The Commercial Break - Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

Episode #697: It's Valentines day! Bryan tells the story of a hand made photo book from a former lover. Literally made by someone else's hand! Bryan and Krissy recall some of the best & worst Valentine's Day gifts, dates, make-ups and break ups. Plus Sarah writes in to tell TCB about her lovers cruise gone wrong!  Watch episode #697 on Youtube Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram:  @thecommercialbreak Youtube: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast Website: www.tcbpodcast.com CREDITS: Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And welcome back to WSHIT. Each year on Valentine's Day as a public service to the community of Crabapple, WSHIT provides airtime for the Crabapple Middle School students to say a few nice Valentine's Day words to their teachers. Next up is Billy. He's in sixth grade, and here's his Valentine's Day video message to Mrs. Breonna.

Hi baby girl. Everything's okay, I promise. I forgive you. It's okay, don't worry about it. Everything's gonna be okay. I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than there are grains of sand on every beach. Oh Billy, Billy, I think we should stop while we're ahead. What do you think? I need you in my life. I need you more than Billy can you hear me food to survive you mean more to me

Then does anyone have Billy's parents phone number to me than just anything you mean more to me than Golden diamonds, I think Billy is said enough. Don't you to the greediest burglar and You're just the most perfect most beautiful girl on all okay, Jim in control room, let's go ahead and cut it. I hope you enjoy watching this baby girl. Oh dear. See you at school tomorrow baby girl. I love you. Well it seems like Billy's got a growing affection for his teacher.

We'll make sure Billy gets an ankle monitor and then we'll be back to this episode of the commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break. But here's where it got terrible. As I was flipping through the pictures, looking at the photographs, getting myself all excited, I realized that she was not the person taking the photographs. Like, this was before iPhones had that capability. And on one of the photographs, there was a mirror behind her, and you could see the flash and the hand of a man.

So I was like, oh, well, thanks. These weren't meant for me. This was someone else taking nude photographs of you. Thanks. Oh, thanks. Like, I'll reuse them. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back

to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Casanova. To my Salt Bae, Chris and Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Chris and... Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. And happy Valentine's Day to those who do, to those who partake, to those who believe in love, in romance, in wooing the one you care about.

Congratulations to you. I hope you're doing something special for this day. Though Astrid and I do not make a big deal out of Valentine's Day. We don't either. Yeah, I find it to be a hallmark card kind of thing. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I hope you're doing something special for this day though Astrid and I do not make a big deal at a Valentine's Day We don't either. Yeah, I find it to be a hallmark card kind of day. You know what I'm saying? Every day is Valentine's Day. Every day should be Valentine's Day But I forget most of the days like I do on Valentine's Day now that I have daughters though I don't forget Valentine's Day. I do believe every woman should get flowers on Valentine's Day So I make make it a point of going to the store, even if it's just the cheapie roses, and I go and I get my daughters some flowers,

and I give them a little card and a kiss and a hug, and I tell them how beautiful they are, and how wonderful they are, and how smart they are, and how boys drool and girls rule. So don't even think about it. There's like a little boy who's on a face. I don't want to get into all the details because my wife hates when I give details about the family. But there's like a little boy who's been

showing up on some whatsapp phone, video phone calls attached somewhere to the family. And I feel like there's a little setup going on here. Do you know what I'm saying? And so I am very upset about this. Now both of these children aren't even old enough to speak full sentences yet, but I'm very upset. I am very upset about this. Now, both of these children aren't even old enough to speak full sentences yet, but I'm very upset. I am very protective already. I'm not surprised. I am not ready for any of this. I'm not ready for it. So, just give me five to ten decades, and I certainly will consider allowing my daughters to date another boy. I should be the most important

man in their life. Oh, you always will be. For at least a little longer, for at least a little longer. But then I was reading, and I know this is not Valentine's Day talk, but let's have a conversation. I was reading that now 15 to 17% of women, and a study done across the world, 15 to 17% of girls, excuse me, are getting their periods by the age of nine. Nine!

Wow. Nine! That's incredible! Yeah, that's really moved incredible! That is crazy! You can get pregnant at nine? I mean, I know that there have been random cases of this happening, but, you know, they're saying that all the antibiotics and the steroids that they put in the food and the plastics in our brain and all this shit is causing girls to go into puberty much earlier. And if you look at some of these guys, if you look at some of these kids today that are in high school, guys and girls, they're full grown adults. They look that way. I understand they're not like in their brain, but they physically appear to be adults. And that is scary because I have kids and I, you know, as long as they

can stay kids, be little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Enjoy the time now. I just want to enjoy the time. I don't want to have to worry about, you problems, big kids, big problems. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes, enjoy the time now. I just wanna enjoy the time. I don't wanna have to worry about, you know, and listen, I'm raising them correctly. They can handle themselves. They have autonomy.

I'm not here to play helicopter dad. But when it comes to the girls, I still, I think I'm a little old fashioned. Like I never, if you took me to a beach 20 years ago, right, I would have oohed and aod at all of the girls in the bikinis. I would have been, ooh. How about my pool at my apartment?

Yes, your pool. 15 years ago. Yes, it's bikini girl. Thong girl. Thong girl. Thong girl. That's right. Thong girl.

Thong girl. The love that never was. The love that was never meant to be because Brian was 26 bud lights in and missed the phone call. Okay, I get it. But she had a thong on and this is like, we're talking like 15 years ago, at a time when the bathing suits weren't as cheeky as they are now. Certainly there was ass hanging out in a lot of pools across the country, especially the apartment pools where the young kids live. But this girl was wearing a straight up micro bikini, a string up her butt, and she was beautiful. And I was all about it.

I couldn't get away from it actually. And so I found my, I managed to maneuver my way over the course of an afternoon and 30 Bud lights into her orbit. And we connected and then she, I missed the phone call. I just missed the phone call. She said she was going to meet us. She called. I didn't answer. But anyway, that, to me, was, now I look at these string bikinis in a totally different way. I do not look at them like, oh, wow, that woman is attractive. I look at it like, please don't let my daughter pick that bikini to wear under any circumstances. Oh, but she will.

Oh, I know she will. And it's happened to us. Astrid keeps warning me. She's like, Brian, they're going to do it regardless if you tell them not to. And the more that you tell them not to, the more they're going to want to do it. That's right. I did it. My friends did it.

