The Commercial Break - Here Comes Grandpa Swimmie Drunks!

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

It's summer time so Bryan decided to fill his pool with the garden hose. Then he remembers the time a bad 90's rock band's sound check fell short of the mark. Also, Bryan and Hoadley are excited about summer and a bit put-off by the new bikini trends. They share some old pool party stories and that one time Bryan almost became a cheater! LINKS: Watch this episode on Youtube TCBTV-minus Sponsor Apostrophe: Dinner Table Dermatology. $15 off your online appointment. Use The Code COMMERCIAL Subscribe to The Commercial Break Podcast Youtube Channel Join The Comedy Podcasts Club on ClubHouse New Episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays everywhere! Text or leave us a message: +1 [phone] FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak @bryangcomedy @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: @bryangreen @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: The Commercial Break Club on Clubhouse! (home of live recordings) Twitter: tcbbryan Facebook: The Commercial Break Podcast YouTube: Youtube.com/TheCommercialBreak Email: [e-mail] A Chartable Top 100 Comedy Podcast #1 Trending Comedy Podcast Worldwide! (Chartable) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast U.S.(Chartable) An Apple Top 100 Comedy Podcast  Top 1% Downloaded Podcasts, Worldwide (ListenNotes) A Hot 50 Podcast (Podcast Magazine) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

WSHIT is proud to present another edition of Coach Kays Corner. CoachCon! Grab Apple High School, Sociology Teacher, and second assistant cricket coach! Congratulations on the promotion, CoachCon! Teachers are young children how to be respectful while dating. Here, he examples to our young men exactly how to approach a young lady. You have a boyfriend. I'm engaged. You're engaged. Well, congratulations. Thank you. I'll be honest, I feel bad for the guy though. Not because you're not beautiful. It's just Percy guys, marriage is a trap. It's not. If you're a guy. No, if you're a girl, definitely get married.

Totally in your favor. I'm your guy. Run. I was actually engaged about a year ago And what happened? Dumped her. Oh, no, why? Cuz Cuz she's wanted to keep having three sons of me with girls. It was really weird. I don't know Yeah, you know, you know, I mean have you ever had that? I have not She really addicted to sleeping with other women until I started really like it a lot And then I was just like you know what? I'm just gonna do this by myself

I'm just gonna do this by myself. Ah, yes coach coach K. I remember the good old single days when I also had many three sums by myself. We'll be back right after this commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break. She goes, oh, you filled up a pool and I said, yeah, and she goes, where did you fill up the pool? And I go in my backyard. She goes, I know, how did you fill it up? I said, I put the hose in there. Yeah.

And she goes, you put the hose in the pool and I said, yes, I did. And she goes, why didn't you call us? And I said, what would you have done? What is it wanted with? You're going to come bring a water jar. Yeah, like a water tank or something. in the pool and I said, yes I did. She goes, why didn't you call us? And I said, what would you have done? What is it wanted with? You're gonna come bring a water truck? That would go hard tank or something. And she goes, no, the police department comes

with the firehose and fills it up in like a couple hours. And I go, the police department will fill up my pool and she goes, of course they will. How else do you think the pool's good fill? And I'm like, what the fuck? I guess it was at a loss for work. Which by the way, I never have had a loss for work, but between the beer and the intimidation of this girl's entire ass showing the entire day. Which by the way, it was a loss for work. By the way, I never had a loss for work. But between the beer and the intimidation of this girl's entire ass showing the entire

day. Which by the way, it was a nice brown, tan ass. No offense to my wife. It was beautiful, right? It was a nice buck. And so I say, oh, I'm usually in some friends. We're going to go to the place like, ah, I'm going to the bar. Do you want to go with us?

I remember you talking to me. I know, my brain. this is you can hear it working. It does say something stupid, don't say something stupid. I love you. I love you. And it's a ruckus crowd. All right, there's probably a couple hundred people there. I mean, it was literally like,

while the wall human beings there, there's kegs in the corner kegs here and there. People grilling out kids doing shots, jello shooters, the whole nine yards. And I've been living there for a long time. So I know a lot of the crowd. I'm sure I'm looked at like grandpa. I'm only 30, but I'm sure they're like, I'm grandpa.

Grandpa swammy trunks. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Ah yeah, really microphone, hey? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Best of you, Brian! Best to you, that individual listener out there listening! Yes! Howdy and podcast land! Welcome back to the commercial break! It's an exciting time for all of us here! Hahaha!

Summer is upon us! Yes, it is! It's getting hot! Hots! It's getting hot! I got the pool boiling in the backyard! Getting ready? It's a 750,000 gallon pool.

True story! When I got to, I moved into a house and it had a pool which really resembled more of like a frog pond and that's not a, that's not being facetious. There were hundreds of frogs in the back of the pool. Really? Yeah. And the yard was all overgrown and there was like, you know, I'm pretty sure there was bones and some shack back there.

Anyway, had some guys come and clean it all up with a big bulldozer and then I did know what to do with the pool. It was leaking and just, leaking and just it was toxic. So I said, yeah, start from scratch. You know, take the bottom out of the pool and so they spray all this gunite back there and they do ta-da-da-da, right? So then now the pool's brand new, but it's empty.

Now the pool was built probably back in the 70s in the early 70s. They no longer build pools like this, but the pool is 14 feet deep on one end, and it is 40 by 20, which is like getting close to an Olympic size pool. I mean, it's not really, but it's big. It's really big.

