The Commercial Break - I'm Meta-Pregnant!

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

Bryan wonders why all parents use the first, middle, last name shout to address children when they are angry. Bryan gives more misinformation when he discusses the UGA animal breeding program. Krissy has to sit and listen to Bryan retell the losing his virginity story...for the 12th time. He recalls being grounded "until further notice". Which encouraged him to get in more trouble! Finally, the Metaverse is real (real in the Meta sense) and Bryan has some predictions about how it will play out. Get ready for Meta-babies...it is coming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How big is... How... Fuck... Fuck... Fuck... Fuck... Fuck... On this episode of the commercial break...

I think this is universal because now I do it with Matthias and Mia. I like having fun with Mia Sophie as I can fun name to say. But when Matthias is in trouble, I'm like Matthias Daniel. Matthias Daniel Green. I don't know why the fuck Who started that? It's like instinct that just comes in So he said your ground that's what he said that's the ground Well, he said you're you fucked your fucked your life is over your fuck right?

You have no idea what it's like to have a child. You're about to find out your're fucked. Who is this girl? What's her parents phone number? You know all this stuff. That's major I'm men ovulating you want a metaphor? Me I can get men of pregnant and then there's gonna be a whole thing There's gonna be a birthing process that are gonna be obstetricians who know how to give metabirds, and you know, maybe you can get in a mess. It's really gonna get you in a hundred percent. I guarantee you. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go The only one you'll ever need? Chrissy and I were just in the kitchen and we're having a conversation my kitchen here in the studio the studio kitchen the studio kitchen

The studio kitchen here in the studio complex the DCB studio complex We're in the kitchen and I said I said hey Astrid and she looks at me like what and I'm like what I What do I say because I know that look? I'm in I'm in trouble instantaneously So why do you call me Astrid and in my back of my head my smart ass responses because that's your fucking name What I mean what I gotta call you But I know from my many years being in love with my wife and being a wife to my wife Right to your wife to my wife. Is that what you call it? Wiping when you get husbandry married? Oh, we're getting all technical

It's husbandry. No, that's when you jam a fist of a calvagina. That's husbandry. That's animal husbandry. And just to let you know, that here in Georgia, in at the University of Georgia, they have the world's premier animal husbandry study. Really?

You know, whatever they call it. I don't know, lab, whatever it is. Whatever it is. Thing, place. Program? This is my, my, my have these, they have these balls there. And the balls, I've seen them. You can go to the farm and see the husbandry. I knew they had a big animals, you know, uh, program.

Program. Yeah. The, what they're making over there is almost demon-like. It's crazy. It's insane with the University of Georgia is doing with balls. Wow. You can go to the farm and you can see the results of this husbandry work. This messing around with the DNA, right? That's pretty. We like the horns on this one.

They like a carnival, scary carnival. Oh my God. It's not carnival. These are real animals. And the size of the bull that they have in this, in this pasture, Chrissy, the horns are the size of this room and I'm not kidding you. They're like 10 feet long from one to the size of this room and I'm not kidding you. They're like 10 feet long from one to the other.

It's insane how big this creature is and the thing has a head that you just know. You can just imagine crashing into a car or a body. It would destroy it. It's huge. Anyway, so like Astrid when she gets mad, she's like a bull. She's like a bull, a 10 foot horn.

So I say, I say, well, I'm sorry, I called you up, because I know from all my years of husbandry with Astrid that she does not like when I call her by her name. Okay. I don't call her baby, honey, sweetie, darling, it's true. And she never does the same for you.

She almost never says the word Brian. Unless we really need to get there of someone's attention. Right, exactly. And that's like the attention getting one. You're mad or you need someone's attention. Right, exactly. And that's like the attention getting one. You're mad or you need someone's attention. Like if she's having a problem with the kids, she's Brian, and then I know to perk up.

She says, hey, babe. Then I know it's just like a regular request and I can ignore it as usual. Yes, that's right. And I said, it's similar to when you're young. And you know, my parents would say, Christen joy. They use through your age,

they use the middle name. I think this is universal because now I do it with Matthias and Mia. I like having fun with Mia Sophie is like a fun name to say. It is. But when Matthias is in trouble, I'm like Matthias Daniel. Matthias Daniel Green. I don't know why the fuck. Who started that?

What? It's like instinct that just comes in. Yeah, so strange. I guess it's like passed down from generation to generation. I guess in our DNA, whereas people are messing around with us, you know, and the computer in the sky or whatever. They're like, one of the things we have to put in every parent

is the ability to say all three names when they're angry. Yeah. That's the universal sign for your fucked. Yeah, you're in big trouble. When my dad, my mom said it all the time, right? Brian William Green, she would say it all the time, but I was always in trouble for something. You were.

But when my dad said, Brian William Green, I knew that I might as well close and lock my bedroom door because I was grounded for two weeks. Every time he said my middle name, it meant two more weeks of grounding. I one time spent an entire summer. Three months grounded. What did you do for that?