My cousins did it. And that's just the way it is these days. Asses are hanging out. You're going to have to deal with it. The girls are going to want to do this and they're going to want to do this young. And so you need to learn to let it go. Like, of course we're not going to let our daughter go naked, you know, at 13 years old on the beach. She's like, but she's going to want to wear a cheeky bikini. That's just the way that it is. That's the style. And I'm like, fuck, fuck, take me back, Calgon, take me away. Take me back

to the time when I didn't have to worry about this shit. You still got some time. Okay. All right. Well, anyway, it's a day for romance and love here on the commercial break. me back, Calgon, take me away! Take me back to the time when I didn't have to worry about this shit. You still got some time. Okay. All right. Well, anyway, it's a day for romance and love here on the commercial break. We don't want to let the Valentine's Day go without talking a little bit about relationships, romance, and love, and breakups, and all the other things that come with it. So I have a story that I have been saving when we have been talking about the cruising and the potential

TCB cruise unofficial TCB cruise on the Margaritaville cruise ship and by the way people people texted in they were like we're in we're in And so I mean I know we're not really good at following through on anything outside of this studio and barely anything inside the studio But we have to take give some serious consideration to taking just like a two-day cruise, three-day cruise on a Margaritaville ship where we do an unofficial TCB cruise. Now, so we've been talking about the cruise ships a lot lately, from the incidents and accidents to, you know, bringing your loved one on the cruise isn't all about the cruise lines. From the Ritz-Carlton to the Margaritaville cruise ships, we've been having a lot of discussion about this on the show and I got a story for you. Nice. Oh, the music.

Oh, God, that just brings back memories, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. Do you know what song this is? Okay, hang tight. Here it comes. It's the lengthy version. It's the live version. It's the lengthy version. It's the live version. Love. Exciting and new. Oh yeah, bring it back. I'm bored. I'm expecting you.

And love. I mean, this is so diner. This is not even fun. This is so holiday in. Yes. Fuzzy seventies. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I mean, this is so diner. This is not even fun. This is so holiday in, fuzzy 70s, yacht rock. I just love it. All right, you ready for a story? I am ready. This is from Sarah, not indicating where she's from, but the Midwest. And she has really thought this one out.

She has done a well-written, great punctuation, perfect capitalization, lots of bold letters. Here we go. You ready? The subject is my horrible, hilarious cruise romance. Hey, Brian and Chrissy, I've finally done something so dumb. I think it qualifies to write into the show. I love you guys.

I've been listening forever and this is my first, but probably not last, cautionary tale. A few years ago, I made the mistake of going on a seven day cruise with a guy I had only been dating for three months. Three months! Three months! You need to get, whoa! Well, you're in that stage where, you know, you're like, we're in love, it's great.

My opinion, just my opinion, Sarah. You need to be at like six months to do a full seven days. That's all seven days trapped together. Yeah, do a long weekend. A long weekend. A long weekend. At a hotel where you can get away if you need to be at like six months to do a full seven days. That's all seven days trapped together. Do a long weekend. A long weekend. At a hotel where you can get away if you need to. You know what I'm saying? So we go on this seven day cruise.

Three, not three years, not even six months, three months. Let's call this guy Trevor because honestly, if you hear the story and picture him as a Trevor, it just makes smart sense. I love that. Now I know what you're thinking, why? Why would you trap yourself in the middle of an ocean with a near stranger for seven days? And to that I say, love makes you do stupid shit.

That's right. That's a good idea at the time. Okay, when Trevor first suggested the trip, I thought, wow, how romantic. I pictured Titanic level romance, minus the iceberg. Cute dinners, holding hands on the deck, maybe a towel animal or two, but what I actually got was a non-stop floating nightmare. Okay, this is where we get into bullet points, so follow me here.

Red flag number one, the packing disaster. The night before the trip, I casually asked, hey, you got everything you need? Passport, sunscreen, normal human clothes? And Trevor waved me off as if I was nagging him. Fast forward to the cruise terminal, he unzips his suitcase and reveals three pairs of swim trunks, but no shirts, one pair of flip-flops that he planned to wear everywhere including the formal nights, a PS5 controller, a single travel- bottle of three in one shampoo, conditioner and body

wash, no sunscreen. And when I pointed this out, he scoffed, I don't sunburn. And y'all he was blonde and practically translucent. Oh yeah. This is off to a great start. Red flag numero dos. Is there a P five controller? Like a PS5 controller, but there, but she notes P5 controller? A PS5 controller?

But she notes here, there was no PS5 anywhere on the boat. Why would you bring a controller if there's no PS5? Maybe wishful thinking, I guess. This is the Margaritaville cruise ship. What do we got going on here? You think they're going to give you a PS5 there? They don't even do that on Disney where you pay $20,000 for a one-day cruise. Red flag number two, he got wasted before we even left the dock.

Yeah, well, now, listen, as a former heavy drinker, I can share with you that oftentimes I was wasted before I even got out of bed, okay? So I'm not gonna knock the guy until I hear the entire story. When you're on vacation. It's like your vacation starts that morning. Yeah, it's not a red flag. It's a yellow flag. Let's say that. And if you're not drinking with him, maybe that's inches into a darker yellow flag, but it's certainly not a full red flag. Not in my opinion.

The second we boarded, Trevor sprinted toward the nearest bar like he was an Olympic athlete. And the 100 meter... 100 meter piña colada dash, the man immediately started abusing the unlimited drinks package. By the time we set sail, Trevor was dancing alone to a steel drum band, loudly critiquing the emergency drill system because apparently the live vest instructions were too boring for him, and challenging a ten-year-old to a game of ping pong, which, I might add, he lost.

That night, I thought, okay, fine, he's just excited, we're on vacation, let him live. I had no idea that this was just a preview of the chaos ahead. Red flag three, the great buffet meltdown. On day three, Trevor woke up hangry and not so cute. He said, I need a little snack. That's the kind of hangry he was, but he was throwing a full blown toddler tantrum. So we hit the buffet. He stacked his plate like he was preparing for the apocalypse.

I mean, waffles, bacon, lasagna, shrimp cocktail, sushi, bread rolls. Yeah, that's a great thing about a cruise ship too. This is a yellow flag again, but putting it all together, I see where you're going with this. He put it all on one plate. He gets back to the table, takes two steps backwards and drops the entire plate on the floor. Here's where it gets weird. Trevor just stood there, frozen, staring at the floor like he had witnessed a murder. Meanwhile, the staff and I are frantically trying to clean up what he just did. What was I supposed to do? What was he supposed to do? Turn around, and then he just leaves. What?

