The Commercial Break - Older, Wiser, Scarier

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

Episode #592: When you start getting older, you’ll find yourself at the doctor constantly, and listening to The Commercial Break while you’re at it! Bryan’s getting poked and prodded A trip to... the doctor and the lab The million dollar lab Krissy was WRONG The chimp lady Krissy demolishes Bryan’s logic Spooky moment! Tom Cruise is on the roof The universal cat distribution system had chosen the Greens! TCB Fact Check: the captain of the superyacht that sank was NOT from Below Deck, but Below Deck’s Captain Sandy commented on it (and he also looks like Captain Jason and is from NZ…it’s confusing) Petition to force Bryan to watch all of Below Deck Renting a boat…or a superyacht Come To Our Shows: Dania Beach Improv (Tuesday, Sept. 24th) The Funny Bone Orlando (Wednesday, Sept. 25th) Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:41 Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. Eagles don't fly with pigeons, okay? So go get your breadcrumbs and get back to me tomorrow. On this episode of the Commercial Break... So I take the flashlight. I start running around the house. I open every door. I open every closet.
Starting point is 00:01:03 I look behind every shower curtain because I want to make sure that there's no one in the house, even though we have an alarm and it's on and I'm pretty sure that it would have went off should something, you know, sometimes, sometimes you don't know, right? You don't know. And so I look in every door in every closet. That takes me like three minutes.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Nothing. I don't hear anything. And then you're heard beep. Well. Nothing. I don't hear her. Well, The next episode of the commercial break starts now You Brian best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I'm being poked and prodded all over the place.
Starting point is 00:01:54 You know, when you get old, it sucks. I'm just going to let you know that right now. I now am feeling for people. When you're young, and when I say young, I mean, we're not really that old. We make a joke about it a lot. But I think when you make a joke like when you're 20 years old you think you're indestructible nothing's ever gonna touch you you look at someone that's in their 30s and you go wow that's old I remember when I
Starting point is 00:02:14 worked at Chili's I think I've told this story before there was like a runner they used to call him a runner like an assistant manager that would come in on a busy night they would run food yes or expedite, or run an expedite. Okay. So there was this girl when I was in my, I was probably 20 and 21, and there was this girl and I can't remember her name for the life of me, I wish I could. I wish I could get in touch with her now and see what she's up to. We'll call her Jennifer.
Starting point is 00:02:36 We'll call her Jennifer. She was in her 30s and took a liking to me. And she took a liking to me so much so that one night after drinking, I remember she had, she lived in a house with another guy. That guy worked for the beverage industry, like Budweiser or whatever.
Starting point is 00:02:56 And I think it was Sweetwater, if I'm not mistaken. He was like a, I don't know what you call him, a rep for Sweetwater and other beers. And they had a kegerator in their basement. And at 20 years old, I didn't drink a bunch, but it was very cool to go down there, go to their kegerator, grab a beer, and pretend that I liked sweet water,
Starting point is 00:03:16 at least for a couple of hours. And they had a pool table and all this. So it's kind of like enamored with this, not the woman herself, but all the things that being 30 afforded you. I remember thinking to myself, I'm never going to be that old. I will never be that old. I will never have to pay bills and pay the rent and deal with a shitty roommate who has
Starting point is 00:03:37 a kegerator. I always thought to myself, I'll never get to this point. I'll never get to this point where I live in a house with a kegerator and a pool table and where I actually pay bills. She was so in airman with me that one night after like just getting fucking wasted on whatever, she booked a trip to Disney World and at like 1.30 in the morning,
Starting point is 00:03:56 we're in the car on the way to Disney World. It was insane. But I just remember thinking to myself like, I'm never gonna be that old. I'll never be that old. And I remember she had like some medical condition that she was like, you know, some simple medical condition. I forget what it was. Osteoporosis.
Starting point is 00:04:14 I don't know what it was. She was 30 and osteoporosis. And she had to go to the doctor and, you know, get poked and prodded. And I was like, yeah, thank God I'm never going to get that old. No, you were just always going for like routine stuff, you know, routine, your dentist routine checkups. I didn't go to a doctor or a dentist for probably a decade, Chrissy. Really?
Starting point is 00:04:32 For a decade, I did not go to a doctor or a dentist. Now, that doesn't say a lot for my mouth and its health, but I'm just sharing with you that with no insurance, believing that I was indestructible at all times and just having the cojones and the testosterone of a 20-something year old child, essentially, I didn't go to the doctor. Never went to the doctor for almost anything, for any reason. And if I did go to a doctor, it was like an emergency room visit for some shit or the other. But I don't even remember doing that. But now that I'm in this advanced age, now that I did turn that old, 32 years old, now that I have osteoporosis, you get poked and prodded.
Starting point is 00:05:18 Like now, I don't know, there's something changed in my 30s where I was like, oh shit, I should probably start paying attention to my health and my mouth because it probably smells very bad. Floss, floss, Brian. And now getting poked and prodded. But now I see the importance of it. I see the importance of actually following through. Yeah, good maintenance. It's like a car. Yes. I remember I had a doctor one time tell me, I forget what it was. I went to a doctor, I was probably in my early 30s, and my doctor said, oh, you should follow up on this. Right? And I forget what the condition was that I should follow up on, but you should follow up on this. You should like go see a specialist in some area or the other. And I remember
Starting point is 00:06:04 thinking to myself, fuck that. I'm not going to more doctors. I'm not going to pay another $30 to go see some shitty. Uh, now if someone tells me to follow up on it, I am literally Dr. Google. I will have five appointments before the next day. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm like, oh my God, I gotta go check it out. I gotta go see.
Starting point is 00:06:21 Better than that. Yeah. And getting poked and prodded is no fun. Is this what we have to look forward to? I think so. Yeah, I think so. I do think so. I know.
Starting point is 00:06:29 My dad, who's retired, there's always some kind of doctor they're going to see. Yeah. Yeah. My mom too. My mom is a little bit of a... She has a little bit of denialism. She is like I was in my 20s. Maybe you revert back to your 20s when you get to a certain age. Weism. She is like I was in my 20s. Maybe you revert back to your 20s when you get to a certain age.
Starting point is 00:06:47 We've talked about that. I know. The doctor will be like, well, you have four of your three arteries are blocked 100%. Your heart's not beating. And my mom will be like, okay, I'll make that appointment. And then three months later, I'm like, Mom, did you call the cardiologist? And she'll be like, no, it's not that important. I feel fine. And I'm like, you feel fine. You have four out of your three arteries are blocked. You literally have more blockage than you have arteries. What are you doing with yourself? And she just doesn't follow up on it. And I always, I don't know, it just makes me, but I think I have children. And so maybe that also plays into… You've got 30 children. I do have 30 children. I have 30 out of 29 children and I want to make sure that they all,
Starting point is 00:07:30 you know, have a father to grow up with. Yes. So, I've been going to a lot of doctor's appointments, poked and prodded, and I went to a lab yesterday. Like, I went to a doctor's appointment, it's one of these big office complexes and then they say, hey, go down to the lab because you got to get this test and that test. Once you go down, just go downstairs and do it while you're there. And I was thinking to myself, oh, okay, you know, another six hours here at this medical building, but I guess you got to get it done.