I think I told this story. I want to- Which, which part? I had sex for the first time. And then the girl who I had sex with claimed she was pregnant. Oh. And I told my parents. She called me up.

She told me she was pregnant. Told the story. All right. Well, I mean, here we go. Another episode of the commercial break derailed. Like, I can hear the people's car radio starting off right now. Another Brian's story? I thought we ended that, like 50 episodes ago. I had a friend. I worked at a McDonald's. I had a friend from that McDonald's. Yes, I remember this. She was like a year or two older than I was.

She was in to me. She was in to me. She was like hot for the cock. Yeah, that's right, but she was highly religious. And so first of all, I wasn't all that into her, I was kind of into her, but then that like the religious angle made me kind of not into her because I'm not a religion guy. She had a party at our house one time where her parents left and she invited me over. And I came to the party and her sister, younger sister, was there who was more closer to my age. Like she was like a me, you're younger than I was, right?

And this girl was like full on goss, badass, sulky, sultry, sexy, slithery, slimy, all the things that I love. Smoking cigarettes. And the girl from McDonald's, let's call her, you know, June, whatever. I don't wanna give away names.

June. No, why pick the June? June, June, joy, hardly. June, claver. June, claver. That's right, Juneuin and now, whatever. So we met at this party, which is really more like a get together, right?

And at that time, I was such a derelict. And I loved girls who looked like they would get in trouble with me. Like, you know, I was a bad boy and I liked bad girls. Mm-hmm, hard crime. Yeah, the goody-two shoes were fun, but the bad girls were sexy and treating. And this is the kind of girl who lights incense and candles and puts on like, portus head, you know, the album, like, it's just

like, weird, you know, we're listening to Depeche mode on that one. Yeah. Or some, you know, even Allison chains, like she's like so sexy. Dangerous. And her room is chains like she's like so sexy dangerous Dark and she smoking cigarettes out the window cuz I fucking hate my Rebel rebel so we ended up being in a room all night long. Well fast forward a week. It's fourth of July Not only my friends heads his parents are all the town And so me and this girl I had my own phone line at the house

So me and this girl have been communicating a little bit and I said hey, why don't you come to this party? Right because you we can't fuck while your sister is there. Right. We didn't do anything at her sister's house. But she came to this for the time. The tension was building. And it didn't take but an hour. And I remember the fireworks were going off outside. I was getting laid on this. It was my first time having sex. And I was miserable at it. I had no fucking clue where to stick it, what to do, how to get it there. I was just all over sex and I was miserable at it. I had no fucking clue where to stick it, what to do, how to get it there.

I was just all over the place. Stabbing this porker on the leg with my cup. It's honor, stomach, inner arm over to the side. Yeah, you know. Slot, you know. But the fireworks were going off. The fireworks were going off. So it was romantic and sexy.

You know, we were lighting candles and smoking cigarettes in this guy's house. And so we had sex. Uh huh.. There we go. I lose my virginity Five days later. Okay, so now let me tell this story like this So then this girl's this girl goes out of town. My friend June goes out of town She goes to France for like a month. Oh wow, okay five six seven days later I had not had an opportunity to see her sister, younger sister that I just had sex with,

and not an opportunity to get together with her again. It was just circumstance. I had nothing to do with her, whether I liked her or not. I was working, I was always working at that fucking McDonald's, fucking servant fries to assholes who wanted no one evens on their cheeseburger. And now I'm the asshole who wants no one evens

on my cheeseburger. Right. And so, I think she started to get anxious that I wasn't like, that we weren't getting together. Were you communicating with your private phone line? Yeah, my private phone line was always there for everybody to call. I was like a hotline. I was like Miss Cleo of the 15 year olds in East Cobb, Georgia.

They'd call me up. I'd listen to him. I'd give them wise sage advice. At nine times I'd attend and ended up getting them grounded also. So I think you need an, I think you need a face to face therapy session, my friend. So once you pick me up at my house downstairs out the side of the basement window at two in the morning, and bring me over to this other girls house. And I give you some advice on the way. Oh, your dad got, oh, you got arrested for driving your dad's car without a license?

I'm so sorry. I got laid. She's so a week after about a week. I mean, I don't know, I'm 15 years old. I don't know if I can include a space or time at now or then. She calls and says, I'm pregnant. Oh, God.

And she's like calling my phone, leaving messages. You know, I've checked the message box. I'm like, hold the shit. And the first thing that I did, because I have never been, in that age, I was invincible. I could do anything, go anywhere, be anybody. I didn't fucking kill the world, was my oyster, and I had it by the fucking balls. Until someone, by the 10 foot ballhorns, riding that,

riding that DNA, complicated bow down the street. Yes. Until the two words that I never expected that I would hear after having sex, one fucking time. Solitakes. Now, I want to let you know. Can't stop there, but that's all it takes. All it takes is one time. And I think if I remember correctly what you know that all it takes is one time and I think if I remember this if I remember correctly What happened that we actually used protection also and I don't even think that I

That there was a conclusion. Okay, that I had a conclusion to the event right? I think I was just so scared to pussy at that D.A.G. You're scared of pussy. I just think I was so scared to pussy I just wanted to get in and get out, right? Like, have some kind of experience. Yeah, and so if it wasn't that enjoyable for me, I'm sure it was less enjoyable for this girl, but she called and said I'm pregnant. Oh, God. And my balls dropped up.

