled cheese sandwich from day one on the last day cleaning that shit up. I was just like, wow. In a baggie. Yeah, in a brown paper bag all greased out and all that shit. By the way, Velveeta cheese lasts a year.

Oh, okay. What I don't care for is that now I have to keep up with the fucking Joneses. Yes you do, you're going to have to. Yeah, I'm gonna have toes. I don't know, install a transformer or something. Yeah. And I'm not one of those dads. I mean, luckily Astrid's here, but I'm not one of those dads. I'm not like cutesy like that. Hey son, they're going to put, you know, I don't know.

Wait, I have a solution. I just thought of this. All you have to do is time Daniel's visit. Aye. Aye. You can wake up, whip up something real quick. True, true. If we rely on Daniel, it might be Jack Daniel's and antique guns. But Astrid will do something cutesy, especially when the girls start going to school and they get their lockers.

Yeah. It's going to be a whole different thing then. I mean, it's just like you're renting a room it's like you're renting a room at the school. It's called your locker and you can do whatever you want with it. It is literally insane. I mean, to be fair, the school that my son is going to, it's rather tame. It's not that crazy, but I'm thinking to myself, like, you have to hire an interior fucking decorator for these lockers now.

That's what you have to do. And the cubbies. Yeah. You know, those girls. Are the cubbies getting decked out too? No, the cubbies don't get decked out. Now you can put a little sticker like you know They can come off like a little magnet sticker or whatever whatever they call them. You know a little decal on their name We should bring in 21 EPM sticker. Oh, yeah, the kids are gonna love that. Wait till the parents find out who his daddy is. Vest to you! Vest to you! 21 EPMs. What does that mean? Electrical pulses per minute. We have a show, the commercial break is a show about neon signs. You know those commercial signs you see outside? Commercial signs. Don't even bother listening,

no one does. Haven't made an episode in two hours. Haven't made a new episode in seven minutes. Why would you? It's stale as soon as it goes out the door. 21 APMs. Oh yes. That's a classic. I would now rather- Or the one, the Teresa Caputo one with your face on. Oh yeah, yeah. With my face on it. You know that's good. Poor kid. Yeah, poor kid. That's my daddy. Yeah. Kids are going to start putting them on their backpacks. Look at this idiot. That's

my daddy. Your daddy is an old Jewish woman from New Jersey. With a beard? That's kind of weird. I'm picturing it now. Yes. You know, those Bama girls, I'm not even kidding. I'm sure that some of these people hired interior decorators to help them out. They must have. I don't think everybody is Joanna fucking Gaines. I saw one with shiplap on the goddamn, I was like, shiplap? They put shiplap up? That's a thing? You can put shiplap on dorm room walls?

No way. Hello. Yeah, but you know, the Bama Rush girls, they hire those consultants to help them get in. I sure hope they do a Bama Rush too. I mean, but I can't imagine anybody would volunteer to be a part of that after Bama Rush one. I can't imagine anybody would volunteer to be a part of that after Bammer Rush won. I can't imagine anybody would volunteer

to be in a Netflix documentary about that. But it is so fascinating. You know, I saw is Heather McMahon. Oh yeah, we love her. Yeah, she put together a reel where there was old pictures of her at Old Miss. And it was something about, you know, one time there was a legend

and that legend existed on your campus. and blah, blah, blah, blah. And for one night only, she will be coming back and can she please bring Blue down there with her and leave her there? You know what you can get for your dorm room? A little Yorkie. Her name is Blue. Chivi, hey, listen, don't worry. None of the frat guys will fuck with you.

This guy, this girl right here, she'll keep them way away. However, you may get kicked out after two days. Noise complaint. Yeah, this girl is no suki-su, that's for sure. Yep. Yep, yep, yep. But go on the reels and check out the, check out, I'm waiting for the Rush material to start coming out. I'm sure that my algorithm will find it.

My algorithm is on fleek right now. Oh, I bet. It is so fucking fantastic. I am being served up zero views, zero hearts, zero shares kind of content on a regular basis. And I have perfected the Instagram and TikTok algorithm. Perfected it to the point where it, you know, there's a lot of people on this earth and not all of them are well.

