The Commercial Break - I Love Lamp

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

Bryan and Hoadley review the many different ways, people and objects we fall in love with. First don't get in between a man and his balloons! Then, a woman marries chandelier and Bryan wonders about their first date. It's an episode full of love stories (and lamps)! LINKS: Watch this episode on Youtube TCBTV-minus Sponsor Hello Fresh is a good service doing good things! (Use the Code TCB14) Apostrophe: Dinner Table Dermatology. $15 off your online appointment. Use The Code COMMERCIAL MEMPHO Music Fest (Oct 1st-3rd 2021) Subscribe to The Commercial Break Podcast Youtube Channel New Episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays everywhere! Text or leave us a message: +1 [phone] FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak @bryangcomedy @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: @bryangreen @tcbkrissy ClubHouse: The Commercial Break Club on Clubhouse! (home of live recordings) Twitter: tcbbryan Facebook: The Commercial Break Podcast YouTube: Youtube.com/TheCommercialBreak Email: [e-mail] A Chartable Top 100 Comedy Podcast #1 Trending Comedy Podcast Worldwide! (Chartable) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast U.S.(Chartable) An Apple Top 100 Comedy Podcast  Top 1% Downloaded Podcasts, Worldwide (ListenNotes) A Hot 50 Podcast (Podcast Magazine) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to WSHIT, we now continue our two-night very special presentation, Brian Green, the man, the myth, the blowhard. Born and raised right here in Crabapple Township, we had an opportunity to talk with Brian Green's father. Here's William Drangus with some of that interview. Mr. Green, you must be incredibly proud of this young man, you've raised. He's got an incredibly average podcast, and absolutely obnoxious voice,

and hundreds and hundreds of people that hate him on the internet. What would you say? How could you express your pride if you was sitting here right in front of you today? I wanna look, I'm straight in the eye. I wanna tell him what a cheap blind, no good, rotten fork, blushing low-life snake,

licking, dirt eating, and bread, over-stuffed ignorant, blunt, sucky dog, kissing brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat ass bug-eyed, stiff-like, It's about to rip, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? Nothing quite like the love of a father, torrentous son. Someone get the man some Tylenol.

We'll be back after this. Come our show break. On this episode of the commercial break. Why do you think you fell in love with Jeff? Name a few things that make Jeff different than any other guy you did. Oh, well. Besides, you know. Everything is willing to stay in hell with you.

I think that's pretty. We're best friends. Yeah. Super good-looking. His music love is a great muscle. You guys have that connection, too. Yeah. He's a wonderful father.

He is? He's a great friend. He's a wonderful son. He is. He's a great friend. He's a wonderful son. He's a father. He's a son. I'm a father. A son. And a passionate pregnant. Pragmatic. Pragmatic. They're soft, smooth, delicate. I have a connection with intellectually, I know that balloons are not alive, but sometimes I wonder if it's my love for them

that brings them to life. Is that you doing a voice? No. Does it sound like a comedy bit, doesn't it? It's actually, I know they're not alive, but I still love the fuck. It's like a guitar or the background. There you go. There you go. There you go. I know they're not alive, but I still like a guitar the background

I know they don't have a face, but I draw one on them and that You put a head balloon to tit balloon to ask balloon best sex in my life Can you imagine walking into a restaurant? She is a leader. I was like, I'm first in sitting there. The shit the leader at the table. Like running her fingers through the jewels. I love you so. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Yeah, it's another episode of the commercial break. Hi Brian this is Chrissy and Happy New Year! Happy New Year! Best of you my friend Chrissy! Best of you Brian! Best of you out there on the podcast, the universe, we are so happy you joined us for yet another addition, yet another addition, yet another addition of the commercial break podcast. Seems like we're endlessly making these shows and you're endlessly listening to them. So thank you very much. We do appreciate it. When will this wheel stop? Stop torturing me.

And here we have a vacuum-free introduction. Yes, we do. Thank you very much. That's a take-to. It's take-to. I have to tell you something. And I'm going to tell you this to you low, because I don't want everyone in the house to hear it.

Excuse me, everyone in the studio to hear it. Everyone in our studio complex to hear it. We recorded a large studio complex in the North of Atlanta. It's specifically for us. That's right. That's right. I took my daughter's bedroom. Boy girl, sleep it on the floor. She's only one. She won't remember. We have a person that helps us around the house and she's a very lovely lady and I have all the love and respect in the world for But every Tuesday and Thursday we record here every Tuesday Wednesday or Thursday we record here And so we've asked this nice young lady if she could please refrain from any vacuuming while we're actually doing the show because this is

Because this happens all the time It's almost as if she waits until we press record. Yes to then go ahead and I I think she might think okay they're in there. Yeah they're in that soundproof. That's right. It's soundproof and I got it. Even though we tried to explain to her otherwise. And so we just started the show. This is the second time we're recording this particular part of the episode because we just press recorded it as soon as we did. It says if she was vacuuming the fucking door. It wasn't even like you know down the hallway it was like right there at the door and it completely threw me off It was hard for me because you know when you want to laugh about something But then you like a little bit angry about it. You're like, oh come on lady like really?

This is how I pay you Something's not being communicated. That's right the extra $20 I make a month on this podcast is what I give to you Part of why I pay you. $20 a month, we're up to 20. Hey, Tcbtv minus. Here's the deal, ready? DCBpodcast.com is where you go. You can read all the show notes, find out more about Chrissy and I,

all the audio, all the video, and every connection that you would need to us. Four square, my space. What other things have died out there in the universe? Wasn't there like a vine? Yeah, there's vine, periscope. All that stuff is connected. Right there at tcbpodcast.com. Don't fret about where you're gonna find us

because there you go. tcbpodcast.com. And if you so choose, you can go to youtube.com slash the commercial break or at the commercial break on Instagram. Here's what I would like you to do. One another important thing besides t TCBpodcast.com to remember is info at TCBpodcast.com. Please communicate with us. Tell us what you like, tell us what you don't like, tell us what you want to hear, give us

show ideas, tell us a story, tell us an interesting story. You want to come on the podcast, you have an interesting story to tell. We may be, we may do that. Even though we keep threatening to do that and we never do that, we may do that in the future. We might get the wild hair. We might get a wild hair of the ass and bring ya on. So please do do that because guess what I'm doing? I'm giving you shwag.

