The Commercial Break - Not All Of Us Are Well...

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

Episode #584: Bryan gets all fired up about misogyny, but also says that he “doesn’t know how to cook,” even though we are fairly certain he can read (need proof). Bryan & Krissy discuss Bryan��s come to Jesus moment on the road.  Hypocrisy! We love our Bryan, warts and all!!! Why is this impression kind of giving Cosby? Hate muse Misogyny! Women famously love being treated like humans

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. You just had an entire chicken parm meal. I have to have snacks Monday through Friday. I have to have snacks for school, snacks for after school, snacks for TV watching, snacks for just when I feel like snacking.

I have to have my snacks. On this episode of the Commercial Break, When I feel like snacking, I have to have my snacks. [♪ Music Playing And Sound Effects. On this episode of The Commercial Break. So, you know, I'm a kid at heart when I stop at a stoplight and I see somebody next to me and we look at each other, you know, I'll go, right? I'll go. Why not? I'll go. I'll go with you. But this day and age, you got to be careful about who you're gonna go with

because, you know, idiots are idiots and, you know, the world is full of people and not all of them are well. Some of them are having a gap life. You know what I'm saying? Hashtag gap life. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Yeah boy!

Oh yeah! Kids and kids welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Gray and this is the Bleach to My Chlorine. Kristin Joy only. Best to you, Kristin. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We're just here in the studio banging our heads against a collective wall.

As now we gotta get back to talking about, I don't know, no more Olympics. No more, yeah, boy! Now we get to watch the news on about, I don't know, no more Olympics, no more. Yeah, boy. Now we get to watch the news on cycle for 24 hours a day. At least I do. You don't, but I do. I like to, I don't know, because Astrid was asking me yesterday, she's like, you know, there's a few people who I just seriously am so irritated with on social media. And I talk about them all the time. And I'm never going to name them by name because I don't want to, I'm not going to the time. And I'm never gonna name them by name

because I don't wanna, I'm not gonna be a bully. I'm not gonna use my bully pulpit. I'm not gonna name them by name. They probably don't even know who they are because I mix and twist and make it just out of reach that someone would know who it was. But the truth is is that I hate the fucking hypocrisy. I hate, that's what drives me goddamn crazy.

And I know I can be a hypocrite too sometimes. But I don't say that I hate influencers because they stick their boobs out everywhere and then stick my boobs out everywhere to be an influencer. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's not what I do. I don't do that. Or I don't say, like someone said on one of them, the other, one of the social medias the other day, how can France call themselves a country after all, you know, sinners and sinning and sex and lies and videotapes and drugs and Jesus and all this other stuff. Meanwhile, you were doing blow

off strippers tits at Lake Lanier not but ten years ago. How do I know? Because you were there. I was setting up the lines for you. And you are a woman! lines for you and you are a woman! Don't let's not get into the eating out or pussy afterwards! That's a whole fucking different story! It's fucking insane! You're such a hypocrite! You found Jesus, now no one else can sin?

You found Jesus, now no one else can do anything? Listen, I'm not against Jesus, I think he's a pretty fucking cool dude actually! I kinda like the guy. I think we need a few more of them to come down to earth graces with his presence. But at the end of the day, you can't claim that everybody else is so terrible when the truth was you are just as terrible in this lifetime. You can't say that. No longer can you declare that. Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone. Exactly. That's like one of the proverbs that we all learned as a Judeo-Christian society, right?

Yes. Okay, so don't be an asshole. Don't be an asshole. And so many people do this on their social media and it drives me fucking crazy. It's like, I am who I am. Ugly spots and all. Warts and all. I'm not perfect. I'm not the perfect human being, I don't always get it right. I get it wrong so much more than I get it right.

If you've listened to more than two of the 800 episodes of the commercial break, then you know that I'm just a fucking asshole who can't get anything right. But I admit it, I know it, and I know it about myself, and I love myself for warts and all. I just love it. We love you for it too.

Yeah, and when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong, and when I'm right, I gloat, and that's how it should be. Okay, all right I just love it. We love you for it too. And when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. And when I'm right, I gloat. And that's how it should be. Okay? All right. There you go. All right. All right.

Preach it, Ryan. I just can't stand it. It's like, you know, and now especially with the political environment that we're in, everybody's a fucking hypocrite. And they're all, all of a sudden, they all went to, got a master's degree in political fucking science and regular science and crowd sizes and mirrors and plane reflections. It's

fucking insane. But I guess it's all to be expected because we have some of the dumbest people on earth giving us the news every day. Now, let me share. I watch all kinds of news channels because I want to see what's going on from all directions. I do too. Yeah, me too. I want to hear what the conservatives are up to. I want to hear what the liberals are up to. I want to hear what the people in the middle are up to. But man, does one of these channels have the dumbest fucking newscaster ever in the afternoon. And they put him at 11 o'clock for an hour. And I think that's a good safe move for them because no one's watching the fucking news except for Brian Green at 11 a.m. No one. Who's got time for that? But I'm watching this guy today and, oh, Chrissy, let me see if I can just shout out, let me see if I can like drum up an example here.

Yeah, do it. He was talking today to two political pundits, like real political pundits, like former operatives for the conservatives and former operatives for the current operatives for the Democrats. And here, listen to the brilliant questions that come out of this guy's mind. Do you think that people believe Trump or is there some sense that he may be being dishonest? And it's like, why? You get paid a million dollars a year to do that? So then, befuddled, the operatives are like, pretty sure everybody knows Trump is lying, even Trump, but that's his game, dude. Can we get past the basics here and move the football down

the field a little bit? And then he goes, do polls showing Kamala Harris up by four or five percent in swing states? Are these polls to be believed or should we look deeper at what's going on? Or should we look deeper at what's going on? What are you gonna do an investigative fucking documentary on the polls? The fuck are you talking about? Talking about It's just terrible these hurricanes they're everywhere and yet another one spinning up in the ocean. Do we think that warmer temperatures have something to do with this? No, we don't. We don't think

the earth boiling has anything to do with the foul weather, you asshole. Get off the air, move along. They have some pretty smart broadcasters on this station, I do have to say. This guy is not one of them. They hid him at the 11 o'clock hour and that's where he should be. The way he talks and the way he says it, the questions he asks, it's beyond stupidity. It's just like, I can't even believe it. And I wonder why my friends on Facebook, Instagram, and Strict Talk are such assholes, because they're all listening to idiots like this. Asking really dumb, basic questions. Asking really dumb?

Asking really dumb questions? It's like every word is a different intonation, and he's pausing as if something smart was going to rattle into his brain at any moment. was going to rattle into his brain at any moment. Does JD Vance believe that he fucked a couch, or has the couch come forward? The couch come forward. Have we heard from the couch? Is there any indication that the couch feels violated?

