The Commercial Break - Prove It!

Starting point is 00:00:00 Y'all be having a bad day's of wondering why, like, did you even hop out the bed and turn your swag on? Matter of fact, did you look in the mirror and say what's up? Are you getting money? No? Oh. On this episode of the Commercial Break. They could just rip up all the carpet, have it be hardwood floors. Two by fours.

Starting point is 00:00:27 They can just pour some like oil on it. Like two by fours. Glossy oil. And that costs money too. Just have the kids piss on it. I'll send blue over. She'll make that would change a different color. Just one week.

Starting point is 00:00:40 Yeah. And one week that it'll be that that beautiful dark glow you're looking for. That beautiful. The yellow. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Kazoo. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Ryan Green.

Starting point is 00:01:03 This is my best friend of beautiful GoHos. Kristen and Joy, Old Lake Best of You, Chris. Best of You, Brian! And best of you out there in the Vodgeys universe. I played the air horn noise for all of you that's hung over from Halloween. Happy day after Halloween! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 12 to 16 children. So I did not have this interesting of a night as you. So I feel I need to inflict pain upon your ears because you had fun and I didn't. So there you go. And- That's never a painful noise to me.

Starting point is 00:01:31 Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. And let's like guess you're at a death conference. Yeah, unless you're at a podcast conference where someone's talking about the death of their mother and then all of a sudden it's like. It's so much inappropriate thing.

Starting point is 00:01:50 I've ever heard my entire life. Brrrrrrrrrrr trite and ridiculous, but it's kind of funny. Ever? Ever. But I always say that. So there's really no weight to that. When you say everything is the best or everything is the thing or everything is the ever or. So anyway, you get it. I use a lot of adjectives.

Starting point is 00:02:16 They're not usually true. So I have a brother. He goes to a Christmas party and he gets high and dry. As people do at Christmas party I got a gacky oaky the whole idea is right people are getting handsy drinks are flowing I don't think they do those as much anymore But that was the thing to do back in the day. It was the thing to do We've been a part of a few Christmas parties. I got all that I can tell you. You know, like the bowling alley. Yeah. It's perfectly wonderful place to have a Christmas

Starting point is 00:02:48 party at the bowling alley. Yeah. When you got your brand new country, Western comedy star coming in to do the morning show and grow ball the hottest. That's right. I'm just like your hits. What a hot mess that guy was. Oh, yeah, that we could do a whole episode on that guy. We might do a whole episode on that guy. He's still around. He's still doing a morning show somewhere in the country and he's still putting out Instagram videos and apparently music too. Well, that's kind of what he was right anyways.

Starting point is 00:03:15 We want to do it. He was like a comedy country star. He made funny songs or whatever, but they weren't ever very funny and neither was he. But I digress. That's a whole different animal altogether. So Christmas party is wild. Brothers at the Christmas party.

Starting point is 00:03:29 Blue, let's do. Blue is at the Christmas party. Blue thinks she's at a Christmas party. Making her 420 of appearance on the 420th episode of The Commercial Break. I came in today to the studio just a side day and you got some family in town. And the little one, one of the little ones, today to the studio just a side note. And you got some family in town. Yes.

Starting point is 00:03:45 And the little one, one of the little ones, and please bar game, like, Lou, Lou, okay. Shut up! And all of a sudden that get appears with no notice. With no notice. No notice. In front of me, I was like, oh, hey. He's got like military training on how to be quiet, because you're really right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, she's about turned right there. Yeah. Hi. Hi. That dog likes a bar.

Starting point is 00:04:26 Yeah, he sure does. Where did you come from, by the way? I can hear blue coming, but where did you come from? Exactly. Yeah. He's always been like that. It's a little, I mean, yeah, he's got a skill. I have a very highly-doin set of skills.

Starting point is 00:04:43 Walk quietly. I know. So he's at the Christmas party. My brothers at the Christmas party, he's having a conversation with a girl who he butts heads with often in the office. And so, you know how it is. Well, the Christmas time is the time to air your grievances. Absolutely.

Starting point is 00:04:56 Just like a beside. Just like a beside. Animes become friends. All the of us. Air your grievances. All the office drama comes out. Yeah. You know how it is.

Starting point is 00:05:04 You're trying to, you know, smooth things over. 16 shots of Yeager Meister and, you know, which is never a great idea. But here's how the story rolls out, according to him. He's having this conversation. He's kind of, he's kind of got this person back into a corner and he's like, yeah, I'm not an asshole. I've always been nice to you.

Starting point is 00:05:23 Yeah, you just misinterpret what I say. And she goes, no, you not an asshole. I've always been nice to you. Yeah, you just misinterpret what I say. And she goes, no, you're an asshole. His immediate response is, prove it. Prove it. Prove it. You can't prove it. You can't prove I'm an asshole. Prove it.

Starting point is 00:05:36 So now he's asking for hard evidence that he's an asshole, right? And so I guess. It's probably like right now. Yeah, right now. Right here. You just said prove it when I called you an asshole. That makes you an asshole.

Starting point is 00:05:47 And so the conversation dissipates. He's so hammered that he asks my fiancee at the time, not asked her to my ex fiancee ask us to come pick him up from the party, which we do. So it's like Friday night, 2.30 in the morning, you know, bars closed, we pick him up outside the restaurant. He gets in the back of the car, and he's like, she couldn't prove it. She couldn't prove it, Ryan.

Starting point is 00:06:13 And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And he's like, so he tells us the story, drunk, just hammer, just slurring all over the place. This sickant works, I think I'm saying, I don't have an asshole. She couldn't prove it. I told her to prove it, she couldn't prove it, and that's proof, that's proof I'm not an asshole.

Starting point is 00:06:28 To this day, you will be on a T-Box, right? There'll be a group of guys, we'll be on a T-Box. One of my other brothers tells a story, how he told this story to his friends, and now it's like, lure in their friends group. I prove it. Yes, there'll be at a bar somewhere, and they'll be like, prove it.

Starting point is 00:06:44 I prove it, you can't prove it, a bar somewhere and they'll be like, Prove it. Prove it. You can't prove it. You're about to prove it. It's just like. But when any time anybody says prove it. Yes. It's already proof. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:54 That's definitely like a, what do I mean by that? The statement like a, It's a defensive statement of proof. It is. Prove it. Prove it. Yeah. I know. It's so aggressive. Prove it. I know.

Starting point is 00:07:05 It's so aggressive. Prove it. I mean, let's hear talking about accounting. Yeah. You know, you're in the board and in Ron. Yeah, that's right. And you did prove it. Prove it.

Starting point is 00:07:13 Well, then they'll be like, okay, here are the numbers. Yeah. Oh, by the way, we have the numbers. Yeah, you fucked up. Your projections were completely wrong, Brian. But that's the only time proof it works. Your projections are completely off-ride. Prove it! You can't prove it. Actually, are completely off-fried. Brow that!

