The Commercial Break - See You At The Martin's!

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

TCB receives a lot of texts and emails containing wild stories and asking for advice on strange circumstances. But listener Nate takes the cake with his sordid tale of sex, drugs and family ties! The center of the action was at his high school homecoming party at the Martin's House and we ALL wish we had been invited. Bryan hates unpacking the wires Krissy takes a flight and does some strange drinking Nate writes in to ask for advice A story of love, romance and family sex is told Bryan and Krissy try to wrap their heads around Nate's life LINKS: Send us show ideas, comments, questions or concerns by texting us or leaving a voicemail at 1-661-Best-2-Yo (1.661.237.8296) Watch Us on YouTube Take a Listen to The Jordan Harbinger show! Dumb People Town Is a Very Funny Podcast From Starburns Audio Use This Link For Unlimited Talk & Tex on MINT MOBILE! Special Thanks To Our Associate Content Producers: Tina Rose Big Will The Champ Marianne Duke Luke Gustavo New Episodes on Monday, Wednesday and now Fridays everywhere you listen to podcasts! 1-(661)-BEST-2-YO  | (1-661-237-8296) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I love you, and I miss you. Ooh. On this episode of The Commercial Break, one Christmas, I got one of those science sets, and it literally had like, myriatic acid in there. It was like, you know, you make something blow up, and everyone's eyes will get burned out. And we turned out just fine,

and all eight of my fingers still work. There's things going great. You know you think of these small towns you think like a pure tanical like kind of like you know ever they band dancing in the school. Now you're shipping in drugs for amount of state. You're passing around pain killers. You got your keys in a bowl. You're having sex with a neighbor.

This sounds like a lot of upside down. Yeah. Which small town is this? Miami? I mean, I think... Okay. Me? How would the world would you know that? Her. Someone saw you behind the Martins house on Homecoming. Me? Who?

Her. How could you... How could that possibly matter right now? Me. You're right. That doesn't matter right now. Maria's pregnant with twins. Her. Fuck you. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Hello, dollars and tears. Welcome to back to another episode of the commercial break. I am Brian Green.

This is my dear friend, Kristen. Joy, holy bestie, you, Chris and me. And bestie, you, Brian. Bestie, you out there on the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this. Not commercial break, it's not for everyone, but fact news or fiction.

Guaranteed in 30 seconds or less, or your money back, go to the tcbpodcast.com website to collect your earnings. I wanna get right into it. Okay. It is fairy tale Friday. We've got another story from one of our fantastic listeners, and it's a long one.

So I need to save some good chunk of time for this, Chrissy. I don't want to run out of time. I've got one story. I want to get it in one take. You and me, kid. We're going to give this guy some advice. Boom, bam, fireworks. There you go.

All right, but I do have to say a few things before, you know, we get into it, you know, because I got a bullshit for a minute here with you, my friend. Let's get to it. You know the thing that I hate most about going on vacation? What's that? I don't know why I hate this so much. I hate putting all of my wires back in place.

All of my plugs and chargers. You know, that's a good point. I hate that. I just traveled and had to do the same thing. Is that not, doesn't it feel like just such a big task? Like I got to move the, I have this big bedside table. I gotta, you know, you know, I'll certainly each have one,

the chest, the little drawers. Yeah. Bedside table. Nice stand. I gotta move it around. It's very heavy. I gotta get behind there. I gotta plug everything back in.

We've got, we've got something that's a flat. It's a flat thing that plugs into the wall. Okay. And then it has a little extension cord thing. And you just, you know, take the cords off? No, I mean, you have to take the cords off, but you don't have to move the table. Oh, yeah, I gotta do a whole, there's a whole thing.

I have to do a whole thing. I gotta get back there. I gotta plug them in. There's like an extension cord down there. One of those power strips. I gotta get back there. I gotta untangle everything. I gotta figure out which ones I take on vacation

and which ones I don't. There are so many wires that I take on vacation. We just went to my dad's house over the weekend. We're literally driving two hours away and my dad has everything you could possibly need. But yet we have to take 35 wires with us so that everything can get charged while we're gone. You got to do everything.

I have a solution for you. What? To have buy one for travel and buy one for home and then you just take okay Just keep that other one in your suitcase if I was to do things like that Then I wouldn't have anything to complain about anymore, but I'm just a fucking moron And I told you anything correctly. I literally hate this I'm a child of another one and the one at home one is the home one and the travel one is the travel one but I think part of this

Okay, I got it. All right, fine. That's a good idea, but, you know. Thanks. I already have so many wires. I don't want to double the wires. I just, you just keep those in your suitcase. They never have to leave. Here's the thing about the suitcase is when you have kids though.

You need a million suitcases, depending on where you're going. You need to bring a million things in case of anything, right? And what I'm really disliking now, I love going on vacation and my wife is a dutiful and fantastical packer. She will not let me touch the suitcase because she knows I'm gonna fuck it all up. So she just says, put your shit out that you want and let me do the rest. So in like five years, I don't think I packed a bag on my own. It's not because I'm a child, I can't pack my bag. It's just that we have a different way of organizing.

Yeah, I throw things in there. Yeah. If it's left up to me, I bring the whole closet. And that way it's all there, right? Yeah. I can't do that anymore, because I have kids. And they're gonna take up at least three suitcases. And so we've got to consolidate into one as a couple.

Or we're gonna end up paying a bunch of baggage fees or just ends up becoming ridiculous. We go to my father's house for two fucking days and I have to bring the entire household, the entire household. Yeah, well, it's his house, of course. I wish those kids would pack their own suitcases. When they start packing their own suitcases, then I think life's going to be a little bit easier. You can start teaching them now.

Yeah, I could, but you know, whatever. There are four. I mean, he's four and two. What are they they gonna understand? What I really wanna teach him is how to pack my wires. If I can get my kids to pack my wires, that sounds like a great idea, I have the kids with outlets.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was a kid with outlets. I mean, I got like a one Christmas, I got one of those science sets. And it literally had like, myriatic acid in there It's like you know you makes something blow up and everyone's eyes will get burned out and I and we turned out just fine and All eight of my fingers still work

Things go great Yeah, when you have kids you get it's a whole different packing routine. I'm just telling you that right now Chrissy So consider your consider you and Jeff lucky that those kids are older and they could pack their own suitcase. But they could not. I mean, we've been together for a long time and they were five and seven when we were together. I don't start complaining to me about how things were back in the day. I'm in the middle of it. I'm in the shit right now. I'm in the stank in the drank right now, Chrissy. You are. You are. Shit, pee, poop. You name it. I'm into it. All of it.

It gets easier, but then it doesn't get easier with the, uh, the talk back. Oh, yeah. Yeah. My kids are really talking back to me. They're already my little, one of the little ones is running right now. And I'm like, Hey, come here. Now. What are you? You're two, how could you be saying that? There could be something important than I come in the other day and she's like watching her mom cook and she's got a permanent marker

and she's writing all over the marble. She's like writing all over the marble and I am freaking the fuck out. I'm like, oh my God, how could you do that? Like, oh no, blah, blah, blah, and Astrid's like, it'll come up. I'm like, no, it's permanent marker. It never comes up.

