The Commercial Break - No Yelling On This Purple Yacht!

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Miami is GTA come to life! From the wild driving to the adult sex scene to the fancy boats and homes. Bryan is back from vacation and had a taste of it all! Also, his children ruined a million dollar Yacht! TCB is back from vacation There is a new King and the prince has no hair Bryan also no hair and the origin of that hair style is discussed Miami drivers are basically insane! Bryan's family gets an invite to a boat ride...it turns out be a Yacht. A VERY nice yacht Bryan's son manages to ruin this very nice yacht within 5 minutes. No yelling on the yacht! LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or hate mail by texting us or leaving a voicemail at 1-661-Best-2-Yo (1.661.237.8296) Watch Us on YouTube All Sponsor Codes & Links Take a Listen to The Jordan Harbinger show! Use This Link For Unlimited Talk & Tex on MINT MOBILE! Special Thanks To Our Associate Content Producers: Tina Rose Big Will The Champ Marianne Duke Luke Gustavo New Episodes on Monday, Wednesday and now Fridays everywhere you listen to podcasts! 1-(661)-BEST-2-YO  | (1-661-237-8296) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On this episode of the commercial break, I didn't know what to do, so I put the hat on, and I went to work, and when I got home after that, she had to make Donald's. My dad threw a fucking hissy fit. He's like, what the hell happened to your hair? What did you do? And I was like I just how do I explain it? It was the wall. That was watching the wall and I lost my hair. I love that. Beautiful women and the beautiful boys. I love it all. It's all wonderful.

I have talent. It's Latina and Latina. You're dancing, you're getting drunk. And you have your cocaine. I love it. Yes. I'm all about The yachts and the beautiful all the eff of everything and the whole vibe the people in Miami drive like fucking shit heads That's all I got to say I'm upstairs Helping this guy kind of untie and do a couple things around maintenance around the boats get ready and I hear

things around maintenance around the boats get ready and I hear Brian And I'm like it the first thing this guy says is no yelling The next episode of the commercial break starts now Yeah, Toddlers and tears welcome back to another episode of the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend Chris, enjoy. Hello, and may I best of you, Chris? Best of you, Brian. And best of you, Heather, and the podcast universe.

How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this. The commercial break, it's not for everyone, but Fag news or fiction is guaranteed in 15 seconds or less. Go to the brand new TCB podcast.com to collect your earnings back from vacation. In the studio, Cowgirls ride again. How are you? I'm fantastic. Well so much happened over our two week vacation.

I don't even know where to start. I guess we're under new rule. We are. We're under new rule. The king of, what's his name? The Duchess of X's SXS King Charles the House of the House of Windsor House of Windsor I've signed the declaration on the third day of the kingdom of the Essex and the Duchess and the House of Windsor Why the fuck can't understand any of that shit? I gotta say this I gotta say this now

I can appreciate that the Queen was alive for a long time and I found a bit of sadness in the fact that she died, even though she was- She was forever 70 years? 93 years old, I mean. 96. Yeah, how long do you think the news organizations had those packages ready to run? Oh, totally ready, for years, 10 years, 80s, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, they had here. Exactly. So, when they started talking about her engraved condition, she was already dead, probably. That's my opinion. She was already dead. Probably. That's my opinion. She was already dead.

Well, she did formally get the new prime minister in and then it was the next day. Yeah, it's crazy. She alone for that. Yeah. Do you think they rolled a body double out there? No. I think so. I know.

That's my opinion. I'm starting internet misinformation right now. I'm going to be flagged. So now what happens? So now it's King Charles. And then William becomes the prince. And so some people were saying that they're gonna like rule together, it's gonna be like the prince and the Charles

and the king and they're gonna rule together. Like a CEO and a chairman of the board. I mean, he is next in line. Now what happens to Harry is he's still just the guy who swings his dick around parties. I mean, I don't know. Oh, he's married to Meghan now. Oh, he's married to Meghan? Yeah, I'm gonna think he's a little more cool. You don't think he swings his dick around parties. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Oh, he's married to Megan.

Yeah, I'm a big and wonderful. You know, I don't think he swings his dick around. No, I don't think so anymore. Megan Merkel's a big deal. She is. She's a big deal. She's really pretty and I like her. The two of them were filmed for like the first time,

like Harry and William were filmed for the first time in the year or something together, walking down and brought everybody together. Didn't look like they were together at all. Looks like they were fucking pissed at each other. I saw the picture. I was like wow Those are two brothers who are having an epic fight and all the tabloids and stuff poor William He just lost all the hair. Yeah, it's just got no he's got nothing on that dome. I say go bald all the way

Yeah, it's what I think Yes, second ball king Brian green first and then second bill ball king, Brian Green first, and then second bill ball king could be worth. Bald is sexy, I have to say. Isn't it? Is that, are you saying that because of me or? Well, you're part of it. I'm, are you saying I'm partly bald or are you saying I'm part of? You're, you're part of the reason I think Bald is sexy and let's go there.

Thank you. I just was, I'm just amazed at the lack of hair on the top of that guy's head. It's like it's in a perfect circle. Did you notice that? I know a lot of people, I've, I've seen a lot of people over the top of that guy's head. It's like in a perfect circle. Did you notice that? I know a lot of people, I've seen a lot of people over the years with that same pattern. It's held a male pattern baldness. It is.

And it's OK. I know, I don't care. Or the shit. Look at me. I mean, I got male pattern baldness going on right on the top of my head. My hairline has receded at least six inches in the last 20 years. But no one would ever know because you got a shave.