Shwag like these cups, cups, mugs, glasses. They're nice. They're nice. I enjoyed mine. D-shirt, sweaters, all kind of stuff. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers to vacuum-free introduction.

Yes. Yes. Yes. And if you email with us and if you correspond with us, I'm just randomly picking people and sending them shit. So go ahead and do that. If you want some TCB swag, we'll be happy to send you some. If you're one of the lucky ones that gets chosen, TCBTV minus studios are brand new.

We got our brand new look. And today we have... Featuring Miles Davis. Miles Davis with his China white smile. It's Miles Davis is a bad heroin addict. He was. What happened to him? So he was clean and then he got hooked on drugs

like a lot of people do. And then he got clean again? Yeah, I don't know the full story. Yeah, then he got clean again. He got clean again? Yeah, but he tried some other stuff too. But I think in the end, he was sober. He was sober when he died,

as is who was blind guy that I love so much? Ray Charles. Ray Charles is also a heron addict for part of his life. Yeah, that's a great movie, by the way. Yeah, that was a great movie. Well done, Jamie Foxx. See, the movie that I like, Jamie Foxx in actually. Yeah.

Jamie Foxx did a great job in that. And then also, Jerry Garcia was very similar. He was hooked on heroin. Hooked on it so bad to one point, Bob Weir was handling his heroin for him. He was like doling it out for him so that you would. Okay, some measured amount. Yeah, measured amount.

But then Bob was all pissed because he's like, I don't want to be the one that's responsible for your death. So Jerry was clean, was not sober then sober for a period of time. The guy from Fish was also hooked on heroin. I think heroin is just a good thing for musicians. I think it kind of lets you relax and space out a little bit.

We should try that. Let's say with TCP, if you've got any China white, if you could send it, just kidding FBI. If you've got any China white, send it to Info at TCP. We'll try anything. I'll attach it to the email, send it on over. We'll try anything. A double blind heroin study.

That's what we're gonna do. Right after the hot sauce contest, we're gonna do a heroin contest. Oh man, that shit's good. But what you got? I'm gonna bring some. We'll just try improving qualities of heroin. We'll start at like 20% the dirt, you know,

the dirty stuff, and then we'll move on up. But I'm not gonna inject anything. I'm only gonna snort it. Just gonna let you know that right now. Yeah, sounds fine. Not a drug addict. anything, I'm only gonna snort it. Just gonna let you know that right now. Yeah, sounds fine. Not a drug addict. No, no. Just gonna snort it.

That's it. I was searching around the internet the other day, as I often do. That's actually my entire job. Yeah, if we gotta make that $20 a month, as I often do. And I was thinking about, I was kind of like rambling around questions for the podcast, and one of the things that I thought about is the people that we fall in love with, why do we fall in love with them?

Why that specific person? Why do you think you fell in love with Jeff? Name a few things that make Jeff different than any other guy you dated. Oh, well, besides, you know, everything is willing that's staying out with you. I think that's where you're best friends. He's super good looking.

His music love is a great muscle. You guys have that connection too. Yeah, he's a wonderful father. He is. He's too. Yeah. He's a wonderful father. He is. He's a great friend. He's a wonderful son. He's a father. He's a father. I'm a father, a son, and a passionate pragmatist. Pragmatic. Pragmatic. That was classic. That is classic. Go back and listen. No, don't go back and listen. There's a favorite and don't go back and listen to episode number one.

But the very beginning of the episode, I had this, what I thought was gonna be a very dry, witty, funny introduction. You gotta remember, I have no idea about podcasting and I have no plan, right? I'm just like recording things and seeing what sticks against the wall. But the first episode, I'm like, hi.

I'm Brian Green, like to some sappy music I'm like, hi, I'm Brian Green, like to some sappy music in the background. Hi, I'm Brian Green. I'm a father, a son, a brother, a passionate fragment. It's the fragment, what is that? I don't know. What do you mean? I'm passionate, but not too passionate.

I'm passionate, but not too passionate. I'm passionate. I'm passionate. But just, you know, I don't get too crazy. Right. Passion of fragmented. It was not funny. I don't know what I thought was funny about it. It's really funny now that you listen to it. I know.

Now that we listen to it, we're like, wow, that was bad. Now I'm not sure this is any better, but, you know, whatever. Okay, so the reasons are varied while you fall in love with a chef, right? And I think that's true for everybody that has that one special love in their life. It's like, we find somebody, it's that,

like Rachel and I often say it's the smell, right? The smell that gets you, right? The thing, it's not an actual smell. It's just a thing that attracts you to them. It's like animal magnetism. And then all the other things click on all these cylinders. You physically feel great about each other. You even feel like I had known him.

All your life. All my life. And it's possible. Maybe you're like an old life, right? Yeah. We found each other again. That's right. So I was thinking about this and I decided that I was going to do a little research on

the actual things that make people fall in love with each other. But what happened is I took a left turn at Albuquerque. Yeah. And I found people that fell in love with objects. Oh. And then I got fascinated by this. Don't ask me how I went down this rabbit hole. But I went down this rabbit hole.

