The Commercial Break - In The Log With Hippie Santa!

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Every town has one. A guy who never left Woodstock behind and now he looks like a Hippie Santa Claus. Bryan got invited to world's most terrifying party by his Hippie Santa! Then, The Mountain Monster's fearless leader Buck is investigating another nothing when he gets himself stuck inside a log! Only the MM could find themselves unable to get out of a dead tree. National Park Service has their hands full with Insta-fakesters chasing wild animals NPS now has to issue warnings regarding the licking of toads! DMT is a psychoactive drug secreted by an Arizonan toad leaving them at the mercy of morons! Bryan get's invited to one wild party by Hippie Santa...will he survive? DMT is not a light, fun, recreational drug! Shroom therapy is helping thousands across the world Mountain Monsters are back investigating...nothing? Buck gets stuck inside an empty log The MM decide to call out to the 30000 pound killing monster Bryan and Krissy can't stop thinking about what could have been with MM! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Lululemon.com is for people who like comfort! Watch Us on YouTube Dumb People Town Is a Very Funny Podcast From Starburns Audio Use This Link For Unlimited Talk & Tex on MINT MOBILE! 1.855.TCB.8383  or 661.BEST.2.YO (1-661-237-8296) Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Much Gratitude to Our Supportive Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff Check out Jeff's Mempho Music Fest each October in Memphis TN: Memphofest.com Thanks To Our Associate Content Producers: Big Will The Champ Marianne Duke Luke Thanks For Reaching Out To TCB This Week! Todd G Dave Sydney Natalie Ian Savannah Franklin C Therese Jake Stacy W Amanda Julie Charlene Ladder Man David L Sonny Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, Ikez. It's an important message from your uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and I give you them for free. On this episode of the commercial break... Every town's got one. You know who that guy is. He literally went to Woodstock and never came home. He has some job that you're not really sure what it is.

He's like, oh, I recycled. I recycled old cell phone. Oh, you do? Can I also buy a gram of coke? Sure can. I'd ask myself in the trip to DMT. They're not my children. They're individual human beings born at the end of the earth. They'll be fine on their own. And then if you got to choose between a big scary monster about the Kelia or a really nice sunset, I'm going to take the sunset every time. That's right, Bill. I want to remember. I'm just in it for the craft services. I gotta be on it. Usually, the logs are inside of a book.

Not a book inside of a log, but now I don't know what to do. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, cats again, welcome back to the commercial break. I am Brian Green and this is my co-host and best friend Chris enjoy, hopefully best to you Chris and Best to you BFF Brian, best to you out there in the podcast universe all of our BFFs out there How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this the commercial break

It's not for everybody, but fact news or fiction is guaranteed in 30 seconds or less. Go to the TCV Podcast.com website to collect your earnings. Chrissy. Brian. The National Park Service, as if they don't have enough to worry about with the fires and the people taking pictures of mooses or meases or whatever you call them, like, you know, there's like lots of video out there of... People doing stupid things. People just doing the most idiotic fucking things like literally looking old faithful in the eye. Like I mean you just don't do that right? It's

just not something you do. Or going up to a moose and antagonizing it. You don't do that on it right? When you see a bear you run. You don't stand there and decide you're gonna play with her pups. I mean it it's just the stupidest shit, because people are fucking stupid! And they do the stupidest shit, just to get an Instagram video out of it, and then they end up getting hurt and everybody has to suffer. And the National Park Service is doing the best that they can to keep everybody safe, despite their own idioticity. So, they have to put a new sign up in some parks out there in the Southwest.

And here's why they're putting these new signs up And I shit you not this is what these signs are saying Please do not lick the toads They can be life-threatening and they are an endangered species People are literally stealing the Arizona Sunset frog or whatever it is For this chemical that it has on its skin when it gets threatened, it's called OE5DMT.

It's DMT, but a really potent version of DMT. Like there's a couple, DMT is pretty much everywhere in the world, but in certain quantities, in certain concentrations, it's known as probably the most intense hallucinogenic experience that you can get. And I have done this, and I am telling you right now, there is nothing fucking recreational about this. It is not for recreation. Now, when I got an invite, the first time, to do DMT.

Let me explain to you what that invite was. You're going to meet a clandestine group of people at an undisclosed location two weeks before your ceremony. That ceremony was going to be conducted by an actual shopman who had been cooking up DMT through a vine that they found in South America. I'll just I won't even give him more detail than that. That shaman is going to be doing a medicinal ceremony And you are invited as one of the 15 people that are going to do this

There are going to be paramedics on standby. There are going to be doctors and nurses on standby There are going to be people and I said yes It's like someone said to you. You're gonna come to the best party ever. It's good chance. You're gonna die What do you think? Free cocaine for everybody you, you're gonna come to the best party ever. It's good chance you're gonna die. What do you think? Free cocaine for everybody, but you're gonna die. It's like, so I get to this meeting of clandestine people at a clandestine location, this is many years ago. And the people who are leading the meeting are explaining that you in order to get the full effects of this, you have to fast in a certain way and you have have to do this, and you might be mindful of that, and you absolutely, 100% need to be clear-headed about this, because this is not a recreational experience.