Listen, I beat the universe to the punch. I decided I was going to go ahead and shave my head. Proact of. Actually, I didn't shave my head. Someone else shaved my head. I was, I'll tell this story, how I got a bald head. How Brian got a bald head? Because I've only known you to have bald head. No one in my recent life would have known me with hair because I've never had it.

I remember the time you told me that it was like super thick and curly. I could not picture it. Super thick and curly. And there's pictures. Yeah, there's some pictures. I don't like to, I'm not going to make the way on the internet. But when I, You'll let 33p. 33p is less embarrassing than my I fucking off of here. I'd say that right now. You're old band. I rather get the old band

back together and play it wimly than than show pictures of my damn curly hair. It looks like a mop on the top of my head. It's so thick and just nasty. It looks like a brillo bush or something. It's I mean, I'm not in, yeah, something better. So I don't like. Yeah, obviously you did like it. So how did it happen? I was working in McDonald's and I had caught on fire. You could. I stuck my head.

I had to shake it. I stuck my head in the fire. It feels the Michael Jackson. Yeah. So I went, it was a time when we were, I was just starting to get stoned. And I didn't really know my boundaries with weed because the first couple of times I just, I just, no, of course not. Because when the first time you smoke weed, you don't even know your stuff.

It's like, exactly. No, I don't feel anything. Yeah, meanwhile, you're naked in the middle of the highway, flagging down, flagging down police officers for help. But I just didn't know, right? I didn't, anyway, so we went, we get this bag of weed from the worst part of town. We were like two young white teenage,

I had a friend, his name was John. We went to like the worst part of town and we asked for whatever, you know, we asked for a dime bag I think. And the guy was like, you gotta spend 50 get rolling, right? And I was like, okay, he still only gave us a dime bag, but we gave him 50, whatever. We just didn't, we didn't know what we did.

Yeah, he just wanted to try it. We smoked that entire bag, dime bag, in a night, and listened to Pink Floyd go well. Did you, let me ask you this, how did you smoke it? Did you roll it in a joint? In a bowl. In a bowl. In a bowl.

Okay, and was it in an apple? No, it was an actual bowl. I remember the bowl. And the thing was is that John's mom had cancer and she had had it for many years. And so while this was never confirmed, I believed that the reason why she was okay, and it was this tiny little apartment he lived in, like two bedrooms there, right next door to his mom, and she never ever once complained about the clear smell of weed coming out of that room. She was smoking it too.

I think that's what's going on. That's what's going on. It's a thing. Sure, why not? It helps. So we smoked it out of a bowl, and I didn't think I was stoned. He turns on the wall,

and all of a sudden shit got weird, right? It was like, you know, the helicopter noises, and I had never really experienced anything like that. I ended up passing out. I feel like that's just standard that everybody puts a little wall. You have to put on the wall. And David Gilmore hates that shit.

Like he wrote that album and he hates it. He wrote that album about the stoners in the fucking crowd. He's like, can't you guys just settle that? Meanwhile, Sid Barrett's fun, 7,000 hits of ass. Right. Yeah. He's still tripping wherever he is. So I ended up passing out in the bathroom. I felt weird and I ended up passing out in the bathroom

so I pass out in the bathroom and John wakes me up the next morning. No, he just passed out for that. Passed out in the cold. I don't remember. I don't remember. Wasn't somebody like where is Brian? Well, it's only me and John.

So if he I was in his bathroom, he knew I was in his bathroom. And he was going to. So maybe he's safe there. Yeah, he's safe. He's probably tripping out. There's a nice freaking me out there. There's those furry little rugs that brought the toilet. You know, I'll be pleased to put that.

He was like, Brian's hair is tripping me out, man. I'm done with it. He was in the loo. In the loo. So the next morning, Brian, Brian's time to go to work. I did like open the McDonald's the next morning, which he had to get a bit like 3.30 in the morning,

because he had to be there by four, so you can make the coffee by five, because some shithead was gonna come in on the Saturday at five in next morning, which he had to get a bit like 330 in the morning because he had to be there by four So you can make the coffee by five because some shit head was gonna come in on the Saturday at five in the morning If you can grab his coffee and take a dump in your bathroom, it's you'd have to clean two days later right So I wake up and I get in the shower and I go to wash my hair and I don't have any there's no hair what so John took it upon himself So hair, there's no hair. What?

So John took it upon himself to shave my head while I was passed out and stoned in the bathroom. He thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I'm better. So while I'm tripping out. I get you to wake up. While I think there's helicopters on the roof because Pink Floyd the wall, John is having a grand old time.

I mean, I didn't, in, in, in, okay. Let me, let me tell you, the job that he did was spotty at best. I had, I had patches of hair coming out of this and that. I had this McDonald's hat. I was reekin' the fuck out. Yes, I'm the horrible. A chia pet, I look at the desert, a little bush, the tumble weeds on the top of my head.

So I got out of the shower and I just couldn't believe what was going on with my head. And John thought this was just the funniest thing in the world. So I didn't know what to do. So I put the hat on and I went to work. And when I got home after that, she had to make Donald's. My dad threw a fucking hissy fit.

He's like, what the hell happened to your hair? What did you do? And I was like, I just how do I explain it? It was the wall. That was watching the wall and I lost my hair. I just, I don't I don't remember how I explained it away, but it's. He loved your hair. He wanted you to keep the hair. I, you know, back in this when he saw the patch. Yeah, patchy job He knew He but here's a thing that has a funny thing that happened People started the at that time not many people had their head shape now and some people would have inferred that you might have been a skinhead

Right for having your head shaved, which I clearly was not. And, but some people at work started commenting on how good the haircut looked. You've got a great face. Or either, thank you very much. And without any hair, you just have to focus on the face. Yes. So, I think really what it was is that they were commenting on how good my head looked without the fucking hair on top of my head. They hated the hair.