They don't see those kind of pools anymore. And it's just like a squiz, like a rectangle, right? So the guys, the pool guys are like, okay, you're good, you got your new equipment, you got your brand new positive, you have fun, you know, see you later, and I'm like, okay, great. What do I do, how do I fill it up? Put the hose in there? And I was like, what the hose in there? And he was like, put the hose in there. And I was like, are you kidding me?

You want me to fill this thing up with the hole? I mean, but he's like, how else do you want me to fill it up? And I'm like, well, I guess you make a good point. I could, I could, you know, take a couple tumblers and just go into the house and So I put the hose in there the good old hose and day one Two inches of water day two five inches of water. I mean it took almost a full Six days to fill up that pool. Wow, which we are estimating has somewhere around 80,000 gallons of water in there Right coming out of my fucking hose with the horrible water pressures that I have in the first place and So water bill and the water. Unbelievable. So day number six, I finished filling the pool. And I'm really excited. I'm going 24 hours a day for six days.

And I get a phone call from the local department here. And the local department says, the water department. And they say, you know, we have this new system and we detect a leak over at your house, right? And I was like, oh, thanks, six days later. Right. It's a good job, the Water Department. But I'm like, no, it's just a pool. And she goes, oh, you filled up a pool?

And I said, yeah. And she goes, where did you fill up the pool? And I go in my backyard. And she goes, I know, how'd you fill it up? I said, I put the hose in there. And she goes, you put the hose in the pool. And I said, yes, I did. And she goes, why didn't you call us?

And I said, what would you have done? What is it, what are you going to come bring a water truck? Yeah, I'm going to go to our tank or something. And she goes, yes, I did. She goes, why didn't you call us? And I said, what would you have done? What is it? You're gonna come bring a water truck? And she goes, no, the police department comes with the firehose. It fills it up in like a couple hours. And I go, the police department will fill up my pool. And she goes, of course they will. How else do you think pools get filled?

And I'm like, what the fuck? The fuck? The fuck? As the kids would say. Oh, wow. Oh my god. It's good to know now. Yeah, fuckers So the pool is boiling it evaporates about two inches every day

So I think in the hot Atlanta Suns I got to put it back up But I'm excited. I feel like this is the year. This is the year. I'm finally gonna use that I know I keep it first in and then I don't do anything I got last year we used it because we got the kids but I you just- I don't think we were coming ever to a pool party when you first got it. Yeah, yeah, when we first got it, we had one pool party. And then we had an engagement party

and a couple other parties. You know, where the kids were out there playing it. But you're this, here's the thing about a pool. It's one of those things you have on your wish list and then when you get it, you're like, fuck, man, what the hell was I thinking? It's a lot of maintenance. The shit did I get this fucking swamp?

I got to take care of every three days. Snakes, possums, raccoons, dye in the pool. You got to, I got spiders the size of my hand living at the bottom of the pool in the water. And I'm like, oh, the hell kind of spider lives at the bottom of the pool. Yeah, the Georgia, Brooklyn's, was a little little, was rats in the void.

And I'm like, I'm raccon of right, take it out of my pool. So this year, we got a tree over the pool. And I, you know, it's around that time when it's really hard to maintain the pool because all of the shit from the spring is just falling directly to pool. It doesn't matter how far the tree is away. Literally, I have neighbors six miles away and the shit from their tree is flying into my pool. My pool is like a magnet for all the neighborhood shit. It's like such a pain in the ass to get over a pool. So one day I go out there and I realize that there's something

down at the bottom of the pool, like tons of little black things at the bottom of the pool. And I'm like, what is that? And so I take the old scooper and I pull up a bunch of junk from the bottom of the pool and it is worms. Worms. Thousands of worms. Really?

Growing at the bottom of the pool. Growing. Yeah. And I'm so I call the pool guy and I'm like, there's worms at the bottom of the pool. And he says, oh, worms. And I said, yeah, how do you get rid of those? He goes, that's a good question. He goes, that's a good question. What do you think we should do? And I'm like, what do you think you should do? It's your fucking. You're the pool guy. You just know this shit. He's never heard of worms in a pool. I don't know what to do.

So I just gave it a couple days in the worms. All the water department. Yeah. The police to pull. Yeah. Just flush those bad boys out. If you ever think about putting a pool in your backyard, fuck, and then you got the kids in the liability and it's a big nightmare. It's something I don't sleep over at some nights. I'm like, I want my kid falls into pool. But worse, yeah, what if somebody else's kid falls into pool? Yeah. It's a big nightmare. Kids do drown. That does happen. Absolutely. That's why it scares the holy fucking shit out of me.

Yeah. Anyway, happy summer. Happy summer. Hope you and your kids have fun at your local pool. But you're swimming on. Remember that kids. www.tcbpodcast.com is where you go. You can read all the show notes. Find out more about Chrissy and I and gather our entire library if you want to. Just go ahead, knock it all out. 70 plus episodes in, binge watch it.

Binge watch it. For six straight days. Six straight days of R2S is doing nothing but talking right. Yeah, the gabby, yeah, the gabby in your ear. Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby. Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby. 470-584-844-9S, where you can text us, you can also leave us a message

or you can catch us on Instagram at the Commercial break, please do us a favor visit the YouTube channel YouTube.com slash the commercial break You can subscribe and smash that like ring smash that smash that subscribe ring Smash that subscribe bell La la la la la la la la that was a lot of body. La la la la la la la. That was a lot of. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. That was a lot.