Starting point is 00:07:25 You can't prove it. Actually, you can't prove it, but. Exactly, that's the only time proof it works. I'm gonna go work somewhere else now. I mean, that's like I can run a half mile, prove it. Yeah, oh, I can run a half mile. In that case, you prove them wrong, right? But when someone calls you an asshole

Starting point is 00:07:39 and you're immediate responses, Brow that! You can't prove it, you're not a firm it. It's like, dude. I can only imagine how many other people were around watching this all go down. I mean, it's fine. They didn't remember it. No, they didn't remember it because I'm sure the Jagermeister,

Starting point is 00:07:54 this was at a time when Christmas parties were really fucking rock and roll. Yeah, and I feel bad for the younger generation of the never experienced, there's no, never. They're never gonna see a parotid, zeroxed on the scanner. Yeah, never. They're never gonna see a paratiss, Xerox on the scanner. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:08 Exactly. Sometimes butt. I know. I'll never forget that one time that happened, when we worked together, one time that happened, someone actually Xerox there, tens, and then they were passing around a picture of it. And I was like, I wouldn't do that for so many reasons,

Starting point is 00:08:24 but I just wouldn't do that. I never did that. No, that was not you, just to clarify. Brue that! There's a broom. There's a broom. There's a broom. Let me see your tits, these compare.

Starting point is 00:08:35 I try to identify these missing tits. Speaking of tits, Justin Timberlake has now turned off his Instagram commenting because of all the drama surrounding a Brit Brit. And so let's review some of the rumors that are out there from her book. And I say rumors because she wrote a book. Prove it. Prove it.

Starting point is 00:08:57 Exactly. And I'm not trying to defend Justin Timberlake. No, no, no, no. Have any particular affinity with Justin Timberlake. No, no, no. I don't care about him. Braw! Yeah, yeah, very bad. But in her book, she suggests that Justin

Starting point is 00:09:13 kind of forced her or pushed her or manipulated her into having an abortion after she found out she was pregnant when they had sex. That's Revelation number one. Revelation number two, she wasn't a virgin when Justin and her had sex, which they had said famously on like a Diane Sor, so your interview. And then Justin broke up with her via text message. She was generally just kind of a schmo, right? But 19 year old guy, I guess. 19 year old schmo. Yeah. And she's a, you know, of 16 year old girl, 17 year old girl.

Starting point is 00:09:41 They were around the same age. Oh, were they? Cause they were on the Disney show together. Oh yeah, that's right. Okay, so. But maybe there was a little difference. At 19 years old, the pure sum, the total of the things that I didn't know about life, but I thought I did was immense. I mean, honestly, it's like Paul said, you're still that age where you're scared at pussy. And it was true.

Starting point is 00:10:01 Like, I didn't know shit. So breaking up. You don't know what you don't know and you don't know much. Yeah, and you don't know much, but you think you do. You think you know everything. I know the older I get the more I realize how wrong I was about almost everything. Yet I just thought I knew everything. You couldn't tell me anything.

Starting point is 00:10:18 Yeah, don't tell me what to do. He is so incensed, this group of Brittany fans that have been following her since the beginning of her career or jumped on board when the conservatorship thing happened and she got so much support and so much outreach. And what's clear is that Brittany has been highly manipulated almost her entire life by those around her as just really a money-making machine, something to be protected, maybe over-protected, or something to be used and abused for their own purposes. And for that, I have an immense amount of empathy for pretty.

Starting point is 00:10:56 What also seems clear to me as an outside observer, and the only reason that I'm even talking about this is because it is something that's being put out there for everybody to talk about. We put a memoir out. Yeah, you put a memoir out. People are gonna talk about it, right? That's the whole point. The only reason I talk about this,

Starting point is 00:11:14 it also appears to me that Brittany has some serious issues that need to be addressed. And I can only hope that she's getting the help that she needs. Justin, I'm not defending any of his actions because who fucking really knows what happened? But I'm just saying, he was 19 year old kid too. They must have been confused and scared.

Starting point is 00:11:30 They're some of the most famous people in the world at the time. He just must be confused, scared, intimidated by all these things that are happening around him. And what two consenting adults choose to do about a pregnancy is what two consenting adults choose to do about a pregnancy is what two consenting adults choose to do about a pregnancy. Brittany makes it sound like it was a little bit more, you know, he was a little bit more

Starting point is 00:11:52 meaningful, manipulative, and forceful about the fact he did not want to have a child. He did not, he was not ready for pregnancy. He was not ready to have a baby with Brittany. But, you know, when you're 19, I think that's a pretty normal reaction to have. If you have your head on your shoulders, whatsoever, you realize that having a child is an immense amount of responsibility. It's hugely scary, and it ties you

Starting point is 00:12:15 to somebody for the rest of your life. They have the means to take care of the child. Of course they did. But- Well, they should have had the means to prevent the pregnancy. That's what I was thinking to myself. It's like, come on.

Starting point is 00:12:25 It's $5 for a box of condoms. It's five bucks for a box of condoms. Send one of your assistants out to go get some. Use that. Pull out. Do the old Catholic mode. I mean, it. Pull out.

Starting point is 00:12:34 Yeah. Pull out, time it, whatever. And I agree with this. And you're never going to stop people from having sex. You're not going to stop teenagers from having sex. It's never going to happen. Even though something seemed to have worked because no one's having sex anymore. Maybe it's because they know when they see each other in person. Exactly. They don't even talk to each other.

Starting point is 00:12:51 He's have virtual sex. I know. Seriously. The medit, medicine filtered nudes. I'm going to get my medit, and put it in your medipus. And yet another show, another commercial break episode, banned by Spotify. But seriously, fucking protect yourself. Don't put yourself in a situation. But I do get it, accidents happen and shit happens and they found themselves in a strange situation. But now Justin has turned off his comments on all his Instagram posts.

Starting point is 00:13:20 I would too, but around. I might too. You know, it goes to show that no matter how big and famous you are, it's still heartful to read shitty things on the internet. I think that's why I'm glad that we've done, first of all, I'm glad we're on the commercial breakboard and no one pays attention to the show. And second of all, I'm glad that this is happening

Starting point is 00:13:36 a little later in our life because I have the good sense to not fucking pay attention to the haters. Who cares? You're gonna have haters just let them go. Don't read the negative comments because you can read 30 great reviews about the commercial break or comments or text messages and from wonderful people that are saying really nice things

Starting point is 00:13:54 and being very supportive. It's that one douche canozel that writes in that you can never get out of your crawl. It's that one guy who says, Brian is unfunny. Never lets Chrissy talk and is ugly to boot. It's that one comment from that one guy, George H, on Apple that you can never forget.

Starting point is 00:14:13 George H. George H. I don't know that that's his name. I'm just fucking around. George H. George H. George H. George H.

Starting point is 00:14:21 George H. I mean, I agree. I think when something like a big revelation comes out like that, you have to kind of go dark on social media. Otherwise, you're out there trying to defend yourself and it's just, it's not gonna work right now. You know who I'm turning off Instagram? If I'm this person, I'm turning off Instagram comments

Starting point is 00:14:40 as Will Smith. Jesus, he must be getting a shit fucking full of, you know, mouthful from, from everybody. I mean, I just still stand by the point that I think that this is a highly hurtful thing to just throw there in a book and then run around saying that you and your, whatever he is, who are married, husband, legally, husband, have been separated for six years and you find the best place and time to share that information with everybody is on a press tour for your new memoir. I'm sure that she talked to Will about it, but I

Starting point is 00:15:10 just still find it and I don't, by the way, I have no particular affinity for Will Smith either. He's not, I don't like, I'm not a big fan of his acting. I don't care from him. I think he, what he did to Chris Rock was absolutely insane and assanine, but I also have nothing against the guy, right? I mean, generally have nothing against the guy. But when you have a wife, it's who is just, I feel like marriage for me is like teamwork, right? Absolutely, 100%. You can have said it better.