Is the couch still within statute of limitations to press charges on Mr. Vance? Is the couch of limitations still available? What does Hock Tour mean? Is What does Haktua mean? Is Kamala Harris a brat or not? More on that after this. We've taken a look, a further look, at why Ukraine corn prices are soaring. We'll be back with that after this. You don't think that has something to do with all the bombing going on in there? Okay, alright, just checking.

Consumer prices have risen for the 55th month in a row. Why? I'll ask my next guest after these messages. Okay, all right. Okay, okay, smokey, smokey. I hate listen, I hate watch, I hate strew. This is one of the faults of Brian Green. This is one of the things that I wish I could shake,

but I can't shake it. I was telling Astrid yesterday. I don't really know. I don't really know why I'm so obsessed with watching people be dumb and hypocritical. But there's something that, and so now I understand why the politics of hate sometimes work in populism. It's because when you scratch the worst part of you, it can feel good. Not good like, I don't know, the fucking zippity doo-dah, but good in a way like, I don't know, maybe even as base as I'm better than someone else.

At least I'm not doing that kind of shit. Now, I hate to say that about myself, but it's true. I mean, I can look at myself and say, yeah. At least I'm not doing that. At least I'm better than that. I don't have a lot going for me, but at least I'm better than that. At least I'm not claiming to be, I better than that. I don't have a lot going for me, but at least I'm better than that. At least I'm not claiming to be, I'm claiming to be the anti-influencer while I'm trying

everything to be an influencer. There is something to be said for that part where you're like, at least I'm not that. Yeah. At least I'm not that. Yeah. At least I don't do that. But then I'm sure a lot of podcasters look at us and go, at least I'm not the commercial break. That's right. Nicole Sussman Appreciate it.

Jared Sussman Hey, fair enough. I mean, we're the butt of somebody's joke. I just know it. One time we got a comment and I forgot who the guest was, but there was a guest and I'm assuming because it's a she, that the person we were talking to was a she identified as a woman. A woman. A woman. A woman? Does a vagina have to be open?

We'll get answers from my next guest So because you know because it was a she that was on our show I'm assuming that's why people were some people were shit posting right and one guy said this Fuck this bitch Somebody is listening so I go and I google that somebody because I didn't understand what was being said. And I usually, like, I think I have enough internet knowledge to kind of pick up on what the trolls and the jokes and the insides are, because I've just spent so much time. And I didn't understand the vernacular. I wasn't getting it. And so I Googled it.

And when I Googled it, what came up was a podcast. And that podcast, they do nothing but listen to other podcasts, vodcast, video shows, and comics specifically on those shows, and then they break them apart. Like in the most mean and trashy and crazy ways. And so- And they picked us?

No, they didn't. But not that I know of. Oh, oh, I thought you meant it was the guest. At least not in the last four episodes. It was our guest. But it was just our guest on somewhere else. No, it was our guest on our show. And then they said this, someone is watching,

this person or this show is watching. So I Googled that term because it didn't make sense that it was a show, right? It just said that, I'm not even gonna give the name, but and then so I went and their whole shtick is to break down, beat up, you know, talk shit about podcasts. Yeah, wonderful.

Well, listen, I don't care. I mean, whatever. Listen, Teresa Caputo is the, you know, is the, I don't know what you call it. She's our hate muse, I guess she's our hate muse. So I don't care. Whatever the concept of the show is, that's fine. Like how this get made, all they do is break down movies that they think are terrible.

There's a lot of that that goes on, but this was extra pointed, extra fangy, kind of shitty, at least whatever I had heard of it. And there were a few laughs in there, to be fair, there were a few laughs in there, but I didn't see our guest on that raw, at least as I scrolled through it, I didn't see our guest on the show notes being one of the people that they were kind kind of poking fun at, and I didn't see our show either. So I didn't get what they were saying. But it seems like anytime that we have a female comic on specifically,

there's always some jackhole that's gotta make a comment about how she's not funny, they're not funny as a group, this is not funny, and it's so irritatingly fucked up to me. It really is. You don't have to be a dick with a dick. Do you know what I'm saying? You really don't. You can be a man.

Look at me. I am a man's man. My dishwasher was leaking yesterday. We go to like a parent teacher con first of all, we're at that fucking school every 15 minutes. They got more conferences than I've ever heard. But anyway, okay, it's a new school. And I like it actually, because it's a lot of communication so that we kind of understand that what's going on for our children's sake.

But we go to another meeting and then we come back and there's the babysitter's there and the babysitter is like, no, Emmy, is like, oh my God, Brian, there's something wrong with the dishwasher. It started to flow out there everywhere. You know, I turned it off, whatever. I said, Oh, okay, don't worry about it. In my mind, I'm freaking out because I got to pay $80 for someone to come tell me that all you have to do is turn this switch off or whatever. You know what I'm saying? But I'm like, okay, let me get a flashlight and try and be a man for a second. Let me point the flashlight down there. I see where the leak is coming from.

I can kind of understand it. And so I'm like, okay, I can get this done. So I go get a screwdriver because what I think needs to be done is it's a little tightener, a fastener that needs to just be screwed in tighter. One of the hoses coming off, look at this motion I'm making right here.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hock, ta! That's the hose motion for sure. Hock, ta! So that's the hose motion for sure. Hock, t'ah! So that's the hose motion indeed. If your hose is that guy from pole vaulting. So I'm like, I know, I can do this. It's got a little flathead things.

All you gotta do is just twist it and then it's gonna get tighter, right? Well, I'm in there for fucking 40 minutes, just twisting and twisting and twisting and twisting. The kids are yelling and screaming, Astrid's telling me to please, can we do this tomorrow so you can get the kids to fucking bed and I'm like no I got it's almost there it's almost there I keep twisting and twisting and twisting and twisting before I realize on the other side is a lug nut that I need

to hold in order to actually tighten it I was down there for seven minutes twisting that thing forever and I was like God this thing really is loose before I figured out, I had to hold the lug nut. And I thought I'd take it. Or the nut or whatever it is. It's not even a lug nut. Lug nut's on a car. What are you talking about, Brian? Before I realized, holy shit Brian,

you're a fucking moron, dude. And then I woke up this morning, still not fixed. Still not fixed. Well, what are you gonna do? But I just gotta say like, every time that we have a female comic on here, it's just seems... It's really weird. It is really weird. I mean, I don't understand it.

I don't know. I understand it. And I am a woman, but I just don't get it. We're in the last throes of Super Machismo. Yeah. And it's like, you know, someone told me, I think it was my dad, but it could have been my grandfather, that the pendulum swings one way or the other. And when it swings as far as it's going to swing, shit's a little crazy, right?

