The Commercial Break - Joke Joke Zan Zan Sad Sad

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

It’s Leap Day! Bryan & Krissy get back in the studio to discuss Jamaican adventures & hot tips from Sad Zan. Krissy went to Jamaica Bryan’s Jamaica weed cruise ship story Krissy & Jeff have got connections on the island Zan is back! The spiritual art of seduction He's having an A Ha! moment Women have arms Nothing like a good airport book store An on stage mid life crisis He might be tanking here Take the info right into your balls The laughing is…interesting Fun fun talk talk laugh laugh! The depressing Ron Burgundy LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us   212.433.3TCB text or leave us a voicemail Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Producer: Christina A.  Producer: Gustavo B.  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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cool though because bitches with mustaches got good pussy. Patience! Am I right? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm episode of the commercial break. If you're hanging out with me ever, I'm like, hey, joke, joke, fun, talk, talk, blah, blah, blah. Are you? Are you so? You're not driven straight. If you're ever hanging out with me, you're like, fun, fun, laugh, laugh, talk, talk. Can you pick up the bill? Do you have a couch I can stay on? I just have a carry-on.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green and this is my cohort in the Yuckels Cloth-Cat Cloth School and speed-dating Kristen Joyholtly. Best of you, Kristen. Best of you, Brian. Best of you in the podcast universe. How are you doing? Thank you for joining us. Ha-nah. Ha-nah.

Ha-nah. Okay, we'll get to that later. That's not even, that's an episode that hasn't even aired yet, so we shouldn't do that. Um, okay. So, we talked about, or we had not yet talked about, you have not yet heard about Chrissy's vacation to Jamaica, so I want to ask the the question because I don't want to get the a yaman Jamaican yeah, yeah, man. Yeah, yeah, man. What is the respect respect mad respect mad respect man? Bless up God you in Yahweh. Is that Yahweh? I don't want to be whore I don't know. They say something.

I don't want to be whore. I don't want to come off as, you know, generally racist on the show. But tell me this. I just got to know one thing. Not that you tried it, but from other people in your hotel that probably were partaking in the local affairs. Is the weed better or worse than it is here? Well, it's just different.

It's just different? Yeah, because it's just straight grown. Like here, it's become so much different because of all of the strains and the things and the edibles and the whatever there. It's just straight grass. It's just that grass. Just that Jamaica grass. Yeah, man.

That good, good. Yeah. I drank a ton of red stripes. Yeah. Smokes a lot of weed. I mean, when in Jamaica, when in Jamaica, do what the Jamaicans do. Exactly. Say, yeah, man. Exactly. Stay a beautiful hotel. Listen, I had one experience where I went to Jamaica and so here's how it goes. I'm on a, I think I've told this story, but I'll repeat it because we have 7,000 episodes of the show. You're probably not going to hear the last time I told it. My ex-wife and I go to Ocherios on a cruise before we're even married. This is like our first big trip together.

So we can't, we cannot even afford to get a room with a balcony. So we have a room with a porthole. You know, you've seen those videos where like the waves are splashing up against the portal, that kind of room, right? Where we actually had to keep the curtain closed as not to make us more seasick. So I don't know what it is. It's like the second stop and we go to Ocherios and we have this beautiful day planned and we're gonna go to the waterfall that you can slide down. You know, we're gonna go eat at this local establishment off the beaten path that you know has nothing to do. We didn't do the tour guided stuff. We just went off on our own, right? We got a cab, we went to wherever we went.

So we get in the cab and my ex at the time is like, listen, I think we should smoke a little weed while we're here, get a little weed. Like, you know, when in Rome, do with the Romans, do it when in Jamaica, smoke like Anja, right? And I, at the time I was not a weed smoker. I was a reformed weed smoker due to the crippling panic attacks that they often, weed smoking often cause me.

And, but I thought, well, okay, I'm here and I don't want this girl that I care about. I don't want her thinking I'm a wuss. I want to do something about it. Let's get some weed. So, but she's, but she just kind of like left it to me to figure out. So we get in the cab at the port and I say,

hey man, and you know, he's like, what? You want the weed? That's what he said. I go, hey man, that's all I said. And he goes, you want weed? And I go, yeah, how did you know? And he goes, because it's always the ones taking the taxi cabs.

I always want the weed. And I was like, ah, good thinking. I go, can you take us to this waterfall? But close around, is there like a place where we might be able to pick up some gange? And he was like, first of all, we don't call it gange. So stop it. Just a stupid white man on another cruise ship.

There's three more coming today. I've got to deal with you guys all day long. First of all, second of all, yes, there's a little shopping village. I'll point out which huts you can go talk to, right? And I was like, okay, so we literally get dropped off. Probably like a half a mile from the waterfalls. There is a shopping village off the beaten path.

It's literally these thatched huts. Oh yeah, there's a lot of shacks. A lot of shacks and thatched huts. And there's a row of 20 on one side, 20 on the other. It's a marketplace, essentially. And there's a lot of touristy bullshit, but there's also like goods and services I imagine for the locals there.

So it's a good mix of locals. And so I'm like, I feel good about this. I'm like, okay, I think I can figure out somewhere. I can do this, Brian. I can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can get us high.

You can get us high. You can get us high. I'm talking myself up. I am liked, I am loved. I am the guy that will get some weed In a strange country without getting us arrested or killed So I so he pointed out, you know go to the whatever the third hut on the left So we go to the third hut on the left. It is a like a knick-knack Chachki kind of place selling knick-knacks and Chachki's well, there's a lot of wood carving and that kind of thing

Yeah, some of it local Nick, Nick, Chachki kind of place, selling Nick, Nick, Nick and Chachki. Well, there's a lot of wood carving and that kind of thing. Yeah. Some of it local, I'm sure, and then some of it like shipped in from China like we do here in the United States. All cruise ports do, right? And so I walk in, there's a guy behind the counter, whatever, a counter, a table, whatever it is. And he, I walk in and I'm just like looking around and I'm like, I don't know what to

do here. I don't know what to say. Like, it's such a weird conversation to have. So I'm like, kind of walk up a little shyly to the table. And before I even open my mouth to say hi to the guy, he goes, you want some weed? Yeah. I'm like, holy shit.

Yeah, they just assume. They just assume. Because they know, we're just dumb tourists who don't have, at that time, had no accessibility to it legally here in the United States. And so I say, yes, how did you know? And he goes, oh man, come on.

