The Commercial Break - Habeas Pump'em!

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

Episode #738: Bryan & Krissy discuss the intricate and secret process behind the Conclave slated to take place soon. Will we soon hear "Habeas Pump'em"? Or is it Habmeus pompem? We shall all find out once the black smoke turns white and the hard partying 75 year old men return with an answer. Then. South Georgia Sean calls in to talk about his unusual profession of nuisance control in the swamps of low country! TCBit: WSHIT's Focus On Community takes a look at Pastor Pattycake and his traveling exorcism road show and meme coin! Watch EP #738 on YouTube! Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram:  ⁠@thecommercialbreak⁠ Youtube: ⁠youtube.com/thecommercialbreak⁠ TikTok: ⁠@tcbpodcast⁠ Website: ⁠www.tcbpodcast.com⁠ CREDITS: Hosts: ⁠Bryan Green⁠ &⁠ Krissy Hoadley⁠ Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits Written, Voiced and Produced by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The all-new all-electric Can-Am Origin motorcycle takes you everywhere. Sleek power for the streets, and deep adventure routes for the trails. Discover your origin today. Learn more at CanAmMotorcycles.com. From early morning workouts that need a boost, to late night drives that need vibes, a good playlist can help you make the most out of your everyday. And when it comes to everyday spending, you can count on the PC Insider's World Elite

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I'm Deborah Flitzflatz. I'll be taking you around town to show you what's going down. Excitement grows this week in Crabapple as pastor and certified Instagram exorcist Rockwell Pattycake visits the township. He's here to perform miracles on the locals, exorcise demons, and grow his flock and following on TikTok and YouTube. While Pastor Pattycake does not have a home church of his own,

he can be found on all his social handles at Pattycake Pattycake Bakersman. One local woman who had been suffering from the demon itch has been reportedly cured after Pastor Pattycake, quote, splashed his holy waters into my barren shores, end quote. Pastor Pattycake then went on to perform a miracle exorcism while visiting the local evangelical church located right here on Southwest Pabbles Avenue,

the living word of faith and baptismal charisma, fellowship of the new Holy Life Assembly of God, Deeper Bible and Liturgy Church of Luke. I had an opportunity to witness some of the services. Here's what one of those exorcisms sounded like from inside the church. A demon came with his penis and put it in my mouth. And then he came again and he slept with me last week and I told the pastor that I need deliverance again.

And since then my private part has been itching. It's been itching? Yes. Look that demon. Look, look, oral sex. Oral sex demon. You see oral sex? Look, oral sex. Look, look, look, look. You, you oral sex. You's oral sex, let the sperm of that man out, out! Out, you demon! Pastor Pattycake then went on to sign copies of his new book for a small donation fee

and gave worshipers an exclusive opportunity to buy his new holy meme coin, Bitcake. Pastor Pattycake explained that all those who walk with the Lord can get a little closer to God by buying and holding Bitcake for as long as possible. When asked how one might get closer to the Lord by buying bit cake, the pastor went on to explain that this allows him to fly on his own personal jet, putting him closer to the heavens where he can more clearly talk to God. He explained that the restrooms on public flights are an

unholy mess and that the food served is often not worthy of a man of God. I'm not sure how all those who attend church will take that explanation, but it made perfect sense to this reporter. We'll have lots more community news when we return from this commercial break. If no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white. Habeas pumpum. We have a pope. Habeas pumpum.

Pumpum. Pumpum. The outcome. In have a pope. habeas pump them. Pump them. Pump them. The outcome. In the cum clave. In the cum clave. We're pumping them in the cum clave.

That's what we're doing. That's my- We're children. I know, we're children. Pump them in the cum clave. Drop the papers. Drop the bum bum. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Thanks for joining us. You know what we haven't talked a lot about since it happened is the death of the pope. That's right. Which happened, you know, probably a week ago as we're talking about it now, as you're listening to it now. Yeah, I thought he was on the upswing because, you know, he was sick.

He was in the hospital. He got out. He was on the upswing because he decided to meet with JD Vance. I mean, of on the upswing because he was sick, he was in the hospital. He got out. He was on the upswing because he decided to meet with JD Vance. JD Vance. I mean, of all the people. But listen, the pope is, that's the pope's job. The pope's job is to take all comers as a reformed Irish Catholic, right?

And if you listen to this show, then you know that, you know, the organized religion is not my favorite thing in the world. Because I just think it's gone off the rails a little bit. Not all religions, not all churches, not all things. I'm not throwing the baby out with the bath water. But in general, the new version of Jesus that a lot of Christians subscribe to. AI Jesus. AI Jesus.

Whoop-a-ay-o! How's that going, by the way? It's going great! I've got a private jet. I'm AI Jesus. How's that going by the way? It's going great! I've got a private jet! I'm AI Jesus! I get an AI jet and I shit on migrants! I love rich people! AI Jesus!

Do you think Jesus would have been poorer if he could have been? No! The new version of Jesus that some people are subscribing to, especially some of these like evangelicals and it's just Pentecostal, it's insane! It's insane! It's insane that, you know, anyway, I don't want to get into it. I don't want to make it political. We could go on and on.

We could go on and on. And I do go on and on if you listen to the beginning of the shows. There's enough satire in those bits for a whole episode. The Pope has traditionally, at least since Pope John Paul, I think has tried to play the role of peacemaker and world delegate ambassador to the world, so to speak. The Catholic Church certainly has a trail of bloody tears behind it, but some popes, I think, have done some good. Pope John Paul II was the pope when I was a kid, and he was revered. I mean, revered.