And then Astrid took it right off. And she's like, it's a non-porous substance. And I'm like, when did you become a fucking scientist? What the fuck is that all about? Well, she does have a background in design. So. I didn't think that anything could do. Marker's what, that was a leaf.

No, it wasn't. She knows about porous substances because of the marble. Uh-huh. Okay. She's working in construction. It's porous substances. I know about porous substances

because of the holes in my head. All right. Okay. So there's my chief complaint right now is that I just got back from, I just got back three days to go. I hate the travel part. I just wanted, I wanted to be like Star Trek where you just be me there.

I don't mind that. If I'm getting on a plane, I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it. I just did this. Yeah, but if I'm getting in a car and I'm I did it all. I'm okay. I'm okay driving. So I do have, so my friend and I, we just went to DC

and we were there and we were on the plane and we need to restart our vacation. Yeah. We want to have some cocktails. No. It's like noon. It's noon. Fast forward to the air marshal part.

No. It's noon. It's noon. So we're on an airline that won't be named but it wasn't Delta where they're very professional about like when you order drinks. They don't scream out of things. Like, my friend said I would like a sparkling wine. And the woman said, sparkling water or wine.

Oh my God. Geez. She was like wine. Why? Why? Well, you're on a plane. I guess I'm lost. I guess I'm not a plane.

And I wanted a juice with some vodka, and the two choices were orange or apple, and I chose apple. Apple juice! What? It's got a weird actually. She's right about that. Apple juice and vodka?

Yeah, why not? Really? Is that taste good? What's the difference? It tastes delicious. What do you mean what's the difference? The difference is one's orange and one's apple. Juice.

It's juice. Okay. Juice and vodka. Juice goes with vodka in any form. Okay. I don't know. I'm apple juice I've just never heard I've in my years of bartending. I never had anyone ask for an apple juice Well, it's not a drink you would are at the bar But these were the two choices on this plane of the juice and I don't want it one orange I want an apple and that a little vodka God bless you. You are Variety is the spice of life my child

If you are one spice rack away from having it all So you got your drinks, but they were just a little loud. It's like going to the grocery store and like yeah Sparkling On 36 inch cock back roll juice and vodka. Like it was the worst thing ever. I mean, I, it's a juice and it's vodka. Vodka goes with any juice. I need a place to go to find a vodka. It's already been drank. It's been opened. What do I do when someone's already drank a pint of vodka? I need a pie joke on a 36 inch rubber dildo for Chrissy. Oddly, Chrissy, Oddly.

Exactly like what it was on this plane. I have a list of things. Yes, people take alcohol, it's noon. Yeah, people drink alcohol at any time on a plane. Yeah, sure, yeah, of course. Yeah, you're getting on a plane. That's a real obligation. I mean, look at me, I'm not judging you.

It has something to do with a stewardess. She didn't, and she didn't have charging us for it, so that makes up for her. Oh, well, there you go. Were you in some kind of special cabin or section? No, she just decided to give you. Yeah, I think she felt bad about it. Yeah, we now are ordered to everyone and saying

how weird it was. Yeah, well now are ordered to everyone and say in how weird it was. Yeah, well, everyone. People don't care. Like the least strange thing that's ever happened on a plane is that you ordered apple juice and vodka. Yeah, it true. I mean, seriously, the planes are a fucking mess. Friendly skies in my house.

That's true. Well, I'm glad you're back safely. Thank you. And I'm glad you didn't get a hair and Marshall and Hall from your conversation. No. All right, okay, just checking. All right. So here we are. I have got another story from another listener sent in. It's rather long and I do have to clarify some things first.

Okay. Wow. This story started off with like three paragraphs, right? This is what happened. Dot, dot, dot. with like three paragraphs, right? This is what happened, dot, dot, dot. And I asked for revisions and I asked questions because I felt like there was a lot more to the story that we needed to know. And so what came back to me was a rather long story and I asked some additional follow-up questions. So I want you to know this is like revision number three

on this particular story, even Matthias agrees. Yes. See, screaming in the background. I hope he's okay. Like, my kid could have his arm, he could have his arm cut off, his bleeding profusely, and I'm like, well, gotta keep the trains running on time.

The commercial break. All seven people have to hear their episode of the commercial break. Half of you, Subaka. All right, here you go. This is an advice. This is Ask TCB. I would think this is categorized under Ask TCB.

Are you ready? Yes, I think so. This cut, okay, I'm just checking. Sorry, I was noticing the tape that's on our camera there. Yeah, well listen, it's been there since season one. There used to be a big sign there that said, look here to remind us to look in there, but neither of us ever pay attention to that.

So I just took it down. I'm like, oh, it cares. It looks like a cast. It is a cast. It's a tripod cast. Yeah, we can't spend an extra $700 to fix that camera. This is coming to us from one of our great listeners, Nate. We'll call him Nate, actually, what we'll call him.

You ready? I'm a long time listener and I wanted to write in after hearing some of the other stories on the show. I think I've got a tale you'll be interested in and I'd like to ask your advice. I'm just afraid of what it will be because I don't want to make life any worse for myself. Well, that's a fair enough assessment of Nate.

I'm a 27 year old. I'm living in the Midwest and I have two lovely children, both of which are under the age, both of which are younger. So I'm just gonna say that. Let's just say that. Okay. So younger means under the age of 18.

Like they're not adult children. Well, it's just, 27, you'd hope they'd not be up to age. They're not 10. You didn't have a 10. Okay, here we go. Well, I've heard you speak about relationship age gaps before. I don't think you've tackled my particular situation. As I mentioned, the mother of, as I mentioned, I'm 27 years old.

And the mother of my children is now 45 years old. Wow, that's a pretty good age gap. I live in a relatively small town in my relationship. This is for you, wife. Yeah. By the way, Nate's wife. Nice. Okay, all right, just pay attention. I want you you wife. Yeah. By the way, Nate's wife. Nice.

Okay. All right. Pay attention. I want you to pay attention closely. He said, Mother of my children is what he said. Oh, okay. Okay. I live in a relatively small town.

I think it's important to know that. To say the least, however, we would be the most famous couple in the town or surrounding areas history. Actually, that would be an understatement. Oh my God, it was a teacher. Because the size of my town is only about 10,000 people, we had a relatively small public school system. I didn't call that. Wait, hold on, you're ruining it for everybody.

