The Commercial Break - I Flirt With Everyone!

Episode Date: November 1, 2024

Episode #629: We’re reviewing more PUAs today, and just like Bryan, they seem to be absolutely led by their hormones! It’s the holiday season! The DDecanter Wine dirt Hyperthyroiditis How To Be Sexual (Like A Man) This woman was scammed The creep factor is HIGH today Both holes present ;) Bacon wrapped balls Link to vid here! He cant fight this feeling anymore Practice making people uncomfortable! Flirt with everyone Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Would you pay £70 for a cuddle? I don't like being touched by strangers. Oh no! I pay £70 to not be cuddled. On this episode of the Commercial Break... No you! And then she's like, no you're so sweet. And then you're like, no it's you sweetie that's so sweet.

And then she says, no you're so sweet sweet. And then you say, I'll take extra syrup with my pancakes. You know how many freebies I've gotten that way? Just blow jobs right under the table. It works every time. You know how many old ladies are giving me head, taking out their dentures and knocking one off in the bathroom? It's because I flirt with everybody.

Everyone. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Yeah, boy! Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. commercial break starts now Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian green This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show Chris and joy hold like best to you Chris Best you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Happy Friday after Halloween Halloween II. Thank you very much And so now it's November 1st and it's officially holiday season. Holiday season is here.

And, but no rest for us, Chrissy. That's right, Brian. Our podcast network has told us that we cannot take any days off on the holiday season and that we must produce more content than ever. Ba humbug. Ba humbug indeed. Goal in our stockings for the holiday season.

But I thought it was an important time to let people know that some podcasts do take off for the holiday season. We will not be taking off any time for the holiday season. No rest for us. Yes, we've taken off enough time. Yes, exactly. Between my parathyroid, your men foe,

and all the trips we've taken. We've taken off enough time this year and we're contractually obligated to meet a certain amount of episodes. I think that's 3,000 per year. So we're only at 2,800. So we will be live with fresh episodes. I say live, you know what I mean. We'll be fresh episodeing it the entire holiday season, including the 12 days of TCB, our first ever 12 days of TCB, December 13th through the 25th, through Christmas Day, brand new episodes for you to enjoy. So, enjoy your holiday vacation

with some mediocre comedy. Yeah, get the family around the Yuletide and blast up. Turn on TCB. Let the kids open up presents while Brian talks about shaving his balls. What's a better gift than that? What better gift than to hear Brian talks about shaving his balls. What's a better gift than that? What better gift than to hear Brian talk about his high calcium and low T. It'll be fun for the whole family. The kids will love it.

And for our Jewish friends, light the candles and light the candles. And spin the dreidel. Yeah, and listen to Brian talk about dipping his balls in wine. Like the candles and... Like the candles and... And spin the dreidel. Yeah, and listen to Brian talk about dipping his balls in wine. Which, oh my god, we saw it on... The D.D. Cantor is officially a thing. I mean...

It's crazy. It really is. When you sent that to me, I was like, oh my god. So did they also hear the story at the same time and actually went through with the idea of putting together a product? I know that I'm fucking crazy. Did they hear us? That's the question. I know that I have had very high calcium for a long time and that kind of leads your brain to go different places. But there is some times when I see stuff out

there, I hear certain people say certain things and I just wonder if they heard that on an episode of the commercial break, or if they literally came to that conclusion around the same time. Chrissy, I sent Chrissy a picture the other day of an actual penis-shaped decanter. Like a DD canter with balls. And it's a real item that you can buy. You can literally buy a D decanter. And I thought to myself, wow. And it got served up to me in an ad, in an ad that I know where they're serving that

ad to me. So is it because I talked about decanting wine with your testicles, tasting your tasty teas, that they serve that up to me? Or is this just a product that was developed by a commercial? Right away, sir. Right away away sir. Sir, your testicles have impeccable taste. This is a Chateau Mémor 1967. Would you like to stick your hairy tees in it?

Yes, Sir Marie. I exfoliated this morning. I just not foliated. My buds are blooming and ready for the tasting. Bloop, bloop. Yes, it's good. I can imagine being at like Hal's or something like that. Just whipping out your nuts.

Dipping them in the canter. Would you like to taste it with your tongue or your testicles? Well, now that you ask, do you mind? I can see the kids bringing their wives and husbands home with all the kids and I'm just around the table like Clark Griswold. And I break out a bottle of wine. I've been saving this for a very special occasion. And I pour it into like a cereal bowl, just take out my testicles and dip it in there. Yep. Yep. Mmm, chef's kiss.

