The Commercial Break - Tales Of A Gringo

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Episode #624: Bryan is feeling patriotic after voting, and he brings us some more tales from Spain, complete with poopy babies and scratched rental cars. Presidential candidates on podcasts Astrid voted for the first time! Bryan voted for Kamala & is finally right about something! When this episode is released, Bryan is having his throat slit! A mid Delta crew More airplane peepee drama Astrid got got Renting a car in Europe Good at driving, bad at parking The Spanish McDonald's play place ¡No más enfermas, Bryan! Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Producer: Astrid B. Green Producer & Audio Editor: Christina Archer Christina’s Podcast: Apple Podcasts & Spotify To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and of the commercial break. Here we go, come on, ready? Virginity is cool, come on, come on. Virginity is cool, what up, what up? Virginity is cool, he's got it, he's got it. Virginity is cool. On this episode of the commercial break. We managed to get everything in this thing and we're about to drive off the lot,

and I stopped to ask my Amma one last question about something, one last question. And as I walk around the other side of the car, I realize that the entire right side of the car has been scraped along a wall. It's like, it's just, it's just like the worst kind of traffic damage you can have on a car. You can tell that a gringo like me tried to park it in a Spanish parking lot and that's

what happened. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Dane. This is the Nelk Boys to my boy, Ongo. Kristen Joy Hoadley, best of you, Kristen. Best of you, Brian. Best of you out there in the podcast universe.

Just naming all of the podcasts except for ours that Donald Trump has showed up on. Wow, he's on a tear with the podcasts, huh? I know. Nelk Boys, Dan Bongiongio or whatever his name is. Yeah, they all are. Yeah, Bongiongio or whatever his name is. Yeah, he's been on a lot of podcasts. Yeah. Well.

It's the new format. I think Kamala has been a little bit more selective in her choosing. It seems like Trump will do anybody, which I don't know if that's good or bad. I think it's good in the sense that podcasting is becoming a well-known and well, I guess, I want to say respected, but I work in the industry, so I know that's not true.

But, you know, it's a form of media that even politicians now know reaches an audience that otherwise can't be reached because they live in kind of this bubble of podcasting. You can look at the two podcasts and tell directly which ones are... Trump is going on the kind of the hyper masculine podcasts that focus on a male audience. Kamala is going on the more gettable audience, except for Howard Stern, which is a mostly male audience, but she's going after that kind of gettable female audience. So it's the tale of two political campaigns. She's going to like the, you know, premier elite podcasts and radio shows.

He's going to more, I would say, independent kind of media places. And I'm not saying that's good or bad or indifferent. It's just interesting to watch the two. But did you see the other day that Dan Bongino, he had Trump on it and Trump's people had to actually pull him off the show because he was falling asleep or something.

I don't want to send misinformation. He was tired, he was exhausted. And so Dan only got like 20 or 30 minutes with him and then the team was like, oh, well, he's gotta go. Trump was like, Bitcoin! Yeah, well, we're kind of like the, it's kind of like live influencers. Yes, I agree. I think it's, you remember when Bill Clinton went on Arsenio Hall way back

in the day and played saxophone, you know, rugged up with everybody that Arsenio Hall show, like that version is podcasting in 2024. That's what's happening now because no one could believe that Bill Clinton was going to go on the fucking Arsenio Hall show. Not even late night, but this black man who had this kind of ruckus, independent, that show was so fucking good. I know he tried to do it a second time around and it wasn't so successful, but he just didn't have, you're never going to have the same energy you did when you were 27 years old. And yeah, the he just didn't have, you're never going to have the same energy you did when you were 27 years old and yeah, the same magic.

But man, when Bill Clinton went on there, he won over a bunch of young folks that went and voted for him. And so I think the political campaigns who are probably being run by people much younger than the actual candidates, see and know that podcasting is kind of like, we are the it crowd, if you know

what I mean, not us specifically, because they said no to all of them, said no to us, but you know, and listen. Yeah, in general. Yeah, in general. And if one of them had, to be fair, we are booked by an agency, but if that agency had come to us and said, hey, one of these two want to be on the show, I probably would have said, as long as the other one is asked, and I don't care. Okay, sure. But how many dick jokes can Kamala Harris have? You know what I'm saying? Trump, I think is better at dick jokes. You see, he's talking about Arnold Shlong.

Oh my God, I did. Oh my word. Arnold Palmer is rolling in his... And his daughter said that. His daughter said that. She was like, no. Well, regardless of the guy had a big dick or not, he was just a kind of like a very gentleman. He was an ambassador for a sport that is known to be like class, classy ass kind of thing. And I don't think he probably would have appreciated

that conversation. It's so weird. Ah, but whatever. You know, whatever. So now the big talk is just to get over this and then I'm gonna shake it out of my system. I just wanted to talk about it for a second. Well, you went and voted today, congratulations.

I did, that's what's got me all hip up. Yes, I voted today, cheers. Uh-huh. I voted. And Astrid voted for the first time. For the very first time. I'm so excited for her. My newly-citizened wife got to vote in an election.

She became a citizen two, almost three years ago, but just after the last election. And she was disappointed that she didn't get to be, you know, a citizen before that last election. But she was so excited to go and vote today. And I- It's like you're part of the process now. Oh, man. I know. I mean, it's just a good feeling. Besides my mother, I've never really had to explain to somebody how to vote because I took

my mother to vote in 2020. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. And there was like a whole crowd of people that were like, what's going on over there? Is he like pressing the buttons for her? But I almost was. I had to like take my mom's hand and be like, no, press there. Vote for this person. That's who you want to vote for. And I just kept saying it out loud. That's who you want to vote for, right, mom? Right. It was a whole shit show. But I was so happy to take Astrid and say, okay, here's the thing, put your phone away, okay, these are the poll workers.

And of course they had the observers there too, and you could clearly see who was observing for who, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. There was like three poll watchers in my polling place, which is a little tiny little library. But you could see, it was just like, the same lady was there in 2020 was there taking notes, looking at everybody suspiciously. Like, you know. Yes, I remember you talking about her. It was, I just looked at her like, really? I mean, we need them. Don't get me wrong. Yes.

Poll watchers are a necessity when you're trying to have free, fair, and transparent elections, as well as poll workers who are professional, know how to do their jobs and keep politics out of it and make it a point to say thank you to everyone I interact with, and even people I don't, because that is a dangerous fucking job in 2024. It really is. And those poll watchers, listen, I'm sure that some of them are there to cause trouble. It doesn't seem like this lady is, but she just looks at everybody so suspiciously and she's taking notes on every, I know what she's doing. She's like, you know, bald guy with glasses.

