The Commercial Break - Hot Dogs in Ibitha!

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

There is a sliding scale of cringe with pick up artists. Bryan digs a few levels down from "life coach" to find some helpful pick up lines. It goes about as well as expected! Bryan can't unsee the photo of hot dog filling spilled across a highway Hot dogs in Venezuela include potato sicks and it will change your universe Hoadley and Bryan wonder how they would navigate life as single people in 2022 Ibiza is pronounced "Ibitha" when in Spain. The z is silent and replaced by a th Rio has 13 pick up lines he wants to share with the world Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, how's it going? It's going great. It's going great among the men. You know, I just got some pins in my legs. I'll even or not. Pins in my legs. Can still do this. All right, a mate fell off a cruise ship.

Oh, but a bad ship. Yeah, a ship. Yeah, a ship. Took a hard, hard, violent fall, kind of pinballed down. Had a lot of railings, broke a lot of shit. I didn't, I'm not gonna say I survived, I'm gonna say I thrived. I met a dolphin down there,

and I swear to God that dolphin looked, not at me, but into my soul, into my goddamn soul, Annie, and said, I'm saving you, Megan. Now with his mouth, but he said it, I'm assuming telepathically. On this episode of the commercial break. Lots of people put potato chips on their sandwich, but to put potato chips on top of a hot dog was a brilliant idea and it just- It's a little crunch. It's just awesome. It's just delicious. But now I'm not sure I could ever eat a hot dog again.

Because of this picture that I saw. I'm not, yeah. Yeah, just think of all those little piggy heinuses out there just like floating all over the highway. Look at this. God. I love the Spanish language and so once they start going to, I love it. It's a romance language. Yeah, I know. I tried to, I tried to put the tea agent just someone in Spain told me that I was sounding absolutely ridiculous. Just sound like you're sticking your tongue out on purpose.

Because then I don't know how to speak like natively, like I don't know how to, so I had to stick my tongue out to do it like a beef thong. And people were like, you just think you're tongue out of me? I like to throw in this is ridiculous, just so it doesn't sound too serious. Number six, you want wanna just get married already? What are you doing Tuesday? Again. Wow.

I expected this to be bad. I didn't expect it to be this bad. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Fake, Fagnus or Fick, excuse me, let me repeat that. How that, Larya, welcome back to another episode of this Nutcommercial Break. It's not for everybody, but Fagnus or Fiction is guaranteed in 15 seconds or less for your money back, go to the brand new tcbpodcast.com. Collect your earnings. I just wanted to make sure I got it right.

I didn't want the listeners out there to be like, that's not how it goes, Brian. That's right. But I'm assuming there's listeners out there. So that's probably mistake number one. Fagnus or F fiction and 15 seconds or less That was your fiction for the day That's all the most disgusting picture this morning as I was perusing the internet. You know what it was?

No, what what do you think the most disgusting food is uncooked food like if you were to see it in its natural form that you would not want to see Maybe like a pig. You know, I'm talking about like the actual whole animal. I'm talking about like the sum of its parts. Let me give you an example. Maybe a hot dog. Yeah, hot dog. That's exactly what I was thinking about. Or a chicken mcnugget.

Right. Which is just like... Shaped in the form of a chicken. In a... of course. Yeah. Because I mean, you know, there are just many chickens fried with no bones or eyeballs. which is just like- Shaped in the form of a chicken. In a- of course. Yeah. Because I mean, you know, there are just many chickens

fried with no bones or eyeballs. I remember getting that at one time in Burger King and I was like, oh, God. Yeah, now they like sell them in the shapes of dinosaurs and shit for the kids and I'm like, oh, that's just weird. Yeah, and I dislike them so much because they're all natural, you know,

no gravy, no heavy, you know, whatever the fuck, you know, free roam, free range, all that stuff. Grass-fed grass. Grass-fed grass, grass, grass, grass, which is wonderful and that's the way we buy our food. But then you just know that whatever's going on under that lovely brown coating is just not food at all. It's something altogether different.

But the kids love it and so therefore we cook it. But I saw a picture of a truck, this happened months ago, I think a couple months ago, in Philadelphia, I believe, a truck full of hot dog, like the hot dog mixture. A mixture of hot dog. Yeah, not the actual dog in its casing, but the dog out of its casing, pre-cooked.

And it was fucking slop. Do you remember the Ghostbusters, too, when they all walked around with the pink goo, and then if you felt bad, it was all negative. And if you felt good, it was all positive. Got the statue of Liberty to sing a song. The most ridiculous movie plot ever, but a good movie nonetheless.

Anything with Bill Murray's OK with me. But I'm telling you what, this stuff reminded me of that pink goo, only more disgusting. And I felt like that's what happens when a hot dog, if you're feeling good, that makes it great, if you're feeling bad. Hot dogs taste the best at the ballpark. They taste the best at the stadium.

Or maybe a baseball game, football game, whatever you're at. That's where they taste the best. And I really don't know why. I think it's because they cooked, oh, that millions of hot dogs in the same water. And so you're getting, the flavor. Yeah, you're getting your next door

in neighbor's hot dog juices into your hot dog. And because you're sharing all of that gooey goodness, it is, I don't know, there. It's like the pink slop and ghost busters too. Right. It's like you're sharing your neighbor's good vibes. It's like, how does that spit taste, but it tastes wonderful.