There was a lot to say. It's a lot to say in one thing. So I feel like I got to warm up my voice a little bit. Similance. Similance. So it's a concert one time. I was backstage with a friend of mine at a concert. I won't name the band, but a big band, Big Arena.

Was it Third Willie? 33 Willie. 33. Third Willie. Look at my third Willie. After repeated this. So a Big Band, Big Arena Rock Band, Big Arena Rock Show, it's the day of the show and they're doing the sound check in the morning.

We're there for whatever ungodly reason. And all of a sudden, we're just sitting out there in the audience, like out in the arena and there's no one else in there. A couple of people twirling around, guys and doing the lighting and guitar. Right, we get ready for the show. And then all of a sudden, some Pipsqueak about four and a half feet tall comes out and he's like, Simulence.

Sss. Sss. Simulence. And he keeps on doing this, Hody. Over, and over, and over. Like it's the main microphone. It didn't make a microphone. Like the lead singer's microphone.

The lead singer's microphone. Okay. But the last Tee forget to Like the lead singer microphone. The lead singer's microphone. Okay. But let's, he forget to check the other 17 microphones at our own. So after the 27 minutes of, similance on the first microphone, he moves to the second microphone to do it. And then the third and then the fourth and then the 21st,

I was like, it was like Chinese water torture. I couldn't believe what was going on here. I don't even think Simulence is a word. Is Simulence a word? Can you look that up on your Google machine? Does anyone know if that Simulence is a word? I don't use it, yeah. Brought, use that in a sense.

It's Brian once was tortured by the word. Simulence. Simulence, I thought I had had seven S's in it. He kept on doing it like that and I was like, what the fuck, man? I understand you got to check like the dynamics of the microphone. But what the hell?

So later on in the night, I get an opportunity to talk to the guy who's doing the sound behind the board. Oh, okay, yeah. And I mentioned to him that I'm currently drunk. I'm currently drunk because I've been drinking ever since someone started saying, Simulance into the microphone.

And I said, why do you say that? And he goes, oh, it's so that we can get the, you know, so that we get, make sure that every, you know, every word is enunciated clearly. And you know, the dynamics of the microphone and the, you know, the OD and 40 and the 2D. So he's not another word. Not another word that you could use, like, you know,

Pandora. Doesn't that sound better? That does sound better. Pandora or sex. Like you could do something, but it's similar. You're scarred by this. So I'm scarred by this. So, and I shit you negatively.

So this goes on for six and a half straight hours. And at 830, 930, whatever it is, the pan comes on. Here comes the big singer, the big bright singer, right? Now his microphone has been checked for, it's, you know, it's 12 different places in the arena for all kind of, I don't know, shit, right? And so it's like, you know, in... It should be in pristine condition.

We now present three doors down in 70 technology. So it was a song by three doors down? Uh, I wanna touch you like that. Whatever. I don't even know. I wanna touch you like that. So the guy comes on. Oh, bastard. Three doors down. And then my favorite song, Superman! Superb! Whatever that song is. Yeah.

Thank you very much for not playing my favorite song, Superman! So they go into the song, you know, and the guy goes up to do his first thing. He's serious. Literally getting a radio station through the microphone, and I'm like, Fuck! I thought this was checked! Serious literally getting a radio station through the microphone and I'm like Fuck Thought this was checked. You did this already. You should have done the old 33-willy sound check The nose out what have you went out in front of 35,000 people and you were like Hello, hello, is this on or doing our sound check down?

Guy goes out to the microphone and the microphone doesn't work. Oh my God. Unbelievable. After all that torture, unbelievable. Oh. Speaking of summers, I want to talk to you about something that I'm very disturbed by. Oh. What is up with the bikini trends that are going on today?

Are you noticing this? The thong. Am I the only one who's noting this? The thong on the front and the back. The vagina thong and the ass thong. Yes. What is up with that? I don't know. We've got a pool and we live in a complex.

Yeah. There's labias flying everywhere. I've been saying it. There's a lot of labias flying everywhere. Skimpy is not even the word. It's the labia. You're showing the labia. What is, oh no, Dr. Sinc called it the vagina. The vagina is the outer part.

The vulva is the inner part. The labia is the lips, but then there's the outer part, kind of in between your thigh and where the labia starts. And there's a new trend in the bikini world that I think is probably the Kardashians are responsible for all of our brain damage. But you can see the outer part of the vagina, the only thing that it's covered. I haven't seen that quite yet. You got to look a little closer. You got

to look in detail. Sarah, you have to, you have to, you have to, just scroll in. It's take your fingers and go, this is you. Listen, I'm doing research for the show. Okay. Right. Kendall Jenner, Kendall Jenner's, Kendall Jenner, Kendall Jenner. Kendall Jenner's, Kendall Jenner. Kendall Jenner's vagina is showing, and these new skippy bikinis. But what I've noticed is, is that the outer part of the vagina, in a lot of these bikinis, is showing.

Wow. It's a thing. It's like how close to the labia can you get before the labia is actually showing. Before it's out. And then how much movement can you make before your labia actually falls out? Not much.

And now I understand Kendall Jenner's probably, got the cleanest, tightest labia vagina ever seen on a woman. But why is this a thing? Yeah, I don't know. Would you wear something like that? No. No.