He's like, you know, I know, like I know, you're not buying anything, you don't want anything in here. You want the weed. And I was like, yeah, I do. And he goes, all right, $50, show me the money. And I'm like, oh, now I'm trying to like play it really street smart. And I'm like, show me the weed.

And he's like, doesn't work that way man Show me the money show me you got cash. I don't take credit cards, right? Yeah, so I whip out I probably have a fanny pack on because I'm you know that guy bright neon colored fanny pack And so I open it up and I pull out the 50 bucks and he's like okay, man come up with me So we go to we go through this like series of weird shacks and tunnels, right, behind the actual facade of this marketplace. And now we're like in the back,

but it's all covered and thatch-tuts and all this. And I'm like, geez. So I assume what's going on is that all of them sell weed and they all share the same weed pot to go get the weed from and then collect their money, which is great. That's a co-op. It's probably in the spirit of how things should be done.

So in this one room, very darkly lit. Now, my ex is back at the front of this shack, right? And I'm now gone at least five minutes already because we had to like work our way through these tunnels and huts and all this other stuff. There is a big wicker basket, the kind that a cobra would come out of in one of those weird Disney movies that are slyly racist. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

So it's this huge thing and it's probably three feet high and he opens it up and he pulls out a stick. Yeah. A stick, a bud. Of weed. That's what Jeff said it was like when he went out a stick. Yeah. A stick, a bud. A weed, that's what Jeff said it was like when he went 20 years ago. It was like two feet long. Yeah, he was like, it was just a straight up stalk.

It was it, that's what it was. And he's like, here you go, man. And then he pulls out another one that's a little less big and he goes, cause I like you, right? And I was like, oh, okay, thank you. But I was actually hoping for much less weed. All right. I was actually hoping for much less for $50.

And he's like, oh man, no, it's Jamaica. Like this is how it works. This is how we work, right? And he's, don't worry about it, take it. And I'm like, no, you don't understand. Like I have a fanny pack. I, I'm going to a waterfall. I have no place to put this.

So I take out the pack of cigarettes that I have at the time and I pull the cellophane off of it, like all good half-cocked drug addicts do. And I just knock off a little bit of it and I pour it in there and then I burn the cellophane with my lighter and I'm like, that's it. And he goes, for 50 bucks? And I said, well, yeah, that's all I can carry.

And he's like, you gotta get smarter than that. Something like that. He said something to me. He's like, I just offered you like half a pound of weed and you're taking a bud, a single three inch bud. And I'm like, listen, it's just me and my girl. Like we're not, you know, we're not gonna to get down that much.

And he's like, damn shame, bud, damn shame. Well, what do you ever you wanna do? You know, okay, fine. So we leave. I put it in my pocket. You're like, I did it. I did it. I told Julia, I came out of there with my white shirt on,

my neon swimming trunks, my water shoes, which I'm sure I had on. Yeah, cause you were going to the waterfall. I was going to the waterfall and I was dressed for the waterfall, right? So I actually had cargo shorts on. So, you know, but cargo shorts, white shirt, you know, fanny pack or whatever I was carrying with me.

And then these water shoes. And I'm gonna click, click, click, click, click, click. Just look at me. I am the epitome of a dumb American. So I come out and I'm all happy and I'm like, I got it. And she's like, you got it? And I'm like, I got it. I got it.

The guy offered me like a pound of weed, but, and she's like, we don't have that kind of money. And I was like, no, like 50 bucks. And she's like, 50 bucks. And I was like, yeah. And he offered me, we don't have that kind of money. And I was like, no, like 50 bucks. And she's like 50 bucks. And I was like, yeah. And he offered me like three and a half feet of weed. And she's like, I don't even understand what that means. And I'm like, don't worry about it.

It was a crazy situation. But I got out of there with the skin of my teeth. I was brave. I was like my guy, I'm negotiating. I was Mark Cuban down in the ditches selling something. Well, once again, he bought high and I sold low. I bought high and I sold low. I'm the only guy in Jamaican history

that walks in, gets offered a pound of weed for 50 bucks and walks away with crumbles, with the shake. Keep the 50 though. Yeah, I literally shook the butt over the cellophane and I was like, what do you think about that? Take that. Think we're dumb Americans. And then he's like, no, take it all.

And I'm like, oh, actually I can't. Yeah. So, okay. So we go to the waterfalls in Ocho Rios and we have a great day. And I, when I got to the waterfalls, they had lockers. We'd locked our stuff in our lockers along with the cellophane in my cargo shorts. We get back to the boat and there we have like another three and a half, four days left on the cruise. So this was just a day stop. This is a day stop.

This is a day stop. And so, and I have to tell you, like we get back on the cruise ship or we're getting back on the cruise ship or embarking back onto the cruise ship. And we have to take these little like porter boats, right? These little tinder boats. The tenders, yeah. The tenders. And the guy who's navigating this tender boat, which is a Jamaican tender boat, that's how it works, they come out there and they get you. Okay, man, anything goes on in Jamaica,

stays in Jamaica, you know what I mean? I'm going to look away for a few minutes, throw it out the window, you know, you can't make it back to America, da, da, da, da, back to America. All right, have a good time while you're here, but see you the next time and we'll save it for you or whatever he says. And so we're sitting next to this other couple and the other, the wife who we had been to dinner with

a couple nights earlier was like, oh, get rid of it, get rid of it. To her husband and her husband's like, the fuck I'm gonna get rid of it? They don't give a shit, it's in international waters. Please tell me no one smokes weed on a Jamaican cruise. Come on, you know? And then so I'm taking the high ground too

and I'm like, yeah, fuck that. I just paid 50 bucks for a pound of weed and I got shake. I'm throwing it out, what are they gonna do? Bus me for less than a gram of marijuana? Come on, they can't do that. So, but then we get off the tender boat and I quickly realize that the security check that's going on is not the normal security check.

It's pretty intense. They're putting people through scanners, they're patting some people down, they're opening all the bags, they're feeling people, you know, they're doing the whole thing. Somehow, someway, when we're standing in line, I stuffed it into my cigarette pack and then I just put that through the metal detector, right?

Like a dumb shit. I put it through the metal detector and no one is the wiser, like nothing happens. And by the way, I didn't see anybody else getting busted with anything. So clearly it was just like perfunctory, right? Oh, we're gonna make it seem like we have security here, but we know what goes on.