Starting point is 00:15:41 Jeff had on the same way. We're a team. We're a team. And no matter on the worst day of my entire life, when I am the biggest asshole, when everybody hates me, when the chips are down, when I've done something really fucking shitty. Yeah, you are the person's biggest fan.

Starting point is 00:15:54 Yes, you have one person, and if you have children, maybe you have a couple of people or parents or whatever, we all know, we have that one person. And in marriage, that person rises straight to the top where they, they, inward and outwardly are saying, okay, you're a bonehead, but you're my guy. Like I gotcha, right?

Starting point is 00:16:12 I gotcha cover. Of course. And I just find that Jada sometimes seems to be that piece is missing and she feels like it's all a fodder for her red table talks or her promotional appearances, whatever it is, as long as I can stick some more bait in the water, then everything is, you know, then everything is all good from a PR standpoint with me, but the guy who gets the shit end of the stick is not out there saying that. Just to be fair, I think I remember, and I don't watch her show, and I don't even know

Starting point is 00:16:40 if it's still going. Thanks, you might have stopped it. That one on Facebook, though. The red table talks. Yeah. So excuse me with my phone. I have she might have stopped it. That one on Facebook. The red table talks. Yeah. Excuse me with my phone. I have no problem. God.

Starting point is 00:16:48 It's just a podcast. It's the full hour news. No, it is. It's terrible. So I think that she did bring it up on there that they were separated. She brought it up previous to the memoir. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:17:03 Well, they made it seem like it was like this biggest news story that can, you can, you need to cough, you're a press mood mute for a second. You can cough, go ahead. This cough break brought to you by Brian. Brian's not an asshole, you can't prove it. Yeah. Okay, back.

Starting point is 00:17:15 Thank you. And I think that Jada has the right, the right to say whatever it is she wants to say about her perspectives and her own relationship and all that other stuff. I just doesn't feel very good to me. It feels kind of shitty. And again, I have no particular affinity for these people or negativity toward these people. And I don't know, Jaden, Pink and Smith, all that.

Starting point is 00:17:37 Well, that's what you have to learn from what you don't like. So tell Astrid to never write a book. Oh, I never even thought about that. I never even thought about that. You know, it's like that girl who I continue to be bruised by from 50 years ago. I have a long, I have a long I've been on this earth. When she said I was a bad kisser and told the whole school, you know, I thought we were a team. I thought we were a team in the back of that Mitsubishi fan, making out. That's right.

Starting point is 00:18:08 I didn't even go to second base. I was a gentleman. What was second base? You were scared of second base. Oh, I was scared of everything. Actually, by that time in my life, at 15 or 16 years old, I think I already had a little bit of experience under my belt, but apparently it didn't teach me anything because I wasn't a good kisser.

Starting point is 00:18:29 Chrissy, I just want to be a good kisser. Who was it? 15 and 16. I don't know. I remember, I remember. I get it subjective. Totally subjective. What I think would be a great kisser, my puppy. Well, subjective up to a point. Do you remember we were watching that video a long time? No, and that guy.

Starting point is 00:18:46 And you were subject to do a long time. Eight that girl's tongue. Do you remember that? That was the most disturbing thing in sexual chemistry I have ever seen. That was that Russian, the Russian mail order bride movie that we watched, which by the way, we got. We watched the whole movie and we got a lot of comments

Starting point is 00:19:04 and people went and watched that entire movie because we broke it down it was an interesting movie it was an interesting movie i don't know that we had to break down the entire thing it was fun why not we didn't have any other it was like that i just thought it'd be interesting it was like an episode of mystery science theater three thousand broken into three long episodes for christian i drone on about how funny it is that these guys get laid in any country let alone you the you great the kiss though oh that kiss was terrible and at the wedding yeah like in front of everybody I mean practice yeah practice a little bit practice

Starting point is 00:19:41 to dance should practice the kiss that's prove it. That's all I gotta say. Prove it. Okay, we're gonna go to commercial break and we'll be right back. Prove it! Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brian, we get it. But back to me. I mean, this T.C.B promo. Leave us a voicemail at 626, ask T.C.B.3, and you might just hear yourself on the show.

Starting point is 00:20:02 Wanna text us instead? Lucky for you, we also have a number just for that. Text us at 855-TCB-8383 and give us compliments. You can also always go to tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video. Find us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And find us on youtube.com slash the commercial break for fully edited episodes. Now that that's done, let's listen to a few sponsors

Starting point is 00:20:29 and get back to this episode of the commercial break. Now I head back from the commercial break, I wanna get it. Where we proved it. Where we proved it, we proved that we took a commercial break on the commercial break. This is still trying to learn proved it where we proved it We proved that we took a commercial break on the commercial break It's still trying to learn that we're doing these live in the studio now And so if it sounds a copy sometimes it's because Brian is in control

Starting point is 00:20:55 I wanted to share that I and I think this is a story a couple of years ago But now it's like coming making its way back around that Steven Spielberg's daughter is going to be a porn star. She's going to start in porn movies. Do you remember this? I do remember. She was like an only fans model. I think if I'm not mistaken for a while and now she's announced that she's going to be making a series of porn movies, like sex movies.

Starting point is 00:21:19 And what's, okay, great, fantastic. However, you got to make your money. I mean, I wouldn't think you'd have to make any money when you're stealing from a star. It's her art. It's her art and she feels very confident in her body and with herself and she feels like this is her lot in life and God bless, right?

Starting point is 00:21:34 I have no qualms with it. I am extraordinarily accepting and sex positive and I think you should be able to do whatever you want. Her parents have been just as accepting and sex positive and I think you should be able to do whatever you want her parents Have been just as accepting and sex positive They have said she has But I don't know if this is Is this his daughter from Kate? I'm not sure this is daughter I think you're right. I think it's some from another marriage or something

Starting point is 00:22:01 Yeah, he was married to a black woman for a while. Wasn't he or dating a black woman for a while? Because she looks to be from my point of view, just from my eye, she looks like she is of mixed dissent. Like there's, and so I think I remember Steven Spielberg was married to an African-American woman for a while, but regardless, it doesn't fucking matter. The point is, this is a woman from another marriage, but Kate and Steve have been extraordinarily supportive

Starting point is 00:22:30 of her publicly saying, listen, she has the right to do whatever she wants. It's her body, it's her life. She can do whatever she wants and we're proud of her, whatever she chooses to do, as long as it's not hurting anybody else and it's legal. Well, I mean, they're either gonna say that or they're gonna be super pissed in like their sonar. So So find as well accepted, I guess it's already out there the past.

Starting point is 00:22:49 Totally. Well, this brought up an interesting concept for me as a as a father, right? How would an astronaut have had some of these private conversations? Because when you have children not with the kids right now, when they're no, I didn didn't say hey. I don't even know if I want to go down this improv road, right? But I don't, I haven't talked to my kid about porn movies yet, porn acting as a, I just said it was in private. What do you want to be when he grow up? I want to be long-dong silver. But I know a kid who,

Starting point is 00:23:25 I don't know whatever. So, I, after I've had these private conversations with each other because when you have children, or before you have children, this is what you have. I hope that my child comes out with 10 fingers and 10 toes.

