The Commercial Break - Rage Against The Flavor-Town!

Episode Date: August 10, 2022

Uncle Bryan is back to his unique spin on life and relationship advice. Get into the downward dog and get ready to ignore his suggestions! Hoadley gives Bryan a sexy and sly "best to you" Bryan is reminded of hearing their friend in a central Florida gas station Favorite gas station foods are discussed Guy Fieri is appearing at Rage Against The Machine Shows and Bryan doesn't like it Uncle Bryan gets many questions from listeners and it's finally time for answers! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Quit being mad at me and just love me again. On this episode of the commercial break... Yeah, and he even fucking broke a leg and he's still kicking ass. They're wheeling him around the stage and he's still fucking Zach De LaRocke. But now there's all these pictures showing up with Guy Fieri in the crowd rocking out Fantastic Chrissy would you like me to demonstrate would like to be my partner today? Well, let's put a pin in that. Okay, I am a little bit of a joke.

Get back to that. Yeah. Explain to him that this isn't about sex. It's about exploration. Oh, okay. Tell him you'll be a better lover. If you can be with better lovers, that's what I always say. I'm a good.

Just imagine your favorite ice cream. Whatever your favorite ice cream. Whatever your favorite ice cream is. Puppy breath and the smell of a new car. Just imagine those three things together the entire time we're in the studio. That's what it's like sitting next to Chrissy Holi on a daily basis. I mean, contractually give you two say that. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah, welcome back to another episode of the commercial break.

I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend, Kristen Joy. Hold the best of you, Chrissy. Best of you, Brian. Oh, the slide. Best of you, and best of you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this The Commercial Break. It's not for everyone, but fact news or fiction is guaranteed.

In 15 seconds or less, or your money bag, go to the brand new tcdpodcast.com Check out your winnings! I'm here! Work! You had that Sly Best of You, you were like, best of you, Brian. You're trying your best to write to You're like best to you, Brian. You're trying your best to write some of your graph. Best to you, Brian. That's right.

We have a friend who does, who's like a very famous voice over artist. She's been on the show a couple of times. And Rachel will, she has the most amazing voice. It really is. It's amazing. It's just, it's so, it's so unique. It's like sexy and silky and smooth, but it can be aggressive or it can be gentle or it can be kind. She's a really a vocal artist. Which a lot of these voiceover artists can be.

But she wanted the best in the business. And one of the things that I've always found a little bit disarming about knowing Rachel is that, you know, I'll talk to her on the phone or you'll see her in person or whatever, and then you'll be at a fucking Walmart. And like the middle of nowhere. And it'll be like say 15 cents on you know

Veggie-sill today on aisle four, you know you're listening to Walmart radio and it's your friend. Yeah, it's your friend Rachel I know I just heard her on TV the other day on TV too. It's all the serious XM stuff. Oh, yeah, she's it's so I told this story many episodes I know her I know I was in the middle of the gas station. I was in a fucking drive in the middle of Florida like nowhere Florida, which is a lot of places in Florida. When you think of Florida, you think if you don't live there or live in play somewhere where you go to Florida a lot like Georgia, you think of Florida as sexy Miami or you know Jacksonville Jaguars or you know, You think of Florida as sexy Miami, or Jacksonville Jaguars, or FSU games. Beautiful beaches, sexy women. But it's not all beach.

But it's not all beach. It's a matter of fact, I'm a majority of it. It's a fucking swamp. It's a middle part of it is nowhere. And there's large swaths of nowhere, even around the big cities. There's large swaths of swampy, nowhere land. Yeah, you get out of the city and it's like, whoa. Yeah. And so, as a guy who goes to Florida a lot,

I know a lot of the back roads take to get off the highway. And so I'll take these back roads here and there. I love your back roads. I love my back roads. Back road driving is the only way to go. Let me tell you why. Cause a fucking truck, man. And I love my truckers.

And it's, I think it's one of the great American professions. That's right. It's one of the great American professions and they should pay those guys and girls more so we had more of them. But I hate driving around them because one, two trucks stuck by next to each other

and then they start playing this fucking game. How far can we back up the traffic until we actually pass each other? It's a game that they play and I know that it is because I would play it if I had a truck. I'd play it with my own car sometimes, it's pissing me off and back. I used to get the Hanconks when I would drive by. Oh, I bet you did.

Yeah, they're not doing that anymore. No, they don't do that anymore. They're afraid to get shot. Yeah. So, I go down these back roads one day and I stop it again and I forget what I'm doing. I'm going to a business meeting or something and I stop at one of these gas stations. I mean, in the middle of fucking nowhere, like the only gas station for 30 miles an year. Yeah, that's true.