Kamala! You know, one! I think she's like scoring people or something. I don't know, I don't know what she's up to, but it's like all the note taking and like looking behind the notebook she's got. It's just weird. I don't like it. I feel creeped out by the whole thing. But anyway, I voted. And so back to podcasting, the big hubble up now is, will Joe Rogan in the last week here, two weeks that we have available to us to vote before election day, will Joe Rogan have on one or both of the candidates on his show? And he's kind of hinted that maybe he might have both of them on there. Now, I don't know. I don't know what's going on with Joe Rogan. I have no inside information on Joe Rogan.

And I don't really listen to it. I don't really listen to any other podcast, if I'm being honest, because this show takes up too much of my time. I don't have anything against Joe. I just don't particularly, I don't listen to the show. That's it. show takes up too much of my time. I don't have anything against Joe. I just don't particularly, I don't listen to the show. That's it. Not very much anyway. I see clips. Yeah.

But I know he's a needle mover. He's got a lot of listeners. And so, and if he brings somebody on and they're in a good light, maybe he swings a few voters. And if he brings somebody on and they're a bad light, maybe he swings a few voters the other way. So I'm all about it. I think the more that these candidates can be out there, the more that we see them, the more that we hear them, the more that we see.

And that you can sit down for like a conversation with them. Yes, that where you can have one string of thought thoroughly through. Right. I mean, come on, come on guys. I said it before Joe dropped out of the race, Joe is too old to be running for president. He was big, I think 2020, that was like the cutoff line right there for Joe. He did a great job, I think, manning the ship and as a lot of presidents have done, not just the Democratic presidents, a lot of presidents have done. But not this time,

he was too old. Trump is too old to be running for president. He is so fucking old, man. Yeah, definitely seems erratic. His age is showing. Yeah, he can't put two thoughts together. It's a little- No, and you know, when I'm watching him, sometimes it's like, oh, okay, because he speaks with such confidence and he speaks like in a way that makes you kind of think, but when you, there's nothing alarming usually. Well, as a boy... Well, I mean, come on. Well, right. That guy doesn't open his mouth without saying something alarming.

I guess what I'm trying to make is that when you read what he said, that's when you're really like, what? Yes. He said that in a full sentence? You're right about this. He has a voice, like a, he's like a game show host. He could speak gibberish

and you would still get a point out of it, right? He'd be like, we're gonna kill everybody and then we're gonna do this, and then we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna do that,

and then we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna do that, and then we're gonna do that, and then we're to do this, right? I don't want tariffs. And everybody's like, whoa, taxes. And then you're like, wait, did he just say he's going to kill everybody? Right. And the thing is, is that it gets so, it's so whitewashed now because he's been doing this for so long. Right, exactly. But I got to say, in 2014 and 15 when he was running for president, there were some coherent thoughts in there.

And whether or not I agreed with him is a different conversation altogether, but there were some coherent thoughts in there. And whether or not I agreed with him is a different conversation altogether, but there were some coherent thoughts in there. He was a muckraker. He was the guy who was going to come up and shake things up and the, you know, status quo is not going to do and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I understood while I, while I may not have agreed with it, I understood why he was president. And when he became president, I said, we were going to respect the president of the United States and pray for him or meditate for him or whatever to do the best job possible because that's what we should do. However, now in 2024, in hindsight being, you know, 2020,

literally the year 2020 and 2020, hindsight being 2020, he's gotten more discombobulated and more disconnected. And in some ways, I think some of the things that he is saying is dangerous. And if he follows through on them, which here's the other thing is that Trump never follows through on anything. So it's hard to tell whether or not he's just talking or is he actually saying things that are going to happen? Because if he's saying things and they are going to happen, or there are people with him that they that intend to make those things happen, it's really fucking scary. Some of that shit in my personal opinion. And I know it's not a show where we talk about politics, but let's get it out of our system since we have a week left before the election.

I don't agree with everything Kamala Harris has to say, but I do not believe that she is a dangerous human being. Is she going to raise taxes? Is she going to have a policy that I don't agree with? Is she going to push an agenda that maybe I don't see eye to eye with? Okay, I can deal with all those things because I've dealt with them with other presidents too, including democratic presidents that I didn't care for. But I don't think that in any way, shape or form, my children's futures are in danger. I think she's just going to be another manor of the ship and womaner of the ship. She's just going to woman the ship. That's it. She's going to woman the ship. There's going to be a fucking divided Congress. Nothing's going to happen. Same thing's been going on forever and fucking ever. Trump's a different story.

And I think that he just surrounds himself with people who- Yes, men. Yes, men, and also people who have dangerous ideas and who put those into his head. I know. But dangerous ideas where the democracy could suffer. And I don't mean democracy with a big D, I mean it with a little D. And I am nervous that my 27 fucking children are going to grow up in a more dangerous world if Donald Trump becomes elected the second time. I don't care who you like or don't like, but like there should, we should, if someone

said this the other day and I can't remember who it was and God bless me, they were with Kamala Harris, but I just heard this line and I thought about it in the shower this morning. Like I couldn't stop thinking about it in the shower as I was starting, as I was about to go vote. If you don't trust them to babysit your children, you shouldn't trust them to babysit the country. And I don't trust Donald Trump to babysit my children because he's old, he's full of crazy thoughts and he can't complete a sentence. So that's the same thing I would say about Joe Biden. I also don't trust him to babysit my children because he's old, he's a little discombobulated,

and if something happens, Joe's going to break a hip trying to pick the kids up. Like there's a different reasoning, but the same premise. I just don't trust either of those human beings to man the ship. Kamala Harris is the last person standing in that equation. She's the only one. So, for me, the choice is clear. And I just want to give my kids a shot at democracy the way that I grew up with it. And so, I'm not voting for Kamala, I'm voting for democracy, even though I do like Kamala. I really do. I think that she's, you know, she is our, the chance that we got to get through this next couple of years, unscathed, I think, or relatively unscathed. And there's a lot of bad things happening in the world and in the United States, but when it boils down to it, it's still the greatest fucking country on earth. And we can solve some of these problems, at least push them in the right direction.

But we can't do that when all we're bitching and complaining about is how everyone's out to get us and we're the worst and there's rapists and murderers and hooligans running around. It's a distorted view of the world that I just don't accept. I'm sorry, I just don't accept it. And I don't want to teach my children that. I don't want them to be afraid of everybody and everything. Well, it's fear based. Yeah, of course it is.

That's what populism is. And so that is my diatribe. We did this in 2020. We talked about this for like one day on the show. We did it right before the election. And we talked a lot more politics than we do now. We made the decision not to talk about politics after that because it just got too fucking crazy.

Everyone was going nuts. I don't want you to hate me if you vote for Trump or you want Trump in office. You go exercise your right, just like I did. And if you want to talk about it on your podcast, you feel free. But the truth is, I just think this is the one election where I feel very, it's one of the few elections that I felt very strongly that the choice is not about who the actual person is. Yeah, I agree. It's really about whether or not we continue to function as an actual democracy. And so, muckrakers, I love you.

