The Commercial Break - Muds, Duds & Studs!

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

Episode #725: Bryan & Krissy go back to the early 90's and pull out one of the worst dating shows ever conceived...STUDS. An episode featuring "Wild Women" brings together mud wrestlers and dud-studs ...to give us one of the useless shows of all time. But, make "lemonade of lemonade" they say! Plus, Val Kimmer's passing hits Bryan in his soft spot. TCBit: Fyree Fest 1.2 is on! It's the can't miss, miss of the festival season! Watch EP #725 on YouTube! Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram:  @thecommercialbreak Youtube: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast Website: www.tcbpodcast.com CREDITS: Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits: Written, Performed and Edited by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Okay, flights on Air Canada. How about Prague? Ooh, Paris. Those gardens. Gardens. Um, Amsterdam. Tulip Festival. I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice. Or Bermuda has carnaval. Ooh, colorful. You want colorful. Thailand. Lantern Festival. Boom. Book it. Um, how did we get to Thailand from Prague?
Starting point is 00:00:22 Oh, right. Prague. Oh, boy. Choose from a world of destinations. If you can. Air Canada. Nice travels. Deep in the heart of the Mayan Riviera, beyond the sandy beaches, tropical vibes and blue waters,
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Starting point is 00:01:18 From across the street, with ticket prices starting at just $37,995? You'd be a fool not to not think about it. Purchase the Bernie Madoff package and you'll be whisked away from a helipad in Valdosta, Georgia to Orlando, Florida's International Airport where you'll meet 120 other Instagram influencers for an unforgettable journey you'd soon wish you'd forget. Then you'll hop aboard our luxury Spirit Airlines private public flight to your destination somewhere in Mexico. You'll be promptly driven to your accommodations in style by Pablo's Cousins Transportation. Enjoy your 6.5 hour drive through
Starting point is 00:01:59 the lush tropical rainforest in Pablo's Cousins convertvertible Honda Pickup Trucks, sip on complimentary tap water provided by Doug from Across the Street, and enjoy an amuse bouche provided by Billy the Douche. Once you arrive at your all-inclusive resort, it's time to unpack, relax, and let Donna's beachside motel pamper you in style. How about a swim in the above-ground pool, take a bath in our eco-friendly outdoor repurposed beer cooler, or visit Donna's day spa and salon for a happy ending you, nor your doctor, will soon forget. But get some rest, because the party starts early and you will not want to miss being
Starting point is 00:02:39 photographed with some of TikTok's most obnoxious influencers. With over 22 separate locations in four different towns and three different cities, Fiery Fest 1.2 is the most spread out festival this festival season. You'll enjoy music from some of music's most exciting artists like And And And And And two late night sets by Doug from across the street. Plus, you'll be raving well into the morning when DJ Dan spins the night away. DJ Dan, fresh from his residency at Tom and Sarah's wedding, will melt your face off with
Starting point is 00:03:18 a mind-blowing techno laser and two smoke machines. Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to hobnob like an angel investor at a crypto conference with our celebrity munchin brunch. You'll be rubbing elbows with the elite and eating street tacos from a paper plate. Celebrities expected in attendance include Rob Schneider, the guy who played Chunk in Goonies, Charlie from Charlie Bit My Finger, Kid Rock, and Doug from Across the Street, with special athlete celebrities like five-time Charleston Pickleball champion Reggie Twaddles and Russian semi-pro basketball star Angela Sideswipe.
Starting point is 00:03:58 A wise man once said, life doesn't have a refund policy, why should we? That wise man? Dog from across the street. Fieryfest 1.2 is for the dreamers, the doers, the people who love taking risks, and those who are okay, wasting their hard earned money. Fieryfest 1.2 is not legally bound to tell you anything. Fieryfest cannot legally disclose the name of musical artists due to contractual obligations and the fact that no contract has been legally obligated. Fiery Fest 1.2 does not yet have an agreement with Donna's Beachside Motel, Pablo's Cousin's Transportation, or any other entity named in this commercial. Fiery Fest 1.2. You won't wanna miss it,
Starting point is 00:04:39 unless it doesn't happen. On this episode of the Commercial Break. We'll give you a hundred dollars, get a motel room, fuck each other, and come back and tell us all about it. Go dancing. But only in innuendos. A rip here and a tear there, and clothes were everywhere has got to be melting What that means is we're having a pretty good time we left the bar and we pretty much did the streets of San Diego You did the streets of San Diego. I'm not even, is that lingo that I'm not understanding?
Starting point is 00:05:26 I did the streets of San Diego. Your date with Miltie end up, Tracy? After you're driving around the city streets... Around the corner, he jizzed on the wall of the bar. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Aw yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the cohost of this show,
Starting point is 00:05:49 Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. I'm terribly sad today because I just learned that Val Kilmer died. I know, I saw that this morning. Val Kilmer.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Ah, what a classic. If you're younger than 30 years old, you probably don't even know who Val Kimmer is unless you're a movie buff And then you will know Vel Kimmer because he was in some of the most wonderful movies ever made quite frankly I mean, it's a few of them, right? So he was in Top Gun Tombstone tombstone Batman he played that's right. He was a Batman one a one-hit wonder Batman, but I think he played a good bad I like Vel Kilmer as Batman.
Starting point is 00:06:26 True romance. True romance, that's correct. He was in, was he in Weird Science? Not Weird Science, he was in one of those teenage movies. He like made his debut in one of those 80s teenage movies. But for me, like when people say that, what's that movie that won all the awards about the trans woman? Oh, I
Starting point is 00:06:49 can't it's so forgettable at this point it's so forgettable the musical with the trans you know drug dealer or whatever. Yes Selena Gomez was in it and yeah. Everybody said or some people said that movie changed my life and we were all like really that movie changed your life? we were all like really that movie changed your life oh no nevermind it was an aura an aura they were like that movie changed my life it's like really it was a life-changing movie the doors doors for me was a life-changing movie he did such a fantastic job as Jim Morrison I actually have a hard time distinguishing between the real Jim Morrison and Val Kilmer's version.
Starting point is 00:07:25 Because he embodied Jim Morrison so incredibly, accurately, and ethereally. Like, I don't know, it was like Jim Morrison came down and just took over Val Kilmer. He looked like him, he danced like him, he sang like him, he acted like him. And even though there's like, you know, not a ton of offstage footage of Jim Morrison, like documentary footage of Jim Morrison, if you watch any real footage of the real Jim Morrison and then you watch the doors, you cannot tell the difference. It is really hard to do that.
Starting point is 00:07:58 And that movie is so incredible. And I know that it's Oliver Stone and Oliver takes a lot of creative liberties. But still it's a fantastic movie. I know that it's Oliver Stone, and Oliver takes a lot of creative liberties. But still it's a fantastic movie. I mean, it's great. But as a 11, 12, 13 year old boy, or whatever it was, when that movie came out, I went and saw it in the movie theaters
Starting point is 00:08:14 with some of my friends. Like my parents would have never let me see that movie, but someone's parents took us to the movie theater. We snuck in to see the door. The guy sold us the tickets. We went and saw the doors. And I just remember being in that movie theater, captivated. Oh, captivated. It made a big impression. I said, that's what I want to do. I want to do that for a living.
Starting point is 00:08:33 I'd always loved music, but then that just solidified it for me. And who could have guessed it that just a few short years later, I would be falling off stage in a drunken stupor at a empty bar in Tuscaloosa, Alabama to nobody, doing my best Val Kilmer, doing Jim Morrison impression. It was unbelievable. I will always be in love with Val Kilmer for playing that role. He also did, didn't he do like a drug addict in a movie?
Starting point is 00:09:05 Like, wasn't he in, was it Rush? No, Rush was the other guy. No, I was going through his whole list of movies. I was like, oh yeah, I forgot about that one, this one. He's played all kinds. He really was so versatile. He played anybody and everybody. He was amazing.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Amazeballs, amazeballs, amazeballs. I'll be your Uncle Barry. Yeah, I'll be your Uncle Barry. That's a good one. When he met in the movie, when Jim Morrison meets Andy Warhol. And Andy Warhol says, everybody will have their 15 minutes of fame. So true.
