The Commercial Break - My Two Left Foot Foot

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

Bryan and Hoadley discuss the strange porn choices of the American public, Richard Simmons whereabouts, Colton Underwood coming out, Haley Hasseloff playboy cover and the odd phenomenon of "Outsider Music". Its a magical episode that will have you tapping your foot foot... LINKS: Watch this episode on Youtube New Episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays everywhere! Text or leave us a message: +1 (661).237.8296 | 661-BEST-2-YO FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak @bryangcomedy @tcbkrissy Twitter: tcbbryan Facebook: The Commercial Break Podcast YouTube: Youtube.com/TheCommercialBreak Email: [e-mail] #1 Improv Comedy Charts Apple (2022) A Chartable Top 20 Comedy Podcast (2022) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast Worldwide! (Chartable Jan, Feb, Apr 2021 & Jan, May, Aug 2022) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast U.S.(Chartable Jan, Feb, Apr, June 2021 & Jan, May, Aug, Sept 2022) An Apple Top 30 Comedy Podcast (2021 & 2022) Top .5% Downloaded Podcasts, Worldwide (ListenNotes) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Jim Myers with WSHIT Sports and what a day it has been. As my father used to say, it shines on a squirrel's ass every once in a blue moon. What that meant? I have no earthly. But here's the situation. Our very own coach Dundin has been awarded Coach of the Year by the county. That's right, Krab Apples Elementary Schools, very own football coach Jim Dundin.

After his unfortunate incident with the law, he is back and on the men. Now, we go live, down to the field, or coach Dundin will accept this prestigious award on behalf of the entirety of the coaching staff. I am excited. I don't have to come back to the team. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Right, it was the boat and the boat there! There is nothing in life like the budding relationship between coach and player. I could not be more red right now.

We'll be back after this. Come our show break. On this episode of the commercial break. Like they have on the front. It's just a habit that they put, you know, how many calories, how much sugar, and how many carbohydrates so that you can quickly figure out just how awful breakfast cereal is for you because it's awful for you. It's like one of the worst foods you could ever have. It's very sugary. And then we feed it to our children

as if it's a ritual. This cereal is so bad. They don't even, they don't even bother putting the shit on the front. You have to go on the back and then a little tiny letters. It's like 72 grams of sugar, 176% of your daily, and then don't even get me started if you had cream to it. I loved bread. But how many people he helped in his time? He helped a lot of people. 76% of your daily right and then don't even get me started if you had cream to

But how many people he helped in his time a lot of people he was dancing to the eight What do they call rock into the 80s? Bob into the boobies? Come on Sheeek your ba-deeek! Right at that, that at that! Give him no training and having not listened to much music whatsoever, they're coming up with their own music inside their own head. My cat's name is Footfoot, sounds awesome, right? This is gonna be a huge hit everywhere! Try it!

My dick's name is Dick Dick! It likes to slip and slide! My dick's name is Dick Dick. Come on and take a ride. My ball's name is lefty. He has a friend named ride. My dick's name is footfoot. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Hey Billy, your father told me that you're going to prom this Saturday. If it's right, stepmom, I am going to prom this Saturday. Well, I want to tell you about a few things you need to know what happens after prom.

What happens after prom? I don't know, pull out your big red head and I'm going to show you. Oh, you're my stepmom. Yes, Billy! Better you learn it from me than those little hars you've been running around with at your Catholic high school. Speaking of which, there's seven coming in the room right now. Oh, what do I do? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, penis in here. We do have some advertisers for that. From the world of Disney, comes

Bambi, a movie about, oh, stepmoms and step, you know the number one porn related search on PornHub has to do with family, has to do, it's incest porn. It's like, well, not incest necessarily. It's like stepmom type bullshit, right, but close enough. Yeah, who are these people? I mean, there's a lot of them. I mean, you know, it's not like it's, you know, some outlier. It's a bunch of fucking people that want to see A stepson get plowed by the stepmom. Yeah, that's I have I personally have no interest in that it seems kind of creepy to me Yeah, maybe yeah, I mean I'm gonna go there. I'm gonna go there. It's just not for me. I'm Brian, this is Chrissy Ant Happy New Year.

In case you're wondering why we say Happy New Year. It's been a while since I explained this. Chrissy and I, when it was actually coming up on the New Year, we were wondering just how long you say Happy New Year into the New Year. There's some people who do it all through January. I've even known a couple of people in February. Happy New Year, man.

It's been a long time since I saw it. Yeah, dude, we're fucking 90 days into this fucking hell called 2021. Thanks for saying Happy New Year, but that's why we say Happy New Year, because we're trying to see how long we can get away with it. And I bet we can get away with it longer than you can. Yes.

That's all I got to say. Well, I just like the fact that there's a new, it's like a new beginning. Yes. Every time. Yes. The new fresh start. It's a fresh episode. It makes those resolutions and break them. Every week.