Just walked away. No apology, no explanation. Like the buffet was now haunted, and he could never return. Red flag number four. He got jealous of the cruise director. That night we went to a comedy show and the cruise director, a very nice married man, a 50 something dad I assume, whose job is literally to entertain people, made a joke and when I laughed a little too hard, Trevor got weird. Trevor did not like this. He got quiet, sulky, and when I asked what was wrong, he muttered,

Well, if you think he's so funny, maybe you should date him instead. I had to sit there and explain to a grown man that I was not planning to run away with the cruise director, sir. This man announces shuffleboard tournaments. Please calm yourself down. That leads to red flag number five. He lost his wallet and somehow blamed me. Oh.

On the last day, Trevor lost his wallet. Now, what, now was where I, now was where, wait. Now was I there when he lost it? No, oh, now was I there when he lost it? No, I was not. Had I touched his wallet at any point? No, but this did not stop him from accusing me of misplacing it. I absolutely did not. For an hour, he stomped around the cabin, flipping over couch cushions, shaking his already empty suitcase, and letting out deep, dramatic sighs. He even interrogated me,

like I was on trial. Trevor said, Are you sure you didn't move it? I said, I literally don't know what your wallet looks like. Trevor, Yeah, but sometimes you misorganize stuff, don't you? Me, have we ever organized anything together? Finally, he checked his pocket where his wallet had been the entire time.

After an hour of blaming me, I was officially over it. I broke up with him before we even got through the cruise terminal. Moral of the story, do not go on a cruise with someone you just started dating unless you're fully prepared to either marry them or toss them overboard as if you were on a Carnival cruise. I love you guys. Thank you for the many years of laughter and thank you for the free therapy, Sarah from the Midwest.

And we love you, Sarah. We do love you, Sarah. And that is a fantastic story. And this is a good reminder here on Valentine's Day that there's no rush. You can just take things at your own pace. I think the kids today, the youngsters, the youths today, they feel like they have to rush and make a decision about, you know, who they're going to marry within a day. The people get ghosted, you know, they go on half a date and they get ghosted. They make no decision.

Take your time to get to know somebody and then go on a seven-day cruise with them. Listen, this is coming from a guy who literally dragged Astrid to Atlanta within a month of meeting her for an entire 10 days away from her friends and family. But that was a situation where we clearly knew like there was something in the ethos. You had to have had some kind of red flag with Trevor before you went on a cruise. I don't think you just showed up to the cruise and all of a sudden he started throwing red flags. I'm assuming he got burnt too. Yeah, I'm assuming he's sunburnt, he's drunk, he's blaming you, he's trying to play PS3 on the wall, I guess, I'm not sure. He's getting jealous of the cruise direct. Listen, the whole thing just sounds like a shit

show. Congratulations on making one really smart choice, and that's breaking up with Trevor. Well, I was going to say maybe that accelerated it. Maybe the cruise though accelerated what could like a shit show. Congratulations on making one really smart choice, and that's breaking up with Trevor. Well, I was going to say maybe that accelerated it. Maybe the cruise though accelerated what could have taken a long time to figure out. So listen, I believe in fate. I believe in fate. Everything happens for a reason. And believing in fate is you're either all in or all out. Think about this for a second. If one thing happens for a reason, every other thing also happens for a reason. It's like, you can't be kind of pregnant. You can't kind of believe in fate. So, Chrissy might be right about this. Maybe this was just the universe's way of

accelerating your knowledge of not wanting to be with Trevor or Trevor was not the guy. And listen, having known a few Trevers in my life, I can totally understand where you're coming from with this. They all seem to drink a lot. All the Trevers that I know seem to drink a lot. Again, this is coming from a guy who drank a lot, but you know, if it wasn't for children, I'd still be 18 Bud Lights Deep by three o'clock in the afternoon most days. But hey, Sarah, thank you very much for writing in. It was a well thought out, well written email, A plus marks all around for punctuation and for storytelling and everything. Teacher, professor, Brian gives you A plus. A plus A. In red.

In red. Yes. In red. The red marker. Indicate that I could at any time give you less marks. That's right. All right, let's do this. I got a fun game to play here for Valentine's Day. Sweet or psycho? Let's make some decisions about the gifts that we could give for Valentine's Day. Are they sweet or are they psycho? We'll be back and we'll talk about it. Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.

Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to TCBpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire Commercial Break Library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at TCBpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay.

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When it comes to reaching your goals, personalized advice and performance matter. And now you can get $300 when you invest with RBC. Offer ends March 3rd, 2025. Terms and conditions apply. Invest with RBC today. College holds a mythic place in American culture. It's often considered the best four years of your life

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I'm Margot Gray. Each week on the Campus Files podcast, we bring you a new story. It was the biggest academic scandal in the history of college sports and probably in the history of academia. On Campus Files, we cover everything from rigged admissions to the drama of Greek life. A chancellor having a pornographic double life is an extremely rare case.

Listen to and follow Campus Files, an Odyssey Original podcast, available now on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. points for paying your credit card bill in full and on time every month. Level up from bill payer to reward slayer. Terms and conditions apply. All right. So I was in the shower and I was thinking about what can we do something fun for Valentine's Day? And you know, there's a lot of different things that people talk about on Valentine's Day podcasts like ours talk about on Valentine's Day. But I was thinking about all the gifts that I've gotten over the years from various lovers and of the sort, lovers, that's what I like to call them. I like to call them lovers. Kirsten Kuhn Former lovers.

Chris Smith Yes, former lovers, former mistresses of the night, if you will, Chrissy. I was known to be a coxman in my younger years. Kirsten Kuhn I saw it. Chris Smith I didn't get laid much, but you know. Kirsten Kuhn I saw it in action. Chris Smith I got a lot of phone numbers. Kirsten Kuhn That was your wing girl. Chris Smith Not real phone numbers. That's right, you were my wing girl.

I was, I had a thing, it was a thing. You did. I wasn't like a pickup artist. I certainly wasn't walking home with girls all over my shoulders every single night. You know, I wasn't that guy. But I had a way of wearing you down. You did?

Mainly bartenders, I think I've shared this before. By the end of the night. Yeah, by the end of the night, it's likely that that bartender wanted a big tip and she was willing to give me a fake phone number in order to get it. But I was never a pick-up line kind of guy. I never imposed on anybody. I wasn't touchy.

