The Commercial Break - It's Tijuana Bryan!

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

Hamptons Justin Timberlake and Tijuana Bryan Green may seem like two very different people, but in essence they are the same. Chaos Gremlins! Justin Timberlake’s DWI Bryan’s radio competition days He’s too old to twist! Boring golf talk A Tijuana day trip? Senor Frogs Bryan’s many foibles… The hunt for vicodin Bryan does talk too much A good day to wash your legs! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B.  Download & Listen on the Audacy app To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Knowing how to speak and understand a new language can be an invaluable tool when traveling, meeting new friends, or just even to master a new skill. But it's not always simple when you're bogged down by textbooks and structure classes. That's why so many people trust Rosetta Stone. Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program, available on desktop or as an app. It truly immerses you in the language you want to learn, like Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and more. You won't just be studying English translations.

The Rosetta Stone intuitive process helps you pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. Visit rosettastone.com slash rs10. That's 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses

for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash rs10 today. Look at me. You know, it gives goddess, it gives top tier, not easily accessible. So at the end of the day, no, we wasn't laid up and we wasn't finna be laid up because I'm on a mission and I'm not finna let a man mess up my creativity,

my hustle or my pH balance. And that's just what it is. On this episode of the commercial break. So she's like, oh, Brian, don't get yourself in trouble. And I'm like, listen, it's Brian. It's Brian. And she goes, I know. I know.

You had a boner in the fountain of our apartment complex at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I literally had to talk you out of jail. I literally just picked you up from jail three days ago for hitting a prostitute with my cock. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the cohost of this incredibly mediocre podcast.

Chris and Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Breaking news, well, today breaking news. It won't be breaking news when you hear it, but breaking news today,

Justin Timberlake has been arrested for DWI, according to the Sag Harbor Police and the Hamptons. He was arrested last night, showing signs of intoxication after driving from a hotel to a friend's house in his own vehicle behind his own wheel. What a fucking dipshit. I mean, I can't believe it. What in the world? Yeah. How do you have a driver? You have 10 drivers. Yeah. You have a plane. You have a pilot. I

mean, I take an Uber to go like down the street for dinner. Right. I'm going to be drinking. Good for you. And that's exactly how it should be. I mean, listen, there was never an excuse for driving drunk. It's just like bad. It's a bad juju altogether. Yes. But it's 2024 and you're just in fucking Timberlake. You have a pilot on standby. If you have a pilot on standby, you know you've got multiple drivers on standby, and I'm not exactly sure what goes through someone's head that's that rich, that entitled, that well-connect well connected and well known to get behind the wheel after drinking. That's so fucking stupid. That's like, that's an unforced error right there. It really is. It's crazy.

Yeah, it's ridiculous. Idiot. Makes me makes me hot under the collar. I know. Listen, Justin been getting a lot of bad press lately. And I think he does. I think rightfully so in some cases. You know, everyone, it's the new bandwagon, everyone jumps on it and says, oh, that guy sucks because he said this five years ago, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he treated Britney that way. Some of that's deserved, I think, quite frankly.

He's kind of been a shithead more often than maybe at first appeared. It's coming to light. Yeah, like I saw that, you know, that whole Janet Jackson thing, I remember watching that live. Oh yeah. And I didn't even see it. Like it just happened so quickly, and they turned the camera so quickly. I saw that, you know, that whole Janet Jackson thing. I remember watching that live. Oh yeah.

And I didn't even see it. Like it just happened so quickly and they turned the camera so quickly that I don't even remember seeing the boob or- The nipple. The nipple. The nip slip. Yeah, the nip slip, but it wasn't a nip slip.

It was all apparently pre-planned, I think. It's gotta be, right? You don't just, you're not wearing one of those things over your nipple unless you intend to show your nipple. Like, are you wearing a sun on your nipple when you intend not to show your nipple? No, it's an uncomfortable thing to tape on your boob just to then not show it to anybody. I don't know. I don't know. I think there's lots of different versions of that story that go around. But someone, many people have pointed out. Yeah, that there was no repercussions for him.

Zero. I mean, all the hate went to her. And he, and his career blew the fuck up. It was like, you know, they patted Justin on the head and they tore her down. Well, now he's having his comeuppance a little bit and people are looking back on this and saying, Hey, Justin, it was a douchebag in a lot of situations. And we kind of gave him a free pass because he could dance, you know, better than the average white man. I mean, I guess that's what's going on. I don't know.

And I got to admit there's a few JT grooves that I do like. Oh, I know. Yeah, that man in the mirror. Yeah. That man in the, is it man in the mirror song? You know, I'm looking in the mirror. Oh, yeah. Well, man in the mirror was Michael Jackson, but then there's, I guess,

his mirror. Looking in the mirror, the mirror, mirror, whatever the fucking song is. I don't know. I don't have JT on my playlist or anything, but I did like- Well, Sexy Back was the groove for a while. When he did that mirror song on Saturday Night Live with a full band and a 12-piece horn section, that jam was great.

It was. It was great. I loved it. I thought it was awesome. I really did like it. But I never was like into Justin Timberlake. I never knew, like I didn't follow his every move, but I'm watching all of this flack that he's getting for years ago and the way that he kind of shit on Britney a lot and all this other stuff when he probably could have just shut his mouth and been the bigger man about it.

And you know, now I have to say he's in official dumb dumb fucking territory. How do you get busted for a DWI in the fucking Hamptons of all places. Yeah. I know. It's pretty douchey. You have to be, that's like double douche. Remember Double Dare, the show, like the show, double douche. Okay? Double douche, being in Sag Harbor, driving your own car, intoxicated. And apparently, from what I've been reading, and this is just breaking like the last 12 hours, apparently what I'm reading is that he was like visibly intoxicated. The officer was like, whoa, this dude's drunk as a skunk. He flew through a stop sign. He's driving all over the road. And then the officer asked him to get out, smells like

booze, slurred speech, slow talking, slow walking, can't follow directions, can't stay focused. This guy must have been out of his mind. He must have been really drunk. That's so stupid. Doesn't he have someone with him that like tells him not to do that shit? Well, that's what I was going to say too. Yeah. Why would you... I don't know. The whole thing is just dumb. Just makes me... It makes me so hot under the car. Because here's the thing, and I don't want to get on a high horse about this because I am not one... I've had a DUI and it was... And thank God the officer pulled me over. Thank God he did, because I was drunk,

and I was really drunk, and I was angry because I'd almost gotten into a fist fight in the middle of a parking lot, and I had just definitely flopped trying to get into 99X's Seven People in a Car reality show of whatever they were doing, remember? There is tape of me from that night somewhere in Georgia Tech facilities. I know it.

If you can find it, have at it. I'd love to see it. Seven people had to live in a car for as long as you could. The last one wins. That's right. And you had like 15 minutes for smoke breaks and bathroom every couple of hours or something like that. But then they had to live in that car in a mall, like a fucking monkey in a cage for

days. And I don't remember the exact minutia of the contest, but I think that went on for like weeks one year. Like weeks. Did you like win the car? You would win the car. If you were the last one in the car, you would win the car.