Every week. I'm still waiting to get on that diet. I promise myself. I'm changing. It's so hard. I know. It's so hard in the pandemic to like actually lose weight. I feel like the COVID-19 is a real thing.

It is. And I put it on and I can't get rid of it. I know it's hard. Because I'm in these horrible eating habits now. It's like late at night. Ah, what the fuck are all gonna die tomorrow? I might as well have another ice cream bar. Serial with cream? No problem. Double up on that one. Serial with cream. That's my thing. Serial with fucking cream. With coffee cream. Yeah, like half and half really thick sweet milk. Yeah, and it is rich. I could go a lot of different ways on that. Currently, I'm on golden golden puffs honey puffs. It's golden snaps. What is that? Snaps. What is the one with the frog on the front? It's like puffed wheat. I don't know, ginger snaps, honey snaps. I don't know what it is.

Yeah, the frog, you know. You know, most cereals have the indication of how much, like they have on the front. It's just a habit that they put, you know, how many calories, how much sugar, and how many carbohydrates, so that you can quickly figure out just how awful Breakfast cereal is for you because it's awful for you It's like one of the worst foods you could ever have you know and then we feed it to our children as if it's you know as if it's a ritual This cereal is so bad. They don't even They don't even bother putting the shit on the front you have to go on the back and then a little tiny letters It's like 72 grams of sugar

176% of your daily rate. And then don't even get me started if you had cream to it. Oh, right. So I feel like if I cut out just a few of the extra dramatic things that I'm doing, I could really lose a lot of weight very quickly. But fuck it. But why would you want to?

Yeah, I would. I'm going to meetings. Don't care. I'm not going to meetings. I barely go out. Play pleasure. You know, little pleasures. Yeah, little tiny little pleasures that that we all need. TCBpodcast.com is where you go to our brand new TCB podcast.com. Thanks to my lovely and beautiful wife, Astrid, who does all of our social media,

all of our website stuff. She's just really a trooper and then she deals with me after hours. It's like podcast 24 seven. I'm sure we're, you know sure we're going on a little staycation and I'm sure she's already told me, no phone calls, no clubhouse, no editing, no listening, no worrying, no, nothing, nothing. You have to check out.

Yeah, check out, you have to check out. You gotta put the phone away and you gotta check out. And I think it's well deserved. So tcbpodcast.com is where you go. You can find out more about Chrissy and I. Read all the show notes and get access to our entire library for free video and audio. We are available on YouTube slash the commercial break.

Go ahead and subscribe there if you'd like to see what Chrissy and I look like. If you want to see what Chrissy looks like, go ahead and subscribe slash the commercial break. You know where to find it, 470-584-8449 is where you can text us or leave us a message. We are getting quite a bit of communication moving back and through.

Yeah, absolutely. We've had a number of people that have asked for clubhouse invites. We've had a number of people comments on the show last week. We had Oscar Aiden on and that was a big hit with everybody and they said, they being the people who are a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous,

a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanim, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanimous, a unanim Anonymously, unanimously. Anonymously, yeah. I have been talking so much over the last five days. I don't even know where my head is at. Anonymously. I mean, it's not a real phone number. It's a phone number that, you know, the text messages come to my phone

and suit it to the voicemails. It's one, it's specifically for the type of purposes. So when people text me, I rely on them telling me what their name is in order to get it, but most people don't tell me what their name is. I think they assume that for some reason they're in my phone, they're not. Yeah. It's a caller ID.

Yeah, so I mean, you can see the number, but I can't see who it is. So people responded when we asked the question, should we go longer if the interview is pop it? Yes. I mean, if things are going well and we're all getting along, 30 minutes, 20, 30 minutes is nothing. Think about that. Think about sitting down at a bar and having your conversation for 20 minutes and then wrapping it up. I mean, you do that on the bank.

Frankie B. But Frankie's, but Frankie's someone's fourth choice for the date. He didn't even, he just showed up and sat down next to somebody. Hey, I'm Frankie B. Okay. I'm your blind date. I don't think I had a, I don't, I'm not your first choice, but I'm a choice. Make out content. Make out content with me. Look at my body. Look at my body.

I just took a little trip to Mexico. We were talking about this before this. So Frankie. Woo! He just took a little trip to Mexico. He did. He was talking about this before he was. So Frankie, woo! I'm gonna show you out of vacation single over 50. He put a brand new video out yesterday. Now I feel like he's talking to me, right? We're best friends now.

