The Commercial Break - It's OK To Be Small...

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Episode #632: In the bathhouse, we all fam! Except when one of you has what some might refer to as a “horse cock.” Then we are, in fact, not all fam. South Park Life Insurance Flooding in Valencia Donate Here Space in Europe Bryan can’t park, and it’s even worse in Spain No remorse! A destination wedding in Seville A parking cave and a parking divot Disney Junior Show us the cave, Bryan! Krissy’s Turkish bath and massage Bryan’s Roman bathhouse  Bryan doesn’t like showing his thing A+ on that horse cock! He’s got the fresca! Ice cooled baths Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does possible sound like for your business? It's having the spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit amex.ca slash business platinum. What did you buy today? I bought six bush lights, six Bud Light and I love them. Tall boys. Tall boys? How much would you drink a day?

Well, what day? A regular day, I don't know, maybe a couple beers, depends. Weekends, maybe an old five-year. Two drinks a week. What do you think of that? Well, that's just not feasible, not in this country. On this episode of The Commercial Break. I kind of do like this 360 back to the locker, right?

I kind of glance at his dick, realize how big it is, and right back to locker. And as I'm perusing the rest of the room, there's another guy in there who had like this backpack and he was getting settled too. And you should have seen the look on his face. It was like we saw each other and we both agreed that our cocks are not that big and that we agreed it's okay to have a smaller cock than that. Yeah, just two men not talking, just with eye contact, agreeing that not every cock is that big. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and co-host of the show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris here. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Hi-dee-ho, thanks for joining us. Hi-dee-ho! Hi-dee, hi-dee, hi-dee-ho! And the ghost goes, Hi-dee-ho! What was that old Saturday Night Live skit? Do you remember that?

No, I thought that was from... And we all go, Hi-dee-ho! Oh no that old Saturday Night Live skit? Do you remember that? And we all go, hi-dee-oh. Oh no, that's South Park. Yeah, which I still love. I thought it was Gumby. I love catching South Park. Oh yeah. And the poop goes, hi-dee-oh. It's like.

Ha ha ha ha. South Park, always great. I think South Park is in like its 40th season or something. Yeah, it's been around a long time. It's been going on since I was, maybe not as a kid, but you know, I was a kid a long time ago. I'm reminded of that on a daily basis.

Of how my receding hairline and the wrinkles in my eyes tell me all the time how old I am getting. But let us not be troubled by that, Chrissy. No! That means we don't have too much time left on this shit hole of a planet. So there you go. Yeah, there's your battle. Yes.

Your battle wounds. We're getting into that time in life when we start looking at life insurance, you know? Life insurance. I mean, I've had life insurance for various different reasons over the years, but never any substantial amount because I'm not really worth anything. I mean, who's like, before Astrid, who's looking for my money? Right. But, you know, it does bring up an interesting thing, Astrid, and I'm sure that there will be a,

like a serial-type podcast that probably comes out 10 years from now, after I say this following sentence. Astrid's like, I'm getting life insurance, are you gonna kill me? And I'm like, depends on how much it's worth. Half a million? Probably not.

Million dollars? I don't know, I start looking at you worth. Half a million? Probably not. Million dollars? I don't know, I start looking at you kind of funny when you're bothering me. Well, I know, and I've thought about life insurance too with those crime shows, because a lot of times, there's somebody took out a life insurance policy on somebody without them knowing. You can do that.

And then, why? Well, because it- How? I didn't know you could do that. Life insurance is a betting market, essentially, right? You think about this, it's a betting market. I am betting that I make more money off of you before you keel over. And it's all actuary tables and you know, it's just-

But how can you take out with somebody's, like without somebody's signature? You don't have to have a signature. Really? I promise you this, I promise you this. If you have worked at a business, if you have worked at a huge corporate business in a position of any imp... I was going to say, is this a business?

No, this is not. Although, you know what? Our first attorney said, do you guys want to take out life insurance policies on each other? And that is not an uncommon thing to do. If there are people in the business who are so important to the business that should they keel over, shit's going to go sideways, It's not unusual for a company to pay for life insurance for that person to absorb some of the losses.

So, but here at the commercial break, it actually goes in the opposite way. Should I die, you're gonna make more money. So it's, you give the life insurance company money if I die. So you should have been asking Astrid if she was going to kill you instead. Yes. Well, you know, when you're my age and in my condition, I just got my parathyroid taking out.

So I'm pretty sure that, you know, a life insurance company in the right mind is going to insure me. I mean, not that parathyroid. It's not like a deadly disease. You know, I mean, it can kill you, but you'd have to have it for a very long time for it to kill you or a certain kind of high calcium for it to kill you. But the life insurance companies, they're so fucking shitty that any little thing that goes wrong with you, it raises your premium, raises your premium, raises your premium, or just takes you out of the pool altogether.

This is how health insurance used to be, quite frankly. And since Obamacare is, or what do we call it now? I'm going to call it Obamacare. What do we call it now? Affordable Care Act. Now the health insurance companies have to put you in a pool so that everybody kind of absorbs the risks. But that life insurance, I'm telling you what,

you don't, I don't have to have your signature to take out a policy. I didn't have to have your signature to take out a policy. Right, now it's coming to life. How's that drink? Does it taste very good. It's coming to life. How's that drink? Does it taste very good? It's delicious.

I've been slowly putting antifreeze in your drinks. I've heard about that too. Like, wives putting antifreeze in their... Or arsenic. Arsenic. Where do you get arsenic? Where does one pick up some arsenic, by the way? Cyanide.

Anthrax. Yeah. Where does one pick that up? seen it, honestly. Cyanide. Anthrax. Yeah. Where does one pick that up? I mean, I just don't know. I mean, but I know that you can. Well, arsenic, I think, is a pretty common element in a lot of things. You just have to know how to synthesize it. And I don't know how to synthesize anything.

I am useless as a tit on a bull. Swear to God, I am. Speaking of useless as a tit on a bowl, I never got to talk about Spain, my trip to Spain. And I have been waiting. And well, here's the reason why. I wanted to put a little space in between stories about Spain and the terrible tragedy that happened in Spain, which is the flooding in Valencia. I am going to add a link to the bottom of the show notes here where you can,

if your heart so desires, if you feel like you want to, you can also reach out to us via text and I'll share information on where you can go to legitimate places and donate money for those in and around Valencia in the Andalusian area who were affected by some incredible flooding that happened in Valencia. We also had a couple people who unbelievably actually listened to what I say and figured out that I have family in Spain and asked whether or not my family was okay. I have a family member in Valencia. It's my brother-in-law, Danny, not the one we usually talk about, Gustavo. But Danny is equally as loved. I just don't talk about him as much. He's a little

bit more shy. But Danny has been living in Valencia for a't talk about him as much. He's a little bit more shy, but Danny Has been living in Valencia for a very long time. It's part of the reason why we have spent so much time in Valencia I have spent a lot of time in Valencia. It's a beautiful town one of the biggest in the country It's a beach town that is known for beautiful beaches Cosmopolitan city laid-back attitude and it's just one of the more lovely places you can visit in Spain. And they have been decimated, decimated by this flood that happened, I guess, about two weeks ago now. Yeah, I keep reading about it and there's still more rain that keeps happening. Yeah, it just keeps coming. And it's really bad news. 19 inches of rain in a little less than

six hours, I think, in the outskirts of Valencia caused incredible flooding. And I mean, incredible flooding. And the government there, while it's basically a nanny state, the government there has been slow to respond. But how do you respond to a once in a lifetime event? I'm not giving the government a pass. I'm just saying that like when you never expect something to happen, how do you play that out? Like how do you, you're not prepared. Um, so, you know, I wanted to put a little space into funny stories about Spain and that tragedy. Here's the bottom line.