I'll tell you what, man. Who wants to drive off in the car then after seven people have been living in it for weeks? You know what I'd do? Just X-lax every time I got and just fart the place up. Just be like, don't say a word, be a good boy, sit on someone's lap. I don't know what you do with seven people in a car. That's got to be terribly uncomfortable. What a great stunt. What a great morning zoo crew stunt.

I mean, so anyway, so I'll tell you what, I got a DUI, so I'm not one to throw stones in a glass house. I understand the, like you get that courage and you think nothing's going to touch you and you get in the car behind a wheel. This was definitely before any Uber and Lyft situations were out there. Yeah, I'm 90. I'm 90. This is back when the Model T was around.

Yeah, you had to live seven days in a Model T. And so... 99X presents... Model T Days! Live in this Model T here for seven days and outspittoon your partner! Take off your pantaloons and get comfortable. We're going to live in it for as long as you can. And if you're the last man inside of that, shotguns allowed. If you can't drive drunk in 2024, it's dumb, dumb bullshit. It's dumb, dumb bullshit.

You honestly could hurt somebody. And I realize it's Sag Harbor and it's two o'clock in the morning and there's probably no one on the road. But at the end of the day, it's just stupid. Don't you have someone? Isn't there someone that you love and trust or a manager or a PR person or someone that's assigned to just babysit you? I know. I mean, it makes me think, I guess he wasn't there with the wife and kids or maybe he was. No, he wasn't. He wasn't. They said she was not there. Yeah, she was not even in the Hamptons.

Yeah, I mean, whoever he walked out of the hotel, he had to been, I mean, yeah. I don't see Justin Timberlake rolling around by himself. He's not Larry David. The guy ain't Larry David. He's got, yeah, he's got friends, people, somebody. He's like, you know, party in a pouch. Like you bring that guy and he's going to bring 12, 50's got friends people somebody he's like, you know party in a pouch Like you bring that guy and he's gonna bring 12 50 80 other people that are just like hangers-honors You would at least think one one one if I'm live nation

And I pay Justin all this fucking money to go out on these tours and I insure it and I paying for the equipment I'm doing all that cuz that's how it works live nation comes to Justin. They say you ready to get on it He says I'm in it. They go, they rent these facilities. They give him a big fat fucking check for every show that he goes to. That's the game. He gives him a big fat fucking checks. I wouldn't be surprised if that guy ain't making $50 million to tour around this country for a year, whatever it, to around wherever for a year, 50, 60, $70 million. If I'm Live Nation, anytime that I make that kind of bet, I got someone on him 24 hours a day. 24, even if it's just like a person in plain clothes with one

of those little earpieces that makes everyone scared. Yeah, no, that makes total sense. Yes, and I'm making sure that he doesn't fuck that shit up because I got to make my money back. And that's the way I, and if you have to be told not to drunk drive in Sag Harbor, Hamptons, you are a fucking double douche. Double douche. I'm sorry, Justin, you're not getting a pass on this one. Not from me. Uh-uh.

No. For me. Take care of your shit. Hmm. Hmm. That's all I got to say. A diddly squat. That's what I, I don't understand the reasoning.

I just don't. I can't wrap my head around it. And you know there was someone with him. You know there was. So that person is just as guilty. That person should be in jail too. It should be Justin for DUI and that person for letting him. Letting, yeah, LDWI. Letting the driver with intoxicated while intoxicated go on. Fuck you. Unbelievable. So update on the speaking of cars and driving erratically, update on my getting hit by a car situation. I ended up having to go to the doctor. I should have fucking called the police, man.

You know, I told this story, you know, I got hit by a car, and I'm Brian Green, so of course I told this story a million times. And it gets bigger every time, right? I'm like, I literally like hurdle jumped to the side of the car and she came right at me and I flipped off the back and double ollie and I landed on my feet and I was like, what's up lady? And she said, soul. And I said, lo siento, no soy mi amiga. Que pasa? Yeah, so I can only imagine the iterations that have occurred of the story. Oh, that's right. Because when we told it, when we told it, it was fresh.

Oh, fresh. It was very fresh. I mean, it was like an hour earlier. Yeah, I know. So it's gone through many, as my mind creates new illusionary things, it gets better and better. And so when I landed on my feet, some dude drove by in a truck and he said, ah, I got it on video, Snapchat, baby.

And I was like, sweet, call the police. Not for me, dude. No police. Yeah. No federales. And, uh, and so, you know, but I did wake up, you know, I had, my back was kind of aching in the first place before this all happened, but I did wake up, you know, my back was kind of aching in the first place before this all happened, but I did wake up in pretty bad shape over the weekend. Well, it was a jarring situation that happened too.

Yeah, I think that's what it was. And you had to twist. I twisted over the car and I think that that just, you know, I'm an old man. Anybody who's got lower back problems, which is probably half of you because that's the statistic. Anybody who's got lower back issues understands that if your back is fussy, and then you go fucking around with it,

it may not hurt right then. You might not like feel it right then. It's not like a broken bone, but eventually your nerve is gonna inflame and set on fire. And that's what happened. So I had to spend a good part of Father's Day in the bed because I was like kind of jacked up, which sucked, but you know, I got through it.

I took some Advil and some Advil. That's what I took. I wish I had the good stuff, but first of all, like, you know, the good stuff that then you just cause a problem that maybe you don't need. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, if you think you need Vicodin for everything, you're probably right, but it's not a very good,

it's a long road down. It's not gonna happen. Yeah, it's nothing good's gonna happen. Nothing good is gonna come of that. And so I don't take narcotic pain medication every time that I'm feeling, actually, I don't think I've taken narcotic pain medication in like years,

maybe like five or six years, simply because if I don't really need it, I don't wanna take it. No, I don't like the way it makes me feel. Yeah, you said that, you don't like the way it makes me feel. Yeah, you said that, you don't like the way it makes you feel. Yeah, I get like- You're like the one in 6,000 that don't. It just makes me feel weird.

Yeah, I understand the allure. I certainly do understand the allure because when I first got my back problems, I would take pain medication that was prescribed to me, just like, you know. Yeah. That was prescribed to me and it's easy to see how you can,

like you feel like you're a million miles tall, right? You really feel like Superman-ish when you're on some of these pain medications. But eventually you need to take more and then you get kind of dopey and the whole, I don't want to end up like Andy Dick. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I already might be like Andy Dick. I know I'm a dick, a dick, but I'm not Andy Dick.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you don't want to cause a issue. No, you don't want to go in with one problem and come out with two. So anyway, I take a couple of Advil, I relax, Astrid brought from Venezuela, she brought like this medicine, quote unquote, from Venezuela, that's in a a box and I forget what it's called, but she had like 12 boxes of this stuff when she came. And it's supposed to be like an ib profan plus a real light muscle relaxer. So I take one of those and I feel really good and I don't feel doped up, doesn't make you feel loopy and I felt really good. But I'm telling you what,

on Sunday, on Father's Day, I just couldn't take it. My back was just aching so bad. And then it was double aching after I sat to watch the first round of golf I've watched since the Masters, which maybe I watched an hour of that. And I watched Rory McElroy. What a heartbreaking fucking shit. The bed. Jeff and I were watching it too. And we were like, holy shit. I mean, he was so close. He totally lost it in the end. What was it? The last, like, bogeyed the last- Two holes. Well, I think it was more than that. Well, he bogeyed a couple of the holes during the round, but like he bogey bogeyed. And then it was like, holy fucking shit, dude.

