The Commercial Break - TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

Episode Date: March 7, 2025

Episode#709: Bryan is nursing a cold, like the big baby he is! So, we get a TCB Classic. On this TCB Classic Bryan & Krissy review a Love Connection episode staring Brad Van BusStation! Watch episode #708 on Youtube The oldest dog in the world is 31! Bryan’s history of strange neighbors (and parrots) Don’t stick your fingers near the birds! Birds of a feather flock together… Love Connection (for hot girl summer) Show a little knee Dancewear Sales This guy is a wild one I’m ugly, I’m a virgin, and I love the camera! Animated Brad Old birks or restaurant shoes? Vicki is so slay “The nights still in diapers, babe” The bus station and the temple, a perfect date We’re doing a full investigative report on this date! Bryan’s going down the rabbit hole for this one It’s a TCB TBD   Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram:  @thecommercialbreak Youtube: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast Website: www.tcbpodcast.com CREDITS: Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

With the FIZ loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with FIZ. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fiz.ca. You hear that? Ugh, paid. And done. That's the sound of bills being paid on time.

But with the BMO Eclipse Rise Visa Card, paying your bills could sound like this. Earn rewards for paying your bill in full and on time each month. Rise to rewards with the BMO Eclipse Rise Visa Card. Terms and conditions apply. Well I start the day with a good hot breakfast. Burry, eggs and bacon and a drop of whiskey and tea. You can define the virus then. Oh, very good.

What about you, madam? I believe in a good breakfast, but I also believe if you have got the flu, rinse your inside out with, uh, continually with boiled water, about four or five half-time glasses a day, boiled water. On this episode of The Commercial Break You know, as one of the top comedy podcasts in the bottom half of the comedy charts, it causes the entire podcast universe a lot of agita when we don't push out fresh episodes. So you can understand the precarious position that I'm in, having received my annual visit from Atlanta's fifth fake spring. Just like taxes, dental cleaning, and that twice a year you have sex with your

spouse, I have received my annual visit from Uncle Flu and his ex-wife sinus infection. So unfortunately for all those who are paying attention, the commercial break does not have a new episode to fluff your feathers and tickle your tallywhacker today. But fear not, my little minions. We're gonna do what every other prestigious podcast would do in a situation just like this. Rehash the intro and outro, throw one of the mediocre past episodes in the middle, and give it a catchy name like TCB Classic. And what's on the menu for today's TCB Classic, you may ask? We're gonna re-listen to our good friend Brad Van Busstation.

Ah yes, Brad, the venerable Love Connection contestant who touched our hearts and made us nauseous by bringing his date to the local Greyhound station because urine-stained metal benches, the smell of body odor, and vending machine junk food for dinner has never, ever, ever turned a woman off. Not in my experience, anyway,

and certainly not in Brad's experience. We fell instantly in love with this episode of The Love Connection, and I hope over time you will find a way to forgive me and my swollen tonsils for rubbing your ears the wrong way. Not once, but twice, with this TCB classic. Alright, enough talking, I'm gonna go down a bottle of NyQuil and hallucinate my way through an episode of Teletubbies with my kids. We'll be back next week with a special guest, Kathleen Madigan, on Tuesday. And I promise you some piping hot episodes

of the Commercial Break. Bye. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. So dirty in the morning! Aw, yeah, kids and kids, welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and co-host, the beautiful Kristen Joy Hoadley.

Best to you, Chrissy. And best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. I just read, and I sure as shit hope this is not my fate, but I just read that the oldest dog in the world turned 31 years old. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. I know oftentimes that, you know, we say nasty things about religion and in a pragmatic way, but please God, don't let blue live to 31 years old. 23, 23, I'm

good with 23. 31 years old. Wow, that's a long time. That's like 150 years old in dog years. It's a Labrador. Oh, good old lab. 31 years old. Can you believe that? That's a long time.

My cat lived until she was 22. That's a cat. Cats can live into their 20s, right? They do live longer. Well, no, it's not normal, but. Yeah. I just, you know, I like, I think I told this story one time, we're living downtown, I was living with my ex-wife, we lived in this house and across the way was a duplex.

And the duplex was like set way off the street. I remember that. Do you remember that? Okay, there's a duplex. Yeah, because we spent a lot of nights on that porch shrinking and God knows what else ourselves to death. Dancing. Dancing. Dancing. God bless the neighbors in that. Remember I had that one super old neighbor next door and then I had that young couple

who I believe were Mormon next to us on the other side. And so they got married in their backyard and I had two dogs at the time. I had Bats and Winnie. So they were really well behaved dogs. They were, they were sweet. They were very sweet. They didn't bark a lot. I mean, you heard a bark out of bots once a day maybe, and it was because someone was knocking on the front door. But anyway, we had a fenced in backyard, we had the Mormons living next to us,

and they got married. We saw them setting up on a Friday and for a Saturday wedding. And so they were never particularly like talkative with us. And I can understand why is because we were like a den of iniquities over there, just cocaine, beer, and getting debauchery going on 24 hours a day. But we were over, um, I was in the backyard and I was over near the fence with the dogs and I hear this on the, on the fence. Hello?

Hey, what's going on, man? What you setting up for over there? Uh, we're actually getting married. Oh, wow. Congratulations. You're getting married in your backyard. Yeah. Yeah. We're just going to have some friends and some family over and we're getting

married and it's happening tomorrow. Could you do me a favor? Sure. No problem. What you need? Can you, can we, can you keep it down between like 12 and 3 in the afternoon? And I was like, keep it down. And he's like, yeah, you know, sometimes I know you guys like to, you know, play loud music and party and stuff. And the dogs are back there sniffing around and

jingling jangling. Could you just kind of keep it down between 12 and 3? In the afternoon. And I was like, sure, no problem, dude. Guess what I did? I let the dogs in the backyard for the entire time. No, I'm kidding. I didn't. Anyway, had this big, long driveway going to this duplex right across the street from us. And they had a fucking parrot, not a cockatoo, not one of those little small birds that dies in three months. A parrot, an actual parrot. I forget what you call them.