And that's just life, the energy of life. I'm not talking about politics, I'm talking about it all, right? And I think the pendulum has swung very far to one direction with certain folks. And okay, and there's lots of different reasons that I think that those folks get these ideas in their head or they get ideologies or religion or whatever it is, or just funky energy, whatever the fuck it is. But I think there's like, we're in the last throes of trying to understand as a human race, how we are all a little bit more flat-footed with each other, a little bit more equal.

And I think there's a big segment of the population, especially here in the United States, that is really super threatened by thinking about everyone actually being equal and not forming traditional roles that have been in place for lots and lots of years. I think you can be a super dude with a super dick and also cheer other people on. Cheer other genders and cheer other races. And that actually makes you more attractive. Listen, I could use all the help I could get. So that's why I'm doing it for super selfish reasons.

Women in general think that's more attractive. I mean, yeah, to actually be treated like an equal, another human being. I mean. Yeah, no, like treated like an equal, another human being. I mean... Yeah, no, like, listen, no knock on tradwife, right? You want to be a tradwife, be a tradwife. Yeah, do whatever you want to do. But that seems like a fed...

It seems fetish to me, almost fetish to me. Like, you know, this idealization of a time when things were not so fantastic, like, you know, when things make, what a great again? I don't know, like, make me subservient again. But if that's a role that you want to play, I think that's totally cool. If that's the role that you do play because that's what you enjoy and that's truly a calling in your life, then that's awesome. I love that you're doing it. If that's a role that you're playing because you think that's the way it should be because someone else is telling you that's the way it should be, that you're doing it. If that's a role that you're playing because you think that's the way it should be

because someone else is telling you that's the way it should be, that's like super manipulation. And that to me doesn't seem interesting at all. I don't know, maybe it's, you wanna be my trad wife? I'll be your trad wife. Thank you. Do you know what a trad wife is?

I do. Yeah, I read an article about it and then kind of went down the rabbit hole with the different Instagram accounts and things I was like, yeah It's one of those things like in our Jeff and I's relationship I like to cook he doesn't and that's just the way it is. I like it if I did not like to cook He would be like great. Let's get a bunch of pre-made stuff and go out to eat

all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, fresh forever. Yeah, I know. Like what? But I'm cooking because I like to cook. Yeah, Astrid does the cooking, but that's not because, that is because I do not know

how to cook and we would all go hungry around here or be spending lots of money. But that's, but if Astrid didn't, you're right, if Astrid didn't like to cook, if that was something she didn't enjoy. And there is like, there have been times that it was just one the other day. I could see it in my partner's eyes. You're at like 10% right now. You've been spending time with the kids because we're in here recording. You're frazzled, you're razzled.

You also have a big responsibility work-wise. You bring money into the household. Like I get it. I could see she's at 10%. And her favorite thing in the world is sushi. Maybe not her favorite thing, but one of her favorite thing in the world is sushi, maybe not favorite thing, but one of the favorite foods in the world is sushi. And so I came out of the studio and she was like,

oh, what do you want for dinner? And I go, how about I go pick up some sushi? And she was like, well, you don't have to ask me twice. And I was like, let's get some sushi, get some fried rice for the kids. Let's fill them full of MSG and try and get them to bed. Come on, let's do it. Yeah, Jeff's the same way.

He doesn't say they were like, what are you thinking for dinner? And if I'm like, eh, he's like, is it a nugget night for me? Ooh, a nugget night? I love it. A nugget night. We have these nuggets we love, so yeah.

What is he, five? I know, he loves these nuggets. These crispy nuggets we love. So yeah, I'm like, yeah. What is he, five? I know he loves these nuggets. Chicken nuggets, I love them. These crispy nuggets, they're delicious. I can't stand the smell of them, but I do like the taste of them. If I could just hold my nose and eat them, but you can't really hold your nose and taste anything. But so I think there are roles

that are traditionally thought of as male, female, that do play out in my household. But I think it's because we've communicated that that's what we want to do. That's what's wanted, not expected. That's right. So Astrid does all the traditional male roles and female roles and I'm a blob who rolls around the house talking shit. To newscasters on TV. I'm yelling at the TV and Instagram.

And TradWife. And couch fuckers. Hey, listen, let he amongst us who hasn't stuck their boner in between couch cushions come out of the woodwork right now. You can be the throw the first stone. How did that story? I've heard this story. He wrote it in hillbilly elegy. between couch cushions, come out of the woodwork right now. You can be the throw the first stone. How did that story, I've heard this story. He wrote it in hillbilly elegy.

He wrote that he was like, you know, something amorous with the couch one night or something. I was like, how did that even get out? I gotta give JD Vance, listen, I gotta give JD Vance a little bit of, I'm gonna give him an inch here. I don't, like he's not my favorite politician in the world, that's for sure.

I didn't even know he was a politician. I thought he was just kind of a doofus. But anyway, I got to give him an inch here. And that's probably what we're giving him is an inch. But at 13 years old, and you're a boy, you're pretty much sticking your dick in anything that makes a friction. American pie, right? Wasn't that movie where he was actually sticking the dick in the pie. Sticking the dick in the pie. I can imagine if I was a boy at that age, you wanna see how it feels, try different things.

You wanna fuck everything, yeah. It's easy to just pull the covers over and finger yourself, right? So if I had a vag, I'd be all good. But when you're a guy, you gotta go boning stuff. You gotta make motions and hump the floor. I used to hump the floor all the time. Before I even knew what humping was, I would hump the floor and my dad would be like, cut it out. I swear to God, I remember this. We would get scared. My parents would never let us in the bed. That was new, new, new, new, new.

In their bed? In their bed. Now I got 75 children in my bed. Yeah, she did. And some of them are 30. I can't get them out of my fucking bed. Because we're such babies. We're like, ah, come on. But I think there's, anyway, whatever.

I don't want to get into that conversation. But if we were scared, like if there was a thunderstorm or a tornado warning or whatever, when we first moved here to Georgia in this big new house that we had, and I say big, it wasn't really that big, but it was big to us. It was big to you.

Yeah. And we had these like zip up sleeping bags, but they were like, I don't know if they were the final or, you know, like outdoor sleeping bags. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Right? So my- I had a Star Wars one. Yeah. So if there'd be a, you know, Kevin and I would run in and, dad, mom, it's thunder. You know, my dad would be like, get your sleeping bags. Don't make any noise. Try to go to fucking

sleep. And then, so we'd sleep on the floor, right? This is after he would be out with the station wagon, turning into the light. Yes, the station wagon was long gone at this point. I was probably, let's call it 11 or something like that, 10 or 11, right? And so I was just coming into some understanding of my penis, being able to feel good, doing certain things,

which I'm sure every boy has gone through. So, and I'm not too proud to admit that I was like humping the floor during a thunderstorm or something. And I was probably making a bunch of noise, not like, oh, but you know, like, and I'll never forget, never. I think it happened one time and my dad was like, cut it out. Never forget, never. I think it happened one time and my dad was like, cut it out. And I was like, why? I got a tickle in my pickle. I got a wing-wing in my ping-pong daddy.