That's why Rory, while he will always be considered a great golfer, he will never go down in the same conversation as like a Phil Mickelson, Tiger Woods, Jack Nicholson. And I know most of you probably won't give a shit about golf, but just spare me three minutes here. He won't because he's a choke artist. And I love the guy. I really do. I'm rooting for him.

Every time. And every time my heart breaks. He's great too on that show. If you've watched full swing, I haven't, but I want to get into that. You know what I get into is that tour de France, the tour de France. I'm saying that correctly, by the way, tour de France, the tour de France show. I like that. But back to Rory, Rory has choked like publicly so many tournaments. It's 10 years since he won a major and it was so close this time. All he had to do was par par and he either would have won or been in a playoff.

If all things were the same, he would have won. If he bogeyed just one of those holes, he would have been in a tie. And then we would have seen what? Like an aggregate playoff, right? Isn't that where they go for like a whole round of golf, I think, which hasn't happened in forever and ever and ever. So I was so disappointed and that just made my back ache even more, just thinking about I could have been something great in golf. I really could have. I feel it in my bones. You bogeyed your chance at golf. I bogeyed my chance with my lower back putt out and I decided,

I bogeyed my chance with my lower back putt out and I decided, Percocet for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Although apparently Tiger was doing Percocet for breakfast, lunch and dinner and he was doing just fine. Of course he was also dicking down on anything he saw. I was gonna say, I think he was taking those when he was having sex. Oh my God, that guy, just let that guy fuck and take painkillers and let's get him back in the action.

But he can't even make a cut, man. And more of that film. Well, they're old. The time is gone. I understand Tiger Woods was my generation. Watching Tiger when I was growing up was super exciting. It was like awesome. He was so good. He would win almost every time. And sometimes every time for like a year there, year or two, he'd win every tournament he went into. He was unbelievable. The guy was on such a hot street. And then the fucking and the viking. And then the fucking and the viking. It's not that he was doing the fucking and the viking, it's he got caught doing the fucking and the viking. Yeah, things pretty went downhill. Yeah. And he had Elin Nordagen. Oh, no. Oh, my fucking Christ. All respect to my wife, who I love and she's the most beautiful woman in

the world that would ever talk to me. Do you know what I'm saying? But Elin Nordagen is a lovely human being. She's beautiful. I've never really heard her talk, maybe a couple of times here and there, but she is a lovely and a beautiful human being. She had every right to take that golf club through his fucking head. Yeah, absolutely. Did it happen to like Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving night, that's right. I remember waking up the day after Thanksgiving. I was living with Kevin at the time. I remember it too. I was like, what? Yeah, I think everybody was like, what? He a mailbox. That's something that Justin Timberlake does not Tiger Woods. And then the story came out. Yeah. But then, you know, let's talk about triple douching it. Not only did Tiger hit a fucking mailbox high on whatever he was on while

Elan was chasing him down the street with a golf club, but then he literally got into an accident by himself going 90 miles per hour down some curvy road. What are you doing, Tiger? I know. I think somewhere Tiger might have had like a death wish somewhere. I just suspect that there's so much fucking pressure to be Tiger Woods that he doesn't know who he is. And I think sometimes I see in his eyes, there's like this emptiness, like this void, this

vacuum. He doesn't know what to do with it. By the way, speaking of drunk, he is a skunky and golf. Let me put a cap on Rory. Rory, please win a major. Please. Please do it. Get back on the high horse or you're gonna age out too. Yeah. Tiger Woods went to an event in Las Vegas,

like a poker event or a gambling event, where he was raising millions of dollars for whatever charity. And maybe the Tiger Woods Foundation, because I know that's a big foundation. And someone caught him doing, he did like a cell phone interview, like a cell phone camera interview, real quick, right? Five minute interview. He is so incredibly fucking hammered that it isn't, there's no question about it. I am not speculating, either he is 15 tequilas in or he is 15 Vicodin and two tequilas in, one of the two, but he was so incredibly, maybe I should find it and I'll play it for you.

God blesses you. Because even just hearing it, you know the tiger. And listen, it's Las Vegas, get drunk, have fun, do your thing, right? But then don't agree to the five minute cell phone video interview. It's your own foundation. Don't you have security? Where are, where, where are all the people supposed to be taking care of these people?

Brian and Chrissy are supposed to be the people that have this kind of drama. Not Tiger Woods and Justin Timberlake. The fuck is going on with you people? Managers aren't like they used to be back in the day. Remember? Well, see, you and I had each other's back all those years that we were going out

and getting crazy at the radio station. Well, yes. Well, we definitely wouldn't let each other get into a car after a bunch of drinks, that's for sure. I remember carrying you out of the brave stadium one day, carrying you literally on my back. And you were like, let's take my car. And I'm like, no, take my car. Where? For a nap? We had each other's back. That's right. So we got a cab? So we had each other's back. That's right. So we got a cab, we went home, and then we got another cab before work the next day,

all the way down to Turner Rock. To retrieve the car. And I remember that our breath smelled like fire. We were both like, like Jägermeister bonds. Once again, I blame our manager. I blame him for a lot of stuff. He was the one serving it all up. My kids are bad.

I blame that guy. Honestly, I do. I blame that guy for a lot of shit. I think him for a lot of stuff. I mean, he was the one serving it all up. My kids are bad, I blame that guy. Honestly, I do. I blame that guy for a lot of shit. I think he caused a lot of trouble. We still don't know about. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break. And when I come back,

I'll talk a little bit about an experience, talking about Viking, it reminded me of an experience I had one time. And I'd like to share that story with Storytime with Brian. Let's do it. When we get back. I know you're already on your phone. So pull up Instagram and follow us at the commercial break

and then follow us on TikTok at TCB podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really,

we're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB. And don't forget to check out tcbpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break. This episode is sponsored in part by Quince. All right, we are getting ready for a few trips Listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break. vacation, you start thinking about what you're gonna wear. You need new clothes, you need new threads. To impress all those people who have no idea who you

are and will never see you again, it's baked into my brain. I want new clothes when I go somewhere new. Well over the last couple of weeks I've found out about and shopped at quince.com. Quince partners directly with top factories to cut out the middleman and bring the savings right to you. Example, I got a pair of European drawstring shorts. I love them. They're so comfortable. I saved almost $100. And Chrissy got some jewelry and a phone case. They have a wide variety of items like luggage, sunglasses, socks and footwear, tech accessories, men's, women's, and children's clothing. They have a deep catalog of items that you can choose from. And here's one of my favorite parts.

