The Commercial Break - One Kids Margarita, Please!

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Bryan recalls one harrowing night on the way to the bar. After ordering a very special "kids margarita" from bartender, Bryan get's mistaken for a masked robber. When the dust settles he goes back to the bar and asks for another "kids margarita". Bryan is a bonafide hero! Blue is Bryan's Robin to Bryan's Batman Some police action in front of the Green house The magic Bryan look works again The dreaded felony stop Kids Margaritas for ALL the (club) kids 90's commercials were the highlights of 90's commercial TV LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at: 1.855.TCB.8383 Watch TCB on YouTube Creator: Bryan Green Co-Host: Bryan Green Co-Host: Krissy Hoadley Written By: Bryan Green Exec Producers: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Content Production & Research: Tina Khano YouTube Producer & Editor: Morgan Please Audio Editing: Christina A. Executive Director: Astrid B. Associate Producer: Gustavo Episodic Contribution: Marianne, Diane, Natalie, Will The Champ, Will D** Huge Thanks To Our Supportive Listeners, Friends, Family & Spouses: Astrid & Jeff!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm Fermi Labia Madora, the whole fucking solo of Madis! On this episode of the commercial break... Get me at the right moment I got the magic touch, but you don't get me at the wrong time, I'm just a crabby old man. You're pragmatic, pragmatic. I'm a pragmatic? Yes. I'm a militant hippie, as my ex-wife used to say.

I didn't do it. I Think I saw a deer high on cocaine he's going that way We've it's fair to season wild desires Yeah, I'm calling cuz I'm super horny. Oh, yeah, I bet you I take that big cock out start smacking it Home Depot's president stay sale is starting tomorrow. Don't go to Lowe's, they'll be less due. Hahaha. Lowe's killed your grandmother! Come to Home Depot!

Ha! The next episode of the commercial break starts now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, Katzikins, welcome back to another episode of the commercial break. I'm Brian Gray and this is my dear friend, Kristen Joy, hold my best to you, Kristen. And back to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Why not? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this. The commercial break is not for everyone,

but back news or fiction is guaranteed. You heard it here last. I settled down, settled down, because I'm a bit of a hero, and I wanted you to know that. OK. I went from zero to hero the other night, and I know that there's lots of accolades and awards that are coming my way, and I'm slated,

I think, to get a presidential medal of honor. Pretty soon. Yeah, I think there's gonna be a parade. Yeah. I don't want a humble brag, but I did save someone's life the other night. And it's actually blue and I together. Like, Batman and Robin. Yes, Brian and

blue. Only Robin won't shut the fuck up. So I don't, you know, I want the emails in the phone calls keep coming. I've had a lot of a lot of the pope called me. Oh, wow. Yeah, those two that are sleeping together on Good Morning of America, Amy Robock and whoever the other one is. They want me to come on the show, but I don't want all the unwanted attention. I was just being a human being,

just being a nice guy. I could imagine. Anybody in my position would have done the same thing. And let me explain, because now people are like, well, what did you do that was so heroic? Yeah. I called 911 and that's what I did.

The other night, it was New Year's Day and, oh no, it wasn't New Year's Day, day after New Year's Day. Okay. And I'm laying in bed with the children and I hear blue barking as she often does over absolutely nothing. Right, nothing. So this doesn't concern me too much.

But I live in a house that has one long hallway It's just one long hallway from one end of the house to the other and then the rooms are offset off the hallway And we have a gate at the end of that hallway to keep the kids from going in or out of a certain part of the house when we are not watching them So that gate was closed and I quickly realized in my own head Well blue is barking because she wants to come back and sleep with the family. And most of the time I would just say, whatever, blue, fuck off. But this time I was like, well, you know,

it's the holidays, maybe I'll let her, I'm just kidding, of course I let that sleep back there. She fucking bark all night long if I didn't. So I was like, oh, the gate is closed. I should go look and see if, you know, she's probably barking so she can get in. And so when I went to go, I realized the gate was not closed, I should go look and see if, you know, she's probably barking so she can get in. And so when I went to go, I realized the gate was not closed and she was just laying down on the carpet in the front hallway and she was like, I'm like, what in the world is blue?

Why is she making that noise? I'm like, blue, shut up. What are you doing? Why are you making that noise? And then I hear this horn that honks. Bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, just like that. Bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, just like that. Bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim. And I'm like, well,

a bunch of people had just left my house. So I was thinking to myself that someone was in trouble. Yeah, they were, they have something was happening. So I look out the little, I have like this tiny little glass window on my front door. And I look out and someone is actually parked with their wheels on my grass. I have a pretty busy street in front of my house.

Yes. The wheels on my grass and they have their flasher's on and then they're then I hear the horn the horn again. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM and I'm like, well that's kind of fucked up. Why is someone just sitting out there honking their horn on this major street and people are having to drive around them and I was like, well, they must be either smashed, there's a medical emergency, or they have a car emergency.

Why they're making this honking noise, I don't know. Because if you think for one fucking second that maybe when I was 20 years old, I would have walked out that door to see what was going on, right? I would have had the gusto and the goonays to walk outside and find out for myself exactly what was going on. But it's 2020 fucking three.