And I stop at this gas station. It's been there for 100 years. They've pumped their own gas. Yeah, there's no credit card machine. You gotta like, you know, they trust you, come on in and pay when you're done cash only because we've never had a credit card machine and they're still selling Coca-Cola and small little bottles.

I mean, you know the gas stationagast station I'm talking about. They sell boners, smells 3000! I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I go in there and in and I'm just shopping around. I'm looking for some Snickety Snacks. Snack?

Snack. Snack. Snack. Cheez-its. That's right. Combo. Combo's. You know. What's your favorite Gattation? Road food? Yeah. or just snack food if you have to go buy some I'll give you mine go ahead

Jerky, okay, okay, I stay away from jerky. Okay. Well if I'm in the car with other people I stay away I like some good soft tender jerky I have to like salmon me too. I don't like that tough shit I did soft tender jerky. I had to really examine the dirt. Yeah, me too. I don't like that tough shit. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no,

cause then you're like pulling out your teeth and then you're trying to bite it out. You gotta like suck on it like a lollipop to get it soft. It's gross. And the good tender jerky. I'll go for some combos. Combos are always a go to it.

Nuts, like almonds, like those wasabi. Okay, all right. Soabi soy. I usually go, yeah, I'll go for wasabi nuts. I'll go for salt and vinegar, anything. I for salt and vinegar anything. I'll do salt and vinegar I love salt and vinegar anything Pringles Pringles salt and vinegar Pringles. I just bought some of the Pringles are good I like oh really I like a good Kit Kat here and there. I'll lead a Kit Kat You know the QT used to sell this

granola mix, but it was s'mores granola mix. So it had absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever. No, of course not. There was none of it. No, of course. And they used to sell it and it was fucking delicious. But I noticed that after eating this for like, I would go and get it. I was obsessed with this granola from QT and I would go and get it.

And I noticed after like a couple of weeks of eating it, my teeth were starting to hurt because it was so tough to chew. It was so crunchy. My jaw was hurting. That's right. Okay, so I go in the gas station and I'm shopping for my more snickered snacks. You left sour patch kids for a while too. Oh no, no, not sour patch kids. Is the sour babies something? Yeah, sour something. Sweetens. Yeah, he knows a little mince they give you in the round canister. But like the one you the top that you can flip. I forget what it's called, but they made one called watermelon sours. I have some of my purse right now. You have watermelon sours. No, the mince. Okay, they were fucking delicious.

They were. And I had boxes of those. They tried to hit me on them. I was like, no. Yeah, but then I found they had Aspergame, and I was going a little crazy in the head, so I wake up in the morning, like having bad dreams and couldn't concentrate, to couldn't get a boner, it was like things are going weird. I was trying to get to the bottom of it, and then I looked on the bag and it was like,

you know, 100% Aspergame. Yeah, I can't be good. Going around the gas station, looking for a fucking snickety snack, and I can hear this, Jesus, this guy is preaching the Lord, like Southern Baptist, old white man, you know. And God said the gaze will sit on fire.

You know, like the crazy guy, you know what I'm saying? And then I go to take a pitch, and I go and then I go take a pitch, and this guy's preaching, I can't believe what he's saying, you know. Right. And then your penis will fall off if you shall that touch a woman in the wrong. You know, it was like this whole crazy crap.

And then this commercial break came on. You know, you're listening to WYBY, Fire and Brinstone, all day long. And I was like, that's fucking Rachel. That's Rachel. What is Rachel doing on this station? And I was like, that's fucking Rachel. That's Rachel. What is Rachel doing on this station? And I asked her, and she's like, I don't even know which station's I'm on.

She's like, I have no idea, but sounds familiar. I think I did it. And I'm like, you have sold yourself to the devil child, you gotta start. Think it about those commercials, what you're saying. Rachel, good old Rachel, I'm a grad. I want to say a way lover. I want to say about an interesting story

that I read just a day ago. I don't know what to think about this, so I'm going to throw it to you. It is kind of serious. You know that guy, Guy Fury. Of course. You have the flavor town, dude. I love him. Diner's Diveins and Dives.

He's very philanthropic. He has the show Diner's Diveins and Dives and everybody needs them. And it's like the gut bomb. It's a tour. Yeah, it's like, you know, Dyer R Drive-Ins, Dines, and everybody needs them. And it's like the gut bomb. Yeah, it's a... Some tour. Yeah, it's like, you know, diarrhea burger, 3,000, right? It's so crazy the stuff that they eat. I mean, it's like chili cheese fries, that does everything's behind it.

Wherever they sell something that's sure to give you a heart attack, guy-fiery is showing up in your local town. And then those, but the crazy, I read a story about this. Almost none of those restaurants ever close. And most, and a lot of them are in bad financial shape when he shows up, because the Guy Fieri touch is in full effect.