Starting point is 00:07:54 What are you going to do? So I go downstairs, huge office comp, you know, huge medical complex, basically. And I go down into this, they call lab services, and you walk in and there's a hundred people waiting. I mean, everybody's waiting. So many people waiting. Oh my God, Chrissy, it was crazy. Well, you got to understand, this is a huge medical campus owned by one of the large medical
Starting point is 00:08:17 companies. And so everybody goes and sees specialists on the upper floors and then downstairs you get imaging and labs and whatever else you get. And they also have a hospital there. So it's like there's an emergency room. So I go in, have you ever been, I know you have, in McDonald's or a Taco Bell or Wendy's in the last 10 years,
Starting point is 00:08:37 you know how they have that now serving, you know, number 303, making number 302, now serving number 304, whatever it is. Those screens. Those remind me of the driver's license place. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Next up. But not the red things. I'm talking like an actual screen, like a computer screen.
Starting point is 00:08:56 And it has your name, you know, might have your order number when you go to a McDonald's or something. And it says in process or now waiting or whatever. I go into this medical imaging, to this lab place, 100 people waiting, and they have not one, not two, but three screens worth of names of people. And I am like, holy shit. So I walk up, it's a pretty simple thing that I'm having done, and I say, yeah, here's my name and I gotta get
Starting point is 00:09:25 this done. It's in the system or whatever. And she says, okay, take a seat. Shouldn't be too long. To which I reply, there's like a hundred names on that list. Like how much is, what is too long? And she says, oh, don't worry about that. Doesn't necessarily go in order. You should be okay. And I'm like, all right, fine, whatever. I go, I find a seat. I find a seat, like, in a row of chairs, almost all the chairs are taken. I sit in the middle of three empty seats. And next to me, one, two seats over, is a lady and a man. And they are, this is, they have the thickest Southern accents I have ever heard in my entire life. are, this is, they have the thickest southern accents I have ever heard in my entire life. And you can hear, do you know that there's, how there's some people in the world who have to let you know what's going on by talking loudly? Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, I know loud
Starting point is 00:10:17 talkers. Loud talkers, but I think they're doing it so that you know. Yes, I do, I absolutely do. And everybody knows this kind of person in the world. They have to talk loudly. I remember when I dated a girl who you know one time, she had to talk loudly in a store if we were in an argument so that other people, so she would cause a commotion and other people would know what a dick that I was. Do you know? Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Just imagine. That checks with the girls Do you know? Okay, just imagine. That checks with the girls that I know. Of course, yes, because it's all about grabbing that attention. Now, I don't know these people, maybe I'm completely off base here, but I don't think I am. I think I'm a good reader of human beings, right?
Starting point is 00:10:58 But I sit down and I know instantaneously I've sat in the wrong seat. Because here's the conversation, obviously paraphrased with Brian Greene's comedic tale. God damn it. I mean, if I ain't fucking been here one hour, I've been here four hours. I got dog legs scratching up my pussy hole
Starting point is 00:11:18 and I need to get the fuck out of here. And I'm like, a dog leg scratching up your pussy hole, what are you talking about? She's like saying all these Southern phrases that I don't understand. And her husband, who is obviously the guy who probably regrets ever the day that he met this woman, is like, it's okay, honey, you just got, we got to do what we got to do. This is important now, just calm down. And she's like, I will not calm down. There are five thousand people in here. I couldn't even park in the handicap because you forgot the handicap thing.
Starting point is 00:11:46 And now I had to walk a mile and now I'm here and I've been here for an hour and seven hours. I don't even know when I got to get back to my medicine and my TV and my, and okay, honey, I'll just settle down. You know how your blood pressure goes. I know that's why we're here. This is why I bring my AirPods everywhere I go. Oh, I had AirPods.
Starting point is 00:12:05 I was just tuned into what was going on. I was like, well, she wants my attention. I guess I'll give it to her. So I'm like, I actually think I had my AirPods in but I wasn't playing anything. That's a trick that I do too. I know we all do it. Okay, so I'm like, oh my God, here we go.
Starting point is 00:12:20 I'm stuck in this hell. By the way, I am out in the middle of fucking nowhere, George. I had to drive like an hour and 15 minutes to this appointment. But it was the only appointment that I could get with this kind of specialist within six months. Like I had to go, I wanted to get this taken care of. So, you know, she's fussing. I mean, just fucking fussing about everything. She's probably in her late sixties, I would imagine.
Starting point is 00:12:44 So names are being called, people coming out, you know, Mr. Dyer, Mr. Jones, Mr. whatever, Duncan, he, whatever. So then, Mrs. LaBelle, and that's me! I'm here, I've been waiting here an hour now, you know, and the late, the nurse comes up and she's like, oh, okay, I'm so sorry, you know, it's just we're busy, it's busy. I can see that you're busy, that don't mean you got to ignore me. Now, I had done made an appointment, and she goes, yes, your appointment was at noon, it's 12, it's 1210, we're just about running about 10 minutes late. And she goes, well, now they told me to be here early. And she goes, yes, ma'am, you can be here early, a few minutes early, so you can fill
Starting point is 00:13:26 out the paperwork. Well, now you should be specific now. You don't tell nobody to come an hour early. You're going to make them sit here and wait and wonder. I don't even know what to do. I've been trying to go to the bathroom for 30 minutes. No one let me. And she goes, oh, well, if you have to go to the bathroom, you can go right now.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Just go to the bathroom. Well, you think I'm going to go to the bathroom, miss my appointment now, young lady? I've been sitting here four hours in a dog-legged pussy. And she's like, okay, ma'am, just settle down. We're going to get you back there. We're going to get you now. Did you take your contrast? And I was like, oh, here we go. And she goes, what? And she goes, did you take your contrast? Did you drink that drink? Yeah. And it's like lights you up or something when you go into the scan. Yeah. And she goes, now I ain't got no prescription for no contrast. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:14:07 And she goes, ma'am, you're supposed to drink the contrast before you come in. And she's like, I don't have no contrast. I don't even know it. Now the whole scene, now everybody's looking. Now it's a scene. And I'm like- And I'm wondering, do I need to take contrast?
Starting point is 00:14:23 Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was like, did they say contrast for me? I'm checking my piece of paper. And the nurse is trying to come, now there's another nurse that has come back and now there's two nurses that are talking, trying to get her just to calm the fuck down, right? And she's like, now y'all gotta tell somebody
Starting point is 00:14:40 they gotta take fucking contrast, what are you talking about? And she's like, it's okay, it's okay, It's okay Listen, listen, you can drink the contrast now and then we'll do the test in a little while What do you mean a little while? How long is a little while about two hours? Now the man standing up and he's like now now now honey don't get too excited now You know how the things go these these medical these medical things, they can take time. We plan that you ain't got nothing else on the, on the board today. You can do this.