They never change the water. I'm sure they change the water never. I'm not gonna think about it. You don't enjoy the hot dog. Because I think about those hot dog carts and in New York that are so very popular with everybody, right? And people like stand in line for an hour

to get a hot dog from one particular guy. And I'm like when have you ever changed that water? Because there's no incentive to do so. It's not like that. I mean, I'm sure that they must get inspected, right? I would put in a whole so, yeah. I think you need a license. I think it's very formal up there.

You do, yeah, you do. And in fact, people have, they stake them out. Like it's one guy that, you know, owns a corner for years. Oh, really? Okay. And then I think I've read about this and then like sell their lease to somebody else for like millions of dollars.

Wasn't that guy that what Trump's lawyer involved in that at one point, he was like buying and selling taxi licenses and hot dog stand licenses or something. Am I right about that? I remember the taxi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, he's got a great podcast by the way. He's that guy went full,

full negative Trump. I mean, he was like full threatening to kill people on behalf of Trump. And now he's threatening to kill Trump. Yes. Yeah, I guess that's what happens when you get fucked over. But, you know, you know where they're not regulated? You know where the hot dog stands are not regulated?

If you rent them for like a birthday party or something, that's where they're not regulated. Yeah. And recently I had a bad experience with a lot of those. And I know the water wasn't changed. I saw it all happening. I was like, as they were setting up, and I was really skeptical.

Yeah, questionable. But also very hungry. I just decided to take a chance. Any one in for it? We all got sick. All of them. We had food poisoning like a couple, like a month ago. That was from that.

It's hard to contact trace food poisoning when you're eating three times a day. But I'm assuming that the... That's something to do with it. Yeah. Yeah. And so now what I've seen is picture of hot dogs. And it's a favorite food around the house.

Like at least once a month we're having hot dogs. Yeah. Because Astrid makes the Venice Whale in hot dogs. Oh, yeah. Which is bun, cheese, usually American. Mm-hmm. Catch ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, whatever you like on yours, right? I like a little ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, Tabasco.

Oh yeah. But then you know those pic sticks? Do you know what I'm talking about? They're like little fried potatoes, and they're in the form of a stick. It's like a potato chip that's been sliced into little sticks, right? Yes.

So you put those on top of the hot dog. Love those things. And if you go full, Venice Whale, I mean, like if you're gonna go crazy, you go full, Venice Whale, and you put a little coleslaw on top of the hot dog. I love those things. And if you go full Venice, Wailen, I mean, like, if you're gonna go crazy and go full Venice, Wailen, you put a little coleslaw on top of it. Wow. Now, it's the most delicious thing in the world.

Whoever thought of this is brilliant, to put potato chips. I mean, lots of people put potato chips on their sandwich, but to put potato chips on top of a hot dog was a brilliant idea. And it just- It's a little crunch. It's just awesome.

It's just delicious. But now I'm not sure I could ever eat a hotdog again because of this picture that I saw. Yeah, just think of all those little piggy illnesses out there just like floating all over the highway. It's disgusting. What do you like in your hotdog? I like mustard mustard and onions. You're a mustard kind of girl. Huh? No, thank you. How do you eat raw onions? I love them. How do you do that? I absolutely love them.

Oh man, it's just one of my least favorite foods is raw onions. I don't know, I love, I love them. I can go for the cooked onions every once in a while. Like, I don't have a fajita plate and I'll usually kind of pick around them. But if I get an onion in there, I'm not gonna be too upset about it.

But raw onions is a big no-no. I've done it in my salad too. Oh my God, holy Jeff Kiss that mouth. That's right. It's gonna do like a- Well then at that time you both have the ending breaths to who cares. Okay, I get you.

You got to like pressure wash your mouth after that. That's just weird. You know, my dad is a big onion guy. And he'll eat those things raw. Like he'll be chopping them up. I will too, yeah. Ah. Ah.

This is even the thought of it, isn't it? Phoebe Jeevins. Speaking of pig ain't this is, I was trolling on the internet. I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do. You know, pickup artists and those types

are big favorite foil of ours over here at the commercial break. Yeah, they're pretty funny. And I told you, there's like a, I think of it as a levels of douchiness when it comes to pickup artists. There's like the guys who are just trying to teach you how to be a little bit more charming, right?

And I think those guys, okay, there might be some values somewhere in there. If you're not telling somebody to like, a call, like the dude that we saw Vince Calvin Klein. Vince Calvin Klein is like the scum of the earth. He is douchey. He is literally grown into peach tree dish.

Yeah. With extra teeth. But then there are the guys that you'll couple levels up who try and present themselves as actual life coaches or something along those lines. Yeah, can steer people in the right direction. Guys who were just having a hard time getting some pudenda. Those guys, then there's like levels in between, right?

So you've got Vince Calvin Klein and then you've got, I don't know how to give you a good example of this. Maybe like a, like a Carl, right? He's, he's given you life advice while he's preaching to you. Yeah. But it's still scummy nonetheless. He's just wrapping it up in a cloth of love, right? And then there's lots of levels in between.

