The Commercial Break - He's Six Feet Blunder!

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

Bryyyyyannnn! It's your mom! No...really, it's Bryan's mom, here to give us her take on Swervin' Irving's funeral so we can find out once and for all if Bryan's lyin'! Jesus Leprosy coming back in Florida Weird meats! Human mice hybrids??? Bryan wants to be a meth dealer RIP Sinead O’Connor & Paul Reubens The Pee-wee Herman Show Masturbating in the porn cinema Listen to Irving’s funeral episode here Bryan’s Mom makes a guest appearance!! Bryan’s mom gives her take on Swerving Irving’s funeral Don’t get into a limo at a retirement community Irving was a stubborn man! Bryan’s Mom want’s her ashes sitting on the dining room table LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Speak to TCB LIVE by calling 775.TCB.LIVE (1.775.822.5483) Tuesday-Thursday 12pm-5pm EST Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Producer & Audio Editor: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, I'm Tara and I'm Raven, the asset-bath princess of the darkness. And with us today is Azor, who met at the anime table at lunch today. And no, we didn't. Actually, we've known him for a really long time. And we just didn't notice him because we thought he was a prep. But he is Azor, the mind of darkness. Yeah. On this episode of the commercial break... I mean, I wasn't exaggerating.

One of the guys was holding the other's guy's legs while he went down into the grave to try and put Irving down their flat. I'll tell you Irving was a stubborn man and he had no intention of going into that hole. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. The heart wants what the heart wants! Oh yes, Kazakhstanans, welcome back to the commercial break.

I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and beautiful gohook. Kristen Jolod, may best be your greatsack. Nancy Ryan. And best of you out there in the podcast universe. Hello, I'm snappy and happy. Hello. I'm happy. I don't know why I'm snappy and happy.

Because I'm reading the most miserable news I've ever read in my entire life. Oh, God. And I'm about to share it with you. So I'm going to take my negativity and throw it right on you. It's called an energy transfer for those of you. Who does a view that are, you know, worshiping your cocks.

I'm transferring my cock energy over to you. Ha ha! Cock, Cory Show. Oh, that was a bunch of other shit. Oh, this wasn't that episode, and I was like, what about you? Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. You know, well, there's a lot of-

It's just in your own, though, is that like to say? Yeah. But there's one episode a month I like to get out all the negative news, and this will be it. First of all, you you remember Jesus that guy Jesus Yes, the real the real one I don't know if he's real or not But you know the guy that everybody talks about yes, I know if you were talking about Cox for Christ and the whole night The guy that's what walks around you know you are for something. No, no, no The dude the dude who apparently was really fucking cool. He's in the Bible and stuff.

Story been told a million times before the Bible even came around. You know what I'm talking about. The guy, the man, the dude, the Jesus. The OG. The Haseos. The OG. No one fucks with the Haseos.

So back in his day, the big thing was, you know, not COVID-19 or herpes or chlamydia or anything like that. The big thing back then was leprosy. That's what we always hear about. As Jesus was there with the lepers in the leper colony, hanging out, touching the wounds, cleaning the wounds, the whole nine yards, which was an amazing thing to do

because apparently leprosy was a fleshy disease that would cause major pain and suffering, and it was very prevalent back in the time of Jesus Zero AD for those of you keeping strong. I was gonna say 2,023 years ago. 2,023 years ago. That's good math on your part. Chrissy. I knew I had you around for a reason That's that that's some Adam the lion math right there So leprosy was this huge deal and leprosy still persists to this day. There are leprosy colonies out there now leprosy is now cured pretty readily by antibiotics, especially if you catch it early

It's not usually trans it's transmitted human to human But it's not extraordinarily contagious. So they don't worry about it too much and Almost never is a diagnosed or found here in the United States because we just don't have leprosy. It's not a thing that happens. It happens in other swampy, hot countries where they're in touch with a lot of animals in different wildlife. But here, the only wildlife we're in touch with are,

you know, pretend dogs that walk the streets of New York. So we don't have to worry about it. I'm not feeling you're gonna tell us that it's making a comeback here. Lepersey is flying off the shelves down in Florida. And of course, it's Florida. Oh, God. Lepersey is becoming a problem in Florida. They have had a meteor, quote, unquote, meteoric rise in cases of Lepersey, especially in South Florida. Now they believe this is because not in Palm Beach. No, not in Palm Beach. Nothing touches Palm Beach.