So we get back to the room and we in vibe. And I order room service, which is for you because you're on the cruise. I ordered 12 bacon egg and cheese sandwiches one night just for shits and giggles. And I just had a grand old time, right? But I was only taking like a half a hit, and then I would be done for the night

and then I would fall asleep having a panic attack. So last night before we're entering American waters and the TV pops on like it does sometimes when you're on a cruise because the cruise director wants to tell you something having Regarded safety a change of plans on the trip or whatever What if it came on and then just my picture is out there And then they have like a picture of the cigarettes going through the X-ray machine. Armed and dangerous. Armed with ragweed.

He has a bag of shake. Not even marijuana. It's a native pollen flower. It's going to kill everybody if it gets out into the air conditioning system. He's on a rampage. He didn't buy weed, he bought a poisonous fucking shrub. He's gonna kill all of us. Find him. Don't approach, let us know. So this guy comes popping on and he's Yankee fucking doodle dandy, you know, he's like

I've never been on a Because it literally the TV pops on you know And they do this now and we've been on more recent cruises and they do this but it comes through the intercom system Right on this particular cruise the TV also popped on right. It's like, thanks for everybody for coming on the cruise. I'm glad everybody had a good time. Now let's get your disembarking information. Here it goes, A through Z, you know, floors one, two, three, you got to disembark at this time, get your luggage, don't get your luggage, whatever it is. And I just got to remind everybody, as I always do, when we go down to Jamaica, come on. I know, we all know what Jamaica's known for. It's known for its beauty, but it's also known for its marijuana. And he's like, listen, what you do on the cruise

or while you're in Jamaica is your business. No one here is here to tell you any different. However, just know that it is a federal offense to go into US waters with any contraband inside your luggage, your person, and including your cabin. So this is your opportunity. At 3 a.m. we will cross the line and back into U.S. waters by 3 a.m. All marijuana and all really all illegal substances need to be somewhere besides this ship, right? And he's like, don't pollute, you know, don't stuff up our toilet. He's like, but you get the point. You got it.

So he gives us like this stern warning. First of all, I'm high. Second of all, I just ordered a lot of bacon egg and cheese. And third of all, I am now paranoid. I'm like, oh, she up. So I say to the girl that's with me, my ex, I say, hey, listen, do what you're gonna do now. Cause I'm gonna get rid of this.

I'm gonna like flush it down the toilet, throw it overboard, something, I'm gonna do something. And she's like, oh God, you're so God damn paranoid. It's like, you got like this much left. It's not gonna be a big deal. And so whatever, she decides not to smoke anymore. I throw it down the toilet before we go to bed and flush it away, take the cellophane,

put it in the trash can, I'm done. Done with it, no problem, no fuss, no fuss. Next morning, wake up, we're in Port in Miami and you will not believe what happened to us. And that's why, and that's why I'm gonna take a break. You're gonna have to stay tuned. I'm gonna take a break. And then I have to stay tuned. Yeah, have to stay tuned. I'm gonna take a break. I'm gonna have a funny story to tell too.

Oh, I would love to hear it. Okay, all right, we'll be back. What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again. Here to remind you to go to TCBpodcast.com for all things audio, video and TC video. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCBDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB

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You just made it back to Miami. That's right. We made it back to Miami. We're disembarking as we were told to do. And if anybody's ever been to the Miami, one of the Miami cruise port terminals, then you'll know that what you do is essentially you get off at one level and then you take this incredible escalator up to the top level, or at least as the way it was when we got off this particular cruise you take like this three story Escalator up to the top and that's where customs and immigration and all that shit is even though you don't really it's not like a Like a super check you have to go through some right stop So we're going up this escalator and then we're chitin and chatting and maybe we're a little hungover and blah blah blah

And as we start cresting the top of it, I see what I think is a very nice looking German shepherd with a police officer. And I am blissfully unaware that you're not supposed to touch the dogs. So, and the dog is coming toward me. And I'm like, oh, good dog. Oh, it's so beautiful.

It's like, what is that? A malamute? What is that? I'm trying to sound professional. You know, I'm like, oh my gosh, I love good dog. Oh, it's so beautiful. It's what is that, a malimute? What is that? I'm trying to sound professional. You know, I'm like, oh my gosh, I love that dog. Chrissy, I am thinking nothing, nothing about anything, except what a nice dog, right? And the dog is pulling toward me

and the officer is walking toward me. And I'm like, I love this dog. So I go to, I love this dog. I'm probably still high from the night before. So I get down, what a beautiful dog. So I go to, I love this dog. I love this dog. I'm probably still high on the night before. Yeah, exactly. So I get down, what a beautiful dog. I get down, I go to get down and like meet it at its level, like you would with a dog, right? And then, and then the officer like pulls the dog back

and is like, don't touch the dog. And I was like, oh, sorry, I'm sorry. I apologize. He was just coming toward me. So I thought I would let him know, you know, I'm friendly. And he's like, sir, I need you to come over here with me. And I'm like, what, what for? And he's, I'm like, I didn't touch the dog.

Like I never touched the dog. I promise I won't touch the dog. Yeah, I was only thinking about touching the dog in my very high brain. Did I say that out loud? I'm like, oh, and he's like, sir, I need you to come over here. And then quickly two other police officers

are right behind me. Like, you know, they walk up and they're right behind me. And like, sir, come this way with us, please. And I'm like, what happened? What did I do? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch the dog. Like now I'm all upset because they're arresting me because I touched the dog that they didn't touch.

And I'm like, I really sorry, I didn't touch the dog. He's like, it's not about the dog. The dog is a narcotic sniffing dog. And he has hit on you. That's why he was coming up to you. And I was like, oh, shit. And I go, well, I don't have any narcotics on me. And he's like, we'll see about that.

Right. Yeah. Meanwhile, my ex is standing 50 feet away and she thinks this is the best thing since Sly Sprit. This is hilarious to her because Brian's getting his balls busted about touching the dog. Well, she doesn't know that it wasn't about touching the dog. She's 50 feet away from me. And so now I've got three police officers and this one guy goes, you know, I'm a US inspector, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I said, well,'s 50 feet away from me. And so now I've got three police officers, and this one guy goes, you know,

I'm a US inspector, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I said, well, it's nice to meet you. I don't have any drugs on me. And he goes, well, the dog is hit positive on you. We all know what happens in Jamaica. We all know what happens in Jamaica. And oftentimes people are tempted by some outside force to bring in narcotics on their behalf.

Have you told anybody they could put anything into your bags? And I'm like, no, meanwhile the dog is sniffing around, right? And it keeps coming back to me, to hitting on my leg. Like sniffing, you know, and I'm like, no, no, I didn't talk to anybody, I didn't do anything. I was never in any thatched hut being offered a pound of weed for $50.