Starting point is 00:09:37 He was so accurate about that. He knew it. He saw it coming. And now, look at us all. We all have podcasts and Instagram channels. And we're all getting our 15 minutes of fame. Fame and like being famous is not such an elusive thing
Starting point is 00:09:51 anymore, it's quite frankly, it's really easy to do. All you need is a social media account and either a really rock hard body or the ability to say and do dumb, stupid shit like we do here at the commercial break. But anyway, he says, I got this phone, like Andy, the guy playing Andy Warhol, who's also a fantastic actor, by the way,
Starting point is 00:10:13 he says, I got this phone and God called. But when he called, I didn't have anything to say to him. And I just, like the way that Val acts in that scene is so mesmerizing that I don't know any other way to put it. It's one of the best moments on screen ever, ever. That in the one scene where they're doing acid in the desert, because I've also done acid in the desert and it was very accurate depiction of what it's like
Starting point is 00:10:38 to do acid in the desert. You're scared, you're lonely, and you're certainly gonna die. There you go, there it is. Val Kilmer,mer gone way too young I know he got throat cancer Yeah, he got throat cancer, but then recovered from that and his latest thing was he was in the Top Gun Maverick. Yeah that one But they had to use AI for his voice something. Yeah, that's what they said
Starting point is 00:10:59 I saw his last video he put out a social media video Maybe like two or three days ago two or three three days ago, and he donned a Batman mask. But his voice was not Val Kilmer's voice. Yeah. Well, there's a documentary out there that came out a few years ago that I watched. Yeah, and it was like critically acclaimed, wasn't it? I think, but yeah, it was really good and it goes through his whole kind of trajectory of with the throat cancer. But he died of pneumonia. He died of pneumonia? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Geez, that's what takes you. That's the random shit that takes you when you get our age. When you get into your late thirties. That's what takes you is pneumonia or hip break or something like that. You just can't recover. Your body just doesn't do it. Oh, Val gone too soon.
Starting point is 00:11:43 And he went to Juilliard too, which I did not know until I read the articles. He was like the youngest person to get in. Oh really? At 17. Really? I didn't know that. There you go, you learn something new every day.
Starting point is 00:11:52 Anyway, RIP Val Kilmer, I'll pour one out for you. You will always be one of my favorites for, if for anything. I mean, there's so many other great roles you had too, but if for anything, you literally sucking up the ghost of Jim Morrison and allowing it to be on screen. And if you haven't seen the movie, The Doors,
Starting point is 00:12:11 get a glass of wine or your favorite, call your favorite D and get him to bring over a bag of your favorite, you know, Laffy Taffy or Speedball or whatever it is you choose to do. Be safe out there kids, do it at home. Don't drink and drive, don't drug and drive, but watch that movie in some state of intoxication or meditation and tell me that it's not just
Starting point is 00:12:30 an amazing movie start to finish, it really is. Anyway, that's the sad news today, but there's lots of other good stuff that's happening in the world, Chrissy. Yeah. I haven't read about any of it. You tell. But I haven't read about any of it,
Starting point is 00:12:43 but I'm sure that there's- No, there's always good stuff. I have't read about any of it. You tell. But I haven't read about any of it, but you know, I'm sure that there's. No, there's always good stuff. I have my nice news newsletter. Okay, give us a nice news newsletter. Pick one out, pick an article out, because you know I'm only gonna talk trashy shit. And I'm sorry, that's just my, the thing is, is that because I love my Instagram
Starting point is 00:13:02 and my news feeds and I've kind of honed them into this very specific version of the algorithm, the problem is it's not always the most positive version of the algorithm because that's not always what I'm looking for. It's not that I'm a negative person. I'm trying to find humor in all of this. I really have decided that this is all becoming very tragically hilarious. Like, the world around us is becoming tragically hilarious. It's a good way to put it.
Starting point is 00:13:31 And I think that I'm just going to laugh at it, because there's nothing else to do. I have no purchase in what goes on in the larger scene. All I can do is control the things that are directly around me, and maybe make some other people laugh in the meantime. So I think that I've just decided this is all for like I think was it George Carlin that said this this is all for my entertainment the world is for my entertainment and I'm just choosing to
Starting point is 00:13:55 laugh at it observe it and laugh at it. It does sound like something he was to say. So if it's something that I'm saying that I'm brilliant if it was something that he said then at least I've quoted him I think George Carlin said that and that's all really that we can do. I mean, there are other things that we can do, of course, too, but not a middling podcaster. What am I supposed to do, Chrissy? Speaking of middling podcaster, while you figure out which story you want to tell us. We've got a couple here.
Starting point is 00:14:18 Middling podcaster, Morgan Whalen is getting Morgan Wallen, Morgan Whalen, how do you say his name? I don't know. Don't care. Really, quite frankly, don't care. Morgan is not my flavor of music. I'm just not a huge country music fan. I think there are some great country songs. There are some great country artists.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Morgan's not my flavor. Now that's not to knock his music. I just don't really get into it. Okay, fine, whatever. But did you see where he walked off Saturday Night Live? Yes, God. Without saying, like, doing the traditional goodbyes to everybody in the cast? Why? Why do that? I don't know. And then that's afterwards was when he tweeted or said, yeah, whatever.
Starting point is 00:14:59 Ext. Ext out. I kind of get back to God's country or something. So I guess he just had to get out of there. I don't know. He hated New York for Saturday at Live. I'm not sure. First of all, must be really nice to have a 26 million dollar Lear jet waiting to take you to God's country. How tone deaf is that?
Starting point is 00:15:17 I guarantee 99.999% of your fans probably will never sit in a private plane. Most of us may never even sit in first class again, sit in a private plane. Most of us may never even sit in first class again, let alone a private plane. And then to tweet that I got to get back to God's country as if something is wrong. You know, it's like, it's just, it's just divisive. It doesn't make any sense.
Starting point is 00:15:36 And walking off directly in front of the camera where you knew that was going to be out on live television in front of millions of people just seemed rude to me. Like, Saturday Night Live, and I wanna say this about Morgan Whalen, Wal-en. Whalen, Wal-en? Whalen, Wal-en. Whalen, Wal-en.
Starting point is 00:15:53 Wham-bam! I changed his name. AI. When Morgan went through his drama where he was using expletives that most people should never utter out of their mouths because you're just a decent human being and that's the wrong thing to do. When he did, he was supposed to be on Saturday Night Live.
Starting point is 00:16:10 When that all blew up, you're supposed to be on Saturday Night Live that week. Saturday Night Live obviously made the decision that is too hot to trot right now. More, Lauren Michaels said, yeah, I'm sorry kid, you can't come on. Not now. This is this, the, the kitchen is too hot, you gotta get out. But six months later, they invited him back and they said, okay, here's your shot, you know, here's your shot at redemption. After he went on the apology tour and I'm really sorry and that's not, you know, who
Starting point is 00:16:37 I am and all that other stuff. Like, just like empty words that come out of every person's mouth when they get in trouble, but they get caught being themselves and all of a sudden they have some different story or excuse as to why it happened. Welcome to 2025. Well, Saturday Night Live had him on six months, seven months later. So they invite him back for a second time and it's not like, so you decide to go do the show, but it's not where you want to be.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Why do the show at all? You're doing the show so that you can get attention because that's what people who are creating, that's what mainstream artists do. They have to go feed the machine and you went and fed the machine and the people at Saturday Night Live and NBC and all the other people who are involved in that decision, gave you the platform to do that, but you can't sit still for 15 seconds and just say goodbye to those people. Seems really rude.
Starting point is 00:17:33 You don't have to love everybody on stage. You don't have to love what they're about. You don't have to love their politics. You don't have to love who they love. You don't have to do any of that. All you have to do is just stand there and say goodbye. But you make a show of it and then- To me, it's an honor to be on Saturday Night Live. All you have to do is just stand there and say goodbye. But you make a show of it. And then-
Starting point is 00:17:45 To me, it's an honor to be on Saturday Night Live. Are you kidding me? Yeah. It's an honor. And I know that people like, some people may argue that like Saturday Night Live is a bastion of liberal thinking, and they're always beating up on conservative ideas. They're beating up on everybody. That's what they do. And yes, do they tend to lean liberal? Yes, a lot of people in Hollywood creative types do. They just have empathy for other human beings, so that's how they lean.