Starting point is 00:15:10 I'll be God damned if I'm going to have a feather foot in my hope toe. I'm not even going to come down here. I didn't even bring my medicine. What are we supposed to do? And, uh, it's just like a fucking shit show, right? She's screaming and yelling. He's trying to calm her down. Two nurses are like, they're
Starting point is 00:15:26 doing their best to calm this little locomotive explosion of a woman from absolutely coming off the tracks. And she's already there. And I'm like, holy shit, this is awesome. Okay, so finally, right, after a lot of yelling and screaming, which I won't repeat, a lot of yelling and screaming, the nurses convince her and the husband convinces her, just take the fucking contrast and then you can, you can go take a walk. You can drive. Go to the bathroom. Yes. We can call your doctor and see if there's some way that we can get a medicine to you. You know, there's a pharmacy in the build,
Starting point is 00:16:00 like we can figure something out. Right? And she's like, I'm going to take my pain medication in six minutes and I'm going to explode. And they're like, okay, we can figure it out. We'll call the doctors. Doctors here, you know, you're in the system, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they say, okay, now come back. We're going to have you drink the contrast and then you'll come back. And so she's like, the husband goes, now, you want me to go back? I know how to drink a fucking drink. I've done drink a drink all my entire life. My mama taught me on the nipple how to drink a drink. You think I'm an idiot? And I'm like, oh,
Starting point is 00:16:35 God, Jesus, I feel for this guy a lot. So, he sits down, she goes back. The other nurse comes up with some kind of piece of paper, you know, we called the doctor, we called the doctor and here you go, this is the thing, whatever. And she goes, I'm really sorry about this, you actually should have gotten an email or something telling you to pick up this contrast long before you actually showed up. You know, this is like days ago. And then we send reminders and stuff like that. And he goes, well, now, honey, this ain't your fault, this is my fault. I did get those reminders and I didn't really understand what contrast was, but, now, honey, this ain't your fault. This is my fault. I did get those reminders. And I didn't really understand what contrast was, but I just want you to do me a big favor.
Starting point is 00:17:11 Don't tell my wife now I forgot to do this. And the nurse was like, I got your secret safe with me. And he's like, because sometimes she gets a little upset. I was thinking to myself, that's a fucking understatement of the year. This woman comes out and she just like, you know, she's just pissing and moaning at everything. I've been here for four hours, I've been there for four hours, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. She sits down, she's talking to her husband as loud as possible.
Starting point is 00:17:38 I went back there, they don't even done have a regular cup. It's a cup that's plastic, you got a drink out of. I had to drink 48 ounces of this shit. It's horrible. My blood sugar. And the husband's just like, now, honey, it's okay. Mistakes do happen. We understand these things happen. We got to do this. This is one of those things you got to do. He's in the middle of having a conversation with her. Chrissy, I shit you negatively. I look over, the lady's asleep. She fell asleep in the middle of him talking. She was yelling, she blew her top, and then just fell asleep.
Starting point is 00:18:11 And I thought to myself, I wish my kids were like that. I was gonna say that reminds me of a kid throwing a tantrum and they're exhausted. Yes, I mean, listen, I understand the frustration. If this building was so huge, when I was waiting for my specialist, it's just a huge area where everyone checks in for different types of appointments. You know, there's a specialist on one end of the counter, there's another specialist on the other end of
Starting point is 00:18:36 a counter. There are all 14 people are checking different people in. So, there's a lot of human beings in the specialist upstairs. And I heard at least one person, I think a second person, when one lady was walking out, she's like, this is fucking ridiculous, like that. And I was like, wow, people are so charged up. Because honestly, let's be real about it. The medical system, the medical care
Starting point is 00:19:01 in the United States of America is a frustrating thing to go through. It's some of the medical care in the United States of America is a frustrating thing to go through. It is, yeah. You know, it's some of the best medicine in the world, but it is terribly frustrating when you get stuck in that wheel. And all you want to do is have someone give a shit about you for 15 minutes and actually get you to your appointment within the hour that you scheduled it. When you schedule a doctor's appointment now, especially a specialist appointment,
Starting point is 00:19:25 or you're having some kind of procedure done or whatever it is, you better clear the fucking deck because there ain't no way you're getting, ain't no way anything else is getting done that day. No, I am not a morning person, but in those instances, I become one because I'm like, I want to be the first. Absolutely. Absolutely. I don't want to, because it gets behind the further in the day that it goes. Yeah. So now I, you know, afterwards, this is just one lab of a thousand labs or what my doctor
Starting point is 00:19:51 referred to as the million dollar lab. I'm not even kidding. And then she said, I'm not even kidding. And so, so I, then I called afterwards to schedule all of these labs, you know, go to this place for that and that place for that and all this other stuff. And I'm saying, well, listen, I got to get, there's like, you know, all these different blood tests I got to get too, what do I do? And she goes, oh, well, the good news is with this particular medical company that I'm going
Starting point is 00:20:20 to, this huge conglomerate, she says, all you have to do is walk into any of the lab services anywhere near you, anywhere in the country. You just walk in and just put your name down. They'll have your records. They'll know what you need. They'll take your blood. You'll be fine. And I was like, oh, that's rather convenient. And she goes, yeah, but you might, here's just a piece of advice. You might want to get there like really early. I think most of them open at seven in the morning. You might want to be there like six, five, because otherwise you could end up waiting for a while. And I was like, Oh, like I saw today, right? It's a hundred fucking people.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Now to be fair, I only waited like 25 minutes. That's all I waited. But I just had something simple to do. It wasn't like, you know, a complicated scan or anything. But I do understand people's frustrations. I don't understand this. Ladies frustrate, I mean, clearly, her and her husband are not on the same page. But when you yell like that, I mean, how do you live with someone like that? Actually, I know how you live with someone like that.
Starting point is 00:21:16 You don't, yeah. You gotta be willing to frequently walk out the door. That's what you gotta be willing to do, is to frequently walk out of the door. So, not that anybody's checking, I will be fine. Everything's okay. I'm not too likely to have to. Yes, this is all just preventative maintenance.
Starting point is 00:21:31 Sure, preventative maintenance. I'm fine. All changed. Yeah, it's like getting a wisdom tooth taken out. Having a procedure, it's like getting a wisdom tooth taken out, it's not that big of a deal. But in order to get to that point, you have to be checked seven ways the Sunday to make sure that every other thing is working.
Starting point is 00:21:48 I think they're on a bit of a fishing expedition, if I'm not being, if I'm telling you the truth. But they're the doctors and I'm just Dr. Google, so I'll leave it alone. All right, let's take a break. More fun and shenanigans on the way. More medical fun. More medical related fun here at the Commercial Break. Now that everyone under 30 has tuned out. This is what you have to look forward to. Don't tune out so soon. You will reach this age. It will happen to you.