Mmm, chef's kiss. So delicious. That's good. Go ahead and pull that for everybody. You don't mind if I take a second taste, do you? Don't want to be wasteful. No, let every drip drop back into the bowl, into the decanter. That's the special stuff. That's the good stuff. That's a hundred dollars a drop. Let's say the story about, we had this friend one time, and he went into, we went

to celebrate our engagement, Astrid and I's engagement, so this is years ago, and this friend was very wealthy, he had a lot of money and I think not, doesn't know what to do with it, so he would often, That's the best guy. Yeah, he would spend on lavish things for his friends, he was super generous, always very generous, generous to a fault, and we went, he invited us to dinner. We went to this very nice steakhouse here where we live, very well known steakhouse. And he's looking on the wine menu and he says, hey, will you guys drink some wine and celebrate? And even though Asenor, I don't drink a whole bunch,

we were like, of course, you know, it's our engagement, let's do it. And he said, okay, I'm going to take the most expensive bottle of wine that you have is what he told the waiter. And the waiter said, well, that's like a, that's a screaming eagle. It's like $12,000 or something like that. And, and so he said, yeah, whatever, whatever it is. These people brought out that wine and it was a parade through the restaurant. I mean, the restaurant's not very big. It probably holds like 150 people and everyone would, they brought it out, like was it gallantry? And there's this special decanter that came on a plate that had all these, like, you know, it looked like a science experiment, like tubes that swirled and all this stuff. The poor kid opens

up the wine and starts pouring it into the decanter and he spills like a good portion of that wine. He's just shaking, I think is really what's going on. And then he was like trying to pour a taste and he spilled more than, the kid spilled a third of the wine on the tablecloth. That's like $4,000 worth of wine that just got spilled. And I was mortified for the guy. I thought to myself, he's certainly fired.

Like you just splashed $4,000 worth of wine. You're fired, who's gonna let you work here? But my friend was so gracious about it, and then he started giving tastes to other people in the restaurant that wanted some. It was a beautiful occasion, but the decanter, like this whole decanter thing, it makes you so nervous when you're a waiter

that you have to like, the bottle of wine is so expensive, you have to decant it. It reminded me of a time when I was working at a nice steakhouse here. Pete Slauson With the au poids? Jared Slauson Who not? Au poids, am I caught? And we had this private room, someone rented out the private room for a wedding party, for like an engagement party, something very similar. And the father of the bride came in hours before this whole thing happened, and he brought these three wooden crates of wine. And inside of those wooden crates were French wine from the early 1900s. It was a hundred years old. The wine was like a hundred years old. And he said,

listen, I have been saving this. It's been passed down through my family. This is it. I'm gonna open up some of this wine. Yeah, open it up. Yeah, and he's like, so just be very careful with it because it's very expensive. It's like a prize, part of my prize collection. I want everyone to have a taste.

I wanna make sure everyone gets a piece of this. So just be careful. When we started opening up that wine, Chrissy, the corks were dust. I mean, they were dust. As soon as we took off, as soon as we started putting our wine corks in there, the wine, the corks were dust. I mean, they were dust. As soon as we took off, as soon as we started putting our wine corks in there, the wine, the corks disintegrated and fell into there.

Oh, God. And so, we had to strain every bottle of this wine and decant it. And he kept telling us, you got to let it sit for like five to 10 minutes. That's really how it airs out. It oxidizes, whatever he was saying is going to be beautiful. Pretend like he was a wine expert. And then he's like, you know, go ahead, take a taste, tell me what you think. It was literally like drinking liquid dirt. It was fucking disgusting. The wine was so bad. It was so disgusting. And everybody at the party agreed. Like everybody like took a sip and they all put it back down. Well, wine can be too old.

It was too old. Yeah. It was too old. And if the cork is like, you know, it's dry and brittle, you know, what are you gonna do? First of all, second of all, don't save wine for a hundred years. No.

Do you guys drink nice wines? Yes. You do? What kind of, what's your favorite kind of wine? Well, we like a good Pinot, good Cab. I like a good Pinot stew. Pinot, Pinot. A Pinot and a Cab. I mean, we're not, we don like a good Pinot, a good cab. I'd like a good penis too. Pinot, Pinot. A Pinot and a cab.

I mean, we're not, we don't go crazy unless it is a very special occasion, but you know. What is the nicest bottle of wine you've ever had? The night, I mean, I can't remember the name of it. Because I was never gonna buy again. So I had. I had. I had.

I had. You know, I mean, it was probably a couple hundred dollars, you know, for maybe $400 bottle or something. Yeah, you know, when we worked at the steakhouse, we had that silver oak, you know what silver oak is? Silver oak, really nice bottle of wine. And we would sell those bottles. Some of those bottles were like $250.

And I always thought that was a huge deal. Like if someone bought a $250 bottle of wine, now I see some of these like really shitty wines are $250 and I'm like, that's insane to spend them. Just think about it, you're gonna drink that wine. It's literally gonna go through your body and then you're gonna piss it out. Yeah, you guys like white wine or red wine?

