The Commercial Break - Once More, From Your Nose!

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Starting point is 00:00:27 If you offered me five cups of grape juice, I would not be interested. But if you offered me five cups of grape juice that had been left in the barrel long enough, become slightly poisonous. It would be very interesting. On this episode of the commercial break. this is a Brian Green's acting. If you can't actually use your voice, close your nose and scream. What am I gonna do? The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Starting point is 00:01:07 Oh yeah, Kazugins, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the dear leader of Leatherbound leggings. Chris, enjoy, hold me, best of you, Chris. That's you, Brian. And best of you are there in the Badgaz universe. You get Naly and then you get Naly and then you get Naly and then we got Naly. We got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and then we got Naly and a kutur mons here on the studio table. Last week it was the big foot at Chrissy Bot and this week it's the alien that Chrissy also bought. But when we first got that gift,

Starting point is 00:01:49 Asperthe, is she joking? Like, where are we gonna put this in our house? And I'm like, no, it's for the studio, honey. She's on this big kick right now, as am I, with 12 to 18 children. How many kids are running around here? I can't keep count of them. How many kids are running around here? We can't keep count of them. However many kids are running around here,

Starting point is 00:02:05 we are piling up shit at an epic rate. Oh yeah, exactly. Just crap. Crap, we will never need crap. We never needed crap that's just never gonna be ever touched again. And the first among them are toys and chachkis. Toys and chachkis, we have so many of those things

Starting point is 00:02:22 laying around, it's crazy. My wife, she's just on this kick right now. She pulled out all the Christmas stuff. Yeah, declutter. She pulled out of the Christmas stuff and I knew it was gonna happen. Something was gonna switch in her brain and it did. She looked ejected on Saturday.

Starting point is 00:02:36 She was like putting up the Christmas tree and she looked ejected and I'm like, what's wrong? She goes, I don't know, I'm just so low energy today. And I was like, is everything okay? And she's like, I think there's so much crap in this house that it's getting me down. And I was like, is everything okay? And she's like, I think there's so much crap in this house that it's getting me down. And I was like, I understand. When there's a lot of shit just piling up,

Starting point is 00:02:49 it kind of clutters your brain. Are you one of those people like? Yes. Cluttered house cluttered brain? Yeah, you know, I was just going through doing some organizing yesterday and I sent you that picture of the first podcast magazine that we did.

Starting point is 00:03:05 Because everybody's really podcast magazine. Yeah, everybody needed podcast magazine. Like a paper edition. Let a dumb idea. And I hear it's making a, I hear it might be making a comeback, but I've heard a lot of things about what that whole company is doing. But anyway, so you, you also subscribe to this theory.

Starting point is 00:03:22 Yes. And it's not a hard one to subscribe to is cluttered cluttered home cluttered mind Is the old saying and I totally agree with it and you've done me for a long time Yes, and I always had when I was single and living in an apartment was a small apartment and I had a lot of stuff But I always managed to keep it very organized Everything had a place. Yeah very zen And now we have the opposite of zen, which is holy fuck. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:46 If one minute goes by, we clean up that, we clean up our toy room. We have everything in a toy room. All the toys are in the toy room, except for a couple of stuff the animals that the kids have in their individual rooms. So we cannot get these children for the life of us to clean up anything. No. If they can take a bucket of toys poured out in the middle of the floor, then they move on to the next thing to take board games

Starting point is 00:04:05 They throw them everywhere they throw everything everywhere and I'm like guys clean up one thing and then play with the next thing So do me a favor before we play with that next board game Let's just clean up the three thousand Lego characters that you just threw on the floor that are killing my feet. And this is what happens. Oh, I'm a doler. I just wanna say my defauling. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. And I'm like, I'm not telling you to throw yourself into the electrical socket.

Starting point is 00:04:39 I'm asking you to pick up the toilet. I know what I'm gonna do. You know what, we know big of that. It You know what, I mean, I'm gonna pick up that toilet. It's like the fight goes on forever. It never ends. And finally I end up cleaning it up, because I'm like, well, that's not gonna go anywhere. I'm just viling my children up into it, Tizzy.

Starting point is 00:04:54 Because when one starts screaming, the other one starts screaming, right? I'll say, hey you, pick up those toys you just threw down before you get to the N- I know it. And the other one's like, Why is he crying, I'm crying too, I is he going to? I want to touch it too. The whole crowd's house is crying.

Starting point is 00:05:07 Blues all upset, barking everywhere, because she thinks something is wrong. It's a whole fucking disaster. And so, Astrid from the beginning has done this amazing thing, which is we have this closet in one of our spare bedrooms in one of our spare bedrooms. In the spare bedroom, I talk like I've got a monstrosity of a house. There's two closets in there for some reason,

Starting point is 00:05:26 I don't know, a weird wacky builder, but she decided to make one of those closets, the extra toy closet. So what she does is she switches out toys from time to time. Right? So the kids at any given time have 3,000 and one toys that they can play within the toy room and 2,000 and one sitting in that closet somewhere.

Starting point is 00:05:45 It never fails. One of the kids has to go to the bathroom during the dinner and you say, okay, go to the bathroom in the back bedroom, which is closest to the kitchen. This guest best bedroom. So they'll go back there and they won't come back and I'll be like, hey, everything okay. And then the closet's back there. Yeah, P.P. Okay, it's a long P.P. I got a lot of P.P. Okay. I got a lot of P.P. Going out of my penis.

Starting point is 00:06:10 Okay, buddy, just, you know, keep it in the bowl. Okay. All right, five minutes later. Hey, you okay in there? Ah, more in P.P. Okay, I guess it's still coming out of your penis. I think so. Okay, all right, 15 minutes later.

Starting point is 00:06:27 I'm like, what in the fuck is going on? I walk in there, the toys are everywhere. He's gotten into the closet, the toys. I'm like, two minutes. So then I say, can we please take those toys and put them back into the, I don't want it, I'm supposed to be eating. I have to go pee, pee, pee, pee, pee, pee. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Chrissy it all boils down to the buck stops with me and I really don't want to have the buck

Starting point is 00:07:05 I really want to give it away to someone else That's what I'm realizing. I mean me and Astrid of course, but it's stop. There's no one to help There's no I didn't realize what a bad How much time would occupy being a parent and now I'm realizing there is no time no time You remember that you remember that famous episode of Save By The Bell when what's her name, Kelly, got into taking speed? Like, she was buying no-dose or something like that. And Zach came into confront her about it.

Starting point is 00:07:36 And she's like, I have to go to the beach, to practice my lines. There's no time, no time, no time, no time. This terrible acting job that she did, she kept repeating it. No time, no time, no time, no time! This terrible acting job that she did, she kept repeating it, no time, no time, no time! And that's how I felt like a couple days ago. I was like, there's no time, no time, no time! I know, and you're just completely exhausted, too, by the end of the day,

Starting point is 00:07:57 because they have endless amounts of energy. Yes! No, it does not end. They are a cauldron. This is keep going. A piping hot shitty energy and I am a decrepit old man just trying to keep it all together Sometimes I go oh what did I get myself into it? Is there any way to reverse that? No, no, there's no pyramid now Oh, there's no pyramid now. Come on, come on. Damn it.

Starting point is 00:08:23 Oh. And, you know, there's so. Get lucky cluttering. Yeah, yeah, but there's so much to love about children, but the clutter is not one of those things. But the Christmas tree came out. I guess that's one story. I saw that it looks beautiful.

