The Commercial Break - TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

TCB Classic - EP #754: Because Bryan & Krissy are prepping for 12 or 13 grueling hours in the studio, they need a break before it even begins! They're older, weaker and less intelligent than they used to be... so let's give them that break. Instead, Bryan rolls out a "TCB Classic". This episode turns back the clock to April 22' when Carl Lentz made his first visit to the show (well, Bryan as Carl Lentz). Let the absolutely crass and blasphemous joking begin! It's a throwback to EP#173, Hey Girl, Its' Me....Carl! Text us or leave us a voicemail: [phone]TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Youtube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/thecommercialbreak⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@tcbpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.tcbpodcast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ CREDITS: Hosts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Bryan Green⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ &⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Krissy Hoadley⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath TCBits / TCBits Music: Written, Voiced and Produced by Bryan Green To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Save time and earn $1,100 in average value each year. The PC Insider's world's elite MasterCard. The card for living unlimited. Conditions apply to all benefits. Visit PCFinancial.ca for details. Value is for illustrative purposes only. If you ask me, today, Memorial Day 2025, whether or not I regret having a wise idea to do 12 episodes of the commercial break in a 24-hour period, I would tell you no. Nay, no I do not, because my original idea was to do 24 episodes in 24 hours, to

which my longtime and very faithful co-host said, fuck you. And cooler heads prevailed. I dug my heels in for a few days, but when she just flat-out refused to go along with the idea, I figured it might be hard to do 24 episodes and 24 hours if I had no co-host. So 12 of them. That's what we settled on. I still think there's a chance she might not show up, but I'm hoping you do. DCB's Endless Day at the end of this week, Saturday, May 31st. And in preparation for our big 12 episodes, we're missing one regular episode this week,

so the math still isn't math-ing. I intended to put out 16 episodes in one week, but now it's going to be 15, as we just could not record enough guests to have one play today for a TCB infomercial Tuesday. So in return, I give you a TCB classic. Every time I do that damn Carl voice, you know the one, hey girl, it's Carl. That one. Based on the infamous preacher Carl Lenz, we get a slew of messages on our TCB hotline. 90% of them are from you, the good-natured listener who takes comfort in the laughable

hypocrisy of megachurches. However, there is a small segment of the audience that gets really annoyed when I go after these guys and girls. I don't know, call me a throwback, call me a classic. I got a soft spot in my heart for the kind of satire that can actually open eyes to the world around us. Now, I don't place any importance on that satire that I'm doing. I just find it funny myself."

We're throwing this back to April 15, 2022. If you even remember that far back, when Chrissy and I reviewed me reviewing a documentary about Hillsong, where Carl was a preacher. This is the first time that Carl voice makes an appearance, along with some other noteworthy commentary on megachurches in general. You'll also note in this episode that the actual commercial breaks inside of the commercial break, the liner where Rachel tells you how to find us on social media and our phone number, and the commercials that follow those liners actually just come out of nowhere.

They're random places in the episode because this episode was made before we even had advertisements. That's how long ago this was. And yes, I do have to pay some bills, so you'll excuse me for dropping in a couple of advertisements. All right, enjoy this TCB Classic, also known as Hey Girl, It's Carl. Episode 173, for those that are counting. We'll be back tomorrow with a fresh episode, and at the end of the week for 12 or 13 fresh episodes. Enjoy! The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

Ah yes, ah yes ma'am, it's another episode of The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend, Kristen Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. I almost just said Happy New Year. I told you. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

I gotta tell my daughter. No, no, no, no. And she'll go like this back to me. She'll finger wag back to me. If I tell her no, she'll finger wag. And if I tell my son no, he just does whatever the hell he pleases. But he's a three-nager and that's what we got to deal with. Best to you out there on the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of

this, The Commercial Break. The only one you have, Rene, in case you're wondering. That's it. Don't worry about those other commercial breaks. Especially not the vlog about the commercial real estate. This is not the commercial break you're looking to for. Yeah, the vlog. That would have never seen the light of day until I decided to make it see the light of day how bad Bad was that that was we both made fun of our younger selves. Yeah, I mean listen we all make mistakes We're gonna look back on this in ten years and go well. That's a fucking train wreck We probably should have gotten jobs Yes, your honor and bankruptcy court. I was trying my best. Look at what it could have been. It could have been much worse,