They're like cockatoos, is that what it is? Is it a cockatoo? Is that? I mean, I think a parrot's a parrot and a cockatoo's a cockatoo. I know, but there's like, one of them is a pet and one of them is not. Is a cockatoo the one on the Froot Loops box?

And then a parrot. That's a toucan. That's a Toucan. Toucan Sam. Toucan Sam. That's right. Okay. Whatever kind of bird these people had. I don't know.

I'm not a bird expert. No, I grew up, well, when I was younger, there was a friend of mine that his family had birds, like three of them. Parrots? So I would go in there. Yeah. The big kind? And they would talk.

They would say things. And bite your finger off too, if you fucking get in their way. I didn't try and get into the cages. So, so I, so they had this parrot and that parrot, you could be at the, you could be in the back of my house, in the very back of my house, in a shower with the water running and the music playing and still hear that fucking parrot from across the street. And they kept it outside, I can only imagine, because it was even too noisy for them to have inside of the house. They

kept it outside. Most of the time they kept it outside. What about with weather? Go fuck yourself! Go fuck yourself! I don't know. Well, they had a screened in porch. So this went on for two years. Two years. Until one day I get a knock at the door. And I go and I look and it's this kind of scraggly guy. He's got his shirt off.

He's very skinny. He's got the jeans on with the belt cinched way tight. Obviously he's doing drugs. That's all I can say. Obviously he's doing drugs. I can only imagine making he's doing drugs. I can only imagine making Mountain Dew crystal meth in the backyard or whatever. I don't know, but he looks whacked out and he looks totally fucked up.

And I have never ever in my entire, I was there for like eight years. I had never seen the neighbors. I had only heard the parent. So I opened the door. Hello? Hi man. I'm Dale from Crossed Street. And I'm like, oh hey Dale and nice to meet you I didn't extend my hand to shake it cuz I was afraid of where his hand had been and I was like hey man

It's nice to meet you. Yeah, man Listen, I gotta move out of the house in like three days and I was wondering that you could take my pet bird Just maybe for a month and I'll come back and get it And I'm like no I got dogs and people I care about and eardrums that I like to keep. Plus I don't know you. Yeah, I was like I go hey Dale I have eardrums. I have eardrums I'm not gonna take your fucking parrot So I go hey man, I appreciate that you need a place for the bird

to stay, but I don't think my house is the right place. I got two dogs. Check with the Mormons. Yeah, check with the Mormons. They're really, they love loud noises. I said, listen, I can understand, but you also gotta understand my situation. I got two dogs, I just got a divorce, I'm mainly drunk all the time. It's highly likely that parrot's going to get into some kind of narcotics and it's going to kill it. You don't want me taking care of your parrot. I can barely take care of myself. You don't want the parrot involved in the whole situation. And so he stood out there for a few minutes

trying to convince me of the parrot. You see, the thing is, when I bought the parrot, I didn't know it was going to live 150 years and now I got to find somebody to take it on the farm. That's right. They live a long time. Yeah. Now there's a bunch of people, like pet lovers, animal lovers, who are running out trying to find people who have these parrots and getting them to sign agreements that gives a chain of custody for when and if they die.

Because apparently a big problem is they take them to the vet or somebody dies, they take them to the local veterinarian or whatever. They try and give them to the vet or somebody dies, they take them to the local veterinarian or whatever, you know, they try and give them to the dog pound. Why the dog pound would take a parrot? I don't know. But then the, then the birds end up getting euthanized because there's nothing else they can do with them. Right. They, and they're really hard to home because you really, you have to know what the fuck you're doing when you have a parrot. I can imagine there's not a lot of demand at the local shelter for parrots. No, unless you're day from cross

I swear I got this guy. I mean this guy was a work. He had this toast and everything He had the whole tubes at all of it. Hey, man, I appreciate listen If you know of anybody you just come over let me know I give you my phone number if you want No, no, no, I know where to find you for the next couple of days I'll call your people. My people will call your people if we find a place to rehome your fucking parrot. Keep it for a month. Keep it for a month. That's what he asked me. Keep it for a month. He told me, keep

it outside. It doesn't really matter. It's used to being outside. It's probably why it's squawking all the time because it's fucking cold, hot, rainy, wet, hungry, needs water. So I know that these parents, so then I was dating this girl one time, she lived down, her dad lived down in Florida, we went out there one time, I think I told this story, ended up sleeping on like an air mattress in the office of this house because I was just trying to be respectful of the fact that most parents don't want you sleeping with their daughter in their, don't want you, you want you going to pound town on their daughter in their house when you're not married. I was just trying to, I was just being a good, you know, gentleman.

Sport. Good sport. Yeah. I'll fuck her when you're sleeping and I'll come slink back to the bed later, which I did. So, so that he had likerots and he loved these birds, but the birds would attack anybody who tried to get near them, except for him. So, everybody else in the house was just scared shitless of these birds that were literally in the house. And so everyone warned him. They weren't in a cage or anything? They weren't in a cage. No, they were, all three of them weren't in a cage, like a series of cages. Like the whole wall was dedicated to these birds.

And so they warned me first thing I'm gonna come in, don't stick your fingers anywhere near that. The birds, they don't like people, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like you're gonna go and stick your finger. Hey birdie, birdie. Hey birdie, birdie. So, oh, there goes your finger. Cause they will take goes your finger. Because they will take off your finger.

So over the course of a day or two, I started staring at this one parrot. We started communicating, mind melding, right? And eventually, I said, hey, do you ever take these things out? And he's like, yeah, I do, but usually not when strange people are around, because I'm telling you, these birds, they just don't like other people. And I don't want unpredictable behavior when I'm, that I can't control. And he goes, but if you want me to, I'll take it out. I kind of put it on my shoulder and you can whatever. So he puts on the shoulder. And an eye patch. Yeah. What's that? He was, this was in Tampa, Florida. I'll put on my eye patch.