It's awful. So I feel you, Harry or whatever, and William or whatever your name is, I feel you. But I think he should just go for it. Like why not just take the rest of it off? It's a two, and if it's allowed, and the monarch scribes, they might be able to describe. I saw something today that said that they are not allowed to do autographs and they're just not. It's part of it. They're not allowed to sign autographs and they can travel anywhere in the world with no passport. Well, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Do you think the president can travel anywhere in the world without a passport?

I think they do. Air Force one. Yeah, I think I'm Air Force One. If you show up on Air Force One, you're probably getting the green light. From my, yeah. You can just say we're just going, you're like, I'm coming there. Listen, you know, debate the royals, don't debate the royals. There's a lot of good and a lot of bad. I'm sure that I've come from the royal family. And I know that a lot of people, I know that people in England get all excited, some

people in England get all excited about it. But I do think they have to kind of, you know, step it up into the 21st century now that they've, now that the guard has changed, I think it would do Charles. I'm excited to see what happens. Yeah, me too. I think Harry needs to be a part of it. I think Harry adds that rock and roll flavor we're all looking for. He kind of does, yeah.

I mean, I like a guy who pulls a dick out of the party. Yeah, this is my opinion. I was Vegas, I remember that story. It didn't mean he was like, that he pulled it out when he lost a pool match or something. Yes. Yeah. We've all been there.

Speaking of pulling your dick out, I think this is really funny. There's a website out there that takes the top one, 600 podcasts, and then it ingests all of the content. And then it tells advertisers which content is safe for their brand. Okay. So it gives them a score on a number of different things.

It's terrorism. Oh my God, Chrissy, let me tell you. Yeah. First of all, I can't believe the commercial break has even listed on this website. I do. Top 600 podcasts in the world. But it is.

And it's like profanity, sex, violence, misinformation, everything bad, right? And then it gives you a score. It's like a heat map. And then it tells you which episodes, and how many episodes are bad or good in this particular category, right? So as you can imagine, the commercial break is laced with profanity. So it's, it's got a red dot way at the end. It's like red dot and then it lists all the episodes, all 230 odd, some episodes are listed under profanity. And they all, it gives you a score of like zero to 98 relevance.

And they're all in the 90s. You're first. We're first. We also get a pretty good score on sex. And the word that shows up most often in our show under the sex category is penis and dick. It shows up over 797 times in our short 1333 episode. Well, let's say it again, penis and dick, and then now we're up in the 800s. There you go. I just, when I

looked at this website, I was like, holy shit, they're categorizing our podcast and how safe it is for brands. And I can't even believe that any people can still continue. People continue to listen to this damn show. People can do that. And to ever. Disney Plus is on a favor, ties it up the show. I heard a commercial for the McDonald's the other day on our show and I obviously know when a McDonald's

is ever listened to the show because I do nothing to talk shit about McDonald's on this show. So, I went to a, I got out of town. I went to Miami and then I went on another Disney cruise. Yes. Miami is like an episode of Grand Theft Auto. I just have to tell you. Right. Yeah. It's like so many amazing cars and beautiful people, right? I haven't been in years. It's unbelievable. The difference, you drive in Atlanta

and you have to be a certain kind of driver in Atlanta. Because people in Atlanta, they drive a lot. Cautious and aggressive. Cautious and aggressive at the same time. Cautious and aggressive at the same time. Cautious and aggressive. Yeah, you really need to pay the fuck attention to what you're doing in Atlanta.

Because people drive like more crazy. As if they got their license on the back of a cereal, but it's I agree. Yes, they're still letting your grandfather drive and he's 99 with one. Yeah. He's a self-girled line of hell, but okay, whatever. I often say in Atlanta, you have to be an aggressive driver because everybody else is driving so aggressively

and unbelievably stupidly. Yeah, you have to be moderately aggressive and cautious. You have to, like, all eyes, you need 360. All around you. At all times, I'm constantly monitoring those mirrors because if you don't look, one second, there's a guy coming up on you at 180 miles per hour.

In Miami, so let's say one out of 10 drivers in Atlanta is driving like a fucking moron. In Miami let's say one out of 10 drivers in Atlanta is driving like a fucking moron in Miami It's one out of 10 drivers that's not driving like a fucking moron. I love Miami. I love everything about Miami I love the sun. I love the fun. I love the beautiful women and the beautiful boys. I love it all It's all one fun. Who tells it's Latina, Latina, you're dancing, you're getting your drugs, and you're having a cocaine. I love all of them. I'm all about the yachts and the beautiful,

all the everything. And the whole vibe. The people in Miami drive like fucking shit heads. That's all I gotta say. They drive, it's really all a Florida, because I don't know, that sun's going to everybody's head down there or something. If you're driving, if the speed limit is 70, you must drive at least 90 in order to keep

up with traffic. And then what happens, especially on that Florida turnpike? But there's only like so far, like you're at the end of the state. Where are people just like circling around the city? Yeah, they're circling around the city doing super fast. Yeah, because you can't go any further. The highway system makes no sense whatsoever. You go on the keys on that one bridge.