Both. Yeah, it just depends on what you're eating. Yeah, like a Sauvignon Blanc for white, and then we go Pinot or Cab, depending on the meal, or reds. Mm. Mm-hmm. And how's- Sir?

Sir? I can see Jeff at the house. How's Jeff, how's the house doing? He's good, the house is doing good. I've got it all, you know, still decorated up with the Halloween stuff. For Halloween? You're gonna give him a little,

did you give him a little Halloween surprise? Yeah. Yeah? What'd you dress as? I'll tell you when we're off at the podcast. Oh! All right, it's Friday. I'm still recovering from my parathyroid surgery. I'm now dealing with,

what is it called? Hyperthyroiditis, which means that I've got a bunch of extra thyroid hormone. You're hyper. Oh man, I'm way hyper. I had such a hard time sleeping last night. Oh, yeah. Are they pinned? Yeah, my... It was so crazy because, well, here, I'll explain just a little bit, then I'm going to get into the meat, potatoes of the episode. But part of the reason why I may sound a little bit off this week is because I have something called hyperthyroiditis.

I got my parathyroid taken out. When they do that, they open up your neck, they pull out your thyroid, and then they look for the parathyroid, which is behind your thyroid. When they do that, they manipulate your thyroid, they touch it, and when they touch it, sometimes that thyroid reacts by getting stimulated, just like a lot of other glands in my body that get stimulated. And so it is literally, Chrissy, to me,

I think the only thing that I can tell you is it's like being high on cocaine. That's the only reference point that I have. Natural cocaine. Now it doesn't come with the come down, like the need to do more cocaine. Yeah, that's good. Look at me. I am literally all over the place. Look at my hands right now. I am so high. So I was staring at the mirror yesterday. I was looking into the mirror and I was telling Astrid, I'm like, hey, a couple days ago, and I'm like, hey, babe, look at my eyes. They are literally pinned. Are they pinned right now?

Yeah, they are. They are, yeah. They are pinpoints because I am so fucking high right now, I have zero pupils. So, if anybody's wondering why Brian sounds a little bit off this last week, it's because I have too much thyroid. I got rid of the parathyroid problem, I picked up a thyroid problem, and fuck you if you don't like these episodes. Your body's readjusting. rid of the parathyroid problem, I picked up a thyroid problem, and fuck you if you don't like these episodes. I've tried my best. Your body's readjusting.

Yeah, I mean, someone made a comment on one of the text messages, but you know, fuck them. Ha ha ha ha. It said, Brian sounds extra unfunny this last couple of days. Oh. Yeah. Well, fuck you.

All right, well, we're gonna get funny, and here is what I wanna present to you on Friday for a video breakdown. I thought this was something easy to do that I could do while I'm still high. 21 Convention, one of our favorite places to find pickup artists because that is basically what the 21 Convention was originally geared toward. And in 2014, one of our friends presented a, did a presentation called, How to Be Sexual Like a Man. And that's literally the name of the presentation. How to Be Sexual Like a Man.

And this presentation, about halfway through, goes off the rails when he invites a nice young lady to come up so that he can show the guys in the audience how to get sexual like a man. So I wanna take a break, Chrissy, and when we get back, I wanna review this video with you. Let's do it. All right, we'll be back. I know this sounds crazy because we are a podcast,

but we have a phone number because we are also a Sendian AI chatbot being designed to receive compliments and content ideas at 212-433-3TCB. So crazy how that works. If you wanna follow us on Instagram, our handle is at the commercial break and our TikTok handle is at TCBpodcast. So go find our profile and watch the videos

we painstakingly put together for you and our 20 other followers. If you find yourself wanting more, check out our website at tcbpodcast.com because you can find all of our audio and full-length video episodes. And if you just do all of those things, we will love you forever. Bye. Hey Torontonians, recycling is more than a routine.

It's a vital responsibility. By recycling properly, you help conserve resources, reduce energy use and greenhouse gas emissions and protect the environment. Toronto's Blue Bin Recycling Program ensures the majority of the right items are recovered and transformed into new products. Recycling right is important and impactful. Let's work together and make a difference, because small actions lead to big change. For more tips on recycling, visit toronto.ca slash recycle right. For the past three seasons of Gone South. We've covered one story per season

We tried to figure out who killed Margaret Kuhn. She told me I'm gonna kill you I said well do it bitch go ahead and do it we delved into the violent world of the Dixie Mafia I'm an outlaw and I was a thief but I'm far from being the I was an outlaw and I was a thief, but I'm far from being the psychotic nutcase that I've been made out to be. And we tracked a serial killer in Laredo, Texas. Just turn around, please. Turn around.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Now, Gone South is back for a fourth season, but this time, we're doing things a little differently. So, in Gone South Season 4, we'll be bringing you new stories every week with no end in sight. I'm Jed Lapinski. Welcome back to Gone South, an Odyssey Original podcast. Listen and follow now on the free Odyssey app

or wherever you get your podcasts for new episodes every week. Who's doing Trump's makeup these days? I mean, I... It's got like a frosted lip. I know, they forgot to do the lip around. We were just looking at a picture of Trump at one of his... At the garbage rally.