Starting point is 00:22:17 All right, we'll be back. We're not a real podcast if we're not plugging our Instagram, right? That's right, honey, so follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. And don't you forget TikTok at TCB Podcasts so you can see Brian and Chrissy on your homepage every day, which I know you're just simply desperate for. And if you want to see us in person, guess what? You finally can, because we're coming to Florida, because only Florida would let TCB come there.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Just kidding, kind of. You can come see us at Daniel Beach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th, and at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. Yeah, I know you wanna come to both days. That's right. Anyway, the links to both of those are in our show notes. So go get them, get your tickets, and then tell us that you're coming by texting us at
Starting point is 00:23:08 212-433-3822. And if there's anything else you need from us, I am sure you can find it on our website, tcvpodcast.com. Live, laugh, love. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. Bye! different at Mazda.ca. are full of compassionate time management tips and permission slips to do what makes sense for you. New episodes drop every Monday. Follow and listen to The Lazy Genius Podcast on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. What does possible sound like for your business?
Starting point is 00:24:15 It's having to spend to power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit amex.ca slash business platinum. All right. I do have to tell you that you were 100% wrong about something. And this is maybe a personal preference, but you were so wrong about this and I want to make sure that everybody knows it. Yeah. Finally, you're the one that's wrong about something on this show. Do tell. Yeah, finally, you're the one that's wrong about something on this show. Do tell.
Starting point is 00:24:44 I have to tell you that Presumed Innocent on Apple TV with Jake Gyllenhaal is one of the best television shows, like short series, I have ever seen, ever. It is, you know, TV has gotten really fucking shitty because they only make, you know, half a season of everything. Then you got to wait another four years to see the next season. And even if you do catch on to something, they usually cancel it before it gets really, before it gets so juicy that you love it, right? There's no Breaking Bads anymore where it's like 20 episodes a season, every year there's
Starting point is 00:25:14 another season. It's just like TV is a big hot fucking mess and we've already talked about this. But That Presumed Innocent is probably one of the best dramas I have seen. Astrid and I watched it in about three nights, seven episodes. Super fucking fantastic. Even if you've seen the movie, watch the show because there are similarities and there are dissimilarities and I think you'll enjoy it regardless. Now, the good news is my brain is so fucking shot from all the drugs and alcohol that I don't really remember Presumed Innocent,
Starting point is 00:25:46 the movie all that well, I liked it, I remember I liked it, but I don't remember every twist and turn, so I think that benefited me in this situation. But man, is it fucking good, well acted, interesting, pops along, no long, dragged out, extra character development, it doesn't make any sense to the story, it is so fucking good with a twist in the end that you did not see coming that is just delicious. And you must watch this. Okay. Okay. I'm in the middle of watching the
Starting point is 00:26:15 chump lady right now. Oh, she's on my list. That's on my list. Yeah. Wait till you see this. I can't wait. I can't wait. I was really excited about that King of the Renfest. You remember that? You don't remember that? Okay. HBO put out a very short series. I think it was only three episodes, maybe four, about the King of the Renaissance Festival. He did the Renaissance Festival in Texas. Oh, I did. I watched one episode and I was like, yeah. You didn't like it? I mean, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:45 It grabbed me. Yeah, okay. I loved it, but it was like, it was over. It's hard to tell if it's fact or fiction because of the way that it's shot and the twists in the plot. Like it's hard to know if they just set this all up for camera, but who fucking cares?
Starting point is 00:26:59 It was interesting. I thought it was interesting. Okay. I did want to kind of see behind the scenes of those Renaissance festivals because they are interesting. Did you ever go to those when you were younger? 8. I've been, not when I was younger, actually. I had a lot of people, I should have been the guy who went to a lot of RenFest, but I somehow got out of it every time that somebody invited
Starting point is 00:27:18 me to it because it just, I'm not interested in King Arthur and all that other shit. 7. My parents took us one time and I have fond memories of it. You know, I was a kid though. So when we had kids, then we decided let's go to the Renfest. Let's see what's going on. Because they have one here in Georgia that lasts for like three months.
Starting point is 00:27:34 It does, yeah. It goes on forever. That's the one I went to when I was younger. And I know that a lot of them do. That's how they make money. They're open weekend after weekend after weekend. It's sometimes in the summer for weeks on end. And I have to say the one here in Georgia is lovely. They've built a whole thing. It stays
Starting point is 00:27:50 there all year round and then they just open it up when it gets warm enough. Oh, okay. Yeah, all those, they have a lot of permanent buildings, the one here in Georgia. It's not like a traveling show. It used to be. Now it's like permanently built in a little south of the city. Anyway, that show I thought was good, but I can't wait to watch this chimp show because I have a feeling that it's going to be done in the similar vein. And so I'm excited to see it's about a lady who likes chimps. I'm assuming I saw the trailer. One chimp in particular. Yeah. Well, it's, there's definitely twists and turns. It's the same guy who did the tiger
Starting point is 00:28:23 guy. Oh, the Tiger King? Yeah, Tiger King. Wow, what a hit. So it's in that vein. Yeah, Tiger King. This woman's pretty out there. Oh, she is? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:34 Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. I love watching people who are crazy. Mainly because I think I am too. And so when there's like a different level of crazy, I go, at least I'm not that bad. Yeah, we'll talk about it when you watch it. There's only two out. There's only two episodes out? Yeah, I go, at least I'm not that bad. Yeah, we'll talk about it when you watch it. There's only two out.
Starting point is 00:28:46 There's only two episodes out? Yeah, because it only comes out every week. Okay, tell me when it's all there so I can just eat it up in one night, because I have kids and I don't have time for appointment viewing. You don't have to appointment view it, it's there. It just comes out, one episode comes out once a week.
Starting point is 00:28:59 I know, but what I'm saying is that why I don't like that is because I watch, like I'll watch the two. But I think you're going to have to just go ahead and watch these two. So that we're really so you get a taste and we're on the same page here because I watched the second one yesterday and I thought, why is Brian? Why are we not talking about it? Let me give you the reasoning why. And I think binge watching to some degree has ruined TV, actually, if I'm being real
Starting point is 00:29:25 honest. And, okay, I don't want to get on this rabbit hole yet. I'll do this another show. Because I've talked about it before, how I think that cutting the cord has actually cut entertainment altogether. And I think to some degree, we may have to go back to the old way, because it was the way that we got the best television. None of these platforms are going to survive. They're all losing fucking money.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Anyway, so here's the reason why I don't like watching appointment TV every Sunday is because I don't have every Sunday to watch the TV. So if I have to wait a week, sometimes I can only watch TV on like a Tuesday night. So I end up getting into something else. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, okay, I only- But if you only have Tuesday night, that's when you can watch it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. But if I don't have it on Tuesday night, then I go on to something else. That's what I'm saying. All right. I'll watch it. Just get a base knowledge of what we're working
Starting point is 00:30:20 with here because it's... If you know, you don't know, you just don't know about these subsections of people. Yes you do, we talk about them all the time. Not everybody's well, not everybody's well, that's true. That's true, yeah. We're constantly shedding light on the subsections. That's true, that's true. Okay, so this is not even the point of why I got into this,
Starting point is 00:30:42 but I just wanted to share that Presumed Innocent is fucking fantastic. I'll take a, I will take a second look at it. Even if you don't like Jake, I think this is probably... I like Jake, but I just didn't see him in that role, but maybe he's good in it. He's so good. Yeah. But then also he's got a cast around him that is so strong and so good at what they do.
