The Commercial Break - Just Over Here Soaking It All In!

Episode Date: October 31, 2021

Superfan Big Will The Champ calls into hotline to share a video of another famous podcaster saying the TCB catch phrase "Best To You!". Bryan and Krissy debate wether they are being imitated or if "Be...st To You!" is phrase making it's rounds in the lexicon. Then Bryan recalls a TCB bit that mysteriously made it to Howard Stern Show (Spoiler....clearly Stern is NOT listening to TCB!). Then the gang talk about cults in their many forms. Gyms, diet fads, churches, yoga studios and other ways we get sucked in. Finally, the gang review some of the fitness fads from the 1980's.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 And welcome back to WSHIT's very special presentation of Dinner with Uncle Jerry. Each week our station manager's great Uncle Jerry answers your questions from the crab apple audience. Questions about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. Let's go to our first caller Brenda from East Crab Apple. Brenda, go ahead for Uncle Jerry. Hi Uncle Jerry, first time long time so excited to speak with you. My husband Dick has been cheating on me repeatedly with the next door neighbor's babysitter. I don't know what to do. I just can't seem
Starting point is 00:00:40 to forgive him. Can you please help me out with this situation? Stop talking about the shading. He shaded on you. Well, he's a man. Okay. Okay. So what you do is begin to focus on why you married him in the first place. Because I was pregnant. On what he does good. Does he provide a home for you, man? We're living in a car. Does he provide food for you to eat? If you consider hamburger helper and string cheese food, yes, I guess so. Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Not since 82. Oh, is he nice to the children? Nope. Do you have a happy family? Not particularly.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Does he take the kids to sporting events? Are you kidding me? Does he go out and watch their little league games? That's where he met the babysitter. Does he share with you stuff that's going on? He shared the video of him in the babysitter. And is he handsome or is he, you know, what is it? He is not good looking. Start focusing on those things. It's hard to focus right now when he's always having the babysitter over for sex. And essentially falling up with him all over again.
Starting point is 00:01:42 And I recommend you reach out and touch him, touch his face. You did ask us into the bedroom at the same time one time, is that appropriate? But it's you, you're praying, oh God, hey, keep me not to hate him for what he did when he was with that stripper in that hotel room 10 years ago. And I'll never forgive him kind of thing. Please help me.
Starting point is 00:02:03 I said, baby, sit or not stripper, but I get it. So what are you focusing on? You're focusing on the thing that makes you mad. I'm focusing on his penis inside of the babysitter quite frankly. Stop that. Start focusing on the good stuff. Give him honor instead of trying to worry about it, but recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to water a little bit. That's very progressive thinking, Uncle Jerry, thank you. What you wanna do is to make a home so wonderful that he didn't wanna water.
Starting point is 00:02:36 But think of the temptations that are out there, the internet is filled with porn馴s. Yeah, there's lots of porn in the house. The magazines are filled with pictures, salacious pictures of women. Tons of magazines. You look anywhere you turn around, there's some solicitation to the senses to entice a man. Anywhere I turn around, he's with the babysitter. And so what you have to do is say my husband was captured. Captured by who? The 18-year-old babysitter? And I want to get him free
Starting point is 00:03:05 but reach out and think of the good stuff. Wisdom you just can't find in a textbook we'll be back after this commercial break. On this episode of the Commercial Break, there is some part of the teenage culture, the young culture, or maybe the Mormon culture in general that believes that it's only sex if there is friction. It's not sex if there's not friction. So if you're not sliding in and out, then you're not doing anything wrong, right? And you're still okay in God's eyes. You're keeping your virginity. You're just soaking your s-
Starting point is 00:03:51 Oh, the wrinkles and the gray hair and the- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- I'm gonna start like a boulder called. M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- M- I'm gonna be like a boulder called. I'm gonna be like summon your boulder. Summon it. Send me a picture of your boulder right now.
Starting point is 00:04:15 Everybody send me a picture of your boulder. Boulder boy is your name. And then came guys like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jazzercise and Mickey Mouseercise. Oh Jane Fonda, yeah Mickey Mouseercise. There's another season to assist from Walt Disney Corporation. Walt Disney Corporation kindly asks you to appear in court and go fuck yourself for using our name and you're horribly unfunny comedy podcast. The next episode of the commercial bridge! Thank you for joining us.
Starting point is 00:05:10 My name is Brian Green. Her name is Chrissy Holy and Happy New Year's! Happy New Year's! Oh, junketsother episode of the commercial bridge! My name is Brian Green. This is Chrissy Olihan. Happy holidays! Best of you, Chrissy!
Starting point is 00:05:29 Best of you, Brian! Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of the commercial rake! That great episode lined up for you today. So thanks for tuning in. And as soon as Chrissy remembers what the show is all about, we'll get right on track and bring you a funny episode. You should just take a break and come back to the level.
Starting point is 00:05:50 One of us that inevitably does that, everybody. We did it, yeah. I know, we did it for so long. We did it for so long. And we'll get back to it after the new year, but. And then I'll be saying still happy holidays. Here's the running joke. In case you don't know, in case you're just tuning in,
Starting point is 00:06:02 or you've tuned in over the last couple of weeks and you're like, why do these guys say happy holidays every time that they open up the microphones? It's not because we're trying to record an episode for the holidays, we'll get around to that. What we're actually doing is I told Chrissy, like the second week in January, I'm like, when I hate about the New Year,
Starting point is 00:06:21 is that everyone says happy New Year for like two months, they're like, oh, happy New Year. They're the talk to you. You know, the person you haven't talked to since the New Year inevitably says happy New Year. Yeah. And I was like, I wonder how long someone can get away with that saying happy New Year. And so we tested it. We tested it. We got told about September.
Starting point is 00:06:38 And then I got so sick of hearing a happy New Year that I said, I think the holidays are right around the corner. Let's say happy New Year. That's right. So fear not we're not we're not recording this a year ago where actually we're actually pretty close to the time when you're going to hear this big will the champ our good friend here at the commercial break. Yeah great for another show. Part of on the show he's a great guy. He's a competitive eater. He's a big boy, he does a lot of things.
Starting point is 00:07:05 He's like a competitive eater, he sings, he's a R&B artist, like the guy is multi-faceted, multi-town, true Renaissance man, if he has a man. It's true Renaissance man. And he loves to come, he loves him to some commercial break. And so him and I are in communication here and there and he texted me over the weekend.
Starting point is 00:07:21 He texted me a video, short video, that he of him watching his computer and what was on was Tom Segura's podcast, which is very, very popular. And I think he does, I think he's one of the members of the two bears, is that Tom Segura and the other guy, they call it two bears and I don't know, when anyway, it's an extraordinarily popular comedy podcast,
Starting point is 00:07:43 much more popular than ours is Well, what was interesting Was that he had a guest on and when he said goodbye to the guest He said okay, it was a doctor. He said okay doctor. Thank you very much best to you That's what he said right it's catching on so then I went back and I listened to a couple of additional episodes And now he doesn't they don't say it every episode. It's not their catch phrase, like it is ours, right? That our claim to fame is best, see you. But Chrissy and I have started to notice that there are people, maybe it's because we say it all the time
Starting point is 00:08:15 that we noticed that people said it. But until I made a joke about it, way back when, maybe a year ago at this point, until I made a joke about it, I'd never really even heard anybody ever say best to you, right? Right. And so I made a joke about it, and it's just stuff. And it's so interchangeable, too. It is. You can say that any circumstances.
