The Commercial Break - Give Mr. Johnson A Hardee Kiss!

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

Bryan tells Krissy why he thinks 33P never made it to "Rockstar" status. Then the gang finds out why your fast-food experience is so miserable. Hint: It's the training videos. It's time to hear some 90's training material for Hardee's and Wendy's! LINKS: Watch this episode on Youtube TCBTV-minus Sponsor FUM (Use Code TCB) MEMPHO Music Fest (Oct 1st-3rd 2021) Subscribe to The Commercial Break Podcast Youtube Channel New Episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays everywhere! Text or leave us a message: +1 [phone] FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak @bryangcomedy @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: @bryangreen @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: The Commercial Break Club on Clubhouse! (home of live recordings) Twitter: tcbbryan Facebook: The Commercial Break Podcast YouTube: Youtube.com/TheCommercialBreak Email: [e-mail] A Chartable Top 100 Comedy Podcast #1 Trending Comedy Podcast Worldwide! (Chartable) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast U.S.(Chartable) An Apple Top 100 Comedy Podcast  Top 1% Downloaded Podcasts, Worldwide (ListenNotes) A Hot 50 Podcast (Podcast Magazine)   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And welcome back to WSHIT's Focus on our Silver seniors each week we bring you a presentation from the Crab Apple Retirement home. Today we're very proud to present Local Celebrity and Crab Apple Idol winner from 2008, Jilly Dozer. Jilly of course has the voice of an angel, let's go live now and here Jilly sing for our Silver Seniors. and here, Julie Singh, for our Silver Sceners. And time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much. Are you SILM of I Be your love

I need your love Smooth as turkey pudding Gives me a chill right in my giblets We'll be back after this. Commercial break. Hey, hey, if 33P had a big, you might be another Anthony Keitas. You know sometimes when I was in 33P, I would look at Anthony Keitas and I go, if he can do it, clearly we can't. But never happened for us that quite a while.

And almost. We almost had the same trajectory. If we just could have gotten to the third show, it would have all changed for us. We get a lot of customers like Peter, who are regular. We get a lot like you buy customers, like retailers. Who are regular? And I don't mean regular at the restaurant.

I mean, they poop in a frequent basis. that's why we got to clean the bathrooms often I heard hardies I'll have the news Yeah, I'll have the news. I'm gonna go on your crap for a few minutes Here's your newspaper, Mr. Smith Here at hardies the crap gets a workout Here in Ireland is the crap against starts now. Happy New Year! Best of you, Chris.

Best of you, Chrissy! Best of you, Brian! Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thank you for joining us on another episode of DCBTV- The commercial break for sure. DCB, don't be afraid, call us whatever you like. Just don't call us collect. 4705-444-4-9 Is where you can leave us a text message or a voicemail and I am imploring you to leave us a voicemail.

Tell us how you feel about the commercial break. Don't be shy, tell us your real feelings. Like Judy from Alaska who said, Hey, go fuck yourself. Yeah. Best of fucking you. And I said, you know what, Judy? Gonna play it on air.

And I'll play you on air if you leave me a message, 4705848449. Stand there, Dixmashing Great. Do you apply to those of you outside of the country? And we're back for another episode at a James. Continue to sit behind us. Yes. And the TCB-TV-Minus Studios. That's a great question. I'm really interested to know whether or not people are... Is I do exactly both of those? I do. And I do well. I'm cooking. Well, I'm running. I'm running.

I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running.

I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm that's a great question. I'm really interested to know whether or not people are.

Is I do exactly both of those? And I do, while I'm cooking. While I'm running, while I'm walking, while I'm working out, which happens very infrequently now that I have children, I listen a lot in the shower to podcasts. Okay, yeah. And I don't get a lot of opportunity to listen to new podcasts, oftentimes it's like 15, 20 minutes

of a new podcast, and I'll know whether or not I'm kind of opportunity to listen to new podcasts. Oftentimes it's like 15, 20 minutes of a new podcast. And I'll know whether or not I'm kind of interested in the material. I like basement yard. I think that's a good one. I like those boys. I think they're really funny. I like Conan.

I think Conan's really funny. Worsefoot Forward is a good show. And there's a couple of our friends that I listen to. But they're not gonna get a free plug here on this show. Yeah. Jeff Daweskin, please. Mr. Daweskin. Live from Detroit. It's Jeff Dawes free plug here on this show. Pfft. Pfft. Chef Dawascan, please. Mr. Dawascan. Live from Detroit, it's Chef Dawascan.

I like that show. Did you know that in 1991, the following albums were all released within 44 days of each other. Are you ready? Think it guess. Think it guess of one of them. 1991 is here. Whitney Houston something.

Whitney Houston, the fuck are you? Whitney Houston. I don't know, try to get back to 91. I can't remember. Think about 91. Think about what's happening in 1991. I wasn't like that all. It's like a cultural revolution is going on. Our culture revolution. You too.

You too. You too. Octoong baby this shit. Octoong shit. That's what that was. Octoong baby. I was listening to a lot of you two recently. And I found.

I found that even in his old, I found a live recording of them at the BBC Studios and they were singing with or without you. You know, with or without you, with or without you. Okay, so it's in a higher register and Bono is an older man. He's like in his 60s now, right?

And ever since, probably, R Rattlenhum, maybe a little bit of Octoon baby, they're shit is shit. I mean, I just don't care for their music after those particular albums, right? Proud. Yeah, Rattlenhum, Joshua, which we, those albums are incredible. And just just Rattlenhum and Joshua, which we, just those two albums could carry artists for life. They should have just stopped right there, right? And it's not like REM. But anyway, I digress.

Very rarely do I find a live version of a song that I really, really love by an older, like they sang it when they were young, but now they're older, and it's a better version when they're older, except for with or without you from the BBC studio. Was it recent? It was a recent recording. 2019, I think. So before the pandemic, and the way that he sang the song was much more raw. I maybe I'll sing it and see if you can tell the difference. So when he sings the real song, he said, with or without you, with or without you. Okay, that's the way it goes.

