The Commercial Break - No One Really Cares!

Episode Date: May 4, 2021

Bryan is riding high after the Bill Burr Clubhouse appearance. But does anyone really care?? Then Bryan and Krissy discuss how Florida, Florida can be. Plus the imposter creeps up on everyone eventually and Bryan is no exception. He remembers a time he and friend pulled the ultimate imposter move...and got caught! Watch this episode on Youtube New Episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays everywhere! Text or leave us a message: +1 [phone] FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak @bryangcomedy @tcbkrissy Twitter: tcbbryan Facebook: The Commercial Break Podcast YouTube: Youtube.com/TheCommercialBreak Email: [e-mail] #1 Improv Comedy Podcast on Apple! (Jun, Jul, Aug, Sept 2022) A Chartable Top 20 Comedy Podcast #1 Trending Comedy Podcast Worldwide! (Chartable) #1 Trending Comedy Podcast U.S.(Chartable) An Apple Top 25 Comedy Podcast  Top .5 % Downloaded Podcasts, Worldwide (ListenNotes) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We're live with WSHIT news where we've just learned that the commercial break has reached number 162 on the Denmark Apple Improv charts. Let's go down on the street and find out how people feel about Brian Green. Well, he's very popular yet. The spartos, motor hits, geeks, sluts, blads, wasteoids, dweebees, dickheads, they all adore it. They think he's a righteous dude. You heard it here first, no one fucking care. This will be back.

Right after this, come back to your break. On this episode of the commercial break. Listen, anybody from Apple that's listening, which I'm sure we have thousands. Sure Steve Jobs is tuned in. Oh, and I'm not. Whatever. Jimmy IoVee. Tim Cook and Jimmy IoVee. I'm sure they're tuned in right now.

Can we please make the find my ear pods just a little bit more sensical? Because here's it is, it's like play sound. Okay, play sound. Oh, next time it connects. No, it's a next time it connects. It just connects it, I do our words! We were imagining that in Spain,

we would need security to go there. Meanwhile, we had 16 downloads. Somehow ended up number one in Spain. Because one of my brothers in law listened to Dara episode three times in a row. And it's like no one fucking, it's not like Joe Rogan, it's just in there going, oh, oh, number one sixty two, yeah Joe Rogan's got a rolling list of people he should respect today. It's like, dude, come on, no one can't really, you think, honestly, I mean, I know that you get caught up in it, but what I'm learning is that no one, I'm not the show, no one gives a shit about me.

Yeah, it's all relative. And even on the TCB, even though, you know, we get, we pull in big numbers and we get on these charts. No one fun. So, cares. Oh, really cares. Even Smashmouth couldn't fill a stadium in the time of Smashmouth.

See. really cares. Even Smashmouth couldn't fill a stadium in the time of Smashmouth. See? Sounded by anyone, stole the sound. I'm not that shy, too. I'm not that shy. No, you're not. Smashmouth. Sorry for doing the shit. It's very funny. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. I don't think everybody knows out there the dance that we do. Oh yeah, we're going to put out a whole compilation.

As we're doing our dances and we're cleaning off all the Jizz from all around it. Born to you. It's this one two three four apple street. I'm here to fix someone's vacuum That's right my vacuum is stuck on blow when it needs to be on suck I've got something in my toolbell to help for that. Oh See that toolbell This is crum that. Oh, I see that toolbell. This is chronic. Yes, this is my vacuum fixer with extender.

Oh, Billy. It's always Billy. Billy's always his name. Sock blow, sock blow, sock blow. Can you give me a favor and slap your penis across my face? Of course, so what everybody does in real life. Yeah, exactly. Born movies.

Yes. Oh, Billy. Just what we do here at the commercial break. There's 70s porn studio, 70s porn music here in the background on Brian, this is Chrissy Ant. Happy New Year. How's everyone doing out there? Welcome to the commercial break.

Another fantastic episode. We got lined up for you. So I'm so excited to get right into it. One thing I wanted to mention, I just was reading this that... This lady in Florida, she was suspected of dealing drugs, right? Okay, she was suspected drug dealer,

which is how you're already not starting off well. You live in Florida. Yeah, you're suspected of dealing drugs. Yes. It's probably true. It's probably true that you live in Florida. Yeah, here's the suspected of dealing drugs. Yes. It's probably true. Yes. It's probably true that you live in Florida. It's also probably true that you're dealing drugs. But here's the thing is that so the police officers, the undercover, they go and they get

a warrant to track her car all around town. And they slap a tracker on the back of her car. And guess what? I guess for some reason the judge decides, well this warrant wasn't valid. For some reason. I was gonna say, is that legal? I think it is legal actually. I think you can slap a tracker on anyone's car.

I'm not sure it's illegal to track to somebody. Which is really fucking scary actually. Right, I bet Astrid's got one on my car. She's like, I'm gonna go every time he goes to the tanning bed, I've got this motherfucker. I'm just driving around the block to avoid the children. Listening to my own show, I just like turn it up at the stoplights and I'm like, hey, what's up to me?

That's me. So the trackers there, and it's not supposed to be there. We said the music going. Yeah, we said the music going. We said the music going. It's all we go. The chicken. The chicken.

Chrissy just, Chrissy, turned into the show. I think you are just noticing that. So, you know, so they put the tracker on the car and then guess what? The tracker's not supposed to be on the car, but the lady finds the tracker on the car and she sticks it to the side of her neighbors. That's funny. That's funny.

