The Commercial Break - Smothered, Covered & Over-Mothered!

Episode Date: July 15, 2022

Niko the Ghost Dog is declining in health but increasing in smell! Bryan wonders if Niko has already moved on and is trolling the house as an apparition? Bryan and his mom-in-law have a mutually beneficial relationship. He barely understands her and she can't understand him. She is in town and they share a laugh at their good fortune...Finally, TCB fan Pete writes in to Uncle Bryan with a cautionary tale for the ages! He has a nightmare mom-in-law story that won't soon be forgotten. You will NOT believe how it ends.... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Please meet Misty. Misty says she's heard rumors and she wants to find out the truth. Misty tell us about those rumors Do I have heard rumors that my boyfriend has slept with my mother? So naturally you would call the Jerry Springer show On this episode of the commercial break. Hey girl, what's up? It's me Carl, I'm going to Venezuela. Just a little backpacking through the cocaine fields. I'm going to go start a revolution. We can just hang out with the rebels for a little while.

You know how we do. I'm going to get those IG pictures to show the congregation. You know what I'm gonna go start a revolution. I'm gonna hang out with the rebels for a little while. You know how we do. I'm gonna get this ID picture which is to show the congregation, you know what I'm saying? Look, it's Angel Falls. Look, it's me Kiddab. He even told me about one night when the mother locked him out of a vacation home they had rented and told Meg he had gone off

with another woman. Oh. Fuck, duh, man. That's a little much. Okay, ready? I chalked this up to my over dramatic friend and her overprotective mother. My friend was not exactly Prince Charming as a matter of fact he was the campus Molly dealer and he looked at the part. He had to go pack up.

He didn't have a car. I'm sure Dad's not letting you use the car anymore so he's probably... I just imagine him standing outside this like palatial estate with his bag and waiting for an Uber and everybody else sitting on the porch smoking cigarettes like well good ridden old garbage the next episode of the commercial break starts now The Commercial Break starts now. This is the commercial break. It's not for everyone, but fact news or fiction guaranteed. And one minute or less, or your money back to brand new TCB podcast.com is where you go to collect your earnings.

And I said it correctly. You did. Yesterday, Chrissy and I recorded one episode, the beginning of one episode, four separate times. What you did. It was like, I could not for the life of me. Get my shit together. I'm sorry.

Command control. Yeah, yesterday was like just a Command control. The Sun from there's Central

control I was mad And I played random lane and I was like do you have things that are controlled? No Like you kidding me.

It's not a monocem of control in here. The whole thing is bound with duct tape and it's also bound to fall apart at any moment. But we appreciate you jumping on board because it's just us. It's just Brian and Chrissy doing our thing. We're right here. Some days, we just knock it out of the park.

In other days, we just look at each other and go, well, at least we got to see each other. Yeah, it got some laugh, man. Didn't earn a fucking dime in those four hours, We just look at each other and go well at least we got to see each other Didn't earn a fucking dime in those four hours, but at least we got some laps I know I automatically just put it in the trash can symbol on the computer and I say well. I'll save it for a rainy day We were just talking about my dog Nico. There's it's getting back I was in the We were just talking about my dog, Nico. There's, it's getting back. Yeah, it's getting back. For Nico. I was in the, for those of you that don't know, who are just jumping on the show, Nico's a dog

that I have two dogs. One of them is a Yorkie. One of them is a maltese. The Yorkie we got from some redneck in a trailer. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Who claimed she was the best in the bunch. Uh-huh. And she certainly turned out to be something in the bunch. I thought she

best would describe it, but she's a lunatic. We give her medication still doesn't help. It's a placebo. I'm just pretending that it helps. And then Nico is a dog that we collected from a family member who just couldn't handle the, not handle it, but she had full-time work and she needed someone to help take care of the dog. And so we volunteered to take this dog on. And ever since we took the dog in the house, the smell of death has been increasingly gizmet growing rapidly on this dog. He's all white, too.

He's all white. Well, he's all white except for his eyes, where just this gunk keeps falling out of it. And we don't know what's, we don't know where the smell is emanating from, but we call them the ghost dog, because I think he smells like a carcass, and I think he's just a dead dog that's hanging on. He's just holding on for one more minute. And yesterday, I'm so persnickety about when I eat.

I guess everything's gotta be like, the wind has to blow the right way for Brian to actually get a meal down his goal it, because if it's not me trying to deal with the kids, it's the fact that I have such a, I don't know, sensitive stomach, that if I smell something, or see something, I don't know what's a big part of taste,

true, true. I wish I had like permanent COVID smell, because then maybe it would take a down. But I was eating something last night I figured I'm with the studio and Nico like, you know, strolled on in, he's floated on in. He's chipped on in. Awesome, he's there.

Yeah, he chipped those around because he's afraid of everything. It's like sometimes they'll be walking down the hallway and be like, huh? Huh? Huh? And you're like, what did you see? Are there ghost dogs floating around the house?

Must be. This is the same dog. We had a, we redid this house. We had a mouse in the house. There was a mouse that got around the house. That's me. This is the same dog. We had a, we redid this house. We had a mouse in the house. There was a mouse that got in the house because we had just renovated it. And I don't know how it got in the house, but it got in the house.