I'm sure. Dropped a foot and I went right into my dad's room where he was, that can fucking computer room that he used to sit in, typing on his computer, watching the polls or the Cubs game. And I hated that room because every time I went in that room, he used to sit in typing on his computer watching the polls or the Cubs game and I He did that room because every time I went in that room He either called me in there because I was in trouble or I had to tell him something that was that was gonna get me in trouble

I never went in there and good premise. I was never like hey dad had a great day in school got in a on the math paper So it's like hey dad fuck somebody got a pregnant. I'm gonna get in all my classes Crash the car last night while you were sleeping So I told him I said dad We need to talk for preggers You're gonna be a grand father and he flipped his fucking potatoes. I mean Stintaneously, I can barely keep up with you boys. Now there's gonna be a baby. He's like your mother's fucking in the house. I got four fucking derelict

children. There's pot grown in the basement. You're out every night doing god knows what you work in McDonald's where they're selling weed. I can't take it anymore. I'm drowning in debt. You're in private school that I can barely afford. I mean, it was just like, four fucking guys. Time crashing, man. Yeah, and I just said, hey, Dad, preggers, what do you think? He said, he said, yeah, question mark. Yeah. Hey, Dad, need your advice on something.

So we've got to go pregnant. I know I'm only 15, but we're going to handle it. We've got to handle it. Yeah, we've got to handle. I'm just wondering what you think about it. I've got to plan a action. It includes you loaning me $500. I'm just wondering what you think about it. I got a plan. I got a plan of action It includes you loaning me $500 and me getting on the first bus to Mexico. How do you feel about it? If I had said that I bet he would have been like I'm gonna give you a thousand dollars. Don't come back

That's a million pesos. You can live down there like a king go run for the hills and don't call me So he said your ground that's what he said that's the ground Well, he said you're you fucked you're fucked your life is over you're fucked right you have no idea what it's like to have a child You're about to find out you're fucked who is this girl? What's her parents phone number? You know all this stuff? That's major huge because that's major. Huge. Huge. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. together just to confirm. To make sure that it's all, that we, you know, bubble-buck, it's my dad's like, you gotta get a fucking obstetrician, you gotta take this girl to the doctor.

Oh my God. You gotta decide whether or not you wanna keep it. It was like a whole thing. And for two days, my world was upside fucking down. Oh, completely. I didn't, I was like, I was looking in the newspaper, figuring out where I get full-time jobs at 15 fucking years old. Right.

Calling the McDonald's manager, he got the extra shifts, I gotta be, because I was gonna in the newspaper figure out where I get full-time jobs at 15 fucking years old right calling the McDonald's manager Because I was gonna leave for Mexico. I was gonna raise the kid one of the two The manager positions available for 15 year olds These guys are clean extra Bacon egg and she's shit off a men's room wall in the morning for extra money. Yeah. That's okay. Can I go unclog those toilets twice more a day?

Oh my God. So fat. The way you do first. The, I told my dad first, but what I should have done first. Let's get the pregnant test to confirm. So two or three days later, I actually at now grounded, like grounded, run our core phone out of the wall Probably

Yeah, I think he actually turned off the phone. He like called the phone company. Oh gone books gone writing utensils gone Sitting your bed and learn how to meditate That's what you're gonna do. He said, you're until further notice, and I don't even know when you're gonna be allowed to have a CD player in your room, let alone a phone or a television, and you're certainly not going anywhere. School work, that's it.

I wanna talk to these parents as soon as possible. Get a phone number for her mother or for her father. I stalled that whole situation for about two days, and on the second or third night, I managed to sneak out of the house. How I coordinated this, I have no idea. I don't remember, but I think I got like a message, like I went down and used my brother's phone line

and called her and blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. It's three in the morning. My friend steals his dad's Mustang. Oh my God. He's 15. He don't have a fucking license, but he's been doing this for years.

He's been doing this since he was like 11. His dad's a drunk, and doesn't care. He's like, here since he was like 11. His dad's a drunk and doesn't care. He's like, here's a key. He's like a kid. Be careful. Be careful. Give me a bag of cigarettes all the way home. Right.

You know, he was that kind of father. He played guitar. He was that kind of father. He played guitar and not just in his house, but like at a local bar. So he was that kind of father. And the fact is, cigarettes all the way home. Tell Barney. That's a liquor store.

Yeah, somebody's got that father. I remember we had a, there was one house that we would go to all of the time. And it was because the father was never there. I mean, the kid just lived at home by himself in high school. So, there's like a lot of kids here who are going to party at that house every weekend.

There was a girl that I, and I promised I'll finish the pregnancy store, but this is how the commercial break goes in case you're new to it. I, we go, we go wherever the wind takes us. There was a girl that when I was in high school, and her name was Aaron, and she, her family, her dad, mom and dad were divorced, her dad,

at an immense amount of cash. And he had a huge house in Buckhead, three car garage, basement pool, could ban on the whole fucking nine years. And that father was never, and I mean never home. Yeah, never. Same with the friend that I had, yeah. I never would have these parties.

I know, every fucking night people. Now we also had a basement or every fucking night of the week people were downstairs smoking pot, right? But not the whole home. With the Kibana and the pool. Yeah, it was free rain. Yeah, and it was like a kega beer. And I'm pretty sure none of us bought the kega beer, right?

I don't know. I just showed up at the house on occasion and party. I actually got tied up in a closet there once with my like my super duper high school love. We were tying each other up. We were tying each other up with like belts and all kind of shit. And I got tied up. She went to go to the bathroom and people came in the closet.

And here I am with my little 15 year old shubby like, hey guys. What's up? Can you go ask Brooke? She's done with the bathroom. Hey, you know what? Don she's done with the bathroom? Hey, you know what I'm sorry to do. I think that's my belt. Um, so we go. You picks me up. We go grab her two and three and we go to the 24 hour Croger. Mm-hmm. I go in. I buy a pregnancy test. I will never forget this with her in the Croger, buying this pregnancy test, checking out the weird looks that we were getting

in the whole embarrassing situation. It was mortifying. I think we actually bought two, like two different brands. And then she goes into a waffle house. So she had not even done that. She said she did do a test. Okay. Okay. And that she had also missed her period.

I didn't understand how, again, I'm at the age where I'm scared of pussy. I don't understand how vagina works in any capacity because I'm 15 fucking years old. How am I supposed to know? I don't know all the complexities of, you know, ovulation and all this other stuff. Even though I've been taught it, I don't know. And so she said, I miss my period. I'm late.

And, but this is like, we're talking about a week after we had sex. There's no way that if you missed a period a week after, I mean, I guess there is a small chance that you could be pregnant. But just think about that. There's no way that if you missed a period a week after, I mean, I guess there is a small chance that you could be pregnant, but just think about that. If you miss your period a couple days after you had sex, it's highly unlikely that the sex right before your period is the one that got your pregnant. I don't know, I mean, who knows?

But I didn't know this. So we go and we drive to a waffle house bathroom. A waffle house bathroom. And me and my friend Chris sit in that fucking Mustang smoking camel-wide for like an hour while she gets gets the courage to piss or fucking figure it all out or whatever. And she comes back and she's,

and I don't see the pregnancy test nothing, but what she says is it's negative. I took both tests, it's negative. Okay. And the world like I breathe. So then we go and we park in a church parking lot to smoke cigarettes And so me and this girl are making out in the back of the car Chris is like listening to music smoking cigarettes. He was a good friend. He was so good

He just ignored everything that was going on Phone in this girl in the back. I'm like if you didn't get pregnant that time. Let's try again Dad I'm already in trouble. So I get home, you know, next morning, I say, dad, good news, you know, well, actually, she took a pregnancy test and she's not pregnant. And he's like, what do you mean she's not pregnant? And so what happened to the first pregnancy test? And I'm like, I don't have any answers for you.

I just know that like, thank God. So can I get my TV back? And it's like, are you out of your fucking mind? No, no, no, no, no, full summer grounded work. That's it. Work, that's it, right? And I was like, mother fucker. So I was grounded for the entire summer and fast forward a month or some change later when June gets back from Paddy. She explains to me that she has no idea this all happened. Oh, she didn't even know. Didn't even know because she's in bed.

Is the parents now? No, of course they didn't because this, I think this was not the truth ever. I think this was a ploy for attention. Okay, right. And listen, many, many thousands of years later now that I'm old and farty and have my own children, I understand that maybe, many, many, you know, thousands of years later now that I'm, you know, old and farty and have my own children. I understand that maybe, yeah, yeah. Okay. People do, you know, there's a lot of emotion. There isn't. It's just a teenage thing to do, right? It's a child thing to do. And I don't know with 100% certainty that there wasn't a positive pregnancy

test. I just know that the following thing happened. June came to visit me. My dad finally allowed people to visit me. Yeah, like visitation hours. Yeah, no carnal visitation. I'll tell you that much. But I think you could come to the front porch. I could smoke a cigarette with him. And so June comes as soon as she gets back. And she had heard the scuttle butt.

And she came and she was fucking, you fucked my sister. You fucked my sister. you fucked my sister. She was pissed, she pushed me and punched me in the shoulder, can't believe that. And then I was like, yeah, and you know, we thought she was pregnant, and I told her, right? And she's like, what are you fucking talking about?

And I'm like, she thought she was pregnant, like the day after we had sex, basically, she called me up and told me she was pregnant. And she's like, that's not true. And I'm like, what do you mean that's not true? And she's like, we are two women living in the same house, using the same bathroom. When I have my period, she has her period. We're on the same cycle. That's the way it works, right? And I was like, what, what are you talking about? And she

said, I had my period two days before I left, I started my period two days before I left for France. And so did she. And I was like, what? And this was, would have been right before. She called me to tell me this. Oh wow. So it was a cry for attention. He was a cry for attention. She needed the Brian cock.

She needed the snorkelcock. What she needed. She needed the snorkelcock. I couldn't give it to her. I was too busy. I made Donald. Brian, you're a fucking burger. That's what I was doing.

Weapon, you your fucking big back. Unbelievable. He definitely got the Brian William green on that. Oh my God, I got the Brian William Joseph St. Jude, whatever Brian, I, you know, my confirmation name was Xavier. So it was like Brian William Xavier. Very ever long fucking mother fucker green.

I was so, I've never seen my father like that. And I hope I never do again, because that dude was pissed. And if my son, he's a sweet guy. Well, a sweet guy now. Back then, we did not see eye to eye on not one thing. I'm sure. And I can understand now as a father, I love my children and they're not old enough

to cause me any kind of heartache like that, right? But I can understand that when you love something so much, it's like blue. I love blue But that dog is a fucking shithead, right and I I can understand that kind of like that dichotomy the love and the dislike Dislike I was gonna say, yeah. And then you're constantly breaking their trust and fucking up and causing drama, that's causing you drama that you could probably guide probably.

He didn't sleep for like six years. I mean, seriously, until the day I left the house and when I left the house, on my own, without telling him, he was on, like I was on a fucking business trip and I literally took the mattress on left and. And like, did with a couple fucking strippers. I mean, I was just a shithead. I was a shithead. And it's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break. It's so fucking meta I can't even stand it. I wanted to let you know that Chrissy and I are going to be

doing the TCB Summer Games when this summer. And if you'd like to be a part of the games that we're intending to play, give us a shout, 661-237-8296. That's 661, best the number 2, Y-O-Yo. We're looking for singles. We're looking for people willing to play TCB trivia and all kind of game shows. Give us a shout on the phone line or go to tcbpodcast.com and drop us an email at the contact us form.

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I'm afraid it's just, you know, the kids get more advanced. Yeah, they're gonna be in the metaverse having sex and getting people pregnant. He's gonna have like six meta children. He's gonna be like, down in the meven, sex, tuplets in the metaverse. And I'm gonna be like, the fuck does that mean?

He's gonna be like, I mean, $35,000 to have a meta abortion. I'm in the crypto. Crypto abortion. I need a crypto abortion dad. I need a crypto abortion dad. What a crypto abortion. I need to get these kids out of the current microchip they're in. It's coming. You know it's coming.

Yeah, you know, it's going to be like real world consequences to getting someone pregnant in the metaverse. You're gonna have to like, if you don't pay the obstetrician, your meta avatar is gonna, belly is gonna explode. You're gonna die. It's start off to start all over again. It's gonna be a thing. I guarantee, people are gonna go crazy. We will see.

It's like that story we told about the people that got crazy about that, you know, two gold coins and a fucking, you know, Chuck E. Cheese necklace or whatever, they were running around Ohio or Idaho, you know, digging under branches and falling off of Waterfalls and all kind of shit. For a fucking, you know, $200,000. It was like, people are gonna go fucking bananas for this metaverse. It's coming and... Yeah, it's not fully formed yet.

No. It's forming. It's forming right now. Yeah, they're figuring out how they can fuck you on this metaverse, figuring out how they get, fucking someone paid $2 million for a piece of property next to Snoop God damn dog. Yeah, people are buying art, well, the NFTs and all of that.

So yeah, it can all meta. You know, and I think I think we'll probably get there too. Right, my vision is that the commercial break eventually gets to like NFT level. We're making episodes that then we distribute to certain people who then have the rights to go distribute it to other people. It's really about digital content rights

is what the NFT is. Right now it's kind of a game that people are playing. You know, it's like this ridiculousness that they're paying $33 million for 17 monkeys that look weird. And I have some friends that are doing this NFTs, and then I'm gonna make a fucking dime. Because, you know, you're not just gonna come out of nowhere

and make an NFT and then fucking, you know, make a $1 billion, but everybody will tell you you will. The problem is, is that right now, there's just a couple of diehard, and I say a couple, it's probably hundreds of thousands of people die hard people that understand truly what this is and are now on the horizon of this. And they're convincing every other moron out there

to spend money on these things that right now don't have any value. But at some point, they will. And at some point, the metaverse is gonna be a place where kids like me at 15 years old, my little avatars, I'm gonna start a new avatar when I'm like 60, I'm gonna get into the metaverse. Right, and you'll look 16.

Yeah, and at 75, I'm gonna be 15. That's right, and I'm gonna be running around with my little, you know, meta sperm. Okay. Look at my meta! You want some of my meta come? I'm gonna be metagizing all over the place. And I'm gonna have a little meta baby. Little meta shits.

And there, you know, some girls, some avatars gonna come to me and be like, I'm, you know, I'm metapregnant. I'm metapregnant. You want a metapregnant? And then there's gonna be a whole thing. A meta ovulating, you want a meta fuck me? Like you get meta pregnant. And then there's gonna be a whole thing. There's gonna be a birthing process. There's gonna be obstetricians who know how to give meta birth.

And maybe you can get in a meta. Do you think? It's really gonna get you. 100% I guarantee you. Anything that happens in real life, people are going to find a way to make money at value for it. There's going to be an attraction for people who do not have the capacity to have real children.

There's going to be one fucking moron in Iowa. Watch this. This is exactly how it's going to go. I'm going to do a little sooth saying, right? Okay. Ready? There's a 750 pound man in Iowa right now. He's 47 years old.

He's never left his house in the last 10 years. He's got a headset on, one of those VR headsets. His mom's making 16 tons of bacon in an egg, and he's, don't bother me, I'm in the med of us. You know, he's doing this all the time. That's the people that I picture in the metaverse. Well, I don't think they're all liked that, but I think some of them, because how in the fuck else

do you have so much goddamn time on your head? Right, right. And you know, your life sucks in real life. So you need to go and like, start fresh, create a new body, create a new life. You're right. The life you really want. This is all about escapism. And we, as humans, and especially as Americans are getting, we are master crafting escapism. So let's call them Bob. Bob's eating his bacon in real life. He's got a headset on in the metaverse

and he meets this, and he's, you know, he looks like Frankie B. He's got the shirt down here. He must have cut six packs. He got a four foot deck. He's like walking around just, you know. Hey ladies. And some of the, yeah, alpha may have total alpha.

Literally his balls swell when he sees a woman. Brrrrr. And he's written it into the code, right? That his balls swell when you see you in the metaverse. And some girl who's also 700 pounds. Right, and in Canada, it was like, Oh, Bob. And now Bob has this vision.

And she looks like Pamela Anderson. Total. Big, busted, huge ass, perfect vagina, you know, lovely legs, you know, shaved 24 hours a day. And he is gonna, and there is already virtual sex. It's already happening. So now you virtually bone, right? And they're gonna be so in love with each other,

the Bob's gonna go, I wish we could have meta children. Meta children. And he's gonna write the code. And down in that little fucking basement of hours. They'll program it in there. Take a minute, don't put three every thing. They can be two. They can be two. She's not to cry.

Yeah. Shut up. They can hit people. You know, you'll probably beat your kids up in the Metaverse and that's going to be a Meta police officer who takes you to Meta jail where you can't go anywhere. All right, let's stay on top of this. It's going to happen.

We need to stay on top of this. What we could do, what we could do, is we could do a podcast in the metaverse. Yes. As our own avatars and do it live, and then people can come, and they'll hear what we're saying, and they'll see us with our motion.

Now we have to get a full body suit. You up for that? You up for that little green dot body suit. Or, hey, hey, look at my body. Would like the little finger things. Little finger things. Yeah, but all over your body, right? The over your tints and over your ass. Yeah, why not? Yeah. If anybody's a metavert, if anybody's like a virtual reality expert, we need some high tech in here. That's my request to the audience. If anybody knows anything about this,

you can be called, because I see the vision for this, right? And what they're talking about with Web3 is that everything that you do, the people who create the virtual diapers, the people who create the virtual podcasts that then get put out as NFTs on this blockchain and all this other stuff, it's micro content creating, and everyone's going to get paid for it.

So essentially we are building a whole nother universe that people are going to live in. And Bob is never going to take his head set off because fucking Pamela Anderson looks as good today as she did the day I met her and that was 20 years ago. Now we have 17 metah children. And that's very black mirror. It's going to happen. It's already happening. It's very black mirror. Like, it's gonna happen. It's already happening. It's already in there.

Snoopy Doggie Doggie is in there. He's in there. Snoopy Doggie Doggie has a house. And Snoopy Doggie Doggie's house is so cool and people wanna be so close to him that some hedge fucking fund paid $2 million. Listen to this, because I don't think we aired this episode

because it was horrible. But we did a whole episode that's now in the can about the metaverse and I explain that someone paid two fucking million dollars for virtual land next to Snoopy Doggie's house. And Snoopy Doggie is always on the forefront. This guy is like, he's like, I don't know. He's got people there on the front. He's got people on the front. Snoopy Doggie is doing concerts. That guy Travis Scott that killed floor. People on the floor. Exactly. And stupid doggie doggie is doing concerts.

That guy Travis Scott that killed everybody, he's doing concerts, Fnelli Fertado's in there, everybody's doing concerts in the men of hers. And people show up. They clap, they applaud, and they cheer, and the whole night yards. Now, right now, it looks a little boxy and strange, right?

But they'll refine it. But with your 700 pounds, and you haven't left your house in Iowa, your virtual dick getting rubbed is almost as good as your real dick getting rubbed. And you know, they're coming up with a, you know, like a VR set for your cock. That's coming next. I think they actually have this where it like, you know, emulates a, you know, getting laid. It's coming. It's all coming. Chrissy. All right. TCB meta. We're going to have to do it. We're already doing three goddamn

episodes a week. We're going to do a fourth one called TCB meta. We're gonna have to do it. We're already doing three goddamn episodes a week. We're gonna do a fourth one called TCB meta TCB and if TCB Yeah, I like it said I think we need to stay on top of this absolutely now. Let me take you one step further in this conversation We get Snoop Doggie dogs people We get their contact information. I don't think Snoopy doggy dogs gonna be interested in T.C.B. I just have a gut.

This is the thing. Got him. I want his people. Oh, you want his people. We're keeping him on the floor. Yeah, that's right. Well, we need to be our own people and keep ourselves going for it.

We can't afford everybody else. We're gonna have to be right now. Right now. Right now. So it at Menfo, this is kind of related. At Menfo, I was doing a series of interviews that I've caught up and put into certain episodes and there was a guy that I met there named Will,

not Will the Champ, but another Will all together. He's a super interesting guy. He was like a single guy on the prowl, lived in Brooklyn, but he's down there in Menfo for whatever reason I'm not really sure. It's a great festival. It was a great festival. Like, I don't know.

I mean, he didn't seem like the kind of guy who was into the festival. I think he was just into it because his friend, he ended the scene. He was into it because his friends, he's gonna be single chicks there. Get your tickets now. Get your tickets now. So the guy, so we communicated a little bit after the festival.

So two days ago, he sends me, after we talked about snorkelcock, we talked about the dragon cock and all this. He sends me an entire website that is nothing, but dragon dildos and fantasy pocket pussies. So you can, this is how they have monster heads or monster asses. They have dragon dildos that have fins and little, like the spiky things on their back,

the little, whatever. These are just drawings, or these are real things. These are real things you can buy. Physical dragon dildos. In the metaverse? No, this is real. Or an adria.

But in the metaverse, people are gonna be fucking dragons. They're gonna be fucking mermaids in the metaverse. There's gonna be snorkelcock all over the place. It's a matter of fact, we need to get to the metaverse first, so that we can create snorkelcock all over the place. As a matter of fact, we need to get to the metaverse first so that we can create snorkelcock before somebody else does.

A literal cock that blows water so you can create it. I can see you can breathe in the water. It's a whole world full of it, merman and snorkelcucks. Well, we're gonna say on top of it and do some more research. 1000% and when we get to the point where we start making NFTs, of it and do some more research. One thousand percent. And when we get to the point where we start making NFTs, I have a suspicion that these things are going to go.

Three hotcakes. People are going to love them, person. If you thought who wouldn't want it. Who wouldn't want it. You know Frankie B is going to get in the metaverse. Oh, yeah. He's probably already there. I think he is. Yeah, he's at least doing it in two days, put together a tutorial on how to do it.

I think it's a matter of fact, maybe we should talk to Frankie B. Maybe we could do, like, if Frankie B is not already in the metaverse, can we create Frankie B in the metaverse? Yeah. Can our avatar, the TCB avatar, literally be a Frankie B's not already in the Metaverse, can we create Frankie B in the Metaverse? Yeah. Can our avatar, the TCB avatar, literally be a Frankie B avatar. Like, can that shirt and walk around for sure? Squeal out in a car. Yeah. One more thing I wanted to talk to you about.

I saw this advertisement on online. You know how they had, there's like, Airbnb started this whole, Airbnb and Uber started this whole, take your shit and make money with it, right? Rent out your shit. It's sharing, like ride sharing. Yeah, yeah. If you're sharing, if you have empty space, you share it.

If you're going from point A to point B, want to let somebody else hop in there and make some money at it. If you got a home down in the islands and you're not using it six months of the year, why don't you let somebody else use it and you can make money? And they built this whole ecosystem around it. And now there is like an Uber and an Airbnb for every kind of business. The other day I saw the most ridiculous fucking thing I have ever seen in my entire life. And I can't imagine this business is making any money or will make any money.

It is the Airbnb for self storage. If you have space in your house and you wanna rent it out for somebody else's shit, you can do that. How in the fucking good Lord are you gonna rent your bedroom, extra bedroom out for someone else to put their shit there? Yeah, could be weed or cocaine or heroin or a small child to deal with them coming in and out of your house.

Yeah, why would you want that? Hey, you know, I I love to chest the drawers in there. I really didn't I'm looking for my days of thunder CD I'm looking for my days of thunder, CD. Right. I mean, that's how much drama can this possibly cause? Well, what's so hard about actually going to the storage unit place? There's $12 a fucking month. You want to get storage?

Go to the millions of storage units that are out there. That's already kind of a shared space. It's a big building where they break it up for you and you get a little piece of it. I don't understand. I don't get it I can I thought it's too about pools. There was something you could rent out your pool sharing I got in thirty thousand dollars worth of insurance on that pool So that I can make sure to keep people out of it. I know that anybody going that pool

I'm like, oh, you're gonna drown and I'm gonna be like I don't want people over at my pool Well, maybe I do I'm like, oh, you're gonna drown and I'm gonna be a loser. Like I don't want people over at my pool. Well, maybe I do. I don't think, well, yeah, yeah. And then I'm thinking about it, hold on. Hold on, back up. What was that website address? How do you get there?

That's not an entirely bad idea. I saw that you could rent it out for the Olympic swimmers for people who were, when you need to train. Yes, well that was true during COVID. During COVID. Yeah, people were renting out their place so the Olympic swimmers could train or collegiate athletes could train

since all of the places were closed. So if you had a pool and it was heated, like especially during the winter, there were people, they were paying like $10,000 a month for people just to be able to use the pool. Now that's not a bad idea. But that also popped. A good looking guys and girls in my backyard swimming.

I like that. And I just be and girls in my backyard swimming. I like that. And I just be out there in my fat belly. Good for their mom. Lookin' good there. What's up with those bathing suits? I think you can get better aerodynamics if you just slim down the back of that a little bit. Bring a thong next time. You look better. But as storage, you know,

seems to me to be nothing but fucking trouble. And so you'd still an ad for this. Is an ad for this. Okay. Have extra space in your house looking to rent it out. Why not be a storage, you know, why won't be your own self storage thing? And I'm thinking to myself, how many pieces of shit,

how much drama, how much danger, how much drugs? How much cash you've stolen, stolen Rembrandt? I mean, let me go put it in his other guy's house. Let me go put it in my neighbor's house. I've never find it there. I mean, imagine, right? Not to mention people are disgusting and they smell and they have bedbugs and they're all over the plate. And it's like science of the lambs too, you know, with the storage with their bodies in there. Oh, yeah. There's bodies. I'm going to start Airbnb for serial killer.

Story your dead bodies here. Got an extra head rolling around the bedroom, no more place to put those dismembered arms. Come on down to Brian green self-storage stalker cock Brian green stalker cocks a self-storage Perfect perfect This to me I can't imagine under what circumstances you would allow someone to put a bunch empty boxes or other boxes Follow whatever are these people that have all the empty space people need more space. Yeah, people need more space That's why you have so much storage.

That's why people spend millions of dollars building these self-storage. The Airbnb of self-storage is self-storage. That's what the Airbnb of self-storage is. There is no need for this. I can imagine there's a hedge fund out there right now. Like we really fucked up. That's why man brought me.

Hey, DGK, hey, you gave $6 million in these guys? And what of them's your cousin? Right. For sure, without a doubt. Well, I just wanted to keep you informed about all the comings and goings on the internet. I'm glad. We had absolutely, I just want to let you know,

and we didn't talk about now. One thing on this piece of paper. No, it totally went in other directions. That's okay, I like it. I'll keep it. Two friends hanging out, two friends hanging out. Getting plans to get in the metaverse. Having fun with guys, having fun with girls.

Okay, we're making plans for the metaverse. We're making big plans to be a metaverse near you. Come on by. Check us out on Wednesdays. We're in the metaverse. We're in the metaverse. Or we're on fireside, or. Or Clomhouse. Or paypal come on by paypal

Come on down to Brian Green sloppy. What was it? Slavic Joe and such will say It's so much fun to be here with you. I know I love it. Well, where else could I tell my losing my virginity story and have anybody give a shit about it I do captive audience of one Chris. He's like yeah, sometimes it's fun, but most of the time it's torture. I just have to listen to Brian talk Eventually, I love it. You're gonna be I mean we've known each other for a long time. This isn't our first for a 15 years of this right, but eventually you're gonna be, I mean, we've known each other for a long time. I was gonna say this isn't our first foray. That's true. 15 years of this. Right.

But eventually you're gonna be like another aster. Like, she's like, I already heard that story. I heard that one. I'll start this story sometimes that she'd be like, I remember. Yeah, I remember. Well, fuck you aster and Seth and Ebo Ketta. Oh my God, you're in trouble now. Pay attention audience, because Brian always does the call back joke at the end of the show.

Oh, wait, I'm good at that. Okay, here's how it goes. I think that's enough for today. I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. Oh, well, let me tell you, go to TCP5cast.com, you want to Best to you. Best to you. Oh, well, let me tell you, go to TCPpodcast.com.

You want to listen to all the audio. You want to watch any of the video. You want to contact us. Go ahead and do that. If you're up for the TCP Summer Games, let us know at 661-237-8296. We're looking for a bunch of guys, girls, whatever you're into to play some game show games,

TCP trivia games, and dating games. 661 best the number to Y-O-Yo. Let us know, contact us on the website or get us at the commercial break on Instagram and youtube.com slash the commercial break clips every day of the week full episodes two days after they air on audio and just for you TCB in the studio every couple of days. Okay, again, best to you. And best to you, Rhett. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we always say, we do say, we must say.

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