So I thought, let's go a couple levels down from coal. And let's get some people that are definitely trying to give good advice. Trying to wrap their shitty advice in the... Trying to look presentable about giving their shitty advice. And I thought I would just go ahead and grab a couple of those guys and because I think they need to be paid attention to too. That's true. We need to know what's going on there

out in the world, how the in case, in case Astrid and Jeff decide to leave us from a stupid podcast, we're gonna have to hit the market. What the fuck are we gonna do? We're gonna revert back to 15 years ago. I think I can. I know. I've got less hair, more belly,

and a dick that only works half the times. Oh, what am I gonna do? A growing prostate, a growing belly, and a receding hairline. What am I gonna do, probably? What am I gonna do? I don't have an app for that. I'm worried that if I ever had hit the market again,

I just wouldn't be the same that I was before. I just, now I just have a creepy old man. I was like, kind of hanging on the line there when I met Astor, there was like, good go creepy old man, good go really, you know, charming young dude, right? And it went charming young dude, but it could have gone either way, really could have. And now it's gonna be full creepy old man.

I was talking to, I wouldn't let you be creepy. No, no, no, no, you keep me in check. Yeah, because Holy follows me around the group. When we're single, we just follow each other around, telling each other not to date. I don't know who you should date, but you shouldn't date that right. And that's the one I would date.

Exactly. Like, go right for her. No, no, no, Brian, her parents aren't gonna like, her parents are gonna like you coming home. You make the assumption she lives with her parents. She's like, you know, she's living with her parents fine. Okay, fine. Yeah, Abright is your third restraining order.

Maybe she give this one a rest. She's getting help. She's unmedicine. Right. But yeah, once she faked, failed herself, I think that was the end of it. I took it all the way to the end. You did it.

I took it all the way to death. You did did it. I took it all the way to death. You did it. Don't worry, she did not actually kill herself. I don't want anybody to think that I'm making fun of that. She didn't kill herself. She just pretended to get my attention. Which is an interesting way to get your attention. When someone dies and comes back to life,

it's like, you gotta pay attention. Yeah, you have to. It's one of the more interesting things that could happen to you in life. Yeah, I mean, I don't think you obviously would magically fall in love with her then. No, I hadn't fallen in love with her yet. I wasn't in that direction. You know, 65,000 text messages an hour was starting to get a little bit of not.

That's right. Oh my God, that poor dude will burn. I hope she's doing okay. But, you know, I was talking to, you know, Jordan Harbinger, the guy who's running advertisement song on the show every episode. So he's a really nice guy. We were talking about the day on the phone

about going to Ibiza, right? Ibiza. Ibiza. It's was how it's properly said. So don't you think that I'm just having some affectation. It's a Ibiza, not a Ibiza. It is.

Spell Ibiza, but it's a Ibiza. I can't help but laugh though, every time I say a pizza. I know, it's kind of weird, isn't it? It's like there's a TH, that. TH is silent and replace with a Z. Z, yeah. It's, it's Catalonia, is it what it is? That's why the Spanish will say Barcelona, right?

Or Ibiza. They have those tongues, they're just lazy. They get out in the middle of their teeth. Ibiza, Barcelona have those tongues, they're just lazy. They get out in the middle of their teeth. Ibiza, Barcelona. Madrid. Madrid. Madrid. Madrid.

But I love it. When you're there, it's super hot. Like you're like, wow, these people, they got that language. I love the Spanish language. And so once they start going, I love it. It's a romance language. Yeah, I know. I tried to put the T.A. agent to someone in Spain

told me that I was sounding absolutely ridiculous. I love it. You're just sounding like you're sticking your tongue out on purpose. Because then I don't know how to speak like natively. And so I had to stick my tongue out to do it like a beef thought. And people were like, do you stick your tongue out of me? That's not how you do it. But we're talking about Ibiza, and he was saying,

yeah, I'd love to go to Ibiza, but I actually think I'm gonna look like the creepy Amanda. Right. Right. It's got that reputation. Yeah, and I said, I'm part of your... Enough MDMA ever. Yeah, exactly. Everybody starts to look the same. Don't worry about it, dude.

It's hard to see faces when you're that fucked up. Don't worry about it. So that's probably my plan if I ever get single again. I'm gonna take some of these guys' advices. Yeah. And then I'm gonna hit the streets at clubs where it's either really dark, really loud, or both, or I'm sure that everyone else

is gonna be intoxicated. Right. That was basically my game plan before I got out of it too. Yeah. On the eye was going to be drunk also. I was going to be fucked up too. And look, it worked out for me just perfectly fine. All right, so let's take a listen to the couple of these chats.

They know a lot. I did. I made it out alive. Two children are about to put me back in the great. All right, so let's take a look at these chotch guis here and let's see what they have to say. I'm gonna give you an option here, Chrissy. Don't often do this, but I'm gonna give you control over what happens next. Sweet. It's like a picker-out adventure.