And so he's on the top of a water slide in Mexico and he's got the camera and he's like, hey everybody, he goes in his 15 minute diatribe a by you should like and subscribe and if you're over 50 and all this other bullshit and he's going with the selfie stick around like this and when he swings around you can see the clearly there's like a line of people and they're all like yeah me go chop chop and meanwhile Frankie's like just going off standing on the top of the water slide waiting to get waiting to go he's just clogging up We saw him out one night too. He was out there like a couple of girls. Oh, yeah

He's like you're not recording this are you I'm live streaming to all 776 of my subscribers, 400 of which came from the commercial break. Right, I think we helped. I'm sure we have. All in good fun, Frankie. All in good fun. So at the commercial break on Instagram,

we're over 500 Chrissy, I'm proud to say. Yeah, it's crazy. We have a fair amount of listeners and now a very small portion of them are on our commercial break. But if you would, please, at the commercial break on Instagram, that's where you can find content.

You can't find anywhere else. At Brian Green at TCB Chrissy on Clubhouse, the commercial break clubhouse club, we will be going live inside a clubhouse probably weekly. I would imagine for something we call the commercial lunch break. And so that will happen either Mondays and or Tuesdays and or Wednesdays when we're recording here in the studio We're gonna go live for you know 32 fun

We're gonna play some games play some games have some fun. It's gonna be a kind of a poppy little timely topical if you want to interact with us We'll release these his bonus episodes if you want to interact with us get on the podcast have some fun You know cuss us out do your hate do your hate speech right there in front of us fun, you know, cuss us out, do your hate speech right there in front of us. We got to mute, but. But, but I think that could be fun. Like if someone really hates us and they come up, that could be fun. So if you really dislike the show, ask me for a, for an invite and I'll get you in there. Anyway, that's, that's what, that's all I got.

I mean, I could go on forever about all of our things, but those are our things. Anybody know where Richard Simmons went? No, but there was a big, there was a show, maybe it was a podcast I think. Oh yeah, yeah. Where is Richard Simmons? Yeah, they were trying to find him. Looking for, searching for Richard Simmons. Yeah, and they found him. I listened to it. They found him, but he just was like, get away. I don't want to be found.

Did they find him? Maybe I didn't make it to the last episode. Yeah. Because they were like 20-minute little episodes, right? Yeah. And it was really good. It was very interesting. But now that's been like three years since that podcast came out. So now I'm wondering, is anybody ever caught up with Richard Simmons?

Is he alive? Is his maid holding him to hostage? Is he transitioning into a woman which was some of the things that I heard? I mean, that's, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that's what I've heard people say. Is that he's transitioning to? Yeah, and listen, if he's transitioning,

then he has all the right in the world. He has all the right in the world anyway, to keep his private life private. He has nothing to do with me. I don't give a shit. I just was wondering because I always thought he was such an entertaining character. Yeah, and he was all over the place,

with all his videos and mark out. All over the place is like, it's like, what did Oscar call it? GDHD, I mean, I don't know the Richard is gay. I don't think he's ever come out and said that. But one could probably make the, could jump to the conclusion. Yeah, it's not a bridge too far to believe. It's possible that Richard Simmons may be gay, right?

And, but he was like all over the place. But how many people he helped in his time? He helped a lot of people. A lot of people. He was dancing to the eight. What do they call rocking to the eighties, bopping to the boobies or whatever? Swetting to the eight what they call rocking to the 80s Bob into the boobies or whatever yeah rock it to the oh sweat into the old Come on everybody go get those pounds off right now

Shake your baby Right that that that that that that yeah he was like one of those guys. Yeah. Oh my darling. Hello my baby I love my right time girl. He was like a ragtime singer, but he never sang or maybe he did sing But listen, I want to know where Richard Simmons is. I would love, I mean, this is never in the history of ever going to happen. I mean, we have trouble getting our own friends to come on the podcast.

But I'm putting a call out there. If any, because this is the way these things happen, if anybody happens to know anybody who happens to know somebody in the inner circle of Richard Simmons, I would like to have that discussion. And I don't know why I was thinking about this last night, but I was thinking about it. And I feel like if Richard's gonna have a coming out party,

it should be right here on the commercial break, where you think? Absolutely. Absolutely. With those, what are the parachute shorts that he had with the? Yeah, they're really short. Yeah, it looks like a circus tent, but really tight circus tent.

You know, Richard speaking of GDHD, we must talk about Colton Underwood. Yes. Okay, next, Colton Underwood. Yes. Came out as gay. He was the bachelor in like 2018. What's he, what's he the bachelor in 2018?

Yeah, and he became like the virgin bachelor. He became the virgin bachelor. Right, because he had not. Oh no. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold sky. Oh, I think it might have fallen from the fan. Oh my God.

Hopefully, that's like gonna crash down on us. Well, we'll see in a few minutes here. It's just like dropped right in my left. It's just dropped right in my left. What a janky student. We have got to get out of this studio. Between my son yelling and screaming because he can't be in here with us.