If you would like to donate any funds, you know, I don't know if they're taking clothing, um, food or water. And I don't even know if like places like Amazon, uh, are working in any of those areas currently right now. So maybe the better thing to do is just go donate. I'll put a link down in the show notes. You know, donate a couple bucks. Those people have nothing. Everything is gone. Like my brother, his car, his motorcycle, all of his clothing, everything, all of his worldly possessions are gone. He has the pants that he was wearing and the shirt and the

coat that he was wearing, his telephone. That's that he was wearing his telephone. That's it. And his life. And he's okay. He's now with family. But you know, it's just, what a fucking tragedy. I mean, Danny walked us through on a FaceTime video or WhatsApp video, walked us through his apartment that still had water in it six days later. Water, like, you know, probably a foot and a half of water in it.

The water had gotten to almost five feet tall. The water line is five feet tall. And Danny said it happened in minutes. It went from nothing on the ground to almost four feet of water in minutes. He had to be rescued by tying bed sheets together and pulling him across a raging river, which was a street, holding his girlfriend. Like, this is like life and death type stuff. I know. I was reading about some people that said that they only got the notification that all of it was happening as it's happening. As it was happening. There's a video out there, and maybe if I can find the link, I'll give it to Christina. Christina, text me and remind me to

send you this video. There's a video out there, roaming around Instagram and other places, what's up, of a woman that is holding on to a bush in the middle of a park as the water is rapidly rising and flowing, like it's flowing, and it's probably about ways deep, and she is holding on to this bush that's the only thing within, you know, I would say 50 feet that she can get a hold of and saying that the only thing that's keeping me from dying is this bush. As the water is raging and rising so quickly, it's fucking scary. I mean, it's just scary how quick this all happened. And you know, thanks global warming.

This is what's going on. These events are getting more extreme, wilder, wetter. I mean, they're still dealing with it here in the Carolinas. Jared Slauson Of course, we're just, we're dealing with our own drama down here in the southeast. So many friends of mine in the Asheville area, in the North Carolina area, you know, up near where my dad and my stepmom live, I mean, those people have been devastated also. And it's just crazy.

And I don't have any answers. And I don't think a lot of people do. It's just the way that it is right now. But I guess that when these things happen, we can be kind to each other. That's what we can do. Be kind to each other. Got a few extra bucks. You send it somebody's way so that maybe they can get through a tragedy.

Yeah, because I will promise you something. And this is Brian being about as pessimistic as Brian is ever going to be, all of us at some point will experience something like this because it's just too frequent now not to, a tornado, a flood, a hurricane, an earthquake, I don't know what's gonna come our way, but it seems like no one has been untouched

by some of these events, either you or a family or a friend. So, you know, I know it's kind of a dour way to start an episode of the commercial break, but I thought that I would share, first of all, that my family is okay in Spain, they are okay. And number two, that there are ways to help and hopefully you choose to do that

if you have a couple of extra bucks. So we went to Spain. Yes. I started this story. I kind of talked about the travel over there. The plane ride. Oh my God. With a lady that walked into the bathroom

with no shoes or socks on. I mean, just an unbelievable event. In my opinion, my catastrophe, my flooding, was watching a woman walk into the bathroom with no, into a airplane bathroom after seven hours of flying with no shoes and no socks on. I mean, just unbelievable. And then my children, do you have to go to the bathroom? No, no. Okay, you little shits. I know you do. I know you do. So we got to... Also, you doused the people behind you with the water.

Oh my God, that was... I can't stop thinking about that. I can't. I swear to God, every time I open one of those bottles for my kids, I just think... Sharing the story in case you didn't hear the episode, we have these bottles, like these metal bottles. You've seen them for children with, you know, characters on the outside of them, and they have the little straw that you flip up, like the plastic plastic metal straw that you flip up and they drink out of. Well, when you get in an airplane, there is a pressure difference between when you're sitting on the tarmac and when you're 15,000, 20,000 feet in the air, and that affects the water in an airtight bottle. And I didn't realize what kind of effect it was going to have on these bottles. When I opened up the bottle, the water in an airtight bottle. And I didn't realize what kind of effect it was going to have on these bottles. When I opened up the bottle, the water went shooting out of this plastic straw.

And I don't mean like, you know, kind of like dribbled out. I mean, it shot out like a, like a fucking, I don't know, like a water gun. I mean, that's the only way to describe it, like shooting a water gun. And it went backwards behind us, spilling all over this poor woman and man, and the woman was not so kind about it, the man was very nice about it. And it didn't happen once, it happened twice, because as soon as I opened the first bottle, then realized what had happened and made my apologies, I look over to see that my daughter is doing the exact same thing. She's opening her, and I was like, no, like in slow motion, no. So anyway, it was a- Danielle Pletka Okay. So then you got to Spain. Jared Ranere I got to Spain.

Danielle Pletka You did talk about the fact of the McDonald's situation, which was curious after you said you got sick by eating a quarter pounder. And then right after we talked about that on that episode, there was all of that McDonald's outbreak with the onions. Listen, I don't want to disparage McDonald's. They're kind of down. Listen, first of all, they have generational wealth. No one's gonna hurt McDonald's, right? Even a little E. coli or Ebola outbreak or whatever. And there has been an E. coli outbreak where people have died, which is crazy. But that was in America and in Spain, they did not, and their standards are just different there. Like, they don't have the same kind of, I don't know, how do I want to say this? They actually check their meat over in Spain on like everything that it states. Or like,

one out of every 15,000 cows is tested. Over there, I think they have a little bit, they have some more standards. But I don't think it was the meat that actually got me. I think it was the McDonald's play place that has not been cleaned since it was built. Those places are absolutely wretched. They're wretched. They're Petri dishes, for sure. Honestly, if you own a McDonald's, it should be a law that you should have to, like, you remember that scene in ET where they put the big tent over the house and they had those people going in there with gas masks cleaning everything off?

You should honestly have to do that with your play place every single night of the week because they're just disgusting. I worked at McDonald's for three years, 14 to 17 years old. I never once was asked to go clean the play place. Never once. And trust me, I cleaned every other inch of that shit hole, including the toilets on multiple occasions per day. And it was just like, I never got once that anyone asked me to clean the play place.

So we, we got a car in Madrid. I talked about that. We got this car, which had a huge scrape down the side of it. So, you know, we're driving in style down the road, the only car in Spain that fits all 30 of us, we've rented with a huge scrape down the middle of it. But here's the challenge in Spain. Well, I think we take for granted just how much space we have here in the United States of America and where that becomes, it becomes noticeable in a couple different ways if you've ever been to Europe.

