The Commercial Break - Saved By the Hell!

Episode Date: July 15, 2026

EP947: Bryan and Krissy review one hell of a movie! Gramps goes back to college. Spielberg...look out!  TCB is a The Commercial Break LLC production Visit: www.TCBpodcast.com Insta: @thecommercialbreakBryan Green on Insta: @BryanWGreen Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Created by: Bryan Green Written by: Bryan Green, Krissy Hoadley Produced by: Astrid Green & Gustavo  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

On this episode of the commercial break. Who goes to college at 65 and moves back into the dorms? Yes, that means both for male and female. Yeah, I'm aware what the word co-ed means. I'm just a little bit surprised and confused because I expressly asked for a men's dormitory. Oh. A men's dormitory. I expressly wanted the gay college experience.

I was looking for the bathhouse. Well, our mail dorms book up rather quickly. Is this for your grandson? Excuse me? The room. Is it for your grandson? It's for me? I'm picturing him getting into his dorm room and, like, decorating it. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Oh, yeah, cows and kids, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show. Chris and Joy Holtley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast and streaming universe. Cans out, no yams out today.

I don't have a fresh shave, so I don't want to show everybody my, I don't want to show everybody my dicksticks unless I've got my, my, is a little extra hairy than normal. Yeah, they're not nice and smooth. Okay. So, but, you know, a lady's got to do what a lady's got to do. The things we women go through. Honestly, just to impress the men in our lives. Unbelievable. Now you know.

Yeah, then Gustavo's here, and he's like a hairless cat. Gustavo's here? Gustavo's here. You didn't see him? Oh, I didn't know. No. Oh, they're in the back. They're at the pool. Yeah, yeah, they're jumping in the pool.

They're having a grand old time, those kids. The kids with Uncle Gustavo and Ann L.A., they're just had, they're both here. Right. Aunt Ali and Gustavo, they're here. They're hiding. They're hiding after yesterday's. Spain win. Spain goes into the.

the finals of the World Cup for the first time in 14? 14 years? Is it 40 or 14? I can't remember. I don't know. I can't remember. But it's been a while. But Spain looks unbeatable. I got to tell you, it was like a perfect game of soccer. That was a great game. Yeah, Spain really did a great job against a very, very difficult team. So France, I think, was the favorite to win the World Cup. But now Spain becomes the favorite unless they play Argentina, in which case every referee will be the extra man on the field for Argentina because it is just as corrupt as it can be. The World Cup and FIFA continue to prove themselves to be a joke amongst professional sports. Now, professional sports, guys and gals, I've got some news for you.

I've been working a little bit in the field of journalism, actual journalism, not this kind of journalism, where I just pretend to know stuff, but actual journalism. And I've been hearing some stories or some reporting that's being done on behalf of, I can't get into details because I'm under NDA. But I will tell you right now that I think most of professional sports is really a sham and shenanigans. And they do anything they can to protect their best players, the ratings makers, the stars. Sure. They cover up. They lie. They insinuate.

It's pro wrestling, basically is what it is. Every professional sport that you love is pro wrestling. And the chips are in, man. I mean, they honestly, they play it. they have ways to manipulate things to play it the way they want to, and they're in cahoots with the networks that broadcast those games. It's just a bunch of fucking horseshit is what it is. So not that we should really be surprised at anything.

NFL football is rigged. Did you really think the chiefs were all that great? Travis Kelsey's married to the sheriff. That's why we need her in the Super Bowl. Hey, listen, you know, it doesn't. surprise me. It's just like after hearing in on some of these conversations, it makes me realize just how corrupt it is on all, upon behalf of all parties. There's no, like, there's no brokers of honesty and they're all in on it. They pay each other large sums of money just to make sure that

the game still continues to be played the way they want it to be played. FIFA just openly corrupt. FIFA's like Donald Trump. Yeah, it does seem like that, right? Every president since Washington, after Washington, maybe after Lincoln, have really been corrupt in some kind of way. Trump is just outwardly corrupt. He just says that thing. The weird thing is, Donald Trump is both the most dishonest person I've ever seen and the most honest person I've ever seen. There is no filter on that pea brain of his. He just says whatever the fuck comes to his head. Oh, yeah. I mean, it just as a case in point yesterday, we're tax everybody 20%. Never mind. I don't want to do that. I'm going to, we're going to take 20%.

of all the oil. Never mind. It's a bad idea. Yeah. He just throws it out there. After consideration, Bitcoin, I had a stroke and I had another stroke and decided to change it. Man, I'll tell you what, Donald Trump's health situation, you can really go down to rabbit hole on social media. Oh, yeah. And there are so many people who are just going, are crazed, trying to figure out what's going on with Donald Trump. You know, supposedly he's taking this, like, super secret drug that's not on the market right now to help him with coronary heart disease. And Donald Trump Jr. went to norodisc or norovorodisk or whatever the name of that company is

and asked them personally to allow his father to take this drug for compassionate use, which is the only way that essentially you can get a drug that's not on the market that's still in testing and trials has not been approved by the FDA. You can go to the drug maker and you can say, can you can you give it to someone based on compassionate use, which means you're dead unless you take this drug. Oh, wow. And there's only one person in the world that's taking this drug on compassionate use. And now they haven't said who that person is, but they have said he's in the Washington, D.C. area

and he's 80 years old. Who do you think it is? And Donald Trump Jr. took a trip over to Sweden to meet this pharmaceutical manufacturer, and there was no other purpose for him being there. He literally went, had the meeting, and came back, and then, like, two weeks later, they had to, because you have to tell, it has to be, like, public knowledge that you're giving this drug away. So, something's going on with his health. But this, listen, Lindsay Graham felt dead over the weekend. Well, I was going to say, yeah, that was coronary, too.

