The Commercial Break - Is This Landing?

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

Episode #615: Oh, Zan. He can’t make a point, but he certainly can make up some crazy stories. Bands whose names we can't spell Frankie Valli Politics at The Villages Touring John Zan! Killing time on stage Is this landing with you guys? There was no self help EVER until now! A knife on my side and a rifle on my back at 13 Davy Crockshit A wilderness movie theater No books for ten years The Alabaster Girl Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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For free assistance, call the Connects Ontario Helpline at 1-866-531-2600. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. You see this smile, Betty? It's not really a smile. It's the lead on a screen. On this episode of the Commercial Break.

I'm Trapper Trapper. That's what they call me. Trapper John. MD. My television show just got canceled. But I'm trying to trap some beavers. Would you like to help me? Young 13-year-old boy in the middle of the woods with no parents but a gun on his shoulder.

And we became fast friends and maybe lovers. But I'll get to that point in therapy later. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green and this is the King Lizard and my lizard wizard, Kristen Joy. Hello and best to you, Grizzly. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. King Grizzard.

Yeah. And the lizard wizard. That's Yeah. And the Lizard Wizard. That's right. Taking the world by storm, apparently. Goose, King Lizard, and the Lizard Wizard. I can never remember how to say it correctly. Crongbin, have you heard Crongbin? Of course, I love Crongbin.

I love King Lizard too. Yeah, they just did the Fox Theater for two nights. I wish I was able to go, but I'm not feeling well enough to go, but Crongbin did. L'Automne. L'Otham? Out of LA? And they donated all the money they made from that to the, to help the... People in Asheville?

...field from the storm. Good for them. Congratulations. Yeah, what a, what a fascinating band to watch. Yes. Like, just to watch. Their videos are mesmerizing to me. I've seen them live before too. Oh, you have? It's a great show. I don't think I've've seen them live before too. Oh, you have? It's a great show. I don't think I've ever seen them live.

Yeah. That Laura Lee. Oh. She's so cool. I mean. That girl like that sex appeal just rolls off of her. And the way that she moves is just amazeballs. Plays the bass, has amazing outfits and cool wig.

You know who was my favorite? favorite where wigs, you know Yeah, yeah, they have to with a hair like I mean you can't know you don't have hair like that naturally Or if you do you're like she does and then the lead singer guy to or the lead guitarist. Oh The lead guitarist that's their natural hair. No, no, they're okay. Okay, I assumed I assumed but I didn't know for sure But I thought to myself that hair is just way too good. It's way too perfect to be real hair. Which I guess I saw it too, no, sorry, but I read an article that said they started doing that

because then they could go out into the audience afterwards and watch the rest of the shows or whatever, like if they're at a festival or- Good idea. Yeah, it was like kind of a disguise. Yeah, that's a good idea. There's that other band that plays very similar music, and I do not understand how to say their name,

Grizzaz, Grizz, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they wear the masks, and they have the big sparkly outfits on, and they are also mesmerizing to watch too, and their music is equally, I mean, I still like Grungben better, but I think it's equally as fascinating. It's like a wild mix of Middle Eastern rock, jazz, prog rock.

It's really out there. If you haven't heard it, don't ask me how to spell it because it's really confusing. Both those bands' names, I couldn't spell if you ask, K-H-R-A-U-G-B-H-I-N or something like that. Yeah. And a lot of new great bands hitting the scene. I feel like we went through a lull there, early, late teens, early twenties,

where I didn't find a whole bunch of new music that I liked. That's probably not true, because I could probably recall some of them. But now there are some really unique and talented bands I just love listening to. And I feel like I'm in love with music a little bit now, where I haven't been maybe in the last, like, I don't know, maybe during the pandemic-ish, at the beginning of the pandemic, even before that. Not a great band's out there. So I don't know why I'm saying this to you,

but I just felt like it. And then there's that Frankie Valli who they keep running out onto stage. Have you seen this? Frankie Valli? Let me Google this for you, because this is highly disturbing. Everybody in the audience right now, Google or Instagram Instagram, Frankie Valley. Pull over, or don't pull over, just, you know, get a ticket, Frankie Valley. Okay, Frankie Valley, here he is. Look at how highly disturbing this is. this is. Look. I was gonna say I thought he was elderly. He's 90. Oh my god. Is he singing that or is that lip-syncing? There are so many, this is the most confusing thing in the world. I would call myself a professional lip sync finder. I know, I always know. Like if I watch our video and we are a millisecond off, I know, and it bothers me and I have

to go fix it. Like the audio and the video married together. If we're a millisecond off, I know, I know that my lips aren't moving exactly in sync. It happens on the TV sometimes. Astrid's like, I don't even know what you're talking about. And I'm like, oh yeah, there's the audios a second behind the video or whatever. I consider myself a professional lip sync finder. And I can tell, just give me five seconds of video of someone singing and if they're lip syncing, I will figure it out. And I'm sure there's a lot of people out there like this too. I'm always paying attention to a singer's lips because I don't know, I will figure it out. And I'm sure there's a lot of people out there like this too. I'm always paying attention to a singer's lips, because I don't know, I just

like to watch that. It's always been fascinating to me. Frankie Valli, the microphone seems to be picking up everything that he is doing the way his lips are moving. But if you've now watched this, if you paused and watched Frankie Valli as of late in a live show, he's on tour right now, he doesn't really move his mouth. Now it doesn't look like it. He doesn't open it. I wanna say a man, man, man, man, man, man, man. But the microphone seems to be picking up exactly what little lip movement is going on.