Okay, I love those books. Hey, all you podcast players. It's time for a short commercial break inside of the commercial break. Chrissy and I realize you have a lot of options when it comes to comedy podcasts, and we're ever grateful that you decided to spend this time with us. We'd love to hear from you. If you have any comments, questions, concerns, or content ideas, please send them along. Go to the website tcbpodcast.com and hit the contact us button and while you're there,

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Ah, this episode is sponsored in part by our good friends at Mint Mobile, and yes, that includes Ryan Reynolds. He's a good friend of the show. I know he listens. My in-laws come in every summer and every holiday, and every summer and every holiday we have the same issue. They would pay an arm and a leg to use their international SIM cards here inside the United States.

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Thanks, Mint Mobile, for becoming a sponsor of the commercial break. You wanna listen to a couple guys talk about their theory on sexual tension? Or do you wanna listen to one guy give 13 pickup lines sure to get you I like I'm going with the 13 lines. Okay, here we go. All right. You ready? Yes, do it 13 lines, let me turn that over. 13 lines to get her instantly attracted to you. Let's see what that got

Let's see what he's got. Hi, I'm Bobby Rio. Now this may sound like... There has never been a better name for a pickup artist than the history of Earth. Maybe besides mystery, but it's a close second to that Bobby Rio. Bobby Rio. That's made up. That's gotta be made up. Yeah, that's like...

Rock and Rod, Rod. I'm gonna be a pickup artist, mom. What do you think of good Davis? Rio. And mystery, yeah. But the single best tactic you can employ to increase your success with women is establishing attraction.

You don't fucking say that. Yeah, that's the essential step. When I was out hitting the scene, you know, what was, I think one of the first things I was probably looking for was the sense of attraction. Yes. Yeah, if I wasn't attracted to you, it's unlikely I was gonna be stepping was the sense of attraction. Yes. Yeah. If I wasn't attracted to you, it's unlikely I was gonna be stepping up in front of you.

Right. Weirdly, a lot of guys wanna skip this part. And they were like, What? What a skip it. How do you skip attraction? Isn't it like just the basic food group of dating? Right.

Like attraction. It's like the baseline. Yeah. Attraction, interest. What else would there be? Communication. Communication and then a pudenda. Pizzle Pudenda. Yep.

It's good girl out or expect that she'll wanna date you without ever actually establishing that the two of you are attracted to each other. How do you initiate attraction? You fiskas got a mouthful of teeth too. What's going on with the pick? Do you notice this? The Bobby Rio has like 30 extra teeth?

Yeah. I mean, I know that's something he can't control. I'm not making fun of it. I'm just saying, it seems a little weird that we've like mystery, Calvin Klein, and this guy all have extra teeth. I think we're, I think we're on to something. Did Franky?

No, I didn't think he had less teeth. I think he was missing most of his molars. But that's from yours, they're putting barbed wire in his face. Exactly. Yeah, he got to pull putting barbed wire in his face. Yeah, he got to pull out a few teeth along the way. Two.

Three. Three. Your way to attraction. But the difference between flirting and just talking is that flirting is sexually charged. And nine out of 10 times, it's gonna be your- That is so weird.

If something like that was like- That is so weird. If something like that was like- And fondling my fingers. Yeah, okay, so what you can't see is, and you're gonna go to youtube.com slash the commercial break, but what you can't see is that on this video, it's like a stock video image of two,

a couple sitting at a table at a nice restaurant, and he's like rubbing her fingers. Yeah. But fondling them weirdly. Yeah. Like he's blind or something, and trying to figure out what her fingers are like. Seriously. Unchist just sexually charged the conversation.

The truth is that women like to be desired. They want to know that they're turning you on, especially if you've established rapport and you guys are comfortable around each other. You've got that, you know, one foot in the door and they're waiting for you to come and stop. You've literally got one foot in the door. Just keep it there. Let's wait.

Let's go. Let's establish a traction eventually. You just see that going on a blind date, and then like the neck, you go to sleep at the next morning, you wake up and the guy's got his foot in the door. Hey, on. I thought I had one foot in the door. I had one foot in the door establishing a contraction. This is not advice. This is science, but. Yes. I had one foot in the door. Establishing contract. This is not advice.

This is science, but. Yes. You know, no pun intended there. By the way, I don't hear any pickup lines going on here. No. Think about it. If women were chasing you all night, you would start to qualify them.

Probably high on your list would be their physical appearance, very closely followed by if they found you sexually attractive and wanted to sleep with you. Yeah, I would think that that'd be pretty close by. I would say so. Yeah, that's if you are being chased by women all all night long, you would probably pick the one that was also attracted to you. Why else would you be chased by women all night long? Oh my God, these are the problems with these guys. They don't think through what they're saying. It's all just like if you think about it really,

if you just take it at face value, it's just really stupid. They're not saying anything. Practice, if they find us attractive, may no mistake about it. This is crucial. If the girl you're talking to doesn't feel a sexual vibe from you, it's practically a guarantee that you're going to strike out with her.

Now the good news. The good news. The good news. Oh, sorry. Oh, hey. Hey, it's me Carl, sorry, that was the police officer behind me. I'm driving too sexy, you know what I mean?