At the garbage rally. And someone forgot to put the tanner around his lips. So it literally looks like he's in blackface or something. It's kind of weird. I mean, I know the guy has tons of fucking money just being thrown at him. He's gotta have like a really good makeup artist. Isn't it a little disconcerting to see that? Wouldn't you think that you would look in the mirror and say, hey, can you do the lips? Can you do the three and a half inches around my lips? Would that be okay? I don't know, maybe he's having

Burger King beforehand or something. All right, so we're at the 21 Convention, the year is 2014. We've got a young man making a presentation about how to be sexual like a man. We're going to jump into the middle of this where he invites a young lady that he knows to come up so that he can give a demonstration on how to get sexual like a man. You ready, Chrissy? I'm ready. Oh, I think this is going to be a good one. Here we go. So when it comes to getting more physical, starting with the feeling in your body... I'm tingling. Starting with that tingling down in your under-egens....be that difficult. Once again, all the times

when you've gotten closer to a woman woman when that physical thing just kind of Happened and you look back. Well, what wait? What did I do? How did that happen? What I think back on it and I were just reminiscing about some of the mistakes we've made in our own love life And I think we agree that 90% of them could be chalked up to way too much alcohol. When two people are attracted to each other, when two people are speaking and these feelings are coming up for them and they're looking in each other's eyes and communicating on

that deeper level, I mean the only... I like how when he says communicating on the deeper level, he puts his hands down near his penis. Yeah, down. I know. He does. Level of communication that really matters when it comes to human communication.

Then there's gonna be a... It's all about the sex, Chrissy. That's all that matters, just to let you know. An almost magnetic pull. Actually, it could probably be exactly a magnetic pull, towards each other. They're just drawn towards each other. I'm picturing him waddling with his dick first.

Hi there. Like attract, must attract. Like two magnets. Be closer because there's nothing in the world that would be more appealing to those people at that point in time So underneath it all right Getting closer to someone getting more physical with someone is simply that natural expression of I want to be close to you

I just want to touch you has he blinked the whole time? No, he has not blinked the entire time. Speaking of eyes. Yeah, and like I don't want to make fun of someone's appearance because he is who he is. He looks how he looks. And, but I do have to say there's something a little bit unnerving about the way that he's speaking and the hand gestures that he's using and the fact that he has not blinked in almost two hours of this presentation. Chrissy and I reviewed some of the earlier parts of this

and he really hasn't blinked the entire time. He's like me. You think he's got hyperthyroiditis? He might. I'm gonna feel your skin against mine because nothing would feel more amazing right now. Seconds you get in your head, oh wait, should I put my arm around her? Should I hold her hand?

Should I whip my dick out and tell her how much I love her? Suddenly it feels awkward. Suddenly it feels anxious. Vibe goes away. She no longer wants you near her. Wow. Wow. What happened there? No, almost holding hands to get away from me. Get away from me? Yeah. I don't know what... I don't know. Did he say anything in between that that I missed? No. Okay.

That's a little weird. Maybe you just looked at her. Without blinking. Right? Right? Right? Look at those eyes. Geez.

So, I'm going to be walking you through some ways to kind of slowly build up that expression of, I want to be closer to you with respect to the other person's boundaries. But keep in mind that this isn't some... This already sounds like it's going off the track, you have to say with respect to... Keep in mind there's really no boundaries. Keep in mind boundaries are flexible. Sort of, well, step by step, do one A then one B. This is simply the ways that I've found

that when I'm attracted to someone, that when I have that feeling of, oh man, I just want to be near you, that I've expressed myself physically. It's my desire combined with my personality, with what feels best for me. If you're not doing what feels best for you, it's not gonna feel good for her. I think they're here because what feels best for them

has not worked in the past. I'm just taking a guess here. Exactly. If you're doing what feels best for you in that moment, it's probably gonna feel good for her as well, as long as you're reading her the entire time. So to help me demonstrate the ways that I get closer to someone when I feel that attraction,

I'd like to welcome my friend up to the stage. Do you notice that they bleeped out her name? Yes, they did. Oh, very interesting. She was like, do not mention my name. Yeah, let's, I bet she definitely said, take my name out. Let's do this, let's go through this again, just to make sure it wasn't a glitch in the video. ...attraction. I'd like to welcome my friend up to the stage.