And some of them... That is quite possibly one of the funniest and truest things I've ever said on this show. I don't know how many people are there, none of them are well. Some of them are not well. You know, like famous musicians will say, I don't know how I played that solo, like God just came down and filled my hands. God just filled my mouth. There are a lot of people that are,

some of them are not well. And all of the ones that are not well are on TikTok and Instagram. And now they have found my inbox. Yes. It is fucking insane, Chrissy. I mean, there's this guy and he's got one reel that's probably got, I don't know, I think last time I saw it, it was at like 7,000, 8,000 views, which listen, is way better than the commercial break has ever done, so I'm not here to throw stones. But he's got one. So he had one like almost semi a little bit viral,

for him probably very viral. And he videotapes himself in the gym all the time. Now, the gym looks like a big apartment building gym, but there's always people in the gym. There's always somebody in the gym with him. So it's got to be a big building. And the way that this guy, this guy always has some kind of like eighties cereal t-shirt on, but not like those trendy ones you get at wherever Spencer Spencer's Gifts or something like that. We're talking actual cereal t-shirts from the 1980s when he could fit in them.

And his gut is just hanging out like this. He's got these big horn rim glasses. I mean, it's obvious that the guy, something is not well with the guy. But I don't know if he realizes that he is creating some of the greatest Instagram content I have ever seen. The other day he takes,

and he'll always put the name of the exercise that he's doing, which is, it's just made up. Like, I mean, it's not real. The other day it was bar shoulder rolls. And I'm like, okay, bar shoulder rolls. Like, you know, you roll, you take the bar, you put some weights on it, you do some shoulder rolls. Right, strengthen up, okay, bar shoulder rolls. Like, you know, you roll, you take the bar, you put some weights on it, you do some shoulder rolls. Right. Strengthen up your whatever that muscle is.

He is taking this heavy, you know, the big heavy weightlifter empty bars and he's rolling them over his shoulder behind his back, but it keeps falling and he keeps falling. He's doing this for like six and a half minutes. And I just could not stop laughing. I was like, Oh my God, this guy is brilliant. And then he comes up to the camera and he'll be like, do it yourself. It says some kind of like halfway inspirational kind of, do yourself. Okay, buddy. Someone's going to get hurt. And there's always someone in the background, like looking at him for a second, but then they just kind of move on, which makes me believe that he's such a regular

at this institution that they're not even bothered by his presence anymore. They just know he's off. Oh, that's Bob. The other day he had two big dumb bells, and I'm gonna say there was like maybe 40 pounds on each. And he said, floor rolls. And I was like, floor rolls, what are those?

Like, I was thinking like you go, like you try and do like a pushup, but then you roll out with the 40 pounds and you roll back in with it. So you're really working your pecs, right? No, he takes his leg and he rolls it across three feet. And he takes his other leg and he pushes it across another three feet.

He keeps on doing it over and over again. He's kicking the dumbbells across the floor. Floor rolls, floor rolls. And then, you know, try it at home. Do it yourself. Try it at home. Wow. Get in shape. I'm going to see if I can find this guy. Oh my God, he's brilliant. Okay. Let's take a break and then we'll be back. You already know who it is. Christina here to keep you actually informed, unlike some people we know, Brian.

I've got certified, verified factual information about our Florida shows, so listen up. We are coming to Dania Beach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th and The Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 24th and The Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. And links to those tickets are in the show notes, so go get them. In other completely new and interesting news, you should follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Chrissy that I am a pretty pretty princess, or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB.

That's 212-433-3822. Bye! Shop Best Buy's ultimate smartphone sale today. Get a Best Buy gift card of up to $200 on select phone activations with major carriers. Visit your nearest Best Buy store today. Terms and conditions apply. I was not fucking kidding. You're right. I was not kidding.

You're right. Oh, this one says Barbell Flow. Oh, let me turn off the music here so I'm not fucking kidding. You're right. I was not kidding. You're right. Oh, this one says Barbell Flow. Let me turn off the music here so I'm not... Okay. His name is... I don't want to say his name. Yeah. Okay, here. Pistol squat. He's sitting in a chair and then kicking up his leg. Ready? Watch. That looks like he's wearing pajama pants.

He is wearing pajama pants. And he's got a teenage mute. He's just said, fuck. He sat down and said, fuck. Yeah, you can tell he's filming it too from like the floor. Just do a regular piston squat. This has got 58 legs. Okay. Look, here he puts Noah,

Noah Lyle, that guy doing the, oh no, this is the hurdle guy. He does, oh here, he's about to do some floor rolls. Oh my God. Olympics, fitness accountability is what he puts. Fitness accountability. Look at this, look at this. He's got one on his leg. Oh my God.