And I was like, I want to find out what makes people fall in love with each other, right? Like the actual science behind it. And then I actually figured out that people fall in love with objects, too, that have no smell, that have no smell, that have no Pharrell owns, that have no ability to communicate back to you. They fall in love with these things. They're called Object of File, you know, Object of Filias? There's only like 70 of them in the world, right? There's only 70 identified Object of Files in the world, but they fall in love with actual objects. Now we all fall in love with

actual objects, right? We love things that we have. So, you know, I love my Apple computer, I love my car, I love my, you know, my guitars, I love my, you know, ju-ju train set. I like to play with it. I love my ju-ju train set and my toy story for toys. But- Having kids is fun like that because you get to play. Oh my God. Oh, please. I love the play. I went up to my sisters and they had put in a play set, like a swing set and I love to swing. I put a sex swing out, my swing set. I was there. I was going crazy. I was like, woo!

I'm really high. My sister was like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I do that at the park too. I like, I get into swinging competitions with the other little kids. I don't mean to, but then inevitably. You're like, I'm stronger. I'm like, yeah, I just start swinging

and then there'll be some like punk little 12 year old. Like, look how high I can go. Oh yeah, I'm the master of this. And I'm going almost upside down for the swings that's coming off the thing. Mothers are grabbing their children. He's crazy I can go higher than you And then the other just one time I did the old jump off at the apex

Grizzly I swear on all this holy must have been it must have been the most Uncoordinated landing ever. I went down on one knee and then facing the dirt and I got up and I was like, I'll tell you do it. Tell us the, oh my God, I can picture that. Oh, I'm so bad. I get into competitions with the kids.

Two of the same slides on the same little thing, and I'll be like, okay, I'd want to three, go down. I got very two. I got two a year old. So anyway, we all follow up with objects. We have things that we love, but we're not in love with them. We don't want to have sex with them, right? It's almost like a make-believe friend, I think. It's like you're kind of making up a voice

for these particular objects. You want to hear some of this? I found a man that fell in love with a balloon, and I found a woman who fell in love with a chandelier. Okay, so you want to listen to a little bit of this? Sure, why not? Here we go. My name is Julius, I'm 62 years old,

and I'm addicted to balloons. Who isn't? I mean, yeah. They look like tits. Let's just admit it. It's two big, two big silky tits running, hanging out on your ceiling for a month. By the way, I still have balloons from my son's birthday party. They're never coming down.

I remember from last year, they still, they're still put balloons up there from last year. They make that helium, they make those helium balloons really well. Like they these days. They do. They're beautiful. They're soft, smooth, delicate. I have a connection with it. Intellectually, I know that balloons are not alive, but sometimes I wonder if it's my love for them that brings them to life.

Is that you doing a voice? No. It's a sound. It sounds like a comedy bit, doesn't it? Intellectually, I know they're not alive. But I still love the fuck. It's like a guitar in the background. I know they don't have a face, but I draw one on them and

it's like, no, it just looks so hot. You put a head balloon, two tits balloon, two ass balloon. You got your own. That's sex in my life. I like the regular old balloons. I like those fancy aluminum balloons. I like the old silky rubbery balloons. My first reaction was, wow, balloons, that's kind of strange. My first reaction was, I'm- Please see self-aware.

My first reaction was, I must be a fucking banana. My first reaction was, I need help. At least, yeah, at least he's self-aware, right? Julius has been addicted to balloons for over five decades. It started when he was a child as an innocent attraction to the shapes and colors. Yeah, see, that's what gets you every time. The balloons look like tits, kind of, right? They kind of look like tits a little bit. I'm just saying.

I bet he's not the only one that's attracted to balloons like that. Oh, Julius has filled his home with over 50 balloons. Things look like tits, kind of, right? They kind of look like tits a little bit. I'm just saying. I bet he's not the only one that's attracted to balloons like that. Ow Julius has filled his home with over 50,000 balloons and can't sleep unless he's surrounded by them. I love all balloons, but I do have my favorites. I like the crystal clear, the transparent.

It's like a soap bubble, you know, you can see through it. I've got long ones, the round ones, but my favorite is the spherical ones. I got long ones, round ones, ones with holes in them. You know how many balloons I pop a night? I'm popping all kinds of balloons. Just 50,000. 50,000.

This guy saves balloons. We're gonna get through this part. He'll let go to dealerships and take the balloons off the cars that are dying. He'll go ask them like, can I have your old balloons? What's it going to take to get you in the car? What's it going to take to get you in the car? Do you have that balloon? Does the balloon come? I don't know about you, but that's one hot piece of rubber right there. I even love with this balloon. I don't care about the car. However much it costs, the balloon I want.

That's my new wife. Hey, Bob, can you get out to the sales lot? That guy Charlie's out there proposing to another balloon. Why, I don't know. I guess it's like a guy that prefers blondes or brunettes, you know? Not really. No, that's a little bit. Just done it all like that.

Yeah. Not an all like that, that close. No. A guy that likes blondes or brunettes just happens to have a hair color preference. But there's a couple more things that go into it, right? There's a vagina, there is the inner leg. Yeah, the brains, the body, the beauty, the smell,

the everything. Yeah, there's the whole nine yards. Bob, that it all comes with it. You're attached to a clear balloon. It's not even an exciting balloon. It's a clear balloon. I like the clear balloon. So I could see my penis on the other side of it.

Oh my God. Hey, Bob's back. Go sell him another car. What if the dealership just put a bunch of balloons on the cars they need to get rid of? Just like a bunch of old balloons. What does name will buy them? Yeah, it's like a magnet for Bob. Damn it guys, you got me again.

I guess I'll take this 1996 Chrysler Cavalier. I'll bear it. You gotler Cavalier. My Baron. My Baron. Without a windshield. No problem Bob. We'll wrap it for you with a bow and more balloons. $18,000. That'd be cash.

Credit. I don't care. Let's just get these balloons out of the weather. Look at them. They're suffering. They're suffering. So they've been on this car all day. It's Julius is so addicted.

