The Commercial Break - Keep Your Talking To A Minimum!

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

The gang over at Mountain Monsters have been kidnapped by a burly crew of very polite masked bandits. But the boys manage to escape after a floating head makes a deal with the devil woman to get the body of a deceased Bigfoot named Stoneish. Did you get all that? Either did we! Let's just sit back and enjoy the foolishness. Armie Hammer is out of control! Soduku is not the Japanese art of binding. FYI. Krissy wonders about bondage with Jeff Bryan lived with a dominatrix in the "band house" Love bombing is the most intense form of affection Netflix wants you to watch commercials Mountain Monsters Men have been kidnapped Buck from MM makes a deal with the devil Bryan and Krissy have NO idea what's going on...as per usual LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at 1-661-Best-2-Yo (1.661.237.8296) Watch Us on YouTube Take a Listen to The Jordan Harbinger show! Dumb People Town Is a Very Funny Podcast From Starburns Audio Use This Link For Unlimited Talk & Tex on MINT MOBILE! Special Thanks To Our Associate Content Producers: Tina Rose Big Will The Champ Marianne Duke Luke Gustavo New Episodes on Monday, Wednesday and now Fridays everywhere you listen to podcasts! 1-(661)-BEST-2-YO  | (1-661-237-8296) This episode is sponsored by American Musical Supply. Go Here and use promo code TCB to receive $20 off a purchase over $100. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

They are now going back on the conclusion we have all rightly drawn about the shape of the planet we live on. And by people, I mean idiots. On this episode of the commercial break. Hi, this is Christian 104. Yeah, I need maintenance. Yes, ma'am, what's the problem? I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony.

It's starting purple. Can you get up here quickly? Hahaha. I never said I was after a big one. I'm after the all you can eat hardies buffet. But they won't let me in since I don't have a body. Hahaha. I believe the fucking talk into a minimum. wow discovery, plus leave it to a minimum.

Uh, what's a minimum, right? Is it 3 to 5 sentences? How many do you want in that minimum? Leave it to a minimum. I just don't want to make anybody upset. So we get some clarity on that. Do you have a memo? The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I am Brian Green, this is my dear friend, and co-host, Christen Joy, I hope you all play best for you, Christen. And best see you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this, the commercial break, they keep coming, Chrissy. We keep making them.

It's not for everybody, but fact news or fiction is guaranteed, and 30 seconds or less, go to theTCBpodcast.com website to collect your earnings. How are we not? How have we missed? How is it possible that we have not discussed Army fucking hammer? Yeah.

Do you know what the fuck is going on with. Yeah, I was reading about this. Do you know what the fuck is going on with this guy? I was reading about it a little while back. It was bizarre. I just started, I'm 15 minutes in to this Netflix, or is it not Netflix Discovery documentary about Army Hammer called House of Hammer. I am 15 fucking minutes in and I am highly disturbed.

Yeah, highly disturbed. Very bizarre. He's a cannibal. He wants to eat people. He wants to tie them up and eat people. There's no fun to be made of this. But there's this one girl that he meets these chicks online. He starts... Instagram.

Intensely love bombing them. Every minute of the day he's texting them. This one girl described that there was no possible room for anything else in my life because I was in constant communication with army. Meanwhile, he's fucking married. Yeah. Right. And one of the girls that he liked, he liked some photograph that she took, you know, years ago, Instagrams, her, they start getting into a relationship and then he texts her the following. I have this fantasy that I'll tie you up in the middle of a park and you can be free to anybody that walks by like to have free to anybody that walks by. You're so bright that I had. Like to have sex with anybody that walks by.

Oh, that's a fox pile. That's wild. Wild. That's insane. Now, people have weird fetishes. Totally get it, right? We've discussed them on the show before. We've just got all of them.

I think we've covered every fetish possible. We missed that one. Yeah, we missed tying you up and letting you have sex with everybody in the park. Yeah. That is insane. That's insane. And then he's talking about cutting people up and eating them. Like he wants, he cannibalism is a fetish of his. Yes.

This guy is like, cool, cool, he's out there, man. I know. And it's a whole backstory too with like his family. The hammers were, they owned Occidental Petroleum, which was a $16 billion company back in the 70s, when $16 billion meant something. Like trillions. But all of the males in that family all have like these dark twisted, weird, they're all,

why is the dad and the grandfather? Why is it that the psychopaths always get rich? You know what I'm saying? I think it'd be a psychopath, they get that rich. Because you got to step on people and lie cheating steel. Yeah, you don't get that rich without fucking stepping on a couple dicks. You know what I'm saying? You have to be an asshole to get that rich.

And, or if you're not an asshole to get that rich, you're an asshole once you get that rich. You know what I'm saying? But this guy is, wow, man, he's a wad. Now he's living in the Cayman Islands and he's selling time shares. What? And he's a lot now he's living in the Cayman Islands and he's selling time shares Army hammer is now selling time shares of all the things that are weird about this story This is it. He is literally the heir to a billion dollar fortune and he's living in the Cayman Islands selling time shares at like a resort Strange hey do you want to buy a time share? Do you want to buy each or two? Is it okay if I eat your toe?