Starting point is 00:18:13 But if it's good enough that you can get yourself in front of 15, 16, 25 million people, then it's good enough to sit with the 15 other artists and creators who are helping you get that message out get your music out it's good enough that you can stand there and be respectful for a second now I'm not sure I don't think anybody's yet found out whether Morgan even understood he was supposed to stand there but that seems like would seem like a convenient excuse since he's been there before he's done this another time. So I would say nay to Morgan. First of all, don't invite him back. Second of all, Morgan, just be nice. That's all you got to do is be nice and respectful. We don't all have to agree on politics or
Starting point is 00:18:53 anything, but can't we stand, you know, can us as artists or creators just stand there and celebrate each other? I mean, whatever. Anyway, who cares? Fuck Morgan Whelan. There's a girl on my Instagram. I think I mentioned this Whelan. There's a girl on my Instagram. I think I mentioned this the other day. There's a girl on my Instagram, she got catfished. I don't know how I found this girl. I don't know why I'm following her. I'm following a bunch of people that I don't know
Starting point is 00:19:14 because I found one of the reels funny or interesting and then I just followed him so I could follow up on it, maybe for the show or whatever. She got catfished by someone claiming to be Morgan Wayland's assistant, mother, brother, sister, she had this whole situation go down and the person, those people stole tens of thousands of dollars from her, like from her credit card. They asked to send money. She kept sending it on her, whatever it was, credit card or Chase credit card
Starting point is 00:19:43 or whatever, she kept sending them money through PayPal and Venmo and all this because they kept telling her that Morgan was going to invite her to wherever he lives and that they were going to have a date and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Listen, I think you got to be pretty thick to believe that any famous person would reach out via social media, ask you for money and then invite you on a date. Do you know what I'm saying? And I don't think Morgan, with his $28 million private jet
Starting point is 00:20:09 where he's going to God's country, needs any help with, I don't think he needs tens of thousands of dollars from anybody, but let's make the assumption that the story was at all believable in the first place. Wouldn't you do a little checking? Like, wouldn't you talk to him on the phone, get him on a FaceTime, meet them in person? If Morgan wanted $20,000 from me,
Starting point is 00:20:30 I'd meet them in person. Yeah. Okay. So this whole thing goes down and while this whole thing is going down, she's getting very, she's like one of these people who posts constantly almost as if the screen is a friend and she's update, or a boyfriend or a husband or a wife or whatever, and she's updating, or a boyfriend, or a husband,
Starting point is 00:20:46 or a wife, or whatever, and she's updating them constantly on what's going on. Hey, here's what I had for breakfast. Here's me brushing my teeth. Here's what I'm doing for my dance routine. I almost got a job. I applied for this. I did that.
Starting point is 00:20:56 All of it, kind of like stream of consciousness, a little weird. And I noticed there are a lot of people out there who are doing this. Three, four, five reels in an hour. And they're just like, it's as if they're talking to somebody in the room and who they're talking to is social media. If you're going to put yourself out there like that, you're likely going to have people
Starting point is 00:21:16 that are not going to be nice about what you're saying. True. I've never said a word to this person, by the way. I'm not that person. I don't jump in on the comments, but I like to read the comments. I just don't jump in on them. So this whole thing is going down. She has this imaginary relationship going on with Morgan in her head,
Starting point is 00:21:31 and she keeps talking about it, blah, blah, blah. Turns out he's not real, they're not real, and after some months and some, trying to get her money back from the credit card company and all this, it's just gone. It's lost. The police are like, what do you want us to do? How are we supposed to find some random... Those cases are hard to prosecute.
Starting point is 00:21:48 They never get prosecuted. Never. Unless there's like a firm trail of evidence. Those people are in, you know, Timbuk fucking 2. They're never, they're never gonna get prosecuted for anything. It's likely they barely know how to, you know, they barely know, they barely have a grocery store around them, let alone a police department that gives a shit. So all this goes on. She's lots of tears, lots of upsetness.
Starting point is 00:22:13 She goes on a local, not a local, but an internet television show that's much like Catfish. It's actually called Online Catfish. But it's not the actual, it's not Neve. It's like two other people. I don't know if it's connected or not connected, but it seems to be pretty popular. And they do catfish stories. So she gets picked to do one of these stories. And the guy on the program, the girl on the program are kind of level-headed and they're like, didn't you have any indication
Starting point is 00:22:37 that this might not be Morgan Whelan when Morgan Whelan is like, he's talking, you know, he's talking to you on this, on his mom's Instagram account. But he's actually playing a sold out show in Los Angeles. Like, doesn't it seem like, didn't you put two and two together that he might not be able to talk to you while he's doing a sold out show? And sometimes she seems to get it,
Starting point is 00:22:58 and other times she's like, well, he could have been backstage. And it's like, no, come on, lady. I mean, you know, honestly, sad. All this goes down, show comes out, she's very upset about how she was portrayed but then here's the kicker over the last couple of weeks she has started to talk to the camera about how she believes that she is owed at least owed a conversation with Morgan, like an invitation to meet with him and have a conversation since somebody else used his name to screw her over. And she thinks that if I just had a chance,
Starting point is 00:23:33 if I just could meet him, then he would see what a beautiful relationship we can have. This is scary stalker-type shit. Now, I don't think she's like a dangerous, she doesn't seem to be a dangerous or violent person, seems to be very sweet, actually. Or what she's showing you. What she's showing is right. Exactly. She doesn't show us cooking the rabbits in rabbit stew, you know what I'm saying? But I just keep thinking to myself, I'm watching someone turn in real life. I'm watching someone
Starting point is 00:24:02 turn a corner in real life. They have gone from, I had a really bad situation to almost full blown delusional. Like, listen, I would love it if Dua Lipa would show up at my house. She could ask me for any amount of money. I wouldn't be able to give it to her, but she could ask, I'd try. Maybe I'd rob a bank or something for Dua.
Starting point is 00:24:23 But if Dua came to my house and asked me for something and said, we could have a beautiful relationship, I'd say, Astrid, what do you think about polyamory? No, not for you? Well, take care of the kids and tell them I love them. I'm kidding. I'm them. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I take the kids with me.
Starting point is 00:24:47 OK, so Dua Lipa is never going to reach out to Brian Greene or Chrissy Hodeley or my wife. Never. Why? Because those people have lives that have their own friends and their own family members. And they are very busy. And they know better.
Starting point is 00:25:04 It's like rule number one of fame. An agent somewhere, we've had agents that have told us this and we don't and no one knows who the fuck the commercial break is. Be careful about interactions. Be careful about interactions because people, you don't know who's on the other end of them and people can interact and react in all kinds of ways. But in my head, I just know that's never gonna happen. Like, Dua Lipa doesn't give a shit about Brian Greene,
Starting point is 00:25:29 never will. Never has, never will. And with good reason, I'm an idiot. But this poor girl, she just doesn't seem to get it through her head. And I'm starting to believe that I'm watching her turn in real life. Yeah, you could be. A little delusional, like a therapist needs to intervene immediately.
Starting point is 00:25:46 But second of all, it's really hard to date out there. When you're just like, when you're hoping that Morgan Whelan is going to show up at your front door, it must be really difficult to be a single person in 2025. I think so, yes, from what I hear. I wish we'd go back to the good old days, Chrissy. Like the 80s or 90s, when it was, you know, when literally, Poo Tang was, yeah, I mean days, Chrissy. Like the 80s or 90s, when it was, you know, when literally, Poo Tang was...
Starting point is 00:26:07 Yeah, I mean, I wasn't dating in the 80s. Ah! Was I dating? Is it, like, when you're in second grade and you get a crush, is that a date? Like, when you go to the All-Skate with somebody at the skating party? To, like, the movies or something? Couple skate, yeah, couple skate, hold hands, stuff like that. I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Okay. Okay, in the 90s and 2000s, life just seemed a little easier. It seemed hard back then, but now I realize just how easy it was. You literally walk into a bar and pussy be falling from the sky. No doubt. Not really. But that's what mystery thinks. Anyway, in the 90s and 2000s, life was easier. And that's why, Chrissy, I want wanna take us back to a simpler time this episode, and I wanna catch up with Blind Date UK.
Starting point is 00:26:49 Ooh. But first, do you have a good story for us so we can end this segment on a little bit of positivity? I do, I do. All right, tell us. Well, again, I highly recommend this newsletter. It's called Nice News Daily, and it comes to your inbox every day, first thing.