Yeah, that was silent shout. Well, you know what? He did the hard work for us because this poor girl doesn't need any more attention that she's already gotten for this video. Applause A smattering of applause, Chrissy. Introduction is incredible. She's the founder and CEO of... Wow. They have cut out any identifying information for this young lady. I know that she must have requested that mm-hmm it's a company that pairs American investors with African startups brilliant and

gorgeous by the way gorgeous young lady fortunate to have her up here assisting me today so once again start she gives him a look like, don't touch me. This girl's already creeped out. Put that feeling in your body. It starts with that natural desire. It starts with feeling that... It starts with a little saliva coming out of your mouth and rolling down your chin. ...coming back from her and feeling that kind of magnetic attraction that you might have for

the other person. She immediately is thinking, why did I agree to do this? She's immediately wondering where her cell phone is to press the emergency button. Chrissy, could you imagine being at this guy's apartment and he's like, I'm feeling this attraction. And he starts shaking his body left and right. I'm feeling this attraction. Can you feel the magnet pulling from the downside of my pants? This is just the way I express myself with respect to your boundaries. Can you feel the Rufanol taking effect?

God. There's no secret. There's so much, no magic to it. The first thing you want to do, you just want to get closer. The more exciting it feels, the better. And the closer you get, the more those feet... The more her breath, the more she will recognize your breath as one that has not been brushed. Those teeth, cavity breath is what I call it, infection breath. Yeah. It's going to start to spike. It's natural human condition.

This does not look natural at all. This guy looks completely uncomfortable. And this girl is standing her ground. She looks like she's about to smack him. Yeah. She's so uncomfortable. Oh my God. You're in a loud environment, such as a bar or a club.

You've got an added bonus. You've got an added benefit. Why is he staring right at her and like not talking to the audience? This is just, do you think that these two have any kind of romantic connection beforehand? No. I'm assuming not. I'm assuming she was at the conference. He met her.

He needed someone to help him out with this and no practice whatsoever. He called her up on stage and now she is terribly uncomfortable and she doesn't know what to do. Loud music. Anyone who says, oh, it's too loud in those places, they don't understand how attraction works. This is so weird. This is the cringiest thing I've ever seen. Because it gives you an easy excuse to get closer to someone. He just leaned over and talked in her ear.

Oh, Chrissy, can you feel the hairs on his beard just scraping against the side of your face? Can you feel my scraggly beard? Cheeto dust and all. Did you know cheeto dust makes you transparent? Can you smell the Doritos on my breath? If they can't hear you, that just means get closer. It doesn't mean yell. I'm magnetic to you! I love you! I've never been with a real woman.

If some guy did this to me, I would be like, and? What is happening? I've been to lots of bars where you lean over to talk in someone's ear, but you do not do it. Standing one inch from their face and not moving. Just staring. Yeah. And as you get closer to someone, those natural feelings come out more.

My boner gets a little bit higher. Acac. Chrissy. This is bad. And it should be, once again, you've got this magnetic pull towards each other. You just want to get closer and closer so that every single... She's backing away. She is. He said closer and closer. She every single... She's backing away. She is.

He said closer and closer. She took a step backwards. ...time, you might get a little bit closer on a date or anything that's so funny, the overall distance just kind of closes a little bit more and a little bit more. And you don't have to do anything fancy. Like what, a plie? What are you going to do? The moonwalk?

I'm not sure what you're talking about. Anything fancy. I want to describe this, because I know most of you listen to the show, don't ever watch the videos, but I want to describe this to you. This guy is less than a foot and a half away from this girl's face. His body is facing her, but she is turned sideways. The look on her face could not be,

like she could not be more unfathomable. She's horrified that she's up there. Yeah, she can't believe what she just agreed to. She has no idea what he's about to do. And it feels she is so in it. She's like, this guy better invest in my company. I know. this guy better invest in my company. I know.

This guy better. This better be worth it. I have 10 African companies that need funding immediately. I have to tell you that when he says, with respect to boundaries, being within a foot and a half of someone's space that you do not know at a bar... And staring without blinking. Yes, staring without blinking. By the way, he has not moved his eyeballs.

He is staring directly at her forehead the entire time while he's talking. This is not the way to physically approach a woman in a bar. I can promise you that. Because when you're feeling this, every little touch carries that feeling much more strongly. So if I lean in and our arms graze against each other, that's just going to... She has an instant orgasm. Did you see that instant orgasm?

Oh, Christy. Don't worry, Christy. Can you do an example with me? Stand up, Krishy. ...have more electricity to it. That's going to feel as good as anything in the world could possibly feel. No, I think that's wrong. I think there are other things in the world that could feel better than brushing against somebody's skin.