If you are on Guy Fieri show, your show is gonna explode. He used to spend two or three days at every location, getting to know the owners, really doing his homework, all this stuff. Now, he shows up like a prince, like the prince of Abu Dhabi. He shows up, he spends five minutes.

Yeah, and there's a script and you have to stick to it. And Guy doesn't want anybody making a joke. He wants him to make the jokes. Like he's a little bit of a princess, but he's got a formula that works. Okay. So I'm not gonna get on the guy, Fieri hate bandwagon because it's already been done.

It's all like everybody knows. And what the guy do ever do wrong. Yeah, I don't get it. Fucking diners and drives and dies. And tell me you haven't watched, haven't tell me you haven't watched four or five hours of that in a row. What the guy do ever do wrong? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You know that they showed back up after like you know 15 years. I love them fucking a right dude. That is like the That's a pure that's all about Lala pollution And loved it. Yeah, they are the epitome of my generations Fuck you man, and I mean fuck you the man right and they were real and they did the

Real Tama rello in my favorites. They would show up in fucking Wall Street and play concerts and spray-pain things and they would start riots and they did the real Xacta La Rosa and Tom Morello to my favorites. They would show up in fucking Wall Street and play concerts and spray paint things and they would start riots and they were the fucking bad ass rocking rolls. And now they're back. And I've watched some of their live footage and they are better than ever.

And he even fucking broke a leg and he's still kicking ass. They're wheeling them around the stage and he's still fucking Xacta La Rook. But now there's all these pictures showing up with Guy Fieri in the crowd rocking out. He's a fan too. Killing in the name of Da-na-da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na I'm feeling some kind of way because I like it. You like it? You like Guy Fierre at your Rage Against the Machineships. Why not?

Because Guy Fierre needs to do things like, you know, open a shitty restaurant in Vegas. I know, I like that he got there. Show up at a Celine Dion concert and shake things up. Celebrities, they're just like us. Bon Jovi concerts, that's where it's Guy Fierre, I think needs to show up. I got a picture of him at Guy,

but Bon Jovi, I'd be like, those two made in heaven for each other. But the Rage Against the Machinesho, I'm feeling away about this. And I'm sorry, Chris. Anybody can be a fan. You just don't understand the ramifications of this. Like it's...

You can't control who's coming to the show. You certainly can. No. You have like a Guy Fieri detector outside. Ha ha ha. Not flavor town. Come on through, sir. Come on through. Not flavor town. Come on through, sir. Come on through.

Not flavor town. Come on through, sir. Come on through. Flavor town. Flavor town. Flavor town. Did you just pull him aside and you say, guy, I'm really sorry.

You can't come into the rage against the machine show. But we have puddle of mud tickets. Or you could have but it's fun. In fact, stage it everything. Well, I agree to disagree on this. I just feel like, I don't even think it's guy. I want you to know that out there. I'm not, I'm not gonna get on that guy,

hate bandwagon. I just, when I think of rage against the machine, I think of pure unadulterated rage. That's what I think of, right? And I don't think of guys pure unadulterated rage. For those statements. Yeah, I think of, you know, creamy chili cheese dogs. That's what I think of with extra fried onions.

Double fried chili. Double bubble fart burger. That's what I think of what I think of guy for you. But I've gotten a lot of enjoyment out of his show over the years. Of course. Yeah. It's great to have one in the background too. Like, you know, it's a rainy day. You're at the beach. Say in Florida. Uh, you have a in the background too. Like, you know, it's a rainy day, you're at the beach, say in Florida. You have a whole...

Pop it on. You have a whole... The whole fan to me want. No, it happened to me once. Chris, he's like, I like to draw a warm bubble bath and open the shades, look at the ocean, hear the waves and turn on food network and watch Guy and his porcupine hair

make another double bubble fartberg. I break out my wide brine in 3000. I was on a family trip and we were somewhere where we it was raining and so that was the least you know that was the mindless thing that could be on the background. Okay. All right. So I just want you to know it's okay. Whatever fantasy you have is okay here. You're all you're in the tree of trust You have a you're in the nest the love nest So if you have fantasies, but I mean I got some wild fantasies, too I could tell you about them so

Magnum is that I have no fantasies about I don't think you have to worry about it. You buddy believe me that I mean it could be It can be interesting to watch those shows because you're just incredulous. You're like, I can't believe people are eating this. Yeah, I mean, I agree with you. I think that it's, yeah. If you have food network on your cable vision or what of cable vision 3000 or whatever it is,

and you haven't watched a guy theory, diners, driveins and dives marathon, you're basically not human. That's why the guy is so fucking popular. It's because it's milk toast. There's nothing threatening about the show. You can probably enjoy watching someone make yet another cabbage and roast beef sandwich or whatever it is.