Well, you know, I would say I'm really sad about this. There was a time. There was a time when, when Lindsey Graham went through his, like, John McCain era, where he was, like, like buddy, buddy with John McCain, and they were voting in similar directions, and they were talking about similar things that I actually thought Lindsay Graham had had some common sense in his head. And when Trump ran the first time, and Lindsey Graham was such an outspoken critic directly to other Republicans about Trump and warning people about Trump. And then flippity, floppity, dippity, dupity. Man, how did that change. Yeah, he went all the way.

He went right on his knees for Donald Trump, didn't he? All the way. Yeah. The thing that bothers me most about Lindsey Graham. I will say this, is that I was just listening to a reel by some guys, some guys that I work with. And they said, listen, politics is one of those places where you have to lie constantly in order to get your job done in the way that you need to get it done. That's just part of the gig, right? I agree. I understand. I got it. You have to like, you have to lie. Bold face lie to the cameras. And then in the back rooms, try and edge things around to get done. And all of the politicians do it. And that's why Washington is such a ghastly places because that's how the game is played.

So I can understand a little bit why Lindsay Graham felt the need to buddy up to power because he wanted, he had an agenda. A lot of people did, yeah. A lot of people still do. They really suck up to this incredibly corrupt human being because they want to have a little bit of power themselves and they want to get things done that they want to get done. I think of Marco Rubio, who also used to be a voice of reason until very recent. recently. The one thing that I will say that I think is really reprehensible is that Lindsay Graham,

I think it was no secret with anybody who has any kind of knowledge about Washington, D.C. or senators. Lindsay Graham was a gay man. And many of his former lovers have spoken publicly. He is a gay man. There's no doubt about it. Never said it out loud, but he was never married, never had children. But he had relationships with men, and they have since come out over the years. But he did such damage to that cause of LGBTQ. And it's such a shame to be so self-hating that you want to take away rights for people who are essentially in a similar situation that you are. But the rules didn't apply to Lindsey Graham because he was a U.S. Senator and he got to do what he wanted to do. So it didn't make a bone the difference to him he had to tow the line.

But that's just, to me, it's reprehensible to be that hypocritical. and then is Mitch McConnell or isn't Mitch McConnell dead? Are we going to figure that part out? There's a whole thing. I know everyone's tuned in to hear me talk about politics. Did you see that picture with him and his wife? It's the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen. Who wears jeans in a hospital?

Who's wearing jeans in a hospital? There was a girl like a Photoshop expert who found a picture of him in that exact same shirt with a jacket on. And he's sitting in the Senate chamber with this shirt on and this jacket on. And she takes the picture. and she superimposes it onto the other picture, and the wrinkles and waves on his shirt are exactly, exactly the same as the one. So this is clearly Photoshop.

My opinion, there's some shenanigans going on here. Yeah, I think there's something going on. Of course there is. There is no end to the depravity in Washington, and I clear them all out. As far as I'm concerned, clear them all out. All of them from AOC, everybody, clear them all out. And let's put in who we got.

Who's good? Do we have any good politicians out there? I don't know. Are there any? I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know what to believe in. I don't think there's anything too we believe.

Ossop seems pretty good. Yeah, listen, I like Ossaf. Warnock seems pretty good. But who knows? I don't agree with everything that they stand for. You're never going to, right? Correct. But I think Osoff has done a job.

You know, I think he should be reelected in my humble opinion. But, you know, can't we get to, isn't there somebody? you can just go check on Mitch McConnell? Is there like anybody that could just go like say hi to him at the hospital and just make sure he's still breathing? Because it seems weird that you send out a picture and you write this letter, you know, then, but why not a video? If you look that good, if you're doing that well, why not put out a video? Yeah, it's very strange. There's lots of speculation and conspiracy theories.

I will tell you what. After three weeks in the hospital, Mitch McConnell looks better than he has in 12 years. I know right. Doesn't he? He looks great. Maybe you got a transfusion or whatever. Maybe he got children's blood. Yes, yes.

Our podcast is probably going to get blocked from YouTube now because I said the word adrenachrome. What are the, whatever those longevity experts are doing? Oh, yeah. Well, that longevity expert now is liver disease. Did you see that? No, I didn't. Yeah, the guy who's like trying to be the, live the longest.

Yeah. He's trying to beat back time and he spent billions of dollars trying to do it, whatever that guy is. There was like a Netflix special about him, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like using his son. son's sperm or something? He's like, yeah, he's drinking his son's sperm. He was doing all kinds of crazy. Eating small deer. I mean, he's like, he's doing like weird, crazy stuff. Anything and anything that he can think of or that the scientists might even sniff that might make him better.

But now he's got some like autoimmune liver disease or something. So guess it didn't work. Because it didn't work. You got to get any of that money back is the question. Because it seems like a weird way to burn millions of dollars. And now I see him. him on Instagram. He's like pitching like, you know, grooms. He's like pitching vitamins now. Those grooms. Yeah, we took groan. We did. We did. A little gummy green thing. Yeah, we took groans. So this is a good time to take a commercial break, I think. Listen, we're back in action. Happy to have you here with us here on the commercial break. What I'd like to do, Chrissy, there is a guy that I have been following on Instagram.

And let me give you his name right now so we can get this all. out of the way. Did you know you can look at your history on Instagram, like what you've watched? I just figured this out yesterday. And it's fascinating. Sometimes I watch a reel and then I go to sleep or something and then I'm like, wait. I want to see that again. Yeah, I want to see what I was doing.

Your watch history. Okay, here it is. I will now give you the name of the guy that I'm talking about. Okay. It is Vichael Abes Vakia Labs

Okay, I'm going to put a link in the show notes This guy Vakial Labs Or Vakia Labs Whatever you say it Vakial, let me spell it Is Labs his last name? I really have no idea to be honest with you

Who this guy is Forest Vakaya Vakali Vakial Okay He identifies as him hers Is him her? No

That's a new one No, him, he, he, he, she, he them, they. He is a biologist and a science communicator. He's also a skeptic. What he does is he essentially takes people who still believe that, you know, the book of Genesis is essentially the creation story. He has spent his time on social media trying to beat back these kind of silly claims that some of these people make.