I'm not about for one second to go out there, unprotected, not knowing what's going on. You don't know what's gonna happen. You didn't recognize the car. I had no idea who was in there. Yeah, smart man. Windows are tinted too. Oh wow.

And it's dark outside. There's no street light right there, so I can't really see what's going on. I can just see the car. And then I noticed that this person is turning on and off their lights, their high beams, their lights, they're like flipping them on and off, the flashes are going on and off.

They are spraying the windshield wiper stuff, they're spraying it, they're turning their back windshield wiper on their front wheel. So now I'm like, well, clearly, they're either in distress, they're horribly inebbrogate it there just you know smashed out of their minds which is what i was so i i kind of commune with them i was like well i guess we're all

fucked up right now and or they're absolutely insane i don't know what's going on but i don't want any part of it scary at this point so i call the local police department i call nine one one and i say hey listen i don't know if this is an emergency or not but there's someone parked out kind of strangely on this

major street, and they're flipping their lights on and off, they're putting their windshield wipers back and forth, and they're honking the horn in a very strange way, like almost jokingly honking the horn. And I said, I just don't know what's going on, but I thought, yeah, I'm gonna call it in because I'm not gonna be the one to go out there. And the guy on the phone was like, yeah, man, to go out there. Yeah, you might get, you know, you never know what's going on. Within 10 seconds of calling 911, the first police officer shows up with, you know, bright lights, sirens, the whole nine yards, pulls right behind this person,

gets out of the car and approaches the driver's side door. Within 30 seconds of the first police officer showing up, a second police officer shows up and you know the old adage. Anybody that has ever been paranoid for one reason or another that the police might be out to look at you. Let's say you have a little weed in the car or you're coming home from the bar one night

and you had a few too many, or you know, you got six ounces of cocaine stuff than a teddy bear and a backseat. Whatever the situation is, there's the old adage and it is almost absolutely true. When the second officer shows up, you are fucked, right? The first officer you can deal with. They're just there to make a traffic stop and they don't think anything suspicious. They're probably not going to call another officer. When two show up, you're in trouble. And God forbid a third one show up because

that means you're going to jail for sure. They're getting ready to pull you out of the car. The second police officer pulls up in the same direction like behind you guys like glued to the window looking at the astered and I turned off the lights in one of the rooms because we didn't want them to know that we know that you know We didn't want to be the lucky lady. Yeah, we're sleeping lights are off in the entire house Astrid and I go in a room we pull open the curtains, but we don't have the best view so then we run into another room But we have this like covering over the window because it's a closet window So we have this covering over the window on the top half of the window so that people can't look in You know and see sil wet's and stuff like that

so now we're looking through the bottom half of the window and we're like trying to angle i've got my phone out on pressing zoom when that it's so when the second officer arrives he pulls around the car bangs a ui and then puts his bumper to bumper on the front bumper of this car and now i'm like oh baby it's about to go well aster to runs down the hallway together dad this car. And now I'm like, oh, babe, it's about to get good. Well, Astrid runs down the hallway together, dad, because her dad's all about this, too, right? And so then we finally,

like an episode of COPS happening. It's totally awesome. I'm doing commentary on the video. And so we finally decide, let's just pop open the very front window, like the four-year window, so that we can all see, we can all have a good, at this point, we don't care.

Like, I want to, you know, we've point we don't care. Like, how are they? You know, got it in your yard. Yeah, and cops are filmed all the time in 2023. It's not like they don't, it's not like they're gonna get upset about being, they might get upset about being filmed, but it's clear that you can do that, right? Or so we're looking at the window and the only thing I'm thinking to myself is if someone reaches for a gun,

and I tell a bastard in Daniel this, I'm like, if someone reaches for a gun, hit the floor, right? Yeah, if the shooting happens, we are less than 30 feet away from all this action. So we popped a window within a minute of the initial police officer showing up. There are at least 10 cop cars, all with their lights on, all with their brights, you know, that little spotlight focused on this car. And now they're putting flashlights in the window so you can kind of see that there's a lady inside.

She's kind of relaxed. She's in the chill acts position in her car, right? She's literally like low riding in the car. And while the cops are talking to her, she's still doing the same thing. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah, but she's doing it in this way. This is the sound, you know, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. That's what my friend does when he knocks on our door.

Yeah, it's the secret knock, right? It's the secret I want, I need we, the, the knock. Yeah, right. When we used to go to D, when D used to come to the house, he'd be like, Uh huh. And then I know, I didn't leave my door open, I didn't care.