Starting point is 00:23:39 I hope that everything's okay with them. I hope that, you know, whatever, you have these expectations for health and happiness in your child's life. And you say to yourself, and of course you do, you mentally prepare yourself. If something should not be right after birth, we are going to love this child. No fucking matter. What? Because every child deserves love. No matter who they are, what they like, who they choose to have love with, it doesn't fucking matter. You just want your child to be happy.

Starting point is 00:24:06 That's it. That's it. You know, they have no hands and no toes. You just want them to be happy. That's it. Ha. However, there are also expectations that you put on your child's life when they're very young that may not come to fruition.

Starting point is 00:24:24 They're going to be a doctor. Yeah, they're going to be a doctor. They're going to be a nurse. They're going young that may not come to fruition. They're gonna be a doctor. Yeah, they're gonna be a doctor. They're gonna be a nurse. They're gonna be a smart day. Look how smart they are. They are the smartest. They're in the top percentile. It is definitely gonna be doing heart surgery.

Starting point is 00:24:36 That one. I got it. President of the United States, that young lady right there, president of the United States. I know she can do that right there is the next woman president. Yeah, next Taylor Swift. Look at our yellow brown day running around my living room. Do I see some Beyonce in here? What's going on there?

Starting point is 00:24:56 Let me videotape you for the 3,000 time today so that we can remember so that when VH1 comes with the behind the music request, we have all this video B-roll we can send them. And the truth is that that's not going to happen. And you have to realize at some point as a parent that those expectations are sowing the seeds of your own disappointment. That's just it. That makes you're parents.

Starting point is 00:25:20 And my parents also too, when they saw that I was following wise for panic around the country, and they had to kind of like not stand. Like I gotta get some cocaine! I gotta not stand on my way. That would be crazy! With whatever dreams they had for me. That was young.

Starting point is 00:25:36 Yes, I just want my dad to say he's proud of me. And finally, this old life, and I'm sure a lot of people have this same story about their parents if they're of similar age, that parents back in the 80s and 90s and maybe even the late 70s, they were just cut from a different cloth, right? And so many of you have a motion quite different.

Starting point is 00:25:56 Maybe some of you have a similar, fatherly experience where it was just hard for them to say it because they never heard it from their fathers and so it was hard for them to say. That's for the mother to do. She's the soft and lovely one. I'm the one who has discipline. Leave me alone.

Starting point is 00:26:08 I go to work every day. But my father was a very loving father. He cared about me. But I think it was just, it wasn't in his vocabulary. So when he finally said I'm proud of you and it was about the commercial break, I knew he was lying to me. Prove it.

Starting point is 00:26:23 Because I also said this on the commercial break. I gotta get some cocaine. I'm gonna be crazy. I mean, honestly, like, I think like any good father they, they need it and listen. No, he didn't listen. They just,

Starting point is 00:26:36 you're making me, you're able to support your family. No, he loves it. He loves the commercial break, actually. He listens to it all the time. He thinks it's wonderful. I think he's waiting for me to come up with a voice for him, but I'm not gonna do that because I'm still scared of my father.

Starting point is 00:26:50 To say, I'm still scared of my dad. I find it easier to do that with my mom, but my mom is a, she's got a good sense of humor. I think. But if my child comes to me and says porn star, you're gonna have to take a minute. I'm going to have to take a couple of days to run my head around that. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:10 Uh-huh. Not that. Okay. All right. You know, you have to just be, does it make them happy? Are they being safe? Are they being safe? I think it's a part that concerns me the most. Are they safe?

Starting point is 00:27:20 Not only with the sex, but with stalkers or people in the business. Yes. You know, that might try and screw them up. Although if you know that that's Steven's bill, or Spielberg's daughter, probably not going to fuck around. No, you're likely not going to. And Steven is likely. He probably lightly already has a plant. Like somebody's going to say, he's a cameraman.

Starting point is 00:27:41 He's got a camera man. He's got my kids cousin walking around stalking everybody. Because he can't be heard. He just shows cameraman. He's got a camera man. He's got my kids cousin walking around, stalking everybody, because he can't be heard. He just shows up. Hi. Oh. Right. Hi. He's trying to take a dump.

Starting point is 00:27:53 Hi. He's got no dog. Yeah. Hi. I, this is a reality of being a parent, is that you want your children to be happy, you want them to be safe, you want them to be respecting. Yeah, self-supporting. So, you know, some of those porn stars make good money.

Starting point is 00:28:14 I'll probably get over it in a few minutes once they say, like an upgrade to your home with the villages. I'll be like, sweet. I gotta get some cocaine. Don't be crazy. Yeah, that's what I was saying. That's the time to go back to cocaine. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well listen, that's what happening down at the villages anyway. They have a huge drug-bex problem there. Yeah, they're doing mushrooms and acid and yep. Ketamine and I read about some,

Starting point is 00:28:37 they were had like ayahuasca, like retreats down at the villages. They're for them. And I'm like, if you're 70 something years old, or even 80 something years old, and you are experiencing DMT or Iowaska for the very first fucking time, I'm nervous that someone's having a heart attack right there.

Starting point is 00:28:54 And that's why when I did Iowaska, there was a paramedic in the room. And that paramedic was not there to partake. He was there to keep an eye on everybody. Sure. Just to make us feel safe. I don't think there's, you know, prepared properly.

Starting point is 00:29:07 I don't think there's a whole lot of inherent danger, but I'm sure that there's some danger in it. But, you know, down at the villages, these people are going fucking bananas. They're finding their lot in life, so late in life, and part of me loves it, and then part of me's a little concerned for what's going on down there at the villages.

Starting point is 00:29:22 Well, I mean, you don't know how many of the people down at the villages have porn star children that have upgraded there. the villages. Well, I mean, you don't know how many of the people down at the villages have porn star children that have upgraded. Oh, yeah, that's true. I don't know. So they're all very open and accepting. Well, listen, it's 2023. Probably quite a few of them have porn star children.

Starting point is 00:29:33 I mean, it's just something that is part and parcel of life as it should be. We shouldn't shy away from sex. And we shouldn't shy away from the conversation. And we probably shouldn't shy away from the conversation and we probably shouldn't shy away from sharing sexual experiences and I understand that porn is just a part of life. It's the reason we have the fucking internet, Chrissy, all technological advances happen because of sex.

Starting point is 00:29:58 Prove me wrong. Prove it. Prove it wrong. Tom, give me an invention and I'll tell you why it's connected to the sex. No, we've gone down that road before. I know, but give me an wrong. Give me an invention and I'll tell you why it's connected. No, we've gone down that road before. I know, give me an invention. Give me an invention.

Starting point is 00:30:09 Cell phones, sex, someone wanted to get laid. They needed to call somebody immediately. Oh, look. Oh, hey, hold on. I think I've got something here. I think I've got something here. Oh. Okay, so we're gonna completely go off the rails now.

Starting point is 00:30:24 For the last number of episodes, Chrissy and I have been experiencing these emojis that are popping up on the video feed, and we cannot for the life of us figure out where, why, are when these happen. But I think I might have just figured something out. Like your hand get injured. When my hand gesture.

