The Commercial Break - Ging Gang Goolie!

Starting point is 00:00:00 What the hell do you guys find to talk about anyway? I like to put my money in the Mexico. Well, I like to put it in the Gulf. Well, I put my money in my mattress. Well, I put my money in my wallet. On this episode of the Commercial Break. No respect for the commercial break. Do you think a commercial break gets you anything?

Starting point is 00:00:22 We went and saw Chris Proff. We know, Jeff. Well, Chris Proff. We know Jeff. Well that's true. We know Jeff, but Jeff doesn't call me up and offer me great seats anywhere. He offered me a seat near the restroom at Menfo. He got stuck there all week. Oh, King Ganga. All right.

Starting point is 00:00:41 King Ganga. Thank you, King Ganga. Thank you, King Ganga. Thank you, King Ganga. Thank you. Thank you. Alright, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang gang, gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang gang, gang, gang gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang, gang Hello boys! Hello Kelly! Okay, question number one. I've got long dark hair, which I'm told is my trademark. What part of your body? Oh, I think whoever's telling you that your hair is your trademark is just being polite. Because I've only known you for 10 seconds and I just think that your hair is the trademark.

Starting point is 00:01:22 The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Wales and Wallaby is welcome back to another episode of the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend Kristen Joy, who only missed you. Chris H. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking story and I saw the video and it was just too good to be true. A lady in Wisconsin I think, this is the deal. So she's like 78 years old, right? And she wants to get herself a brand new iPhone. She needs an iPhone. I have everybody does.

Starting point is 00:02:14 So she goes to the mall, like everybody does to that Apple store that we all know so well, and you know those Apple stores are usually put in the middle of, you know, the big beautiful malls. She goes to the mall and in the parking lot, she doesn't understand where the Apple Store is, so she asks someone, excuse me, can you tell me where the Apple Store is? And the lady who responds says, yes, it's actually inside to the mall, you know, which soon as you get in the mall, you take a left and then it'll be like 15 stores down on your left.

Starting point is 00:02:42 So the 78 year old woman drives through the open, the doors that open automatically, drives through them, and then drives to the Apple store and parks her car in front of the Apple store. Wait, how does she not? I'm not even kidding you. I've got to mow through a bunch of stuffed things. I think she might have mowed through a few people.

Starting point is 00:03:01 I don't even sure, but the video is insane. Hold on, they're usually up the escalator though. No, I think she's on the second the second Park it. Oh, okay, okay, okay, he did it. She went through the mall. She drove through the mall I think they threw a maize-siezer No, no, she parked she stopped by Starbucks. She got a couple coffee and cinnamon A couple cinnamon. Yeah, take that to go. Thank you very much And then she just drove and parked herself right in front of the fucking Apple store got on the car Nothing crazy people were going crazy

Starting point is 00:03:34 She wasn't charged with anything because she didn't do too much damage right she was in charge of believe that there was no damage My grandmother my grandmother had her driver's license until she was 92 years old. Papa Joe still has this, he's 90 and we are just trying to figure out a way to take away the geese. I mean, don't you think there's like an age when we just got a stop drive? You know, you can't be like a professional pilot over 55 or something. He has one eye. He has one eye. Yes.

Starting point is 00:04:02 What in the good fuckers is someone thinking at the DMV? Well, he is very charming. Well, I know he's very charming, but don't you think when someone looks at him, like one eye is glass, they'd be like, hey, you need to take a site. Here's the story. So this is actually what happened.

Starting point is 00:04:17 So he went to the DMV week. My sister would not take him. She's like trying to figure out excuses. Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna do it. He roaps and somebody at their retirement home. It's them to go with him. He gets out of the car, falls, hits his head. Had to go to their house, but all.

Starting point is 00:04:34 Staples in the head. Oh my god. The people from the DMV run out and are, I think, worried. That he's going to sue them. He's going to sue or something something said they say just start come back They did until he just walked in and got a new driver's license son of a bitch your Really I mean, I'm sure you can get through to anyone at the day

Starting point is 00:05:01 No, but I really was pissed. Yeah, I would be too. What in the God? I would go with your grandfather next time he's up because it doesn't even have to go every year now. Does he have to go every year? I think my grandma had to go every year. She worked in chill, she was 91, she literally went to an office job.

Starting point is 00:05:17 Not because she needed it, because she wanted to. That's what keeps you young. Yeah, I think I've told this story before. Or old, it's right. Keeps you living. I think I've told this story before, or old, it's right. It's you living. I think I've told this story before on air, but my grandfather was an FBI agent before FBI agents

Starting point is 00:05:32 could carry guns when they were just an investigative agency. They did not even have guns. They weren't a law enforcement. They weren't considered law enforcement. So they weren't technically allowed to carry guns or permitted to carry guns, whatever it was. So he worked all his life in some kind of law enforcement, you know, lost prevention, law enforcement, whatever.

Starting point is 00:05:48 When he retired at 65 years old, he continued to send out resumes and pick up odd jobs. Even when he had broken hips and he couldn't get out of his retirement home bed, the nursing home bed, he would give the resume to the nurses and tell them which phone number to send it to and let him know if anybody contacted back. You know, the nurses probably just went and put it in a file and were like, okay, we'll

Starting point is 00:06:13 let him know. Yeah, they called you back, Mr. Fear, you know, whatever. And he used to say, at least when he was alive, when I was younger, he would say that work gives you a purpose. It does. Right. And what kind of purpose do we have to would say that work gives you a purpose. It does. Right. And but I'm kind of purpose to we have to do this. I have no purpose.