So, so this, they for 20 minutes, seven or eight police officers are surrounding the car. Most of them have their hands on the holster, right i can imagine you know you don't know what's going on and there's one police officer that's just talking to this woman on the uh... driver side everybody else surrounding the car on the passenger in the back side they all have flashlights and are looking inside so after twenty or twenty five and now we are just like in it we are having

a blast you've popped popcorn yeah We've got the candy bars out the neighbors are all crying each other So my neighbor calls me next door Live live feed from next door so my neighbor calls me and he goes hey man The for I answer the phone and I go I don't have any clue. What's going on? Ask me and he goes oh no, I just it sure. So you guys had a party early. I was making sure none of your, it wasn't any of your friends. I really, really, really that bad that you assumed that my friend got

fold over directly in front of my house. Like as soon as they left. So 20, 25 minutes, you know, adrenaline's Russian. Ever, you know, these guys. And then I noticed that across the street the crazy carpet squash you know carpet trunks squash lady the total loony tune that is across the street the lady who threw an air conditioning unit out of her third story window because she because because she thought it was broken but it wasn't plugged in. This lady is standing out there in her

nightgown but she's standing like right on the street and i'm like you just don't do that i don't get that close to the action eventually and i don't know what happened uh... because i couldn't exactly see but i saw the aftermath and what i assume happened was they smashed the window and they eventually pulled her out of the car and she was yelling and screaming she was just you could hear it through the, you could hear it in the house.

You could hear her yelling in screaming. So I'm like, wow, shit. So after, you know, after they get her in the car and they're looking through the car, I start to walk outside, but I'm like, you got to be really careful about approaching police officers in a situation like this. They're all, you know, fucking adrenaline. They're all ready to shoot something that moves, right? And I just want to make sure that I'm not,

there's a right way and a wrong way to approach a police officer right after they've been in the middle of a situation like this. And I don't know which either of those ways are. I'm just like, yes, I'm out in my, you know, Lululemon pants out there. And so I walked to my driveway and so now I'm about, I don't know, about 15 feet away.

And I'm, hey, officer, so what was she, shit, you know, shit faced? And everyone that with like a bunch of them were in the car, like searching the car and they all turn around with their hands on their holsters. And then back up, sir, back up. We'll come talk to you later. We'll come talk to you later. The eventually one of the officers came by, super guy and he was like yeah, so this woman was Having an an emergency having a you know a mental emergency and she was upset about her family and the holidays and her

Josh you got fired from her job and he said you know I talked to her for you know He said you saw I've I talked to her for a long time. Yeah, and I tried to get her to come out of the how to come out of the car Peacefully he's like but after you give a command 40 times and someone's not listening. I don't really you know to her for a long time. And I tried to get her to come out of the car peacefully. He's like, but after you give a command 40 times and someone's not listening, I don't really, you know, I don't really have much of a choice. I can't let her drive away. Right.

She said she's suicidal. And she's parked on your lawn. Like clearly this lady is in no condition to be driving. She's parked on your lawn, making the, hey, I'm here to get drugs, horns on her. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. So he just explained that she was suicidal. making the hey i'm here to get drugs or something bim bim bim bim bim bim so he just explained that she was suicidal and then he said well you know there's

one of the ways that we could do this we could have just let her go to her car and gotten her right home he's like if she would come out of the car peacefully that's the approach i would have taken he's like when you pull somebody out of the car when they're resisting you know our commands he's like we really don't have too much of a choice. You got to send her, Jay, he goes, but in this case, sending her, Jay, it's probably the best situation because she can't harm her. There's a less likely chance to show harm herself and she can be seen by a professional.

And so, you know, as the accolades and awards and parades start lining up, I just wanted to make everyone aware that, you know, I am indeed a hero but i i don't want to be treated as such for too much longer i think we let it go another month and then after that we're gonna have the calm down okay yeah i mean i'll keep that rightfully get the credit that i'm due for saving this woman's life but i i you know i don't want to drag on too long i don't know now so uh... send your donate i have a go fund me page brine and blues Superhero FundMe page.

For New Kays. The commercial break finally did something good for the world. Wait, does this need to go on the notebook? Goes in the notebook. Okay. GoFundMe page for Brian and Blue. Okay. I love the.

Get Blues voice box cut out. I think that's surgeries about $2, uh... it was a wild and weird situation if you've ever been in a like if you've been close up to a cop situation like that well uh... you should ask yes yes uh... i have and but more importantly pop a joe by nine-year-old grandfather has.

And this happened a few years ago. He had one of, if I'm telling the story right, if I remember, he had one of those black link in town cars, the ones that maybe sometimes police would drive back in the day. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he had one of those. And this is probably 10, 15 years ago.

And there was some kind of situation going on in his neighborhood. And he was coming back from going out to eat or something and didn't know. And he pulled in the police are there. And they just let him pull on through because they think he's the one who needs it. He had the authority to-

Papa Joe is like- He's like, he's right on through. Do it, house. He's like a drunkard. He's like the emperor would know close Everyone just treats him with such efforts and he's really just a naked man walking down this street. I Mean I love Papa Joe don't give me wrong But he gets in and out of all these situations because he's fucking Papa Joe He is he everybody loves him. He's just got that kind of personality. So people are just born with that

You know what I'm saying? But Joe is he everybody loves him. He's just got that kind of personality. So people are just born with that. You know what I'm saying? Astrid often says, she'll often say to me, go give them the Brian look. Right. And I, you know, not humble bragging, but I don't know, there's a way to talk to people, right? Where you like magically touch the inside of their soul.