And we started noticing that fruit would be on the floor, half eaten. And at first I was like, oh, it's just probably one of the kids throwing on the floor. But it came apparently, like quickly, we realized that the kids were not doing this. It was a mouse. And this mouse had some fucking call honeys

because Nico slept in the kitchen where the mouse was stealing all the food, dropping on the floor and then eating it. So we put a camera up and we found that the mouse was like taunting Nico. Don't you say anything. Don't you say a fucking word dog. I'm gonna get you and your little friend too. Pretend you're asleep and shut your pie hole Nico would literally lift its head look at the mouse and then lay back down

My gosh so Nico and blue got into it this morning to them. They got into it like blue smells Blue also smells when it's coming Who's angry at the smell to smells. Let's come. It was angry at the smell too. I'm gonna be down here with you all day long. I'm sick of it. But it's a little bit chaotic here at the house because we do have family members in town. My wife who's Venice, Wailin, and her mom and dad still live in Venezuela. So the only way they get to see the, you know, no one's going down, no one's voluntarily going down to Venice, Wailin. Not right now. Yeah. Actually, that's not true. There are a lot of Americans who are busting through the border to go, you know, in these adventure, but they're also shithead dumbasses who go to North Korea and stuff like that,

too. Now, I'm not saying Venezuela and North Korea are the same. They're not. But still, you got to be careful down there. Like, if I'm married to a Venezuelan, and her dad is like, I'm not bringing you down there because I can't guarantee your safety. Right. Then I wouldn't recommend. Then I wouldn't recommend.

I wouldn't recommend. No, of course not. Don't be a moron. I'm going to Instagram picture. Hey girl, what's up? It's me, Carl. I'm going to Venezuela. Just a little backpacking for the cocaine fields.

I'm going to go start a revolution. We're going to hang out with the rebels for a little while. You know how we do. I'm gonna get this IG picture to show the congregation. You know what I'm saying? Look, it's Angel Falls. Look, it's me Kiddept. Look, no clean water or food.

Look, it's me fighting for toilet paper. I mean, you just, you know, go down. This is not a thing. So there in town, and my mother-in-law came to me the other day, and she said, the funniest fucking thing to me, how do you say? She goes, in Spanish, which I understand a lot of, and less multiple people are speaking Spanish

that I don't get it, but she said, you know, Brian, you're really lucky because I don't understand the words you say. You don't understand the word I say. You got the best mother-in-law in the world. Right, it's the end. It's even if I in the world. You're never going to know it, right? I can't say anything to you. I was like, you know, that's, that really is true. It's a good point.

And I connected the dots on something. We had an email come through, Chrissy. Okay. And when she said this to me, it reminded me of this email that came through. And I'd like to read it to you. It's an Ask Uncle Brian question. Okay. Okay.

This has to do with moms and moms in law. As we all know, I don't think I could be married to somebody where I didn't get along with women in law. It would be tough. It would be really, really tough. I've been married twice and both mother-in-law's have been wonderful. My father-in-law currently is wonderful. We get along swimmingly. Like, there's no tension. Yep. I don't feel like-in-law currently is wonderful. We get along swimmingly.

There's no tension. I don't feel like. I've got a great one too. Yeah. I just, I don't, but I have friends who do not have relationships like that with their in-laws or there's constant strain and stress. Yes.

It just seems like a fire starter. It's just an added stress. Or it's not only that relationship, but then your own relationship with your spouse. Oh, yeah, because then every fight becomes a family fight. And every time there's an argument, if you're like most people, you know, you kind of side-mouth it to your family, and when you say, see, here's a rule that asked her, and I stick to. I mean, I think she does because I can't understand sometimes what they're saying. But the general rule, and we've always said this from the beginning of the relationship is,

let's never bring our family into our arguments. If we have a disagreement, let's keep it between you and I. Well, yeah, too, because then, you know, you're probably gonna feel differently the next day, and then you're gonna be like, shit, I've now said stuff to my family, his family, or her family, who, yeah. And then it's uncomfortable for everybody.

It's uncomfortable for everybody. And if the family members that you're talking to are already inclined not to like your spouse, it's just firepower, right? That's all it is. And I have personally experienced this not with my former, not my former mother-in-law, but other family members who it was clear that they didn't like me from the beginning. Just clear, I was not of their ilk. I didn't come from the same country class that they were and so, you know, they didn't like me. And I knew it.

I knew that when we got into arguments that that was finding, filtering its way to other family members, that then it became firepower because they would say things to me that were clearly from the argument, my wife and I had just had. And now they're making the same argument

It's like you don't know me like that. How do you know that I can't get it out? How do you know I'm spending more money on you know, damn I'm like gambling. How do you know that? So I don't understand that but there are real nightmare Scenarios out here and I'd like to present one to you. It's an Ask an Uncle Brian. It comes from 661237829661 Bestio. If you've gotten to ask Uncle Brian, send it and this one is incredible detail.

Strap in, ladies and gentlemen, you're about to hear a story that is extraordinary and early, interesting. You ready? Strap is on. Gave you a strap on. This is Central Control. This is Central Control. Stand by. Stand by. Dear Uncle Brian, I'm writing to you for some advice. I recently got engaged to the love

of my life. Here's the story. We met at college and became fast friends. She was dating a friend of mine and I was playing the field so the timing wasn't right. My friend was crazy about Meg, who's this girl's name, but whenever we would get a break or a long weekend, her mom would come to visit and my friend would freak out. He would come back from dinner with Meg and her family or a short trip, almost always in tears. He would tell me about the absolute nightmare of a mother, Meg had. She would not approve of the relationship and she had made life hell for him. He even told me about one night when the mother locked him out of a vacation home they had rented and told Meg he had gone off with another woman.