But in the BBC version, because I think because his voice doesn't. He did a different inflection. He goes, with or without you, with or without you. He says he goes, you like this, but he's screaming it, right? When or without you, right?

And it's really, I liked it very much. I was like, oh, go buy, oh, go dude. Finding new ways to, you know, sing your old hits and your old classics. In my opinion, a better version even than the album version. That's fine. Which was unbelievable.

So you know what, you two, congratulations to you. Best to you, you two. That's to you, you two. Best to you, too. That's all I've got to say about that. 1991 we're going back to the original question. 44 days in 1991. Cultural Revolution is on the sweat.

Time magazine. Time magazine is declaring that angst is the feeling of the youth. Is it the grungee? Kind of. Okay. Let me give you one album. Pearl Jam's 10.

It is Pearl Jam? Well, no, there's five albums. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven albums that all released within 44 days of each album. All mega fucking hits. Back to 91. Pearl Jam's 10 was released in this 44 days. That's right, it's the 20th anniversary, right?

Or 20th anniversary. All right, yeah, Let me do my math. Yeah, we're old. Nirvana's never mind. Soundgarden's bad motor finger, bad motor, woozy. I love Soundgarden. Red Hot Chili Peppers Blood Sex Magic. Wow, I love all of these.

Metallica's black album. Unbelievable. Yeah. And Guns n' Roses use your illusion one and two, including the 15-minute epic song known as November Rain. That is a quite the 44 days. And I called November Rain. And then it, then it, then it, then it, then it, then it, then it, then it, then it,

when I see you crying baby, don't you know I feel the Right remember it Rachel would be so proud. That's for you Rachel. No, remember rain No, Vembrane arguably Guns and Roses last Great album was use your illusion to in my opinion one or two But if it's two we got to say that because spaghetti incidents piece shit But anyway those all of those albums released in a Period, I can't imagine Metallica black which great songs in that and Pearl Jam and Nirvana and sound garden and Throw in user illusion for good measure. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of red hatchery. I know a lot of people are but I like I just can't deal with it. I can't deal with Anthony

I like them a lot. Yeah, I just can't deal with it. I can't deal with Anthony Keed and his mom. I roughly use the autobiography. I like flee, but I can't deal with that Anthony Keed and his Keedis. And Keedis, Keedis, Keedis, Keedis, dip, dip, dip, dip. That's all folks. Yeah.

I can't deal with all these shenanigans, all these running around. Yeah. It's just too much for me. He's alive. And do the beat, so mad. Hey, hey, 33 P. 33 P. I had a big, you might be another Anthony Keedis. You know, sometimes when I was if 33 P. 33 P was. You might be another Anthony Keitas.

You know, sometimes when I was in 33 P, I would look at Anthony Keitas and I go, if he can do it, clearly we can't. But never happened for us that quite a while. And almost. We almost had the same trajectory. If we just could have gotten to the third show, it would have all changed for us. But first the record, which was a terrible show, then I fell off stage, which didn't help

anybody. And then we had, well, we did have our third show at the retirement home. Oh, we played the house party. You were going on tour at the retirement home? Yeah. We played a house party where somebody's parents were out of town, but the house party. You were going to the retirement house? Yeah. We played a house party, where somebody's parents were out of town, but the house party started at noon. So it was middle of the day.

Yeah, they're re-talking about it. We had figured out a bunch of rage against the machine cover songs to do, rage and some hum and some other hardcore band-stip stuff, did play so that the kids could go all rocking, but it was the middle of the fucking afternoon. Yeah. There were like 40 people there. They were all sitting up like they had, you know, made this big.

They were sitting like it all sitting. Yes. Yeah. And like lazy boys on a couch and they had cleared out a bunch of space for us in the living room. The drums were in front of the fireplace. And here I have my microphone and I'm like, die you got the stick!

Fuck you, I won't do much I tell you, mate! Meanwhile, these kids are like, huh? Right. Hey, hey, hey, could do me favor, I got a request, unplug all your instruments and turn on the radio. Does anybody have a request? We don't normally take requests, but this is special invite only Break from our tour oh my god of the retirement home. That's right. My our first album's about to drop. I don't know if you've heard it Called Venus the penis

It's called a tag of the penis. Oh my God, such bad music, honey. You tried. 33 penis will forever be. It was forever be. This is the band that got away. It's music execs. You're gonna have us one of the others,

but you just couldn't see through the bullshit. Hey, you were ahead of your time. Yeah. You could have, you just decided to listen to all the A and R reps and producers that had tasted music. But if you would have listened to your instincts that told you these P guys are going

It's three P squared or P to the third foul Double P's on its way Double P double three P's on its way DCB podcast.com is where you go you can read all the show notes find out more about Chrissy I listen to all the audio watch all the video and connect with us on Instagram and on YouTube. Here's the deal. We're doing a little bit of a scavenger hunt giveaway.

There's gonna be some clues left in the videos. It starts at episode number 85. Go to YouTube, subscribe, watch the videos all the way through. It's the only clue you're getting. You're not even gonna know what you're winning until many weeks from now. So it's gonna be a week.

So we're doing like a 12 week little thing right here. So you want to be involved because you know how we like to give away. We don't give away small, we give away big. We figure if you're not going to pay us, we'll pay you. It's a good plan. It's a good tradeoff. You know, we went for Patreon. You said, you know what? Not for me. Maybe if I would have put all the 33 penis records up there then, Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah.

Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah.

Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah.

Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. Nah. If I was to put all of that stuff up there, would you then pay us a couple dollars for Patreon? No, I actually don't want Patreon money anymore. Fuck it. Nevermind. Okay, so 4705848449, I already told you the phone line. Please do drop us a voice message so that you can be included in a future episode. Tell us how you feel. Tell us when you listen.