You see this a lot in Europe. The girls just, they're just like, everything's so close to the, it's like, like, Ockman's razor. It's just you're walking right on that edge. Right. Between you know, nipple falling out or Clitoris coming out. Right? Clitoris. Whoops, my Clitoris fell out. Oopsie. I don't understand. And I so now I look at things a little bit differently. What I say a little bit differently. I say a little bit differently. I say a little bit differently. Now I go, huh, well, I guess in some sense that's hot, right? But in another sense, I have a daughter

that's coming up in the world. And what are they going to be wearing when 18 years from now? You never know. Or 27 years from now when I let her out of the house. What is she going to be wearing? Are you actually going to just show your vagina? You just wear like a, just like a, piece of dental floss? I got a patch. Stuffed through your vagina. It's unbelievable. Yeah.

That's crazy. The skininess of the bikinis. I thought about that too before, with like dads and then their daughters maybe are in playboy or hustler. I couldn't tell you. You know, how did that go down? Well, I mean, it goes down like this.

You know, daddy you weren't around when I was a child, but now I'm a hustler. Instead of therapy, I went to hustler. I went to Larry Flint. Instead of the therapist, dad, how do you feel about that? Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that's everybody, but you can imagine that.

Yeah. And, you know, okay, I'll stop there. Before I make assumptions about everybody, I'm not gonna make assumptions about everybody, but, you know, I dated strippers, I'll stop there. Before I make assumptions about everybody, I'm not gonna make assumptions about everybody, but I dated strippers and I know. Yeah, there's usually some things. Yeah, sometimes when you're okay, running around the stage, getting paid,

there's something else going on there. It's not just, I'm paying for college, right? My question is, why the girls are now are doing this younger and younger. So when Kendall Jenner goes out there and she puts on dental floss, per vulva, right? It's not the 32 year olds that are repeating that behavior, even though I'm sure some of them do. It's the 17 year olds that are repeating that behavior. 15, 15, 15, 15, 16, yeah, I have no time. I have no time.

I'm out of time. She's already six months old. What am I going to do? I just imagine Frank showing up at the door. Look at my body. Show me your vulva. I should have frank. Come to me. 15. Yeah, well, I mean, when it's all of our Instagram, that's, well, that's, we're also all of the 15 year old parent in the right mind. Let's a child walk out of the house with that kind of bikini. Yeah. Well, sometimes it might be like a sneak. Like a sneak attack. Yeah, like a sneak. Girls are sneaky. Girls are sneaky. Teenage girls are sneaky.

You walk out one thing and then later on, you got on something different. Never underneath circumstances. Under any circumstances under under any, under any premise, would I allow, I'm gonna check my daughter's bag on the way out to the beach by the way and the lake and the pool. I'm gonna be like, where's that string bikini?

Cause I know it's there somewhere. I know you ain't wearing that one piece and the lake and the pool, I'm gonna be like, where's that string bikini? Yeah. Because I know it's there somewhere. I know you ain't wearing that one piece over the lake linear. Yeah. I mean, that's bullshit. Yeah. I don't think it's a good idea. Just show me what it is. I'm just gonna get it over with.

That's what worries me. So now I look at things like through the eye of a father. I mean, I'm not an old guy. Like, I'm still pretty young, right? You are. So, but, you know, I'm sure most guys are like, look at the vagina. All right. I'm like, old guy. Like I'm still pretty young, right? And so, but you know, what I'm sure most guys are like, look at the vagina. I'm like, holy shit, look at that vagina.

My daughter's gonna be emulating these people pretty soon. Yeah. I'm scared. Yeah. I'm really scared. I know. Fuck, man. You still got a little time, enjoy it.

I was enjoying it. What, what, in when you're outside of the pool at your facilities, what are the majority of the girls wearing? It's actually kind of all over the map. Yesterday I was out of the pool and saw a lot of different styles. So I remember like the high waisted kind to, you know, kind of a little bit of retro. And there were some string, string action happening, but it was a mix. It was a neck mix.

I remember one time a year pool on a fourth of July or a memorial, I can't remember. I remember that time. We had a cookout. We used to go over to Chrissy's pool. And Chrissy lives down in the center of town, which is just like a hip, cool area. And she lives in an apartment complex that is vast.

It's huge. There are probably a thousand apartments. And there's a lot of people think that this pool is the cool place to go. So they bring their friends. It gets rockin'. Yeah, it gets rockin'. It's one of those party pool.

For sure. So one time we were out and they have a big grill and they have all kitchen set up and you got a whole thing. So one time we had many times we had parties, but one time we had a party. I think it was the fourth of July. Yeah, I think you're right. And all of us went over there. Yes. And we started drinking pretty early. It was probably 11, 30 or 12 in the afternoon. We started drinking pretty early. Yes. And at three o'clock and we're kind of, we've come in dear to corner.

The corner, right? And there's probably a hundred people at the pool now and we're all having fun and everyone, you know, playing in the pool and music. How does fucking ball music play in? Yeah, music's playing. Beep balls are out. Getting frosty, you know, getting frosty and frosty, we're just drinking lots of beer. Uh-huh. And then all of a sudden a group of, you know, scantily clad women come in, one of which is way ahead of her time. Because she is wearing the smallest bikini that any of us had ever seen

And when we say dental floss of her ass, it was literally a string of her ass That was nothing I was I was on it I was like yeah, I guess I gotta go over there and check it out for some day in the future when I have a daughter 15 years ago. Yeah. So the day goes on and now we're going to five and six and we've eaten and now we're like 30 beers in. I mean, the whole pool is just whoever's left at the pool is we're all in the same condition.