Oh, fuck, that man. That's a little much. That's low. Okay, ready? I chalked this up to my over, to my overdramatic friend and her overprotective mother. My friend was not exactly Prince Charming as a matter of fact, he was the campus Molly dealer and he looked at the party. Okay.

Good color commentary, I think. Fast forward eight years after college and Meg and I reconnected at a party. It was clear this time we were not gonna be just friends. From the beginning, we didn't see much of her family as they lived out of state, but her mom called often, like way too often. They never talked to us.

They only, if she never talked to us, she only talked to Meg. For the first two years I dated, I did not get invited for birthdays, holidays, or family vacations, which should have been a red, she would should have been red flag number one, but I didn't think much of it at the time.

About a year and a half ago, her mom started making special trips to see us right about once a month. Her mom hated me and that was clear. She was involved in every aspect of Meg's life, which clothes she should buy, which furniture we should have, which friends Meg should talk to,

and it was clear that this unhealthy mother-daughter relationship was a bit extra. Uh-huh, sounds like it. It's at this point in the story when I should mention that Meg's mom is a smoke show. She had a mega 18 years old, so she's a fairly young woman, and in my opinion is one of the hottest mothers I have ever laid eyes on. She's also the type of person that knows she has it and wants to flaunt it. Low-cut dresses, high skirt minis, always done up and always showing skin.

Very different from Meg, who is definitely more reserved. Okay. Nine months ago, despite the challenges with her mother and her family, I decided to ask Meg to marry me. I didn't ask her parents permission because it's 2022 and who does that anymore?

Everybody does that anymore. It's a fucking number one thing you do, dude. This is why the parents don't like you. You got, this is a small little shit that could turn things around. Now, I appreciate you writing in for Uncle Brian's advice, but I'm gonna give you advice right here. It sounds like you're handling this incorrectly.

If the mother and dad don't already like you, then don't miss the small shit, like asking for permission. Even if they say no, you say, I love Megan, I love Megan enough, then I'm going to go forward with it. But doing it anyways, that's right. Love will not stop. Okay. So I didn't ask her parents permission because of 2020 2022 and who does that or 2021 actually and who does that anymore. Meg, of course, said yes and we were extremely excited about the wedding. Meg's family has money and they like to spend it and they also like to party hard. And I knew they wouldn't let their daughter get married without a huge party, causing Meg and I to be very excited at the prospect of a large wedding with all our friends and family.

But another red flag showed up shortly after we got engaged. Meg did not tell her family for about a month and a half. What? Can you imagine? No, it was like the first thing I did was, yeah. I would be out the door. Yeah, that's weird. I'd be like, Meg, honey.

Like a month and a half. Like a month and a fucking day and a half. No, that's a week and a half. Yeah, that's not like, hold on, I can get my shit together. I tell my parents we're getting married because they don't like you in the first place. Yeah. That's like holding a big secret for a long time.

Yeah, that's gonna change your life. Yeah. That's not really. It's just, it's just a tax filing. When I pressed her on this, she explained that there was some family stress going on as she wanted to wait for the right time, which didn't sound right to me, but it was her family so I let it slide.

I really wanted to be a part of that conversation. If it was going to be a phone call, I wanted to be on speaker phone. If it was going to be in person, I wanted to be there, understandably. But Meg went back home for her brother's graduation and told her parents without telling me that she had told her parents. When she got back, she explained that it just slipped out one moment and that everyone is very excited. Well maybe they saw the ring.

You just slipped that out. Yeah, you saw the ring, but he slipped out. Hey, mom and dad, what you doing next October? Yeah, I'm Mark that down, I'm good, Mary. We're getting married. You know, that guy you're really just like, I'm just sputtering my life with him. Yeah.

After this particular trip, the phone calls and text messages from her mom ramped up big time. There was a, there wasn't a 30 minute period of any day that Meg's mom was not communicating with her. And most of the time, I had no idea what they were talking about. Meg told me they were discussing the wedding plans

and who was gonna be on the guest list, things like that. I really didn't think much of it, except to notice the communication between the two had almost doubled. This is unhealthy. Tell me this is unhealthy. With about three, at this point, I would already understand that this is not

a good situation for me, and I would probably be finding a way to pedal out of this relationship. Yeah, you're like, whoops. Yeah, when you're that attached to a family member, there is no win. There's gonna be no win because the first argument you get in, it's gonna be a family fight,

and the mother-in-law is just gonna hate you even not much more, and you're never gonna be able to play it down, no matter what you do. Why do you wanna even invite that kind of stress into your life? I don't know. Find somebody that doesn't have parents. God.

I'm saying like, no parents whatsoever. Right. There are people out there born in petri dishes. With about three months to go before the wedding, Meg and her mother started planning an engagement party. As much as I push back, Meg and her mother insisted that party be held in their home, in their home state, where the parents lived.