I'll put on my eye patch. Yeah. Of my bird solo. Arrrr! I'll put on my best matey so he knows I'm a friend. A friend in need is a friend in need, parity. Come hop over onto my shoulder and poke out my eyeball. Arrrr! So he takes out the bird.

He puts it on, you know, he's on his, like, his forehand. Right. Yeah. I've seen them do that. And the bird hops toward me, like hops toward me. It was like, she tries to get off his little thing and hops on, but the wings are clipped, right? So he can't fly. So he just kind of like, like this. And I was like, oh shit, he's going to attack me.

And he's like, wow, I've never seen him do that before, you know? And the bird is like, so put the, back in the cage. I felt like that was maybe a sign that he didn't like me and I needed to stay away. Go to sleep on the mattress in the office the next day. It's got two of these like French doors that you can just kind of push open, the little poppy French doors. So I'm sleeping and all of a sudden I hear And all of a sudden I hear, like this word. And I can hear on the floor. And I'm like, I'm kind of waking up out of sleep. I'm like, what is that?

I turn my head and the fucking parrot is right there. Oh my God. And I'm like, the parrot, the murder parrot, the murder parrot is right next to me. What am I going to do? But that bird didn't do a thing. It liked you. The murder parrot, the murder parrot, the murder parrot is right next to me, what am I going to do? But that bird didn't do a thing. It bounced close to me and it started like nudging me with its nose.

It was like, like this, it liked me. It actually liked me. And so I was like, wow, murder parrot likes me. And I swear to God, that was my first visit there and we became the best of friends. Like anytime I would go, the murder parrot. You and the parrot? The murder parrot would sit on my shoulder and it would nudge my face and be like this. Oh, it loved you. Yeah, it loved me. So, who knows, maybe I should have taken the parrot. Maybe it was better than

Dale. I just can't commit to anything. I could barely commit to, you know, a full day's work, let alone the parrot, the murder parrot. Oh my God. You know, two birds of a feather. What do they say? Flocked together. let alone the murder parrot. You know, two birds of a feather. What do they say? Birds of a feather flock together. Isn't that the right way to say it? You and the parrot. Speaking of birds of a feather that flock together,

I don't even know how we got involved in this conversation. The world's oldest dog. Oh, right. Sometimes I have to think about where we were before. You know what I'm saying? The circle. This is like, I thought about a new tagline. You know what I'm saying? The circle. This is like, I thought about a new tagline for the show that I actually might put up there.

Feel free to go down the rabbit hole. We'll throw you a ladder. That's true. We'll help you back out. Yeah, we'll help you back out. That's right. All right. This seems like as good a place as any to take a break.

Why don't you listen to Rachel give you some information about how to get in touch with us, and I'll do some extremely gross netty potting, and maybe I'll sound like half a human in this next break. ["Turkey in the House"] Rachel here. While Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boy's room, let's talk turkey. TCB needs your help.

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while you listen to the sponsors, and then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of The Commercial Break. I'll take a raise now. Bitches, bye. Get ready for Las Vegas style action at Bet MGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips

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Speaking of two birds of a feather that flock together, fall in love. You know, Chrissy, we love our dating shows around here. We've reviewed so many of them at the, I can't even remember all the names, but one of the ones that sticks with us, two of the ones that stick with me are Blind Date, which we just reviewed a couple episodes ago.

And what I really would love to do is I'd love to review another Love Connection episode as we get into the thick of summer and, you know, we take off for our vacations and everyone's chilling out and relaxing. I thought we'd do something easy. I thought we'd not yell and scream about religion today, and we'd simply take it easy, settle down and do a little Love Connection. Something we can all agree on is that love connection was the very first OG dating game. It was the OG Tinder.

It's the very first Tinder. True. You take a look at pictures and a little bit of information about somebody and then you make a decision about who you wanna go out with. You meet up with them, you bang real quick and then you ghost them.

That's how it works. That's how it's always worked. You show a little knee. Yeah, you show a little knee. You show a little knee. Maybe you get a knee job and then you move on. A knee job. You mind if I... I know you don't want to take the bird. You mind if I fuck your knee? Can I fuck your knee real quick? I don't know. I just like fucking knees. Ever since I've been on this vendor, I feel like knees are really sexy. I'll fuck the back of it, that way you don't have

any jizz on your front. But you'll just have the knee sweat. Yeah, I got the knee sweat. Let me put some KY back there and I'll. Pfft, pfft, pfft. Ha ha ha. Nothing like a knee fuck. Nothing like a knee fuck.

Nothing like it. I wonder how many people have knee fucked. You know it's happened. Probably. You know there's some douche bag out there that was like, let me fuck the back of your knee. People have strange fetishes. People do have strange fetishes. Which we've also reviewed too.

Maybe you should look into that. Listen, I know that Rachel and I have talked about this multiple times. When you get that smell, when somebody has that smell. Oh yeah, the smell. You literally wanna chop them up and eat them. You literally, it's like a baby. It's like a baby or a puppy breath.

It's like you want to eat their face. And maybe, maybe, even though I would never had to, but maybe I would have fucked the knee had someone said, you can only fuck my knee. I would have been like, I'll fuck your knee. That's not a problem. I can fuck your knee. Or can I just hump the bed right next to you? I can only fuck my knee. I would have been like, I'll fuck your knee. That's not a problem. I can fuck your knee.

Or can I just hump the bed right next to you? Maybe we can whack off together the second you walk in the door. By the way, someone who knows that girl reached out to me after I told that story on air. Yes, they did. And so I'm really sorry I told that story on air, but she did ask me to whack off right in front of her the second I walked in the door.

It's not, it's not not true. We have to fill content. What did we say? I've got days and days of content. What do you want me to do? I got to fill it up. I'm now contractually committed to a thousand episodes or whatever the fuck it is.

I got it. And it's the only thing I know is my own life. So I didn't say any names. No one's going to know except for that one person who did know. You know what I'm saying? Okay, just checking. All right, so without further ado, I was trolling on the internet.