Starting point is 00:08:32 Yeah, I mean, you know, your dog dies. They say, well, best to you. I'm sorry to hear that best to you. Or, you know, you're having sex and you're like, best to you. That's right. Whatever, you know, or if she's leaving out the door and you're best sex and you're like, best of you! That's right. Whatever, or if she's leaving out the door and you're, best of you.
Starting point is 00:08:48 Best of you. Whatever the circumstance best of you is right there for you. So feel free to use it, but I've noticed it's kind of spreading around or I've noticed more people are using it. And so this really has me wondering, is it possible?
Starting point is 00:09:02 Now, I'm not as egotistical to think that Tom Siguro has ever listened to the commercial breaker would have any reason to. But is it possible that someone in his circle has listened to the commercial break and has picked up on the phrase? I think anything is possible, Brian. Right. So I'm going to tell you a little story now, a little commercial break folklore. And I think I've told this story before and excuse me if you've heard it before, but I'll tell it for the benefit of new listeners about
Starting point is 00:09:28 five months ago Chris Astrid and I were in the car and we were listening to Howard Stern and I used to listen I used to be a religious stern listener I don't get a chance much anymore But he was doing an episode on preachers Okay, now this is a topic that a lot of people cover because they're just so hilarious. They're so fucking crazy. Yeah. And such scam artists that a lot of people do comedy bits about preachers. You know, the televanze list. There's nothing new about that.
Starting point is 00:09:55 But he is doing one on what's his name, the guy that we always do it on the same one. I can't, I can't remember his name. Um, you know what is the guy who flies the plane. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I'll think of his name in a second. But we, the, in episode number four, our show named Shamalama Ding Dong. Mm-hmm. We made fun of a particular preach Copeland. Yeah, Kenny Copeland.
Starting point is 00:10:19 Kenny Copeland, that's right. Kenny Copeland. He was talking about blowing the coronavirus away and how he had outrun a tornado in his jet by simply telling Jesus, you know, he was talking about all this crazy shit and he has a hype man like a lot of preachers do. Behind him, talking in tongue
Starting point is 00:10:35 and saying all kind of weird shit, like, I'll interview you know, crack it in a bag of the book, but in a bag of the, you know, whatever he's saying, right? And so I made fun of the guy in the background and I was like, shh, I'm a limiting, don't, shh, I'm a limiting, shh, I'm a limiting, I said it a number of times, right? It was a whole thing that we did. And and still beloved by some of our early listeners as as one of our best, I mean, I think is a funny episode. But so Howard is doing the exact same, he's reviewing the exact same material
Starting point is 00:11:05 with the exact same preacher. And he is making fun of the guy behind him talking shit. And he says, wow, oh, I got a lot of them. Shamil Ahmed Inndong. And then repeats it again a couple of minutes later. Shamil Ahmed Inndong, right? Now, Shamil Ahmed Inndong is the name of a song.
Starting point is 00:11:21 It's been around, you know. You are my boo-lo-loon-do-uh. My Shamil Ahmed, you're my ding dong. Or whatever, right? It's an old song. It's been around, you know. I, you are my boo-lo-loon-doo-wa. My shaman dimmered. You're my ding dong. Or whatever, right? It's an old song that was in the movie, Animal House. Okay, yeah. So, Shamalama Ding Dong, I don't know if it's the name of the song,
Starting point is 00:11:35 or it's just lyric of the song. But it's in the lexicon, and it's out there in the world. And I guess you could make that you could jump to the conclusion that other people would make this comedy connection. But I, Astrid and I looked at each other and Astrid was like, do you think? And I'm like, no way, like no way. Howard hates podcasts. He's already mentioned it multiple times in the show. There's no reason that Howard would be listening to our show. None. But she said, but is there a writer or a producer that is pitching him segments?
Starting point is 00:12:08 Because you know, he's got multiple writers, lots of us. And they just pitch him segments and he just decides what he's gonna do. I imagine that's how it goes. I don't know I'm not there, but I have to imagine it's similar like Saturday Night Live. They get together at the beginning of the week and they pitch their segments.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Yeah. Is it possible that one of those guys or girls heard an episode and decided, well, Howard could do that, right? Yes. And mentioned Shamalamadindong in like a pitch meeting or something, right? Just kind of set it out loud.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Is it possible? I could drive myself fucking bananas thinking about this, right? And I don't claim that anyone is stealing anything. I don't know that and I'm not saying that that's the case because I know neither of these guys would do that. That's not their style. They're originators, they're not copycats. Yes, but it's like music, you know, too.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Like anytime you've heard something, then it can kind of weave its way into yours. And it's waved its way into your world, into your head. You know, you have friends that are saying stuff, you know, it's just kind of all, just kind of mangos together. You're right about that. And there's only really four chords in rock and roll
Starting point is 00:13:11 and everybody's played them all, which way they can anyway. So you're not really being original about anything and maybe that's just the case. Maybe there's nothing really original about comedy where I'll just kind of make him fun at the same shit. And, you know.
Starting point is 00:13:23 But that's a good coincidence. But it's a good coincidence. But it's a good coincidence. And I'm not angry. If it is the truth, which is not. Yeah, we'll go pitch Howard. I'll go pitch Howard. Yeah, I'll bring us on board Howard. You can buy all 118 or however many of my ideas.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Buy them all. Just cut me off a little slice of that serious money. And I'll be happy to just sit in your office all day long and think of brand new connections to make uh in in your comedy world. Yeah. It's I mean it's for putting it out there. It's just it it's just but it it does tickle me a little bit to hear that and then go I wonder you know I just wonder it's like a boy can dream. Yeah. Yeah. Boy can dream. Yeah, that's it. That's a boy can dream. I Know it's not true, but a boy can dream Hey guys, I want to let you know that this episode is sponsored in part by Texas Lone Star Tomales It's finally that time of the year again the holiday season
Starting point is 00:14:21 The air is gonna be rich with the smell of delicious foods, and Texas Loan Start Tommales wants you to bring home the authentic gourmet taste of Mexican cuisine. Their homemade tamale recipe combines the perfect balance of masa, finely shredded meats, peppers, and spices all rolled in a natural corn husk. These flavors will have you wanting more of these tamales every holiday season, so start a new tradition using Texas Lone Star Tamales. They know that the holiday time is a busy time, and you'll be flying around and going from here to there trying to get your gifts ready and be ready for the friends and the family that are coming over. So thankfully, you can ease your stress by using Texas Lone Star Tamales to take care of the food. Their fast delivery will have
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Starting point is 00:15:36 Tell them TCB sent you. Use the code TCB for a free Dozen tamales. That's insane. Thanks, Texas LoanStar Tamales for being a sponsor of the commercial break Thanks guys for listening to another episode of the commercial break I want to quickly let you know that TCB podcast dot com is where you go to find out more information about Chrissy and I you can read all the show notes watch all the video and listen to all the audio from one location If you'd like to get a hold of your very own collectible T.C.B. Sticker, go to tcbpodcast.com and click on the button that says, I want my sticker.