Starting point is 00:08:37 Oh, see guys. Oh, see guys. Yeah, you know, we, you know me, and you've known me for a long time, and I know you. We always, the Christmas is a big deal And so when I even when I live of myself I went out I got a tree I decorated it myself or with the help of whichever

Starting point is 00:08:52 Person I have dating in that moment. Yeah, or Chrissy. Yeah, that's your you did do a couple Christmas trees with me So we did the Christmas tree and I just love it. I love having a lit Christmas tree It's not as early as possible. So I know it's a little bit early if you put it up the Christmas tree, but I say after Halloween, everything's game. True. And I see a lot of Christmas lights going up, even in early November, mid-November,

Starting point is 00:09:14 I see a lot of Christmas lights going up, and I couldn't make me happier. There's not much to be happy about right now, but Christmas is one of those things. I know it does, it just makes you feel good. See the twinkling lights and the pretty decor. Yeah, we used to get the real tree. But when our first child was one years old and Christmas came around and we put up the

Starting point is 00:09:33 real tree, what we found was a real Christmas tree is just a reason to get pine needles stuck in the back of the throat. Exactly. And that's not a good thing. I know some people can't have it any other way and good for them, but what I subscribe to is getting the fig tree and then having lots of candles. Candles that smells it, Christmas tree scented for Ralph, and it's really a lot better.

Starting point is 00:09:55 I agree. No shame in the game. I do look forward to a day when we may be able to get a real Christmas tree again, but it's not in the foreseeable future. And that Christmas tree, we bought it whatever, you know, hobby something. I'm not even going to mention their name, but hobby something. We bought it right after Halloween, so we got it on the discount.

Starting point is 00:10:15 It was a nice tree. I don't think it was the best tree that they had, but it was middle of the road tree. It's only been with us for three years. It's already, you have to put it on top of a piece and then feather it out, you with us for three years. And it's already like, you know, you have to put it like piece on top of piece, on top of piece, and then feather it out, you know what I'm saying? So we get to just the second piece, and the thing is like, it's like, it's like a leaning counter of, it's swaying, and there's nothing on it yet. So then we put the whole thing up, and now it's really swaying, but because it's not one piece,

Starting point is 00:10:42 it's a multiple pieces, it's like swaying in a weird way. It's like you're tripping on acid, you're watching this thing sway back and forth. And so then we go to put all the Christmas things on it, and the kids are just so excited. They dig into all those bags, they wanna put everything on it. They wanna put all their stuffed animals on it, they wanna put pictures they made,

Starting point is 00:11:00 back in June at school on there, they wanna put shoes on there, they're putting everything on there. But they're only putting it on one side of the tree while me and Asher are working on the other side of the tree. So, I'm starting to watch this thing kind of kitty to the side and what I realize is that one square foot area has now been filled up with the children's everythings and it's just yanking the tree down.

Starting point is 00:11:19 And it reminds me of that time a couple of years ago when the when I put the Christmas tree up and we decorated it and it literally fell over while we were just standing in the kitchen. Remember that? Yes. It made such a kerfuffle. It made such a noise. I think the window was open or something that our neighbor heard it and came over to ask you for me to help.

Starting point is 00:11:40 And I said, yeah, I do. I don't know what happened. The tree just fell over and he gets out there. He's a man. He's a man. He's not watching TLC. I'll tell you that much right now. He's a man.

Starting point is 00:11:50 He's like an American daniel. Yeah, much younger, you know, much blonder Daniel, right? And so he's like, oh, yeah, I see your problem right here, Brian, it's not cut straight. And I'm like, what? And he's like, it's not cut straight. And I'm like, I know, but I put it on the stand. He's like, yeah, you didn't do that very good either.

Starting point is 00:12:07 So he's like, no problem. Something went wrong in foul. Let me go to my man shed where man things happen. And I'm gonna go get a, you know, whatever, a circular saw, whatever he said. And I'm like, yeah, you, yes, I agree. That's a correct course of action. 24, whatever it takes.

Starting point is 00:12:22 Yeah, whatever it takes, go ahead and do it. He's back there. So basically my neighbor put my tree up for me two years running I feel so bad I told them I said I got to take you off for dinner man You do so much for us and like we don't do shit for you Right and he's like I just feel bad for you bro You got all that shit going on over at the house and I I'm like, let me take you to a dinner at least. And then they'll bring over whole meals,

Starting point is 00:12:48 cooked for no reason. They, that's so nice. One of the kids over there, I say kid, she's not a kid, but she's an older teenager and she loves to bake. And so she'll bake stuff and just randomly, we'll get a knock at the door, Halloween. They make a big deal about bringing bags of candy over for the kids Christmas,

Starting point is 00:13:06 they always get the kids gifts, they always do that. But Astrid and I have our, and I say Astrid, Astrid doesn't, she's actually really good at this stuff, but I have my head so far at my ass that I don't think about any of that stuff. I'm mainly concerned with keeping these children alive and keeping the dog quiet. You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:13:21 So we don't ever do all that, and I feel really bad. So I figure one really nice dinner should smooth it all over until next year. I think so. Don't'm saying? Yeah. So, we don't ever do all that, and I feel really bad. So, I figure one really nice dinner should smooth it all over until next year. I think so. Don't you think? Yeah. Or once a year bonus. Yeah, like I would just say. A good tip.

Starting point is 00:13:32 Yeah, a good tip for my neighbor. We hit the jackpot. We hit the lottery with those people. You really did. They are wonderful. So wonderful. Always been wonderful with the kids, but I'll tell you, and a good thing is that a lot of times, when there's trouble, and I don't know how and, and, a good thing is, is that a lot of times,

Starting point is 00:13:45 when there's trouble, and I don't know how to address it, like, you know, I gotta build something, take something apart, plug something in, make a wire, do a thing, I will have no clue, and I'll be out in the back porch, and it's like I put up the bat signal sometimes, right? I'll just be, I'll just stand on the porch and wait for my neighbor to come outside.

Starting point is 00:14:02 Hey, buddy, what's going on? Just scratching your head. Yeah, just like, yeah, I just look confused. I pace around a little bit, kick the, kick the ground. Like, hey buddy, what's going on? Oh, nothing man, you know? No, everything okay? Hey, hey, hey, I don't want to talk about it.

Starting point is 00:14:17 It's a big deal. I gotta build this thing and put a wire into it and do a whole thing. And I'm just trying to figure out in my mind the best way to do it. Oh, why don't you let me come over there and help? no, no, no, no, no, it's okay. I mean, if you have a few minutes, if you got in the next three hours, do you mind coming over here and going out on my day? Yeah. We have this porch and it sits up off the house. A lot of

Starting point is 00:14:40 porch is do, right? And then it walks down toward the backyard. So that's like five feet off the ground. But the ground slopes at one angle. I didn't want the under the porch to be completely open because we have a big black snake that lives under there, I think. And it's just generally not a place where children should play under a porch with all the construction debris

Starting point is 00:14:58 that I'm sure is down there at some point. So I think to myself, oh, I should put some like lattice work or something down there just to keep it covered and it looks nice and then the kids don't get into it and the dog doesn't run away and all this other stuff. So my neighbor says, no, no, no, no, no, no, I got this great idea.