Tell us where you're from. Tell us whatever you want to try and make it under 15 or 20 seconds. And I'll throw you at the front of the show, like I have been doing in a comedic way. And info at tcbpodcast.com where you can connect with us. Let us know what you want to hear. If you have any bright ideas for a show, we're always have our ears open. We've got great people like Roxanne and William and Tracy and Stacey and all these people who drop us lines and tell us we should cover this or that or the other thing. And we've used some of their ideas.

So we're not afraid you're not going to get paid me because we don't get paid me thing. But you know what, if you just want to have fun and be included in the show, let us know through that email. Okay, let's get to the shit. Okay. Cut enough of Brian's penis. Yes.

Enough of Brian's all 33 of his penis. I'm going to put on my gold chain. Okay. We're going to get ready to go deep cut. We're going put on my gold chain. Okay. We're gonna get ready to go deep cut. We're gonna go back to 1991. Okay. Who's dying outside my door? We're gonna go deep cut 1991.

Okay. We're gonna go to Hardy's training video. Oh, okay. The Cardi's the restaurant. The Cardi's the restaurant. The restaurant, yeah. Hardy's the restaurant, fast food restaurant. We all know and love and most of us have never eaten that.

Cardi's the long time. I haven't eaten at a hearty's. I don't think ever. Maybe I have. Maybe I've had a cheeseburger there. They had good like butter biscuits a long time ago. Oh really? I haven't had an alumni.

Unbelievably there's a hearty's right up the street for me. But I've never, I mean I don't eat a lot of fast food but there's, I've never, I've never been to the hearties at least not here. Not that I can remember that I've been to the hardies, at least not here. Not that I can remember that I've been to a hardie, but it's possible. I were going as a kid and they used to have these little gold round gold ash trays.

Yes, the aluminum ones. Yes. Instead, they would just throw away. They had the same thing in McDonald's, but they were silver. So when I started working at McDonald's, part of the reason why this is interesting to me is because in 1991, I was actually

employed at a fast food restaurant that made me watch these videos called on McDonald's. Maybe you've heard of it, right? And McDonald's back then, they took their training very seriously, the customer service very seriously. Like Chick-fil-A is now McDonald's was back then. They wanted, at least this particular McDonald's I worked at, and they wanted everyone to be very pleasant

to the customer. The customer was always right. You're always got to smile on your face, all that bullshit. That was like beating into our heads. But we actually had the whole restaurant was smoking when I started working there in 1990, 1990, 1990. The whole restaurant was a smoke,

you could just smoke forever. Yeah, so we were to think about that. Yeah, we would literally put astray on every table. Then in about a year later, they had a smoking section, but it was still more than half the rest. Smoking sections. The old smoking section. Nothing mingled.

No. Complete fresh air on my side. Don't worry about that second answer. Mokers in the other. I never got that either. I never understood why that was. But you know, at least okay, you literally see it to be around the actual cigarette

and the ashes and all that stuff. But unbelievably, even in the first couple of years of the smoking section the smoking section was much bigger than the non-smoking section It was like the non-smokers had to go to the small section and everybody else was not necessarily bothered by cigarettes Everybody's past that, can't you? Past that catch up in a camel light, you know, lighter I know I've always carry a lighter around. Chrissy and I, I'm a former smoker. I'm a two.

We're both former smokers, and a lot of our friends are former smokers. A couple of my friends still smoke, but former smokers, and it was a lifestyle. Like a lot of people growing up at that time. Cigarette smoking was just, it was cool. If you walk into a gas station and ask for a fucking

pack of cigarettes, no one carted you. It just never happened. No one gave it shit. They didn't give it shit about cigarettes. It was almost a joke. Like really, yeah. And when I was growing up, it was 16 to buy a pack of cigarettes. 16 years old.

And then changed to 18 a couple years later. Anyway, 1991, I'm taking you back. I'm 16, I'm 15 years old. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Back in the time machine. Back in the T-C-B time machine. SIGARET, what's that? They've always been expecting Sigeret.

Yeah, they've always been expecting Sigeret. Yeah. 1991, Hardee's puts out this gem of a training video. I'd like to go through a couple of these just so we can have some fun. We can listen to what it was like back then to work in an actual fast food restaurant. Are you ready? Ready to go back in the TCB TV way, way back machine. Yes, I do.

Okay. This is a hard ease. Front of what they call F-O-H video. Front of house. That's right. Look at you in a restaurant business. I did work in the restaurant business. It's not fast food, but restaurant.

Let's take a listen to what was going on back then. Okay. going on back then. Okay. It's a big day for you. And that's how I can see it. So you got a big meeting, you know. It's a big day for you. And in front of the judge for the third time, is we, here's a freak up a coffee. Get the fuck out of my restaurant. There we go. There you go, Peter, thank you.

We get a lot of customers like Peter, who are regular. We get a lot of people like customers, like Peter, who are regular. And I don lot of people like customers, like retailers. Who are regulars? And I don't mean regular at the restaurant. I mean, they poop in a frequent business. That's why we got to clean the bathrooms often. Hi, right, Hardies.

I'll have the news. Yeah, here's me. I'll have the news. I'm going to go on your crap for a few minutes, give me a little mind. Here's your newspaper, Mr. Smith. Here in our just crap against a workout. Oh crap against a workout. When someone asks for a cup of coffee in an ass tray, you know, it's

time for that. Time for a bathroom check. Make sure the toilet salute, make sure the toilet paper is there for Mr. Johnson. And if he likes the USA today, we're lay it on the top of the toilet seat. We want to see thinking ahead about our customers needs. Wow, that smells Mr. Johnson. See you tomorrow. I got six kids in one bathroom. I can't shit anywhere else but hardies.