Sure. But there's the turnpike that goes from Orlando to Miami, right? And so when we're driving down there, I'm literally going 90 miles per hour in the left hand lane, and I'm following a line of traffic. Okay. You're a little caravan type thing. And if you leave even a fucking penis worth of room in between you and the car in front of you,

cars come up from the right and they just jam themselves right in. I hate when that happens. They don't even put on a blinker. They just move over and you have to stop. You have to stop. Yeah, there's no other choice because they are going to kill you and everybody else behind you

Yeah, you don't get that way and then they are exactly one fucking car ahead exactly one fucking car ahead Congratulations, you fucking moron you almost killed everybody behind you because you had to be one car ahead and your 1992 Fucking Honda Celica, whatever the shit it is It's unbelievable how unintelligent people are when they get in their cars down in Florida. A state that I love very much, but I don't know what happens to people when they get down in that damn sun

and they get on a fucking highway, they have to be one car ahead. Why do you have to be one car ahead? Just relax bro, rev down. Rev down. This is coming from a guy who has noted anger issues when it comes to driving. Yes you do.

I don't do that. I don't cut in front of people. Oh. Chrissy. It's dangerous, ain't it's rude. It's, I don't, it's rude. Yeah, but people don't care. They're, everyone's entitled.

Everyone's so fucking entitled to do this. Everyone thinks that they're the most important thing in the world. Right. We're getting to podcasts and Instagram for this because anybody could be famous on a podcast. Look at us. I know. We're two morons.

Yes. Two morons from the disparate parts of the world come together. World's worst radio station. We meet each other. We put this podcast on air. And now who knows why people are listening? I have no idea, but we appreciate it. Yeah, but we come on a nowhere and now we have lots of people are listening to us. Is that a wee swerving in front of other podcasts? We have swerved in front of so many other podcasts. That person. Do you Do you remember? No, Blinker.

Coming on in. I'll get away from the traffic talk for a second. But do you remember when we were like, I don't know, 100 episodes in, and people started commenting that we weren't. It wasn't nice of us not to allow another podcast to come on our podcast. Right. Do you remember this? I do, but we tried. We tried.

We made an effort. People were poo pooing as the first. Yeah, they were like, we came with a whole list. I remember this. You, me, Astrid. We came up with a whole list. We split it up. We said, let's contact these podcasts

and see if we can do some cross-formation. So we contacted us. I don't want to have us. Well, we contacted this one. And one person responded to it. Right. And then they go with a dog. No, I don't want to say the name here. Okay. No, Dean Bodie. Dean Bodie was good. Yeah. No, I actually started talking about Dean Bodie. And then Dean found it to be funny, right? Dean Bodie, that kind, whatever the fuck that shit was. There's a podcast.

And we started looking for other podcasts to cross promote. The idea being you share some audience, right? And when we had 300 listeners, I was looking for other podcasts that had maybe 400 listeners. Correct. I remember we were looking at the charts. We were looking to ladder it up. Yeah, we weren't going straight for Oprah. No.

We were number 2067. We were looking at the 2500. Yes. So we get one podcast to respond And I communicate with the gentleman and then they do a whole episode about you and me. Do you remember this? They did a whole episode of their show talking about our show They actually listened to our show on air and they went through the website The whole show. I think it was a section of a show, but whatever. I remember that. Yes. They did, no, they did a whole episode about us.

They did multiple episodes. Anyway. Okay. They, then they ghost us. Then they ghost us. Well, did we reciprocate and do anything with them? I gear later. When the commercial break is getting its come up

and we're swirving it in out of traffic and just beating other comedy podcasts all over the place I get a text message or an email, you know, hey, what about that cross promotion? Yeah, remember me and I was like, yeah, dude, no, I don't remember like sorry, bro Yeah, why didn't ghost them? I just said we'll think about it. We'll talk to you later. Let me think about these things I don't want to make decisions on time. So, then we start getting comments on our Apple. Oh, that's right.

We got comments that we were not cool because we would not allow this other podcast to come on our podcast. So they sicked their audience on us essentially. They asked their audience to come talk shit about us because we weren't having them on air. And then if you remember, we tried to bring them on air. And we were plagued with technical issues that had nothing to do with them.

We've tried multiple times to have guests on. I know people want guests, they love guests, we can't figure it out. I don't know, I don't want guests. We just can't figure it out. We've tried either a technical. Yeah, we've tried. Never worked either. It's technical difficulty or it's human difficulty. It's not good. Guys, I'm telling you, all of this is.

It's like a threesome where, you know, we've got another person and then there's one person's left out. That's right. I'm over here giving the guest a blow job. I mean, Chrissy trying to tickle his taint and it just doesn't work out. It's like, I get jealous. I want Chrissy to tickle my taint. It's all a thing. Yeah. Put that down, Pites pod scribe another pro fan of the lace episode by the

Chognata pod scribe. Yeah, the point is is that yeah, we swirved in front of some podcasts But we always try well. We put our blinker on. I was let him know that we know what we did We always gave the wave. Yeah, we gave the thank you. We said thank you very much. Thanks for putting me one one rank ahead of you Now watch me eat my dad Now I'm gonna pull off into the service center. I'm gonna come find you later This is Central Control. This is Central Control. And by George from Zorg wanted you to know that it's time for the commercial break inside of the commercial break. TCBpodcast.com.