As you do. As I do do. And I found an old episode of Love Connection, and I mean an old episode of The Love Connection. This is from 1983. What the fuck, Chuck? What the fuck, Chuck? I say that to myself sometimes. I know I do too. Sometimes I'm driving and I'm like what the fuck Chuck? Yeah and then of course my son goes what the fuck Chuck? Good job just don't say that to anybody out loud. Keep that in your inside voice. You can get a compliment any time he wants to, and he says that his grandma is always

trying to fix him up. Please welcome Brad. This guy's in dancewear sales. I haven't seen that occupation. Dancewear sales. I have not seen that occupation listed. That is the best occupation I have ever seen. And I'd like to know if on LinkedIn, it's one of the options for sales.

You know they give you the options. Dancewear sales. You know, they don't have an option for podcasting on any of the forms, like government forms you have to fill out where it says, what category of business do you have? And when you try and put podcaster, it's not even respected enough to have it. I bet dancewear sales is there and podcasting is not.

Thousand bucks. I bet dancewear sales is there and podcasting is not. Thousand bucks. He tripped when he walked out. Poor guy. Hey, he's in this in 1983 and he is rocking gym shoes with a full suit. Yeah. He's going to the Nikes. He's going to the Nikes.

This guy is ahead of his time. Now this is not the fashion model you would hope. He works full suit. Yeah, he's going to the Nikes. He's going to the Nikes. This guy is ahead of his time. Now, this is not the fashion model you would hope. He works from home with his dance job. He's in dancewear sales. He's gassed. I wonder if it's dancewear sales like my daughter goes to dance class and she wears a tutu and I'm selling it to you

or dancewear sales like high heels, fishnet stockings and garter belts. I wonder what kind of dancewear he's into. He might tell us. Yeah, I hope so. That is the worst outfit I've ever seen on a human being. It's pretty bad. Are those literally corduroy pants?

They're pinstriped something. Pinstriped corduroy pants, Nike run shoes, a gray jacket, a yellow polo shirt, and a haircut that I can only describe as a cereal box. That's what I thank you for that fresh fruit basket in my dressing room. My grandma, it's a common practice. She goes to... Hey, you got him, Jim.

Hey, Julie, come look at Todd. Todd made a funny on the show. Just like I told him. I dress her every Saturday and she takes her pen and pencil she'd set and she talks to all the other grandmas about their granddaughters for me. Does it usually work out? Well Nanny brings back all the numbers and I pick the names I want. I call them up Chuck but they remind me of my love's paddle. This guy is a handful.

What's his name again? Cause he seems like a Vinny. I don't know, let's go back. Yeah, he seems like a Vinny, but I don't think he's a Vinny. Let's go back and let's see. He's Brad, Brad Grunberg. Grunberg. Grunberg.

You know Grunberg? You know Grunberg? Hey, you seen Grunberg? You seen Grunberg? You tell him to get the fuck over here. That guy owes me a knee fuck. Tell Grunberg I'm still waiting for that knee fuck. I'll get him. Fucking asshole. Fucking Brad. What kind of name is Brad? Brad Grunberg.

He does have the BG initials. He does. Anybody with an initial BG is doomed to a life of misery and poverty. Well, I swear to thank you for that fresh fruit basket in my dressing room. Oh, it's okay. Yeah, no problem. My grandma, it's a common practice. She goes to the hairdresser every Saturday and she takes her pen and pencil set and she talks to all the other grandmas about their granddaughters.

Pen and pencil set? Well, it's the 80s. Yeah, that's true. You don't have your Blackberry or your iPhone. Nothing. Pen and pencil set. Pen and pencil set. Hey, can I get your phone number?

Sure. Write it down on my pen and pencil set. It went in her pocketbook. Yeah. Do me a favor. Pick a pen or a pencil, any pen or pencil, write it down on a piece of paper. I got you.

I'll put it in my, I'll put it in my roll-a-dex. That is for me. Does it usually work out? Well Nanny brings back all the numbers and I pick the names I want. I call them up Chuck, but they remind me of last month's cattle for some reason. This guy, yeah. This is the kind of guy who tells jokes in front of the mirror to make sure he gets it right.

Yeah. Yeah. Last month's what? Which is also, there's another BG in the studio that does that also. Cattle, Chuck? They're big girls, not my style, man. I'm the style.

Well, you're not exactly a slight little guy. I'm a girl. Chuck. Chuck. Oh, Chuck. If you would've just stayed this guy. I'm a little guy. Chuck. Chuck. Oh, Chuck. If you would have just stayed this Chuck. If you hadn't grown up and old and fussy. Wow.

You're not exactly. I was going to say the same thing. It's not like this guy's fit and trim. Yeah. No, he's looking for a 10 and he's a four. How else do you mean? Well, I do it many ways, but the Friday night at the temple seems to be pretty good. Friday night at the temple?

Yeah, there's a dance there and I usually Friday night at the temple seems to be pretty good. Friday night at the temple? Yeah, there's a dance there and I usually go up there and we have a good time dancing, but the girl's a little too conservative for a guy like me. I'm a Mr. Vic. We're O for two on guessing people's ethnicity. Well I thought he was Italian. I thought he was Italian too, but now he's Jewish.

Now he's Jewish. I'm the biggest wild type. I'm a wild animal guy, you know? And that's my style. No he's Jewish. I'm the biggest wild type. I'm a wild animal guy, you know? And that's my style, so that's pretty good, but you know. I like to do cocaine off the back of girls' knees. You're going to have nice smooth knees if you know what I'm talking about, Chuck. I like to bang a couple of rails and I take a couple shots of Remi Martin.

I get crazy at the Friday night dance. Don't you worry, Chuck. These girls are in safe hands with me. I'm a wild guy. I was once, true story, I was supposed to play Bluto in Animal House, but I was 12, so I didn't get the pot. They want to take me home, but no. Well, tell me this surefire way of getting compliments.

At the temple? At the temple? At the temple. Okay. Yeah, but you know. Continue. I went to a couple of those dances at the Catholic, you know. Did they want to take him home? Okay.