Never, I never did that, never happened. And he's like, I need you to be honest with me, this is the one chance you got, I need you to be clear with me, did you or did you not? Bring back narcotics from Jamaica or any other place that you stopped. And I said, I didn't, I swear I did not. And he goes, we're getting a positive hit, sir,

I'm gonna have to patch you down. And I'm like, okay, so he pats me down, the cigarettes, the lighter, the whole nine yards, he puts it and he puts it on the table. And the dog keeps hitting on me. And I'm like, and not like the kind of hitting on you that was important in the 20s. It's like, it keeps sniffing my leg.

And I'm like, oh, fuck, man, I don't have any drugs on me. What could possibly be the problem here? That's what I'm thinking. And so the officer says, Mr. Green, this is like now 15 minutes has passed and we've all been sitting there like arguing about whether or not I have drugs on me, right? And he's like, Mr. Green, one last chance.

Did you go to Jamaica? Did you smoke a little bit of weed? Did you have a little bit of fun? Did you forget maybe to throw something away? And I was like, I didn't. I didn't go to Jamaica for any purpose except for the water. I've never been to Jamaica.

I've never been to Jamaica. It stopped, I stayed in. As a matter of fact, I'm allergic to Jamaica for any purpose except for the waterfall. I've never been to Jamaica. I've never been to Jamaica. It stopped, I stayed in. As a matter of fact, I'm allergic to Jamaica. I never got off the boat. I never got off the boat at all. I never even left my room. I don't even want to be around alcohol or gambling. Half the ship was off limits to me.

I literally went to the mess hall and back. That's it. That's it. And so he says, listen, the dog is highly sensitive. The dog will smell weed days after it's been somewhere. And so we have to get to the bottom of this. I can't just let you go. The dog keeps hitting on you.

Like I can't let you go. We got to get to the bottom of this. Just come on. Tell me the truth. Like now he's begging me to tell the truth. So he can get on to more important things in his day. Right. Right. He's clear. He's not busted Pablo Escobar in the fucking Miami cruise part.

And I'm like, all right, listen, man, we smoked a little bit of weed in Jamaica. Where did you put the weed? I said, well, I had it in my pocket, but you know, I got rid of it. And he's like, okay, you had it in these pockets? And I'm like, look down and I'm like, oh, yeah, I think I did.

And I go, but it was wrapped in something. And he's like, it doesn't matter. He goes, weed smells so strong. He's like, that dog can smell that. You could wash those pants and the dog would probably still be able to smell it. And I was like, well, that's amazing. Tell me more about the dog.

And he's like, no, no, no, this is about you, Mr. Green. Now I'm trying to like... So you're trying to divert. I know I'm trying to do a podcast interview with him. I'm like, well, tell me more about this dog. What's his name, Rudy? What a nice name for a dog. How long have you had him?

Where'd you get him? Is that a rescue dog? So he goes, listen, give me a second to be right back. Okay, so five minutes goes by. He's on the phone with somebody. He comes back. All right, you're gonna be back. You're gonna get to go.

No problem. And I said, okay, he goes, but my Sarge wants me to do one more thing. And I'm like, what's that? And he goes, I just wanna do a quick body cavity search just to make sure that there's nothing anywhere where we can't see it. And I'm like, you got to be kidding me. He's like, you swallow any drugs?

I go, I didn't swallow any drugs. No. And there's none of my shit right now. So I actually just pooped this morning. Everything's clean and clear down there. And he's like, well, let's run into this private bathroom. Me and another officer are going to come in there. We're going to check real quick. And I'm like, are you kidding me? Are we really doing this? And he's like, take five minutes.

Yeah. Now he's convincing me that this is an okay thing to do. Like a stranger with a small child. It's okay. Come with us. I got candy. I got candy. Come with us. So I swear to God, in the Miami cruise port terminal, I'm in this bathroom that is now locked with two Miami-Dade Something or others and they are looking up my ass with a flash With a flashlight then they do my mouth then they're looking you know look doing the whole collar thing You know da da da da and and I'm like okay, and he's like well I think we're gonna have to let him go. I was like, okay, I'm right here. You realize I'm right here, right? Talking to your partner like you're just sad that I don't go to jail today. And so then I walk out and now, you know,

my ex, Julian, he's like, oh my God, what the fuck is Brian got himself into? And I come out there and I'm like, I'm mortified. They just searched my asshole. She thinks this is the funniest thing that has ever happened in life. She is like, they searched your asshole. And I was like, they put a flashlight up there.

She's like, they put a flashlight in your asshole. And I go, they didn't stick it in my asshole, but they were shining around with the asshole. And I was like, why do they need a flashlight? It was well lit in there. They couldn't see. They couldn't see that there was nothing coming out of my ass. Oh my God.

I had a full blown panic attack for the entire ride home. I swear to God I did. I was so beside myself that this had happened to me and all over a little bit of weed that I had put in my pocket. I mean, imagine if I'd come home with the entire tie stick. You know what I'm saying? Like what the fuck, Ryan? What the fuck?

All right. Tell me your story about Jamaica. Okay, so. Did you get your ass searched? I did not. Okay, all right, just check. I did not. Just check.

So we get there the first night and we have this driver that is a friend of a friend. Some friends of ours go down there every year and have cultivated a friendship with this guy and he's their driver and tour guide and the whole thing. Let me say without saying too, the friend is a celebrity musician. I'm not going to say who it is, but it's a celebrity musician. So Chrissy's like really in good, Chrissy and Jeff are in good hands.

These guys know what they're fucking talking about. They've been down there a lot. They've probably played concerts there, I would imagine. Yes, they have. So this guy that they've hooked us up with, he's never left the island, he's just, he's Jamaican true and true and just a great guy picks us up from the airport, takes us back, is kind of showing us where different sections of places

as we're going through are. And we had heard about this place Pressley's to go to, to eat for dinner one night. And so he's like, you know, hey, we've got... There's a ghost moving a chair in the room. That's weird. I don't think that's blue. I think that's one of the youngins.

So he'd ask us, you know, we heard about this place. He's like, there's Presley's. And I'm like, I want to go there tomorrow night. Because when he picked us up, he had beers for us. Wow. And joints for us. Really? Seriously? We've already been partaking on this hour and a half drive back and I'm like,

we got to go there. We got to go to Pressley's. So he's like, okay, yeah, I'll set it up for you. So the next day, well, that night, the night before he asked us, do you want fish lobster or conch? And we were like, oh, okay. There's three pieces, three choices. Jeff is like, I'll take fish. And I said, I wanted lobster. We get there to press lease this next night, which is just right across from our resort area.