So listen, lay off me JD. If you think that's weird, wait till your kids turn, your boys turn 13 years old and see what they're humping. Oh yeah. But, okay, we're way past time here. Let's take a break. And we'll be back. You already know who it is.

Christina here to keep you actually informed, unlike some people we know, Brian. I've got certified, verified factual information about our Florida shows, so listen up. We are coming to Daniel Beach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th, and The Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. And links to those tickets are in the show notes, so go get them. In other completely new and interesting news, you should follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, go to our website, TCB Podcast.com for all of our audio and video

content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Chrissy that I am a pretty pretty princess, or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Bye! I do. Enjoy the number one feeling. Winning in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly.

No matter what you're going through, you are never alone. Join me on my podcast, From the Heart with Rachel Braitham, every Friday. Each episode is like sitting down with your best friend for a cup of coffee. From self-care tips to inspiration for healing, this podcast offers the chance to return to nature, return to community, and return to who you are at your core. Straight from my heart to yours. Listen to and follow From the Heart with Rachel Braitham on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. You know, in my personal Instagram, like I got my, I got the commercial break Instagram

on fleek with the algorithm. It's perfect. It's just perfection. Chef's kiss. But really chef's kiss to my personal Instagram, which is private, and there's like, I follow two people, there's two people that follow me, I don't care, I just, and it's got like stuff that I'm actually interested in, it's not a bunch of everything, right?

And so I follow some food stuff, because I thought whatever, they came up on a reel, and I thought it was interesting, so I follow. Yeah, I like that stuff too. But there's this one dude, and I don't know why I followed him because now it's just, it's getting a little odd. I'm watching this like literally during the break. I'm watching him as he sticks spaghetti through a hot dog. He makes a slit in a hot dog and then

he sticks a bunch of spaghetti, cooked spaghetti in it, and then he rolls the spaghetti over the hot dog. And then he like fries it for a second, and then sticks it on a bun, and puts some tomato sauce on it, and eats it. Spaghetti and hot dogs? I mean, I guess it can't be weirder than cereal and cream, but at the end of the day, like spaghetti and hot dogs? I don't know.

Spaghetti and meatballs, but the hot dog, no. No, the hot dog, no. No to the hot dog. I've noticed that too though with my Instagram where I'll be on there and I'll see something and I'm like, why did I follow that person? I know. Unfollow. I know.

I just unfollowed. I followed this woman, this Florida woman who would be like, I'm sure some people have seen this because I think some of them. Oh, that woman. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, yes. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, have seen this because I think that woman do you know I'm talking about yes yes she may she's got to be in her 70s I'm guessing like bleach blonde hair bleeds bleach blonde hair tan way dark tan and she's apparently Apache Indian of some sort that's what she says right it doesn't look Apache to me it looks

like a tele hap telepathy to me like tell a haci straight't look Apache to me. It looks like a tele-Hap-te-te-la-patchy to me, like tele-hassy, straight tele-hassy to me. But I don't know. I'm not here to judge someone's lineage, maybe genealogy, maybe she is, maybe she isn't. But she comes on screen and then she'll like put her hands up in the, like Jim Morrison high on fucking LSD, right? She like puts her hand all wavy and then she'll like make motions at you like she's putting spells on you and she'll be like, and then she'll go, thought of the day, you will get what's coming to you. And you're like, Whoa, that was creepy. That was freaky. But then you watch it after a couple of them, you go,, whoa, that was creepy. That was freaky.

But then you watch it after a couple of them, you go, all right, it deserves a follow. I'll give it a follow. I'll see what she's up to. Right? Until then she went off half cock talking all about politics. This is why you got to be careful about talking about politics. It's because once you start talking about politics, then, you know, it's just like, you run the risk of turning everybody off.

And that's exactly what she did. Because when I first started following her, probably a year ago, she didn't have many followers. Then she got some viral moments. She did, because I had other friends sending me that. Oh yeah, everybody, and now everybody, where a couple months ago, everybody was sending it. But then she started talking about politics hardcore, very opinionated, probably not some of the most popular views

in the world. And she went from like 10,000 likes on a post to now I think she's lucky if she gets 200 likes on a post. And maybe that's the way she wants it. And she said, I don't give a shit. If you want to unfollow me, then unfollow me. You're not my friend anyway. But I thought her doing the whole witchy woman thing

was kind of cool. I liked that. I didn't want to hear, you know. What made you decide to start talking about politics? Was it indeed politics? More after this. And he looks so confused when he's talking. That's a great newscaster character.

Thank you. Thank you. That's how they do their stuff. We've got to pull that one back in. What were our other newscasters from back in the day? Oh, there was a lot of them. Tina Tannen Tweed. Well, Tina Tannen Tweed.

Tina Tannen Tweed is now open on 3rd Street in between Mildred's, what was it? Mildred's blueberry pie and waxing. Yes, the waxing. Mildred's pie and waxing. Anal bleaching. And anal bleaching. You can tan, tweeze, bleach, and rent the place out for events. Come to one of our live shows, you might hear Tina Tana tweeze. I might break that back out.

Back in the day, for those of you that don't know what we're talking about, back in the day, like we're talking season one and not even the entire season one. But I would spend sometimes days making these pre-produced bits. They were great, I thought. Some of them were, and I felt like a lot of creative ideas. And if I had an idea, I just started putting it together and I would kind of weave it together over the course of a... This is one we didn't do four episodes a week.

And when it took me two weeks to edit one episode because of these bits. And then we went to two days a week, there was just no way that I could do it. I was overwhelmed by the whole thing. Now I probably, now we're four days a week and I guess I could squeeze one out like a hot shit every once in a while. But, you know, stay tuned.

You never know. Never know. You know, it's so crazy. Astrid and I are trying to find a new show to watch together. So Astrid's like, we don't watch shows together. Like, let's watch a show together. And I'm like, okay, I got you, 10-4. And Astrid's been on this kick lately, like 50 Shades of Grey. And then she's reading fanfic for 50 Shades.

This probably should be an indicator to me that maybe she needs something more. Yeah. She might be looking for what's in there. Bridgerton. Yeah. Bridgerton. All these hot, sexy romance things that she's not getting here at the house. So I'm like, okay, I walk in last night after this whole parent thing, and we're both tired and we're not going to start watching something, but she's like searching around. And it's like, just for you on Netflix, you know, but it picks for you or whatever it is. Chrissy, it's all, it's like soft core porn

all the way through. And I'm like, Astrid, what in the world? And she's like, well, while you're in the studio, this is like what I've been watching. And I'm like, oh, great. I do the same thing with Jeff because, you know, he works from home and he's busy, busy, busy all day long all the time. And, you know, I have some free time and so I'll

watch my stuff. And Jeff will be like, what are you watching? And I'm like, well, but you're gone and I didn't want to watch something that we would want to watch together. So I'm going to watch what I want to watch. And it's usually somehow house related or one of those dating relationship shows or something. Or something on 90 day fiance. That I know Jeff would never really wanna watch. But I do have a recommendation. What is that?