Number one, the housing, the cities. They are literally stacked on top of each other. You could have a town with a population of 300, and all 300 of them live within two feet of each other. That's just the way that Europe is. Because they don't, the towns were built, the cities and the population centers were built so long ago, there were no cars. I don't even know if there were horses back then. I mean, honestly, I don't know. I have no idea if the wheel was invented. And so they stack the housing on top of each other, all the restaurants, all the shops, everything are in these very highly dense centers. And-

Italy's that way too, yeah. Every place in Europe is, you know, every place that I've been anyway. Maybe with the exception, maybe with the exception of Switzerland, I mean, they have densely populated areas, but I've seen like suburb type places in Switzerland too. Anyway, so when you, that's the first thing you notice about space in Europe and in Spain. But the second place you will certainly recognize that the space is limited and everything is on top of each other, is any time you try and park a fucking car. Chrissy, I consider myself a pretty good driver.

Angry, yes, but pretty good also, right? I'm defensive. I don't cut in front of people. I put my blinker on, I drive fast, but I drive safely, but I cannot, for the life of me, park a fucking car. I just can't, I'm sorry, it's just one of those things, it's one of my weaknesses. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! That's the kind of horn that I wish I had on my car every time I went to park it. And so parking in Spain has become a running joke in my family when Brian has to park in Spain. I get so stressed out because not only are the spaces incredibly small, if you have like

a mini SUV in Spain, you might as well be driving a tractor trailer there. And trying to park in a space, The spaces are all like motorcycle spaces. They honestly are. And then you have to fit a car in there. And people there have learned how to do this. It's like instinct to them. They know how to take their cars and park them into incredibly tiny places. But me, I am used to having 17 feet on each side of my car and I still can't park it. The only car accidents that I have been in in the last two decades are in parking lots where the other person was not in the car.

I hit cars, that's what I do when I'm parking them. So for me, it's an incredibly stressful situation. I don't mind driving, but when I have to get to the parking, here's what happens. Aye, Brian, let me park the car for you. I bet. I can't park, I cannot do it. I swear to God, it's so stressful for me. So the first thing that we do when we get to Madrid is that we go to the hotel. The hotel is like a Marriott, it's like a Marriott-owned hotel, right? And it is in a very poncy part of Madrid. As a matter of fact, who's the famous football player that, I say football player, soccer, who lives over there?

Messe? Not messy, the other one. Rinaldo? Rinaldo. Rinaldo. Rinaldo. Yeah, Rinaldo, whatever his name is. Cristiano Ronaldo. He lives in this neighborhood where this hotel is. It's a very, very nice exclusive part of Madrid. Don't ask me how Astrid found this hotel, but she did. It's very nice. We

have stayed there. Like I said, we've gotten the same room the 12 times that we've been there. We get the same room every time. But there are only four, and I mean a total of four parking spaces in front of the hotel. That's it. Four parking spaces available for a hundred rooms, or however many rooms are in the building. So there is never parking in front of the hotel. But luckily for me, there is a parking deck half a mile away underneath other buildings where you can park. Unfortunately for me also, this parking deck, while built probably not even 10 years ago, Chrissy,

it is like, I don't even know how to explain it. It's like sticking a watermelon through a needle's eye. It is, you have to go under in this tunnel to get underneath it, and there are inches, like inches on each side of you. So now imagine this Brian's driving to go to get inside of the parking deck and I've been to this place many times before so I know where it is I know how to get there and I also know that I'm having a panic attack before I even reach this tunnel that goes underneath the building where I have to park. In order to get to the tunnel you have to take a sharp right turn and when you take sharp right turn, you don't have any room to spare. You've got to get the vehicle into this tunnel so that you can go down under the building.

So here's how it goes. Brian drives, this is like a Sunday afternoon, Brian drives over to go into this tunnel and I cannot make that right hand turn. For the life of me, I cannot make that turn and clear it. Or I don't think I can anyway. So here's Brian, forward, backward, forward, backward, forward, backward, forward, backward. Meanwhile, two cars behind me are like, oh, Chrissy. Which is also making you even more nervous. Ay, pinche gringo, come on! Adio mio! Que pasa amigo?

American here? American here? Yeah, we know! You're the only one in town driving an SUV. We got it! 10-4 buddy. Backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward. I keep pulling the car backward and forward, changing no angle of view.

I keep pulling the car backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and. Backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward, I keep pulling the car backward and forward, changing no angle of the vehicle, it just keeps on getting, or at least that's what it seems like to me, I keep stressing out about this turn. I was there for three minutes, no shit,

trying to get the car to get in this tunnel, and then when it got in the tunnel, I had to take another right-hand turn to get in the gate and the car is just like screaming. Well, it already had a scrape. What's that? It already had a scrape. Yeah, but be careful because if you add an additional scrape, you're going to pay $6,000 to the rental car company. That's just how it is. Meanwhile, the car is doing this the whole time. Right, right. Yeah, calming me down zero amount. I know! I know, I know. I'm close.

Yeah, I know, I'm close. I'm close. I'm not going to touch it, I promise. Vehicle in danger. Vehicle in danger. Vehicle in danger. Fuck you! So I managed to get this thing in the parking lot. And then here's the crazy part that I told Astrid.

I get upstairs and, and by the way, remember this story about the small parking lot? Because we're going to get to a story that's even that like this thing was so fucking tight and This building was built ten years ago like when cars actually existed So they knew that cars were going to actually be driving into this building Now wait, so we get to fucking Sevilla where they have parking lots where they built them when no cars existed But here's the point and I told Astrid this when I got upstairs. I said, I'm not moving that fucking car. No, like it's in there, it's there.

Yes. So we just paid $6,012 to rent a car for seven days that Brian is now too stressed out to use. And of course, we don't have another driver on the car because that's an extra $6,012. So Brian, the only driver of this fucking vehicle cannot park this fucking vehicle. It is, I want people to take, people have been to Europe. I know that there's plenty of our audience members

who have been to Europe. If you've rented a car in Europe, I want you to commiserate with me on how difficult it is to park in fucking Europe. Have you driven in Europe? I have not driven, no, driven. Has Jeff driven in Europe? No, we didn't drive when we went to Italy and neither did my sister and I. Why?

Because I didn't want to have to deal with it. That's exactly what you're talking about. It's insane. It's just insane. I swear to God. All right, so listen, I want to get some more of this story, but let's take a short break because we're behind, Chrissy. Look at that. We've talked more than we should. Go figure. I feel like Stephen Maxwell now. We'll be back. In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced

to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast and go to our website tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now please text us at 212-433-3TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet. This episode is sponsored in part by Zbiotics, pre-alcohol. Let's face it, most of us are not 21 years old, partying like we used to. We have to make the choice between a great night or a great morning after. At least that's what we thought, Chrissy and I, until we tried pre-alcohol.

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All you have to do is head to zbiotics.com slash commercial and use that code commercial at checkout for the 15% off. Thank you ZBiotics for being a sponsor of a wonderful morning after drinks and of the commercial break. I'm Jenna Fisher and I'm Angela Kinsey. We are best friends and together we have the podcast Office Ladies where we rewatched every single episode of The Office with insane behind the scenes stories, hilarious guests and lots of laughs.