You can figure that out. And if I ever go to Rhode Island, if I ever go to Capacol, World Island, I'm gonna go to Sal's Diner. This is like, I'm never gonna go to Capacol. I just had a great idea. Why don't we see, why don't we make a bid to get his show onto our new streaming platform?

Mediocre Plus? Mediocre Comedy Plus? All your mediocre comedy. Extra. TCB Minus presents Mediocre Plus. Your favorite comedy extra milk to us Forget the laughs you don't need them here mediocre plus Non-stop commercial break episodes back to back to back you know how they played DD and D all day long on food network

Mead ochre plus just plays TC and B all day long You're gonna love it. Yeah, It's something non-threatening. Don't worry, this isn't gonna keep you awake. Trust me, it's the best podcast to sleep to. We already know that. That's right. As a Google once defined us as the best podcast to sleep to. Chrissy, we've been piling up and piling up and piling up

for the last couple of months and I feel like the dams about to burst. So I think it's time that we take all of these with listener questions that we have for Uncle Brian and we just put them out there. Let the dam burst. Let the river flow. Let it flow. Let every of those experiments we're going to do in space, space X. Just let it explode. It's another commercial break inside of the commercial break.

Chrissy and I want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for listening to this silly little podcast. So many kind, notes, text messages, and voice mails, and you're always asking, what can we do to help support the show? How can we get involved? Visit tcbpodcast.com. Not only can you find all of the audio and all of the video there, you can press the contact us button and drop us an email.

Questions, comments, concerns or content ideas are all welcome or you can hit us up on the TCB hotline. [phone]. I don't need to tell you but I will. That's 661, the word best, the number 2, y-o-yo. We love our new YouTube videos. youtube.com slash the commercial break. Our executive producer Morgan adds a layer of hilarity that I know you're going to enjoy. So go visit the YouTube channel, the one and only, very lonely, at the commercial break

on Instagram. Don't forget to patron our sponsors whenever you're in the market for their products or services and make sure you tell them the commercial breaks sent you by using the specialized URL and or codes that we give during the commercial breaks. We know you're enjoying BTW Fridays and we want to hear from you. There's just a couple more left. So please drop us a line and tell us which segment from an older episode you'd like to hear on Best to Yo Fridays. Now we got to pay some bills so we'd really appreciate it if you'd stick around and take a listen and then we'll be back to this episode of the commercial

break. Goodotsy. So without further ado, by popular demand. Yes, by popular demand and let's get in the mood here. Let's get in the mood. Let's get in the mood here. Let's get in the mood. We need everybody to take a deep long, hard, wide-brien breath. Spring and Uncle Brian. Hi, everybody. At the incense going.

Smells delicious in here. What is that? Is that a Victoria seeker candle Pineapple asshole. I think that's what I smell is delicious Is that a candle or is that your panty spray? But it's delicious. Thank you for inviting me I can't say. But it's delicious. Thank you, Chrissy.

Thank you for inviting me. Thank you, Brian. Thank you. Where's our little sound bath? Yeah, we're just, I want to bathe you in sound. Usually I'm bathing you and Chrissy and Brian's nonstop laughter and chatter. Stay him to take a breath. Take a break.

I'm going to pour the warm waters of sound over you. There you go. How are you feeling now? I feel so good. Yes. I'm very relaxing. Lovely. You can catch are you feeling now? Feel so good. Hmm. Yes. Very relaxing. Lovely. You can catch a cola with that water. Be careful. Don't put it in your mouth. It's like a public pool.

You don't know where people have been. Monkey pox. Monkey pox is on its way. That's right. Okay. I would love to answer some questions. Somebody has one. Okay. Okay. Well, it's my purpose on her. Here we go. We Uncle Brian. Well, let's just let's start with something. Yeah, let's warm our way into it. Yeah, and since we're

we're just getting in the mood here, someone wrote it and said, Uncle Brian. Mm-hmm. What is your favorite yoga position? Oh, there's so many. There's so many wonderful ones. The dog word, the double chicken, the peacock. But I think I'd have to say that my favorite yoga position of all time is the reverse cowboy. You need a partner for this one. It's hard. It's hard to do on your own. It should be hard. Everything should be hard when you're doing the double reverse cowboy. Chrissy, would you like me to demonstrate, would you like to be my partner today? Well, let's put a pin in that. Okay, I'll get back to that. Talk to Joe.

Explain to him that this isn't about sex. It's about exploration. Tell him you'll be a better lover. If you can be with better lovers, that's what I always say. I love what. If I could find a better lover, I could be a better lover. That's right, you've got to try different things. That's right, Chrissy.