Quinn's only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I know you do it too. You start thinking about vacation. You want new clothing and accessories to bring with you. Pack your bags with high quality essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash commercial for free shipping, on your order, and 365 day returns. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash commercial to get free shipping and 365 day returns. That's quince.com slash commercial. Don't go to the beach or that family reunion

with the clothes you were wearing four years ago. Go to quince.com and treat yourself. And we want to thank quince for being a sponsor of the commercial break. It's the most anticipated WNBA season in history. So you know what that means. Court is back in session with Queens of the Court, a WNBA podcast.

I'm your girl, Sheryl Swoops. And I'm Jordan Robinson. All WNBA season long, we'll bring you interviews with star athletes, analysis on your favorite teams. And lots of hot takes. Order in the court. Follow and listen to Queens of the Court, free on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, so the year is whatever the year is.

Let's call it 2000 and something. And... Okay. In the year 2000. Do you remember that Conan bit that Andy Richter and Conan used to do in the year 2000? Oh my God, it was so hilarious. And Andy Richter, Andy Richter, Andy Richter, Andy Richter would sing this song. He would come in, it would be dark, they'd have these flashlights up to their face, and Andy Richter would go, in the year 2000, in the year 2000.

And Conan would say something funny that was happening in the year 2000, like Justin Timberlake will get arrested for DWI because his manager wasn't there. So in the year 2000 and something, I was living with a dear friend of mine, Amber, and we'd been living together for a long time with like, you know, roommates here and there and other places. And she got accepted to a doctorate program at UCLA. In order to get there, she's got to pack all her stuff and we got to drive it there, just to save some money, or she's got to drive it there. And she says to me, Let's make a road trip.

Let's make a road trip. Let's do it one last time, right? Let's go have 12 days of having fun. We'll stop wherever we want to stop. We'll do whatever we want to do. It was a ton of fun. It was one of my favorite memories of that period of my life. And I loved her so dearly that I figured, well, you know, 12 more days with best friend, what more could you want? And so, we traveled across the country and there's a lot of funny stories that came out of that. But even when we get to, I think Arizona, we're trying to plan out the next part of, no, we're in Las Vegas, and we're trying to plan out the next part of the trip. And she says, hey, you know, is there any place you'd like to go, like any place you'd

like to visit? And I've been texting with a friend who I worked in the restaurant business with during this entire trip. And I said, hey man, any, you know, must have spots in California, you know, between here and wherever. And he says, Oh, go down to San Diego and take a day trip to Tijuana. And I'd always want to go to Tijuana, but I never met. Yeah. So I tell Amber, I say, Hey, listen, Amber, can we go to Tijuana? I know it's a little bit out of the way. It's, you know, Los Angeles,

San Diego, not exactly right next door to each other, but we got a couple extra days. Why don't we head down and then we can take a day trip to Tijuana or spend a couple days in Tijuana and San Diego area. And she says, yeah, I'm up for it. And so when I tell my friend, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna go to Tijuana, he says, great. Here's what I want you to do.

Oh no. Oh yeah. You gotta understand, this is 20 something Brian. And I am likely to do anything anybody tells me to do at any time. I am really a double douche at this point, right? If you don't even have to dare me, I will do it. Jump in the water fountain naked, I'm already there.

I got a boner. Drink 12 shots of vodka and then eat a piece of rotten fish, I'm sitting on the toilet. What do you want? I already did it. Smoke crystal meth with a bunch of swinging chiropractors. I got that crack pipe in my ass. I'm going three times. Go to a swingers party and stare at people. I'm taking pictures, baby. What do you want? How do you got it? Long line at Jazz Fest to get a cab? Ask the neighbors. It's the ninth ward. What could go wrong? I am really a dumb dumb. I mean, I'm just full of piss and vinegar. I don't know which way to go. I'm ADHD on top of it.

So I just do anything. So I'm like, yeah, what do you need? He says, hey, listen, when you get down to Tijuana, there's going to be many, many pharmacies down there. Here's what I want you to do. Go in, ask them for the good stuff. You got to go in there. You got to tell them you're in a lot of pain.

They're going to try and give you tramadol because they sell that shit all the time down there. But that's not what you're looking for. The mainstream pharmacies, the ones with the big signs, those are the ones that don't give you what you want, but they can head you in the right direction. Start there. And I'm like, okay, I'm on a fucking, now I'm on a scavenger hunt for Vicodin, right? So what he wants me to do is he wants me to go down there and convince one of those pharmacies to give me Vicodin. Well, a lot of people do that, right?

All the time. Yeah, with the medications. Yeah, and apparently, yeah, and with the medications, and apparently there's places in Canada that are similar, though I don't think it's legal to get, I don't think it's legal in either country to bring them over the border without a prescription, but I don't know the legalities, don't trust me. I'm the guy naked in the water, you don't want to ask me. With a boner. Right, with a boner. We get down to San Diego, we're staying in like, you know, some hotel in La

Jolla. Which is beautiful. Gorgeous. So beautiful. San Diego is one of the most beautiful places in this country and I've been to all the Lower 48. I mean, some of them I just drove through, but I've been to all the Lower 48. And I do have to say that San Diego is one of the most stunningly, And I do have to say that San Diego is one of the most stunningly, visually appealing places in this country. I just think it is. Yeah, it's gorgeous. So we get there at night and the next morning, Amber wakes up, let's go to Tijuana. And I'm like, let's do it.

Let's go to Tijuana. Yeah, make a day of it. Make an adventure of it, right? Yeah. So we're going to park and then we're going to walk across the border. So we park, we got a little knapsack with a couple bottles of water and a few snacks just in case, I don't know,

in case you get lost in the desert or something. I don't know why we're doing this. I'm picturing you with like a stick with a bag. Like a hobo stick, yeah. Like my mom dressed me up when I was seven years old. My first Halloween costume, a hobo. Now, I know that's a derogatory term, but back then, it was a costume. And it said, hobo on it. Imagine a stick with like a little, you know,

whatever they call it. Napsack. Napsack, like a paisley, you know, headband that you made into a little satchel. And then you would like walk down the street with your hobo stick. So, I can even see the backpack. I remember the backpack. I'd had it since I was like 15 years old. It's got holes in it, things fall out of it all the time. It's mainly just got lighter cigarettes and, you know, nudie pictures in it, but whatever. Oh, and I have a journal because I write songs. Yes, it's my songwriting phase. SOTY SOT UP! SOTY SOT UP! Some of those that want to force it are the same that burn the cross. I took Rage Against the Machine and made it into smooth jazz.