It's a hurry, it's a hurry. You can't, you're like that person, like the movie, you all the, Michael did it. People are like, shana! I'm gonna zip it, I'm zip it. In my wife, she always asks, as soon as we get into the movie, she's like,

who did it? And I'm like, I know, but I don't wanna say because I wanna learn, I belong with everybody else. Okay, because of the size of my town, it's only about 10,000 people. We had a relatively small public school. Everyone goes to school together from the age of five until graduation. As a matter of fact, I only had 52 people in my graduating class. Every parent knows every other parent,

every kid knows every other kid, no matter their age and every teacher teaches every child, at least one subject in that child's life. It is the epitome of small town living. That sounds like it. Yeah. When I was in the third grade, a new family moved to town. This was an exciting event as we don't ever see new people move into town. It's more likely an asteroid would crash into my bathroom tomorrow morning. Then someone from out of town out of the city limits move into the city limits. People only move out almost no one ever moves in.

Okay, so I'm assuming, I'm just picturing this, it doesn't say this. Like a Dean Pittsburgh. Yeah, it is, I think this is like, you know, one of those towns that has, like they have a stoplight, and they might have a McDonald's, you know, it's 10,000 people,

but there's probably some farming around it, or so I'm just imagining, it's the Midwest, right? Okay, the new family consisted of a married couple with two girls. One of the girls was in my grade and the one was one year younger. The father worked where everyone else works in this town in agriculture. And as the mother and the mother took a part-time work as a substitute teacher for the high school. I became very friendly with Cynthia who I refer to as Cindy, the daughter of the family in my class. As a matter of fact, she would be considered my best friend.

We grew very close over time in school. We hung out as kids, then as middle schoolers, and into high school. We were getting closer to each other with each year, and we lived in a neighborhood where it was about a 10-minute bike ride, and a a 10 minute bike ride could take you anywhere including her house. We were constant playmates. Indeed. When it comes time for high school, when it comes time for the high school dances, the choices were slim. You either went to a, you either went with a small group of friends

or if you were lucky, you had a boy or a girlfriend in the class. Some of the people brought dates from nearby schools, but even that was rare. I decided to ask Cindy to the homecoming our junior year. It was my first big high school dance, and she said yes, of course. We were just friends.

It made sense for us to go together. I remember going to her house and my dad's old pickup together, and she walked down the stairs, and I thought, wow, Cindy cleans up nice. She was, she was smoking hot as a matter of fact. I had never seen her in a dress like that. Short skirt, ladies all perked up with some cleavage showing.

I saw her in a totally different light that night and I was ready for homecoming. Yeah. Coming and being the underlying word. That night was quite simply pretty wild. We all went to the small gym after the game in our school. A little more than 200 children or kids and some teacher shaperones attended. It was well known that at some point it was well known that some of the older kids and some of the parents would spike drinks and let you sip off of their flask. Ooh. Wow. This is like a town. This is where you live. Your board. Yeah, it's a true. Well, he says it was a party for us,

but it was also a party for the adults who most likely went to the school also and experienced the same thing. It was almost like a generational right of passage. Wow. Okay. All right, I'd like this. I'm getting into this. After the dance, there was a party at one of the senior kids' homes. They were named the Martins. This was a semi-sanctioned party

that happened there for years. All of the kids and teachers, and some of the teachers, went and party after homecoming at this particular home. Martins. At the Martins. The Martins just had it. Martins had no... It's a mattercoming at this particular home. Martin's. The Martin's just had it. Martin said, no, it's a matter of, this happened in my high school.

Really? Yeah, there was like an annual Christmas party. Kind of. Even if your kids aren't even in school anymore, you're having the party. You know, there's only 10,000 people. You imagine only like a thousand of them are willing to go do anything fun whatsoever or don't have a babysitter or whatever. Listen, I've seen this happen.

I had a friend in high school and every homecoming and every prom, his parents literally bought a couple kegs, opened up the liquor cabinet and opened the front doors. Okay. And sometimes parents would show up too. You know, like the kids would be all partying downstairs. Hey kids. Hey kids.

Can I promise you? Let me show you my winner. Are you guys smoking it? That's the geeky down there. Hey, get up here and share some we need to eat with your dad. I'm out of class. Yeah. What's the painkillers from my prostate surgery? And yeah, it would be like, you know, the kids were hanging out downstairs doing their version of fun, drinking, smoking, and the parents were playing cards under the guys that they were shaperoning the party, but the truth was they were just partying themselves.

They were, you know, hoping that, you know, I don't know, nevermind, I'm not gonna get it to do it, but you know what I'm saying. Booze, pain killers, and bad weed, ship from a neighboring state were all on the menu and this was a tradition. Ship from a neighboring state. Ship from a neighboring state. I a neighbor even know what that means I don't know why you put that I don't know who knows ship from a neighboring state like you mean see you that Mexican this was a tradition we all looked forward to that Martin party invite sounds like that I'm looking forward to it next year can we it's me too I want pictures but I asked for too. I want pictures. But I asked for it.

I said I want pictures of the Martin party. Well, the Martins aren't their real name. And, you know, I, but maybe we should figure out. We should do it to CB lives. Yeah, I know. From the Martin party. Yeah, that would be awesome. We'd probably get arrested for, for corrupting the youth.

The Martins who threw the party had seven children. One of them had always been in high school for the last eight years running, and the last one would graduate three years after the party. That's why they had, I was confused as to why they were the ones having the party every year, because they just had kids in school every year. They're always in high school every year.

Yeah, I mean seven kids. And if you have kids in school, seven kids, period, but seven kids in school, you're drinking. Yeah, you're drinking. Yeah, you're fucking, you have kids in school seven kids period but seven kids in school you're drinking. You're drinking. Yeah, you're fucking you have seven kids. Yeah, I mean, you know, you think of these small towns you think like a pure tanical like kind of like you know, ever they banned dancing in the school. Now you're shipping in drugs from out of state. You're passing around pain killers. You got your keys in a bowl. You're having sex with a neighbor, this sounds like a high old term. My mom holds her upside down. Yeah, which small town is this?

Miami? I mean, I think something weird's going on here with this story. By the way, I do not claim to know that this is true or not true. And I imagine that there's a lot of embellishing going on in all of these stories. I'm just saying.

We all looked forward to that Martin party invite. The family through the kid, the Bartons, who through the party had seven kids. One of them had always been in high school. The last one would graduate three years after this party. So they were a great ambassador for this type of event. It was great. I was stoked and so was Cindy. As the night wore on, Cindy and I finger dipped and dabbed our way through the party. It was my first time really getting high. I mean really getting high, like mixing pills and powders with booze.

I was feeling 10 miles tall and Cindy was hanging on me like a tongue on a lollipop. I was losing my big vites and I just knew it. 17 years old and I was ready to get it and I did. Good for you Nate. All right. It was sloppy. It was smelly, and it was messy wet affair, but we made love. From friends to sex fiends in the course of three hours,

we had found each other that night in a new way. We had unleashed an appetite for touch and for sex. This would prove to be awesome, but it would also change our friendship forever. Sure, as it does. As it does. Cindy and I spent the next year fucking... I actually didn't read this paragraph.