I mean, I would be touchy if I knew you, but I wasn't touchy like, you know, I didn't come up and grab women or anything like that. I wasn't like a Casanova. I just used my wit and my charm to eventually make you so irritated that you would give me your phone number. Just like here on the commercial break, I make you so irritated, eventually you subscribe. But that was my nature. But, you know, some of these ladies, they were very sweet and they would get me a little something on Valentine's Day. And occasionally those things were, I took as intended. Sometimes I think that,

what is the worst Valentine's Day gift you've ever gotten? I've ever gotten? Yeah, I'm changing thoughts real quick, but I just want, I'm curious about this. I can't think of a bad one. You can't think of a bad one? No.

Okay. I'm off the top of my head. I think probably the worst Valentine's Day gift that I got was from a young lady. I think I've told this story before. She just came on a little too strong. And when I say a little too strong, I mean a lot too strong. I came home when like, we had just started talking and kind of got a little long distance romance. She came into town when I was at work one day, I left my apartment door open so she

could come there and we could meet to go to dinner. And when I got there, she was naked on my couch, spread eagle, and she was like, let's walk off together. And I was like, whack off together. You just got, I just, I didn't, this is the first time I've physically seen you in person. I mean, I appreciate the effort, but it felt a little weird. Yeah. It felt too soon, too much, too soon. And she gave me a series of pictures in like a flip book that were very graphic, which was great, fine, wonderful, right? I could appreciate that's a sexy thing to do. I felt like it was a little bit too much for Valentine's Day, given we had only been seeing each other for a month and like kind of even loosely seeing each other for a month. But here's

where it got terrible. As I was flipping through the pictures, looking at the photographs, getting myself all excited, I realized that she was not the person taking the photographs. Like, this was before iPhones had that capability. And on one of the photographs, there was a mirror behind her, and you could see the flash and the hand of a man. So I was like, oh, well, thanks. These weren't meant for me. This was someone else taking nude photographs of you. Thanks. Just like I'll reuse them. Yeah.

And when I asked her about this, she was like, well, I had taken them with someone else, but I really felt like they were, you know, I could give them to you and you'd make good use of them. I was like, thanks. I appreciate it. Yeah. I one time tried to break up with somebody on a Valentine's day. Oh, no. You know who?

Mm. Mm-hmm. The first time I tried to break up. And I just got like, I don't know what happened. I consider myself pretty slick. And like, you know, I think that I have a good head on my shoulders. I went in there with the full intention

of disconnecting this relationship because there were just way too many red flags to ignore early on. We're talking like a month into the relationship and I don't know what happened. It went from let's break up to we fucked and then we were like, and then like in 15 minutes, it was like, I think it's best if we don't see each other to flipping it around. All of a sudden we're having sex and then three years later I'm breaking up with her again. It was really weird actually. I don't know. There was some kind of magic spell or something

that she put on it. Well, the hard ones with the hard ones. The hard ones with the hard ones. And Raphael was staying at my house at the time and he was, because I was having a lot of agina about the fact that we were supposed to see each other. It was Valentine's Day. We had been dating for very little time, three or four weeks. I do remember the anxiety of like dating someone that you know is not going to work out and then all of a sudden it's Valentine's Day.

It's Valentine's Day and what do you do? How do you handle it? So I decided- To do it on Valentine's Day. Well, I got convinced by Raphael. Raphael was like, listen, it doesn't matter what day, no day is a good day. The day after Valentine's Day,

the day before Valentine's Day, and I was having a lot of stress about this. I was like, I just don't think it's the right thing to do. And he was like, dude, you're going to see her. You know this is bad news. Just be kind and tell her the truth. It's not like you guys have been dating for four years. Like she's expecting some- Not like you're going to. Yeah. Like you're going to put a ring on her finger and then all of a sudden you break

up with her. Just share with her. And we weren't even going out on a date. We were just meeting up after she got off of work. So she comes over to the, you know, we go somewhere, she comes over to the house and I say, hey listen, this really isn't working out. And then I don't know what happened. The rest of the night is a blur. I just remember. She were bammed. Wabam! Three years missing, three years of my life just went down. Wabam!

Where did you go? You're older, skinnier and stressed out. More of an alcoholic than you ever were. You have no money, no friends, no car, no job. Congratulations! Things worked out great. Bye-bye! That's so true. Love of your life. Some Valentine's Day gifts were just not meant to be given, and some could be considered sweet or psycho like some nude photographs Mm-hmm that were taken by another man, right? You know what I'm saying? Yeah

All right So I got a list of these together and I thought it would be good to make a decision about whether or not these gifts Are sweet or psycho? Oh Yeah, let's play it I love this music I really Oh yeah, let's play it. I love this music. I really... This is from a specific one? This is the dating game. The dating game. The original dating game. The very one. Okay, you ready? Yes. Sweet or Psycho? A live singing telegram.

A live singing telegram. Sweet or psycho? Weird. What are they singing? That's true, what are they singing is a good question. I think under any circumstances, someone shows up to my door to sing an actual holiday, a greeting card.

Yeah. I'm done. Yeah. As I say, no, that's not for me. Well, I also guess it depends on how long I've been dating. Well, true, I was gonna say that. That could probably be applied to a lot of these let's just assume It's a month if Astrid sent Dua Lipa right nude new Dua Lipa Should we just assume these were all like you've been dating a month

Yeah, let's say this is you've been a a month. This is not a long term. No long term, because long term relationships, anything goes. Yes, exactly. It could be funny, it could be sweet. Somebody's trying to be creative after three years or whatever. And listen, everybody's a little psycho. You know what I'm saying?

Everyone's a little psycho. Everybody has an inner tap in. Yes, that's right. You know, there's like a, there's a relationship that's breaking up in my universe and everyone's acting a little nutty Right, but everyone acts a little nutty when things get stressful in a relationship Do you know what I'm saying? Love can make you do stupid shit. We just heard Sarah say it

She went on a three day 17 cruise with a dum-dum with a PS5 controller and no shirts Trevor Trevor fucker a very large sculpture made of chocolate of yourself. No. Absolutely creepy. Call the police immediately. And does it melt? Like, I mean, big chocolate things, no.

Just stay away from big chocolate things. Get real good chocolate, like a Dive Vess or one of those fancy brands. A boutique, a bouquet of hot dogs instead of flowers. No. Romantic or revolting. Unless you really love hot dogs. Unless you really love hot dogs.

That's like your thing. I do like hot dogs. I don't think I'm allowed to eat them anymore, but I do like hot dogs. My hypertension won't let me. But I will say, if I'm a big hot dog fan, Yeah. Yeah, hey, listen, it's original.