Yeah, I remember that. I'm not Catholic, and didn't grow up Catholic, or knowing even a lot about the Catholic religion, but I do remember him. And he was around for a long time. Long time. I think for like 40 years or something. I don't know for sure, but I do remember him. He was around for a long time. Long time. I think for like 40 years or something. I don't know for sure. But I do remember that in my grandma's house, there was a picture of the pope. My family was not particularly religious. Went to church, yeah, but it wasn't like we were sitting there. And we had the priests. My grandma would have the priests over for dinner all the time, you know, and they smoked cigarettes and got drunk. I mean, that's just what priests in Chicago did back then, the Irish Catholic priests. But, you know, there was a picture of the Pope on the wall,

of Pope John Paul on the wall, and that's how revered he was. He was seen as a real, a peacemaker, a real gentle giant, so to speak. And, you know, this pope was known as an everyman pope. He was kind of, he did not live in the Papal Palace. He lived in an apartment, still in the Vatican. I mean, it wasn't like the guy was, you know, slumming it, but he was living in a very small apartment outside of the Papal Palace. He felt like that kept him more connected and grounded to the

people that he was serving. He was known as a person who changed dogma. Almost all the cardinals who are in place now were handpicked by that last pope, but the pope had just passed away. And he was seen as a real change from Pope Benedict, who was kind of more of a dogmatic man. And he got all, he was more of the pomp and circumstance kind of guy, towed the line. And Pope Benedict was one of the few that retired before his death.

Yeah, that was like a weird thing, right? That he would actually decide to go. There was a lot of scandal happening around that time. A lot of scandal. Well, I mean, say the word Catholic Church, and there's one thing that comes to everybody in the United States mind, especially in America, probably in England, maybe in Ireland.

The thing that comes to mind is the crazy and incredible vast amounts of sexual abuse that went on in the church, including to members of my family. So I know this story very well. I'm affected by it, not me personally, not what, it didn't happen to me to be clear. But it was, it was terrible and it was pervasive and it went on for a very long time. So this Pope pushed back against that. He made kind of an apology-ish about all of it. He took no shit. He didn't want to hear about it. It needed to be changed. They weren't now going to take priests who were accused of terrible sexual abuses and scoot them from one parish to the next parish. Right, because that's what was happening, right? They were moving them

around. That's what they did. Yeah. You know, my father and I, we got into the movie Conclave. Oh, yeah. So you saw it. I did not see it. But my father and I, I think I mentioned this, we got into a disagreement about the movie Conclave because he said that Conclave, the movie, he kind of gave away the ending which sucked, but we were talking about Conclave, the Academy Awards, and he said that he felt that the leftist media

was pushing this like homosexual agenda through the movie Conclave basically. And that he didn't believe pushing this, like, homosexual agenda through the movie conclave, basically. And that he didn't believe that blah, blah, blah, that the ending was unrealistic and what, and I said, Dad, you don't think that the Catholic Church and the Pope would, like, you know, cover up some homosexual tendencies amongst priests or cardinals. And then my dad said something that kind of, like, I don't know, it almost negated his argument, so to speak, when he said, for years and years and years, the Catholic Church was a place where homosexuals went to hide. That's what you did, because the Church did not condone, still does not condone homosexuality in any way, shape or form.

And people who had homosexual tendencies went to church. They became priests. That's what they did because they wanted to atone for their sins and push them down. The Catholic church is, there's a lot of guilt in being a Catholic. It's the way the Catholic church stays in power, my opinion. That's how it goes, right? If you are born with sin and you're always sinning and you're a sinner and you have to repent in front of these other people who have a direct connection to God or whatever, they have the power to wipe it all. I don't know, it's all a bunch of hokey pokey bullshit, if you ask me. And so, yes, I think that was true, is that the Catholic Church, and especially priests, who probably had knew that they were homosexuals, decided to go into priesthood because they felt like

that would be their service to the Lord for the sins that they were carrying. But like any sexual predilection, if it's just burning inside of you and there's no outlet, I'm not giving an excuse here, but holy shit, you know, secrets have to be kept, things get done in silence and in the dark, and then people become targets and people become victims, and don't say anything because God will smite you and all this other bullshit that went on. Woo! God, I'm glad I didn't go out. It's crazy. Yeah, I know. And I'm glad that I was never affected by any of that, quite frankly, because I was an altar boy. The altar boys were the first

targets because they were the closest to the priest and spend time with the priest alone and defrocking and frocking and holy shit, you know, deboning. I don't even know what the fuck went on. Deboning. And it was bad and it was pervasive and it went on in almost like every single archdiocese in the United States of America. The Catholic churches spent billions and billions of dollars trying to cover it up, then billions and billions of dollars paying people back,

paying people restitution. And it just keeps coming. The scandal after scandal, you know, people still suitution, and it just keeps coming. Scandal after scandal, you know, people still suing the Catholic Church to this day. This pope said, no more, we're not hiding this anymore. If they do it, you go to the law enforcement. That's what you do. Let them handle it. It's for them to deal with. And, you know, it's another little washing of the hands there, but at least it was a step in the right direction, where Pope Benedict, I think, just kind of kept the cover up going, right? There were noted sexual abusers who just kept scooting from one place to the other until they were retired to the priestly home in

the sky or some fucking villa in Italy or some shit like that. I mean, the Catholic Church has vast amounts of wealth, vast amounts of wealth. The wealthiest country in the world is, it's not the United States of America, it's the fucking Vatican, that's what it is. They own more real estate than any other entity in the world, big real estate dollars, right? And all the, I went to the Vatican faster than I did. I've been twice, yeah, it's amazing.

It is dripping in gold. Well, yeah, the art, all of the arts and all of the, yeah, it's amazing. It is dripping in gold. Oh, well, yeah, the art, all of the arts and all of the, yeah, it's crazy. One square foot on one wall of St. Peter's Basilica is worth more than any of us will make combined. Elon Musk is like a pobre compared to the wealth that the Catholic Church has just at the Vatican. That's it. It's amazing. It's immense. But millions and millions and millions of people across the world looked to the Pope for their- Yes, he just delivered the Easter speech. He was there. He said, Happy Easter, but he did not give the eulogy.