You said I'm driving with my sex late on. Hey girls, me Carl, I'll just thought I'd give you calls. What you doing? Hang it out. Okay, good. I just want to call up and I know you're not sexually attracted to me, but you've been luckily chosen by me to qualify you and I'm qualifying you on two factors. Number one, I'm attracted to you and number two. I'm also attracted to you. So

I don't know if you want to make this a thing or not. I'm just gonna stop by your mom and dad's house and I'm gonna talk to them for a few minutes and I'm gonna come over and Talk to your boyfriend and then your husband and your kids and just to let them know that it's me Carl Coming in the door hot with one foot I'm gonna keep that foot right in the door hot with one foot. Give it a there. I'm gonna keep that foot right in the door and see your tractors and me, girl. Cut your phone line, don't try and talk to anybody.

Talk to life. Cut your phone line. Cut your phone line. It's security systems down. Traction. Shifting that here into a sex drive is really quick. It's really easy and it's kind of fun. Once you start doing this,

this stock photography is like from BDSM.com. It looks romantic at first. It's a guy and a girl up against a fence with nicely lit in a cityscape behind them. And then he slowly approaches her and then he puts his hand around her neck. Yeah, looks like he's about to choke her. I know.

You'll be amazed how we're gonna want to actually more sexual. Hey, Crog get over here. I want you to. Excuse me more. Sexually attracted to you more importantly. Now you can use these lines. What lines?

What lines? There's no lines, everybody get to a line. Everyone's got the fucking Frankie B syndrome. They're all just keep talking about nothing until they get to the meat and potato the videos. It's clickbait. Yeah. For moments of silence and what'll happen is you'll start looking forward to them. Best of all, it's a time saver. No longer will you find yourself in the language just asking. Yeah, are you sexually attracted to me? I mean, I guess that's a good one, right? Hey girl, what's up? Hey girl to me Carl, I got your phone number from your friend. Are you sexually attracted? You don't know who this is really to me Carl

Okay, give me I'm gonna about to I'm about to send you over a dick pic. You let me know I'll be over in five minutes. I got your address Guys you do that. No, I know I'll be over in five minutes. Back off. Got your address. Guys, you do that? No, I know. Yeah, it's a creepiest. Hey girl, what's up? What is that?

What's that come from? I don't know. I haven't seen that in a while. Yeah, it's like in an old Western when you're calling the horse. Yeah. Get it up. Get it up, young lady.

Get over here. Filly. Yeah, that'll be a little funny. Filly. Where's my phoney? Oh, there it is. Seeming to make no progress and wondering if she's, you know, she has to say.

By figuring out if a woman sexually attracted to you, it's gonna be a big time saver. You don't fucking say. Right. I mean, this is clear common sense. Actually attracted to you at all. What follows are some of my personal favorites that you can start using on women tonight.

But as the saying, sweet. This tonight's gonna be the night. It is literally gonna unlock the key to pussy heaven. Why Brian's 3000? These are my personal favorites. Yeah, let's do this. You can use them tonight.

Yeah, you can go ahead and use them. Oh my God. Unleash them on them. I just shudder to think of the guy that's just sitting there waiting with a pen and a pad. I can't wait to hit the bars tonight. I can have a whole new lineup. Oh, teacher man to fish, right?

So my hope is that by learning these, you'll begin to use this technique naturally. And more importantly, you come up with your own lines on the fly to suit your own personality and surroundings. Keep your tone really playful with these lines. Keep your tone really playful with these lines so you don't get arrested. Yes, exactly. Yes. I think He's giving your heads up already. He's like,

make sure you have consent before you do anything physical. Read the room. You're kind of like accusing her of hitting on you, teaser, keep it light, but sexual compliment her in a unique way. Fearlessly cut through the bullshit. Sexually compliment her in a unique way. Fearlessly cut through the bowl, shit. Sexually complementary in a unique way. What? Oh, your eyebrows got me all steamed up, girl. I got a chubby for your fingertips. I want that. You know, they say that knees are the breasts of the leg.

Yours are driving me crazy. Look at those knackers. Look at those knee knockers. You might have asked me to take my head between your knees. Are you wearing a bra on those knees? Or are you just naturally that perky. I know. Yes.

Your situation, right? Wait for the right moment, but don't wait too long. That's the thing. Keep in mind, these are not openers. They're rapport breakers, meaning you'll use these when you've been talking to her for a bit and you need to move it to that next level. Okay, no more fucking around.

No more fucking around. I'm giving you what you came for, 13 useless lines. You can use to yet again not score with the ladies. But remember, these aren't openers. This is like mid game, right? A 15 minutes in, you're on second base, you're looking to steal home, that kind of thing. These lines, number one, seriously, you got to stop.

Oh, my God. Wait, I don't think I think we, I think we just yelled over that because we can see it on the screen hold on. Here we go. Listen to this. These lines, number one, seriously, you got to stop on dressing me with your eyes. Oh my God. I don't even know where to go with it.

I'm just dressing me with your eyes. I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it.

I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it. I don't even know where to go with it. Hey girl, you've got to stop undressing me with your fingertips. You've got to stop undressing me with your eyes and get with your hands. You know I'm talking about girl. I'm moving it to the next level. I already opened it with you so now I'm closing. Closing, going in for the closer.

This is like the bridge between my opener and the close up. The stuff I'm dressing with you right. Some dressing with your eyes. What kind of horse shit is that? Yeah that's bad. I don't use that. I would immediately be torn.