Starting point is 00:06:27 I am not interested in the least. Listen, one more, like another 100 episodes and then I'm good, the call it a day. Let's sun, someone was talking about sun setting their podcasts. That's what they call it. I'm the sun set your podcast. Well, if it's not good, you just turn it off. I suppose.

Starting point is 00:06:44 I think there's a couple of people out who would like us to sunset the commercial brick I Won't do it until Spotify gives me a Joe Rogan like check that's right. That's what we're aiming for Megan Markle De-throened Joe Rogan on Spotify as the most downloaded podcast I mean, and I think it only happened for like two days, right? as the most downloaded podcast. I mean, and I think it only happened for like two days, right? But still, some estimates are that Joe's getting like 15, 14 to 15 million downloads a day.

Starting point is 00:07:12 A day. A day. That's incredible. Chrissy, we get whatever it is. You know, 1.3 million downloads a month, and I think that's a big deal. Yes. 15 million downloads daily.

Starting point is 00:07:23 That's like billions of downloads every year. Can you imagine having that kind of traffic to your podcast? No, the pressure. The pressure. No, what are you drinking? And smokes weed all the time. Well, no, he drinks and smokes weed, so we can get through a fucking four hour conversation with guys like Mark Zuckerberg. I mean, God, that guy was born. Did you watch that interview? It's a fucking snooze fest, man. That guy is really, he is media trained to the hilt, so he never says anything out of turn.

Starting point is 00:07:54 He's a robot. He is a robot. He is an unsentient being. I mean, I think that's what happens when you have that much crazy success when you're that young. He's, he like rules the world. He's like a ruler of his own little world and that fiefem is a whole fucking shit show.

Starting point is 00:08:09 And so I think he's just been media trained by lawyers, but I've been sued so much. He has been media trained to the end degree. And he, every question that could possibly be thrown at him under any circumstance, he has already prepared for in a office with a bunch of lawyers. And PR agents, that's my, I with a bunch of lawyers and PR agents. That's my, I did hear one little glitch though on that.

Starting point is 00:08:27 What's that? I was reading specifically about a story that they were, they were talking and they, I guess they were talking about the glasses. Okay. But we're going to be, you know, where you can go to the, maybe the metaverse with the glasses. Now you walk around and you're like, you can capture, yeah, it's Google glasses. Anyways, there's like a little light that I guess that, you know, for privacy.

Starting point is 00:08:46 Yeah, to show you that. That's right. You're recording or you're, you know, live streaming whatever. And Gerrugans said, well, can't you just put a little piece of tape over that? Yeah. A lot of them.

Starting point is 00:08:57 Of course you can. And he didn't really have any answer for that. And it's all really bad ideas. I mean, like I get it, I get that there are some people that are interested in kind of, you know, videoing the entirety of the world, so that if anything happens, you've got it on tape. But can't we just live it?

Starting point is 00:09:12 Do we need, it drives me fucking crazy. Is it any time to, I go to a concert these days, I hate it. I can't think of a concert. Maybe with the exception of maybe one time a concert, when I take a selfie with whoever I'm with, I can't think of a time when I have videoed a concert, maybe with the exception of maybe one time a concert when I take a selfie with whoever I'm with, I can't think of a time when I have videoed a concert because I am there to watch the fucking concert. It lives in my mind.

Starting point is 00:09:33 It's the moment that lives on. And when 75,000 other shit bags are videoing the same thing, I know it's going to be on YouTube for me to see for the rest of my life. I don't need to be another one. Do we really need to watch the world through our phones or can't we just put them down? I know I sound like an old fucking foggy right now. Like, you know. I'm gonna get my dick talking.

Starting point is 00:09:53 I don't have my fucking video. But when you go to a concert, the thing that's driving me crazy now is that I'm literally watching the concert through somebody else's phone because they have it up above their head. And that's the only way I can see the goddamn concert. I need to get better seeds. No respect for the commercial break. You think a commercial break gets you anything? We went in the South Kristoff.

Starting point is 00:10:14 We know Jeff. Well that's true. We know Jeff but Jeff doesn't call me up and offer me great seats anywhere. He offered me a seat near the restroom at Menfo. God, stuck there all week good. To be fair, the beer truck was right there too. So I guess you know, I really good chicken place you guys like. Well, man, we love that chicken place. I went to see Chris Rock and it was the best thing in the world.

Starting point is 00:10:37 Because Chris made you put your fucking phone in that bag. Jack White doesn't too. Yeah. And it was locked and no one could pick up their phones and everyone was just paying attention to Chris Rock. For two hours, all you had to do was laugh and have a good time and if your kids were dying and In a horrible ice cream related accident you wouldn't know until after it was done Oh my god, Chrissy. I was trolling on the internet as you do as I do like to do So you know we like to get on these you, we've done the love connection and you know,

Starting point is 00:11:06 all these, we've talked about a lot. Out of the liar, Frankie B. Frankie B, we like to talk about relationship driven stuff, you know, this is one of the, this is one of the, the five food groups of the commercial break. The five food groups. Penises, penises, penises, penises, relationships.