People who want to break shit, I love you. People who want to turn the world upside down, I love you. But that's got to be in a way that's meaningful and actually makes sense and causes change That is at the end of the day positive and I just don't share that I just don't see that vision and I don't share the vision Of mr. Trump. I just don't so there you go That's who I voted for and that's I'm choosing to say that in the hopes that some one person out there says well Yeah, maybe he's right. Maybe Brian's finally right about something And by the way, who are we who are fucking we? person out there says, well, yeah, maybe he's right. Maybe Brian's finally right about something. Right.

And by the way, who are we? Who are fucking we? We're just podcasters. Two people with opinions. I'm just going to do what, you know, I read this article and it said, you know, if, Joe Rogan was on stage that one time for that Netflix special that he did, the big Ballyhoo Netflix special. And he said, who am I? I'm just a fucking podcaster. If you're taking political advice from me, you're the idiot, not me, right? So I said, who am I? I'm just a fucking podcaster. If you're taking political advice from me, you're the idiot, not me, right? So I'm gonna take a line from Joe

and say I'm just a fucking podcaster. What do I do? I'm just sharing my opinion with you. So happy Thursday to everybody. I hope you're having a great day out there. Go vote. Yes, go vote. And as you sit here listening to me bitching,

complain about American politics, I'm getting, my throat is wide open. So just know. That's just know that, yeah. You're having the surgery. I am having, as this rolls out, I will be having the surgery. So I'll probably be under the knife right now when you're listening to this. So if you don't like what I just said, you can pray for my demise. You can pray that I bleed out on the table. No, that's not going to happen.

No, no, no, no. Unfortunately for everybody, this is more akin to getting your wisdom teeth taken out than it is to major open heart surgery. You know what I'm saying? Only they're cutting your neck open and not your teeth. Yeah, I know that's disconcerting. It drives me crazy. So I figured I'd do one last, I give one last gift to my kids before I go. There you go. I give one last gift to my kids before I go out and vote for democracy. Oh my God. You know, I know at least one person in the audience who's going to really fucking hate that I just did that 15 minutes, that we did that 15 minutes.

No, I'm saying I know the person. I know the actual person. Yes. And so before you text me, my friend, who I won't mention your name because there's no reason to do that, but before you text me, just, you didn't have to listen. Just all you had to do was fast forward through it. That's all I got to say. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break. I won't tell you more about my trip to Spain. Yes, I'm dying to hear. I think we left off on the plane. So we only have-

I think we'll see some pictures too. Sixteen more days of Brian's Spain stories to go. Let's take a break and we'll be back. Let's take a break and we'll be back. I know this sounds crazy because we are a podcast, but we have a phone number because we are also a Sendian AI chatbot being designed to receive compliments and content ideas at 212-433-3TCB. So crazy how that works. If you want to follow us on Instagram, our handle is at the commercial break and our

TikTok handle is at TCB Podcast. So go find our profile and watch the videos we painstakingly put together for you and our 20 other followers. If you find yourself wanting more, check out our website at tcbpodcast.com because you can find all of our audio and full length video episodes. And if you just do all of those things, we will love you forever. Bye. full-length video episodes. And if you just do all of those things, we will love you forever. Bye. For the past three seasons of Gone South,

we've covered one story per season. We tried to figure out who killed Margaret Coon. She told me I'm gonna kill you. I said, well, do it, bitch. Go ahead and do it. We delved into the violent world of the Dixie Mafia. I'm an outlaw and I was a thief, but I'm far from being the psychotic nutcase

that I've been made out to be. And we tracked a serial killer in Laredo, Texas. Just turn around, please. Turn around. Now, Gone South is back for a fourth season, but this time we're doing things a little differently. So, in Gone South Season 4, we'll be bringing you new stories every week, with no end in sight. I'm Jed Lapinski. Welcome back to Gone South, an Odyssey Original Podcast.

Listen and follow now on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts for new episodes every week. All right, if you're still listening to the show, then then I guess you didn't mind the last 15 minutes. But here we go. Or you fast forwarded. Or you fast forwarded. That's all you had to do. Fast forward.

You know we weren't gonna talk politics for too long. Have you ever taken anything that I say to heart? No. You know how I know that? Because all you guys and gals text in and tell me what a moron I am. I'll tell you what. So, when I went to Spain, I came back to a slew of text messages and well wishes about my health. And I want to thank everybody. That is so nice. That was very nice to write in to say, hey, hope you're doing well, buddy. You know, we're thinking about you. We're praying for you. whatever version of well-wish you sent to me.

I think we have responded or I have responded to almost everybody, but if you didn't get a personal response, I sure will after I, if I'm alive after the surgery, I sure will. If I'm alive after the surgery and after this episode airs, then I will, let's see that poll watcher lady looking at me, I will send my regards back to you, but I will, let's see that poll watcher lady looking at me, I will send my regards back to you, but I will share with you how kind of you, how very nice. But that's the first time I've ever received nice messages on that fucking text message, because everybody loves Hoadley, Tina, Christina, Astrid, they all love the females in this audience. And I just get the ball of wax every fucking time. And listen, if I can give it, I got to take it. So I'm not

here to say, I'm not crying like a baby, but this is what it takes. It takes me getting my throat cut open for people to be nice to me. A life and death situation. A life and death situation. I have to be full of calcium in order for you people to pay attention to my feelings. Aww. I have to be full of calcium in order for you people to pay attention to my feelings! All right, so we're on the plane yesterday. Lady walked in with her bare nasty feet. Oh, God.

I just, the more that I thought about that after we told the story, which I had largely kind of put out of my mind until I read my notes back. Until he dredged it up. Until I dredged it up. And man, just was I thinking about who is that lady married to, who's her partner, who does she go home to at night? Does she go to home to anybody at night? Are there children involved?

If she's a parent, someone should take her parenting license away because you shouldn't be allowed to do that. You shouldn't be allowed to just walk barefoot. Well, you said she was somewhat elderly, right? So maybe she's at the point where she doesn't give a fuck. Well that's true. I mean, yeah. It's still gross.

Yeah, Bitcoin. Yeah. But maybe she's divorced, kids are out of the house, and she doesn't give a fuck, she's on her way to Spain. Yeah, she is. So that's true, she's on her way to Spain. What am I talking about? Yeah, I'm the one with 12 children

in a row in the bulkhead seat, not her. She's got it better than I do. Maybe she doesn't give a fuck. Spilling water on the people all behind you. Oh my God, that was the most horrific and funny thing that's ever happened. It made me think about it because I have a similar water bottle and I was using it yesterday and I thought the same thing. It's just coming out of the straw. Yes. And so now we got to travel down to Florida to the surgery again, and I will not be bringing any of those

because I will not be bringing any of my children, which Asher was sharing with me yesterday. She goes, wow, I'm really excited about Tampa, and I go, oh, that makes one of us. Are you excited to see me go or what's going on? I think she's just excited that you and just you and her. Yes, she goes, listen, any break from the children is a vacation.