Yeah I know that everybody thinks like this alpha male bulls. I mean maybe it works right? Maybe there are certainly our people certainly there's something for everybody. Yes. So there's some women or other men or whatever you're into that are gonna be attracted to alpha male status and kind of that very aggressive line of conversation. But I would venture to say that it's not most women.

Yeah. I don't think most women want guys throwing that line in there after you're talking to them at a bar for a couple of minutes and then you, hey, you got to stop and dress up and go to your eyes. I think you're likely to get slapped. I think that's what's going to happen. Yeah. The line allows you to bring the sexuality into it, but it's playfully accusing her of being the one to do it. Accusing. That's what this is, a court of law. Judge Judy, dating specialist. Oh no, number two. All right, listen.

Now you're just flat out trying to seduce me. Oh my God. Just flat out. Now you're just trying to give me a hand job. Just gonna go straight forward. You guys don't wanna trust me with those eyes. Now you're just trying to give me a hand job. I'm just gonna go straight forward. You guys don't wanna trust me with those eyes. Now you're just trying to give me a hand job. I don't know, it's playful, it's playful.

Keep it a playful. Please do not use these lines guys. You're playfully putting on her, but you're also letting her know that you're getting turned on by her. Women like that. Number three and four. Whoa.

You really look like you want to kiss me right now. Or... What is this? An episode of The Bachelor? Come on. This only works on reality television shows. You really look like you want to kiss me right now. Yeah.

Some of the worst rom-coms in history don't use that one. I know. I know. That's what you say to a girl if you've known her for a month. I sure. You're on your third date and there's been no physicality, right? Or you're well into your first date. You wouldn't, I don't even think I'd use that line.

I think I'd say I really want to kiss you right now. Yes, exactly. That's what you say. That's what Jeff said to me. Oh, did he? Yes, and it's all in work. Look at him. He was this video too.

I didn't say he, no, he said he wanted to kiss me. So that was, uh, yes. I said that to Astrid too, but we had already been talking for weeks, and it was already clear that that was going to happen. I mean, I think it was already clear that that thing. No, I know that it was already going to happen regardless. We had talked about it a million times. Yes.

So when I said that, it was because so much tension and so much conversation had happened around it, there was no ambiguity about it. It was supposed to happen, right? That was the only way we're going to get to the second basis if we went to first, you know what I'm saying? But if you're sitting at a bar and you walk up to a girl and you give her your opener, whatever the fuck that means, and then you start having a, just talk to people, yeah, you walk up to a girl and you give her your opener whatever the fuck that means and then you start having a Just talk to people. Yeah, you're gonna know you're gonna know trust your gut on this, right?

You're gonna know when it's time to go in and my advice is do not use these lines No, they're really bad. They are here's number four. You look like you really want to make out with me right now But try to restrain yourself. We're in public, you know? Okay. Ugh. Even the dolphins are laughing at you because this is fucking stupid. It really is.

We're trying to make out. I know. Why are they all too going back to like flipping nails? I'm a girl. Well, because that's the whole alpha male thing, I guess. I don't know. Hey girl, you really look like I want to have sex with me right now Well, because that's the whole alpha male thing I guess I don't know Hey girl, you really look like I want to have sex with me right now, but let's just settle down a little bit. We're in the middle of church

The middle of a sermon Which girl was I talk to whichever one hard that Hey girl you really look like you want to kiss me right now. So I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. I'll let you. Okay. What's the next move? What's the next line? So no problem, let's go for it.

You're saying this in a funny way, but you're crossing that line. Even though it's funny, you're crossing that line. One way to think about it's funny. It's not funny. And you are definitely crossing that line, even though it's funny, you're crossing that line. One way to think about this line. It's not funny. And you are definitely crossing that line. You cross that line when you press play on this video. Yeah.

Yes. You not say them to a friend, right? So these lines kill the friend zone objection later. Number five, they kill the friend zone objection later. You mean she can't go backwards at time? She decides she doesn't like you. This is also crazy. No, my life.

This is ridiculous. It's kind of cheesy and odd. Where have you been? Oh my God. Oh my God. That didn't work in 80 sitcoms. It's not the work in 2022. It only worked.

I think I heard that line on Cheers Wings or something. Where you bet all my life. I like to throw in this is ridiculous, just so it doesn't sound too serious. Number six, you wanna just get married already? What are you doing Tuesday? Again. Wow.

I expected this to be bad. I didn't expect it to be this bad. I need to marry it already. What are you doing Tuesday? What are you doing Tuesday? This is like classic cheeseball. Yeah, these are your dads or your dad's dads pick up lines. These are not something you should be using in a bar in 2020, 2022 because they

didn't work in 1997. At all, they don't work. That's, we should be getting married. What are you doing on Tuesday? Anything but getting married to you. That's what you're going to say. I'm busy. I'm busy. Going away. And expressing the interest, but being so ridiculous that it's playful and it's not like a nice guy compliment, right? Because she knows it's like- Because it's gone for bed, you come across as nice. No. For bed.

You come across as a nice, empathetic, concerning person. You know, just being playful. Number seven, we are going to fight like crazy when we're married. I think it'll be worth it though for the makeup. Oh, go. Oh. This is just bad. We are gonna fight like crazy when we're married. I think it'll be worth it though for the makeup. Oh, go! This is just bad. Wow.