It is original. It's kind of sweet it's kind of funny and kind of sweet a Personalized romance novel where your partner is the Casanova like your partner is the main character And then you're the other person and then you're the person getting fucked I guess like a hot and steamy romance novel made by made by chat GPT just for you. Oh Like a hot and steamy romance novel made by made by chat GPT just for you. Oh, well, I think that's sweet Tina agrees. Yeah, you like that one? I do like that one. Yes, that's it's creative and hilarious and a little weird Yeah, I agree. I think that I think what might be hot and steamy is just like me Doing the Santa Claus porn reading

Which some people liked and some people found revolting, I would say that that might be sexy to get into a bedroom with somebody and start reading some hot porn and get all jizzed up. Yeah, and then the key would be that then he would have to actually do the things that were in the book. True, yes. He or she. I can't do that.

I'm not physically capable of most things. Missionary, you want to be on top? That's perfect for me. I like that. I like that. I'll sit there and listen, I practice tantra. I could go for five, six, seven straight minutes and then give me five, six, seven hours and I'll go back for another five, six, seven minutes. Maybe even eight minutes on the second time. A little less sensitive. You know how it goes, Chrissy. I don't need to tell you. You and Jeff are over there doing your own romance novel. You porn actors and actresses.

Let's say someone takes you to a hotel where they have a heart-shaped bathtub jacuzzi. Cheesy, but I'll go with it. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. I will allow it. I will say kind of creepy, but if I know the person well enough and I feel comfortable, we will. It's kind of cheesy, but maybe'll go with it. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. I will allow it. I will say kind of creepy, but if I know the person well enough and I feel comfortable, maybe it's like a funny.

Yeah. Maybe it's funny. And, you know, they still have these around. They do. Yeah. You know, I think Niagara Falls was like famous for inventing this whole bathtub jacuzzi in the room. When Astrid and I went to the hard Rock in the Dominican Republic, and they had a jacuzzi with a waterfall that came down into the jacuzzi right in the middle of the room. Right in the middle of the room. It was really strange. What now?

Yes. Well, so Jeff and I, years ago, I mean, we'd always go every year up to the mountains. I think you remember that. Yes. We would go up to the mountains for his birthday, which is in the fall in October. It's beautiful. So we rented this cabin up there and same thing. I mean, the cabin seemed absolutely normal and nice. Everything was great. We walk into the bedroom and there's a jacuzzi in the middle of the bedroom. I was like, well, that's different.

Was it sunken into the floor? Yeah. It was? Well, no, no, it wasn't sunken. It was just sitting on the floor? And it, well, it even had two, like a thing around it, you know, the shower curtain thing. Yes, same with the one in the Dominican Republic. Yeah, it had this weird wrapping around it.

Yeah, it was pretty funny. Of course I ended up having a bunch of wine. I was like, I gotta get in this thing. Of course, of course. I ended up almost slipping as I was getting in and ripped the whole curtain. We've had some good times in Jacuzzi. Remind me to tell the Jacuzzi story about when we went to the mountains with our Russian friend and a couple other people and her friend.

Remind me to tell you about that story because the ending is really funny. Anyway. Yeah. That was the exact same thing in the Dominican Republic. It was a big jacuzzi in the middle of the room. It had a waterfall that would fill up the jacuzzi bathtub with all kinds of different lighting scenarios with like a controller on the bed. And I was like, wow. And you know what the, well, I'm not going to tell that's, it might be a little too personal. Astrid might not like that. But anyway, we, we didn't put the jacuzzi to use, but we put the room to good use. Let's put it that way. I think we felt a little nervous. You know, who knows who's cleaning those things? You know what I'm saying? Who knows? And it's the Dominican Republic and so not, no knock on that, but you know, you don't know where the waters

come in. You get a little, you get a little skeeved out. We're germaphobes, basically is what I'm trying to say. A custom perfume made from your partner's pheromones. I would say this. Sure. But you know, okay, I'll accept it. But I don't think it's the best gift to give a month in. No, no, not a month in. This might be something you do a year in. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's true. A playlist of love songs, but your partner is the one singing them. Cute, good effort. I'd say A for effort. Yeah, A for effort on that one.

But maybe a little bit too much effort for so early on. Yeah, that's... Yeah. I think you've got to be really in love. And they would depend on the songs. Yeah, would they? 100%. Correct.

Totally agree with you. And the voice. And the voice. True. I'm, also. 100%. Correct. Totally agree with you. And the voice. And the voice, true. I'm not gonna listen to an hour of Astrid singing. No knock on Astrid singing. Now if it's Harry Connick Jr. that's giving it to his wife, that's perfect. Perfect, yes.

If you're Adele and you're making a playlist for your husband, cool. That's great. A teddy bear that says, I love you, and then also says sexy things in a sexy voice. I say no on this one. I'm declining the bear that talks to me sweetly. Yeah, the bear's a little weird.

Yeah, I think that's just- The talking bear. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, no. Stay away from- let's not go to the fucking Build-A-Bear workshop for yet another event, okay? As a guy who's been to a few Build-A-Bear workshop for yet another event, okay? As a guy who's been to a few Build-A-Bear workshops, I don't think those are for adults. But man, do I see a lot of adults at the Build-A-Bear workshop, you know?

What was that? There was that talking bear, was it Teddy Ruxpin? Teddy Ruxpin. Yes. Yeah, I had a Teddy Ruxpin. And some people would, like, you know... Put porn on it. Yes, do different things to what it said. To the Teddy Ruxpin, yeah.

Yes. Only after the internet came along. Right. Yeah, the internet things to what it says. To what it says. Yes. Only after the internet came along. Right. The internet fucked us all, just letting you know that. A lock of hair in a locket is called a police type creepy. We don't do this ever. Not 30 years in you don't do this. What about the blood?

Remember Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton or Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox? I'm not into that. No, I'm not into that either. I mean, I understand some people are into that. But again, if you're literally, I mean, I know that we share fluids when we're in love with someone. I get that.

And the DNA is being swapped. But blood is a different level. When you're mixing your blood together, you're pretty much accepting any kind of nefarious activities they've done in their life. You know, you can, we can say to ourselves, well, I got a 50-50 shot if I'm sticking my dick in it, but if I am putting blood together, we know it's coming our way if they've got it. A month in, not unless you've been tested.

No thinking. Well, it would be in a locket. Oh, that's right. I was talking about the blood. I was talking about the blood, not the hair. I was too. Oh, well, no no blood no nothing. How's that? Don't give me a... Nothing with your DNA. No I'm too much of a germaphobe. I don't want it. Nothing in a locket. Don't give me a locket. That's weird. What is it 1922? Give me a one of those digital port you know digital frames with nude photos of yourself. I'll take that.