If I do not have to worry about washing dishes, making lunches, folding clothes, getting them to school, getting them back from school, a lot of these duties we share together, but I didn't really think about it that way because I'm the one going to get my throat slit open. She was like, it's like a little mini vacation. And I was like, well, okay,

I just won't be taking you to the beach. Or I'll be talking through one of those, what do they call them, the sty or whatever it is? Jared Sussman Oh, yeah, the voice thing. Jared Sussman All right, so we're on the plane. This is like, okay, so nine hours of kind of just trying to keep the kids from causing mass chaos on the plane. Everybody around us has been very nice, accommodating, including the people who got wet halfway through the takeoff. And then I can see on the little screen, which, you know, I'd like to think that I was going to watch something and catch up on something.

Yeah, I was hoping you were. I came back, I want to ask you yesterday, I said, which shows did you watch? While I was there at night, while the kids were sleeping, I did catch up on a lot of Shogun. I did catch up on Aaron Hernandez. I did start a couple of shows that I will talk about. I did finish Brassic, all of the four seasons that are out. It's really, there's really a cliffhanger there and they're currently filming season five. So I have to wait 10 fucking years to see the end of that.

But anyway. I need to watch that. I heard about that from somebody else too. It is so, it is just good. It's just a good show. It's not particularly like, it's not Shogun. It's not like some, you know, big story arc with dramatic, every episode is its own story arc and it wraps up neatly and nicely at the end. But it's just a fun show to watch. Lauren Ruffin Yeah, I watched the first episode,

but I need to get through some others. Jared Sussman So, I can see on my little flight tracker. Lauren Ruffin I love the flight tracker. Jared Suss I can see on my little flight tracker. I love the flight tracker. That we are an hour from Madrid. Oh, you start getting a little antsy. Oh, I start getting a little antsy. The ladies come by one last drink service.

You know what I'm saying? One last drink service, the garbage, the whole thing, how they do that and coordinate that dance. I'm actually pretty impressed. It is. I gotta say. It's impressive. And I will say, I have flown Delta so many times in my life. It's hard to count, just like you have.

You live in Atlanta, you fly, you've flown Delta. That's it, because that's just, it's the hometown place. And if you've flown Delta, you've been to Atlanta because that's the hub, it's here in Atlanta. We own like 90%, they own like 90% of the airport terminals. But this particular flight crew, I don't know if they're at the end of their shift, if they're at the end of their flight,

at their end, whatever it was, they were not particularly helpful or friendly in any way, shape or form, which is the opposite of what I have experienced on any other Delta flight I have ever been on. And I don't know why. Maybe it's, maybe it was just a bad day for everybody. Maybe they, you know, the crew chief was not particularly nice and everybody else was in a bad mood. I don't know. But they were efficient, I will say that. So it's an hour, crew chief, you know, coming back and forth, coming back and forth, coming

back and forth. Now we're 30 minutes from Madrid. You can feel the plane starting to slow down. You can tell it's starting to lose some speed and lose some altitude. You can see it on the flight tracker. So I say, okay, kids, who has to go to the bathroom? And I start going through the names. Do you have to go now?

Johnny, Jill, Jack, now, now, now, do you have to go to the bathroom? Because once they put that seatbelt sign on, it will be another hour and a half before we get through customs and there are zero bathrooms between here and there that are available for your little tinkles to go in. Does anybody have to go to the bathroom? You've been drinking orange juice and water since we took off. No, no, no. So I say to the worst offenders, I say, let's go.

And I drag them into the bathroom, not the one where the nasty stinky feet lady went into. But I drag them into the bathroom and not the one where the nasty stinky feet lady went into, but I drag him into the bathroom and I say, sit your ass down and get that hoochie coochie peeing right now. Let's go. Chop chop. And of course, a torrent of water comes out of two of my daughters. You didn't have to go to the bathroom. Okay. All right. But I let one of my, my son, I say, hey, you got to go to the bathroom now. Well, he's a little bit older. So I go, okay, dude, you got to realize it's going to be a long time before you're going to be able to piss again. If you don't go to the bathroom now, now.

So now we've had this incident on the way up. And I explained to him, remember when we were taking off and you couldn't go to the bathroom for like 15 minutes? Same thing on the way down. Now. You don't remember? Now. You don't want to go?

Now. All right, well now it's too late because as I'm trying to beg him to go last one last time, seatbelt sign. Ding. Flight attendants, prepare for landing. And now you know, right? Please return your seats in the up back tables.

So now we're stuffing the TVs underneath the seat because we're in the bulkhead. So that's what you get. One of those TVs that comes out of the seat and stuffing them all. And now my son who's sitting next to me starts getting antsy. He's like, daddy, can we turn on the TV?

No, you, no. You give them back to him. Well, you can't have this TV up. So I'm like, yeah, give it right back to him. I'm like, no! As now we got 15 minutes left in the flight, we are going down fast. The plane is slowing down. My kid is getting antsy and he starts grabbing his ching ching, and I'm like, if this kid turns to me and says, daddy, I have to go pee pee, I am going to literally, I'm gonna put him behind me with the guy

who got water all over him and let him piss on that guy, and we'll see what the consequences are, because I'm gonna lose my fucking shit. This is like the third time in a day we've had this conversation. Well, guess what, Chrissy? Daddy, daddy, I have to go pee pee. Of course.

Ah! Why didn't you tell me this two minutes ago when I asked you if you had to go pee pee? I don't know. You can't go pee pee now. There's no pee pee station between here and there. You're gonna have to hold it. Can you hold it 30 minutes?

No. Do you really have to go? Are you really have to go? Do you have to go? Can you just hold it just for one minute? No. So I look at the flight attendant, the same one from the beginning of the flight. That said, no.

Sitting in the jump seat. And I got to ask the fucking question again, because I'm not a dad if I don't at least ask the question. And I'm embarrassed. I'm like, he has to go to the bathroom. Can he like just scoot in there real quick before we land? No. Fucker.

I was so pissed that him and her and myself for not dragging him into the bathroom. We land, you know, 10 minutes later we land and now he's like jumping up and down in his seat and he's like, Daddy, I gotta go. And I'm like, no, I don't know what to tell you. You can't go. But we're like taxiing around the airport. Well, I don't know what it is with the airport in Madrid, but apparently the terminal that we were going to be parking at was the next fucking country over because it took us 26

minutes, and I am not kidding about this, to taxi. Really? Yes. I think because we got there so early, they were just like doing circles around the airport. You were on the fast track with the wind. Yeah. And Chrissy, by the time we actually got to the place where they, where he could take off his seatbelt and I could put him in there, this kid was, he kept on saying to me, Dad, I'm bursting.