Right, and we should have a lifeguard around us, even in the shallow end because lots of us are just way too drunk. And we start playing a volleyball game. Well, the girl in the string bikini comes over and she starts playing volleyball with us, right? At which point? At which point she goes, so what are you guys going to do tonight? And I'm like, uh, me? You? I was so taken aback with the girl that I'd been staring at all day long Was talking to me and I was like Chew shine You're doing a shoe, you're saying, apocalypse.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. I guess I could have said a loss for word. Which by the way, I never have had a loss for word, but between the beer and the intimidation

of this girl's entire ass showing the entire day. Yes. Which by the way, it was a nice, round, tanned ass. Yes. No offense to my wife. It was beautiful, right? It was a nice butt.

Yes. And so I say, oh, I'm usually in some friends. We're gonna go to the place like I have to go to the bar. You wanna go with us? I remember you talking to me. I know my brain. This is you can hear it working. Does it sounds as stupid? Don't say something stupid. I love you. You're gonna be my girlfriend. Where you going? So I play it cool and I, so I play it cool as a beach ball.

It's me in the air and I spill my beer. And I'm like, she, we're going to go to the bar. And she's like, which bar are you going to go to? I don't know, but I'll tell everybody to go to the bar you're going to. Exactly. Which bar do you go to? And she's like, well, yeah, let me give you my phone number. And I'll tell you what, you know, we can all meet up later. And I'm like, ah, this is awesome.

I remember that. It's my same, I like. And so we exchanged phone numbers. And now we're leaving the pool, right? Now everything's wrapping up, we're leaving the pool. Sun's going down, we're getting ready to go do whatever it is. We're going to do. And I am just so thrilled about the whole situation.

I'm like, is it going to be easy? I don't even know her name, by the way. Right. Yeah, I've never even got her name. So I kept referring to her as the Vikini girl. The Vikini girl, yeah. Vikini girl wants to meet up later. The Vikini girl wants to meet up later. So everyone kept referring to her as the bikini girl. The bikini girl wants to meet up later. The bikini girl wants to meet up later.

So everyone goes upstairs to get changed and I take a whatever cab or an Uber home and I'm like, I'll give them me to you guys out there. You know, yeah. So I text bikini girl later on the evening and I or as I'm getting ready to go back toward Chrissy's house so that we can all go to the bar down three. Hey, it's Beachball Guide. It's. Hey, it's Beach Ball Guide. Yeah, it's Beach Ball Guide. It's really weird. Someone's wrong with his tongue. I love you. So I text her and I say, hey, you know, we're going to get me down there.

I'm sure I made a 15 paragraph fake. That's what I do. When I get nervous, I just talk a lot. So I'm sure I did that 15 paragraphs. Hey, it's me. You remember I was the guy with the thing in the buzz. And I really go to this place and the reason I go to this place is because I don't at 15 paragraphs. Hey, it's me, you remember I was the guy with the thing in the box, it's the head, it's the head. And I'm gonna go to this place,

and the reason I go to this place is because, I don't know, I don't know. And I said, so you meet later? And she was like, sure, right? Sure, text me when you're there, right? And I was like, aw, so, yeah. So I take a shower. Things are happening.

So I take a shower. Now mind you, I have not stopped drinking since noon. Day drinking in the sun. Oh, God. It's like, it's like that, that, it's the acceler noon. Day drinking in the sun is like, it's like that, it's the accelerant. It's the accelerant, right? And it also sobers you up a little bit.

Yeah. Because when you, when the sun's beating down on your, on your pretty little face, for some reason, you're invincible, right? I know, that's true. You're at the pool, you're splashing around. You're not drunk, it's just that you're in the water, you know? It just feels like, it feels natural.

Something about day drinking in the sun with water, it's just, you know, you don't get drunk until you stop for a second. Then you're like, oh shit, I've been drinking all this. So I take a shower, drinking, you know, drinking the entire time. You had a beer in the shower. I had a beer in the shower, I had a shower beer. So I'm on beer number 77 of the day, which is probably, you know, five day vendor than I want, because it's the fourth of July week.

Right. Why wouldn't you drink all day every day for five, three days? Exactly. And vacation. And vacation, I ever wanted. So here I am, you know, I'm probably in my head. I'm dancing through the house getting ready to go on this date with this beautiful girl.

Right. And in reality, if there was a camera around, I'm naked. He's stumbling from one wall to the other. Oh, trying to keep myself up, upright, right? I'm a badass in my own head. I call the cab to which it's 4th of July. So they reach so that the lady tells me, it's gonna be 30 to 40 minutes.

And I'm like, shit, 30 to 40 minutes. Okay, I guess it is what it is. I'm too drunk to drive. So I'll go away it's gonna be 30 to 40 minutes. And I'm like, shit, 30 to 40 minutes. Okay, I guess it is what it is. I'm too drunk to drive, so I'll go away for the cab, 30 to 40 minutes. I'll pop another beer when I'm waiting, and I'll put on whatever television, I'll put on the news. That's what I'll do.

I'll see what people are doing all around the world. Oh, he fell asleep. I never woke up. I missed the call from the cab. I missed the text from the girl. I missed a million phone calls from H that hey right the bar where are you? I never woke up. I woke up the next morning. I shot my shot Right into the pillow

So in bear and that swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat,at, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat, swat,wat, swat,wat, swat, swat,at, swat, swat, swat like, hey, are you guys there? And I, you know, obviously, I was sleeping. I didn't say anything. And then so in hours later, she was like, guess not. Well, have a good night, you know, and I was like, shit, that's, I was a total dick. It took me about a day and a half to work up the courage. The texts are back. The texts are back. And when I did, she never responded. I missed my opportunity. She felt like I had ditched her. She felt like I had ditched her. She felt like I had ghosted her. And now she wasn't willing to listen to my bullshit because here was beach ball guy in the pool, probably 10 years older than she was.