A big speech. The eulogy. God, for his own? Sorry about that. A little slip give the eulogy. The big speech. The eulogy. God, for his own? Sorry about that. A little slip in the tongue, Ryan. He said, Happy Easter, but the last words apparently were to his personal medical assistant when he said, Thank you for taking me on a ride around the square. They put him in the Pope Mobile.

Yeah. He wanted to go on a ride around the square and talk to the, see the people, because he was a man of the people. So this guy, you know, really kind of a man of the people and you can see why people are sad that he's gone. And now the great debate starts, the conclave. Yes, it does. Which we went through the last one, I went through the, we saw the one for Pope Benedict, we went through the last one that I think took some time, actually, I think it took a couple weeks or something like that. And the puff of smoke and the,

I don't know if they ring their balls or their bells or whatever. I don't know what goes on. Well, everybody gets shut in and then they don't do the smoke until a new pope has been decided. You've really got to watch conflict. Isn't it like white smoke until it's, and then black smoke indicates that it's a pope or is it black smoke and then white smoke indicates? Oh, right. Yeah.

Yeah. Black smoke and then white smoke indicates that it, that they've decided on a new pope. I think that's right. It's a different color smoke. They take a vote and if the, if they haven't decided, there isn't a majority, then they puff a black smoke. And then if they did, then it's a puff of white smoke or something along those lines. But that conclave, way more than Augusta National, is probably the most mysterious club event in the world.

And Augusta National is pretty fucking secretive. Like I'm talking about the place where they hold the masters. But this is like thousands of years of tradition and weirdness and strangeness and odd things happening in the closed doors where no one's allowed unless you're a Cardinal. And I, what I wouldn't give to just like, I think 2025, it's time we stream this shit on Twitch. Do you know what I'm saying? I really do.

Let's see what goes on. Let's see how they talk about it. Let's see all the little intricacies of all of this, you know, thousands of years of tradition and dogma and whatever the hell goes on back there. Watch the movie. Yeah, I do want to watch. A true representation of what happens now.

Yeah, the end is different. I don't know. You'll I'm very interested to see what you think. I don't think there's any kind of homosexual thing being pushed at all. This is my dad being my dad. This is my dad watching too much of something. I don't know. There's a twist in the end for sure.

He says that twist is like whatever. My dad's a good guy. He's just like sometimes he says. Oh, I know. It happens to the best. Yeah, we're all getting old. The elderly. Yeah, I saw Patton Oswald say something very interesting. Patton Oswald said,

I don't harp on cancel culture. And I don't jump in on it. And I'll tell you why. It's because all of us, if we live long enough, will eventually say something that'll come back and bite us in the ass for cancel culture. And it's true, right? You grow up and things are a certain way and then they change, but you don't change as quick as it might change or you don't change at all and then all of a sudden you're the bad guy. That's just the way it was back then. It's like when we were talking to Meredith from the office, right? And we were sharing that, you know, teasing is something that we all grew up doing and getting. We all teased each other. That's how it worked. And if you lived with more than one sibling, then you knew that teasing was just a way of communication. But now it's like, you know, you're arrested for

teasing. It's like, it's a little bit, it's a little bit on the strange side. But this conclave will be interesting and how the church chooses to move and what direction they choose to move is always on... Hopefully more towards the progressive side again, because speaking of like homosexual talk with the church, I think didn't the current pope that just said, he came out and said it was okay, gay marriage was okay. He didn't say that. He said that under certain circumstances, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh at you, but- No, you're the expert.

I don't know if I'm an expert, but I do keep a little, I hear something about the Pope, and because of my upbringing, it like, perked my ears up a little bit. He was more sympathetic. He was more sympathetic, and what he said was, in certain circumstances, gay couples can be blessed in the Catholic Church in certain

circumstances. What those circumstances are, I don't know, and I don't know why it has to be circumstances. Maybe they both have to be Catholic or practicing Catholic or whatever. There's a lot of rules around fucking getting married and getting divorced and all that other shit. It's quite frankly, it's a little ridiculous. It's a little ridiculous. It's a little ridiculous. Because if you take the teachings of Jesus on its face value, let's not go with, you know, if you

touch the penis of a goat, then you have to chop your arm off and all this other crazy Bible dogma that a lot of people get into. If you just take it at face value, take what Jesus said at face value, do one to others. That's the first rule. The first and last one. If you follow that, you're good. You're good. Right. Yeah. If you do unto others as you would do to yourself, as you would wish other people

would do to you. How would you like to be treated? That's it. And you treat other people like that. In any circumstance, any person, right? Colorblind, cash blind, whatever. Murderers, rapers, robbers, lepers, and all. Like, take all comers, that's it. Treat them the way you want to be treated,

and lest ye be judged. That's it. It's like, it's really pretty easy. It's very hard to do in real life, but it's pretty easy. So if you take all the other dogma out of it, what a blessing to have that teaching as a human being. What a blessing to have that guidance as a human being. But if you take all of the dogma and you start really reading the Bible and taking it as if it's a fucking menu at Cheesecake Factory and you're supposed to follow every rule and word and menu item is supposed to be on the plate, then you're a nut-nick.

I don't know what else to say. It's 2,000 years ago that some of these things were written. It's not applicable to what's happening in 2025, nor should it be. It's just the way that it is. Humanity has changed. We all grew up. Now I'm thinking about that show, The Pope. Sorry, I should it be. It's just the way that it is. Humanity has changed. We all grew up. And so- Now I'm thinking about that show, The Pope.

Sorry, I've drifted off. The new Pope? The one that was- Young Pope. The Young Pope. The Young Pope. I want to see that now. Were you the one that was telling me it was so good?

The Young Pope! Okay. What a great fucking fantastic show. Was it multiple seasons or was it one? It's like four seasons, I think. It is? OK, I'm going back to Russia. I think it's three or four seasons. I watched it during the pandemic.

Right when we were starting this show, I was getting into The New Pope, and it was ending its run. But I had started from the beginning. What a fucking fantastic, stylized, certainly don't watch it if you, like, are really into the dogma of the Pope and catechism. You're not going to be a big New, the young Pope fan. But what a fantastic show.