And there was a guy that he really went after, like this Christian. fundamentalist, Christian nationalist, Christian scientist, so to speak, that he went after because this guy is just like totally putting a bunch of bullshit out, that dinosaurs didn't exist or the dinosaurs were created at the same time man was created all by God in one day and all this other stuff. And so this guy just kind of methodically went through and broke down. Debunked. Debunked. All of this. At least if you believe in science, that's the way I saw it, right? And I tend to believe in science. That's my thing. That's my thing.

That's my thing. Science, that's my thing. Your thing might be bullshit. My thing is science. Yes. So this guy, the guy that he was debunking, is also a director of low, rent, low quality, cheaply made Christian movies. And he made a whole movie about the guy that's debunking these mythology. So he got so mad at this guy that he made a,

He made a movie with this guy as a character in the movie. And the guy was, you know, like a real fucking idiot, right? It's called Gramps Goes Back to College. No. That's the name of it. And it is, it's Steven Spielberg-esque. I don't even know what to say. I'm just so excited to share this with you, Chrissy.

I can't wait to see it. Also, Digger. Have we seen the trailer for Digger? No. You're going to watch it on the break. I'll tell you what, everybody right now, we're going to take about two minutes. I want you to go watch the two-minute version. of the trailer starring Tom Cruise, the movie Digger.

Wait until you see the insanity of this movie. You're going to love it. Everyone's going to want it. I'm so excited about this movie. Never been this excited to see a Tom Cruise movie, but I can't wait to see it. All right, let's take a two-minute break. We'll be back with Graham's Ghost to College. Ciao.

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to TCB Podcast.com and visiting the contact us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at tcbpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333-3-3-tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode.

Or you can make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now, I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break. I saw you in then the VIP, bottle service in Hennessy. My heart went crazy. It skipped a beat. I thought that you could be with me. I walk over to you. We lock eyes. You're my wife and I realize you're with my friend and it's no surprise. Watching you too makes my flag rise. I have a cut, cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide in the closet and let you do what you do. I have a cut, cut, cut crush on you. So baby, grab your phone. Start to swipe. We need to spend some time getting it right. I don't want you. I don't want you. to be alone tonight. I want you to cheat without a fight. When you're in the bed with my favorite guy, I hide myself and try not cry. I love you lady, but I won't lie. My therapist even wonders why. I have a cut, cut, cut crush on you. I have a cut, cut crush on you. I hide in the closet and let you do

what you do. I have a cut, cut, cut crush on you. And let's paint the town. I'll stay in the corner Watch it all go down I promise not to make a sound While you are neighbor ground and pound It's so lovely to be your man I can't do what the other guys can But when you're happy I feel grand He can be your lion, I'll be your lamb

I have a cut, cut, cut crush on you I have a cut cut crush on you I hide in the closet Let you do what you do I have a cut, cut, cut, cut, crush on you I have a cut, that's incredible That's insane. Is that not insane?

Wow, I need to like rewatch it because there's so much going on. I know. You have to like, take it all in again. It's really crazy. Came out of nowhere? Had no idea about any of this. Had no idea. And I keep my eye on these kind of things. I had no idea this movie was even being produced.

No, I haven't seen anything about it. But look at that fucking cast. Yeah, the cast. John Goodman, Tom Cruise. Jesse Plemons. Jesse Plemons. This is going to be an, it's an insane movie. The trailer reminds me of Citizen Kane.

Like, it's that kind of. oddness that's going on. And apparently it was filmed with these old cameras that give it the depth like Citizen Kane had like this certain look and feel. Wow. I can't wait. I hope it's as good as the trailer because the trailer looks fantastic. I mean, the trailer has about 322 cuss words in it. Like, you usually don't see those in trailers, but Tom Cruise talking about his dick. He's about 80 pounds overweight. I mean, older. Yeah, older. This is, someone said in the comments, this is Tom Cruise soft-launching old age. Finally.

Finally. All right. Okay, let's get to Grandpa goes to college because we don't have a ton of time today. We might have to get back to this tomorrow. Grandpa goes to college. Here it is.

This is a Christian fundamentalist movie they're going to teach us all about how creationism. Now we might not get through a bunch of this, but we'll follow up on it tomorrow. If I can change, there we go. All right. Just, you know, it's a little slow today.

Oh, wait. Why isn't it? This does this every time, Chrissy. It does. Every time. I can't figure out. But you know what the crazy thing is? When this happens, people say they can hear it.

It's just us who can't hear it. But, you know, we're probably the people that need to hear it. Right, we do need to hear. We're going to be commenting. Yeah, since we're the one, and this is hard for me to do because I've got to now go over here. Can you talk, Chrissy? I got a cuck, cuss on you. That's a classic.

That's a classic. we need to do some more songs. Yeah, I actually have a couple of extra, I have a couple of new songs. I just need to load them in there. I made them about a month ago. And I need to load them in there. All right, here we go.

Gramps goes to college. If I can, wow, I'm having all kind of technical difficulties today. Here we go. You're beautiful, Lord, you beautiful. And your face is all. that I see You Sword of the spirit

Yes Productions Oh come on here What's going on here? Now I can't hear you again There we're beautiful You're beautiful Ooh

It's starles Carol Anderson Courtney Lee Simpson And Caitlin Borsed In Gramps goes to College, creationism, evolution. What a title. I know.

Now, watch how quickly the music cuts out here. This is really weird. Ready? And we're done. Dave. I have an audio editor. Okay. Looks like a grandpa.