The brand new TCBpodcast.com is where you go. You'll find all of the audio, all of the video right there on the website. And while you're there, you can drop us a line, hit the contact us form, and let us know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or content ideas. We would love to hear them, and we will always give you credit if we use your idea on air. 661-237-8296. That's 661, the word best, the number 2, y-o-yo. Text us, leave us a voicemail, we'd love to hear your voice and who knows, you just

might hear yourself at the beginning of one of these silly podcasts. We'd love it if you'd follow us on Instagram though no one else does, you'll be the first at the commercial break and go to our YouTube channel where we're doing just slightly better, youtube.com slash the commercial break. As the podcast continues to grow, Chrissy and I want you to know that we're ever grateful that you continue to listen. And if you have just a moment, follow or subscribe on your favorite podcast platform, and if they have a place for you to leave a comment or a review, please do so. We like to keep the podcast free of charge because let's be honest, no one was gonna pay for it anyway. So our sponsors support our ventures. Please use the specialized URLs or codes

if you're ever in the market for their products or services. They'll give you free shit, they'll continue to buy sponsorship. It's a win-win all around. Speaking of sponsors, we're gonna take a short break to hear from them, and then we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break. We go to Miami and we get an invite from one of Astrid's family members. I can't wait to hear those because that part is snippet.

This is crazy. You told me to snippet while you were gone about this and I'm just, I'm gonna let the, have the floor on this one because it's all perished. All the family is a flutter for the last six months about this one relative that we'll say, who has done very well for himself, Venezuela, done very well for himself, lives in the dream, down in my very smart business guy, very nice by the way, very nice, I really enjoy this guy's company.

But all of the, He sounds very nice after what happened. Yes, all family is a flutter because he has taken ownership of a 48 foot yacht from Italy. Now, everyone's talking about this fucking out for like six months, right? They're all saying how wonderful it is,

how beautiful it is, and they've seen pictures, and this gorgeous, and I'm thinking to myself, the guy's got a fucking fishing boat is what he's got. He's got a dinghy. He's got a dinghy, and everyone's making a big deal. Right, and then he got. Yeah, it's been hyped way too much, right? A guy that is a place with bedrooms and a kitchen and upstairs and a downstairs, it's not,

I know what everyone's getting excited about, nothing. Everybody's seen below deck, so we do. So we get to Miami and we show up at this guy's house. And he, you know, very lovely and gracious and the kids are running around breaking everything in his house and he's just, you know, I don't worry about it, don't worry about it. And he gives us the invite that everybody else is looking for.

Would you like to go on the out, Labor Day Weekend? Would you like to go on the yacht? And I'm like, yeah, sure, we're going your yacht. No problem, bud. Yeah, should I bring my fleshing bowl? I mean, you know, I think we're gonna go on a pontoon boat, basically. Yeah, you have low expectations. It bring my fleshing bowl. I mean, you know, I think we're gonna go on a pontoon boat, basically.

Yeah, you have low expectations. It's Miami, you can't, I mean, you know, there's real yachts out there. Chrissy gives us the invite, gives us the directions, and we show up at a fucking shopping center. We show up at a shopping center. Okay. We park at the shopping center.

I know I'm gonna be right on this one. Yeah. I know this is a pontoon boat. It's a dinghy with some life preservers. And I'm not saying anything out loud because I don't have a dinghy. I don't have a dinghy with life preservers. I don't even, I'm barely paying my mortgage over here.

I got three jobs and I'm barely paying the mortgage. So I'm like, whatever, cool, we're going on a dinghy. That's it. We go to the park and lot. He says, don't worry,, whatever, cool, we're going on a dinghy. That's it. We go to the park and lot. He says, don't worry, I'll have someone come pick you up on a golf cart. Someone comes to pick us up on a golf cart. We are literally in the middle of a shopping center.

And this guy starts swerving around the back of the shopping center. Okay. No, not okay. It's like we're passing by the fryer grease of, you know, Mexico, Mexico, Mexico. In the dumpsters. Yeah, the dumpsters and it's just awful.

And everybody's accidentally drove into the back of a shopping center. I hate it when I do that. I like shit. I don't care. And you can't get out. I can't get out. They don't want you back there.

So they don't allow it. You have to get a holding. There's a truck blocking you. The Cisco food guy is like, the fuck, man, trying to get my check back here I got frozen food delivered you're over here pussing around You know the Crogor in yeah, it's in the front with the big Crogor

Yeah, you're stuck. And I got it. Yeah, everybody's done it. Okay, so now we're doing it in a golf cart. Kids are screaming and I'm just like whatever. And then all of a sudden, we pop out of this back alley with this thing and we are in the middle of some of the finest

boats and houses and condos you've ever seen in Miami. We are in the middle of a port. Yes It's a harbor and that harbor has 200 300 foot yachts that are sparkling clean that have helicopter pads that have dingy's that I imagine we were gonna Go on hanging off the back of them and now I'm like oh shit maybe I'm wrong Okay, yeah, and I'm pleasantly surprised exactly so he takes us up and he pulls and and there is this is this uncle standing there in the back of this boat this 48 foot fucking yes I love it as he does he have like champagne in his hand he does he does

he has champagne he has champagne the boat is going there's a little walkway there's a whole nine yard there's there's seats in the is going, there's a little walkway, there's a whole nine yard, there's there's seats in the back, there's there's a glass sliding doors that you walk into on the back of the boat and there is a living room with a fucking small kitchen and a television and stairs that go down, there are three bedrooms and there is an upstairs with couches and an extra, you know, you have a, you know you have it good when your boat has not one, but two places you can steer from. You know what I'm saying?

That's true. If you can steer from two places on a boat, you're doing okay for yourself. Yes. And it's a beautiful Italian leather everywhere. It is white. White. Oh.