And I was like, Dad, you're bursting. Where did you learn that? First of all, second of all, what is going on? And so I take him into the... Probably feel like his bladder was going to burst. I've had that feeling before. And man, so as soon as the seatbelt sign comes off, I run to go bring him to the bathroom. Now remember, I'm in the bulkhead seat, the bathroom is two and a half feet in front of me, and a guy from the aisle over blocks us,

cock blocks us, boom, and gets in the bathroom. And I was like, what just happened? He literally knocked over my kid to get in the bathroom. And I was like, what just happened? He like literally like knocked over my kid to get in the bathroom. And I'm like, what in the fuck just happened? Who are you human beings? You've heard my son the entire last 38 minutes telling the entire plane that he has to go pee pee. And then you just run in front of him like a fucking mor- you're a full grown adult. You can handle yourself. He's a child. He can't handle himself. Exactly. Well, I'll tell you what, I was so pissed. So I look over at Astrid and I'm like,

people, and she's got the baby and she lifts up the baby and she's like, she's got to get changed. She peed all over me. And I was like, oh, no. peed all over me and I was like, oh no, no. Does the baby need a diaper change? No. Okay. So I go, don't worry about it, babe. We'll take care of it. So cha cha cha, da da da, get him.

Okay, Astrid, all the kids, now we're filing out of the plane, all the kids, all the other stuff. So Astrid's in front of me with some of the kids and I'm a little bit behind her. So she's halfway down the gangway and she turns around with the baby in her arms who has now been changed. And when she turns around, she's wearing white sweatpants, it's not pee all over her.

She has been shat on all up and down. The baby literally had watery diarrhea and it was terrible. Oh, God. And it was terrible. Hey, poor guys. So now, we go, we go to the rental car place. Now, the rental car place, renting a car in Europe is a lot different than renting a car here in the United States. I've heard that. Yeah, it's so much different. It's getting better, but it's still not there. It's better than it was when I started going a decade ago to visit Astrid, but it's not,

still not like it is here in the United States. In the United States, you should feel blessed to have the rental car system we do. You basically get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car

system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and you get a rental car system, and It's better than it was when I started going a decade ago to visit Astrid, but it's not still not like it is here in the United States. In the United States, you should feel blessed to have the rent-a-car system we do. You basically give them, you know, a fake name and an address and they let you have a car as long as you want it.

Yeah, I mean, you literally have to be, I don't know, robbing drug stores in order to get your car taken away from you. I mean, it's just the dumbest, easiest thing in the world. You don't even think about it anymore. You don't even need a credit card anymore. You can do it with a debit card, a prepaid Apple card, a Gold Dot gift card. I'm not sure, you can do it with everything. So, but when you go to the Europe, it's really locked down, the whole situation.

And if you have a dent bigger than one of their Euro, like a quarter, basically, a quarter, you will get charged for the repair directly yourself. This is how they do it in Europe. They don't do it like that here in the United States. You either get the insurance or you don't get the insurance. You could show up with door dings and they wouldn't give a shit. They wouldn't give a shit. They just don't give a shit because they know they'll just resell the car and move on.

And it's just a, it's a risk game they play here. But in Europe, it's different. Cars are handled differently. There are less of them. They are more valuable in the sense that there's handled differently. There are less of them. They are more valuable in the sense that there's not as much space to be parking them. Cars are at a premium. And so they handle them much differently. They handle them more gingerly. Well, we go in and we, you know, hey, Brian, checking in, this lady at this car rental place is

lovely. She's like, okay, great. Let me get your passport, let me get your photo identification, let me get two forms of credit card, let me get your ID, can I get two fingerprints, are there any birthmarks on your balls I can take a picture of just in case? I mean, the whole thing. And then she gives us this car, Astrid says, hey, listen, I rented us a whatever it is, whatever they call it up, a premium car there, which means you can fit five people in the car and a couple of large suitcases. You don't want to get the smart car. No, which is half the fleet.

It is, yes. It's like tiny little cars where you can't fit any baggage. Astrid and I went to Mallorca once and we got a convertible because we thought that was going to be cool. We had two big suitcases sitting in the back seat as we were driving down and we could not put the top up because of the big suitcases that wouldn't fit.

So it was like we needed the convertible to fit our luggage. It had nothing to do with us being a bunch of, you know, Ponzi human beings. We're riding down a highway in Majorca with two large suitcases right behind our heads. Yeah, the cars are really small. Oh my god, Chrissy, it was so crazy. Hey, I'm an American. I remember my sister and I in Italy for the first time we saw the smart car for the first time.

That's before they had really even come over here and they're still not very prevalent over here. But the first time we saw it, we were like, what is this? Is this like the smallest car ever. I know. What is this? I know. It is. And they have the same brand names you recognize, Jeep, Kia, Chrysler, whatever, Toyota, Chevrolet, maybe not Toyota, but Chevrolet. They have the same brand names you recognize. And you think, oh yeah, let me get a Jeep Wrangler. That'll fit everything. Or a Kia Sorento, that'll fit everything. But somehow Europe manages to make them 10 times smaller. Like, they don't fit as many people or as many

things. Well, when you have so many children, you almost have to rent two cars. It's crazy. And here's the other thing. Oh, Brian, why don't you just get a van? Yeah, Brian, why don't you just get a van where you cannot park it anywhere in Europe? Yeah, where I'd have to drive to Czechoslovakia to park it. And that's the truth. In Spain, there is, parking is a premium. Every spot, it was what we would consider a small car spot. And they consider that lots of room. And they know how to do that.

I don't, I don't, I'm bad at parking. I'm good at driving, bad at parking. Just, okay. So she says, okay, how about a Jeep whatever? And I'm like, yeah, that's great, you know, Jeep, whatever, wonderful. Same car that we had last time, but for some reason, we cannot get the luggage to fit in the car. Like the luggage won't fit in the car. So now I'm tired. We had to have a lot of luggage. It doesn't matter if we're going for a day or for 10 days, we have a lot of luggage. Jared S What's that? Oh, for the baggage. Any additional baggage. Well, I think also like I have some card that does that.

But he was, in any case, he made it seem like he worked some magic and was nice about it. And I thanked him very much because it would have been $6,000 in extra fees just to have our luggage flying with us. So we can't fit this luggage anyway. Danny, who's Gustavo's Gustavo's and Astrid's brother, who's lovely, I love him, he's there to greet us and help us with the baggage and the kids. Danielle and Gustavo were there? Just Danny.

Oh, just Danny, gotcha. Gustavo's in school, so he couldn't go. That's right, here. He's here in the United States in school, in Texas. So he's trying to, we're both trying to Tetris this luggage, it's not happening. And strollers, and stroller baggages, yes. And everybody's got a backpack and water bottles, and stuffed animals they had to take, and car seats, and you had to get car seats. Astrid bought these car seats that you blow up. You blow them up.