Yeah, I went to a couple of those dances at the Catholic church and let me tell you something. Take him home to Bang? Yeah, of course. Take him home to Bang or meet mom and dad, break bread, you know, the whole thing. But anytime you want to, That's what you're saying. Well, I'm a B type guy. I'm also a virgin. A B?

What's a B? I'm also a virgin. I'm also a virgin? I'm a B type guy. Like, you mean you play on the B team? What are you talking about? I think he means like not type A, but type B. Well, I could have guessed that by his-

But also he threw in a virgin. Yeah. Why did he throw in virgin? I don't know. I don't know either. Not something you would do, that he says. No. But yeah, I see him as anybody who looks at his outfit

can probably tell he's not an A-type personality. When you're wearing green pinstripe pants and a gray shirt with a yellow polo. We'll get to the virgin later. There's two types of guys. There's the A and B. You're an A, I'm a B. OK? That's a compliment. Take your word for it.

OK. And I'm a B, so I'm a virgin, so I decide that this is the way I'm gonna get girls. I'll show you, Chuck. Okay. Hi, I'm ugly, but I'm a nice guy. No, I'm really ugly. No, no, no, you're not, Brad. You're a good looking guy.

You're cute. You're fun to be with. No, I'm ugly. I'm ugly. I'm horrible. So you do all of this stuff, and then they come on and say, nah, come on, Brad. Wow, sounds like a surefire way to get laid. Yikes. Hello?

Hey, it's Brad Grunberg from the temple. How you doing? Good. You said Brad from the temple? Yeah, Brad from the temple. My grandma gave me your phone number. You know what I'm talking about. Hey, listen, what do you, I want one to 10.

What would you give me? I don't even know you I'm ugly. I'm just telling you I'm ugly Okay, thanks for the call. No, no, no, wait I keep on going for a little while and then you eventually want to screw me. So I'm really ugly I'm terribly ugly. Okay. Thanks Brad from the temple. I gotta go now. You're scaring me. No, no, wait I just want to tell you about my small penis. Okay, Brad. I have no money. Thanks for calling. I'm a virgin. My shoes have a hole in it. Okay.

I have zero experience in bed. Okay, talk to you later. You have anybody say, yes, you're right, Brad, leave. Uh... Has that ever happened to you? Yeah, many times. Many times. I mean, I'm not even going to be honest here, yeah.

But, no, it's a great way. And I meet a lot of girls that way. And basically, when I get to that point, I can do basically anything with him. Anything. Anything, most anything. Except have sex, apparently. Right.

Yeah, which is probably why you're still a virgin. No, yeah. Let's take a look at the tapes of Brad Sider and remember you're going to vote again, OK? Here we go. Why do I feel like Brad went on the Love Connection because it was the only way he could get closer to the TV cameras where he desperately wanted to be.

I bet if we look up Brad Gunberg right now, he's been in 60 movies as like an extra. Yeah. Google Brad Gunberg on IMDb. Gunberger. Gunberger? Gunberger? I thought it was just Gunberg. It's Gunberger? I thought it was just Grunberg. It's Grunberger?

I think so. Okay, alright. There's Donna. She's originally from Queens, New York, enjoys photography and working with stained glass. Now she says that she often gets compliments on her eyes. Here are Donna's requirements for men. She should now have a decent job in education and just be wise with what he does. I want you to notice something about this. I want to share this with people who are listening. On the screen is a nice young lady who's giving her little... Vicki. Yeah, Vicki, who's giving her little soliloquy here. And then in the bottom, there's a picture in picture, a box showing Brad and his reaction to the girl. He gets so animated that some TV

producer inside of the studio decides to cut the box out because they don't like the way Brad's acting. They're like, this guy's obnoxious, cut him out. Watch. You know, in education and, you know, just... They cut him out. Wise with what he does with his money. Spend it on me. Vicki, her hobbies include playing basketball, baseball, football. She also likes to swim, cook, work out, and go horseback riding. Wow. Wow, Brad and

this girl seem perfect fit for each other. Brad's, Brad only wears tennis shoes with a suit. I think so. She says her habits change up. We'll be in a movie and I'll pop a piece of gum in my mouth just because you know I'm hungry or you know just because I don't want to ask for popcorn or something and I'll find myself saying, you know and I just feel so stupid and then I realize I go oh my god nice impression that you're making. Finally you're watching Gail as she was raised in Kansas and she says that Gail looks like she's part of the Duggar family.

Gail is the, is Gail Duggar? Is that a wig on top of her head? Is she wearing a wig? Her hair is two totally different colors. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, she definitely looks like a Duggar. She spends most of her time taking care of her horse. When she wants to impress a man, she'll bake him cookies.

She hasn't had much luck with her dates recently, and here's one example. You start getting really hostile, and he's all, you come here and you do this, and you, you know. And I'm all, no I don't. I do what I want to do, you know. Just go with the flow. And, um, sad to say, I punched him. What? That's bizarre.

But they probably, they probably had a limited selection of who they thought they could match Brad up with. Yeah, they probably had like, I would imagine the girls get some saying this is my thought is like, hey, you're gonna go out with Brad. And they probably had 3000 girls on video. And these are the three that just didn't ever respond.

So they're like, I have to put them in there. They didn't get the message. didn't ever respond it so they're like I have to put them in there. They didn't get the message. Wow what an interesting combination. Let's take a look at all three of them again. First is Donna, she's 25. She's a stockbroker's assistant. Now Vicki's an education student. She's 23. That's education student. Finally Gail, she's 24. He's an education student. A student of education? A student of education. Oh that's interesting. That's like being a business person. I'm a person of business. Gail's a word processor who has a sideline of boxing.

A word processor? Right, before they did it with computers. Oh yeah. I guess so. I guess. What did that entail? Processing words? Yes, I think so.

Give me a favorite process, these words, for me. I appreciate it. I think there's one of those in my head okay ladies is his date who would you fix him up with now that you know Brad so well do do if you don't pick two everyone's gonna die all right the audience has made his choice and brands gonna tell us who you picked. Who'd you pick, Brad? Well, I picked Victoria!