First of all, how are you 90 and singing in that register is my question, because your voice starts to go. At some point, your vocal cords start to fray. That's just part of getting old. Just listen to my crazy crappy shitty voice. But then on top of that, he just looks like a dead person walking. He does. Like, he really does. He can't move a lot. And so many people are debating this. And Frankie came out with a statement, and also so many people are saying, why are you keep on pushing Frankie out on stage?

Clearly he's not well. Clearly he needs to be resting and relaxing. And he put out a statement saying, you know, we put on an amazing show, we have lots of professional singers and professional instrumentalists and professional stage crew and that, and he was kind of addressing the lip syncing thing, but he never really said whether or not he was lip syncing. He just said, we layer our vocals. Well, yeah, I was gonna say there's gotta be a back.

There's somebody behind the curtain that has to be singing a little bit louder. But the other thing I've noticed is there's auto tune in there too. It's not his natural voice. They're auto tuning him. And so, but I do think it's a little bit of elderly abuse because he's 90. He shouldn't be out there like that. Maybe he wants to be. Maybe. Do we really, at 90, do you even know what you want? Like, ah, I mean, honestly, let's be honest about it. Biden's 83, what, 83, 84? Biden's 84. And, you know, we all saw that debate. We all, we couldn't look away. It was kind of a trainwreck, because as you get older, that's just what happens. You revert back to some weird childhood stasis with your body all weird. And the reality is,

for Frankie, he should be relaxing and enjoying the fruits of his labors. But I think some, you know, his estate is probably saying, you could do this, Frankie. Get out there, Frankie. You're gonna love it, Frankie. He's 90. He can't move. He can't move his mouth. He's 90. It's like Jimmy Carter, you know, when they rolled him out there with his mouth wide open, there's like flies going in. And I thought to myself, that's a beautiful moment for the family, but do the cameras really need to be there? Come on.

I mean, let's give the guy some dignity. He's a fucking... He's 100. He's 100. He built 50,000 houses for people that needed them. I mean, the guy's a legend. It would go down as one of the best former presidents ever. Yes. Frankie Valli is just going to go out as the guy who had weird lip syncing auto tune going

on in the last years of his life. I don't know, go out with some dignity. Poor Frankie. That's my opinion. I don't like Frankie Valli in the Four Tops. I never have. I don't. Is it Frankie Valli in the Four Tops? Well, because you're not from the fifties? Fifties? Yeah, fifties. That's the music that plays the Four Tops? Well, because you're not from the 50s? 30s? Yeah, that's the music that plays in my mom's senior citizen home when I go in there. It's like, you know, eh.

We're going to have Alice and James and ours. I know. Oh, yeah! Oh, I'm still alive!" And my kids are going to be walking through going, what's this fucking shitty ass old music? I mean, at least play some Crongbinn. I mean, come on! Put it together. Get it together in here. You know what I'm saying?

Get it together in here! Get it together! The villages. Yeah, the villages. Oh, that village is wild down there. together in here. You know what I'm saying? Get it together in here. Get it together. The villages. Yeah, the villages. Oh, that village is wild down there. Have you even seen the video that's coming out of there?

I mean, I've seen some to do with the politics. It's politics. There's now like a big Harris Trump, there's going to be a civil war down in the villages. But I was watching a video, it was like, the villages, Wednesday night, right? And the guy walks, he must walk a quarter of a mile. And it is golf cart to golf cart. I mean, inches, one inch between each golf cart just parked. The raging party? Just parked. They're all out to ease like 5.15 and they're all in the restaurants eating down in the villages before they go and snort crystal

meth and screw each other to death. Bend the world over us, as our boy would say. Our boy, John Zahn would say. It's just insane. I applaud it. I think it's great. I think this is what Frankie Valli should be doing. He should be riding his golf cart around, partying with those people down in the villages, because he'd be a legend down there. He'd just be like a legend, you know? Oh, he'd be the hit. Oh, he'd be bending everybody over.

He can't bend over, but he can bend somebody else over. They can bend over, he can get at it. I don't know if he can move his hips so well. I don't know if he's got that thrusting, penetrating thing that you need to kind of get that Jean-Zan energy, but you know what I'm saying. Like that's where he should be, in my opinion, that's where he should be. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I was reading up on the kind of like the touring industry, right? And how 2022 shows come back a little bit with some rules and stuff like that. People go bananas. They're buying tickets, they're spending tens of thousands of dollars to see back a little bit with some rules and stuff like that.