Runners, runner, rug runners. The walls are covered in white. I don't know what it is leather, wallpaper, all night. As you walk down these stairs, very steep stairs, but you walk down them. It's three bedrooms, one in the middle, and then two on the one on the right, one on the left. I love this. It's wonderful. It's lovely.

And so, this guy says to me, he says, listen, this is my first time driving my own boat. I usually have a driver, or one is my first time driving my own boat. I usually have a driver, one of the first time driving my boat. So I have a couple rules. You know, don't yell because I think it'll scare me. Right? I'll think something's going on. Don't ever put your hands out when I'm trying to park,

you know, with a regular boat, you can push the push one way or the other, but this boat, you know, 17 tons is crush your hand, whatever. Okay, all this stuff makes common sense. You know, don't jump off the boat. You know, don't play with the motor. All this other stuff. And I'm like, okay, cool.

Sit down and shut up. Sit down and shut up is right. Let me navigate a silence on the water. Meanwhile, I have two children that are like monkeys on crack. They are literally running around that boat swinging off the fences. They love to do. They're upstairs driving the boat,

they're downstairs driving the boat. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no to sail off, right? To ship so hard. What do they say? Set sail. So I'm upstairs helping this guy kind of untie and do a couple things around maintenance around the boat to get ready. And I hear, Brian, and I'm like, the first thing this guy says is, no yelling. Okay, got it. And I'm like, okay, hold on. And I'll be out there in a second. This was Astrid. And the first thing this guy says is no yelling. Okay, I got it. And I'm like, okay, hold on. And you know, I'll be out there in a second. I'm this was astered.

I'm outside. Yes. And I can hear aster yelling from inside. And the glass door is closed. So I can hear her yelling through the glass door. So then I'm like, hold on. No yelling. Okay, I got it, right?

And so she opens the glass door and she's like, hi, hi. Can I talk to you just for one second? And I know that's a right and that's you are Universal of like there's a shit show Happening and I'm gonna be polite and not alert anybody what else but you yes you Brian. Yes need to get it here However, yes anybody who's been married knows this much and This guy's looking at me and I'm like I'll be back in one second, let me help you. And she's like, oh my God, what happened? Oh my God, and I'm like, oh my God,

what is that kid's dead? You know, no worse. So I walked down the middle of this boat in this living room, family room kitchen area and I go down the stairs and what I see is fucking mortifying, Chrissy. White carpet, white walls, white stairs. White everywhere. But the only thing that I can see is purple stains everywhere.

We're not talking a little purple stain. We are talking purple stains everywhere in this little area where you would go to one of these three bedrooms and the stairs and the walls and the carpet and everything. Meanwhile, my son is like a run-run like a monkey. He's like, hey dad look there's a thing, hey dad look there's a button you can press, hey dad look a fire hydrant, a fire hose I can spray thing with. And I'm like, okay everyone shut up no screaming. screaming no screaming so I'm like what the fuck now your son my son yeah that had juice box and he decided he was gonna run through the halls with it spring oh my god we can't even afford the market. Now I gotta buy a new phone. That leather fall favorite cost more than this studio.

Oh my God. So I'm like, okay, go shh, okay. Yeah. Let's get a towel. Like you can get a towel and I wet it and then I'm like trying to, you know, damp it. Blot it. You blot it.

It's just squeezing the grape juice ever. It's making the whole, now more of the carpet is purple and now I'm ripin' it off the walls and it's just smearing the grape juice all over the leather and I'm like, oh my God. And then I hear that door open and I know that it's the owner of the boat, the uncle.

We'll call a uncle. And I don't, I'm like, oh, we're just gonna have to face this one head on because there's no way to hide it. There's no way to hide it. I can't clean it. I don't know what to do. Yeah we're just gonna have to face this one head on because I clean it I don't know what to do. Yeah, you have some oxy clean. So I said yeah Where's the laundry room? I know we're not supposed to yell So I'm just gonna tell you right now That includes you right Then my idiot children Sprayed grape juice all over you.

And he looks downstairs and he's like, oh, that's not good. But I don't want you to worry about it. And this is what he says. And I don't know this speaks to what kind of guy he is or this is the truth. But either way, it was the news that I needed to hear. He's my hero. Yes. Because this is not how I would have handled it. I would have, some people would have been in the drink.

That's all I got to say. I would have tied them up to the back of the boat. It's, hey, oh, no, no. I, he goes, don't worry about it, Brian. Don't try and clean it. It'll just make it worse. And by the way, I'm getting all of that replaced next week. And I'm like, you're getting all of that replaced next week. I'm getting all of that replaced next week. And I'm like, you're getting all of that replaced next week.

I'm getting the whole interior replaced next week. Basically, anything you see, I'm getting replaced. And I was like, that's not true. That can't be true. You just got this, y'all. They know all the sudden you're getting everything replaced. But that's very nice of you to say. Oh, man. So I say, obligatory, I say, whatever costs, send me the the bill send it via mail I'll

try and get a check you in the next six to twelve months or years yeah I don't have a real bank account but I've got one of those online things do you take Bitcoin it'll raise in value. A funny story is when altcoin started when alt currency started getting on. Yeah. I recommend it if you get involved in it. I sold it to top. They all. Oh my god. I like the gringo. I like the gringo, good and shoot straight. Oh, Lord. Oh my God. But that's very nice of him. We go out, it's very nice of him.

He was just like so gracious, such a nice host. He said all the right things, and whether it was true or it was not true, he made us feel better, at least in that moment. I mean, if you're inviting kids on sugar, all white, yeah, you might just be prepared. If I'm inviting kids onto my all white yacht, I'm expecting that their parents are

going to pay attention to what's going on. That's right. Meanwhile, you're up there, like stirring. I know. Steering the boat. Steering the boat, yeah. Brian's up sunning himself on the front of the boat. Well, the kids are hanging off the side. No yelling.