I mean, I would be laughing if I were her. Yeah, wouldn't you be heading for the exit? Yes. She's got her arms down at her side, and I lean in and our hands touch. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Hands have a lot of nerve endings in them. And so if I lean in, and our hands graze, not only will that send that electricity through our bodies, but I'm also going to get to gauge where she's at with this whole physical contact

thing. She jerks away and runs away. He has no idea what he's talking about. This guy has no idea. Our hands have a lot of nerve endings. No shit! Really? Does it give you the right to touch somebody? No. If I lean in

and our hands graze and she gets a little bit uncomfortable she gets a little bit closed up. I can pile drive her into the ground! Smother her. Go back here! Hey! My nerve endings! They were electrified! Nothing feels better in the world! I have nerve endings in my beard! Okay, maybe she was being friendly, maybe she's just kind of naturally flirtatious and sexual but she doesn't want to get physical with me.

Cool. How's that going? Cool. How you doing? How's that going? How's that not being sexual with me going? But if on the other hand I get closer and our hands graze and she's still there, she still seems to enjoy

and she's not moving her hand, then I can assume she might enjoy a little bit more. Is he pulling her hand toward his cock? Yes, yes! What? Ah! This is sexual assault happening live on TV. My cock has a lot of nerve endings. You know what else has a lot of nerve endings?

My tasty testicles. God. Can you smell the Doritos all over me? Holding hands is the best. Holding hands is great. All those nerve endings joining with that feeling. I cannot imagine walking up to a girl and talking in her ear and grabbing her hand to hold hands.

I can't imagine it. Maybe this is why I need alcohol to get laid. It just kind of maximizes. It just kind of blows everything up to another level. And you never want to stay like completely in cell, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then it's just gonna start to feel a little bit overwhelming. Oh, like any of this wasn't overwhelming

from the beginning. And you never wanna keep your distance because then those feelings can never build. There has to be both poles present. There has to be intensifying, and there has to be a little bit of a break in that. So I'll be getting closer, I'll be able to read. My sexuality comes in waves.

Get close, pull away. At first I brush my beard against the side of your face while I whisper sweet nothings into your ear. Then I grab your hand and pull it toward my penis, but there's a break. I've got to break the tension. I've got to build it up again. Then I come back and I smother you. Physical she wants to get through the hands, through our shoulders, and everything else. And everything else. Especially the feeling. You you got to maintain the feeling

He's waddling back and forth Now if this is all going well If we're with each other She's clearly very comfortable with the situation. She's flirting. Oh, yeah, she looks clearly comfortable with the situation By the way, that's all flirting is if you ever've ever been confused. All flirting is, is speaking to someone else. Look at her. Did he just say that? Did he just say that flirting is speaking to someone else? That's all it is. Yeah. I flirt with the lady who answers at the bank all the time. I'm flirting with you right now on the other end of this microphone. Did you notice that when he's holding her hand, she is not holding his hand back. He's actually

holding her wrist, not her hand, because I think he knows that he can't go in for the kill here with her. She's basically standoffish, as I would be too. She must be blindsided by this whole thing. All flirting is is speaking to someone else with that feeling in your body, with that sexual tone. Flirting is speaking with a boner. He is so creepy. He is. It doesn't matter what you say. You can flirt with someone talking about breakfast.

No, you can't. What are you talking about? Hey, Chrissy, did you notice they have bagels? Bacon. You want to wrap that around my dick? What do you have for- You want a bacon wrapped ball, Chrissy? Bacon balls. Bacon balls.

Breakfast today. Snack crackling pop on this cock. Oh yeah? I love pancakes. My favorite. Words don't matter. They never did. Only thing that matters is the feeling.

Words don't matter, they never did. This is like a rom-com. Words don't matter, they never did, Chrissy. Oh my God, this is the funnest. This is the funnest for everybody except for the poor girl. Yeah, she's mortified. That's right. All right, we'll take a break and we'll come back with more of this. My darlings, my angels, my sweet little cherubs, it's that time again where I try to convince you to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. We really

don't post that much, so it's no skin off your nose. If you'd like to get in touch with us directly, you can text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB. You know we are just sitting by the phone waiting with bated breath for you to call, so please leave us an Ask TCB and we'll give you some mildly concerning advice. Peace and blessings. All right, we're back trying to figure out how to get sexual like a man with our friend here at the 21 Convention. He's currently up on stage with a lovely young lady and he's trying to give you an example

of how to turn that conversation at the bar into something much more sexual. And he's failing at every level. She's been receptive so far. Getting closer. Pulling back. Pulling back. Getting closer. Pulling back. Yeah! Oh, bad. Getting closer, pulling back, getting closer, pulling back,

getting closer, pulling out. Laughter. Hands are all good. Another thing that I might move towards is my hand on her hip. Hips are a very sensitive area. The jokes make themselves.