And it is a shack, you know. A literal shack, yes. That's the roof, the whole thing. And we walk in and our driver or our friend is like, hey, here's your stuff. I've ordered in advance. You had to order in advance. He's a former fisherman.

Wow. So this guy had gone out like that day and they caught it. And caught the fish? Yes. So we sit down and we're waiting for a while and finally we get these plates that come out. And I mean, they're two of the biggest lobster things

I've ever seen. Wow. There's so much lobster. That's amazing. Two things. Yeah, two plates. Yeah, with the rice and the vegetables and all of that. And it's delicious. And we started eating it.

And I mean, so there's four parts to it because it's two that have been split open. Yeah. You know, so I'm done with just like one piece. I'm like, man, I'm getting full. Yeah. You know, I mean, it was filling with like the butter and the everything. Oh my God, I'm done with just like one piece. I'm like, man, I'm getting full. You know, I mean, it was filling with like the butter and the everything. Oh my God, I'm hungry.

I'm hungry now. You always see this dog that keeps kind of coming up to the front of the shack. And I'm like, oh, that dog's so cute. Like you with a German shirt. Yes. This was not a drug-surfing dog. This is a lobster-sniffing dog.

Yeah, exactly. The dog's are coming in. I can't help it. I'm petting the dog. It's so sweet. We can't eat a lobster. So we're on the slide slipping the dog. You are feeding the dog the lobster that this guy caught in the morning for you?

We can do all. And we don't want to be rude and not have. I'd not eat at all. But we couldn't eat at all. Oh my God, that's too funny. So this dog is so sweet, I'm petting the dog, petting the dog. I kind of throw a little lobster down on the dirt floor. The dog's eating it, but then Jeff's like, here, take this part of mine, I can't eat that.

I throw it down, the dog's like, I've had too much in that seat. It just kind of waddles away. It kind of waddles away, I'm like, what's that dog's name? And turns out the dog's like, I've had too much in that sea. I just got a waddle away. I got a waddle away. I'm like, what's that dog's name? And turns out the dog's name is White Paul. Oh, White Paul. So we loved White Paul.

And White Paul. We were getting ready to leave and here comes our driver pulling around the front. And White Paul's having a seizure on the ground because he's allergic to shellfish. We see White Paul. White Paul was okay. White Paul probably went to sleep. We come out of this place, and I mean he's just passed out

But meanwhile we saw our driver coming around the side of the bin and as he passes by in his car He's got a joint hanging out of his mouth. I'm like that's A picture of it. I was like, I just love this. I mean, in LA, I think you see that quite often actually. So many little moments like this. I could just see this fishermen. You just get immersed in the culture. I could just see this fishermen.

Everybody's so nice. They are. So nice too. We felt everyone that we interacted with that was so fucking cool. And you know, I can see this fisherman waking up at three in the morning, bothering his wife and his children,

and he's like, God damn it, more tourists. I gotta go catch a lobster today, hun, I'm sorry. You know, here's Chrissy. Nya, nya, nya, nya, feeding the dog. Nya, nya, nya, nya. Good beat at all. Nya. It's all going well that night.

Yes, he did. Well, good for the, good for white claw. That was enough for white paw too. I call him white claw. Nya, nya, nya. His name a white claw. That was enough for white paw too. I call them white claw. His name's white claw. Well, I love that you went to Jamaica. I think that's a great thing for you. Beautiful, beautiful.

I love it. I mean, the sunsets were just amazing. And just, like I said, the people, the places is just gorgeous. Yeah, when you're down on the ocean, when you're there at the ocean, sometimes if you're facing in the right direction, those sunsets that, you know,

especially if they like, they're coming across the sky instead of like straight up or down, they can last for 30, 40, 50 minutes. Yeah. We saw that in Naples is another great place to see it. But it happens pretty quickly. It's like within a 20 minute period, right? Okay, so, on did you make a,

I wanted to talk about another dog who's probably eating lobster. Do you remember like a couple of months ago, maybe a month ago at this point, maybe it was a little longer than that. We did a video about the guy who was saying that he taps into his whatever chakra and then his nut chakra to get the girls to get the energy that certain women certainly want. And what a riot this guy was. His name was Zan something and he was from the 21 expo or the 21 convention or whatever It's called. I'm not gonna promote him here. I'm just gonna use their content

I'm not gonna promote a pick up artist. He was a pickup artist basically and he had the most ridiculous He was like the hippie crystal. Yes You need to ignore your heart chakra it goes straight for your nut chocolate He's back and this is a newer video, same company, same expo, same conference, another year, it's clear that this is a more updated video. And I found an hour long presentation that he gave on the spiritual art of seduction

and you know this guy is gonna give us all the wrong advice. So I know that we can't go through an hour of it, but I thought maybe we could go through a little bit of it and have some fun. What do you think? I think so. All right, so here's Zahn from the 21 convention, which I think is in some small Orlando hotel

where they clearly have all the finer things in life. Oh, he doesn't have his bun. He doesn't, no, he's gone for so long hair. Now he's full Johnny Depp full Johnny Depp with black a Black shirt with the sleeves cut off leave less button up. Yes, but now button down button up He's got that long hair,

he's got like the scruffy beard going on. He's got a couple of tattoos that obviously- Black glasses. Yeah, black glasses, tattoos that were obviously inked on him many eons ago. And then he's got the bracelet thing going on, which Brian, you know, I have one bracelet, he's got 12. But anyway, I'm just painting a picture for you there

out in the podcast universe. Let's listen to what Zahn has to say about the art of spiritual seduction, which I think is different than other kinds of seduction. How I'm not sure, but we'll figure it out. My 30s, because I kept going, is when the light bulbs kind of go like every now and then, I go, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I'm not getting very late all the time. I gotta change up tech. I'm doing a minute. Wait a minute. I'm not getting very late all the time. I gotta change up technique. I'm doing a wrong thing. Wait a minute. These sleeves have been holding me back the entire time. The girl said this to me, I've heard that 20 times before and really,

maybe it means this. So I started to learn and started to get some little aha moments. I never had any. He's getting an aha moment. He's getting an aha moment every time a woman slaps him, it gets into his brain a little bit. Can I just say this? I don't want to body shame anybody or anything like that. But doesn't this look reserved for a certain type of muscular individual? Yeah, don't you think? I'm just, I just... startling epiphanies or big giant leaps.

and startling epiphanies or big giant leaps. So my 30s was like kind of like small incremental light, that was back in the day before, is it true? Before the internet discussions. This was back in the day before I did not a grift off you assholes. And so there was no, I had no help. I had no way nobody to look up to. I had nobody to turn to.