Starting point is 00:15:10 You should do these like two by fours and run them, like do them on rungs, like have a little space in between. It'll be a great look. Go along with the house, right? It's got a ship lap on it. And I'm like, oh man, that's such a great idea. Yeah, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do, as soon as I figure out when I have a little extra time and somebody to help me, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do, as soon as I figure out

Starting point is 00:15:25 when I have a little extra time and somebody to help me, I'm gonna do, let me help you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you've been way too kind to our family. How Saturday at three o'clock? Yeah. Is that work?

Starting point is 00:15:37 Can I put you down for a close? Chrissy, I swear on all the Toli. It took probably four hours to complete that project. With me, it would have taken four months to complete that project. It took four hours to complete that project. With me, it would have taken four months to complete that project. It took four hours to complete that project. I held the nails. That's what I did.

Starting point is 00:15:50 As he was going along nailing, I just held the nails. It would just pick them out of my hand. At one point, I tried to help, and he's like, ah, don't worry about it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I see your hand.

Starting point is 00:16:01 I see your hand, it works before. That's right. I don't want to be part of a project where someone might mistake your work for my work. So why don't you just let me do that? Okay, no problem. You want a cup of coffee or something? I got to catch the next episode of 90 Day Fiancé, but when you're done, if you want some cool aid, I got some.

Starting point is 00:16:20 I'll help you out there. What do you think, buddy? They're so great. They're so great. They're so great. I love the neighbors. It's good to have good neighbors. Yeah, I wish I had a neighbor that also wanted to address the clutter in the house.

Starting point is 00:16:32 So I could be like, hey, what do you think about coming over and cleaning all my kids crap up? You like that idea? Ah! I don't wanna clean up! I should just throw a tantrum next time I see my neighbor. I don't wanna clean up. I should just throw a tantrum next time. I see my neighbor. I don't wanna clean up anymore. Everything okay over there, Brian?

Starting point is 00:16:49 No, I just wanna watch Mickey. Yeah. Maybe you should just throw the tantrum back to the kids. Like, they're like, we're hungry. I don't wanna fit in dinner. That's what I've said this before. I swear in every parent knows this. Every parent knows this argument.

Starting point is 00:17:08 You go back and forth so many times, fine. You don't wanna clean up the room. Yeah. I don't wanna turn on your favorite show. Right. I don't wanna take you to the play place. I'm not gonna take you to your friends birthday. I wanna, I don't wanna take you to your friends birthday.

Starting point is 00:17:21 You can't take that away from here. Ah. It doesn't work. I know.! Ah! Ha! It doesn't work! I know. It doesn't work, because you know, you've got a parent by distraction, because the kids are like cats. They only, they momentarily hold on to things that they see that are shiny and then they move on to the next thing.

Starting point is 00:17:37 They have song-hoedly the toys. They do have song-hoedly the toys. You're right about this. My favorite is when they come to me and they go, what do you, hey dad, what do you wanna play? I don't know, what do you wanna play? I don't know, what do you wanna play? I don't know, what is it that you wanna play?

Starting point is 00:17:53 You'll play a game, you'll do a thing. My go-to is always, I got an idea. Let's play airplane. You wanna know why I play airplane? Because I get to lay down for a few minutes and watch television while I kick them up on my legs. But they've called on to me now, and they're like, nah, I don't want to do that anymore.

Starting point is 00:18:10 Come on, really? You don't want to fly? Who wants to? Who wants to fly? Everyone wants to fly. Daddy wants to fly. Daddy tried to fly until you were born, and now I can't fly anymore.

Starting point is 00:18:20 Oh, it's fun with the children, too. Yes it is. All right, listen, I had a long weekend of listening back to some of our old episodes. Don't even ask me why. That is so funny. I don't choose to do that. Trust me, I don't volunteer to go listen to our old episodes because there's two things I've realized.

Starting point is 00:18:39 Number one, whether you think the show is good now or not, and I know we have a lot of detractors if you think the show is good It is so much fucking better than it was the first 50 episodes Generally they're terrible with little moments of funny. Yes Now I think they're just generally boring with little moments of funny But they're just terrible with little moments of funny. We have really come a long way in only 400 and see episode. Hell, it's a good 400. But number two is you can see the seeds sprouting

Starting point is 00:19:13 of some of the things that now are just commonplace to commercial break, the Frankie Bees, Theresa Capuda, Monster Monsters. Our personality, as always been there, it's just sprouted over the years. Well, I think we just got more comfortable too. I mean, it's not natural to just jump on like a microfiber and film yourself too. It's not natural when that's not your job. Yes. And then that's not your job. I'm not sure it's going to be our job for much longer.

Starting point is 00:19:37 Hey, listen, you know, hang in with us. It's always well. You can all know whether or not the commercial rig survives by December 31st. But I will say this also is that one of the episodes I found so fucking funny was reggaetonie. Oh God, it's so fun. It's so funny. I just had a friend send me the the audition thing. The clip. Yeah. The clip. And I was like, oh my God, we've done this. We've done this. And I sent that to you. We were like, Oh, it's an American Idol audition where I'm not playing it today. I just want to you can go listen to it. We just broke it down for like 40 minute. There's two minute video, which are 40 minutes and did it was, but

Starting point is 00:20:19 it's that funny. It's two guys walk in for an American Idol audition. And one of them, their brothers, one of them is a great singer And he starts singing this song like this R&B song and his brother behind him just starts dropping reggae like He's like, hey mom get your girl. Yeah, you're gonna And you're like what the fuck is that? I'll make a Tony like got on it. It touches her laughing Like whoa, okay, yeah, you know, mac and cheese and rigged toning and the judges are like, what is this guy doing? I actually, I don't like the other guy.

Starting point is 00:20:50 Yeah, I actually like the other guy, but this guy doesn't seem to serve much of a purpose. I think the title of the picture too that was sent to me was when you have to take your brother to the audition. So good. So it's been so long, probably 280 episodes, since we've done bad auditions or bad singers. We're gonna do that today, but you know how it goes. We do have to pay some bills or try and pay some bills anyway.

Starting point is 00:21:17 So we're gonna take a short break, and then we'll be back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brian, we get it. But back to me, I mean, this TCP promo. We'll be back. 5-TCB-8383 and give us compliments. You can also always go to tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video. Find us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And find us on youtube.com slash the commercial break for fully edited episodes. Now that that's done, let's listen to a few sponsors and get back to this episode of the Commercial Break. This episode is sponsored in part by our good friends at Uncommon Goods. All right, Christmas is coming up. We're all doing the mad dash to figure out what everybody wants. Go to the stores, buy online, all that other stuff. But me personally and my brothers

Starting point is 00:22:20 can tell you this. I like to be very unique about my gift given. So unique that no one has any clue what I'm thinking when I get them a present. In other words, I get gag gifts every year for my brothers and some of my immediate family, and I always love to see their faces when they open up the gift, disappointed they didn't get anything real, but they get a good chuckle nonetheless. I am so pleased that uncommon goods is now making it much easier for me to find these particular items. And it's not just about fun and gag gifts, they have everything.

Starting point is 00:22:48 Home items, decor, corporate gifts, jewelry, if you need it, they have it. This is a truly unique shopping experience. Everything you see is made by small artists and independent businesses. These items are often very unique and handmade. I was on the website this morning looking for my gag gifts and they have a whole section of fun and quirky gifts. Two things stood out to me. Number one, they actually have a phone jail.