I don't even have to say anything, honestly. The jokes make themselves. She just like the disgust at his hand on her hip. Oh yeah, she looked right down at his hand like, I don't under... I gave you no permission to touch my hip. If a woman feels comfortable with your hand on her hip. You are golden. You're in.

You're gonna pre-ejaculate, no doubt. It's very much just going to raise the tension, raise the energy even more. Come here to me. Come here. Let me grab you by the hips and pull you closer to my magnetic balls. Once again, how do I do it? How do I touch? If you're thinking that you're doing it wrong. The only thing that matters is what feels best for you.

Can you smell Call of Duty on my breath? What is going to feel the most amazing for you in that moment? Yeah, that's all you got to worry about when you're talking to another human being is what's going to make you feel most amazing in the moment. Well, paying close attention to how she feels as well. Okay, well we'll add that in. So I'm getting closer, talking, it's funny. She is looking, oh, mortified.

I think I'm, Christina, can you put a link to this video inside? Because I think the jokes here make themselves quite frankly, you have to start this video, put a link in the video, Christina, if you could, and to the audience, start around minute number 21 or 22 on this video and look at the craziness that is going on on stage. This poor girl is basically, I mean, if she's not getting assaulted, she's certainly in a uncomfortable zone of epic proportions. Also, I'm going to point out that they started on the stage much further. To the right.

She has backed away slowly. That's right. You're right about that. Yes. To the left of the stage. They are 15 feet from where they started, and it's her moving backwards every time he touches her. Hands on the hips. Body's getting closer to one another

As she backs away Old spice spewing out of my pores Jacron a war on my dick ready to be had I'm open. I'm yours ready to be I'm like a flower ready to bloom when you're at that point You're looking at each other's eyes. She's not looking at you in the eye. She's looking down. She's looking down at the floor.

It's almost impossible for a kiss not to happen right here. Oh my God. We're friends. Oh no, don't do it. Oh my god No Oh no. Another big round of applause for Matt, please. Thank you. Thank you. She is like, thank God. Oh my God, Chrissy, that was like, honestly,

I've never wanted something not to happen so bad in my life. Seriously. He's like, that's how he's... Yeah, he's like, that's how you do it. Yuckles. Yeah, I'll be here all week. So that's getting sexual. There's no secret, there's no long technical thing to remember. It's about practicing.

Who do you practice that with? It's so fast. I know, it's terrible. It's about training yourself to not get in your head, to not start thinking, what do I do, what do I say, to get in touch with those feelings in your body. And your pain. And to allow them to come forward as they would naturally, as they have before when you weren't thinking about what to do, when it just kind of happened.

And this is something you can train yourself in. I always say, you want to get good at this. Flirt with everyone. All right? If you just... You want to get good at this. Flirt with everyone. Right? If you just- You want to get arrested, do what I just did with everyone. I always say, if you want to be on a sex offender registry list.

Try to do something with the small percentage of women who you're attracted to, but then you do the opposite the rest of the time, you're always going to suck. It's impossible to get good if you're attracted to, but then you do the opposite the rest of the time, you're always going to suck. It's impossible to get good if you're doing one thing 99% of the time and then only doing that thing you want to improve on the other 1% of the time. It'll never happen for you. So you're saying practice getting uncomfortable, practice getting in people's personal space

every single time that you meet a girl, even if you're not attracted to her, try and hold her hand, grab her hips, give her a kiss. Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Works for me, Chrissy. So I always say flirt with everyone. By the way, what happened on stage is exactly how I got Astrid to marry me. Right?

And not even in a way that, oh, I'm trying to get in bed with you, but just in a way that acknowledges, hey, when we're around... Hey, I'm practicing for someone I really find attractive. I'm leading you on so I can get with someone more attractive later on in the evening. Each other, this funny, natural, God-given thing happens in our bodies. We can't control it. It's kind of silly. It's kind of funny. Might be a little weird.

It might be a little weird. You put a punctuation mark on that, bro. But it's enjoyable. Right? Waitresses. I've gotten so many freebies just from flirting with the waitress. How's your day going? Yeah?

What do you recommend on this menu? Yeah? Waitresses are giving you free items because you ask what they recommend on the menu? I've been doing it wrong the entire time, Chrissy. When Astrid says, give them the Brian look, I should really go grab their hips and rub my beard all over them. Older women. Flirt with older women, man. Older women.