A scrapbook made of all your text messages from the relationship. No, it's too serious. Yeah, stalkery. Yeah, stalkery. Yeah, that's just weird. Why are you doing that? Yeah. Yeah, it takes too much time. Anything that takes too much time gets a little weird. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Make it a quick hit. Flowers, in and out. Chocolate from Gua D'm saying? Yeah. Make it a quick hit. Flowers in and out. Chocolate from Godiva in and out. Gift certificate for a massage in and out. Trust me. Dunkin' Donuts in and out. In and out burger in and out. Star named after, I have done this. I have done this.

I was gonna say, I mean it's sweet. It is very sweet. Astrid didn't think it was so sweet. She was like, that's just silly. I bought a star for us. Aw, it's sweet. It is very sweet. Astrid didn't think it was so sweet. She was like, that's just silly. I bought a star for us. I did. We have a star in the third universe of Orion. How do you know for sure? You don't know for sure.

Well, there's an international star registry and you buy it directly from them and they will name a star and they will tell you where it is. It is highly unlikely you'll be able to see it with your naked eyes or any telescope that exists on Earth. But it's there, it's somewhere out there. And hey, listen, I can appreciate, I can appreciate it's not like the most exciting gift in the world, but I thought it was cute. I thought it was cute.

It's romantic. A hand knitted piece of clothing. Probably not, but you know, not gonna say it's psycho. I'm gonna say it's probably, don't waste the's probably don't waste the time if that's your thing Maybe you're a crocheter if you're crocheting all the time, but yeah, I'm probably not dating a crocheter I'm just sharing that you never know. I do know I actually I Do think that one of the girls that I dated was into like Crocheting. Yeah, it's a big thing. It's coming back. It's very popular. Maybe it was like a nice little beanie, like a hat.

Yeah, a beanie. A beanie. A scarf. A penis beanie, like a little hat you put over your dick. I like that idea. A peanie. A peanie, that's right. How about you crochet yourself a micro bikini

and wear it to bed? That is a, that is something I can get. That's an idea whose time has come. A dinner date on a gondola, but that gondola is at a local mall. I know. If it's in Italy, yes. It comes along with a trip to Italy, yes.

If we're in Vegas, I might even accept a Venetian hotel. Maybe, maybe, but that is also a mall. So I am saying- Yeah, it's like I'm not accepting it at the Opry land. I think they have Dondalas up there. They do. We took a ride with the entire family. And let me tell you, taking a circle in a dirty pond,

not exciting. No matter how hard they try, it's the world's biggest hotel, America's biggest hotel under one roof at- Nashville, in Nashville. And they have a huge body of water in the middle of it goes through the entire hotel, all four buildings of it. That's just this immense hotel and retail center and all this other water park, all this other shit. And they have these gondolas that ride around

and they even do like a little show at night or the, you know, there's pirates and all this other stuff. So we decide, yeah, let's get on the gondola We pay a thousand dollars to get on the gondola and it literally goes in a circle and you're like no good Yeah, it's like there's they're trying to be Disney esque So they put little characters, but the characters don't move so like look at the bear in the corner. Ah No, not even my kids weren't excited. They were like, daddy, when do we get off this boat? It smells bad. Well, who's that scary pirate? Okay, one more and then we'll take a break. A customized crossword puzzle, but all of the answers are your inside jokes.

I think that's cute. Yeah, I think that's cute. And take a lot of effort. Yeah, that is A for effort. So I will say that that is good. A crossword puzzle. Anything where you take just a little bit of effort and tailor it to the conversations that you're having. A little inside jokes, little cute names that you give each other, whatever. Just don't overdo it. No, make it a very short crossword puzzle. Make it a short crossword puzzle. Okay, let's take a break. And then when we get back, I've got plenty more of these. We'll go through psycho or sweet. For romantic purposes, we'll be back.

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Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. Okay, Chrissy and I are here reviewing Valentine's Day's presents and whether they are psycho or sweet. We're making a determination now. We're imagining ourselves into a relationship just a month in. So this is not someone you've been with for a long time. And listen, there are degrees of attraction and seriousness and falling in love. Like Astrid and I knew pretty immediately

that we were gonna be spending the rest of our lives together with 13 to 15 children, no money, and in a stupid, dumb, never-ending podcast. We knew that pretty early. And Astrid told me last night, she said, you're lucky I've been with you for so long. You're lucky I've been with you for so long. And I agree, I must agree. Listen, I don't, there's, nobody has spent this much time with me except for my family and trust me, by the time I left

the house, they were ready for me to go. So I'm just sharing that. I think my twin brother is the only person that spent as much time with me as Astrid and that's because he got a head start, you know, a nine month head start. Yeah, in the womb. That's right. The only other person who's been that close. Kevin, stop sticking your dick in my mouth. You have to wonder, don't you? You have to wonder, is there a foot in the eye? Is there a penis in the face? Of course. Yes. Kind of weird. Kind of weird. I'm glad that the universe doesn't allow us to remember that part because it was dramatic. They don't even have, we don't even have any images of us in the belly because back then they didn't do that unless you were like really in trouble and then they would, then they would use the,

what do you call that? Ultrasound. That's right. Okay, let's get back to it. Psycho or sweet? Yeah, let's play the music. Why not? I do like this music. Okay, some of these get a little silly, so just stick with me here. They're clearly not, there's not anything you would get a pet that they name after something that you both love. Listen, you get me a pet. You are in fucking trouble.

Yeah. After blue, I want no more pets as gifts. Yeah, that's a tricky one. You don't get a pet after a month. And Astra did actually get me a dog after a month. We went to the pound for my birthday. It wasn't a month in, it was like five months in, and it was sweet, and I did want a dog, but it ultimately became a big responsibility. She was smart, she knew what she was doing. She wanted to keep me off the streets, out of the bars, and away from other women.

So she gave me a dog, knowing that I would have to come home every couple of hours to take it out. That was smart. Yeah, and probably be too lazy to go back out. So she was me a dog, knowing that I would have to come home every couple of hours to take it out. That's right. That was smart. Yeah, and probably be too lazy to go back out. So she was right. She was right. A toilet seat with your initials engraved on it. No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

You don't even go to the bathroom around someone until you're like a year in. Yeah. It's just a rule. I told you. There was a lady who I knew, a mother of a friend of mine as a child. And I'll never forget, this dad would have like Playboy and penthouses laying around the house and they would let us read them. And we're only like 12. Now that I think about it, it was a really creepy situation. I'm glad I got out of there unscathed actually. But this mother, they'd always be talking about their relationship or sex. They were just very liberal. They were very open about everything. And she told us once, while we were having breakfast, the father came down

and the mother was like, you know, did you get it out? And he was like, oh, that was a good one. You know, like in other words, he had had a good shit. And she was like, here's the key to a good relationship. Never poop in front of each other, ever. And I agree with her. Even though they were crazy, I agree with her. Right in front of is weird. Please don't poop in front of me. Now, when you have kids, you know, sometimes you gotta do it.