Tokyo Vice. I have watched Tokyo Vice. You have, okay. I have, yeah. And I think there's a new season. There is a new season now. And I'm about halfway through it. Okay, is it that good? Jeff and I just started that.

Listen, it is so fucking good. Tokyo Vice, Michael Mann, am I right about that? I think. It's Michael Mann who directed it. I think that's who directed it. It is so fucking good and sexy and well directed and well acted and an interesting story. But I do have to say that in seven or eight episodes,

I think they could have gotten it down to three or four. I think there are moments where it drags on a little bit too long. We spend a little bit too much character development. And that's something I usually do not complain about with these television shows. I want more character development and less, you know, bang, shoot them up, all that other stuff.

I wish there was a little bit more action to punch some of this character development. And that's the only complaint I have about Tokyo Vice. Or otherwise, I think it would be a runaway fucking hit. And I know that critics love it, and I love it, but I understand why some people say it's way too slow. Because it can be very slow as they kind of get through the, like, the meat and potatoes of the story.

They're just adding a lot of extra stuff that I think you could cut out and then maybe it would be interesting. But keep watching. Keep watching, cause it is fucking good. Man, is it good. And who's that actor? He's so good.

Yeah, I don't know. Both of them. Like I said, we just started it. The only reason we haven't gotten further into it is because it is subtitles. And parts. Well, yes, and parts. And sometimes you have to really pay attention to that.

It gets more English as you go on. Okay. It gets more English as you go on. I'll just say that. But it is very true to the story, which is based on a real life journalist in, who goes to Japan to study the culture and to be a journalist. And he becomes one of the first American journalists at traditional Japanese press, which is very weird and intense.

It seems tough. It's a subculture of its own. Yes. And then there are people, there are journalists who do nothing but write about Yakuza. Right. That's the mafia. Yeah. But I mean, it's like mafia times a hundred. Yeah, it's like, wait, I mean, the mafia is relatively new compared to Yakuza. And the Yakuza is insanely insane. It's just one of those things that you have to understand a little bit about.

I'm not going to try and explain it here because I'll do a piss poor job and then I'll get killed. Right. But like, they chop their fingers off to dedicate their life to the Yakuza, or they chop a finger off to dedicate their life to the Yakuza, or in some cases because they've done Yakuza wrong, there are rival gangs, there are leadership conferences, there are all this other stuff. And this is a very detailed explanation and deep dive into a late mid 90s, late 90s kind of portion of this world and this journalist's experiences. And obviously some dramatization also. But it's so good and it's so well acted. And I

encourage you to give it a try. But, you know, if it seems like it's slow, don't worry. Push through. It'll push through. But I get it. I get what you're saying. Just push through. Just push through. All right. I'm going to go back to it. I'm only halfway through. You know what I'm watching right now? I didn't mean for this to be a, what are you watching? But we'd seem to do this once every other week. So here we go. I am watching Brassic right now. Brassic?

Brassic. It's called Brassic. B-R-A-S-S-I-C. Brassic is a television show from, I believe, ITV or maybe it's on Brit Box. Okay. See, I don't have Brit Box. And, or maybe it's just on Prime. Hold on. Well, see, that's the other thing. You watch a lot on Prime. I watch a ton on Prime.

We have it, but we don't, I don't go there much. Oh, Prime's a great resource. I really love Prime. It's probably the one that I spend the most time on, if I'm being honest. That and Max. Is Brassic... No, it's included with Prime. Brassic, it's included with Prime.

You do not have to have Brit box. Okay. Okay? This is about a guy. I'm gonna make a note. There's three seasons, four seasons, excuse me. And the latest season just came out about a year and a half ago. Brassic is like a comedy, kind of like, I don't know, in this style.

You know what I thought about the other day about Brassic? I thought Brassic was like an adult British version of the Goonies. Oh, I love the Goonies. But imagine the Goonies were thieves. Like, they grew up and they became thieves. They're really smart and good at what they do, and they use their minds, and each one has their own, like, specialty. And it's about this gang of guys in South London, I guess, or maybe North London. I don't even know where they are. But they're in London. So you've got to probably put subtitles on just to keep up.

And it's very fast at times. Like, they talk in London. So you got to probably put subtitles on just to keep up. And it's very fast that times like they talk very fast. And they it's the leader of this group, the actor who does this is so fucking good. Watch if you don't watch Brassic, I'm gonna hate you. Let me see who the what the name of the actor is here now that we're talking about this. And if you've watched Brassic, write in. I'd love to talk to you about it. Brassic as... I'm so sorry, guys. Well, I mean, I'm not sorry, actually, because, you know, fuck you.

Joseph Gilligan. Joseph Gilligan. Joseph Gilligan plays Vinnie, and this is the main character in this story. It's kind of a fuck up. His parents are kind of fuck up, so he was a fuck up. And all these other friends of his that he's grown over the years all seem to be childhood friends. One's a gypsy, one's a gay, like, fighter, like, he's a boxer, he's a gay boxer.

Another one's just kind of the straight guy, like, he's trying to have a real life with a son in a relationship. And there's all kind of twists and turns. And every episode is a new... Mission? It's a new mission. It's a new, we're gonna steal something,

we're gonna rob somebody, here's how we make money. Somebody else, you know, they're like... Are they like an hour long each time? They're an hour long. But there's also a long theme to it too. I like those. And I have just fallen in love with all these characters. And I've fallen in love, I usually don't like shows where it's kind of drama, kind of comedy, and then they try

and fit it all into an hour, right? Fit a whole storyline into an hour. I like more of a like, it takes 10 episodes to get there, like Breaking Bad or something. But this is so good, fuck it, you're going to like it. Okay. Watch it. Brassic is awesome. And then we're going to start Presumed Innocent, which I am really excited about.

Yeah. No? You didn't like it? Well, it's a remake, you know, from the movie. Of course, which I loved. Movie was good. I don't know. I just, I like Jake Gyllenhaal. You just didn't, you didn't think Jake Gyllenhaal did the deal? I haven't watched it. Oh, you haven't watched it? No. Oh. But I've seen enough. Then what are we talking about? You didn't watch it. You've seen enough. I've seen enough. Jake Chillinghall. I've seen enough. Poor Jake. I know. I feel bad. I want to like him. Well, Bella, Brina, the two girls who booked the show, take Jake off the list. He's not coming on. Chrissy's seen enough. I don't know. Chrissy's seen enough. Chrissy's seen enough. You don't like Jake Gyllenhaal? Like I said, it's not that I don't like him. I just, I don't know. Sometimes like his characters don't, I don't know if he fits what he's doing.