He even has an entire room dedicated to balloons. This is my balloon sanctuary. Otherwise known as a whole house. One room for 50,000 balloons. What? No, he's got like a balloon sanctuary. He says balloon sanctuary. And you can't see this, but he means balloon sanctuary. Like there are all kind of unblown balloons like just balloons everywhere right?

He's got a categorized. I don't know like a it's like a mid-century modern It's an old brick and signing you know what I'm talking about. 70s edition. Single family. I have magenta, purple, yellow, blue, red, and clear. And wherever I have a white one, I don't have many white ones, but I try to put the white ones in there like there's a white one over there. I try and space them out.

It's right to be inclusive. That's right. Sometimes I'm in the mood for a redhead, and sometimes I'm in the mood for a magenta head. It's just a... But I like the white ones. The white ones are nice. And there I've got some orange and yellow and green.

I try to alternate it to keep all the colors, you know, of the rainbow in there. He's a pragmatic guy. He likes... Yeah, he's a passionate pragmatist. He's a passionate pragmatist. He doesn't care. He doesn't care.

Hey, Bob, what kind of women are you into? Orange, magenta, purple, whatever, colors of the rainbow. Yeah, all of them. All of them. One of my favorite balloons is the weather balloon. It's very delicate and soft and smooth. It's probably one of the softest balloons I've got. It's probably one of the softest balloons I've had sex with.

Oh my God. It's so weird. He had sex with these balloons. Yes, that's true. It's coming up. For me? I'm gonna forge shadow. What kind of house does he live in?

I don't know. I thought you were watching this. I was. I was a fake attention to what kind of house is it? I was looking at 50,000 balloons. Yeah. It's just like a regular one story, you know, thingy Medigi.

It looks rather clean. Yeah, he looks like Bob is not hurting for money. He's not living in a trailer, right? He's living in an actual house Okay, Bob just happens like to fuck balloons Can you blame him really? I mean women are so difficult balloons don't argue back with you. They pop everyone said a while So do women made some bigger the better course. I can't get you know an eight foot balloon in this room

So I settle for the five foot, you know, weather balloon. I guess you can say it's more to love. I can't tie a string to women and drag them around, but my balloons go anywhere with me. It's more to love. It's more to love. Oh, Bob doesn't care. Bob's just a non-discriminating balloon lover. I sleep with my balloon room every night. He sleeps in his balloon room every night. Every night he's friends with these balloons. It's kind of like Wilson from that movie, from Castaway. Except he was on a desert island. But nobody else to talk to.

Yeah, Bob's kind of on a desert island in his own mind. Which is a bunch of balloons taken care of them When I wake up in the mornings like being in blue heaven But Julius' obsession with balloons goes beyond shapes and colors My love for balloons. It's also a sexual love But I see it's a music But don't bomb you're right. This sounds like one of my bits music. But don't bomb you write this sounds like one of my bits.

Boom, but don't bomb. You know I can't help it. I see a balloon I want to pop it with my dick. When I climax it pops and it's an exciting time for everybody. I guess it's easy to lean up. Yeah, that's all right. You just throw it away, blow up another one. Round two. You know, sometimes I make my condoms into balloons. I just spare myself the trouble. Yeah, a beautiful balloon. My heart starts to flutter and I get aroused. I'll take a 12 inch and I'll inflate it to 11 inch.

With my dick. I'll take a 12 inch and I'll put my one-inch feet as right inside of it. I'll take a 12 inch. I'll inflate it to 11 inch. What's next? What is the next step in this process? I don't know.

I'm just fascinated. I want to know. Sorry. That way you can take a lot of abuse. Well, Bob, you get aggressive with the balloons. You can take a lot of abuse. Wow. Wow. Bob, you get aggressive with the balloons. You can take a lot of abuse. Jesus.

Maybe there's a reason why he's single. Yeah. I'm holding one, you know, hugging it. Oh, kiss it. And that's why I've been in hip. I mean, don't you like the hugging kiss, the woman that you love? I do, but I don't have any fear she's got on the bottom.

Yeah. Yeah. She talks back. Yeah, yeah. She talks back, she's warm, there's warm skin, it's not a rubbery texture. It's trying to rationalize it, but it's not working. Oh, he's rationalized it. He's a passionate pragmatist. He's already rationalized this a long time ago.

He's explaining it, he's trying to make it sound normal. And to him it is normal, you know, and hey, listen, he's having sex with balloons, who fucking cares? Not hurting anybody. I'm sex with balloons, Bob. God bless you. I've been having sex with these DCB letters for not six months.

That's why this one's always a skew. Right, the C. The C is always a trouble maker of the group. She's a bad girl. There's lots of people out there who feel the same way as I do about balloons, but there's two groups of the lunar group. You got the poppers that get aroused by popping balloons, and you got your non-poppers. Poppers non-poppers.

Poppers and non-poppers. Sounds like a pop pop popper to problem with me. Pop pop popper. It's a job pop pop poppers. Poppers and non-poppers. Sounds like a pop-pop-pop-popper problem to me. Pop-pop-pop-popper. It's a job pop-pop-popper! Oh, guys, I'm sorry. I've been popping your balloons. I'm a non-popper. Julius' addiction to balloons started

when he was hospitalized at just four years old. Oh. My mother come to visit one time and she gave me a real nice blue balloon. But that night the nurse grabbed it and I heard the balloon pop. So after she left, just cried myself to sleep. Since then, the sound of a balloon popping devastates Julius, and he even rescues balloons he believes to be in danger.

Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was mean, nurse, look what that nurse started. No, you don't need this balloon. Oh no, scratch it. I know, we're messy. I'm gonna buff your little love.

I know, where's he, Racha? Siberia? We can't have any color in this room. Now, get your 7 to 14 hours of beauty rest. Turn off your swing records and stop writing your 7 to 14 hours of beauty rest. Turn off your swing records and stop writing your letters and go to bed, Bob. Dear balloon, how I loved you so. Aww, poor Bob. That's like traumatized.