People go bananas. They're buying tickets. They're spending tens of thousands of dollars to see T-Swift in 2023 and 2024. Every ticket is being bought, no matter who you are. You'd be the shittiest band in the world and you were getting a full house because everybody wanted to come back and do something and be in this kind of social collective and feel people and touch them and experience something. Yeah, and a lot of people actually had money to spend too. Yeah. But 2024, starting in spring, has not been so kind to the touring industry. A lot of festivals

have been canceled. A lot of shows have been canceled, including Jennifer Lopez. Like, she couldn't even get a tour to be financially, you know, solvent. She had to cancel her tour. And so, I was reading up about Pearl Jam, because I like tour. And so I was reading up about Pearl Jam, because I like Pearl Jam, and I was reading up about their latest tour and how some people in Europe, the European shows were attended, but not as well as the American shows

where it's like sell out, sell out, sell out, sell out. They were sold out, but barely. Like they would get sold out like, you know, 10 minutes before the show or something. That ticket sales were not as hot there because people in Europe were like, I'm not paying $400 fucking dollars to see Pearl Jam. And the Pearl Jam tickets have now gotten super expensive too, because as people get older,

they get more expendable cash, they become more settled in their life. They're able to pay $500 to see Pearl Jam and Wrigley or Pearl Jam and Philly or whatever it is. But also there was an interview where they were asking the band, like, hey, do you still like touring? And the bassist, Jeff Aument, said, wrong question. And some people on this messaging board were saying that Jeff, for almost a decade, has been saying, not my favorite part of the job. It's not my thing. I don't mind being in studio. I don't mind making music. I don't mind going out and doing a live show every once in a while. Touring, not my favorite thing.

It's got to be a grind. They've been doing it for 30 years, 30 plus years. They've been just going tour after tour after tour with few breaks. They've taken breaks with few breaks. And now they're on another tour supporting the album. I think it's almost finished. Some people were saying like, listen, the reason why ticket prices might be so expensive too is because they know they're getting toward the end of that touring phase of their career, that they might just now do special shows here and there. Like a couple shows in Wrigley a year,

or Eddie Vedder puts on this Ohana Fest where now Pearl Jam is taking to playing every once in a blue moon. Just go to the Ohana Fest, just do Wrigley, just do Philly, just do, you know, whatever, just do these special shows. And a lot like Phish has done. They've gone from doing, you know, 280 nights a year to like, I don't know what it is, 40, 60 nights a year, but they're all events and people like to go to them and they, you know, they want to see them. The special thing. They don't have to be out the road so long. They don't have to like expend so much energy. They don't have to get, you know, plane, bus, cab, whatever, limo, whatever it is. And so, that seems to me to be like a natural let's wind it down. These guys are in their 50s now, Pearl Jam is, they're in their 50s,

so is Phish. They're in their 50s, they're lucky they're all still alive, you know, as the song would say, they're lucky they're all still alive. This just seems like to be a natural wind down of age, like, hey, I- Until you hit 90. Yeah, until you hit 90. That's right. But I mean, I can- Back out on the road. Like, if you're 90 and you're Eddie Vedder and God love all those guys are still alive. I think Jeff Auman is closer to 60 actually. I think he might be 61 years old. If they're

all still together, like get together every once in a blue moon, play the villages or, you know, whatever, like play a show that you unite for. But to be out on tour like Frankie Valli is, I mean, the guys that are in their 50s don't even think that's kosher. They're starting to wind down too. He's in his 90s. He shouldn't be doing a 60 night tour. That's fucking insane. That's like those Eagles at the sphere. I noticed there's not so much footage coming out. You remember when the dead play and every other fucking reel was about how, you know, rich people went to the Sphere to see the Dead, night after night after night.

And Phish, every fucking video on my Instagram for two weeks was nothing but Phish Sphere. And then who were the first ones to play YouTube? Well, they had the cool visual part, which the Sphere is very, I mean that's the main attraction. That's why you go. Is the visual, yeah, part of it.

And if you can see your favorite band there too, cool. But I did wonder when I was there, because I did get one of those dead nights, but I did wonder when I was there, I was like, what are the Eagles gonna do for their visual part? I saw one reel. I mean, you could do a big Hotel California,

driving down life in the fast lane, I don't know, but I can't think of anything else you could do really. They did like, you know, Hotel California, they did like, you know, Coastal Views or something, or that's what I was reading. For Boys of Summer, it's like two people in a pool doing like a, you know, a robot, what do they call them? Aqua Ballet or something like that. Not exactly like the most stunning.

Now then again, I don't know if the Eagles crowd is taking LSD and, you know, drinking Special K and just getting themselves fucked beyond belief, or a lot of the other shows you might. But the Eagles have been on a goodbye tour since 1999. And if you think that's a fucking joke, go look it up. They really have. It's crazy. They keep on going on tours. Shut up about how we were laughing about that because I said, why do people keep saying farewell tour or goodbye tour? He was like, I know people are just going to be like, this is the last show, maybe. Jared Slauson Yeah, maybe. Yeah. That's what we're going to say.

Our final show, maybe. Beth Dombkowski Final tour, maybe. Jared Slauson Final maybe show. Maybe our final show. You want to get the tickets while they're still on sale, which they will be. Don't worry. Yeah, I don't get it. But hey, listen, far be it for me to tell people how to make a living. But I think the Pearl Jam thing sounds...

Listen, if you think I'm going to be doing this show at fucking 90, you're right, because we get about $50 per episode. And if I want to keep my kids in school and my wife and I want to be fed, then we're going to have to- Well, because your youngest will just be, he'll be still young. My youngest will be seven and then I'll still have to get her through high school. It's kind of true. I have so many kids at such an old age.

I mean, I'm not old, whatever, but you know, you get the point. I didn't have them at 20. I waited until later on in life. I waited until I found my dearly devoted. 11. 11, sorry, that I was devoted to. Oh, right. And speaking of, for the last two episodes we've been doing, Jean Zahn, we're trying to get to it. We're hoping he makes a point in anything he says. He's finally starting to talk about actually speaking to a woman.