That's funny. That is funny. And so now the police department is like, we want our tracker back. And she's like, no, you can't have your tracker back. So now she's in an argument with the police department about getting their tracker back. And I mean, they can't, they don't know where it is, right?

I mean, now they will. That's the way they said it. They can't track a tracker. What? I think it's like general location. It's like find your fucking iPhone. Find your fucking iPhone is only helpful. I don't know if it's the tracker. What? I think it's like general location. It's like find your fucking iPhone. Find your fucking iPhone is only helpful. I know that it's the worst.

If you actually left it at a different location altogether, if you have left your iPhone in the house somewhere or your child is running from room to room with it in his shitty pants, then you cannot find it because it just tells you like, you know, I'm here in the house. That's right, it's at this address or it's bouncing across the street.

It just bounces from my house to the next house. It's like bouncing to the four houses. And especially if you want to find your ear pods. Now here's the most ridiculous thing. Oh, that ear pods. Fuck iPhone, that fuck Apple. Now please can we get, listen, anybody from Apple that's listening, which I'm, you know, I'm sure we have thousands.

Sure Steve Jobs is tuned in. Oh, and that mine. Whatever they, Jimmy Iovine. Tim Cook and Jimmy Iovine. I'm sure they're tuned in right now. Can we please make the find my ear pods just a little bit more sensical? Because here's it is, it's like play sound.

Okay, play sound. Oh, next time it connects. No, it's a next time it connects. It just connected, I know where it was. I know, and then when I actually do find them, it's not playing a sound. There's no sound. No, of course it's not, because then it's,

then you don't need it anymore. It's like the iPhone understands instinctively. It's like, ah, I fucking, you already found it. Exactly. It's like your iPhone's part of your brain. It's like, I took you three hours to find that one lost ear pod in the corner. Unbelievable.

You know what I did the other day? I swear to God. 30 fucking minutes to find my ear phones, my earpods, ear buds, guess where they were? In my pocket the entire time. I was throwing a fizzy fit in this hell. I was like, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. My tears, I'm always grabbing them.

I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, Find out all the information. You can look, Chrissy and I, you can look at one additional picture of Chrissy and I.

Or you can find all of our videos and our audio. The entire library is up there. Go listen now, because it might not be there forever. 470-5848-449. We certainly appreciate everybody that's been texting and calling, we will get back to you. I promise at the commercial break,

if you want a DM us or you want to follow our Instagram account, the ever growing Instagram account. And make sure you cash me in Clubhouse, cash me in Clubhouse. Oh yeah, you're all over Clubhouse, I love it. Wow, the weird way is my life has changed since I opened up that Clubhouse app. I'll tell you what, I mean, listen, I don't really need to get into it all here.

It's probably not interesting if you weren't there, but Bill Burk came in last night and it was a really exciting evening for everybody in the comedy podcast club I was up there on stage helping to kind of guide the festivities from one direction to the other and it was a total From my side it was a total and complete shit show like it was just He were getting all the people to money. I know 14,000 people came in and out of that room Which may not sound like a lot? You know bill Burr can probably put 40,000 in a theater in a Las Vegas.

But for the Clubhouse app, which averages between 200 and 300 people on a bigger room, 14,000 people coming in and out, they don't want to there at the same time, it's about 2000 at one time. But 14,000 people coming in and out, and 1.2 of them want to ask Bill a question. And if you know how the app works, then they raise their hand, then I get notified that they raise their hand, and then I gotta say yes or no, or just leave it alone. It's pretty.

How did you choose? I mean, it's almost like, well, how do you know who to pick? Well, let me be, let me be a little transparent about this. There are people that are on the app in the comedy world that I know who have been doing great work

in the comedy world on Clubhouse. And I felt that I needed to address some, not that I needed to, but that I wanted to. Like, they've been working so hard on this app to keep comedy alive in this time of COVID. And Clubhouse is one of those places where they have been, and they have been leading the charge. And so I want to give them some love. Yeah, me and Jen, who facilitates the club with me, we kind of made a decision. If these people come in the app, we will give them some attention because they have done that. And also the guys that are in the comedy

podcast club already, we call them the seven, right? The seven who started this with us. But you know, you just, the reason why I think it was such a success on every, on every level. But one of the things I would say was a little bit of a disappointment. There's always going to be something you didn't like, right? And I don't wanna look at the negative side. I wanna say that it was a great room and Bill Burr was so generous with his fucking time and some of the things that he said, I've never seen Bill like that.

He is always like, they're a candidate. Yeah, he was very like mellow and candid. Never like he is on late, I mean, because on late night he's got 15 minutes to be funny, right? Yeah, he could pack it in. He breathed a little bit more.

And so one of the things, but one of the things that we didn't quite get to that we just disappointed me a little bit is I wish we had gotten to some more questions. Any Brill did who formerly booked the Dave Letterman show, he did a great job interviewing these people. It's just that you just wish you had a few more minutes. That's it. That's all you do. You wish you had a few more minutes.

And that's the only regret that I wake up with this morning is that I wish we had had a few more minutes. And that's not really anything I can control. It just is the way it is. But if you're listening to this and when it's coming out on May 4th, Steven Wright will be inside of Clubhouse with us Sunday night, 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. If you need an invitation, DM us. We've gotten invite. If you do not have the Clubhouse app, that's okay. We can give you the clubhouse, give you access to the clubhouse app, even though it's invite only because we are now so very special inside of the clubhouse. Everybody does it. Nice. That's really fun.