I'll tell you what, I'll give you a 10% discount. If you let me buy it off your nipple. Just, just a nipple, one. I'll give it back to you what I've done. So fucked up. He's into this like Japanese rope tying. It's called like, Shakudo or something. That was on the Netflix show, the sex room show.

Oh yeah, okay, okay Yeah, I haven't watched it, but I know she's talking about how to do that on there in the Secudo or whatever it is Jeff and I were watching Sadduco that's Sadduco You do it you do it Sadduco puzzle You do it Sadduco puzzle and then you cut the circulation off to your left breast Jeff and I were watching that I was like, you know, I mean that looks interesting and however I feel like I would miss a knot or something.

I just kill somebody. Yeah. She has like hanging from the balcony. I know. Sorry, I don't know how to get you down. I would feel confident in my knotting skills. I can see. Hi, this is Chrissy in 104.

Yeah, I need maintenance. Yes, ma'am, what's the problem? I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's starting purple. Can you get up here quickly? We'll send the maintenance guys right away. Yeah. Maintenance.

You see how it's dick-sturning purple? What do we do about that? Give it mouth to mouth. That's, it's fucking weird to mouth. It's fucking weird, man. It's fucking weird. I don't get the violence in the bedroom thing. It's just never has been anything that I'm interested in. I understand it, and I have friends who are into it.

I one time lived with a dominatrix, and what do you call a submissive? When I was in a band for like two weeks, we all lived in this house. I became their singer like, yeah, it was a band house. It was so bad. I mean, it was just like, it was a typical band going nowhere situation. Right.

They were looking for, I told you this. I was at the grateful dead end. No, they're their house. No, it wasn't. No, it could have been. Had we had any actual people that wanted to listen to the music, it could have been. Those guys, the second they started playing music, they were filling arenas. It's crazy their story, right?

That's just one of those like, kismet type things. But they put out this newspaper, I told you the story, they put out this newspaper like in one of those creative loafing. They put in newspaper, I tell you the story, they put out this newspaper, like in one of those creative loafing, they put in ad, I showed up, the guy didn't expect me to show up, then I sat around, I became their singer overnight, and they asked me to come live with them.

And so I live with them, basically, in 24 hours, I go from living in a corner somewhere, to living in this bandhouse, well the bassist, I had always was kind of dressed weird, like in some leather with lipstick and eyeshadow and painted fingernails back at a time when that was strange, back at a time when that was not the norm. But I thought it was cool.

But what I didn't realize is about a weekend, his girlfriend, who was beautiful, would come in all dressed in like patent leather. And I just started hearing noises in the back room. It was his house we all lived and I just started hearing noises in the back room. It was his house we all lived in. I started hearing noises in the back room. And the drummer, we were, him and I were like sitting in the living room watching TV or something.

I'm like, what is going on with, you know, Schnitzel Titz and his girlfriend back there. He goes, oh, you don't know. But she's a dominatrix and he's a submissive. So there's some stuff going on back there. You know, we just kind of ignore it. We let it run. It was the weirdest house. Yeah, it is his house. And so he would go to like the kitchen and she would be, she would have going on back there. You know, we just kind of ignore it. We let it run. It was a weird house.

Yeah, it is his house. And so he would go to like the kitchen and she would be, she would have him on a leash. It was fucked up, Chris. I was like, a lot of people love that. But they explained it to me. They tried to explain it to me what was going on. And I just never really got into it.

It was never my thing. Like I just never thought violence was thing. I'm kind of a boring lover. I like a missionary style and tell me you love me and caress my forehead. I'm not into whips and chains and somebody up on a walker Yeah, that's right. I'm not into Seducu Seducu is not my thing. I don't want you to tie me up on my dick But army hammer is all about this stuff and these women I feel bad for the women. Yeah The women it's some of which I got roped in literally. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da He just loved bomb the shit out of them and then turned into a monster like overnight Like they the second that he thought they were leaving then he really turned into a monster

And I kind of demanded that they start getting Pushing the envelope with all these weird things that he was doing. That's crazy. Well, yeah happens I've been love bombed before and me too. It's intense. It is intense And then you get used to it and you kind of then are expecting that and so yeah, but then they yank it away Yeah, and it's like when you off the walk and when you're in the like a and relationship with an Ego maniac, right? Narcissist or someone with you know borderline personality disorder as we do they love bomb and then they take it away from you Then they love Bob again, and then they take it away from you

And it makes you think you're fucking nuts. You're like, holy shit, what the fuck is going on here? I thought everything was cool. Yeah, you feel like the best person in the whole world. I'm so loved and they can't get enough of you. Yeah, then you make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that are all right, and it's a 15-day argument with it's like super intense about how shitty of a human being you are.