Grandpa in the gym. Doing a gym. No, that you're retiring. What are you going to do? Work out and fish all day. Yeah, right. You know, workaholics never retire, Ted. They just switch to something they want.

to work on instead of something they have to. What exactly do you want to work on? Is that blue in the background? Yeah, that's blue in the background. And is this guy even doing exercises? So it's two guys in the gym. One is obviously Grams. I'm assuming this is Gramps, right? And then you got a younger guy who's just like, he's moving his arm back and forth, but I'm not sure there's any exercise. No, there's to be weight on there. Meanwhile, Gramps is in a Jesus Lives T-shirt. Now that I don't need to make a living, I'm free full time to work on what God wants me to do I feel led to go back to college You already have a degree, don't you?

Yeah I'm not going to go for another degree, just take some courses I'm going for the pussy, you know I'm south somewhere Never been down there Neither I heard it's beautiful Down south somewhere

Never been there Never been down south Beautiful. I've never been to Akron, which is 12 miles south of where we live. Never been there. But I knew here it's beautiful. Jesus is calling me to go to school in the South. I got a daughter down there in Tennessee. I might try it down there, even though she won't even talk to me. At least it'll give me a little sample what life's like for her down there. What, he's going to go back to the daughter's college? Yeah, he's going to the daughter's college. She doesn't even talk to me. What's the Rodney Dangerfield movie. There was. Back to college. Back to school. What a great movie. That was a great movie.

I get it. He doesn't look like the Rodney Dangerfield character. They're certain bells. You're funny. You know those southern bells would just be barely older than my grandkids? Love it! Yeah! You know this guy as a pervert.

You know he is. My court and days are over. Excuse me, but I'm baffled. You're too old for romance and college athletics. So why would you shell out the big bucks to pay for tuition? to return to the classroom. Somebody needs to get the trainer that I had to crunch fitness over to this guy. I know.

It looks like me in the gym. He's got no weight on this exercise machine, and he's just moving it back and forth. If you can move it that easily, I'm not sure it's doing anything for you. Because I'm going to war. Just when I think I'm tracking, you throw me a curveball. War. Do you think this guy who's acting alongside Gramps here goes home at night when he gets this, when he does, when he does. auditions and he says, I think this is my big break.

Yes. I think this is my break. Yes. He's ready. I'm going to be in Digger. Digger's next. He's with Tom Cruise next. It is right.

The majority of those kids don't realize, the majority of their parents don't even realize, those kids are being brainwashed by liberal, secular humanist professors. Liberal. Sex hungry. Did he say liberal sex hungry professors? I love. who used their power over the mighty GPA and their influence over developing young minds. And you're going to stop that single-handedly.

By the way, let's point out Grant's form on his exercising, too. It looks like he's got weight on those bars, but he's moving them as if they're plastic dummy dumbbells. I know my limitations, but I know that I can at least touch a few lies if I stand up, and speak the truth and love. I know I can touch a few tits if I just get down to where my daughter goes to college and be one of the students. God's calling me. Maybe, just maybe, someone's going to grasp the concept that there really is a devil and he is working overtime to deceive us into all manners of destructive beliefs and behaviors. Who sees these movies?

I don't know. Who's like, someone like sitting down and going, family movie night? Let's watch Gramps goes to college. Yeah, they just shown it to, like, other churches? I don't know. I can't imagine there is not one dime worth of profit in making a movie like this. But they've got to be at least I kind of understand costs involved in this type of stuff. It's got to be a half a million dollars, quarter of a million dollars spent on cameramen and women and all this other, like post-production.

There's got to be somebody who funds this. And then there must be an intended audience. But I can't see even if I lived in this world. I can't see me watching this and going, you know what, this would be you make a great family movie night. You can't even get through the first five minutes. I don't even understand. It's so boring. And the audio editing is fantastic.

Oh, look, it's a house. I believe you're doing this to me. I'm a senior and seniors don't stay in the dorms. You don't have to stay in the dorm. And you know I don't have the money for rent and you were free. Ramped. What in the world? Is that supposed to be the daughter from Tennessee?

That's right. You know I don't have the money for rent. You just pay rent in an apartment, so in reality, you're making me stay in the dorms. It's bad enough to I don't have my own car, and I have to be chauffeared to school like a little elementary school student. But to have to stay in the dorms, it's humiliating. I'm 21 now. Well, look at the bright side. You're a senior.

I only have to do it one year. And the next time you want to drink and drive, maybe you will think about the consequences. Ooh, scandal right out of the gate. Oh, I love it. Honestment. Yes. And by the way, she's right. seniors aren't allowed to live in the dorms.

I don't think that's a thing. Consider yourself lucky that I was even willing to pay for your last year of school. There is no doubt that I'll have to hear about your generosity for the rest of my life. I want you buy me a new car? Because I can't afford a car and insurance and schooling. I'm not the one who wrecked your vehicle. Wait, but you gather a chauffeur to and from school? Okay, all right.

All right. Sucks, I hate it. Sucks. I hate it. I hate it. I hate using this fake Southern accent the entire movie. To quit school, Dad wouldn't have to pay child support anymore. She's going in and out of that accent. Do you notice this? Uh-huh. Yeah.

All of his child support goes to pay your tuition and part of my salary. If you don't want to get your degree, I'd be more than happy to take you to a homeless shelter instead. Maybe you would think that is less humiliating than the dorm. When we get to the campus, I want you to stay in the car. I don't want anybody seeing me with you. It's this little fucking bitch. Who talks to their parents like this? Honestly, first of all, second of all, the accent is terrible. Third of all, some of the things about this story are making little to no sense.

What about her salary? Yeah, what about her salary? And what is, and why are you paying child support at 21 years old? No one pays child support at 20. It stops at 18. It's the law. Oh, me. Another stock photograph.