Wow. Really? He's advising. He said you could go use these tonight. I think the note with the over under is on these slides. You know what I'm saying? I know maybe some of our listeners can try some of these and see what happens.

I do not advise that. I'm not even sure that's legal. I think our attorney probably frowned upon me giving that advice. This is, this is, this is, this is eye opening actually. Yeah, it's bad. You know how many views this video had?

How many? Like two and a half million. Oh my God. Two and a half million fucking views. This has been viewed hopefully ingest. Yeah. Hopefully because we're two and a half million fucking views. This has been viewed hopefully ingest. Yeah. Hopefully because we're two and a half million podcasts out there, comedy podcasts out there,

they've all done this video. And I'm just finally getting to it. Again, great line because it brings in the sex. It's not a great line. It's not a great line. There's nothing, I haven't heard a great line yet. No, I'm waiting. But I'm open mind it

Okay, you keep adjusting your glasses and it's got like this whole sexy laborerian thing going on I can't even say like that like wearing I like wearing Mrs. Crumpet and here they fix your any fix your water heater I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater.

I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater.

I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater.

I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your water heater. I'm gonna fix your thing, but I don't why are guys attracted to the sexy life? Isn't that like, I think that maybe originates from guys being attracted to the nerd types. Like nerds can be sexy too. Hopefully you used to refer to as nerds. Probably no one in our audience knows what a nerd is, but nerds.

Well, there was a whole hot for teachers. Hot for teachers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. of course every young man or young lady or whatever has been attracted to a teacher Right, it's just one of those things. It's a position of authority They look a little better than the rest, you know, they're not 70 Walking around hunched over They come in there 22 they're flying around the classroom

Yeah, they're cool. It's like your first and you're going through that moment of a few lessons, right? You're awakening. Awakening, you're flowering. Your lotus petal is opening. You don't have saying? I would also say that this line only works if the girls wearing glasses. That's right. If you're not wearing glasses. You'd have to just specifically look for that. Yeah, and only jerks wear glasses.

So, I wear glasses in case you've never seen me. Obviously not all girls wear glasses, but if she's wearing glasses. Oh, she's a big ol' glasses. Where are you from? With her hair, use that instead. Number nine. Or hair.

So I think I just have to give you my number. You're doing too good of a job. Great. Why is this all turned around as if I think that I think he's trying to think that this somehow works. He has like some brain mind control. Yeah. Clearly, we talked to Vince Calvin Klein about this. So we heard about this. There's peacocking. There's hypnotism, there's tying someone up in the corner, it's kidnapping. I think this would consider it a hypnotism. It's like you're trying to convince the girl

that she's attracted to you. Right, I think that's as attractive as that word. No. You bring up exchanging phone numbers. By the way, do you see the wedding ring on this guy? The fuck does he know about picking up women? He's married. Playful way.

Number 10, you're such a bad ass. I don't even know if I'm more intimidated or turned on. I'm such a bad ass. You're such a bad ass. Why Brian 3000? But can you handle by Brian 3000? I think that would only work on like a total like biker look, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a biker chick type look. Yeah, that's some girls are gonna pick up at the Buckhead bar, you know, you such a badass when you're 16 inch heels three pounds of makeup. Right. I know there's a tattoo down there somewhere. I do. I've got a heart, right? And right in the back, right in the crease on my back. This is so bad.

I know. Yeah, I find calling a girl a badass always goes over well, but you're also letting her know your turned on, which is great. When exactly do you find the calling, I'm wondering without wedding ring on, when exactly you have time to take these lines out and give them a test?

Yeah, that's probably why these are so bad, is because you may have used them exactly once. They happen to work on the woman you're married to. And now you've been giving seminars about this, when you have no idea what it's like to be single right now because you're not. Yes. Evan, are you wearing an item of clothing?

Consider me seduced. Are you wearing insert an item of clothing? I'm here to consider me seduced. Consider me seduced. Insert item of clothing. I can just see you having like a- I can't see you. What item of clothing?

Are you wearing a dress? Yeah. Consider me seduced. What? Are you wearing socks? Consider me seduced. are you wearing socks consider me Is that a knee brace on holy shit I Got a man mountain right now and I'm ready to tackle you

I'm ready to roll down the side of it. You know I'm saying lady There's nothing like a barrageans it turns beyond That's so stupid. Is that a shirt you're wearing? Holy shit. There's only one piece of clothing, two pieces of clothing maybe that you could say. Yeah. Are you wearing panties right now? But you would only say that if you knew for a fact that that's panties were not

That's It would be zero It would still be so weird. I mean of some kind walked up and said anything of you know consider me seduced Yeah, yeah, are you wearing Aquinette? Man You wearing Aquinette, man. I got a 10 pull right now and it's because of your watch. It's such a weird thing to say. Yeah, I mean, I think that that, I think he's stretching.

He promised 13 and I think he's stretching. A better thing would be like a smell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you wearing, you know, eternity? Are you wearing your car no war? Oh, you smell like my 13 year old bedroom. Oh, wow. Dale Doritos, Farts and B.O.