Starting point is 00:31:02 It's just like, it's acting at its finest. I'm one of these guys that if the acting is not on par, I start paying attention to the process of making the television show, if that makes sense. Like, why did you act that way? Why didn't the director do that? This is one of those where I got completely engrossed. I believed everything that was going on. Okay. Whatever night it was, the other night, we're watching Presumed Innocent. We're like episode number three or four. We're fully into this. We're like in the envelope. We're- Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:31 We're in the pocket. And it can be a rather intense show. It's about murder. And so, you know, my wife is not, she grew up in a different universe than I did. She grew up in Venezuela, where murder, robbery, violence was a very real way of life and it was very scary, especially in Caracas, where she lived. And so she just has a different tolerance for shows that have graphic fear, violence, murders, stuff like that. She just has a different tolerance level and it's rather low. Yeah. She gets scared, right? Essentially. She, she doesn't want those things to happen to her. So she doesn't like to watch them, but she's loving this show. We're all loving this show. Okay. So at one point, and it's probably like midnight, I would say, we hear this.
Starting point is 00:32:27 Oh. Not on the show, even though the TV is on fucking loud, because you have to, that fucking Dolby sound, goddamn it, envelopes you. Like, I swear to God, the way that they're making the television shows these days, you're in a movie theater. The music is fucking way loud. The voices are very soft. I have to keep on turning the volume up and down. Yes, I know. What the fuck is going on with it? Not everybody has 7.7 Dolby sound in their bedroom. Can we settle down?
Starting point is 00:32:50 What happened to old TV where everything was just the same volume? Anyway, I heard this and I pressed pause right away. And I'm like, what was that? And there's the baby in the room, the kids in the other room. And I'm like, I hear something. Astor goes, yeah, I heard it too.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Then, and I was like, whoa, what was that? So now I jump out of bed and I run to the kids' room, right? And I open the door and I look, everyone's sleeping. And then again, it's on the roof. And I'm like, I can hear it upstairs. So it's either in the attic or it's in the roof. And I'm like, I can hear it upstairs. So it's either in the attic or it's in the roof. So I run to grab a flashlight and whatever means of protection I might have in this house.
Starting point is 00:33:34 An old golf club. Yeah, an old golf club, an old 57, I don't know. I'll leave that up to your own imagination. But I run and I, into the closet and grab these things. And then Astrid's like, now Astrid's full on freaked out. And she's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I'm like, I'm gonna go and make sure that everything is okay. So I take the flashlight, I start running around the house.
Starting point is 00:33:56 I open every door, I open every closet. I look behind every shower curtain because I wanna make sure that there's no one in the house. Even though we have an alarm and it's on and I'm pretty sure that it would have went off, should something, you know, sometimes, sometimes you don't know, right? You don't know. And so I look in every door in every closet, that's too funny. That was pretty funny. Someone is in your house. Someone is in your house.
Starting point is 00:34:43 But then we hear another noise and I'm like, Oh shit, it's definitely coming from up above us. And I'm like, what the fuck? Okay. So now I go and I turn on all the outside lights. Like you think maybe it's an animal or is it? Don't know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:58 But it could be like Tom Cruise, like black, black, black. Someone parachuted on to my house. You see him coming out the window. and black, all black, like he's scaled your roof. Someone parachuted onto my house. You see him coming out the window. I'll get that fucking commercial break. I'll get him. But you don't know, I live on a rather busy street. I don't think anyone has put a ladder on my house
Starting point is 00:35:18 to go climbing up to the roof where there's no access to the house, but you never know. No, I know. But I don't know. It's an unknown. Right, it's a total unknown. But my guess in my mind at that moment is it is not a human being as an immediate threat. It is something, but it is not. Maybe a branch has fallen off a tree,
Starting point is 00:35:34 maybe, I don't know. You know, how an animal would even get up there, I have no idea. But okay, let's just, you know. So, I grab the flashlight and she's like, where are you going? Where are you going? And I'm like, I'm going outside. Do not leave me alone. And I'm like, babe, it is not a human being. I promise you that. And I don't know that for a hundred percent, but I'm just like trying to make her feel better. Yeah, I'm like, I'm gonna go outside and I'm gonna make sure. And she's like, no, no, no, stay inside. And I'm like, babe, I'm not gonna let that noise go unchecked. You have to figure it out. It's a branch. Something happened. I don't know. Let me just go check it out. So, I, and she's just like begging me not to go, I leave.
Starting point is 00:36:09 I go out the front door, I leave, I get the flashlight, I walk around the side of the house, I flash the light where I can see the roof, and there is a big fucking fat tabby cat up on my fucking roof. A tabby cat. Meow, meow. It's like walking around and I flash the flashlight at it
Starting point is 00:36:29 and it gets scared. And then I flash the flashlight at it again and it gets scared and it runs and it jumps off the roof into my backyard over the fence and away it goes. And I'm like, wow, that's awesome. Okay, there you go. My guess is it was chasing or had been chased by something. It went up the tree, got onto the branch
Starting point is 00:36:51 and was trying to get back down through jumping on the roof. So one way or the other, the cat got down and it jumped over my fence. I'm assuming it was fine. Now you just have the smoke alarm to go off. Now I just have the alarm to go off, right. So I'm like, okay, thank God. You know, all right, yeah, adrenaline go down.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Yeah, exactly. Your heart was beating fast. I found the explanation, at least now we know. And I go to go back in the house, the fucking door is locked. Ashton locked me out of that house. She's like, I'll show that asshole. Thanks for going outside. Thanks for leaving me. I told her, I'm like, before I left, I'm like, keep your phone on you, dial 911.
Starting point is 00:37:36 If you hear any additional noise, just call the police. But I'm not going to call the police for a tabby cat on my roof. I'm not going to do it. It's like that ambulance driver said, people call because they can't reach the remote control. I'm not gonna be that guy. And then when I was leaving, I was leaving with just the flashlight in my hand. She's like, Oh my God, you're gonna go outside? And did you're gonna go outside without a fucking phone? And I was like, Oh, that is a good point there. I should probably bring my phone just in case.
Starting point is 00:38:03 But I had to come back inside. Now I I'm like, hey babe, I gotta come back inside. Now I'm really in danger because I'm standing on my underwear on this busy street, banging on my own front door with a flashlight in my hand. Now I think to myself, the cops are gonna come because I'm outside of the house. Oh my God. And I came back inside.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Yeah, we've had some critters up on our roof lately too. And they've gotten in to the roof or something somehow. Into the attic? Yeah, like I think into the little attic because they hear them scratching. Those are probably mice. Oh, mice or squirrels. That's what we're thinking is squirrels.