Can I have a double buttermilk, let's get a cup of coffee, a glass of milk? And a light. Yeah, and a light. Hand over that Wall Street Journal if you don't mind. I don't understand it, but I'll read it. I like the sports cushion section. Well, the restaurant business is very competitive. There are a lot of very good people in their industry who are working very hard to make

sure their restaurant is the customer's choice. To become the public's favorite takes good food, cleanliness, and good service. Good service involves much more than just getting food from the backline to the customer. If you know what I mean Jimmy. Never be afraid to give a customer a hand job, Jimmy. Customers always write. Customers always write. Whatever they need. Please Jimmy, nothing you haven't done on a Saturday night. It was one of your flu's use for my school. It means serving the customer.

It means seeing your restaurant as your customer does. Treating the customer. Seeing your restaurant as your customer does. A piece of shit-ass food restaurant. That's it. Stamer in a way that leaves him feeling good about himself, about you, and about hearties. Thank you. Hey, Mr. Johnson, your handpiece is looking great today.

Thanks, Billy. You're welcome, Dad. Yeah. Is that a new rat on your head, Mr. Johnson. How's the divorce going? She deserved it. Making your customer feel good about himself. What are you talking about?

What are you, a therapist? Hey, Mr. Johnson, how's the alcoholism? I'm drunk right now. You're gonna fall, do I get everyone's in a while? Where's the martin's station for that vodka? Yeah, we're just saving it here, come a coffee, freshen up on that whiskey. Don't mind if I do.

You, and come back to Hardies. Very nice, suggestive selling, Jim. Thank you. Wow, this guy's got a voice, huh? Very nice, suggestive selling, Jim. He's got that vocal fry, but way at the lower tones. Very nice, suggestive selling, Jim. What did you suggestive sell? The guy had a cup of coffee. I know. Would you like some cream with that? Very nice. Up charge 50 cents Jim.

Our service procedure on the front line and the dry-of-thru service are designed to maximize our level of service. But good service is more than just following the book. Our service procedures require your enthusiasm, your sincerity, your human touch to bring them to life. These procedures don't deal with handling hamburgers, buns or condiments. Because you're too stupid for that. That's why we put you here in the front of the house. This is, you know, this sounds all fine. This is McDonald's to the exact same thing.

They had all these happy, go lucky teenagers that were all, you know, had a good time and happy, you know, welcome, Mrs. Smith and all this other shit meanwhile. We're still high from the Mexican weed and no-dose. We took last night and we're like, ah, how can I help you? I like a quarter pounder, no one. You want two cheeseburgers extra pickles? I said a quarter pounder, no onions. I got that shake coming right up for you,

Mr. Smith. I said, got a pounder, no one. All right, all right, settle down. Jesus Christ, I got a hell of a hang of it, Mr. Johnson. Hey, but your wig looks great. I noticed you cleaned out your nose hair, Mr. Johnson. That's a good one. Deal with handling people. Hey, settle down, slow down there. Do you ever before you go jump into conclusions? It's exactly what it sounds like. We've identified some of the service skills you'll want to keep in mind.

The way you look to customers and the way you look at them means a lot. Mean, I can't. Don't give them the size. I have the stingy eyes. Packed and smile. Medium coat. Would you like a bit of cookie with that order? Yes, please.

Wow, good upsell, Jimmy. The way you say something can mean as much as what you say. What the fuck do you want? Right. I can't even McDonald's, I go to, to fuck do you want. If you could even hear him through the intercom. Oh my God. Yeah. Hold on.

Hold on. I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. Hold your phone on. I'm going. Yeah. I like to get a cheeseburger. I sure should. You look. I'm going to. Noburger no I mean I got some more to order I guess

I'll take some Frenchburgers a coat You're already supposed to We've already spent that cheeseburger, but I'll come get for it Happy meal Okay, I'll take a shake instead. Oh shake. Can I have a nice cream? Can I get some french fries? I can't. Can I have a cheeseburger?

I need you to pour over the other. I need you to pour a spot number five. Oh, shit. When you pour over the spot number five, you know it's going to be 10 minutes. Yeah. More like 20. We'll bring it out to the car.

It's inevitable. I'm going to have to walk in there anyway. I might as well just come in now. Very true. Yeah, excuse me, sir, my handburger. What do you have again? Two cheeseburgers. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.

I forgot to put the order in. Let me just come on this. Stay there. Stay there. Can't give you your money back. Can't even open the register. Not even the manager can give you your money back. Did you know that's the thing in McDonald's?

You can't even give money back? Oh really? It was when I was there. You couldn't give money back, right? Yeah, refunds were only under the most agreed to subcircuency. Yeah, I'm sure it's probably something the same. All they wanted to do was just give you more shitty food.

Yeah, let's just replace that. Yeah. What do you want? What do you want? Speaking of friendly outgoing way, know your job, be a good team player, and concentrate. And shut your mouth. Your customers will know whether you're on the ball.

Move quickly. Three dollars? If you convey a sense of enthusiasm and urgency about getting the order to your customer, the customer will feel important and will appreciate it. And we know that's exactly what you were looking for this morning when you woke up. And sell your host a server and a salesman. Our sentiment in raising biscuits are homemade. So let your customers know we're proud of them. So let your imagination fly.

They didn't have this. Oh, God. I got bird poop and gizz biscuits, you want some? Don't say that. That's the thousand now. Oh, good try on the upsell, Jimmy, but not exactly what we were going for. Let's try it this way.

Would you like one of our delicious, freshly baked cinnamon biscuits? Okay, okay, let me give it a try again. Would you like one of our gut busting? Hit them in biscuits? Yeah, sure to put you on the toilet. Well, Jimmy, great enthusiasm. Oh, sorry.

And be sure to tell your customers about any special promotions we may be running. Special promotions. The customer's first impression of Hardee's is formed before he even comes in the door. The way the grounds around your restaurant look can affect a customer's appetite. No, clean up that pew for the guy from last night. Have you given the two homeless guys off the corner? I appreciate it. I'm sorry. Have you given the two homeless guys off the corner? I appreciate it.