Starting point is 00:16:21 You can find out information about how you get the sticker and tell us where we can send it to. 661, the word best, the number 2, y-o, that's 661 best to y-o, 661, 237, 8296, is where you can text us or leave us a voice message. If you leave us a voice message, make sure you include the phrase best to you to be included in a future episode. Also, please follow us on Instagram at the commercialmercialbreakYouTube.com slash the commercial break to subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you would be so kind, please and thank you. Use our sponsors, special codes and URLs whenever you get an opportunity. It gives you free stuff or discounts and it tells our sponsors we're doing our job.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Also, like, rate, review, and subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. And now, back to the show. I was watching an interesting documentary the other day. And I love documentaries. Yes, but this one was focused on Mormons. I have Mormon friends. I've had Mormon friends throughout the years Actually one of my best friends Amber. I don't if remember her. She was Mormon. I
Starting point is 00:17:31 lived with her for years. She was a best friend roommate a confidante mentor a mentee whatever and we and I had so much love and respect for this Friend of mine and she was Mormon and so I got to know a lot about Mormonism Yeah, and the things that go on there and you know Okay, it's not everything's my cup of tea, but yeah, not everything's my cup of tea with Catholics either and I'm surrounded by him, right? It's it's to me Organized religion isn't isn't my thing necessarily so but Mormons do have some practices that I think most people would consider a little bit strange They have this underwear that they wear that protects them from you know protects their virginity or whatever it is I'm not really sure this underwear that they wear, that protects them from, you know, protects their virginity or whatever it is. I'm not really sure.
Starting point is 00:18:05 Other special underwear? They wear magic, yeah, people call it magic underwear. Even some of my Mormon friends have referred to it as magic underwear, right? It's like magic underwear. I don't even think they believe it. I don't get to protect them from something I'm not sure, but it's a garment that they wear.
Starting point is 00:18:20 I think mainly the females, or maybe the males wear it too, but mainly the females, and I've seen it. I've seen the magic underwear. It's not magic. It's just like a slip, right? It's like a silk shirt and a booty shorts, right? Essentially, yeah. It's a little barrier, you know?
Starting point is 00:18:33 Make sure you don't get too far in the process. Remember the underwear. That's right. I can just see like a penis hidden the magic underwear. Pea! Like it gives you a little, like an electoral shock. Like that guy, a monster's ink. I got my dick, my dick got electrified by that fence.
Starting point is 00:18:52 What were you doing with your dick in the fence, dude? Not monster's ink. Oh, no, no, sorry, we're gonna do it. Disney is gonna send us a reason to sit immediately. His monster hunter. The monster hunters, mountain, mountain monsters, is what it was. And we reviewed an episode and it sent us a decent visit immediately. It was Monster Hunter. The Monster Hunters. Mountain, mountain monsters. Mountain monsters, what it was.
Starting point is 00:19:07 And we reviewed an episode and they were like running around a farm doing something. And all of a sudden, I got electrocuted and he goes, I got electrocuted so bad, not my dick in the dirt. I was like, why did you have your dick out? I don't know, it's Daniel, who's going on there. So, um,
Starting point is 00:19:28 so the magic underward, all right, so Lexer Cusion fence. So the more, it just like, Oh my God. Oh, no, you are, I know you are. Okay, so I was watching this documentary, right? And one of the women who was in this documentary, this Instagram video on this documentary, did a video about something called soaking. Do you know what soaking is?
Starting point is 00:20:04 I don't. Okay, let me tell know what soaking is? I don't. Okay, let me tell you what soaking is. Oh, Lord. Here we go. Are you ready for this? This is a strange practice, but it trusts me. Okay. The Christians, the Catholics are no better,
Starting point is 00:20:14 and I'll explain why in a second. There is some part of the teenage culture, the young culture, or maybe the Mormon culture in general, that believes that it's only sex if there is friction. It's not sex. If there's not friction. So if you're not sliding in and out, then you're not doing anything wrong, right? You're still okay in God's eyes. You're keeping your virginity. You're just soaking. You're just soaking your cell. Yeah. I can feel it soaking up. You all worked up.
Starting point is 00:20:54 So imagine this, two Mormon youngsters running around, having a good time, right? And they get back to the, whatever, the, you know, condo at the end of the night or the house at the end of the night. They can't do that. And they gotta penetrate the magic underwear. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, b But I'm not going anywhere with it. I'm just gonna put it in here and we're just gonna sit there holding each other tight. Now for guy like me, that'd be good enough to get the job done.
Starting point is 00:21:30 I'd be ready to go. Right? I'm serious. I'd be loaded and ready to go. I'm good. I don't see what the excitement is for the woman, but I guess a little intimate touch could be exciting there, right? I'm assuming I don't know. I'm not a woman. Tell me, Chrissy, would soaking be exciting to you? I don't know if I would like this soaking. Don't knock it till you try. Yeah, listen, it's not the emotion of the ocean, it's the lotion of the potion or whatever that's. Yeah. Okay, so Mormon soaking.
Starting point is 00:22:01 But there's an extra layer that goes along with this. There's an extra level of soaking that now, that is going around Instagram and TikTok, which is you can soak, you can like plan to soak, right? You can plan to do some soaking, like, hey, me and Bridget are gonna go out later on. We're gonna do some soaking. So since you're my roommate at our condo.
Starting point is 00:22:23 In Utah, I guess I'm not sure. This is no loss. Yeah, but me and Brenda are gonna do some soaking later on. So Bill, as my condo roommate, I don't know. I got those oddly specific in your condo. As my condo roommate, I like you to do me a favor. Since I can't do any de-action.
Starting point is 00:22:45 I can't actually do any thrusting, because in God's eyes we're in trouble, right? But what you can do is you can go ahead and jump up and down on the bed for me. And then I'm not thrusting. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just so open. Oh, you got to involve a third person.
Starting point is 00:23:00 You have to involve a third or a fourth or a fifth and it depends on how crazy you want it to get. So on the bed. There is, I don't know if it's a urban legend, it's a myth, it's a folklore, but it seems to be true for my research. At least there are some people on the internet who have admitted that this is on.
Starting point is 00:23:17 That you can soak, but then you can have friends come in and shake the bed for you, right? Okay, make it a whole night. Look how fucking industrious this culture is. These kids today, I would have never thought that. I would have never thought that. Now I've done a lot of dry-humping. I've done soaking, not on, not like, not,
Starting point is 00:23:37 that's like an addendum to sex. Not as the actual event, but as something I did in the middle of sex sex trying to control myself. Just let me soak here for a minute. You let me soak here for a minute. I would appreciate it. Why am I laughing like a 13-year-old? Like I've never asked my friends
Starting point is 00:24:11 to come join in the process. And I just find it so industrious of these kids. What was popular back in my day as Catholics, I'll tell you this, we're no better, they're no better. I mean, I'm not considered myself a practicing Catholic right now, but they're no better because they, the kids in my time period, got it in their heads that vaginal sex was the only sex that mattered. Like in God's eyes, it was the only sex that mattered.