Palm Beach is in a bubble, just like the Hamptons, or Palm Beach. Where the Hamptons? That's two places I can think of that have lots of expensive houses. No, not in Palm Beach. We're not talking about Palm Beach, Chrissy, when we talk about Leipzig,

Leipzig, we're talking about, I don't know, where was Kid Rock born somewhere down there? Peace from Leipzig. Oh, he is? It's really. No, I thought he was down in oh No, this is one of my friends who introduced me to Kid Rock was born in Hollywood, Florida. It could what about God why am I drawing a blank on his name? That does the sugar mamas That does the sugar mamas that got on the sugar mama site. Oh

Marlin Marlin. Yes, Marlin's area. Yes, Marlin has lepersy. That's what you get for dating that old woman. He has gone silent, but that's a different conversation for a different day. I'm gonna leave it alone for a minute and hope that I don't lose a friend for life. Yeah. I have very few. I need to keep them around as long as possible. So always be your friend. Oh, thanks, baby. I appreciate that. I called you, baby. Baby. Yeah. Hey, baby. So, hey, baby. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. I was always. Let her see, making you come back in Florida. I'm reading about it. They have pictures of it. It's awful. No one wants it. It's terrible. They think it's because somebody or some people are coming in contact with animals like armadillos, like possibly eating the roadkill, picking them up, eating the roadkill,

because they do carry leoporcy in general as a bacteria on their body. Why you would ever pick up an armadillo or even look at it the wrong way is beyond me. Armadillos, while I have no thing against them, are one of the weirdest creatures on earth, and I have zero interest in interacting with them. They are weird little animals, and they carry leprosy. So there's another reason just not to get involved in a pack of Armadillos. I don't carry on.

Hey, you mind if I join your Armadillo party? I thought Armadillos were big out in like the West, or Texas. I see them here, everywhere. I thought possums were our big out in like the west or Texas. I see them here. They're everywhere Yeah, I thought possums were our kind of Possums are our in armadillos in population, but they're still here in general. Okay, I see them like, you know I don't know where I see them. Do they have the spiky shell? You know, I see them at the store I see them at Whole Foods. I say hi to them at the Braves game. You know, I see armadillos

You can probably definitely get one to eat at the farmer's market, you know, that to cab. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Pretty sure you can get dog there, too. Yeah, there's a lot of weird stuff at that farmer's market. I won't even go there. It's too close to home. I don't want to get accosted by anybody.

But there are some weird meats over at that. You know, there's a huge giant supermarket, they literally occupied an old Macy's, is what they did, they just turned an old Macy's into this multi-floor market for people from the Middle East and Asia, to find foods in Spain, international foods. But you start walking through that market

and you realize just how many foods you didn't realize were actually available out on earth. And then you wonder why anybody would consider this a food on earth, but that's just my small, you know, American USA mind, the thinking small. So, leprosy is around, it has a meteoric rise down in Florida as if we need more bullshit. Now we got to deal with leprosy.

On top of that, in California, they have recently busted a biological lab owned by a Chinese company. Yes, that we're doing bioengineered mouse. They were putting human cells into mice and turning them in their blood into some hybrid human, hybrid blood. It was really weird.

And then they were, these people were, this lab was creating pregnancy tests and COVID-19 tests from bodily fluids, tissue, and other human samples that they found in the lab stacked on top of each other all over the place. Go look at the pictures. It's disgusting. Jesus. They had to euthanize. Jesus help us.

Jesus help us is right. We need you at the leprosy colony, and we also then need you over in California because some of these buy, they had actual, they had isolated, dangerous biological conditions. In other words, herpes, syphilis, COVID-19, pregnancy, which is another dangerous biological condition in the United States of America in 2023. And I saw this was all because they found like a hose, a water hose. A hose sticking out of a wall that wasn't attached properly.

They didn't inspection around the building and the building inspector was probably not keen on anything except for the fact that he wanted to bust the balls of these particular people about this hose. So that turns into a further investigation of the inside of the place, which then reveals hundreds and hundreds of mice that are genetically engineered, hundreds of different body samples, blood samples, tissue samples, and then on top of that isolated

biological agents inside of this. So now, no one is claiming that they are creating like biological weapons, but the lab was actually... It doesn't seem good. It doesn't seem good. It doesn't seem like a positive revelation about what's going on in some, anywhere, because it is really easy to rent warehouse space

and who the fuck is checking up on the shit that's going on here. Do you remember when COVID first started and I found a place that was doing COVID testing before other people were doing COVID testing? Do you remember it was like off the highway and you had to make an appointment and then show up and you were in this dark room

and someone took your blood and then ran behind a wall and then they were like, negative, okay, thanks. It was long before COVID testing was available at home or really anywhere else. Yeah. I found through friends who were chatting on a chat mess. You know, that's where you find all the good shit.

You know, this time we weren't looking for cocaine. This time we were looking for COVID test. And we found a company that was doing this like on the cutting edge of COVID testing at that time in early 2020, where you could go get your blood drawn and then a couple hours later they would let you know whether you were positive or negative. So we went there a couple times. It paid like $200 a test or something to get this done. Well, I didn't have $200.

I still don't have $200. This was so you could go on the brother's trip. Yes. So I could go on the brother's trip that I never went on. Oh, the brother's trip? Oh, yeah. The man love trip. Yeah, the man love trip.

Yeah. Man love. We're doing a man love trip. You want to come? Come on, brother. Okay. Why not? Well, I got to lose at this point. The world's falling apart. COVID's destroying us all. So this biological agent factory that's going on, no one's claiming that they were making weapons or any kind of, you know, had any kind of ill intent at the end of the day, but it makes you think. And this warehouse also opened in 2019, mid-2019.