Starting point is 00:11:22 Only man. And I was reminded of a television show that I got into when I visited Europe. And it's a show called Blind Date. It's been not the blind date version here, but the blind date on the BBC or ITV or whatever it is. It's been around for ages. The same lady's been hosting it for ages.

Starting point is 00:11:38 She's like 112 years old. She's really funny. And let me explain the setup here. Okay. Man or woman, I me explain the setup here. Okay. Man or woman, I don't think they do gay or queer or anything. I don't think they do those, not that I'm aware of, but this is an older version, right? Man or woman gets on stage behind a partition

Starting point is 00:11:56 and then there are three of the opposite sex and then you ask them questions and you decide. And then you choose. And then they go on some wonderful vacation somewhere together And then they come back and talk about they go on a vacation. Wow in fucking line blind vacation in the UK They are not afraid. They send you on vacation Wow go to my orca or wherever it is Be the be the be the be the you go for a whole week

Starting point is 00:12:23 With someone and then you report back, right? Isn't that crazy? I know. Well, you got to be vetted, I would imagine. But still, they're... No, I know, risky. Dangerous. I mean, risky.

Starting point is 00:12:34 Like, dangerous to your fun. Mental hell. Fun level. Well, first of all, I'm pretty sure they don't get the same room. That can't happen. Like, they must, or at least they have the option of separate rooms. Yeah. There are camera people and producers that are with you because some of it is film, not all of it, but some of it is filmed. But yeah, I don't think that going on vacation

Starting point is 00:12:52 was someone's a big deal. And unless I know you, I'm not asking you to go on vacation with me. I did that one time and I ended up leaving the girl. I remember. I found it in the island. It was the craziest fucking thing that ever happened. That girl was a looney tune. And I wouldn't have brought up. Yeah, I tried. You're loins. All right, all right. I got a little excited about getting laid and I decided to invite someone on vacation that I had met for four hours in Charleston. Turned out she was a looney tune. Turned out, she was a loony tune. Turned out, I was a loony tune too, because I was great to it. And I left her in the middle of the night, and her mom was calling me, begging me not to leave her.

Starting point is 00:13:33 And I was like, she's throwing shit around the hotel room. She's threatening to call the cops. What do you want me to do? Like, am I going to stay here and get arrested? Yeah. Anyway, so blind date, I've got a version of this. I think I want to take a little look at it. Are you interested? I'm very interested. Let's do it. Let's pull up blind date on the old TCMibininator. You can go to youtube.com slash the commercial break if you'd like to watch this on the video.

Starting point is 00:13:58 First, we've got three desperate dance all hoping to meet the very own mini-lomites. So let's say hi to the boys. Come on boys. They're lonely me, head. The shirts are classy. Yeah, look at that. This must be what? Nineties, early nineties, mid nineties. Yeah, and you know this, but I was like back in the nineties, the cue cards they wrote

Starting point is 00:14:24 for these people like the host It's just so bad these five Dappa Danza looking for the mini minis Look at the teeth on that one with a yellow shirt. Yeah, it's going on there I don't know but but then the hair, that was a style too, where you would have like, like a gel in the front that just went up. Just a tuft of hair? Yeah, it's like a pompadour.

Starting point is 00:14:53 Yeah. I think Jeff would like a pompadour. Yeah, he said that. Well, hello number one. What's your name and where'd you come from? Well, hello, young hardster. You do this host is like 90. He's all warmed up.

Starting point is 00:15:08 Yeah, she's got a problem. Hello, Salamu name's Nick, and I'm from Poo. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Did you say his name is Nick and he's from the Poo? It's the UK, though. Oh, OK. APPLAUSE You used to be in the merchant navy, didn't you?

Starting point is 00:15:23 That's right, sure. Yeah, when I was 16, I signed up and joined the merchant navy. How are we right? You can do that when you're so high. How long we in the merchant navy for? And where did you go? Well, it was only there for six months, but... LAUGHTER Great.

Starting point is 00:15:37 That longevity in the merchant navy. I know, that's amazing. Yeah, I think the merchant navy is like, you just volunteer. To go on a boat? Yeah, I remember back in the like World War II, interesting that movie by, in the World War II, they, because of the, the Navy was having trouble with the Nazis, with the Germans,

Starting point is 00:15:52 they called upon the merchant navy, they were having issues, they didn't slaughtered, yeah. Sorry. That was insensitive. Yeah, they were getting literally killed and they called up the merchant navy. Okay, regular bus. Yeah, it's wrong. That was insensitive. Yeah, they were getting literally killed and they called up the merchant navy. Okay. Regards like reserves.

Starting point is 00:16:09 Yeah, it's like reserved. You use your own boat and you go out there and do what you can. Oh, okay. Yeah. I didn't get that. Is it true what they say about sailors? I mean, a girl in every port? No, it's true.

Starting point is 00:16:22 Not only just... Not only just the one sail, not only just... LAUGHTER Not only just the one said, not only just the one, you know. It is true, but there's also... There's also, we made sure that there was a lot of port and every girl as well before you. CHEERING I don't know. What the fuck you just said, but people went crazy.