Really? I'm not even kidding you. They're legal. You blow them up and they're legal. And the thing is is that I didn't learn this with most children that are not infants, like my 300 pound, seven foot tall child is, is that it's really more about the height of the child than it is about anything else. Keeping them high enough that the seatbelt can do its work. The strap can do its work. So, okay, great. So, she was smart. She brought these so we could fit more children in the car. So, okay, after 30 minutes of fucking with it, Astrid's, you know, Astrid looks at me, because I'm the guy who does all the talking in the relationship. Look at me, I'm a fucking podcaster. And she goes, this isn't going to work. I asked for a car that was going to work. This isn't going

to work. I don't know why you got this Jeep. Now all of a sudden it's my fault that the luggage won't fit. And I'm like, I don't know, babe. And she's like, let's get this car. And she looks over and she points to this car. And it's like some, I don't know, some SUV looking thing. And I'm, yeah, I'm sure that that's gonna cost less money. So I go to the lady at the front desk, who's lovely, Mayama.

Mayama is like, oh, I don't know, I'm like, yeah, let me get this car, let me get that car. And she's like, okay, no problem. Let's get that this car or that car. I get a Kia Sorento or something like that and we managed to fit everything in there. And so now we've been there for like an hour. So we did nine hours on the plane. We did an hour getting through customs and now we've been an hour there. I've had no sleep. My head is filled with as much calcium as possible. I mean, I swear

to God, I have a terrible headache. My neck hurts. I'm frustrated. I'm irritated. I'm fussy at everybody. And the baby is shitting everywhere, Chrissy, everywhere. And so, holy shit, you never want a sick kid on a trip. You don't want a sick kid, period,

but you deal with it at home. You don't want a sick kid on a trip. That's just it. You don't want a sick kid on a trip. That's just it. You don't want a sick kid on a trip. So, we managed to get everything in this thing, and we're about to drive off the lot, and I stopped to ask my AMA one last question about something, about that one last question. And as I walk around the other side of the car, I realize that the entire right side of the car has been scraped along a wall. It's just like the worst kind of traffic damage you could have on a car. You could tell that a gringo like me tried to park it in a Spanish parking lot, and that's what happened. Now,

part of me felt relieved. I'm not the only idiot in the world. Or that you saw it then before you pulled off. Exactly. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You aren't getting me like this. So I had my aunt come out and take some pictures of the car because I was like, no. And I had already driven it from the space to the little kiosk that was there. And that was like, I don't know, 15 feet. But I was like, no one's going to try and blame me for this shit. And she's like, no, no, no, no, let's take some pictures. It's fine. It's covered. Don't worry about it. You got it. And here, then she hands me this. She goes, here, and it's a piece of paper with some pictures on it and some directions and a map.

And I was like, well, I got Google. What are you doing? And she says to me, keep it. Keep it in a safe place. You will want this when you come back." And I go, why? And she goes, trust me, read it, you'll want it. There's a reason why we give it to everybody. Just take it. And I'm like, okay, I look at it and it says, directions back to Rent-a-Car Spot in the airport at Madrid. And I'm like, okay, well, great. Yeah, see you later. Staying in the glove box. Yeah, just stick in the glove box. That's right, for safekeeping and head out over to the hotel. So now, let me share with you what happens at the hotel when we get back after these messages,

as I tee them up. I should probably keep this thing, this page open, but I never think to do that. I'm always flipping through like a madman when it's time to take a break. We'll be back. Lauren Ruffin My darlings, my angels, my sweet little cherubs, it's that time again where I try to convince you to follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. We really don't post that much, so it's no skin off your nose. If you'd like to get in touch with us directly, you can text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB. You know we are just sitting by the phone

waiting with fated breath for you to call. So please leave us an Ask TCB and we'll give you some mildly concerning advice. Peace and blessings. Jared Sussman Okay. One thing I forgot to mention about the landing. When we got landed, when they told us to take our seat belts off, the captain came on and he said, welcome to Madrid, here's the time and the temperature and all that. By the way, we're going to have medical personnel come on the plane to attend to somebody, so please stay in your seats until the medical personnel have a chance to do what they're going to

do." And they carried a man off the plane. Now, I think he was alive and he was like an older man, maybe he was just dehydrated, maybe his wife had come back after going to the bathroom with no shoes on and it made him pass out. I'm not really sure. Maybe that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm not sure. But I had never been on a plane where like there was that, I'd been in a

plane with those medical emergencies, but never when like you had to have firefighters rushing in or an ambulance rushing in. So it was, it was a little bit strange. Okay. So we get to the hotel a year ago, about a year ago, a year and a half ago now, we took a trip to Spain. We went for like a month. Some of you may remember this. We went for like a month. We went all over. We visited all kinds of family members. We went to the beach. We just took some time off. What we felt was well deserved. You chased chickens. Time. I chased chickens. I tried to get internet. Chickens chased you.

Yes, chickens chased me. I tried to get internet. I saw lots of tits. I mean, it was a wonderful trip. We had a great trip. We traveled all around. We went to Mallorca. Astor and I got a little second honeymoon. It was great. We had a wonderful time. And when we were in Madrid, which is home base when we go there, when we were in Madrid for the last five days we were there, we went to a hotel room. I think some of you may remember the story I told about how we went to the hotel room and it was like 27 degrees Celsius in that room, which is like 103 or something.

It's ridiculous, like 92 degrees. And the lady kept on insisting that the air conditioning would turn on after a certain hour. I remember that. And it never did. And so, we had to move to a different hotel room and they had to like carry, she had to carry the beds herself because she was the only one working at night and this whole nine yards. Room 121 in this particular hotel room in Madrid, right outside of the city of Madrid.

Did you go back to the same hotel? Same hotel. Okay. Because we enjoyed ourselves so much, it gave us a lot of room. It was the biggest hotel I've ever been in in Europe. Yeah, because they're small. And once the air conditioning worked in the second room, it was really quite lovely, right? So this time, we asked for the same setup, we get the same room. The same room that was hot? No, the same room that was not hot. The second room we had gone into.

When we went to that second room, I remember thinking one thing distinctly about that room. I loved it, it was awesome, it was incredible, it worked perfectly for our large family, except for one goddamn thing. There were no, and I mean no accessible outlets anywhere. There were USB plugs, but the power runs differently there. So if you try and plug in your iPhone, it's going to take like two hours and 60 minutes to get like 30% battery charge.

It's just the way that it works. You need a converter. You need to plug it into an actual adapter so that it can change the... I don't know what it does. Don't even ask me to explain electricity to you. It's over your head. Trust me. But there are... No, so I... yeah, you do need the converter though. So I remember I managed to find an outlet by sliding around some of the furniture and I found like an outlet box on the floor below some pieces of furniture. So I remembered this and this time I said I'm going to bring a extension cord with a couple extra outlets in it So I can put the converter in there'm going to bring an extension cord with a couple extra outlets in it so I can put the converter in there, put it in, throw an extension cord so now

that we can move it around the room and wherever we need to use it. It came in handy because it was the same room that we had last year. Everybody's shitting all over themselves, but Astrid says, I'm going to take the kids to my aunt's house and then I want you to rest up. This is like noon there, 11 o'clock noon there. And she says, I want you to rest up. And I say, okay, lovely, let's do that. So I managed to sleep almost the entire day away and I mean, I'm literally like 11 to 3, 4 p.m.

That's good. I wake up and I'm like, let's go, let's go have some Spanish food. I want some Iberico ham, I want some croquettes, I want something. We're here, let's do it. And so Esther says, meet us here at this place and we're going to go have this lovely dinner. And I say, okay. So, we show up to this place outside of like a mall-ish type area, it's got a bunch of restaurants, including a McDonald's, but we're not going to eat at the McDonald's, we're going to eat at this other restaurant. Well, we get in there, and it's clearly a shit show. There's like 30 people waiting, it's incredibly crowded, no one knows what's going on, no one's greeting us, no one's saying hello, no one's letting us sit down, no one's doing anything.

We got kids that are fussy, now tired, you know, all this other stuff. And so, my aunt says, let's go across the street to the mall, there's more restaurants there. Well, we walk across the street to the mall, and's more restaurants there. When we walk across the street to the mall, there's a bunch of security guards standing outside of the door saying, you can't come in because we don't have any power. And it's like, you don't have any power. What do you mean you don't have any power? Well, the power shut off yesterday and we haven't gotten it back yet. And I'm like, did you forget to pay the bill? How do you have no power at a mall? How does that happen? I don't know. All right.

We go to the third restaurant. Third restaurant is like a barbecue restaurant, like an American barbecue restaurant. And I'm like, I didn't come here for American barbecue. Well, all of the kids are now fussy, everyone's fussy and tired. And we've done this dance so many times with Astrid's family before, we visit every restaurant in town before we make a decision, that I'm like, let's just pick a fucking restaurant and let's go there. And the restaurant that is picked is the traditional Spanish cuisine of McFuckin' Donald's. And that's where we end up going, is to McDonald's, to which my kids are crazy excited because now they get a happy meal and a toy.

And I'm terribly disappointed. But at least I know one thing, McDonald's in Spain is better than McDonald's in America. The ingredients are different. They cut up their beef different, they allow less byproducts in their shit, so it's just a little bit tastier and I guess healthier for you. I'm not really sure that's a true statement, but it feels like it. We go, we eat in McDonald's and attached to the McDonald's is a play place. Like you walk outside, there's a patio and then there's another indoor part of the restaurant where

there's a play place, a big play place for the kids to play in. Of course, they're demanding that they go and play. Oh, of course. And I'm like, sure, yeah, okay, but let's finish our dinner and then we can go and we can play for a few minutes. But what I'm really thinking to myself is, just as disgusting as a bathroom on a flight is a play place at McDonald's, to which the kids will demand that they are able to take off their shoes and their socks, and then they will crawl all over everything that has never been sanitized ever in its existence.

McDonald's play places, any play place at a restaurant really, is the most disgusting thing ever. And without fail, every time we go to one of those play places, someone gets sick. And not the nice kind of sick, the like, I'm shitting out my brain is kind of sick or I'm throwing up kind of sick. Remember last time we went up to South Carolina, we stopped at a McDonald's with a play place on the way back and everybody started vomiting violently within 15 hours? Well, I can't get that out of my head. And so I say to the kids, I'm like, listen, kids, we don't really have to go to the play place.

It's, you know, let's go back to the hotel. It's so much more fun there. Dad can yell at you and turn the volume down and we'll be stuck in a three foot by three foot box. But they win because their will always wins. And when they want to do something, it's hard to ignore. Kids go over, they play, I stand there with them, I grab the baby, I'm, you know, crawling up the slide to make sure no one kills themselves and all this other stuff.

Get back to the hotel, everybody goes to sleep, everybody passes out. As a matter of fact, as soon as we got to the hotel room, you know, the shower and bedtime routine for my kids is amazing. It takes like two and a half hours. Everybody has to be showered and bathed, Everybody has to have a fresh change of clothes. Brush your hair, brush your teeth, take your vitamins, you know, lay down, try and go to sleep. Just the going to sleep part can take, anybody who has kids knows this, can take hours on that, right? Especially when you have like six, seven year olds that have the will of wills, like they have, you tell them to go to sleep and now they're awake

because they hate you, right? They just want to spite you. They want to tell you, no, everything you say. So we get into the hotel room and Astrid and I are masters at this. We tag team every night. No matter where we are, we tag team this. Okay, you get these two, I'll get those two. You put them to sleep, I'll brush their teeth, you comb their hair, I'll change their clothes, we'll get them to bed.

I'll put this one to sleep, you put that one to sleep, you know, I'll turn on the TV for this one, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're masters at this. Never in the history of our children have Astrid and I not tackled, except when I've been traveling, have not tackled a night of this bedtime routine together. I like it. Teamwork. Teamwork. I love it. We're so good at this. We get to that hotel room, Chrissy, it's like 7.30, 8 o'clock, you know, their time, 7.30, 8 o'clock in Madrid. Astrid is like, you know, helping to make the kids milk and stuff, and I've got a couple of them in the shower, and I

come out of the shower and Astrid is full, passed out on the bed. I was going to say, that was a lot for her to go straight to the ants after the flight. Yeah, she just went and did it. And the kids are just, it's chaos around her and she is sleeping like she's on the beach with a Mai Tai in her hand. And I think I wanted to be mad, but there's nothing to be mad about. I already had six hours of sleep as soon as I got off the flight. So I said, I'm going to give this one to Astrid. I'm just going to give it to her. Like, it's okay, I'll take care of it.

I managed to get everybody to sleep. We go to bed. I wake up. I pop up at like four in the morning, right? And I'm like, fuck, fuck, I can't go to sleep. No, I can't go to sleep. No, I mean, I can smell something too, but I figure if the baby's sleeping, don't wake her up. She's already shit herself. What am I going to do? But I'm like, fuck, I can't go to sleep. No, I mean, I can smell something too, but I figure if the baby's sleeping, don't wake her up.

She's already shit herself. What am I going to do? But I'm like, fuck, I can't go back to sleep. And I couldn't go back to sleep. I am just like kind of writhing around in the bed, like trying to put myself, yeah, I'm restless. I go to the bathroom, I splash my water, some warm water on my face. I come back to the bed.