Starting point is 00:23:11 It's like a cage, like a small cage, with a phone holder in it for like three or four phones, and then there's a lock. And if you have the key, no one's getting their phones. I hope my wife never finds that particular gift. How about this one? An actual game, a board game called Gonjolan. That's gonna be fun for all the kids. I really like this company. And they like you.

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Starting point is 00:24:11 We both go, we both go, we've done it for a long time. I personally foresee myself doing therapy well into the future. It's great to have someone independent of me to share my thoughts with and just relieve some stress and get some guidance. But what do you do when you're experiencing problems in your relationship? Stress around your relationship? Or maybe you just need a third party to talk to and share your feelings with? Couples therapy is the greatest gift someone gave me via advice and couples therapy is a gift you can give your relationship because even the best of relationships have moments when a therapist can help.

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Starting point is 00:25:55 Give the gift of a new ride this yoltide. A bobcat compact tractor makes the perfect gift for the holidays. Get a free loader or 0% financing for 84 months through December 31. Jingle all the way to bobcat of Toronto and Scarborough today. Alright, we're back. So I want to review some bad singers out there on the internet. And I say this with much love, because if there was ever a bad singer that was gonna be on the internet, it was me.

Starting point is 00:26:31 I just missed it by a year. I missed YouTube by a year, by a year. I think had YouTube been around. When, yeah, I know, when 33 penis or chopper Johnson had been around, then I certainly would be on there as an example of what not to do when singing. Saga da la!

Starting point is 00:26:48 Ah! I tried to also. Killing in the name of. Killing in the name of. Some of those they'd want to force is by the same that they're not cross-ses. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:26:59 Ha ha ha. Oh, it was bad guys, it was bad. Some day we'll revisit 33 P, but for for now and you know what I found on eBay just as like a side note. I found a chopper Johnson album being sold on eBay. No way. Yes. But the- With you on it? I assume that it's got me on it. I don't know. Maybe the band survived. I'm sure they did.

Starting point is 00:27:20 I'm sure they probably thrived after. What? Wow. I'm sure they did. I'm sure they probably thrived after her. What the? Wow, Brian Quinn, the band is the best thing that ever happened. Did he quit? Or did he get fired? I'm not sure, but either way, they're doing that ever happened.

Starting point is 00:27:36 It's during this like behind the music. Yeah. They're profiling chopper. And that's when Chopper Johnson really hit his spine. Out of the toss. Once they release that ankle weight, they float it right to the top. And Brian Green hasn't been heard from since.

Starting point is 00:27:58 Sorry, gala. So we do this with all good love and all good fun. For a long time, people have known this name, John Daker. John Daker and YouTube go hand in hand, but he, John Daker is one of the original OG, not so fantastic singing appearances. And if you have an art, John Daker, I'm about to give you a little love because I found John Daker's original video, which is called my name is John Daker. So I was trolling on the internet as I do like to do.

Starting point is 00:28:28 Let's take a listen to John Daker. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is Chrissy. I think you're going to have a good fun with this. And my friends, my friends, so long we get together. Happy New Year. Let me paint a picture here. Let's go. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:48 It's early 80s. The VHS tapes are rolling. They're in a studio somewhere. And there is a lady, an older lady, with a wonderful red wig on top of her head. And a blue pantsuit. A baby blue pantsuit. I think that's actually a mumu, she's wearing.

Starting point is 00:29:03 Oh, OK. And then she's as a stand-up baby piano and then we've got a nice young lady out of microphone standing there singing this song I think this is just the intro to the video here as we get to John Baker quickly but we're gonna hear this lady's This has been a nice time for me. This year I have made 55 years teaching in this town. And for the students on the show tonight, go to the infusion I met this church. That includes me. I was first in I met this church. How does that lady teach children? I don't know. I don't know. She's like turned around talking talking where he's saying. She's like turned around, that's a movement. That's a movement by the way.

Starting point is 00:29:47 She's wearing a movement. I said her first message. I said her the first method is that. Zazu. Zazu. Reverend Jones built Jones up in our show last time and he's not here tonight. Reverend Bill Jones was dead in an unfortunate llama-based accident and i'm here to teach fifty five years of children so john bakers here box benser michelle casey and i all go to first and i met the search

Starting point is 00:30:13 so john is going to sing a song that's very popular nowadays as christallard is risen today i didn't know so that's popular today no mention of madana or michael Michael Jackson or anybody in the early 80s, the Terry Abrams springs. This was in the first Methodist world. Okay, I got it. 10-4.

Starting point is 00:30:30 I was never in the first Methodist world. Or the second Methodist world for that matter. I'm going to do it. I'm more at two. Okay. I'm more at two. I'm more at two. At two?

Starting point is 00:30:40 Attefe. So here's John Daker. This is our first look at John Daker. He's in a full suit. He looks like a mortician. He looks like he had been recently to a mortician. It's actually what he looks like. The guy looks dead. He's not moving at all. His head is cocked to the side.

Starting point is 00:30:50 You know, sometimes in like African countries and certain places they like to doll up their dead people. Like if I saw one yesterday, because I get these on my YouTube people. Like if I saw one yesterday, because I get these on my YouTube all the time, I saw one yesterday, the guy liked to body build. He considered himself a bodybuilder. So they positioned his body like he was holding weights up, like he was bench pressing, he was on a bench,

Starting point is 00:31:17 bench pressing weights, and he was dead. He was dead, and people were just walking around him, crying. Oh my God, he's so scary. Yeah. Oh. My name is John Daker. For these risen today,

Starting point is 00:31:35 alleluia, such a man an angel. Sir, did he say sucks off men? I don't know. I think there was sucking in my mouth. I think he was sucks off men? I don't know. I think there was sucking in the mouth. I think he was sucking off men in there. Oh. Oh.

Starting point is 00:31:54 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I got a drink of dump. But I don't know where to go Alla-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la No, I know he's got hemorrhoids It's some preparation age He's frustrated he's like I'm off the beat you have to beat John get it together. That's what I went off He looks like me at a 33 B

Starting point is 00:32:42 Oh Tempting this song is yes, it's it's hip with all the kids making it to a round Really like that song reminds me of Italy, but this this version is not good. No, this reminds me of the first method. It's true. Yeah. Sumo reee. Wh- Whoops. Whoops. I forgot that. Oh, I forgot the second one. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:15 Everybody was gungful fighting. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Smoory Mery Bounce will ring Sing a little bit And a bell ring Morey Ding dong ding Out of the ding Ding mooray Tick to tick A mooray

Starting point is 00:33:44 And a little bit If you don't know the words just help them. Yeah, exactly. I'm all there. It's you're in love. Oh, crazy. This gets me every time. I've seen this video a thousand times. It gets me every. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel

Starting point is 00:34:27 you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel

Starting point is 00:34:35 you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel

Starting point is 00:34:43 you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel you feel Famous, famous John Daker. I love me some John Daker. But what really gets me when we go, when we have to do like the bad singing stuff is the auditions, the bad auditions at American Idol, X or whatever, you know, we'll say one, we saw the other day, the five, with that radio head, the creep, it's on the five,

Starting point is 00:34:57 I don't even know what that is. Oh right, that was a really good version there. Okay, so here's some good, good time fund from American Idol. It's their top five Cringious audition videos. This was compiled by someone on the internet on YouTube named Sophia That's just her username and you can subscribe to her channel or go watch this in its totality. You ready for this? This is good fun. Here we go So. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, under pressure that whole time. Oh my God. Wow. She had the high note. She did.