He has tied a barbell to his leg and he's trying to lift it up onto his foot. Oh my God, this is awesome. Oh, you'll forever be a hero. Oh, goddamn, Chrissy, my algorithm is just so important to me. I don't know what I'd do without it. I have crafted that thing over years and years and years. It's no longer when you hit the search button, do you see all girls in micro bikinis with moose knuckles. It's no longer that. Now you get a good mix of a lot of things. You'll still get an occasional micro bikini, but I've tried to wean those down.

You know, I got you. It's just the AI girls. Yeah, it's just the AI girls that you follow forever and ever. Oh my gosh. That's just the AI girls that you follow forever and ever. Oh my gosh. I wanted to talk about this funny thing that happened to me the other day. What is going on?

Is there an actual earthquake? Or is that just- It was just one in LA. 15 children running up and down the hallway at the exact same time. It was 15 children, yes. Oh my God, I ran into my bathroom the other day. I had been taking this... I know this is going to sound dumb the second that I say it, but okay, I'm going to say it.

I'll just tell you what it is. Every time that my in-laws come into town, they bring me medication from Venezuela. That's right. The medication is... They'll bring a Moxicillin, they'll bring Penicillin, because you can buy it right off the store shelves there. So they just buy it and they say, oh, here if you need it. I mean, I'd prefer to get a prescription,

but okay, I can see under certain circumstances, there has been an occasion where someone has been sick with like, you can clearly see like an ear infection, like stuff draining out of your ear. Okay, give them some, start them on a Moxacillin while we wait for two days to get to the doctor or whatever. So they're not in so much pain. But then they also bring this stuff,

and I'm not gonna name it by name, but let's call it Colbay. Colbay. Okay? It's Colbay. And they bring this Colbay, and it is a non-narcotic muscle relaxant with ibuprofen mixed in.

Sounds good. So they brought it to me one time, knowing that I was having a back issue and I won't take narcotic pain medication or anything like that. So they bring it to me and they say that I was having a back issue and I won't take narcotic pain medication or anything like that. So they bring it to me and they say, you can get this over the counter there. It's really good. A lot of people swear by it, whatever. So I take it, lo and behold, I have a good night's sleep. I wake up the next day, I feel a little bit better. So then every time they come now, they bring me four or five boxes of this stuff. And so,

you know that I've been having a lot of trouble with my back and my hip lately, and I won't take like narcotic muscle relaxers. Not because I'm against it, but because I'm so old, it affects me. It feels like a bad hangover for four days if I take one flexorill. So I'm like, let me take some Colbay. So I take Colbay and I take it every night for like two weeks because I'm really hurting. But I know that it helps me sleep a little bit better because it relaxes my muscles in my trunk, which is, you know, my trunk, my big dick, my big pole vaulting dick, my AI cock. So I'm running down the hallway with the kids the other day, running, running, running, running, running, up and down, up and down, up and down. And I shouldn't be doing that in the first place, but okay, I have kids, I can't stop

living life. And I step into my bathroom and it feels like I'm falling on a, like a roller coaster, like one of those free fall roller coasters for at least a good three seconds. It feels like the floor is falling, like I'm dropping, like the floor is falling out from under me. And I'm like, whoa. And then for the next hour, I am so twisted up. I feel like I'm on a boat. Like it's like literally rocking back and forth. And I am so discombobulated for the next hour. I don't

really tell Astrid because I don't really know what's going on. I'm always not telling Astrid about stuff and then ending up in the hospital. So way too late, right? The doctor will be like, well, why didn't you come two hours ago? Well, I don't know. I thought the heart attack had already happened. I thought the worst of the heart attack was over. So it was the weirdest sensation. So then I go Googling this call bay. I'm like, okay, I never really Googled to see what this shit is all about. I mean, I did, but I did a cursory just to make sure it wasn't like something super dangerous. And then it's like, may affect your DNA,

may cause your DNA to change. And I'm like, what? DNA? Yes, never take it for more than three days in a row. You know, there's all these like black box warnings and I'm like, holy shit, you can buy this over the counter in Venezuela? Yes, you can.