Cindy and I spent the next year fucking. We fucked in my bedroom. My parents were at work. We fucked in my bed. When my parents were sleeping, we fucked in the basement. We fucked in our garage. We fucked in the parks. We fucked in the fields. We fucked on breaks at my work, we fucked after church on

Sundays, we even fucked at school in the locker rooms during a football game. Wow, that's a radiance. Love it. This is awesome. We had a lot of sex, you don't say you were fucking everywhere, dude. But we always remain friends. While we were certainly going out and you could consider us a, quote, couple,

I always felt we were good friends who had found a new hobby we enjoyed. Fucking. Okay, all right. Sometimes we were careful and had protection. Sometimes I let it fly. Sometimes we counted our cycles and sometimes we would just wait.

Or sometimes I couldn't wait. It was haphazard at best. I just stayed a good Catholic boy and always pulled out. I wonder if you got a couple of kids. Yeah, no one got a couple of children. Yeah, it was a magic trick that I learned. Maximum pleasure with minimum leakage. To be clear, we always had consensual raw sex when it happened. I am not some degenerate douche kiddo. Okay, fair enough. Thanks for the disclosure there, bud. I want to fast forward to our senior year of homecoming. Of course I was going to go with Cindy. We were attached at the hip and sometimes at the vagina, but I do remember about this time. Cindy and I were having a little less sex.

The smell was wearing off. I know that smell, I get it. You know, there's only the pheromones. The pheromones, you know, the pheromones do wear off as they do and you gotta then, that's when you gotta actually put some effort out there because once the pheromones wear off, which is just natural, it's nature.

You know, there's a tendency for the nature of the relationship to change a little bit. It's like when you're not fucking three times a day, what do you do then? Yeah. You actually got to talk to people. That's when you got to use that motor mouth to yours. The smell was wearing off. We were not in love, in my opinion, and that magnetism was fading. I think I even snuck out a few times to see another girl from another

county school a few miles away. I didn't cheat. I was just curious on a rather horny teenage boy. Okay, fair enough. I was teenage boys are about two weeks after homecoming. Cindy's Aunt Marie moved in with them. She had been through a bad breakup and decided to settle in our town. She was the youngest sister of Cindy's mom. That was huge news! I know, this was like a magic. Not only did they move into town, but now they in.

He is! There's a new single woman in town. Number, please. Yeah, I need to get a hold of the mountains and tell them there's gonna be an extra person at their party this year We're gonna have to put an extra set of keys in the bowl, Mrs. Martin You're gonna need an extra dildo and a pocket pussy Huge I'm sorry, so you're gonna have to use our new dial technology

This is the last this was the town that dial technology film was filmed it. I'm sure it is. Um, okay, about two weeks from now, she was the youngest sister of Cindy's mom. She was also a teacher and she started working as a substitute just like Cindy's mother. The night of the homecoming, we knew the drill, game, dance, and party at the Martins. We got to the dance and we had already smoked a bit of weed. Cindy was looking super hot and I looked forward to getting a little tickle and touch legs around the evening. Cindy's mom and sister had taken duty as shaperones at the dance.

Uh, however, so I had to be a little cool. Cindy's mom was not my biggest fan. After she caught us one night playing hide the pickle in the bush. Hide the pickle in the bush. Good fucker you talking about. That said, Cindy's Aunt Marie was super cool. She was a bit younger than most of the teachers and had a full flask of whiskey.

She was spiking our punch all night long. I got to talk into her, and she liked the same music. She was in the techno which I liked, and I was thinking Marie was just awesome. It turned out to be a good night, despite the stairs from Cindy's mother. When we got to the Martin's party, Cindy was getting a bit tipsy and a bit out of control.

She was grinding against some of the adults. She was screaming in people's faces and I was becoming a babysitter, which was fine. She had done this for me plenty before and that was my turn. He was grinding against adults? She was grinding against the adults. No, but she had helped. He had helped her before.

What? No, I think he said I was becoming a babysitter, which was fine because she had done this for me before. Right. Baby sat, right? Yeah. That's the thing that's what he's trying to say. Yes.

But about two hours in, she started to vomit, and I decided to have a DD driver home. It doesn't need a driver driver home. I went with, I guess when you're having a party like this, you gotta make sure everyone gets home safely. Or that kind of party ends real quick, you know what I'm saying? Exactly. I decided to have a DD driver home.

I went with her, I tucked her in, and then I made my way back to the party. Hey you, yeah you. Thanks for listening to another episode of the commercial break, dcbpodcast.com. That's where you go to connect with Chrissy and I, you can find out more information about the two of us, listen to all the audio or watch all the video all from one location.

youtube.com slash the commercial break is the place to be if you want daily clips and full episodes two days after they release on your favorite audio platform. At the commercial break on Instagram and 661-237-8296. That's 661, the word best, the number 2-Y-O-Yo. Give us a text message, leave us a voicemail, tell us how you feel about the show, leave us content ideas, comments, questions, concerns, we'll take it all at 661-237-8296. Please do us a favor and leave us a comment and a review on your favorite podcast player. It's the only way the show grows and we appreciate all those people who have done so lately. We're going to take a moment to tell you about our sponsors and then we'll be back to this

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Thanks, man. Mobile for becoming a sponsor of the commercial break. When I get back to the party, Aunt Marie had shown up with a few other people. She's the most popular woman in town right now. Who, Aunt Marie? Yeah, she's brand new. Yeah. She's gonna imagine. I mean, you know, with a few other people who she's showing up with, the other teachers. I mean,

normally it's families. I know. Vainin. Now it's the single lady. Now there's one single lady in all of town. And it's right. Our baby. She's a hot for teacher teacher. Right. I get back to the party. Emory had shown up with a few people. I buddy buddy up to Marie and we sat on the couch and talk and drank into the night. As it got late, we decided to take a few pills

she had brought along. It was an ecstasy and I had done this before at Farm Raves. The teacher is giving the student ecstasy and this is his girlfriend's aunt. Yes. Oh my God. Yeah, we haven't covered this before. No, this is definitely not a topic we've covered before.

And we've covered some strange shit, but this is not. This is already way beyond anything we've covered. It was ex I'd done that before it if you farm raves. I could handle my shit, a little finger dipping was cool. I knew I'd be okay, but holy shit, this was the wawi wawi. It was a wawi wawi wawi wawi within 60 minutes I was flying I was feeling so good Marie and I walked back behind a pool the pool house area and we found a patch of grass near a field to lay it

we counted the stars we listened to music being played from the house. It was a perfect moment. So good. Yay Maui, wowi. Do you want a back rub? Okay, it was a perfect moment. I was in the sixth dimension. Another reference to the show. I like Nate that you're throwing in all these references. Let's say Willow Smith song. Let's say Willow Smith song. In the sixth time I'm on. After an hour or two on the ground, it was getting a bit cold. It was right before dawn and the dew was settling in. We could hear the birds chirping and I was feeling a bit sore from all the rolling.