Starting point is 00:27:02 So you can start with that before you get to the slush and dumpster fire stuff that's happening. So here's something, Paris Hilton, of all people, is helping women-owned businesses begin again after they've eaten fire. So just two months after her house. Well, that fire's out in. Oh, the eaten fire.
Starting point is 00:27:23 Okay, I'm sorry. They said after they've eaten fire. And I'm like's out in... Oh, the eaten fire. Okay, I'm sorry. They said after they've eaten fire. And I'm like, what? People are out there eating fire? This is sounding like good news to me. Okay, all right. Yes, so just two months after Paris Hilton watched her Malibu home burn to the ground,
Starting point is 00:27:35 she's already helping others rebuild their lives. The reality star and entrepreneur is harnessing her nonprofit, 1111 Media Impact, to offer grants up to 25,000 to women-owned businesses impacted by the fire. Good for her. I got to be honest with you. I have liked Paris Hilton since day one.
Starting point is 00:27:53 I have liked her since day one, since that stupid fucking whatever, you know, that show. There's definitely been a fascination with her. Yeah. Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, I was into it from day one. The simple life. The simple life. I was into it from day one, and I've always liked Paris Hilton, and I don't know why. And I was with her one time at a bar.
Starting point is 00:28:10 Oh, that's right. I was with her at a podcast conference one time. I watched her spin, and I gotta be honest, it wasn't bad. And she really seemed to be into it. And even though she was with kind of like a bunch of like old, fat, you know, weird podcasters, she gave us a party. She threw a party. Yeah, I think she kind of got a bad rap. But I know what you're saying. She was just like
Starting point is 00:28:31 kind of in that wheelhouse when we were younger. Yes. And she was rich, beautiful, fun, party. What are you going to do? She's going through her teenage years in front of everybody. And yeah, there was drug use and alcohol. Of course. Like everybody goes through, a lot of people, especially celebrities. Yes, like I hope to go through again. Yes. I hope to go through it again. But now she's married and she has a baby and she's come out talking about that abusive school that she went to.
Starting point is 00:28:58 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Those like wilderness things or tough love things. The wilderness, yeah. Those things are terrible. Yeah, they've shut down. I had friends that went to those. I had friends that went to those. Yeah. Yeah, I like Paris.
Starting point is 00:29:07 I've always liked someone who's in on the joke. I think it's, I think that we were talking with Tim Balz, go back and listen to Tim Balz's episode, Righteous Gemstones Shrink. I'll put some links in the show notes so you can go see it. But we had a great talk with him and we were talking with him, and he was talking about Chris, who's the guy?
Starting point is 00:29:28 Chris, now I can't remember his name, but he was like this weird kind of standup comic, but kind of Andy Kaufman-ish. He had his own show for a while. Anyway, I always liked when someone had a persona, but they seemed to be in on the joke. When she was like, that's hot, and everyone was freaking out because they felt she was dumbing down society,
Starting point is 00:29:50 I think she was just, her and Nicole were just in on the joke. They just got it. They got the zeitgeist. They were the zeitgeist. And when the zeitgeist ended, she smartly went away and she came back, the real Paris Hilton, and that's enjoyable too. So I liked both versions of her and good for her helping out those ladies.
Starting point is 00:30:07 There's your nice news. Yeah. I mean, about $25,000, can't we put a little bit more in the tank? I mean, your dad owns Hilton. I mean, come on, let's go. Your dad, your grandpa was counting around. Come on, let's go.
Starting point is 00:30:16 All right, let's take a break. And when we get back, Chrissy, we're going to do some Blind Date UK. It's been a while, and I look forward to hearing what Celia Black has to say for us. Okay, we'll be back. Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to TCBpodcast.com and visiting
Starting point is 00:30:50 the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at TCBpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now, I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the Commercial Break. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan.
Starting point is 00:31:32 You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Hey all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe! I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk-takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at
Starting point is 00:32:02 large. And while in the moment it may be hard to see the force through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules. They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers, the failures, and the moments that changed everything.
Starting point is 00:32:25 You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Surya on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And here, here to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. All right, and we're back. Listen, I said I was gonna do Celia Black, Blind Date UK, but we actually got into it a little bit and figured out that we could not understand
Starting point is 00:32:47 a fucking word that was being said. No, the accents were so thick. The accents were way thick. So we're gonna bail on that and I'm gonna change it up a little bit. I still have 90s dating show material. I've got lots of it. I think we should do, as a good backup plan here,
Starting point is 00:33:01 I think we should do, remember the show Studs? Yes, God. Studs, this is a mid, I know. We're talking like mid to late 90s, grunge era, new rock, think Kid Rock, Limp Bizkit. Paris Hilton era. Paris Hilton era, that's right. And there was a show where they would take two or three men, two or three women, they would put them on couches.
Starting point is 00:33:25 They would send them on dates and then they would get their opinions of what happened afterwards on a couch and what you win. I don't know who fucking knows who fucking cares. That's not the point of the thing. There's a host. He prods it along and basically here's how it goes. The people who went on the date as they go on the dates with each other, they write things down, their impressions of what's going on and what's happening.
Starting point is 00:33:46 And then the host will read these options out, did, who said this? And then they give them three options. Okay, so I'm just telling you how it's gonna go here. Obviously the producers highly edit and can these responses. No one is this quick witted, but you'll get it. It's a fun, bordering on sexual assault type of show. The 1990s were wild.
Starting point is 00:34:08 When you look back on it, it's like, where were we? What were we? What was anyone thinking? How did we get away with this shit? And why do we get away with this shit? So let's take a look at Studs here. Hey, how are you? Welcome, welcome, welcome to a very special week of shows here on Studs all week long.
Starting point is 00:34:28 It's Wild Women Week. Wild Women Week? What channel was this on? This was on like UPN or the CW. I think it was like in that syndication. Back in the 90s, they started to do this syndication model. Television channels would pop up, and what they would do is they would buy mainly syndicated television shows,
Starting point is 00:34:51 shows that were made that no network really wanted. But they would buy them on the cheap, syndicate them, and then the syndicated show would take a cut of the revenues. Channels like CW, UPN, WB, all these channels popped up out of nowhere, and they had very little original content, but they were syndicating, like, you know, Judge Judy, Studs, all these dumb shows that no one else wanted, and they would put them on during the daytime or late at night.
Starting point is 00:35:17 Studs was one of those shows. It floated around, depended on where he lived, because it was the local markets that would buy the show. In addition to that very special week of shows, we got a reversal show. A special week of shows, as if anybody got excited about Stubbs. Do you think someone came home and said, mom, it's a special week of Stubbs.
Starting point is 00:35:35 I can't go to school. Three guys on the couch, two women over there. Are they oiling up? They might be because they're hot mud oil wrestler women. Hot mud oil wrestlers. I didn't know that was a profession. I think that's AKA porn star. I think that's what that means.
Starting point is 00:35:51 Let's make a noise. But no knock on the porn stars. No knock on porn stars. No, I think that used to be a thing. Like, they would have, like, oil wrestling at night or something. Yeah. Clubs and things.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Yeah, they would travel around, like, regionally. They had, like like these regional competitions. I remember that good old days. Do you remember good old days here in Atlanta, Roswell Road? Anybody who's hit remembers, anybody who's lived in Atlanta for any period of time might remember good old days. First bar I went to, first bar I went to. And first night I went to that bar way back before the Olympics.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Mud wrestling. mud wrestling. Mud wrestling, yeah, it was a thing. It was a thing. It was a thing. I tell ya. And those girls knocked the shit out of each other, by the way. I love this 90s, like, logo design.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Yeah. Let me introduce the guys on the couch right next to me, 27 year old underwear model, Michelle KM. Give him a big hand. Underwear model, AKA porn star. I mean, he's wearing like a sleeveless button down. That's classic. Why is his body so big and his head so small?
Starting point is 00:36:57 You know what I'm saying? Look at that guy at the end. Look at that guy at the end. Steroids. Sterol. 26-year-old flooring contractor. Yeah, high five, bro. Sweet. Contractor Ty Taigo. Ty Taigo. I love Ty Taigo. He's got that hair from, like he's got the Kevin Bacon
Starting point is 00:37:14 Flash dance hair. He does have the, you're right about that Kevin. That's a very, it was a very popular style. Flat top, high, you know, they would like tease it up. It was that transition period between the 80s and 90s when you didn't quite know what to do with your hair. And by the way, if you like Tai Teh Go, you should try Tai Teh sitting down at the restaurant. It's delicious, it's wonderful. Milton Holmes, the third land developer. He's wearing a blazer.