You know, you just be super nice and accommodate. It is one of my super powers. and I know it and it's not It's not manipulative. I'm not faking it. I just think that you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar Right you that's correct. I think that's another yet another euphemism. I fucked up But whatever you get so She'll often say you know go give him the Brian look and I'll go downstairs because we didn't have we needed an extra towel in the room And I'll come back with like the presidential suite That's like Papa Joe yeah, I won't I've got a first-class ticket to Europe for like

26 dollars just cuz I asked I asked nicely yeah the driver's license place just gave a 90-one-year-old man with one eye I know that's unbelievable Like because of the way he talked to Oh my god, it was so sweet. I love it though I love it there are people who have this super power in this magic I've seen a lot of people do it a lot better than I have to there are some we I have a mutual friend my best friend He he has that super power, but it's kind of like a hippie superpower You know what I'm saying? It does him well and like, you know, jungles and rainforests and yoga retreats.

He just finds a way to do it. He would have it with Jason Mammoth. He's a Jason Mammoth. Yes. That's like a, it's like a very organic version of it, right? And he's just like, yeah, brother. Where are you from? And then all of a sudden, he's getting, you know, free meals at the steakhouse or at the burrito truck at the fish concert.

He's got that smile too. He does too, yeah, yeah. And everybody knows him and everybody loves him. Even if you don't know, Rafa, you know Rafa, right? You know of Rafa. And so therefore to be in the presence of Rafa is a great thing. Yeah, when I was a kid, and I was a kid,

but when I was in my 20s, I was always so amazed by this deference that, I guess it's the best word to use, that Rafa got from everybody, and almost none of them knew him. And it was like, how do you? I'm not quite there. I'm a little bit more edgy. If you get me at the right moment, I got the magic touch, but you don't get me at the wrong and just i'm just a crabi old man just like pragmatic bragnet i'm a pragmatic yes i'm a militant hippie as my ex-wife used to say but the cops situations they can be scary you know and it was i honestly with the well you know all joking aside i hope the woman is okay

and it sounds like this is one of those situations like a very a very illustrative version of the holiday blues like you know you have a bunch of stuff that just goes wrong and you just pile up like i i just imagine myself that this lady was having such a fucking terrible moment in her life that she had to pull over i'm just like like ram through your house or somebody else. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, I, whoever she is, I hope that she gets the help that she needs. And while I hate to see anybody go to jail because Ben there done that and it fucking sucks, at the same time, you know, I do think maybe not me, but Blue is the hero here because think about how serendipitous that is that blue all the sudden Just kind of noticed that something was a guard dog. She is a guard dog in the worst possible way You know I found out about Yorkies Yorkies used to run around and they would run Around the perimeter of like old English countryside homes, right? And they would be an alert dog

They would like bark if somebody was coming closer, whatever. But then their second function was they would be let in the houses to go eat the mason, chase the mason rats around the basement. I'm like, it's a rat chasing a rat. That's what's going on there. When I was a, I think I've told this story, but I'll repeat it. I think it's, I think it's worth repeating quite frankly, Chrissy. It's such a good story. When I was in my 20s, I worked at the local chiles.

And I think I told you that the local chiles bartender was also the local cocaine dealer for the entire, the entirety of the county. Like, yes. And what he used to do is he would, you'd like, go up to the bar and you'd be like, hey man, let me get a, you know, let me get a kids margarita, right? That's what he used to say. And what he would do you'd like, go up to the bar and you'd be like, hey man, let me get a, you know, let me get a kids margarita, right?

That's what we used to say. And what he would do is he, that's not suspicious at all. No, not at all. I can't believe in the managers. We're so fucking straight laced. And, you know, I think that there's just one thing that the people who work in the industry know,

and that is a good drug dealer. It's not necessarily a bad thing to have hanging out at your bar. Now working behind your bars is a different story altogether, but this guy would literally bring the business. He would bring the business. He'd come with a pocket full of fucking, you know, half-grammers. And if you'd ask him for a kid's margarita, he'd throw it in a kid's cup and then he'd

put the lid on and he'd hand it to you, right? That's what he would do. This guy would go, I'd watch him go through about 20 kid's cups a night. I mean, it was just the most unbelievable thing. So it's Friday night or Thursday, whatever night it is. And we're all hanging out and, you know, me and a couple of the people that were there. I had a girlfriend or the girlfriend had a twin sister. And then there was a guy who was dating the twin sister. So we're all going to go to the bar that's about, let's call it five miles down the street. I don't like a state highway, like a four lane

with a meeting in the middle state highway. Okay. So I said, hey, listen, let me get a kids margarita, right? I'm gonna get kids margarita, we're gonna hang out. And I put it in that little tiny little pocket, you know, I'm talking about the secret pocket up there. Yeah, that's not a secret to anyone. Yeah.