Now I'm not claiming anything that I don't know to be true. But the conspiracy theories fly. I'll let Joe Rogan do that on my behalf. But if Joe, if you're listening, wink, wink, nod, nod, we're going to get to the bottom of that one. You know what I'm saying? Yes. This is crazy that you're allowed to open up at all. Any kind of biological engineering company

without massive amounts of oversight. Oversight. Yeah. Now, I realize they might be flying under the radar of any oversight whatsoever when an inspector looking for a fucking glory hole and a goddamn hose finds a biological chemical factory, I think we're in trouble. This is highly disturbing to me. I don't know about you, but it's highly disturbing.

Absolutely, yeah. How many more of these are out there? Oh, yeah. The Chrissy, you gotta imagine there are hundreds. Are they creating like sheep people somewhere? Sheeple? You never know. What kind of experiments people are doing. You never know what's going on behind closed doors. Now, I've created a few clones in my time, mainly of cactus, and they've all died. But, you know, I could be doing this in my house, and no one would know. I know. With the rudimentary knowledge of science and access to a few dangerous things, I could be the next Heisenberg. I really could.

Well, you've always aspired to be a- I've always aspired to be a crystal meth dealer of epic proportions, but I'm just too lazy to get to there. So, I stopped usually at the first batch. We just need to step down to your underwear and then run a RV. And rinse an RV? I love how that show starts out breaking bad starts when he's like, my name is Walter White. And if you find this, da da da da da, you know, and then all ties back together in the end.

It's wonderful. I love it. But, you know, I was always too lazy about my cooking of crystal meth because I just can't get past the part where the crystal meth is sitting in front of me and not doing it to get it out to the streets. So I just cook up a batch, go on an epic bender and then I tried sober up for a couple years before I got another product. Well, we should really look into this, all California, so California bioengineering thing.

Somebody should get on that, don't you think? They have to be eye the CIA, the numbers. I mean, I think somebody's onto it now, but it's scary. The whole world onto it now. It's all over the place, actually. Scary. Yeah, it really is scary. Speaking of death and destruction, two deaths have happened over the last couple of

weeks, and I wanted to share. I know we're not, you heard it here last, essentially. Paul Rubens, Peewee Herman, and Shanado Conner. Shanado Conner, I have a lot of respect for. Not only did she have one super fantastic song, the Prince Song. I think he compares to you. I think he compares to you. She also had a couple of other songs that I like.

She did, yeah. I had that album. I think compares to you. She also had a couple of other songs that I like. She did, yeah. I had that album. I actually like that album very much. But then she took a stand against the Catholic church long before it was in fashion to take a stand against the Catholic church and she lost her entire career because of it. Pretty much. All of it. No, she went away.

There's no pretty much. She went away. I mean, in Ireland, she continued. She was the first of the canceled. She was canceled before cancel cult of the canceling. You know what I'm saying? And all because she ripped up a picture of Pope John Paul live on TV on Saturday Night Live. Then a couple months later she got she did a tour with Bob Dylan and she was booed by 25,000 people off stage. And do you know who came to the middle of that stage to comfort her? Chris Christofferson. I just saw this video the other day. Yeah, our man, Chris Christofferson,

who's not dead yet, by the way, not dead yet, which we wrongfully claimed on another episode, but he actually came to the middle of the stage to give her a hug and tell her it was going to be all right. And not that she needed it, but he did it. He was concerned. Chris with a kick. So I have a lot of respect for Shanado Connor and what she did. Having been being in a family where the Catholic church has negatively affected our family in so many horrific ways, I don't even wanna begin to get into it.

Shanado Connor was kind of a hero. For me, long before I think she became a hero for a lot of other people, once it came to light, that the Catholic Church was a whole fucking bullshit worth a nonsense. The other person who lost his career over nonsense was Peewee Herman. Peewee Herman, you really have to have your head of an hole, even if you're young, not to know who Peewee Herman is. Peewee Herman, Peewees Playhouse, Peewees Big Adventure, he had this character, he did a character of the groundlings even if you're young, not to know who Peewee Herman is. Peewee Herman, Peewee's playhouse, Peewee's big adventure.

He had this character. He did a character of the groundlings called Peewee, and he loved Keeche stuff, like he'd like that Keeche shit, you know, little knick knacks and all that other stuff. So he started this little one man act at the groundlings for like 10 minutes at a time. He would come out as Peewee Herman. He would do this. Universal then got so interested in this act that he was doing some executives

that they gave him a movie. He went from groundlings to his own movie overnight, basically. And that movie was such a good. It was so bad. It was so good. I loved it, large margin. All of it. All of it.

Yes. The root, the root, Goldberg, the beginning of the movie with the root Goldberg machine, you know, Coox's toast and wakes him up and all that. If you haven't seen Peewee's big adventure, you have to watch this immediately if not sooner. It's a brilliant movie, all from the mind

of the demented Peewee Herman, also known as Paul Rubens. The movie did so well that then he parlayed that into this extraordinarily subversive comedy show that was on on Saturday mornings as a part of a kid's lineup, but it wasn't really for kids. It was more like subversive jokes about, so he was cheering on the, you know, LGBT community with the subversive jokes. He was making very adult humor, but he was making it in a way that children could laugh at it. And parents had no idea what they were watching, so they would literally sit their children like

me in front of the television to watch P.B. Herman. But even at a young age, I caught on that something was not quite right about this, not about not quite right, but it was like something, there was additional humor in this that I wasn't quite getting at the time, but I liked. I remembered that Pee Wee Herman's Playhouse,

Pee Wee's Playhouse, had an episode where they literally showed a minute and 16 seconds of a dog eating dog chow in a weird and a weird way. Like almost like ASMR, right? Uh-huh. I was, you think about that. The national broadcasting corporation gave Peewee Herman almost a minute and a half of time to allow a dog to slap up puppy chow. And it was a joke.