She was probably just as drunk as I was. She was probably like, wow, he looks good. Meanwhile, I'm like, oh, I'm holding a court in the middle of the pool. You were, I remember this. I was just holding court. Telling jokes left over, I think, bang, boom. Sometimes when you can't get them with your sexy body, you get them with the laughs.

It looks right. Yeah, but eventually they sober up and they're like, Yeah. It was funny. But if you had a sexy body, that'd be good too. I'm hot. I'm sure I can fight both. Don't worry about that.

Return text message. I never got that return text messages from Bikini Girl. And so is the way of the world. That's the universe was working that way. The universe was sending me back to the nightmare I just emerged from. The universe and the beer. Yeah Working colluding to send me back into the nightmare. I had just left gas

But then hey, you never know then you might have taken a different turn. You might not have met Astrid Slice commercial break watch that that's how I lose that day what I took my drink and crashed into the entire studio in my mind in my mind I looked like my guy from jumping over the hood of a car and real. I run into the car and fall flat on my face. In my mind, I'm like one of those beach volleyball players with the great, you know, in the pool. One of those water volleyball players from Harvard or whatever, you know, just up in the air with the swim cap on. Yeah. And real life, I look like a drowning ferret. Yeah. Yeah.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That can I let my daughter do? Which I eventually she's gonna be like that. You know, I'm my own person, and that's just the way it is. So, you know, we're back to pool time. And I'm so, you know, it was so cool when I was back when I lived in my apartment complex.

If you remember, I also had a pretty rockin' pool. And that pool was skewed even a little bit younger than your pool did because I had a lot of students from Georgia Tech and Georgia State, which are the two colleges. And this was kind of, you know, this was on the, down the street from those two colleges. Yeah.

So we also had a pretty large pool. And those pool parties would also get just more thanarily ruckus, right? Yes. But they were like, it was like super, super young crap. It was, yeah. It was a college crap. Yeah.

So there was, there was one time when I was dating a girl and I was in, in, dating is like a stretch of a word, right? It was like a, I was with her, but there was constant, we were constantly breaking up. You know what I'm talking about. Every three days we were constantly breaking up. So there really was never talking about. Every three days, we were constantly breaking up. So there really was never any steady ground. No one ever knew really what was going on. I'm pretty sure she was sleeping with that least

through other people the entire time we were dating. Yeah. It just was a weird relationship that never really had terraform or so to speak. Mm-hmm. So, and she worked during the day, on occasion during the weekends. But she had a friend, a very tall attractive woman. And that friend, and I, on occasion, during the weekends. But she had a friend, a very tall, attractive woman.

And that friend, and I, you know, we were texting about something one day, and she says, yeah, you have a pool, and I said, I do. And she says, I'm gonna come over. When I come over, I'll bring some beers. If you got the day off, we'll go hit the pool. Because my boyfriend is out of town. He's doing whatever he's doing.

And I'm like, okay, you know, this sounds like a porn movie set up right here. Right? My girlfriend's out of town, my boyfriend's out of town is doing whatever he's doing right and I'm like, oh, okay, you know, this sounds like a porn movie set up right here right my girlfriend's out of town my boyfriend's out of town. Let's get together swingers at the best. But I was not even in my mind like it just wasn't I just thought it was it's her being friendly and me being friendly back right yeah, yeah, we got nothing to do. Let's go to my pool. So we go to my pool and it's a rockest crowd right there's probably a couple hundred people there. I mean, it was literally like, while the wall human beings there,

there's kegs in the corner, kegs here and there, people grilling out, kids doing shots, jello shooters, the whole nine yards. And I've been living there for a long time, so I know a lot of the crowd. I'm sure I'm like that like grandpa. At the time, it's only 30, but I'm sure they're like, I'm grandpa.

Grandpa Swamy Drunk said. Grandpa grandpa swammy trunks Look at my body Look at my ten pounds Grandpa, oh here comes grandpa busy body. There comes grandpa bloodline You know when you were young those are one guy like Matthew McCoday You get know the same I'm that guy Constantly single or at least in a shitty relationship

You know, gushing out wisdom. I never slept with them All the time, you know they come over they be like three o'clock in the morning and I'd be in there watching TV and drink a bud light after I got home, right? Watching your news. Watching my news, right? And it'd be my neighbor. And you know, or a neighbor. And I had over the years, there were multiple young ladies who lived in and around my particular apartment. And I always ended up being Uncle Brian for some reason, you know, Grandpa Brian.

And they'd all come over at the end of the night, right? And with their friends, yeah, to the barcodes with their friends right? Yeah, their boyfriends, whatever. It's like let's go to Uncle Brian's, I'll have a nightcap. He'll be watching the news and dish out some wisdom we can forget tomorrow morning. Well, we're gonna have sex in the ass, it's gonna be a messy affair. You know, uh, sweet. So here we are at the pool and here I,

ching, boom, boom, boom, just, you know, dition out of it, but, hey, be, be, be, be, be, you know, shoot my shot all over the place. I think I'm a stallion, right? How I feel, I feel like, you know, like the cool uncle, like, hey, you know, don't touch her there. That rash needs a cream. You should go see the doctor about those zits on your dick, you know, like I'm her there. That rash needs a cream. You should go see the doctor about those zits on your dick.