I'm feeling a little flush. I feel like it's hot in there. I turn down the air conditioning a little bit so as to make everybody else freezing so that Brian can be comfortable. You know, I do the whole nine yards. And finally, maybe an hour and a half later, I get back to sleep. 730 in the morning, Astrid pops up and the kids pop up, everybody pops up, except for me. And I can hear them, but I can't get out of bed because my brain is hurting a little bit, like my head, headache a little bit, my arms are a little achy, which with my condition, I say condition, but my condition, I just checked

in to see what condition my condition was in. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah. What condition, my condition was in. Jared Slauson I still can't believe Kenny Rodgers sang that song. It's so, it's beyond me. But I'm just like, oh man, I'm just not feeling it this morning. I'm not feeling it. Wait, maybe I know what it, maybe I'm just feeling a little like my tummy needs some food or something. I need a cup of coffee. My stomach's not feeling so good. That's what it, maybe I'm just feeling a little like my tummy needs some food or something. I need a cup of coffee. My stomach's not feeling so good. That's what it is.

I'm feeling a little dizzy and nauseated. Oh, I'm feeling a lot nauseated. Oh, God. I'm feeling, holy shit nausea. Oh, my God. I got to get to a toilet right now. This all happens like within a minute. I'm like, I wake up, I have a headache and I'm achy, and within a minute I need to get

to the toilet because I'm going to throw up. Chrissy, I spend the next four hours violently vomiting everywhere. Everything that I've eaten since the plane is just coming out of me. I can't even hold water down. I take a couple sips of water. Like one of the- You throw it right back up. Yes.

Danny brought me some like medicine, local, you know, I say local medicine, like it's probably a pineapple with some rosemary in it or something. He brought me some flu medicine. Right, a tree bark. A tree bark in Ayahuasca. He brought a shaman in and blew some smoke around my butt. I just have this vision of Danny and his bald head just walking around me with a feather blowing smoke on me. No más enfermas,

no más enfermas. He brought me some flu medicine. He brought me some NyQuil, basically. And I couldn't even keep it down. I mean, I was just so sick. Chris, he was miserable. And all I could think to myself was, fuck that fucking McDonald's play place every fucking time. Either that or the bathroom that I was in in that airplane 75 times with all 200 children. But I was miserable.

I mean, I was so nauseous and sick. I felt like I had a full-blown flu. It was terrible. And I was like, God damn, I just got here. I just got here. And now I have the flu. And now I have the stomach flu. And now it's going to be like it was six months ago when we got this at that McDonald's place. I'm going to be sick for three or four days. I'm not, I'm just gonna take me another three or four days to recover. My whole trip is blown. I'm so sad, cause I'm, I just wanted to try.

You made it all the way there. And then. And then this happens. What did you have at the McDonald's? I'm gonna do a little investigation here. I think I had a quarter pounder. I mean, you yourself said it's made differently. It is made differently. So. Yeah is made differently. So.

Yeah, with flu. Ha ha ha. Con influenza. Ha ha ha. Uh, I had a quarter pounder and some french fries. I think, if I can remember correctly. But I am so sick. I'm like, this is it.

Oh, I feel for you. So Astrid's like, listen, I'm taking the kids. Again, for the second day in a row, I'm taking the kids. We're going out. Call me if you feel better. Otherwise, I'm taking the kids, again, for the second day in a row, I'm taking the kids, we're going out, call me if you feel better, otherwise I'm gonna leave you alone. You know, we don't need to have everybody in this room catching whatever you got. First of all, second of all, you need some rest. Just do it.

So, I go back to bed, I sleep for another three hours, and I sleep hard. Like I don't wake up, kind of like, and when I do wake up, it's like, it's like you've got halfway through a nap, I'm like, discombobulated, I'm confused as to where I am. You know, I'm like, holy shit. And I wake up, Chrissy, and I will tell you something amazing. I felt great. I felt amazing. Beth Dombkowski Fantastic. Jared Svelter I felt, I was energized. I was no longer achy. Maybe I felt a little tiny bit nauseous, but I was like another human being

altogether. It was quick moving. Throwing up at seven in the morning, eight in the morning, nine in the morning, ten in the morning, and by three in the afternoon, I was feeling lovely. I thought to myself, wow, this is great. I feel like I just purged whatever I needed to purge, and now I'm done. So, either it was food poisoning, it was Danny the shaman. It was the local medicine. No más, influenza, no más, influenza, no más. It was amazing. I felt so good. I called Astrid and I said, where are you guys at? Figuring at any moment now, this little honeymoon period of me getting a good nap in is going to go away and

I'm going to feel like absolute ass. So let me get to wherever they are so at least I can enjoy myself for an hour or two before I have to come back to bed. It never happened. I was up the whole day, the rest of the day, and I was just feeling lovely. That's great news.

So lovely, so lovely that I helped Astrid with bedtime that night. Even though she quit on me the first night, I helped her the second night after having been so terribly ill Astrid, terribly ill. Oh my God. Okay, well, that was sweet of you to help her.

All's well that ends well on that first day, except for the baby that continued to shit herself the entire time. It was really weird that everyone just kind of got like a little stomach bug that came and went in about 12 hours. I mean, that's the best kind if you're going to have the stomach bug. If you're going to have any kind of bug, let it go, let it come and go quick. And what I hear, and with the word on the street, because I keep my ear close to the ground, what I hear on the street is that there is this kind of 24-hour bug that has been going around

and it comes with a terrible stomach ache, stomach sickness of some sort, shitting or throwing up or whatever, and then it just goes away magically as quickly as it appeared. It's the cell phone towers, Chrissy. It's the cell phone, not to spread misinformation, but it's 5G, for sure. Because 5G has proven to be terrible for all of us. Oh, wow. That's quite the landing into Spain. I know. I haven't even gotten to the wedding yet.

I know. Wait until we get to the wedding. And the massage. Yes. I'll try and rush it up and get the massage and the wedding in the very next episode. So remember kids, if you're flying to Spain on a plane, protect yourself. I also noticed that on the way there, a lot of the flight attendants were wearing masks. And I thought to myself, I would be wearing a mask if this was my job too. Yeah, I would too.

Stuck in this tube all day long with all these people that are nasty just nasty humans are nasty y'all are nasty out there i'm not i take three showers a day it's just you that's nasty you made me sick yeah there's always something going around there is i hear syphilis is the i was watching the show the other day and the guy was like, 90 day fiance or something. And the guy was like telling the girl that he just met. It was like, well, I've had this oozing in my penis. I have gonorrhea, but don't worry. I can cure it by just going to the doctor

and taking some pills. It's not a big deal. Yeah. And I thought to myself, if I had gonorrhea, I'm not so sure I would be so nonchalant about it. No! As if it happens every Thursday that I get gonorrhea. Don't worry about it, it's curable.

All right, tell us about your gonorrhea. Two, one, two, four, three, three, three, eight, two, two. Two, one, two. And we wonder why Kamala Harris hasn't asked to be on the commercial break. Two, one, two, four, three, three, three, eight433-3822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We're taking them all. Also, what's your favorite charity?

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I love that. I do too. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for right now. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. And I'll say best to you. Best to you.

And I'll tell you best to you out there in the podcast universe, do your constitutional right. Go out there and vote. Vote for democracy until next time we always say we do say we must say I gotta get some cocaine! It's driving me crazy!