Played to the tee and really shows you what would happen if there was a young Pope, a young Pope. But a young Pope who is also- In now times or was it- In now times. But who was also- In now times or was it- In now times. Okay. But who was also cunning and conniving. He's a little bit of an anti-hero, so to speak, right?

And there's a lot of sex in it and a lot of temptation. Listen, that's the other thing about the fucking priests and the pope and the cardinals and all that other stuff. Do you really need to be celibate? Is that really a thing you have to do? I mean, can we grow up a little bit and just understand there's so many other religions that don't adhere to this one dumb rule that I think causes a lot of fucking drama, if I'm being honest. Let a priest shake it out every once in a while. 21 EPMs. Let him go. Just let him go. For health reasons, if nothing else. Yes, for health reasons, if for nothing else. For health reasons, for sanity, for mental health,

just for the betterment of man in general, for the betterment of the church in general. Let the priests get married and fornicate. Who fucking cares? Some people even believe that Jesus was not sullied. As a matter of fact, the last temptation of Christ is now, they're coming out with the last temptation of Christ too. I'm not sure we needed one, but now they have two. Which is about just that, that there is some historical backing to believe that Jesus, in fact, was in love, did have sex, was a man of the, he

was a man! He was a man! You know what I'm saying? No sheet balls here, this guy was going at it. And listen, I don't know, who knows? I'm not Jesus, I wasn't around then. But I can tell you this, if we got rid of that one dumb rule, if the Catholics got rid of that one dumb rule. What's the reason? You marry God or something? Yeah, you marry God. You know, Mary was a virgin, you're a virgin, we're all virgins. It's your vow to God that there's only one you'll lust after and that's the...

Who fucking... Honestly, come on. Really? They're not gods, they're just men and people. And while we're at it, let a few women get the fucking frock. Let's do that. Yeah, I guarantee we wouldn't have so many shenanigans going on if women were in charge.

I'm not saying it would have all gone away because there's women who have predilections too. But I'm just saying, it would have been a whole different situation, I think. We could get some women to slap some of those guys around, you know what I'm saying? Is that Episcopal? Isn't that very close to Catholic or something like that? Well, Episcopals are Christians. Christianity, big umbrella. No, I know.

Believe in Christ. And then there's a billion different fucking versions of that, right? Up to and including Mormons, which, okay. Anyway. Maybe we should switch from this topic. No, I love it. I like talking about this. I think it's great. I think it's an interesting conversation.

But listen, again, but whatever you choose to do, that's on you. You do yours. You do you. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back. Ah! Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us in reply then so on.

It's a fun little game I've been playing and I think you'll be great at it. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email, also. tcbpodcast.com. And while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the Contact Us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at The Commercial Break and watch the episodes at YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Now I'm going to go back to that texting game.

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Some wine? Yes. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. See app for details. Yeah, I mean, if you go, like, if you do the, like the CNN has a-

Like way back. CNN has a great, like- Ooh, I want to watch that. They have a whole series on the popes, right? And so on SiriusXM, they have a CNN originals channel. Yeah, yeah, CNN originals. All they do is just run the audio from those originals. Yeah, I love those shows.

And they do the popes. And yeah, those popes, fuck dude. I'm gonna put that in my notes. They were having kids, they were. Yeah, they were having babies. They were running alcohol. I mean, these guys were doing everything. Yeah, they're just people, that's it. All right. So the conclave explained by ChatGPT,

not the movie. Conclave is private confidential meeting. Most famously, it is termed for the papal conclave where cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church gather to elect a new pope. Who's involved? Only cardinals under the age of 80 are allowed to vote. The number of electors is capped at 120 when it happens after a pope dies or resigns, such as Pope Benedict. There's a mourning period and then the cardinals meet in Rome, specifically at this Sistine Chapel. Not a bad place to spend a couple of weeks if you ask me. That Sistine Chapel is beautiful, no matter how you feel about religion. It's gorgeous. AMT – Some of those popes too were in the Vatican, buried under there. Jeff and I went

down in there and saw their tombs. BD – Yes, I did too. AMT – That was wild. BD – Yeah, it is wild. And the papal Library, the Vatican Library, is in, it's like down 200 feet underground. It's like nuclear proof. And you can't get in, I mean, certain historians and researchers and stuff like that can get in,

but you have to be blessed to get in. And if you get in, all eyes are on you because you're not touching anything they don't want you to touch. You're not looking anywhere they don't want you to look. And you certainly ain't taking nothing home. This isn't a place where you check out the books. You got to go there. Some people spend their entire lives looking through that library just to do research on one particular subject. I love old libraries.

Because they keep books from like the Egyptian times. They have like papyrus, right? They have like writing on papyrus. That's stuff from like the Egyptian times. They have like papyrus, they have like writing on papyrus. Yes. That's high. There's stuff from all over the world. Yes, from all over the world. Do you think they have 33 P's original songwriting? One can only hope.

One can only imagine. I mean, written on papyrus. The Library of Congress, written on my papyrus. 33 P's. Or on the back of a Dick Tracy poster. Sunny Side Up! The word conclave comes from the Latin term cumclave, which means with a key. That's why it's secret. The cardinals are locked in and cut off from the outside world. No phones, no contact at all.

No exceptions. Secrecy is strictly enforced. They even sweep for electronic bugs. Daily. Geez. Wow. They even sweep for electronic bugs daily. Geez, wow. I mean, but that Italian press is really known to be pretty sneaky. That's true, they're hounds. Yeah, they're hounds.

And it's all about the Vatican. I mean, it's in Italy, so it's in Rome. So it's all about, I mean, technically it's his own country, but you get it. The voting process. The voting process. The voting is done by secret ballot. The candidate must receive two-thirds majority to be elected. There are up to four ballots per day, two in the morning, two in the afternoon.