So we go, we cross the border, I'm guessing it's noon, it's like beginning of the afternoon, right at lunchtime. High noon. High noon. High noon, Tijuana. It's a Mexican standoff between me, Amber, and my hobo stick. So, we get into Tijuana, and this guy has prepped me. Now, you got to remember, there's no Google Maps. There are cell phones, but there's no Google Maps. Maybe you have one of those versions of a cell phone where you can download a map that takes you 12 hours to do. There's no map. So, we have literally a roadmap. And he tells us, he says, listen,

you get in there, you're going to go into the entryway, there's a big plaza, and then you're going to go into the Mercado district, which is the market district, and there's just going to be rows of bars and pharmacies. That's it. Bars, pharmacies, doctor's offices, you know, there's so much of that going on down there. Nicole Soule-Nicholson That's so crazy. I've never been, so, I don't know, but it sounds crazy. Jared Siffman If you've never been to Tijuana, I know you've heard about it because Tijuana is literally

a punchline, right? It's a punchline. We've all heard the stories. We've all either been there or seen movies about it. It's hard to explain just what a different universe Tijuana is in a beautiful way and in some cases, not a beautiful way. I enjoyed it, but I had been in Mexico a lot because my father worked there and we would travel with him. I had been in Mexico a lot because my father worked there and we would travel with him. I'd been in Mexico a lot, so it wasn't like unfamiliar territory for me, but also I had never been to a part of Mexico where it was just pharmacies, bars, and doctor's offices as far as the eye can see, right? So, we walk through the plaza, we get there and the first thing that we see, or one of the first things that we see, all these bars, it's noon, the place is basically empty, I

think because mainly it's like a night town, like people go there during the evening and the night, and it's probably a Wednesday afternoon, it's very empty. So, the first thing that struck me was there's not a lot of people here. The second thing that struck me is he was right, bars and pharmacies. Pharmacies of all different sizes. But a lot of them have these big green signs that say, pharmacy. Jared And so he says, start at one of the big pharmacies and tell them you need something for the pain, but then tell them the pain is really bad. Don't buy the tramadol, right?

Don't buy the tramadol. That's what he just keeps telling me. Don't buy the tramadol. The first, one of the first bars that we encountered that looks like someplace we would go into was Senior Fucking Frogs. Senior Frogs. And even though it says Senior Frogs on the name, it is definitely an Americanized bar. You can go in there, you know what it's all about.

It's basically TGI Fridays with, you know. The big yard sticks of the drinks and shots. Some breros on the wall. You get it, you get where you're going. So I go up, and by the way, I haven't really let Amber in on this whole plan. I got cooking up with my buddy yet. So then we sit down. Let's go to Tijuana. Check it out.

Exactly. So I sit down. I order a beer. Amber doesn't drink. So she was ordering whatever she was ordering. And I say, listen, I just got to go on a little adventure here for like 30 minutes. And she's like, what? Where are you going? And I was like, I got this guy. He wants me to buy him some medication. And she's like, like pain medication or like Xanax? And I'm like, yeah, kind of like that. Exactly like that. I'm sorry. Exactly like that. He's actually naming it. He says he wants Vicodin 5.3.7 or whatever. So she's like, oh, Brian, don't get yourself in trouble. And I'm like, listen, it's Brian. It's Brian. And she goes, I know you had a boner in the fountain of our apartment complex at two o'clock in the afternoon. I literally had to talk you out of jail. I literally just picked you up from jail three days ago for hitting a prostitute with my car.

I know exactly who you are. And I said, listen, nothing like that. I just want to, you know, let me just get you. And Amber, always the sweetest, like caretaking type of person, was like, just don't get in trouble. Okay? You got my cell phone number, just don't get in trouble. I said, I got the cell phone close, I promise. So I walk out of Senior Frogs and right in front of me is pharmacy. Big green sign, can't miss it. And I'm like, okay, he said start here, so let's start here. Now I'm on a fucking scavenger hunt for Vicodin, right? In fucking Tijuana in the middle of the afternoon. So I said, okay, let me start here.

I walk in, there's plenty, it's a beautiful, well-lit, hundreds of medication bottles everywhere, you know, all kind of gunk and junk and lotions and potions. It's a big, clean place, glass windows on the outside. And I walk in and there's like 35 people in white coats behind these things, 35 people. It is a huge facility and everyone's wearing a white coat as if they were a doctor. Right. Just because you wear a white coat doesn't mean… That's right. And I think they know the psychology behind this, right? They're like, oh, I'm talking to someone that I can trust. Look at him. He's 17. Right. We're wearing a white coat. That's right. He's a 17 Tijuana with no medical training whatsoever. So, I go up, I say, hey,

listen, what can I get you, sir? What do you need? I said, listen, I got some bad pain in my knee. And he goes, okay, I got something for the pain. And I go, yeah, but it's really bad pain. He goes, oh, don't worry, I got something for the pain. He comes over, he's got like a bottle, like an industrial-sized bottle, tramadol, says it right on the front. And I say, oh, yeah, I don't know. One time I took tramadol and it made my stomach hurt. I need something stronger than that. And he goes, oh, okay, okay. All right, listen, I can't get you that kind of shit here, man. This is like straight up pharmacy, you know what I'm saying? But if you go over to my friend's place, like toolbox down, you tell him that Jose sent you and he tell you hook you up. Okay, no problem. Very friendly, very nice, super sweet.

I say, okay. I go over, I follow his instructions to a T, there's like federales walking around everywhere, you know, but I'm just playing it cool, probably sweating profusely and, you know, chewing my face off, but whatever, I'm going to get there. Did you have your knapsack still? Oh, I did. I had the backpack on. I was like, you know, bouncing up and down. I am straight out of American white man 101.

That's, I'm probably wearing flip flops too. Oh, you know you were. I know I was. Flip flops and board shorts was the thing that I was into then. So flip flops and board shorts, I'm walking down. Now I'm getting a little bit off the beaten path a little bit, because he told me to walk a couple blocks this way and walk a block that way. So now I'm a little bit off the beaten path, but I still feel comfortable.

And I see the Greenside Pharmacy, not as big, not as well lit, but still a pretty big place. They still have like 15 people working there. So, I walk in, you know, a guy comes up, hey man, what's, hey, sir, can I please, can I help you? And I said, yeah, Jose from the other pharmacy sent me. Oh, great, yeah, man, okay, cool, whatever. Yeah. You know, whatever. What do you think I get commissioned every time you say, Jose? What do you want, a tip jar or something? I don't know. What do you fucking want? And I say, listen, man, I have some bad knee pain. Jose told me you could hook me up here with the good stuff. Oh yeah, no problem, man, I get you. He brings over the same bottle of Trampadil,

puts it down on the counter. It's $100, $200, whatever. And I say, got this stomach thing. Now I'm allergic to it. I'm like, I think I'm allergic to it. It's not good. Now I'm allergic to it. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm just trying to figure it out, right? So he's like, okay, okay, all right, listen, you know, you need to talk to, you need to talk to like a doctor pharmacy guy who can really, you know, get you the thing you need, because I think what you're talking about, we probably don't carry it here, you got to have paperwork and stuff like that. And I said, oh, okay, yeah, yeah. And he goes, go two blocks this way and one block that way and a third block this way and there's a little alley and take a left down there.