Okay. What the character is. I say that I think Jake Gyllenhaal is an incredibly. So you watched it? No, I'm going to watch it. That's what I want to watch. So we should watch it together. I'll watch it. Yeah, I'm going to watch it with Astrid. That's what we've picked. It was either love is blind,

UK, or I presumed innocent. Oh my God, the love is blind is everywhere now. UK, Japan, China, Canada. I'm like, no, no more. I know. Listen, I'll watch it again when we have another US season, but I am not interested in, I mean, I love everything about the British culture and I would watch a UK television show in a heartbeat, but I got a list of them that I want to get to that are probably well written and I don't want to watch yet the same storyline over and over again.

I know it just is. It is, it's the same storyline. But when it comes back to America, I'll watch it because I have to because I know so many people watch it and they're going to be interested. And to and to be honest with you is a guilty pleasure. Okay, you know, sometimes I get into it That third season man, they are the fifth season or whatever it was. They had me going They really had me fucking going when the guy picked the wrong girl and they broke up on the honeymoon And then they had that sad song at the end or everyone is crying including me So, okay, so Brassic, presumed innocent.

What was the one you suggested? Tokyo Vice. 90 day fiance the other day, behind the other day. We're coming someday. We almost made it. We're going to make it. Biggy fronting the other day. Biggy fronting the other one. Visa, passport, green card, episode number one. That's what I suggest you watch. I'm done. I'm done with you 90 day. I don't even know where to begin on where I suggest you watch. I'm done, I'm done with you 90 days. I don't even know where to begin on where I left off before. It doesn't matter, it's played out, it's jumped the shark.

Forget about it, it's jumped the shark. Now they're just finding people who want to be on reality television and they keep on playing, you know, it's the same fucking 15 people, they just keep showing the same, you know, eight couples or whatever it is, over and over and over again. Well, that's why I have to say I was intrigued with the love off the grid.

You probably need to watch that second season, which I have to say they kind of leave you in the lurch at the end of this one. But they do. But whatever, you still can see what's going on. I think that this one is good because I don't because they're living off their grid, they're not watching themselves. Yeah, that's true. Or other people on it.

I didn't think about that. So they don't, I don't know their grid they're not watching themselves. Yeah that's true. Or other people on it. I didn't think about that. So they don't, I don't know that they know what they look like. Like with the housewives, everybody's going to talk about it and everybody's going to say you look great or you look terrible or what, maybe, maybe, maybe. This I mean they're, they bear, they don't have running water. They don't have running water, they don't have toilet paper. They don't have toilet.

Honestly I saw the first. They don't have a toilet. I saw the first, but here's why I know that it's not coming back for another season. Oh, really? It went straight to the Max platform. It did not air on TLC. Where was it supposed to go? TLC.

That's where the first season aired. So when you go straight to the Max platform, and I also noticed that it was filmed in 2022, so I think it's done. I think it's just done for. I think they just decided to dump it on the platform because they made it and whatever, we're not paying anything for the actors or actresses to get residuals, so why not just dump it?

Got it. So, but I found the first season to be almost interesting, but I didn't, the second season came on my max and I was like, I don't know. But I've decided I cannot dedicate any more fucking time to that TLC Unless unless they bring back those Johnstons and that's the dumbest of the shows, but I don't know I'm just fascinated by the Johnston

Now yeah, I am invested. Yeah, I got a thing with these shows like even if it's a bad show Sometimes I can't turn it off because I'm like, well, I know you know I know speaking of Real Housewives. I noticed our friend did not get picked up for a second season of that. Huh? Very interesting. There's a lot, a lot of people, like they had a poll, like, would you rather have this person back or our friend back?

And it was like by a wide margin, the other person. And then they were just talking shit about our friend. But I mean, listen, you dance with the wolves, you're gonna get bit, you know what I'm saying? Dance with the wolves. And she played a part that I don't think she needed to play, but you know. No, but she was trying,

I think she was trying to get to the second season. And she had to take a gamble. One way or the other, she had to get noticed. And I think she just made the wrong move. She could have just been the nice person that, yes, supposedly she is. But I guess nice people finish last on the Housewives. Yeah, that's not exactly a winning recipe.

You don't see too many nice people on the Real Housewives of anywhere. No. Because let me tell you, Real Housewives, sometimes they aren't so nice. Oh, and it's so bad now, and I know how produced it is, how much the producers. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

It's written. It's written. Yes. Well, yes. It's written, can you and this person meet? We'll have 12 cameras at the restaurant. Make sure you play it up for the cameras. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, television at this point. I want to see. That's why I'm going back to HGTV. I'm now back on an HGTV kick. I love House Hunter International. I love that show. Have you, look at your face. HGTV?

Well, there's a lot of different things that go with HGTV. It's about painting and decorating and finding new homes, that kind of thing. But I love the finding of the new homes in the international space. I thought we sounded old when I was talking about TLC. We're talking about HGTV. Because it shows you what different places look like in Amsterdam or Indonesia or here or there and it makes me realize I could live on $200 in Indonesia. I like a doctor's office, HGTV.

That's what I meant too. When I go to the doctor's office, HGTV is on. Our friend, our lady who comes here and helps us with everything, she loves HGTV. She always wants to put it on. And so when it's on in the background, I mean, I don't know any of the shows. I don't know. Because I stopped at Chip and Joanna. I was like, enough. Enough fucking shipwreck. Now I have an entire house covered in shit.

Right. I don't want to. OK. Enough white. Can we now go put some color somewhere? I like finding the House shows. There's a lot of people that like those Finding the House shows. It's a very popular channel. All right. Let's take a break. 38 minutes after we took our first one. Are we going to talk to our pretty, pretty, are we going to hear from our pretty, pretty princess, Christina? Pretty, pretty princess Christina. That's right. She's coming right up.

Yes. I love her promos. Right now. I love her promos. Right now. Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break? Gotcha, this is the break. And you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram

or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, you know, if you want to get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 212-433-3TCB. That is 212-433-3822. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB live.

So the links are in the show notes, but let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Danubeach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th, or at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. It's gonna be fab. So go buy your tickets and we'll see you in Florida. Okay, when I'm driving down to Florida, I realized something. I had an existential moment

and I want to share this with you because I think this is really important that I had this moment and I thought it was, and now I feel it's important that I share it with 800,000 of my closest friends. This is your social media. This is my social media. This is it. Yes. I think my social media. This is it. Yes.