It was pastiche. It was weird. It was a joke. It was meant for adults and weirdos. And they let it happen on a kid's show in the morning. Sandra Bernhardt was on that. Lots of guests. Every, but the genie, the whole nine yards.

You know, what did he say? Memekeleka, hi, Memekeleka. Hi, Nioh. The genie would come out. That's right. The Peewee's word of the day the whole nine yards it was a brilliant television show he got burnt out on that

he's i do is gonna cut the show off take a break reinvent himself come back goes to a gay porn cinema he gets caught masturbating at the gay porn cinema he gets arrested and paraded around miserably i mean just like the cure. The, you know, not when you go to the gay porn cinema for, of course. That's what you go to any porn cinema to whack off. What do you expect is going to happen in a porn cinema?

There's nothing else to do. I've been to a porn. So they used to have one here in Atlanta right in the smack dab in the middle of the bucket theater and I went with two friends and it was weird and it was creepy and it was obvious that we're men masturbating in there, but you know what, I did it, I did it. I went in once and I had the experience and then I left, right? I didn't masturbate myself, but you know, teach their own.

But I was also with my friends and I thought it might be a little weird to whip it out. But we watched a porn movie and then we left. But what happened to hundreds of thousands of people every single day going in watching a porn movie, maybe touching yourself a little bit, a place where you would absolutely expect that would be happening.

And then he gets arrested, probably because he's famous, someone to recognize him, because he's famous, calls the cops on him. He gets arrested for Ludan Vesidius actions in public, even though he's not in public, he's on a private property. And then he gets paraded around, he becomes the butt of many, many gay jokes around the country. And it destroys his career.

Disney pulls him out of all of their stuff. Universal pulls all his, all his stuff. Peewee's big adventure, no longer running on, on reruns. I mean, it's just like ridiculous how this guy got crucified because the assumption was he's gay. Who fucking cares? You didn't get that about Paul Rubens from the beginning and does it really fucking matter whether who he's sleeping with? No. His career was destroyed and he never got the comeback that he so richly deserved. He never hurt anybody, he never touched anybody that we know of. Paul was just an artist and he went and whacked off at a cinema.

The guy gave us five years of wonderful TV. Can't whack off everyone. He can't feed the pigeons everyone, so come on now. 21 EPMs, you gotta get him in. Yeah, he's somehow. So I have to say, on both these accounts, these both of these struck me as really sad. Chinato Connor, Paul Rubens, gone too soon, both of them,

never had the come back so they so richly deserved. There's a lot of parity in their stories as far as I'm concerned. And they were both champions of things that were not popular back in the day. And I absolutely adore the bravery. I wish I could be that brave. I wish I could be that brave. So I say cheers to you, Paul.

And cheers to you, Chinate. I hope I see you on the other side. Good for you. Speaking of death. Last episode, you and I, you got the epic Irving fuel. Wow. Wow. It was a doozy. It was a doozy. I mean, I you must go back and listen to the last episode. If you had one thing that went wrong. It was a lot. It was all of the things. Everything went wrong.

But I felt like, you know, I was one of the four people at the funeral. But there was another person that was there. I think we can readily get a hold of. And that is my mom. Yeah. I want to verify that I'm not telling a fish tale here that these things actually did happen. Because I know it's probably gonna sound fantastical

when you hear it. I could just have all possibly happened at one funeral. Yes, it did. And even though it's my perspective, I'm sure other people that were there, the few other people that were there, also got their point of view. And so for the first time ever on the commercial break,

and very rarely do we have guests, I wanna invite my mom onto the show, my actual mom, not. Hi Brian, it's your mom. But my actual. Hi Brian, it's your mom. You know what I'm saying? I love that. I think we could,

you wanna just like dial her up and see it. Okay, hold on a second. Okay, hold on a second. Hey everybody, it's your favorite part of the show where I pung for more of your attention. First way, you can help fill this hole in my soul, go to Apple and leave a suppositive review. It takes two seconds out of your day and it really does help grow the show. First way, you can help fill this hole in my soul, go to Apple, and leave a positive review.

It takes two seconds out of your day, and it really does help grow the show. But there's no quid pro quo here. You don't have to give us anything to get something for free. Go to tcbpodcast.com. Hit the contact us button, and send us your physical address. We'll send you a 21-EPM sticker directly to your locale. You can also go to youtube.com slash the commercial break for fully edited episodes the same day they air here on the audio feed. 855-TCB8383 is where you go to drop us a text message, questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we take them all

at 1-855-TCB8383. Add the commercial break on Instagram if you're into that kind of thing and TCB podcast on TikTok, it's what I hear the kids are doing, it's all the rage. One last thing, if you could, if you will, if you would. Visit our sponsor's websites, buy their products if you're in the market for them, and always use our specialized URLs or codes, when in if you can. They pay our bills, and who knows? You may be the reason we have electricity in the studio tomorrow, and I thank you ahead of time for that kind gesture. Let's listen to those sponsors for a few minutes, and then we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Brink. This episode is sponsored in part by Nutruffle.