Starting point is 00:36:05 Just I don't know what key that was in. Pracking. Can we give ourselves one more chance? Why can we give love that one more chance? Why can we give love? Give love. I mean, she's going for it. She's going for it.

Starting point is 00:36:22 You got to give her props there. I love when people put extra words in the song. Why can't we give that love one more chance? Why can't we give though that though the love one more chance? Why? You don't look too pleased, Simon. It was almost as bad as it can possibly be. I'm in a Simon call.

Starting point is 00:36:41 I know. Like early American idols, Simon Cowell, on the X Factor, I don't even watch that anymore. They have X Factor show, but he had a thing go in there for a minute. He did. He had a thing go and he would tell people like this. The guy he loved to hate. It's the guy he loved to hate, but he's just telling the truth.

Starting point is 00:36:57 I mean, he's right. He may not like the delivery, but you can't knock the messaging, especially. Oh, in particular, that wine on garlic. Do you want me to sing something else? Rena I don't want to hear anything more from you. Because I just hate the audition. Why? Because he's pointless.

Starting point is 00:37:14 You're not going to go through to the next round. I don't understand why you won't give me a chance to do it. I'll tell you why. Why don't we give you a chance? One more chance. Why can't we give Reyna one more chance? Because it just hurts you saying. OK, but I have 10 years of training,

Starting point is 00:37:30 so I don't understand why they didn't tell me 10 years ago that I wasn't good. Because I wanted your money. Yeah, because they wanted your money. Who are you getting lessons from? John Daker? I come from the John Daker school. I come from the John Daker school of music. Because I wasn't your teacher.

Starting point is 00:37:52 I love Randy Jackson. I think go to Brandy Dog. Where's that dog? We've got to get about here. Alright dog. I'm sorry. But hey, it's really cool you get to audition on a show and you get to be on TV on your favorite show That's good news. Who's that Julie? Yeah, that's Julie. Yeah, it's jewel and this is the original line

Starting point is 00:38:10 I'll I have Paul a Randy dog Jackson I'm in Kregel No, it didn't work sweet home. I have a degree in vocal performance. You have a degree in vocal performance I have a degree in vocal performance. You have a degree in vocal performance? Paula has put in her hand on her head. I know, I know. I don't even think there is a degree in vocal performance. Could there be?

Starting point is 00:38:32 I guess. I guess. I doubt she earned that degree. I also did not earn a vocal performance degree. Donnie. Are you sure? Positive. Is there anything that I can do to improve?

Starting point is 00:38:42 Leave. Ah! Leave. That! Leave. That's horrible. Oh, here comes number four. Oh, you missed, you said? Oh, this dude. Okay, so let me explain.

Starting point is 00:38:55 We got, again, we got the original lineup. And then we have the original American Idol lineup. Judges. And then we have this guy walks in surfer dude long stringy black blonde hair oversized jeans like Brian used to wear back in the 90s He's got Brian's outfit on from 1997. He's saying it's starting to be the hardest words. Just a minute would say hello first of all Derek Yeah, hi. How's it going? What's going down baby? Nothing nothing really? What's going on? What's up? Nothing. What's up on, doll? What's up, doll? Nothing.

Starting point is 00:39:25 What's up, doll? Nothing really. Nah, doll. It didn't work for me. That was my favorite. So Derek, it says here that you think you sound like Chris Brown and the Eagles. You're a big Chris Brown fan? I just like how he touches young kids all around this world, you know?

Starting point is 00:39:41 Oh yeah, he touches young kids with the back of his hand. Chris Brown, geez. Not exactly a role model right it's beautiful what are you gonna say sorry seems to be the hardest to make you love me. I know why I got it too. To make you care. One and only. Yeah, you know, the nasal. And we have instead of the breath work, the mouth is going through the nose. This is a brine green tactic.

Starting point is 00:40:18 If you can't actually use your voice, close your nose and scream. When I'm gonna do, when I'm gonna do, When I'm gonna do, make me, make me, When I'm gonna do, make me, make me, It's that, it's me. Why do enlightening strikes me And I wait to find the charm not there

Starting point is 00:40:38 What do I gotta do to make it warm me What do I gotta do to be heard don't I say what it's all over I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, the hardest words, it said, so sad, so sad, so sad, why can't we talk it over, how it seems to me, the sorry seems to be the hardest word. Thank you, Derek. Well, I got to say this about this particular performance. At least he was somewhat in tune. It's just that that voice is a cartoon character

Starting point is 00:41:15 on top of a cartoon character. It sounds really plastic, fantastic. That was catchy. Thanks to all the Derricks. It's about 14 of these. Yeah. You're like a group. Multidirk. A lot of people you're channeling through that.

Starting point is 00:41:30 Who was the first voice? Which one was that the little small? Who's that little person inside your bed? The first voice. It's the um, the um, it's the sp voice. It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a hearty... It's a...

Starting point is 00:41:50 It's a hearty... What's that noise? That was... That was little Derek. I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a...

Starting point is 00:42:00 I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a... I don't think you have a... I don't think like Chris Brown. You don't sound like the Eagles. Maybe an Eagle. Yeah. But it was extra good for you.

Starting point is 00:42:09 And if you wanted them, it was horrible. That was the problem. OK. Sorry, Derek. All right, thanks. Oh, poor Derek. Poor Derek. He seems rejected.

Starting point is 00:42:17 All right, here comes number three. Counting down top. Oh, my God. He's singing. Maybe someone's such a bike. Whoa, I gotta explain this for the listening audience out there. We got a guy that's dressed like, I assume that's a Michael Jackson look?

Starting point is 00:42:30 Yeah. Or a Janet Jackson look. I'm not sure which one it is. So that's one of the Jackson's. It's one of the Jackson's. He's got permed high hair. He's got. It's definitely like 80s hair.

Starting point is 00:42:40 It's like his bangs are like four feet off his head. Yeah. Long curly hair. And then he's wearing an outfit that could only be reminiscent of some version of Michael Jackson or Halloween Sure Wow, okay What's he thinking? Cascada what's cascada? I don't know either. Let's rewind that see if we can actually get the in every time we touch by cascada

Starting point is 00:43:01 Every time we touch every time we touch ready? and every time we touch by cascada. Every time we touch. Every time we touch. Ready? Okay. I still feel your touch when you sleep next to me. I still feel your kiss on my lips. I still hear your voice in my head all day long and it makes me want to get the shit.

Starting point is 00:43:32 A good and a bad times we've been through them all. You make me rise when I'm in the shower. He is one of those that's probably been singing in the shower for years. And it was like, I can do this. I can do this. I sound really good in the shower. You know, this is always like, when American Idol first came out, I thought it was like a total shit show.

Starting point is 00:43:54 I was like, no way. You're going to make singers out of people on TV, blah, blah, blah. I'm sure like a lot of other quote unquote musicians. Legitimate. Legitimate musicians who were making no money doing this full time. Yeah, who were What is it, I meant? legitimate musicians who were making no money doing this full time. Yeah, who were broke doing it full time. I'm sure like a lot of musicians

Starting point is 00:44:11 we kind of hated American Idol because of the shortcut that it represents. When the truth was we just more talented enough to go anywhere. But you think about the minutia of this. Some producer, the multiples of producers, have to listen to this guy saying and then know that they are setting up the punchline For the people in the room for the judges in the room So in some sense shame on American Idol and then in another sense it's you have these you can have everybody be great and things work out

Starting point is 00:44:41 Amazing yeah, the auditions was the fun part. The auditions has always been the fun part. Yeah. Oh, because every time we touch, I get this feeling. And every time we touch, I reach the skies. I'm kind of nervous. Oh my god, I'm so amazed. It's okay. No, you're doing great.