And I put a straw in there, like a cut up straw in there too. We get in the car, I'll never forget. Red Honda Civic Hatchback 1998, circa 1998, right? Those old hatchbacks used to be everywhere. We get in this guy's car, the guy who's dating the twin sister and then the twins are in their car behind us. And we're leaving in, it's probably midnight

one o'clock in the morning. We get half way there and we're sitting in a major intersection and there is like all McDonald's and a blockbuster and a pigly wiggly or whatever, right? A number of stores that are out there. We go through that light and as soon as we go through that light, I mean, we're not even half a mile past that light. All of a sudden there is two light all the sudden there is two police officers are riding over the median in our direction like heading toward us riding over the median with their lights just come out and all the sudden they're riding over the median to cut us off and then all the sudden there's a number of cop cards behind. I am fucking freaking. Of course. Here's me.

What do I do? Do I roll down the window? Do I throw it out? Do I just scream that I'm sorry I did some cocaine and please let me go or what do I do? Like how do I handle this situation? Oh you get that stomach drop. Oh my God. Chrissy I've never been so scared in my entire life as this moment because listen uh... you know uh... mail about you know hitting your neighbors mail box with a

baseball bat is one thing right but getting caught with like a major in archonics is a different thing altogether all the sudden now that all there's two or three spotlights that are in the you know in going through the hatchback and i am frozen still and i don't remember a lot of talking between this guy and I but what I do remember is him turning to me and saying, do you have anything on you? He didn't know. He didn't know I had to sign me. But he turns to me and he says, do you have anything on you? And I'm like, I didn't say a word. I was like, and he's like, just do what they ask. Just do what they ask. And I'm like, no shit, Sherlock,

what am I gonna do? I'm surrounded by 40 fucking George's state patrol officers. Yeah. Jovella, what the fuck? Yeah. What if I'm just like climbing out of the passenger window and digging into my pocket at the same time? I didn't do it.

I think I saw a deer, high on cocaine, he's going that way. So all of a sudden, this is what you hear. Driver, put your hands outside of the window, open the door, did not make any sudden movements. And then, so, he gets out, he does what they ask. Put your hands on your head, walk backwards, start to sound to my voice. They're doing what's called a felony stop, and that means they are so nervous about what's going on in the car. They want you out of the car and on the ground before they're gonna do anything else. How did they know about chilies?

Bacinger, Brian, we know about the kids margarita. Hand it to me, and forget this ever happened. Where can we find Mark and Mark are we does. Friday night or all board. So then they do the whole number with me and I walk back. The police officer, then two police officers grabbed me. They put me on on their car, right, and they're searching me. Well, you know, one of them is searching me

and one of them is kind of holding my hands up there. And the guy in the driver was getting the same thing on another car. But I'm not thinking about that guy because all I'm thinking about is how I already used my call to call my dad. And he's never gonna bail me out of jail. And I'm totally fucked.

And I really don't, I really don't want to spend the night in a jail tonight. And I'm just scared shitless. Of course you are. So he's padding me down and as he's coming up, he feels the straw. I really don't want to spend the night in a jail tonight. And I'm just scared. Shil... Of course you are. So he's padding me down and as he's coming up, he feels the straw and he pulls it out and then he digs into my pocket again

and then he pulls out the baggy and it's in his hand like this and he flashes his flashlight like this and then he puts his flashlight back down and he puts the straw and baggy down back in my pants and he says, you need to sit in the back of this car and he without handcuffing me puts me in the back of the car. He put it back into your back into my pants. Chrissy, the Brian look, I don't know what happened.

But then they spend the next 15 minutes searching the car. However long it is, feels like 15 minutes, right? And I am like, holy shit, do I grab this and like put it out and I put it on the floor? Do I step on it? Do I eat it? Do I do something with it? And I just decided, no, right? I'm just whatever the consequences are, the consequences are. It's my dumb ass. I got to live with the consequences. So another officer opens the door, name, you know, birthday, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ten more minutes comes back and I'm like, what is going on, officer? And he's like, I'll tell you in a few minutes,

sit back there, I'm gonna run your name. No one's in the car with me. And then finally, the officer who would put me in the back of the car comes out, he said, Mr. Green, come here. And I stood up and I got out, he says, stand against the car. And he takes his flashlight and he puts it

directly into my eyes. And he goes, we stopped you tonight because someone in a red hatchback, just strong armed with a gun, robbed that blockbuster that you guys traveled on, and there were two people involved in it. And it was the same description as this car. And we thought it was you.

Oh my God. And I was like, oh, okay. And he's like, now, I'm gonna tell you something. Where are you going? And I was like, we were just going down to the like, now, I'm gonna tell you something. Where are you going? And I was like, we were just going down to the bar, like this, you know, bar, whatever bar. And he says, no, you're not. You're gonna go back to your house or to their home

or wherever, you're gonna go straight there. You're not gonna stop. And you're not gonna be back out on these streets tonight. And you're gonna consider yourself extraordinarily lucky this evening. Do you understand what I'm telling you? And I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes, I do? And I was like, yes, yes, yes, I do. And yes, I'm like, yes, yes, I do.