I had nobody to look up to. What are you doing on 4chan? Just figuring out how to pick up women? No one to look up to. I know. That is the worst thing ever said about the internet. I had no one to look up to before the internet. But you say, this is how you do it

and it's gonna be okay. And so. This is how you do it, and it's going to be okay. And so... This is how you do it, it's going to be okay? It's not going to be okay. Whatever you're telling you, it's wrong. 30s was like starting to get like some kind of understanding, because I did nothing else but try and understand the hearts and minds and arms of women. Arms.

Arms. Why? Why? Well, it does have a thing for arms. A way to a woman's heart is straight through her biceps. That's what I've always said, Chrissy. I know. And, um, and so my, my... By the way, can you imagine the poor sap that paid like $600 to show up to this convention

and zons up there for an hour and 15 minutes telling you about his 30s epiphany that women have arms. I know. Is when I... Dog just barked. Is there dogs at the 21 convention? It's blue. Oh, it's blue?

I thought it was on the video. I was like, wow, that's weird. Get the road. I quit my corporate job. I wandered down to the earth, carry on bag only. And I traveled and I consolidated and refined and understood and conversed and... Are we sure that's my dog? Okay.

Blue, fuck off man, come on. Try to do a show here. By the way, this is the story of every influencer ever. Quit my corporate job, went out in the world, found, yeah, I became, through experiences, I became the Buddha that I am today. I just can't remember. Wandering the world with a carry on.

With a carry on, Dracar de War, and condoms that haven't been used in many decades. I spent time trying to distill what I'd learned about the hearts of women. And my 40s, I traveled and I wrote a book about it. I wrote a book called The Alabaster Girl. I wrote a book called The Alabaster Girl. I wrote a book called The Alabaster Girl, and here's the link to buy it on eBay. Only used copies available because I only made five. I used them all.

It took me 10 years to write, from 40 to 50. And birthday to birthday, I published on my 15th birthday. Get it out the door, kick. Wow, what a great origin story. I feel like this is Star Wars the clone Wars I feel like we're watching the bad three movies of Star Wars yeah and then I learned about the whatever chakra it all came it all came to permission oh why did you stop?

It feels like I've said something. No, I vomited something out of my system. The whole time I was writing that book for ten years, I loved books. And yet I never read another book in that ten years because I would go into an airport bookstore and I'm like, I love bookstores. And I would go in there and I'd like books, books, books. And they called me. There was nothing like a good airport.

That's right. I love bookstores. Especially the ones with People Magazine. Yeah. And then that's... This guy is such a twad. First of all, second of all, I love Beethoven, but I'm not going to direct the Boston Symphony Pops

anytime soon, you know what I'm saying? But I would feel, because you like something doesn't make you good at it. Filty, because I hadn't finished my book. So for 10 years, even though you're a professed book lover, you took yourself out of the book game. So you didn't bother yourself about your own book. Yes, if I had that rule about podcasts,

it would be a different podcast. And I felt like, so I'd walk out of there. And I also didn't want to shift what I was trying to say. There was something in me that I had, that had been learned and fought for. And I was in the trenches with a mustard gas flying over my head and I wanted to describe that experience.

How hard it must be. I was in the trenches. I was in the bars. I was telling women they were beautiful. I was cornering them. I was using their other friends as a way to get to them I was doing a lot of the poo-a-poo-a-poo-a and I just I felt like I was in the trenches, you know Like real war Chrissy. It felt like I was making any money

Making money, please took me job and didn't have any kind of book It took me ten years to vomit this book up. My life experiences, my condensed version of whatever chocolate, that's right. To tell you now the secrets of women's arms. The alabaster arms. I'm sure that's a New York Times bestseller, by the way. And so for ten years I didn't read another book. And now honestly, guys, I feel devoid. I feel like I've set, there's my book, I'll show you. Oh, how convenient.

By the way, there's my book, I'll show you. Here's my book, I'll give you a link to my end. I feel devoid, like devoid, is that the right word he should be using? Devoid. Yeah, maybe. So, Dentaly, I know some of you have my book. It's here. It's called...

It's here. Here it is. The Bible we've all been waiting for. The Torah, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the manuscripts from Muhammad himself. That was my vomit. And the alabaster arm, made by Zan. Alabaster girl. And in Romania, where I have an apartment,

I printed 2,000 of these books. What? How it's really written? What is this? This is a pitch for your book. It's just an hour long pitch for your book. In Romania. In Romania, where I have an apartment.

I thought he was gonna say where my book was published, but he just said we're having an apartment. That's right. In London, where I live an apartment I thought he's gonna say where my book was published We're having a part that's right in London where I live under a bridge. I have 2,000 copies of this Have a thousand left that gives them away So if you want to if you want to sign copy I'll when I go back to any I'll sign it send it to you in the mail Just pay for shipping shipping. $79.99. I'm shipping it from Romania. I'll give you a free book. Free book. Just pay the $627 shipping and handling from Romania. It's at girl.com and I've got a thousand left.

So as soon as the thousand are gone, done. But that's the book. Wow, what a rousing success. Oh my god. I don't know if I'd be bragging about that. I made 2,000 copies, I gave 1,000 away, and now you two can have one. I'll sign up for you.

And you know, that was three years ago I published this thing on my birthday and I haven't cracked it since. Who cares? Who cares? Who keeps looking at the crowd like some bit of wisdom came through there. I haven't cracked it since. I realized how terrible it was and I decided not to go back. Alright, let's take a break. We'll be back with more song in just a minute.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212-433-3TCB and you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on TCBpodcast.com.

Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors, so thank G and here they are. All right, and we're back from the slightly condescending liners. I love it. It's like that conversation is done. Oh, Zahn is talking about how after ten years, he took ten years to write the book and after writing the book. But after three years, he's only sold half.

Yeah, he's only sold half. Well, he didn't sell half. He gave away half is what he said. Now, you two can be the proud owner of a signed copy just by paying the $7,623 in shipping and handling from his apartment in Romania. Yeah. Everything, honestly, it's everything I ever knew

or learned in my entire life to that point about sexual polarity, masculine edge. Turns out it's shit. Yeah, turns out it didn't work so well. I tried to get on the commercial break. They wouldn't even have me. The female spirit. And...