Starting point is 00:24:40 And it was the only according to us in, you know, our 15 year old brain, 16 year old brains. It was the only sex that could actually it was the only according to us in our 15 year old brain, 16 year old brains. It was the only sex that could actually get you pregnant. It was the only sex that could actually give you STDs. So in God's eyes and the eyes of the church and the eyes of your parenting, the eyes of everybody, there was a practice called everything but, no pun intended, everything but, right? And everything but you can imagine what that meant, that. Everything but, right? And everything but, you can imagine what that meant. That meant everything but, you could have anal sex,
Starting point is 00:25:09 you could have oral sex, you could do whatever you want, just not the vaginal canal, right? As long as you stayed away from those things, a lot that one particular thing you were good at. As long as you stayed away from the daisy, you know, the rest of the flower bed was open for interpretation. So essentially how it went.
Starting point is 00:25:28 So, lest you think anybody out there, like everyone's, you know, getting all crazy on the Mormons about this soaking shit on the internet, in some sections of the internet, the truth is people from all walks of life have this different version of soaking, right? Yeah. I'd much rather soak in a vagina than an anus if you were asking me. It's just my personal preference mainly because I don't know if you can soak in an anus, right? Yeah. I'd I had had this one. I was a kid. I would have soaked away. I would have been like a, I would have considered myself like a hot tub master.
Starting point is 00:26:13 I just would have, I was like a, I just would have been like, I would have bought bath bombs to the party. I'm just making myself a bath. Yes. I just would have soaked it. Maybe you should bring back water beds. Oh, water beds. My dad had one. My dad had the kind we had to pull the hose through the house. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:34 We did too. Most ridiculous thing ever. And by the way, he had that water bed for like 30 years. I mean, first, the longest time. Since we moved to Atlanta, till he moved, almost till he moved out of the house, he had this water bed, and it was the most uncomfortable thing.
Starting point is 00:26:48 First of all, the lay-in, second of all, to get out of. Right, the gree-mail. Yeah, good luck having sex on it. Not that I ever had sex on it, but I heard from other people that it was difficult to have sex on the water bed. And I have had tried to have sex on the water beds before, and it's just like, it's absolutely obnoxious. You can't get any track. There's sex on water beds before and it's just like it's absolutely obnoxious
Starting point is 00:27:05 You can't get any track. There's no traction. It's like everyone's just like Maybe you should try and soak on a water bed That's the thing to do because then you could use your hands just kind of create the Good for you. Well, I mean you can find a fucking water bed right that you have them on like every corner Yeah, I'd be like water beds 30% off by one get one free water beds. Water bunk beds, water queen size beds, water mattresses. Because they were everywhere.
Starting point is 00:27:30 They were everywhere in the 80s and 90s. Water beds were the thing. Everybody had to have one. You could heat, you could cool them. Like they had temperature sensors, you know, the whole nine yards. At that point considered sophisticated, but really what they were,
Starting point is 00:27:43 is they were just places for algae to clench. Right. And mechanics to kill your already struggling sex life. That's just the reality of the water bed, right? I remember my dad had to pour like solution into the water bed. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:02 He had to pour like chlorine and de algae, like this algae shit into the water bed every Yeah. He had to pour chlorine and D algae, like this algae shit into the water bed every couple of months. And then once a year he'd empty it out and then he'd spray hot water in it and empty it out again. And all that came out of it was just like green, oozy water.
Starting point is 00:28:17 It was fucking gross. Disgusting. I guess that's why they went out. Yeah, they went out of style. I think everybody realized what the fuck I was thinking in first place, these things are uncomfortable. Like, okay, take away all the fact that,
Starting point is 00:28:28 you know, it's just basically like a pastry dish onto your ass, that night. Yeah. The reality is, it makes a lot of noise and it's uncomfortable. Try sleeping with somebody in a water bed. It's hard to make up a water bed too. Oh yeah, you can't make it up,
Starting point is 00:28:41 you just throw a cover over it. Just throw the like the actual cover over it You can't even put sheets on a water bed You just throw the cover over it a couple pillows and Every time you get on it every time someone goes to the bathroom If I had a water bed now my wife would never sleep and I would never sleep we have kids in the bed Yeah, first of all second of all I get to pee every 30 seconds. I know the ocean. Yeah, first of all, second of all, I get to pee every 30 seconds. I know. It's like,
Starting point is 00:29:14 I have been on cruises in the middle of a storm that I got a better chance to sleep on that a water bed, because I dated a girl one time. She had a water bed. And I hated it. I hated sleeping on that water bed. I oftentimes end up on the couch because I hated it so much. I just didn't like, I just didn't like sleeping on it. I wanted to, so thank God for water beds being gone. I wanted to mention, did you catch on Netflix or HBO, HBO go, HBO max? Did you catch that documentary the way down? I did.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Oh my God, is that how fucking bananas? It's crazy. It is crazy. I won't give away the kind of the surprise ending, or surprise beginning and ending, I don't know. But this lady named Gwen Shamblin, became like a preacher of a Baptist church. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:29:56 A sect of the Baptist church. Like a very strict sect of the Baptist church. Yeah, it may have been like church of Christ or something. No, the church of Christ is the Mormons, I think. They are. The church of Christ, Latter-day Saints, I think. I don't know. Anyway, I don't know which church. It was a sect of Christianity, some sect of Christianity.
Starting point is 00:30:13 And so Gwen Shamblin was this lady who back in the 80s decided that she was going to start her own ministry. But the ministry was going to be based on, or it was going to focus on weight loss. So it was a weight loss. It was a diet fad for Christians. Basically, you just put your trust in Jesus that he would help you count the calories.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Yeah. And then, you know, every time you wanted to go have an extra snack, you would just pray it away, right? You pray away the, and it became incredibly successful. Yes. And by the way, right outside Nashville. Yeah, right outside Nashville. And by the way, there's a lot of precedent for this.
Starting point is 00:30:46 There's a lot of Bible-based diets out there. This is not like, she's not the only one that did this, but she became very popular. Had a television show, had DVDs and VHS's, books, all this other stuff. And she gained a very large following. In the process of doing that diet fad, she started preaching also.
Starting point is 00:31:06 At some point, she decided she was going to start her own sect, her own parish, her own church. And this church was going to be based on some very incredibly strict Bible teachings. Right? Some real dumbass interpretation of the Bible. Basically, Gwen's interpretation of the Bible. And what Gwen said went. And even though she taught women to be subservient to their man, and she taught them they needed to be skinny and that being fat was a sin, and that if you had that extra donut, you were going to hell.
Starting point is 00:31:39 And she started this church that became popular outside of Nashville. And it became a nightmare cult. A nightmare cult. There were obviously- Abuse. Abuse. Sexual abuse. Of course, abuse of children.