Yeah, someone coming in and popping Asteroid's head. I don't even like that at all. Wow. Now, I'll go to Cardiola Ships and do what I call a bloom rescue. When they sent them out early in the morning, they're really beautiful. And as the sun bakes on them, they get really dull, misshapen. I feel like that's when they're easy to have sex with. But they don't feel so good about themselves. The self- confidence is low. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Hey young lady, I see you're a little weathered hot from the storm.

What do you come on over to Bob's come on over to Bob's balloon sank. She wearing it's in my mid century. I'm not a popper. Don't worry. I'm not a popper. Set it down, ladies. I'm not a popper. I'm worry, I'm not a popper. Set it down, ladies, I'm not a popper. I'm a holder, I'm a aggressor. I just want to feel the gut of your jib.

I give them a second chance at life. But junior stuff, but how long does that last? Another day? I mean, how long could it possibly last? How does Bob deal with the fact? This is not my realm of knowledge. Brian, I'm glad you're teaching. I am teaching you, yeah.

And I'm sure it's me, I thought about this. Like how long does it last? And what happens when these balloons actually die? Like they gotta die at some point. It's an inanimate object. It's gonna go away. It degradates and they degradate pretty fast. We've all seen those regular balloons.

They don't do very well. They're not, they're not meant for the long haul. They could probably stand one, maybe two fucking. And ten, they're not meant for the long haul. They could probably stand one, maybe two fucking. And they're gonna be. That's why he's got so many. I'm not a popper. He's got a rotate. I know, he's got a rotate.

50,000. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Well, I guess he wanted to get furniture when he had 50,000 balloons hanging on your house. Wasn't sure. No sharp objects in that house. Doesn't share. No sharp objects in that house. I assume it's good friendly.

It is extreme love for balloons. There are a lot of people. The only people that know is my family. My wife thinks it's strange, but she accepts it. My wife? He's married? I missed this part the first time I listened to it. He's married?

Oh my God. His wife lives in a house with 50,000 balloons. He sleeps in the balloon sanctuary, caressing the balloons all night long. And she deals with it. That's a deal breaker. That's a deal breaker. For me, that's a deal breaker.

Yeah, if we're gonna be in the balloon room, I want in on the action. That's all I gotta say. I'm a polygamist when it comes to balloons. I'm a bluegumist. But don't worry, I'm not aamous when it comes to balloons. I'm a bluegamous. But don't worry, I'm not a popper either. I'm a caressor. The fact that he feels like he has to keep it a secret definitely points to a derriere

is a problem. I see another wrong with loving balloons not hurting anybody. It's not dangerous and I have no desire to change. Today he's- Do you think for a second that yeah it is what it is. I agree with Bob on this one. Like it is what it is. If you're having sex with balloons you're having sex with balloons. Whatever. Yeah. People aren't a weirder shit than having sex with balloons. Oh yeah. Way weirder shit. Yeah. So God bless you. When you're falling having sex with balloons. Oh, yeah. Way, weirder shit. Yeah.

So God bless you. When you're falling in love with the balloon, I realize you might be a little bit detached from reality at that moment, but, you know, is it not hurting anybody? Do you really think that your wife is okay with this? Maybe she is. Yeah. Maybe she's just like, you know what, that's Bob and whatever. He's, you know, I don't care.

I don't even talk to him anyway. I know. For living on this restaurant. He's in the balloon sanctuary. He makes a good living. It makes a good living buying and selling cars. He doesn't need to be in that business. He doesn't need to be in that business. nephew who's also an addiction counselor wants to confront the issue

and convince Julius to see his therapist. I've heard through the family. A little talk. I know, the music here is so... Eraddle. It gets you. Let me explain something to you. The music is scientific, right?

They put this music behind. So you change your mood, you change the mood, and it can make you feel something or not feel something. It's the same thing that the televanjalists do, or the evangelists do while you're in the room. That's how they get people to go mass hysterical and run around the fucking church, screaming and yelling and jumping out of their pantaloons.

Ha ha ha. Pantsaloon X. About your balloons. That's your balloon room. So what kind of question do you have? What do you get out of your balloons emotionally? When I inflate them it seems like they come to life for me. Really. Yeah heard that there was a

Physical Building something said as this happened building it's building attachment to these balloons maybe sexually There's sexual overtones to it. I would say the fucking balloons is a sexual overtones. Yep. Hey, welcome back. The DCB-TV minus studio vacuum is back. Damn it.

Damn it. I missed it. Yeah. I missed it for the first 26 minutes. It was going off. Really? Yeah. What is it that gives you that sense? Is it a smell or a

fail? It's all of it. It's all of it. It's a field, a smell, the looks, the looks, and I don't want to go any further into that. Okay. Oh, he draws the line there. I draw the line and everything. I draw the line at telling you exactly I have sex with balloons and why I do it. I draw the line, sir. You don't need to know all my private information. Julie, the magenta in there, she's a great lover. She caresses me. She knows exactly what I want.

She gives a hell of a back massage and Bob stay out of my fucking business. I can fall in love with a balloon if I want to. Do you ever think that maybe there's something wrong? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope, not at all. Not for one minute, not for one second.

I've ever done this anything wrong. Look at me in magenta. And tell me there's something wrong with this kind of love. Wouldn't you want this kind of love in your life? Look at her. She's beautiful. She's gorgeous. She loves me for who I am.

We don't argue. We don't fight. And she's an incredible. Oh, she popped out. who I am. We don't argue, we don't fight, then she's an incredible, oh, she popped out. Oh, shit. Why magenta why? No, that's nothing. If you feel like it, you have to keep things hidden,

especially something like this. There's obviously a problem. Do you think you'll ever give it up? Nope. No. Definitely not. definitely not. Definitely not. How have I been doing it too long?