I think for me too. I am an old white lady. This is my old white lady's social media. We got to do another next door, by the way. I've gotten some posts that I've collected and I'm telling you what, people are going crazy over here. Ever since Joe Biden dropped out, I think people have lost their ever-living minds. I really do. I think they

see that they're going to die without their favorite reality show star getting one more shot at it. So I was driving, we went to Panama city. Panama city from Atlanta is not a straight shot. There's no highway that goes to Panama city. No, and you go through all those little towns too. Yeah, you have to. Yeah, you have to. I mean, you could go like over to Birmingham and then down to this and over to that, but that would take an extra two hours. So really the fastest way to get there

is some combination of a highway and then a lot of towns. Like state roads. Yeah, that are sometimes four lane, but mostly two lane. And then you go through the towns. You'll drive for 60 miles, then you go through a town and then you'll drive 60 miles and go through another town. You start smelling the sea as you go.

Yeah. Well, what you start smelling is chicken shit, cow shit, and burning rubber. That's what you start smelling. But as we're going through these towns and then you would, you know, like as you get to the town, it goes from like 65 miles per hour down to 55, 45, 35 real quick. So you can go through the center of town, which is usually a tiny little town with nothing. Oh yeah. I think we're talking about South Alabama, Southwest Georgia, Southeast Alabama, Northeast Florida,

panhandle, nothing, not a fucking thing. Right? I mean, sure there's people that live there, but they're spaced out. They're spaced out. And I don't mean that like- You mean it both ways. You mean it both ways. I mean it both ways. I mean it all the ways you can take it. I'm kidding. So you go down there and then, you know, you have a stoplight on occasion.

Some of these towns, you have a stoplight. And so I have a car. It's a car. It's not anything super duper fancy. It's not anything super duper trashy. It's somewhere in between, but it's got a big engine in it because it's a big car. It's got a big engine. You have to for all the kids. Yes, it's not anything super duper trashy, it's somewhere in between, but it's got a big engine in it because it's a big car. You have to for all the kids.

Yes, that's right. You have to have it for all the kids. And it goes. When you ask it to go, it goes. It's just one of those cars, one of those brands that it goes when you ask it to go. And so I know that 90% of the time I can get it to go. And so, you know, I'm a kid at heart, and when I stop at a stoplight and I see somebody next to me and we look at each other, you know, I'll go, right? I'll go. Why not? I'll go. And so, you know, I'm a kid at heart. When I stop at a stoplight and I see somebody next to me and we look at each other, you know, I'll go, right? I'll go. Why not? I'll go. I'll go with you.

But this day and age, you got to be careful about who you're going to go with because idiots are idiots and, you know, the world is full of people and not all of them are well. Some of them are having a gap life. You know what I'm saying? Hashtag gap life. Which is when you take a gap year off of college, but then you just continue to extend it. I had a gap life. Yeah. So, and then it goes all the way back down to, you know, one or two lanes. Yeah. It goes all the way back down to two lanes. You're going 65 miles per hour. And so at some point I pulled up to a stoplight, there's a dude next to me in a pickup truck. We don't look at each other, but I'm just like,

I'm gonna go, let me go. So I do, I go and I get in front of him. And then we get into the 65 mile per hour lane and out of, and then sometimes it's the dotted lines where you can cross each other. And this dude guns it. And he goes by me at a hundred miles per hour, must be, because I'm driving at least 80. So he must be going a hundred miles per hour.

And he just goes by me. And then he starts to slow down. Not to put his brakes on, but he starts to slow down back to around 65. Oh, he was speed checking you. Yeah, he speed checked me. So I'm like, what do I do here? Do I go around him and like have to do this fight until the next small town, right? Or someone shoots somebody.

I'm not sure what happens. And I got small children in the car. Or do I just slow down a little bit and just let it be. And then in the next town, we can either pass each other or I'll get on another highway and find another way over there, right? I'm not going to get into an argument with the dude. So what do I do? I gun it.

I pass the guy. and find another way over there, right? I'm not gonna get into an argument with the dude. So what do I do? I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy.

I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy.

I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy.

I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. I pass the guy. He can stay 65. I'll just go if that, because I don't know what his intentions are. Maybe he felt like I was going too slow and then he realized I was going too fast. I don't know.

And so, you know, I figured I'll give this one round. And if it doesn't work out in my favor, we'll make a decision at that point. Well, lo and behold, dude comes back, guns it, goes in front of me. Faster than everybody is sleeping at this point. And I'm like. This is like a, I mean, Oh, this is like a regular vacation.

Yes, like the vacation vacation when the girl passes by him. Everybody's asleep. So, okay. All right. So he does it again. He goes up, he goes 100 miles per hour, and then over the course of let's call it three, four miles, he slows back down to about 65, 70, which is five miles above the speed limit. So now I'm furious. Now I'm like, fuck this dude for real. I should just go 100 miles per hour and just keep going until the next town.

I know I'm faster than this pickup truck on his best day. I should just go, because there's no one in front of us. And there's really no one. We're in one of the back roads, there's really no one. And it's like the middle, it's like 11.30 in the morning, one o'clock, you know, something like that. It's like no one, as if there was traffic in any of these towns anyway. But I had a moment, I had like an epiphany. Like I look over at my wife, I can see the kids are sleeping in the back. I had a moment. I'm like, Brian, do I really think, in most circumstances, maybe not this one, but do I really think for one minute that when I pass

somebody like that, or when I gun it at a stoplight and go faster than them, or when I get one car ahead of them in traffic or whatever it is, do I think they're going home and opening up the door with tears in their eyes and going, he got me! He got me! The mast daddy got me! He ate my ass up today on the road. He was one car ahead! One car!

I can't live no more days! I have to find them and get ahead of them! No! Because this is fight-or-flight response. It's a well-described scientific thing that happens, especially to men. Why? Because we're fucking morons. And we get it, all of a sudden we decide this is life or death, and we don't really decide it's life or death, but our brains decide it's life or death. You just want to win. We want to win.

We want to be faster. We want to go, go, go. Somehow this is a threat to us and we need to eliminate the threat by being ahead of them. And I am realizing that I am the dumb fucking dumb dumb who knows this intellectually, but cannot emotionally control himself enough not to play stupid fucking games going a hundred miles per hour with sleeping children in the car.

I can't do it. No. I'm being an idiot. I'm being a total idiot. Slow down. Slow down to 55. Let the guy go ahead. Yeah, then you'll just feel like you're ahead.

You don't see him anymore. No, I'll just feel like I'm just driving, right? And honestly, I get there a half an hour later. I get there a half an hour later, we're going on vacation. Well, I fucking can't.'t I go to Margaritaville? It's not like anything waiting there for me, except for the dude with the parrot tattoo and the fucking open can of yingling all the time. I mean, it doesn't matter. I don't, no one cares. No one cares. This dude ain't going to remember me after he, you know, goes to the bank or

I don't know, whatever the fuck he's doing. I'm not going to remember him by the time I get to Marfa. I don't know. None of this is going to matter. It's not going to be on my vacation notes. I'm not putting it in my journal tonight. And if I had you're not going to talk about it on a podcast. No, I'm not going to spend 15 minutes on a podcast. So it doesn't matter. Really. I mean, it doesn't it doesn't matter.