And then you're going to see a brown door and you open it up and you could go talk to my guy, Carlos. He's going to hook you up. And I was like, oh, okay, all right, okay. We check in with Amber real quick. Amber, I am alive, but I may not be later, so just keep a lookout. Amber Lutz Stay as near frogs for now. Jared Sussman Make sure to say, you stay exactly where you are. Are you alive? I'm alive, are you alive? To which I then say, there's a song book in my backpack, make sure it gets to the National Archives. Somebody's going to want that shit. Oh, it's pure poetry. Pure poetry. Someday I'm going to read some of that stuff on air and you'll see how terrible

my writing was. We have to see it. Okay, I've got it. It's right there. I found it, actually. So, I go, I do the little thing, I walk around. Now I'm noticing that there's a couple more people around, none of them American, which is fine. I don't care. I lived in Mecs, I don't care. Like, I don't give a shit. I'm just noticing my surroundings. Sure. which is fine. I don't care. I lived in Mecs, I don't care. Like, I don't give a shit. I'm just noticing my surroundings. But things are getting a little less flashy, a little less organized, a little more-

Jared plus you're going down an alley. I am. Well, I haven't even gotten to the alley yet. Now I'm just like three blocks, five blocks off of the beaten path, right? But now I'm like into Tijuana, like not in the American district, which is probably what it should be called, not the Mercado district, but like Tijuana, Tijuana, right? And I'm down there and there's also some federales back there. I'm not really paying much attention to them. It's kind of like, I just don't want to look at them. If I don't look at them, they won't look at me kind of thing, right? I can see them out of the corner of my eye, but I'm not going to bite. So, I'm walking, I'm walking. I take that whatever,

right hand turn, I take that left hand turn like he tells me. And now I'm a little confused as to where I am. I'm like, okay, so there's going to be like an alleyway or something down here. There's a couple old buildings. And I was like, wow, I am pretty far back here. And now I'm getting into like where the dogs are barking on the... Like, blue. You mean like blue right now? Dogs are barking on the patio. Old ladies are sweeping off stuff and looking at me like really weird, like... See you're done, amigo, see you're done. And I'm like, you know, I'm just saying, hey, good morning.

You know, and they're like, you're dead. But I'm on an adventure. What can I say? I've been in darker, deeper, crazier places than this and I'm on the mission now. I got to at least see if I can finish the mission because, you know- Well, you can't pull out now. Yeah, that's right. Well, that's what she said

I think I ended up with so many kids. I can't pull out now. I gotta finish the mission All right, but you know, of course my dipshit friend that i've known for exactly six months Who just got out of jail? Needs some viking and back in atlanta, georgia. I'm in tijuanaijuana, Mexico. Why not? Why wouldn't I finish the job? It made sense to me at the time. I was ready to go to jail, be arrested by the federalist, or get fucking shot by some cartel dude who thought I was on the wrong side of the street, because my friend wanted 30 Vicodin from Tijuana, Mexico. He couldn't go into the doctor and say his knee hurts. All right. The punchline is good. So, let's take a break. I know. I know. I know. I always do it to you. But that's, hey, listen, it's a job. We got to pull you through the break. That's the way it goes. We'll be back in just a few minutes and I'll share it

with you. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TC video. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember! So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash the commercial break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. All right, Brian's in Tijuana. He's now on his second pharmacy. He's leaving. He's left his second pharmacy. I am ready to go down the alleyway, quote unquote, that this gentleman

has told, one of the seemingly doctors told me on a pharmacy. She plays a doctor on TV. Who, if you can't trust a guy in a white coat, who can you trust? Yeah. Dr. Oz taught us all that and Dr. Phil. So, I, you know, twisting, winding, I'm out way outside of the, in my head, I'm way outside of the zone of Americanism now. And I do see the alley. I find the alley and I turn down the alley and then, like, just like he said, there's like a brown reddish door and on it, it's just got an RX on

the top of it, right? Like a little sign that has an RX. And I'm like, okay, this is it. Let's go. Here we go. Took a deep breath, walk in, The place is no big, like, little bell on the back, you know, ding ding ding ding ding ding. I swear to God. I swear to God. And I'm like, okay, here we go. Ding ding ding ding. I walk in. There's not a soul in there. There's a little tiny little counter. There's a door with a room in the back that goes back somewhere. I don't know. And there's a guy and a room in the back that goes back somewhere, I don't know. And there's a guy and a girl that are back there. I can see that. And it's very small. It's the size

of this studio. I mean, it's tiny. And imagine now there's like two little short counters there. There's all kinds of medicine bottles on the back, lotions, potions, like, you know, I don't know, eyeball of a dragon or something. Like, this is one of those places where it's like they're mixing together, the new and the old. Right. You know? Lots of worms from tequila and bottles and stuff like that. So I thought to myself, well, you know, okay, I'm here. I might as well follow through.

And I get in there and then the guy comes out and he says, hey, hey, can I help you? You know, he's kind of confused as to why I'm there. And your flip flops in your knapsack. And my flip flops in my knapsack and my board shorts. And my bald ass head and my white ass face. And he's like, oh, yai yai yai. Well, you made it this far.

Mine as well. Mine as well. We're both thinking the same thing. Well, you made it this far, you might as well follow through. Why not? What are you here for? You had the cojones to come this far. I'm going to do what I can for you, my friend.

Plus, business is slow. I'm going to make a few dollars. So I say, hey, listen, I went to the pharmacy and then Jose sent me to Carlos and then Carlos told me to, or no, he sent me to Jose and then he sent me to Jim and then Jim told me to come down here to cook you, Carlos. He goes, that's me, I'm Carlos. Carlos, medicina. And I'm like, okay, listen, I got some knee pain and it's bad and I'm looking for something a little bit stronger than what they're offering me at those other pharmacies. And they told me that if I come down here, I could talk to you and we'd get a deal done. And he goes, ah, okay, so your knee hurts, right? And I go, yeah. He goes, which knee? And I'm

like, the right knee. He's like, okay, okay. What are you exactly looking for? And I go, well, I think I'm looking for like hydrocodone or Vicodin or something. Shhh. They're listening. They're listening. And I'm like, oh, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry. No, no, he's cool, but you know, you just don't want to see it too loud. And I'm like, okay, it's weird. It's strange. Who's listening? Your wife in the back there? Is there like, is there another building that I don't know about that's listening in on this? But he said it so like harshly, and then was like, he put his finger to his lips too, he's like, and I go, oh, oh, oh, he's like, they're listening, they're listening.