I mean, my son throws an absolute shit fit. Every time that Chrissy and I go in this studio, he thinks that this is Disney World and we're not letting him cut and letting him in. Right, it's what you want, what you can't. Yeah, you want what you can't have, but it's really dangerous. Today, my daughter pulled the microphone,

she was on the floor and pulled the microphone right, it's a huge heavy stand, it weighs about 25 pounds. She pulled it right off the table and the microphone just exploded, it just like, everywhere. And here I am trying to cobble it back to, maybe this is- It's probably a screw from that.

Let's hope so, because it's a fan. Just listen, if I scream, just duck, okay? Okay. Colton Underwood was, you have to tell me more about this because I honestly don't know about Colton Underwood. I can watch this season, but I've read a lot since it's come out, since he came out. Okay, so tell me.

I came out on Good Morning America. Well, he was, yeah, apparently suppressing his feelings for men. Yeah. And I guess from what I can deduce, he was trying to make himself be like women. So that's why he did the bachelor. And he had a pretty public breakup with the girl

who he ended up with, and he... Well, he actually had a restraining order put against him. Cassie Randolph, is that her name Cassie Randolph? I can't remember. Yeah, they had a, he was so, he was stalking her and she got you have to This is the girl he picked I wonder why maybe he was just like having a breakdown and felt like or maybe she found out about his secret

And he was like, please, please, please don't tell anybody. She's like I'm not gonna tell anybody just chill out Dude like stop can text me call me now. We don't know any of this is all right. I don't please don't tell anybody. She's like, I'm not gonna tell anybody, just chill out dude, like stop, like in texting me, call me now. We don't know any of this is solved, I don't, I don't know fucking think about Colton under what. What I do know is I think it takes amazing hootspaw to be know your gay and go on the bachelor to then find your wife.

Yeah. But what I, what doesn't surprise me, what doesn't surprise me but makes me, I guess a little bit for learn, is that in 2021, 2020, 2019, whatever the season is, that there are people that still feel this way about themselves and then are afraid to speak their truth. Like, what a fucking nightmare.

This is when I hate when people are like, these fucking right wing jackass ass clown born again Christians or whatever they are. The right wing, you know, Christian class, extreme Christian class. When they say that homosexuality is a sin, it's a choice. You try to do this conversion therapy. Yeah, let me ask you a fucking question. There's nothing wrong with being gay.

And there are many, many, many gay people that I know that are just happy being themselves But for one fucking minute Do you think that someone would choose to go through that process if they had a fucking choice and I'm not saying a choice Whether or not to be gay or not. I'm saying the choice to go through the drama that's still persists when it comes to coming out Yeah, right now poor Colton put himself right in the goddamn spotlight the drama that's still persists when it comes to coming out. Right? Now, poor Colton put himself right into God damn spotlight. I mean, come on. I don't think we're in America.

Yeah, you know, he came out in good morning, America. It made me think is that they need a gay bachelor. They need to do this. Why aren't they doing this? I don't understand. I don't understand. I just had the first black one, which is crazy to think of, too. America, who we need a gay, we need a gay season.

And I feel, you know, we should, there are people that I think we should bring on the show that can have better conversation about this than we can. But it's like crazy to me that you would go through such extreme lengths to prove to the people in your life that you are not gay, that you would go on the bachelor in front of 35 million people

and pretend to be straight for a long period of time. And then even get into a relationship with a woman, all because you just wanna avoid confronting the reality because you know that the consequences are going to be so painful. It's fucked up. They need a gay bachelor, amen. Who wouldn't watch this?

Who wouldn't watch this? Who wouldn't watch this? I would go back to watching the bachelor. That's right. Isn't it an A.B.? At this point, it's a tired or a killer to me. Oh my God. It's the same thing over and over again. And it's scripted.

It's all fucking scripted. I mean, if you're going to script it, get those gaze in there. Let them do just like a fresh episode where there's no script. I mean, you can be by. What about a by person? And then you just don't know if they're going to choose women or men. What about we don't know Bachelor? Yeah, what about the Batch?

We just call it the Batch. We're putting a batch of people together. Yeah. And we're going to figure it out by the end. Yeah. I mean, that's the most interesting thing I can think of, ABC. Get with it. Now, I don't know your own by, and you just recognize that people might actually

have two's in their life. But you hear about this? Disney World, and many years, has had this ridiculous cumbersome, you know, asinine dress code for the employees of Walt Disney World and Disney Land. And it included a certain type of haircut, a certain type of facial hair. You couldn't have any visible tattoos. But literally- Is this just anybody that worked at the park

or the people that were dressing up as the characters? It's anybody that works at the park. Anybody that works at the park, and then I think anybody that works in like their theme park division, right? Right. So that could be food and beverage. I mean, think of the amount of human beings

that never got to qualify human beings, never got a job at fucking Walt Disney World and there's 72 restaurants, which by the way, I am a huge fan of Walt Disney World. But this part drives me fucking nuts. Now A plus to Disney World, that they have been offering partner benefits for gay couples, long senses, it was something trendy to do, right?