Or if you're sick. Oh yeah, if you're sick. All bets are off if you're sick. I hate being sick and I hate when other people are sick. I know. A giant puzzle of your first picture together. Oh, okay. Okay.

You know, not the best gift in the world, but okay. I don't want to have to work to figure out what it is. You know what I'm saying? You could really like puzzles. I'm not a big puzzle fan. I like puzzles. But I do do them with the kids, you know? And I realized just how bad I am at puzzle making.

When there's like a 10 piece puzzle the size of our entire living room, and I realized just how bad I am at puzzle making when there's like a 10 piece puzzle the size of our entire living room floor and I can't get it right. I'm scratching my head and my son is doing it quickly and I'm like, Oh, that's where that goes. The candle filled with your pheromones. Again, like the perfume, like not a month in. I think this was a thing a while back. I remember reading about like Candles with pheromones? Well, pheromone perfume and stuff to do with pheromones.

Okay. All right, yeah. So, but I, yeah, I'm good. I like candles though. I do like candles. I do like candles. Even though apparently they're killing us. Candles are good.

I like killing us. Killing us. Yeah, something about like the essential oils and the candles with the oil in them, the smelly oil. Some guy, some scientist on Instagram was like, these are the worst things you can find. A scientist on Instagram. That's where I get all my information. Well, listen, all the other scientists who were actually supposed to tell us what's going on have now been fired from their jobs. So I'm going to get all my information from Robert Kennedy F Jr. Whatever his name is. Uh, a matching set of pajamas. Well, yeah, for you and the person 30 days is way too

soon. Yeah, I agree. I mean, it's not the creepiest thing ever, but like under what circumstances are we going to wear matching set of pajamas? Unless it's like Christmas time. Wait for Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. Wait for Christmas. I agree with you on that. A framed picture of your celebrity crush. I like that. I like that. It lets me know that you don't take this thing too. You're not taking yourself too seriously and that you can appreciate that. Do a leap as a beautiful woman. Yeah. I appreciate that. I like that. I'm going to get asked her to Joe Jonas shirtless picture for Valentine's day. That's what I'm going to do. You think it's a little creepy. You don't like it. I don't think it's creepy. I just wouldn't care for it, but I would,

but that's just me. All right. A private chef for the night. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. This is 100% legit. A private chef for the night is thoughtful. It lets the other one know you care about them. It allows the two of you to have a really nice dinner in a setting where you're not huddled up with 7,000 other people paying $999 per plate and you don't even get to choose what you're eating. Valentine's day is the single worst day of the year besides Easter to go out to eat. Mother's day, Easter, Valentine Valentine's Day if you take somebody out to eat on those days you're telling them you really don't give a shit about them because it's gonna be fucking miserable that's all I gotta say having worked in the industry for a very long time a

custom bobblehead of both of you that's cute cute. I think it's kind of funny. That's cute, I like that. I mean. Yes. A full PowerPoint presentation, pointing out why the two of you were made for each other. No, that's straight up conspiracy level weird. Yeah, I don't trust you if you do that. You've spent way too much time a month in thinking about why we're good for each other.

It's Valentine's Day and you want me to watch a presentation? Well, listen, if you're giving me a lap dance at the same time, maybe. Maybe a romantic scavenger hunt. Oh, that's good. I like that. Don't make it too creepy. You know, keep it on the lighter side of things. Of course.

But I do like that where it ends with like, you know, I don't know, a ticket to your favorite band or. A heart shape. Heart shape, the doozy. Yeah, that's right. Or a couple's therapy session. The whole world. The whole world.

The couple's therapy session. It is what it is. The whole world. Look at this. A coupon book for romantic or sexual favors. I've heard of this. I like that. I like that. I've done this actually. I have favors. I've heard of this. I like that, I like that. I've done this actually.

I have too. I've done this one, yeah. They haven't been cashed in yet, but they're past their expiration date, so don't even think about it Astrid. A hard-shaped pinata full of your favorite candies. I don't wanna work that hard for the candy. Just give me the candy.

Yeah. Yeah. And where are we going to put a piñata? And now I got to hang it up and clean it up? No thanks. I mean, it's not the worst thing in the world. Are you just in my swing? Like why? Yeah, I know.

You know, in Venezuela. If there's little mini bottles of booze in it. We've done this actually. I've had that before. In Venezuela, every birthday party comes with a piñata. It doesn't matter if you're 5 or 55. An Astrid is fantastic at making them. Like by hand. That's what I was thinking of. I was thinking of an Astrid piñata.

Yes, okay, an Astrid piñata, yes, because she makes them Lilo and Stitch, Mickey Mouse, Bluey. She does the most amazing job. I know, it's crazy. I'm always completely floored. Me too, me too. And kids love them. Oh yeah. And she's done them for me for my birthday, full of, you know, adult things and you know,

I don't need to get into all the details. But a month in, and if you're buying it from a store, skip it. I'm not interested in it. A tattoo of your anniversary date or your name, never, never, never. No, no, no, no. I'm 99,000% sure I am never willingly going to date another woman or have another wife. And I still wouldn't get Astrid tattooed on my body,

because it's a dumb idea. Never get anything relationship related tattooed on your body. I mean, I guess if it's a dumb idea. Never get anything relationship related tattooed on your body. I mean, I guess if it's a date, they were saying the date, right? They were saying the anniversary date or your name. I mean, that could go over different names. Maybe, maybe.

I think you're tempting fate. A month in for sure now. No, hell no. But like 10 years in, okay, I can understand that maybe now you feel committed. I'm starting to feel committed to Astrid after 10 years in. Go ahead. A pet goldfish.

No on the pets. Just no on the pets. Yeah, no on the pets. That's a responsibility. The goldfish is going to die in 10 days. Yeah, and then I got to flush it down the toilet and I'm going to be sad. And it's money for the other person to buy the food and get the stuff and the aquarium and...