The smoke signals. After each round of voting, the ballots are burned. If no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white. Habeas, pump them. We have a pope. Habeas, pump them. Pump them. The outcome. In the cum clave. In the cum clave. We're pumping them in the cum clave. That's what we're doing. That's my... We're children. My...

I know, we're children. The pump-um in the concrete. Drop the papers! Drop the pump-um! Drop the black smoke! Drop the black smoke! We have a new poem! Hey, here's pom-pom!

And people really do get excited about this shit. I mean, people go crazy. There's old ladies who are going to be sitting out in front of that Sistine Chapel for the entirety of that conclave. And it could take months. You'd never know. I mean, I think when Benedict was elected, if I remember correctly, it was like two months we were waiting for that new... Was it?

I think so. I think it was a really long time we were waiting for that announcement. Maybe that makes sense. I feel like when my sister and I went to Italy, there was something going on then. You went during the conclave? Well, I don't think it had... Maybe it had just happened. There's always something going on. There was a buzz about it. Yeah. There's always something going on. Yeah, there's always something going on at that Vatican.

It's always crowded. I mean, we bought like the FastPass or whatever. We bought that FastPass. Well, we did too with like a tour guide. Yeah, we did. Yeah. A small group. We just said, hey, let's, well, we went on the website and it's like, you know, wait in line, $5,

and then only see some of it. But it's a long line. I was glad I got the fast one. Oh, me too. That line was huge. Yeah, but you can go, they have private tour groups and those tour groups. That's what I did with Jeff.

And Kelly and I did it, we just did it on our own. Yeah, you just get in the group and then you leave the group once you get in there, which is what we did. We just kind of left the group. Who cares? No one cares. And they say, you gotta stick in the group together, going in the door. And then if you choose to go off on your own, then just keep your badge on you.

But they have interesting information they gave you. Yeah, they do. I mean, listen, it's a full blown museum. That's a part of how the Vatican makes its money. The map room was really cool. That map hallway. They've got all those maps, those old maps from all over the years. What you thought the world was like. The 900s, yeah, when map making started. I mean, it's really... Fascinating. If you ever get a chance to go to Rome, first of all, it's as if you're at Epcot, but it's

all real. It's really quite intense to go to Rome for the first time, because everything is older than Jesus himself. And a lot of it- There's ruins, there's a lot of ruins. There's ruins right in the middle of the city. Like you can just walk by them. Yeah, you're touching a wall and it's from the Roman Empire. The Colosseum. The Colosseum, all the stuff just popping out of the,

just pops out of the ground. It's like, oh shit, that's a column from the Colosseum, all the stuff just popping out of the, out of the wall, it just pops out of the ground. It's like, oh shit, that's a column from the Colosseum. It's all intense, it's all great. And then you go into the Vatican and it's just crazy. It's not big, it's not, it's like a small, very small town, but it is highly guarded, very dense. You can see Cardinals just walking around, nuns, priests. I mean, it's just like, it's so busy at any given time.

Um, and once you get inside of the Vatican, once you get inside of the building, where, where, if you're going to the PayPal museum or wherever you're going, once you get inside, it's crazy that you are surrounded by more money than you will ever be surrounded by more money than you will ever be surrounded by, more money than Fort Knox, ten times. And you know it, because maps from the year 702 don't exactly pop up everywhere, you know what I'm saying? But the Catholic Church has kept it. It would be immensely sad if anything ever happened to that treasure trove of history. But then again, it's like, it's an embarrassment of riches in a lot of ways, because this one religion controls all of this history.

It's all there. It's all being controlled by the Catholic Church. And what they choose to do with it so far is mostly transparent. I know they have a lot of secrets, but it's mostly transparent. Um, and you can go see it. And I think that's doing a great service to the, to the world is that you can go see these is mostly transparent. I know they have a lot of secrets, but it's mostly transparent. And you can go see it. And I think that's doing a great service to the world, is that you can go see these things, and people can study them, and historians can look at them.

What I really want to get to the bottom of, and the things that really interest me, are around the story of Jesus, the Noah's Ark, the Ark of the Covenant, Jesus, the Shroud of Turin, stuff like that. Like, all that really interests me. Me too. Because I want to know if any of it is real. You know, they say that the last cup of Christ, the cup of Christ, the chalice of Christ, right? The cup that He drank out of in the Last Supper is in a church in Valencia, Spain.

And you can go to this church and for a donation, you can walk and see the Last Chalice of Christ, the cup that Christ supposedly drank out of at the Last Supper. And while I'm not a particularly religious person, the weight of the moment, the weight of staring at it is pretty intense. It's probably not true. The last couple of Christ's certainly not sitting at a church, a public church in Valencia, Spain. That's not true.

But just the thought that it might be is pretty interesting. And when you look at it, you're like, wow, did a guy named Jesus Christ really touch that? And then you see all these other artifacts when you walk in the Sistine Chapel or you walk into the Papal Museum or whatever it is, it's intense. The weight of it is intense. If you have any interest in history, then you know just how heavy, the gravitas that some of these artifacts really hold. It's like walking into the Louvre and seeing King Tut, you know? It's like, holy shit.

Yeah, well speaking of, I love all the pyramid stuff. It's like walking into the Louvre and seeing King Tut. You know, it's like, holy shit. Yeah, well speaking of, I love all the pyramid stuff. That's even before. Yeah, that's alien type shit. That's Joe Rogan alien type shit. That's really intense. Yeah, when you go to, the Louvre is another one where it is a literal-

Terraces on the list. Graveyard of wealth. It is immensely big. It is immensely deep. It is immensely full of riches and art that you will never in a million lifetimes get to see. The Louvre, when Astrid and I went to the Louvre, we've been a couple times, so we went to the Louvre for the first time, the Louvre, if you don't mind, Chrissy. We went to the Louvre for the first time. I thought, no problem, let's go for the day. Let's get there at eight o'clock in the morning, and we'll have lunch there, because they got a couple of restaurants,

and we'll have lunch there, and we'll just do it. We'll go see everything there is to see. We'll walk through it real quick. Holy shit. Right. You can't get through one wing of the Louvre in a day. You can't get through it in a week, not one wing. And there's like seven wings of the Louvre.