And the Tigris and the Euphrates. I've written about a lot. Is he having a therapy session like in front of a conference? If this is the way that he processes information to write a book, I could see why it took him 10 years. We've literally five minutes into this video and we haven't heard anything except for about his book. Yeah, so I feel like I'm coming on stage here.

I thought for a couple of days, what can I say? And the only thing I'm going to do... Let's talk about how I wrote my book. The only thing I'm going to do is... show you my... hairless armpits. How did that happen? It's just kind of like... The only thing that has interest me now

is what I'm trying to understand for myself going forward. My next 50 years. My next book. Do you want anything going forward, my next 50 years, my next book, it's the only thing I have any. It will take you 50 years. What the fuck? This dude's having a midlife crisis on stage. He's like, I was trying to think about what I was gonna say

and then I was like, I don't care about it the next 50 years. That's all I care about. Way to be in the moment with those hard chakras. Yeah. It wheels for me at all. So it might be like scattered and messy, and I don't really don't have a nice opening and crescendo. We noticed.

Right. We're on to yours on. And that's why you're successful speeches do. You can hear the people leaving out the back of the room. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. I don't have it. I'm just gonna riff on a few things that I've been thinking about. Oh, great.

This is what I came here for, man. When Zon riffs, shit gets real. That's where the good stuff is. You gotta listen to a lot of bullshit, but there's little nuggets of wisdom in there. Like that time he talked about the whatever chakra I Feel like Zon had one really nice performance with the whatever chakra thing and now he's living off of it for the rest of his life No, we get value from it

My voice sounds a little scratchy bit. Oh well In speeches This guy's giving a master class in speeches. Oh wow. Why doesn't this guy have a TED Talk? Whatever. Whatever. Besides all that. Oh what? You just told it to take you ten years to write a book that never sold a copy.

You have enough information. You've been consuming information for 10 years on an average here. With books, e-books, seminars, forums, Facebook groups. What forums? Forums. Programs, DVDs. Ah!

Stuff you've done. Ah! Videos. Ah! Ah! And then we're going on to Wisconsin. And then we're going on to Detroit! Ah! You're going on to Wisconsin. And then we're going on to Detroit. And then we're going on to Arizona.

Formation. I mean, I feel bad for anybody that has- Actually paid money to see this? Well, and that has done all of those things they're talking about. Books, e-books, DVDs, Some red-heads. Yeah, forums, Facebook. Some reddits. Yeah. I mean, it's just.

Forums, Facebook. I get it. I get that being single is hard. It's really difficult. And I understand that it does not come easy to a lot of people. And there's a lot of lonely guys out there. And I don't cast dispersions upon the people in the audience because they are just looking to make a connection.

They need some answers. They would like something to help them get over this anxiety or crippling self doubt. Or they paid to go to his comedy show. Yeah, or they paid to see Zahn talk about how it took him 10 years to write a book. He's got nothing more to say. It's all in the book. He's saying it's all you have it. You have the information. You already have the information. By the way, thank you for spending $6,000 to come to the 21 convention. I'm here to tell you you already have the information. Buy my new series for $49.99 a month today.

And you have it packed in your head. So you don't need more information from me. All right. Well, great. Glad I decided to show up. I could have slept in, but no, I came down here to see this asshole. The thing I want to get if I can tonight and I'll try is to get kind of a spirit. Maybe you can feel what I've been trying to understand myself and what I'm still trying to understand going forward. Sir Ungeling defined stuff to talk about.

This is so, this is funny. I feel like this would, this is me when I speak sometimes. Like I'm like, I'm just gonna disconnect. So I'm not gonna, I don't know, I'm just gonna wing it. You just spent five minutes talking about how you're gonna wing it. Just go ahead and wing it. Get off, fly, fly's on. Fly's on, leave the nest.

Go little birdie. Or maybe take tips from your own book. Yeah. Talk about those. That's exactly what you should, I was just thinking the same thing. Like pick a chapter and start reading it. Just open it. Yes. Cause there's only a thousand copies left.

Not everyone's getting one. Oh, there we go. The information you have. And what a way to think ahead too, where you go to a convention where you could possibly sell those books Yeah, you have but you didn't bring him with you. No, you forgot to bring them with you Well, I think he knows how well that's gonna go over already The information age has run its course you It really has because... Oh, really? We don't need information anymore.

Oh, well, that's course. The information age. That's so information age. That's so 2024, January 21st. Because look at the misinformation that's out there everywhere now. Yeah, you're part of the whole of us throwing it out there.

The information age has run its course. It's overwhelmed with misinformation. And you have enough in here. So now the only task from this time forward for the rest of your life is to focus on your dick chakra. Cut the sleeves out of all your shirts and get to work boys. How to take this massive amount of information that you have consumed and to lower it down here into your heart.

Lower it down into your gut and into your balls. I'm laughing like a clown. Oh, there's information in your head. Push it down to your heart. When you're done there, push it to your gut and then right to your nutsack. That's where that information belongs. The score of the Metz Yankees straight to your balls. Who's going to become president in your nutsack? Oh my god, this guy. So you can feel something. Right?

The one guy who's in the crowd with a trench coat lacking off. I got the USA Today down here, my nuts. I'm lacking it off. I'm on HuffPost right now with my nutsack. So instead of like talking to women like, hey, nice to meet you. What are you doing later? It's all, It comes from here.

It comes from your butt? It comes from your nuts? This is really where our idea about having a pair of underwear, where you've got the... you can just drop the little trowel. You know how in the old cartoons, they used to have a little back flap? Yeah. The old cowboys, they had the back flap on their long johns. They could just take a shit

whenever. Chrissy and I had an idea about the DD canter, the wine tasting with your testicles, that you could just have a little flap that you would open up and then your balls would drop into the wine. But I feel like this has now got multi-purpose. I feel like along with cutting the sleeves out, you should cut a little hole out for your nutsack to drop when you're talking to the ladies. You can absorb information. Hey ladies. I've got some information for you, but it's down here.

Hey, I'm just going to say, I like girls and you look like one. That's all I know. Just saying. Oh my god. It comes from here. By the way, that room sounds packed. Yeah.

That's like a TCB audience right there. I shouldn't make fun because I'm not sure we could fill the room either. There's something that downshifts into your body. If you're hanging out with me ever, I'm like, hey, joke, joke, fun, talk, talk, blah, blah, blah. Are you? Fun, fun.