The editing here is just. Yeah, it's bad. Where is that? Is that like the... It's a library, I guess. It's showing a picture of a big building. It looks like a retirement. Imagine one of a million places across America that's like independent living village. Looks like apartments. Looks like apartments.

Yeah. But no, this must be the college she is going to. Do they not have any, like, audio they could put in, like music transitions or some noises? The budget didn't call for that. Yeah, I guess not. I hope so. I'm looking for Hickerson Hall. I thought this was it. Is he at the dorms?

Are that supposed to be dorms? Hickerson Hall. He's definitely too old for the dorms. And what happened to the sound? It just went away. This is terrible. This is really terrible. I can't believe that a production company put their name on this.

Oh, this is Hickerson. It's a co-ed dorm. Oh, the dorm. Co-ed? I am going to get my dick wet. That would never be allowed. Yeah. And who goes to college at 65 and moves back into the dorms?

Yes, that means both for male and female. Yeah, I'm aware what the word co-ed means. I'm just a little bit surprised and confused because I expressly asked for a men's dormitory. Oh. A men's dormitory? I expressly wanted. The gay college experience. I was looking for the bathhouse.

Well, our mail dorms book up rather quickly. Is this for your grandson? Excuse me? The room. Is it for your grandson? It's for me. I'm picturing him getting into his dorm room and like decorating it. Wearing a towel around the co-ed.

Slapping towels. There's no way. You would pair like an 18-year-old kid with a 65-year-old man. You wouldn't allow a 65-year-old man because then a lot of 65-year-old men would be in the co-ed dorm, right? Am I right? I mean, listen, there's a place called The Villages where I'm sure there's a lot of 65-year-old men that would rather be at the co-ed college dorm. What's the matter? Don't you have any sexagenarians ever stay in his dorm?

What? But by the way, the reason why we can't hear, the reason why the audio is off is because this is all dubbed. they're not actually using microphones in the scene. They're trying to make... They're going back and they're dubbing over their own lip... Right. Lipsyncing. Sexagenarian.

It means someone who's 60-something years old? Looks like one of those Chinese. Like those martial arts films of... Yes. I will kill you. Oh. Oh. No, we normally only have students under the age of 20 in the dorm.

What's your name? Tie Bounds at your service. That's B-O-U-N-D-S. There you are, Mr. Bounce. All right. Let me get your packet for you. And you are in route. Let me get your packet for you.

I had it ready. I didn't notice that you were a sixthagenarian coming to stay with us. 327. Well, thank you much. When I open up this door, 327, I'm not going to find a female roommate behind it, I hope. No, sir. The dorm is co-ed. The rooms are not.

Your roommate is a 20-year-old student named Brad Hanson. Brad Hanson. Surprise, Brad. Hey, it's me. What are we getting up to tonight? You're just smoke a little weed. You're going to roll a doobie. You're welcome.

Dad, I appreciate the ride. Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world. I love looking at young girls in dormitories. It looks like quite the likely drop-off, too. Yeah, you just drop people off right in front of the fireplace. Dad, I really appreciate the drop-off. Are you kidding me?

Well, is you remember when I walked you to kindergarten on your first day? No, but seeing the videotape of it a hundred times. Oh, that's right. Oh, that's right. We still have videotapes. The right videotapes. Mother could share this moment with us. Me too.

But if she hadn't taken the new job to help me get through school, you wouldn't have to drive me here. True. I love how you grasp reality without flinching. I love how the... That's certainly how a dad speaks to the daughter. I love how you grasp reality without flinching. The script is so realistic. First of all, second of all, it's so realistic that the words are coming about a full second before the mouth moves.

It's unbelievably poorly edited. And reality says it's... Time you let go. You knew someday I'd fly from the mess. I know. It's like a bad episode of Save by the Bell. Yeah. But that doesn't make it any...

Wait, he's already been to the dorms and back? Yeah. He's already downstairs. I've got to pray with you before I'll leave today. I'd love to pray with you. I love that. Good. Good.

Good. Who talks like that? I'd love to pray with you before we leave. Good. Excuse me, sir. Which way is check in? It's right around the corner there. Thank.

My pleasure? Excuse me, sir. Which way is chicken? It's right next to you. Directly in front of you. It's right in front of you. More dead silence. Hi. I'm Michaela. I'm Michaela. I'm Miss Sarah the dorm mom. It's nice to have you here at Hickerson. Let's get you checked in.

Hickerson. Hickerson Hall. Hickerson Hall with tie bounds. Just remember that. All right. There you are. You are in room 268. Your roommate Stephanie Carter has already checked out. Awesome. Thank you. You're welcome. Can my dad go up with me?

Absolutely. But he needs to pray before he does. Shouldn't go in the room itself. Okay, thank you. All right, glad to have you. Can't go in the room itself. Why? What?

They don't allow parents in the rooms here? They do. Wow. They allow a 65-year-old man to be roaming the halls at all hours of night and day with female and male students, 42 years younger than he is. But don't let dad inside. Oh, there's some background noise.

This is a retirement home. It really is. There's no doubt this is a retirement home they're filming in. Hi again. Do you work here? Hi again. This is how I talk. Hi again.

Best to you. And to you. Hello, fail. Hello. Best to you, Brian. To you. Hello, fellow human man. I have just dropped my daughter off after praying with her at Hickerson Dormitory.

Actually, I'm starting tomorrow as a student here. Oh, good for you. So is my daughter. She looks like a real sweetie. She's a hot piece of ass. And I'm looking for a sugar dame. Get her through school. What do you see?

say you pop on over to room 367. And my prayer is that she stays that way. Well, I'll add my prayer to yours. What's her name? Michaela, you're a praying man? Absolutely, absolutely. Look at my Bible. I'm sitting here reading the Bible.