Starting point is 00:37:46 He's got cascading curls. Cascading curly hair, light blue blazer, white t-shirt, acid washed jeans, dark colored boots on. This is a time capsule right here. I'm going to show my kids this and I'm going to tell them, I don't know, this was George Washington. They're giving up for him. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Yeah, high five, high five. Why are they high fiving each other? What's that all about? I don't know, are they in competition? What kind of woman are you looking for? Yeah, I think it's all the testosterone makes them have to do something with their hands. Four.
Starting point is 00:38:17 Hard, flat, stomach, tight butt. All right, sounds pretty good. Yeah. Ty, how about you? I love the host. Sounds pretty good. Ty, how about you? I love to host. Sounds pretty good. Sounds great. Someone's just going to put up a big challenge, make me work for what I want. Says the guy who never wanted that. Says the guy who can't deal with anybody.
Starting point is 00:38:37 Michelle, I like a woman that has nice body, long legs, nice breast, and a little bit of an airhead. I like that. You like an airheaded girl? Yeah. A little bit of an airhead. I like that. You like an airheaded girl? Yeah, a little bit of an airhead. Airhead, huh? Interesting, interesting. A beautiful airhead.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Interesting angle there, my friend. Who cut the sleeves out? That's coming from the underwear model. Yeah, who cut the sleeves out? Whoop, whoop, whoop. That's what I was saying, it's a button down too. With a pocket. This is peak Amber, Comby, and Fitch right here.
Starting point is 00:39:04 You don't have to worry about what they're going to say and you don't have to go into complications. You can just lift things and have... Complications? Like what, a conversation? I think you meant to say conversation. Complications. Complications, like talking?
Starting point is 00:39:16 Right. You don't have to deal with that. I know. What a dumb dumb. We have two wild women for today, Sherry and Tracy. Come on out. Sherry and Tracy, probably not their real names. Sherry, good to see you.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Tracy, good to see you. Have a seat. That's classic. Classic 80s, 90s too. Oh, this is, this is night. I'm going to guess- This is like video vixens. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Oh yeah, video vixens. That's right. Without knowing the actual year, I'm saying 9091 is probably... You've gotta be. You've gotta be, because that hair is straight out of the 80s. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Curl, tease, bang.
Starting point is 00:39:54 Yeah. The guys in the crowd, they can barely hold themselves back. It's like they're animals in a cage. Ah! Thank you. Why is she not showing her face? Right next to me 29 year old oil wrestler Sherry Amundsen give her a hand. She is straight out of a white snake video. Oh, she is. Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:16 I mean really. Honestly, you're right about that. That is that's Brett Michael's one of Brett Michaels' wives. And next to Cherie, she's 24, she's also an oil wrestler. Give it up for Tracy Ray. What's wrong with Tracy Ray? Why is half her hair covering half her face? Yeah, she's got that going. Sit back, Trace. There you go.
Starting point is 00:40:37 Alright ladies. This is back when breast implants came in one size and one size only. Huge. Now this works, the woman with the most hearts in the show is Queen Studge. You go on a date, we pay for it. Fair enough? We're going to start out with a Ben Stiller hairy back heart. Ben Stiller? Ben Stiller, hairy back heart.
Starting point is 00:40:53 I don't even know what that means. Ben Stiller, hairy back heart. Oil on this would get all clumpy. So we'll keep it oil free. Oh, Ben Stiller, hairy back? Yeah, but why would we know that Ben Stiller has a hairy back at this time in life? I remember, it was like the brief Ben Stiller show on MTV.
Starting point is 00:41:13 It was a brief moment in time when it was like part late night talk show, part like comedy sketches, kind of SNL. Maybe that's what he's referring to. When you're getting ready to go out on a date, how long does it take you? An hour, maybe more. Okay. Oh, that hair?
Starting point is 00:41:30 It doesn't surprise me. An hour. All right, so we asked the guys if they were pleased when they first saw you, Sheri. Here's what they told us. One of the guys said, her honey-dipped hair had my drool glands working overtime. Her honey-dipped hair had my drool glands working overtime, said no one ever. And the second guy said, I flutter those baby blues and I was Mr. Happy, said none of the guys on this couch. And the third guy said, you gotta love a woman whose Oh my god, this is so peak 90s.
Starting point is 00:42:06 And the three guys on the couch supposedly said these things, but clearly none of these guys have two brain cells to wrap together, let alone make a comment like that. You got to have a woman whose breasts have their own zip thread must be melty. Milt? No. Oh! I can't get over his hair. It looks like a wig.
Starting point is 00:42:32 It does. It does. It really does. I think it's the first guy. Yeah, I think it's the first guy, too. What did you say, Milt? The flutter of those baby blues. She does have blue eyes.
Starting point is 00:42:41 That's pretty pretty. You like that? Yes. So what did you think when you first saw her? I figured she was just mine, mine, mine. Oh, me like woman. Oh, me like tit-ass. Yes. Mine, mine, mine. I'm sorry, Chrissy. Mine, mine, mine. You no agree?
Starting point is 00:43:00 When you first saw him, Sherry? Pretty much the same thing. Really? The Enor Gansman says? Alright, whory? Pretty much the same thing. Really? You think you were against this? All right, who actually? Most she likes, Milton. Get down on your knees. Close clean floor. Blow dick.
Starting point is 00:43:12 Duh duh. Rest with their own zip code. Michelle. I knew it. You knew it. Good job. Would that be the new nine digit zip code or the old five digit zip code?
Starting point is 00:43:20 Nine digits. Really? Yeah, nine digit zip code. You're like a busty woman though, you said that earlier. Yeah, sure. I mean I like it when there's something there. Sure. Is she too smart for you? No she's not.
Starting point is 00:43:35 What did you think when you first met Michelle, Sherri? No, she's not. No. I basically didn't think anything. You're right. I just kind of lost brain freeze because he's so attractive. Really? Oh, she likes him.
Starting point is 00:43:49 OK, she goes for that small headed, big forehead kind of look. Yeah. Do you notice his forehead just moves right into his hair? It does. Like, there's no transition there. All right. Oh!
Starting point is 00:44:02 Let's try and get over this gridlock. We're going to move on to you, Tracy. When you talk to a guy on the phone, can you tell anything substantive about him? Tell whether he's sexy or not, or self-confident. Really? Whoa, listen to that voice. How? Spent a ton of his voice on how he speaks.
Starting point is 00:44:18 We asked them what they thought of you when they talked to you on the phone. Oh, God. And they talked on the phone? I have no idea what the phone. Oh, God. And here's their phones. They talked on the phone? I have no idea what's going on here, actually. I thought they went on a date ahead of time, but maybe I'm wrong about that. I didn't watch Studs for the actual minutiae. And I only think I watched a couple of episodes,
Starting point is 00:44:35 but I do remember it being a mainstay of daytime television for a while there. Her savage growl made me feel like King of the Jungle. Oh, man. Second guy said that dreamy voice is as smooth as satin sheets. And the third guy said, sexual, straightforward, oh my god, it's Dr. Ruth.
Starting point is 00:44:57 Ah! Well, wait, this had to be more than the phone call, because they had to say what they thought of what they saw. What they looked like. That's right. Now, either they looked at photographs or they saw each other in person. That savage girl made me feel like the king of the jungle would probably be Michelle.
Starting point is 00:45:19 No, I don't say anything like that. What'd you say, Michelle? I said sexual straightforward. Oh my God. It's disgusting. Really. What'd you say, Michelle? I said sexual, straightforward, oh my god, it's disgusting. Really? What'd you talk about on the phone? Well, I could talk about anything and she wouldn't mind. I mean, we could just talk about, let your mind work. Let your mind work?
Starting point is 00:45:38 Let's get complicated. I know. Yeah, was he a good conversationalist on the phone? Yes. Who said the king of the jungle? well who said the king of the jungle? Who felt like the king of the jungle? That was me. Milk!
Starting point is 00:45:48 King of the mobile home park, perhaps. Perhaps. Ooh, burn. Listen to that. Jeez, I like this host. He's sassy. Why, what'd you talk about? We talked about wet things, oceans, and fun things
Starting point is 00:46:04 that we don't want to talk about here. What did you talk about with Mil? I don't even understand what's going on. First of all, second of all, the girl on the couch, Tracy or Lacey or whatever her name is, she cannot stop wiping her nose. Oh. Yeah, but again, this is the early 90s, late 80s coming out of the, you know, everybody was high back then.