You know, like I'm like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah. That's that's what I think, right? In reality, it's probably like, he's drunk again. Here comes that guy. Here comes the so funny. Who's got the new iPhone they can take a video with

Who's got that new iPhone thing you can take a video with it So you should search YouTube for you. I know I got to imagine there's a video or two of me out there in My full days my full day Here comes that guy Here comes that guy. One time I was so drunk in my own pool. At night, sometimes we go there at night. Oh yeah, the night. We'd have to, oh they didn't even have to fence because they would leave, they say it

was closing at night, but they'd leave the code open. And we'd go, we'd go out, and sometimes people would call the security honest, but whatever. We'd go out at one time, I swear to God, I fell directly in the pool. No, because I thought it was not a joke, I wasn't like trying to be funny. I just fell in the pool. I didn't catch myself. I was like,

ah! So anyway, so it's me and this girl, friend of my girlfriend at the time, right? Yeah. And so we're all day drinking and everyone's getting there and she starts having a conversation with me about the relationship that I'm having. Okay.

And I, and we're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time.

We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. We're doing all the time. It is different. She hit it on me. I can't tell, is she hitting on me? She starts talking about sex with her boyfriend

and how she wishes this and she wishes that and things could be better here. And you know, it's not really that great there. And she's like dishing out wisdom, but then she's also like getting closer as she's doing this, right? And you know, and then the hand goes on the thigh. She's like in the pool and I'm sitting outside the pool

and the hand goes on the thigh. And then she's like, you know, I bet if I Bet if we hadn't met the other two people that you know if we met like a bar We probably yeah, probably hook up don't you think and I was like yeah totally Totally in my mind You know in my mind alert alert alert Danger will rob the danger, but in my dick So we continue to drink and now it's like five o'clock, right? And the witching hours upon us because I know that the girl that I'm currently breaking up and making up with constantly

Yeah, he's getting off work at seven or so, you know, that's when the she's I'm currently breaking up and making up with constantly is getting off work at seven, or so that's when she's supposed to get off work. And so this, the girl that I'm with friend of friend says, you know, at least she goes back, she hasn't changed so we can get up for dinner. We're gonna all meet for dinner. And get changed for dinner, guys, yeah. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, probably.

So we walk back down to my apartment and she's has some clothes and then she undresses right there in front of me. Oh wow. And I'm on the couch and I'm like, Oh, what do I do? What do I do? I think most people in this circumstance

probably would have taken advantage of the situation. And I almost did. So I stood up. He thought about it. I stood up. And I was pretending like I was gonna walk into the bedroom. He stood up. But she, as I stood up, and I stood up,

both of us stood up. Bing, Bing. Bing, Bing. That's the noise that came out of my dick. You would have to do it in your boners, that's it. Yeah, do it in my boners, that's it. And as I stood up to walk, she stood in front of me. She came walking around the chair.

Yeah, completely naked. And I was like, oh shit. And she puts her hand on the small of my back as if she's going to pull me in. And, hold me, I shit you negatively, I get sick. I instantaneously, the day drinking hits me and I start to spin. And I'm like, but I don't know if I want this or if I don't want this. So I'm like, hold on one second.

And I go into the bathroom and I hit the toilet. And I hug that toilet for a good 15 minutes because I got sick. I've very rarely got sick when I was thinking ever. But as soon as I stood up and as soon as she touched me, I got sick, right? Everything happened for a reason. And now it's all the sudden she's taking care of me, right?

She's like, are you okay? Are you okay? She's like in the bathroom naked? Over me, like rubbing my back and I'm like, oh my God, I think it was a 15th jello shot Oh the jaymason The vodka sliders The oysters I'm not sure all this pool water. I swallowed

Maybe it was your naked vulva I'm not sure I don't know I got nervous But I was throwing up and she's like rubbing my back and all this stuff and she's like well listen But let's get dressed so you want to cancel dinner. I'll just leave, you know, and I'm not sure, I don't know, I got nervous. But I was throwing up and she's rubbing my back and all this stuff and she's like, well listen, let's get dressed so you want to cancel dinner, I'll just leave, you know, and I'm like, I'll just, you know, so some water, splash on my face, bubble, bubble, I kind of compose myself after an hour, yeah, took me like an hour and I compose myself. And I came out of the bedroom, you know, fresh, tidy,

you know, ready to go and I'm kind of, and she goes, listen, I think maybe the drinks got the best of us today. So we should probably just forget this last half and then I was like, it was probably your good idea. Yeah, it's good. Probably a good idea. God damn it.

God damn it. Oh, well. And I'll be honest with you. What do you think I would have done? What do you think I would have done? What do you think I should have done? What would you have done? Oh, I would have restrained, but I've never been a cheater. Yeah, I've never been a cheater.

And I've never known you to be a cheater, so I think you would have, Nope. I think you would have politely declined. I think so. Yeah. I think so 100%. Mm-hmm.

But, it will never really know, because the urge to throw up got the better Yeah, and as she was putting her hand around me. I can't say for sure that I wouldn't have at least Loved a nice hug from a naked lady in my of course, of course, so your brain I knew what you're dick wanted to do Oh my dick knew what my dick wanted to do and it overrode things That's right. You got things. That's right. You got sick. That's right. That's what happened. I love to pull days memories memories of the

pool. I got to worry about children drowning in my bed. I got to worry about how I got to build the fence around my pool. Times and things. Today Matthias was a rat that Astrid was doing some workout there. You know, just playing around. And Matthias was a rat, but Astrid was doing some work out there, you know, just playing around and Matthias was taking stuff from the storage shed and throwing it in the pool. Oh, God. So like metal chains, half an engine, and all the time, he was throwing it in the pool, and we had to then go retrieve it. Right.