Wow. Yeah, it's hard to get a tiger to change it spots after 50 years, wouldn't you say? So anyway, so I won't get into the boring part, which is, you know, they try some therapy with Bob and all this other stuff. The truth is, is that Bob doesn't care about any therapy. His name is not Bob's, name is Julius.

Julius doesn't, I call him Bob. I call everybody Bob, I know him. His name is Julius, and he doesn't care all about any therapy. His name is not Bob's, name is Julius. Julius doesn't, I call him Bob, I call everybody Bob. He's named Julius and he doesn't care because you know what, he's been in love with balloon since he was a kid, he's not gonna change today. And why would he? To be honest with you, let the guy have the fucking balloon loving shit, who cares? Care's who you love.

I mean, if he's been doing this for 50 years, the wife obviously knew. The wife is involved, she doesn't care. Let's just be honest about it. The wife is involved, they're living in their mid century. If white things involved. She doesn't care. Let's just be honest about it. The white is involved. They're living in their mid-century. If they're happy. Yeah, they're happy. They're not popping any balloons. They're not hurting any balloons. They're not popping. They're not running around mass murdering the 50,000 balloons. I just hope you recycle the rubber. That's all I'm saying. That's all I want to do. There are more interesting, he's an objective file in kind of a funny way, but there are

more interesting people who have different kind of objects that they fall in love. Really? Yeah, there's so you want to hear one that is in love with a chandelier? Yeah. Okay, let's go for that. Hello, my name is Amanda Liberty. I mean, love with chandeliers and I'm making a commitment to my favorite one, Lumia. You know what I'm in love with? I'm in love with the ring like you want to know why?

Why? Take a guess. Look at the shape of it. Oh yes, it's like a nipple in the middle of it. No, it's because I can stick my dick in it. There we go. Oh, there we go. Oh yeah, yeah. My first fell in love with Shandlea's. Three years ago, when I walked into an antique shop and saw a lunar over there looking at me,

and I just had to rub her. Looking at you, oh, interesting. First fell in love with Shandlea's when she lived in a barrage museum. She caught my eye. She caught my eye. Our eyes met across the room. We ran at each other. I broke 12 of her boobs. I was really sorry.

And from then, my love for them is blossomed into something totally amazing and something I never realized or imagined could ever happen to me. When I first saw Lumiere, she was in Germany, on eBay in Germany, and it was the shape of a ram that first drew me to her. The shape of a ram? Yes. It sounds like she just kind of, this happened to her at an older age and length. Yeah, just three years ago.

God bless. I hope that doesn't happen to me. I hope I don't let you walk into Home Depot and I'm like, best to you on that. That you buy for us. God me. Heart is a rock. Look at you. Look how beautiful you are.

Tall and strong and statuesque. I love everything about it. She's so unusual. Over my three years and before that, I've seen thousands, tens of thousands of chandeliers and not one of them comes close to her in terms of how they look. I've not found another one that looks like her. She got burned bad. She was like, I'm turning totally away from humor. Yeah, she, she, someone really fucked her over.

Right? Someone did a number on this one. Not going to the same sex, opposite sex, nothing. Not interested in anything that's pretty. No, that's chandelier straight all the way. They're beautiful, they can't be beautiful. They can't be beautiful. You're right about that.

Why don't I want to have sex with it or have been invited into my bedroom, not really. I think this is kind of like imagination, like imagine, what do they call it? Imaginary friend syndrome? Yeah. I think this is imaginary friend syndrome.

I think these people, something happened. They're a little disconnected. They put a personality on an inanimate object, just like Walt Disney used to do. You know, Walt Disney used to give all the animals personalities, and that's why we all think that animals have person. Yeah, at least they were living and breathing though.

That's true. That's true. And I'm brain. That's true. These people take it as a step further. The way I feel about Lumiya, my love is easily comparable to somebody else who is really in love. The only thing that's different is that she's an object. I like to shower her with affection. They're a cheap date. I'll say that. They're not going to order the steak at the restaurant

for sure. All you got to do is just find find you know just drag a row of bones on in there and throw it at it. Can you imagine? Welcome to Shlatcho, Shatou, Shatou. You're an effort to. I'd like a table. I'd like a table for two please. Certainly, ma'am.

I'd like your best table, of course. And you get like she gives the the matrede like a hundred dollar bill. Of course, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. What is your date? Can I? It'll be the chandelier that they roll in here in a second. I don't need a high chair. I'm gonna need a hook. Yeah. Can you take that chandelier down on like another chandelier place there? We just got done with Phantom of the Opera. She's very upset. The chandelier is all broken in pieces. with Phantom of the Opera. She's very upset. The chandelier is all broken in pieces.

Can you imagine walking into a restaurant? She's a chandelier. I was like, I'm first sitting there. The chandelier at the table. Like running her fingers through the jewels. I love you so. There's going to be a chandelier proposal later. I would, I would stare. Yo, I'm sitting. I'm sorry. I try not to stare. That'd be the best thing. You know, it's true. Yeah, it's true. But I mean, you know, if someone's had someone proposes to someone at a restaurant, you stare. That's what you do, right? It's kind of like that. It's a piece of clad with some light bulbs on it. I like to give her gifts and stuff. What do you have? Give her gifts.

She makes me feel really special. She makes me feel whole. She makes me feel complete. Did you get the chocolates I sent you? Did you? Did you just like give stuff all over the shandily? I know. That is our work. What did the shandily. I know how does that work. What is the chandelier typing

or back emails like send a thousand dollars. My mom needs reconstructive surgery on her third chandelier. Are you sure this is the chandelier or not? Yeah the shop owner? Yeah the shop owner? Man we've got her now. God are now! The way she makes me feel inside is, you know, really special and it's not something that I want to do or change. I don't think he could lose her change it because, frankly, what's the slay- what's the chandelier gonna do to you? You're in it now! And what's the chandelier gonna do to you? No, look, you were a to do it differently when we met.