So that's good, plus, right? Minus, plus, minus, you can't even acknowledge, you have a fucking tattoo, you can't even acknowledge you have a fucking tattoo. You can't imagine how many bartenders, waitresses, waiters that never got a job at Disney World because they had a tattoo that might show a little bit out of their sleeve. This fucking ridiculous.

Now I can understand you don't want the guy with the face tattoo, greeting somebody at the, you know, toy story, right? I get that. Yeah. I get it. You don't want the, you know, neo Nazi clansmen with get that. Yeah. I get it. You don't want to, you know, neo Nazi clansman with the KKK across the front of his head,

meeting kids and fight in the Star Wars. That makes sense. Yeah. What doesn't make sense is when you got a fucking unicorn on a goddamn arm and you can't, you know, I don't know, pick up trashes. What if they were the actual Disney tattoo? Even the little mermaid.

Yeah. Can you imagine a little mermaid, but what if her titties were showing? Yeah. You know, they, I don't know. I don't know. There's a lot of-

I have a shell. I went, this is a funny story actually. I was in Disney World one time and you know, they have the, the, the live version of the little mermaid. The live, yes. And that little mermaid was the same girl for many, many, many years.

And but I'm sure that they rotate them out, for shifts and stuff like that. But one of them became famous because she was so good at singing and dancing or whatever. And they had the little like shelly costume. And I was pretty sure that shelly was moving in the wrong direction. I don't know, I don't know that it was,

there wasn't an episode. It was just, it was a lot. She was very volumptuous. First and attached to it. It most definitely does. And then think of all like the little shit that they put in their cartoons and everything. You know, like in the 50s, 60s and 70s, the animators used to have fun with it. Yeah. You know, they make a little like a little seven little doors with a boner. Right. Right. You'll be walking out. I hope. I hope. My dick is hard to go. Get down in your knees and blow.

I hope. But I think they had to put a stop to that because people were getting on to it. Lion King, when did the smoke blows and it said sex. Speaking of volumptuous titties. Uh, well, segue. I'm not a cow. No, you're not, sir. Uh,

David Hasselhoff's daughter. Oh, yeah. David Hasselhoff's daughter, Haley Hasselhoff, has become the very first plus size playboy model. It's not sick. And I think an idea whose time has come. Oh, yeah. Now, my personal preferences are my personal preferences, right?

And I have dated them all across the range. I have dated a girl who only ate salsa for a living. And for a living. For a living. And then, you know, I've dated what I would consider plus size women, right? I never really gave a second thought about it. I just figured if I'm attracted, do you have attracted to you? That's right. And that's women, right? I never really gave second thought about it. I just figured if I'm attracted to you,

I'm attracted to you. That's right. And that's it, right? That's right. But Playboy has been one of these places where it's been upholding ridiculous standards for women, you know, for many generations. Now, I understand there was a different time in place

when that was the thing and, you know, people acted like that and whatever. And Hugh Heffner was, I mean, I have a hard time like getting a read on what Hugh Hefner's, how people feel about Hugh Hefner, was he just like the world's ultimate male showvinist or was he in some way leading a sexual revolution that has now allowed us all to feel a little bit more comfortable with our sexuality?

I think both. I think both, yeah, I think you can be both. But now, Haley Hasselhoff, now mind you, she's not in the American version of Playboy, because Playboy doesn't, I don't think they actually put out a print magazine in there, it's all online. But in the European version, she is now in the Playboy. She's the centerfold.

She's the centerfold. She's on the cover. She's an attractive woman. This girl's a smoke show. This girl is a smoke show. Now David Hasselhoff is a shit show. But Haley Hasselhoff is a smoke show. This girl is a smoke show. Now, David Hasselhoff is a shit show, but Haley Hasselhoff is a smoke show. Nice.

And I think it's like it out. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's like it says, it's an idea whose time has come. Who cares, how many pounds you are? You know, I can understand if you're 700 pounds, you're probably not getting on. Could be like a Hulk hazard. Yeah, but there's a different show for that.

It's called My 600 pound life. And Dr. Nuzard can help you. I just love this show. I don't know why. But Hayley Hasselhoff is nowhere close to like, you know, this kind of, that's a clear health problem, right? That's like, you need help. And I feel sorry for those people too. She's just probably what? Not a size two.

So that makes sense. No, she definitely not. Yeah, I know. Plus lies. I know. So ridiculous. Yeah. What is considered plus size? Is it plus five? I don't know. I think I mean, I don't know for sure, what is considered plus size? Is it plus five? I don't know, I think, I mean, I don't know for sure.

Is it really plus two? No. Okay. There's a size two, and then it goes two, four, six, except from there. So I think once you get into like maybe the teens that's getting plus, I don't know. I'm a 34.