What I thought was great and what I thought was just interesting was the club one of the clubhouse executives was there. And she was like, oh, we're all talking about this room on the back channel and how great it is. And I, for that moment, that moment, not necessarily for me, but for the whole crew who helped put this together, I was like, that was a moment of pride. I was like, wow, you know, yes, you're being noticed. Being noticed, but you know, no one fucking cares the day. No one. Here's the thing. Well, they give you respect.

They give me respect, but I'm not really sure, like, you know, I don't know, are you sure? Or anybody gives a shit about the guy in the corner with the bald head? You know what I'm saying? Like, there are people in the app we're actually doing. I'm not doing anything. I'm just picking people to talk. I happen to be helping put the rooms together,

but let's be honest about it. Bill Burr isn't returning Brian Green's phone call. He doesn't even know the fuck I am, right? But what, if you know how the app works, like so, in order for Bill to get up on stage with us, I have got to, he's got to follow me so I can bring him up without him being in the audience where then I have to go find him.

Well, Bill picks, obviously took a quick photograph on his phone of himself in some backstage areas, somewhere he looked nothing like Gilbert, right? He's like taking it from way below his chin. It's like one of those really quick selfies that obviously was not planned out, no one helped him with, which is authentic and I liked it. But I would have never recognized that face

in a crowd full of 2,000 people. In order to avoid that kind of fuckery, just like Caroline Ray, the week before, he had to find me and follow me so that I can pull him up on stage right away. So we don't get through any drama, right? I can look him up real quick and pull him. Well, of course, again, this happens at the very, very last minute, right? Of course, I think it builds phone number. This time, damn it. But, you know, so the way that the app works is that you can follow people

and people follow you. Bill had exactly, as soon as he got on the app, 30 minutes before this show started, he had 30 followers instantaneously. I'm sure, yeah. So I then follow Bill and then Bill follows me within five minutes of the show. So we're scrambling, boom. Now Bill Burr, by the time the show is halfway over, he's got like 1100 followers, right?

I mean, just an insane amount of followers. And he's only following four people. And one of them is Brian Green. That's right. So for one moment, one moment in time, I am everything I want to be And in that oh bills gone shut down as a cow It did happen it did but it did happen yes, so I say this I say this It no one really fucking cares about Brian Gray they care about bill bar That's who they fucking care about and I don't want to get care about Brian. Well, thank you I'm sure there's a few people in my life who care whether or not I survive, I'm gonna write you paycheck eventually. You know, Chrissy's like, I gotta make sure I get ahold of that TCB account.

She's a good jangle. What I do have to say is that no one really gives a shit about any of this stuff at the end of the day. It's like I'm working with this new podcaster, right? I take this phone call from a new relatively new podcaster and he says, I got he was complaining that someone in clubhouse hadn't given him the proper respect. He thought he deserved. And this is a no shit scenario. And I'm sorry, I'm airing your dirty laundry my friend, but here it is. He's like 176 in the Apple charts in Denmark and podcasts.

Yeah. And he goes, you know, they didn't even have enough respect to call me up on stage. You think after being number 176, no one cares. Gives a shit. Well, it's like what we said too. We were talking about this earlier when we were big in Ireland.

That's true. I mean, if we were in Ireland, we couldn't even walk on the street. That's right. We were imagining that in Spain, we would need security to go there. Meanwhile, we had 16 downloads. Somehow ended up number one in Spain. Because one of my brothers-in-law listened to Dara episode three times in a row. And it's like, no one fucking, it's not like Joe Rogan, this isn't there going,

oh, oh, number 162, yeah, Joe Rogan's got a rolling list of people he should respect today. It's like, dude, come on, no one cares, really? Do you think, honestly, I mean, I know that you get caught up in it, but what I'm learning is that no one, I'm not the show, no one gives a shit about me. Yeah, it's all relative.

And even on the TCB, even though, we get, we pull in big numbers and we get on these charts, no one gives a shit about me. Yeah, it's all relative. And even on the TCB, even though, you know, we get, we pull in big numbers and we get on these charts. No one fun. So cares. Oh, really cares. And so we thank all of our sponsors. And so there's a couple in Florida. There's a couple in another. I just, we're just gonna make this all about Florida. I mean, it's a couple in Florida. There's a couple in Florida.

I just, where's it gonna make this all about Florida? No, I'm sorry, I mean, it's a gold vine. It is gold. Sorry, I do have to say. What is it that makes people in Florida? I don't know. I don't know. Is that the sun?

There's something. Is that the sun that just gets to people? It's kind of, it's close to being like out of the country. Yeah. All of us. Yeah. Trump's down there with his whole little world. and you know, they just, it's a weird play.

And I love visiting there because I have a lot of beautiful. I have often dreamed of moving there myself in some sudden drenched location. But then I wonder if that sun's going to go to my head like it does to everybody. Yeah. It's my man. Rain was man, Wrangles alligator during Wrangles, alligator during bank robbery, where he's high on paint thinner. With his penis stapled to the side of his leg.