Marie asked if I needed a back rub. I did. She grabbed a towel from the pool house, told me to lay down and take my back rub? I did. She grabbed a towel from the pool house, told me to lay down and take my shirt off. I did. She started to rub my back. She asked if she could massage my butt. She could.

And as she lowered my slacks a little bit, I felt her hand wrap around my torso and down my pants. My little soldier saluted her right away. Brian and Chrissy, it was game on. I was so hot. I really didn't realize what the fuck was happening, but I was all for it. This was not coercion.

I was ready for this woman. No, you weren't, but okay, I get it. By the way, he's 18 now. I just wanna be clear about this. He's 18 years old. I don't know if we've mentioned that part of the story, but I asked the question he made it clear. This was like taking off in a rocket. It was fast, it was hard, and it was explosive. Within seconds, we were fucking, and she was on top of me. It was, I was an absolute outer space.

I just recall color, shapes, and sounds, but all in all the lights and sparkles, I really couldn't feel my little tinkle. all the lights and sparkles, I really couldn't feel my little tinkle. I had no idea if I was climaxing or still thrusting. I had no idea if I was still in her. I didn't know what was going on. I knew I had to pull out, but I couldn't quite focus. By the time I pulled out, I believed it was too late. I had become a bad Catholic in just seconds. My magic trick failed me, but I didn't care because it was one of the most magical moments of my life.

Yeah, listen, I'm just fascinated by your story here. I feel like I'm fucking in the woods. No, the cornfield. The deed was done. I fucked my fuck buddies ant, an 18 year old boy having sex with a 32 year old woman and with a 32 year old woman and she was a teacher. The night had come to a eventful conclusion when I had to walk eight miles home because all of the DDs got drunk and passed out thinking everyone had left.

Marie drove herself home. You didn't even get a ride from Marie, that's kind of shitty. We didn't say much after sex. She kissed me on my forehead before she left and said It was great spending time with you. I can see why Cindy likes you have a good night I'm safe and I'll see you next week. Yeah, my niece My niece, you forgot that part. That's a convenient omission my niece

The next day I walked up a woke up around 4.30 pm to 30 mistexts and phone calls. Cindy was calling to apologize for her behavior. She was really upset at herself. I called her back and with a crusty ecstasy hangover, I muddled through a conversation. I felt that. I know that. I agreed to meet her for dinner and hung up. It wasn't until I hung up that I actually remembered what had transpired, just hours before. I fucked her damn ant. What do I say? What do I do? Holy shit. I fucked her

damn ant. Okay. I couldn't do dinner. I just had sex with her ants. That's what I wanted to call and tell her, but I couldn't say that. Of course I couldn't. What if she knew? What if it was a ruse to get me into a family meeting about my dick running got drunk? Who wants to hook up with who? But she didn't know about Marie. She didn't mention a word. She didn't. She did, however, say that Marie had come home at almost 6 a.m. from the party. And she asked if I had seen her. I responded. Yeah. She was around. Around your cock. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool.. That school, the next week, things were so weird. Marie was in the hallways sometimes and would say hello, but would never engage at a deeper level. I even saw her in an empty class one day

and asked if we could talk. I just wanted to clear the air. She said, there's nothing to discuss here, honey. We had a fun time. Don't worry about it. You're in high school. Crazy shit happens. Let's all move on.

OK. She literally gave me the brush off. It kind of hurt because I thought I liked her, like kind of a lot, but I wasn't stupid. I didn't want drama, not any drama at all. Cindy and I continued to hang out. We continued to have sex. Nothing really changed. I was feeling awfully guilty, but I wasn't going to hurt her with my bullshit, so I decided to keep the secret.

I just keep it. Oh yeah. Let's see how to- I am gonna hurt her with that. I'm gonna hurt her with that. I mean, you have to keep having that. The old conversation that we've had. If you found out, well, if Jeff cheated on you

and you could, A, never know about it, or B, know about it, which one would you choose? Know about it. I know you would, but there's lots of people that say differently. There's lots of people that say differently. Also, I would especially know about it with my freaking hands. Well, then I wouldn't want to know about it especially

if you're one of those people. I mean, come on. I'm saying that not everybody's like us, not everybody wants to dig into the drama. Three months. Are you kidding me? What, every reality show? What?

I'm not saying, I'm not saying that anybody would do it. That wouldn't want to know, drama? Yeah, no, every word wants to know, drama. I'm just sharing that. Okay. When I went down this rabbit hole a couple months ago when we had this big conversation about it, there were lots of people who decided they did not want to know.

They said, they said, I'm out. I don't want to know. I guess Jerry Springer don't want to know Jerry Springer is wrong yeah Jerry Springer I mean it's hey listen I'm okay knowing your drama I just don't want to do my own drama okay three months later I was hanging out with some friends at the local fast food joint everyone there used to hang after school is a meeting place and if you needed to find an amount in the end of the harries burgers is what he said. If you needed to find your team after 4 p.m. you just go to harries burgers. That's likely where they would be.

Sometimes 50 kids would be there at one time. Anyway, I was hanging out in the patio and Marie pulled up in her car. She got out, walked straight, told me to me and told me she wanted to talk. I'd like a convertible and I'd spray enough with rap or techno playing. techno playing. I actually see a little hatchback. I hate to see you. I need to talk to you in class.

Left your homework. I'm on a second of the deck. She came straight up out of her car and walked straight to me and told me she needed to talk to me. So I jumped in her car. When we sat down, I noticed that she was crying. She cried for literally five minutes and barely said a word. I couldn't imagine what had happened.

I kept asking her what's going on, what's going on. And after some mumbling, she said the word, words that changed my life forever. I am pregnant and it is twins. Oh, Jesus Christ, man. Can you imagine? No. Can you even pretend to imagine what kind of... Wow, I can't imagine this happening.

What? Examine Maryly. This is like an updated version of Footloose. Yeah, but you know, the movies come from real stories. I know it's Footloose. Is it Footloose? Is that the story? Did she get pregnant?

Did the teacher got pregnant? No, I don't know. Okay. I got a project. I'm scared. I don't know. Almost four months to the day, I had the best night of my life.

This was the worst news of my life. I said the only things I knew to say, I'll be there for you. That's what happens when a pickle goes in a bush. That's what happens when you get to play a little pickle in the bush. I said the only things I knew to say, I'll be there for you. That's what happens when I pickle girls in a bush. That's what happens to get to play a little pickle in the bush or a little tickle on touch or whatever you call it. Twinkle tickle. To it, your tingle tickle. I might tingle tickles. I said the only thing I knew to say, I'll be there for you.

Oh, shit. We can get in a boy shit. Yeah, I just shit myself. How much are playing tickets to Mexico? We can get an abortion. I'll pay for it. If you want the kids I'll support you Maybe we can get married and move somewhere else. Maybe we can move somewhere else today before my parents I was shitting myself. What the fuck do I do? I guess my life is over. Yeah. She told me abortions not an option and I started to really freak out and cry.