A bouquet of roses, very simple and straightforward. We can all agree. I think this is one that, yeah, sure, it's almost obligatory. You got to get flowers on Valentine's Day. And I know not everybody likes flowers. And some people are allergic. You know, there's lots of different reasons why you wouldn't get flowers. But I think flowers are just a standard gift. It's something you should do. Jeff gave me a beautiful orchid for our first Valentine's Day. Oh, he did? That's a very sweet gift, Jeff. Can you buy one for Astrid? Love Brian on the note.

Thanks. I appreciate it, Jeff. A custom printed shower curtain with a full-size you on it. No. No. No. That's no. First of all, shower curtains are gross. Get rid of the shower curtains or change them out once a month because shower curtains are breeding grounds for all kinds of like syphilis type B. I'm not sure. I don't know, but I've had some shower curtains in my life where I've been so poor in my life that it was really between heat and a new shower curtain and I went with the shower curtain because I was

so skeeved out by what was growing on the bottom of it. Those shower curtains, they always get gross. A jar of pickles with a love note inside. I don't even know why we would do this, but okay, not the worst gift in the world. Well, I've seen that done before. Oh, you have? For someone that I knew, and the person that was given it to was very into pickles, loved pickles.

Okay, if you're a pickle lover. So it was like a sweet thing. Yeah, sure. If you got me- Part of like a gift basket. Yeah, if you got me like a gift basket of hot sauces, cause you know I like hot sauces, I could appreciate that. Let's see here. I could appreciate that. Let's see here.

No, not that. I'm making me just say that because that's kind of gross. A personalized ASMR recording. I like this. I think this is kind of funny. It's creepy, but it's funny. It would be if it was proposed as a joke. Yeah.

If it was like you making sexual noises and really whispered tones, then I could see why that would be funny, cute, and maybe arousing at times. For sure. Let's see. A simple love letter expressing your love. Of course. Of course. That's welcome anytime. I mean, not a weekend, but a month in, then you're getting into Lovelit. I used to send Astrid lengthy texts about the stars and the moon and all this other

stuff. The star that you bought her? Yes, that's right. A subscription to a dating app, just in case. That's pretty funny, actually. Yeah, that's a no. Yeah, that's a no, but I like it. A framed...

Well, we already talked about this, a chocolate bar that has your very first text message exchange engraved in it. I think that's cute. I'll accept it. I'll accept it. I won't call this a total red flag. I'll say it's like a mini red flag, but I think it's cute. Your first text message, not just like, you know, I love you or hi. Hi, what's up? Yeah, what's up? You up?

Now you up would be funny. Yeah. Can I hit that? That's right. Can you clap them cheeks? Clap them cheeks. A heart-shaped balloon. Yeah, okay, but you don't need to get it, but alright. A love poem written entirely in emojis.

No? No? Yeah, I mean, whatever. Okay, cool. But don't bother. I don't need to see emojis. You know what I'm saying? Okay, and finally, a romantic dinner for two, but at a food truck stand. No, there's no such thing as a romantic dinner for two at a food truck stand, unless you guys are just really into food trucks. Oh, I was going to say, unless... I mean, there's some good food trucks out there. That's true. And there used to be a food truck park here.

Now it's a big apartment complex, because of course it was always going to be, right? It was always going to be. We're just waiting for the right guy to pay enough money to go, but there was a food truck park, and they did do something on Valentine's Day, where they only let in a certain amount of people. They had candles on the tables.

They would, either you get a free glass of wine or whatever. If you're into that kind of thing, if you're young and that's cool, and you know, it's a hip place to go, then I can totally, totally, totally understand. But listen, there's some good examples in here and there's some bad examples in here. Let me share with you a few things, a few opinions of mine. Number one, you do not break up with anybody on Valentine's day because it's unlikely you'll be able to actually follow through on it. If you have any kind of heart. Number two, make sure the photographs you're taking for your loved one are taken by you and you alone because that's an important thing. And certainly don't

show someone else's hand in the photograph. That was the dumbest thing. That was the dumbest thing. And absolutely no thank you on the singing quartet showing up to giving you a card. Unless it's naked, do do a leap on that is it for sure There you go, happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers and otherwise and if you're alone today on Valentine's Day Don't worry about it. If you're choosing that you're choosing yourself. Happy Valentine's Day to you. Yeah, love yourself That's all you got to do. I've spent many more Valentine's Day alone than I have with somebody, and so it's not all bad. Yeah, no.

It's not. Think about it this way. You don't have to go spend a bunch of money on a meal you're probably not going to enjoy. You don't have to buy anything for anybody except for yourself. Yeah, buy yourself a little gift, a little treat. Yes. And there are always movie marathons on some cable channel that have nothing to do with rom-coms or romance. You can find it.

Get into yourself. Fuck yourself. That's what I'm trying to say. Self-love. Fuck yourself. Clap your own cheeks. That's okay. Clap your own cheeks. 21 EPMs. Whatever you need to do. Remember to get those 21 EPMs in, kids. That's really important.

Check your tits, check your balls, jizz a lot. Investigate your own body. Make sure it feels good and it feels right. Find your G-spot. That's what I'm trying to say on this Valentine's Day. Find your G-spot. Then it doesn't matter what somebody gets you. You'll always be able to get yourself off. Okay? Words of romantic wisdom from one Whacker Offer to another Whacker Offer. Right Chrissy?

That's right. I'm glad you agree with me. She always agrees with me. That's what she does. Except for Starlink, okay? I don't like Starlink. All right? But then I saw a video,

I like to watch those people sailing across the ocean. Yeah. And you know, by themselves or with their family or whatever. And guess what? Starlink. And then I thought, and by themselves or with their family or whatever. And guess what? Starling. And then I thought, okay, Starling. But SiriusXM. But I agree with you on the monitoring

of how many of those are out there. We need to be careful, because that's the only thing we got left is that sky, and it's already junked up, and now we got 50,000 other pieces of junk flying up there with no idea when they're coming down, or how we're gonna get around them, or anything. I can't even believe we can send a spaceship up anymore, a shuttle, whatever we're doing now these days because it's all junk. I know it's like us polluting

the ocean years ago and now we're cleaning it up. You get it. All right, Ari Shafir's episode was great. On tour and his brand new special America's Sweetheart at the commercial break on Instagram, youtube.com, slash the commercial break and two one two four three three three TCB questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, or leave a message to be on the next episode of TCB. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so. But I do love you this Valentine's Day. And I love you.

Happy Valentine's. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, Goodbye. Goodbye. Pee-Dee, I have it!