Vicki! Victoria! Alright, there she is. Okay. Why is Brad so very animated? He really is. He's making moves. I wonder what he's doing.

Yeah, that fruit basket didn't get used. I imagine he was just cutting rails before he came out. We're gonna get to continue all this spending tomorrow because we're out of time. So we're going to... Oh, let's fast forward through the... That's our show for today. We'll be back tomorrow with Brad and more singles. We're going to try to make a love connection right here.

And I'm Chuck Woller. We're hoping all your dates are good ones tonight. See you tomorrow. Bye-bye everybody. You got his tagline? Yeah, that's his tagline. Hoping all your dates are good tonight? How many dates am I going on tonight?

All of them? All of them. When I was single, I was like, oh, I hope all your dates are good this decade. Yesterday he told us which of these three women he chose as his date. Today you'll hear what happened on that date. Okay, he stepped up his game. Yeah, somebody in the production office got ahold of him and said, hey, dude, you can't wear Nikes, pinstripe pants,

yellow shirt and a gray blazer. It's just not a great combination. So today let's put you in black shoes, black pants, gray shoes, socks? They look like old Birkenstocks. Yeah, they kind of do. Yeah. Old Birkenstocks are those shoes you get

when you work at a restaurant, and you know you're going to need three pairs a year, so you spend $10 on them at Walmart. Been there, done that. Doesn't a woman deserve to start out in a 50-50 relationship? Not in my ballpark. It starts at 75-25 and if they... 75, your favorite 25 hurts. Of course, always in my favor. And they have to earn the other 25. How do they do that?

Well, they have to earn points by understanding the kind of guy I am, and I give them a few brownie points and a few percentage points, but if they don't, I get rid of them. Now. I'm the kind of guy that likes to bury people under my porch. You got to understand the kind of guy I am. It says you're only 25% human right now. I'm going to work up. I know. Nothing like starting with 75, 25, in my favor. Hey, listen, loudly. Shut up! I thought I'd work myself up to 50, 50 with you. No, listen, you're strictly a word processor until you get to 50, 50. Process my words. What a douche-kadoozle. If they understand that, they do a couple other things special on the side. I give them the 25, we got 50-50.

What is the special on the side? Tickling your balls, tickling your taint? Something like that. What is going on? Knee stuff. This guy is way too animated. I'd love to see where he is today. He must have a TikTok channel.

He can't help himself. I don't know, Brad. Let's bring it. I don't know, Brad. Let's bring everybody. I don't know, Brad. You're an asshole. Exactly. He wants to say that. Listen, listen.

It's simple math. Here's how you do it. Women have uteruses. Men have penises. Uteruses are inside, penises are outside. If you just do the measurements, it's pure. It's just, it's mathematical. U equal 75% less than I do.

That's how it works. Got the data on what happened yesterday. Now we showed the audience Brad's three choices, and they voted on which one they thought would be best for him. I'm going to take a look at all three of them again today and catch you up. First there's Donna. She enjoys photography and working with stained glass. Ah, Donna. That's Donna. She enjoys photography and working with stained glass. Ah, Donna. That was Donna. Vicki, her hobbies include playing baseball, basketball, and football. If she likes this guy, swear to God we're doing a welfare check.

Yeah. Welfare check on Vicki. And Gail, when she wants to impress a man, she'll bake him cookies. Why do I wish it was Gail? I think I do too. Honestly, listening back to this, it's hard to believe that Brad is an actual human being. He's like a bad AI creature from the lagoon. But no, Brad is an actual human being who went on to act in multiple

straight-to-video movies, but he did act in movies. It was his brother that ended up being quite the character actor in Hollywood. And so you gotta feel a little bit bad for Brad. No. No. No, never mind. Forget I ever said that. All right, let's listen to Rachel tell you what you can do to help us out and then we'll finish up this episode. I'll be back at the end. Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. Text or call us at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos at youtube.com slash

the commercial break. And finally, share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian? That really wasn't that difficult now was it? You're welcome. At Desjardins, we speak business. We speak equipment modernization. We're fluent in data digitization and expansion into foreign markets and we can talk all day about streamlining manufacturing processes. Because at Desjardins Business, we speak the same language you do, business. So join the more than 400,000 Canadian entrepreneurs

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Visit the Tim's app for details. Now the audience vote was recorded yesterday and we'll get to that a little bit later on, but right now Brad's going gonna tell us who he chose. Vicki. He chose Vicki. There she is. Vicki's backstage, let's say hello to Vicki Landy. Hi Vicki.

Hi Brad. Hi Vicki. Hi Brad, how are you? How you doing? Women had mullets back then. Yeah, everybody had a mullet. A box topper, a mullet, one of the two. You're welcome.

Just a... Oh, she said you look cute. Oh, she likes cute oh she likes him maybe welfare check on Vicky. Yep, take yourself at home back there, okay? All right. All right bread Your moment well it all started about 5 30 p.m. That's how I start stun them early Get to her house her mom answers her door and we're talking about one sweet woman a nice lady We sat down and talked we talked about what she cooked for her husband, where they're gonna go this weekend. Just a lovely lady.

And her husband had, did you touch her tits? That's all we care about! At home, I would've talked to him too. After that, Vicki came out, she was looking very nice. What did you think of Brad when you saw him, Vicki? Well, he was dressed all right, he was dressed nicely. He wasn't gorgeous, but he wasn't.

Whoa. Brad's been rehearsing this story for months. They went on the date. He's been trying to figure out how he spins it so he gets a second date and she comes right out with a ball crusher. Well, he's not exactly attractive. You know, he's dressed nicely. He's beginning to hyperventilate, I guess. Like I said, I am an ugly guy. I didn't say that, Brad. Well, her body wasn't looking too good either. Whoa! Brad, Brad, Brad. Booyah!

Got him! Still 25%. Yeah. I'll show this lady. Who does she think she's dealing with? I'm Brad Van Brandenburger. Ha ha ha ha. Brad, yours wasn't looking the best either.

What? I said, he told me over the phone that he was about 180. I don't think so Brad maybe Okay, I was 180 done and you're sure 150 She thinks she's fucking with I'm Brad van Bergen burger I'm a virgin I party at the temple, but I'm too crazy for even the temple. But I still go on Friday nights.

I still take my grandma's advice. What happened next, Brad? Well, as we go, I gave her the roses. Now I'm an ugly, but I'm a nice guy. I gave her the roses. Isn't that nice? Did things pick up here a little bit, Vicki? No, not really.

Go, Vicki, go. I was worried about you at first. Now I know you're going to handle your own. Three favorite phrases of the night. First of all, he called me babe all night, which I don't know. I need to know someone a little longer before they call me babe, which I kind of feel a little bit offensive. Wow, look at Vicki.

That's her time. What he kept doing was he said, the guy... Wow, look at Vicki. That's her time. Mm-hmm. He kept doing what he said, the night's still in diapers. I haven't heard that phrase for a long time. In fact, at first I didn't even know what it meant, and I had to think about the night's still in diapers,

meaning the night's young. And third of all... I think I got it, yeah. And third of all, all he kept saying was, it's out of control, we're gonna have an out of control time, the night's still in diapers day. We going to have an out of control time. The night's still in diapers, girl. We're going to have an out of control time. I'm taking you to Long John Silver's and then we're going to go to my temple for somebody. Hey, oh.

Chuck, I tried. After we had- Was it out of control? For me, it was. It was for sure. Because it was. I can't wait to hear about this. Yeah, I can't wait to go home. The bus station.

Went to the- Yeah. Bus station? Yeah. Bus station. Yeah. For me it was. It was for sure. She goes, it was. It was. I can't wait to hear about it. Yeah. I can't wait to go home. The bus station. Went to the bus station?

Yeah. What did you do at the bus station? We went through the doors and said- The bus station? The fuck is this guy doing? That is a complete new one. I have never heard that. Yeah.

Never been to the bus station on a date. Nope. Yep. That's I'm running away from the law. I stay out of the bus stations. If any machine on the left-hand side had ice cream sandwiches, I would have been like, I'm going to go get some ice cream sandwiches. I'm going to go get some ice cream sandwiches. I'm going to go get some ice cream sandwiches. I'm going to go get some ice cream sandwiches. I'm going to go get some ice cream sandwiches. I'm been to the bus station on a date. Nope. Yep, that's I'm running away from the law.

I stay out of the bus stations. He took her to the vending machine on the left-hand side and had ice cream sandwiches. It was a lot of fun. He told me that. What? He took her to ice cream sandwiches from the vending machine? Wow. I didn't even know they sold ice cream sandwiches in vending machines.

I didn't either. It sounds like he was very familiar with this. Yeah, it sounds like he knew exactly where to find the ice cream sandwiches. Fine! You'll find me at the bus station! With ice cream sandwiches. What happened next? You're not going to ask why you went to the bus station? Yeah!

Come on Chuck. It was obviously for the ice cream sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, ice cream sandwiches. But can't you find ice cream sandwiches somewhere else? Just like kick the night off. Yeah, yeah ice cream sandwiches, but can't you find ice cream sandwiches somewhere else? Yeah, just Get it started the right. Hey, would you like a little amputee a little appetizer a Little starter. What do you say we go down to the bus station? Always that a new restaurant in town ever no, it's the no no, but it's the best place to get ice cream sandwiches and heroin. So, let me know.

The good stuff. The temple on Wilshire Boulevard. The temple on Wilshire Boulevard. What are you going to do there? Yeah, we went in and started dancing, drinking and having a good time. You took her to the temple? Brad. At first I was curious. First the bus station, now the temple? Yeah. I was wondering why you were a virgin, but now it's clear. You've never been outside your house with a female. In the temple?

Yeah, it was a party, it was a wedding party. It was a wedding party? Whose wedding party is it? Brad, Brad! There's the- Hey, Brad's here! There's this party! We're going to hit up this party and then can you picture him pulling up to the temple at the wedding? Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever, Mrs. and Mr. Schmutt!

Hey, it's Brad! And Brad. He's back. I told you not to invite Brad! A lady came up to me about a half hour ago and said, hey, I'm here to invite you to a wedding. And I said, I'm here to invite you to a wedding. And she said, I'm here to invite you to a wedding.

And I said, I'm here to invite you to a wedding. And she said. Yeah. I told you not to invite Brad! A lady came up to me about a half hour later and says, do you know anybody here? I go, isn't this Ron Applebaum's Bar Mitzvah party? No, this is the Weiss wedding. We crashed a wedding party! Check me out. Check me out. I said something.

Do you know anybody here? Do you know anybody here? Do you know anybody here? Because you're a real asshole and we'd like you to leave. I just want to make sure I'm not offending the groom. here. Do you know anybody here? Cause you're a real asshole and we'd like you to leave. I just want to make sure I'm not offending the groom. Even though he's the one who asked me to tell you to leave. Wow. This is the cheapest. Yeah. Either he's cheap or so sheltered that the only place he goes is to grandma's and the temple. And the bus station. He must have been with another girl because that never happened. We never crashed a wedding.

Oh, I think they did, Vicki. No, I'm sorry, Brad.. We never crashed a wedding. He must have been another date. Oh, I think he did, Vicki. No, I'm sorry, Brad. They just put mixed drinks there. Wait, now he's lying? Now he's lying? He's making it up? Who's with... Wait, why would she lie? Is she just embarrassed about crashing a wedding? I don't think that she's lying.

Or did they go to the temple, no one was there, and now Brad's making up a story that there was going to be a wedding, but I got kicked out before it happened. No, Brad, you must have been with another girl or something because we never went to a wedding. Wait a minute, I mean this is like, this is a huge discrepancy here. Yeah, go, Chuck, get after it. This is a major thing, you're doing the, really? Yes, I'm not lying.

You didn't go? No, we never went. You made this up? We passed by and he said it would, you know, he said it would have been nice if we went. Whatever you say, Vicki, we believe you. She's live for her Deep Chuck End of Story. Next place. Why did you lie about it?