Even though that would make it hard, if not impossible for some of my own family and friends to attend. But the party they were planning seemed to be very nice and it was going to be a two-day celebration, a weekend long engagement party. So I warmed up to the idea and I got excited about this. The day before the engagement weekend came and red flag number three appeared. Meg started to really stress out. She kept telling

me that I shouldn't worry if her mother seems stressed or upset about the wedding, that it was just part of her mom being nervous. I mean, come on, man, you, yeah, dude. I don't feel sorry for you. We did it a bit out long ago, dude. Sounds like Meg was trouble from the first moment you met her when your friend was dating her. You guys should have just never reconnected. I guess it's hard because Meg could be very great. We don't know who Meg is. Yeah, but we invite Meg to write her version of this story because wait till you get the wapper of an ending.

Hold on one second. She kept telling me I shouldn't worry about her mother if she seems dresser upset about the wedding. That was just her mom being nervous about all the little details. I think she was prepping me for the fact that her parents did not at all like the idea of us getting married, especially her mom. When we flew into town, we headed straight to her parents house.

When we came, when we flew to her mom, the flew into town, we headed straight to her parents house. When we got there, I was told by her father that I could use one of the extra cars to drive myself back and forth to the hotel where they had put me up. Even though Meg and I had been living together, they got me a hotel room. Meg told me not to worry about it. It was just her old-fashioned dad not wanting us to sleep together in the house. Even though her brother's girlfriend was sleeping in the same house. Oh wow.

I didn't like this at all. Within two hours of being at the house, I was told to go back to the hotel and rest, and they would call me with plans for the night. Okay. Even though I tried to get, that was at three. I thought I'm going home home. This is getting weird, right?

That was at 3 p.m. And even though I tried to get a hold of Meg, she did not return my phone call until 8 p.m. What? What? She said her mom and dad wanted to take just her out to dinner and made reservations. Don't worry about it.

We would see each other in the morning. At this point, my spidey senses are 100% activated. Then why the fuck did you go wrong with this? Yeah. I mean, I got to get it, but I don't know. The next day, the party starts. It's at about 12 p.m. The catering company, a large event, backyard games, and hired bartenders showed up.

It was turning out that it was going to be one Hell of a party that they were gonna throw my stress subsided a little bit and I decided just to relax and have some fun and Man did I I drink like a fish even though the party didn't start to fight the end and Some of her and some of her extended extended family met me and some of her extended family members started drinking as soon as the bartender set out bottles. Uh huh. Ben there, done that. Uh huh. We had it hard all day long.

And I'll admit it, I was pretty drunk. The kind of drunk you were, you really can't focus on anything in particular. The kind of drunk where you'd know you're very drunk. The kind of drunk where other people are asking you if you need a glass of water. You're drunk when someone's asking if you want to get a glass of water. No, you should have, you should have it. I know you don't want it, but you should have it. If you know you're

that drunk, you should have the water they're suggesting. It was not my finest moment and I admit it, but I was having a blast. Well, it's something he's really making an impression on the people that don't like it. Well, I mean, at this point, I get the sense that he knows this isn't going to end well for him or anybody yet. Okay, so where was I? Okay, let's hit it hard. It was not my finest moment.

I'll admit it, but I was having a blast. All my worries and concerns went straight into the bottle and I was hamming it up, dancing, laughing, and enjoying the fact that not many of my family or friends were here to see me so shit face. This guy's a good writer. He's the hook, he's the hook, he's the jack, he's the jack. He's half a hell of a boom.

Oh, look Billy went ahead first into the drum riser. Yeah. Billy just took down the champagne tower. It's gonna cost the catering company $3,000. Is that Billy swimming in the pond? There's alligators in there. Around 10 p.m. the party hit third gear. I know what this is all about, Pete.

I understand. The people who were not partying were leaving. The people who were not partying hard were leaving. The people who didn't party at all left long ago. And the people who are partying like I was were just getting started It was try time to try and drink our self-sover at some point after 10 p.m Her mom joined in the fun Meg's mom was all the sudden in the mix Which I found strange but I rolled with it

It was the only time that I had been with Meg's mom in a cordial and tangenial way, and all of the sudden we were having fun. Meg, who was attending shock. Meg who was attending a bachelor at lunch in the next day, turned in around 11 or 11 30. Now, I don't remember a whole lot of what happens over the next hour or so, but at some point, Meg's mom and I started getting mad flirtatious. In my mind, here's an attractive woman sitting next to me and she's flirting with me. My brain doesn't process much more than that. I'm way too drunk, I'm having way too much fun, so I played along and I flirted back.

And the longer this goes on, the more intense the flirtation gets. At one point Meg's mom even said, if I had met you at at your age we'd already be fucking. Oh my god Wow Hey, yeah, now I know how it's now and it's that that kind of party Chrissy, you know what I'm saying? Okay This was getting intense Yes. Okay. This was getting intense. Only my only, it was only one problem.

My brain was no longer in charge. Fast forward to some time after midnight and I find myself hanging all over Meg's mom. She is rubbing my back. I've got my arm around her. I'm putting my nose into the crease of her neck. Man, did she smell good? Where's the dad? Where is everybody else at the party?

I know. Who is gonna, who's alerting you guys to the fact that this is not fucking cool? But maybe I can see how if everybody's just pretty shit-faced, you know, you and I had a conversation about this just yesterday on another episode that we'll never hear. We had a conversation about this, sometimes you get episode that we'll never hear. We had a conversation about this. Sometimes you get so shit faced, it's like you excuse the bad behavior because everyone else is involved in bad behavior

or not bad behavior, but drunk behavior. Right, everybody else. Oh, they're just having fun. Look at those two. Meg's mom hated it. They're made made up. Meg's mom hated being, and now look at them. They're so close.