And he's like, because I could take you to jail, but I'm not going to, because you're not the people we pulled over. I don't have cause, right? And I was like, okay. And so then I drove back to the top. Two days later, I'm bartending in the afternoon at the Chili's and two of these police officers come to eat

right to police to police officers and i think one of them was there but i didn't recognize the other one but you know i'm blah blah blah blah and the officer goes hey you were one of the guys got pulled over the other night weren't you and i was like yeah actually i was you know it was it was two of us were wearing our chile shirts so he's like yeah yeah and the other officer goes oh yeah we heard about that in our debrief you know and i was like yeah and he and the other officer goes, oh, yeah, we heard about that in our debrief, you know, and I was like, yeah And he and the one officer who I don't think was there looked up at me and he goes Were you the guy with the thing in the pocket and I was I just kind of laughed. I was like like nervously like

and He goes, yeah, you're one lucky son of a bitch and I was like, yeah, I hear you and he goes Yeah, you really got you really got a bitch. And I was like, yeah, I hear you. And he goes, yeah, you really got, you really got a break there. And I was like, no, I understand. He's like, I just want you to understand how lucky you were. It's like I totally understand. It's also scary.

Like police officers can change your life. And for a lot of people out there, there's a lot of reason to be scared of cops, even if they're doing absolutely nothing wrong.'s all gonna be you know black people and people who have traditionally been Handle differently right yeah for whatever reason and we can all speculate on that But if you've ever been involved with a police officer in any kind of meaningful way and an interaction like that you understand You have no fucking control over what happens. No, you don't.

You're at the mercy of them. So the cops sitting there for like, you know, 30 minutes afterwards and the tow truck comes and whatever, you're just sitting there out there with a laptop. This is the situation that's happening. Yeah, this situation has just happened. And I just want to say that like,

like, Astrid's, Astrid says, why is he still sitting out there? And I said, because, and they had the lady in the back of the car, and she's like, don't they want to get her to jail? And I said, because, and they had the lady in the back of the car. And she's like, don't they wanna get her to jail? And I was like, listen, once you're in the back of a car, it doesn't, like, no one's looking to accommodate you. No one's gonna take you to jail quickly

so you can take a seat somewhere comfortable. No one, because you know what, they don't have to. Number one, number two, they have 75,000 forms to fill out. And number three, honestly, the back of the police car is the most piece and quiet you're going to get for a long time. So just let it happen. Yeah. It's a horribly nerve wracking thing to go through and, uh, yeah.

And so I now do all of my kids' margaritas here in the comfort of the commercial break studios. Located at. I found the the comfort of the commercial break studios. Okay, did that? Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh my god. Found! The most...90s thing I've ever found.

Hello, all my friends out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for listening to this episode of the commercial break. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or content ideas, send them to 1-855-TCB-8383. toll free from anywhere in the world, 855-TCB-8383. Make sure to visit our YouTube channel, youtube.com slash the commercial break. Full episodes air a few days after they do here on the audio feed and starting in season 4 the same day. You can go to the tcbpodcast website at tcbpodcast.com. here on the audio feed and starting in season 4, the same day. You can go to the TCB Podcasts website at TCBpodcast.com. Here all the audio and watch all the video, you can also contact us all from TCBpodcast.com.

Please follow us at the commercial break on Instagram and feel free to use our specialized URLs and or codes. When you hear them on the commercials, speaking of those sponsors, let's take a moment here from them and we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break. I found a string of commercials from the 90s. That is so 90s, it's just 90s. Like you can't. I love the 90s.

I love the 90s too. And I love reminiscing about the 90s. And so I found two things. I found a string of commercials just pure 90s crazy commercials. And so I found two things. I found a string of commercials, just pure 90s crazy commercials. And then I found a television show that broadcasts for just I think three episodes that you'll probably never remember. But let's get to the first one on this episode

and we'll travel back in time and watch the other one. I don't even wanna give it away because I don't wanna, you know, mislead people on that we're gonna do this today. But would you like to take a look and reminisce on some 90s commercials? Well I would love to. Okay well I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do like to do my friend Chrissy. Women's fantasies wild desires are 1,896,1200 Women's fantasies wild desires

Right It's just like how objective I am, can you get? I mean I realize this still happens today, but women's fantasies wild desires call now Live 1 on 1,189,262,100, get personal I have a fantasy that's like maybe a more female voice. I am a female, yes, hold what do you need? I just want to get off. I'm going to get you off. Don't you worry about it. Just hold on for five to ten minutes.

I transfer you. Delan, ninety-nine a minute. That's what happened in those phone calls. Because I made a few of them and that's what happens. I'm going to ask for personal dreams. Dial 18926, 2200. Fantasy's live thought. Personal dreams.

Try them now. Find out how called toll-free. Dial 18926, 2200. This is an actual toll free number. I don't believe that to be told. No, I remember those they would rope you in. Then they would transfer you. Trans for you. Yeah, that was a trick. Yeah. They started doing because there's 900 numbers started getting in trouble. Those people made so much fucking money about whole podcast about that About the 90s The 90s? Is it really?