Starting point is 00:46:25 Well, we just basically talked about getting together and going somewhere because everything was just so, spread the moment, but we like that. Well, good. All right, we'll come back. We'll see what happened on those spread the moment dates. We'll come back. We have no substance whatsoever in this segment. Let's get to the next segment.
Starting point is 00:46:40 I'm so confused. Me too. What's going on? Do they like each other? Do they not like each other? But they apparently have been on a date. Yeah, well, hey listen. Let's find out in the next segment. Okay. Okay, move along. Here we go. Sorry, there's some space for the commercial. Hey, welcome back. All right, where were we? Sheri, how can you tell if a guy's having a good time when he's out with you?
Starting point is 00:47:09 Body language, definitely. Like, show me body language that says, hey, I'm having a good time with you, Sherry. If they lean forward and look in your eyes and try to touch you, definitely that says they're having a good time. All right, we asked the guys what they enjoyed most about their dates with you. Sherry, here's your answer. Yeah, so they have been on dates. Okay, so we got that down.
Starting point is 00:47:26 They told us one guy said, nothing gets me hotter than a woman with a talented tongue. Oh my God. Well, and also too, I'm confused on the matching up to the person. I think they all went on dates with each other. So I'm assuming they all went on dates with each other. I thought that's how this goes. I think they all go on dates with each other, probably talk on the phone. They get to know each other ahead of time.
Starting point is 00:47:47 But like who's writing these? Perverted Dr. Seuss? I mean, honestly, it's so weird. Nothing gets me hotter than a woman with a talented tongue. That's just not something a human being would say. No. The second guy said, the second guy said,
Starting point is 00:48:00 hail Sherry Queen of the quivering hips. Oh. Oh. And the third guy said, this girl really knows how to put a knot in my pants. A knot in your pants? A knot in my pants. Good Lord. Oh my God, the innuendos here are terrible. This girl really knows how to put a knot in my pants, Ty?
Starting point is 00:48:23 Nope. No. Nope. Who else did you sleep with? Nope. What'd you say, Ty? Hail Sherry, queen of the quivering hips. Really? Why is that?
Starting point is 00:48:37 We went dancing, and she's a very good dancer. Is Ty a pretty good dancer, Sherry? Yes, he is. OK. Do you think he'd make a good wrestler? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not as good as some of you.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Personality is flowing out of all these people. I mean, honestly, no one has any personality. I think like going out and going dancing used to be a big way to go on a date. It did. A first date. You know, Astrid has been telling me since the day that we met. And I'm not a dancer, and no one's ever gonna claim
Starting point is 00:49:06 that Brian Greene is a good dancer. But I'm also not afraid to dance. I figure just let it loose, you know, I like dancing. And so, you know, if you don't like my dancing, you don't have to watch me, right? But Astrid says that where she comes from, and in Spain, it's not unusual to go somewhere and dance. Go dancing, yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:25 Because that is a night out. You sit down for a nice meal, you go dancing. I kinda like that. Where could we do that here? Not at the Bill Murray concert, that's for sure. No. We can do it at places like, I guess, Tongan Gru. I mean, there's some places out there,
Starting point is 00:49:41 but like, you gotta bring a bulletproof vest to some of these places. You know what I'm saying? It's like dangerous, the three o'clock in the morning with people that, some people are just out there having fun, but then others are in the club doing, you know, we've been to clubs. We know what happened to the clubs.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Just back then, you weren't allowed to carry a firearm everywhere you went, so. I'd just slaughter, but maybe, you know, the next level down. Well, I could pin him up. I'm sure you could. Who really got a knot put in their pants? Who was that? Oh, Milt Holmes the third. What happened there? Milt, what did you guys do? Well, I got a boner. Well we were out
Starting point is 00:50:18 dancing ourselves and one thing led to another and she ran over to someone else and grabbed their tie and shoved it down my pants. What? What? That's an interesting dance move I haven't heard about before. Let me stuff random socks down your pants. Someone's tie? Someone's tie.
Starting point is 00:50:39 First of all, where did you get the tie? Who's giving you a tie? Yeah, you put it down his pants. Third of all, did you give the tie back is what I want to know. I have this fetish for ties. I like this guy's tie and I got him to give it to me and I didn't want to lose it. So yeah. It's a good thing he says he has a fetish for shoes.
Starting point is 00:50:58 Tracy, when you think a guy is good looking, cute, what do you do? How do you let him know? Tell him straight out. You just say, hey, what do you do? How do you let him know? Tell him straight out. You just say, hey, what would you say? I just say, you're really cute or you're really attractive or... You are hot. You really get my goose? I love you.
Starting point is 00:51:13 Whatever. You've actually said that to a guy? You really get my goose? Oh yeah, I get my goose. Yeah, like anybody has said any of these things you're talking about today. Come on, dude. But have you noticed that brooch keeps moving all over her shirt? And it's like a jaguar or something.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Yeah. We asked if there was any gislings over here on the dates, and here's what they said. One of the guys said... A gisling? Her legs are as long as the stairway to heaven. Second guy said, I envy the lint in that sweet little innie. That's disgusting. Second guy said, I envy the lint in that sweet little innie. Woo! That's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:51:48 Ugh. My OCD just kicked in. The third guy said, from the tips of her acrylics to the depths of her D cups, this babe is one big boing. Boing. Boing. Another bo- fit another boner joke in. Dave on our staff's the boner joke writer. He gets one in every time.
Starting point is 00:52:08 Good job, Dave. High five. Oh my God. I envy the Linton that sweet little Innie. It's gotta be Milton. There you go, Milton. It's the first part of the night. Oh, the back hair heart. That's what you get.
Starting point is 00:52:26 Yeah, they give you a trinket with hair from Ben Stiller. I don't know what's going on. What are you talking about there, Milk? Well, when I first saw her, she had a pirate shirt on. And all I could see besides her beautiful breasts were that little belly button. She had a pirate shirt on? She had a pirate shirt on? She had a pirate shirt on? Like argh, that kind of pirate?
Starting point is 00:52:49 Or what are we talking about here? We went to go to this one bar and there was a line around the door so we said the heck with them and we went to a real very nice posh bar next door and we had a very nice time except for the fact that he squeezed both my breasts together like they were cookie dough. Oh, a little sexual time except for the fact that he squeezed both my breasts together like they were cookie dough. Oh! Oh! A little sexual assault at the end of the day.
Starting point is 00:53:09 I'm Milt. Milt Jr. the Third. Or whatever is Milt Jr. the Third. I'm a land developer. Hey now! Even the host knows he went too far. Sometimes the dough is better than the actual cookie. Is there a reason I don't know? I don't even know him. That made no sense.
Starting point is 00:53:31 He's quick-witted in a weird way. As legs are as long as the stairway to heaven or... That's gotta be the first guy because he talked about legs. That's right. By the way, do we just skip over the assault part of the night? Don't we have to follow up on that? No. Like, why are you grabbing her breasts like that?
Starting point is 00:53:47 From the tips of her acrylics to the depths of her D cups, this babe is one big boy-ing. Her legs are as long as the stairway to heaven. Maybe Ty? Nope. I knew it. Nope. Who was the other guy? Oh, Ty. Ty's losing on all fronts.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Look at Ty in the couch. He just looks like he's lost. Ty, what'd you say? I said from the tips of acrylic. Well, we know what he said because there's only two choices, you dumb dumb. To the depth of our D-cup, this lady's one big boy. What'd you mean by that? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:54:16 Bang, bang, boom. Cookie doll milk? That's what they felt like to me. It's that delicious tall house taste. Oh, my God. That's pretty funny, actually. Soft bench. She said soft bench cookies.
Starting point is 00:54:42 You usually get romantic on a first date with a guy? If there's chemistry there, yeah. If there's shmeck in there, yes. Well, we asked the guys if there was any romance on their dates with you, and here's what they told us one of them said. Oh, that's good. Let's get down to the good parts. The Pacific Ocean is just a puddle compared to our deep desire.