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That's harries.com slash TCB. And thanks to harries for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This is gonna require technical things to happen. So let's hope that we keep you on the line here, guys. I'm talking to you, the podcast universe. Hold on, let me dial mom. Let's see if we, oh wait, okay. Let's see if we can get her here. Hold on one second. Ah, there we go. See, it's working. It worked. Hello. Mother. Yeah. Hi, it's your son. Hi, honey. How are you doing? I'm doing good. Can you turn down judge Judy just a little bit?

Well, mom I had one of two guesses it was either Dr. Phil or Judge Judy, so I just Okay, well, you should got your daily fill of Dr. Phil. And what about QVC? You're staying off the QVC, right? I'm off the QVC because there's nothing left that I haven't already bought. I agree with that sentiment.

Plus my closet is full. I know, Astrid was telling me that you have a full closet so you can no longer buy stuff from QVC. My mom also called me and asked me if they could take QVC or television I'm like I don't think it works that way mom mom. I'm here with Chrissy. We're on the podcast. Say hi Chrissy I'm doing great. How are you doing? I'm doing good. Thank you good. Good to hear your voice Thank you so mom so you know yesterday christian i uh... you know fresh off uh... uh... or swarving erving's funeral we had

the i had to tell the story about the funeral because it was so funny first of all i'll say this i'll preface this to the audience and to you erving was a super wonderful gentle and he certainly was good to you and good to the family and he was a lovely guy um and I'm sorry for your loss and and and others who obviously are gonna miss Irving very badly but he was older and he had been sick for a while and so this wasn't completely unexpected am I right? Right and but I don't I didn't he always said he was old he was 88 and he always said he was all, he was 88. And he always said he was old, but I never felt like he was old

until he started forgetting what he had for breakfast. I forgot what I had for breakfast. What does that say about me? No, but I mean, I'm talking to him like a half an hour after he's eating breakfast. And honey, what did you have? I don't remember anymore. So I knew that there was a big gain here first between us.

Yeah, what did you guys have? 30 years between the two? Well, how old was he? He was 90? No, he was 88. So you had 72. Okay, so he was like 15 years. Difference, yes.

Yeah, that's exactly the difference between Astrid and I. So it's just a cautionary tale of things to come I'm gonna tell Astrid she can go find a younger Brian. It's when I turned 65 I'm just gonna get the drama out of the way put me in the retirement home You give me a discount over there Absolutely well, we could get a room for two honey Well, mom, I'm gonna take that under consideration strongly. Yeah I'm gonna get can I can we split the referral fee? Sure it's a thousand dollars. Oh I get 500 yeah you

can have 500 but save it for me in case I go overdraft my account. Okay what you doing? Well mom that bank loves you I, they just keep making money. They just love you over there. Yeah. And by the way, $500 is 400 more than we've ever made on the commercial break. So it's good news. It's good news for us over here. So I was telling the story about the funeral and you asked me to come. And of course I said yes, because I wanted to be there for you but I fully expected that there were going to be other human beings that showed up to our hervings funeral. I guess I didn't take into account the fact well first of all he wasn't from here so he didn't have like a he didn't have a base of people here in

Atlanta but do you think the reason why a lot of people didn't show up? Do you think it was 107 degree weather or do you think it was because they lot of people didn't show up? Do you think it was 107 degree weather? Or do you think it was because they just literally couldn't physically make it? I think it was a combination of both, but actually Irving was a very quiet, reserved person, and he didn't make a lot of friends easily. He was extremely smart. He was a brainier. But socially, he wasn't too swift.

He was a little awkward. He was a little awkward. Yeah, he was, he was a little socially awkward. So he didn't, you know, he wasn't really responsive to people and stuff. So it's how I can, this world went a frontier. He'd been in Georgia for about eight years. Yeah. He's from New York,

we've been in Georgia for a long time. That's a minute. I was, sir, I like, I thoroughly, you know, you say the, you tell me the thing was at 10.30, come at 10 or whatever you told me, I'm like, oh, there's gonna be a bunch of people there and I'm with a fucking talk all day long and blah, blah, blah, blah. So when I showed up at 10.15 to find my twin brother,

the only person that was at all at the funeral, I was a little surprised. And then poor, you know, and then they put a green tent over you like it's a fucking sauna. I mean, it's just like sweltering hot under there. And then they had speakers as if someone couldn't hear what was going on. Well, I guess maybe you couldn't. Yeah, I got a hearing aid situation this for damn sure. We'll figure out a hearing aid situation. Okay, so let me ask you this.