It's crazy how much art and artifacts and crazy stuff they have at the Louvre. It's crazy how much art and artifacts and crazy stuff they have at the Louvre. It's the same with the Vatican. So, you know, listen, the conclave is on and we'll see what happens. I'm really excited to… It's a conclave on. I know. I'm going to be reading all the Italian, you know, paparazzi rags in English. I'm excited. I'm going to be translating them on Chappie. Bella! Bella Zuta! Hey, be a sa pumpum! Hey, be a sa cum cum!

Last time there was like some drama. There was some like papal boy was sleeping with one of the cardinals. I remember it was a whole thing. Really? Yeah, they caught him coming out of an apartment. It was like the Italian press caught this like, you know, altar boy coming out of one of the Cardinals rooms and it was scandal and he had to apologize for his misgivings. I like to think it's just a party when they close the doors. You know what I'm saying? They turn up a good one.

Yeah, they turn on some Bruno Mars and they get dancing. I mean, come on. All of those guys, they say they don't let people over 80 vote, but so then therefore it's between 75 and 80 that you vote because all those guys are so old. Yeah. The bathrooms there must get a workout because they're probably a god so pee. That's probably why it takes so long to pick a pope. Everyone's got to pee every five minutes. Might be. They're all old.

I'd like them to see them pick a pope of a different race. That's what I'd like to see. Then we know that real progress is being made. And there's always, listen, there's a lot of Catholic people in Africa, like a lot of Catholic people in Africa. And so far, no Black popes. All over the world. All over the world.

Oh yeah, it's huge. It's like Muslim and then Catholic, isn't it? Something like that. Muslim, Catholic, what are the, let's ask Chet GPT, what are the biggest religions in the world? Oh, Hinduism, I think is another big one. What are the largest religions in the world? I love Chet GPT, just, I'm just getting it.

I turned you on to it. It's my personal assistant. I got you going with it, didn't I? Yeah, Christianity, well, okay, so, but what about Catholics? Okay, Christianity is the biggest, 2.4 billion, Islam 1.9, Hinduism 1.2, Buddhism 500 million, Sikh, Judaism, traditional religions, oh, like Chinese folk religion and stuff like that. Yeah, so I imagine of Christianity, a good chunk of those people have to be Catholic. That's my guess. Not all Catholic, but I would guess more than half are Catholic. Throughout the world, yeah.

Yeah, throughout the world. But the African continent has a lot of Catholics, and so you'd like to see them represent, that's what I think would represent true, like visual progress, is if we had a black pope and there's a couple of cardinals in there who are, I hear from my connections in the Italian paparazzi that are up for it. So I don't know. Okay, I think it could happen. Anyway, tell us how you feel about the papal conclave. We're just, you know, just shooting the shit.

I thought it was something interesting to talk about because I find myself- Oh, well, yeah, we could talk about it. You couldn't pull me into a church, but when the papal conclave comes along and they don't happen very often, so enjoy it while it's here, kids, because the next pope's probably gonna die in office.

We should have a pope party. We should have a pope party. Who's bringing the blow? One sort of white smoke, white powder. Yeah. Finger dip, finger dip. All right. I see some people are calling on this hotline here. Let's see if we can get one more. Okay. Let's do it. We'll be back. Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple.

Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her, or me, or Chrissy at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show too. Just call and say something. Anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point. Follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. And watch all the episodes on video

at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break. Best to you, and Astrid, especially Astrid. To support sustainable food production, BHP is building one of the world's largest hot ash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. All right. So for a long time, we have wanted to have callers call into the show, but we have not been able to technically get it to work, Christy, because, you know, that's just how I roll. I love doing it.

But I asked some people to call in today specifically, and I see the phone is ringing. I know this guy who's calling in, so let's pick up the phone here. Name is Sean. Sean is a longtime listener of the show. So let's pick up the phone. We'll talk to Sean. Long time, first time. First time, long time.

Long time, first time. First time, long time. Long time, first time. Shawn Morris, there he is right now. Hey buddy, how are you? Hey, Brian and Chrissy. How y'all doing? Hey! Good to see you on the show.

Thank you. Thank y'all. That's a pleasure. I'm glad to be on the show. Well, we are happy to have you. We're glad to have a listener calling. No celebrities today, kids. It's only regular, well, celebrity in his own right, maybe.

Yes, that's right. But so Shawn has been texting in for a long time. And I put the siren call out to have some people call in. I'm glad that you, you called in Sean. Sean, uh, real quick, you live down in South Georgia. Is that correct? Yeah, I grew up in Douglas, Georgia. And, uh, I live in, currently live in the Bronx with Georgia, on the coast. But I grew up in Dare, I mean, Douglas, Georgia, and I currently live in the Brunswick, Georgia, on the coast.

But I grew up in Douglas, Georgia. And you've mentioned Valdosta, Georgia a couple of times, Brian. And a little fun fact, I didn't know if you knew this, Doc Holliday, the famous Doc Holliday, grew up in Valdosta, Georgia. Did you know that? No shit. I had no idea that Doc Holliday was from Valdosta, Georgia. Val Kilmer.

Val Kilmer. That's a fact. Look it up. It's a fact. Oh, Doc Holliday was played by Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer, Valdosta. Val Kilmer. Yeah, I love Val Kilmer.

But yeah, absolutely. I love that's one of my favorite all time TV movies. Oh, Sean, you and me both. I love Tombstone. That is like one of my favorite movies of all time. I'll be your huckleberry. I'll be your huckleberry. Yeah, I love it.

You two take it on the road. Sean, Sean texts in and you know, Sean follows the show very closely. And for that, I am ultimately appreciative. And I tell Sean all the time, and I like, I tell a lot of people, listen, this can be kind of a lonely venture. You sit here. It's not lonely in the sense of Christie and I are here, but it's lonely in the sense that, you know, you don't get instant feedback.