And you start to lose your sense of reality. It's really weird. So I understand what these, I kind of understand. I mean, I'm not, I didn't go through this kind of violence and we're picket dillos in the bedroom, but these girls really, they got roped in. Literally, they got roped in. And so it's fascinating. You got to watch, I'm only 15 minutes in and I'm already like, Holy shit.

This guy is fucking fucked up. I mean, I don't have to say every plus. It's the one thing I'm a whole hell of an adult. I know. I know. I've already like holy shit this guy is fucking fuck. I don't have to say every plus. It's the one thing I'm holding out. I know. I know. I've already now, now I got peacock and paramount plus. This TV alone is worth $7,000 a month. I pay less for the $100.

And we have cable. You have cable too? Yes, because Jeff likes to watch the praise. Oh my god. So we had to get the stand allup that was only offered on cable. I know. We're the same way. We got Disney Plus, we got Discovery Plus.

We have Paramount Plus. We have, you know, TLC. How about you give me your LCK? I'll give you my LCK. I'll give you my LCK. I'll give you my LCK for P-comper. I'll give you any of them you would like. I like Hulu as well.

I don't think you have Hulu. You have Hulu? I have Hulu. I'll give you Discovery Plus. I'll trade you my Discover Plus for Hulu. Okay, sounds good. And you know, my dad love him to death. He has all of my logins, so his entire entertainment is just running on my log-in.

And you know they're going to stop that someday. Netflix is already yanking it away from people, which I think is horrible. You can allow a certain amount of users. Yeah, you're up to five or something. And you can now, they allow you to, I saw this last time I was looking at Netflix like in my account services or whatever the settings, they say share your login with a non-household member

for a $1.99. So essentially they have this discount plan where you can share your login, you can give it to someone outside of your IP address for $1.99. I think this is a horrible move on behalf of Netflix. You know, Netflix is starting to talk about commercials inside. Yeah, I saw the commercials.

It's really weird. No, no, no, no, no, fucking commercials. That's the first time I got serious for Howard Stern. I was like, okay, now finally, I'm in Atlanta, I can listen to Howard, add free, and two, four hours of talk. And next up on the commercial break, here's our next ad hours a talk and the commercial

This episode of the commercial break brought to you by serious XM serious XM for all your Serious XM you can listen to the commercial break anywhere, but serious XM Maybe we should actually get the TCB minus up and running this episode brought you by TCB minus, not yet running, but 499 a month. Maybe we should. But the thing is, I think we're about to hit some economic headwinds, and I think people are going to start shedding this shit left and right. And now they're talking about destroying HBO Max. It's a whole fucking thing.

Why would they do that? It's one of the best apps out there. Why would they do that? It really is. I know, because they got bought. It was like Time Warner. What a mess. A mess. A mess. How did we allow discovery to buy time Warner? How did we allow that to happen? I don't know. How did we allow the people that brought us 90

day fiancee and Dr. Pimple Popper to take over the HBO HBO that brought us some of the best television shows ever. Yes. Yes. And now it's going to all go away. And you know the best part about HBO plus is adult swim. That's the best part about it. You can go back in their whole. Oh, I love adults. Jesus. I'm like a 14 year old boy who doesn't have any friends. I said around watching adults. You know what the craziest part about adult swim is they have like these, they literally have television channels on the app that you can only watch on the app or online and they stream 24 hours a day and they're just fucking weird. They're just weird people doing weird shit for 24 hours. That kind of shit turns me on. I love it. I don't like the Sadooku tying up.

We've been working on who works for for adults. Give us a show over there. Don't you think we'd be a perfect fit for adults swim? Yes. Or are even those watchers too mature. They come very commercial break. This is my right. Well, hey, listen, it's not for everyone. It's not for everyone.

Hey, Chrissy, spin a while. And I saw some reviews talking about this, and then I got a couple of text messages, and okay, okay. One thing to be is certainly the person we talk about the most on this show. He's got the most episodes in commercial break history. I think he's up to nine. Okay.

But right behind it, with six, I think, is Mountain Monsters. Oh, yeah. Mountain Monsters, you know the show, you know it, you love it. Chrissy and I just, we just love this show. It's about a couple of, It's a couple of,

a couple of overweight hillbillies that run around. Feel's about a couple of, it's a couple of overweight hillbillies that run around, feel, run around fields of shaky camera views. Yeah, and try and find all kind of different monsters. You can imagine big foot, the red lady, the timber wolves, the walking wolves,

the pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, who literally comes at the call of a harmonica. I mean, this show is ridiculous. It's fucking ridiculous. It is one of the funniest satirical. If you watch it, I think as intended, which is a satire show, it is too fucking funny. If you're taking this seriously,

you need to get a hole put in your head and get your brain dragged because this is not real. Yeah, they never find it. They never actually find it. They have a shaky cameraman name. Ah, guys, come on. Yeah, the scammer man who never says this. I mean, this is bullshit, right?

I mean, there's nothing scary out here. There's a Walmart right there. What are we scared of? I'm more scared of the Walmart than I am in this field. People get killed at the Walmart. One of the things I've noticed is that the more seasons that come out, the more ridiculous this show gets.

At first it was almost, yeah it was bigfoot. You know, and they chased that and there was a crazy wolf. The Whisper Wolf. The Whisper Wolf. And then they had like the timber reds or something in the West Kentucky. Well, it's like content for wolf. The whisper wolf. And then they had like the timber reds or something

in the West Kentucky. Well, it's like content for us. Oh my God. It's an art. It's hard to come up with a concept. It's hard to come up with a concept. But this is brilliant. Yeah, this is true, right?

There's only so many monsters out there. You got to start making shit up. Now it's a full blown drama about a couple of overweight hillbillies that run around with a shaky camera It is gotten ridiculous and I found an episode that I just can't even wrap my head around How anybody would be sitting at home and believing any of this but you know that there are people Oh, yeah, who are fully convinced that mountain monsters is a scientific show based in fact in reality But without further ado, I was trolling on the internet.

As I do like to do. And I came up with what I think might be the best mountain monsters. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. The boys are getting kidnapped, Chrissy. What? We're gonna take a ride with them. You know what time it is. It's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break.

And Chrissy and I are very grateful that you decided to spend some time with us and since we've been doing all the talking, we think it's your turn. Go to TCBpodcast.com, click on the contact us button and send us a message, comments, questions, concerns and content ideas. They're all taken right there at the TCB podcast website. You can also send us a text message, 661-237-8296. That's not a spam text message line. You're sending a message straight to us and we will respond. So go, dial us up, 661, the word best, the number two, the word y-o-yo. If you want to see a whole different side of the commercial break, go to youtube.com, slash the commercial break, and check out our full episodes in low resolution 8K video format. to in the market for our sponsors, products, or services, please use those specialized URLs or codes.

We leave them in the show notes. They're all on the website. The more sponsors we have, the less angry our spouses are that we spend all this time together. Let's hear from those sponsors and then we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break. Ah, this episode is sponsored in part by our good friends at Mint Mobile, and yes, that includes Ryan Reynolds.

He's a good friend of the show. I know he listens. My in-laws come in every summer and every holiday, and every summer and every holiday we have the same issue. They would pay an arm and a leg to use their international SIM cards here inside the United States. That was until our good friends at Mint Mobile hooked us up with a $15 a month plan that they can use with any existing unlocked phone.

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Cut your wireless bill to just $15 a month at minemobile.com slash tcb. Thanks, man mobile, for becoming a sponsor of the commercial break. Hey, everybody. Want to thank our brand new sponsors, American Musical Supply. And man, would my parents have appreciated American Musical Supply when I was a saxophone player from the time I was in third grade,

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So go to americanmusical.com and use the commercial break promo code TCB to receive $20 off your next purchase of over $100. That's americanmusical.com and use the commercial break promo code TCB to get $20 off your next purchase of over $100. And we want to thank American Musical Supp supply for becoming a sponsor of the commercial break Let me just press play Oh Thank you all three of our guys so what we're jumping into right now is that three of the mountain monsters crew

That would be We'll put it. Yeah, Billy. What was the other one? What's the guy's name? They wanted a big beard? No, not crow Huckleberry, Huckleberry Billy and the other Huckleberry Huckleberry one Huckleberry too, and then Billy and the other Huckleberry. Huckleberry one, Huckleberry two, and then I don't even know what he's doing. He goes and talks. Look at guys Willie. Yeah, this guy's Willie. We don't talk to Willie much. She will.

His eyes are crazy. I know. Willie hasn't negotiated a great contract with Mountain Monsters yet. He's like a sub, he's like a bit player. But what we're jumping into is they've been kidnapped. The three main characters have been kidnapped in the back of a white van and it's all being filmed by Because that's what you do when someone's getting kidnapped by gunpoint you film it don't worry about that Folk all to the police it's gonna be great content. Oh, guys, I'm just gonna keep shooting We need to deliver a couple episodes over there to discover it plus Oh us. Oh, hold on, what's that? Let's go, let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

The kidnapper. Yeah, the guy's a kidnapper. That's right. I don't know what his name is. I saw him at Crap Service's Gryphaminen to go. He's real nice guy. He's got two kids on a wife. You just doing this for money You're gonna bail him out when this is all said and done. I'm just gonna shake the camera real fast in the dark guys. What do you think about that shot? Alrighty we go Where we're going? We're gonna go for a little ride because we have some because that's what you asked the kid to have first. Yeah, where are we going? We're gonna go for a little ride because we have something. Because that's what you ask the kid to have first. Yeah, where we going? Like you're sitting around drinking a beer. Hey, where we going?

Taco barrel now shut up! I got two for one shit to sell burritos! What if you want to talk to you guys? Somebody wants to talk to you. Let Somebody wants to talk to you guys. Let's go, come on, let's go, in brother boy in the big feed-over and get in box truck and vol. Why? We ain't there, we ain't gonna get in, we ain't gonna lie out over in front of their

jam with that day. I'm funny, just saying. I don't know if he said it loud. They always scream. It's kinda like the commercial break. Everyone's always screaming. We're the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people

who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the world who are the only people in the I don't know if he said it loud. They always scream. It's kind of like the commercial break. Everyone's always screaming. We're going back, the team's got. We got to catch up with the bill. Tell us, Bill. I'll stay in now. Stay back.

I'll get you to the glass. Stay back. Stay back. They can't see your headlights if you're more than four feet away. It's there in the middle of a dark field. They're right behind this truck that's been kidnapped. They're saying stay back, stay back, so you don't get noticed.

You don't get noticed. You're the only thing for my, well, you're driving a truck with headlights on it. You don't think the kidnappers are smart enough to look behind them? Ah. They do. Only stop them, bull.

Ah, gotta take a piss. I drink too much fat and pull. I got to take a piss. I drink too much fat and do. I've all hopped up on white clog. I got a pee. I got a bladder like a three year old. Fucking bitch. Now you can have your camera back.

Take the good off. You don't know where to hell you're at. There it is. Wait, they drove exactly 15 feet down the road and he's like, you don't know where to heal you're at. Let me take a guess. There's the camera crew, so I'm assuming we're just a little yonder down from where we were.

The guy saying the kidnapper is saying you can film all you want big boy. Yeah, big boy. Is your camera back? Why is he giving him that? They're all big boys, by the way. Yeah. I don't think we should throw stones in a glass house here, buddy.

First of all, second of all, you could have your camera back. I know why, okay. I don't know. Nothing, nothing says smart kidnap her. Like literally handing them a camera for every day. Boy, take these. The fan stops, a guy gets out and comes back and gives us our camera. We must be so far out that it don't matter if we start recording,

because no one's gonna recognize where we're at anyway. What? What? That's a good fuck with that. What? What does that make any sense? We must've gone to Portugal. No one's gonna recognize these three hillbillies in the middle of the... I think his reasoning was a little slim on that yeah, if you're if you have a camera and Your video taping everything including the the faces and the voices the kidnappers. Let's give a recap the kidnappers kidnapped kidnappers kidnapped three three of them one of them is maybe wild bill

I know. Wild Bill is going to Huckleberry too and Billy. Okay. Sorry. And then they've stopped now. They've stopped. And he goes, nobody's fucking moving. Yeah.

No one fucking move. You guys won't know where we're at. We're so far out. They literally drove 15 yards down the street. Yeah. They're giving them their camera back. Yes. They're giving them camera. There's might be a method to these guys, man. These are, we're talking about

world-class criminals. That's where you find world-class criminals in the middle of a field and West could tuck you. Yeah, I'm going to find. Keep the fucking talking to a minimum. You guys have to keep it to a minimum. Leave the fucking talking to a minimum. Wow, discovery, plus leave it to a minimum. Uh, what's a minimum? Right, please. Is it three to five sentences? How many do you want in that minimum?

Even though a minimum. I just don't want to make anybody upset. So we get some clarity on that. Do you have a memo? What you done, got yourself into? He's got your left. He's making a left right to say. Yeah. Here we go, guys. Yeah, he is a big boy Billy the main characters in the back of a white van He's got a burlap sack over his head like the rest of them do and he is huge

Yeah, with that burlap sack it just looks like one large bag of potatoes. You know what I'm saying? We're home. We're home. All right now you guys ease on out of here. Don't anyone hurt yourself. Remember keep it to a minimum. That's right. My insurance anyone hurt himself. No, he's got to get to the first room. Remember, keep it to a minimum. That's right, my insurance premium went up, ever since that tree fell on the house, so you guys be careful. You want a stool? Let me put some pillows down behind you. Back up camera. Back up.

Let's go check. Why doesn't camera just run for help? Why is he still filming? This is so realistic. Oh, God. I hope we meet again, God. Right now I'm getting light into this old creepy bit. Well, I hope we meet again.

You guys have been real sweet to me. Can I get your phone numbers? Follow me on Instagram. Can I have your IG? It gets lonely out here in the woods. I'm Huckleberry Number 14. Nice to meet you. Holding. We have no idea what these guys want or what to hell they're capable of.

Hammer man, get rid of them and we gotta get to them guys. We gotta sneak through the woods with all this lighting equipment. Mixer there. We gotta get to them. We go into our camera guy. Mixer there. Oh. We're going to start shooting in discrimently into the car. What are you going to do when they get in there? Like, save the day?

You have to wait and see. Okay. Settle down, Astrid. Oh, we did. The car. The cabin should be right up here. Me and brother Will, we're recon around this cabin. We're going to get up, burn, put our eyeball on it. See what the hell is going on with our team members. We're gonna get up burn put on ball

See what the hell is going on dark team members. We're gonna start shooting indiscriminately into the cabin to kill Yeah, by the way what you've got is you got three people inside three kidnap people inside a cabin right now With two kidnappers with a cameraman and a camera man and a kidnapper two kidnappers And then you've got two other billies There's a lot of bill've got two other billies, there's a lot of billies, you've got two other billies, outside with guns, sneaking up on this property, because they're gonna come and save the day.

I'm assuming that's what's gonna happen. What's going on? What's going on? I'm just gonna say it. Yeah! Yeah! Go easy, go easy guys, go easy. I got a bad nut

My left-tistical let's take it off and then unfortunate crow crow accident. Oh My god sit out go easy guys That's like a talk to the kid that first go it wait. What's all the fuss about? Why are you guys getting so upset? Oh yeah, come on, they go... Oh yeah, come on. It's pitch dark, they slam us down into these chairs, I can only imagine what's going to happen next.

Yep, you're gonna get it in the ass. I can only dream about what's gonna have indexed. They're gonna loop me up. Oh, yeah. Holy shit. The light kicks on right in our face. You can see a mirror on the wall. And you can see a speaker and a camera.

I've never seen a place like this. You've never watched an episode of Law in Order. You've never seen a place like this. You've never watched an episode of Law in Order. You've never seen an interrogation room. Come on, man. I like a light, a mirror, and a speaker. I can only hope what's going to happen next is going to happen. And I know what's going to happen, Chrissy. So here it goes.

It looks like an interrogation room. Why are we here? I love how it went from black and white to color. Yeah, well once the light came on then they turned off their night vision goggles That's right. What are we doing here? You're gonna do some yoga poses for my Instagram We're starting an only fans page against your will Now book get those fans off real quick. Oh, the motor must get like this. Well, I'll tell you what, what you felt when you sit back, you do it in shows. Sit back and enjoy the show. Sit back and enjoy the show.

A picture like this old peep show. Yeah. We put a quarter in. And now Justin Bieber. And now Army Hammer performs this one-man play. Called Sadooku. I from the Cayman Islands. Yeah, I from the Cayman Islands.

Enjoy boys. This whole situation is weird. We can get don't say, Buck. You don't say. Get up and walk out of here at any time. But if we want answers, we gotta see what's next. We gotta watch the show. We could literally get up and walk out of here at any moment,

but I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not too good at walking. And I probably won't get very far without a Taco Bell stop. This is episode about Monster Bunchy by Taco Bell. Try our no flago sauce. Buss. Plainy to answers. There's somebody in there.

So what's going on now is the three boys are lined up in a like a cabin made at Home Depot. They're lined up in front of a mirror and what they're hearing noises in behind the mirror. So I'm assuming there's something back there that's soon gonna do something to them. Yes. Hello?

Hello? Hey! Who's that? It's me Carl. What's going on, guys? Hey, Huck, I just want to give you a call and let you know that my little piece rocking it for Jesus. It's also rocking it for you. These things that you don't talk about these weird things, we don't believe about. We don't believe any of that here at my church, but I just want to let you know you're one big boy

and you need to ride. You know what I'm saying and you need to ride you know what I'm saying you need to ride but what if I drop some cash right on your front door the picture of my little pee my preaching penis what do you hashtag preach your penis Carl I bet Carl's a love bomber oh yeah oh I'm a love bomber you better believe it I trapping bombs all over the place. Carl is a love boy. You only know he is. Oh yeah, yeah. Are we here? Somebody's making a move. To do my taxes. Is this an itemized adoption?

Hello? Whoa! What? Exactly! So, would you get to see YouTube.com slice the commercial break and you want to see this? What you cannot see is that the Whoa shit! What? Exactly! So what you can't see, YouTube.com sliced the commercial break and you want to see this, what you cannot see is that out of the mirror pops a monster, a monster mask.

Like the thing you would buy at party city. Yeah, something you would buy at party city. Like for Halloween decorations. And Buck goes, oh shit! Oh shit! Sit down! Damn, I'm sitting! As soon as that skeleton appeared in my face and said... Ah shit my drawers!

I'd sit right down. Sit down? I sat down. There's not a whole lot of things that scare me, but that did. But a part of me... There's not a whole lot of things that scare me, but a dollar, nine and nine mask from Walmart gave me the runs immediately. I'm good with buck bigfoot, whisper wolves, anything.

The lady in the woods, that's right. But however, this running mask got me nervous. Maybe it was the mirror. I'm not sure. I haven't seen myself in a long time. I got it, I got it, being. Do you know who I am? Are you Jason?

We've got to kill the sonus John. Yeah, yeah. No. What do you want with us? I want to make a deal. Ha ha ha! A deal! I need a back rub.

You do my back, I'll do yours. Ha ha ha! I need to make a deal. I want Billy, your cameraman. No, he hasn't even fair! Ha ha ha! He's delicious. He's a twink! Billy or cameraman. No, he has any fear. He's delicious. He's a twink.

I want him now. Let me take you all right now, boy. There's no way in hell we're going to help you kill another damn big foot. I never said I was after a big one. I'm after the all you can eat hardies buffet But they won't let me in since I don't have a body I need your help I need your help grabbing the food and putting it into my mouth I'm so hungry

What are you after? I'm out, I'm so hungry. What do you have to? I want you to go back to Lee County, Virginia. Back into the dark forest. What an original name for a forest, the dark forest. Aren't they all dark at some point? He wants him to capture the woman of the woods, which the party city's goal is to mandate. Party city mask.

Want them to catch another woman running around in party city fair for the area. That's right. The woman of the woods, the woman of the woods, is someone we don't want to mess with. This team's already had one heck of an encounter with him when we were in Lee County she touched Huckleberry and Jeff She just my little she touched my little mountain man She touched

Look I'm riding the poop shoot I Didn't get it on camera but I saw it. She touched it. Oh my god. She took a big old dog and put it right up on her pocket very hard saw it. It was ugly. The same to Lees. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH took off with Jeff. I think you've having you and Jeff number one Jeff number two. Yeah, that's right.

Billy, Billy Jr. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we lost another one. Hi, I'm Brian from Atlanta and I'm here to read for Jeff. I thought you had a Jeff. Well, we did. We you had a Jeff. Well, we did. We've had a couple.

But the women of the woods took him away. His hut collapsed. It's all a story I don't want to get into, but we found his mutilated bottle. I mean, if you have found his mutilated body, a couple miles down the road, it was unfortunate. It looked like he died. It looked like he died.

It looked like he died from constant anal beads going in and out of his ears. It's bad scene. And when we found him, he's like, he was fucking blood. Whoa. She threw this team for a loop and she affected Jeff's mind, maybe for life. Yeah, he looks like he's been affected for life. Look at him, he's like, oh shit, the woman of the woods. Oh, my butt already hurts. Alright, we help you get this woman of the woods.

How's this been of fit us? You'll get an Emmy nomination. You'll get an Emmy nomination. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh Time passed to the old country buffet Huckleberry number one Fuck a very number one through five. Oh, guys, we've been looking for that guy for a long time Quick make the deal You got your door the ones Exchange Oops, I stone is giant the stone is giant The stone is Giant. The Stone is Giant.

What is that? No. What do you think I have a murder? Do you think I'm a violent man? But you know what I know. He says he can deliver who killed the Stone is Giant and let us know where the body is. And not the Stonest Giant. He can make good on that deal.

The person who killed it and the body of the Stonest Giant, which would pretty much... I'm okay, tie things up in a neat bow. Listen, they've been looking for big foot for 13 seasons. So if they can find the Stonest Giant, then it's all over. We can y'all go home and call it a day on Mountain Monsters How do we know you'll keep good on your deal I've never lied to you, but I never will. And the one and a half minutes of conversation that we've had, I haven't said one dishonest

thing. Yeah, you can't do it because you told us she's going to contact us. We sat around by the phone for months. We sat around by the phone for months. That's what happens with the love bomb. Yeah. I'm coming up. Screensa. Yeah, yeah, we'd like to get 27 pizzas delivered. Oh wait, I gotta let you go.

This could be the Stone-ish giant. Oh. Hi, Bucky. You, mom. Mom, I gotta go and order in dominoes waiting for Stone-ish giant to go. God dammit, mom. Leave it wait, they're out for months. Giant to go! God damn it mom! We even wait her out for months! By the foe!

Yeah, by the foe. For the skeleton to call? For the skeleton to call. Okay. He didn't even know who he was at first. Like, what just doesn't make any sense. This is thin writing skills on behalf of... I want to see how the writers are for this.

It just feels... Persepth, you've yet to learn. Shit, I miss! I don't know what that means. So far it seems like one big riddle after the next. Right now. I've got the solution to pie. I've gotta share it with you. I know how to do a Rubik's cube in under a minute.

We're playing by his rules. I've got to share it with you. I know how to do a Rubik's cube in under a minute. We're playing by his rules, and I'm about tired of them. Everything you need is in front of you. Where'd you go? Hey! I don't know who the hell this guy... Where'd you go? I'm a dismembered head. I could go wherever I want. There you

shit had to. Everything you need is right in front of you. It's a box of 12 tacos fructaco bell. What do you want me to do with that? He is. But he claims that everything we need to catch just woman of the woods is right in front of us. See that moving in that left-winged again? Yeah, I see somebody moving around a bunch. Shoot it! Kill them all. Jeff, I had you zip tied in front for a reason.

I know you don't have no shoulder problems. When they padded up down, they missed a knife in the right top part of his boot. We're getting antsy. It's about time to get out of here. That was the time. Yeah, because when you've had somebody down, you don't look right in their sock. That's you've, don't worry about the sock.