Starting point is 00:38:38 I lived in this. I just hear them at night and in the morning. I think they actually like go out and go do stuff. Yeah, they can. Like you have vents, usually you have vents in your attic, because it gets so hot up there, you need to let that hot air out. And so those vents are an easy place for those squirrels to get in,
Starting point is 00:38:56 or in the soffits of the roof. My, those squirrels will chew the metal gutters. They are, that's what I think is happening. They are little nightmares. They are. They are, that's what I think is happening. They are little nightmares. They are. They are little fucking nightmares. I can't even believe how industrious they are, I think is the word.
Starting point is 00:39:12 Hey, listen, squirrels and roaches, they're gonna be around when everyone else is gone because they are, and chipmunks. I have a whole chipmunk, I have a universe of chipmunks under my house and under my patios and under my pool. I swear to God I do. It is a whole network of tunnels.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Yes. I have this cement patio around my pool with joints in it. Like every other cement patio does. It's got joints in it, the little lines that separate the pieces so the concrete doesn't crack. So I am out there one day and I'm doing whatever. I'm fiddle-diddling around, probably ignoring my children, you know, getting a break from Blue or something, you know, like watering the patio, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm out there and I see this little chipmunk,
Starting point is 00:39:52 which they're everywhere around my yard and I just leave them alone because they got their little thing going on, they're not harming me, I don't care, they're cute, whatever. And this little chipmunk comes running up, goes into the pool, like that goes on the first step of the pool, licks a bunch of water, and then he runs right in front of me, runs right around me. He goes to one of the joints, like he's standing near one of the joints. He's like looking at me like this, like, and I'm like, okay, all right, whatever. You know, I'm just trying to ignore him. Like, don't, don't, don't tease me. Move along. I know you're there, but move along. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:27 And you know what he does? He goes right in between the joints. He just goes down and- They're able to squeeze themselves. It was a fucking magic trick. I went, but I was like, what? What just happened? I go over there and I look,
Starting point is 00:40:39 and it just looks like the joint. There's like no hole or anything. He just went right down the joint. I'm like, holy fucking shit. These little creatures are magicians. They are. I know, and now, so it's a fun game for me and my youngest to play.
Starting point is 00:40:50 We'll like stare out my bedroom window and we'll watch the chipmunks as they just go up and down the joint. They go in and out and in and out. It's fucking unbelievable. They found a way. Yes, it's crazy. Oh man, but I'll tell you what,
Starting point is 00:41:04 when you're watching Presumed Innocent and you're fully engrossed on your thousand inch TV and then all of a sudden you hear banging and stuff like that, it was a little disconcerting. I was with Astrid on that one. I was like, you don't have to be scared of murder dramas to feel like this is a little freaky. Because, you know, I think it's a very rare chance that anything like that would ever happen to you as a human being. It's like, you know, you'd probably- think it's a very rare chance that anything like that would ever happen to you as a human being. It's like, you know, you'd probably... But there's a possibility.
Starting point is 00:41:28 There's always a possibility that some strange shit can happen. And that's why... Did you post it on Nextdoor? I did not. Should've. Cat on roof. Attention, cat on roof. No picture included. Oh my God, that Nextdoor, I love it. It's my favorite thing. I wake up in the morning if I need a little jolt of sunshine. I just look at next door and I'm like, well, I'm not that dumb. All right, we'll be back.
Starting point is 00:41:54 Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break? Gotcha. This is the break. And you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, you know, if you wanna get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 212-433-3TCB.
Starting point is 00:42:22 That is 212-433-3822. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB Live! So the links are in the show notes, but let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Dania Beach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th, or at the Funny Boat Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. It's gonna be fab. So go buy your tickets and we'll see you in Florida! I'm not going back to university to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats. I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 5% off smoothies and 5% Uber cash back on rides.
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Starting point is 00:43:23 at a price that you won't wanna skip. Served hot out of the oven in four delicious flavors. Simply cheese, chicken parmesan, pepperoni, and bacon everything starting at only $6.99 plus tax. Order yours now. Terms and conditions apply at participating restaurants in Canada. Did you know that this super yacht that went down in Italy was captained by the same captain that's on that show that you like, Below Deck? Beth Dombkowski No. Jared Sussman Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Beth Dombkowski Really? Jared Sussman 100%. So, now, the Italian authorities, so for those of you that may not be in the know, there was a super yacht that was anchored out on off one of the islands in Italy. Yeah. With some Americans on it. Near Sicily.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Near Sicily. Some people that were English. And this guy was a billionaire because he sold a company, I think to, was it Intel or somebody like that, HP Intel, one of them. And he sold it to him, but Intel then sued him for cooking the books. In other words, when he sold the company, he had valued it like $500. 11 billion or something. I think he sold it for like 11 billion. I don't know the exact numbers, but they had said that he overvalued it by more than 100%.
Starting point is 00:44:38 So it was like, if he sold it for 11 billion, they said 5.5 billion of it was fraudulent, essentially. And so he, then the Department of Justice came after him. And when you have the Department of Justice, when you have a federal case with the federal attorneys, like the district attorneys, then you are fucked because they win every case. They just do, it's just a fact.
Starting point is 00:44:59 99.9% of those cases are won by the prosecution. Yeah, he was called the British Bill Gates. Something like that, yeah, yeah. He was a British guy. But he was part of the 0.01% that get off and do not get charged guilty because he was found innocent of all the charges. And he was having a celebration. This just happened like a month ago.
Starting point is 00:45:23 So he's having a celebration. He rents this super yacht. He gets a captain and some crew, and then he has his attorneys with him and some other folks and he's out there. And all of a sudden a water spout whips up, a tornado in the water whips up. They're anchored in the middle of the night. It whips up and it smashes the boat and the boat goes under in just a few minutes. Like not a lot of time to react with him and his
Starting point is 00:45:45 wife and some other people trapped below deck essentially, no pun intended. And so he dies. I think there was like nine people who died. I think he died, his daughter died. His wife died? No, the wife actually survived I think I saw. But anyways, yeah, a lot of people died. Terrible situation. Some people survived. I can't even imagine surviving that.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Yeah, it's just crazy. There was a report about one lady who was there with her small child and she just so happened to have heard the storm like kind of brewing and she went out on the deck because the boat was rocking a lot and she got nervous that something was happening to the boat and she jumped off the ship because it was tilting over, and she jumped off the ship with her child in the middle of this storm. The child then somehow got loose from her in the dark, in the water, tornado in the middle of the water,
Starting point is 00:46:35 and she found the child by God knows what miracle. She found the child, she grabbed it, and then she kicked her legs and kept the baby above the waves until someone pulled her onto a lifeboat. Unbelievable story. Yeah, I know. Terrible situation. Terrible, terrible, terrible. What's even crazier about this story is that this guy had a partner in the business who was also prosecuted. That guy got hit by a fucking car and died just days earlier, like a hit and run.