Yes, it's right. Do you mind taking the bullet holes out of drive-through window number four? The times that form lasting impressions of hearty is in our customer's minds are our moments of truth. Like Instagram, Facebook, and yet to be invented my space. The customer's first impression of you is a crucial moment of truth. When the customer arrives, don't wait for him to talk smart. Hey! Hey, Chrissy, you want to get some hardies this morning?

Yeah! I heard it! Hey! Hey you! Yeah, me? Yes, you! What do you want? I don't know, I didn't even make it through the front door. I can't wait to you talk! Always get the last word in it. No, I'm excited to serve you. Yeah, always get the first and last word in it.

That's how you win an argument. Don't let him duck. Oh, I'll ingredient. Brian's got that fingers on the buttons today. Make him feel welcome. I am the part of creative this is. I'm sorry. Look pleasant. Remember you're making a first impression. You'll find that if you learn the names of your regular customers and greet them by name they'll appreciate it and we'll remember you too. I'll tell you this two, four, ten. I was gonna say, I don't think that works. No.

That's happening. My greasy oily zit-pock skin, I was trying to hide under my head. I was not making friends with anybody. I was like, hey, what's going on with my nails? I mean, I was always very nice because that's, you know, I was like, hey, are you doing? But I mean, when you get up at four o'clock in the morning on a Saturday to open the store at five, you hated the people from five to six a.m. Until you got a lot of coffee and free hash browns in you.

Yeah. Or just a miserable shit head. And people knew it too. They were miserable shit heads also. The rumors are turned off by a greeting that sounds like a memorized speech. Well, I welcome to McDonald's go fuck yourself. Hi, welcome to McDonald's.

You couldn't wait another hour. I had to come with some fucking early. I haven't had go fuck yourself. Hi, welcome to McDonald's. You couldn't wait another hour. I had to come with so fucking early. I haven't had my coffee yet. Welcome to Dinkos. Home of the Dinko Delight. How may I be of service to you today? Just to give you an example, that's not a, I'm not pressing a fat finger button there.

That is part of the Hardee's video. That is their attempt at humor on these videos. Their attempt at humor is to have this little these little interlude with dingos Dinko It's like a southern Aksan Dingo Can I get you a baby kangaroo this morning?

Which makes a fried kangaroo leg Wait, if you vary what you say in your greeting of customers You'll sound more sincere. It won't sound like such a fucking moron. Serity is one of those things that people can't easily describe, but they know it when they see it. The key to being sincere is to be yourself. Even though we want to smile and greet our customers as soon as they approach the serving

counter, it's not always appropriate to ask for their orders right away. Wow! Love how they said, go ahead and... they approach the serving counter. It's not always appropriate to ask for their orders right away. Wow. I thought they said, go ahead and. Yeah, they said, I thought they said, don't wait for the customer to say hello. Yeah. Oh, oh. What else are they going to do? Like, do bacon, miss. Oh, let's slow this whole interaction down, sir.

Way too eager. I feel like both you and I think about what you want. Don't order yet. Take a few minutes. There's a big line behind you, but we got time. We got time. I'm going to set a clock for five minutes. I'm going to go do some breathing exercises and I'll be back. I want you to think about what you want. Is this really what you want? Do you really want a double chip bacon cheeseburger? Why better cookie? Couldn't we all stand to lose a few pounds? But you have a nice smile. I'm Brian, Brian, Brian, the yoga fast food worker.

Could we all stand to lose a few pounds? If you thought about that pig that's making that blanket, do you think she had little baby piglets? Do you think they're lost in the world now without their mother? What about that cow? Did you know that small children in Africa won't get fresh water because cows drink a lot of it?

Those French risers sprayed with raid. That's all there's no cross. Did you know that raid direct out this function to be linked to each other? What about you, Mr. Smith? Do you have a morning erection every day of the week? Now, have we taken a few minutes to think about it? I'll be back later.

Many people will know exactly what they want when they come in. But if you notice the customer gazing at the menu board, give him a minute, or suggest a sandwich he might like. You look like a chicken sandwich, God, I got it! You look like a good guy! You look like that the kind of guy who lives dangerously. Yeah, he lives dangerously. Can I interest you in a double-quarter pounded with cheese extra cheese extra mayo?

I know just something I know a man with taste when I see one and you sir I've got taste. Why don't you go for our special hardy's rackaburger It's got mayonnaise cheese two pieces of, and two-day-old lettuce. Every bite will be a mayonnaise shit right in your mouth. Hi, you need some hyposodding? How about a big deluxe sandwich and an apple turnover? What's on a big deluxe? Okay, you get mayonnaise and help lose light.

Suggestive selling can often help the customer. It can encourage him to sample something on our menu. He hasn't tried yet. Oh my God, by the way, never have I been into a fast food restaurant. I never in my fast food restaurant working experience. Had I ever or will I ever have someone suggest to me a menu item?

No. They look at me like this. Yeah. Why did you come up to the counter if you're not ready to order? Why would you like? I know, can you imagine going to Taco Bell be like hmm? What do you like I just don't know what I want what is the chef's best? What do you guys serve what are you famous for?

What is this shuffle what is this chef for? Yeah, I don't know let me ask him. Hey Billy. What do you recommend? You got the on a mess, man? I'm taking a smoke break. And it builds our business. Now you're ready to take the order. This may be a good time to ask the customary of the plans to eat in the dining room. If you have someone to help you,

they'll know right away whether to get a tray or a bag. Other appropriate times are when you smile and greet him or after you finish taking the order. Pay attention. Or as you're kissing him goodbye. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're a big hack again. Oh, Mr. Smith.

Ha ha ha ha ha. So good to see you this morning. Can I suggest a fat fart burger? Look who it was, kind of days. Yeah. Could I suggest drop a load burger? Yeah. I just am just enthusiastic about you, Mr. Smith.

You look fantastic. What are you, 90 now? 99? No, you look 89. You look great in that roused about Is that a new roused about What does that go to three miles per Zero to two

Oh, that's awesome. Zero to two. Two minutes. That's great, Mr. Smith. What you come here to give this strange fast food guy kiss on the lips. Oh, is this? I've never been to this hardy. I just want to make you feel warm and welcome.