Things you can't expect during the ceremony. I can't help it, I have been so nervous. Chrissy, I was literally throwing up the night before this happened. Yes, it fucks with your head. It fucked with my head because the gentleman who's leading the meeting who had done this previously on a number of different occasions and older gentlemen like an old wise hippie. You know, the guy with the big looks like Santa Claus, but he smokes a lot of weed. Yeah, as a cane and a tie-dye shirt on. And some kind of colorful beanie hat, right?

Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't like you back. Just want to invite you to your own death. Good to see you, everybody. Come on in. Don't worry about it. I'm holding space for you.

Hold space for it. Don't worry about it. So he says things you can expect during the ceremony. You can expect to die a million times during the ceremony. The ego death will happen a million times, but it won't be feel any different than real death. So just know that. Serpents, dragons, the world opening up and swallowing you whole.

Lava, fireworks, firecrackers, lots of fire. You're gonna die in many different ways. Your skeleton's gonna be floating around in front of you and you're gonna have to try and catch it and put it back in your body. It's gonna be fun, but you're gonna get fire, you're gonna die in many different ways. Your skeleton's gonna be floating around in front of you and you're gonna have to try and catch it and put it back in your body. It's gonna be fun, but you're gonna get some clarity out of it. The whole world is gonna change. This was the most intense meeting I've ever had

and everybody else around me looked the exact same. Scared, shitless. Right. It's not a recreational drug. You should not be doing this before you go on party on a Tuesday night. This is not the kind of thing you do. This is super. You reserve. be doing this before you go out and party on a Tuesday night. This is not the kind of thing you do. This is like super.

You reserve. You reserve. A couple of days to do this. Yeah, you reserve. Some people reserve a month to do this. They literally go down to the South American jungle, pay somebody of, you know, $10,000 and they go do this over the course of a couple of weeks and they have multiple experiences in the hopes that they can get some clarity on some trauma or whatever, and some people go down there to kick heroin,

and there's lots of different medicinal uses for DMT. The frog carries that same DMT in a more intense form. If you threaten the frog, rub it on a piece of glass, dry the glass off, scrape it, put it in a bowl, and smoke it, right? Wow. Yeah, or you can lick it, I guess. I don't know what it is.

I saw a video once of a couple of fucking nid mix going out to the Sonoran desert and they find this frog sitting by the one creek that's in the whole fucking desert. They find this damn frog, poor little things just sitting there and they find it and they squeeze it, you know, they poke it in the eyeball and squeeze it a couple times and they rub it on this glass and then they weigh it a couple hours and they, I forgot the exact, you know, they poke it in the eyeball and squeeze it a couple times, and they rub it on this glass, and then they weigh it a couple hours, and I forgot the exact, you know, make up. I don't encourage anybody to do this, but just know this,

at the end they end up smoking it out of a bowl. Okay. The one guy who had been on this adventure to go find people who knew how to do this was a pretty experienced drug user. Like, he was actually kind of scientific about it, right? I don't want to give away all the details, but he was very scientific about, he was a chemist,

and his whole interest was in mind altering substances. That's show on vice. Yes, that's show on vice. Yes, I've watched that show, it's good. So, he does it while I don't. Yeah, he does it while I don't, and then I get to see how terrible it is before I do. Yes, and he's really good at it because he's an actual fucking scientist, right? A little weird, but he's an actual scientist. It's a good show. So on this show, they take this

frog substance, they smoke this frog substance, and there is absolutely zero fun involved. Zero. It is a traumatizing, horrible event event to watch let alone go through. It's disgusting When I did DMT when the moments of clarity that I had it kind of like you went into the hole and then you came back Out of the hole for a moment when you came back out of the hole It was almost like you were totally sober But you knew you were going back in in a few seconds. It was like you kept getting pulled back in right? Okay, yeah when this happened when I woke up We'll call it waking up back into the reality,

I heard people making noises that no human should fucking make. They sounded like a monkey's throat was being slit. It was horrible. It was horrible. Lots of throwing up, there was just disgusting all around. But I did learn a few things.

I sure did. Like, never to accept an invite from Santa Claus hippie to die again. Yes, I learned. The only way you ever learn. The only way you ever learn. So these fucking untrained lunatics are running around grabbing frogs and trying to smoke them because they think it's going to be some kind of religious experience for them.

If you don't die possibly, maybe leave the poor fucking frogs alone. No. kind of religious experience for them. If you don't die, possibly, maybe. Leave the poor fucking frogs alone. No. Don't ruin it for everything. And you know that goes true for every sign that you see. Yes. Wherever. Don't see the wildlife.

If you see that, people have done it. That's right. If you see it, someone has died from it. Don't step too close to the edge. No railing. No lifeguard on duty. There's certain signs that just make sense. You just gotta pay attention.