your honor. Could have been much worse. So a lot of stuff to get through today. Let's jump right into it. I, you know, we just got back from having a little break and so when I was on vacation I didn't have access to my normal viewing activities I because I will say this about the Disney cruises no TLC no discovery no nothing what's this about the Disney cruises I have been on the much bigger cruise ships and the internet was as if you're at your house you can make phone calls you could internet it no problem you could at your house. You can make phone calls, you could internet it, no problem. You could download, stream, do whatever you want.

The Disney Cruise had miserable fucking internet. You couldn't even get on a website. That's for a reason. It took like 30 minutes. They want you to be out and about. No, they want you to buy their internet program. That's what they want. They block your phones.

They have a phone blocker because we're not that far off the coast. Right. It's like the Bahama area, right? Yeah, you can pick up cell phones in Miami until you're probably 30 or 40 miles away. I would imagine I'm not a technologist, but I imagine that's how it goes Yeah, they black your fucking cell phone, and then they tell you you got to buy you know 300 megs for $30 You know what 300 megs is it's like one really good selfie is what that is And so you're someone sends you a text message with a fucking Picture in it and you're fucked you just spent $30

Anyway, and me who I didn't have any but that's okay that I wasn't there to watch TLC I had to do plenty of that here in the studio. Yeah, well, I got withdrawals just a little bit little back little bit a little little Teeny teeny teeny teeny but when I got back I was inundated with Little bit. Little titsy titsy bit. Titsy titsy tiner. Titsy titsy tini titsy tini. But when I got back, I was inundated with news and television that I had not yet had an opportunity to watch. I turned on my, you know, my go-to TLC discovery app. First of all, are you are not watching the new 90 Day the Other Way?

No, but there is one that's on Netflix that's the follow up to Love is Blind. I saw that, but we didn't like it. We watched one episode and we didn't run into it. The first episode I was kind of like, eh, but I'm gonna give it a shot. I thought it's something that we could discuss. Okay, then I'll keep going through it. I mean, because the premise of it is pretty crazy. It's fucking wack. And I told Ashley, here's the premise of it. I won't give away anything about the first episode, but here's the premise is that five or six couples... It's the same hosts. Same hosts, Vanessa and Lashay. The premise is that five or six couples that are on the verge of either break,

it's like they're giving them an ultimatum. Either we're breaking up or we're getting married. Yes. One of the two. And it could be the girl or the guy that's giving the ultimatum. Yeah, and so they discuss all that on the first episode and then for three weeks, you pick another partner. So there's 12 people. To try out. You pick another partner and So there's 12 people. To try out. You pick another partner and you try them out

and you decide if you really want to be with the first partner, which is absolutely fucking wackadoodle. It makes no sense. There's no real life application for this. This is just a drama. This is just a shit stirring show, which I get it. That's what Netflix needs to do in order to drive ratings.

I don't hear the same kind of scuttlebutt about this as we did about Love is Blind and the Either Season, but I watched the first episode and it's just so unbelievable to me that I can't get into it. And here's what I told Astrid when we were like within three minutes of the show. I said not one of these couples is not already broken up. They're already broken up. Probably. And they're coming on here as like a last ditch effort or because they want some fame.

Because you do not send the one, this person that you're ready to get married to into a home to live with some hot fucking stud for the next three weeks and see if, you know, his dick happens to make it into your vagina. I already see some jealousy happening. Oh, of course. You know, the one girl came over and sat down

right at the table that the new girl and guy were,. Yeah. I read somewhere, you know, I listen. There's plenty of content I can focus on. There are, I just want to give this, I want to give this disclaimer again, there are lots of shows and programs that you can go to to get fucking facts. This is not one of them. Do not take anything that we say here with any degree of seriousness because we do not know what we're talking about. We're two friends as if we were sitting at a bar shooting the shit and one of us really doesn't know what facts are. And that's me. So let me explain. I read somewhere. So let me explain.