Starting point is 00:31:55 One child died from the abuse that he received at the hands of parents who were a part of the church and were encouraged to beat their children if they didn't listen. Now, it'd be easy to go beat my child every time, every time. He didn't do something I asked him to do, but I don't do that. You want to know why? Because I know fucking better. I'm a human being.
Starting point is 00:32:13 I wouldn't want that done to me. No. I don't want it done to my son. That's just not a way you teach people how to do things. That's a way how you scare people into doing things, but eventually that fear is going to manifest in self in ways you don't expect. That's right. But this is what Gwen taught. And she would like religiously like check up on people. They was basically,
Starting point is 00:32:33 you couldn't do anything if you were in the parish, if you were part of the church, you couldn't do anything without Gwen's specific permission. That's right. Or one of her minions, right, which included her, you her, her second husband and some other people. Go watch the documentary. I don't want to give it all away. Go watch the documentary. It is fascinating. But it made me start thinking I was talking to Astrid.
Starting point is 00:32:55 I'm like, diets, dieting really is like a breeding ground for cult-like behavior. It is. Because we all want to be skinny. We all want to have, we all want to be fit. We all want to be in shape. We all want to be here for the long run. So we will do almost anything in order to keep our bodies
Starting point is 00:33:15 in some young state, right? Especially as we get older, we're desperately trying to claw back a few extra years and a few less pounds. And so this dieting and the gym really are like just a cesspool for cult like opportunities and for cult like personalities. People, you look at people and you go, that guy's fit. He seems to have it all together. He's the organ, you know, he's the whole nine yards. I want to be like that guy, right? So I'm
Starting point is 00:33:44 willing to listen to whatever he says about my diet and my health because he did it. And so since I'm a weakling who can't do it on my own, I'll just give up my will to this person, right? I mean, I'm being serious. And so these diet crazes sometimes become cults, just like Gwen's did. Yes, I do.
Starting point is 00:34:04 I started reading about a girl here, now in 2021, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Remember we were talking about the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills had a lady on there one time and I can't remember her name, Shannon something I'm not sure what her name is, but she started to die at club, basically, is what it is. Okay. You'd pay thousands of dollars to get into the club level one. Level one is two weeks of intensive monitoring.
Starting point is 00:34:30 Basically trying to get you to break your eating habits, right? You have to take a picture of everything that you have to take, a picture of your weight. You have to take a picture of your body. You have to take it and you have to send it to a WhatsApp group and then all these, you know, quote unquote mentors then tell you what you're doing right and you're doing wrong, right? But it's all controlled by one woman at the top
Starting point is 00:34:47 and she's always in the middle of it. You have to tell these women everything, right? It's like nixvium. It's like you have to send naked pictures to yourself so that you can tell you how ugly you are so that you lose that weight because you're fearful of their social repercussions. This is still going on in 2021.
Starting point is 00:35:05 And there are people that are paying tens of thousands of dollars to be a part of this bullshit. Yep. It's crazy to me. Now, I don't think I have the type of personality who would get swindled easy by a cult. But people who end up joining cults can be rather intelligent human beings.
Starting point is 00:35:21 Yeah, it's like a spiral. It just goes down. I mean, it would be as if you started something and worked good friends, best friends. And all of a sudden I'm like, well, you know, maybe there's some of the stuff that you're saying makes sense. Here you are, the commercial break. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:36 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. You're going to go to this.
Starting point is 00:35:44 Oh, go. Well, Brian's really got it all together. He, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, That's for future employers are gonna listen to this, but you know what, he seems to know what he's doing. Let's go for it. This is how it happens, kids. This is how it happens, right? You're watching it in real time. I say this to say, there are lots of people out there that are doing this, they are giving this kind of recommendation. I personally think like,
Starting point is 00:36:27 what do they call it, CrossFit? CrossFit's a little nutty too. I mean, we've all had those friends in CrossFit where you're like, what, what do you do? And like all of a sudden now, all you can do is spend time with your CrossFit trainer and your CrossFit friends. And then you have to go on Saturdays and Sundays
Starting point is 00:36:41 and Monday nights and Tuesday afternoons. And every time you have a lunch break, you have to go to CrossFit. It's like, I'm not saying CrossFit is a cult. I'm saying that it could be. I'm saying it could be. If the wrong person gets a hold of you. Right.
Starting point is 00:36:55 I'm sure there are lots of people to do CrossFit or the Teach CrossFit or that, you know, I know they're independently owned that are perfectly lovely human beings that have no intentions of being, you know, Jesus-like figures, they just want to teach people how to get fit. But I'm saying that in those moments of weakness, in those moments where you're doubting your own abilities,
Starting point is 00:37:12 and that's why church, with the magic man in the sky, is so difficult for me to comprehend. It's because you're doubting your own abilities to be a good person. So let's listen to that person because they seem to have it all together. And pretty soon all of a sudden, you know, you're sending pictures of your fat ass.
Starting point is 00:37:32 It's 200 first and what's that group? Yeah. It happens in criticized. You're selling life. It's crazy. I know it's also a breeding ground for all those supplements, those magic pills. Oh yeah, I don't know if it's starting on the supplements. That's why, dude. I know it's also a breeding ground for all those supplements, those magic pills. Oh, yeah, don't even start them.
Starting point is 00:37:46 That's why you will never see a supplement sponsor on the commercial break if we have anything to say about it. Because I say that, if Spotify was to buy us, you can play whatever you want. I don't give a shit. At that point. Yeah. I'll just end it for the money.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Ah, no, no, you'll never see a supplement sponsor on our show because I'm not gonna be responsible for somebody's death And I don't know what those things are doing to your body, and you know, you gotta talk to your doctor about that don't don't listen to me Yeah But squatty body now there's a product you should use listen to me on that Absolutely don't listen to me about don't listen to me about life or spirit or diet But listen to me about your shitting habits, squattypotty.com slash GCB. So, you know, this is going on still in 2021.
Starting point is 00:38:31 This girl is still out there doing this, and this has been a big controversy amongst some of her friends and some of her followers, you know, because a real housewife star, a real housewife star is who you're choosing to listen to for all of your nutritional needs. And the truth is, she's nothing but a real housewife star. She's not some like nutritionist.
Starting point is 00:38:49 She's not a dietician. She is simply a lady who... I know you know thing is, everybody's bodies are different and respond differently to different things and you have a different metabolism and this, the other, there's so many factors that go into, you know, oh, look at that person, what do they do, I'll do the same thing.