Yeah. You're so driven straight. If you're ever hanging out with me, you're like, fun, fun, laugh, laugh, Fun, fun. Are you so? Yeah. You're not driven straight. If you ever hang out with me, you're like fun, fun, laugh, laugh, talk, talk. Can you pick up the bill? Do you have a couch I can stay on? I just have a carry on. I one time almost had a wife.

Talk, talk, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like anybody else. As soon as there's women women something and me downshifts Into my nuts I can steal it my nuts. I feel like this is an episode of the office where Michael keeps saying That's what she said That's my joke. Damn it Dwight And and there's something me that kind of, it's like what's this shape? Triangle?

What's that video game? Choo! Mortal Kombat. And it's actually something that is shape charged for her. That's right, you felt that. I get it. I'm over here in my buddies, yeah. That's what you're gonna go.

So you're saying that I should envision myself as a Mortal Kombat character throwing laser beam, whatever, through my dick chakra, over the, across the room? Yeah. You're not going away. So there's something in, and if you can catch a glimpse or catch the spirit of that,

get it out of your head. We're all in our head. You know, you get a negative thought. Let's say you go to a party and... I feel like this is like a guy who just tripped on ayahuasca but isn't really sure how to explain what he just saw. So he's like, if you can just, if you can just, if you just imagine it, just imagine it.

What? What do you want me to imagine? You don't know anybody there. But you want to be interesting and kind and cool and interact and so you're like, get out my nerve, get in a state. I'm gonna go and talk to this girl over here. Hey, what are you drinking there? Whatever you say.

And she's like, don't touch my drink. She walks away. She says, leave me the fuck alone. Oh my God. And now you... get in your head. You get this negative thought in your head that says, well, that sucked.

Just like this speech. She just reinforced that I suck. You get this negative thought, the circles around your head, you know, and it's like a B. If you have one B circle around your head, it's kind of a nuisance. If you have three or four, that's your whole world.

You haven't washed yourself in a while. Yes. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Put some feet on it. It's not that hair. Which is true of Zod. You have three or four bees circling around your head. It doesn't matter what else is going on.

That's the only thing you can think about or concentrate on is that. And these bees circling around your head, and these thoughts build upon the thoughts, and then you think, well, yeah, I'm not interesting enough, obviously, and I don't know anybody here, and this is stupid, and I feel awkward. And the thoughts, the negative thoughts... Well, let's give credit to where credit is due. Zahn is saying something that kind of makes sense here.

It's like if you're in your head, and you're out of power, and you're trying to find a romantic connection or wherever it is at a place, and all you can think about is how miserable you actually are and how that's crippling self-doubt and the anxieties. Well, that you do have to get out of your head a little bit, but not into your ball sack. Like leave it somewhere between your belly and your chin.

Right, Baloo, got it. Thoughts, stop, jump on top of each other, and accelerate and accelerate, and this swarm of bees goes around your head, and you can't escape it. There's a whole doctrine out there that says, oh, change your thoughts, your life will change. Change your thoughts, your thoughts.

You can't. Those thoughts are faster than you are. You can't, you're never really fucked. I feel like this guy is like the miserable Wayne Dyer. Those thoughts are faster than you are. You can't, you're literally fucked. I feel like this guy is like the miserable Wayne Dyer. I know. I'll dress all in black, shows up, kicking his feet. You suck, I suck, I took me ten years. Change your thoughts, you can't.

You can't, you literally are doomed to die like this. You can't outrun the bees. They're circling perfectly, and if you're running as fast as you can, they're still circling perfectly. It seems like that resonated with the crowd. They were all like, I actually paid money to feel better about myself. I was hoping. I can't outrun it. So, don't read my book. The Anabasteros.

I can't bear to open. I can't look at it. It's a sign of my abject failure. It's kind of how I feel about the commercial break sometimes. I'm like, I don't want to turn it on. Oh. How then? I'm like, I don't want to turn it on. Oh, how then do you take this knowledge you have in your head and downshift it into your body?

To your balls. So that now you're speaking from the way you feel as opposed to speaking from the way you think. I feel this. That's all I know. Just saying. Just saying. My balls are rock hard for you. No, it's like an anchor man.

Ron Burgundy. He is like Ron Burgundy. I don't know what to say. I'm in my head, so talk to my balls. My balls are literally on fire for you. This is like a bad deficit Of the office. How do you downshift it? That's a good question All right, I feel like we're gonna leave it on a punchline because it seems like Zon is having a breakdown They're alive in front of four people

Poor guy, I kind of feel bad for him. I'm like, well, son. Hey, you chose the profession. That's all I got to say. Dude, come on, man. It sounds like you actually are onto a little bit of self-awareness here. If you could just use your powers for good. Not for teaching guys how to use their dick chakra to attract women from across the fucking

room with their mortal combat zizzaz or whatever the fuck you're Saying just saying what I'm just saying that's what she said Well, you know What are you gonna do takes all kinds Chrissy? That's what I've always said. That's what I always will say I don't know why he just was providing no real information, but There was no information we garnered no information from that except maybe toward the end we realize on my become a little bit but that's okay i wish him the best i really do

son come on the commercial break will talk this through that will talk it through i i i extend you in invitation the one and only plot that i extended invitation to is you and possibly at the liar but i'm bringing you on for two different reasons adam ago right now you and possibly at the liar but i'm bringing you on for two different reasons adam ago right you and i i might take a little more time because i'd seem like you need to know and i don't have any help to give you but i just think it'd be funny to talk

about it on there all right tcd podcast dot com that's where you go you find out more information about the show in christian i you watch all the video is all the audios right there all at one location t tcbpodcast.com. We'd also like you to avail yourself of our 2,000 copies of books that took us 10 years to write. It's called the Piggy Fronting Sticker. And you know, we've got some left. So if you'd like one, then go to the website, hit the contact us button. Drop down menu says I'd like my free sticker, and then leave us your physical address.

We will also sign that for you. Look, there's a lot of parallels between us and Zon, I feel like. This show is mainly me having a midlife crisis. I'm talking shit, and we give away free shit. So do that on the website. 212-433-3TCB, that's 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, text them, or use a voicemail at the commercial break

on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok, and youtube.com slash what? The commercial break! All right, thanks, Doc Bill, I appreciate it. I know, that's a great one. Okay, so that is definitely all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you.

I love you. I'll say best to you. I'm think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. I'm best to you. I'll tell the audience best to you out there in the podcast universe. And then without further ado, we must say, we will say, and we're going to say, Good bye.

Good bye. Good bye. Oh I'm a baby, I'm a baby, I'm a baby Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha