The Commercial Break - LINE!!

Episode Date: July 16, 2026

EP748: Give Bryan the Line!  TCB is a The Commercial Break LLC production Visit: www.TCBpodcast.com Insta: @thecommercialbreakBryan Green on Insta: @BryanWGreen Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Created by: Bryan Green Written by: Bryan Green, Krissy Hoadley Produced by: Astrid Green & Gustavo  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

On this episode of the commercial break. God damn, somebody needs to offer me a movie so I can get into shape. Like, make that my job. Give me a couple million bucks. That's your job. And a script. I think harder than any of the other bodywork, it's just memorizing. I'm so bad at memorizing.

I try and memorize commercials that we do here. I have a hard time with like three lines. If you gave me the Odyssey, the Iliad and the Odyssey and told me to go ahead and memorize those, I'd be like, sure. Line. Line. You don't. You just have to smile. LINE! Smile. Ha!

I love you is the line. Line! I need some gluten. Give me some gluten. Unbelievable. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, cows and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green.

This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show. Chris and Joy Haudley. best to you, Chris at. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? It looks like we're going to shape up an Espagna and a Harsentina World Cup. That was exciting.

Listen, I was rooting for England, hardcore. I just didn't want to see Argentina win, but they did. And so now we live with the result. Espagna, Argentina. In what will certainly be remembered as the most corrupt. World Cup ever. And so I fully expect Argentina to win, but I will root for Spain to the moment it goes down until all 90 minutes plus. It was an exciting game. I will tell you that. And from my eyes, from my eyes, there are a lot of people online who say differently. From my eyes, a fairly

called game. I didn't see anything overtly. There were a couple elbows here and there. There were a couple pushes in the backs that I thought could have been called. There was an early foul that was clear as day, but it just didn't get called. But the ref didn't call. But the ref didn't call them on both sides either. He'd let the game get really physical. And so, in my opinion, squarely called, fairly called, whether or not Argentina should have even made it that far is a different question altogether. But who am I to say? Who am I to judge? Messy? They come back from the end again. The lion does it again. Yeah. The lion does it again. He is just the world's best soccer player ever. When he has that ball on his foot, it's like there's a magnet. And he can just

swirl it around in any which way he wants. And that pass for that last goal that won the game, you know, seven minutes into nine minutes of extra time. Just unbelievable. That pass was picture perfect. It was like they wrote it. It's like a movie. It's like a Rocky. Chrissy and I just saw the trailer for I Play Rocky, which is the true story of how Rocky went from something, you know, an idea inside of Sylvester Stallone's brain.

to reality. And he was a valet. I know this story. He was a valet in Hollywood. And while he was certainly a bulky, you know, kind of rugged, good-looking guy, he was on no one's radar. No one was looking for Sylvester Stallone to be a movie star. But he had this idea for this boxing movie, big fan of boxing all his life. He was a boxer. And he took it the distance. He kept saying no until he got what he wanted, which was write the movie, play right. Rocky. And eventually they capitulated and it became, and it won an Oscar. So there you go. I wonder if that kind of story would happen these days. No. Well, yes. Actually, yes. And I'll tell you why. It's because a lot of the movie companies and streamers look for to people like us,

like independent creators who are otherwise not in the Hollywood world for their next big thing. It's the landscape is littered. I saw him like slipping something on somebody's desk. Yeah. Yeah, that wouldn't happen. So I don't know if you can do that. No, no, no. There are no desks anymore. Well, right. Yeah, you can't slip anything on a desk. There are no desks. No one's there.

Best to you, too, out there in the streaming universe. Thanks for joining us. Yeah, you don't, there's no desks. You don't slip things. I don't even know if there's a Hollywood anymore, if I'm being honest. I think it's all run by AI. I think there's just a bunch of AI assistants, emailing each other back and forth about potential scripts.

I'm certain of it. I'm certain of it. It's wild. I mean, we work in the industry, and I work on kind of in the industry. I actually had a meeting this morning with muckety muck, biggitty wigs from a big network. And I wish I could disclose, but I can't. Big wigs? Yeah.

I love big wigs. Yeah. Yeah. I picture them with a big wig. The old pompadores they used to wear in the court. Yes. Like the powdered wigs? Yeah.

I think they still wear those over in England. They do. Yeah. It's a big part of what they do. They do it in parts of Africa too. I think in parts of Africa where, you know, white people still have control over the land. It's like, you know, it's wild. They still wear those wigs and they still kind of adhere to that old system.

But, you know, you watch these procedurals on British TV and whenever they're in court. You know, you always see the prosecutor. The Oms-Budman, I think is what they call it. Oh. Oms-Budman is instead of a lawyer, it's like an Omsman or Oms-Budmonds-Budsmins. Os Budzmans or something. There's Barrister. There's Barrister, too.

There's all different kind of weird names, but then they have the wigs and, you know, Your Honor, Madame, sir, good day. So. You were talking to a big wigs today. And they had worked at a very well-known network owned by one of the big threes, NBC, ABC, CBS. And we were just kind of opining about how difficult it is. is for good ideas to percolate these days because so many bad ideas just get rehashed.

Like, it's just rehashing. I mean, that fucking, what is that show, what was the show with all the nerds? Big Bang Theory. Big Bang Theory is on its fourth derivative. Fourth derivative. HBO now has a fourth show from the universe of the Big Bang Theory.

That was a sitcom that I don't know if you ever paid attention to. Listen, we've had some of the people that were on that show on here. I don't have anything terrible to say about the show. It wasn't my thing. Yeah, I didn't really watch it. I even said that to what's her name when she came on here. Wasn't my thing. Myam.

Black. Balik? Yeah. Balak. Malik. Miam Balik. Wasn't my thing. But now there's four different television shows that have come out of that one, not my favorite sitcom.

So they just keep rehashing the old ideas. So it's really difficult for a new. fresh idea to percolate. And that's why I'm excited about movies like Digger. Yes. Because clearly that is a wild outlier of a movie that I think we're all going to be talking about for decades to come. I hope. I hope it's as good as the trailer is. Yeah. I mean, Tom Cruise doesn't just put his name to anything. It's true. This is true. And transform like that for anything. Yeah. That's the thing about being an actor that I think I would love and hate. I would love to like be it be my job to just sit around and transform my body 80 pounds heavier than I am today so that I could of course eat, you know, cream and cereal so I'm blue in the face under the care of the best. I was thinking about this. Tom Cruise must be under the care of the best doctors slash longevity specialists ever. The guy looks fantastic and he's 70 years old. Is he 70? No, I did look it up today. He's like 64.

64. Okay. He looks like he's 44. But he might be wearing a fat suit for this. Oh, you think so? Well, I was reading a little bit about it because I wanted to watch the trailer again. Okay. It's a lot to digest.

Yeah, if you haven't seen the Digger trailer yet, go watch it after the show is over. It's fucking wild. And I guess he transformed himself for, there was another movie I didn't recognize it from 2008 that he had worn a fat suit for. So he might be wearing like post-edict and fat suit stuff. He did play like a CEO of a company for a movie. Yeah, yeah. And he was big and he had like weird hair. He had like the comb over hair.

But I saw him yesterday talking about the camera that they used to make this movie digger. He was like in love with this camera. He was like caressing it and talking about it. He was like doing an interview with some podcaster or something. And Tom in just regular iPhone glory looks amazing. Oh, he does. Amazing. Oh, I know.

It's weird. It is weird. So now I'm starting to wonder if those Scientologists are up to something. Right. Like if they maybe have the key to the kingdom. Well, aliens. Yeah. Maybe he's getting alien injections and it's keeping him young.

I don't know. And maybe, I mean, you know, you like Tom Cruise, right? Everyone, Tom Cruise is, while he has had his moments in pop culture, and there certainly are some sordid tales from people who know him about the level of control that he likes in his life and around him and all that. And the Scientology thing is just out there. I don't understand it. but he's a likable guy.

That's why he... He seems like it. Yeah, and his movies are fantastic. He has stuck with one company, his entire career. Oh, really? Paramount has made all of his movies, I think, except for two. So I think a few good men, and then if maybe it was the big chill or something, like the... Not the big chill.

Yeah, he wasn't in that. The one where he slides around in his underpants. Oh, risky business. Risky business. I think those two movies, I believe, are the... the outliers and everything else is paramount. So he has stuck with them. They have stuck with him. He has taken chance after chance. He's gotten hundreds of millions of dollars and he never fucking fails. The guy just doesn't miss. I know. I hate to say it, but I never wanted to see

another mission impossible after mission impossible. I know, but. They're so good. Fuck is it good, man. Just like the second top gun. Yes. It is great. But it was really, really good. Oh, my God, Chrissy. I just, I didn't want, I don't want, I didn't know, I didn't do with Tom Cruise. And it sucks me back in. I keep going out and they keep pulling me back in. That fucking Tom Cruise. Yeah. And he looks good. He's sexy. He's, he's, he's, he's hot. I just, I want to be Tom Cruise now. That's what I want to do. I want to be a Scientologist with the drinking the blood of aliens and making myself younger. If I could do only those things, uh, and get fat and skinny and fat and skinny for roles like Christian Bales talked about this. Oh, yeah, he did that. He does this. He does these. He does these. body trans. A lot of actors do this. And it is terrible for your body. Terrible. It's terrible for your body to gain 100 pounds and then lose it in six days and then put it back on and, you know, change yourself physically for a role. That has got to be a very difficult and satisfying thing to do, I would imagine. Like, who doesn't want to be given permission under the care of doctors?

To be completely somebody else. Yes. Be completely somebody else. Eat as many fucking cheeseburgers as you can over the next six months. We want you fat and happy. That's what we want do. And then look at Matt Damon from The Odyssey. The Odyssey, another movie that I can't wait to go see. Me too. Matt, Friday, right? Yeah, it's out Friday. It's sold out. It's sold out everywhere. I try to get tickets. It's sold out. At least around here it is. I can't find any tickets. In all the formats. You know, extra wide I max, 4K, 3K, 2D, you know, Dolby sounds around. It's all sold out. But there's another guy, Christopher Nolan. They just can't fucking lose. The guy is so good at what he fucking does. He is the next Steven Spielberg and proving it, time. after time. Name a bad movie Christopher Nolan is. No. I can't. From momentum, momentum, all the way to, you know, that one that no one understands. You know, you know what you want to talk about. Inception. No, no, the one where everyone goes backwards. Oh. Syncope. No, syncope is the name of his company. God, what is that one? God, damn it. You know, some days your brain's just not working. It just isn't. And obviously he just did Oppenheimer. He just did Oppenheimer,

which won Buku Awards. Chris, Nolan. And Christopher Neron made a bunch of movies, and one of them was called Tenant. Tenet is fucking fantastic. Don't understand a word of it, but it's fucking fantastic. No one understands it. If you think you understand it, don't tell me you understand it because you don't understand it. Dunkirk, I've watched it a ton of the times. I still don't get it.

Dunkirk is so fucking good. Memento is so good. Oppenheimer, fantastic Inception, probably the best interstellar, probably a close second. The Dark Night. The Dark Night. I forget that he did the Dark Night. Yes, he did. He did that trilogy of movies.

Christopher Nolan and The Odyssey. And Matt Damon's out there talking about how for the movie, they were talking about the rules on a Christopher Nolan set. No cell phones. No diva behavior. When you're ready to act, come out to the set and let's act, right? So in other words, there's no call times. He just says, when you're ready, when you got your lines, when you're good to go, come on and we'll go work on it. So it's like everybody's just like this big collaborative experience.

You know, he wants you to be in. in the moment. So like when they're in Iceland and shooting and Zendaya isn't a tiny little, you know, thing that's not covering anything. She's just got to stand out. Like she's no diva behavior. You got to feel it. Be in it. Be in the moment. And so he's known as like a creative guy that's very collaborative, but he knows what he wants. And he doesn't want you pissing and moaning about it. Right. But it's Christopher fucking Nolan. And Matt Damon's saying, listen, he came to me. He said, you know, I think he might be good for this part, but you got to get into shape. And Matt Damon,

gave up all carbs, everyone. He's like, meal by meal, I just had to make a choice. Do I want the movie? Do I want this bread? Do I want the movie? Do I want this pasta? And he said, I just kept making those choices over and over again, meal by meal. And eventually, you know, I went and got tested and learned that he was like very allergic

to gluten. And it was like giving him an allergic reaction. And so he said, I haven't had any sense. The guy looks at a fucking amazing. He's looking amazing. God damn, somebody needs to offer me a movie. can get into shape. Like make that my job. Give me a couple million bucks. That's your job. And a script. I think harder than any of the other bodywork is just memorizing. I'm so bad at

memorizing. I try and memorize commercials that we do here. I have a hard time with like three lines. If you gave me the Odyssey, the Iliad and the Odyssey and told me to go ahead and memorize those, I'd be like, sure. Line. Line. You don't, you just have to smile. line smile I love you is the line line line I need some gluten

give me some gluten unbelievable all right so the Odyssey I play Rocky Digger we're seeing them all let's go see him I'm excited talk about it here on the show

let's make sure that everybody in the audience sees it too YouTube.com slash the commercial break is where you can find us You can follow along on our live streams. And then I try and release that episode later on that evening, depending on our recording schedule. But you're getting three episodes a week. Sometimes you're getting forward.

It just depends. You know, we're trying to get into a groove here. And we've been trying to do that for seven months. So we'll figure it out eventually. I think we're both in town for a while. Yeah, for a while. Well, at least for some of the days a week. Yeah.

We're both in town for a while. And one more time, I'll remind you, I've been doing this for the last couple of weeks. you can still donate generously please time, money, energy, and efforts to the recovery efforts down in Venezuela after they suffered. Not one, but two, horrible, life-changing, life-altering once-in-a-lifetime earthquakes within minutes of each other. Yeah. And they will be recovering for a very long time. So I know that, you know, there comes this, like, like, charity fatigue. I get it.

You know, hearing about it and seeing it and you just get inundated online by all the images like I do. But there are very real people down in Venezuela who are suffering and will be for a long time. Let's do this. Let's take a break. When we get back, we want to get back to Gramps goes to college, which is another movie we've been really excited to see. I wonder, is there a trailer for that one? I don't know. You know, when you texted me last night and you said, I showed Jeff the trailer for Digger, my brain for one second was like, did she

Did she find the trailer for Gramps goes to college? I was like in the car reading it. And I was like, huh. All right. Let's do this. Let's take a break and we get back. Gramps. Line. Line. Speaking of line. I mean, who wrote that script? I don't know. It's bad. It's like Peter, Paul, or Luke must have written. It's literally spoken in Bible. It's so weird. I was thinking about it last night. It's like, you couldn't make it more abnormal if you tried. All right, so let's take a break. We'll be back. Let me do something Brian has never done.

Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us. 212-4333-3-TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, TCB Podcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at YouTube.com slash the commercial break. And finally, share the show.

It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult now, was it? You're welcome. How do I stop laughing at yourself? Are these two making sense? At least I didn't, so it's none of which are great. All right, here we go. We're back with Gramps Goes to College.

All right, let me see if I can, oh, geez. Oh, it started at the beginning. I wanted to start it right here, I think. Yeah, we were like 18. 18 minutes. Was it 18? In question during the last class of the semester and you'll see the comparison. Yeah, we don't want to talk about that.

We saw that part. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Is he in the cafeteria? Yeah, he's in the cafeteria. Gramps is in the cafeteria. Kay, Casey, you weren't with this yesterday and go back and you can listen. We just got warmed up on a movie we called, not we called, they called.

Gramps goes to college, which is essentially the, this is the Christian version of the Rodney Dangerfield movie, back to school, where a 65-year-old man has not only been admitted back to college for to get his master's degree in biology. He believes only in creationism, not in evolution. There's a teacher that he has his eyes on. And I don't mean in a sexual way, I mean, he's going to take her down. The whole school's talking about it, really, because when a student has opposing viewpoints than the professor, essentially it's like, who cares about football on Saturday?

We want to see the professor and this guy boringly talk about biology and evolution. And so not only has he been let let it back in college, but it just so happens that his daughter, long-lost daughter goes to the same school. Also, he's been admitted to a dorm. A co-ed dorm. A co-ed dorm. That is the best part about this is they, I think, quite frankly, on all college campuses across the country, this should be just something we do. We should let 65-year-old men go to the co-ed dorms with the 18-year-old women because that's, you know, they're just a bunch of sexed-up liberal. assholes anyway, Chrissy, as he said. So here we are. We're really just getting into the meat and

potatoes of the movie, of which I don't know. I have no idea what the plot is here, but I'm hoping it reveals itself. But I do know that the, what is it, Hicksville? Is it Hickson? Hickerson. Hickerson. Hickerson Hall. We do know that the Hickerson College is the Panthers, the very famous Hickerson Panthers. I'd like to present to you my roommate Brad Hanson Nice to meet you, Brad. I love to present people to you. I am now presenting to you fellow humans, this. This is my roommate, Stephanie Carter.

Nice to meet both you. Nice to meet you. Should we pray? Go for it. All right. Go for it. Dear God, thank you for this day. I pray that you would nourish our bodies with it now.

And I pray these things through Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Listen to that background noise. I know. I know. There's no one there. Yeah, but they have this unnecessary film. The entire movie, Chrissy and I, the entire movie, the 20 minutes we've watched,

Chrissy and I have been complaining that there are no, there's no music transitions, there's no background noise. When people walk, you don't hear their footsteps. It's like a weird silence that this movie has. But now all of the sudden, they've decided to put in background noise when it makes no sense. So, Stephanie, why don't you tell us about yourself? I'd prefer to talk about different things. Well, I'm a drug-addled slut living in the dormitories.

Why you go to school here? Me? Yeah. Contrary to popular rumor, it's not so I could annoy Professor Tucker. So I guess that's not his daughter. We thought maybe at one point yesterday that that was going to turn out to be his daughter. Well, I'm still betting that this ends up being his daughter. I'm still betting that he, he, it's, you know,

She's so long lost that he doesn't even know her name. He doesn't recognize her. You know, I've gathered a wealth of knowledge and wisdom over my lifetime, and I just wanted to share it with anybody who would like to listen. I wanted to share it. I wanted to share it. Why are you creepily creeping across the table? He's like hovering toward her.

Okay. So, Brad, that's your story. Just a good old country boy, get me an edge. education. My dad owns a big ranch. He wants me to take over someday, but I want to do different things in my life. Oh, yeah, I want to do different things in my life. Really?

I bet you have some nice wheels to get around. She is dying for a car. Oh, man, she can't wait to get a ride somewhere. Isn't there an Uber in this town? Or a cab company? A bus? I'm not sure. She's got her chauffeur.

Oh, yeah, that's true. Her mom got her a chauffeur because she got a DUI and now she's had her license revoked. You mind giving me a ride sometime? I've never driven a pickup. I love that. Me too. I love a good ride. Or let me drive. How about both?

Hey, still. Look at the color, like the difference in like the lighting and the color. Who's here helping this guy make this movie? You find some new crew to hang out with this year? Yeah. I've decided to hang out with Homo sapiens this year. The Neanderthal thing. was getting a little old.

The Anderthal? Whoa. Snap! That's how college kids talk. Really? Is that a way to speak to an old flame? That flame went out so totally that there is no evidence that it ever existed. Your mouth's saying one thing.

Your eye is telling me you still want me. What if the sex the fuck is going on here? This guy's, uh, yeah. I like this guy. He's got, he's got the words. It reminds me of the universe. Still expanding. And why shouldn't it?

Don't tell me this is that infamous Gramps that everyone's talking about on campus. Why don't you step out of character and be nice for a change? I mean, what are you doing in the cafeteria anyway? I mean, yeah, why don't you step out of character and be nice for a change? You are so bitchy. What if this character is cartoonishly terrible? You're recruiting for my own Emerald Squad. By the way, do you know any good athletes that aren't taken?

Maybe Brad would be interested Yeah, I'd love to be on a team Yeah, I'd love to be on a team What sport are we talking about? I love sports I play all of them Did I mention any good athletes? So what sports do they offer?

Well, just about everything. What's it to you? Trying to show off some talent, old man? That sounds like fun. Well, I don't think they have... Don't tell me this guy's going to try to make himself the sports hero of me. this movie.

I mean, this guy made a movie just so he could pick up 18-year-old girl, I think. Full board. But I think you could be a manager for some lame team. Or maybe I could start my own team. Yeah, you do that. We need another laugh around campus. Start my team of what? Lame team.

It's lame team. Is he on the football field grants? Yeah, maybe so. I'm picturing him like, pass. And you're doing like a Hail Mary. I refuse to take that shirt. I refuse to say. He breaks a hip.

He ends up in assisted living. On the grounds that it will embarrass me. Were you serious about starting an intramural team tie? Oh, absolutely. Oh, absolutely. I love starting intermereal teams. I've learned so much in my days on this earth. I just love to share the wisdom.

What do you think, sunshine? You're pretty sexy. for my daughter. Are you on it? Yeah. Cool. I'm nothing better to show up that Eric Kidd church. And I'd love to see you do it.

Wouldn't exactly break my heart to serve him a big piece of humble pie. Can I be a cheerleader? Oh, absolutely. I love that. Can I be a stereotype in your movie? What a team they've got going on. Yeah, they've got, they're going to do sports, Chrissy. They're all getting together to do sports.

This is Revenge of the Nerds. Really, this is the plot for Revenge of the Nerds. But we haven't got any team members yet, so maybe you girls will help us recruit. I'd be glad to. I look forward to seeing the agony of defeat on Jason's face. I know how to get guys to do what I'm on. I just got a car from old Brian over here. We only want to recruit people that love the Lord.

I want to name the team, Sons of the King. Son's of the King. Sons of the King. Nothing. You know, there's a meeting of fellowship of Christian athletes tomorrow night. I'm going to go there and see if I can find somebody. Good idea. There just happens to be a meeting of the fellowship of Christian athletes.

Jace had some Christians on his team last year. Maybe you could steal them away. We'd be doing them a favor, I think. Well, what are they going to play? Yeah, they still haven't decided what sport they'd like to be involved in. But that's okay. Listen, Chrissy, let them dream. A kid can dream.

I'll talk to some guys right now that might be in. interested. Can I come wait for you? Sure. I'm going to go talk to some guys right now in this empty cafeteria. Hey, society. Hey, Graham, why didn't you tell Noah to leave the mosquitoes off the yard? What?

I don't even understand. What's the flat earth society? The flat earth society? Get the mosquitoes on the ark. What? Some of your fans? Yeah, right. Were you, um,

by any chance trying to line me up with Brad. Hey, there's nothing matter with a little matchmaking, is there? Except you should have told me. Except you're my daddy. I would have left my roommate at home. It's like she stole him away. You know, I have a really good feeling about Brad. Stephanie, not so much.

The word of the Lord I could receive was, A double-minded woman is unstable in all our ways. She doesn't appear very double-minded to me. She seems to have her mind totally set on having fun. And it appears that fun involves Brad, at least for the moment. Uh-oh. We're setting up some drama, a little romantic friction. Triangle.

That's right. Grandpa says, She who be a hussy, not be too fussy. What you're saying, but I think she's wrestling with God. I really sense that she knew him at one time, and now she's running away from him. That's true. I feel like he's giving acting direction while he's talking, you know what I'm saying? I want you to get into character.

I want her, be the girl who's run away from God, but now she's trying to find him again. Running as fast as she can. She's throwing Stephanie under the bus. She really is. And I do have to say those posters. I mean, what was the budget on that? Who has drapes like that anymore? This has got to be in a senior citizen.

I think it is. Hey, can we any autograph groups? Are you mocking me? No, you're our hero if you stood up to Professor Tucker. You're our hero. Professor Tucker seemed very nice. No, Professor Tucker's a bitch, man. She failed me in biology because I said,

what up with Jesus, dude? Jesus is my boy. A hero. I'm just doing what needs to be done. You're a legend on canvas in just one day. I can't wait to see what you have for the rest of the year. Waiting to see this team I'm going to put together. You're a legend on campus after just one day.

I can't wait to see what happens next. No legend. I don't do autographs. Hey, maybe I could get your autographs. I just happened to be forming an inaugural team. I need some team members. You guys interested? Cool.

Sign me up. Me soon. Cool. Here's my card. Shoot me an email with your contact information, and I'll get back to you, and we'll get you on the roster. Thanks. Thanks, Grampus.

Sweet, Grandpa, I love a business card. I'll go home and email you right now with my contact info so that we can all be on the roster. Sweet, Gramps. Two. Do you like them calling you Gramps? Not especially. there's not a whole lot I can do about it. There's a lot worse names that could call me.

Have you had a lot of requests for autographs? No. But there have been a lot of requests for autographs. This is the worst movie ever made. It's got to be. This guy is right. The guy on Instagram, who I found this movie through, did like a clip or two about this,

is 100% right. This is the worst movie ever made. Talking to him, most of them confrontational. Some have been supported. You know, the great fine must really be green here. I just wish the gospel could travel as fast as the gossip. Amen. You've only been on campus for 24 hours.

And you already know everything about everybody. You're already, people are asking you for autographs. You've become a hero on campus because you stood up to Judy Watts or nuts. I mean, this is like, this is pure fantasy slop. How do they know that it's you? Oh, hello. I stand out in this camp was like a pink Cadillac at a mafia funeral.

I'm the only gray-headed guy around here with a backpack and tany runners on. I'm just going to have to get used to it. Tenny runners. I don't know what that is. I don't know either. Did he mean tennis? I'm probably his age, and I don't understand.

More autographs, dude. I'm part of the computer club, and we heard you were a computer guy, but also a creationist. How can that be? Oh, let me guess. You guys read Wired magazine. Duh.

Who doesn't? All the cool kids are reading Wired. Answer your question with a question. What organ in the human body is the most like a computer? Well, that's a no-brainer. Fun intended. But no, it's the brain. So where did the information come from that controls the function of the brain, that operating system you might consider it?

It evolved. I must point out that in order for something to evolve, it must exist previously. I don't see how you guys can even consider that both the software and the hardware of the brain could materialize out of a bunch of cells going through a set of non-directed mutations. But instead of just materialize. Yeah, just materialize. Instead. Not through mutations, just materialized.

Higgity, big, hegitty, poo. I put a big brain right inside of you. I'm having so much fun. What could would a brain be if it's not connected to the central nervous system? Not a lot. It would be like a computer with no input or output capability, no keyboard, mouse. Exactly, you got it. And then you have to ask yourself the question in the first place,

how did this organism survive without a brain in order so it could develop a brain later? By the way, evolution? answers, all of it. Yeah. Grandpa. So I love sometimes how creationists, listen, you believe in creationism, cool. I'm not here to bust on everyone's beliefs. I don't know any more than you do how it all happened because I haven't been around since the amoeba.

You know, I didn't witness it all go down. But scientists have a pretty good idea based on some pretty hard evidence that they keep testing and measuring and testing and measuring over hundreds, if not thousands of years. And it seems to be that we did evolve from amoeba. That's an eventually an operating system came to be so that we could do more complex functions. So, you know, it doesn't seem that far out to me. What does seem a little far out is, wabang, we're just here. Now, that could be the case.

I don't know. But I have a hard time sometimes when creationists, they just ignore all evidence to the contrary and say that It can't be that way because the Bible told me so, and the Bible and science don't line up. Well, maybe the Bible was written by a dude, and maybe that dude happened to be wrong, or he was giving it his best guess at that time. What are the lungs for? For inputting oxygen to give it the cells, mostly brain cells. So how does that oxygen get there by the hemoglobin in the blood? You guys are good.

So can the brain survive without that blood and the oxygen? No, not for very long. So what came first? The blood or the brain? Or the lungs? Or the heart that's needed to pump the blood to the brain? Or the liver, which is needed to clean the blood, et cetera. Et cetera.

These systems are dependent upon one another for survival. The idea that they could develop individuals, and slowly yet come together to work together the way they do should be considered ridiculous. Not science. It should be considered ridiculous all that evidence. All of that evidence coming together and fitting perfectly into one single theory should be outlawed, quite frankly, Chrissy.

Et cetera. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. All right, okay, let's do this. Let's take a short break. everyone's settled down and everyone's getting all excited about Gramps and his going back to college. He's a legend. He is a legend in his own mind. And he made a movie all about his legendary stuff. Yeah, he hit himself. Yeah. I'm going to make a movie about my legendary status too as a cream of the crop podcaster with over 13 listeners in 12 states. All right.

Woo. Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her, or me or Chrissy, at 212-4333-3-TCB. That's 212-433-3822.

You can be on the show too. Mm-hmm. Just call and say something. Anything. Or text us and we'll text you're right back. Promise. Then head over to TCB Podcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide.

You get the point. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video at YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Best to you. And Astrid, especially Astrid. All right, we're back with Gramps Goes to College, and we're still in the cafeteria talking to strangers who just pull up and want to give Gramps's legendary status credibility. Let's get back to the brain.

Which is more complex? A computer which is designed by man, or the brain, which you think evolved through some mutations? The brain is much more complex. Exactly. Now maybe you can see why I have a hard time accepting that a bunch of molecules of hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, etc., just hanging around together. One day came together to form a living cell that had reproductive capabilities, no less.

And then later they gathered together. by the billions to form this supercomputer, etc. Which controls the function of an amazing, amazing machine, which we call a human being. Wow. He's converting people, isn't he?

Right here. Yeah, real time. Wow, he gave no credible evidence whatsoever to his theory, and I am convinced after reading Wired magazine for over two years. Which means that that could, make the Darwin's book the origin of the species nonsense. Instead of reading Wired Magazine, I suggest you guys pick up a book entitled, I don't have enough faith to be an atheist.

We should see the bookstore has it. Let's go right now to the bookstore. Written by me, Graham's McGillicuddy. I used to think that universities were supposed to teach us how to think, but I'm starting to realize that they're trying to teach us what to think. She's a freshman who's been there for one day. Yeah, she's been there for one day. Dad just dropped her off, and now I've got everything figured out.

Natural selection is the mechanism of evolution. And today we have a perfect example of how natural selection causes the evolution of resistance to insecticides. Mr. Vounce. I'm sorry, but I'm really having trouble. get in a handle on this natural selection. Could you explain its properties to me? Properties.

Yeah, you know, size, weight, color. What's this chemical composition? Does it matter? Is it energy? Well, it doesn't have properties. It provides effects that we readily see in the lab or in nature. So something that has no physical properties whatsoever causes living organisms to mutate? I know. What's wrong with his mouth?

Well, no. Which one is it? Natural selection doesn't cause the changes. That's just the name of the process. Basically, organisms that are better adapted to their environment, these are the ones that survive, and they produce their offspring. Now, what causes that, that could be recessive gene or chance mutation, but somehow they're better suited.

And so they survive, and they pass down that DNA. Then why does it say in the book, natural selection causes the evolution. Pardon my French, your professor, but it just seems to me that these textbook authors, with your help, are trying to sell us a crock. The crock ain't full of butter. Whoa! Grandpa!

Grandpa! Grandpa! The crock ain't full of butter. Are you almost done, Mr. Bounds? For today, I think I've sufficiently introduced my fellow students here to, to the concept that just because something's written in a textbook, that doesn't make it the truth? It's kind of funny. People won't accept that God exists because they can't see them, but they'll embrace and even evangelize natural selection, which has no physical properties we can even see.

We have a lot of scientific material to cover here today. How about we just take this discussion offline? Perhaps you and I could meet over a cup of coffee, and I can clarify it for you. Yeah, I'd welcome that opportunity. Fine. And now to reiterate it. Fine. Fine.

The importance of evolution in this classroom. The science of evolution is the glue that holds all of biology together. Pull it up to the old... With absolutely no noise whatsoever. Here comes a big pickup truck. Oh, yeah. No noise. Oh, yeah.

Here he comes. The hot stud. the Neanderthal Oh There she is Oh, he's letting Stephanie drive Oh yeah Man

You can No, that was a lot of fun Can I do it again some time Sure How'd you like to go to a party Saturday night Are you asking me generically? Wait, didn't she lose her license? Yes

She shouldn't be driving at all? No. Okay Just check. I guess I'm asking you out. It is the 21st century, and girls do that, especially when the guy doesn't seem to take a hint. I didn't know if you want to be just friends or what. Well, after Saturday, we'll know more about what we want.

Oh, I hope they show this party. Yeah, me too. I want to see what his version of this party. I don't know. I really don't go to parties. I don't know. I'm pretty scared of parties. I hear there might be.

alcohol. And I'm pretty sure that I'm not, I'm not interested in that, Chrissy. Be with me, don't she? Yeah. Then come. Meanwhile, she's a senior. I know, she's a senior. He's a fresh one. What's going on here? They just met. I know. But, you know, things do move quickly in college. Well, that's true. Hicksville. So, what's the story with his cramps character? Who's the talk of the campus?

Oh, no, don't tell me. What's the story? Let's talk. It's words getting around. This has gone beyond my classroom. Okay, I won't tell you, but it has. Wonderful. Luckily, I've got a little talk scheduled with Gramps. This guy must be a real moron, or perhaps crazy?

Oh, far from it. Well, are you going to kick him out of class, or at least threaten to? Kick him out of class. But I hate to duck out in such a challenge. It's been a while since I've had such a worthy adversary. What constitutes the qualifications for worthy? Bold, intelligent. Handsome?

I guess some women might... Oh, God. This is a pickup movie for him. I mean, he has made himself... Look, fantastic. The kids want his autograph. The girls are into him. The teacher won't kick him out of class because he's hands.

handsome and smart. This is, wow, this is the biggest fluff piece I have ever seen for, for, and he has given no credible argument that evolution does not exist. He is, his one credible argument is, it's not a real, that natural selection is not an actual thing. Of course it's not a thing. It's a theory. It's a process. Processes cannot be held in your hand. You are a moron, etc. Find him attractive. Do you? You're getting personal, Vaughn. Well, you know. Vaughn.

I'm so sorry that the mutual attraction's not on my end. And besides, I just think your wife might object. Yeah. Whatever. That's that. What you might do to gain a victory over this adversary is use some of your feminine charms. Give him a real biology lesson if you catch my drift. Vaughn?

Just saying. This is ridiculous. I'm just saying, sleep with them. And then... Pop a boob out. Pop a tit out. Grill tavern. So, are you this much trouble in all your classes, or are you just targeting me?

I'm an equal opportunity troublemaker, but, you know, most classes don't teach something as debatable as evolution. All educated people accept evolution. All educated people accept that organisms evolve slightly to adapt to the... environment, but not all scientists and scholars except that you and I descended from some ape-like creatures, which descended from some lower life forms, which all descended from some one-cell organisms. Well, those people are in a definite minority. True.

And you and your peers are trying your best to make sure it remains that way, using suppression of freedom of thought. Hey, I let you argue your question. Are they the ones like burning books and taking books out of schools? Yes, they are. They're suppression of thought. No, Chrissy. It's a suppression of thought that doesn't agree with the things. That's right. Class, that is not suppression.

All right. I'll grant you that. But were you actively encouraging people to question the contents of the textbook? Are you just like a cat playing with a mouse, you know, just amusing yourself? Well, you don't seem like the mousy type. Cute. You know, back in my day, education was all about memorization and regurgitation. You stuffed your head with a bunch of knowledge, took the test, and promptly forgot most of it. Then you got ready for the next test. Well, that's still basically true.

Yeah, but there's one big difference in the teaching of evolution. And what's that? Students can forget every single detail that's scientific in nature, but they remember one key point, that life is nothing but a bunch of cells, having chemical reactions. And when those reactions cease, There's nothing left but dust in the wind. And what's...

By the way, that is exactly what I remember from my biology class. What about you, Chrissy? Right. The point. I don't even remember that much, to be honest. I don't remember that much of our biology. You're a bright gal. I'm pretty sure you get my point.

You think you're pretty special, don't you? What? Come on. You think that you're better than most people because your superior intelligence and your physical beauty, maybe? So you're accusing me of having an ego problem? No, no, no. Maybe I'm accusing you of being human.

But come on, just admit it, you feel special. Okay, so if I'm going to be completely honest, I guess they have some. Oh, my God, Crip. This movie, the script that you have written, I cannot believe anyone agreed to do this, but I know what happened. These are all of his buddies, his creationism buddies. And they're all making this terrible,

movie in the service of him and him alone. And this is insanity, literally. Dages of a superiority complex. He's saying he has a gut feeling that God exists and that God made us by snapping his fingers. And so therefore, that overrides any kind of evolutionary processes or theories because those processes and theories are hard to quantify. But isn't God also hard to quantify? Has anybody seen him? Can you hold him in your hands? And at him. Yes. That's it. So what makes You're chemical

Well, come on, Chrissy He's a Yeah He's got a dick, clearly Reactions Your thoughts Your dust Actually, it's definitely a chick

It's definitely a chick Any more special Than the janitor Or the garbage man How about that possum And the sign in the kids I can't bring up janitors I know

Because that's probably his day job Hopefully to find out Why the chicken Cross the road You know, my intelligence Is not derived From an opinion I think I've

successfully proven my brain capacity with qualified testing. I'm a member of Mensa. You know, many creationists are also members of Mensa, but you consider them to be morons because they won't accept the gospel of Charles Darwin. Oh, come on. You're really, you're going to be accusing scientists of participating in religion? More like anti-religion, but you know, there is an element of faith involved, and they use similar proselytizing techniques as they spread their gospel of death. No, I was working under the gospel of death. Jesus H.

Mother fucking Christ. God damn. This guy is unbelievable. This is... This is the horsiest, shittiest script I have ever seen in a movie. It's a man of intelligence. You know, I also qualify to be a member of Mensa, but I don't put much stock in that. I turned it down.

I turned it down. Because I don't... I don't play their games. They're just regurgitation and spitting out information supposedly makes you smart. I also qualified for men's not by IQ, but I filled out my form and I name, address, all that other stuff. They asked me to be an honorary member because of my incredible intelligence. Oh, and by the way, I play intermural sports, Chrissy. You want to get on my roster? I'll give you my card. You can email me your contact info. Thank you. You'll begin.

Et cetera. Of wisdom. In the end, godly wisdom is much more important than human knowledge and intelligence. Alfred Lord Tennyson said, knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. And if I might add, it lingers eternally. You just never take a rest from this campaign trail, do you? Well, it's not my campaign, okay? That's the Lord.

It's the Lord. It depends what it is. Let's pray. Some clear night, I want you to gaze up into the stars. And just consider how immense the universe is and how small our earth is within it. And then consider how small you are in relationship to the earth. And as you ponder your insignificance in the vast scheme of things, just imagine being the daughter of the author of all of that magic.

Justy. Just try it. I am used it. I am used it. All right. Espiritus santus. Peace be with you and also with you. For you and to you.

Et cetera. Oh, grams. All right. It's got like to Frankie B. Yeah. Or our pickup artist. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, the pickup artist is so much more interesting. You know what? The pickup artists are telling more truth than this guy did in 30 minutes of his own movie. Yeah. That is the most terrible movie. It's really, really. I need a pallet cleanser. I know.

I need to watch the I, I Play Rocky trailer again. So I remember that there are actors out there who actually do a good job and do a thing. You know how it goes. All right. Well, listen, we'll get back to it. We love you very much. Thank you for joining. I think we're working on YouTube, but I have a suspicion.

I looked at it yesterday. And? I should look at it again today. I guess that's it. You can write us at the commercial break on Instagram. Send us a DM. We're hitting you back and forth. I was just checking the messages yesterday.

A lot of them, because I hadn't checked them in like a month and a half. Listen, there's a lot going on, and we're trying our best. All right? Everybody's got their own. burdens to bear, so to speak. You can go to YouTube.com slash the commercial break, and right there, you can subscribe

to our channel, and when you subscribe, you will get notified when we go live, which is a couple times a week. We'd love to see you in the chat. We'd love you to join us if you're even seeing us on YouTube, because I should probably check that. And, and, and if you would also do us a favor, a TCB podcast

on TikTok, and then we've got our personal Instagrams, down there in the show notes. I've also left a couple of links to places you can donate to Venezuela financially. Listen, take a couple hours on a Saturday, go to your local collection center, help them sort out stuff that's going down to Venezuela. It doesn't matter that you don't speak the language. You'll probably get fed. You're most likely going to dance.

You'll have a good time. Even in tragedy, the Venezuelans keep things alive. Yes. Oh, she would like a stuffy update. A stuffy update? What's a stuffy update? I don't know what a stuffy update is, but we'll give you one. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today, but I'll say that I love you.

I love you and best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast and streaming audience. We'll figure out what stuffy update means and we'll give that to you later. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, we must say, et cetera, et cetera. Goodbye.