Small baby eaten by Python, that's then grilled, grilled by Christometh mastermind for seven course meal at Margo Lago. Margo Lago. Margo Lago. Welcome to Margo Lago. How can I help you? I know it's true. It's like, I don't really hear him coming from other states. Man forgets to put wheels on his truck. from other states. Man forgets to put wheels on his truck.

Drives into starts drives into drives into space mountain. That Disney world. People celebrate. 12,000 boats show up for boat parade. Form of Confederate flag get washed away by hurricane I mean, it's just like the craziest place ever it really is Man having sex on beach realizes it's a turtle Get's arrested for fucking with turtles Yes for a fucking and endangered species.

That all that's it. I mean Florida is just a weird, weird place. And I don't get it. I really don't. And I love it. I love it too. I just love every bit of it. But I know when you go down to Florida,

you have to be careful. There is this innate sense that you should be careful about what you're doing and who you're around in Florida, because you know that trouble's just around the corner. It's too prevalent, prevalent. It's too prevalent not to know that something is going to go down and it's probably going to happen in the next 15 minutes because that's just the way the Florida is. Yes.

As if the sun is going directly into people's eyeballs, flying the inside of their brain. But anyway, so these couple in Florida, they are in love, and just like everyone in love, they're gonna get married. That's sweet. It is really sweet. And so what is- Is this a starting off good?

This is really starting off good. They're in love, they've been together for a couple of years, they wanna have the wedding of the lifetime. The wedding of their dreams. And this man is bound and determined to provide it for his wife. So what do they do? They decide they're going to call a real estate agent to help them find a location for their beautiful wedding.

They want to do it at like a private residence. This is their dream. At a private residence, you know, have- The beautiful mansion. Yeah, a beautiful mansion. You know, Florida's got a lot of- I want to look in the water. Whatever it is, you know, that's good. lot of looking the water, whatever it is, you know, let's let's really do it up right screw the hotel.

It's just, you know, let's get, let's just rent a place. We'll have a real winged. Yeah. So they go winged. Winged. So they go on a visit a couple places and one of the places that they visit is like some 22,000 square foot mansion with like 30 bedrooms, waterfalls, a lazy river, a pool that's the size of most people's houses.

I mean, just like an estate of epic proportions. Real dream venue. Yes, and it's on sale, but privately, it's a private sale, right? For like, I don't know, I forget the number. It was like $14, $15 million or something like that. They go visit, and while they're there, the gentleman who owns the house is selling the house, not renting the house, selling the house, not

renting the house, but the agent then then roaches the question, is it okay? Can we pay you to then do this wedding here? Actually, I don't think they say pay. Can we just have the wedding here? And the guy's like, you're fucking crazy. Get out of my ass. The fuck, no, you can't have your wedding here, right? But I guess the couple picks up on the fact that the guy is selling the house and then maybe it's a little the furniture is a little It's a little minimalist. So yeah So so they leave But the wedding is a couple months down the road and what they realize when the wedding comes is that the house

has not yet been sold. So rather than call the guy back and say, hey, well, you want to make a couple hundred dollars because I'm sure that's all these people had or whatever, you know, making the assumption. But I think that they were trying to do this on a budget. They decide that they are going to put the wedding together and use this address as the address when the wedding is,

they send out the save the dates, they send out the invitations, they get the catering, the music, the tents, the chairs, the tables, they even tell people that they can stay at the house. Okay. It's gonna be that kind of party. You know what I'm saying?

Everyone's inviting. Everyone's inviting. Grab a room. Bring gifts. Yeah. Grab a room. Bring gifts. We have a gift room. Yeah.

Feel bring your bathing suit. Feel free to use. You know, please don't be in the pool. You know, the whole nine yards, no holds bar please be respectful of our new house. We just moved in. They set up the whole fucking wedding, including inviting family members to stay at the location. Everybody's coming. The photographer, the makeup, the hair, the bridesmaids, the groomsman's, everyone is ready to party. And the day comes and the tent and table people come to deliver the tent chairs and the owner is there having his coffee on his back porch. And he is like, the good fuck is going on here. What in the Florida fuck is going on here? He assumes that himself clearly

this is a mistake. They must be mistaken. They're looking for Johnny's mansion right next door. 22 miles down the road. 22 acres are right away right. So he goes out there and he says what? They said no. Yes, he did. Got the order right here. Hey, it's Bob. I got the order right here. Right? Sorry. Bob's calling right now. That's the table people. They're here to deliver the table for Marlene and Charlene Jackson or whatever his name was. So I got the order right here. It says it got, you know, I got to leave this here and he says, no, you don't.

You get off my property and they start having a disagreement because the guy's like, listen, I got to deliver, I got to leave this here and he says, no, you don't, you get off my property. And they start having a disagreement because the guy's like, I listen, I got a deliver where I got a deliver. I got a leader. The guy says, listen, you got to deliver, get off to fuck up my property. That's where you got to deliver. And so he convinces the table and chairs people to leave.

He locks the gate, he calls the cops, security comes by, and people start showing up for the wedding, including the groom. Wow. And the groom starts claiming that he is, he's like, I am having the wedding here. It's been ordained by God. God has told me, this is the location

that I need to, you know, codify my, you can't do it at the fucking days in, down the street. You got, he's throwing in God. Yeah, he's throwing in God, and we've got to use this mansion. Why have we all lost our ever loving minds? When did we think God is, whenever shit goes wrong, you just throw in God.