And I'm not saying this is like, I'm not having an epiphany for everybody involved, but maybe I am. But at the end of the day, like then today, so now I have this new take on driving, right? And I've really had a different take on driving ever since I first drove my son home. But now I have a new take on driving altogether after this moment in particular. I think this has calmed me of my, I wouldn't say road rage, because I'm not rageful, but I would say my aggression. Yeah, you do. Yeah, I've driven with you, so yes. I think that it's really idiotic.

I don't need to be one car ahead. I don't need to go three miles per hour faster. I don't need to beat somebody at the line. It is not a race. No one is winning. No one gives a shit about me. I don't give to go three miles per hour faster. I don't need to beat somebody at the line. It is not a race. No one is winning. No one gives a shit about me. I don't give a shit about them. And I guess that's the point.

Maybe I should, but I do give a shit about what's in the back of my car. Yes, that's correct. And they probably give a shit about me because I'm, you know, in some sense, I feed some of them, right? So they probably give a shit that I'm around in some small or large way.

And so I'm coming out of, uh, somewhere this morning and I watched this like shitty little Honda, you know, all tricked out, dicked out, all this other stuff. And I watch him as he speeds, probably 70 miles per hour down a 40 mile per hour street to get in front of a car was taking a left in a left-hand turn lane, he drove around the car on the left side and tried to take the left before him, almost causing a terrible accident. Yes.

Because I guess he had to get one car ahead. It was... Yeah, you're not going to get there that faster. No, any faster. Yeah, because it's morning rush hour. He wasn't getting there any faster. Yeah, because it's morning rush hour. He wasn't getting there any faster. And then, this happened this morning, but what happened last night kind of put it all together for me.

I'm just going to the store after this meeting that we had. I'm going to the store, I'm taking a left in a left-hand turn lane with a left-hand turn light. Light turn screen, as I go, I see coming toward me, not like driving toward me, but at the stoplight, there is a guy on a scooter, and he has stopped at the light waiting for his light to turn green so he can go straight. So I'm taking a left, he's gonna go straight when his light turns green.

I go to the store, I come out of the store, I get in the car, I come back. This is 12 minutes later, 13 minutes later, tops. And I go to that same intersection to take a right to go back home. But before I get to the intersection, I notice there's a bunch of blue lights and red lights and all this other stuff. It appears from all I could tell that when I took the left at my green light, that somebody behind me took a left when the light was not green and hit the scooter,

and the guy was laying on the street with his helmet still on. He was moving his arms, so that was a good sign, he was moving his arms, but there were paramedics that were working on him on the ground. His scooter was in tatters and there was a car, one of the same types of cars, tricked out fast little Honda bullshits, Nissan, whatever they are, is tricked out with a bunch of damage on its car and police officers had this guy in cuffs. So I don't think that dude lost his life because he was moving his arms and it seems like hopefully he didn't lose any mobility, I hope, I don't know, but there must have been ten cop cars,

there must have been two ambulances, two fire trucks, and I thought to myself, probably because some idiot wanted to get one car ahead. He wanted to get just a little bit, he wanted to get there just a little bit faster so he could prove to everybody his dick was just a little bit bigger. And the truth is my dick's not going to be any bigger, no matter how fast I go. It's just not. And so I've decided, at least for right now, for this moment, until we get to the villages, I've decided, I've decided, at least for right now, for this moment, until we get to the villages, I've decided, I've decided it's not worth it.

It doesn't fucking matter. I am so happy you have come to this realization. Yes. I really am. I'm so happy because yes, you have a whole family that loves you and needs you, even when you're not, you don't have them all in the car. Yes. And especially when you do have them all in the car, they need their lives.

That's right. And I am so proud of you. Well, thank you. I have learned to let people go, too. I'm just like, go ahead. You want to get there, go. When I drive with Raphael, he'll let 10 people go. Well, I don't do that. I just obey what I'm supposed to do.

And then if somebody needs to go super, super fast. Because when I'm supposed to do. And then, you know, if somebody needs to like go super, super fast, because I mean, when I'm going on the highway, I'm traveling up to Greenville or something like that, I'll go 80, 90, you know? And that's what everybody else is doing. But if somebody has to go faster than that, then go for it. See you soon.

Yeah, I'm not gonna race you. Yeah, no, Raphael, I love the guy, but he knows it. He's dry. He sometimes he's like, back when I was, we were spending a lot of time together. He just let me drive because I would be like, Rafa, what are you doing? He'd be talking. He's the kind of person that'd be talking to you. And because he's talking to you, his head would turn and his foot would come off the

gas. So you'd be going 10 miles per hour down 285, 75. You'd be going to two miles per hour because he had to make a point to you and he could not do three things at once. We'll see how my new room- That's a good way to end things on your new epiphany. Well, thank you very much. We'll see how things end up in Florida when we rent the car.

Yeah. And I always take a spare key with you. Oh, yes. We'll talk about that tomorrow. We'll get that one tomorrow. We'll get that one tomorrow. We'll get that one tomorrow. Everybody I've told this story to has also said the same thing as having to them. And now I feel it's my duty to get it out there as to broadcast the message as wide as you can get a spare key,

leave a window, have some backup plan. Do not rely on the smart lock. Nooo. You never rely on the smart lock. If it has worked for you a million times, there's one it won't. Yes. And it'll cost you. You'll be locked up at 3 in the morning. And it will cost you. Trust me, those locksmiths.

Highway fucking robbery. Sometimes. Sometimes. Not all of them, but sometimes. We got a good one this time. I got robbed. But that's just my luck. All right.

We would love to see you down at Dania Point Beach Improv Tickets. Now available on sale. There is a link in these show notes and show notes probably until the day that we actually have the event. Dania Point on the 24th at the Bone. That's the Orlando Funny Bone on the 25th.

We've got those links in the show notes. We've got them on Instagram. You can go straight to the club's website and buy them there. We would love to see you. We can't wait to see you. If you're gonna be there, please let us know. 212-433-3TCB, that's 212-433-3822.

Text us, comments, questions, concerns, content ideas. Ask TCB, ask Brian's mom. Send us pictures, not dick pics, please. And not tit pics either, because, you know, if Astrid checks, then I'm in trouble because I asked for a tit pics. So no tit pics. No tit pics. Yeah, it's probably a good policy. No dick, no tits.

Just don't send me any undressed pictures. Do us a favor, go to the website, TCBpodcast.com. More information about the show, all the audio, all the video, right there from one location, TCBpodcast.com. You can also still get your free TCB bumper sticker. Go to the website, contact us, drop down menu says, I want my sticker. Give us your address and we'll send it away to you at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and

youtube.com slash the commercial break. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. I'm best to you. And best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Do you like restaurants?