And it's got all these warnings. And one of them is that taking it for too long may indeed cause you to get all twirled up in your head. Like it might cause this weird sensation. And I was like, Oh, that's good. So I had to stop taking that too. So now I don't have any fuck. Now I just have ibuprofen. Fuck that. Okay. So here's a funny whatever bed. Ah, he must be doing his Shakti. Ding. Meanwhile, I'm in here blowing rails. Whoa! Shakti!

That'll help your tiredness. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's good. I'm afraid to take flexerill, but blowing rails. That's good. I've had enough flexerill to kill a horse in my life. Okay.

That's not the story that I wanted to tell you though. The other day, we went out of town, our lovely, lovely neighbors, the neighbor lottery that we hit with the people that live next door. It was unbelievable. And now we're all good friends and we love each other and we do anything for each other.

They're the kind of people that I would absolutely trust to come in my home and open my safe and get something out of it for me. You know what I'm saying? That's that kind of neighborly. It's almost friends-like, only we call each other before we come over because it's 2024 and no one just really just comes over and opens the door anymore. So, while we were gone, they did a few things for us. We had a few packages show up we didn't expect. We had some mail that was packed, whatever, you know, the things, take the trash can back into

the house or whatever. And so, they have always done super nice stuff for us, like they bring presents for the kids' Christmas, they remember birthdays, they do super duper sweet stuff that, quite frankly, I don't expect girlfriends to do for me after a while. Like, after a while, I'm like, if you remember my birthday, that's a plus. But they do it, they're so kind and generous and thoughtful. So So for once in my miserable fucking selfish life, I'm like, Astrid, we need to do something nice. Yeah. Because they have been so good to us and we can't let this one slide. We got to make sure we do something. We do it quickly. I don't know what in the hell is going on outside.

But it sounds bad. Sounds like someone's running out of the house because there's a fire. I don't know if you can hear it on the microphone. I'm probably sure you can. Anyway, so I say, hey, we got to just do something, just something little. All right. Well, so they have like extreme food allergies in the family. And so we can't like, we thought about crumble cookies. Now that doesn't work, blah, blah, blah. So what we settle on is a nice pie-like dessert from a bakery and a card, and their daughter is getting ready to go off to college to live in a dorm also. So we say, why don't we give the dessert to say thank you, but then also think about this,

what must be a tough moment for everybody involved, a transition moment for everybody involved, and give her some cash, a little bit of cash, so that she, or a gift card, so she can go and get something nice for herself. Yeah, that's sweet. We thought about things we could get, but then some of them just ended up being creepy and all this other stuff. So. Exactly.

Yeah, you second-guess yourself completely out of it to a gift card. That's right. So my beautiful wife and I just celebrated eight years of marriage. That's right. Last week. And, you know, it's eight years of marriage

and Astrid and I are not like big, we're not Valentine's Day people, anniversaries, you know, you celebrate with a kiss, a hug, a touching memory, whatever. You don't, you know, and sometimes we go on a trip, but that's, now with kids, that's not that, we can't do that all the time. So I'm sharing this moment because I want you to know that my wife and I exchanged some words and cards and stuff like that. Beautifully written card from

Astrid. Anyway, so Astrid goes out to go see a movie the other day, the other night, Friday night, and I watch the kids and it's 7, 15, 7, 30, pie sitting in the refrigerator, card sitting on the table. And I see the neighbors out there doing the lawn. You see where this is going? I'm out there doing the lawn. Okay, all right. So. I can't wait. Shit. So my neighbor and his son, his teenage son,

you know, wave on the back deck and they come over and we're all chitting, chatting, shooting the shit. Yeah, catching up, whatever. Big boy school, oh yeah, he's going to a new school. Hi, oh my God, you're already a junior in high school. Whatever, okay, Okay. Bye bye bye. Yeah, good to see you. We haven't seen him that much this summer. You have a good summer. Yeah, thanks for doing all that stuff. Yeah, no problem. All right. Hey, before you leave, I got something for you and I got something for your daughter. So I go, I run in, I grab the card, I put it on top of the pie, I give it to him, my neighbor,

and then they go inside. Within seven minutes, he says, uh, I'm not sure, but I think I might have gotten the wrong card. And I was like, I look on the counter and in a same similar envelope, but with the neighbor's daughter's name on it is sitting on the kitchen table. And the other one just said nothing. It was blank. It was the same type of envelope, but it was blank. And I was like, oh shit, embarrassing moment to be, to be sure. But there wasn't anything too crazy in there. But it was like, you know, once a prince rode into town and found a lovely girl and he took her off into the sunset to marry the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever it was. Lovely card given to me by Astrid. So I'm so embarrassed, but I'm like, okay, just a little blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever it was. Lovely card given to me by Astrid. So I'm so embarrassed, but I'm like,