And I was like, so, I go, it's so, he goes, nice, cool, just don't let anybody get in trouble. I'm like, okay, all right, you asked me, I gave you the answer, what do you want me to do? Starts with an H, ends with an E. Rhymes with hydro-bodone, I don't know. So he goes, oh yeah man, I got your cover, don't worry, okay, okay, I'll take care of this, okay, you stay here, I'll take care of this, I know what you need, I know exactly what you need. He goes back and then all of a sudden, there's like this argument erupts back there between him

and this woman, you know Whatever they're talking about even though my Spanish at the time wasn't as sharp as it happens to be now Which is not that sharp anyway He goes I could tell that they're talking about me because the word gringo is dropped in like five times, right? And so in like I never forget hearing the words pinchy gringo, which means fucking American, right? Or fucking white man. What? Yeah, it does. So, in like Mexican slang, that's what it means. At least that's what the guys in the kitchen called me for the entire time I worked in the arrest. They call me pinchy palones or pinchy gringo, pinchy bald man or pinchy gringo. So, then finally he comes back and Chrissy, he's got like, not like a zip up baggie, but you know when you would like buy weed from your friend and they'd be like, do I have

any Ziploc bags? Oh yeah, I got the shitty lunch bags. The one, yeah, that folds over. The one that folds over. The one your mom used to use to pack your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Somehow it always ended up outside that plastic bag because who made up that idea? So stupid. And he comes back and he's got like, I mean, a good chunk of pills that to my limited knowledge

at that time looks like pain. Okay, sure. Why not? I don't know. Yeah, yeah. You're like, let's get the deal done. Yeah. Let's get the deal done. let's get the fuck out of here. Because they're listening. I don't know who they are,

but I don't want them hearing any more than they need to. And he's like, okay, man, I got you, I got you 50, it's $250. And I go, okay, this is the stuff, shh, it's the stuff, don't worry, shh, shh, shh. Now he's putting his finger on my lip, he's like, shh, shh, you're so handsome for a bingo, but you talk too much. You're too much talking. You're going to get yourself in trouble. So, I say, I don't have $250, man. I didn't really know what to expect. How much you have, man?

I go, I don't know, $70 and some change? Because that's what I got on me. Yeah. And he's like, okay. So, he's looking at the bag, he's looking at the bag, he sticks his hands in the bag, he takes out like four or five and just throws them on the counter. And I thought, oh, that's what he's going to give me. Right. But then, no, he folds up the bag, he grabs a bottle from underneath one of the, like, in this cabinet, he grabs a bottle and he stuffs the plastic bag in the bottle, puts the top on. Swear to God! The bottle was like a,

it had a pre-prescription label on it, like, he had printed it out years ago, waiting for me to walk in. And it said, like, you know, Juan Carlos Jimenez or something like that on it, prescribed to Juan. And I look at it, and I'm like, and he goes, okay, just give me the money. And what I want you to do is I want you to go, go back. Where are you going? And I go, senior frogs. And he goes, oh, that's a great place. Don't stop because the federales, man, they're going to get you and if they get you, it's going to be big problem. You're going to need a lot more than $70. Right.

Yeah, exactly. Now you're gonna need a lot more than $70. Right. Yeah, exactly. Now you're cleaned out. Oh, I know all about that. So I say, okay, I got it. 10-4, thank you very much. I really appreciate it. Okay, man, be careful. Bye-bye.

And I'm like, okay, don't take too many at one time. Okay, gotcha. Be careful while driving. Okay, make us dizziness. Got it. 10-4, take us with some food. Okay, thank you. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding-4. Take us with some food. Okay, thank you.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding. Bell rings, I close the door, I go out. And now I'm like, oh fuck, I got this prescription bottle with a baggie in it, full of 50 Vicanin that's not prescribed to me. And there are federales on the street and he just told me to be careful because they're listening.

And I don't even know what that means, but now I'm really scared. So now I'm trying to weave my way back. I was going to say, how did you even remember how to get back? No Google Maps whatsoever. So I am literally trying to, that part of- By memory. That muscle worked at that time. That muscle doesn't work anymore. It works in no one anymore. What muscle?

It does not work. There used to be a time when people would look at you and they'd say, you're really good at directions. And I would go, I'm proud of that. I'm proud of being the guy who's good at directions. Now I don't even know how to get to my house unless Google Maps is on. I can't go to CVS, which is literally a half a mile on the street, on one street without Google Maps. And tell me you're any different and I'll kiss your feet.

So I go, I weave my way out of this little corner onto like a little bit of a bigger street still in the kind of the behind the market district. And it's, I turn this corner to take a left. And as soon as I turn the corner right there, two federales, AR-15s or whatever they're carrying to the hilt. I mean, they're just armed to the hilt, right? And they're standing there. And as soon as I turn the corner, I basically bump into them.

And then I was like, oh, hello. And they don't say a word. And then they just walk, they kind of turn themselves as I'm walking by them with their time. I can't tell you what was running through my mind at that time. I think it's one of those times when you're just so stressed out about what's about to happen that you just blank, right? I just blank. My mind is blank.

But of course, I'm going to listen to what they have to say because they are the ones with the AR-15 and I just have a couple of shitty songs written in a book. So I turn around and I walk a couple steps back there, and he goes, where are you going? And I go, uh, senior frogs, get there. That's all he said. Get there. He knew that I knew, that everyone knew, everyone in the neighborhood knew. What you were doing in that neighborhood. Yeah, there was basically a local news reporter somewhere on one of those corners going, another that I knew, that everyone knew, everyone in the neighborhood knew. Yeah. What you were doing in that neighborhood. Yeah.

There was basically a local news reporter somewhere on one of those corners going, another gringo down the street. Another stupid gringo down the street. And so I was like, yes, sir, yes, sir. He didn't say another word. Get there is what he said. So now I'm hustling. I'm like, hustling back.

I'm texting Amber, I'm still alive. I made it. Yeah. Are you? And she goes, yeah, but I think they want me to buy more than water. I go, well, get a fucking burrito or something. What do you want me to do? Get the senior Frogsburger.

I don't know. What do you want me to do? It takes me like 15 minutes to get back. I get back upstairs and I'm just like profusely sweating. Oh, I can't know. What do you want me to do? It takes me like 15 minutes to get back. I get back upstairs and I'm just like profusely sweating. I can only imagine. It's Tijuana in the middle of, I think it's August. It's the middle of August. It's Tijuana. It's, everything's a mess, right? I'm just a mess. And my flip, and by the way, most, there's a lot of dust and dirt and stuff on the streets. So my feet are just caked and weird and, you know.

In your flip flops. In my flip flops, up to my knee full of sand and dirt and just sweating, so now my legs are sweating. And so it's like, it looks like weird red paint. This would be an instance where you would wash your legs. I would wash my legs. But. And you get back to the shower.

But I didn't want to ask to wash my legs because they're listening. And yes, this was the night that I did wash my legs. You're right. That's my first leg wash ever was that night. First wet leg wash ever and said, so man, I get back up there and I'm like, and she's like, what happened? I was gone for at least two hours. At least two hours.