Starting point is 00:39:07 That's right. Yeah, and so, you know, I understand dining's hard, I get it, and especially as you get older, it's really hard, and especially as you get older, you feel worse about yourself, you're like, oh, the wrinkles and the gray hair and the- Old and fat. Now, my own fan, my nickname work.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I'm gonna start like a bone recall call. I'm gonna be like summon your boner summon it. Send me a to Brian's boner boy boot camp. I mean, you know who you have to get involved first. Get the, get the, on the ground floor, if you will. Yeah, you got to get on the ground floor. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:01 Frankie B. Frankie B. That's right. I thought you're perfect for it. You're going to save the guy from CNN, Jeffrey, what's the name, Tuben? I know. Get those fainted cops out, boys. We're marching over to the CrossFit and we're going to pump iron with our boners, raging.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Free the boner. I like it. It's unique. People will be like, wow, that's aggressive. Just like boner. I like it. Oh, I like it. It's unique. People will be like, wow, that's aggressive. Just like boner con 2021. Come with your high hat hard. Don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:40:37 Fly that freak flag. Literally. Pitch a tent here on boner con 2021. Our all-male boner camp 20 our boner camp boner boot camp we're gonna teach how your boner out of get back in fighting shape I couldn't get it up for like 30 years and then I went to Brian's boner boot camp I can see it too. I can see like a bunch of guys walking around with sweatpants on and just like hard on. If it moves to the right, if it moves to the left, if it curves down or up, it doesn't matter. Brian's boner boot camp is going get you a strong again. Fit again. And hard again.
Starting point is 00:41:27 Brad's Boater boot camp coming to a city near you. That's right. These diet fads have been around for a long time. That's the truth about it. It's like there's nothing new under the sun, right? And like the 80s was crazy for diet fads. Yes. Actually took some clips of some stuff in the,
Starting point is 00:41:43 you wanna hear some clips of some of the, it's diet fads and in the the craze around fitness. Yeah. Really came to prominence in the 80s. Yeah, really cold. Yeah. Who is that one guy, the juice man or whatever his name was? Remember that like one old guy who he's like he was selling the juicers way back in the 80s. He was like 104 years old and he do like three, three thousand push ups. Yeah. What is that guy? Jacqueline? Yeah. Jacqueline, yeah. Jacqueline's juice machine, that's right.
Starting point is 00:42:08 Jacqueline was one of the first hype men for fitness, for health, for your all holistic look at your body. And Jacqueline was telling us way back in the early 80s, late 70s for some of you that were alive back then. I was 26. In the late 70s, he of you that were alive back then. I was 26. In the late 70s, he was saying that you really have to look at your body holistically, right? And there were a lot of people that really took
Starting point is 00:42:32 to this fitness craze 100%. Like in the 80s, everyone was doing cocaine, there was a lot of money flowing around and people wanted to be fit and trim. No longer was the rotund cherub look in style. Now you had to be fit and trim. Yeah. No longer was the rotund cherub look in style. Now you had to be fit and skinny. The models started getting real thin. It was just like, oh, it was a whole thing.
Starting point is 00:42:51 The 80s changed the way that we look at fitness all together. The 70s and the 80s. Jack Lillane was at the forefront of that. And then came guys like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jazzercise. Oh yeah, the video is Jane Fonda. Mickey Mouseercise. Oh Jane Fonda, yeah. Mickey Mouse or size.
Starting point is 00:43:08 There's another season to assist. From Walt Disney Corporation. Walt Disney Corporation kindly asks you to appear in court and go fuck yourself for using our name and you're horribly unfunny comedy funcat. So I took a couple of clips and what do you want to hear for it? You want to hear Arnold? Here's, okay, this is Arnold.
Starting point is 00:43:29 This is from a very famous movie called Pumping Iron. Oh right, right. I watched that documentary. Oh yeah, Arnold is like off the chain here. He's like, he has no governor on his mouth. This is long before he came to prominence in the culture of an Alexa kind of American culture. This is really him just off the boat trying to make his way as an actor and as the world's strongest man.
Starting point is 00:43:54 The greatest feeling you can get in a gym or the most satisfying feeling you can get in a gym is the pump. I love that creepy music in the back on the pump Brian's boner bootcamp The best feeling is the pump If you can't get it up, we'll pump it up. Don't worry Pita's pumps are cool. I've never used one, but I've seen them. Yeah, they're like this round And then you stick it on your dick. And then it just sucks it up like a balloon. It brings the balloon.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Yeah, we should do that live on air, but I'm pretty sure the YouTube algorithm will not reward me for the penis pump live on it. No. Probably not going to reward me for the word penis pump. Let's say you train your piceps, blood is rushing into your muscles, and would be called a pump. Your muscles get a really tight feeling like your skin is going to explode any minute.
Starting point is 00:44:50 It's really tight, it's like somebody blowing air into it. This is not music. Pfft. It's flow. I can see the guy. Your muscle exploded. It's like your muscles are about to explode literally. Blood is going to come out of your brow eyeballs.
Starting point is 00:45:07 It's such a great feeling. Right before you explode, it's heaven. And I can hear the music guy, like, they're producing the show and they're doing the music. I can see the guy all high on cocaine. Doodoo, doodoo, doodoo. It's like a balloon getting higher and higher. And the musklet just blows up and it feels different.
Starting point is 00:45:28 It feels fantastic. Oh. Jesus. Where are you? That's number. I know it's only symbols. Accents. Accents.
Starting point is 00:45:37 You see my band director right now. Shut up, clarinets. Accents, drums. Accents, accents. I can see my band director right now. Shut up, clarinets. Accents, drums, accents. They're symbols. Give me more creepy organ, more creepy organ. Shut up, saxophone, sit out. It's a satisfying to me as coming as, you know know as having sex with a woman and coming. Coming here, I'm coming there, I'm coming on you, I'm coming on me.
Starting point is 00:46:10 I've got to be called. It's like a shower of Jesus everywhere. I've really gotten into working out lately and it doesn't feel like that. It doesn't? No? I'd pretty much feel like it'm just an orgasm factor. Second, I start lifting weights. I'm like Russian blood and muscles. My hair just, it's like someone pressed my prostate.
Starting point is 00:46:32 I just start uncontrollably spewing gum. I hate working out. It's the furthest thing from an orgasm. I'm like, aw, God. Yeah, I know. That was a good podcast on today. So can you believe how much I am in heaven? I'm like getting the feeling of coming in the gym.
Starting point is 00:46:51 I'm getting the feeling of coming at home. I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up when I pose out in front of 5,000 people. I get the same feeling. So I'm coming day and night. Wow. I was literally a and night. Wow. I literally have factory of semen. I'm coming on stage. I'm coming behind stage.
Starting point is 00:47:12 Back stage in the back of the taxi. Oh! We're too, sir. Hold on, hold on, moment. Ah! Okay, I'm good now. I'm literally coming back here. Every time you take take a ride in turn I come all over your back seat It's so weird. It's such a weird analogy. I mean, it's terrific, right?
Starting point is 00:47:35 So you know, I'm in heaven No, well good for you are no, I have to say Yeah, I guess that man and festive itself in other ways since he had the child out of marriage. You know, the fatal doubt. He was just coming so much. It just happened. Yeah, it wasn't that he intended to get anybody pregnant. He was coming at home and he was coming at the gym. Pump some iron. He pumps some iron and that made him walked in the room at the right time. Yeah, she got pregnant. Oh, no, I've come all over you.