Similar to what do you call the place where the captain of the boats is. Starboard. You said that. Starboard. I think that's the right side of the ship. The cockpit. The cockpit. Yeah, that's not it either. That's a plane. I read somewhere. The galley. The galley is the front of it, is like the place where you walk in. I don't know. Now I can't even still remember. It's the, I don't know what it's called, the thing, the place where the people are.

You know, it's in the, at the helm. They're at the helm. But I don't think that's what you call it either. Anyway, I read that non-monogamous relationships are becoming, like consensual non-monogamy is becoming very popular with the younger generation. I'm not one who believes that you should be monogamous for the rest of your life. If you don't want to, you should do whatever the fuck makes you feel good.

Your truth, if where you live in your own head, in your space, is that I don't want to be stuck with one person for the rest of my life or at any time in my life, God bless you. But I see this turning out really badly. I see this turning out really badly. It takes two really strong people to have a lot of therapy and working through that to allow that to happen. A lot of rage happening in these younger kids. And I don't know, but any relationship that I've been akin to, like that I've seen in my own life

where they decide they're going to do consensual non-monogamy. It's just another word for our relationship isn't working. Let's try something really fucking drastic and it never worked, never, not once. Now once have I seen it work out and I can probably name 10 people right now and you would know who they were. You already know who they were.

Okay, so I get back from the cruise and then I got a whole thing to watch. And one of the things that pops up on there is a documentary series on discovery, three-part documentary series on something called the Hillsong Church, which I've been watching this story for years. Yeah, it's been unfolding for years.

The Hillsong Church, let me give you a little brief, I'll give an explanation, right? And I actually wrote some things down so I don't get them wrong, right? Yeah, because I know that some people who are listening who have ever been to the Hillsong Church might be upset if I get it wrong, so I won't get it wrong. The Hillsong Church is a breakaway church from a Pentecostal type, like evangelical Christian church based in Australia. I'll show you. I thought that was, okay. I would have gotten that right.

Guy comes, yeah, you did. Guy comes from New Zealand, named Houston, and him and his son, Brian Houston, they start this evangelical church in Australia, then Brian breaks off and starts another church that eventually ends up becoming the named Hillsong Church. Named Hillsong because of the band that was playing at the church was called Hillsong, right? Okay. Okay. So, Brian's, his father has this very traditional- They should have called it 33- They should have called it 33 Penis Church. I'm the 33-P pastor. Sonny, sonny!

They'd only known about your band. They'd only known about us, then Hillsong would have, they'd still be going strong to this day, but they're not. And I'll tell you why. Brian breaks off, he starts this more younger version of the church, like hip, like relaxed, not so Pentecostal, not so brimstone and fire. And he realizes something. He realizes that the music that's being played at the church, which is a little bit more forward thinking than most of- Edgier. Yeah, like repeating all of the same old hymns and maybe putting a little razzle-dazzle on it is not what everybody's into. What they're into are these big ballad swooping songs that are very popular at the time, 80s, early 90s. So Brian catches onto this and he goes, or the people

at Hillsong catch onto this and they say, there's a formula, right? It's the music that is doing something. Drawing people in. I'll tell you what it is. Music is scientifically able to change your emotion based on certain chord progressions. There's a whole thing called music theory that lots of people study in college

where you can actually manipulate how someone feels if given the right circumstances, based on chord progressions. It makes sense whenever I'm in a certain mood. If I kind of want to change it, I listen to music. Yeah. And if you listen to an upbeat, happy chord progression, major chord progressions, then you're going to feel good. If you listen to major, minor chord progressions and they swoop, they like it, it goes from

soft to loud, you're going to like, it goes from soft to loud, you're gonna feel, it could be a religious experience, could be considered a religious experience. You're getting chills. Think of Celine Dion singing some like huge, hitting some huge high note in a minor key after a major, like, you know, you're going, oh, you know, or Adele, Whitney Houston.

All of us who've been to a concert can probably experience, it can probably describe a religious type experience at a concert because music does that to us. And I do believe there is some God in music. Like there is some universe, you know, computer in the sky, whatever spirit, whatever the fuck you want to call it, that music is a communication tool that we don't quite understand yet. It's been used through the ages.