Starting point is 00:54:56 Oh, okay. Second guy said our mouths fit together like a cork in a champagne bottle. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. The guy said, the only way I'll forget our passion is to have my brain removed. Boo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-ing.
Starting point is 00:55:14 Ah. Ah. Ah. Our mouths fit together like a cork in a champagne bottle. That's Michelle. There you go. Yeah, that's right. I stung my tongue down her throat.
Starting point is 00:55:24 I showed her my underwear modeling photographs. Buh-yoyoyoyoyoying! So what did you guys do on your date? We went to a restaurant and we ended up kissing after a while. At the restaurant? Yeah, in front of everybody. And it was getting a little bit too much kissing. So what did you do? Well, we stopped and we went somewhere else.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Where'd you go? That doesn't concern you. Oh, that's got spicy. Wow. You're obviously not a regular viewer, Michelle. Where'd you go, Sherry? We had a hotel room, so I went there. Wow, it's the whiz-bang 90s, kids. Yeah, it is.
Starting point is 00:56:06 Get after it. Get on it. Hey, listen, two consenting adults can have a good time, right, Chrissy? Of course. I don't know. I don't oppose. I don't object, Your Honor.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Yeah! Yeah! Nice hotel room? No. Yeah. Yeah. So that's where the date ended. That's pretty much where it ended.
Starting point is 00:56:24 All right, well, you get to go again there. Pacific Ocean is just a puddle compared to our deep desire or the only way I'll forget our passion is to have my brain removed. The only way I'll forget our passion is to have my brain removed. Milti? Nope. What'd you say, Milti? We know what he said.
Starting point is 00:56:44 It's the only choice left. We don't, geez, you don't have to repeat the dumb line four times. Hey, do me a favor. We're not saying my boner lines enough. Can we repeat them? The Pacific Ocean is just a puddle compared to our deep desire.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Really? What'd you mean by that? Well, compared to our desire for each other, I think the Pacific Ocean is just a part of it. Okay, yeah, we got it. You just repeated the line. Again. It's the same backwards and forwards, Mel. We're not diagramming sentences here. We're trying to move ahead. Why were you so desirous of Sherry? Give me some reasons.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Oh, the way she touches me, the way she holds me. The way she holds you? What are you, two? The way she holds you. the way she holds me. The way she holds you? What are you two? The way she holds you. The way she holds me. I don't know. It's just funny to hear that coming out of that man's mouth. Even she's like, creepy. Two pretty damn good reasons, Sherry.
Starting point is 00:57:41 Tracy, when you're with a guy that you love. All right, okay, let's take a break and then when we come back, we'll, this is a very interesting time capsule here, Chrissy. It really is. I really am enjoying this. Okay, we'll be back. Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break.
Starting point is 00:58:18 And finally, share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian? That really wasn't that difficult, now was it? You're welcome. All right, we're back reviewing the early 90s daytime television dating show, Studs. Because why not?
Starting point is 00:58:38 Name it Studs, get another boner joke in there. They really like to give them any signals to let them know that you're getting ready to get romantic? Yeah. What kind of signals? Yes. Touch them. Oh!
Starting point is 00:58:50 Or I take their hand and put their hand on front of me. I hold them. I hold them like a baby. She said, I put their hand in a place where... let's hear that again. What kind of signals? I touch them. Oh! Or I take their hand and put their hand on part of me. I kiss them and wait for them to kiss me and then I...
Starting point is 00:59:11 So you don't mind making the first... Wow, she seems really jittery, doesn't she? She does. No, not at all. Okay. The brooch is gone. Yeah, that brooch is gone. It went right down her shirt. Someone's gonna make it and if they may be too inhibited at the time to do it hell I'm gonna do it because I'm not
Starting point is 00:59:27 gonna miss out on a chance of a lifetime. Chance of a lifetime? I'm sorry young lady I'm sure you have lots of chances of a lifetime you're a pretty good looking girl I'm I don't think many guys turned you down. Well we asked the guys about your romantic moves. And one of the guys said, she whipped out her gum and chewed my face instead. The second guy said, that mouth is more than fast, it's downright supersonic. And the third guy said, a rip here, a tear there, and lips and clothes were everywhere. Wow.
Starting point is 01:00:04 Did everybody just hook up with everybody? I think that's what goes on here. I think that's what happened. I think the premise of the show is we'll give you $100, get a motel room, fuck each other, and come back and tell us all about it. Go dancing. But only in innuendos. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:00:23 A rip here and a tear there and lips and clothes through everywhere has got to be Milton. Milton! Yeah, good old Milton. What's that mean, Milton? Well, what that means is we're having a pretty good time when we left the bar. And we pretty much did the streets of San Diego.
Starting point is 01:00:40 You did the streets of San Diego. I'm not even, is that lingo that I'm not understanding? I did the streets of San Diego. Is that lingo that I'm not understanding? I did the streets of San Diego. Did your date with Miltie end up, Tracy? After you're driving around the city streets... Around the corner, he jizzed on the wall of the bar. For a while. And then it ended up the next morning.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Whoa. Yeah, because we were doing blow all night long. I'm sure of it. Fun evening? Yeah, kind we were doing blow all night long. I'm sure of it. Fun evening? Yeah, kind of sticky. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm Mercy. What is going on?
Starting point is 01:01:16 Oh my god. I can't believe this didn't get censored. Oh, it's kind of sticky. He poured Dr. Pepper on me. So you're part of the Pepper on me. So you're part of the Pepper generation now. I suppose. She ripped out a gum and chewed my face instead or that mouth is more than fast, it's downright
Starting point is 01:01:30 supersonic. That mouth is more than fast, it's downright supersonic. No. I missed out on that one. Poor metal guy just keeps getting shafts. Why are we not asking a follow-up question about Dr. Pepper being poured on you? I mean, come on, host, whatever your name is. Ambiguous host from the 90s dating shows.
Starting point is 01:01:56 He looks kind of familiar. Oh, he was like a host of a bunch of these type of shows. She wiped out the gunner and chewed my face instead. Really? Yeah. Where were you? We were in my car and we were gonna kiss. She said, hold on, wait, stop. Come out.
Starting point is 01:02:10 What's the matter about this? Is that for here? I'm ready. Come on back and we're gonna find out which one of these guys is gonna sing a man a lullaby. Is gonna sing a man a lullaby? Sing a man a lullaby? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:02:23 What in the writing on this show is horrific. Of course we do. That's very easy. Judging by the reaction in the crowd, Studs was pretty popular. It was. She's all nervous. Welcome back.
Starting point is 01:02:39 All right, ladies, before the show, we got these guys rounded up and they gave us some descriptions of you. You tell me who they're talking about, I'll give you a heart. How many hearts you got there, Sherry? One. And how many do you have, Tracy? Two.
Starting point is 01:02:50 Woo, boy, we're going to the heart bankruptcy now. We're giving them something in the way. Sherry, according to these three guys, who's most likely to have a teddy bear collection, you or Tracy? Me. She says Sherry, guys. Sherry.
Starting point is 01:03:02 There you go. Hey. Hey. Hey. Sherry. There you go. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hold me. You get a heart with hair, back hair on it. Girls have teddy bears. You got any stuffed animals at your house? No, just me.
Starting point is 01:03:14 Yeah, just white snake posters on the wall, beer cans. Tracy, who's most likely to sing a man a lullaby? You or Sherry? Probably Sherry. Probably Sherry. Probably Sherry, she says. Guys? Sherry. There you go.
Starting point is 01:03:28 Hey. Hi, Michelle. Probably Sherry. I think Sherry. Sherry is the kind of romantic person that would do that kind of thing. And would that make a big impression on you? Yeah, I guess it would.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Yeah, I like to be sung, too, like a baby. Because my mom still does that to me every Tuesday and Thursday night. I call her up and I say, hey mom, rock my baby. What song would you like to hear? What song would I like to hear? French song. A French, okay, Frère Jacques.
Starting point is 01:03:55 Sherri, who's gonna iron her underpants, you or Tracy? Tracy. Tracy, guys? Tracy's like, huh? Tracy. There you go. Iron, iron, iron. Underpants. Tracy guys she's like, huh Yeah, it's iron underpants because when you're high in cocaine you do a lot of that stuff Well as an oil wrestler, I think those anywhere we get quite a bit airtime
Starting point is 01:04:45 You are I wish they the sound effect like that boying sound effects I could play it under where Tracy You you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you Oh, her, for sure. Probably me. Probably me. Have you ever? Actually, no, I'd guess Sherry. Definitely Sherry before me. Definitely. You're sure? You're sure? All right, she says Sherry, guys. Tracy.