Why don't you come give your friendly fast food worker a hug. Hardies just want to make you feel warm and welcome Why don't you come give your friendly fast food worker a hug Pat on the butt never heard anybody mr. Smith don't be shy We hear it Artees just here to help Artees your back background by your eating this. Excuse me, everybody. I'll be right back out to give Mr. Smith a background while he's chowing down on his triple coronary burger.

Where are you going so fast on your ass about it? I'll just get into the good part. Lower back and butt. Good job, Jimmy. You feel really tight back there. Yeah. Good. Good. Good. Good job, Jimmy. You feel really tight back there. Maybe that's just your old bones.

I'm not really sure. Ha. Good up, Sel, Jimmy. Now we're talking. Jim, to what the customer says while lowering. So you're sure you're getting the order right. I'm driving a small cook. That'd be a lot. I want to fucking fries.

Two plus one. Yes. Suggesting a large size when the order does not specify size is called selling up. It's called killing America. Now we see what happens. Now we saw what happened. This is the problem. When, when I worked at McDonald's it was super size me right? Super size super size super size right? And you're like yeah 50 cents right it's it's more I would know on the next

16 ounces of French fries. Yeah, right or 26 ounces of soda. Yes, it cost the restaurant nothing to put that extra Fries and in soda into your thing and they made them so big. When I was in McDonald's, that was huge. Other those cups were huge. Huge. Yeah, and they would put the monopoly things on them. The monopoly. And so that was the way you got it. And so when I worked at McDonald's about six months to nine months in, that's when they

started that huge, super size me initiative. And so if I said Super Size Me one, I mean, it's genius quite frankly, but it's horrible. Yeah, that's horrible for everybody. Yeah, and now we're all obese and sick, because of Super Size Me, basically, because we have portions that are way out of control with unhealthy food.

And while McDonald's wasn't the reason why, it was a big reason why, because the most popular restaurant in the country. Enter the order on your terminal. This has been a PSA with Brian. Being sure to clarify sizes, save any other questions. Well, I think he's a medium. It looks like a 32 long to me. This has been a long interaction with the customer. Well, listen, videos go on for fucking ever. I mean, I think this video's still got seven and a half minutes to go.

No, it's getting out. It doesn't have 37 seconds. You may have, so the customer. Nope, three minutes and 27 seconds. We're going to move on to Wendy's here to second hold on a minute. Do we have to keep this train of thought? That big to hear?

Yes. When the customer is through, ask whatever questions you may still have. Okay. What's your sign? What are you going to have fun? Yeah, are you single? Hey, hey, Mrs. Johnson, you single? Are you gay? Yeah, are you gay? I am, because if you're gay, I am. I've been gay most of my life. And if you're gay,

man, have I got something for you? Yeah. Get some mayonnaise on those french fries, like the french do. If you do not have an opportunity to sell up, suggest something to round out the meal, and add on, like a big cookie. Like a big cookie on an extra two cheeseburgers. Some more french fries and mayonnaise. Jesus, it's like a corporate eating.

That's any cost they just want to make more money. That's it. And so they make. Jesus, it's like corporate eating. That's any cost, they just want to make more money. That's it. They make this sound like it's all really all about the customer. Would it really is all about that? It's about that. Now, good customer service is good customer service and it's a good practice to have. But I don't know that this was, in my store,

my McDonald's, it was a reality that we had really good customer service because they demanded it of us, right? But now you go to any McDonald's Hardies Taco Bell, and I'm not saying those employees don't care about what they do. There's lots, I'm sure most of them care about their job, but they don't get paid a linguage. It's a miserable fucking job, and they're not treated well, right?

No, that's like the Burger King sign. Have you seen that? Somebody just did recently. They all quit, and they put it on the sign, the marquee. We quit? We all quit. That's brilliant. We all quit. That's brilliant. We all quit because it's 2021 and you can't live on $8.96

and hour. Yeah. And you got kids at home and you have no time off and you don't have insurance and you have none of that. Yeah. When I worked as a kid at McDonald's, it was exciting. We enjoyed that. We were really good time.

It was good time. Mainly because I was getting laid and spun a lot of week. But I wasn't getting laid. I was on my way to getting laid. Let's put it that way. But the reality for most of us was we enjoyed it. And while I wasn't making a living wage because I only worked part time, there were plenty of people behind the grill that were making or managers or whatever that were making good

money or at least that's the way it seemed to me. When you were 16. When I was 16, that's her idea, they had a car in an apartment, it was like the coolest thing ever. And by the way, they were always inviting us over to that car in an apartment. That was all weird.

I was like, I'll never let my daughter, my son, work at a fast food restaurant ever, because we were a 15 over at, you know, some 32 year old house, like Smokin' Weed and Washington, UFC and they got you want a back rub? Sure. Swear on all the toly, this happened to me. Guy, not in McDonald's, but a guy that I was working

at a restaurant with when I was 16, I think I was 16. He seemed like such a friendly guy. Such a nice guy. Yeah. Helpful. He says, helpful. Helpful. He, you know, lend you the shirt off his back

or the hand off his hand. The pants off his penis. He's lend you the gizards. Yeah. So we were friends at work and we would smoke cigarettes out back and stuff like this. He says, I'm gonna have a party tonight at my house. Do you wanna come?

And I said, yeah, but I'm, you know, I don't have a car. I probably can't get there. I don't know, I get there, you know. And I said, anybody else here, go away? Oh no, these are my friends from, you know, over at the apartment complex and bubble a bunch about the people. And I was like, oh, yeah, okay, well, I don't know.

I'll pick you up. Oh, you will? Oh, cool, right? Sweet. So he comes in. And he give me a ride. Yeah, so he comes and picks me up. At your house?