It's like, you see some of these carons and they're like, stand, you know, I don't know if you caught the clip the last week, but the Karen is standing outside the fucking marshals. The marshals are told her to leave because she won't wear a mask. And she's like, I am a, I am a citizens of God's country.

And this is my land. And this is your land. This land is my land is my land this land is your oh I'm getting arrested You know it's like yeah, you can't just throwing God and expect that everyone's just gonna go oh shit You got gone on your side. Oh now it's okay. Hoopty fucking do That's okay. I bought this 13,000 13 million dollar mansion and you could not be here without my permission That's just it I bought this $13,000,000,000 mansion and you could not be here without my permission. That's just it, but the guy continues to argue this goes on for four hours while wedding guests are showing up and plates and cups and glasses, four hours.

There is basically a standoff between two people who think that they've been ordained by God to use someone else's private property for their own pleasure. That is fucking insane. That is the kind of shit that happens in Florida. That's why I'm never building a $13 million mansion down in Florida. Yeah, don't do it. No, I'm gonna move to Austin, like Joe Rogan. What do you think about them, apples?

I like it. Do you hear how Joe Rogan decided that he was gonna go anti-vaxxer? Oh, I did. I heard about that. Listen, I like Joe Rogan as much as the next guy, and I'm a podcaster, so I'm not stupid enough to go criticize Joe Rogan about his body.

Yeah, he's he's saying. Well, we're not on the charts. We're not that high on the Apple chart. He's like, oh, number 62. Not bad. I think let me give him a call. He's probably picking up the phone every morning going, number one, Joe Roganan call myself. Hey Joe

Hey Joe, congratulations. Number two office ladies. Hey office ladies That's all Joe Rogan does to sit around and give deference to all the people on the apple trade to give Joe Rogan Give a fucking shit about those sharks. He gets a hundred million downloads a week the guy doesn't care Yeah, but I will say this he went and anti-vaxxer on his show. Yeah For a hot second he was like well, he said young healthy people don't need to get it, but that was incorrect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just think, you know,

I just think he should have stayed away from that. I know that Joe likes to touch the third rail all the time and it's part of what makes his podcast so popular and that he's willing to have the conversations that we are too scared to have, right? So I totally understand that. But I mean, it's kind of a, it's a little bit of a dumb thing to say.

I think my personal opinion, like don't even get involved. Joe, let the scientists say it. You know, let the scientists do it. You're not a scientist. Why don't we, we're gonna, we're talking about that, but then Bill Berger said that to him. He said, hey, listen, you know, Joe, you're not a scientist. I'm not a scientist.

We don't know what the fuck we're talking about. Why are we sitting here having an argument based on, convers, based on stuff that we don't even know. Yeah, that's it. This is your opinion. It's just our opinion. We don't know and knows Yeah, so listen back to the Florida thing. These people are in postures They know and you know what that goes to in posture syndrome to when it comes to like people that think they're doctors You know all the sudden they're doctors all the sudden they're ordained by God all the sudden They're just it this in posture syndrom, running rampant through our fucking country. And it drives me crazy that people think

that they're entitled to something that they're not, or that they know something that they don't. Yeah. And it's just like all of a sudden, you talk to somebody who's an anti-vaxxer and all of a sudden they get all the medical information that you need, right? They've researched it because you haven't.

You know, there's this. I saw a friend this weekend and she said, you know what, they've got 5G in that box, give it to me. I mean, I, what? Pum me up. Pum me up. I want two booths, two shots. I don't want fucking COVID.

Yeah. I understand that it hasn't been around for a long time. It's a new technology, but you know what? It's a modern fucking miracle. And if it gave me 16 more days here on this earth, I'm glad I took it. That's all I got to say. Because there's a small chance,

I'll be at a small chance that I might die of COVID and we have no idea what the long-term effects of COVID are. We have no idea what the long-term effects of the vaccine are. I'll take my chances with the vaccine because that COVID shit sounds nasty, right? And I know people who have passed away from it. I have had people close to me who have passed away from it. So I'm not gonna take those chances.

But anytime you start talking to somebody about this, all of a sudden they got the fucking information, right? They read, they read, they went through every bit of medical research. Somebody called somebody. Did you know that that stuff literally changes you into a lizard person? Oh, really?

It's got lizard DNA, that's how they do it. They put lizard DNA in there, and then they shoot it, and slowly you're gonna turn into a lizard man. Ah! Bill Gates presses a button and everyone you're gonna turn into a lizard man. Ah! Bill Gates presses a button and everyone dies. All right, that's right. That's the one, right? You are one of some guy on my Facebook

who's an absolute fucking loony tune right now, right? And the guy is the last person to be talking about health because he has the more health issues than I know what to do with. Guy is in surgery every 15 Fuckin minutes and I feel bad for him about that. That's not his fault, right? But then he is such a fucking moron when it comes to this shit. He's like that DNA is little that RNA is literally changing your DNA You are literally becoming a like an android and I'm like, oh my god

Dude come on man, really? And I'm like, oh my God. Dude, come on, man. Really? Imposter syndrome. That's what this is. Everybody thinks they knows. When, what about the days when we could just trust the scientists and that was it?

Like, you just listen to somebody on TV. I don't hold the eggs. Yeah, like the old days. You just try, I don't know how many the old days. To 2015. When those, we all had like some level of the truth, right? Dan Rather said it and it was true. Yeah, that's right. Dan Rather said it and we all had like some level of the truth, right? Dan Rather said it, and it was true. Yeah, that's right.