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Kids can learn how to read faster if there's music set to it. There's a whole thing, yet. It's been used through the ages. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Kids can learn how to read faster if there's music set to it. There's a whole thing, right? It's a thing. Something goes on with music and it really hits us at our core. It's a communication tool that we don't quite understand all the power of. But what people who are in the know have been doing for many years and especially preachers

is they, like if you go to a Benny Hinn, you know who Benny Hinn is? No. Okay, Benny Hinn is this like huge evangelical preacher on TV. And he's the guy who will like hit you on the head and then tell you you're cured of MS or some bullshit. Stuff that's never been true, right? It's all bullshit. It's fake. It's a big show. But he puts on this big show, big lights, big show. And what he does is he starts the music. The second you walk in the door and he swoops to a crescendo an hour later. Yes, you have been manipulated. Your mind is in a totally different headspace and you think this stuff is happening

and it's because of God when maybe, right, but probably the more realistic answer is that it has been designed to do so. Hillsong catches on to this and they start doing this with regularity and super effectively. Now, I'm about to do something that, I'm not gonna put this on YouTube, but I'm about to do something that I have never done at the commercial break, and that is I am going to play a song because I wanna play this song.

And I want you to hear this song. This is Oceans by the Hillsong Band. There's a girl who's singing this, who's got a very incredible voice, but this is a live version of this. All of their live songs are seven to 12 minutes long. They all start out very hypnotically and then they move into this crazy, you know, call back, you know, I sing a verse, you sing a verse, I sing a verse, you sing a verse,

back to the audience and listen to this song and tell me that if you listen to this for like 15 minutes straight, you wouldn't feel some kind of emotion either. Yeah. Okay. Ready? Let's play this. This is called Oceans I Walk by the Side or some shit and this is just as good as any popular music that's out there today. Starting slow. Of course. And listen, look it's eight minutes long. Come on, sing it. Come on, sing it. Tonight's your prayer. Sing your prayer to me.

Feel it in your bones. Look at my body. This chord progression is known as major, minor chord progression, I think. Yay! This chord progression is known as major minor chord progression, I think, right? And so what it's doing is it's hitting on a note that sounds happy and familiar, and then it's moving down to a note that sounds more dramatic and sad. Look how many people are there. There's 10,000 fucking people in this video. You gotta see this video, but I'm not gonna put out, but you gotta see it, because YouTube

will just demonetize it anyway. Okay, now I'm gonna fast forward. Get it? Okay, I get it. Now this builds for another... They've got the drums swimming in, the xylophones. Oh yeah. It's a whole orchestral thing, right?

Now I'm gonna fast forward about three minutes in the song. They got some hypnotic looking stuff going on in the back too. Now listen, here's the callback in response. They sing this over and over again. It's getting louder. Look at these people. They are hypnotized. They are. This crescendos into some craziness. Boom.

Yes. Boom. Just like your favorite song would do, right? Yep. And they do it again, over and over again., crescendo, crescendo, crescendo, louder and louder, faster and faster, more instruments. You are totally mesmerized and hypnotized. Right, you're in it.

Right. And it's hip and it's cool. And it's not the same things that your parents were singing. It is something completely different, right? This is not the hymns of the church. This is modern music. This is Adele. This is Whitney Houston.

This is Adele, this is Whitney Houston, this is whoever. So they get these fucking young kids wrapped up in this craziness. Brian Houston starts this and it starts out small. He puts it in the middle of a major metropolitan city in Australia and he starts treating it almost like a nightclub. It's an event.

Church starts at 7.30 p.m., it goes till midnight. You got a, there's a red carpet that you're walking. Like it's an event, it starts at 7.30 PM, it goes till midnight, there's a red carpet that you're walking. It's an event, it's a concert. Multi-million dollar stage productions, it's mainly music with a charismatic preacher. And so, he breaks out and decides he starts a college. This church starts to get huge. People are going fucking bananas. Do you know how many plays that one video that I just showed you has? 486 million plays on YouTube. There's over a million likes on that video. That's insane. The amount of money they're generating just from one video is insane. So now Brian decides he's going to open up a church in the United States in downtown

New York. And instead of getting a church space, he gets a live music venue and that's where he puts the church every Sunday at 730. Uh-huh. And he gets this charismatic preacher named Carl Lentz. Carl Lentz is the guy that we've seen with Justin Bieber, Kendall Jenner, all these celebrities, young, super smoking hot guy, dresses to the nines. Right, and beautiful wife and kids, the perfect, yeah, hip cool. Hip cool.