I'm sitting here in the front of the dormitory, reading my Bible, waiting for 18-year-old women to walk on by so I can say, can I pray with you? I'll add my prayer to your prayer, and I'll double your prayers. and ask that Kayla walk through the hallways naked in front of me. Appreciate all the prayer you can give, Michaela. She's going to be running the gauntlet of temptation

and the world system here. Agreed. The world system. This is the way we talk here on earth. You know, not only will I pray for her, I'll try to keep an eye out for her as well. I can't tell you how much I'd appreciate that. I'm Josiah Morris.

Tie Biles at your service. God bless you, sir. And I hope your experience as a non-traditional student will be rewarding. Well, what? Who talks like this? Where are the script supervisors? You have to make this interesting for people to watch. This is already probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It's better than L.A. Confidential. That one was very bad. But at least it had a little flavor. At least it was. A little action. Had a little flavor. Had a plot pointer, too. This is just dumb. I mean, it's not even close to realistic. The reason why, back to school, was, such a fucking hit is because it was a it it bounced on and ridiculed the experience of college life from the eyes of a 60 year old man who was just like this party hard lovable dude and it was fucking hilarious you suspended disbelief because rodney dangerfield was such a character

that's all you wanted to see was rodney dangerfield getting in trouble it's also the 80s and things were different back this is not even interesting and i am not really rooting for this character. He's a douchebag. It doesn't talk like a human being at all. So, all right, let's do this. Let's take a short break and we get back. We'll get through a couple more minutes of this and then maybe we have to get back to this tomorrow. Yeah, I think so. Now I'm invested, God damn it. Now I have to see what happens. All right, let's take a break. He's going to war. He's going to war. Against the zealots and what do you call him?

Trogun. The libs. The sex-crazed lib professors there at Hickerson Hall. Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us. 212-4333-3-TCB. That's 212-4333822. Visit our website, TCB Podcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker.

Then watch all the videos at YouTube.com slash the commercial break. And finally, share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian? That really wasn't that difficult, now was it? You're welcome. All right, we're back here with, uh, uh, Graham's Goes College.

I can safely say without any fear of being wrong, it's going to be interesting. Oh, sorry, I can't see us. All right, we're back in Michaela's room. She's unpacking. What? What's going on here? Oh, hi. You must be Stephanie.

I'm Michaela Morris. I'm a freshman. That figures You got a car No Why That figures You gotta drive me around bitch I know

I got three DUIs One of them And wait to step in as a bully God You got a car Because I need to pick up from my plug I got some cocaine waiting on the corner I gotta meet D

Well Well, my wheels got towed to the car cemetery last summer, and I was really hoping my... What? What? What? Wait, what? My wheels got towed at the car cemetery last summer. He talks like that.

I mean, it would be so kind to let me hers from time to time. Sorry. No problem. I'll just have to mesmerize some boy with a nice car. You don't have a boyfriend? I'll just have to resort to prostitution for a ride. What in the world? Me.

I've got lots of them. I'm a bit of a player. How about you? Either you're a player, you don't want boys, what? Um, neither. I'm waiting for the boy that I want to marry. You can have lots of fun until Prince Charming comes along.

There's a party tonight. I can introduce you to a few candidates. What kind of candidates? Kind with dicks, honey. Kind of a party. You don't have parties where you come from? My family has birthday parties. You're in college now.

When in Rome, you do as the Romans do. And here, we party hard. We party hard. I didn't expect a little hussy of a character to be in this movie. It's clearly a Jezebel on the scene, Chrissy. Her family life is behind you now. I'll just have to find us a ride. Is this one of those parties where there's alcohol or drugs?

It's not a party without alcohol. If it's a good one. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. It's pre-gaming it for the widespread show later on this afternoon here in Hickerson. Hickerson Hall. You won't need to find a ride for me in that case. So you don't drink.

And let me guess you're still a virgin too. What a bitch. I know. Let me guess you haven't had that cherry popped yet. Well, honey, we're going to fix you ride up. Let me suck some dick for a car ride. to the party. That's right.

It's going to be Dickomania. We're going to have two in their hand and one in the ass. Don't worry about it, baby. Right on both counts. Must be some kind of a religious thing. I'm a Christian. That figures. That figures.

Oh, yeah. Are you the janitor? No, why? Why are you in my room? Are you the janitor? Does the janitor usually walk in here? Are you the janitor? No, why?

It just puked in the corner and I need you to clean it up. Your room? Well, if you're Brad Hanson, that would make this our room, high bounds at your service? Surprise! Why is everybody being such a dick in this movie? Tie bounds at your... Why do you say at your service?

Surprise I'm your 65-year-old roommate. Surprise! I'm a 65-year-old Bible-beaten roommate and I'm here to go to war with the sex-crazed lib professors. Don't worry. no one will be getting late while I'm around. Why are you going to college? I mean, shouldn't you be hanging around the senior citizen center playing bingo and bridge and drinking insured?

Let me guess. It's like they got Chad GPT to write this script. Yeah, it's bad. You did the Dale Carnegie's course on how to win friends. An influential people. No disrespect intended. I thought that's what seniors did. Yes, no disrespect intended.

Janitor. Janitor. Grandpa does. No offense taken. You know, my philosophy is the mind is like a muscle. If you don't use it, you'll lose it. I gotcha. I got you.

That's pretty wise words coming from you. You're all in. Is that a Bible you're reading? Affirmative. Affirmative. At your service. Affirmative, a fellow human. Oh, this is going to be quite a.

This is like a movie about an alien who's trying to pretend he's human. Yes. Here I was worried about getting a party animal for a roommate, not being able to study at all, or much less read my Bible without taking a lot of flack for it. Here I was worried about having any fun whatsoever. Oh, he reads the Bible too. Well, I've been called an animal before. Never a party animal.