What's wrong with you? You've changed. You never treated me like this when we were dating. If you were so sparkly and pretty and now you just won't turn on at all. Look at you. Three of your lights don't even turn on anymore. You're old, you're boring. I can't do this anymore, Lumania. Lumania.

I think that's the name of the company that made the shandle here. Oh. Lumania. Lumie, for sure. So I was born object of this sexual. I don't think I was made to be. I didn't choose to be. I certainly didn't choose to be because it's not an easy thing to do to swim against the tide. Fair enough. I give you that. I give you that. I would have to say this somewhere in your head something is not wrong.

But something is different than most people because you're falling in love with an object. And for that, I say go have sex with the object. Go do your object thing, right? Thank herding. It cares that she's in love with the chandelier. We've listened. People have been married bridges and been in love with carnival rides. The Eiffel Tower.

Yeah, the Eiffel Tower. There are about 70 of these on Earth. And almost every single one of them has a documentary about them. And Chrissy and I have been doing research for the show. We have seen a lot of these, right? And the reality is, the most of them are not hurting anybody.

There is one that's kind of a little bit Lucy Goosey, like she falls in love with everything she sees. She's like, yeah, one minute. She's in love with the Ival Tower and the next minute, she's fucking the fence. The fence pose, yeah. And when I say fucking the fence, I mean, she was fucking the fence.

She was straddling it. Yeah, she was straddling the fence like, oh, that feels so good. I know, it's amazing. Yeah, it's weird, yeah. Do you think maybe like, oh, that might be good. I know. Yeah. Weird. Do you think maybe like, that might be a bridge too far. I'm going to talk about that. Like, maybe, who cares?

It's a commercial break. Like, I've ever, has ever been a bridge too far before. There's really been like two things that have stopped. Stop, stop, stop, stop. You're the man. You've got to talk. If you're even thinking about it, it's probably something you shouldn't say.

Go for it. Like amongst friends. You know, men tend to manipulate themselves with their hands. That's what we learn, right? And I know women manipulate themselves with their fingers. That's probably what you learn, at least at first, right? And that's some of your first sexual feelings come from seeing something else, but really doing it yourself, doing the action yourself.

Okay. Is it do you think that some women And by the way, we've learned that almost all objective files are women. There's an almost no man No none that they know of right? No, Julia's oh, that's true. There's one That's one. Yeah, I didn't think about that. But anyway, there was a statistic that someone gave and one of these document Just said that almost all or all that they know of are women. Do you think because women manipulate themselves sometimes with in-em inanimate objects that if you're like predile, but you have a predilection toward objectifilia

that you're like, oh, I can have a lover that's an inanimate object because I already do. No, I think this just got way past that. I mean, the bridge, the, what was we saw the one with the bow, you know, an arrow? You don't have, you don't have sex with the Eiffel Tower shape to do? No.

From the people that brought you Jack Rabbit 3000 extended with vibrating rink comes there, comes I fee I fee 3000 Now when these people are genuinely I really know I know it's definitely different to joke It's a joke No, it was all just set up the Ike full town until nothing I did all of that to set up a joke that landed

like a wet fart in church. Be different from most of the people. If I had, if I had the choice, I would go and get a man, because these things, there's no, you don't get judged, you don't get looked at. No, men are hard. Men are really difficult.

It was stupid fucking human beings, with stupid creatures. Stick with the object. Stick with the object. And to leave here. If I was a woman, I'd go for the shanty-lear too. I'd be like, fuck that dirty greasy nasty, cock-carrying motherfucker. People thinking that you're a nutcase,

because that's often the comment that comes back to me when I look at the comments underneath videos appear online or she's in no case, she's through the ocean, he's helped. I don't think you need help. I think you need to continue to love the chandelier. Yeah. I think there are people who have much weirder

sex addictions or sex predilections and we consider it perfectly normal. There are people that like, like, you know, but hooks in their back and swing around the room, you know, and get turned on by that. It's like, there are things that are actually dangerous. Yeah, there's not, no one's in danger of being harmed because some dudes have insects with a balloon

and his balloon sanctuary. Yeah. The fact that he calls it a balloon sanctuary, is a little bit weird. The fact that he's it a balloon sanctuary, is a little bit weird. The fact that he's saving balloons is a little bit strange in and of itself. But is it like the strangest thing that has ever happened? No, I don't think so.

I actually, my judgment call on this is, it's perfectly pragmatic. And I'm a passionate pragmatist. Navelle has been ruled. Yeah. That's legal, dragon. You can take to the bank. I think it's OK.

My personal opinion is whatever you choose. What happens to her like in the end? Was she was going to do a ceremony, right? It's a long documentary, right? And so, yeah, she gets married to the chandelier. Someone actually chooses to marry her. Now, obviously, it's not a legal marriage. You cannot get married to a fucking chandelier. Yeah. Not in any country that I know of, but she's in wherever she is.

Oh, ceremony. Yeah, there's a little ceremony. She has one or two friends that, you know, they try and get her help, like with the therapist and stuff like this. But the truth is, she just wants to be in love with the chandelier. She wants to be left alone with her love for the chandelier. And so, I say, leave her alone. I think all these television shows, all these documentaries, they mean well, they don't, first of all, make no mistake about it. They're not interested in helping this lady. They're interested in ratings, right?

Just like we are. And so, not just like we are. But they all try and inject some therapy and they're hoping that someone will see the light. Yeah, and I don't know what they're thinking because the truth is, when you're an objective file for 50 years, you aren't just gonna all of a sudden take a therapist advice to go find a human being.