I told her we should get married. We should tell everyone and just get married. It will soften the blow and let the kids and let the kids grow up in a stable environment. My head was spinning. I had nowhere to go and I was stuck in my own bullshit. Well now you're stuck at the fast food place. Harry's.

Yeah, now you guys, she's not even driving home. She didn't drive home the night you fucked her. You think she's gonna drive her home? The night you find out you're pregnant. Oh, I'll take a cherry lime. I'll take a cherry lime made and two from my little twins here. Yeah.

I'll take one for X and Y. She then dropped the second bombshell of the day. Whoa. Marie explained to me that she did not move to town because of a bad breakup, but she moved, excuse me, she moved to town, not from a bad regular breakup, but because her relationship with her long-time girlfriend had gone sour.

Marie was gay. She had known since she was a teen. I don't know. Let's listen to what he has to say. She had known since she was a teen. She had told her family a 15 years old, and when she turned 18, she had moved to a big city to live her truth. She had found someone she loved at 25 and they had lived together for years.

The relationship got sour and it got nasty and Marie needed a break. So she moved back into the small town with her sister to get a breather. Well, what in the good fucking god just happened at homecoming, I said. She said it was just a fun night. She was rolling and she wanted some affection. She was loaded and felt the moment was right. She had sex with men before and enjoyed the feeling, but she was clear.

She was gay, not interested in marriage with me or any other penis carrying human being. Holy shit guys. I was in the twilight zone. I was upside down and I could not correct my bearings. I would say so, dude. Yeah, that's heavy. That's so heavy, bro. It's kind of funny, but it's really heavy.

Yeah. I mean, I guess you survived it. You're alive, right? The next survived to tell us. No, and yeah, I mean, who are you calling us? Like, don't you need a therapist or something? Why are you telling us these stories? Why are people telling us these stories? I think they're trying to one up each other.

It's why I think, yeah. This has turned into like, you know, fantasy hour on the commercial break. I wouldn't be surprised if there's like a Jerry Springer storyline about this somewhere out there and someone's just, you know, yeah, you know what I'm saying. How do we check the validity of the story? You can't.

The next five months were the most, but it's a fun story to listen to. The next five months were the most insane of my life, my family's life, and the small town I lived in. I am still taking questions about what happened. Everyone in the town was going to be privy to my story. Did they all find out? Of course, it's a, of course.

Of course. I mean, I don't know. And I have a day. I mean, Marie could have gone into the next, you know, state. And I have a six, but she tell everybody tell everybody. You got to remember is that she, her sister is one of the teachers. Her niece is this kid's boyfriend. How do you know if you don't tell?

If you're having babies, you don't think you're gonna, you think you can just find that for your family? But you bet. Why doesn't it have to be the young boys babies? Can you just lie by the father was? I suppose you could. Yeah, that would be first. It's a lie about the children's heritage.

That's the first thing you do is fuck the kids for the rest of their life. No, that would not. I don't know either, I don't know. Okay, but what happened in the end is probably the craziest twist. Here goes, you ready. Of course, that's not the craziest twist.

Yeah. You got another crazy twist. It's hard to go through every single sorted detail. There are too many to even recall, but what happens after the conversation was a blur for the most part. Here are the highlights. First, I had to tell Cindy.

Of course you did. Now this is where I started asking questions, right? What happened with Cindy? Now imagine yourself in my position. Your best friend of almost a decade, the person you lost your virginity to and your current girlfriend is about to hear that her gay pregnant is aunt is pregnant with twins and the father of the child is her boyfriend. Yeah. Both Marie and I agreed that it was best that I tell her, though I kind of wish Maria had taken that one on her chin. I decided to take Cindy to a public place to have this conversation.

If I was gonna die, I wanted a witness. Conversation went a little something like this. Me, hey honey, have I, I wanna tell you something and it's really bad. I want you to know I really care about you and I'm very sorry. Her, who are you fucking? Yeah.

Me, your aunt, her, I knew it. Her. Who are you fucking? Yeah. Me, your aunt. Her. I knew it. Me, how would the world would you know that? Her. Someone saw you behind the Martin's house on homecoming. Me. Who?

Her. How could that possibly matter right now? Me. You're right, that doesn't matter right now. Maria's pregnant with twins. Her. Fuck you. Maria just fucked my boyfriend and a student at't matter right now Maria's pregnant with twins her fuck you Marie just fucked my boyfriend and a student at the school and now she's fucking pregnant with your child fuck you fuck her and Fuck those children you all deserve each other. I'm not anymore

I never want to see any of you again. I'm going to school Wow, I'm going to school in Canada. Oh I'm going to school. Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm going to school in Canada. Oh, my God. That's just insane.

Hold on, I lost my place here. I mean fast forward to now when he's texting us, he's 27 now. Okay. Okay. So it's been a while. It's been a while. I've got a couple of nine year olds. Yeah, a couple of nine year olds.

Oh, you're right about that. Good math. Let me just recap the conversation in case you missed it. Cindy just shared with me that not only did people see Marie and I in the field, she had known about it for months and had never said a word. And for those who didn't already know, Cindy just let the entire coffee shop in on the secret.

Yeah, that's how everybody found out. Yeah, that's how everybody found out. Or somebody saw somebody saw them at the Martins house. So somebody probably said something in the the secret. That's how everybody found out. Yeah, that's how everybody found out. Or somebody saw somebody saw them at the Martins house. So somebody probably said something in the first place. Sorry, I already spread the thing. I literally wanted to crawl into a hole. I bet you did, buddy, but there's nowhere to go in that town. It's 10,000.

No. In the next few weeks, Marie, take your dad's old figure. Take care of it. Head on the road. Head on the road again. Get your wires. Get your your charging wires, pack them.

Throw everything you own in one bag. Don't worry about the dirty laundry. Throw that in there too. Head south. Yeah. And right at Christmas card to your kids every year. In the next few weeks, Marie moved out to Cindy's house. I would say so.

Right. She was fired from her school and I was suspended under circumstances. I'm still not sure. I'm clear to me. I think the principal had to do something. So he suspended me after he fired her. I was 18 years old and this was a small town. So no prior charges were pressed against Marie. I think the school administration quite frankly felt bad for everyone involved and they just wanted to make this go away. But there was nothing under undercover about the situation. Everywhere I went, everybody stared at me and people mumbled under their breath. There were some places that wouldn't even serve me.

There was a restaurant. We don't want you to come around here. We don't want you to dig in this for the establishment. We're afraid you're gonna fuck all of our siblings. You sibling fucker. There was a restaurant in town and I went with my family to get dinner. The owner of the restaurant pulled my father aside to let us know. We weren't welcome here. You're not welcome here. You and your sibling fucking son. Look at his dick. It's just fine. He's a, he's a, he's a just an ant-fucker.