Starting point is 00:48:01 walked in the room at the right time. Yeah. She got fragged. Oh no, I've come all over you. Jazz or size was the thing back in the 80s. Jazz or size was a big, big thing. I think they still have jazz or size, don't they? I think they do. Yeah, I think I've seen jazz or size clubs
Starting point is 00:48:14 actually have driven by them. Yup. Jazz or size that'll keep you fit and smiling, show. I'm saying you swing that off. There you go. Smile for heaven's sake. Yeah. You ready? Now find that beat. There you go. Smile for heaven's sake. Yeah! You ready? Now find that beat. There it is.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Oh yeah. That's cool. Ho! Now scratch the release contract release contract release. There you go. Strike the release contract release. Come in, come in, come in, come in. Wow! This is the female version of this. Everything was so sexified in these like in these videos. But she had to run this the female version of this. Yeah. Everything was so sexified in these videos.
Starting point is 00:48:46 That's true. But she had to run this the early days of these fitness videos. So I think that they needed something to entice the watcher to watch this because no one really knew what was going on. They were like, wait, I'm gonna have a video at home where I'm just gonna start following you. But I think the men bought these. This is like some lady named Susie something.
Starting point is 00:49:02 She's an older lady. She's certainly in shape. She's very skinny. But is she the twilight of anybody's eye? I'm not really sure. I don't know. Probably she's the twinkle of the twilight of somebody's eye. Excuse me, she is the twilight of some people's eyes.
Starting point is 00:49:20 I got something in my eye. Susie from Jazz or Size. I got something in my eye. No, it's just me. I don't have that right behind you. Sorry, I'm coming everywhere. Smiley, smiling, smiling now to the pelvis. Front, back, front, back. Push it, pull it, push it, pull it. Yeah! There you go. Now your favorite thing. The hip-stugar. How long I want to shake that cute little booty of yours. Whoa! I can imagine I'm in sex with this lady.
Starting point is 00:49:50 I'm coming back in from... I'm back in now, pelvis. You love this swinging lift and running. You broke my dick! And now it's so bad. And now... So... Let's all rest for a moment. Let's all soak. We're not having sex, we're jazz-er-sizing. We're doing Suzy's take. That's all rest for a moment. That's all soap. We're not having sex, we're jazzy-sizing. We're doing Suzy's stake.
Starting point is 00:50:08 That's right. And left and right and right and right and in and out and in and out. That's gross. Oh my god, I was just, that's gross. What did you say that one time? You had like, what was it that we were talking about? I wish I could remember this, so I'm not gonna spend all the episode. What was it that you said something about the ejector
Starting point is 00:50:30 or the, remember we were talking about something? Somebody said something on a clip and you were like, oh, this an ejector or a projector? A thigh projector and I was like a thigh projector. What is that? No, but I did talk about that movie with, I was called perfect. And it was with Jamie Lee Curtis and John Travolta. Oh, that movie's crazy. That was, yeah, part of like a sting drug operation being run through the gym.
Starting point is 00:50:57 Her camel toe is literally half of that movie in short and his balls are swinging everywhere. Yeah, you want to watch a movie with a lot of ball swinging? He's got the shortest shorts on and his testicles are hanging out half the half of it. He's got like the thong aerobic thing. And now I mean just camel toe, right? And our nipples are all showing. I mean, it's just like I'm super sexifying. But they call the bad guys in the end. I mean, it's just like I'm super sexified. But they call the bad guys in the end.
Starting point is 00:51:25 That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's Oh god. Ow! Ow! Woo! If somebody did this in bed to me, and someone did, I think one person did one. I mean, they were like, go go go go go beat. We're gonna play a little baseball now. You to see about this video, but maybe obvious to your ears, is that all the, she has only men that are behind her, like two, three, five men, whatever it is. Only men in this entire promotional video, only men behind her. And so obviously they're trying to sex up this whole video, right? They're trying to make her seem sexy, and the video seems sexy.
Starting point is 00:52:38 I imagine so that men would buy it. That's why I guess, or that women would buy it thinking that they'd be a more appealing to men. When this particular part of the video comes on, black men show up, and it's the only part of the video where black men that I saw that were black men show up, right? But the in-you-windows are crazy.
Starting point is 00:52:55 It's like, it's like, it's like, Suzie's. Suzie's. Suzie's predilections are clear here. Yeah. Once you go black, you never go back. And Suzie's all about it. Oh, yeah, I got to strut your stuff.
Starting point is 00:53:08 That's good. You take it out, dad, in, all right. You take it out, in, in, out, and in. Is that 12 or 13 inches, out, and in, and holy shit. She is loving her, these guys behind her. She's just flirting with him the entire time. I actually watched some of the actual video and this part of it, there's like five songs,
Starting point is 00:53:34 they're all like horribly stereotypical, right? It's like the Harlem Blow of Trotters, then there's like some bad rap song and some art smooth art and DJ. She's run out of rap. It's like a, but it's not that rap, it's like a, like a, like a rapy type beat, right? In the back of her.
Starting point is 00:53:49 And she uses real music. Like she used, you know, you just heard what's his name, Chris Cross, Christopher Cross. Yeah, Chris. Yeah, she uses real music. Oh, you were interjecting that into it. No, no. Oh.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Did you see how I interjected Christopher Cross? And just so's he's dinser-sized video? No, but, you know, I could have, This is all about the interjective Christopher Cross and just Susie's dance or size video. No, but you know, I couldn't have, but that wasn't for me. Christopher Cross goes well with everything. Sounds great to me. I had to do it again, that's nice. Come on, a little dribbling right here. Way down, you dig it up and back.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Ah-ha, dig it down. All right, all right. Well, yeah. Oh, fuck it up there. Oh, yeah. Give it all to me, buddy. Don't be scared back there. Soak it up.
Starting point is 00:54:38 Now, baby, do it. You got to do it with us. Yeah. It's fun. You gotta do it with us. Yeah. It's fun. You're good. Vail's good. Look it. Now's the time.
Starting point is 00:54:52 You gotta get up and boogie with this, honey. Yeah. You gotta find that boogie body. OK. That's good. Looks good. You'll be beat. Unchika, unchika, unchika, unchika, unchika, unchika,
Starting point is 00:55:05 now take it to the right. The left, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. I can't just play. He is a fucking banana. Cocaine was a hell of a drug. Cocaine is a hell of a drug. I just gotta take it out. Okay, let's listen to one more.
Starting point is 00:55:20 This is Susie again, I think. Okay. Sexorizing it up. This is a little something to cool you off. I Think I've got these two cute guys behind me and you'll never guess what they want me to do hold it Stop for a moment of soaking. It's right. Hold it. I just see two dicks that are moment of soaking. Hold it, I just see two dicks at her hand. Look out. They want to be seduced. Can you believe it? Wow, yeah, again. I'm bringing this to Brian's boner bootcamp. Absolutely. Oh wow, that was amazing. Oh yeah. Ah.
Starting point is 00:56:06 I think this is an exercise video. This is porn, is what they say. Oh yeah, you're right. This is Susie living out her every fan of him in a leotard in front of two super sexy hot men. Oh by the way, I mean, I'm gonna find your pelvis. I know you've got one and it's okay to move it for heaven's sake. Ha!