Guess who's sitting next to me? Steve! It is my girl in the studio! Every Wednesday we'll be sharing even more exclusive stories from The Office and our friendship with brand new guests and we'll be digging into our mailbag to answer your questions and comments. So join us for brand new Office Ladies 6.0 episodes every Wednesday. Plus on Mondays we are taking a second drink. You can revisit all the Office Ladies rewatch episodes every Monday with new bonus

tidbits before every episode. Well we can't wait to see you there. Follow and listen to Office Ladies on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. Did you know that more than 50% of food waste in Toronto homes is avoidable? By cutting down on food waste you can help protect the environment and save money. Simple actions like planning your meals, storing food correctly, and using everything you purchase make a big difference. Learn how to make every bite count at toronto.ca slash food waste. All right. So a couple of days in Madrid where I just parked the car and left it,

I actually didn't, I took the car out multiple times. And every time that I got back to the hotel, I had the same issue. But here, here's the crazy thing. So I spend all my time in the hotel, I spend the car out multiple times. And every time that I got back to the hotel, I had the same issue. But here, here's the crazy thing. So I spend all of this time, energy and effort trying to park this motherfucking vehicle under the building. And then one of the nights, like we're there for like, I think like three nights

in Madrid at the beginning, two or three nights, one night, all, everybody's asleep, all the kids are asleep and I'm hearing this ruckus outside, right? I'm hearing like cars, but like people beeping, some people yelling, like not like angry, but just like talking loudly to each other, because I have the windows slightly open. My hotel room is facing the front of the building. I remember there are four parking spaces. Well, there's actually six parking spaces, but two of them are ones reserved for electric vehicles and one for handicap. There are six spaces and the everything in this neighborhood is gated. For what reason? I really don't know. It seems relatively safe, but everything has a gate around it, including the hotel. I look out the front window, Chrissy.

And even though there are only six parking spaces in this little area that isn't is gated, like there's no additional room to park. There are 12 vehicles that are parked in there. People are parking on top of the gate. What I see is... Oh, what happened there? What I see is this guy with a BMW hatchback, like a mini SUV, right? Is pulling in and out of the space like Brian did to get into the parking space to park on top of gravel, like these decorative rocks

that are being put outside the hotel, to park on not only are there decorative rocks, but there are three cones that are put there that clearly signal, do not park here. And this guy is just driving over them, just keeps backing up and pulling forward. And his wife, I'm assuming his wife, is outside, like with her hands on her head, like, don't do this, don't do this. He keeps pulling back and forth, riding over the cones, just knocking them over every time, just riding over them, riding over him, riding over him, and he finally parks the car, like, blocking another person who has also illegally parked from getting out. And the yelling is screaming, is not only, the yelling, the loud talking, is not only coming from his wife,

but it's coming from the person that owns the car that is now blocked in. Yeah, double-pulled son. Yes! So he blocks it, he gets, his wife is telling him clearly not to park here. I don't know what she's saying. And by the way, I don't even think they're talking in Spanish. I think they're talking in German or something. But his wife is telling him not to park there. You can tell that body language. You don't need to speak German to understand. You're an idiot. Don't park there. But he does it. He blocks the other person in. The other person is standing there telling him not to park there. And the guy just gets out of the car and is like, bam bam, he's just like bam bam, and

walks in the hotel. Meanwhile the guy is like, I don't know, you know, I'm a pinchy, whatever he's saying to the guy in Spanish, and the German guy just, if I'm assuming German, just like, like he's listening, like I'm gonna offend him, I'm assuming he's German, he walks into the building with no remorse whatsoever. So I just, I took a little bit of comfort in knowing that the United States of America is not the only place with a bunch of assholes. They're all over the world. So we spent a couple of days in Madrid, visiting family and stuff like that. And then we take a big trek, like a six hour drive down to Seville. Sevilla, as I was properly said.

Sevilla. Sevilla, the barber of Sevilla. The barber of Sevilla. Because the point of the trip too is to go to a wedding. So Astrid has a cousin, that cousin was young when Astrid and I got, got married and she was in our wedding. So about nine months ago, we got an invitation to come to her wedding in Sevilla and even though they live here in the United States, she's going to get married in Sevilla.

Now this, this indicates a couple of things, like having, having you know, I'm not gonna say any names, and I don't wanna piss any family members off, but they have money to spend, like you have money to spend if you're gonna go get married in Sevilla, Spain. Like a destination wedding here in the United States is let's hop on over to Savannah and get married, or let's go down to Disney World, or we're gonna get married on Amelia Island,

whatever that is. You have to have some brass fucking potatoes to have a destination wedding where you've got to spend nine fucking hours on an airplane getting over there. And if, but here's the thing, if you can get there, the golden ticket is yours. You know what I'm saying? Like that there's a payoff there in having a destination wedding in Sevilla, Spain. It is beautiful. Everybody's gonna have a ton of fun. No one's coming for just the day. Like if you have a destination wedding

three hours from your house, it's possible some people are gonna come in the morning and they're gonna leave at night. No one, and I mean no one. Now you're gonna make a whole vacation. Of course you are. Which is just gonna add to the fun. Here's my point.

If you do a wedding in Sevilla, Spain, it's likely you've got the money to spend on a nice wedding in Sevilla, Spain. It's likely that you know your friends have the money to meet you in Spain for a wedding in Sevilla. And number three, there's gonna be a payoff there. And that payoff is we're all gonna have a ton of fucking fun because we're gonna be in Sevilla fucking Spain.

Right. I thought to myself, and I was telling Astrid this on the way there, I said, honey, this is a great idea. And I'll tell you why. Yeah, you're gonna have to spend a little bit of cash if you're the father of the bride, who is a wonderful man, by the way,

an extraordinarily generous man. He's one of my favorite family members of Astrid's. But I said, yeah, listen, he's gonna spend a little money to have this wedding for his daughter, as he should, you know, shower his daughter with a wonderful wedding. But he's gonna keep the cost down, because, I mean, how many people are really gonna show up to Sevilla, Spain? I mean, we're some random cousins and we're showing up, but we're just idiots and we like to do that anyway. We're idiots who have credit cards that will pay off for the rest of our lives. But the truth is, you keep the cost down a little bit because you're almost positive that some people aren't going to show up, right? Man, was I wrong.

There were so many people that showed up to this wedding. I mean, hundreds of people came to this wedding. It was quite incredible. So we took this six hour drive down to Seville, and I've never been there. And I heard it was gorgeous, and it did not disappoint. Seville, in a lot of ways, reminded me of Venice. Oh, yeah. Have you been to Venice? I have. Okay. So Venice, for those of you that haven't been,

and I mean, you know, I don't know I'm going to explain this to people because you have to like, been born in a hole not to know that Venice is really, it's a really tight city. It is, if there are cities that are tight in Spain and other places in Europe, like I've spoken about, there is no city that is tighter than Venice Italy It is on top of each other Everyone is on top of each other the streets in some cases are not even one person wide and that's a street like It's more like an alleyway, but they call it a street. They have names. They have street names It's not even one person wide

There are some places in Venice where you have to turn your body to get down the street. Am I exaggerating? Yeah, no, that's right. Yeah, it's very dense. No cars either. No, no, no, no, no. It's just all walking in boats, boats, obviously. Yeah, I mean, that's what they're famous for, right? Is their, the canals.

The canals, yeah. And some canals are wide. The Grand Canal is very wide. It's probably a quarter of a mile wide. And then there are some canals that, again, are barely as wide as a human being. And that's how they get around. That's how they transport themselves. And almost every single person walks.

I mean, yeah, there's people that take boats, but it's mainly a walking city. But it's also a very small city. Seville is not a very small city. It's rather large, actually. But when you get into the meat and potatoes of the city, like the heart of the city, it reminded me so much of Venice. Because the streets are incongruent. There's no around the block. Streets go left, right, sideways, perpendicular. Streets literally go around buildings or multiple buildings. So if you don't know where you're going, there is a 100% chance

you're going to get lost and Google will do you no fucking favors either with Apple Maps. It doesn't know the street names or the directions they go. You certainly aren't going to. And I can't tell you how terrible Google Maps was in this particular city. I can tell you, actually. Google Maps was fucking terrible in the city. But anyway. You always have to have an actual physical map.

You do, but then even if you had a physical map, you'd have to really be paying attention to where you were going. Because I don't even know how to explain it. It'd be like, you know how, you know, the fork in the road, the proverbial fork in the road, do you go left or do you go right? Imagine that, but imagine the fork had six different directions to go and two of them had the exact same street name. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, you could go on Google Earth and try and look at what, you know, which street and which building.

It did you no favors. It really didn't. Nicole Soule-Northman Now, I remember the advice we got when we did go to Venice was, just get lost. Just, you Venice was just get lost. Just you're gonna get lost. Fine, love it. Great, I agree with you. That got the same advice. And did you? Yes. Yes, okay, so did Astrid and I.

When we went to Venice, that was one of the things that we heard right when we got into the hotel. Where do you think we should go for a good meal? Where should we start? And everybody says the same thing, get lost. Just go get lost. Just go walk lost. Yeah, just go walk around. Well, that's fine in Venice, where it's half a mile by half a mile, and you're going to

run into Ocean or the Grand Canal. You can't get lost. Like, you're going to figure it out. Yeah, the general direction, you at least know. Yes. You're going to figure it out. Even though it's a very dense city, there's only so many places you can actually go in Venice. You're either going to run into the, you know, the great square, the canal, or the ocean. That's it. That's all you can do. Seville, not as simple. I mean, there's a river that runs through it, so, you know, eventually I think you'll either end up at the river or somewhere outside of Spain. I'm not sure. But it is so incredibly dense with so many incongruent streets, as I mentioned. And if you

don't know where you're going, you're really fucked. But here, let's add in one complication that Venice does not have. And that is that even though some of these streets are so narrow, that they shouldn't have cars driving on them, they are all the streets are drivable. You can drive, not that you should drive, but you can drive. Lots of people drive scooters, that's a pretty popular thing over there in motorcycles, but there are also cars that dare to go up

into these incredibly tiny streets. So much so that almost every taxi that you see has the same scrape marks along the side that my vehicle did when I rented it. Right. Now we rented like an Airbnb there right in the heart of the city. Astrid and I smartly decided let's plan out parking before we get there because we had already heard this is a tight city, it's really hard parking before we get there. Because we had already heard, this is a tight city. It's really hard to drive in there. Streets only go one direction.

Every street is a one-way street because they're so tiny, it can only go one way. And so you've got to be really intentional about where you decide to park, and you got to know where you're going ahead of time. So Astrid, just such an intelligent human being, found a place off of a major street, just such an intelligent human being, found a place off of a major street,

like a two-way street, where you only had to take like three turns to get into this parking spot. Now, this parking place was built in 1806. I swear to God it was, long before any vehicle had ever been conceptualized. This was for fucking horse and carriage, basically. And I think only two horse and carriages

actually fit in there. It was like a cave underneath a building. A cave underneath the building. A parking cave. Yes. But the parking place is manned from 8 a.m. until 10 p.m. every day by the same family. It's a family. It's like a family of men that man the parking space, and they take your car from you the second that you drive in the door. They're like, give me the keys. I'm taking this because I'm not, that's it. That's great.

You don't have to park it. Yes. And this guy parked the car so close to another car that I had to have him pull it out anytime I wanted to get something from the vehicle, which was like six times, by the way, because you know, Brian's calcium filled brain forgot 12 things in the car. So I had to go back like nine times and be like, hey, I've got 30 kids. And the parking is not anywhere close to the actual place where we're staying. So we had to drag 30 bags of this huge hill, this tiny little cobblestone street. But once we got it done, we're there for a week, it's cool. Like, all right, fine, we had to go through a little bit of drama, but then we get

that. But with the Airbnb came a parking space. Like, we rented a couple of different units because we had family members, and one of the units came with a parking space. So we allowed Danny, my brother that lived in Valencia, we allowed him to take the parking space. Nice. Chrissy. I'm harping on this this entire time, but I don't know how I can accurately, like, verbally portray how tiny, if I parked in a cave, Danny parked in a small divot underneath the earth. I mean, it was a cave. That's the only way to explain it.

It was a cave underneath a building. And the street that he had to drive down to get into that cave, if I had inches to spare in getting in my Marriott Hotel parking lot, Danny had centimeters to spare getting into this cave, and it took him two plus hours to get to this cave. You don't wanna know why? Because there are one way streets and 100,000 of them,

and Danny could not figure out how to one way street it over to this cave in the middle of Sevilla where no one fucking lives. I mean, I swear, I mean, where no one ever goes with a car. No one. It's a parking lot, but who's fucking parking there? It's dark, it's damp, it smells like sh- there are, and this is not a joke, there are Greek Roman ruins right next to this cave. Real Roman ruins right next to this cave, real Roman ruins, right next to this cave where Danny parked. He got so frustrated at one point that he was driving around these streets, one way here, one way there.

Beep, beep. Hey, there's Big Ben. Big Ben, Parliament. What am I doing here? What just happened? What was that? Was that Disney Junior? Was that Disney Junior?

The kids turned it on there. This is the funniest thing that has happened to this entire episode is that my kids have preloaded Disney Junior bumpers onto my fucking road caster. I go to hit the horn and it's a Disney Junior bumper. That is so funny. Oh my God. That was crazy.

Danny was so flustered at some point driving around trying to find this parking lot that he called us crying, like literally crying. Oh, I would be. Oh my God, Chrissy, you would be. I know you. You would have been really stressed out about this. I mean, this was an incredibly stressful situation for him. It really was.

Because you have to imagine, you're in a strange city, even though he's been living in Spain for a long time, and he knows how to park a car, much better than I do, he knows how to park a car in a Spanish parking lot, which you don't expect, which you don't understand how to do intuitively, is to drive around a block that doesn't exist, drive around a block that is actually an octagon trapped inside of a circle that's got a triangle in the middle. I mean, it's just like the most incredible thing you've ever seen. It was so difficult for his brain to wrap around how he was going to get to this parking lot and this particular one-way street that didn't show up on Google Maps for anything that Danny

called us crying. Meanwhile, Daniel and I, my father-in-law and I are standing at the entrance of the cave. I was going to say, did you maybe have to backtrack and walk him like through the street? You should have seen it. Daniel and I were in every corner of Sevilla trying to flag down Danny, like trying to find him. There he is. Yeah, sharing location, like there he is.

I gotta get some cocaine. That's gonna be crazy. Look, Big Ben, Parliament, Big Ben. I was on one street waving like this and I'm like, Danny, I'm waving. Can you see me? Come down this way. He's crying. Daniel's trying to talk him off a ledge.

He's like, Tranquila, Tranquila, Danny, no problemo. Two hours we waited at the entrance of that cave. Two fucking hours we waited. He finally did it. Listen, I can't say that I would have done any better and I certainly would not have made it up that street like he did. He made it up that street. And here's the worst part about all of this is that not only do you have to make it up a street where you have centimeters to spare, like the windows,

the mirrors are in, you're just, you know, you're trying to gauge it. There's, you know, me and Daniel are like, a little bit to the left, a little bit to the right. But then there are hundreds, thousands of tourists walking up and down these streets. So when you have a car that's stuffed down this street and there are hundreds of tourists trying to walk this way and hundreds of tourists trying to walk that way. There's an additional pressure that you are ruining people's fucking vacation because you were too cheap, meaning Brian, to get Danny a parking space in an actual fucking parking lot for fucking Christ's sake. That's all I could keep thinking to myself was why didn't we just get the

guy a fucking parking space in the regular parking lot? You know why the Airbnb lady agrees to give that free parking space? Yeah, she's like, good luck if you can get to it. That's right. No one ever uses it. It's never been used. It's yours if you can have it. That's right. The Romans didn't use it. They made ruins outside the cave because they said it's too tight. It's too tight. Eplimius, Eperbius, too tight-ius. No, thank you. If fucking Plato couldn't do it, Danny wasn't going to do it either.

And it wasn't just happening. This poor fucking guy, man. I felt so bad after, like, finally he got there and, you know, we were in this cave, like, pulling out these suitcases in the pitch fucking black, because there are no lights anywhere to be found. I mean, electricity is miles from this cave. And I mean, we are totally dread. And the thing is, is that not only was it a cave,

but it was a cave that you had to go down into. It wasn't like a cave you pulled into. You had to drive down into it. And so- That's a dark- Chrissy, it was insane. I have a picture of it, I'm gonna show you. Maybe I'll post it. I don't know. But once, Chrissy, this, it was insane. I have a picture of it. I'm going to show you. Maybe I'll post it. I don't know. But once he got down in there, we are in this

damp, dark cave that smells like Roman sewage. And we are dragging the other 65 bags, 36 of which belong to my family, up this fucking, you know, cobblestone cave street. And then not, by the way, my parking lot, five and a half minute walk to the Airbnb. Parking lot attached to the Airbnb, 35 minute walk to the Airbnb. All I wanted to do was hug Danny and say, I'm sorry, I don't have any more money. I could have gotten you a parking space,

but I can't afford it. All right, let's talk about the wedding. We'll be back. In a shocking turn of events, it's me again, Christina, your producer and resident rom-com lover here at The Commercial Break. And I just have one thing to say. I'm just a producer standing in front of an audience asking you to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. Text us or call us and leave us a voicemail because when you realize you wanna spend the rest of your life with TCB,

you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. And while you're at it, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com, but you don't have to because we like you just as you are. Now, if you immediately got those references, you're my kind of person. But it's time to take a break and listen to some sponsors, and then we'll get back to the show. Do you know what Astrid did that I thought was so nice for us? So I'm, you know, on the eve of surgery for this problem that I've been dealing with for two

decades now and I didn't even know it, this huge parathyroid that I've got, you know, eating my bones alive, and not feeling so well. Astrid knew that after a nine-hour plane ride and then a six-hour car ride and then, you know, having to deal with the frustrations of just traveling with so many children. Let's take a break and let's get Brian to a Spanish bathhouse, really to a Roman bathhouse. Yeah, I've been to one. Oh, you have? Did you go to one like in Europe? Uh-huh.

Yeah? In Italy, yeah. And what was it like? What was your experience? It was interesting. It was interesting. I'll give it that. I'll give it that. It was interesting. Yes. And was it like a real Roman bathhouse? Well, it was a Turkish bath.

Well, it was on these springs that was out. It was in Tuscany. So it was kind of out in the middle of the countryside. And there were these beautiful springs that people were going into and bathing and swimming and that kind of thing. The healing springs, I guess. The healing springs.

Yeah. And then we had massages after that. Sexual healing springs. Yeah. Yeah. We had massages after that. And then also there was like the Turkish bath where you do the hot and the cold. Yeah.

And you lay down, you do the steam and then the cold shower and then you lay down. Lovely. It all sounds so wonderful. It does, but. Until you get into the minutia of all of that stuff, right? Now, I'm not knocking it. I would do it in a heart. I would rather be there right now than here right now. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. It's funny.

This was like, the Romans really were in Seville, and they really do have Roman ruins, like ancient Roman ruins in Seville that are like, you know, protected, they're landmarks, you can see them. And the funny thing is, is you'll be walking down one of these incredibly crazy streets, and then all of a sudden there are these huge, like, columns. Yeah. Or an old statue of, like, you know, Perthicius or something like that, and you're like, what? Jared. That's like Rome. Jared. Yeah, and it looks to me a little Epcot-ish, like it just came out of the ground like that, it was like in between two apartment buildings, Perthicius, like, you know. But the truth is, it really is true. It's like, it's actual Roman

ruins. I think that's part of what I do love about Europe, is that things are so ancient and old there that you can be walking down the street. Like, when I went to Rome, it's almost cartoonish how much history is just all around you. It's hard to like wrap your brain around things you only see in encyclopedias or online. But Astrid, you know, just a couple of feet down from the Airbnb. That was sweet. Two turns, which took us three hours because we couldn't figure out which two turns. But you know, two turns and we're going to go into this little hallway and in the little hallway, unbelievably, is this, you know, like, rather

modern looking check-in for a Roman bathhouse. And so, they check you in and then, you know, they have this person that comes and says, okay, women over here, men over here, and so, and you guys will get back together in just a second. When you're done, they'll show you where to go. Okay, so I go to the right, she goes to the left. And when I go to the right, there's this like, you know, handsome, young Spanish guy, you know, first time to the Roman bath, and I'm like, it's my first time to the Roman bathhouse. Okay, here's what you do, you know, get down all the way to your underwear, right? Or however, whatever you feel comfortable with. I want you to change or no, actually change into your bathing suit is what he said.

Change into your bathing suit. And then you can lock your locker like this. I said, oh, okay, great. So I'm standing in this area with like, I don't know, 50 lockers. And there's like four other dudes that are in there in some various state of dress or undress. And I'm like, oh, that are in there in some various state of dress or undress. And I'm like, oh, okay, where do you change? And he goes, here.

And I go, oh, here? Like, there's like a changing room or something? He goes, this is the changing room. And I thought to myself, I hate these situations. I hate the situations where I got to show my dick to other guys. You know what I'm saying? Like, why do I have to show my dick to other guys? And it's not that I'm not comfortable showing my dick to other guys. I've done I'm saying? Like, why do I have to show my dick to other guys?

And it's not that I'm not comfortable showing my dick to other guys. I've done it lots in my life. I'm a dick shower. I like to, I don't know. Something about this particular situation just made me feel just like a little bit uncomfortable because there was this like right behind me,

like the wall kind of angled a little bit. So I'm standing at the wall and then there's like this little angled wall. And there was a guy that was sitting on a bench right behind me and he was in his bathing suit and he was like drying his hair with a towel, right? And as I turn around to ask, you know, Ricardo or whatever his name was, you know, Sergio, Sergio, yeah, hey, Sergio, is there like a changing room? And he's like, yeah, here, you know, go ahead and change. Don't be, he told me, don't be shy. Don't be shy.

You probably have a 10 foot dick. You're 21 years old. I'm Irish. Where do the Irish people change? Is there like a small dick area where the small dicks get together? And when I turn around, uh, this guy is now fully in the buck. Chrissy with a a horse cock the size of Nebraska. Right? And he's just now, I don't know, I don't know why he decided to drop

trial because he's still like drying his hair, but now he's naked. And he's just like standing toward me, like facing me. And I'm like, there's, what do you do in a situation like that? When you have a horse cock and you're naked and you're facing another man, there's only one reason why you're facing another man. It's to show him how big your cock actually is. So there's only one choice. I can either eyes forward, keep staring at his face, or I can just do what he wants me to do, look down, see how big his cock is, and then turn around and hope that no one looks at my cock. Give him a thumbs up.

Good job. A plus on that horse cock, dude. So you know what I did? I just took a quick look and I was like, yeah, that's amazing. There was another guy in there too. Actually, there was another guy in there. I don't know if he was American or what. But then I like, Miranda was not in there, just to let you know. So, as I kind of do like this 360 back to the locker, right? I kind of glance at his dick, realize how big it is and right

back to locker. And as I'm perusing the rest of the room, there's another guy in there who had like this backpack and he was getting settled too. And you should have seen the look on his face, because it was like we saw each other and we both agreed that our cocks are not that big and that we agreed it's okay to have a smaller cock than that. Yeah, just two men not talking, just with eye contact, agreeing that not every cock is that big. I mean, the size of this cock was unbelievable. Anyway, so what do I do? I guess the only thing that I can do is just drop trap. When in Rome. When in the Roman bathhouse. I almost stuck myself like in the locker. I guess I was unroaming. I almost stuck my dick like in the locker so no one could see.

And then I get dressed and I come back out and I see Astrid, they take us on a tour of the place. They say, okay, here you go. And this is all indoors, by the way. Here's the warm bath. It's cool, warm, and hot as you go along the bath. And I thought that was really interesting, like how they actually managed to keep the temperatures different on different parts of the pool. I don't know, but that's just how it was. It was like starting here is cool, going here is warm, going over there is hot, and then there's actually a hot tub or what they, you know, they called it like a hot bath or something in the back separated off. Then behind the hot bath is a cool bath, okay? Like a cold bath.

Yeah, like a cold plunge type thing. Yes, like a cold plunge. So, but the Astrid had gotten some package that included like a fresco, like a drink, like a fruit drink, a smoothie almost, in a separate, private hot tub before you get this, all the baths and then the massages up at the top, right? This all ends with a massage, by the way. And you love Brian's massage story, so here you go. So we take this elevator, so the girl goes, oh, you have the fresco, so we're going to

go up to the private hot tub. And it's like, oh, up to the private hot tub. Sounds great. So we get in this elevator with this lady. The elevator is one foot by one foot by one foot. And all three of us are basically like on top of each other. It is 116 degrees in there. And the lady has hot ass breath, like you will not believe. So we are all stuck in there smelling this lady's breath as the elevator is taking us to which floor?

I don't know, but it seemed like the 3000th floor because it took for fucking ever to get up to the top there. But once we got up there, all of a sudden we are on the roof of the building overlooking the entire city. It was the most gorgeous view I have seen in a long time of a metropolitan city. It was worth it. It was way worth it. And then they have this huge hot tub on top that has these seats where you just sit there and drink your fresca. And it was cold outside, like it was really cold. And Astrid and I

were the only ones in this hot tub. So it was really like a super cool, special moment. And I told Astrid, I said, listen, I would make love to you right here if I hadn't just seen the world's biggest cock, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to embarrass you or anybody else because, you know, there's lots of buildings around and everyone can see you. I wish we could go back to our misspent youth, Astrid, but this is it. So, we drink these drinks. The lady says, you have about 15, 20 minutes. When you get done with the drinks, come back downstairs, get yourself in the splash, and then we'll call you for your massage. So Astrid and I drink these drinks in one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever, ever looked at. It was just amazing. It was

like eight o'clock and nine o'clock in the morning. Very cool outside, but you're in this very hot, hot tub. Delicious drinks that you're drinking, super cool outside, but you're in this very hot, hot tub. Oh, that's the past. Delicious drinks that you're drinking, you know, super fruity, sugary drinks. And then we go down afterwards and we splash in the tub in this huge pool, which is unbelievably cool, warm, and hot. How do they do that, do you think? I don't know. You think it's just like jets of water that keep it certain temperature? It was a really big pool that was,

you know, Sevea is known for a certain type of painted tile. And if I show it to you, you'll recognize it. And I wish I could remember the name of it, but every tile is painted by hand. It's all different. And the tiles, yeah, it's kind of like a mosaic type tile, right? But every... Like on the terracotta.

It's almost like, yes, it's painted on terracotta. That's right. And then it's glazed on top. The entire inside of this building, which by the way, is like 40 feet tall. Like this room is like 40 feet tall. There's an area in the middle with all of these like Egyptian curtains and these beds where people can sit and just relax. There are multiple pools. There are multiple hot tubs. It's beautiful. There are these huge Egyptian lamps that sit over the pool and they have real candles

lit in there. It was unbelievable. Password scored a hundred thousand on this one. I mean, she really did. It was unbelievable. Gorgeous. Astrid scored 100,000 on this one. I mean, she really did. It was unbelievable.

So we get into this pool and then we swim to the end of it where it's hot and then on the side, there's a hot tub and then the cold plunge. So Astrid and I make our way to the, you know, we go through the cool, warm, hot, and then we get into the hot tub, which is fucking hot, man. I mean, it was like frying hot. And then all of a sudden, we start hearing this noise like, loud, crazy, crackling sound. And I'm like, what is that? And behind us is this cold plunge pool that's probably four feet wide by 15 feet long with some steps going into it,

right? I go, I get out of the pool and I look over to the side and literally out of the wall, in the terracotta tile there's a hole, and in that hole there is ice shooting down into this cold plunge pool out of the wall. It's just like splashing down into there out of the wall. And it doesn't stop. It's just like the ice just keeps coming into this water out of the wall. And I was so, first of all, I was startled. I didn't know what to think about it.

Second of all, I thought to myself, is there like someone that's dumping buckets of ice in the other side of the wall? Or is this like a machine that just keeps dumping ice into this fucking pool? And A, B, is this the most inefficient way ever to keep a pool cold? I mean, wouldn't you just like throw some cold water into it?

Just turn on the cold water? How inefficient is that? Just to keep throwing ice into a warm bath to keep it cold? Have you ever seen anything like this? No, I have not seen that. You've never had an ice machine attached to your pool? I have not. There's an ice machine attached to the pool.