Well, it doesn't matter. Yeah. He's a, uh, uh, a pro-missing, he dipped his ink in the cup of wells. Yeah, that's, I would say that. To say that my parents were upset would be a huge understatement. Brian, I heard your story about almost getting someone

pregnant the first time you had sex. Imagine, I think almost get someone pregnant. Someone told me they were pregnant. Yeah. Imagine the anger your father directed at you. Only this time it was real and with my teacher and my girlfriend's aunt, I wasn't able to do anything except go to school, work on the farm, and listen to the radio. What's that? But he gets suspended. No, he's saying that over the next couple of months, that's what happened. He was real loud back then. I guess, he said he got suspended, not expelled.

I can't imagine how that graduation ceremony went out. Do do do do do do do do do do. Nate, the teacher, fucker. Do do do do do do do do. I only got to go to work on the farm and listen to the radio, the fucking radio. Who listens to the fucking radio? I didn't even have a phone anymore.

No one anymore. No one, that's right. So while I was a caveman in my bedroom at my house, Marie moved back to Chicago with the two children in her belly. After she left, I didn't hear from her from almost a month, so now she's five and a half months pregnant, I have no idea what's going on. I'll fast forward through all the details, but my mother and Marie finally spoke and I took a trip to Chicago to go to the doctors to go to a doctor's appointment with her. It was decided that Marie would have the children in Chicago and I was able to come visit whatever I wanted. Oh my God, what a fucked up story man.

So the children were born. I was there. It was the most amazing moment of my life. I have never loved anything as much as I love these girls twin girls and I never will. Congratulations Nate, by the way. Yeah, I mean, girls twin girls and I never will. Congratulations Nate by the way. Yeah I mean listen you. Happy healthy girls. This is one hell of a story.

I can't wait till the girls get old enough to tell. Marie and I kept a civil relationship. I paid what money I could toward raising the children. She became a full-time tutor for high school students looking to go to prestigious colleges. She was making good money and taking care of the kids and I was going to community college. I saw the kids every single weekend and almost every holiday. Good for you, Dan.

Good for you. Children need mothers, fathers. Children need supportive systems. They don't necessarily need mothers and fathers. They need support systems. Cindy moved away, Cindy, however, moved away to college. I almost never spoke to, yeah.

Well, yeah, I was Cindy. Yeah, let me get on going to school in Canada. The second you fucked her and you changed the trajectory of her life, yeah. Which could be for the good. That's so good. That's the town was crazy. That's right.

You never know. This town is a fucking hoot there. I wonder if the Martins are still having their party. Probably far. Probably. I'd love to go to that party. I really would. Cindy moved away to, how, Cindy, however,

moved away to college. I almost never spoke another word to her after that conversation that the coffee shop when I saw her family out and about We ignored each other for the most part. It's still a very uncomfortable situation between the two family. Don't say that you need to move to He's still there, but now I know the big city you can blend in Yeah, I totally agree, but maybe that's, you know, some people are not for that kind of life. But now I have two wonderful young ladies who cannot be more proud of them. Marie is a fantastic mother. She has a long time girlfriend

who is also a wonderful stepmother, good for you. I now get them every other weekend and I get to bring them home with me and I'm still living in the same small town and enduring the same looks and whispers from the same 15 fucking people. Leigh, move. Move to another small town.

Yeah. Here's where things get interesting. Things that are interesting in the second paragraph of this fucking story, yeah. The here's where things get interesting. At the beginning of this year, I got a Facebook message from Cindy. It literally said one word.

Hi. Yeah, it looked off. I never felt so many words come out of one word. I get you. I understand what you mean here, buddy. Uh, hi. I hate you. Hi. I want to talk. Hi. How could you do this to me? Hi. I miss you. Hi. Fuck you. Hi. You'll just... I never want to see you again.

I was relieved and horrified all at the same time. I have always thought about the hurt that I caused Cindy in this whole situation. Well, at least you're self-aware. Yeah. Her and I began a month-long string of text message conversations. We talked about it all. The horrible situation with Marie, the good times we had, and what we had been doing since the in the last decade almost since we spoke. Cindy was living in a larger town outside of the state, good for her. She had a job and had graduated. She graduated a college and got...

She got to where the, those drugs were being imported. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's- The other state. Yeah, she's now, like, she's a cartel mother. That's what she is.

She graduated and got a good job. And in March, we agreed to meet up in that town. Wow, in the same town? No, in the town where she lived. Oh, okay. We wanted to just say hello to each other, have a dinner. That dinner was quite possibly the most emotional two hours of my life.

I was crying for like 60 straight minutes. It just all came out, everything. Every stress, every tear that I held back during this entire mess, let loose. And after dinner, after getting much off of our backs, we decided to go to a bar and have a few drinks. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Once we got all the emotions out of the way. I mean, I would need drinks first. Yeah, I'm sure they were drinking the entire time. I'm sure Nate came loaded. Yeah. Once we got all the emotions out of the way, we had a great time. One thing led to another and I ended up back at her place.

Oh my God, Nate, you dog. He must be really a good looking guy. We needed to see Nate. Nate. I'll ask him for a picture. We agreed beforehand that I would stay at a hotel and I was really only coming in for that dinner and maybe a few drinks afterwards. There was no indication, none, that any of this would happen.

I want to be clear. No, no, no. We never talked about hooking up. But all the habits do die hard and I'm telling you what it felt wonderful We picked up right where we left off. Well, it's now August We're still at it. Sandy's pregnant. We talk and Cindy's got twins We talk of us daily and when I don't have the girls and I make an effort to go and when I don't have the girls I make an effort to go see her she's actually in town

She's actually been in town a few times to see her parents. And we agree it's a bad idea to even be seen together. I would say so, dude. Yeah, yeah. But this time is different than when we were in high school. This time I'm in love with Cindy. I realized she was my soulmate all along and I took a little D to her with her aunt, a little D to her, dude.

You took a night. You drove around your ass to get around your elbow, dude. Uh, I think I want to marry this woman. Yeah. But I have no idea how to navigate these waters. No clue. I think everyone would eventually be okay with it. You are wrong.

I think if we just handled it right away, everything would be okay. But I don't know what the right way is. The right way is to send these town. That's first. Move in together with Cindy in her town. I want a bunch of opinion let me finish that we got one paragraph and then we'll get and then i want your let's take a hold these take uh and i don't know what the right timing is hey marie christmas mom and dad i'm in love with the mother of my kids

niece again the mother of my kids niece and Marie is a in a committed loving relationship with the woman i don't think this threatens her at all Of course it doesn't of course. I've never said anything to Marie about this Recent interaction with Cindy, but I know her well enough to know that I think she'll be okay Even though Cindy and Maria are definitely on not on talking terms as matter of fact They haven't spoken to each other in nine years make sounds so the story comes full circle back where I started Except I have two children and a very strange story. What do you guys think?