When you, you know, for you who knew Irving a lot better than you knew me, it seems like it seems like the funeral was a bit of a comedy of errors. Did you interpret it that way? Were you also seeing that the same way? No, all I was seeing actually was you and Kevin sweating the death and the cantor singing and he boo, which I didn't know what the hell she was talking about. And John crying off to the side, but I don't know why he was doing it because I'm sure what he was thinking about was this adherence. I'm so mad. It's wild.

They got John to the know about the commercial break. What? He took me out to lunch the other day to our favorite restaurant. Yeah. And it's expensive. And he's so cheap. His father used to tell me he was so cheap

You're so cheap when he when I when he asked me what did I think? His father thought of him I told him he was frugal and that seemed to have passed But anyway, we go out to eat and we order fish and we order this and of course I ordered everything unhealthy He ordered everything healthy because he's a real health freak. And then it's his treat. And then I said, oh, we've got to get the dessert. You love chocolate and ice cream and they have the most wonderful dessert here. And he goes, well, I don't want to have it for lunch.

You know, you're sort of literal. Yeah. And I said, no, I meant for excellence. So anyway, he asked for a dessert menu, and we got it, and the dessert was $8.95, and he said, you know what, I don't really eat this kind of stuff, and I'm sure you don't really care.

So for today, let's not do the dessert because it can get kind of pricey. On the day of his father's death, he can't afford the chocolate dessert. I mean, I'd like John, I think he's's a very nice guy but his dad was a literal millionaire the guy dog for oil for major oil corporations he knew where to find the oil so the guy wasn't he'd it's not like he didn't have a penny to his name

he did pretty well for himself so john could even split and john did pretty well for himself so john could even splurge on the chocolate cake i love you john but i mean you couldn't splurge for the chocolate cake and then love you, John, but I mean, he couldn't splurge for the chocolate cake. And then to tell you that you can't also get the chocolate cake, it's a little bit strange. Well, no, I mean, it's really obvious that I'm a full figure girl in many ways.

And he's a stick, but on the other hand, what do you pay the $95 and get the damn the shirt that I want? Well, how in the fuck did you get in that limousine? How did you get in that stretch limousine? It wasn't easy. And when you live in a retirement home with windows everywhere, everybody in the place is going,

oh, did you come into a lot of money? And I said, no, I did not. They said, why did you need a strict look of the scene to take you somewhere? I said, all my boyfriend paid for it. And he said, he said. He said, well, the only reason we had the one of the scene is because he's dead.

Because I was John, he'd say, listen, let's get it over. Is it true that Irving's first wife set up the entire funeral arrangements before they even divorced before she passed away? Yes, it was his first wife died a long time ago. His second wife is that was here in Georgia. That's how he met her. She set up all the funeral arrangements for everything. Wow, that's a commitment. I paid for it. Okay, so what I noticed about the limousine and the reason why I asked if the first wife,

the first wife died what, 10 years ago, 12 years ago, something like that? Oh yeah, probably. Okay. So she dies 10, 15, 20 years ago, whatever it is. What I noticed is I think the limousine was the same age as the, however many years passed and she died, I think the limousine was from that same year.

Because that was an old school stretch limo, like a Lincoln town car stretch limo. And I just was so surprised to see one on the road. They usually don't see those anymore. Yeah, and that baby won 85 miles an hour down the street. Look, being a Y, because John Capione, or Gennace, or Gennace, why weren't you on time? Bubble, bubble, bubble, I'm on time.

Yeah, but against that, no one's waiting. My dad's waiting. And that's what I said to my two boys are out in the 99 degrees sun. Oh my god. Oh, my god. Hurry it up. And John was in the back of the limo. And on his phone, he could see that we were going 85 miles an hour. And he's yelling through the window of the limousine. Ma'am, you've got to slow down. We're not driving safely. And I said, oh, for God's sake, who cares?

Everybody's going to move out of the way for this car. Yeah. Exactly. You know, I just, oh my God. It's like the Antichro Show, actually rolling down the road. No. I'll tell you one in a retirement home that was a huge deal. Oh, I bet.

I bet. It was the talk of the day. It was. At lunchtimetime people kept coming out. Well, to me, I thought your boyfriend died. He did die. That's why I was in the lobby. I probably will never see one in my life again. No, no, no, no.

It's some day the commercial break is going to make some money and we'll put you in a limousine or something like that. When you when that limousine showed up, my I guess my question is, have you ever been in a limousine or something like that. When that limousine showed up, I guess my question is, have you ever been in a limousine? Like an actual stretch limousine like that? You never been in a stretch limousine. Never.

And not even like, did you, when you and dad got married, you didn't have a limo that picked you up? Oh no, we had a Ford Focus or something. A Ford Focus. Ha, ha, ha. Did you tape the tin cans onto the back? Yes, I'm here.

Just married. It was quite romantic. Well, hey, listen, you were young and you were young and ready to have four children. Four boys were going to drive you crazy. So when we get there, and they pop you on the golf cart so that you could get down to the actual, actual grave site. Right.

Because I knew right away, when I got there, I knew right away with that slope and the grass and the hill. I was like, I'm afraid mom's just gonna roll into the grave. Like, she's gonna fall and just roll into the grave. You got that right on the walker. This time, where it's in and on. No, you wouldn't have ever made it down. Even though it was 50 feet, you wouldn't have made it down there.