No one puts a knife in there. Look, let's get the hell out of here. Is that in the pocket? To take that one off. What's the camera? Yeah, this is all being filmed and recorded for posterity, say Chrissy The answer's right in front of our face I'm tired of these games the answer's right in front of our face. I want to see yours

Oh He bucks lost his shit But just so you know they buck got they untied themselves they had a knife very nice So they cut themselves free they had a knife all time. Why they leave a long time ago But you know they had to say what the did see what the dismembered head had to say and then buck got so upset He threw a chair through the mirror. Yeah, wonder where that mirror was made because it came down for it easily Yeah What what Hell It's a home's a what the hell buck those that chair through that mirror all of a sudden right there behind it is damn

Homes head on a There's a stuffed animal hog said with some fake blood running out of it What do you think guys did pretty good job on that one? I'm scared you can hear you I don't understand at all. What's going on here? Hey blood coming out of its nose its ears its eyes. What the hell does that mean? Whatever whatever Do we miss it?

Yeah, they're due to this guy's decided to burst in after all the action is over Yeah, they're due to this guy's decided to burst in after all the action is over. Yeah Look in here check it out what the hell I mean Well, I guess we're having a hog in for dinner What's that all about? So ridiculous. We got figured how we're gonna get Zach unchained. I get a chained up like an elephant!

Hint for you, Freak and Serious. What? Keyes laying right here. Or this time! They found a key. He found a key that happens to go to the leg shackles that the camera men is wearing. The leg shackles that the camera man. Look at that. He just could take his foot out of there. It's a chain. Yeah. Unums right leg.

Let's get out here and look. See if we can see anybody. Yeah, let's do that. You guys see this blood Right a yonder talking to us Let's bring in the CSI team and get some collectivatives We never seen nobody leave Guys, there's there gone. There's nothing else we can do. We have a lot to fill you two in on You didn't even look outside I can make you claim that they're gone. There's nothing else here for us to do Well, but another case is unsolved by the Mountain Monsters.

Ha ha. They didn't even say that. No, the way from here, I don't feel safe. We need to go get my truck, get out of here, and we need to find a driver. Hell yes, we do. Tonight we met with that rogue team, but we still ain't been able to get a hold of a driver.

We got a shag ass out of here. We got a man. Shag ass. I never heard that. I never heard that either. It's got a shagass out of here. Shagass. I never heard that. I never heard that either. It's got a cool saying, Huckleberry. Tails going on with him. Okay, well there you go.

We have to wait till another episode of Mountain Monsters in order to finish this off. Well, Chrissy and I got a shagass out of here. So. I love it too. The Mountain Monsters bring us so much joy and so much fun. It's so much bullshit. It really is. It's ridiculous. It's completely ridiculous.

It's all being filmed at multiple camera angles. Yeah, I can't get enough either. I could do this all day. I could literally do us a Frankie B, a Mountain Monsters, and a Teresa Caputo I could do those three at a separate podcast and feel really happy about it oh my gosh well there you go that maybe that guy behind the mirror was army hammer he might have been he's eating the hog head back there all right little advice

from Chrissy to Chrissy and I to you out there in the audience. Don't date Army Hammer. No matter how much, how attractive they're living in the Cayman Islands at a time share look. Yeah, but you know, there's somebody out there. Somebody out there right now is probably dating that guy. Because he is one handsome motherfucker. He is.

I do have to say that. Yeah. He's been on some shows and movies or something. He was in the social network and called me by their name or something like that where he played a gay man having an affair with a younger gay man Okay, boy really and he was like an Oscar contender I think or they were some talk about it But you know once you start once you start leaving Instagram messages that you want to eat people your career is likely to take a No, I get high tail it shy- And she's gonna sit down it.

I see Army Hammer being a Huckleberry number 52, like 10 years from now. Yes, and so. Well, let's hope he gets the help he needs. Let's hope the women who are victims of his bullshit get the help that they need. We don't mean to make fun. We know that it's sick.

But hey, listen, you don't come to the commercial break for serious talk. No, I hope not. To put a trigger warning on this episode. Ha ha. Alright, go to tcbpodcast.com, that's where you find out more about Chrissy and I. You'll watch all the video, you'll listen to all the audio, it's quite simply the place to go for anything tcb.

Hit the contact us button, send us your stories, ask for advice. We'll take it all. Comments, questions, concerns, content ideas, all right there on the website, tcbpodcast.com, or 661-237-82-9661 bestio. Text us, leave us a voice mail. We're here for you, youtube.com. Slash the commercial break for all the full episodes a few days after they air clips every single day of the week. It's a whole different show. Go watch it. Alright, Chrissy, I think that's all I can do. I think so, Ryan.

So I love you. I love you. And best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we always say we do say we must say. Bye! I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a starI'm a starI'm a star I'm a star

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