Starting point is 00:16:39 I've made... Not only a girl in every port, there's a port and every girl. What does that mean? What does that mean? They were drunk. Oh, okay? Oh, how do you pick that up? Why are you so much smarter than I am today? What happened? Are you have you always been smarter and I've just been? Smartless, okay, and that would be a show The list there's what actually be happy to be listening if we were smartless

Starting point is 00:17:04 The list there's gonna actually be happy to be listening if we were smart. But I'm going to put it in every And Joie Blind date number one, a lot of pot, and every girl Nothing, nothing more Nothing, nothing I'm James, I'm from Cardiff What does our James do from Cardiff! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE What does our James do from Cardiff? I selects the sea of rays.

Starting point is 00:17:29 He looks like that guy. Look at that shirt. I know. It's like a parachute. Yeah, he cut up. Yeah. I'm your local family butcher. LAUGHTER

Starting point is 00:17:40 I love to play more. I play with your meat all day long. It's so weird. You're a butcher with a banter. I mean, you chaffable ladies, all the housewives. All the ladies, silly, they love it. They love the special sausages, and especially... LAUGHTER

Starting point is 00:17:58 They love your sausages, yeah. Especially, they always come back for the loin of pork, silly. They always love eating it. Yeah, that prepared. This guy's been waiting five long years to use those on national television. What special thing would I do? I mean times a party do you think that guy says the same thing? Oh the every day. Yeah. We gotta go out with Dave again he's gonna give his own pork loin story. It's awesome. It's sausages. It love the story.

Starting point is 00:18:25 We do a special, which is the roast rack of lamb that is. A roast, a crown roast. Roast crown of lamb that, it's a le, yeah. Well, tell me what's so special about your crown roast. Well, it's easy, silly. It's just the way I stuff them. LAUGHTER Oh, there's David. That's the way I stuff them, joke. What? that's the way I stuff him, joke. What?

Starting point is 00:18:47 The reason I wanted to watch this is I want to point out just how cheesy these guys are. Super cheesy. Super cheesy. Yeah. You think they get prepared by the producers all the time? Yeah, they're prepared. Okay, you're a butcher, but you're, let's make a joke about your sausages. Oh, I got a great talk about my sausages.

Starting point is 00:19:03 In the loins. Yeah, in the loins. What about your stuffed rack of lab? Yeah, your sausages. I got a great joke about my sausages in the line in the lines. What about your stuff? Rack of lab Yeah, that's right He's so Hello number three watch your name and where did you come from? Oh, I said I'm diving on for Brighton! Brighton! Oh my god, this guy is a Class A lug lug.

Starting point is 00:19:34 He is. And, Dave, you're still back in the age of two. Yeah, I'm studying to be a children's nurse, Silla. Children's nurse! Children's nurse! Ah, we've got a weird. Children's nurse. Children's nurse. Children's nurse. Got a weird. You can get in this conflict, and I tell you,

Starting point is 00:19:47 well, you all deserve dirty big risers. Don't they ladies? Dirty, you all deserve dirtiness? Is that what she says? She said dirty big risers. What is a dirty big riser? Sometimes I don't pick up on these more nuanced sayings, but I guess we have a lot of things.

Starting point is 00:20:02 You're the one who watches the video. I watch it all the time. I've never heard dirty reds, lot risers, or whatever. It is a the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video.

Starting point is 00:20:10 I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video.

Starting point is 00:20:18 I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. I watched the video. definitely not like but not only that in your youth when you were much younger boy I mean you were in even the scouts is that right yeah and now you've you're a fully fledged when you got to dig that deep to find something interesting about

Starting point is 00:20:31 somebody you're the scouts when you're six so you were born in a hospital day once you when you're a little any mini baby it. It's like, he's a full grown man. There's nothing anything more interesting that you can talk about, the fact of the Scouts. Unless there's a joke coming that we just don't know. Like unless the producers have made it. Yeah, okay, let's see. Gout Master.

Starting point is 00:20:55 I'm in date. Yes. And you sit around the can fire with the kids, yes? Sing songs. Do you? You don't sing that song. I do. What?

Starting point is 00:21:07 I do. I do. You want to hang around a lot of children? I know. But say to them, what's up with Dave? I mean, I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just saying, anybody that wants to hang around children that much and does not have their own children?

Starting point is 00:21:19 Yeah. Yeah, you got to look out for them. Maybe, just be careful. That's all. Tell us what's going on. King Gang, Gilly. Oh, King Gang, Gilly. The telephone. King Gang, Gully. Oh, King Gang, Gully.

Starting point is 00:21:27 All right. King Gang, Gully. King Gang, Gully. King Gang, Gully. King Gang, Gully. King Gang, Gully. How does everyone know this song? What the fuck is King Gang, Gully?

Starting point is 00:21:39 Everyone knows it, though. Did you notice he has a wedding ring on his finger? This is really getting weird. They're all three. I shall see you all in a no-life. All right, you're lovely. Oh, right. Who's that means?

Starting point is 00:21:55 Yeah, we got to find out. Who's a lovely lady. Good fella's there, but which will all girl choose to be her own special wise guy? Let's find out. Her name's Max. Horrible. Let's find out her name's horrible She's from Hampshire coming. Oh, here comes Kelly from Hampshire. Okay Head to toe black leather

Starting point is 00:22:16 That girl is smoking out. Oh my god. Wow Did you imagine going on a whole retreat with her? Wow Wow, can you imagine going on a whole retreat with her? No. Wow. She's like a tall, long hair. For those of you that aren't watching this, she is a gorgeous woman. She's like a perfect human being. Yeah, she's got head to toe.