They're all cuddled up the next to get in that queue. Right? Who knows? You're mind when you get drunk just in the name of her neck. That's right. Man, did she smell good? And I remember heart-feeling her mom's hand go into my back pocket all while we're having conversations with other people sitting at this made at this temporary bar. But I don't know what anybody else is saying because I am spinning fucking drunk. Meg's mom told me at some point that I needed to go lay down.

And I remember us walking through this huge backyard into the back door of the carriage house that was separated by a small walk bridge and up the stairs. I wasn't so drunk that I couldn't stand up on my own, but I was definitely wobbly. When we got into one of the guest rooms, Meg's mom started to whisper things to me, and while I don't remember exactly what was being said, I remember the whispering in my ear

really turned me on. Wow. So bad. It's so bad. I know. This is so bad. And yet, he who has not sinned cast the first toe. You know what I'm saying? I've never slept with anybody's mom, but I could see how you could easily be in this position, I guess. I don't, but anyway. I come back. Yeah.

Uh, Brian, my Pizzle was at full attention. Pizzle. Pizzle. Vigs mom, Meg's mom and I never really kissed her made out. I want to be clear about that, but she was rubbing her hands all over me, up to and including down the front of my pants. And while she never grabbed my party package directly, it was like a boast glow massage. Brian, I know you'll understand this. No, I don't understand. My mother and the...

Putting her hand on my fans. No. I don't get it. I can't... It's supposed to say for a moment. I'm even picturing, like, in the reverse too, if it was, like, Jeff's dad or something. Oh, you know, that would be no.

Just so fucking creepy. No, yeah. Well, I think, you know, not to be... Not to send us back to 1956 here for a moment, but I think that's even just like taking it a little bit even further than this, right? In both situations, it's creepy, but if someone's dad is hitting on the bride and like rubbing all over her, that's almost assaultive to me. I mean, I guess I've both assaulted. Whatever. Anyway, you got it. A couple of minutes into caressing and cuddling in a very aggressive way, Meg's mom told me to lay down and get undressed.

Oh. She went into the bathroom and she said she was going to freshen up. So I did just that. I stupidly took the bait and I got undressed, standing at full attention and I laid down on the bed. On top of the covers for the entire world to see, laying down was like the nail in the coffin. My eyes closed instantly. 12 plus hours of drinking had caught up with me

in that instant. The next thing I remember was hearing the door close. Meg's mom was gone. She had left the room. I didn't think anything of it. I believed that she would have gone to bed. Right. And I passed right back out. He's like, good, nothing happened. Nothing happened. I escaped. Yeah. I made someone made the choice for me. I got out easy. It was a little inist inflatation. Megan, I'll travel back to our home state tomorrow. And we won't think anything of this. It'll never a word. Nare a word. She'll ever be spoken. Right. Right. Sometime early the next morning, I am awakened by the door being slammed open.

It's megg. She's got her iPhone in her hand, and she's got photographs of me laying naked on a bed with a fully pitched tent. She's screaming and she's crying and asking why in the world would I try and hit on her mom and sleep with her? I was so incredibly hungover.

I'm gonna go to hell. It took me four, five minutes to put the pieces of the puzzle together. So I didn't say a word. I literally tried to wake myself up. I can't really imagine. You know, those really bad hangovers. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just had one actually last week. I went out with my sister for her birthday. And the next morning, my sister, her husband and myself all kind of came out of the rooms at the same time and I was like, what happened? The worst of the worst. Something that died in my mouth.

I can't even imagine trying to put peace together. The fact that I had tried to maybe sleep with somebody's. Alcohol is so much fun and it gets you so blindingly stupid that we put up with this time and time again just so we can get to the next blindingly stupid moment that we're going to have. Well it's really fun and it tastes good.

That's the problem. It tastes good. Yeah. Tastes like horse piss. I don't know what you're talking about but you drink enough of it. It just starts to you know you just don't do it again.

I guess I get what you're saying. Eventually it takes. There's a tipping point. Yeah, oh yeah, there's a tipping point. The fun part is right before the tipping point. Yeah, that's when everyone should call it. But no one ever does. No one. No one ever does.

Petey here did not. Meg's mom did not. You do not. All of our friends don't, the only one who does is me and that's because I don't have children. I can't drink anymore. Right. If I didn't have children. I can't drink anymore If I didn't have children I'd be to Pete here. I'd be sleeping with everyone's mother-in-law

It was so incredibly hungover took me a full five minutes to piece the puzzle together So I didn't say a word I tried to literally wake myself up and understand enough of what my fiance was telling me To figure out why she was so angry. And once I pieced a few of the moments from the night back together. He was naked, too, and he was naked. Yeah, I guess. I mean, he doesn't see that specifically,

but I'm assuming if he passed out at full attention, if your wife runs, or future wife runs into the room with pictures of you having a full boner and you didn't take the pictures, you are fucked. If they were sent to her phone, you are screwed. I wonder if he had a moment's flash thought, did I take those and send them to the police? That's what I, I mean, I haven't talked to him on the phone, so I don't know, I mean, I haven't talked to him like about this part specifically, so I don't know, but I got

to imagine all the things that are running through your hands. First of all, whenever you get woke up. I mean, probably just like throw up a medium. I don't know what I would do. I'd go, waffle house, can we talk about this? So, waffle house. And by talking about it over a while, I mean, could you go get the waffle house?