Shut up. Trying to sun myself up here. I got to look good for the next taping of the commercial break. Gotta get my tan on. Meanwhile, it was the surface of the sun hot. Surface of the sun hot. It was like, we left it three.

It was the surface of the sun hot. Surface of the sun hot. It was like, we left it three. It was the surface of the sun hot. The water was 92 degrees. That's how hot the water was. That's like, that's bath water, basically. The Atlantic gets warm like that. The Pacific stays cold. Yeah, I think it has something to do with the rotation of the earth or some shit like that.

Current, current, I don't know, science and stuff. So we take this, like, I don't know, maybe it's a 40 minute ride out into one of the other harbors in Miami. We're a little north of Miami and then we travel a little north, more north going toward the Fort Lauderdale area to hang out in this cove that has hundreds and hundreds of boats up. Yacht cove, something like that. Chrissy, it's crazy. How many boats were part there? I mean, was it similar to what we see at Lake Lanier? Can I ask you that?

It was, yeah, but only people with actual money. I think. Okay. People with real money. Yes, it was. It was definitely Lake Lanier. Just a lot more Trump flag. Well, no, that's Lake Lanier.

No, that's not what I was doing. Yeah. But everyone is having a good time. Mm-hmm. You think about South Florida is, it really is been, it's been made into a home for Latinos and Latinos. Of course. It's their home.

And I love it because I'm married to a Latina, and I love the culture and it's all that. And you're on a yacht. Yeah, and I'm on a yacht with a purple yacht. That's somebody. So we get it. So we take this drive. And here's what I noticed about Florida.

Not only is it an episode of Grand Theft Auto actually on the streets where people pretend that they're in a video game and just cut in front of people. They do the same fucking thing on the actual water too. Right. They just cut in front of you. I mean, speeding around. Yeah, this guy's got a 48 foot yacht and it's just amazing how close these other boats

are coming and everything's very crowded. It's Labor Day and I get it, but it seems so dangerous to me. Yeah. Listen, listen how old I sound. It sounds so dangerous to me. I was 20. I would have been a fucking. Woo.

So we get out to this cove drop sanker puts this little pad out like this little floating pad that every yacht seems to have Yes, it's like a big it's like a 20 foot 10 foot pad that floats. It's your little island. You jump out the back of the boat and then you can hang out on top of it The kids can run on it. You know, it's a whole whole thing. So We're there and we're in the water. I don't know, 20 minutes. The kids are, you know, first time really in the ocean, like deep ocean and they're having a blast. And then Astrid looks at me and she's like, I have something on my neck and I'm like, what do you mean you have something on your neck? And she goes, I'm just kind of itching.

The second she says that, I start itching on my neck. And I'm like, yeah, I'm kind of itching on my neck too. My legs start itching, my chest starts itching. Yeah, once you talk about a niche, everything itches. But it's an itch with a burn, right? Right. And then this is, I haven't experienced this since college when I was dating a lot of people. The itch and the burn at the same time. Not under that.

Holy, it was microscopic jellyfish that were just, like they bloom and then they just kind of, they get you, they were all over the place. Wow. It didn't take us out of the water, like it didn't distract us from fun, but for the next 24 hours, everything was itchy and burning, right?

Yeah. When we got back on the boat after, my children almost drowning multiple times, I put them back on the boat and then we start heading back in. I go and I stand on the front of the boat. You know, that kind of quiet, private time that I need that Brian time. Right. And reflect.

Every flat. The water. The water. All the your breasts that are everywhere. Yeah. The poor and the pain made. You know, yeah. So this is what happens.

So as we're as he's pulling up the anchor and as we're getting ready to go, there's boats that are passing in this little channel that's coming right in front of us. And I'm just watching as the boats pass. And every boat has one of three things going on. It's either a family of some sort. Right. And by the way, most of the boats are bigger than the boat we're on. It's just unbelievable how many beautiful boats are out there. But they all have the same thing. They all have the place where you hang out in front yes, and then on the second level, right? Card the starboard. Yeah, starboard. Okay. Yeah, the port or the Ford the forward or the after I don't know whatever I spent 10 days on a boat. I love you, but I'm talking about

So they everyone's hanging out of front. So it's either a family. This is kind of stunning themselves It is someone doing an Instagram photo shoot. Sure, that's very good. We saw multiple of those going on. Yeah. One guy, 12, 18 year old girls in the slinkiest bikinis you could ever imagine covering up nothing. Nothing.

And they're all taking photographs of those things, right? Of course. We saw this multiple times. It was clear that it was a photo shoot for Instagram. Oh, yeah. That's standard now. Or number three, which was people on the front of a boat and they were showing off their wares.

Like it was clear that they were doing a show for everybody else, right? So these are Instagram models, photo shoot going on, a family just having a nice day or a third, which was, yes. Peacocking. That's peacocking, cock-cocking. Yes.

Cock-cocking is what I call it, peacock-cocking. Yes. Buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk This right I'm like, oh, that's a number two. That's a number three. There's a number number three. It's a nice family There's a nice Instagram shoot. I catch something that I got a photograph of and I'll see if I can put it up on our Instagram There were three young ladies in Extraordinarily small bikinis like real string bikinis the kinds you only shoelace shoelace, right showing and I mean nipple hanging out the whole nine yards Like disco naked disco naked who cares? Oh, yeah, that's what I Or disco yeah, but you know uncle uncle said no yelling and no showing your cock. Yeah, no cock cocking out there No cock cocky as they are driving by and we're talking. This is like 50 feet from me

I see that someone's got like a sunshade, and then there are two guys who have actual cameras, and then there are these three girls with string bikinis on, most of which are ass end toward me. Like they're just like bending down with their asses toward me, and at first, I think they're just- That's when you're really starting to reflect.