Starting point is 00:56:28 Ha! Ha! It's Susie! It's Susie! You got a dick now, use it! Come on, John! John's like, I actually prefer men, but okay, I got the job on here, I might as well. Oh my god, though. Yes!
Starting point is 00:56:45 Do it again! He likes to be real cool. They both like to be real cool. Do you? I hope so. Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out! From the top! Look out! Here it comes! From the top down to the bottom. Look at him. Look at him. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Now, you can't tell me that that doesn't feel good, because I know it's us. Look, just take your time. Take it easy.
Starting point is 00:57:13 Wow. Now, here we go. Have you got a couple of cute guys around the house? Then grab them. Come on, and touch. And touch. And touch. And touch.
Starting point is 00:57:23 Or a couple of cute girls. That's okay, too. Now, a couple of cute girls, that's okay too. Now from the Toff A, B, and H. I hit, I hit, I hit, I hit, and I hit, and I hit. Boom! First of all, the song sounds like Mr. Belvedere. It sounds like the Mr. Delbin you're opening First of all second of all what the fuck is going on in this video?
Starting point is 00:57:54 Yeah, I couldn't I need one a positive because I'm just like I'll just go let this roll because this is entertaining in and of itself I'm just surely gonna get a copyright claim on this one, but fucking cares. I don't even know what song that is It's I don't know know what song that is. Who is that? I don't know. Doesn't sound like Louie Armstrong, doesn't it? For sure. I mean, wow.
Starting point is 00:58:11 Unbelievable. You gotta tell us now, use it. Here's the point, I think. Here's the bottom line. Be careful. Use your phone. Get some on. Yeah, if your sex life is suffering, get some old 80s workout videos.
Starting point is 00:58:23 And come to Brian's boner bootcamp. Yes. Yeah, if you want to get that boner longer and stronger. Wow, I don't know what we just heard, but it was awesome. Yeah, it was awesome. What ever. Caesar was having fun. God, I find some gems on the internet.
Starting point is 00:58:37 Yes, he did. Uh, and by the way, I took that, I took these clips. Chrissy and I tried to do this episode once before, like months and months ago. Yeah. But this is just an example of sometimes things don't turn out so good the first time we do it. And now we revisit it.
Starting point is 00:58:53 And we're like, oh, OK, now we know what to do with it, right? Yes. Because the first time I think we just were both like, well, that's weird. But we do it that fast. But now we know how to do it. We throw in Brian's motor boot camp and it's all better.
Starting point is 00:59:07 That's true. And hey, get it on the ground floor now. Might you gotta get it while the kittens go. Yeah. Here's the point. Well, there's any recruit 10 more people. 10,000 dollars. I'm gonna send you some old leggings.
Starting point is 00:59:20 I got my closet. 10,000 dollars. I'm gonna send you some. You mean magic leggings? Do you want it? Do you like this TCB T-shirt? Yeah, magic leggings. If you buy 10,000 TCB T-shirts now today and get 16 people to buy 10,000 TCB T-shirts,
Starting point is 00:59:38 you're gonna make a million dollars. Have a TCB T-shirt party. If you buy now, we'll throw in one of these collectible stickers because we only made seven. Oh my gosh. Here's the point kids. Be careful what you get yourself involved in. Someone starts trying to control the way that you think or act or they don't want you to see other people, they just want you to hang out with them.
Starting point is 01:00:01 That's a high sign that something's going on, including in relationships. That's a high sign that something's going on, including in relationships. Could mean that somebody's trying to control you. So, could mean, someone's trying to control you, could mean that someone's trying to control you. Wisdom for Brockton. I'm gonna keep broke that down. So I should have thought of that one a little bit better before I said it out loud.
Starting point is 01:00:22 Yeah, but when you're trying to fill an hour with the content. Anyway, we want to thank Squatty Potty for being our sponsor in November. The good people at Squatty Potty are giving you 20% off any Squatty Potty product. So please go to squattypotty.com slash tcb. That's squattypotty.com slash tcb. Squatty Potty will change your shit in life. I swear to God it will.
Starting point is 01:00:45 It does. I've owned one for eight years now. Eight years, nine years, I don't know, however long it's been. It's been a long time. Two houses ago, three houses ago. I mean like 10 years. I feel like you had it at your old old place
Starting point is 01:00:56 before I met Jeff maybe. Yeah, because I had one and then you got one, right? Yes. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, so maybe 10 years. A decade, we've had Squatty Potty's. And we love the people at Squatty Pottie. There's such good people.
Starting point is 01:01:06 A.R. There's lots of information about why scientifically, it makes sense to do that at squattypottie.com slash TCB. But here's just take it from me. This piece of plastic or whatever kind that you get will change your life. So you must go get a Squatty Pottie, give him away for Christmas presents I have before. People think it's a gag joke and then it changes their life. So you must go get a Squatty Potty, give him away for Christmas presents I have before people think it's a gag joke and then it changes their life. Then they're like,
Starting point is 01:01:29 oh my god, I can't do without my Squatty Potty. It's so simple and it just makes you feel so much better. So go to Squattypotty.com slash TCB, would you? Then go tell them TCB sent you. The old radio commercials, tell them TCB sent you. So stupid. I don't know why I say that. And you can go to tcbpodcast.com if you want to find out more about Chrissy and I, all the audio and video are right there from the website. So go ahead, go there, your one-stop shop, for everything TcB, at the commercial break on Instagram, slash the commercial break on youtube.com, the commercial break on Instagram, slash the commercial break on youtube.com, subscribe like our videos, comment, rate and review us on your favorite podcast platform. You know all of the deals.
Starting point is 01:02:11 It helps us out such it helps us out so much you don't understand. So we give this content lovingly and willingly to you every couple times a week for absolutely free. We just ask a small favor. Like, rate, and review, and use our sponsors whenever you're in the market for their products. Please, and thank you. Okay. Well, there we go.
Starting point is 01:02:34 Another sacred castle slain. Thrust. Thrust. Open your pelvis, close it. Open, close it. Wait, wait, are we having a soaking party or is this any jazzer size? I'm not sure. It all sounds the same to me. Because if you were soaking,
Starting point is 01:02:48 you'd have to tell somebody what to do, right? Jump up a little to the left. Right. Right. Harder, harder, faster, faster. Can you imagine how odd that situation would be? What about the poor woman in that situation? Who's just got a dick hanging out inside of her.
Starting point is 01:03:02 Like, okay, what do I do now? I moved my magic underwear out of the left for this. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, you know how it goes. One more sacred cow slain. Okay, Chrissy, I don't know. What else can we talk about today? I think that's it, Brian.
Starting point is 01:03:17 I love you. I love you. Best of you. Best of you. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. And until next time, as we always say bye The commercial break new episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays new YouTube clips dropped daily at youtube.com slash the commercial break visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our
Starting point is 01:03:41 entire media library follow us at the commercial break on Instagram. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green, co-hosted by Chrissy Holtley, with additional content provided by Tina Conno.I'm a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, a man, man, a man, a man, a fan of you I'm a fan of you

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