What's this? Don't lick the frogs. You could incur death, then don't lick the frogs. It's so stupid, guys. Not a beevus and butthead cartoon. It's real life. And if you want to experiment with this stuff, just give it time.

It'll make its way around, dude. Look at this, like a, you know. I got Santa Claus hippie. I got friends that hippie I got friends that are doing shroom therapy right now in the state of Georgia even though it's not legal but there it's like kind of a secret open secret yeah that's a real deal there's a company I should get I'll give them a plug field trip that will like hook you up with therapists who are licensed and allowed to do this you know know, hallucinogenic therapy.

They're not even special cated people who are a special cated. Well, there is a catamene, yeah. The catamene, yeah. The catamene. It used to be called special cated. Oh, I did the clip on Friday. You know, it takes some special cated.

Yeah, I want to get a pulse on the floor for three hours. I did that one time. I had no fucking idea idea what was going on. I was like so far gone. It's a dizzy associative and you're totally out of your body completely. It's not a good look for me. But there are people who are doing the thing. We know.

Who early on were doing this ketamine therapy and it seemed to be working. Something. I mean, shit, the whole other shot. And I should therapy works too. Yeah, absolutely. So, here's my point. Don't ruin it for everybody. Stop stealing the frogs.

Don't eat them. Don't smoke them. Don't lick them. Find a shaman. Pay them. Pay them. Yeah, Google. Save $10,000.

Bring a shaman to your local church. Invite people to their inevitable ego deaths. And have a good time. That's the right way to go about it. Yeah, exactly. It's the right way to go about things. Because when you go on these trips, there are, I mean, it's lines and tigers and bears

are all mine. It's a whole different. What the Santa Claus hippie told me, what he said to us, eventually when I did it, was so fucking true. It was like, he was writing the story before it ever happened. And maybe it was because he put it in my head, but everybody else around me seemed to have the same experience after we got to talk about it.

And the funny thing about DMT is you go in and then you come out. It's like it's not like other hallucinogens like LSD or maybe even trumes in some sense where it kind of you- Glass. You take a hit acid you better strap fucking in for eight hours yeah exactly there's nothing you can do you're go you're going on a trip that's why they call a tripping because you're going on a trip and where it takes you who fucking knows if you're in a bad headspace you're in for a long night if you're in a good headspace you're in for a

longer night because it's the way it works you might way it works. You might do some water fighting. You might do some water fighting down at the bottom of an embassy suite scaring away all the locals. Disney. I just think back on that night and how many people saw it's just fighting with water. Not like splashing each other like two children as a play pin. But like going underwater and like making waves. It was an ego fight with water.

But you know, we have some experience with this stuff. Like we're talking from a place of experience. And DMT is unlike it in that sense. In that sense, you're in for a short trip. It's quick. It's quick. However, it's quick in real time. It's not quick in DMT time.

DMT time, there is no time. It can last for days. You just have no sense of time. It goes on forever and you badly want to get out at some points and at other points you're 100% in. But there's no controlling the experience. It's because you are literally disconnected from your body and in some cases

in a place in your mind where you would never imagine to be. Can that be life-altering? Yeah, sure. Fine, that's great. Are most people ready to have a snake eat their ego over and over and over again? No, they're not! Morgan, who does our video editing? I'm speaking to you right now. Please put a snake. Please put a snake eating bread. And or a Santa beard and tie dye. Santa hippie. Brown, Brian right now. I'm sure there are 10,000 fixtures that you could find.

Santa hippie. Every town's got one. You know who that guy is. That's true. He literally went to Woodstock and never came home. He's never, he has some job that you're not really sure what it is. He literally went to Woodstock and never came home. He's never he has some job, but you're not really sure what it is. He's like, Oh, I recycle. I recycle old cell phones. Oh, you do? Can I also buy a gram of coke? Sure can. You know the guy I'm talking about. Everyone loves him and no one really knows who he is.

You know the guy I'm talking about. Everyone loves him and no one really knows who he is. It's like, yeah, there's so many of those people running around like our larger circle. Absolutely. It's like one guy I'm so. We've been to this guy's farm. I wouldn't even say the name. We've been to this guy's farm 300 times

for Mew's Clandestin Music Festival that spring up out of nowhere. But no one's ever met the guy for real. They just seem pictures of him on Facebook. It's like, oh, that's him. I think I was doing DMT with him. I was licking toads. Everybody knows that guy.

So the bottom line here is guys. And I'm just sharing some knowledge and passing it along to people who are listening. DMT is not to be trifold with. It's not a recreational drug. Don't go and just like willy-nilly start licking frogs because it's likely you're gonna end up at the very least.

In the very least, in a really weird headspace for a pretty significant chunk of time. Because if you're not fully prepared and you don't have people around you that are there. Paramedics. Paramedics. Paramedics were in the room. Paramedics. That should

tell you everything you need to know. There were also scientists, doctors, politicians, executives, like this was like a really weird situation and I was all for it at the time. Now I'm like, I could never do that. I got kids. I got kids. I would end up in the sonorant desert back in my headstate. I'd laugh with that. I'd laugh. I'd laugh in a 50,000-mound yearning to find myself.

I'd ask myself in a trip in DMT. I'd turn out my children, their individual human beings, born of the universe. They'll be fine on their own. Ha, ha, ha ha ha. Yeah. You gotta find your way in life at some point. Everyone goes on their own journey.

What's meant to be isn't meant to be. Oh, it's all the way it is supposed to be. If it happened, it's the way it's supposed to be. Ha ha ha ha ha. If a butterfly flaps its wings into sun, whether it'll let unless it turns rainy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Which by the way, I believe all of it.

I just so talk about it too much anymore, because I realize what an idiot I sounded like. Speaking of monsters and dying and just weird stuff We're getting toward the end of season three. Yes. We've accomplished a lot. We've done a lot. We've seen a lot We've talked a lot. We've laughed a lot and as we come to the end of season three. I just want to give Just like I don't like see the three's been a whole year, right? Yes, but like Seasons with the networks. No, no, no, we don't shit. I mean, not like seasons with the networks.

No, no, no. We don't shit. Yeah, in the only reason- We get full year seasons. The only reason why I change season. Yeah, they don't let us stop this. If you stop, you die. That's what podcasting goes.

It's like a radio show. You just have to keep on going and going and going. There's no end in sight. And the reason why we change seasons it's just so it gives us a creative break so we take a breath just know we'll be interspersing. Last year what we did was we took off from like the week of Christmas through the second week in January and we ran a bunch of best stuff. So we're only doing two shows at at the time at that point. Now we have three shows to fill. Yeah those are the

days. Every reason to want episode of week and freak out about how we were going to get it done. Jesus Christ. We're on hamster wheel now. But what we're going to do for our break this year is we are actually going to be recording live episodes previous to our break and then we're going to be interspersing those with some best stubs and some other stuff, some archival stuff that we've never released. We're going to be interspersing those with some best stuff and some other stuff, some archival stuff that we've never released. We're going to be doing that probably. The stuff that didn't make the cut. Yeah, the stuff that was so bad, it didn't make the cut.

YouTube can listen to. Great. YouTube can find the commercial break unfunny. For the low, low price of. Just listen to our commercials. Yes, we're going to be releasing all the unfunny material as we go into season number four. As a primer for season four, we're going to be unfunny. It can hear people out of that. What's going to change? Yeah, exactly. So don't worry, we've got live content that's coming up through, but season four

probably will not start till the first week in February because why? Because I am having a new baby, and I want to take some time off to make sure that that baby is used to our recording schedule, so everything revolves around this fucking show. It's really good to record.

Hey, shout out! You can hear a lot of screaming in the background, I'm sure. But as we round the corner and we get close to the end of season three, I wanted to touch back on a few of our favorites from season two and from season three. And one of the things I think we've really had a breakout year with is mountain monsters. I mean, you just, we kind of, yeah, we kind of left Frankie B behind for a minute, and then we picked him back up eventually,

but one of the things that filled the void a little bit was mountain monsters. This show is so good, and it's so funny. It's hilarious. So for those of you that don't know, that might be new to the commercial break, I'll say this, like I say every time. The mountain monsters is a show about a bunch of local yokels

that are out there chasing all kinds of monsters. Bigfoot, you know. The lobster. The big lobster. The fire lobster. The cat. Yeah, the walking wearer.

Yeah. The, you know, two story, you know, one-legged figment of our imagination. I don't know. They chase any kind of- I prefer local legends. Local legends. That's right. Whatever the locals are upset, you know. They chase any kind of local legend. Yeah, local legend. That's right Whatever the locals are upset, you know the locals are being chased around by these guys come in Through the years that Chrissy and I have been doing this

We have really learned to come we have really come to believe that mountain monsters is a show It's a parody show. It's a comedy show that some people take way too seriously And we have fallen in love with these group of just lovable hillbillies. Their names are the mountain monsters. And one last time, Chrissy, one last time in season three, I thought we would go back to the building. Something that we find especially funny is that no one actually ever sees the monster. Ever. They got a camera man. It's just. Oh, shucks, guys. I'm sorry. You guys are

headed that way for them chasing that monster. We all saw and I was pointing the camera this way. Yeah, the camera guy can never actually capture stuff. He does capture running. Yeah, the woods. I got that down. But whenever I run, I like to shoot directly into the ground. So what you can see is

just my feet shuffling around. And then if you if you got to choose between a big scary monster about to kill you or a really nice sunset, I'm going to take the sunset every time you see. That's right. That's the last thing I want to remember. I'm just in it for the craft services. I got to be on it. The guys told me to kind of be nondescript about where I pointed the camera. So I'm just listening. Yes. Mountain Dew and Cheetos. That's a super bag of those. I'll do anything you want me to. It's sometimes I'll fuck up.

I'm not always real good at my job. But they keep me on, because you know what? I've never captured a textual image of anything. And for some reason, they think that's just great. Ha, ha, ha. So without further ado, I was trolling on the internet. As you do! As I do like to do!

You know what time it is? It's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break. And I'll keep it short because you already know. 855-TCB-8383. That's 1-855-TCB-8383 is how you get a hold of us directly. It's not a spam text message line. You can send us your comments, questions, concerns, or content ideas all through text message to 855-TCB-8383 if you're brave, leave a voicemail.

We want to know about your favorite moment from season number 3. That's all of 2022. Any episode, any clip, any moment, text us. Please let us know. We've got a special surprise between season 3 and Season 4 and we want you involved. Go to tcbpodcast.com, hit the contact us button, you can also send us a message there, listen to all the audio or watch all the video. Better yet, go to youtube.com slash the commercial break to watch full episodes in a whole new

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And I got us another short clip here of Mound Monsters. These always get banned on YouTube, so don't look for this one. They do? They don't get banned. They get what's called partially blocked or ineligible for monetization. Which doesn't matter. We don't make any on YouTube. We spend a lot of money on YouTube. We don't make any money on YouTube. We don't have the kind of audience that YouTube who wants to reach. I think they consider our content poor quality.

They won't say it out loud, but I've come to this conclusion. I think so too. Plus half of our audience on YouTube is in India. India finds us hilarious. Okay. And so I found out through some research that actually comedy videos like silly, stupid, you know slapstick type comedy videos Do really well in India like people just love that kind of comedy. So I guess we should take

We are we're just assholes People don't like The Indians love us and so you know what I say Welcome aboard. Yeah, welcome aboard to the commercial break. Okay, here we go. Let's find out what the huck and the boys are up to. Huck and buck and chuck and f**k and good luck. I tell you what I hate about Dawn Daytime investigations is not bad.

It's not being able to hide. Right. All of the movie trucks behind us. No, they had about daytime investigations. Our inability to drink. No, we're using the thermal. I know what you mean about that is zeroing in on leaves hey guys I just looks like a bush to me. Oh gosh

That looks like a back door to the devil's bedroom guys. Oh, the back door to the devil's bedroom looks to me like a bush That looks like the vagina of Satan himself That looks like the vagina of Satan himself. This is a dead leaves. Satan is a bec dower kind of man. Sid Jim Morrison. Oh, we need to go in quiet. We just followed that hollow tree. We need to keep your eyes up.

Keep your eyes up. We need to go in quiet. That's what I tell my wife every night. I'm gonna go in quiet. You can fall asleep again if you want to. I'm going in quiet. We got a creep up there and safe that creature's in there. Huckleberry, that's Huckleberry's talking in his listed as security.

Yeah, oh, he's listed as security. He's got a lot of different job titles because he's got a lot of different people. Huckleberry's been killed four times on this. It comes back to life. It's like a bad soap opera where they just keep coming back to life. Oh, listen, listen, listen, listen. There's something in there. Okay. I think it's a squirrel. It's a bird. It's a bird. Notice in all these mountain months there's no background noise. There are no birds chirping. Even they know this is bad television.

Tweetsweet, we're gonna get out of here. Tweetsweet! Hey, come these idiots! Let's go shit on their truck! Believe me, you two go up on the high side guys yells so loud at the camera. They all do. Is that what guy? Him. Yeah, what's the name?

Yeah, I can't. The buck too. The buck too. Steven, the buck too. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. So loud at the camera they all do it that one guy him yeah, what's it? Yeah, I The buck to Buck to Steven I don't know what he's doing. I don't even remember hucking rock. That's all I remember Yeah, we're gonna drop down below We'll see what's in there I'm gonna drop down below. That's what she said!

Wait, this guy to me looks like he could be the... The hippie Santa Claus? Yeah, he's got a gun and overalls on. But that is kind of what the hippie Santa Claus looks like. Long beard, white beard, hats, colorful hat, overalls. Creeped up on this hollow tree is dangerous as hell. Of all the things I would be scared of in the woods, the hollow tree is not one of them. Yeah.

But if we're going to figure out what the hell's in these woods, we need to get up there. If we're ever going to figure out what the hell's killing people in these parts, we're going to have to literally go chasing it into its home. That's the safest plan we've come up with. If you're chasing a mountain monster, like an actual monster, you don't go into its home, you've dated or something. Yeah. You put like a small, I don't know, dead rabbit or something. Let it come out. Like a small, I don't know dead rabbit or something Let it come out Or a live child you don't want or something like that, but you know

You don't just go in there yourself you gotta have some bait We need to get up there. You see that it's dark, it's hail in there. Let me see if I can use light. It looks like it's hell not holler tree. Guys, I don't know if you know this, but the cameras don't work with no light. It's like a completely black. They have guns, they found the monster, they have boots and overalls are prepared for everything. Except one guy's got his iPhone light to go into this tree. I told you, it's like one a bit of it. I don't want junk in there. Yeah, I can deal.

Can't see a pass a turn. I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. It goes, I can't see. Pass that turn up. At least a turtle or turn up. I don't know.