Dan Rather said it, and we all went, mm-hmm, Dan said it, Rather said it. Yeah. But in Poster syndrome, I guess, you know, I can, you know, here's the story. Have you ever done anything like that? Yeah, but I mean, I actually went full in Poster. Like, I didn't just, I didn't just pretend to be Brian

with a bunch of medical knowledge. I pretended to be someone else all together. Oh, what do you want? So we're 21 years old. And I'm 20 years old, actually. I'm not even 21. And the Olympics is coming to town. 19 weeks.

I involved the Olympics. Yes, it was. All my good stories started in the Olympics. It was a crazy time in my life. I had no head on my shoulders. I was such a fucking moron. Anybody who knew me back then, I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm making amends to the 100,000 people.

That, you know what? The 100,000 people who listen to this podcast, probably 99,000 of them were wronged during the Olympic period of Ryan's life. And I was like, that's shit, and I wonder what he's going to say. So me and my friend, who I won't mention his name, we did a bunch of just stupid,

we just ran around town doing a bunch of stupid shit. And you have to remember the incredible amount of excitement that was going on. I'm with the Olympics. I'm with the Olympics. I remember the Olympics, I just got me to do that. It was a very big deal. It was.

Guess who? It's Brian Green from the Olympics. Brian Green, Olympic pin, pastor. Did you have a pin? I didn't know. We did. Everybody, everybody out of pin. Everybody out of pin. But it was wearing those pins like they knew something.

They gave it something that was going down. You get this pin, if you worked for the Olympic. Here's how it went. They announced the Olympics, you know, on the nine, say, nine, eight, six summer Olympics, goes to the sette of, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I'm like out the window like we Sift all to hold down on the fucking lottery. What you want is you want a big old tax I think that's good one and a bunch of things that have been built that are now abandoned Yeah, that's right. You got a bunch of abandoned buildings. Congratulations now an ice-sauron the rest of our lives

We're gonna look at that stupid fucking metal Olympic flame that means nothing nothing So the Olympics come and here's how it goes. For years, there's just an immense amount of building. The city has already been exploding in population. Now it just doubles and rate. So now the city is growing at a rapid rate, highways being built, new buildings, stadiums, all this other stuff, Ted Turner stadium, all these other things are happening

and the promise of prosperity for everyone in Atlanta is crazy. There literally are people on news television programs that are saying that people can rent their, they can be 25 miles away from downtown Atlanta where any of this stuff is happening and rent their house for $10,000 a day. I remember this and this is back before Airbnb and PRBO. Yeah. Yeah, where you were going to rent it, I'm not even sure. Put it in the newspaper, house for rent. But you put it in the newspaper

that people already lived here, but I don't know, right? But I just remember all this stuff. I even remember my dad having conversations about this. Like, should we rent that, you know, I think at the one point my dad even thought, should we rent the house? Yeah.

But what became quickly apparent is that wasn't fucking true. No one was renting houses for 10.0, no one gave a shit. This is what goes back to my thing, no one gives a shit. No one gives a shit about Brian Green in the bill room and Bill Vart Room. And no one gives a shit about the 1996 in life Olympics. People are going crazy over the tickets. There was a lottery for the locals and it was crazy.

It was crazy. And we were all expecting that this would just be a crush, a sea of human beings wall to wall spending money in our city. That did not happen. Yeah, and I'm not there was a bombing. Yeah, there was a bombing. Yeah, in fact, people flew the other way.

Literally. So my friend and I, we get, so what happened was they sold a bunch of these vendor tents around the Olympic stadium in downtown Atlanta, all over town, these empty parking lots, all of a sudden became vendor tents with stages where they're gonna have live music and blah, blah, blah, where everyone thought that even though I was six

and a half miles away from any Olympic sport, then I would, that people were just gonna walk six and a half miles to go to this empty parking lot, where they might have, you know, fucking smash mouth playing or something, I don't know. Even smash mouth couldn't fill a stadium in the time of smash mouth. See, sound, bonny ones, doggy, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny,ny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny,ny, bonny,ny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny, bonny,ny, bonny, I like that. I like that. Negger nod. Smash that. Sorry for fooling the shed. I don't know how to write a thank you.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Right. Ladies and gentlemen, it is more just a pleasure and honor to welcome to the 1996 Olympic parking lot In South Georgia Day viewing their brand new album another shitty album

Smashbox smash mouth Playing from 530 to 545, Smash Mouth, Free Barbecue. Free beer with purchase of a Smashbox ticket, Smash Mouth. Smash Mouth ticket! That's not air, not air, not air. Welcome to the Vancorage to the close close Macy's parking on. Welcome to the Kmart parking on the Kmart the close five years ago with 25 ender booths and one small stage in the corner. Max 20. It was like that There was a big craze. That just overtook the city.

It was nuts. So everybody got caught up in this craze. And what they would do is if you were a vendor, because everybody thought everybody was special. And so now they just gave you these pins. The lapel pins. The lapel pins. It's not a writing pen.

Not a pen, a pin. And not like a, not credential, but heavy kind of swing that make you, that let people know that you're really important. But the fuck, a fucking pin, just a pin, a pin. Like you collect a Disney World, a pin. And so we all run around, and I know, how did you get one?