Starting point is 00:30:42 Hello. Okay, a thumbs up just pointed. A thumbs up just came on the screw. This is so weird, Chrissy. This is so weird. Somebody likes that we're talking about. Somebody likes that we're talking about them or they're or we're just really getting fucked with. I think it's all pop a Joe. Oh, maybe they're thumbs up guys. Hey, thumbs up guys. Or it's more talk of the porn. Or have we talked so much shit about Teresa Caputo that it's now coming back to bite us in the ass.

Starting point is 00:31:10 Kippie, it's not, they're very happy emojis that are popping up balloons, thumbs ups, encouragements. Yeah, there's lots of encouragements going on. How do we get the balloon one to come on? I don't know, I have a balloon one. I don't think this has anything to do with that. I just think we have some random bullshit stuck on the screen and we don't ought to get rid of it.

Starting point is 00:31:26 You know, somebody, if somebody knows about this, OBS showing balloons and thumbs up emojis in the middle of the video, if you know about why this is happening, could you please text me and let me know? I certainly would appreciate it. Last episode we were talking about this experience I had at a semi-social, semi-work dinner

Starting point is 00:31:47 where someone started counting the geozo that we had and sharing that we had to split the amount of geozo that we had. In other words, we got an appetizer that was five pieces of geozo on there. I had to, everybody else had one and when the, it's so crazy to even say this. Yeah, it's so crazy. I've never had that happen.

Starting point is 00:32:07 No, I've never had it happen either. No, I mean, I've had people say, well, I had drinks, so I'll pay for more. Oh, right, exactly. I had more, so I'll pay for more, but I've never seen you had more. So you're paying for more. I've never had anybody say that. And it was one dumpling.

Starting point is 00:32:21 Yeah, one, a fucking dumpling. Probably one, one dollar and six cents. No, I was staying, not a full other meal. No. It was just a dumpling. Yeah. One, fucking dumpling. Probably one, one dollar and six cents. No, I was staying. Not a full other meal. No. It was just a dumpling. But it's a guy could have. I bet he would have counted French fries or something like that.

Starting point is 00:32:32 I mean, it made me think of this person in a totally different way, and I'm sorry, but I'll never go back to the red. I'd go, never go back to the other way that I was thinking about him. He's just a cheap shithead at this point point because that was a terrible thing to do. And I think most people would agree with me. I hope most people would agree with me, but I know that there are people that won't agree with me, Chrissy. And those people are the world's most extreme cheap skates.

Starting point is 00:32:54 Now we've done one or two of these videos before. Yes, we have. But when I thought about this story and we talked about it on the last episode. We'll go going back there because these things kind of gross me out because they're reusing Cloths for butts and prove it You're about to prove it. I am about to prove it So Chrissy let's take a short break and then we'll get to trolling on the internet. What do you think as you do? As I do okay, we'll be right back after this short break

Starting point is 00:33:25 Okay podcast besties time for one more quick break and then it's back to the drama. Check out tcbpodcast.com for all of our episodes and youtube.com slash the commercial break for fully edited video episodes. Find us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And of course, if you wanna get in touch with us, which like, of course you do,

Starting point is 00:33:46 leave us a voicemail at 626, ask TCB3, or text us at 855-TCB-8383. Now, let's listen to some sponsors and get this show going. Episode is sponsored in part by regain, couples therapy, by better help. So you've been dating someone for a little while, maybe you've been in a relationship for a year or two, and you're starting to hit some of those rough patches, those bumps and bruises, miscommunications.

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Starting point is 00:35:05 You just fill out a brief questionnaire and then you get matched to a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for free. Some of the best relationship advice I've ever heard was go to couples therapy because the best relationships are worth fighting for, try something new in therapy. Visit regain.com slash Bi today to get 10% off.

Starting point is 00:35:25 Your first month, that's regain.com-slash-bti as in best to you. regain.com-slash-bti. Have a licensed therapist help you work through some of the rough spots. regain.com-slash-bti. And thanks to regain couples therapy from Better Help for Being a Sponsor of the Commercial Break. and thanks to regain couples therapy from better health for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Alright, we're back from break and I was thrown on the internet. As you do. As I do like to do and I found a, a, a kuturimon to my story about counting Gioza and I found some other people

Starting point is 00:36:02 who probably would count Gioza at a dinner. I know these gross you out so be prepared because this one is no fucking different. Here we go. World's most extreme cheap skates. Let me go right now. And I'm in heaven and in heaven. You got two kids playing in a plastic pool like a blow up pool and then here come the parents. Oh no. They are putting dish soap and dishes dirty dishes inside of the kids pool where they are

Starting point is 00:36:37 playing. You done playing kids? Hey, you done the dishes. Hey kids, come on over here. We're gonna wash the laundry, the dog. Come on over here, daddy's gonna take a dump in your pool. You kids go fishing for the shit. Water's safe. We're going shit fishing. Shit fishing. Shit fishing.

Starting point is 00:36:56 I can see myself in the plate. I'm Melanie O'Brien. I'm Sean O'Brien. And we account Giosa. Oh my god. We're counting the counters. You spit out your drink. Oh god.

Starting point is 00:37:16 Oh my god. I'm sorry about that. Because she is family. We're proud. Making it rain. In the summertime when the kids are playing outside in the pool, we can utilize that afterwards to help clean our dishes. We save money on the water bill.

Starting point is 00:37:32 We save money on the... You know, we better be careful as a race or we're... This is what's going to be doing here, taking facts. And washing our dishes in the same water. Trickville. Yeah, we're going to come millionaires off of it. She actually took the bottom rack out of the dishwasher and now has it in her backyard. They're cleaning the plates in the water they just swam in. Are we gonna come millionaires off of it? She actually took the bottom rack out of the dishwasher

Starting point is 00:37:45 and now has it in her backyard. They're cleaning the plates in the water they just swam in, which by the way is not cleaning a plate. It's putting your child's pee-pee poo-poo all over the plate. He's saying to be liberal with the dog, dog, dog, dog, Not per se, but it's gonna help us to be able to allocate that money towards a better purpose. See? Fun and worth. What is a better purpose than cleaning your dishes and making sure that your family doesn't get fucking like typhoid fever or something? They're building up their immune system.

Starting point is 00:38:39 Ah, a certain dire way to germophobic for this. Who wants bacon? I knew Sean and I are way too germophobic for this Who wants bacon? Sean and I agree that okay, I'm gonna go kill the next star neighbors big. I'll be right back We don't have to buy anything new then we won't and we'll make use with what we have that's our lifestyle that that is Bacon that is bacon thought it was gyoza at first. I thought it was too Actually, I was about to say that is gyoza, and then I realized it was bacon.

Starting point is 00:39:08 It's just curled up. She's cooking bacon, but in a pan that has no handle. Do you notice that? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Our pats and pans broke, the handles broke off, and instead of going out and buying brand new pats and pans. I have a fifth degree burn on my hand. God.

Starting point is 00:39:28 I have my children grab it. They have a fresh skin, fresh baby skin. It regenerates after a while. Sean made this wrench that doubles as a handle. Sean did not make that wrench. Somebody else made that wrench. Don't lie. Prove it.

Starting point is 00:39:39 And the duct tape protects my hands from burning. All right, kids, bacon's ready. Oh my god, that's so incredibly dangerous. I know, you can't hold on to the pan with the rinse. She's picking it up with a wrench like a plumbers, an adjustable plumbers. She's picking it up and she's bringing it to the table where her young children are sitting.