Yeah, it sounds like a two-hour-stu-scursion. I was gone forever. Yeah. In my head, it felt like 30 minutes. She reminds me, it's two o'clock in the afternoon, like you left for two hours. And I was like, I know, but I texted you, I was alive. And she's like, I know, but I'm sitting here drinking water, pretending that I like this senior Frogsburger and your beer is warm. And I was like, oh, okay, we'll make up for it. We'll have a little party. Can you pay? Because I don't have any money. Can you pay? Because I just gave my last $70 to Carlos, but it was for a good reason. It

was for my dipshit brand new friend who just spent 12 years in jail for narco trafficking. So, we spend the next couple of hours at Senior Frogs, getting, you know, getting tequila down our throat and our head shaking, you know, a guy runs around with a whistle. Yes, yes, yes. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, middle of Tijuana. And so, I did the whole thing and you know, then we get, and we have to spend, so now we leave in the evenings and it's probably, I don't know, maybe six or something like that. We end up going to a few more like markets and bars and some of those type of things. We try to get out of Tijuana and it's like an hour and a half, two hour long wait just to walk back into

the United States. Oh my God. Well, that is one of the busiest entryways for the United States anyway. But then on top of that, all of the tourists who just go down there for the afternoon and get out of there when it gets late. And a lot of people come in when it gets late because I understand that Tijuana

turns into a whole different Tijuana. That's what I've heard too. I have a story about nighttime Tijuana too, but I'll save it for a different episode, like a hundred episodes from now, remind me. There's too many Tijuana stories at one time. Put it in the notebook. Might make me sound casually racist. So we get out and you know, I was sweating the whole time. I was so nervous. By the way, I had thrown the pill bottle away. I had taken the medicine and

put it in another pill bottle that I had and we put it into like the bottom of my of my bag my hobo stick. So we walk out of Tijuana, so finally we get to like customs and immigration, you know, check this, check that. I don't even think you had to have a passport at that time, if I'm being honest, I think it was just that you had to give them your ID, your license, the driver's license, because I don't think I had a passport at that time. So we walk out, you know, at that time, or where we were, you would press the button. And if the button was red, you got taken for secondary screening. If the button was green, you just went through.

And so all you could see was in a holding area, like a pen, a holding pen, there were like five or six American guys, like middle-aged American dudes in handcuffs in this area. Oh, my stress level was like a thousand, right? I can't believe they just didn't pull me out because of my profuse sweating and my nasty ass feet. Maybe that's why I got a green light. They're like, I don't want those feet in my holding cell. No, thank you.

You're green. I don't care what you got. What is that, a bomb? Don't worry about it. Those feet are gross. Get yourself a shower. Who doesn't wash their legs? So, I got a green and we went back. Fast forward to a night later. We're in San Diego. We're at some karaoke bar or something and I've got my knapsack, my hobo stick with me. We're at some karaoke bar or something, and I've got my knapsack, my hobo stick with me. I'm drinking beers. And I'm like, at that time, I hadn't had a ton of experience with like pain medication, narcotic pain medication.

I think I got some one time when I broke an arm when I was a young kid, but I had never really, my back problems hadn't started. So I say, okay, you know what, let me throw one down my gullet while I'm sitting here. You know, everyone says, you know, Bud Light and Vicodin, that's the thing, Bud Light and Vicodin. So I take one, I don't feel shit. Fast forward one more night. And I don't know for now, I can't remember if it was in LA or in San Diego, I'm drinking

again. I'm drinking every night. Every night I drank from like, you know, 21 till 37. So I have more Bud Light and I decide to throw two of them down my gullet. Now remember, I have no fucking clue what they are, who's given them to me. It wasn't like you just… Yeah, you're just testing them. Yeah. I didn't have a computer in front of me where I could Google what it was. It wasn't, things weren't as advanced as they are now. And so, I throw two of them down my

throat. I don't feel shit. I don't feel good. I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything. Get to Atlanta, week or so later, meet this guy, have a shift with him at the restaurant. Here you go, bud. Here's your stuff. Thanks so much. He gives me, I think he gave me like 30 bucks for the 70 bucks that I paid for it. But I, whatever. At that point, I just, it was a story to tell, right? It was a story to tell on right? Yeah. It was a story to tell. Years later. On the commercial break, 20 years later. So he calls me one night and he's like, oh my God, dude, what is this shit? And I'm like, I don't know, bro. You had me go down to Tijuana and go to 15 different pharmacies. I went to like the back alley.

I'm lucky I didn't get arrested or killed. What do you want me to do? I don't have a stamp of approval on it. I'm not the fucking FDA." And he goes, these things are so strong. I'm so fucked up. I just took one. And by the way, this is not a guy who was naive to narcotics. This was the guy you would expect to be buying Vicodin. Well, he knew exactly to tell you what to do. Well, that's true. And down in Tijuana. Yes. He gave me directions, physical street directions on where to go. So, I don't know. I don't know what it was, but, you know, it looked like medicine. He could, of course,

just had a pill press and just press it himself. But apparently, according to this guy, it was good stuff, but I only took three of them and I don't remember feeling shit. So, I don't know, Chrissy. Here's my point in saying all of this. San Diego is beautiful. Tijuana is a hell of a time. Go down there. See, near a frog. I'll have to try it. Yes. And by the way, I've been back to Tijuana since Tijuana is a lovely place. I mean, you got to maneuver, you know, smartly, but it is a lovely place. And as experienced on my first visit, everyone there was lovely. They'll tell you exactly where to get narcotic pain medication.

Oh, wow. I think it's probably still like that, but I don't know. From what I hear, yeah. I think one of the things the American government has been trying to do is to get the, you know, some of these countries around the world to stop selling the precursors and the actual medication to the Americans But that boat has sailed guys now. Everyone's doing fentanyl. Yeah. Yeah Because you know what because their doctors cut them off and now they can't get any more pain medication I'm not saying the right thing is to continue to get pain medication, but it's a complicated mess

Now you let that fucking horse out of the barn and it ain't coming back. I'm telling you what. Undle it. Get there. Get there. All right. Storytime with Brian. Storytime with Brian. I love it. JT, smarten up. Live Nation, put somebody on that guy before you lose your investment. All right, Chrissy and I are going

to be in Orlando, Florida, September 25. That's a Wednesday night. Tickets are going to go on sale soon. We'll tell you all about how to get them. We're going to be in Tampa the following night. Those two shows are on the books. Ready or not. Ready or not, here we come. Here we come. We'll tell you all about how to get them. We're going to be in Tampa the following night. Those two shows are on the books. Ready or not?

Ready or not? Here we come. Here we come. If you're going to go to the shows, or you'd like to go to the shows, we'd love to see you at the show. So please text 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Text us. Let us know you're going to be there.

Maybe we'll bring you a special piece of schwag. At the very least, we'd love to say hello to you. We'll bring stickers and all that stuff, so don't worry guys. Come have a good time. We might have a special guest or two. I don't know, I'm working on it. But in either case, I think we have a show lined up that you're really gonna enjoy. We hope. Yes, we hope. We hope anybody's in the crowd to see it. But either way, it'll be a good story. Right, Chrissy? Well, it will absolutely be a great story. And we've got a couple of special guests coming

that are friends of ours. Oh yeah, that's true. 212-433-3TCB. Let us know if you're going to be in the Orlando, the Tampa area, September 25th, 26th. We'd love to see you. tcbpodcast.com. More information about the show. Thank you to Des Bishop for being here this week. My brother from another mother. Please go watch his YouTube special of all people. Add the commercial break on Instagram and YouTube.com slash the commercial break. All right. And get your sticker at the website.

Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say,

we do say, we must say, get there. Duh. He's back on the ground, boy!