But I just love how the lady pulled the golf cart right into the tent and the tent started just rolling down the hill with her It was a good move to just clear out as it's no one else was there just clear out the chairs and let the golf carts sit there Yeah It was so Well, I'm sure you were you had you know the top of the golf cart and on top of that, you had the canopy. And the canopy, that's right. Kevin and I were just sitting in the sauna known as the canopy

with John. The canter too got me. I actually like the Hebrew singing. I don't know. There's something about it that feels good to me, I guess. I like when I hear that, the people singing in Hebrew, but it went on for fucking effort. It's she said it was gonna take 10 to 15 minutes.

We were out there, she was singing for at least 45 minutes. Yeah. Well, that didn't include the two guys trying to lower and carving down into the grave, and they almost flipped the poor guy over. And I just, oh, honestly, God, wasn't that awful? It was awful. They were hanging over the whole of the grave.

Both of them had these big stomachs. They were hanging over the whole, trying to push the coffin down into the ground. And John's up there with a suit that he's never worn in his whole life. He wore his dead suit because he's used to... T-shirt. T-shirt, nothing ever matches as an ass crack. in his whole life, he wore his dad suit because he's used to teach to teach. To teach her nothing ever matches as an ass crack, always hanging out. I mean, he isn't what you would call a formal person. But he's here and sure.

Then you got Kevin who's got a blazer and then you got Brian who's got a pair of khakis and some shirt that he found in Hawaii. I mean, I didn't know that I would qualify to be in the funeral group in the first place. So I figured at the least that I could accompany myself, like the least I could give myself was wearing a short sleeve shirt on a hundred degree day. Like I didn't want to wear a three-piece suit knowing how crazy hot it was going to be outside. And when they were lowering him down into the into the grave, I mean, I wasn't exaggerating. One of the guys was holding the other's guys' legs while he went down

into the grave to try and put Irving down their flat. It was amazing. I'll tell you, Irving was a stubborn man and he had no intention of going into that hole. He was going to make it as hard as he could. I think he was mad at his wife. Oh, he, I think, um, when you think that he was in hospice for three weeks and they kept saying every day he was going to not make it that day. Yeah, that's true. Okay. What he thought like hell. Yeah. That's the exact opposite of what I would do. I'm so lazy I'd be like ah let me go now When when they okay, so then here's the other part that I don't get and I know what I got it

But I mean I understood what was going on But I didn't understand how it all happened. Is that when John got up, uh, Irving's son, when Irving's son got up to give his little eulogy, if that's what you want to call it, he brought two emails along with him. And one of them said, dear Irving, sorry, I couldn't make it. And I was like, who is saying that? Which person said, dear Irving can't, sorry, can't make it to your funeral? Irving is the person that's concerned least least with who shows up to his Funil.

He's not there. I mean, he's there, but he's not really there, you know what I'm saying? Bellis is loving daughter and lying grandchildren who he paid for from day one so that they took a breath until today. He hardly ever talked to them. He didn't give a flying red saist about him. And they sent an email to John to say, we aren't gonna make it to the funeral.

Sorry, we can't make it. We didn't even make it to the funeral. That's insane to me. That's insane to me. I'm knowing the backstory. I mean, I don't wanna get into everyone's personal details, but getting knowing the backstory, after someone takes care of you

for most of your adult life, and then you can't be bothered to show up to the funeral, knowing that you have the money to do so because the guy gave you the money to do so. It's like, it's incredibly rude and insensitive. But I'm top of that. On top of that, I just got the sense that like, you know, everybody, the cantor kept saying

how wonderful herving was and how family oriented he was and all this other stuff. And then John got up and the only three things he could say about his dad was, everybody thinks my dad was a nice guy, but he was really a tough-ass businessman. Number two, my dad loved us so much. He rented another apartment in the same building,

so he could be away from us. And then number, in his art studio, quote unquote. And then number three was, my dad took me to see a movie about insects that rule the world. So, you know, that was good. They were very close as you can tell. Ha ha ha ha. Hi.

If the only thing my son can have, or my children can only remember about me is the one movie they took me to see. I took them to see. It's gonna be a miserable day. I'll tell you what. But here's the kicker of all of this. The thing that got me so riled up,

like just I was mom, you don't know how hard I was trying not to laugh. Is when the cantor said, you know, in the Jewish tradition, we do one last thing for a bench. One last favor you can't repay. we help him transition into the next life by you know helping to move the earth back onto its grave or whatever she said that it was a beautiful little saying she had right and i was thinking like great the here's the part where john you know dumps a shovel of one shovel of dirt one or

usually it's one it's one that one or you take your hand and grab some dirt and throw it on there But Irving just kept shoveling I mean John just kept shoveling on top of Irving and shoveling on top of Irving It was almost as if he wanted to help him get there quicker like The cancer I didn't notice that I thought you know I haven't been to a funeral you know because we just don't do that. We have cremation and that kind of thing Yeah, I never went to a funeral and I swear to God I thought, didn't John even have the courtesy to hire somebody to be a guy?