Starting point is 00:44:59 Keep on going. Guys are awesome. You guys are awesome. You guys are so great. I've been watching you a lot. Can I just go through Tallahuud? They look amazing by the way. Thank you. Shall I try again? Sure? Yeah. I'm so nervous I forget the lyrics, but I have this down pack. I used to do that all the time.

Starting point is 00:45:29 You did? Yes, forget what I'm saying. When you get really into something sometimes, and you can see that you're really into that song. Is that posh spice? Yes. Victoria Beckham. I'm so excited to be here.

Starting point is 00:45:39 I'm going to be the next Marikad, or I want to inspire people like Michael Jackson, inspiring me. I don't remember. No, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Pressing buttons on some microphone. You learn that and you're going to be in the music business. No problem. Which is basically what the manager of Chopper Johnson told me one time. This is so bad. Throw it off.

Starting point is 00:46:13 Come back here. Let me show you something. See some buttons. Do you see this? This is the light switch for the practice room. Okay. I want to go up. Yep.

Starting point is 00:46:23 It turns on. Go down. It turns off. Now you are cemented. You have a firm career path in the music business. You can turn that light on and off. We're going to pay you every day to come in here. Turn that light on and off. No, the whole thing. Even the fact that you were singing like that with a beard

Starting point is 00:46:39 made it even more straight. What? What? What do you know what I mean? You know, you sing like a three year old girl, dressed like the toy of Jackson, you've got a beard. The whole thing was just too weird. That's it.

Starting point is 00:46:52 No, it's gonna have to be a no, I'm sorry. All right. Oh, poor guy. He's just trying to have a career in music, Simon. By the way, I've never heard Simon call a single lick of anything. So, but that's probably because he's smart enough to know. To be behind.

Starting point is 00:47:08 Yeah, be the producer. That's right. OK, before we get to number two and one, let's take a short break. We'll be back with more shenanigans here on the commercial. OK, podcast besties. Time for one more quick break. And then it's back to the drama.

Starting point is 00:47:27 Check out tcbpodcast.com for all of our episodes and youtube.com slash the commercial break for fully edited video episodes. Find us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And of course if you want to get in touch with us, which like, of course you do, leave us a voicemail at 626-ask-tcb3, or text us at 855-tcb-8383. Now let's listen to some sponsors and get this show going. Give the gift of a new ride this yuletide! A bobcat compact tractor makes the perfect gift for the holidays. Get a free loader or 0% financing for 84 months through December 31. Jingle all the way to Bobcat of Toronto and Scarborough today.

Starting point is 00:48:14 Are you a business owner or marketer looking to reach highly engaged podcast listeners like yourself? Advertised cast can help. Whether you're looking to promote a national brand across Canada or a regional event or service, we've got you covered. Reach out today to Bob at AdvertiseCast.com. That's B-O-B at AdvertiseCast as in podcast.com. Bob at AdvertiseCast.com. All right, we're back taking a, taking a listen to the top five cringiest moments from American Idol auditions. We're on number two. You ready, Chrissy? We made it to two.

Starting point is 00:48:54 This is great fun, actually. Jesse Holloway. Hi, how are you? Good. Jesse, do you think you can win this competition? Yes, sir. Why? Because I have unique vocal range and I have.

Starting point is 00:49:10 Who's singing in the background? Can you hear that? Like somebody else is singing. Shouldn't they put the him somewhere away from the actual studio where they're recording a television show? Yes. It sounds like an episode of the commercial break.

Starting point is 00:49:19 Episode number 40 of the commercial break. Which by the way, is filled with my son screaming bloody murder. I remember that. He hated it. He hated it. We closed that door. We closed that door. My son went ape shit. And for the first 50 episodes, almost every episode, some version of that meltdown happens on the show. And we just keep chucking through as if nothing's happening. My passion for music is like I think we far the best and what most I see not here because I'm in music because I feel music expresses itself other than most people just into a further glistening grime when it's in my heart and I can't just understand what it is.

Starting point is 00:49:58 Why, why, what man. For guys just nervous, It's just word diarrhea. Hey, well, first off, I feel I'm unique because I can hit like some notes that Mariah here can hit. He's got an ear phone in. Do you notice that? Like, you see that thing? Yes, yes, yes. Is he actually going to listen to the song while he's singing it? Is that even allowed? Is that against the rule? That should be against the rules, don't you think? I mean, because it's easy to stay in tune when someone else is, or maybe it's not. I don't know. I mean, because it's easy to stay in tune when someone else is, or maybe it's not. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:50:27 I have a nice range for a meal. Okay. Wow. Alright, Alfie got it. Well you know a lot of pressure, come on now. Alright, Jesse, this is your London, Alfie got it. Every night in my dreams, I see you. I feel you. I see you.

Starting point is 00:50:45 What is going on in the background? I think it's just like outside that door, you know, they had a bunch of people in the riff raff that was out there. That is insanely terrible. I know. That is how I know you go on Far across the I haven't heard any kind of range. No, it's yeah, there's the other.

Starting point is 00:51:12 So there's like in my estimation, there's like five versions of bad singer that do these auditions, right? Number one is the nasally. Yeah, number two is the what I will call the Eddie Vetter, which is Nazally and Girovally, right? Yeah. The completely out of tune human being, which is the first woman that we heard. What was she singing? I forgot what she was singing, but why? Why? Why? Why? Why can we give love one more. Why can't we give love one more chance? What can we give love one more chance? And then there are the whispers, right?

Starting point is 00:51:52 This guy. But he's whispering, this combines the last two. Whispering and one note. He's just singing one note. Why, why, why, why can't we give love one more chance? I'm not getting Mariah Carey from this You don't pick that up. I have been on a future Mariah Carey out here. You could surprise me That might be Chris Brown Chris Brown is touching children all across the world

Starting point is 00:52:16 That's what the guy said I admire Chris Brown for touching children all the world It was a different time back then in 2000 whatever it was And spaces children all the time back then in 2000, whatever it was. And spaces between us, you have come to... Can I go get some water, because I'm real nervous, right? Okay, just leave the set, sure. Why not? Does he not come back? Oh, no.

Starting point is 00:52:44 Season 6. Is he even in the middle of your audition? I will just leave it at that. I think it's probably at that. Oh no, he goes out and gets some water. Okay buddy, do your thing. Shoot your shot. Are you come back? He's got that. Are you come back? How you gonna cut that? Every night in my dreams

Starting point is 00:53:08 I see you I feel you That is how I know you Oh, it's really good. Far across the world. It's like Paula. This is just, headache and dozing. Paula's like, give me some more perk.

Starting point is 00:53:29 I said somebody. Poor Paula. Can we agree that Paula was kind of a mess on this show, a little all over the place. She was, but I still love her. Yeah, I still love her too. This dance and spaces between us. And spaces between us, you have come to show you go on. I can't.

Starting point is 00:53:53 Look. It's a fucking thing. It's like you can't do that. I'm in the room. Because I felt like I was prepared to be singing my song. That helped. There was no difference. You did.

Starting point is 00:54:07 You were both excruciating. I thought when you left, for once, we're on the same page. Sorry, man. You said a dick. Well, would you like to meet me try another song? Well, no.