Starting point is 00:39:56 With hot grease. Hot grease. You know what an ordeal it is when we start cooking bacon in my house? Oh, literally. I literally have to put police tape out to keep my children away. I know everybody starts, I mean, swarming.

Starting point is 00:40:08 Yes, everybody. Well, not only do people start swarming, but it's highly dangerous. Well, yeah, it's just that. It's popping oil, hot oil everywhere. And my kids say, wanna stand right next to the oven? This is so dumb. It's been more than 10 years

Starting point is 00:40:20 and Sean and Melanie have made any significant improvements to their home. As sacrifice, they claim has saved them over $30,000. I love how the announcer is being a smart ass. As sacrifice, they claim. This is where we spend most of our time in the living room. As you can see, we've got very sparse furniture. Sparse furniture, you have a lawn chair in your living room.

Starting point is 00:40:45 That's sad. Yeah, the kids, I mean, I realize kids will have fun with whatever. Get a cheap sofa. Chrissy, they can have my sofa. I give it to them. I know you don't have to have a plastic lawn chair. No, I don't have a plastic lawn chair. It looks like they splurged on the ottoman.

Starting point is 00:41:01 That looks like a leather ottoman. I guarantee they did not buy that ottoman. like they splurged on the ottoman. That looks like a leather ottoman. I guarantee they did not buy that ottoman. Living room furniture can cost up to $10,000, $20,000, depending on your buying and art. Yeah, but you don't have to spend that much money on living room furniture.

Starting point is 00:41:15 Go to fucking whatever that place is. What is that place I used to buy furniture there all the time? Rooms to go? Yeah, rooms to go to the bottom. They give you a furniture. How about a salvation army? Salvation army?

Starting point is 00:41:24 How does that for humanity? Rooms to go gives you basically free furniture for three years, you don't have to pay any payments or interest or whatever it is for three years. I mean, take advantage of that. And it's only like $600 for a couchie that won't last the five years. But at least you'll have some furniture there for a while.

Starting point is 00:41:38 It's costs maybe 50 bucks. A few months ago, our shower head broke and Sean came up with a great way to fix it. For the price of his soda bottle, he rigged it up to the shower head. And he's, what? She put a, uh, an empty two liter soda bottle over the pipe that comes out of the wall

Starting point is 00:42:00 and they cut holes in the bottom of it, Chrissy. This is too much. This is too much. It's too much. Don't even know what they did that. The water's still just gonna run. Do you realize you can buy a shower head for like $7 at Walmart? This is crazy. This is crazy. The hotel's in there and now we have a brand new shower head.

Starting point is 00:42:16 No, you don't have a, yeah, prove it. You don't have a brown-new shower head. At all. This kind of is an eye sore, but it works and I appreciate it. Some people might think our behavior is over the top, but... Extreme. ...or extreme, but... Extreme as if, proven.

Starting point is 00:42:36 Meanwhile, they've got chachkis in the back. They're look at those little stars. Yeah, those little stars. On the wall, they've got a big house. They've got stuff all over the place. I mean, she's wearing a nice necklace. Yeah, they're presentable at least. Unlike that one lady we watched. What was she doing? She was having everybody take a bath in the same water for two weeks. I think it all depends on the person's perspective. For the past several years, the O'Brien's have contemplated moving into a larger space. But selling their current home would require them to make renovations they've avoided for the past decade. Our realtor is going to come over and give us an assess. He's in for a surprise.

Starting point is 00:43:20 That's the woodish. That's staging here. wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day.

Starting point is 00:43:32 That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day.

Starting point is 00:43:40 That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood of your day. That is the wood I mean, they have a big playhouse. Yeah, they got a backyard with nice grass. Watch your step, apparently. Yeah. Our fence is a little piece mealed together.

Starting point is 00:43:49 So I just replace boards as they come. Leans a little, but sturdy. It's sturdy. Keeps the neighbors out. Keeps the kids in. You know, keeps them from looking at our bathtub here in the middle of the dishwasher. Dishwasher.

Starting point is 00:44:04 Dishwasher. Cool. Our hot dishwasher here in the middle of the dishwasher. Dis-washer. Act as washer. Cool. Our hot dishwasher here in the middle of the yard have to repaint the fence. I mean, if not replaced. Oh. How much? Oh, I don't know about a little.

Starting point is 00:44:17 Yeah. I don't know. Now you're not talking my language anymore. Don't wear on the same hand page here, but you're gonna get the max amount of money you can for this house and I'm gonna do the least amount of work. That's the O'Brien way. It's taking her leave it.

Starting point is 00:44:29 That's the O'Brien way. I see it. It's the only thing I'm gonna reply for it for it. I've seen it on TV. I've seen it on nowhere. I found 1800 bucks. Defense in the back.

Starting point is 00:44:40 First of all, where do you get a friends replace for 1800 bucks? Cause I wanna talk to that guy. Yeah. Yeah. The card Hard is definitely a fleck tick. The colors look like a marble cake that you would get at a bakery. It brings character to the neighborhood. And the kickboard?

Starting point is 00:44:54 It brings characters to the neighborhood. How do the neighbors don't think that? But... Our car with no doors brings character to the neighborhood. It's like a lactic. Look, we bought this Honda with no hood brings character to the neighborhood. It's eclectic. Look, we bought this Honda with no hood from Brangrene. Ha ha ha ha. We're at the bottom.

Starting point is 00:45:12 That's probably holding the whole fence together. It's not even in the right place. It's going to need to be a little bit closer to the bottom. I'm not adverse to making some changes, but everything has to be taken consideration with budgets and costs. This is our main living room. Hmm. Hmm. Here's our bean bag.

Starting point is 00:45:32 It looks more like a dark torture chamber. Here's our bean bag chair. It's not really a bean bag. It's just an old pillow we put in the corner. Some styrofoam in there. I know. Number one, no furniture. This one worked.

Starting point is 00:45:47 You've got to stage this room. Stage how. Or just get everything out. Yeah. Stage how? Yeah, or just move out. Yeah, just get out of me. Go live in the backyard.

Starting point is 00:45:58 You got a nice playhouse back there. I'm sure you guys will do. Pond, pool, pond probably be good for you. Bean bag and ottoman. I mean, you've got do. Pond, Pond probably be good for you. Bean bag and ottoman. I mean, you've gotta have furniture here, very. The actual living room and a wall. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa You got to have furniture look at her face. She's like, huh? They what? House is very important because that's where the majority of all the family time happens.

Starting point is 00:46:30 They didn't even have a TV or any furniture at all. I've seen houses online that don't have any furniture. But those are new. Oh, well. You're gonna just get out. Why'd you have to bring that up? Either you buy new furniture and spend their money there or you go into a hotel.

Starting point is 00:46:48 Get out of the hotel. That's right, that's what you do. Always. The majority of them are new. Well, I'll tell you this too, I mean, none of these homes that are selling has carpet like this. The stains, the burn marks.