But I hear that in Dubai, you do have blocks of ice delivered to the pool. You can have blocks of ice delivered to your pool here in Atlanta. They do it in Florida also. They will bring huge blocks of ice and they will splash them in your pool to cool them down, which again, seems like a horribly inefficient way to do things, but okay. But I mean, it gives if you have a pool that's like, you know, 95, 98 degrees, like it's literally your body temperature and you're looking for something to cool off into, that's not very refreshing. Now, my pool, since it's the size of Dubai and it's, you know, the worst pool ever made in the history of humanity, it only gets that hot for like three weeks of the year, so I wouldn't do that. What I really need is a heater in

that pool because it is cold most of the year. It's just too cold to go into. You think, you think, you would think that when a pool is like 82 degrees, that that's warm enough to jump into. But jump into a pool that's 82 degrees and you will realize that that is actually not a very warm pool. That's true. That's actually pretty cold. And I think that's like the biggest misconception people have when they come over to the pool

and I'll be like, you know, they'll come in the springtime, they'll be like, oh, is it time to jump in the pool? And I'll be like, no, it's only 80 degrees. 80 degrees, man, that's warm, that sounds nice. It's like, no, it's not warm or nice. You jump into it and you tell me how 80 degrees feels. When it's 90 degrees, now it's getting closer to something, you know, warm. Actually, when it's like 88, then it's warm. But, you know, a pool with an ice machine attached to it It's just like seemed like just the weirdest way in a Roman bathhouse nonetheless to keep something cool You know what I'm saying?

Did you get into the cool plunge? I did not Astrid did Astrid got up to her knees and then she said fuck this Yeah, it is it's it's really cold and you know, I I think we've talked about this many times on the show before. I realize that it's very trendy to take a cold plunge and that some people think there are some health benefits to it. But I have also read that there could be some real health detriments to subjecting yourself to that kind of stressor on a daily basis or even on a weekly basis. It's just like, you know, some people, like Brian, can do lots and lots of cocaine in their lives. And even though that's a stressor on your body and it's a shock to your heart and it's

a shock to the system, I'll survive. Like, I lived, I figured it, you know, my body figured it out and I went through it. And then there are other people who could do cocaine just once and have lifelong side effects or maybe even die. I consider myself one of those people that I just don't want to try the cold plunge because I'm afraid that like that college athlete that tried cocaine and his heart exploded, I don't want to be that guy. I do not like cold water. And so why would I like a cold plunge? I have been in cold water. Once it reaches my chest, Chrissy, I can't take it. I'm like, I know. My kids will be in that pool probably May 10th.

And they're out there chattering. Yes, until like June 25th. Those kids are in the pool and Brian is dutifully watching them from outside the pool as they're begging me to come in, begging me. And I'm like, nope, unless someone's drowning, I am not coming in. Because I'll tell you, when I took the, the time that I took the coldest bath I've ever, the coldest plunge I have ever taken was when Niko, Niko the ghost dog, Niko the smelly ghost dog, remember Niko the smelly ghost dog? Yeah, I do. I was just talking about him yesterday, actually. Those of you who have been listening

for a long time will remember Nico the smelly ghost dog who passed away last year, or we put him down last year. The very first day that we got Nico as an adult dog, we took him from one of our family members who couldn't care for him anymore. When we brought him to the house, I have the front door, it goes through a family room, then there's a sliding back door that then goes down a set of stairs toward the deck where the pool is. And we had been on a four hour, five hour drive, and as soon as we got home, the first thing I knew to do was to let both of the dogs out back so that they could go to the bathroom. Nico has never been to the house, so he doesn't know what our backyard is like. When I open the door, Nico runs,

he has to go to the bathroom so bad, he runs on the patio, runs down the stairs and follows Blue as she's moving diagonally through the yard, but Blue knows where the pool is. So Blue ran around the pool, but Nico was just taking a straight line to Blue and just ran right into the pool. And when I mean ran right into the pool, like the fucking Wile E. Coyote, as he's, you know, he's like runs off the cliff and his legs keep going, but then he falls. That's what Nico did. Nico was going down. Nico had never been in water. Nico did not know what to do. Nico was going down. Nico had never been in water. Nico did not know what to do. Nico was going down. Oh my God. And so, uh-

You had to get in there. So, blue went first, Nico fell in the pool, and then Brian was right after him, phone and all, just right into the water. And that was in January. Oh! January! Like, January 23rd. I have never been so cold in my entire life. My bad. The gasp of air that came into my lungs. Yeah. I swear to God. I know. Astrid was like, worried for me. I gasp of air that came into my lungs.

I swear to God, I know, Astrid was like worried for me. I was like blue, my fingertips were blue. It was so fucking cold. That water must have been no warmer than 40 degrees. I mean, it was just so cold. And I hated every minute of it. Yeah, no need to do it again. And it took me like two hours to warm up.

Why would I wanna be Joe fucking Rogan and get in a cold plunge every day? Maybe he's more man than I am. I don't know. Probably not, but you know, just say it. All right, I'll get to the massage mañana. Oh, you did it. We ran out of time. I talked too much about parking. This episode brought you by parking.

parking. This episode brought to you by parking. We'll get back to it. I love it. I've been waiting to hear the story. Oh I can't wait to tell you about this wedding. This wedding was for sure. Dancing flamenco horses right? The flamenco horse. The dancing flamenco horse. And you think I'm kidding. Wait until I tell you the story. I can't wait. This was one of the most interesting weddings I have ever. Actually the most interesting until I tell you the story. Okay wait. This was one of the most interesting weddings I have ever actually the most interesting wedding. I have ever been to beautiful beautiful beautifully done Top-notch all the way traffic stopping. That's all I gotta say. Oh, yeah, that's right Literally stopped traffic in Sevilla so much so that it got on the news that night. It was on the news

Yeah, Astrid and tonight didn't stop any traffic at our wedding. You had a great wedding though. It was lovely. It was great. It was lovely. I loved it. As a matter of fact, we have a DVD of that wedding that the kids have found and we bought a DVD player so the kids could watch another like children's movie Right, so I bought a DVD player for like 19 bucks and now the kids love to watch the wedding That's what they want to do over and over again. They watch the wedding. It is very sweet. I Don't like to watch it because it just reminds me of how good-looking I was back then I Think that was like peak Brian getting married to Astor with I think that was like peak Brian getting married to ask her with people

All right Donate listen do me a favor donate to the victims in Spain if you can I'll put a link in the show notes We certainly would appreciate it, and I know they would too 2 1 2 4 3 3 3 TCB 2 1 2 4 3 3 3 8 2 2 questions, content, ideas. We are taking them all right there. Let us know how you're feeling. Let us know how you're doing. Thanks to everyone who has been calling and writing. I just checked the phone. I missed like 40 messages. Just in a couple days. It's great. I love it. Thanks guys. I really appreciate it. Keep them coming. Ask TCB coming up very shortly. I said we would do that on Friday, but maybe we'll have to do that next

Tuesday. But anyway, tcbpodcast.com. That's where you find all the show notes, all the audio, all the video right there. Get your free sticker, hit the contact us button, drop down menu says, I want my sticker. Give us your address and we'll send one off to you. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tik TOK and youtube.com slash the commercial break for all of our interviews and selected clips. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you.

I love you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say, goodbye. I'm gonna be a star, I'm gonna be a star I'm gonna be a star, I'm gonna be a star I'm gonna be a star, I'm gonna be a star I'm gonna be a star, I'm gonna be a star

I'm gonna be a star, I'm gonna be a star You