Explorations in the deep anals of sex. Wow, I felt like that was a good one to warm up with. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Okay, next. Don't be afraid, bring it right at me. Okay, so we have another collar, or another right or other. We got a collar, another is nine or seven.

Okay, now you open me up. Okay, so, Uncle Brian. Yes. My wife and I recently separated. Hmm, this is a tough situation. I have always found her myself, Chrissy, if you love something, let it go. So I think it's time to let go of that pesky little wife of yours and get after her best friend. It's, uh, it's new. It's, it's like I said, exploration.

That's right. Don't worry about what you're doing. The wife will totally understand. The wife is understanding. You just have to say to her, your friend is better looking. This isn't about us it's about me this isn't about our children this is about me I'm on my own personal journey we're all on our own personal journey we are and we can't let others' opinions color our perceptions, Chrissy. If that was the case, how would I ever have sex? So what I say is go for it. Go for it.

Because at the end of the day, you know you're headed for divorce. Yeah. Just asking that question indicates you're headed for divorce. Yes. Good one. Good one, Collar. Yeah, that Collar might want to go ahead and get divorced beforehand, though.

Get an attorney. Yeah. Might be a struggle down the road. That's right. If he's approached her best friend. Well, just tell her to keep it a secret. Say, hush your mouth. Yeah.

That's what I do. Covered up with lies. In NDA, it's always a good thing to sign before you approach your best friend for sex. That's what I do. Covered up with lies. And NDA, it's always a good thing to sign before you approach a best friend for sex. That's what I do, Chrissy. I say, listen, the universe will handle it, but paperwork makes great friends. Okay, here we go. Here's another one.

Oh, please. And dear Uncle Brian, recently, I went to a wedding. Now that kind of goes back to our other wedding stories. We have a lot of people going to weddings. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Usually it doesn't end well for anybody. That sad, sad, sad Pete. They're all fucked. Recently, I went to a wedding with my girlfriend and she I love Lee she was flirting with another man. Okay Touching him on the back, giggling and all his jokes Talking to him in the corner of the reception. Wow

She wants to invite him to my birthday party. This is great. What would you do? This is great news for you and everybody involved I say bring another dick into the bedroom. Why not? What's good for the goose is good for the gander, my friend. First and foremost, second of all, if, in fact, your lover is unfortunately with another man flirting with another man. This is what we call in the yoga industry, a free ticket. Yeah.

You can do whatever you want. This is what we call in the yoga industry, a free ticket. Yeah. You can do whatever you want. It's game time. Go play, my friend. Have fun out there in the world. But don't be afraid. Bring another penis down with the bedroom. Yeah.

Yes. Zombie jealous. You know what I say is better than one penis, two penises. That's what I've always said to myself. I've been trying to grow a second penises a matter of In a feed street dish. Why Brian why Brian 3000 will grow a second Some sarcasm stances. It's in a small print. Don't worry about it Dp for everybody if you know what I mean

D.P. for everybody if you know what I mean D.P. D.P. for everybody. Yeah, I think you're in trouble if she's holding out, if she's talking in the corner secretly to somebody first. Right. And then she wants to invite him to your birthday. What is going on there? Wow. That's, I would say, honey, I think we should talk about that.

Let's talk that to her a little bit. I would say, honey, I think we should talk about that. Let's talk that through a little bit. Oh, please. Continue. I guess. Okay. Uncle Brian, how do you feel about the multiverse? If it exists, does that mean that time is just a construct?

Wow. What a complicated question. What a complicated question. How in the world would I know? This is DP. This is DP. This is Java penetration deep. I don't know.

There's no way for me to know. But I will say this, the multiverse is anything like the metaverse that I don't want to have anything to do with it. They don't know there's no way for me to know, but I will say this the multiverse is anything like the metaverse that I don't want Have anything to do with it. They don't like me They don't like old white men poking around the metaverse Don't talk to me they They have a no old white men policy of the metaverse. That's using a desktop. Yes, that's using a desktop I think even if I wasn't using a desktop. Yes, that's using a desktop. I think even if I wasn't using a desktop,

I'd probably be shunned. But that's OK. It's everybody else's turn. We've had it. We've had it. We've made a mess of things. We made a mess of things. So I'll give somebody else a turn.

Listen, there's no way to know. Time is, in fact, a construct of our own imagination. And there's nothing we can do about that. So before we all get mine fucked, let's just move on to the next question. Okay. Alright, here we go. Uncle Brian. I want.

I'd like to tell you a set that. I want to be a manager at my office. Oh. But my boss doesn't seem to like me. What can I do? Well besides stating the obvious. Do that double. Do the DP.