Mix with your, one more. It's lovely. I have so turned on right now. You smell like Super Mario Kart and Mountain Dew. Takes me back. Oh Lord. Just. Number 12. Okay, this is sexual tension is actually ridiculous.

What you can do afterwards is sort of push your way like a bit like this is sexual tension is actually ridiculous. What you can do afterwards, sort of push your way like a bit like this is ridiculous. Almost like you're, it's her fault for, this is ridiculous. Just knock her off her chair. This is ridiculous. Shiver to the ground. I would be like, your ridiculous.

Please leave my sight right now. I would almost pay money. And I don't want anyone to actually get their feelings hurt. Like I don't want to, I don't think that any girl should ever be subjected to these kind of, unless she's abs, unless this just turns her on. And this is something she's going for, right? Which there might be. And you never know, right?

I'm sure there's somebody out there who thinks this is, this is interesting. But if we could not hurt anybody's feelings in the process, I would pay money to see these work in the wild. I would pay money to watch this happen. Yeah. This would be the best television show ever. Have this jackass right a bunch of lines down and have some unsuspecting bump. Go talk to some girl about this. I would love it. Also, it's totally dependent on the guy too. I mean, I guess this work Frankie comes comes in with his appearance, you know, what to wear and that.

You're so right about this. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, there are some guys that this is just, no, the nice guy approaches your best option. Yes. It's your best option. If you can't kill him with looks,

kill him with kindness, you know what I'm saying? I feel your struggle brother. Okay, men unite. You got to, I'm saying? I feel your struggle, brother. Okay, man, you night. You got to, I'm here with you. I'm here with you 100%. Turning you on. Number 13, you are so fucking sexy. Keep it, you're so fucking sexy.

Wow, this guy just wasted 15 minutes of our time. You're so fucking sexy. You're so fucking sexy. You're so fucking sexy. I could not be used. I mean, that comes in way later. I know. This is the maybe, maybe at the end of the night. You guys are kind of pawned at each other and it's getting physical and it's like, you

know, everyone's had a few too many and it's just, you feel that tension, it's right there. You've already probably made out at some point. And you're about to leave, right? She's like, I gotta go home. I gotta go home and you're like, no, no, no, no, you're so fucking sexy. And she's like, I'll talk to you tomorrow. That's when that's appropriate.

It's not appropriate. Three minutes after you buy a girl a drink. You are so fucking sexy. You are just a delicious bite of pastry. You know what I mean? It's I can't stand it. The tension is ridiculous and then throw her against the wall. Throw her into the tree box. You had to play for it. Don't hurt anybody. And if you do, just say this, And if you do just say this say is that an arm cast you're wearing? Consider me seduced

Is that an emergency room gown you're wearing consider me Sexed up and ready to go wow It's at an emergency room It's at an emergency room bracelet you're wearing. It's awesome. It's an immense hospital bracelet you wear. Wow. Honey. Woo.

You minus gloves just run into the bar going. That would be better. I think you get more You know what at least that's unique at least the girl would go what the fuck is that guy doing he's literally walking around like a peacock And then you could go off tour. I mean that's an icebreaker, right? That's so the language fucking sexy. It's just like normal language to people who are attracted to each other would use it. The beginning of a relationship,

not seven seconds after you bought her a drink. Be careful out there, guys. There's a lot of bad advice. And we just gave it to you. Yeah. Sometimes I feel bad about releasing this stuff into the wild. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, well, maybe we shouldn't have done that one.

But I did, because that's what the commercial breaks of all about. No ground is sacred. That's right. No sacred cows here, kids. Yeah, I don't know what to say. Yeah. I'm apps.

I don't know. I can't believe that's being circulated. Yeah, I think a picture of unprocessed hot dog meat would probably get you further than any of them. Yeah, they like, ooh, check this out. Yeah, I think a picture of unprocessed hot dog meat would probably get you further than any of them. Yeah, they like you check this out. Oh Is that unprocessed hot dog meat you're wearing could sit in me since he's You smell like your car no war. You smell like my 13 year old bedroom. Oh God, I'm gonna have 13 year old bedroom at some point here in this house.

Yeah, it's your, you just thought about that. Yeah, I know. I gotta quickly get my son something that smells good. You know what I'm saying? The good news is, Aster likes to use all the nice soaps and the smell goods and all that other stuff. So we're on the right track. My parents did not do that.

Like, Glade air freshener, because about as good as it got in my house. And my dad wore old-spice aftershave, not cologne aftershave. So you would put it on. It's like alcohol. So literally burns your skin. I don't know why I don't know where that came in handy. But it burns the skin. But everything in his closet smelled like old spice and his skin did for 22 years. Right. Yeah. That's a pretty strong smell. Yeah. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a class action lawsuit at some point. My husband still smells like old spice. He stopped using it and he still smelled like old fucking spice. And now I'm not talking about the new

thing. The new old spice. I'm talking about the original old spice the OG. Oh, it's a fight. It was only one. It spelled like a bad spice. Oh, tcbpodcast.com is where you go. You can find out more about Chrissy and I watch all the video, listen to all the audio, all from one location. You can also drop us a line, hit the contact us form. Tell us. You have any questions, comments, concerns, ideas for BTW Fridays.

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