I'd love to talk to them. We should reach out. I'd love to have them on the show It's not over 18 The WAB community board Nothing like a community board A bulletin board. A community board. A bulletin board. Bring it to the Akron Zoological Park's opening day. Tomorrow from 10 a.m. Go 5.

With egg hunts for the children beginning at 1 p.m. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Jenny Thomas's birthday is tomorrow 93 years old. Head on down to 44 Wacker Street for a great party with gank and uh... gank you can eat without your dentures but i can't be part natural is also do the will present a program entitled searching for the timber doodle beginning of

what the fuck is it for the searching for the timber doodle we might need to show on that uh... if there's a timber doodle i want't know searching for the timber doot we might need to do a show on that if there's a timber doot I want to know about it because if there's a timber doot it belongs on the commercial break if timber doot is a thing I want to know about you if you know that of anything related to timber doot dootles please write in seven bm at hidden hollow park call seven two two nine three six four Call 722-9364. The Cleveland J.C.'s 7th annual Easter carnival will be held on Saturday, April 10th from noon to 4 p.m. at the University Center building lobby at Cleveland State.

Anytime that you have to advertise on the Community Bulletin Board about what's happening, like if you're only form of getting the word out, is the community bulletin board, you're short and not get a crowd. That's the thing. When you're- You have no marketing budget. When you're a professor and you're giving a- You're giving a speech on Timberdoodle. What the fuck is Timberdoodle? I don't know. The naturalist that was giving that talk.

Is he going to do it in the nude? Am I- Is the natureist or naturalist? He did that a lot to say too. Oh yeah, we did. Yeah. One of my dreams is for the commercial break to visit hedonism to do episodes from hedonism.

The event is for children aged to the 10 and their families. It's free and open to the public. The music is so loud. You mean they're not charging for the timber noodle speech? What a missed opportunity. No. I love channel 43 community bulletin. They sell for less than SunTeeve. The music was rockin. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like, I mean, this is like 90s gold right here.

Listen to this. Listen to this guy. Bretter says they sell for less than Sun TV. Shame on you, Bretter. Who are you trying to fool? You're artificially contrived prices. Don't represent an accurate comparison with Suns every day low prices. Just ask Annie.

Wow, that's like, that's. Who are you trying to fool? Who are you trying to fool? Who are you trying to fool? I mean, honestly, what kind of argument is going on here? I'll do. Between Sun, appliances and television and better and better is better or better is better? I don't know.

Fun shopper is better is better, is that what it's said? Freters better. I don't think so. Sun is the best. Even though Fredter says they are better, I would say definitely go to Sun. It's never better to shop at Fredder Sun TV What's that about Fredder?

I mean they are distant Fredder. The Fredder is apparently has a bad name in the community Like to actually put a television commercial together talking about your competition like that It seems like you would want to take the higher road and just say some televisions and appliances. First of all, some television and appliances, I can guarantee you it's not a random one. But why bust on Fredder? Personally, I'm a Fredder guy, if you ask me.

Yeah, I mean, you don't see Home Depot. Fredder is better. It's too low. Yeah, I know. Those ass hole that lows. Home Depot's president's stay sale is starting tomorrow don't go to lows they'll be less you lows killed your grandmother come to home depot

lows is the reason was the reason for global warming come to home depots president staysail that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that You're going to be on low. Your arm will be gone. I guess we're not getting that lows by. It's 2023, yeah. It's comparison. You'll be the judge. Time was, you filed your tax return, then waited six to eight weeks for your refund. Well, those days are gone. Thanks to ABC's rush refund. Well, those days are gone. Now we rip you off by charging 15% commission on any money.

You might get back. I love that they built a whole spider web over the guy. Over the guy. There was a guy sitting at a phone and then a spider web. Six to eight weeks. Like, that's if that's a really long time. First of all, I can't do all. The hair and makeup budget on this commercial is out of control. Third of all, these places these places, they'll reveal, you go there and ask, I mean, I know,

I realize it's a great service for a lot of people, but I did it. Not really. Yeah, I know. It's not in the long run. They charge you 22% or something like that. It's like a huge time. Yeah, and then if it's different, like if the tax return comes back different and like, they didn't owe you as much money, then they're coming after you for that money.

It's fucked up. Tax return into fast cash with ABC's Rush refund loan. Turn your tax refund into fast cash in as little as three days. We'll even prepare your federal tax return for free. Why wait? Call your nearest ABC check cash in location at 6634901. This was before they had to have any disclaimer at the bottom. They had about anything. About nothing. Now it's all disclaimers. This was a they had to have any disclaimer at the bottom. About anything.

About nothing. Now it's all disclaimers. It was a bait and sweat. Yeah, now all you have to, now even Instagram, you know, Posers or whatever they call them now influencers or whatever, they all have to put disclaimers on their shit too. And I think to some degree they should have to, right? It's like, you know, we do commercials and we do them to study.