Do that double. Yoga move. Do the double yoga position. You want to do the reverse cowboy. If you bring that to the office, everyone's going to be highly entertained. And I guarantee there's a position. You're going to move into some kind of position.

I'm not sure what it'll be. If it's manager or not. Manager or not. One way or the other, you're going to be in a position. There's only one way to deal with difficult circumstances at the office. That is to do what Frankie B would do. Take your shirt off, break through the wall, and say, look at my body! That'll get him talking. I don't know if you're a young lady or a young man or whatever you may identify as, but

I have to say that there's nothing like a little office nudity to bring everybody together. I agree. I think if you're, you know, you were born that way. What's a little office nudity among friends? Yes. I'd say get a copy of Lady Gaga's You Were Born This Way, play it loud and run through the office with his little clothing as you feel comfortable with. Try a couple shots of tequila. For this one.

Yes. Okay. By the way, my attorney would like to remind you, you'd be an idiot to take any of this advice, Seriously. I have to put a disclaimer in the front of this episode. Okay. Sounds good. Okay, so Uncle Brian. Okay. I hear you making fun of Bigfoot hunters all of the time.

But I do believe I have seen a Bigfoot. Wow. Can you admit there's a small chance that these things exist? If you're talking about morons, yes, I can admit there's a small chance that those exist. No, not to demean you, my friend. I understand. You probably, you were probably over by the Whackin' Tree, drinking some moonshine. Thoughts you saw a big foot. But here's the truth, they don't exist. Because if they did, someone would be really famous for seeing them.

There's a lot of people on this earth. And all those, most of those people have eyes. Most of those eyes can see something. And my friend, if Bigfoot did exist, we would have already seen him, captured him, put him on TMZ, and made a porn movie with him. So let's just all realize that big foot would be the most famous person in the world should he exist, right? Or

creature in the world. And it just hasn't been found. There are whole television shows dedicated to finding this guy. And no one has seemed to find them. So I suggest just to make it, to put a nice cap on this crazy. It could just be a big hairy guy. Yes. Could just be a bad guy. Yeah. Some people might say I have big feet. I don't know. What I suggest is, you crawl back to the hole from once you came.

Ha ha ha ha ha. I've got another. I've got some swamp land I can sell you in Florida. Have you ever heard of Flat Earth, my friend? Yes. Okay, please, ready? Oh, your regular continue. This feels good.

I've warmed up. That's right. Here's one from a caller. From a caller. Uncle Brian, what is love? Oh, this is a deep question. It really is. It's like the multiverse question. Love I find is never having to say you're sorry sleeping with your best friend

or her best friend or both at the same time Love is a deep feeling of satisfaction and friendship and trust that you have with another human being, or small animals, or inanimate objects like Mickey Mouse Collection, or something like that. Or the roller coaster. Yes, or roller coaster, or a blue Toyota Centra from 1987. Or in Brian's case, a Dick Tracy collection that he keeps in his closet. He sure someday will be worth money.

I find that when you have love within an amendment objects, it's easier to break up with them. You don't feel so much pain when things go wrong. And they certainly don't. They don't. That's right. The therapy bills are much cheaper because there's only one of you attending. I mean, you could bring your Toyota Celica, but it's hard to fit them in the door. But far be it for me to tell you who to love, my friend.

You'll know love when it happens to you. You'll know what love is when it happens to you. You see, comes with an erection. I'll just say that much if you're a man. Keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying.

Call her. So my wife says to me often, keep trying. You're almost there, right? Yeah. Okay. All right, let's see. Uncle Brian. Yes.

My partner does not seem to be in the mood, quote unquote, very often. This is a tough task. How do I get him interested in sex again? I would say bring another woman into the bedroom. I'll cure it up real quick. Well, there's a couple of reasons why guys might not be interested in sex, Chrissy, and let me list a few of them. They may have organic or inorganic... ...correctile dysfunction.

Luckily, Y Brian 3000, with its farmacles, can help almost any man get back in the mood. Get them that zest they've been looking for. That zest back in the bedroom they've been looking for. Yeah. I... I think this is a common problem. Yeah, everybody goes through their ups and downs. Everybody has moments of peak sexuality and then they, you know, for whatever reason they take an app sexually. I don't even know how it goes.

Yeah, I would say maybe would, like, how long have they been together? Yeah, and I'd also say that, you know, try changing it up. It's probably all your fault. Yeah. And so I don't want you to feel bad about that, but, you know, maybe go to a therapist or, you know, strap on those high heels. Send them to a strokebook.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Who recommend that? So, it's somebody, some genius that we've covered recommended that it's all your fault. And you should get dressed in sexy things when he comes home. And, you know, if's wants to get freaky, you gotta get freaky, deaky with him.