Starting point is 00:22:40 Like it's a body suit. Body suit, it's leather, it's body-stick. Body suit, yeah. She, it's body sitting. Yeah, she's volumptuous and long hair. Yeah, and nothing looks fake actually. Yeah. It looks natural. Oh God.

Starting point is 00:22:52 They look good. These two fucking, these three fucking yadda. They are not gonna know what I handle. No, these guys have no idea what to do with this kind of woman. Yeah. One guy could kick down the merchant navy. The other guy's hanging around children. The third guy is butcher jokes. Come on. You think she wants a

Starting point is 00:23:06 date of butcher? With bad teeth? No. Let's be honest. I wouldn't know what to do with a woman like this. Hey commercial breakers, best to all of you who have been leaving wonderful podcast reviews on your favorite podcast player, especially all those who are using Apple, we really appreciate it. We've been delused by wonderful comments and reviews that we couldn't be more grateful if you're one of those. If you're not, could you take just a few minutes and leave us a podcast review, comments

Starting point is 00:23:38 or rating on your favorite podcast player. Almost all of them have some version of rating or review. It helps us grow the show. It'll make you feel better and it'll tickle all of our pickles. Thanks so much! Hey, 661-237-8296 is where you can leave us a text message or a voicemail and we want to hear for you. Comments, questions, concerns or content ideas, let us know by sending us a text or leaving us a voicemail at 661, the word best, the

Starting point is 00:24:05 number two, y-o-yo. That's 661, best to yo, and go to tcbpodcast.com. You'll find all the audio and all the video right there at one location. You can now connect with us on social media at the commercial break on Instagram and youtube.com. Slash the commercial break. Still, the only place to find all of the video content and exclusives you cannot find anywhere else. We're gonna take a short break to hear from our sponsors.

Starting point is 00:24:31 Please use their specialized URLs and or codes if you're ever in the market for their products or services. We certainly would appreciate it. We know our sponsors would too. We'll be right back with this episode of The Commercial Break. Hey all my TC.C.B. football fans, the first Sunday of the NFL season is here and Draft King Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL, is giving new customers a can't miss offer to celebrate the return of the NFL season.

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Starting point is 00:25:58 Use the Code TCB. Minimum age and eligibility restrictions do apply. See our show notes for additional details. Mally want an entrance and what a look the audience love you out there tell everybody what you do. I work in sales and tech communication. Of course she does. Of course she does. She's the best salesperson on the team. You're a flirtatious lady. I love to have you. I do.

Starting point is 00:26:28 I do. But if you do like a guy and you get on with them on a date, I mean, you can't help finishing a date with a certain type of... I can't. No, I break how I work. I can't. I do. She said you can't help but finish him off.

Starting point is 00:26:42 What is going on in this show? These brits, you know, they show boobs in the middle of the afternoon. It's like, yeah, it's a whole different world over there. They're not as prudish as we are. And so the old 90 year old host saying, you know, you like to finish your dates off. She's like, I do, I do. Make out in song with a little bit of big spender.

Starting point is 00:27:01 Really? So, Jomisa? Yes. Okay, let's skip Big Spender here. I don't think we need to hear this lady sing Big Spender. Yeah, she of big spender. Really? So, Jomisa? Yes. Okay, let's skip big spender here. I don't think we need to hear this lady sing big spender. Yeah, she sing big spender. Yeah. Big spender.

Starting point is 00:27:11 Big spender. Spender. Bow. Show your tits to me. Oh, that's not a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a. I know, that's when she shakes her boobs. That gets down low. Okay, we could skip all the clear massage

Starting point is 00:27:22 and you're going in the show. Oh, Kelly. Kelly, that was great. Three questions you've got there. I've got three questions. Fire away with the first one. Oh, it is three. Yeah, oh, it is three questions to know who Kelly, yeah, which girl, which guy, Kelly, is going to take a date. This is the world's luckiest bastard.

Starting point is 00:27:46 This girl is gorgeous. Hello, boys. Hello, Kelly. Okay, question number one. I've got long dark hair, which I'm told is my trademark. What part of your body? I think whoever's telling you that your hair is your trademark is just being polite. Because I've only known you for 10 seconds and I don't think your hair is the trademark.

Starting point is 00:28:11 It's a great addition. Yeah, it's a great addition to all the other things that are going on. Most proud of. Number one. Well, I'd say my best feature would be my electric blue eyes. And if you look into them tonight, they'll make your hair stand on end. LAUGHTER MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you know my god? We're gonna have to bring out the noises for this one

Starting point is 00:28:59 Number two, please well well Kelly. I've been told I've got a line you saying I got a nice bomb? No, I thought he was going to say, I got a good connection from Maui inside the city. That's my first tribute. That's my first tribute. That's my co-dealer. Oh, it's bomb. So how do you fancy a bit of a cheeky butcher boy. Woo! Yeah! APPLAUSE How's that?

Starting point is 00:29:29 Do you like a bit of rump, do you? LAUGHTER So... LAUGHTER I love this joke. It's so bad, it's girl. It's so... It's so...