He's so southerned, I can't. I can't. What's this in? What is this in? It's just like a dead wood wall. It's a fucking dead it's a dead tree they found a bush Next to the Walmart They're back there playing pretend I know this is what we used to do as kids

Make shit up wait all these woods in the back of my house and we're always running around just making shit up There's a ghost back there. They're doing the adult version of play pretend. Lost it right through you. I know you guys ain't going to like this but I have an idea. What if we get Willie in that into the log and let me go in this end? That's a lot of point out the obvious but that's a pretty small hole for you to fit in, but The end of the log and then I'll go with this end. You got more rings than that tree does

One guy's gonna go in one end and the other guy's gonna go in the other getting loaded shotguns in hand This creature creatures in here won't get it. Where it'll catch you. Wow. Says the security guy. Oh yeah. That's a chance. We'll take.

That was a man working security on the World's Dumbest Television Program. I have to say I disagree. He'll get you. He'll get you. I'm not dying again. You all got to figure something different out. Yeah I mean, if there's like a 3,000 pound, a seven-foot-told human-eating monster down there and you're just sliding on in his front door, I don't see how I think it could go wrong. Especially when you have to get on the ground

and do like a military crawl to get under there and you yourself weigh 600 pounds. How would you ever get out? It's gonna take me a minute. This is gonna take me a minute. It's the understatement of the year. It's gonna take you a minute. It's gonna take you a minute.

It takes you a minute to walk down the mill kyle at Walmart. It's gonna take you an minute. It takes you a minute to walk down the millkile at Walmart. It's gonna take you an hour to get into that tree. But... He's not been there. Oh, shit. You could... I'm good. What's all taken of now?

Here we... Ah! Box gone Well shit we lost book It was daytime five minutes ago now it's nighttime. What do you say we go crack a beer boys? Well, we lost fucking it unfortunate hollow tree accident Well, we lost Bucking it on fortunate hollow tree accident Meanwhile bucks just like stuck in the tree like hey guys guys

Here's to book he was a good man He climbed up the hall tree he never came back We're not sure what happened we didn wind had bothered to look, actually. We didn't really care. Buck. Oh, shit. Buck. Now it's going on.

I don't know, but I ain't heard no word. You sent a 600 pound man into a hollow tree. What did you expect? Everything to turn out okay? I mean, come on. What happened? He got stuck! You dumb shit!

It's a hollow fucking tree! Not a shopping mall! I kind of walked in the front door of Target. He went under a root to get in a hollow tree. Is that one good thing? But, you alright? Just ain't good. No, it's not. Give me a crawl up in there. Buh! Bill, you got coffee. You got coffee?

Bill, you got coffee? Buck got stuck in another hollow tree. It's gonna be a long night. fucking buck got stuck in another hallowed tree it's gonna be a long night You got coffee you got coffee in this one jaws alive I can open this hollow tree with Then he said should I go in after him? What about the other guy that was physical on the other end? Well, he's up there He's he's up there trying to scare me. There he is I think he said you got a copy like Like, you know, you do copy. Yeah, but it sounds sure it did sound like you got coffee. I figured what we do is we'll pour hot coffee down on Buck's head. If he's alive, he'll scream from the third degree burns.

If not, all we lose is the pot of coffee. We can make more of that. Go ahead, look. Bucks up in this log, and we can't get no response out of him. You're saying good, huh? That's a good one. Bucks up in this log. Bucks up in this log log and we can't. Oh, we don't have a communicate.

Bugs usually drop in logs, but right now he's stuck in a log. I don't know what we just get out the air freshener and a plunger usually. This is kind of a reverse situation. Usually the logs are inside of buck, not buck inside of a log. But now I don't know what to do. You got any coffee, maybe that'll help smooth things out. It works when the logs are stuck in book. Oh man. This is quality family entertainment, right? I don't know why Disney plus didn't pick us up on our last

contract negotiation. Hey, Bob Eiger. You wanna set that company back straight? Get these two idiots out. Were you here or anything? Hello! Willie! Willie!

The V either one and four. He said Willie. His name is Buck. I know. I see you yelling Willie. I don't know. This is a must confusing episode yet and there's a lot of confusing episodes on this huge canine creature We may be picking up pieces for money

Jason Billy Bob! John Jr! Good ad, Mama! Yo! Yo! I'm gonna start shooting in here! See which one he starts yelling! We're seeing where he's saying! No!

Wait! Hey! There's nothing like taking a load gun and hitting the butt of it repeatedly on the ground. I think you feel better about what's going on. By the way, wasn't it light out just like five minutes ago? And now it's pitch black. Oh, you find them? Yeah, they're in the long run here.

Yeah, you can hear me. Yeah, I found them in the same log they went into. Go figure. I was sure I was going to find them in some other tree. Like a secret underground root system. Like the gummy bear cartoon. You remember? Here and there and everywhere.

Where adventures with the gummy bears? Hey, what the hell y'all doing? Can you hear me? What's going on? No! We'll get some Doritos. It's pretty bad daddy. He's-he's been here up to the law. That's right. I got my face stuck in Bucks' ass. It's pretty bad, Daddy. We Yeah, yeah Stuck you what you can't see is it's like some captions came on and it said we're stuck when he yelled

Fuck Chuck we're stuck We hail you serious you stuck Yeah, yeah corner Stop! Damn! Hey! Yeah! Hell yeah! Corner! Holy shit! That's found another man all together! I've never seen that guy! I've never seen that guy either!

So one guy we knew went in and then who came out was another guy all together! A D-Age 20 years and 300 pounds. Really? Oh, bro. Come on, bro. Get that like I got it. Yeah, they can't pull them out of there. Yeah, they can't pull them out of there.

I think just filming this was probably traumatic to everybody involved. I'm glad to see you two swinging dicks. I'm so glad to see you two swinging dicks. That's it. What do you say we go to the locker room and wash off? We'll play a game of Towsnap. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm gonna prove. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little wet. But if you think about it for a second, find me,

dude. If that creature's not in there, where's it at? It could be out here watching us right now. If that creature's not in here, it could literally be anywhere else. That's stupid. Easy, Jeff. I'm about to be out there for you. Yeah, it was a little little far back in there. like a pipe it from here We found a heck of a spot wall or down in there where there's been something big really Nest Big old nest Just the fact that you got in there proves it's a big old net big old nest

What? just the fact that you got in there proves it's a big old nest of what can I'm creatures because canines make a nest it's a dead you don't know that's called a dead smell it oh man well you're gonna smell it on me the rest of the night because I mean it's been peeing back in there and I'm so I literally just shat myself a couple times and I literally smelled it. I mean look at this I'm so I can see there's definitely something big that's been held up in this long. Oh they ain't no doubt about it but whatever it was it's not there right now. I think it's time to back up and punt. We got come up with another idea don't we? Yep. Yeah, we literally spent three minutes on this idea. We did a scientific exploration. That's a log. That's of the log. And what I found was a lot of pee. A lot of pee in the tree, but nothing else.

It's a mystery. Talk this one, I'll talk another one up to mystery. It's probably out roaming tonight, huh? Yeah. Hey, hold on a minute. Let me run this by you, Bruce. Yesterday evening, was that an ill cornfield? Blair and the old predator call, right?

Yeah, Yeah. Cacka! Cacka! There. There. It's the predator call. It's the universal predator call. They were blasting that predator call. AAAAAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAAHHHHH! That ought to get him...

Lure him in. Who fit? We gotta respond, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, tell you, show me break out tell predator call again. Yeah.

What do you say we break out the whole predator call again? This is like playing all the hits with John Elp and John goes up and does 22 songs all of them hit. These guys are going back to the hits. They're going to play the predator call. The response probably came from one of those wives. It was like, it was like, Pick up eggs and milk! Bill, good idea.

Good job, brother. Bill, that's literally the only idea you have ever had. It's the first time we've heard you talk. Without you. He might be on to something, but he didn't yell that time. These predator calls. Bill has a great idea, brother. Cutting edge, brother.

The other day, he's cutting edge. Cutting edge idea. Steve Jowls will be proud. Ha, ha, ha. You're a true visionary there, whatever your name is. Let's just do what we did yesterday. Let's do what we did yesterday. Seems to work dead, maybe it'll work now.

Why didn't you start with that? If you literally got a monster to respond to you because of some silly call, that's how it start every show Seriously able to get a response Back to the side to side right over there. Let's start indiscriminately shooting that things I'm gonna make sure it's saying don't get damage and grab that predator call Easy now go easy brother if we start playing that rabbit and distress call Rabbit and distress also he did not get up gracefully No, this guy tried to run and jump into the truck and he went head first into the tailgate.

We might be able to hear it. Awesome, we know. Yeah, he's doing okay. Hopefully. It's a webbing. There's no star ski and hot cheer. We didn't get a response. What?

They've got those cooler. That's where they keep the Distressed rabbit I guess Rabbit and distress they did not sound like a rabbit and distress Sing I've never heard a rabbit and distress though to be fair Back on track. All right. Let's get mobile. It's just saying. You gotta jump in there and get cruising. I'll hit play We need to track this red dog. We're gonna cruise around like the old blues brothers.

Live, tonight, the my teeth, sir. I know. The creature now. The black is stalking you. That's new, it's Teen Wolf style. Teen Wolf style. Teen Wolf style. Oh, he's gonna is he's gonna car surf

That's not a rabbit. That's a dog being played backwards. I'm not a dumb dumb first of all second of all How you supposed to hear anything when you got that damn tractor running like that and you're playing all those weird team wolf noises? Listen listen Listen That's just me guys. I'm over here trying to figure out which shot I cannot take next You hearing anything back there You guys hear anything I ain't hearing a thing yeah. I don't hear nothing. We're blasting this predator call, but we're not hearing anything.

I thought we're sure this would have... We're literally trying to communicate with some kind of inhumane creature that's never been spotted before on Earth. And we're not getting a response. We try for at least three times. Work. I'm not sure if maybe this predator with red eyes hasn't already moved on.