I need somebody that needs somebody. Playing on the rooftop of the Denys in East perimeter, Mall, Georgia. Angle bird, Humbertick. Free syrup with every one of all. So, uh, so me and my friend went over. And you got caught in the craze. I was totally, I didn't know, I was young. I was stupid. I was a certain guy. I was a certain guy. So, so me and my friend went,

you got caught in the craze. I was totally, I didn't know, I was young, I was two. They would sell these parking lot vendorships for like a thousand dollars. So my friend, so the guy who's same guy, Paul, who told us we were scared and pussy, that same guy, right,

bought one of these vendorship booths in the empty, my Macy's parking lot located 60 miles away from anything With the with Smashbox playing in the corner the only good thing about this is they that That elite model management agency had bought a booth like a big air condition tent inside this same Because I guess this was one of the places where people actually thought there might be traffic So they bought this entire like like tent where they were trafficking the models, you know, in and out. What else do you want to call it? That's where we say showcasing. Show casing? Yeah. Okay. All right. Listen,

I'm not saying anything. The various was going on. I'm just saying I ended up with two of those models in my house because they didn't get a place to stay like because the management company did not put them up Now I don't know that was a lead. I don't want to go there making you know I'm I'm I've no people have worked for a lead. They're fine. But anyway, so John yeah, that's right Coss of block so I get this pin right and then we have we're here. He's selling T-shirts that are heat activated so when you put your hand on it it turns color Oh right T-shirts that are heat activated so when you put your hand on it it turns color

Half of them got misspelled it said Olympic with it with a K psycholithic He was so pissed we started giving the t-shirt away at some point we didn't sell one fucking t-shirt It was like, Olympic, Athens, Georgia. K. Atlanta, actually. He bought him, you know, he bought him from whatever, Vietnam, so he, we got these pins.

It's what we ended up doing is we'd work like half a day and then we'd fuck off because no one was buying anything. We did not sell one t-shirt, not one t-shirt, got sold. No one came to watch Smashbox or any, it's SmashMouse or any other stuff, right? And so,, one night, about two weeks before the Olympics, we David and I, I'll say his name, David and I, we go to, he knows.

Yeah, he's already, here he knows. So David and I, we go to a bar, a local bar here, called Good Old Days, which was this huge sprawling bar that was really close to downtown Atlanta and everyone loved to go. There's just like a bar of the 90s, huge sprawling, big patio, they had a volleyball court in the back, they had a huge like, stay like a catwalk stage where they would do like, you know, wet t-shirt contest and all that stuff, just like one of those, you know, totally 90s kinds of bars, right? So I'm not even old enough to drink,

but we know some people who know some people we get into the bar and we meet these two young ladies. And they are old enough. Obviously, they're probably in, ah, they're probably in their late 20s, right? But they are cute. And we do like them. And so we invite them to sit down at the table with us and they sit down at the table. And we're all there. And I shaved this head when I was 15 years old like this. Actually, I didn't shave the friend of mine did. While I was high. I didn't know until I woke up in the morning.

This is no shit, it's for okay. But it's a time. This was not a style of haircut that many men had. If you had it, you were one of two things. A skin head or you were some, you're occupation called for it. Like you were a military man or whatever. It was kind of like alternative

to have your hair like this. Yeah. And so. Good morning. So David and I used Yeah. And so. Good morning. So David and I used to play this game. Good morning. I got in the shower. It was like five thirty in the morning

to go to McDonald's for work. And I go like this. And I'm like, what the fuck? And he didn't even shave off the whole head. It was like pieces of it were shaved. And I was like pulling my hair like this. I was like, oh my god. I look down.

Anyway. So, so David, whoa. Did you hear that? I know I did. Wow. So, so David, whoa. Did you hear that? I did. Wow. We got a major thunder storm. Yeah, we are here in Atlanta right now.

Where it is just, whether it's a shitty. The Olympics. In the Olympics, yeah, God is like, I will strike you down. Payback is a bitch. So, so these two girls, so David and I had this game we used to play. We are what tonight? We are what?

And David says we are Olympians. We are backup swimmers for the Olympics team, the US Olympic team. Back up swimmers. Good one. And we did it. And so we told you so we go, we're carrying on a conversation for about an hour with these women. You're sitting there getting plastered, telling them we're back up swimmer, conversation for about an hour with these women get you sitting there getting Classored telling them we're back up swimmer. Where did you go to school? Oh, you went to Georgia Tech

I went to Virginia State or whatever you know and we're back up swimming What do you swim a backstroke freestyle? I don't know all of it the breast stroke The breast stroke. It's the bread stroke all of them. What do you swim? I do a doggy battle? Whatever's called for I do the doggy paddle. Whatever's called for. I do the doggy paddle. I'm back up. I do the float. I'm really good at the float. I'm really good at that.

Push me fast. So we think we got these girls convinced. We are sure of it, right? And we're like, we're getting fucking laid. Meanwhile, we're smoking cigarettes the entire time and drinking beer. Just exactly whatever Olympic swimmer does. That's exactly back in the 90s, those things were different. You took steroids, you smoked cigarettes, and yeah, you might have done a little cooking

before you got in the pool in the water. You got a little pep in your step. We didn't have those big feet like Michael Feldstone's. So after a while, this girl and these girls are kind of talking to each other a little bit. They're getting a little bit more chatty between each other and they were kind of whispering. And so at one point, they're like, we're going to go to the powder room, right? And we're like, yeah, okay, cool. And David and I are like, this is awesome, dude.