Okay, well, I need to call the doctor. I don't even know that, but it's not the same for men and women, right? Like the size chart, like it's not like you would be, like I would be a 34 in your version. Anyway, listen, Haley Hasselhoff, congratulations. I say congratulations. What a pretty girl. And, you know, amen. They need more. There are a couple of plus sides like models out there, you know, model models that I find super attractive. I think they're super attractive. I'm into it. I mean, I have a beautiful wife. Who I love in the door, but every once in a while, my I a wanders. It just goes a little bit off to the right.

Guess who? I guess who? It's me. I would say you're not discriminatory, Brian. No. You like all the women. I do like all the women. I'm a guy who likes all the women. Yes.

I'm a guy who has always had way more female friends than I've ever had male friends. I'm a guy who gets into the, like, I don't know, there's something about the feminine energy that I enjoy very much. And in some of it has to do with sexuality, but a lot of it doesn't have to do with sexuality. It's just, I think it's fun. I think women are fun. I think they got a good sense of humor.

I don't know, I enjoy the company of women. Not that I don't enjoy the company of men, but you know, I've always had- That's so funny. It's probably where we're such best friends too, because I've always had a guy friend. Yeah, so there you go. Yeah. And, and just so you know, if've always had. That's so funny. It's probably why we're such best friends too, because I've always had a lighted guy friends. Yeah, so there you go. Yeah.

And, and just so you know, if you want to answer the age old question, can a guy and girl be friends without being so stiffy together? Yes, here we are. Right here, going on 20 years. I mean, our however long it's been 15 or whatever, it's been a long time. Yes.

And we're proof. We're living proof. We really are. Now, there are many commenters on the internet who don't believe it. Your wife is hot. My wife. Did you watch the show? Or are you just looking at? Did you turn off the volume? Did you just edit it to have Chrissy's head? Creep ball. People are creepy. They think you're a smoke show. Yeah. They think you're a smoke show. I'm just a balding blow

Hey, Lee Hasselma, what do you think it's like to grow up with? With David has a let's be clear when I was young night writer was one of my favorite show. Absolutely. I loved David Hasselha Michael Knight was his name and there was Kit the car which I thought was so cool Get to the car. So I actually go to the car Michael. I loved that. Why did Kit have a British accent? That's that I never understood and why did Kit have the exact same voice as the guy from Magnum P. That that was always my question Do you know what I'm saying because it was the guy from Magnum P.I. like the butler from Magnum P.I.

Get to the call, I'm like, I love it, he could tell. What do you talk into his watch? Yeah, he would tell it, Kit, come get me. Kit. And Kit would drive. And Kit would drive and like, you know,

back someone into a corner, like he went back on the floor, like, why would you ever be scared of a car? I mean, it's just ridiculous thought. Like, what, I just move over to the left or hide behind the wall, walk into Kroger. I don't know. Like it's the most ridiculous premise for a show

and it was so great. Yeah, it was really great. I think because it did a good job of targeting adults and children. Like the car was cool for us, right? And Michael Knight stood tall with his curly hair and his leather. I mean, I'm surprised he didn't slide right out of those seats.

I would slide into it. Yeah, that's right. Did it have tea tops? It did have tea tops. That's right. Yeah, he would take them off on occasion at the beginning of the episode when he'd drive up. But he'd say ridiculous stuff. I need you to run a bat body scan and find out if this person is related to, you know, President Reagan. And like the like the old 80s, bad imagery. It was just like, it was a horrible, horrible show. How would it be so good? No, it was good. But what I'm saying is it was, it was, it was not based

in any reality whatsoever, right? Michael, I just ran a scan and he has $10,000 left in his account, as well as a nice wallet in the back of the end. You'll be like, wow, kid's amazing. I just scanned that mountain over there and found that there are two mountain cats on the opposite side. Thanks, kid. I'm on my way.

I want it. I'll warn the town. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- A helicopter would come out of the back of the trunk of you like doodoo doodoo Dan a helipad back there the whole time and then things got more ridiculous as time went on It's like the A team or McIver ready that shit, but I fucking loved it. Oh, yeah And then David Hasselhoff follows up the night rider, which is incredibly successful with fucking Baywatch Which is even more successful an international sensation of titties and bad acting and, you know, hunky men and bouncing balls, splashing and, yeah, you know, one bounce away from a nipple popping out. We're all waiting for it and never happened.

We're all waiting for Pam and I just popped right out of that top and never happened. I, you know, hey, listen. It probably did happen, but they didn't air it. Oh, of course it did. You know that there was, it nipples galore on that set. And they all said that David Hasselhoff, I mean, you know, David Hasselhoff,

now David Hasselhoff is in a series of television shows that all poke fun at David Hasselhoff. Because obviously he's had this ridiculous career. He was a Knight Rider Ridiculous Show, Baywatch Ridiculous Show, but both were incredibly successful. And in between, he had a music career that didn't... It was huge in Germany.