Starting point is 00:47:08 I know. Insane, like just insane. So all this tragedy is happening around all of this, and the Italian authorities are looking for someone to blame because everyone's up in arms about how could this happen? How did this happen? Well, it happened because it's a freaking nature. That's how it happened. Like the captain, he wasn't even under tow. He wasn't under power. Like he wasn't driving the boat. That area where they parked too
Starting point is 00:47:29 was supposed to be like a safe place. It's a harbor. Yeah, it's like, you're parked in the harbor. It was like some picturesque place in Sicily. You don't expect water tornadoes almost ever. That's like getting struck by lightning twice in a lifetime. But the boat was under anchor.
Starting point is 00:47:43 It was on anchor. So what do you expect to happen? Nothing, you're just sleeping there. Even a bad storm, you have a storm, but the boat was under anchor. It was on anchor. So what do you expect to happen? Nothing, you're just sleeping there. Even a bad storm, you have a storm, it comes and goes, the boat rocks a little bit. Okay, it's a super fucking yacht. It's like a cruise ship. And so now they're looking to blame somebody.
Starting point is 00:47:55 And when I was reading the story, they were saying, below deck captain says, don't blame me. I didn't do it. You're ruining my good name, blah, blah, blah. Because was it a sailing? It was a sailing yacht. It was a, well, I think it was a sailing yacht. It was a, it's a yacht that has power. Most of them do, but it does have sails on it. The sails were out and that's what they think.
Starting point is 00:48:16 Cause there is a specific part of below deck, the below deck dynasty, I guess that, cause they do like below deck met and then they have below deck sailing yacht. Okay. Is a specific one. So I wonder if that's that captain I need to look it up. It's the guy with the beard. Yeah, like the old, I mean, a lot of captains probably have beards, but it's just insane. And I had no idea. I mean, I know you've been talking about this for a while, but I had no idea that this below
Starting point is 00:48:39 deck was so very popular. Oh yeah. And then I read a story today that Christina Applegate, who has had her own set of tragedy over the last couple of years and is dealing with MS now. And didn't she have breast cancer too? Yes. She had breast cancer, now she's got MS.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Terrible situation with Christina Applegate. She has been invited to come on the next season of Below Deck, but she got to choose which one of the people, like which one of the folks she wanted to be on the next season of Below Deck, but she got to choose which one of the folks she wanted to be on her Below Deck adventure. I had no idea this was such a big deal, this Below Deck. I mean, I've seen a couple of episodes like that. Wow, who knew that people were so interested in watching the lives of people who are on those super yachts. Yeah, the reason I like it is because you get to see the different places that they go and you get to see how shitty some people that are ultra wealthy can be to the deckhands and the staff. When we were in Barcelona. Plus you get to see
Starting point is 00:49:34 the shenanigans of the staff. Oh yeah, that's true. You do get to see the shenanigans. A lot of drunk Jacuzzi parties lately. I would love to go in one of those super yachts, man. I'll tell you what, they do fascinate me. I know they're like, you know, a boat is like a pool, it's like just a hole you're throwing money into. But I, when we went to Barcelona, I have pictures of this, I'll show you. We went to, was it Barcelona? I think it was Barcelona. We went to Barcelona and we were in one of those ports. And I will tell you what, there were not one, not two, but like 30 super yachts there. And one of them dwarfed every other super yacht. It was a cruise ship is what it was.
Starting point is 00:50:14 And it had a name on the back of it. And I looked it up and it was like some Saudi Arabian prince who had built the boat and then he rents it out to whatever. This thing was un fuckingfucking-believable. It had like a garage where there was like two other boats. Oh, it had a helipad. It maybe had multiple helipads. You can see pictures on it.
Starting point is 00:50:35 It's unbelievable how big these things are. And then when I was in the Bahamas one year, I saw a Tiger Woods yacht, which looks like that's like a small penis yacht. I mean, that thing looks tiny compared to some of these really incredible yachts. Didn't Bezos just have his delivered or something and they had to go Amsterdam.
Starting point is 00:50:55 Yes, they had to take a bridge apart. Yeah. In order to get it. And people were all up in arms because he's gonna stop traffic for two days to get his super yacht through. I mean, this is the, just the wealth, the bloody dripping fucking fantastic wealth on some of these people that they can go spend $300, $400 million on a fucking boat, a cruise ship.
Starting point is 00:51:17 I have to be honest with you. Now, and I travel to Amelia Island a lot, which is in Northeast Florida, and I'm sure some people may know about it. Amelia Island is, you know, it's a tiny little island. It's a beautiful place. It's just an escape from everything, right? It's a quaint little beach town. The very first Ritz-Carlton in America is at, is in Amelia Island. Okay, we went down there and checked that place out. Yeah. We didn't stay there. That's where I had my first wedding. Oh yeah, that's right. That's where I had my first wedding.
Starting point is 00:51:49 I did not pay for it. To be clear, I had nothing to do with the actual paying for it. I am not that guy. I do not have that kind of wealth, but it was a beautiful place to get married, no doubt about it. But they now have redone their port because as Amelia Island becomes more and more popular, as all beach towns are becoming more and more popular, as people flock to beach towns because we're all boiling, they have spaces for now super yachts to park there too, on the dock, like
Starting point is 00:52:15 get docked. And one time we went down there a couple of years ago, maybe it was during the pandemic, we went down there and they had parked a super yacht there. And Chrissy and the people, it's like this big, huge dock, and it's a public dock, so you can walk out onto it. So we were taking a walk, you know, looking at the sunset out along the harbor, and there's this huge super yacht that's parked there. And there are people that are on the back of the super yacht, like having dinner or something. They're out there having cocktails and dinner, and you see them and they have the little gang way that's all out there. And so I walk by and there's a guy that's just like standing there. He's like smoking a cigar standing there. And I go, yeah, man, that's a nice
Starting point is 00:52:59 boat. And he goes, yes, it is. And I go, how much did you pay for that? And he goes, well, I'm renting it. He goes, it's not mine. I'm renting it. He goes, but this is what we do. Every year we'll rent one of these boats. That's what you do. It's what you do. It's what people do.
Starting point is 00:53:14 They just spend $10,000 a minute on renting a super yacht. And he goes, this is what we do. We rent one of these every year and we travel around wherever we're going to go and this year we're doing Florida and the Keys and the Bahamas and stuff like that and I was like, oh man, that's a nice life if you can get it. I go, that's a nice life if you can get it. And he goes, well, now I worked hard for this and I go, I'm sure you did, or your daddy did, or somebody did, maybe he did, I don't know, you know. I don't, listen, I don't hate people who have that kind of wealth. I really don't. I think, you know, congratulations to you. If you earned it, congratulations to you.