I'm really starting to reflect. If I didn't have these fucking kids, maybe he's gonna be has ending me Chrissy what was going on was a porn video shoot on the front of a boat while it was moving Wow in the middle of thousands of other boats. It was one gentleman getting Felatio from three separate women and two other guys filming it while some young lady held a sunshade to make sure that you got the perfect lighting for your cock cocky. Only in fucking Miami does this happen.

Only in Miami would you see an actual porn movie being shot in a crowded labor day cove with thousands of other people looking on children included, and these guys were on the front of a building. That is wild. That is so fucking insane. I mean, is it the craziest thing I've never seen? No. But is it one of the crazier things I've seen?

Certainly. I'm not surprised. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen on a purple 48-foot yacht. That's all I got to say. Yeah, and live in person. I've never, I don't, yeah. Besides that time, I walked into a club and I was at a swingers party.

Yeah. You kind of were prepared for that. Well, I wasn't prepared, but by the time I got in and got adjusted, I could understand why people were getting head in there, right? But when you're in a yacht with your children, Yeah, you're not expecting. Not something that you expect,

but I'll be damned if they weren't filming an actual porn movie on the front of this boat. Wow, well. It was just the first two days of my trip. It was just the first two days, Chrissy. That's the way to start it. That was your labor day. No.

No. Not as a pimple as yours. Come on, you didn't have anything go on? No, not with that. You and Jeff weren't peak cocking or cocking. I like that. Not as a bit of a joy. Oh, come on, you didn't have anything go on? No, not with that. You and Jeff weren't peak cocking or cocking. I like that. Well, you go on to your pool.

There's some cock cocking going on down there too. I'm totally immersed in your story now. I can even remember. Was I alive yesterday? I don't know. I'm totally thinking about the porn. And are they streaming it? Were they just filming it?

Was it dual live stream? And feel it's available for somewhere. We might need to do some research and find this. I wish, I mean, what do you search for? Labor Day, yacht porn? I've been looking for it. Labor Day, yacht porn. I don't even think it's gonna go on some random website. There's probably like a million search results.

How much do you have to get paid to give some, some do, because I'm assuming the guy doesn't need to get paid anything, but how much do you need to get paid? It depends on your situation. Yeah, in order to give head in the middle of a cove on Labor Day, I just, I mean, sex work is work and don't get me wrong. Absolutely.

I don't think you should be doing it in the middle of a cove on Labor Day. Yeah. But, you know, $500, $1,000, $2,000. I mean, you're we talking me personally? Well, I know you were going to say no to it altogether. You're at classy lady. I am.

I know. There's no filet, however. But in another line. You send in $1,000 to tcbpodcast.com. And a plane ticket. To my account of why Brian 3000 and Filatio from Chrissy. I'm going to need a plane ticket. Oh, a plane ticket down to Miami.

Oh, it's gotta be filmed in Miami. Yeah, I should think we should be careful because with some of our fans, they might actually do it. That's true. Oh man, there's so much more to talk about. That's just like number one. I know that that was just the leaping up to it.

Guys, you gotta slow down in Miami. You're killing everybody down there. Well, they're living hard fast, right? Yeah, but you're gonna kill somebody. That's the thing. And then we saw multiple accidents. I know why those accidents were from. Of course you do.

It's because they're from people just trying to cut and funny. And of course you do. That's it. It's like when it's raining really, really hard. And I see people flying by. And then they're at the ditch. Yeah.

And I'm like, well, you're on damn fault. There's only been one time when I've seen instant karma like that. And that was a guy did the same move that they do down in Miami. He came, he went super fast, he cut in front of somebody, and five minutes later, I saw him in the ditch. Yeah, I saw it on one trip that took from Asheville

down to Atlanta. My mom and I were driving and it was poor. We were like following the cell. I even got in the car. We had to pull off multiple times. I mean, it was raining that hard. Wow. Yeah, sheets of rain.

And I saw multiple cars flying around and then spun out. Well, you know what? That's what you get for being an asshole. Yeah, nobody was hurt Thank goodness, but I have children like slow down Yeah, anyway, I had to be back in the studio. Oh, thanks for listening. Thank you for there's so many our fucking phone line While I was gone. I don't know what happened the pet stuff We got pet photo graphs. We got people telling us about their old jobs. We got somebody who told us that Adams move out of the country to get your friend to sleep with you. Tactic worked. I'll talk more about that

later on down the road. So many people. So thanks to everybody. Keep it coming. Our good friends. Oh, I wanted to say this too. We know the YouTube videos are behind. We're getting on it. We have a brand new producer, Morgan, she's working on it. We'll update that channel. Quality takes time. Quality takes time. We're not gonna. If there's one thing the commercial break will never do, let's let the quality of our programming suffer due to time restrictions. No. The commercial break is one big example of quality suffering due to time restrictions. In the dictionary, we're under quality.

That's right. Alright, so I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I do want to let you know that I love you. I love you. I do want to let you know best to you, Chrissy. Best to you. And best of you out there on the podcast universe, make sure to hit us up 6612378296.

And until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say. And we must say bye! Bye!I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man You