Wow, I don't even know what to think Nate, if I'm being real honest with you. It's a twisted story, yeah. It's a lot to process, but. What do you think? I think, go with love. Me too. Go with your gut on this.

It was one night, things got crazy. Drugs make you do crazy things kids. Every story that we've told is crazy so far has to do with drugs and alcohol by the way. I don't don't do them. So you know, you got derailed one night and that's a big derailment. That's a huge fuck. But I think you need to get out of this town. Yeah. Get out of the town. Yeah. And you and Cindy move in together. I think Chrissy is partially right. Well, then that could be either in the town that Cindy is in. If she loves her job,

Cindy gets whatever she wants now. Yeah. For the rest of her life, Cindy gets what she wants. Yeah. Cindy gets anything she wants and you have to live with it. Yes. That's first of all, you better be ready for that because anytime you guys get in the smallest of disagreements, Aunt Marie is coming out the fucking mouth and you're going

to have to deal with it first of all. Yes, it gets anything now. And you know, I mean, it sounds like Cindy really wanted to reconnect and loves him too. They had that relationship and I mean, I would say go with it. I think I agree with you mostly. I don't think you have to explain to anybody in that town for one. And what it's to, it's, you don't have to explain to anybody in the town, but you're gonna have to explain to family members exactly what's going on.

If you want to ask her to marry you, I mean, okay, so listen, I agree with you, I think go with love. A hundred percent of the time. Heart wants what the heart wants. Get out of the town. Get out of the town. Yes. I agree with you. Get out of the town. A hundred percent of the time. Heart wants with the heart wants. Get out of the town. Get out of the town. Yes.

I agree with you. Get out of the town. But you're gonna have to deal with the family members and the family members let them deal with the associated bullshit that comes along with them. They want to live in that fucking fucked up ass backward. Pot smoking pill drinking, you know. Martin. Martin's the Martin's the fucking Martin.

Ask the Martin's what to do. I wonder how many children have been conceived at the Martin's what to do. I don't wonder how many children have been conceived at the Martin's party. Yeah, I'd like to know. I think now it's a count of the Martin's out. The Martin's now have 30 children. Yeah, the Martin's have the, they're all in high school.

They have seven, they know how they're 30. Yeah, they have 30 children. I think you go with love, but I think you, I think you actually take this a little bit slowly here bud, and I'll tell you why. It's because those children are now getting to the age where they're going to have to understand exactly what's going to the dynamics that are going on here.

The Cindy and Marie, their aunt and niece and those children are going to be aware of that to some degree. So when your mother... Well, the end of the kids, His kids are now Cindy's cousins. Oh, yeah, that's fucked up. You're fucking my mom. You're fucking my cousin. Yeah, you're fucking my cousin. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm changing my mind on this. Maybe I'm saying there's a lot of fish in the seed, mate. You should back off this. You can't be fucking your mom's cousin. I mean, you can be fucking your kids cousin. Yeah, that's just kind of weird. Hi, your mom's cousin. I'm your kid, your kid's cousin.

That's just kind of weird. Listen, go with love. That's what I say. But go slowly. You're going to have to go another country in order to do it. Yeah, you got to take a little bit of Adam the liar's advice here. You got to move to another country to make this work, but you got to bring her with you. And don't leave those girls alone, stay in those girls' lives.

That's all I got to say. Just remember, the girls always come first. Girls always come first. Yes, the kids come first. If the kids push back, if they don't like it, if in those girls' lives. That's all I gotta say. Just remember, the girls always come first. Girls always come first. Yes, the kids come first. If the kids push back, if they don't like it, it makes them accept. What's the meaning of the kids will be all right? The kids will be all right.

The kids will be all right. You always have to remember them first. And I would, Chrissy says, move in together. I say, take it slow. Don't rush into this because I don't think Cindy has had enough time since you reconnected to process how she's going to interact. How long have you been back together?

For like four months. Oh four months. Four or five months. Yeah. But he looks a millionaire now. He's, well he knew. He knew her. That's the small town.

That's right. She's the only single girl within a decade that he's met. It's like a couple of days. Yeah. Nate, why are you still there, dude? Literally, do you have like the family farm or something? Moved to Chicago. Maybe he does have the family farm. I think that's what it is Literally, I do have like the family farm or something. Moved in Chicago. Maybe he does have the family farm.

I think that's what it is. I think he's got the family farm, and it's gonna be hard to get away from that. Yeah. So, here's the thing. Get Cindy a booge job. A pie for a government subsidy. You're gonna buy them a history.

Get Cindy a booge job. Redo her eyebrows, change her hair color, maybe get her a couple tattoos, and she's a different woman altogether. yes it's better to come live on the farm and no one will be the wiser that's my advice to you yes yeah and congratulations on royally fucking up your chances of having a normal life ever again oh hey thanks for the story yeah I do appreciate it if you have a good story for us go to the contact us button on tcbpodcast.com.

Drop us a line. You can drop it right there in the contact us form. If you need help kind of getting like the finer points of the story, text me. 661-237-82-9661-237-82-9661-237-82-9666. I couldn't remember. 661-best-to-yo. And if you text me, I'll ask some questions to make the story kind of round out.

But man, we've had a string of fantastically. That's a doozy. That was a doozy. Yeah, if even a third of that is true, it's a really fantastic story. You got to be the most interesting guy at the water cooler. The problem is, no one's ever going to hear the story outside of your fucking small town.

Move to Chicago, dude. Move to Chicago, that's what I say. You got the best bar story ever. When you get drunk, you top everybody's story. Yeah. For sure. And God bless you, Cindy. You went through all this and God bless those girls. And hey, Marie, I hope you're glad you're living your truth and you got your life. Yeah. Write us in. Let us know your story, ask TCB, tell us a tall tale, or just, you know, share with us some funny event going on in your life. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. In case you want to check out the video version, they're really funny episodes. They are completely different than what you hear, not the audio, but the video is

adds another layer to this show. Yeah, it's so good. Morgan does such a great job. You've got to check it out. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. And make sure you subscribe on that channel. If you don't mind, we certainly would appreciate it. Like and subscribe on your favorite podcast player

that you're listening to us right now, write a review. And make sure to frequent our sponsors if you're ever in the market for their products and services. We certainly would appreciate it. Hey, we do this three times a week. I just want to say that. Yeah, we do. We do this three times a week.

We do this eight times a week, but three only make it to air. We do this eight times a week, but five of those hours got the trash. Listen, we do this eight times a week, and the Martins only do their party one time a year, and they get better content than we do Fuckers unbelievable. I got to bring Mrs. Martin on that's the key. That's the crown

All right, well, you know, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe we should my kid. Hey, my kids grow up. I'll be the martens Let's have the party. All right. There you go. I'll be in All right. Well, listen. I love go. I'll be in. Ready. Yeah. Alright, well listen, I love you. I love you. And best of you. And best of you. And best of you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say.

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