At my house, he picks me up at my house. I tell my dad. I'm going out with you know, Jim job. The cook. The cook. I'm going out with a pedophile. And this guy is probably in his like early 30s, right? And so he picks me up and we go back to his apartment and there is no one there. And he said, I invited a few people He should be over any moment one guy comes over We spoke a bunch of weed that guy is weed we spoke a bunch of weed right now. I'm completely out of my fucking goals

That guy leaves no one else comes over and I start watching some of the the first I had ever seen of UFC Very first one and two UFC Yeah, right and I'm like high and weirded out and fascinated at the same time, right? But then I start to realize that like, Jimmy's like moving closer on the couch. Every time he goes to get to beer, he comes closer. And every time he goes to beer, he gives closer. Every time he gets to be here, he gets closer, right?

Until finally, one of the UFC's turn, like the UFC gets done and he's like, hey, you wanna watch some porn videos? And I was like, not with you. Yeah. Not probably not. Yeah. It was the weird, weird situation.

And luckily, he didn't make it overly creepy. Okay. He was just testing the water. Yeah. What he did do was he said, listen, I'm too drunk to drive home, you could spend the night here. And I was like, no. So I think I ended up calling my dad or a friend or somebody that picked me up.

I got out of the situation very quickly and he didn't try and press anything on me. This guy never listened to the commercial break. I doubt he ever, you know, I've, he got fired from the job a couple of weeks later and we never saw each other again. But, you know, it was a one night stand basically. It was a one night handy.

I've been heard of a circuit jerk. Do you know what a hand shandy is? Billy? Have you ever taken a belly, Billy? You ever taken a bath with another man? That's what all these you have feces see, five does it do it? Just relax the muscles. Yeah, relax this the muscles. Let me get in let me get in your scrotum there. Relax that scrotus sack. With the chin. All right. All right. If we've wasted our, almost an hour already, on this one video, but I want to do a little

Wendy's. You want to do a little Wendy's wrap? Okay, here we go. Yeah, it's Wendy's wrap. We're doing a Wendy's wrap. This is a 1991 again video. Wendy's wrap about sodas. Okay.

Ready? Wendy's, especially Wendy's, had this thing back then that they put Oh and in by the way hardies did it to later on McDonald's did it also Burger King did it also Taco Bell did it also all corporate the rap train rap or music rock and roll music or rap right but it was mainly rap and bad bad rap communicate with the kids That's how you got to the kids. That's how you connected with the kids back then. Meanwhile, we were all sitting in those training sessions. Like, you know, we got to smoke cigarettes in our training room. So I was just like, I didn't care if I was watching, I just was sitting there smoking cigarettes. The new Pearl Jam on my headphones.

That gave a shit. I know how to talk to a human. I got that part. Fucking Peter Dinklage. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Doesn't this sound like the old, maybe? Naked is on the block? No, not Naked is on the block, but what was her name?

The, the judge from American Idol. Apollo Abdul. Oh, yeah, yeah. Straight up, now tell me. Straight up, now tell me. Straight up, now tell me, do you really want to look me forever? Oh, oh, oh, oh, how the fuck am I supposed to know? Do you really want to let me forever? How the fuck am I supposed to know?

That was always my response. That was my, what they call, a kitchen call. Ah, the kitchen call. Yeah. Drinks, cold, are you ready? It is, is Paul Abdel. It's the exact same same beat. It is Paul Abdel. She also was involved in those 900 numbers. 900 numbers. She was really just getting money wherever she could. She felt like she was legit back then. You know, dancing with that car into character on that one. I thought she was so sincere and legit.

And now I find out it's all a ruse. She was just a play girl She's like a large, small, kids meal. Do a deal. Do a deal. Yeah. One, two, hey, hey, hey. When you get a soda, put it on the tray. Saved by the bell, presents. It sounds like bad rapping by Zach.

Use the scoop to fill with eyes. Never use the cup, take my advice. The salt drinks fill the eyes halfway. No matter the size, that's what I say. No matter the size, that's what you say? Is it really? No matter the size, at least you're getting laid-e. Just the cup and push against the lever. Keep moving, don't think of it. No matter the size at least you're getting laid

I feel like all these like lyrics could be sexual I have such a dirty mind sometimes I go on a kick I don't know if you notice on the commercial break that I go on a kick I'm going a dirt kick for two weeks and then I'll be back to talking normal I'm a quarter inch from the top. Twist it around to the cockpup pups That's where you want to stop the The customers say they want to stay. Put the drink on the left hand side of the tray. At the orders to go, put a lid on tight. Make sure it pops to do it right.

Make sure it pops to do it right. Then hand that drink to the coordinator. And tell the guest you'll see him later. Hand that drink to the coordinator. And make sure she'll see you later. I Know couldn't they have said on like a take-to on this? Yeah, like you think if they paid all that money for Paul Abduel's under You know a b-actual beat they would have on a producer in with an actual singer. Yeah, this is like an actual lady that works They're like hey you hey read this

We just spent a million dollars on Paul Abduel's music can't afford it's a real thing Hey you you're good with the drinks. Come here. Hey, drink station girl. Come here. Read these lyrics. Oh, I don't see how I'm... Ah! Since someone stepped on Nico... Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

That was weird! That was weird. This whole thing is weird. You think this is weird, you should hear the other Wendy's videos. Maybe I should be pissed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the one that can make the perfect choice. What is that guy saying?

I have no idea. That's the other thing. It's like, all this audio is super bad. Yeah. It's amazing that we actually watched television like this at some point in our lives. Not long ago, maybe 15, 20 years ago, we were watching horribly fuzzy TV and horribly

bad audio, and we just think we knew. Like we just, this is the best thing that ever happened. Now, I mean, my kids are going to be actually in the holograms. Yeah, exactly. They'll be in a full 3D. Yeah, they'll be able to touch the, they'll be part of the action when there's a chasing scene. They'll be in the car with everybody. Yeah, half full with ice. I said it again. Build a juice to a quarter inch from the top. Yeah. Fill it all the way up to the top of the cup, add the tea and if they ask for a lemon. Fill it all the way up to the top of the cup. Take two. Yeah.