okay, just a little blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever. So he said, I'm gonna put it on the back deck. I said, no, I go run out there, exchange cards. I said, sorry. And he kind of goes, yeah, okay, no problem. You know, runs back inside and I run back inside. And as I'm closing the door, I'm like, oh shit. He just, I just gave that card to him

and told him it was for his daughter. Like it was Astrid's card? It was Astrid's card to me. But it was like, it was like, it could have been from any lover to any lover. It was like, you know, I don't know. Once upon a time, there were star-crossed lovers across the fence who loved each other but couldn't talk about the relationship because it was forbidden by the king. But then she finally ran off into the sunset and he chased her. With her old neighbor.

Yes, into the dorm room where they had spent entirely too much money on Etsy. And they lived out their days making children and telling the king, fuck you. I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. They got it wasn't like they got to Astrodome or anything like super sexually explicit. Yeah, I know, right? I remember when you penetrated me. Yeah, I remember when I penetrated you and life was grand. We did it behind your parents' back on the beach that one time? the first time, say hi to your dad.

Ha ha ha ha. It wasn't anything like that, but I was like, oh, motherfucker, you've got to be kidding me. It was a three page card, and the handwriting wasn't until the last page. So she could have easily opened that and started reading it and been like, oh, hey, damn. I didn't know this. Mr. Green.

Mr. Our neighbor over there. Thank God my window's on the opposite side of the house because I think Brian's loss is marbles. S swear to God. But you're finally 18. Eww! Ah, adulthood. Your flower blooms. Yes, your flower blooms. One is opening and one is shriveling. Yet somehow our love persists. Oh, well. Well, at least I don't believe it was taken that way. Give this pie to your daughter with this card.

Send my regards. Tell her not to open it until you're long gone. Tell her not to open it until you're long gone. Tell her not to open it until she gives it a dorm. I'm glad I didn't say some stupid shit like that because that's totally my style. Give it to her. Tell her to open it when she's in her dorm. She'll know why. Alone. Under the cover. She'll know why. Yes. After you guys leave. She'll know why.

Tell her she knows what to do with it. She knows what to do. Tell her to call me if she needs that special code. If she needs the receipts, I got it. Oh yes, the neighbors. And now you're stalking. Now I'm stalking their daughter. Thank God no one listens to this show that I know of.

No, they're such lovely people and I really am, you know, grateful that we know them very well. Yeah. And that it's a dear Brian and love asterisk. It didn't say, you know. Exactly. Dear this person, Love Brian. Now you might've caused a fight because now the wife may be like, let me see that. Yeah, let me, what is that?

Look at the way that he's telling her. Yeah. Look how they look, how romantic they are. Or maybe he's like, wow, she never does that for me. All I get is a request to cut the lawn again. Not anymore, buddy. You're almost free. You're almost an empty nest.

I actually almost cried the other day because we were talking about his daughter leaving the house, and he was like, it's tough, man. This is tough. I've got to be honest. I'm holding back the tears and then I was thinking about how few thousand days years I have like I wish I was there all right you know where you wish you're gonna be at the bone at the bone down in Orlando on the 25th of September on the the 24th of September, we're going to be at Dania Beach Improv, sorry, I keep messing that up,

Dania Beach Improv. So you can go to the Funny Bone Orlando website, you can go to the Dania Beach Improv website, you can get your tickets directly there, you can get them from a link on our website or a link on Instagram. Please only buy them from those three links for whatever reason that anybody

would want to scam you out of commercial break tickets. I don't know, but it's apparently is happening a lot. So be careful. Be mindful of where you buy them at and we'll see you there. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Let us know if you're going to be at those shows. We would love to meet you and say hello and all that good stuff after the show is over. We'll be entirely too wrecked ahead of the show. We'll be getting wrecked. Add the commercial break on Instagram. Please follow us, like and subscribe, all that good stuff on our YouTube channel, youtube.com slash the commercial break. And the TikTok is alive at TCB podcast. Yeah, it's alive.

All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. But I'll tell you that I love TikTok is alive at TCB podcast. Yeah, it's alive. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. But I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you. And best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I must say, we will say, and we do say, goodbye. ["The I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a

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