It's not like we're on a stage with people, but we have a lot of people that do text in frequently and Sean is top three, no doubt about it. And Sean has on occasion sent me videos or pictures of you trapping, removing wild animals from South Georgia. Now let me paint a picture for the people who don't know. South Georgia is on, is, we're talking about like the coastal areas what they would

call low country lowlands where it's like swampy yeah low country low country some dangerous ass water some brackish salty fresh water yeah where it's like the tide goes in the tide comes out and there's all kind of critters I imagine possums are in there too because possumsums show up wherever there's... Oh yeah, I know you love possums. I fucking hate them, Sean. We're good with the baby. When you're doing this nuisance trapping, when you're waist deep in water... Because you're licensed, too.

Yeah, because you're licensed to do this. How do you go about... Who calls you? The homeowner or the government? Well, yeah, I've had several homeowner calls, but most, you know, a lot of hunting clubs, deer clubs, they have, you know, they've got thousands, 2000 acres and I started out with the coyotes and they're killing the baby deer. That was kind of for free.

I did it, but I didn't really enjoy it because it was just taking my time up and, but you know, I had a big gigantic corporation company call me with the beaver, the beavers. And they're plugging up pipes and they're flooding roads, timber companies, and they're flooding the roads, washing the roads out. They're destroying like 50, 60 acres of woodland with jamming up the pipes and the culverts. And that's where I do that kind of on the side of my other work. And people, you know, I've got a lot of hate mail, a lot of hate stuff on Facebook because, but people have to understand,

I'm only removing two or three beavers and there's thousands of beavers in the swamp. But these two or three beavers are, you know, flooding roads out and destroying, you know, hundreds of acres of timber. You know, and- Listen to this, listen to this. My dad lives on a lake and on that lake,

it's a manmade lake, so it's part of the Duke Energy manmade lake thing up in North Carolina. And they had a couple of beavers that nested near their wet slip, their dock, right, at the back of their house. And those beavers were chewing up wires, they were chewing up communication wires, they were taking down trees and putting them like on the dock like they were falling on the dock.

I mean these guys were like doing a lot of damage. Now listen the beavers were there first okay I got that but they had to have the beavers removed and replaced somewhere else because those beavers were causing like real damage to the property and as cute as they might seem, they were just a nuisance. And if they're like causing real problems, I can see why you'd want to remove them and replace them somewhere else. When you get in the wastewater, what are you doing? Are you taking traps or are you trying to find, do you ever trap snakes? Do you call them?

Oh, oh my God. Is there a beaver call? I've got so many stores. And you're right, Brian. I mean, I've got so many friends that a couple of beavers can cost $25,000. Oh, sure. A pond dam, a pond dam has to be rebuilt. But beavers are cute and they're very smart and they're the nature's engineers.

I mean, they build dams and they're very intelligent. And I respect all wildlife. I do, I do. But there's certain circumstances where you have to remove a certain colony or whatever because they're just wreaking havoc. But you're right. But going through the fact of me going in the water, oh, Brian and Chris. Oh my God. I encounter alligators frequently.

I encounter water moccasins. Now, alligators really don't scare me as much as the water moccasins. Yeah. I'm wading waist deep in the water through vines and weeds and the water. What are you wearing? You're wearing like waders?

I'm wearing waders. I'm wearing chest waders. Chest waders. I'm wearing chest waders. By law, I have to carry a pistol. By law. You have to carry a pistol because it protects you against the alligators and Jaguars or whatever? Well yeah there's many reasons but I mean people may hate me for that but I got some stories about some

Facebook posts and women getting mad at me and I can address that. Haters gonna hate. Haters gonna hate. And listen, I wanna say this to the audience. I wanna say this to the audience in defense of Sean a little bit and others like him. You, all life is precious and I don't disagree with that. Exactly.

I respect wildlife. I respect every animal. I respect wildlife. I respect every animal. I respect deer, hogs, alligator. I respect all wildlife. But, hold on one second. Like people are like, well, you've raised chickens and you kill chickens to eat? I'm like, well, where do you get chickens? Oh, I get it from the freezer section in the grocery store.

I'm like, where do you think that chicken comes from? Exactly. Yes, and the reality is, is that if we're gonna co-mingle, if we're gonna cohabitate with animals, there are things that we have to do to keep each other safe. And sometimes those things include removing or replacing or re-habitating some types of animals so that they don't get in the way

of something more dangerous or cause something more dangerous. Now, let me ask you this. Why are you not afraid of alligators? Well, alligators in the wild are pretty much basically scared humans. The dangerous alligators are the ones that are fed from dogs in subdivisions because they're not afraid of people and those are the dangerous ones. Now I encounter alligators in the wild all the time and they are afraid of humans and

they were leaked. Now, I will tell you one story. There's one type of alligator that I'm scared of in the wild. That's a mama with babies. Right, right. That's any wild animal. Any wild animal. Yeah. I was doing a trapping. I was doing a beaver nuisance control job

and I had to walk down this steep bank and walked around this dam. I'm in the water, like waist deep, with my waders on and I set some traps for beaters because they were clogging up the pipe and flooding the road in the woods. And then I heard this specific grunt and I know what that grunt sounds like. I can mimic it. I can call it. I know how to call alligators. I can call alligators up to me with a specific baby grunt.

I mean, it's a specific sound. And I was in the water and I was sitting trapped and I was in, I was wasting, and I heard this little chirp. It's like little chirp. This is like a chirp. And it was baby alligators. And I'm like, oh shit. Yeah.

And I'm like 50 feet away and I'm in the water and I eased my way out and I walked down the little road and I saw a nest down in the bank and it was like five little baby alligators in a nest. And I've already got traps out there in that water and I had to check them every day. And the next day I parked my truck way down the road, I walked and I saw the mama. Eight feet, nine feet long. Jesus, that's crazy.