And huge in Germany. When the wall came down, he was singing on top of it. And the people were going crazy. I have that. Hold on one second. I've had that in here for a while. It meant to play it. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Are you ready? Yes. Oh, wait. I'm sorry. It's so funny because I didn't even know he had this musical career until... Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu Tuchu I was falling in just a minute ago. It's like a pink Floyd of our generation. Guys, for the first time in commercial break history, I have been hit with a copyright claim. Now, this happened on my YouTube channel

before I even published this. So I have been playing or I played David Hasselhoff's song and instantaneously his channel, I guess, or his lawyers or however that works, made a claim on my video. So I do not want to play. I don't think I can't. I do not want to play this because I don't need Hasselhoff suing me for $0.15 on the dollar. So, know that the song goes like this I've been looking for freedom I've been looking for freedom It came about 20 years ago or some bullshit like that I don't know, but you get the gist of it You can look it up on YouTube if you want to listen to it and play along here But listen to Chrissy and I comment on it

It's a lot of concert Like waiting an entire three hours for this one song to come on. Ah! One morning in June, twenty years ago, I was born a rich man's son. I had everything I could ever want, but sincerity I had none. Is he just a singer or does he play like the keyboard? Oh, I got it. I think he's in a couple I think there's a couple of videos

with him and the electric keyboard. He had that song too. I can't play these because it's copyright laws. I can play this because this was like on the television, you know, it was broadcast to the world on it. But I can't, the thing about playing music on the show is you can really get in a whole lot of shit with a trouble for that.

Not trouble, you get sued by ASCAP who just has a tight reign on music licensing and I'm sure David Hasselhoff is no different. Like I don't think David Hasselhoff is gonna cut Brian any fake right? Probably not. So but he has this other song, you know, Get in My Car. I don't even remember that one from,

from probably back in the early 2000s. You know, he had this song called Get In My Car, which is just equally as ridiculous. No one took him seriously. Because no one ever took him seriously on television either. He was just kind of this guy, this good-looking guy who couldn't act all that well.

However, Hasselhoff has turned it around with a series of series on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, and Prank Yes. And they all make fun of, they're poking fun at David, but he's in on the joke. Like, clearly he goes along with it, right? He kind of plays like this lug nut, he plays himself in one, where he's trying to get back into acting, and he does a brilliant television show, and he does so fucking funny, and I gotta give props to David,

he's just kind of takes it. He's like, well, if I'm gonna be a joke, I might as well be a joke, right? I might as well be in on the joke. He was all over the internet years ago too, for eating the drunk and the hamburger. Oh my God, that was a mess. I think that was Hayley, who...

I think that was Hayley. That was Hayley, who was actually filming him. Yeah. There is this type of music out there, this called Outside or Music. Have you heard of Outside or Music? I have not. So Outside or Music is a term that was coined

by some writer somewhere recently, right? Let's say in the last 15 years, I think you wrote a book about it. And it refers to people who have very little to know musical training and or they write music that is so indescribable and indescribably bad, usually, right? It's like bad, but it's not the intention. The intention is not to make it bad.

The intention is not to be satirical. The intention is serious to them. To them it is serious and they take it very seriously and they believe that they have this talent. Is that like Kim Zolciag from the real house or something like that? I think that she doesn't qualify and maybe David is like I'm trying to put David in that box too but maybe he doesn't because he's so famous that like he must get feedback clearly that you suck or have the tools and resources

to get trained to at least be passable as a musician. But most of these people have no classical training whatsoever. So let me give you an example. One of the examples is the Shags who have like many famous musicians have said the Shags are one of the bands that made me like music right. The shags were a group of teenage girls who were all sisters whose father believed that they would be the next like you know, Ronettes or something like that right wall of sound Phil Spector blah blah blah. However, he he decided to skip over the part where they actually get musically trained go out there on the road and decide to write their own songs with any bit of talent whatsoever. They just, that just wasn't it.

What's straight with the studio? So they went straight to the studio. He paid an immense amount of money. I think he like mortgage the home and shit like that and put him in the studio with zero. Oh, Lord. Train. But they, because they had no outside experiences in music and they're so young, they came up with their own style of music. That was sincere to them because they had no litmus tests.

There was no true North. This is what they come up with. This is the Shaq. This is called foot foot. Foot foot. Foot foot. Very famous song, by the way. You've probably never heard of it.

It's the most famous song you've never heard of it. Yeah, I'm getting this right into the meat potatoes of this song, by the way. And this is a foot foot song. I do not own it, just to let you know. My God, I hope we don't get sued. Here we go. Here we go again with another copyright claim.

I told you that this music is crazy. This ass cap is nuts and they will send their attorneys after me. So I don't even want to get started. I don't want the commercial break to shut down before we even, before we even really get, you know, go to what we're doing if that ever happens. But know that the song by the Shags goes like this.