He, you know, he's doing it himself. So he could save $100. Yeah. Oh my God. The two pot-milly pigs who were just down in his grave, they got a machine that could actually do that for you, you know John. And the cantor had to go and put her hand on his shoulder and say, okay John, that's enough. And then he walked over with the shovel and handed it to Kevin.

And I was like, I don't even know if I should be at the funeral, let alone throwing dirt on his grave. And then I have to make a decision about how many times I'm supposed to shovel. Because now John's done 30 shovels. Does he expect me to do 30 shovels or two shovels or one shovel? I'm glad Kevin set the precedent by doing three. One would have been rude. Two is probably like you're being lazy about it.

Three, and that's the appropriate amount, I think. And then he shoveled again after that, right? Then John, he kept shoveling. Brian turned to me. He turned to me and he says, this is for you, mom. I'm going to be wrapping the shovel up. Turn turned to me and he said this is for you mom Never made just just no mom if for some reason you don't get cremated I'll I'll help I'll help lower you down Okay, but I want to be cremated.

I want those answers just with you on the dining room table. Okay. Reminding you of how wonderful a mother I want. I'm going to let the kids play with it in the pool. Don't worry, my wife. I'm going to take care of you once. You're going to have a lot of fun with the kids when we go over. He wouldn't stop shoveling.

The poor bastard would not stop shoveling. And I would, because the cantor said, now the service is, the official service has concluded. And I was like, is there, please don't let there be an unofficial service? I can't take it anymore. I'm drenched from head to toe. My gray pants are now black.

I'm like, I can't handle it anymore. And John goes, wait, wait one second. I want to shovel some more. I'm like, shovel some more. You're. And John goes, wait, wait one second, I wanna shovel some more. I'm like, shovel some more. You're really looking to help your dad get down there. And then poor Kevin, he brought some flowers to throw in the grave and he asked John and John said, no, don't do that.

Yeah. And. Oh, yeah, what John told you. Yes, John said, no, don't do that. Yes, Kevin said, I brought these flowers, can I throw them in there? Like can I leave them with your dad? Essentially, I forgot what he had. He there like can I leave them with your dad essentially?

It was I forgot what he had we said to leave them with your dad But then John said no don't do that. It needs to be pristine He was gonna go back. He was probably gonna go back and retrieve them and trade them into the public We got to get you on the show more. Yeah, I'm just renting these. Can I take them back? Well, someday I'll tell you someday, when you have time, I'll tell you the story of how I met Eric. That's the funniest.

We'd love to hear. And honestly, I wanted to get you on for a long time. And you've been a character on the show for a long time. So I felt like it was time. This was the most appropriate time to show that one of the ways that our family has always dealt with strife and tragedy is through humor. And-

The best way? Yes. And now I'm continuing into my forties to deal with strife and tragedy. It's fine. I just continue with the commercial break. I did like Irving. I did think he was a very sweet gentleman

and I know he was always very good to you and you were good to him. So, you know, it's sad to see him go. You know we're always here for you and we love you very much. Yes, we do. Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you both very much. I enjoyed it. All right, Mom, well listen, we gotta get going. We gotta know that we got other things to take care of around the house Make sure you figure out who's guilty Told you it was true told you every bit of it was true. It's crazy how that

Your mom's the bad she is a sweet lady On air too, she's like top nods. She's good. She's been on air on every version of on air that I've done. On 96, 7th of the legend, late night the legend, scam col fm, and now the commercial break. She's made it on all three of them. And by the way, the other two failed miserably, so. Whoa, oh.

So sweet. Brick, brr. Brr. Ah. No time to charge. I know. By the way, the other two failed miserably, so... Whoa! Uh oh! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr there, one location, and get your free, what would Frankie B do? Sticker, all you have to do is send us your address, and we'll drop those in the mail. We do that about every week or two, so you'll get it in the next couple of weeks, fear not, but make sure you send us your physical address, because if you just leave your name, I have no idea where to send it.

And that's happened a few times, so you need to send me your physical address, or send us your physical address. Astrid will confirm that she's sending it. 855-TCB-8383-1855-TCB-8383. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, or funeral stories. We'll take them all. So free.

Just hit us up. You know what? We love to hear it from you. We love it. We love it. Leave those Apple reviews. We love that also. You can do us a huge favor. My next goal, subscribe to our YouTube channel.

I'd love to get to 5,000 before the end of the year. And the algorithm does us no favors because in the nature of our content, so you have to go and subscribe if we want to grow the channel. I would really appreciate it. Chrissy would really appreciate it. The whole team here. My mom would appreciate it.

My mom would appreciate it. And to let you know,. The whole team here. My mom would appreciate it. My mom would appreciate it. And to let you know, the YouTube videos are great. They're really funny. You can listen to it here and then go watch it there. It's two different shows. It's the same show, but it's two different things. Trust me. Add the commercial break on Instagram.

TCB podcast on TikTok. You know the story. We love you. Thank you for listening. and we're all gonna go eventually, Chrissy. I know. We can only hope we give a laugh on the way out to the... That's right.

Alright, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I love you. Best of you. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Bye, Herbie! and we must say goodbye! This is huge. you