High five. Give me a high five. High five. We're getting laid. We're Olympic swimmers, right? I mean, all in good fun, but we've really now laid ourselves a pretty long track where it's going. We have really no idea,

but we're convinced it's the bedroom, but probably not. After 20 minutes, these girls come back and they sit down. And I, and she's like, your name is Brian Green, right? And I'm like, Brian Green, you know, backup swimmer, extraordinaire.

And she goes, do you know what, do you know a girl that I'm Aaron? And I was like, now I'm thinking like, did I even tell any Aaron in my swimmer story? And I'm like, yeah, sure I do, Aaron's, you know, Aaron's, I do lots of Aaron's. And she goes, do you know Aaron, blah, blah, blah. And I was like oh

Shit because Aaron was a girl that I had dated and I and not too long before and I was like Not really sure, you know what do I say here? I'm totally skip now. I'm like, I know. So, and she goes, you know, my name is, Bapapapap, Bapapap. And the second Bapapap is the same last name as Aaron's last name. Oh, what?

It is her older sister. Oh my God. And she had thrown a birthday party, a 20th birthday party for her sister. Like, her sister had thrown a 20th birthday party when her parents were out of town, it was a wingedinger, it was a real hang banger, and I was there because I was dating this girl Aaron at the time, and her older sister was there also, and she goes on to explain

to me that as the night has gone on, you look more and more familiar to me, and I just had to call my sister and check to make sure you were the same Brian Green that works at fucking whatever domino's pizza wherever I work And I was like no, Lippeek see my Somebody wants to me the world is full of bronies. Um. I think the surface is still in the sea. I heard the toughest tone I'd done. So, so the bottom line is, we got busted. Totally completely busted.

And it really, I mean, I probably should have learned this lesson as a child, but it really told me something about about imposters. You should never do it because you're going to get caught. We did not get late. The girls, however, became that girl became a friend of mine for many years. We ended up hanging out for many. Yeah, it was actually a happy ending. We ended up being, you know, really good friends. She was the older sister of my friend who had gone off to college at that time. And so I didn't get to see her much, but we totally got busted. That's really fun. Totally busted. Don't be an imposter. So here's what I got to say to you. This is like the bottom line, the moral of my story,

which started with Bill Byrne ended with, and ended with smash mouth. So I'm out. It went to Florida, then to smash mouth, then over to my haircut. And then it's been another long and winding road called the commercial break. And by the way, we're so happy that you listen to the show. So thank you very much. But I do have to say this, that's one last lesson learned. No one gives a shit. That's true. No one gives a shit. I'm learning that no one gives a shit and you should tune. And you know what, don't take things. Like and you know what don't take things like you know

Don't take yeah, don't take anything so anybody says that's good personally. Don't take anything that anybody says that's bad Personally, I'll accept the good, but I'll deflect the bad that's right You're doing great. Thanks. You're an asshole. I'll go fuck yourself. Yeah, don't worry about that. That's right Oh my god Right. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Really well. It's a great recenter. What you do is to get all over it, just slap your cock right all over tcbpodcast.com. I want you to clap right all over to tcbpodcast.com. 470-5A4849 is where you text us or you can leave us a voice message. We do not answer that phone. So just don't expect us to. I just don't understand why people think that but that's okay. They're like, hello! Is Brian there?

I like to talk to him lonely. I bet you do brother. I bet you do. At the commercial break you can drop us a DM or you can follow our Instagram page for content you can't get anywhere else. If you need an invite to the Stephen Wright show, the Suzy Esman show, the Brian Regan show, or any of the other shows that are going on in Clubhouse that we're helping to facilitate, feel free to drop us online and we'll send you a link

to get in, even if you don't have Clubhouse at TCB Chrissy, at Brian Green BRY-A-N-G-R-E-E-N. You can follow us on Clubhouse and we would be happy to have you. Don't forget to tune in to the commercial lunch break, which we will be doing either Tuesdays or Wednesdays. Look out for an Instagram post about that. You can jump in, you can talk to Chrissy and I.

This is a special show and we'll have guests on there too. And so what else I got to say? Lots of great guests coming in. We've got God, we've got Oscar Aiden's coming back for round two. Dr. Sin was really happy with her appearance and I think we had a great time with her so listen There's lots of great stuff going on here at the commercial break can't complain. We're number 196

In Maldovia So look out Joe coming for you Tell everyone to get vaccinated and watch your back. They respect to the king How dare you not follow me up on stage? What a fucking moron. I can't believe you didn't pull me up on stage. Did he not know that I was number? No, he didn't know.

Why? Because no one beside you gives a fuck. Right. And you know what? You shouldn't give a fuck either. Doesn't really matter. All right, that's it. That's all I got to say.

Until next time. Bye. Bye. The commercial break. New episodes on Tuesdays and now Fridays, new YouTube clips dropped daily at youtube.com. Slash the commercial break. Visit tcbpodcast.com for access to our entire media library. Follow us at the commercial break on Instagram and join the

Commercial Break Club on Clubhouse to join in live recordings. Each episode is written and produced by Brian Green co-hosted by Chrissy Hodley with Thank you. you