Starting point is 00:29:43 It's so bad, it's girl. It's so... It's so bad, it's girl. It's so... It's good. It's so campy, it's good. Three questions, you get a week with Kelly. And the producers wrote all the jokes. And the guys tell him horribly. Everyone's telling these jokes horribly. Hey. Hi, Kelly. Hi.

Starting point is 00:29:57 Hi. Well, as a happy player, I suppose it's got to be my broad shoulders and broken nose. So I'm doing me a favor, Kelly. Keep these two into touch and we have an early bath. What? He's too into the touch and we'll have an early bath. Is this the same guy that wants to be a children's nurse?

Starting point is 00:30:20 He said his broad shoulders and his broken nose. He pointed to his nose like it was talking about blow. It's my, it's my great coke connection. I got a better coke connection than Jim over here. So bad. Oh my god. She's gonna go spend a week with somebody based on these questions. And clearly these jokes have to be fed to them, right?

Starting point is 00:30:41 They didn't make the, no one's, no one's... Like, unprofessional... There's Whitty. Yeah, non-professional comedians are this Whitty, that's right. Yes. Yes. Question number two, I believe in first impressions and usually make a decision within the first few minutes of meeting someone. If you had just 15 seconds to impress me, what would you do? And that goes to number two please. Well Kelly, if you had 15 seconds to choose me, you wouldn't have to have 15 seconds because you could have the rest of your life to just see how really good I am.

Starting point is 00:31:16 That's the sound of Kelly's libido going down under the floor. Number two is not doing so. Well, Kelly, if you had 15 seconds, you wouldn't need 15 seconds because you could spend the rest of your life listening to my dribble about butchers for the rest of your life. My sausage jokes never get old. I have a new one every day. Oh, I have a new one every day. Oh. APPLAUSE Oh, which one?

Starting point is 00:31:50 Um, number one, please. Well, Kelly, 15 seconds. That's not very long, but I think I'd choose how much of a hot lover I am. But then, uh... Oh. 15 seconds. I tell you how much of a hot...

Starting point is 00:32:05 I tell you how much of a hot lover I am? Wow! Wow! Go for it I guess! Okay, yeah! Tell us! Tell us about your moves! Tell us about your clit-licking and your...

Starting point is 00:32:18 and your booty banging. We're interested to know now! I know! That's all! Yeah! More than a twinkle! Then I don't know. That's all. More than a week. Oh, my god. Then I'll do for the 10 seconds. What?

Starting point is 00:32:32 He said, for the first five seconds, I tell you I'm on a hot lover. I mean, I don't know what I do for the other 10 seconds. Yep, that sounds about accurate. You could get Kelly and Bed. That does. But the way she looks and the way he looks. Oh yeah. He'll last five seconds. I would last five seconds. Let me make that joke again.

Starting point is 00:32:54 Number three. Well, 15 seconds. So I've got about 10 seconds. So I've got about 10 seconds. 9, 8, 7, 6, 5. Off the get it, Kelly, just pick me. Ah! That went bad. That went bad. If you're Kelly at this point, do you think like, I don't know. What am I doing here?

Starting point is 00:33:21 At least I get to sing my song. Hopefully somebody notices me. I really want to be get that record album. Yeah Do I really have to go on or the sound fit? Do I have to go for the whole week or just gonna go for a day or two? Okay question number three I'm very trusting although my friends are often call me gullible because I believe absolutely anything they tell me What's your most outrageous story and why should I believe you? Number one.

Starting point is 00:33:50 Oh God, here we go. Outrageous stories. Please. Well, Kelly, when I was a lad I was once on one of my dad's demolition sites and I managed to fall for a roof. So imagine this, I'm 100 foot up, hanging from a life and I'm up there for about 15 minutes. But let me tell you something, Kelly, believe me. He's hanging for 15 minutes. You wouldn't want to drop. He's hanging for 15 minutes.

Starting point is 00:34:12 As a kid? As a kid? A hundred feet in the air and he's still easy. He lived to talk about it. Yeah, he's not paralyzed. I don't know. And then what was the punchline to this? Let's see what brilliant idea he came up with. 15 minutes. But let me tell you something, Kelly Kelly believe me. I'm someone you wouldn't want to drop Gee this just gets worse and worse So many wouldn't want to drop

Starting point is 00:34:37 I don't know if that's the most outrageous story. It just sounds like a episode of you know Reno 9 what is the what is that show 9-1. What is that show? 9-1-1, emergency or whatever. One of those bad Fox television programs. Fire and Rescue. Oh. Oh. Oh. Number three, please.

Starting point is 00:34:56 Well, Kelly, I'm Rich, successful, and I look like George Clooney. Oh. Oh. Tell the most outrageous story. Oh, he was telling a lie. What a ding bag. Yeah, he was telling a lie.

Starting point is 00:35:11 He's a loser who hangs around children. And the most important thing he's ever done is be a Cub Scout. It does not look like George Clooney. No. You like George Clooney? I do. Once. Oh, she's trying to give her a little advice here.

Starting point is 00:35:29 What should you believe me? Don't go with number three. Don't go with number three. Yeah, number three's a real lug nut. And he hangs around children. And he doesn't have any of his own. Well, trust me, I'm a doctor. Oh.

Starting point is 00:35:42 And he's just lying. Yeah, now he's just lying. He's a nurse. OK, now he's just lying. He's a nurse. OK, it's not even yet. I'm trying to save please. OK, well, Kelly, I once went away with the lads just for a week's holiday. And I ended up banging all of them.

Starting point is 00:35:58 It was crazy. I got the clapping, too, but it's got pregnant. He really beat the... I just wanted to stay. Let's go pregnant. You're gonna be the... I just wanted to stay out there for six months. So when you pick me tonight, believe me, we won't be coming back. Oh! Oh!

Starting point is 00:36:15 Huh. Huh. And now she has the shoes. I can universally say that all of these answers were really bad. If I was on the other side of that, I would be like, do I have to commit to one of them? It's I don't want to choose it. I'd ask the host, I'd be like, do you want to go with me? You're old. We could have a drink in the park. You retire early. I'll go out. What do you think?

Starting point is 00:36:36 Do you see questions if those over quick as the flanks does Nick Kelly? It's Nick, you're mind-up time. Any ideas? I have, yeah. You have. I know I'm going to pick. No. I'm not going to tell you. Well, don't tell me.

Starting point is 00:36:49 No, not just yet anyway, because we've got to hear from our Graham. MUSIC Well, not ready. We'll be electrifying number one. If he's got the time, he won't keep you hanging around. He's a fine angel with life. I have to have a butcher's at number two

Starting point is 00:37:05 who has the nerve to offer you the holiday of a lifetime. But would it be in decisive number three? The magic nurse. The man who seems to be slipping through his fingers. That was a financial advisor. Did we really have to wrap up those three? I mean, you had three short, we just asked in the questions. Like, what this show is awesome

Starting point is 00:37:27 Is yours Well, first of all, you got to pick your date and then the second bit is picking the date where you're gonna go But the most important thing is who you're gonna go for? I'm gonna go for number one please. I think I might have liked him the best, honestly, out of the dad. Just say the stupidest thing up. Yeah, he's got to speak. I don't think you've got any qualms about that one, but what about the they're all great?

Starting point is 00:38:01 What about the two that you turned down and how could you turn down our butcher? Yeah, she likes it. Yeah, she likes his sausage She wants to get stuffed Crown rose and it's stuffing You turn down number two. That was James from Cardiff come in James I think just slip her some Molly I'm in James. I think he just slipped her some Molly while she was. He started doing blow right there.

Starting point is 00:38:29 Can I cut up a few lines? Is that cool? I just want to get this party started. I want to get right into it, host whatever your name is. She looks like Catwoman. Oh my god. She is just like a tall fucking drink of water. She really does look like Catwoman. You gotta check this out.

Starting point is 00:38:52 YouTube.com slash the commercial break. I'm not pining for subscribers. I'm telling you right now, you gotta check out this young lady. She is the Cat's Meow. She is the Cat's Meow. Look, she's watching them walk away and she's like, oh shit, that was a good looking one because you know in every one of these shows They have one good looking one and then two real stinkers, but luckily number one is not the worst looking man in the world I think that one might have been the best looking one.

Starting point is 00:39:20 Number three is someone you just wanted to stay away from all together. The way that he answered I have like a police alert. Yeah You want to hear it? Yeah, that's right I like this retard and you turned down how could you turn down six foot three number three? That was our day from Brighton Come in day Children's news Oh

Starting point is 00:39:44 Oh Children's men. Oh, dang. Hold this. I think hold this. I'm fortunate that I'm here. I'm going to have a nine. You're going to have to go now. You're going to have to go, Dave. You're back to the camera.

Starting point is 00:40:00 No one can see you. Bad television for me. She's so gorgeous. She's really good looking. Have you seen her tits? Can I stay here for a few minutes? I'll just hang on. Can I stand up right with number one?

Starting point is 00:40:11 Is that okay? You guys need a third? Never mind. Wow. Wow. Did you like him? Yeah. Oh, she's crying.

Starting point is 00:40:19 My goodness. Never mind. She liked number three. Wow. I was her type. Maybe she likes that big burly type. My goodness. Never mind. She liked number three. Wow. Wow. I was her type.

Starting point is 00:40:28 Maybe she likes that big burly type. She's a big woman. Like, she's tall. So maybe she liked someone that was taller. Yeah. Because I guarantee number one's going to come out and he's going to be up to her tits. Like, he's not going to be that tall. Is he going to be in the short?

Starting point is 00:40:37 Yeah, I think so. She's, he was six foot three. The last one was six foot three. And he, I think I was guessing about two and a half three inch difference. Okay. So she's 6 feet tall. Yeah. They've gone. The audience loved this next one.

Starting point is 00:40:50 And you chose a few days. You chose number one. That was Nick from Pull, come in Nick. Whoa. Whoa. I'm gonna say him high. Okay. She's got on boots too.

Starting point is 00:41:04 Yeah. Yeah. Look, it's awkwardly as they do. I know, it's awkwardly. Yeah, she doesn't like it. Yeah. Go in a vacation now. He's so uncomfortable, dude. You got to just, he's probably like, oh my god, I've never seen a woman like this.

Starting point is 00:41:21 I've never been within a foot of a woman like this. I'm so excited to be in this life. I've never been within a foot of a woman like this. I saw you giving her a smile. I saw you giving her a smile. I saw you giving her a smile. I saw you giving her a once over there. It was a quick look to the eyes and quickly down to the romp. It was.

Starting point is 00:41:39 To the romp. Where are you going on your blind date? Go on and let you pick. it's a bunch of South America. Yeah, by the way, they're all the same place. Come on guys You're going for two and a half years to Antarctica You'll be staying in a one-by-one room accommodation You'll eat space food and shit in the bag you love it it's all yours thanks for playing I'm fine date I hope those questions were great you'll be tracking through Siberia

Starting point is 00:42:34 be trekking through Siberia. You'll be riding a dual bicycle through the Sahara Desert. You're moving in with James Mom. You're moving in with number three for a year. All expenses paid. Care of Dave, the student nurse. Oh, it's... You're too... Who's gonna read? You can read. And in the Navy. I say, he's been in the Navy.

Starting point is 00:43:07 He's been in the Navy. Six months, easy. He was in the Navy for six months, at 16 years old. I kept jobs longer than that. Now he's a financial advisor. Well, he turned out okay. So, yeah. He's like a gold chain.

Starting point is 00:43:21 Yeah, he's intimidated. And she's like, I should have chosen number three. However, if you chose number three, it's almost guaranteed that you wouldn't last the week with it. No, he was a wild child. Yeah. What does it say?

Starting point is 00:43:35 And it's Rayleigh Dates. Oh, wow. Oh, Rayleigh Dates. Your girl did it, Rayleigh. Oh, my god. On a pilgrimage! Strap on your horse. You're going to the Gaza Strip for a week!

Starting point is 00:43:51 You'll be wearing bulletproof vest and dodging homemade bombs! Uhhh! Ha! Uhhh! You're going to hit straightly today. Okay! You'll be staying in a homeless suicide bombas.

Starting point is 00:44:06 Congratulations to you. That's, I shouldn't make fun. But that is not exactly the place you want to, I mean, I hear Israel is beautiful. Yeah. But I think it depends on where you're going in Israel. Yeah. Yes, you're off to Israel. You're off to a luxurious five-star hotel

Starting point is 00:44:25 on the banks of the Mediterranean Sea. You'll enjoy the hustle and bustle of Tel Aviv. The hustle and bustle of Tel Aviv. The hustle and bustle of Tel Aviv. The hustle, bustle, and car, bombings. You'll be rocking all night long. We provide earmuffs to keep you sleeping while everyone else is bombing.

Starting point is 00:44:45 Ancient Nazareth, oh wow, the history. I'm thrilled. Oh wow, the history, that's that what I want. I'm going on a street, the stranger. Oh, date, I don't want to go to Israel. I mean, you could have, you could have sent me to Northfolk and I would have had more fun. Send me to the middle of Ireland and winter. I mean, at least it's more fun.

Starting point is 00:45:09 Oh. Oh. Stunning fishing port of Jaffa. If that's not enough, it says you'll dance the night away, Israeli style. Yes. Is that a belly dance? What the, what the, I can belly dance to that.

Starting point is 00:45:23 It's not even a wreath, it's divine, it's a wreath. I don't know. What the, what the two? I'll come Belly Johnson. It's not even me, it's just a blinded. I don't know, we're sitting there. Don't ask me stupid questions. I think that guy is like, to turn his mind is tarting. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh shit, we're going, it's, yeah, he's like, oh shit, we're going in his way.

Starting point is 00:45:37 And she's beautiful. And she's gorgeous. I don't know, like his mind is, well. I just came in my pants. I don't know. I didn't even last. I didn't even last, so we got on stage. He's so nervous and she's obviously

Starting point is 00:45:48 this was not the one she wanted to choose. Yeah, because number one was kind of handsome. And you could tell she gave him a nice big hug. And then number two, she started, number three, she started crying when he walked away. Yeah, she really wanted that one. And number two. She doesn't know what the blind day gods know.

Starting point is 00:46:03 Yeah, the blind day gods know. You're not going to make it as big in Israel. Yeah. No, no, no. Well, do you ever want your life with your belly? I'd even like it. And it says finally, let's hope you'll be dancing for joy when you come back. I think you're making a story. You're only coming away for it. Yeah. You'll get married in a way at your reception You'll get married on a fishing boat in the middle of the Mediterranean on a 15 day cruise You'll be catching carp and getting married The fun never stops here on blind date I'm back until it's like a fucking episode of Black Mirror.

Starting point is 00:46:47 That's it. You're right. Oh my god. What have I done? Oh shit. Ladies and gentlemen, Kelly, I'm Nick and joyous together forever. I am most certainly going to find out what happened to Kelly and Nick because I got a no now, don't we? Don't we have to know what happened to you? I am gonna search high and low and I'm gonna get the answer.

Starting point is 00:47:12 Oh, that would be hilarious. So what we need? Oh, I think we found a new show we can have fun with. But there's tons of these out there by the way and they do like, they're hour long episodes and not only last 15 minutes, they do four of these in episode and then they also have the people come back and talk about. Well, that's what we need. Yeah, that's what we need.

Starting point is 00:47:30 We need that. So I'll see if I can find out with Kelly and Dave here. What happened? Kelly of Mark, whatever is there was. Oh, Nick, okay. I'll see if I can find out what happened and we'll update you on a future episode of the commercial break.

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