And I think most of these therapists, if they were really good therapists, would say, are you hurting anybody? No. Have you hurt yourself? No. Okay, so you're in love with a balloon. Do you have a job?

Can you keep a job? You know, do you interact with other human beings any other way? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, fine. Do you live in a mid-century house? That's a dream moderate. Are you pragmatic about this? Hi, I'm Brian Green. I'm a father.

I'm a father. A son, a meditative moderate. Hi, I'm Brian Green, a father, a son, you know, pressed optimist. I'm positively pessimistic. I'm loosely liberal. I'm a crazy conservative. You get to put. It's a little ration. Oh my God.

We learned something new today. Every day. Yes. This is what you fall in love with people. People fall in love with any kind of thing. Always be learning. Always be learning. Maybe.

Oh, he's be learning. Only on the commercial break would you learn this kind of shit. Always be learning, maybe. Oh, he's be learning. Only on the commercial break would you learn this kind of shit. Tell me which other podcast you'd go to learn about this kind of shit. I don't think another one. There's somebody out there going, there's this podcast and that podcast and this podcast and they do it much better than you do and they've been around for 10 years. They have a million listeners.

Well, we're up to five, sir. Five listeners. That's right. Every week, or of which are my wife Gustavo, my younger brother and Roxanne. And me. And Chrissy. Chrissy was actually listening to our podcast today when I met up with her. Yes. She was like, look, I'm listening to our podcast.

I liked that opening. Oh, the segment, the bit. The pantaloon. The pantaloon. The pantaloon X. The pantaloon X. Go back and listen to episode number 87 for pantaloon X, the commercial about bringing your favorite pantaloon, everything you love about pantaloons

with everything you need in technology together. Married it. You know what a pantaloon is, don't you? Yes. It's like a tight on top and then frilly on the bottom. The pants, yeah. It used to be all the rage back in 1822. They were a fancy pantaloon is, don't you? Yes. It's like a tight on top and then frilly on the bottom. The pants, yeah. You used to be all the rage back in 1822. They were a fancy pantaloon.

Fancy pantaloons. Fancy pants, that's where fancy pants came from. That's right, fancy pants came from pantaloons. And the truth is, is I've now seen some people wearing pantaloons. It's the type things. Obviously. Yeah, men wearing pantaloons. Okay.

Why they're wearing pantal all in I have no fucking idea Doesn't make any make any sense It's not in breathable of top I'm breathable. It's talking about Breatheable Seems airy. Yeah, no, it's not no. They're tight on the top. They're they have frills on the bottom No like the big like the, no, no, no. That's a different thing altogether.

That's not a pantaloon. Although that's what I thought when I first heard the word. Okay. I see the word of the mistake was made. The pantaloons are tied on top and freely around the like out below the knee, there are frills. And there are men wearing these.

Those are gonna bell-bottom-ish. You remember that January 16th thing that happened? And we don't talk about, okay, there were some men there that were wearing pantaloons. Oh. Yeah. Don't ask me why. No. Maybe it was a thing. Well, yeah, but I think of pantaloons as being around like the colonial days.

Yeah. Maybe they all got together on telegram and this said, Ventaloon wears this way. Ventaloon, you die. Passionate Ventaloon pragmatists over here. Passionate Pentaloon patriots over this way. Yeah. Patriots, that's what they were.

Pentaloon patriots. Oh. TCO, that's all different show. That's a, that is a different podcast altogether. TCBpodcast.com is where you go. You can find all the show notes. Find out more about Chrissy and I Watch all the video. Listen to all the audio find our Instagram and every else other thing that you need YouTube

It's all there Instagram info at tcbpodcast.com if you'd like to communicate with us Tell us what you like which you don't like which you just let us know like communicate with us say hello That's what email is for we won't embarrass you you. You promise. Do us a favor 470-5848-449-470-5848-449. Leave us a message about the commercial break. Whatever that happens to be. I love the commercial break. I hate the commercial break. I want to hear this on the commercial break. This is where I'm listening from. This is what I'd like to do while I'm listening to the show. Leave a message because I am putting those at the beginning of the show. So, and to be fair, I've put a few that about people who like us and a few about people who hate us. So, I'm fair. You are a very balanced. Yes. Our next giveaway is on the way and we are and you are on the hunt. It is a scavenger hunt and you must put together all of the clues. How do you get

all of the clues? There's two ways you get all of the clues. One is you go to youtube.com slash the commercial break and then you subscribe. And then you watch all of the last three videos. So from episode number 85 on, watch the entirety of the video from front to end. You must do that because there are certain things baked into those YouTube videos that will get you closer to winning our next giveaway. What is our next giveaway? We will let you know sooner than later. It's all a mystery. But watch all of the YouTube videos. And now we have outtakes available on our audio also. Now there's not clues in there, but there are outtakes available on our audio. So listen all the way through. That's right. You see, you hear what I'm saying?

Yeah. You haven't even gotten to the end of the episode yet. Have you? No. When you get to the end of the episode, you'll know. There are outtakes now. I'm baking them into the podcast. Lots of special Easter eggs for you, so make sure you listen. Okay. And with that, what else? That's it. Okay, I love you too. Best of you, Chrissy. Best of you. And best of you out there in the podcast audience until next time we must say bye-ee! The commercial break, new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays.

New YouTube clips drop daily at youtube.com. Slash the commercial break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. and provided by Tina Kano. And so I saw the vacuum out. Yeah, I saw it, though. I told the asser, I'm like, hey, make sure she doesn't vacuum up. We're going to be recording. And then the second we start fucking recording. She's vacuuming, but not vacuuming like down though. No, it's right there.

Right, fucking. Right, fucking. Taking a deep breath, we're going to start this over again. We're going to do this funny. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful.

I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to do it. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful. I'm going to be a little bit more careful.

I'm going to be a little bit more careful. you