He cusses a little, I think, right? Yeah, he cusses, he'll tell you, don't let God fucking get away from you. And people are like, oh, he's us, he's like us. People in New York go crazy about this. Oh yeah, they have. Because they know that any place that there's a line with 150 people waiting to get in

is the place they wanna be. And Justin Bieber. And Justin Bieber, that's right. And it starts getting almost, this guy has more fame than anybody in this particular preacher circle, right? Yeah. He starts getting secret service-like security.

People come in and they'll do like a sweep of the facilities before he shows up. He's talking in front of 25,000 people, the music's playing, people are going crazy. They've got VIP sections. They start bringing like, they have 35 named celebrities in the front row and you know, all the pleons have to sit in the back.

It's a whole thing. They're selling records. they have a donation box that's getting full to the fucking gullet, and Karl Lentz- Paying no taxes. Paying no taxes, and buying property all over the world, and Karl Lentz is the superstar of this show. Brian Houston's doing his thing in Australia,

but it's really Karl Lentz in America, who is just having a fucking grand old time, right? You want to hear a little bit of Carl? You want to hear him talk a little bit? Sure. Okay, let's look at this guy. Oh yeah. Yeah. Handsome dude. I mean, that dude is like, he's like the sting of preachers. He is the sting of preachers. He even has the lower cut tank top.

Oh yeah. I want to have sex with this guy. I'm just sharing that information out loud. A red leather jacket. Dating advice. You ready for this? Find somebody who is occupying their street, not watching you occupy yours. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds good to me. Holler back at a player if you see him in the street. I'm just 100% convinced about whatever he said. I don't know, but I'm convinced. But holler back.

Yeah. He's hot. He's cool. He's hip. He's got a little bit of attitude in his voice. I'm just 100% convinced about whatever he said. I don't know, but I'm convinced. But holler back. Yeah, he's hot, he's cool, he's hip. He's got a little bit of attitude in his voice. You hear that voice, like the kids talk. Hot a bag of the play, you see him on the street. You see my Yeezys? That's $75 million, I got him. Yeezy gave them to me, flew them to me on a private jet.

This guy is like a rock star amongst rock stars. He is. You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy picking to do before 10 o'clock. Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void, like Brian?

Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans. Or tell us a little story. The juicier the better, by the way.

We love to hear your voice, because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials — at The Commercial Break on Insta, TCB Podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch — oh, that came out wrong — we put all the episodes out on video — youtube.com slash the commercial break, and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker, or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date.

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Public Mobile. Different is calling. One of the things he's really known for is giving a lot of dating advice, like sex advice. And it's all about purity. Purity, purity, purity. He shames people who have sex before marriage. I can guess where this goes. You see where this is going?

It's where it goes every fucking time. And that is whatever someone's talking about, they're not doing, they're doing themselves. It's like, thou does protest too much. And Carl was doing a little bit too much protesting about his 33 PP, if you know what I mean. He was saying, purity, purity, purity. Let's listen to his dating advice. Find somebody who's occupying their street, not somebody watching you occupy yours. I have a belief with my daughters. My daughter's like, dad, when is it going to be a good time to date? I'm like, never, girl.

You're gonna live here until you're 70. Why? Because I am also sleeping with a lot of young women. Your friends. I do not wanna run into you at the club and hit on you on accident. Carl is on fire. This is when he's a little bit younger too.