You know, my grandfather's totally computer illiterate. What's that? What kind of animal word? Yeah, what kind of animal? Yeah. in bed? Are you wild man? I mean, we know you had sex at least once because your hussy daughter, which I imagine was what this is going to all come down to, is that he finds out his daughter is down the hall and she's the one, yeah, who's gone completely off the rails.

His hussy, we know he had sex at least once. I sure hope you have some knowledge of computers because it's kind of harder to survive college these days and about that skill. I think I'll be okay in that area. He's a data processing professional for 30 years. computer programming. I think I'll be okay in that area. Let me give you some of my bona fides from my real life, not as an actor. I was a computer processor for 30 years. I wrote in C++. Is that what the kids are doing these days? I think you survive. You want to pray with me? God. This is so bad. Oh, no. You ever done underwear praying?

Do you know what bosom buddies means there? I can't believe it. I have Joan the Baptist for a roommate. Why are you even staying in the dorm? I don't want to talk about it. Didn't you tell us you were a religious geek when you started college? She was. I remember that.

It took a while for us to get her to a party. Yeah, but once you got her there, she became the life of the party, right? Pretty much. This is how girls chat. Well, I was. But those days, they're all in distant memory. What do you mean? You were just going to go to a party tonight?

No, she was saying she was a religious freak. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm following along the... It's not hard to follow the script, actually, because there's like a word every three seconds. They're talking slowly and purposely, and it's all dubbed. Class of the air, I'm my faithful in real good. I mean, how can Jesus Christ be the son of God?

If science proves there is no God. God, God. This is how I think Southern people say God. Look at it this way. You have the chance to change a saint into a sinner. Good point. I'm going to have to find satisfaction in something this year. Now, let me get out my dildo and show you girls how to give a real blow job.

Maybe. This is like a cartoonish character of what a woman, like a liberated woman might act like. Because she has sex and she goes to parties and she likes to drink and she's been in a little bit of trouble. Then she's just like cartoonishly a terrible human being. Yeah. She's an extreme mic over it is my ticket. Yeah. Oh, here we go.

Now we're on campus. On campus. I was wondering, what are the chances of a creation of Skidian? a graduate program in science here? Well, I was wondering how the college all of a sudden looks like a room in someone's house. That's what I was wondering. Are you asking this question out of curiosity, or would this be a personal matter?

Well, I believe that God created the universe and everything in it, but I would like to get my master's in biology. I see. I see. Well, you're a fucking moron. Then your chances of being accepted as a graduate student is approximately equivalent to the prospects of a snowball surviving in hell. Oh my God. And that assessment.

Like the counselor would say that. Yeah. First of all, second of all, this guy wants to make himself out to be a real hero for creationists. It has nothing to do with my age. Your age is of no concern to us. your superstitions and your refusal to accept sound science is. Because that's how counselors at college in Hickerson talk. Are you currently a student here?

Yes, sir. No, you've just got a meeting with him because he wasn't a student. You just take random meetings with strangers? This is so ridiculous. I love it. Today. Excellent. And I suggest you take...

Astrid gets upset at me because I oftentimes point. out plot points or holes in plots or people will say something, then they can contradict themselves a couple of scenes later. And I'll point those things out because this is the way my brain works. And it drives her crazy because she gets lost in the fantasy of the movie, right? She just wants to keep going. And I'm like, that's ridiculous. He just said this and now they're doing that. And this is like, so this to me is like candy. I love how ridiculously Swiss cheesy this movie is. There is no, this is based in no reality, not the talking, not the interactions, not the way that this guy, yeah, they could ground this in a little bit of reality. Like the guy goes back to community college and finds he has a professor that is, you know, that believes only in, you know, evolution. And he believes only in creationism. And the two of them have lively discussions while he falls in love with the old maid that takes care of the library. And then he becomes the janitor. Yeah, then he becomes the janitor. It's Goodwill hinting Jesus style.

Biology 100 from Professor Tucker. She'll coax this, this creationism from you. Hmm. Really? Is he like a witch now? She'll coax this creationism from you, these superstitions and goobly gawk in your brain? Well, I just... We're all sex-crazed lib professors.

Happened to be signed up for that class. You know, John's scopes of the infamous. monkey trial in Dayton made an interesting observation. His quote was, There is monkey trial. Yeah, it was there. More intolerance in higher education than in all the mountains of Tennessee. I think, what is happening?

I don't know what is happening. Mr. Scopes had it right. Ironically, the word biology means the study of life. Evolutionists leave out the most important thing about life. In fact, they teach us more about death. and they do life. Take that. Yeah.

Take that. And what's that thing on the back of his shirt? I have no idea. It looks like he's holding a flask. Oh, yeah. It's cigarettes. He's holding cigarettes. What is that?

Take that. 5.30. Why is there no transition music or noises? It makes this movie unwatchable almost. Is that you? No. I just almost have added some. I know.

What is going on here? In between scenes, they're like... And that's my friend Tom. Hi. My Kayla. Don't look now, but here comes that old guy that lives in our dorm. Are you kidding me? The man's a fossil.

What's you doing in college? A little bit of science humor. Not nice. Finally, two people who can act. He's not a fossil. He's a man and a nice one at that. Do you know him? Not officially.

I'm a Kayla. I'm akela. You saving the seat for someone? No, sir. Thanks. How did you know my name? Your dad and I had a little chat. There's 300 seats empty in this room.

Mind if I sit on your lap? He's not a fossil. He's a man and a nice one at that. He's my love interest. in the movie. You off at the dorm? Excuse me. I just need to check and make sure that you're a registered student.

We don't allow people to just drop in. Do you have your student cart? Let me see your student ID. Yeah, sure do. It's right here. Tie Bounds. There you are. Well, welcome to my class, Mr. Bounds.