Luckily, the pool is warm enough that I think, you know, it was, if I had to have gone in, it probably would have been okay. So, you know, what are you get to do full times full times Fast times at Pooam on high I had somebody ask me the other day and said you know I was listening to your podcast and does Brian best all of these stories really happen to me. I said yep They have been there for a lot But they're for most of They have been there for a lot of them. They're for most of them.

Ha ha ha. Did they think that they think that the amount of stories was just weird? Is it like a large collection of crazy and stories? And they love the stories. But like for me, then we got on the thing about stories because I said, you know, I'm, he's just a really great storyteller.

He's Jeff. Yeah, just a storyteller too. Yeah, he is. Give background on something leading up to the actual event. Yeah, me. I'm like, I want a bike ride and went down to Pima Park and that's that. But you and Jeff would be like, here's what happened. Yeah, you got a wee.

I got this bike a few years ago and then everything you went through with the bike, then you lead up to the actual bike ride. The crazy bike ride you took at Piedmont Park. Yeah. I just have to understand something about my life. Is it it's been anything but normal? Is that I've had like 54 different careers. I literally was homeless one time.

I mean, so my life, I made a lot of choices without a lot of thought. And so those choices without a lot of thought. I'll produce good stories. Yeah, now produce good stories many years later. Now I'm much more well thought out now. Like I don't have as many crazy stories now, is I did 10 years ago or 20 years ago even.

Now they're kind of running thin. So what a crazy story happens. But the other thing is, yeah, is that I also am doing this for part of my living. So when something happens to me, I find a way to make it sound. File it away and that's right. I file it away and then I think about it

and I figure it out. I actually hadn't thought about that friend of the friend story until just right now and I thought about it. And I forgot about it for many years, but that was a crazy afternoon. That sounds like it. Yeah, here comes that guy.

Yeah, here comes that guy. Bee-pee-pee! Pee-pee-pee! I think he went to prison for murder! A picture. What all the kids would be saying? Oh my god. It just picture me with my high waist. It's the best thing to do. Pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee My high waist is my butt light and a big pink cozy.

Hey y'all! Hey guy! Thank crazy uncle in the apartment 32. We'll see you later tonight! See you later tonight! I heard all that screaming last night. Sorry about that. I heard your girlfriend started through the wall last night.

That was the other thing. It's for like a year, my four neighbors turns down for a second. For a year of my four neighbors. Oh god. All they could hear was. I had to, um, four foot two. We're laying dervish, yelling and screaming. Yes.

One minute, Cabeck and cookies in the next minute, throwing TVs through the wall Half the time they're probably that's the cool uncle and half the other time they're like that dude is married to that crazy bitch Are they married seems like it I don't know the other night. I found him outside as a parmin sleeping on the thresholds because she wouldn't let him No, the other not. I found him outside as a barb and sleeping on the thresholds. Could she wouldn't let him He kept begging for his phone heard him out there just let me have my phone And by wallet my keys it's my apartment

Bagging for you was crawling in his own balcony I saw him sleeping out on his balcony. What do you think that is? Probably that wife of his. He's crazy. Oh, my God. I heard they buy salsa in bulk. That's right. That's so cute.

So awesome. I had two things of salsa in the refrigerator. Like not salsa. Like the kind you buy a god's The salsa the kind they selling for the apocalypse Great fun www.tcbpodcast.com is where you go you can read all the show notes find out more about Chrissy I and drop a saline there You can also watch all of our videos and listen to all of our audio, all of our audio,

like I just wanted to say auditory, I don't know why, all of our audio and go to youtube.com, slash the commercial break, hit that subscribe bell, hit the subscribe bell, smash it. Bang it, smash it, crash it. It works better if you smash it.

Yeah, you smash it, boom! I liked it. Smash that, please subscribe. We certainly would appreciate it. Ah, the commercial break on Instagram. I'm doing reels I thank you. I just learned how to do reals and I find it my guy. I find it to be great fun Yeah, we should go back and forth with doing reals. Yes. Yes, I like it So check us out at the commercial break

You can always find a some clubhouse. You know where go to the commercial break club on clubhouse or at Brian green at Club on Clubhouse or at Brian Green at TCB Chrissy and look for a soon on Twitch and IGTV live that's right coming right around the corner maybe next week who knows okay okay okay okay what are you doing tonight I was looking at you, but never seen a bikini like that in my entire life. And I travel the year of many times. I have never seen a bikini like that. I remember this day well, and watching only the clitoris was covered up. That was it. You were providing lots of entertainment for me.

Yeah. It wasn't the only guy. It wasn't the only guy, You know, doing some investigative journalism. No. Do you remember how many times I walked by? She was standing between me and the grill, so I just kept that check out on the burger. Even though the burger's had long since been gone,

I was checking out other people's burger. Can I help you with your burgers? I'll be right back. Let me go get some onions. I just pull some leaves out of the thing. They're wild onions. Best of you, howdy. Best of you, man.

I love you, man. I love you. Until next time, bye. The commercial break, new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays. New YouTube clips dropped daily at youtube.com. Slash the commercial break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library.

Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram and join the commercial break club on Clubhouse to join in live recordings. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Holdley, with additional content provided by Tina Cano. 1. Draw the lines on the back of the head. 1. Draw the lines on the back of the head. 1. Draw the lines on the back of the head. you