He had, at one point he had like the long, you know, longer hair and he had man bun. But I think dating for the most part... Oops, sorry. Oh, he did a man bun? ...is worthless and useless to do something about it. That's the first thing. So if you're occupying your street and you're doing great things,

if you're in high school, for instance, I don't know who you're dating and what you're doing because that guy you're dating, he ain't got no job. He has nothing to offer you just yet. I think it's a good idea to occupy your street. Yeah, dude, he's like super strict about dating. He's like, he would publicly- Just because the guys don't have a job,

well, what are you saying? Go get a sugar daddy? Yeah, I mean, first of all, second of all, you're in high school. What do you want me to do? I gotta like pass my classes. Unless you're gonna be like Brian and working McDonald's 40 hours a week

while you're going to high school. There's a famous picture of this guy. And the famous picture is him and Justin Bieber. I don't have the picture. The famous picture is him and Justin Bieber. Like walking. Yeah, they had just played basketball or something, they're walking. And both of them have their shirt off. Well, Justin has like an open shirt and he has his shirt completely off. Karl Lenz does. And his pants are right in that like man runway. You know what I'm talking

about? Those two little muscles that go down there that are pointing in that like man runway. You know what I'm talking about? Those two little muscles that go down there that are pointing in the direction of your flaccid cock. You know what I'm saying? It's like a little, it's a street sign. The V. Yeah, the V. It's a neon V just pointing directly to the happy zone. And Justin looks like a fucking schleb next to Karl Lentz. Justin looks like your fat old dad on the beach

when you were embarrassed that he was still wearing socks on the beach when he's next to Carl Lentz, who looks like a man God. I mean, the guy is like, Jesus Christ reincarnate. And the thing about Carl Lentz is, why as a preacher would you ever be walking around the streets of downtown New York with your, you know, vocational V hanging out? You just don't do that. You just don't do that. It's not V for

victory. It's V for vaginas go here. You know what I'm saying? Like, why else would you be, and you know there's paparazzi going to take pictures of you. Yeah, that's the reason he was looking like that. Like why else would you be sh- and you know there's paparazzi gonna take pictures of you? Oh yeah, that's the reason he was looking like that. This is a story that has been told so many times it's not even funny. Now I watched this documentary knowing some other things about Hillsong that I think are much more serious than Karl Lentz being a douchebag, right? Well didn't it just come out though that he was very, I mean, he and his wife are getting

divorced, it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. Yeah, he was very, I mean, he and his wife are getting divorced. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. Yeah. He was cheating and... So, it turns out that Karl Lentz happened to be sleeping with a couple of different people while he was talking about purity and all this other bullshit. Fame got to his head. Fame got to his head, you know, and at first I was like, well, who really fucking cares? Okay, the guy cheated on his wife.

I mean, people cheat on their wives all the time. He got fired in this big public firing and Brian Houston distanced himself and said, listen, there had been some red flags for a while and I don't wanna get into it, but basically this is the camel that broke the straws back. The straw that broke the camel's back. The camel that broke the straws back,

you know what I'm saying. You know how it goes here at the commercial break, just twisting words. And so that broke the stroze back, you know what I'm saying. You know how it goes here at the commercial break, just twisting words. And so, but my initial thought was, that seems awful fucking dramatic for like a relatively common offense, right? Maybe they could have spun it like, you know, Carl's gonna go away for a little while.

He's gonna get redeemed. Him and Tiger are gonna go to, you know, you know, vagina addiction classes. And we'll see you in a sex rehab. Yeah, sex rehab, you know, the bullshit that they say they're doing. And then he'll come back and he'll continue to sleep with people, just keep it more on the down low this time. But that's not what happened.

It was like a big fucking blow up. And Carl himself said, I did wrong, you know, I'm stepping away, whatever. Meanwhile he continued to like really creepily pursue some of these women on the backside. Like when he said he had- On their backside? Well, that's exactly what he was thinking about. He would send them like three minute long videos where he'd be like, hey girl, I'm just, you know, I'm thinking about you'd be in the car like, hey girl, I'm just thinking about you. Me and the Lord were rolling down the highway. I got my vocational

V hanging out, you know, talking about. I just got back from, you know, doing a little workout at Beib's house. I was showing him how he gets his vocational V back. So, you know, you know, Beib's getting a little flabby. So I was thinking about you and I just want to know if it's okay to think about you. If it's okay to think about you, let me know. That's what he was saying, things like that, right?

Real creepy. And he's like, and if it's okay, I'll stop by your house every once in a while, knock on the door, surprise kind of thing. You know what I'm saying? Like real creepy, creepy bullshit. He did a really good impression. Thank you, holy. It's me, Carl Lentz. Hey, what's up, girls? It's me, Carl. Shit, me and the Lord just rolling down the street, my five-o, you know what I'm talking about? Listen, I was thinking about you. I got my little Lord here. I got my walking staff and we're going through the desert, 40 days, 40 nights. I got a little trouble for sending

those pictures out, reply all, you know what I'm talking about, girl. So, Beb's writing a song for you. I'm gonna send it to you a little bit later, but you don't mind if I stop by your house, your work, your parents' house, you see? Just gonna check out, see what's going on. I'm gonna bring some security over. We're gonna lock you down, lock it down like we did last night. You know what I'm talking about, girl? Do me a favor, don't tell anybody about this. I'm gonna put it on video and send it to you, but don't tell anybody about it. You're not talking about it.

Right, just share it. Yeah, I might get in a little trouble. I'm married. I don't know if I told you that, but don't worry about it. I'm with the Lord. The Lord walks with me. I'm walking with the Lord, my savior. Remember that song, that girl singing, Ocean, 435 million, billion views? I wrote that for you, girl.

Girl. It's me, Carl. It's big lens and little lens. Big Carl, little Carl, just here shouting out to you, girl. I got my Yeezys, I got my Chanel scarf wrapped around my vocational V, you know what I'm talking about, girl. V is for victory. Uh-huh. Can I get an amen?

Listen, do me a favor, don't post this one on Instagram like you did last time. Appreciate it, girl. You know that NDA I had you sign? Don't worry about it, girl. I'll rip it up. I'm going to leave my wife here in a couple months. I'm going to run away and get married with... Okay, so that's all for now, I guess. I'm just trying to chill. I'm just like, if it's okay that I call you, you let me know. You call me, you tell me that it's okay to call you when I'm thinking about you. Because I'm hurting,

the Lord has a big hole in my soul right now and I got to fill my tummy. I got to fill my tummy with that girl love I'm talking about. It's hard for me to preach on a full dick. Oh my God, I just almost spit my... That was a good Carl performance. Thanks, I appreciate it, girl. I gotta go, talk to you later. It's me, Mr. Carl. Talk to you later. So, Carl has a big blow up at the whole church and you know how it goes. It's a hole to dig, right? But that is not the worst of the offenses. So, now, this is like a year ago

that this happens, but what is really going on behind the scenes is that Frank Houston, I think his name is Frank Houston, Frank Houston, who is Brian Houston's father, who originally brought the church to Australia from New Zealand, was actually having sex with young boys in the original church. And Brian Houston covered it up for years and years and years. Like they found out about it, it became a thing, but essentially it just slapped him on the wrist and told him to go away, don't come back to the church, and please don't be in any other positions that may put you in front of children. Well, of course, of course, that didn't happen. He didn't listen and nor did Brian Houston try and stop him. Now, you know, that's a complicated relationship, I understand, son and father and all that whole bullshit. But

recently, like this week, all of the sudden, some of these Hillsong churches across the United States, 50% of them by some estimations, just closed the doors or changed their name. They moved away from Hillsong because they don't want to be a source, including the one here in Atlanta, right? They said, we're no longer going to be Hillsong. We're changing our name. The preacher is taking it. When in doubt, just rebrand. Yeah, I mean, hey girl, I'm changing my name to Dan Wentz. Used to be Carl Lentz, it's now Dan Wentz, you know what I'm saying?

I'll be back at church, don't you worry. So, here's my point. When we start putting these people on the pedestals, when we start, Blue, honestly, Blue wants to get into the conversation. Blue has some thoughts. Blue's in 33 of the 170 episodes that we've done. Hey Blue, can you shut up while we're recording?

Thanks. Hey, no, fuck you! Ruff, ruff! Should I go out there or she just goes around? She's so fat she's like Ruff, ruff! That goes on all night at my house. Oh lord.