I hope you enjoy yourself thoroughly. You know, it's not often that I get to instruct someone from my generation. Well, I'm convinced I'm going to. to find this class absolutely fascinating. I do hope you allow student interaction. Oh, from you, I'd be very receptive. Oh. Now we finally get to the action of the movie. That's right. By the way, which college class did you walk into where all the lights were off? Why are all the lights off in there? Hot for teacher. Boi-you-you-you-you-you. Not for long. that poor woman doesn't know what's about to hit her.

I'm hard as the rock. She has no idea. Welcome to Biology 100. I'm Dr. Tucker, and this is my 25th year teaching this class. I'd like to start this semester with a question. And I am going to ask this same question during the last class of the semester, and we'll see the comparison. I would like all of you who believe that God created the universe and life as it is

to stand up. Yeah, because that's how they do biology class. You start biology class with a question about God. Yep. Only two people stood up. We always have a number of students who cling to the superstition. By the time you finish my course, almost no one stands to confess this foolishness. That's how I like to talk.

No one stands to confess this foolishness. He will come into my classroom And this stands to confess this foolishness Not at the end All right You can all sit down All right, second question Who's circumcised?

Can I get an amen? Now I would like to put one student on the spot And then we'll begin to learn How life evolved on this planet To where we are today Mr. Bounds Would you care to make a brief statement About how you feel about my question?

What? In what world is this biology class? Yeah, no. This is the most ridiculous. Hey, whoever, the guy who's playing Ty Bounds, who is the director and the writer of this movie, he is the guy, obviously, the focus is on him. He's written this movie to make himself look like a hero to creationists. This is honestly the most ridiculous gibberish I've ever heard in my entire life. Oh, it's awful.

It's not even pretty, this is like a, this is a. fantasy version of the negative way that people portray the liberal bias in college, which may be true. There might be liberal bias in college. But I've never, even though I never went to a biology class, I've never heard. It does not start off like this. It doesn't start off like that. Okay, just checking with you, Chrissy, to make sure. Well, the fool has said in his heart that there is no God. Are you calling me a fool, Mr. Bell? Oh, God. Seems to me, you just called me one a second ago. But no, I'm just merely quoting the Bible. Would you like to have dinner tonight?

We'd talk it over for an extra long scene in the movie. Everyone extrapolate from that to the logical conclusion that follows. Shaping young minds is what I do. It's easier than working with minds that have been filled with a lifetime of superstition. Old ones. Yeah, superstitions and your Bible and your googly gawk. But I fully embrace the challenge of bringing light into your darkness. Huh. Did all?

Uh-huh. No God. Uh-huh. Uh. Did you hear about what happened in Tucker's bio class today? No. What happened? I heard some old guy went toe-to-to-toe with her about her opening challenge. Old guy? Like 30-something?

No. A really old guy. Like... Old guy? Like 30-something? Oh my god. How creepy. A grandpa type. My-old. talking about God, let's gossip about it for an hour. I'm sure that, like, made its way around this campus.

That's right, but the newest TikTok about Taylor Swift isn't interesting to us. We want to talk about the old guy going toe-to-to-to. But brothers in that class, he was telling me all about it. I heard there's a senior citizen staying in my dorm. It might be the same guy. I can just picture Tucker drilling into him with her piercing eyes. She did. But he took her best shot.

So far, maybe. It's only the first day. Oh, it's a challenge. The whole college is talking about it. The whole college is talking about the new old man going toe to toe with the God-hating biology teacher. They're going to keep scored, Chrissy. At the end, there's going to be cheering. I can't wait to see what happens.

I can't wait to see how this guy makes himself out to be the hero of the class. All right. Well, we can't do it all in one day because Chrissy and I talk too much. So maybe we can do it in one day. I'm excited to see how it turns out. I am too. So we'll leave it there. We'll mark it 19 and a half minutes in, and then we'll get back to it tomorrow.

You can catch us TCB at TCB podcast on TikTok, The Commercial Break, on Instagram, and of course, YouTube.com slash the commercial break is where you'll find all of our videos. And that's where also you get notified when we go live. I have a feeling that I did something wrong with the live today. I'm just sharing that with you. Yeah. But that's okay. We'll figure it out for tomorrow. We'll get back to it tomorrow.

Yeah, I changed the program that we were on so we could watch longer movies, and I think I might have done something wrong. But anyway, we'll figure it out. No need to stop the show, Chrissy, to do stuff like that. I literally don't stop the show when, like, the sound isn't. Oh, uh-huh. There's no reason. Why not? Who cares?

Yeah. There's a thousand and four episodes of this show. You can go back and listen to one more. There is sound, okay? One of these days I'm just going to put out a show with no transition noises and no music, just like this movie. Yes. And you'll have to see how bad this show really is.

All right, so back here, add it tomorrow, and then go. Espania will wait to see who they will be playing in the final. I'm very excited. They're England or Argentina. I'd like to see an England-Span game. I think it hasn't happened in a long, long. I think that may be 40 years since that has happened. And those two teams certainly deserve to meet each other.

That will be a World Cup to remember. as long as FIFA doesn't put their foot on the scale and choose Argentina. Listen, not that Argentina is not a good team. They are. They have Messi, one of the best, maybe the best soccer player that's ever lived. But, you know, anytime Messi's on the field, he gets away with everything,

and no one gets away with anything. And that is a problem. You've got to treat everybody fairly, everybody. It's not Messi's fault, because if you can get away with it, you should. That's the way the game is played. He's playing the hardest to win that game. But, but it's not fair to the rest of the teams and it's not fair to the viewer at home.

It just wants to see the best teams play on an even keel. You know what I'm saying, Chrissy? All right, that's not. No more of my soccer rant. All right, Chrissy, I suppose that's all I can do for today. I think so. I will say this. I love you.

I love you. I'll say best to you. And I'll say best to you, Brian. And I'll say best to you, Chrissy, fellow human being. Hello again. Hello again. Until next time, Chrissy and I will see. We do say and we must say goodbye.