Well, I get the sense that these guys are way too impatient to ever catch something. Like they, if they always move on. It's one thing that it doesn't work in three seconds they move on. Well, why don't we head up into the woods, out towards that long? Towards that one. Let's go back to my log. I was having fun in there It was cozy around all that canine blood and urine everywhere I want to smell like that forever

Hell yeah, yeah, I think you could idea maybe this creatures move deeper in the woods But to really find out we have no option we have to keep trying He's literally got a megaphone and he's holding it like a gun and he's blasting it all around Backward dog noise And he's blasting it all around. He's like, wait, remember. Got a move on! You got something right through there on all four. Quick, shake the camera, make it confusing everyone you'll rely on! Technology! T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T- and all of a sudden Jeff screamed out that he's got something on the thermal. There's a canine out here, and it's on the move. You went across the screen right down over here.

You went down over the hill? We need to connect. Yeah, just a canine. Just a regular old doggy. Just a doggy dog. Yeah, it's Nico, the ghost dog. After this thing, we need to do it now. We're at, we're at right up here. Watch out, Jim.

What are you doing now? Watch your step. I ain't finding no track, so I'm not looking for tracks. I'm looking for eyes. Careful, Big Buck. We've moved past the track stage. We're looking for eyes. He's certainly going to kill us.

Let's move closer. Careful, bro. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, This thing's about 15 feet long and about five feet wide. Looks like I love Premier. Yeah, oh yeah. Looks like someone had a blowtorch and scorched the earth here. Looks like we can't place what we found the other night there in woods. What did you say? Can you say that again in English? Looks like that place we found.

Yeah, it looks like where someone came to make a bonfire. That's what happens. That's how the earth gets scorched. What are you guys? Rockets scientists. Holy shit guys. I'm going to dragon just stood here and shot climb over to the... That's what I think every time I come up on a bird spot. Well the dragons are back. The dragons are here. Every time I look in my

fireplace I'm like well the dragons got to it. Oh no I made some fires last year that's right. Look how much that bar has been buck. That's almost charcoal. Look at this right here. Look at this. Look at exactly what we talk about. This literally looks like charcoal. That's what wood looks like when it burns. Look at that tree right there. What school saw way up there. How is this even possible? How do things even set on fire? Come on guys, really?

You're making a big deal. You're stretching. You're stretching. But I guess as more times seasons go on, you gotta get more and more creative about what you're worried about. It's like us. Yeah, it's like us.

We keep stretching further and further. Till someday it'll just be a parody of its own show. We're literally going to be doing the commercial break about the commercial break That's a good question buck to get that hot to do what did that stump that's not a control burn You're talking about a flash burn, which is extreme heat. That would take probably a thousand degrees like a dragon 2000 degrees like a dragon. Well, we changed now to the canine monster into a dragon. That's right. Yep. We've got to love those mountain monsters. What do we call this one? I guess we call this one sometimes the logs are in me and sometimes I'm in the logs. Yeah, follow log.

Well, as we round the corner to season, the end of season number three and the beginning of season number four, we'd like to know which was your favorite episode of season three, which began three thousand episodes ago. So do a little light studying. When you get four to five extra months. And the plan was no. Which episode is your favorite? And we, and you can do us a favor, you can write in or you can call and leave a voicemail. And if we do some best dubs over the break, which I'm sure that we will, we can use your voice to introduce those clips. We would love that. We've done that a few times. and so let's go back to that. Sounds good to me. I'll take it off as we go.

Let's look it back, but we didn't yesterday. Let's go back to what we did yesterday. It should be the same thing. That seemed to work. So do us a favor. 855-TCB-8383. That's 1-855-TCB-8383, that's 1, 855, T-C-B-8383, toll free from anywhere in the world. You can text us or call and leave a voice message. Tell us what your favorite episode or clip has been in season number 3 and we may use that in the best of during the break. And remember, we will be doing fresh episodes also.

We're going to be mixing it up this time because we know how much you guys hate festivals. So I'm asking you to help me. That's right, we're gonna spring it on you. It'll be a surprise when you get there. I'll even change the title so you won't know. TcvPodcast.com. That's where you go. Find out more about Chrissy and I. Listen to the audio, watch all the video, and hit the contact us page. That's another way you can get a hold of us and tell us which is your favorite clip from season number 3, tcbpodcast.com, hit the contact us button. You got to do it's a favor.

Go to youtube.com slash the commercial break. Subscribe to our YouTube channel, take your favorite episode from the last five months, and watch it on YouTube since Morgan started editing it. I guarantee you're going to love it. It's completely different and a big thanks to our brand new executive production on the audio side our executive producer Christina. So big thanks to her. I finally get to see my family again. I'm not sure they want to see me but I'm there. Chris, I guess that's all I can do today. I think so, right? So I love you. I love you.

And best of you. And best of you. And best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say. Bye. Bye.I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm a girl, I'm so tired