Starting point is 00:47:01 The burn marks, what are you guys doing in that house? Oh, that was left out leftover from the crack dealers, the liver floor. The stain, the crack pipes, the adult sized feces in the corner, no one's gonna buy a house like this. Honestly, don't feel like a buyer would even put an offer in with carpet like this. Okay. I mean, that's got to be changed. I gave the O'Brien's the best professional advice

Starting point is 00:47:30 I could give them, but honestly, I don't think they're gonna take it. And no, of course they're not. This is, they're not here to- I didn't even do buy for sale by owner. Yeah, I mean, then you could get 50% less than you normally would if. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:43 Yeah. We would love to replace the carpet completely. We don't want to spend a whole lot of money on the upgrade, but we really want to sell the house. We're very motivated to sell. Joke, Sean, or Brian? Good to meet you, sir. It's my wife, Melanie.

Starting point is 00:47:56 Good to meet you, Melanie. So look at a thousand square-ade. Why do you have it for discontent? What's that? What do you have that's been discontent? Yeah. What do you have that doesn't cost us any money? That's right. What's in your trash?

Starting point is 00:48:06 Something like this piece of carpet here, we'd probably be looking at about a $4,000 budget. Oh, well, sorry, we gotta go. Someone just died in the family. What literally is the cheapest that you could help with. Bare-buff. We could get into some carpet in this range here, so on a little more cost-effective system. And we would be looking at a budget-cost- Cost-effective system, a carpet is not a system. It's just carpet.

Starting point is 00:48:37 I love what people try and make things out of it. They could just rip up all the carpet. Have it be hardwood floors. Two by fours. Yeah. They can just pour some like oil on it. Like two by fours. Yeah. Whatever that oil, what's that like wood oil?

Starting point is 00:48:52 Yeah, the glossy oil. And that costs money too. Just have the kids piss on it. I'll send blue over. She'll make that wood change a different color. She'll make that one week. Yeah. And one week that it'll be that beautiful dark glow you're looking for.

Starting point is 00:49:07 Beautiful. It'll smell better than your dishes at least. Around 1800 to 2000 dollars. I mean, all right, so what I'm really just kind of looking for. Zero cost. Yeah, zero dollars. Can we just take 30 samples home with us? We'll stitch them together. Right, we're looking for free. Oh my god, I had a friend one time. He lost a, one of his hardwood, he had a hardwood floor. He got to put in like a year later.

Starting point is 00:49:40 One of them, something happened, he damaged it. He was dragging something across the floor, and he damaged a big piece of the hardwood floor, so he let it in. That's for a sample board. And put that there. And they gave it to him, and he gave him a fake phone number and told him he'd call it back in a few days.

Starting point is 00:49:52 And he put it there. How? How? You know, a burnt stain here, maybe some wax on the floor there, type of thing. Some red liners. Right, like some of the floor in Bernstain. Bernstain's here.

Starting point is 00:50:05 What were they doing? What were they doing there? Oh, we're having... They're so cheap, they don't, I mean, you can't tell me they're buying candles. It's hot, nipple night here at the O'Brien's house. Wax all over the floor. What are you guys doing?

Starting point is 00:50:18 Yeah, is it unheard of to patch up a carpet? Patch. Patch. Oh, fuck. It's not unheard of. It's not on hard. It's not on hard. But it'll be multi-coloured. Yeah, generally, we don't tell people to take a 30-year-old carpet and put a brand new piece of carpet in the middle of it, but you know what ever it's a teacher.

Starting point is 00:50:39 Yeah, look at his face. He's like, is it Taco Tuesday? I'm going to get out of here. That guy looks like he puts away some tacos. He's like, I mean, I got to, it really is unheard of. I've never heard such thing. I definitely don't want it to be horrific, but is there a way to get,

Starting point is 00:50:58 as a professional carpet sales guy, I've never heard of such a situation. I mean, the way that I'm thinking is you cut it, cut it out. Yeah. No, that way there's not the... Cut it out. Well, that's that. Cut the fur.

Starting point is 00:51:11 Oh, how's that little girl used to say, cut it out. Something like this. Literally that. Sauce and that. Yeah, maybe about 10 would be good. He's really good at it. His carpet together. And his carpet together. But the carpet squares.

Starting point is 00:51:27 Oh my God. He's going to, his carpet's going to look like that hobo outfit. My mom put together for Halloween. I did. Sure, that would definitely be a first. We can take a look. OK, let's take a look and see what we can work out. Sure.

Starting point is 00:51:40 We've seen all 10 sample squares. Let's see if I can rip you off for these sample squares. Hey, Bob, but together 10 pieces of shitty sample carpet, let's charge this guy a thousand dollars. That's the customers over the years in our business. I've never had anyone ask me for samples. All right, here's our sample room. You guys can take a look around,

Starting point is 00:52:02 say, if you find anything you think will work. Bono, do you need burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the

Starting point is 00:52:16 the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning the burning What do you think? Yeah, that one on top is better. See if you can find more like that. Alright, I got it.

Starting point is 00:52:28 See if you can find more in a similar color. Oh, fuck, Carpet. This just got me when I saw it. I was like, Oh my god, these people are really gonna stitch this together. They're gonna stitch Carpet together. So they can make money selling their house. But they will get closer. They can get it, huh? Okay, actually it's he I'm thinking more

Starting point is 00:52:52 This this that nothing like a patch work carpet to sell the house guys It looks so bad. This is just for TV. What you uh, it must be I mean that way if you What you are not seeing if you're listening to the show is that they have literally picked twenty squares of twenty different times i mean it's like a ten by ten yes and centimeter so strange and it's about ten and squares

Starting point is 00:53:18 i think this is going to be the closest we'll make a match so joe what do you think? What's it going to take me to get me out of here? What's it going to take to get you out of here with 12 multi-colored carpet samples today? What's it going to get to put you into a Marvel cake patchwork of multi-colored carpet samples? Guys, I don't know how about about 20 Well do 20. Oh

Starting point is 00:53:52 Take them get out. He's like that's a case of beer. I get these from free from the manufacturer Okay, I appreciate thank you. Hi. Thank you. No, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh my God. You just saved us $20. Ag, we could put it in. The hell of a day for a carpet man today. Sean and Melanie were advised to replace the carpeting and refer to their living room before

Starting point is 00:54:19 showing their home. With the help of their neighbor, they're hoping to stage the area for free. Oh no, they're not gonna ask the neighbors to borrow the furniture, are they? Oh my God. Would you let your neighbors borrow furniture? No. No, no, of course you lent us furniture one time too.

Starting point is 00:54:35 I did. Just tried it. I did, I did. It was outdoor furniture. I did, you did. I did, yeah. I just, we had a quick favor to ask of you. Could you borrow your furniture for the open house? Yeah. I just, we had a quick favorite one to ask of you.

Starting point is 00:54:45 Could be borrow your furniture for the open house. You know how our living room looks now. You're so close by and you've got such great furniture. We just really love to use yours if you don't mind. That is the most ridiculous thing. You know, we got wax nanes and burns on our carpet, but we would really love it if you let us use our your burden our children keep dropping their hot crack pipes all over the carpet. You know how it goes? You know you've seen our living room. Yeah, you've been a part of our six parties. There's kids and shit all over the building. You know how it looks?

Starting point is 00:55:18 Can't we just borrow your pristine furniture? We've got pictures. Basically is what we're trying to say. But we do have like a money on his cameras. Oh, yes. Oh my. You think. Yeah, I'm singing the couch, the nice coffee table. The nice coffee table. That's a treasured. That's.