Yeah, just go there. Basically, it's all your fault. I'm assuming you're a woman and I'm assuming he's a man and it's all your fault then. So there you go. Good advice, solid advice from Chrissy and I. We're solid.

We're here all week. Okay. Okay, okay, Uncle Brian. Of course. The guy I like has put me in the friend zone. Buh, buh, buh, buh. Yeah, this happens often, Chrissy. More often than we like to think.

This is a scourge. But I feel. It's a pandemic. I feel. I feel the sexual tension every time we are together. Oh, God, I know that. I think we would be great together. What should I do? Well,

I don't know. You could tie him up for a couple of days down in your basement, make him see the error of his ways. But that's frowned on in like 36 of the states. So you have to be careful. You check your local listings for that one. You know what I do to get out of the Fredin Zone. I have someone to come over for, you know, a sash,

a chill sash, that's what I do. And the first thing that I turn on, my 600 pound life on TLC, I get them in the mood. I light some candles like Vanilla and Butthole over here from Victoria's Secret. Yeah like vanilla and butthole over here from Victoria Secret. Pineapple. Yeah, pineapple and butthole. And I'll cook dinner often times.

Good mac and cheese always takes care of it. Maybe you've got an air fryer, or do you got those chickie duggies that you like to feed the kids? I can really get an air fryer out of the way. That's right, they are. And I'll go the extra mile and go up to Chick-fil-A and just drive through the drive-through

to ask for some sauce. You know, they can't refuse you. It's against the Chick-fil-A policy. Oh. And you know that. You can also buy the sauce at the store. Why would I buy it? It would give it to me for free.

I just had to wait for 20 to 30 minutes in the drive-through. But what am I doing? I don't have the extra time on my hand. So then, you know, I'll put a little, I'll put a spread together. I'll turn on TLC. I'll sit around the couch and I'll say, this is our moment. Right now, if it doesn't happen right now, then we will never talk to each other again. And imagine if the universe is giving you a gift and you're not even willing to receive it. And oftentimes that doesn't work,

but at least I'm trying. Cause- Nothing says love like a Chick-fil-A sauce packet. That might six other phone numbers. You're fired chicken nuggets. That's right. You're fired chicken nuggets. Listen, I think you just got to try a little harder.

I think that's the point. You got to tell them how you feel. And, uh, I got for the guests and corner them. Yeah, like a while. The animal. Carter them. This is this is 2022. Don't be afraid. Yeah. Everybody's going crazy. Why don't you? Everybody's losing their shit. You might as well too. Okay, so Uncle Brian?

Who is your favorite TV talk show host? Oh, what an interesting question. I don't have to think about this very long. It's Mori Povic. He's the standard bearer. He's a classic. If you're gonna have a television show or a show at all Yes in the vein

Of the greats like Johnny Carson David Letterman Whoever else Oprah Oprah and Ricky Lake if you're gonna have I feel like every single person the world is had a TV show of course they've got a talk show look at us We have a talk to Tony Danza Tony Danza had a talk show did he really they've got a talk show. Look at us. We have a talk show. Tony Danza. Tony Danza had a talk show? They did. Did he really? What do you talk about? Tony Danza's talk.

Oh, hey, oh. What happened to Tony Danza? He's around. Uncle Brian asks a question now. What happened to Tony Danza? He's around. I think he's still around. He's still around.

He's done least so a lot. Well, he didn't do much after. Who's the boss, did he? He did. He had a talk show. Oh, well, I can't even remember that. I watch more TV than most humans do in a lifetime. I would say, yeah, Mori Povic is the standard bear

for our industry. That's what Chrissy and I are going for. We're going for that Mori Povic field on our show. And I think we're getting there. I think we're getting there. We have time for maybe two or three more Chrissy and then. OK, sounds good. I think I'm running out of energy.

Uncle Brian. I've got that COVID tired. Yes, I think. Uncle Brian, how many girlfriends have you had in your life and what was the shortest relationship ever? Why is my wife asking questions? How did that one slip by the goalie? Who's producing this show?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. by the golly who's producing this show. How many girlfriends have I had in thousands? Quite frankly, if you consider a relationship eye contact, I've had thousands. On chat. It's all been wonderful. They're all special in their own way. They're all meaningful in their own special way. The shortest relationship I've had,

I just think back on that one. The shortest relationship, I had a relationship. Week. Since I've known you, I think there's, there was a week long one. Was there a week long one? I feel like it might last a little longer than that. But in my early,

I just wanted it to last for a week. I think you wanted it to last for a week. Yeah. You wanted that girl out of my life. Not because of any reason, but you thought she was bad for me. It was in the end. I don't want to make sure we're clear on that. Anybody getting their feathers ruffled.