Here, now that's a given. Cold drinks, that's all there is to it. Go ahead and try, I know. Yo, do it! Just do it! Just do it! We knew it! We knew it, you could do it! Oh my gosh, Look at that. We wasted an hour on just one of those videos on my stupid 33p

Never had one lesson. Never had one lesson. You have no authority here Jackie Weaver. Oh, they get old clips. Those are the old ones we still have left in the board. I should play those more often. They're really funny, actually. But I felt like we wore them out for a couple episodes there and I just wanted to back off it. It's like Frankie B. I'm so tempted.

I know that you out there, some of you, a couple of you, have ruined it for everybody. Because you said, what is this turning into the Frankie B show? Yeah. But I'm rolling my eyes, YouTube.com, backslot? Yeah. But, it's funny shit. I'm rolling my eyes, YouTube.com, backslot, slacking virtual break. It's funny shit.

It's really good. So, I realize it's only been 15. We're bringing Frankie back. It's only been 15 episodes, so that's only like eight weeks. It's two months ago that we did a Frankie B episode. I'm going to resist for a little while longer. But Frankie B's coming back. Yeah, we got to. I've been keeping an eye on that channel longer. But Frankie B's coming back. Yeah, he's got to.

I've been keeping an eye on that channel and there is golden in their hills. I'm telling you, this is gonna be funny commercial break type stuff. This is the foundation upon which the commercial break is built. It's Frankie B's video. Yeah.

Why wouldn't you want to? That's where it all started, really. It's kind of where it all started. Yeah. You know, preachers and Frankie B and stuff like that. Yeah. My strange addiction. And now the show's kind of where it all started. Yeah. You know, preachers and Frankie B and stuff like that. Yeah. My strange addiction. And now the show is kind of a focus.

It's got an energy at direction. You know what I'm saying? We don't have to do it every time. But sometimes we have to refer back to Frankie B. We got to go back to our origins. Our roots. Yeah. 33 P roots.

He's the OG. All right, if you want to hear some 33 P, right us a letter info at tcppodcast.com. Let us know how you feel. Even I have not heard the 33p, so... Never again. Well, first of all, it's on a tape cassette. So when somebody finds a tape cassette player, let me know. Second of all, it's just bad.

It's just bad. It's just really bad. There's no other two ways to say it. You know it's going to come It's just bad. It's just really bad. There's no other two ways to say it. You know it's gonna come out at some point. You're just gonna have to keep listening. We'll be a couple years ago. We get that spot. Somebody's got it somewhere.

When we get that Spotify contract, I'm gonna purposefully sell them the tape also so that it'll be forced to be played in some way, super-performs. Her friends. How's that? There's the deal I make with you and the listeners, okay? All right.

TCBpodcast.com is where you go. You can find out more about Chrissy and I. Read all the show notes. with you and the listeners, okay? All right. Tcbpodcast.com is where you go. You can find out more about Chrissy and I. Read all the show notes, listen to all the audio, watch all the video, all from one location. You can also connect with us there. You can go to infoatttcbpodcast.com, you can email us, you can find us on Instagram

at the commercial break, and you can go to YouTube. Slash the commercial break. And here's the deal. We have got a scavenger hunt going on if you will Kind of some clues embedded in the videos. Yeah, so subscribe watch the videos all the way through if you'd like to be entered into win on our next Giveaway which will happen in a number of weeks from now. This is a long haul So I don't want you to get too excited. We'll announce the actual date and the prize at a future date Give us I think we're I think we're about probably five or six weeks from that.

I know it seems like a long time, but I guarantee it'll be well worth the wait. The prize or prizes will be well worth the wait. Okay, so go to tcbpodcast.com, subscribe to YouTube, watch the videos all the way through, and rate and review us on your favorite podcast platform. I don't know how it helps, but it does, and we would certainly appreciate it. Mainly it lets us know that we're doing a good job, and we

would like interacting with you. So do more of it. All the time. Keep it coming. Keep it coming, keep it coming. 470-584-8449 is where you can reach us on phone by text messages or voicemail. If you leave us a voicemail saying, hey, it's Brian from Atlanta, and you know, I listened to the commercial break because you know because I like to torture myself And you make is something like that or whatever you choose to leave make it 15 or 20 seconds or or less and You never know we'll put it on air actually you do know we'll put it on there. That's just a fact You okay? I just hold my Another one up your nose Um, okay? I just hold my- What's laughing? I don't even know.

Okay, this is BigityBee. BigityBee! And K-H-C say- K-J-H K-J-H What else? There's not too much else, but we have plenty more of these clips. So you know what maybe we'll do a future episode.

Make sure, oh, download FireSide. Oh, yeah. FireSide on Apple Store. Go to the App oh, download FireSide. FireSide on Apple's, on the App Store. Go to the App Store, download FireSide Chat. It's a social audio app owned by Mark Cuban, his face is right there on the front of, on the App Store. You can't miss it. Download it. I'll tell you why. Chrissy and I are going live inside of FireSide every single week, starting in a couple of weeks. You want to be part of the show. weeks. Yeah, you want to be part of the show If you want to join us be part of the show be part of the action. Yeah, you can do it We could bring you up and talk to us. We would love that. We would love that so go download fireside

Okay, what else can I what else can we do today? I think that's it. Okay. I love you I love you and I love you out there our best to you best to you and best to you in the podcast universe and without Best of you best of you you too and so without further ado. I must bid you ado and I say bye The commercial break new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays new YouTube clips drop daily at youtube.com. Slash the commercial brick. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Hodley,

with additional content provided by Tina Cano. Ugh, God fuck yourself, Miss Johnson! We're gonna be the number one comedy show in the world, pretty soon. In the world. Right, in the world. I love it. Okay, 15 downloads today. Look at this guy.

Are we at 15? 15! 1500 plus a, plus 75. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful.

I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to do it. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. music you