50 feet, 50 feet from where I was wading in the water and had my beaver traps. And I'm like, no. Let me check back another day. I got my traps out of there and I left that spot. I'm like, no. And I didn't, I mean, I really could have, you know, killed the mama and, you know, I don't want to do that. Yeah, no, no, no. Do you find that there's like, I know that this is going on in Florida, especially in South Florida where they have, you know, vast amounts of swampland down there, but does

it happen in Georgia that you have pythons, tame pythons that end up the wild? We don't have pythons in Georgia, but there are, I mean, I've worked down in South Florida, but you know, we don't have pythons in South Georgia. We have a lot of water moxons and a lot of alligators and rattlesnakes. And I'm in that every day when I'm trapping beavers. I'm walking through the woods and I've encountered, I mean, gosh. I hope you're getting paid well. Water moxon.

Well, I mean, Christy, I did, I mean, it was, it was decent money. I mean, it really was. Yeah. Well, nobody else wants to get out there and do that. Yeah. I mean, when you do something, no one else wants to do. I mean, I'm, I'm, I consider myself pretty brave, but it comes to getting in the water. I mean, the, I guess to tell you, the scariest thing to me is the water moxons.

Yeah. They are mean and they are aggressive and they're everywhere. Do you have to psych yourself up before you get in the water with like a song or something? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen to some commercial break. Well, I think I told you, Brian, one time on a text one time, you know, I used to work when I was a teenager, I worked for a pest control company. I used to crawl in our houses to check for termites.

And one time I crawled over an air conditioner vent and under the crawlspace door, you know, there's little holes where you crawl under a house. Oh, yeah. And immediately when I crawled in on my belly, my hand touched this slimy thing. And it was like a four foot, freshly shed snakeskin. Ah! And I'm like, I've got to crawl under this whole house to do my job.

And I just touched the snakeskin. I knew the snakes under this house somewhere. And I bet I've got to crawl. And your favorite thing, Brian, one time I was crawling on my left elbow, just crawling and knocking on the side with a little hammer, checking for termites, and I got to the corner and face to face with a possum. With a possum. A possum. Those things are mean as a snake. With his mouth open in my face. Those beady eyes. with his mouth open in my face. Ah! Ah! Those beady eyes.

That is a fucking nightmare to me. A fucking nightmare to me. Oh my God. You can't run. You can't stand up. You're crawling on your belly. No! Oh, you're out.

What did you do? Just back out? Did you just back out at that point? I backed out and I just went around the corner and just kept on going. I just said, boy, fuck. Oh my God. Oh, Sean, I can, honestly, I could talk to you all day long. We're running low on time, but Sean, listen, can we call you back another time? Will you give us more, will you ingratiateated with more stories? Because I've got probably 12 or 15 more stories that y'all

will laugh your ass off. So many funny, funny, scary, scary slash funny stories. I do want to say this. I do want to say this. Sean's been calling it. Sean's been texting in for a very long time. And Sean, we love you, man. Thank you so much.

Yes, love you, Sean. We love you to death. Well, I love, I love, Brian and Christy, I love y'all too. I listen to you every day. Oh, thank you. I love you. Never, ever.

And I hate I missed y'all last year. Brian, I'm glad you're doing better. Thanks, buddy. I'm glad you're doing better. Yeah, thanks so much. It means a lot. I was going for that. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

It means a lot. All right. Sean from South Georgia. We will talk to him again soon. 212-433-3TCB. You can call in. You can be on the show too. Text us and let us know you want to be on the show. Sean, we'll talk to you soon. Thanks, buddy. Thanks, Sean. Love you, Sean. Thanks, Chris. Thank you, Chrissy. I appreciate y'all so much. Talk to you soon. Bye.

Sean from South Georgia. Look at that. Wow, we just scratched the surface. Well, I have a feeling he can talk all day long. Yeah. Oh my God, I can only imagine what he is seeing and done. I don't even want, I mean, the possum story freaks me out.

If I came face to face with a possum, I'd shit myself. That's what I do. I'd shit myself. Under a house. do. I'd shit myself under a house Under a house. Yeah, and I have to go under my house to change the air conditioning I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it with every fiber in my being but I gotta be brave for my kids I gotta show them that I'm a man. I'm a man You're gonna psych yourself up with a song. I do have to psych. Luckily. I'm not dealing with water moccasins I'm gonna psych yourself up with a song. I do have to psych.

Luckily I'm not dealing with water moccasins. Little miss, little miss, little miss, can't be wrong. Two princes. Cleopatra's cat. That's what I'm doing. Cleopatra's cat. Just play that and just pump yourself up. Oh my god.

How funny is that? All right, Sean from South Georgia, big fan of the show. We're a big fan of his. Sean can talk. Sean could be a big fan of the show. We're a big fan of his. Sean can talk. Sean could be a third member of the show. He could. If we need a break, we'll call Sean. Exactly, one of us is sick.

Yeah, he's got some stories. We can talk to him. All right, well, I don't even know what I wanna say. 12 Hours of TCB, there, we'll start with that. 12 Hours of TCB, May 31st. Saturday, May 31st, starting at 10 a.m. 12 straight episodes of The Commercial Break. A new one on the hour will also be showing you behind the scenes recording stuff on YouTube and on Twitch. Stay tuned for more information.

Brought to you by The Commercial Break, Covert Creative, CTV, and our good friends at Odyssey. Love us some Odyssey. If you wanna be on the show, as mentioned, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. You got any good stories you wanna tell us, you have a question you wanna ask us, let us know, you can dial up right here in the studio.

We'll let you know when to call. Also America's Next Top Mediocre Podcaster is on after the 12 hours of TCB. Let us know you want to be involved and we'll figure that out. tcbpodcast.com for all the information, all the audio and video right there at one location at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash the commercial one. Should have had Sean do that. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.

And I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say and we must say. Goodbye. Goodbye. Until next time, Christy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. The 30th of the morning!