Whoa, Fred. Wow, I think we found the world's biggest asshole and I really hope he has a TikTok channel. Now, to give him a little bit, a little bit of credit, she could be lying, but you're also the guy who just said in the same sentence, I'm a virgin and women only count for 25% until they do, then they give me a hand job.

Okay, we're off to a couple, you know, some singing, relax, have a few cocktails and we're sitting around. Good music, we left. Time to go to dinner. Where? Hotel on Wilshire. Beverly Hillcrest. Okay.

So you're back in women's rights. Let me ask you. If may I intervene again? There was no music. Here we go again. This is bizarre. Wow, this is really strange. I had no idea when I downloaded this video

that this would get so strange. I'm literally fascinated by what happened. And I'd like to do a full investigative report here on the commercial break about this date. Exactly. In the notebook? Hold on one second. No, I'm gonna write a note to Tina right now

because we are gonna find... What happened with Brad? Yeah. Tina, need to do investigation on Love Connection video. Love Connection date. Oh my God, I almost never pick up my phone and write things during the middle of this show

unless it's a note, because I am really fascinated and I would love to see if I could get a hold of this woman and see if she would tell the actual story about what happened with her and Brad. Wouldn't that be the best thing that ever happened to the commercial break? Which is not a high bar to set, but I'm just sharing. That might have been his plan that there was't going to be music, but unfortunately, they were not playing at the time that we were dating.

How did this date end? Chuck's like, I gotta get out of here. Cut. A poor mission. In 2023, this would have been the best thing to ever happen to this episode of The Love Connection, but in 1983, 30 years, 40 years ago, this was not the way that television conducted itself. It was very, like, they weren't going to get into a bunch of controversy. They just wanted to move on in 15 minutes. Yep, yep, yep.

Wait, what happened? Hold on one second. Chucks it harder down. Oh, okay. On the cheek. And she kissed the air. Over here. I was kissing over here.

What the hell? I'm a nice guy. Is he good? one second. Chuck's had harder than. Oh. On the cheek and she kissed the air over here. I was kissing over here. What the hell? I'm a nice guy. You're going to give me a pat on the cheek so I can tell my friends I got a kiss. But you went on. You got a kiss. I'm a nice guy. I wanted a kiss. I spent a hundred bucks on it. Chuck is over this guy. He's like get this guy off my stage. Yes he is. I just love to go out with this all night, but I think you should bring her out so I can give her a big hug.

Let's take a look and see the audience. I think you should keep you two separated so no one gets hurt. Yeah. Please, please, please. Who did they pick, John? Vicki. No. 47% pick Vicki.

Oh. Yeah, they should have picked the last one. That would have been fascinating. The girl who punched somebody. Yeah, they should have picked the last one. That would have been fascinating. The girl who punched somebody. Yeah, she was close. No, no. Is it safe to assume that you'd probably would like to go out with Vicky again if we pay for it?

Chuck, I'd rather stay a virgin for the rest of my life. Well, it looks like you're going to. Yeah, you're well on your way, buddy. We do have to investigate where he ended up. We are going to investigate, yes. I will investigate this. Brad Bumgard or something? I'll figure it out.

Brandenberger? Brandenberger? I said burger, but maybe it is burg. Oh yeah, I think it's burg. Okay, I'm gonna figure it out. I will go down the rabbit hole like I have never gone down a rabbit hole before. Don't forget this one. I'm really good at searching on the internet. Sorry things didn't work out for you as far as the love connection. Bye Vicki. Good luck on finals. Thanks. Thank you Chuck. Thanks a lot.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hi, Doug. Hi. How are you doing? He talks a little like Ralph Macchio. He does, like a fat Ralph Macchio. Thanks for coming on the show.

Chuck, thank you. It was nice to meet you. Thanks a lot. Good luck to you. Thank you. We're gonna be back with another couple in just a minute. Good luck to you in all your lying. Oh, that was weird.

Wow, that was the strangest, I have to say hands down that was the strangest Love connection maybe dating show. Yeah that we've ever seen where two people who went on the same date Do not tell the same story. All right, we'll get to the bottom of it. No, we didn't no we didn't we had music and drinks There was no music We went to a nice dinner. We had ice cream sandwiches at the bus station. Jackhole. Oh my god.

Let's hope our boy Brad has lived as long as these parrots do and we can still find him. He's still out there. Because I desperately want to know what happened to this guy. We will follow up on Brad Brandenburger. or Brandenburg, whatever his fucking name is. I'll follow up on it. Brad and Vicki. I'm going to investigate. There's got to be some more information about these two human beings.

And if I can, I will get Vicki on the show. Because I don't want to hear Brad's side of the story. I couldn't handle him. He's just going to take up all our airtime trying to just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. I want to know where he is. There's only one take up all our airtime trying to just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. No, but I wanna know where he is. There's only one talker on this show, and that's me. You want your own show? Brad, go find it.

All right, hey, tcbpodcast.com. That's where you can get your free 21 EPM sticker. Ejaculations per month. It sounds like Brad needs to have a little release there. It does. So you'll either get a 21 EPM sticker or our next sticker. It depends if we are, if we still have any more of these left. So go quick, hit the contact us button, give us your physical address at TCBpodcast.com and we'll send you a sticker as soon as we can. Also the

entire catalog is up there, audio and video. Except for the first few, right? Except for the first few episodes. Well, I say the entire accessible, the entire public catalog is there. Someday we may release the first few, but probably not. It was bad and you don't want to hear it. I'm wasting your time. All right, there you have it. One of my personal favorite episodes. It was one of my favorites to actually do sitting here in the room. I found this all to be very funny. And having been a big fan of breaking down Love Connection

videos for the entirety of our time here on the commercial break, I think this ranks number two. With What The Fuck, Chuck being number one, of course. Well, I really appreciate you giving me a break so I can take a break, even though I didn't take a break because I had to come here and do this episode of The Commercial Break. You get the picture. The wheel never stops turning. I am simply a hamster spinning my legs as fast as they will go. Nor rain, nor sleet, nor snow.

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