Starting point is 00:55:40 That's. We were in the same room. We were in the same room. We were in the same room. Um, yeah, I'm singing the couch, the nice coffee table. The nice coffee table. That's a treasured. That's. We were thinking all of this. Yeah. You might have been taking your flat screen TV.

Starting point is 00:55:54 You're weird thinking all of it. By the way, it looks like the neighbor doesn't spend any money on their furniture either. What's up with this neighborhood? All right. I'm trusting in you. Okay. Oh my gosh. Go kill me, all right. I'm crossing in you. Okay, oh my god, Mark's gonna kill me. You got it? No more to your left.

Starting point is 00:56:10 Oh, and we'll go ahead and take it now. Honey, yeah, we'll go ahead and take it right now. The open house is right now. Oh, honey, where the fuck did our furniture go? Remember that one night, it took DMT and decided to have sex with the neighbors? Yeah, they got video. They took it.

Starting point is 00:56:29 They took it. They took it. It'll be back in a couple months. Stop for that. Of course. Ooh. Ow, what? Go at your pace.

Starting point is 00:56:39 One, two, three. Oh my god, he is cutting out. He is cutting up the rug so he can patch it. What a shit. Rather than hire professionals to replace their entire carpet, Sean taxed down their $2. And what a great real man's work. I owe Brian. I Oh Brian

Starting point is 00:57:05 You can't even cut the car from straight Samples himself Honey Well, it looks on a come look at what I did. I made it look worse than it was It's terrible. He's only got one shoe on do they only pay for one shoe He's only got one shoe under. They only pay for one shoe. He doesn't like have one shoe. He's like I want to show. He went in and made a deal. You got me extra shoes later. I know sample shoes. You know people come in and they like to buy one shoe. Do you have any extra shoes? It's pretty like much even, but the carpet is totally different color. I mean, you

Starting point is 00:57:40 did a great job, but it just doesn't match. Right. We knew it was gonna 100%. Man, it's dirty at all. Sounds like a conversation that happens frequently here at my house. Yeah, it looks great. You fucked it all up, but it looks wonderful. We are so excited. Now that we made these changes, let's get center it, center it.

Starting point is 00:57:56 Are you really excited about your multicolor carpet? Perfect. We cannot wait for people to come in and see our house. Honey, is this straight? Yes. Oh, that is a picture frame with Christmas wrapping, Chrissy, with Christmas wrapping. Look at that.

Starting point is 00:58:11 Oh, dear, why trick? Yeah. I do it all the time. Hey, kids, don't rip the paper. That's going to be our carpet next year. Exactly. You think it's going to be great? I'm excited about our up. I'm excited about opening up.

Starting point is 00:58:25 I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up.

Starting point is 00:58:33 I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up.

Starting point is 00:58:41 I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I'm excited about opening up. I noticed the small, little, little, little, little, little, little,

Starting point is 00:58:49 little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little,

Starting point is 00:58:57 little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little What are we not seeing? The sex dungeon

Starting point is 00:59:07 What you're not seeing is my Bitcoin mining operation downstairs. Yeah, it's the crawl space. I keep all the dead people and Carpet carpet samples made in the carpet sample People who are different are always gonna be called called weird because I do it in a different way than somebody else. You're going to do this every time you go to your bathroom. They bought a bunch of wrenches. Yeah, they have a bunch of wrenches. They're using a wrench for everything.

Starting point is 00:59:34 If you bought a $12 wrench, can't you? Go into the bathroom. Yeah. I mean, come on, guys. If you bought a $12 wrench, can't you buy a new toilet seat handle? I just replaced my entire guts of the inside of my toilet for $40. The good news is we're in Texas and now we're in a good market. Me and I was like, Daddy!

Starting point is 00:59:53 Daddy! You're the water spraying everywhere. Yes. It was a whole thing. By the way, that toilet's broken again. Again. No. But guess what I'm gonna do?

Starting point is 01:00:02 Get a new fucking toilet. I'm not bothering with wrenches around here Somebody out there that's gonna look it and say I like it nice to meet you guys have a great night I think the happiness so you guys want to come over for dinner tomorrow bring dinner That's longer house has good bones. It's got good bones It looks bad, but it just needs a little spursing up and tearing down It looks bad, but it just needs a little spursing up and tearing down. Got kid neighbors, the neighborhood. They're willing to lend you a little secret.

Starting point is 01:00:31 Best neighbors we've ever had. They fuck like race horses and they can borrow your furniture. You know that you've really tried to save and spend your money well in a quality way. We appreciate what we're going to keep looking. The newer something is, the quicker it gets old. What? The newer something is the quicker that it gets old. Well, that's one I'll put down right now, Chris. Confucius, say.

Starting point is 01:00:59 The older I am, the higher the number in my age. Yeah. Ha ha. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Oh, Nilly, prove it. You can't prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:01:15 Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, we've seen some silly shit on this podcast and the years of this podcast, but none quite as silly as handling hot bacon with a old plumber scratch. Yeah, that's a zing danker. Or stitching together your carpet, like a patchwork quilt. Oh my God, so silly.

Starting point is 01:01:34 I think it fence more to the way she was cooking the bacon, because I love bacon. I love bacon too. And I'd take it fence more to the way she was cooking it. It was all curled up. Oh yeah, you got to lay it half flat. No. But they probably don't have refriger cooking it. It was all curled up. Oh yeah, you got to lay it out flat. They probably don't have refrigeration, so it probably came curled.

Starting point is 01:01:48 They're probably eating tail bacon. They just slice off the tail. Big tail? Tail bacon. Big tail. Big tail. All right, TCB. Oh, I just want to remind everybody,

Starting point is 01:01:56 four episodes a week. You asked for it, not really, but we're giving it to you. We want more. We want more. We want more. We want more. We want more, Patchwork Carpet. DCB Pod, so four days a week, please download, subscribe, follow, so that you get every new episode.

Starting point is 01:02:17 Do all the things. Do all the things. We would appreciate it. That's the way that we keep the lights on here at the studio. And we get too big ones. We got too big ones, and they cost more money now. So Richie, I borrowed those from the neighbor. It was part of the second part.

Starting point is 01:02:31 I took them out of there, sex dungeon, and I brought them to my sex dungeon. TCPpodcast.com, that's where you go. You find out more about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video, the entire library is right there, one location. You can also get your free Piggy Fronting Sticker. It's the number five in our series. Go to the contact us button. Hit the drop down menu. Say you want your sticker. Give us your address and we'll send it out the door. You know, seven to ten days, people usually get them. We don't pay for postage, so we're sending my children

Starting point is 01:02:58 there directly to you. They need to work out. 626, ask TCB, the number 3 that's 626. Ask TCB, three questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, leave a voicemail and you could be on the commercial break. Be mindful of what you leave on that voicemail because if I run it, I don't know what you want or not want, said on air. YouTube.com, slash the commercial break fully edited episodes, please subscribe. Add the commercial break on Instagram,cb podcast on tiktok okay Chrissy I guess that's all I can do for today

Starting point is 01:03:30 I think that was enough I think that's plenty but I'll tell you that I love you I love you and best to you best you out there in the podcast universe until next time Chrissy and I must say we do say and we always say goodbye We do say and we always say goodbye I take a dick and keep on laying.

Starting point is 01:04:21 you

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