Man, they love it. Tabby cats. Post office workers. Tabby cats. Post office workers. They're the best practice in the world. Enjoy their company. Make them feel beautiful. Make them feel sexy. You're so sweet. I'm going to introduce you to my daughter, my granddaughter. Right? Look at the most charming, charismatic, sexy men. They flirt with every single woman, not just trying to do something differently when they're around someone they like. You have to practice this all the time.

If you want to get good, if you want to be considered a sexual human being, it has to be part of who you are, part of your natural communication. Sexual like a man. Well, Chrissy, I think I've been doing this wrong the entire time. I wish I had taken this advice long before, because I would be a stud of epic proportions. You should have been going to the 21 convention. Just learned how to assault someone's personal space much sooner. Things would have turned out differently for me. Again, if someone, if the waitress is like, I'm okay, sir, I'm going to go back, great,

I'll have the pancakes, thank you. But if she's like, oh, you're so sweet, better be like, you're so sweet. No, you. And if she's like, no, you're so sweet, and then you're like, no, it's you sweetie that's so sweet. And then she says, no, you're so sweet, sweet. sweet and then you say I'll take extra syrup with my pancakes you know me freebies I've got in that way just blowjobs right under the table it works every time you know how many old ladies are giving me head taking out their dentures and knocking one off in the bathroom

it's because I flirt with everybody everyone how long have you been working here for? Doesn't matter what you say. I feel really bad for anyone that works at a restaurant close to the 21 convention. Any woman that works at a bar inside of the hotel. That feeling that's being exchanged between the two. What we were saying, I wish it was still going on, that we could do a little reconnaissance mission down there. I know.

Yeah, that would be like, the best would be if we could go down there ourselves, or somebody that we knew could go down there, and really get an eye on what's going on in there. I've looked at so many 21 Convention videos, and I will say this, while 99% of what's being said at the 21 Convention is not my type of content, there are a few speakers, a few speakers, especially toward the end of their run, who were saying things that I could agree with, just about how to be a better human being and how to be a better man, a more...

Yeah, not specific tricks. Yeah, instead of that kind of hyper-masculine message, more of a softer approach to it, and I can agree with some of what's being said. But this pickup artist bullshit that they have got almost every one of those videos that I have watched is just terrible advice for people who really need some good advice. I mean, if you're paying $5,000 to go down there and learn how to speak with the opposite sex or the same sex or whatever, I think you really need someone who's going to give you like some

personalized, hey dude, just be yourself. Like, you know, it doesn't happen every time. You just got to, you know, be comfortable inside of your own skin and make somebody else feel comfortable inside of their own skin, not grab them by the hips and rub your beard all over them. That's a terrible piece of advice. Terrible. And I can promise you, I can promise you I can promise you this guy has never ever Used that trick at a bar and it worked never never He's not sexual like a man. I'm he speaks a little weird to being honest So much fun Chrissy there's gotta be another one that's popped up somewhere. Or I guess it's just now all YouTube stuff. Yeah, it's all YouTube stuff now. Or people

becoming Trump's advisors. It's a Bitcoin. Bitcoin! A lot of these people have ended up in Trump's orbit, that's right. But that's because he's leaning into that kind of, like, you know, I don't want to be generic when I say this, but that bro-tastic world. And so a lot of these speakers and a lot of the people from the 21 convention have ended up in Trump's orbit. And it's kind of interesting to watch it all happen as these guys kind of gravitate toward that messaging. What's his name again?

I need to look him up. This guy? Nick Austin or something like that? Yeah. Yeah, something like that. Nick Spring? Nick, I just saw it. I'll get it for you.

Oh, Nick Sparks. Nick Sparks, that's right. And now a lot of these PUAs are fighting online. They're all fighting online about who's got the best and who does it the best and who's scamming who it's really interesting we'll review some more of that content coming up all right I want to thank everybody for dealing with me this week as I really am just kind of being taken for a ride by my hormones if I'm gonna be honest so if that this hasn't been the best week of

the commercial break well I'm sorry that's just the way that it is but at least it's a fresh episode right it's not a best of it yeah well I'm sorry. That's just the way that it is. But at least it's a fresh episode, right? It's not a best of. It is. Yeah, and I want to thank Christina for doing such a great job while we've been gone. I think she did a great job holding down the fort. She did fantastic. Yes, I know best ofs are not your favorite. I think she did a great job putting them together and making them interesting.

So thank you to Christina, our wonderful executive producer. Okay, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas? Also, Ask TCB, and if you have a charity you would like us to focus on during the 12 days of TCB, please let us know so we can vet it out a little bit more and you'll figure out how that goes down. On the 12 days of TCB, December 13th through the 25th. TCBpodcast.com all the information all the

audio and video and get your free sticker hit the contact us button and request one. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCBpodcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break. Okay Chrissy I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I will tell you that I love you. And I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. The best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say, goodbye. I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man

I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man You