Starting point is 00:54:21 Why not? What do you got? I'll see you Jackson don't stop This is not. That's a good one, follow. Fimma! Who? I've always wondered this about these bad auditions. Who in these people's lives is explaining to them that the thing you really need to do is go in front of millions and millions of people

Starting point is 00:55:00 and some of them are toughest critics in, I guess, reality music television and put yourself in front of them who tells them this don't they have one friend don't they have one friend please don't do this if you went to go to American Idol I would tell you I would say Chris you don't do it your half song holey for a reason keep pressing play and if I would hope you would tell me the same thing if I win. There's not, you guys don't have one friend, there's not one person to explain to you that you are really not good at singing. You have a lot of great qualities.

Starting point is 00:55:30 Anything having to do with music is not any of them. Yeah, you're good at listening too, music. Yeah, you really good at pressing play on half a song, Chrissy. You're really good at that. And you would say, Brian, your nine symphony was sunny side up, let's leave it at that. It's my drop.

Starting point is 00:55:47 That's right. At C-side Granny's retirement village, you did a great job. That live version cannot be beat. There's nothing else you need to do. But chopper chopper live from the retirement. That was 33 feet. 33 feet live from the retirement home. was 33 P. 33 P. Live from the retirement home. It's a lost recording.

Starting point is 00:56:08 It is a lost recording. And for good reason, we should never find it again. Some things are meant to be buried. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Just meant to be buried. Gang is con. Should stay in his grave.

Starting point is 00:56:22 Jesse, Jesse, why do you think we are looking for a two-year-old who can't sing? Oh. You're not looking, I can't sing, and I'm proving that to you right now. If you just give me the chance to finish singing, I mean, I'm nervous right now. But you just did prove that, Jesse, that's my point.

Starting point is 00:56:38 That's your point. Okay, you're entitled to your opinion, but I'm here and I'm trying to sing my heart out. I'm attempting to... You're entitled to your opinion, the whole show is about this guy's opinion It's all about this guy's opinion. It doesn't matter. You got to make for good television and this is not good Tell me to say well for five minutes it is but not for you know five hours

Starting point is 00:56:54 Like hang you know my nervous. I just think you didn't sing with respect plus part of being a professional musician is thrown down No matter what you're doing. This is you just murder three songs in a row four is thrown down no matter what you're doing. Jesse, you just murdered three songs in a row. Three, four. That wasn't that one. That was a nice one. It was a nice one. It's an absolute, categorical never. I mean, I'm right here.

Starting point is 00:57:15 I'm on national television. I'm right here. And you tell me I'm making a fool out of myself. That's what you're saying. I didn't say that, Jesse. I just said you're telling me. Oh, that's so... Jesse, all I said was you couldn't say that was it

Starting point is 00:57:27 which does mean you're making a wish does mean you're making a yes that's right you're making a fool of yourself oh national team but the good news is it wasn't Simon's fault all the producers that agreed to also let you in the room probably had more of a hand in it and guess what Jesse it's true okay Randy, right that yes or no No, no Jesse man. It was not good dog. Not good. No dog not for me dog He was so good Just using soft words to say the hard things. No, no, no, Jill Pull up pass. Nope. It's a note Thank you, Jessica come note. Thank you, Jess, for coming down.

Starting point is 00:58:06 Thank you, Jess. I mean, oh, four guys. He seems so dejected. That's gotta be such, such, so painful. To think that you get all worked up, you're going to American Idol, you're gonna stand in front of the judges,

Starting point is 00:58:17 you're gonna sing your heart out, you're probably gonna be the next American Idol. All these people think that, they must all think it in their heads. Yeah, this is where, this is my big break. This is why I don't blame, the, I don't blame the producers and Simon Kyle as much as I blame the people that are around that guy that have failed to tell him. He shouldn't go on American Idol.

Starting point is 00:58:36 Don't do this, Jesse. You're gonna be made fun of for the rest of your life. You know the stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here comes Douglas. Can I do like warm up type Stuckless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, here comes Douglas. Can I do like warm-up set things or something? Yeah, please.

Starting point is 00:58:48 I'm hell, okay. Whoa. War it up. Dr. Shandel. And now for a bonus scene on the DVD 33P live from Shady Oaks retirement home, here's backstage footage of Ryan getting ready. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I So a lot he can't remember the name Moray moray that's what he said that's a moray

Starting point is 00:59:34 Moray I just did that as a warm up what got it. I'm not seeing that wasn't the audition I guess I'll start my audition now. Okay. Yeah. What are you gonna say? He's got to be so nervous. I'm living on Prairie by Bon Jovi. Oh! She said...

Starting point is 00:59:52 Bon Jovi can't even sing that song. That's a tough one. Bon Jovi, the guy who wrote the song, can't even sing the song. Go for it. Go for it, man. We got hold on to what we got. It makes no difference if we make it or not. We got each other. That's all I for love. We'll give it a shot. What's we?

Starting point is 01:00:20 Yeah. Whoa. We're out of the way there. You're home. First of all, good for Douglas, Yo! Whoa. What a way there! Hi. Huh. First of all, good for Douglas, because Douglas is singing it better than John Bucketville.

Starting point is 01:00:31 He did. Ha, ha, ha. It's second of all, this poor guy is so nervous. Every time he takes a breath, it looks like he's going to throw up. Ho, we're halfway there. Whoa! Now we on a prayer. Take my hand.

Starting point is 01:00:48 Kneeling on a prayer. I didn't know it was called kneeling on a prayer. It's kneeling on a prayer. And then we'll make it a swear. Whoa, now we're on a prayer. Now we're on a prayer. Oh, what the bloody hell was that? It's a weirdy audition man.

Starting point is 01:01:06 Okay, I know I was rough on that note. It wasn't as good as before. You were rough on that note. You were rough in general, really. Yeah. The one that. Just the one that. About the 20, 30 notes on that one was rough. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:22 Yeah, take a drink of water. Take a deep breath, relax. Why are you both doing this? I'm gonna just paste it back. Oh, for the f***ing time. He's facing, he left the room. He did it too. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:34 Oh, he's so smooth. This is serious. Okay, Douglas, you know what? We're gonna have to speed it up just a little bit because you know why? Oh my God, poor guy is like drenched in sweat. This has got to be nerve wracking. I don't care if you.

Starting point is 01:01:49 Of course it is. I don't care if you're the best singer in the world. Of course it is. Yeah. But Jules right about one thing. Yeah. You're really gonna be a singer or a performer at this level. You have to turn it on every time the microphone is in your hands. Chrissy and I say this to each other all the time.

Starting point is 01:02:05 You've got to turn it on, Chrissy. When we say best to you, and I call you, the leader of the leather bound leggings, it's your time to shine, kid. That's right. You can't let the audience down. They are expecting so little out of us. Let's at least give them that little.

Starting point is 01:02:20 Yeah. Sad and so you, holding hands with some new so I kept looking for my composure just like everything was cool. What song is that? I kept dancing. I'm going. He's building up.

Starting point is 01:02:37 Douglas. Just kidding. The wind drowns in. Oh, you are. Douglas. That's what he just keeps going. He turned his back to the judges. Well, you are. Douglas. He just came scoping. He turned his back to the judges. Oh my god.