Sound like commercials, so it's clear that it's a commercial but they're already like if you can get away with this today you can just say whatever you wanted to say and you couldn't certainly smash your competition like you know uh... whatever it is wetter is better because i go to fredder that's six six three four nine oh one is here make a difference you bet it does you've seen our competitors commercial on TV You may have even made their ridiculously high prices bioherens scalp clinic will give you the same procedures They do and save you 30 while herons scalp clinic takes your real pubic hair and puts it directly on top of your head look at the difference

Can't get this cheap head of hair. Come get this market. We'll face it on your head. Don't splurge get this cheap head of hair. Come get this market. We'll face it on your head. Don't splurge. Don't splurge on any real looking hair. Yeah, don't worry about it. Don't. As long as something's on your head,

something here at BioHair and men's, men's erection problem clinic, we say, something's better than nothing. We take the pubic hair from the last client and put it on your head. I'll always put it apart. Can you imagine if you do that? Like a pubic hair ponzy scheme. Don't give anybody an idea.

I know they're like taping hair on this guy's head and they're like, before you leave, guy's head and they're like before you leave, Mr. Better, Mr. Winter. By the way, love your appliance store. I just need to shave your pubic hair for the next client. I think I have a business idea here. I know. Yeah.

Beforety percent, see what you look like with the full head of hair before paying any money. If you don't like the appearance, you don't have to pay. Our competitors won't do that our competitors won't put other people's people's people care on your head but we will wait a half to love that this guy has a newspaper that's called the hair loss facts there's a whole publication hair loss yeah hair loss facts daily well the golden age of newspaper is certainly over because in the 90s there was hair hair loss facts daily Now and receive this free newspaper on hair loss facts. No, I'm not the president. I'm just one very satisfied customer

What The other competitor was the guy that says I'm not just a customer, I'm the president. Yeah, I'm the president. Oh, remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See the fabulous gospel musical, the living cross at the state theater, April 9th and 10th, it's on sale at the Playhouse box office or call. I love about these commercials.

What I love about this particular, like all these commercials are strong together, is it such a time capsule. It's such, like, in the 90s, especially in the early 90s. First of all, the resolution is horrible. How you can't read anything, you can't see anybody's face clearly. There's no area code. There's zero area codes on any of the phone numbers. There's no disclaimers, but everything is done so cheaply,

which back then probably seemed like a miracle they could even get it done whatsoever, just to be on TV was a big deal. Right now, I mean, honestly, if you had a commercial on TV, it would be like, yeah, whatever, unless it was like the Super Bowl or something like that. But it's such like a time capsule of where we were in the world, right? And I just love it. And again, if you have to advertise on a station like this, you're probably not turning

too well in the first place. One, six thousand. Gritted on the line. They even do advertisements about train. What is this? I don't know. It's just a train ride. It's just a train ride. Yeah, a train ride with a phone number.

If you like trains, call us now. It was that way long. All for reservations. That train? That train had like five cars. Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, well, because they're doing their advertising on W-A-E-B-43, which by the way was UHF, not V-HF.

So it wasn't even the good channels. It was just a bad one All right, so listen we'll uh Do more that we'll do more that we'll do more 90s We'll get to it. I took up the whole conversation with my police story I'm trying to calm people down all the hero worships getting old Well, I mean you can't help it Brian, I mean it's just who you you can't help it. Brian, I mean, it's just who you are.

Can't help it. Fredder is better. Makes me wetter. You'll go blind. Shopping at lows. Come to Home Depot. Lows is killing puppies in the backyard. I can't believe people got away with that.

I know, it says judge for yourself. Like, well, how are you supposed to judge for yourself? I can't go though. Yeah, if I can't get there, what am I going to do? Am I supposed to know? They're killing puppies in the backyard. All right, so I know it's getting toward the end of season three. We've had a great time.

It's been a wonderful journey. Happy new year to everybody. Thank you for tuning in. We're coming back, fresh and rested. In the first full week of February for season number 4, we're winding down. I'm going to go have a baby. Yes, you are. And I'll take a few weeks with my kid.

Yeah, I'm excited to meet her too. I'll be the first one to meet her. So that's well the doctor will be the first one and then I'll leave the second one to that meet her and I'm super excited. So we feel very grateful and blessed to have everybody that's been listening over this period of time. Thank you for visiting our sponsors. We got wonderful feedback from our Luden L lemon commercials and our Jordan Harvester commercials And I know that they've been running for a long time, so I'm so sorry But I promise fresh sponsors fresh content fresh ideas season number four first week in February If you'd like to get a hold of us if you have any content ideas comments questions concerned you have any ideas for the show How we could be better how we could possibly do worse the old free to call us 855-TCB-8383-1-855-TCB-8383-123 from anywhere in the world.

Text us, leave us a voicemail. It's not a spam text message line. I will respond. We will respond. We promise. TCBpodcast.com, hit the contact us button and you can do the same thing. You can also watch all the video and listen to all the audio. YouTube.com slash the commercial break is where you go to see full episodes a couple days after the air and in season number four the exact same day

they air an audio. Look at that. Oh my god. Technology just catching up with this. All right. I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. I love you Chrissy. I love you. Best to you Chrissy. Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say we do say we must say. Goodbye. Goodbye.I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, you