Starting point is 01:04:59 Ah. I missed out on that. She just swayed you. Why, Ty? She's just an outgoing, aggressive type girl, I just think. If she sees what she wants, she's gonna go get it. Uh-huh. Just like I did with my hairstyle.
Starting point is 01:05:16 Sherry. Who's most likely... By the way, who's talking in the background? There's like a bunch of conversation going on in the background. Is there another television show being filmed in the same room? Prepare a man breakfast in bed. You or Tracy?
Starting point is 01:05:26 Me. She says it's her, guys. Sherry. There you go, Sherry. You are great. Very nice. Wine, milk tea. The whole show you're doing, like,
Starting point is 01:05:38 boner innuendos and sexual conversation, and I get the most milk toast questions I've ever heard. Well, if Sherry brought me breakfast in bed, I just would never want to stop eating. Sure? Sure. Did you hear that guy in the background? Tracy, who's most likely to hide a video camera in her bedroom? Me.
Starting point is 01:06:00 Duh. Why? Because I'm a porn star. Because I really think she has one. What's that? Why? Why? Because I'm a porn star. Because I really think she has one. Was that? Because I really believe she has one. I'm going to go all housey now.
Starting point is 01:06:14 Julia? If I did, it wouldn't be a secret anymore and then it'd kind of blow it, wouldn't it? I don't know, would it? I don't know. would it? I don't know. I don't know. God. For high A or VHSC? High A.
Starting point is 01:06:36 Come on back, we're going to find out which one of these ladies is the queen of all chictivays. The queen of what? All chictivays? I don't know. Who cares, honestly. Look at that crowd. Wow, that's a snop shout of 1991 if I've ever seen one. Hi, how are you? Welcome back.
Starting point is 01:06:55 Welcome back to the first in a week-long series on Studs. All week long, it's Wild Women Week. Yeah. What was that? It was a lion noise because the sound effects back then didn't work all that well. It was a lion noise. A lion noise.
Starting point is 01:07:13 Come on strong there. You got four hearts. How many do you have, Tracy? It's a tie. We could give away two fabulous ultimate fantasy dates. Wouldn't that be special? Ultimate fantasy dates. Call it in the air, Cheri.
Starting point is 01:07:24 It's... You're right, so you're gonna start. You tell them who you want to go with. If he picks you, you get to go, and we pay for it automatically. Okay. Well, I didn't pick Michelle, even though it's really tough, all you guys are great.
Starting point is 01:07:36 He's very romantic, but I just, I didn't pick him. Okay. And I didn't pick Ty. Aww! And I didn't pick Ty because he's ugly. I didn't pick Ty even Okay. And I didn't pick Ty. And I didn't pick Ty because he's ugly. I didn't pick Ty even though he's such a gentleman and I had a great, great time with him. But since Miltie gave me the kiss of death, I picked him. Miltie!
Starting point is 01:07:57 Oh, look at Miltie with that long, silky hair. Is his name actually Miltie or Milton? It's Milton. Okay, they're just calling him Miltie. Milton Junior, fourth to third or something. I don't know. What if Miltie picks you, then what? I want to go to Costa Rica.
Starting point is 01:08:13 Costa Rica? You want to go to Costa Rica? What? Oh, okay. Wow, one date and you're already off to Costa Rica? Sounds pretty cool. Toes in the sand, cocktail in the hand, you know. What else could?
Starting point is 01:08:23 You gotta love that. All right, Tracy, you're tied. You could go too. What's it going to be? Well, who in the hand, you know. What else could... You gotta love that. All right, Tracey, you're tied. You could go too. What's it gonna be? Well, who it's not gonna be... Why don't you start there? Well, it's not going to be Melton. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:08:34 No. We had a very good time, but he also ripped my favorite pirate shirt. But wait, I thought you guys ended the date in the morning. Doing the streets. Doing the streets. Doing the streets of San Diego. I mean, what more could you ask for? He also squeezed your breasts together like a roll of Play-Doh. I don't know, something about the cookies.
Starting point is 01:08:59 I would just say that makes you look more like a real pirate, Tracey. Go ahead. And Michelle, I had a wonderful time, but it seemed, I don't know. Oh, Ty. Oh, it's a Ty. Well, no, One Pit Milton. Oh, Ty, yeah. Oh, I thought Ty was certainly gonna be the loser here.
Starting point is 01:09:19 Clicking until later on, but it was almost too later on. Okay, therefore. I'm picking Ty. Ty, all right. Ty is the silent strong type. Look at him. Blame his face. What?
Starting point is 01:09:32 What? What? What? What? What? Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go? Disney World or Back to Tides?
Starting point is 01:09:40 Disney World or Back to Tides? Well, let me tick it. He has the best cocaine. All right. Michelle, neither of the guys that had ladies picked you. And I don't think those guys picked you either, so you're off the hook there. Did you have a good time? I had a good time. I had a great time.
Starting point is 01:09:55 Well, good. Thanks for coming down. Would you show us who you picked there? Sherry. All right. Sherry, you picked Milti. Milti, if you picked Sherry, you could be off on a fabulous trip to Costa Rica.
Starting point is 01:10:07 I mean, you just decide where you want to go? Yeah, I guess that's it. That's what happens. They just pay for you to go somewhere? By the way, I love this show now. Can we? Oh, no. I want an all-expense paid trip to all of Europe.
Starting point is 01:10:19 Yeah, no. Sherry? Oh, yeah. All right. They're going to Costa Rica. Ty, if you pick Tracy, not only are they going to Costa Rica right, they're going to Costa Rica. Ty, if you pick Tracy, not only are they going to Costa Rica, but you're going to... He seems pretty excited. Yeah, he does.
Starting point is 01:10:31 ...go to Disney World or back to your place. What's it going to be? Going home anyway. Oh! Oh! What a shocker. He revealed that he picked neither. He said neither.
Starting point is 01:10:42 Wow. Okay. I think he felt like he probably wouldn't get picked and he didn't want to be what a dumb dumb I didn't see that coming either. I didn't know neither was gonna be a choice All right, maybe we'll do another Wild Woman Week. You never know. That was good, I like that. All right, I didn't know what to expect there,
Starting point is 01:11:11 but I ended up going, why, I should've watched more of this as a child. This is completely mindless television that I would've enjoyed. Oh wow, studs! Now available everywhere Milk tea's jacket is I know well that was the style back then yet your jacket went below your butt Now you're yeah now your pants don't even go all the way down to your socks, that's the style I mean, but it'll come back everything always does it'll It'll come back guys will be wearing, you know jackets down to their knees again
Starting point is 01:11:48 like some ska band That was fun, I like that I'm glad we made that switch last minute because we would not have understood anything and that I'll find I'll get back to Celia black I'll find an episode where we can actually hear it. The thing is, is that if you can't understand it by just listening, then it defeats the purpose of doing a podcast. Boo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-yoo-y All right, just a quick reminder that on May 31st, Chrissy and I will be doing, Chrissy and I will be recording and publishing 12 episodes of The Commercial Break and what we're calling the 12 Hours of TCB, celebrating five years of The Commercial Break as a podcast
Starting point is 01:12:37 and Mental Health Awareness Month for May. So tune in, mark your calendars. Looks like we're going to be doing a live recording that that day also we'll broadcast it on Twitch and possibly YouTube also April 16 17 and 18 I would like you to call into the commercial break while we are recording we will answer the phone call you will get to choose what you talk about anything everything whatever we'll stay on the phone as long as we can digest your conversation as long as we. We'll stay on the phone as long as we can digest your conversation.
Starting point is 01:13:07 As long as we like you, we'll stay on the phone. It's a little bit, I'm calling, call TCB. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Bliyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuyuy 3 8 2 2 2 1 2 4 3 3 3 TCB questions comments concerns content ideas at the commercial break on Instagram and youtube.com slash commercial break for all the episodes the same day they air here on the audio okay Chrissy that's all I can do for now I think so but I'll tell you that I love you I love best to you and best to you out there on the podcast audience until next time Chrissy and I will, we do say and we must say.
Starting point is 01:13:46 Good. Wow. I get ass. Let's get it! Let's get it!

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