Starting point is 01:02:48 For Douglas. He didn't like what he was hearing, so he just turned his back to the judges. I like Douglas. I think Douglas got what it takes to be successful in this business. Yeah, you just turned around. You got to learn how to deal with rejection.

Starting point is 01:02:59 Just turn around. But keep going. But keep going. Keep on talking. Douglas. Yeah. What? But keep going. But keep going. Douglas, I don't want to hear any more of this stupidity. Well, you did. And you're sweating and you're nervous and you're walking around.

Starting point is 01:03:19 You've got a lot of flop sweat going on. We're concerned for you. Well, be Douglas. Take a drink of water. take a drink of water. Take a drink of water. Go in an ambulance ride and when you get back, no one will be there. Take a drink.

Starting point is 01:03:30 Can I just try one song for more time? No, and you'll whispering and sing for songs. Panting. He went all the strange. He is panting. I suspect that what is actually going on here is some kind of condition. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:43 That's my assumption, but I don't know, like a nervous two. There's on the verge of a panic attack. Oh yeah, he's having a panic attack. He's in the middle of a crazy, he can't hear anybody else. He's disassociated all together. Yeah. Oh, halfway there. Oh, halfway there.

Starting point is 01:04:02 That's a glitchy. Oh,'ll bless you If I'm them I just walk out of the room Wow, you really projected on that one. I was trying to do better. Yeah. Was it you saying it was better? No. You projected on that one.

Starting point is 01:04:33 Yes, I know, Simon. All right, no one in a million years is ever going to pay to hear you sing. But one kind of better, like, if you sing a few seconds like that, I can do a lot better. Luckily, she'll never going to do this. The tightness that you're feeling opened up a little bit. Oh, come off it.

Starting point is 01:04:48 Yeah. It's not a fuss. You cannot resonate. It can make you sound like you're... It does a great thing or something. It does. You can't do it. It doesn't matter.

Starting point is 01:04:56 It doesn't matter. It's not a bit matter. Yeah, thing is not your thing. Yeah, thing is not your thing. You've got plenty of other qualities. You've got plenty of other qualities. Like, the flop swing. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:04 I'm sure you could do something with that. I don't know how you do something with that, but you could do something with that. Oh, there's a market for it on the internet. Oh, there's a market. No matter what it is. There's great news. You don't know this in season, whatever of America, but the great news is YouTube, Tik Tok, and Instagram are on their way to save you, my friend. You're going gonna find your audience, trust me. All right, I found another guy on the internet. He's gonna sing amazing grace.

Starting point is 01:05:28 This is from a church video that I found. I had great fun with that American Idol. We should do like 70 of those because I love listening to bad singers, the compilation feels. Not because I wanna also add insult to injury, but I think it's like, because you feel a kinship with them.

Starting point is 01:05:44 I do, I really do. I I really do you're right about that I feel that that you know for a brief moment in time I thought about going to American Idol. Oh, yeah, but you did it was my last chance It was my last hope Luke you are only hope and I thought about it But then I just knew for a fact that I was nowhere near as good as the people that were making this competition interesting. And so I didn't, and I'm glad I didn't, because I would have been on one of these compilation videos.

Starting point is 01:06:12 I would have had just as much flop sweat. Douglas, if you're out there, if you're listening to us, we love you, buddy. It would have been the same for me too. So don't feel bad. You actually had the balls to go up and do it. I did not. All right, here is a gentleman.

Starting point is 01:06:24 He's going to say he's gonna lead a rousing rendition of amazing grace. Amazing. Amazing. He knows all the words. He's ready to sing it. Are you ready? Yes. Praise the Lord.

Starting point is 01:06:34 He's the name of the Lord. Amen. Amen. I'm a singing amazing, amazing grace. Cosmic sound. Do we think he might have taken a couple frosty beverages before him? It's something. Yeah, he's not standing straight. He's not talking straight. Yeah, he's kind of swaying. He is.

Starting point is 01:07:00 Oh, amazing. I want people to sing with me too. I want people to cover up the fact that I don't know the words Secret amazing gray. It's a new song right Oh Oh my god, I might have to take off my headphones I'll just turn it down for you there. Such a... This is crazy. How do you do this? How do you not know the words to amazing grace? I mean, do you know the words to amazing grace?

Starting point is 01:07:54 Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved the rich like me. I once was lost, now I'm found. It's something wrong. It's a blind, but now I see. I would have forgotten the words to Yeah Only another 17 minutes go Chrissy. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Starting point is 01:08:27 No. No. No. No. No. No. I feel like Paula. I feel like Paula.

Starting point is 01:08:35 I feel like Paula. I feel like I'm pressing my dance to my hand. I'm just playing it now just to disturb you. That's all I'm doing. Oh my gosh. Oh, man. Oh, Chrissy, there's so much more where that came from, but we don't have all the time in the world.

Starting point is 01:08:55 Or do we? Or do we? Or we might. What are we doing it for? I'm not sure. We'll figure out. We'll get some purpose here back in the commercial. I love it. I love the bad singers. If you have any recommendations, like you have any of these crazy videos that you find out there and you're interested in sharing

Starting point is 01:09:13 those with us, we would love for you to share those with us. At the website or the phone line, the phone line is 626. Ask TCB the number 3. That's 1 626. Ask TCB the number 3. Anywhere 1626. Ask TCB the number three. Anywhere in the world toll free. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas like that one. Like if you find a funny compilation video or something you think would be good fodder for the commercial break, please send it to us on the text message line or you can drop us an email from the website tcbpodcast.com. That's tcbpodcast.com. You can go there, find out more information about Chrissy and I. It's great looking website, by the way, it really is.

Starting point is 01:09:47 It is, that was just looking out the other day. I like the little timeline too. Yeah. Of our friendship. It's a great looking website because we had nothing to do with it. That's right. So there we go. It's all answered in the designers. That's it. At that tcbpodcast.com website, you can also get your free piggy-fronting sticker. Now available, hit

Starting point is 01:10:05 the drop down menu on the contact us page. It'll say, I want my free sticker, drop us your address, if you want us to sign it or say something of funny note or whatever. Let us know. And then every, you know, seven to ten days, we send those out. We'll be happy to do that. I'm looking forward. Last time we had a, I mean, we were signing stacks of them at the time. We were the friends. It was crazy was crazy. The Franky B1 went like hotcakes. And we know that people want to pick you for any sticker because Asher is spending all of her free time responding to people demanding their sticker now.

Starting point is 01:10:33 Okay, so all the audio, all the video right there on the website, tcbpodcast.com. YouTube.com slash the commercial break is where you find the fully edited videos. We'd love it if you would go there. Subscribe, like and comment on your favorite video, add the commercial break on Instagram and TCB podcast on TikTok. Look out guys, the holiday audio hunt, the holiday audio scavenger hunt, the TCB one with

Starting point is 01:10:59 a thousand dollar grand prize is coming to you in December. Stay tuned, we're all super excited here. I can't wait to give you more information about that. When the time comes, when it's appropriate. But for now, I think that's all I can do for today, Chrissy. I think so. So I'll say, I love you. And I love you.

Starting point is 01:11:16 And best of you. Best of you. And best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, We do say and we must say. Good bye! Are you a business owner or marketer looking to reach highly engaged podcast listeners like yourself? Advertise cast can help. Whether you're looking to promote a national brand across Canada or a regional event or service, we've got you covered. Reach out today to Bob at AdvertiseCast.com. That's Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

The Commercial Break - Once More, From Your Nose!

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