Starting point is 00:53:50 But the disparity between, like, I rented a boat when we went to Barcelona one year, or excuse me, when we went to Alicante, I rented a boat for the day where I got so seasick that I had to lay down the entire time. But I rented that boat and it was terribly expensive. And there was like 12 of us that went on there. It was probably, I think it was like $1,000, $1,400 for the day, right? So, I rented this just as a treat to the family. I like saved up. I wanted to do something nice for everybody. I did it. We went out in the boat and it was a lovely, lovely day. But that boat was, I don't know, it's hard to explain. It's literally like having a snow pea on your plate compared to a tomahawk steak. When you look at some of these super yachts, what could you possibly, possibly
Starting point is 00:54:46 When you look at some of these super yachts, what could you possibly, possibly need out of a boat that big? 30 rooms? Do you need 30 rooms in a boat, in a personal boat? I don't know. What point does it become ridiculous? It's like a conversation Astrid and I were having. If we had the wealth, which we don't, we probably never will. I work at the commercial break, look at me.
Starting point is 00:55:03 What am I going to do? Can't even get one of the impractical jokers to show up. If I have a boat, right, or if I have a house, if I could afford a house, if I could afford a million, million dollar house, like millions of dollars worth of house, would I buy a huge estate? No, I wouldn't. Because how many rooms do I really need? And isn't that just more house to take care of and places to get lost? I'm old. I'm going to start getting lost in places. If I have too many rooms, I won't know where I'm going. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't know if you've ever had this conversation with Jeff, but us, we're not having all the time.
Starting point is 00:55:37 We don't need, yeah. We don't need like some big house. I guess maybe what I would have is maybe different ones in different places or something that you could go travel to. I think I'd have, yeah, maybe a condo on the beach or something like that. You know, a small beach house somewhere that I like. But if I could, if I won the lottery tomorrow and had $300 million in my bank account, I don't think I'd buy a 12,000 square foot house.
Starting point is 00:56:00 Why? For what? Even with as many children as I have, if they each had a bedroom, we'd be okay. Okay. And so that would be 30 bedrooms. Maybe you do need to yacht with 30 bedrooms. Maybe you do. Maybe you do. And I know you like to entertain and all that stuff, but that just seems a little bit overkill to have a boat with 30 bedrooms on it. It's just insane to me. It's like these guys who buy the private planes that are like 747s and they're flying them around. Why do you need a plane that big? When do you... Are you carrying a hundred people around with you
Starting point is 00:56:29 everywhere you go? The president is. That I understand. That I get. But if you're just a dude who's rich, do you need a 747? Really? Isn't a Learjet that kind of cool anyway? Yeah. I don't know, Chrissy. I'm just thinking to myself out loud. All this super young... We're going to have our old plane that we're going to get. Oh, yes, Chrissy. I'm just thinking to myself out loud. All this super young. We're gonna have our old plane that we're gonna get. Oh yes, we will. The old Rolling Stones plane. Yes, the old Rolling Stones plane.
Starting point is 00:56:50 It's pending, decommissioned. I think we're gonna get the Leonard Skinner plane. The one that went down. The Buddy Holly plane. That's what we're gonna get. We're gonna resurrect that thing. We're gonna save for that. It's got turbo prop on it, like two propellers.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Vroom, vroom, vroom. See, like two propellers. Brrrr. See, we can be taking that down to Florida. Oh yeah, that's as far as it's gonna go. Ha ha ha ha. It's got a range of 38 miles on it. We'll have to stop every 38 miles for gas. We just, it takes us seven hours to get down to Amelia Island.
Starting point is 00:57:22 Cause we have to stop for gas every 30 miles. Yes. $680 to fill up that tank, get you 38 miles. That's the other thing, the gas on those things is crazy expensive. I told you, I flew with my former uncle-in-law, my ex-wife's uncle, I flew with him on a number of occasions on his plane, his private plane, and it wasn't even, it was like a beach craft. It wasn't like the nicest planes that you could get, but it was a nice plane. It was a private plane. I mean, anybody who has a private plane is doing pretty well for themselves, right? It was like a 12 seat or so, it was a rather kind of large plane. It wasn't like the kind that you see now where people are just standing
Starting point is 00:58:00 up, people are six foot eight standing up and just walking around. Right, you had to kind of dock. Yeah, you had to dock and there was a couple of plush chairs in there, you know, the recliner and all that. But when we stopped for gas, swear to God, $3,000, $4,000, it's like, holy shit, really? Really? Three or $4,000 to fill that thing up? That's how much it costs.
Starting point is 00:58:20 That's crazy. That's it. Yeah. We'll start saving now. Well, listen, we can all dream, can't we? We can. Yeah. We need to actually play the lottery. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:29 I think I'll just be happy when I can afford my own Uber. There you go. That's what I'm looking for. Start small. I'm gonna get a yellow cab with a driver on call one hour a month. There you go. Take me wherever I'm going.
Starting point is 00:58:44 Take me to CVS. We'll go in on that together. Yes. Maybe I'll get one of those like little helicopters that only fit two people that have like the glass bubble. Yes. Kind of on Hawaii Five-O. I don't even know where they put the gas in those things.
Starting point is 00:58:59 They have like little tiny tanks. I see a lot of private helicopters. When I go downtown, I see private helicopters flying from buildings. I told you my optometrist has one. Yeah I saw him land the other day when I was walking to Starbucks. I was like oh there you go buddy. Nice. Can you give me a ride back to my house 10 feet away? Thanks. I appreciate it. Alright Chrissy and I are going to be in Florida very shortly on the 24th and the 25th of September. 24th in Dania Beach at the Dania Beach Improv.
Starting point is 00:59:33 And then we're going to be in Orlando at the Bone at the Funny Bone. We would love to see you tickets now available on the website, on Instagram. You can, you know, link and bio bullshit on the show notes of this episode and many others behind it or you can go straight to the websites of those two places the funny bone Orlando or the Dania Beach improv and you can buy your tickets for the 24th at Dania Beach for the 25th on Orlando it's the cost of two frappuccinos go ahead buy those tickets come out and see it yeah we'd love to see you for the price of a cup of coffee a day, YouTube can save all these animals. Yeah, and while you're at the website, go ahead, watch all the video, listen to all
Starting point is 01:00:14 the audio. You can also get your free TCB bumper sticker. Hit the contact us button, drop down menu, I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send you that sticker. No problem at the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on tik tok and YouTube.com slash the commercial break. We'd like to thank our guest Maz jabroni Very sweet. He wrote me said he had a great time. He liked to come back and I'd love to have you back miles Okay, Chrissy. Did I forget anything? Oh, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822.
Starting point is 01:00:49 Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We take them all, we reject none of it, and we'll get back to you soon. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you.
Starting point is 01:00:59 Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. When your celebration of life is prepaid in advance, it becomes a gift from you to your family later, because no one should have to plan for a loss while they're experiencing one. Paying in advance protects your loved ones and gives you the peace of mind you deserve. Let us help you plan every detail with professionalism and compassion. We are your local Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at DignityMemorial.ca. I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man Thanks for watching!

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