Give me another 45 minutes and then we'll talk about it. I'm almost sure that's not my penis attached to my face, but I don't know if I can think like my penis. That's a deep fake. Yeah, the other thing is, is it being woken up from a hard hangover is the worst. Let me freaking sleep until I wake up on my own. It's gonna hurt enough when I wake up on my own. When my body gets in enough pain

and it just wakes myself up and goes, hey dude, you gotta do something to help me out. But when someone- First of all, you gotta pee, so you all, you need some Advil, staff. Oh my God, you need Advil, you need greasy food, you need additional sleep, you need a couch to lay on. Yes, for additional sleep.

You need a television show that has absolutely no plot whatsoever, you have toLC my 600 pound life. So you can for one moment feel better about yourself and all the embarrassing shit you did last night. Like sleep with mex mom. Oh my god. One piece, once I piece the moment to the, some of the moments from the night before it became absolutely clear what had just happened. I had been circle jerked by Meg's mom

and there was nothing I could do to unring that bell. There was no way to win this argument. It looked bad, it was bad, it was going to end bad and it's me. I like this guy because he just knows. He's like waves the white flag. I'm gonna go to Jacksonville for a few days and you can take your shit out of the apartment,

leave the dog. Yeah, I mean, that's basically what he said. So listen, the story concludes exactly how you think it would. Megan or father flew back to where we lived a couple days later, collected all the belongings and left me with the extra set of keys to the condo. She wouldn't return my phone calls, she wouldn't return my text and she's nowhere to be found on my social media. I had been dumped in the most cruel way because I had committed the most cruel of acts.

Everyone was on par and no one and no one was more in the wrong than I. I share this with you as a cautionary tale, be wary of the overprotective mother or father, they always win, there's nothing you can do, always ends badly, especially if you act like a complete ass hat just as I did. Forever in regret your TCB pale feet. That is the best sex message we have ever gotten.

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It's a great service. Go to MintMobile.com slash T.C.B. and tell them the commercial break sent you. You're a dumb dumb, bud. I gotta just say right off the bat. I don't think you're gonna fault me for calling you what you are. That was the stupidest thing you could have done. You should have taken it. I don't know about me telling that story either to future perspective. Oh no, no, no, no. You tell that story everywhere you can because honestly, it's the best story I think I've ever heard about relationships. Well, you can tell he's honed this story into a fine piece of art. This is not the first. I'm sure that if you go into like, you can tell he's honed this story into a fine piece of art. He's crafted it. This is not the first.

I'm sure that if you go into like, you know, GQ, some addition somewhere in the last four months, he's, he sent us in the newspapers. It's got to be the newspaper somewhere. Pete, you're a dumb dumb, bud. My advice is, you know, go to a therapist before he starts dating again and have that therapist give you some guidance on what's appropriate and not appropriate when you're in a relationship. You should, first of all, you gotta drink and problem at times, at least.

This particular night, right? You can't bring that much alcohol into a situation that's already volatile. Don't ever do that. Exactly. This. And a engagement party. Yeah, engagement party.

It was all bad, bad, bad, bad. And I know I get it like you're in a group of other people who are drinking party and hard and in the faint. You feel like that's your, that's your way in, that's your connection. Yeah. If we have one good, hard party night together, then we're going to be friends forever, but that, that cuts both ways. That's not going to be so hard right there.

Because I've also thought the same things like I've gone out to drinks with people that I don't like. Yeah. Or I'm in a group with people that I don't like. Right, thinking that you'll bond. I like that. Yeah. For your mutual hangover the next day.

Like we dated, I dated a mutual friend, and then one of our friends had a party, and on that guest list was at least two women that hated me, right? And I was like, no, no, no, no, we'll get it out of the way. Let them fuss and argue for a few minutes. I'll put on the old Brian Charmin, we'll forget about it. It did not work. Why? Because alcohol often times makes people angry or then they already are.

True. And her mom played you like a fucking fiddle. I mean, wow, that was cold. That's cold as ice. Yeah. I mean, I think this is what happened. The mom knew what she was doing. That's called. That's called as ice. Yeah. I mean, I think this is what happened. The mom knew what she was doing.

She knew that she wanted to get him drunk for some reason. She didn't know what that reason was, but once it started to unfold, I think then she kind of seemed to get it. Yeah, it might have happened while she was drinking too. And then she's like, he's really flirting with me. I wonder who else he's flirting with. And I'm gonna take it as far as I can.

I didn't even think about that. You would have. What happens? I never liked this little shit. No, I never liked this little shit head. I'm gonna show my daughter what he's all about. I'm like, oh, he's taking the bait. Yeah, he literally, he literally,

and I bet the mom's story was this. Now it doesn't say here, I'd be interested to know, Pete, if you want to write in any additional information, you might have a dis part of the story. How how it also be a surprise if he broke it down with the family. I don't know. You guys want to do a play by play. I have a last night. I know it's still fresh. One time is the one last coming. Well, for everybody, if I can write down the details.

Waffle House for everybody if I can write down the details. He, what I'd like to know is the play by play, how did Meg's mom broach the subject to Meg? Like, did she just send her the pictures and say, this is what you're, I dropped your fiance off at the guest room last night and this is what I walked out to. And he was flirting with me the whole night. I assume he wanted to have sex with me.

Yeah. That's probably what happened. Yeah, I came back and I came into the room to check on him. And he had all his clothes off and I had the direction. What if he hadn't been? I haven't been. By the way, your boyfriend's got a great dick. I'd love to see a picture of these people.

I don't. I'm picturing like Jane Seymour, you know, I think because of the wedding crashers. Oh yeah. There's that scene where she takes her clothes off. Yeah. I was thinking more like, I don't know who I was thinking of. I was thinking more like, who's that lady

from Devil Wears Prada? Oh. You know, I'm talking about. Yeah. But she's 175 Academy Awards for the Queen and all of that Ethel Merman Merrill Street. I know Merrill Street's a little too old, but I'm thinking about Merrill Street when she's a little bit young

Okay, like a Merrill Street type just playing like an absolutely evil character Yeah, right like almost like that devil wears prototype character where she's got that glint in her eyes She's going to get you and she knows it. And then I'm imagining Meg like a Janine Garofalo type back in the 90s. Right. That's a frumpy sweater, glasses. Right.

I got a reality bite. Yeah, like a reality bite, but snarky and smart. And you know, she knew what was going on. Meg, I think Meg understood also because she didn't tell her parents for a month and a half, I think Meg also understood that this was never gonna work out. Yeah, it's just hard for her. She was trying to figure out for a month and a half.

How do I tell my parents? Mm-hmm. And let Pete down easy that this is never gonna happen. Well, see, I mean, who knows if Meg could have been in on this? That's true. You know. Didn't think about that. The mom could have broached it and, you it and maybe Meg already had some reservations about how true he was.

And the mom said, this is what we're going to do. Do you think the dinner before? It could have been the dinner before the plot. It could have been the plot planning. It could have been the plot planning. It's like that secret meeting they had on January 5th. Yeah. We don't know.

Roger Stone. We just don't know what was said, but something must have happened. Yes. I don't know, but all these, Pete, listen, I know you're listening to this episode. You got to give us some more color commentary. Like this is, first of all, well written. Very well written.

Well written, thank you for that. I mean, that absolutely should get a lot of asking. I don't say a lot, but we can, yeah, I know. Seriously, we get Uncle Brian, ask Uncle Brian questions, and they're like, you know, how do you like your eggs? Or, you know, if you could, you know, but whole of Regina, and it's like, come on guys. Oh my guys, and I get, we're the commercial break.

We have a monochrome, we have a monochrome, respect that's right. This is the gold standard guys. You gotta live up to this when you're writing your ask your Uncle Brian, I need full detail. I need color commentary, I need to make a story out of it. Number one, we are number one in Canada. And if you think for one second we're gonna let that go

with your silly questions, you got wrong. Canada wants stories like this. This they do. Not vagina or butthole. That is a silly question. Vagina. No. Both.

Not at the same time though. This is, I need all the details. Yeah, I mean, I would be very, very curious as to if he ever heard from like anybody, like mutual friends, like how did she say it to them? If there's got to, she tell them what did she say happened? I mean, like, yeah. There has to have been follow up. There has to have been. Yeah, there wasn't just a complete sever.

And now you never hear anything of those people. Because all those people that were sitting there drinking are never going to miss an opportunity to hear this story. Also, that's right. You know, sometimes you just wanted to contact somebody to get their side of the story.

Like, you know, you're truly none of your business, but you're like, hey, bro, what's up um what happened with you and Meg last night yeah I just want to call say I had a great time last night thanks you make like small talk for a few minutes and they're like hey whatever I have with you and Meg yeah I'm assuming they have mutual friends too that somebody must have come back and told something to oh I'm sure this is Meg's favorite story I'm sure Meg has put him on blast. All that social media. Did she keep the ring?

Oh, good question. Did she keep the ring? Did she put you on blast on social media? Don't tell me you don't have a fake account that's on it. Oh, that. Because I know you have. I know you do. And if you don't, I do.

So let me know and I'll come back and share. of fact, it's shit. The clearly, these are all, inquiring minds wanna know. I could put you on a vocalizer and we could ask these questions directly on a phone call if you're up for it. I love it. Yeah.

I love it. After when she sent an email around to all my clients I work What's the picture of me on the bed Saying this is what you buy your high-end sanitizer from Your pediatric industry sales rep standing up full attention waiting for your orders. Yes, there's got to be something. It was a morsel. This is your sales person of the year. A picture on the sign, you know, the parking space, the special employee of the month. I'm very happy.

And I told him he lived in a picture of it strong with a phone or... Have you seen this dick? No reward dick yet. No reward. No reward. see this dick. Looking for a dick. No reward. No reward. You have to pay on. Oh my God. That is too funny.

She wrote the same story and said it to my parents. I haven't been invited to Christmas in three years. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what are you saying in three years. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what are you saying in your parents? Yeah, what is a, oh, Pete, what is the break of story? I know, he's just speaking on an episode where we're just talking to one guy, which is not

unlike most episodes. It's a break. Best worst podcast in Canada. Number one worst podcast in Canada. Uh, yeah, I mean, Pete, what is, what, what did you, what did he tell his family? Yeah, I hear my, here's my thought. Pete has to take one very long plane flight home. Even if that plane flight was only 45 minutes, it was the longest plane flight of his life

because he has to put together. We had to go back to the hotel and pack up. He had to go pack up. He didn't have a car. I'm sure dad's not letting you use the car anymore. So he's probably I just imagine him standing outside this like palatial estate with his bag and waiting for an Uber and everybody else sitting on the porch smoking cigarettes

like, well, good ridden, old garbage. Hey, Pete get to roll the way off my property. Stand on the curb. Thanks, Pete. We're still going to have day number two of the engagement party. You're just not a I'll send some extra cake to the hotel. So he has to take one really long travel back home. Yeah. And he has to put all the pieces of the puzzle together. And he has to figure out how to tell the rest of the world what exactly happened. That's right. Because here's what's going through your brain the entire time. Now you're like in full gone paranoia. Yeah. It's like I couldn't tell

them that we just just like it never I never got along with our mother in the first place it didn't work out because of that. But then she tells everybody the truth then what am I gonna say? Yeah, no, you have to get in front of the truth. You have to be like yep, that's my heart on I I mean you have to come up with some story. I almost would if I were him, but it said I was drugged Maybe he was maybe he was maybe he was Yeah, that's it say you're drugs yeah that's it that's the ticket yeah that's the ticket say I was drugged I had a couple zinnex they put a couple zinnex in my sprite now you ended up with a big bone or on somebody's bed yeah somebody fits something in the drink. Yeah, or I would have said, you know,

you know, you have, you can, cause you can't admit to just being that big of it. Yeah, you can, well, I mean, you can, but. Yeah. That looks really right away. Yeah. Like just soften the blow.

And you know, I don't think this is a parent. I don't think this is that long ago. Yeah. I think this is like, I mean, he says 2021, but I actually think, for reasons, I won't describe here on the show, I think this is actually more like 2020 or 2019 before the pandemic.

Right, okay. What makes sense I have a big party? Yeah, yeah, you can't have a big party. That's part of the reason why I think that. And here's, I mean, here's the shittiest part about all this for Pete. Is that probably for the last three years of his life, you know that at least some of the people that he knew

that they knew mutually, because you don't date someone for that long. You've had mutual friends. Some of those people know the story. And every time you run into those fucking people, show up at a party, go to the bar, I wouldn't, I'd move out of state. I would do, I'd hide in a hole.

Yeah. You know, a Superman went to Alaska so he could hide his powers and that latest shitty movie they made? That's what I'd do. I'd hide in a hole. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Superman went to Alaska so he could hide his powers and that latest shitty movie they made? That's what I'd do. Yes. I'd go up to a shitty, I'd be on one of those crab boats.

That's what I'd be doing. Yeah. I'd be on the crab boat. I'm a crabber. Yeah, be a crabber. I mean, you know, the next day it's all this. I'd start sleeping with Madden,

I'd be a crabber. I'd be like, it was at that moment I found out I liked guys. I really love to South of Russia. I love to stand bold and I loved men. I haven't gotten the hard sets. My penis has been inoperative sets, but that's okay. It's a given take. I can't show my face in America anymore, but you know, my penis won't get me in any more trouble.

It's at that moment that the vasectomy and the clipping happened took all my my manfarts are going oh man yeah you really might have to move oh I had a whole video to do you have to like start it you gotta get going you would just have to start fresh. Bye bye. Yeah. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. That's it. I'm the more that I put myself in Pete's shoes, the more that I get, that you fresh start. There's rain. There's rain. Little towns. Hey Pete, you want to come on a commercial break? You know the quickest way to be forgotten by everybody be honest of the commercial break Number one and the number one worst podcast in Canada. That's right. How do I have it? Yeah, we're actually 21 now I think they've caught on thanks a read things are adjusting. Yeah, the guy got guy who put that up there got fired You know how we get people to listen to these other podcasts?

We put the worst podcast, the number one, and that's not gonna listen to everything else. I think this is a ploy by another comedy podcast to make themselves seem more funny than us. But that does, that's the setting of low bar there. Yeah. Oh, six, six, one, two, three, seven, eight, two, nine, six, six, six, six, one. Best, the number two, why oh yo?

If you've got an ask an uncle Brian question, you'd like some marital or relationship advice or any question. We're here to help. We're here to help, but make it good. I can't answer just like ridiculously silly questions. I could, and I will. We do that every once in a blue moon. Yeah, we do. We can pile up. in a blue moon. Yeah, we do.

We can pile up. Really like some attention. Yeah. If you really want some attention on the commercial break, write a story. Tell me about it. Get into the color commentary so that Chrissy and I can laugh at you.

T-C-B podcast.com. You hit the contact us for him. You can drop us a story there. You can watch all the video, video, you can listen to all the audio right from one location, the brand new tcbpodcast.com. Thank you everybody who's been leaving wonderful reviews, comments and ratings on your favorite podcast player. If you haven't done so, take one minute out of your day,

rate the podcast, leave a comment or review. We certainly would appreciate it at the commercial break on Instagram. Be the first one to like that page. Yeah. Why not get on board. You and three other people. Yeah, you'll be a small community of Instagram fans.

All right, Chrissy, well listen. I was going to get into so much more today, but that story took up the whole show. So I agree, Brian. I love you. Best of you. Best of you. Best of you out there in the podcast universe.

Until next time, we always say we do say, we must say bye! I'm a baby, baby I'm a baby, baby I'm a baby, baby I'm a baby, baby I'm a baby, baby I'm a baby, baby I'm a baby, baby I'm a baby, baby you