My cat's name is foot foot, blah blah blah blah blah. My cat's name is foot foot. Meanwhile, there are guitars, drums, bass, and horns playing in the background that make no musical sense, whatever. The thing, my cat's name is foot foot. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. 11 foot foot. My cat's name is foot foot.

It's just unbelievably weird. It would be accidentally on your computer play. Oh, yeah, yeah. A video plays over someone you already play. Yes. Yeah. It's just unbelievably. My cat's name is foot.

My cat's name is foot. My cat's name is foot foot. Right? And they have no My cat's name is foot, my cat's name is foot, foot, foot. And they have no musical training. So it sounds like two songs because they're playing two songs. No, I think it's easy to make fun of and dismiss this. And I agree, it's really bad. To my ears, it's really bad. But you have to appreciate the fact

that given no training and having not listened to match music whatsoever, they're coming up with their own music inside their own head. My cat's name is Footfoot, sounds awesome, right? This is gonna be a huge hit everywhere. Try it. Ha ha ha ha. My dick's name is Dick Dick.

Ha ha ha. It likes to slip and slide. My dick's name is Dick Dick. Come on and take a ride. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. My ball's name is Lefty. Dictac, come on and take a ride. My balls name is lefty. He has a friend named ride. My dick's name is foot foot.

Sweet, we're already in the studio, Brian. Let's play it now. Let's play down for tracks. I think it's the funniest thing in the world. So I spend an hour in the studio last week making this song up for the bit. You can go back and listen to it. I spent an hour in the studio, the kids were asleep.

Asteroids texting me literally, like what the fuck are you doing in there? Is there a concert going on in there? Why are you singing like that, right? And I'm like, you just came to me, like this really funny song. And so Chrissy and Tina and I, we had this production WhatsApp and we're texting in there. And I'm like, you know, I'm referring to the song. I'm like, and I take my plane and Tina and I, we had this production, what's happened, we're texting in there,

and I'm like, you know, I'm referring to the song. I'm like, and I take my plane and fly my horse, which was aligned from the song, and they were all like, huh, I guess I missed that part. And I'm like, it sounds like homes in one part. Oh, it sounds like homes, it's horse. I should've said prostitutes. I should've said hooker.

I should've said hooker. But anyway, so I've been all this time on it. I feel like, no, maybe that's outside of music. They're like, oh, great, Brian. No, your song was really good. It was. Thank you. It was a sound of way better than football.

Foot foot is not good. Here's one that actually has a rhythm and a beat. This is Harvey said phrase, Fisher. He sings all about astrological signs. Now, this actually has like a melody to it, right? But what's so original is he's singing about all, he all he does is sing about astrological signs. I mean, that's almost sounds like music to me, right? But he's considered outside our music because of how odd the lyrics are and what a strange subject matter. He's talking about, I mean, just like, just weird.

I see you two little fish. So I'm going around my door. You can have as I'm wishing. So I'm sense, there are so many fucking songs out there. We could, okay, you want to do misheard lyrics? Misheard lyrics. Okay, this is what we're going to do. It's, uh, we're recording this on Monday. So you're probably not going to get an opportunity to jump in on this. But this is what we're going to be doing every Monday and or Tuesday and or Wednesday.

We're going to be doing the commercial lunch break. We'll do 30 minutes to an hour inside of Clubhouse. We'll record it. We'll send it out as a bonus episode. We're gonna do our first one today. That's Monday, April, what is it? April, whatever it is. Oh, 19th.

It's April 19th. We're gonna be doing this and we'll probably put this out on the 21st. But if you would like to be a part of this whole situation, we really welcome you to come to Clubhouse with us and joining the fun. So here's how you do that. You do it one of two ways.

You can send us an email at... The commercial break. Info at thecomersalbreak.com. It's like, I'm sorry. Info at tcbpodcast.com. Excuse me. At the commercial break on Instagram, you can DM us, ask us for an invite.

I've got plenty. I'll send one to you, 470-584 584 8449 you can send us a text message I'll send an invite to clubhouse with you if you're already inside a clubhouse follow Chrissy your eye at Brian green at T at Chrissy T.C.B. T.C.B. Chrissy at Brian green at T.C.B. Chrissy Lost my fucking mind My dick's name is dick dick my brain's name is brain brain brain um at tcb Chrissy follow us we'll send you an invite to the

commercial break club and then on Instagram we'll alert you when we're going live we're gonna do it today we're gonna do Miss Herd lyrics yes since we can't play any of the songs or you're gonna have to sing them. Or you're gonna have to sing them one of the two. So make sure you join us in Clubhouse next week. Uh, we'd like to have fun with that. That's all. That's all I got. All right. I love you so much. Love you, baby.

And until next time, Bye! Bye! on Tuesdays and now Fridays. New YouTube clips dropped daily at youtube.com. Slash the commercial break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram and join the commercial break club on Clubhouse to join in live recordings. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green,

co-hosted by Chrissy Holtley, with additional content provided by Tina Canno. you