Meeting a woman. After 30 minutes of babbling nonsense. Yes, philosophizing. Rocking chair philosophy. Telling us how he's going to avoid talking about social issues while talking about social issues. Just skirt around him. Just skirting around him. Just go around him. The guy is basically just bullshitting his way through the first half of this. He's now finally getting to some meat and potatoes that a Plois artist, I would imagine, should, which is telling people how to pick up women. And so we feel like we're going to give this a shot. We're going to give it another two

segments, probably another 12 minutes of Zahn talking. And we'll see if he can make a point. Now, don't blame us if this goes sideways. We'll try and make the best of it, okay? You're getting episodes, even though I'm probably have my neck cut open and Chrissy's still hung over from Manfo three weeks later. We need to get that Z-biotics really quickly. Yeah, we do. Oh, no shit. Sorry, I couldn't perform that miracle before you left. But anyway, we'll talk about that more in November. Okay, let's take a break and then we'll be back with Jean Jaune.

I know this sounds crazy because we are a podcast, but we have a phone number because we are also a Sendian AI chatbot being designed to receive compliments and content ideas at 212-433-3TCB. So crazy how that works. If you want to follow us on Instagram, our handle is at the commercial break and our TikTok handle is at TCB Podcast. So go find our profile and watch the videos we painstakingly put together for you and our 20 other followers. If you find yourself wanting more, check out our website at tcbpodcast.com because you can find all of our audio

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All right, let's see where he goes with this. Jean Zahn. He revealed, because his stage name is Zahn. So, but he revealed throughout the course of his ramblings earlier that his first name is actually John. John. And his middle name is Zahn, so John Zahn. John Zahn. That's what his parents named him.

Bitcoin. Hot spare. All right, let's do it. Hot swap. And that's all you need. He just got done saying that he went, all you have to do is go up and talk to a woman and declare convincingly, I find you attractive and I wanted to meet you. Aristotle's first principles are, start with what you know is true. So by saying to yourself, that girl's attractive, that's true. Saying to yourself, I want to go meet that attractive, that's true. Saying to yourself,

I want to go meet that girl, that's true. And then just go up to her and tell her those two things, you're hot, I want to meet you. I'm going to power down now. So I'm watching the timer. I'll get some water. I'm watching the time. You're trying to figure out how much bullshit you're overnaming. Like, shit, I've got to film. Shit, let me drink some water. That'll kill three seconds.

By the way, Ben there done that on stage. Ben there done that. You know you've lost them. They're nowhere. You're confused. You don't know what you're saying. And you're like, well, let me take six big gulps of water into the microphone and that should settle things down a little bit. I wonder if they could see the incredibly big armpit stain of sweat in my dark blue shirt.

Is this lining with you guys? Yeah, because I haven't heard a word out of anybody. Any three of you. Neither of you has said anything. How are you feeling? Hundred percent said one guy. Did you hear that? One guy said 100%. Okay.

Let's listen again. Real close. Is this landing with you guys? Yes. No, they said yeah. Wait, he said 100%. Did he just fart? He just farted.

Ha ha ha ha. Justify. Ha ha ha ha. I'm fascinated by the concept of, I'm writing another book right now. Go back to meeting women. Yes. Oh, man. Is this landing with you guys?

Anyway. I'll tell you briefly here. I'm writing this book. I've been struggling with it for a long time. I've got a lot of notes and a lot of words written and I see it in my head. And if I can get this book out the way I feel it, that I'm envisioning it, I will love it. Probably more than the Alabasta Girl, I would love it so much if I could get this book out of me. But however I keep playing Mortal Kombat.

But however I can't stop playing Romanian Mortal Kombat Call of Duty on my computer. Barbara! Barbara! Get my book of notes about my book. I could see just like that paper pile in our studio, just like a pile of papers with random notes. Aristotle! Rocking chair. pile of papers with random notes. Aristotle, rocking chair, and a best-or-girl. Oh, I already wrote that one. David Lassner Prolific. I'm not a blogger. I don't write a bunch of essays, right? So I pick at it and look at it, oh, but I think I'm going to break it into two books. Jared Sussman

Oh, great. Lauren Ruffin Great. Jared Sussman Yeah, I can't wait to hear more rambling. Lauren Ruffin Because I'm writing this, I want to write a, it's two different concepts. One is the concept of men, what I'm talking about here now, a man talking to his younger self,

what I would have liked to hear from that future self. Jared Sussman Where's the Amazon pre-order link? Danielle Pletka Please, please tell us about your goals. Jared Ranere Okay, now tell us about book number two. I bet he never gets around to it. You know? So I'm thinking about breaking it into two books. The idea of self-help, which is, imagine

this, we didn't have self-help in all of history. Jared Ranere Oh my God, you are so wrong about this. Danielle. I know. Jared. How to win friends and influence people or something like that? Danielle. Oh, yeah. Jared. How to influence people and win friends, I forget how you said it. Danielle. Yeah.

Jared. That was written by Rockefeller. Was it written by Rockefeller, I think? Like a hundred years ago. Do you think Jesus Christ might have been about self-help? Danielle. Yeah. Jared. Jesus, Jones, have mercy. That is the dumbest statement you have said so far and there's been a couple doozies. It's new, I think. I think. That sounds like us.

Yeah, I think, yeah. Spouting facts. This is Brian Greene giving a speech. The concept of podcasting started in May of 2020 when commercial break broke new ground. Is it not new? I think. I think? I think. What's her name? It's Crongbin, isn't it? I think. I actually looked it up

because I kept going to Kharagobind. David We have this idea that before I can be standing on this earth as a well-rounded, confident man, I have to resolve my childhood because my childhood sucked. Had all this abuse and all this stuff happen to me, I've got to resolve my childhood, so I have to go to therapy, I have to medicate, which is our modern theme. He looks like he's on medication actually. But think he really does. Those eyes have not opened more than half-masked the entire time.

Give it this way. There has never been a happy childhood in any culture in any century. God! What? Geez, that's kind of a depressing statement. I mean, you're right, but that's kind of a depressing statement. I mean, you're right, but that's kind of a depressing statement. I think childhood in general is rough because it's developmental, and you go through rough periods where you just don't know what to do with yourself,

who you are, what the world around you means. It's not meant to be easy, dude. That's why therapists are therapists. Jared Sussman All childhoods were broken. The children were hungry. Disease, famine, migration. Mother gets, can't feed herself because she's feeding the children. Sister gets dragged away and raped. Dad gets dragged off to war. Jared Sussman What? What a depressing view. No, I was thinking more about my daddy didn't love me when I scored that goal. I know, right? He was at the game.

Second game of the playoffs in U7 soccer. No happy childhoods in all of history. We're the first generation says I have to resolve, I have to come to terms with it. All other children in history said, well, okay, that sucked. I'm out. I'm out of here, man. They go build cities. Jared Suellentrop Have you built your city yet, Chrissy? Chrissy I have not. Jared Suellentrop You know what? All together I built this city. I built this city on rock and roll.

We're the only ones that navel gaze and say, no, no, no, how come nurture me, nurture me? We're the only generation that does that. Imagine this. You say to me, oh, yeah, I went on an adventure. I traveled, I backpacked across Europe for a year. That's not an adventure. You went from ATM to ATM.

You could all call mom if you run out of money. What is he talking about? I have no idea where we're going, but now I think we're not gonna get a point. I know, exactly. I mean, it's funny. We were rooting for you. We were rooting, you almost had a point. And then

you started talking about your two part book. Yeah. And you only had one part. And now you're talking about going from ATM to ATM on a backpacking through Europe. That's an adventure. Adventure doesn't need to be qualified by danger, dude. That's not it. Yeah. 300 years ago, those young men would go into the sea in a wooden ship. They had no medical insurance. They didn't have their savings saved up. They just went one way. They don't know where they're going. We have to have everything all plotted and planned and comforted, comfort, comfort. So the second part of my book is dedicated to learning how to build a ship to go one way somewhere you don't know. Sands Medical Insurance.

Sands Medical Insurance, ATMs, and pussy. The comfort. We have so much comfort around us and we complain the most. And we say, I'm a victim and I need counseling and I'm not against careful counseling where it's needed. Right? Right? Right?

Am I right? Is this landing? Are you all in therapy yet? Careful. Careful counseling. Be careful with the counseling. It gets dangerous out there. Careful counseling.

Like he's qualified to tell you what to do. I know. But I tell you, self-help. Twenty years ago, I said the number one genre of books in the world is romance novels. That was true back then. You know what it is now? Self-help books. Everybody's got those books on their shelf.

And you can always buy another one. You don't read them. So before 2020. Yes, before 2020. Before 2003, there was no self-help. None. It was romance. Zero.

And the number one was romance novels with Fabio on the front cover. Because I got the answer right there. Right within, I have it. Oh, this one right there, right within. I have it, oh, this one, yeah, this one. I'll buy this one too. And we have a little affirmations and a little Facebook thing that we stick on.

I think Harper Collins is knocking down this guy's door to get at this book concept. $10 million advance on this concept. Oh yeah, you got a huge advance. You don't need it. You know what? Wait, hold on. Would PUA, would seduction coaching, would romance, whatever you fucking call it that makes it sound a lot more slick than it is. Wouldn't all of those books, videos, cassettes, seminars, conferences, wouldn't those fall under the self-help category? Yes. Yes. I had a broken childhood, I won't even go into that. I left home when I was 13. You already told us.

You just told us. I think this guy should check his parathyroid. He needs to check something. I think he's got high calcium. I went into the wilderness. I'm not even going to go into it, but you've gone into it. Yeah. I'm not going to even go into it because I just went into it. But here's what happened. Yeah.

But here's what happened. I went into the wilderness. At 13. At the wilderness. At 13. At the wilderness. In my suburban home in Michigan. Between the 7 and 11, in my school, there were some woods. And I went in there. The wilderness. The wilderness.

I've been into the wilderness too. The wilderness, it's not like the Appalachian Trail in Maine is the wilderness. Yeah. Already in the wilderness, I went further into the wilderness, no electricity, no running water, had a knife on my side, a rifle on my back. At 13? Yes, by the way, I have never been- A rifle on my back.

On my rifle on my back, knife in my pocket. A victory like Davy Crockett. A victory like Davy Crockett. Davy, Davy Crockett. King of the little old woods next to his house. 13, 13, by the way, I have never been into any farm, forest ever where there's running water or electricity. I think that's why they call it the forest. Other words, otherwise you're at the magic kingdom.

John Terry I was a kid, teenager, and I helped a trapper named John Terry run a trapline. That's what I did. Jared Sautner A trapper named Trapper. Beth Dombkowski I ran away and helped and assisted a trapper. John Terry A trapper. Beth Dombkowski and helped an assistant, a Trapper.

A Trapper. The Wilder does. Yes. Run of a pound of cocaine. I know how to survive in the wilderness. I had to start a fire with my hands. You know how to catch a fish with my hands. You catch a fish with your hands?

Have you seen those people, the mud? Yes. Mud, whatever they call them? Oh God, yeah, the catfish thing? Yeah, that's... Why? I don't know. Leave them alone. Why are you sticking your fist down?

Why are you sticking your fist in a fish mouth? I don't get it. 200 miles away from any civilization. 200 miles away from civilization? I call bullshit. I completely call bullshit? I call bullshit. I completely call bullshit. Yes.

Nothing but a knife and a weapon on your back and a rifle on your back. How did you get there? Did you take a cab? Because you know how long it would take you to walk 200 miles into the woods? At the least 20 days. By yourself at 13. Then that's when you find the Trapper? Yeah, that's, hey, just 13 year old John's on with my gun and my knife and my shitty drawers.

He has a mark for me? Yeah. Oh, look there. Yay. Old ye man. Hey, friend. Hey, I'm Trapper Trapper, that's what they call me. Trapper John, MD.

My television show just got canceled, but I'm trying to trap some beavers. Would you like to help me? Young 13 year old boy in the middle of the woods with no parents but a gun on his shoulder. And we became fast friends and maybe lovers, but I'll get to that point in therapy later. 200 miles. 200 miles? Are you kidding? That's from, that's here to, you're past-making, that's here to Savannah. Where in the world were you? Canada? Like in the north of Canada? No, not 200, 60 miles away, sorry. Oh, oh, oh.

I get those numbers mixed up all the time. I even call bullshit on 60. I say six miles away from civilization. Enough way, it's a major trip to go into town to get supplies. And I helped with the track a 60-mile journey That's six days, dude. I Mean if you're walking that's six days My formal education ended at 13, I have not gone to school since 13 years old when it doesn't show well

That might explain some things here Well, I know. That might explain some things here. I'm an uneducated bum. I was a homeless bum too for a long time as I was traveling. At 18, I looked around and realized there's no girls. I got to get out of here. I love girls. I love ladies. I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue here and 3,000 miles into the

wilderness because I love large lady lumps. I looked at Trapper and I said, you don't have a vagina. I'm outski. I'm going to start my 300 year hike out of these woods. And I came out into the world and I was completely unequipped socially. I was the most needy. Yeah, hanging out with Trapper for five years. I don't know Trapper, but I can only think. In the wilderness. Six hundred yards from your house.

God. Can you imagine you're being your parents and he's like, where did John Zahn go? I just saw him. He's in the front of the neighborhood with that weird old guy who pretends he's trapping beavers. We live in Detroit. There's no beavers. The most needy, petty, sticky. Sticky? What happened out there in the wilderness? What happened out there in the wilderness? He might have been at a party in the woods. Yeah, that's true. I've been 200 miles in the woods. Jared S I got my understanding from movies, which romantic comedies, you know, which is the guy, the nice guy who always wins at the end. And I don't think so. Who is he watching the romantic comedies with?

The Trapper? Yeah. And then first of all, they didn't have electricity. Yeah, no electricity, no running water. Things aren't adding up here. But we had a wilderness movie theater that was built by the bears. And every Friday, all of the wild creatures would get together on a big log. They loved rom-coms.

Yes, and they would put the projector up against the trees, and we would watch, we would watch shallow howl together. I came out of the wilderness not having any social skills, just only having watched rom-coms. Rom-coms. With Trapper. Yeah, it makes themselves sound like one of those wolf boys boys they found in Canada that was raised by wolves. Yeah. But they had direct TV, I guess. I'm not sure. So I was really that guy and I, yeah, it's embarrassing, you know, back, you know, the movie Hitch where he's, yeah, he's looking, he flashes back to his college days and he's got braces and

the girl's getting into the car with the cool guy and he's like leaning against the window crying, I'll be there for you. I saw that in the movie theater and I was like, because I did the exact same thing. How convenient for the story! Now listen, I love a good yarn too, and I tell a good yarn, alright? So I'm not casting dispersions. But I do have to say, I mean, I think I wrap it up, right? I started at the beginning and it might take me a while to get there.

Most of the time. You do at the beginning and end. And a point. Yes. 63% of the time I wrap up my stories. I meant 16% of the time. Sorry. Okay, let's take a break and then we'll come back with what has got to be our final segment with John Zahn. I've lost all faith. There's no chance he's getting to a point. He's gone way off the bat into the wilderness with

this story, if you will. Yeah, with Trapper. Okay, we'll be back. Okay, we'll be back. Call me, beat me if you want to reach me at 212-433-3TCB. If you have any comments, questions, compliments or content ideas, that's 212-433-3822. You can also find us on the interweb at tcbpodcast.com, which is where all of our audio and video lives. So check it out and then while you're at it, you can follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. That's all for now.

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Copyright 2024, Mondelis International Group. Whoa. All right, we'll get to that on a different episode. Yeah, we'll let those details come out. We keep the news on sometimes in here. Breaking news, but I don't even want to talk about it because we're with Jean Zahn. So here we go. All right. I have an image of me. I'm not kidding. This is embarrassing to say, but I have exact same thing. I'm crying. Probably 20 or 19 or something. She's getting on the back of a motorcycle with this girl I was dating, getting on the

back of a motorcycle with some cool guy and he's like, who's this guy? Who's this loser? She goes, I don't know this guy. She said, I don't know, let's just go. Yeah, she's like, I have no idea. He came out of the woods behind the bar, all sticky. I was like, hey dude, you okay? And he was like, I love girls. And I'm saying, I know, I'll be here for you when you come back. Yeah, I was the quintessential nice guy

who's... That's the way you want to think of yourself. I tend to think he might've been the quintessential weird guy. Yeah, weird guy who started getting weird thoughts about women, started following random plaz around. You picked up the wrong book, dude. You picked up the wrong self-care book. You should've gotten something like Dwayne Dyer or something. Start easy, go easy. And so I'm talking to that young guy. He doesn't have to be that way. You don't have to buy into any of the modern discourse. There's a better, beautiful message. My thesis, well, I'll say it this way. Nietzsche said, God is-

Nietzsche said, I ended my education at 13. But Niche, he said. I mean, that's not to say you have to be educated to know things. No. Because he does seem like a well-spoken human being who knows- He's quoting the Bible, Aristotle. Two quotes from Aristotle. Niche, yeah. Yeah.

Niche. Dad, and everybody knows this quote, right? And we think, okay, well, Nzsche was affirming my atheist beliefs. Yeah, he's an atheist too. Nietzsche was a staunch atheist. But the rest of the quote is this. He said, God is dead. God will remain dead.

And we have killed him. So what he was really saying, get ready, because when you strip God and the transcendent out of modern society, good luck. And this has to do with picking up women. Yes. And these guys are probably like, I'm in the front row, I can't leave. Mom, I want to tell you now, I used your credit card to buy a ticket to this conference and I'm really sorry.

I'm going to try and desperately get my money back. Can I come home? It's Call of Duty still on the computer. Mom! Mom! Mom! And he was an atheist. But he knew the saving grace and the salvation of community that the concept of God and the transcendent had for communities around the world. You strip it out and look what we have today. Political unrest, relationships, antagonistic. No sense of the beloved. Right, because politics has never been happening before now.

If only everybody read the entire quote from Nietzsche, things would not be so bad. Ancient Romans, I mean, that's like... Yeah. The point is not the point. You almost made a point and then you just missed it altogether. We used to have. Everybody wants to romanticize what we used to have, but the truth is that it was bad then too, if that's the way that you looked at life. It was bad then.

Yes, things are tense and shitty shit is bad, but that doesn't mean that all is lost. And that's the problem, I think, with some of these ideologies is that all is lost, but I have the answer. And that is a certain type of ego-driven bullshit that I just don't buy into. You make the choice about how you see the world and what you choose to put out there into it. And I'm just going to go around the rest of the issues. I made your joke twice.

That's why we have this turmoil today and this angry discourse. Because of Nietzsche's quote? Pete Slauson My thesis is this, is what I'm trying to write about. Jared Sussman God has turned out? Something? Jared Sussman God is dead and God will remain dead because we killed him. Pete Slauson It's hard. The Alabaster Girl came out of my

experience, 100% my experience, for 10 years I wrote that book and the whole time I was writing it, I never read a book and I love books. Jared Sussman I forgot that part of the story, 10 years he didn't read a book. I didn't read a book for 10 years. Wow, I was working on my book. And then another 10 years and then an additional 10 years. And then I wrote my book and I read it and I said, hey, that's not half bad. So now my entire bookshelf is filled with the alabaster girl.

I'm going to have to read some of this. I know. See what it's all about. I love bookstores. I'd go into a bookstore, and I'd be in there for like three minutes. I'm like, I felt guilty because I should be working on my book and not,

and I also didn't want to influence it anyway. So I didn't read a book for 10 years, no kidding. And I also haven't listened to another podcast in four or five years. I dumped it out of my system and it was like, it was vomited out of me. And I was empty. I did public speaking for the next two years after that. I'm like, I have nothing to say. You're still doing it.

Yeah, you still have nothing to say. And I'd start to tell a little story or anecdote and people in the audience go, yeah, yeah, as I'm saying it, because they read it in my books and I have stalled. So, as you can tell, I don't talk about- Whoopsie! He's breaking out the best ofs, but he forgot the lyrics. And anything I know, I'm talking about what I'm interested in knowing, what I'm curious about right now, what I'm thinking about when I sit in my rocking chair, this is what I'm thinking about, that's cool. Chrissy, this is an hour and 15 minutes long, unbelievably, three episodes in,

we are just now reaching the halfway point. Oh my God. I'm giving you another five minutes to make a point and then I'm done. So, I wouldn't be able to stay awake during this. I really wouldn't. I'd be like, if you weren't here laughing with me, I would be like, oh. 11 Nietzsche said, God is dead. And what we have, the symptom of our modern times. 12 What's that? 13

Think about the poor people there in the audience. 12 I know. I feel like he went from poire to like, you know, benevolent patriarch. Like he's trying to be some master, you know, guru, right? That people are following. He's working on his thesis. Yeah, he's working on a fiefdom is what he's working on now, my fief. This is scratching. The symptom of our modern times is that we've turned our face away. This is what I 100% believe. We've turned our face away in all things, in art, in architecture,

in relationships, in politics. We've turned our face away in all things, in art, in architecture, in relationships, in politics. We've turned our face away from beauty. And we celebrate ugliness. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. In art, in architecture. We've turned it away from beauty. We've turned it away from beauty. Everything's ugly. Art, for example.

Where's Arthur? Is he go. Where's Arthur? Is he here? Where's Arthur? Is he here? Art? Where's Arthur? He's ugly. Right?

Art? That's terrible. He says, where's Arthur? I know. And Arthur's not there. Yeah. I know. But the other thing is that Arthur, short for, art is short for Arthur.

Everything's ugly. Art, for example. Where's Arthur? Look at him! It used to be about the art to show you something, to give you a transcendent experience into something beyond. And now, it's all about the artist. How can I shock you? Look at me, celebrate me. Our symptom of our self-medicated victim, me, me, me generation. Oh, now you're just sounding like an old man bitching and complaining, dude. And so we've turned, art now is like shit on a stick. Or Tracy Emin's unmade Bed bought by the Tate Museum

in London for 2,000 euros. No, 2 million euros. I was about to say 2,000 doesn't, I wouldn't even get out of the Unmade Bed. Yeah. But 2 million. Well. 200 or 60, nevermind. 60, yeah. Okay, wait, 2,000, no wait, 2 million. But two million? Well. Two hundred or sixty.

Okay, wait. Two thousand. No, wait. Two million. Two million sixty two thousand four hundred and seventy two. There you go. Two million euros. Her unmade bed. She said, there's some vodka bottles and used condom and she sold it to the Tate Museum. Some vodka bottles? Used condom? And it's still there. Gathering dust and some mold on it and stuff. Because they paid two million pounds for it.

So it's- Yeah, but someone's interpretation of art is someone's interpretation of art. It's always been that way. When some, you know, when whatever, Da Vinci rolled out a guy with a big schlong, people were probably like, why are you putting a big guy with a schlong out there? But now it's the most, you know, one of the most beautiful pieces of art ever. There's, this has always been that way. Beth Dombkowski Yeah, Van Gogh died poor.

Jared Slaver That's right. Artists are always celebrated after they're dead because people find the, more and more people find the beauty in what they did and the feeling that it gives them. An unmade bed to me gives me a feeling of OCD. So for me, I wouldn't choose to look at that. But for a lot of people, it might symbolize a long night, or it might symbolize that lover that left you, or whatever! You know what I'm saying, Chrissy. Now I'm trying to answer back to Zahn. I've been roped in thoroughly. Look at me. Look at me. Notice me. Look at me. And art used to be about giving you an experience to connect to the transcendent, the divine. I don't care if you're religious or not.

I don't care if you believe in God or not. All, here's the thing, whether you're Buddhist or Muslim, Christian, atheist, you know what the common denominator we all have? They all want money. We all have the longing for beauty. We all get a tear when we see a painting that moves us. And what does that have to do with which religion you are?

All right, we tried. We gave it all we got. Good shot. A for effort, Chrissy, A for effort. I feel proud of us. I feel proud of us. That we lasted this long into Jean Jean Jean. And for that to break the fourth wall a little bit,

all done in one day. So Chrissy and I have literally been listening to this guy for like four hours straight. Of course we drag it out that long. We probably could have just listened in one hour and then made commentary later, but that's not how we do it here at the commercial break. We go around the easy way.

True. Why take the shortcut when you can take the highway and get in traffic? All right, well, John's on. Best to you, my friend. Best to you. I love you as a human being. I love you one human being to another. I hope you're doing well. Do that thesis. Get that thesis. Do those two books, you know, Lord of the Rings one and two or whatever you're working on.

He does like Middle Earth talk. Yeah. What is it, the Iliad and the Odyssey? Yeah. What? I hope. I hope you get around to it, bud. Oh.

Yeah. OK. All right. Hey, listen. You know, over the next couple of weeks, you're going to hear some best ofs. You're going to hear some mixing. Maybe an episode from Tina from last year,

an episode for a Master at Night. I don't know. We're going to get it done. We're going to some best ofs. You're gonna hear some mix in maybe an episode from Tina from last year an episode for a Master night. I don't know. We're gonna get it done. We're gonna we're gonna pull through this together I really appreciate all of the support love and the grace that you have given me After we canceled the shows and I announced that I'm pretty sick But I'm gonna get better. You are prognosis is good. Everything is gonna be wonderful So it's all of you. Love you. Mean it. And we'll be back just as soon as we can. I mean, you're going to hear fresh episodes, so don't worry about it. You're not going to notice, but we're going to notice. So I will update you when we update you. 212-433-3TCB,212-4333-3822.

Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We take them all at that phone number. Dial us up, text us, leave us a voicemail. We would love to hear from you. I want that voicemail full by the time I get back. tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video, and your free sticker at the contact us button.

I want my free sticker. Give us your address. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash commercial break. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for October. But I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. Life and death were two very realistic co-existing possibilities in my life. I didn't even think I'd make it to like my 16th birthday to be honest.

I grew up being scared of who I was. Any one of us at any time can be affected by mental health and addictions. Just taking that first step makes a big difference. It's the hardest step. But CAMH was there from the beginning. Everyone deserves better mental health care. To hear more stories of recovery, visit camh.ca. I get ass