So the shortest relationship I've ever had quite frankly was in my early 20s and a day to the girl. I went on two dates and then she asked, would you like to be my boyfriend? And I said, yes, I would. Of course. That sounds nice. That very night, I find out that she was indeed also

sleeping with one of my coworkers. So it lasted all of three hours. But it was the best three hours of my life. Oh. So it lasted all of three hours. Oh. But it was the best three hours of my life. Ignorance is bliss. I should have just ignored the phone call. Yeah. Who knows how things would have turned out.

Maybe I could be on more reposage. It is not your father. You're not the father. OK, maybe two. All right, we have a caller that's asking, Uncle Brian, what's it like sitting next to Hoedley every day? Oh, it's just a delight, wouldn't you know? Just imagine your favorite ice cream.

Whatever your favorite ice cream is, puppy breath, and the smell of a new car. Just imagine those three things together, the entire time we're in the studio. That's what it's like sitting next to Chrissy HODLY on a daily basis. I mean, contractually obligated to say that. She has written in a note,

shit talking claws. I can make fun of anybody but HODLY. And thank you for that, Chrissy. It gives me more clarity on the content I can do and the content I can do. I knew I needed to put that in there. I love Chrissy. It's been a wonderful ride.

I love you. Okay, so one more? Sure, one more. Okay, Uncle Brian, my 15-year-old daughter keeps dating bad boys. Ooh. I am ready to drop off a bridge. Help. Yes.

This isn't easy. Coming from one bad boy to the other. I can tell you how to get rid of me. Money and alcohol. This is the two things that can get those two bad boys away. Now, depending on how smart the bad boy is, I'll say this story before and I'll say it again. I used to have a friend, I have a friend, and he used to say this to me often, before I had children. I said I'm really nervous about ever having children, because I'm afraid God will give me a daughter.

And then one day I'm going to open the door after the doorbell rings, and it's going to be Brian Green standing right there ready to take my daughter out. Right. And I said, and he said, so you're afraid of that? And I'm like, yeah, but I think I got him outsmarted. I'm going to have a 12 pack of Bud Light and a couple hundred dollars ready to go. And I'm going to say, I'm going to tell my daughter you never showed up in a harder feeling, but it'll be the best for both of us just leaves. And my friend said this, if it's really Brian Green that shows up at the front door, he's going to take the couple hundred dollars into Bud light and he's going to run around the back door.

Stick your daughter out of the house. To this I said, true story. It's always good when Uncle Brian takes a stop by. Thank you, Uncle Brian. Send your questions into 661-237-8296. That's 661, the word best, the number 2-Y-O-Yo. Send your Uncle Brian questions in. We'll stack them up over the course of a month or two,

and then we'll let him go. Release the house. Yes, that's right. Build and release. Build and release. That sounds like a tantra video. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Ha, ha, ha. Build and release. Buildra video. Oh my God. Ha ha ha ha ha. Billed in me lease. Billed in me lease. Yes. Oh my God. Well, there you go. There you have it. Uncle Brian. You won't find that as a gas station in Florida.

I'll say that much. But you know, it's a good time. It's a good time to remind ourselves of. Right some of grass and how much we love her. So we love you Rachel. Thank you for everything. You're a fantastic human being and yeah we love you. So BTW Friday. BTW, what? Basitio. Friday. Here on the commercial break. Everybody loves it. We're getting excited about- I'm so excited because there's so many moments over the years really that this has been going on.

Yeah, I know it's hard to believe the years with an S years feels like a prison we put ourselves in. Yeah. Now there's no end in sight. Now we got obligations and shit. What are we gonna do? We got that billboard campaign we still got to pay off. But I will say this to you, my friends,

BTW Fridays are gonna continue probably through the end of September, so we have maybe two more spaces, we've had a lot of people call, we've got a couple of ideas, but maybe we have one or two more spaces for another idea for an episode. So if you have an episode or two,

preferably from episode 101 to 105, we can't find one anymore. From three to 150 in between that range, if you have an episode that you think was extra funny, is interesting or you'd like to hear just the best part of that episode. Let us know at 661237829 6, go to tcbpodcast.com, hit the contact us button, write us a note. If you're really brave, you can leave us a voicemail on 6th, 1, best of you. We have people doing. We do. We have people doing.

Add the commercial break on Instagram, and I will tell you this much. If you are not tuned into the YouTube channel, you are missing out on an extra layer of hilarity. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Okay. Well, Chrissy, I guess that's all we can do today. I think so. But I will say this, I love you. I love you. Best of you. Best of you. And best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy, and I do say, and always say, and we gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna sayWOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!

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