So now, I swear to God I'm about to go out there. I'm about to lose my shit. I'm about to lose my shit. Hey boo, it's Carl. It's Carl Lentz. Hey, could you shut up for the Lord? I'd appreciate it. Thanks, girl. Thanks, girl. Could you chill out for the Lord? I'd appreciate it. You know, there's doggy heaven too. You might go there soon. might go there soon. So, all these churches close. Here's the point. When we put earthly things in unearthly positions, this always fucking happens. You want to know why? Because

people are human. Now, diddling little boys, un-fucking-acceptable on any and anybody's mind. I think anybody with a right mind on their shoulders will agree with me on that point. Sleeping with somebody that's not your wife, that's, I think anybody with a right mind on their shoulders will agree with me on that point. Sleeping with somebody that's not your wife, that's, I think, a much lesser offense. And I understand that people do think like shit happens and Karl couldn't control himself. But when you're preaching one thing and doing the other. And doing the other. It's so fucking hypocritical.

Yeah. But this happens all the time. It does. When are we going to learn our fucking lesson? Be spiritual, not religious. And if religion helps you, God bless you, then keep we going to learn our fucking lesson? Be spiritual, not religious. And if religion helps you, God bless you. Then keep on going to your religion. Yes, absolutely.

You're going to your corner church and you love it and you love the people, it's community, it's family to you. Right. Keep on doing your thing. But don't get caught up in all this bullshit. Don't get caught up in these crazy characters who beg for your money. Yeah, they're these charismatic people that get up there and just hypnotize people. And then they're flying around brand new 747s that are macked out with fucking Gucci logos

and you're still trying to make rent. Two planes. Two planes, yeah, two planes, because one didn't do it. And you're still trying to make rent and cutting a $100 check to these people every week. Don't do it. Don't get caught up in the bullshit.

I love that show, The Righteous Gemstones, just because it makes fun of this entire thing. So I'm just putting a cap on all this. I just want to update people on the Hillsong. The documentary is fascinating. I think I just told you most of the story, so I've probably taken a lot of the bite out of the three-part miniseries,

but it's fascinating. Discovery Plus, it's one of the ones that I recommend that you watch, and it's well done too. Because at first you're like, oh, who fucking cares? A preacher slept with somebody, big deal, you know, happens all the time. But then it gets a little deeper and you're like, oh, I see.

It's a whole fucking thing. Yeah. Okay. Now, before we let everybody go, I wanted to end on a funny note since I knew this was going to be a little bit more serious. I didn't know Carl was going to show up. I thought it was going to be more serious. You want to hear a drunk preacher? Just a drunk-ass preacher. Just a man who was drunk, who just decided to get up there and sing to the Lord. Praise. This is where Carl Lentz is

going to be in five years from now. This is the church Carl Lentz is currently at. Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at TCB. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her, or me, or Chrissy, at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.

You can be on the show too. Mm-hmm, just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back, promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point. Follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break

and watch all the episodes on video at youtube.com slash The Commercial Break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid. Samsung Vision AI televisions transform screens into intelligent solutions from the shows that make us laugh to those that make us cry. Now, your TV knows you more than ever, whether it's reviving old memories with AI upscaling or seamless hands-free control with universal gestures. This isn't just television, it's a whole new vision,

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20 inch high gloss black painted aluminum wheels, off-road suspension with available two inch factory installed lift kit, plus a towing capacity of up to 13,200 pounds. You'll be ready for anything this truck month. Truck month is on now. Ask your GMC dealer for details. You ready? Okay, this is what I call drunk preacher. Thanks to Wack Jobs for Jesus for the video. Here we go. He's been dipping in the wine. Oh Jesus, oh dear Jesus.

Oh Lord. Hoey, hoey, hoey, hoey. Brrr. Brrr. Brrr. Ah. Oh. Hoey, hoey, hoey, ah.

Ah. Jesus. Arn. Arn. Do you remember Arn? Arn. Yes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Arn with me tomorrow night. I don't have a job anymore. I figured you've got some free time on your hands. Sup, girl? You wanna go to Arn with me? Kirsten Thank you, Scott.

Kirsten That nude is calling him. That's so weird. We were calling him by the wrong name. Scott Yeah, it was Arn. We kept on saying, Arn, and it was like Aaron or something. I don't know. Who knows? More shenanigans from TCB. Jom, om, om, om, om, om, om. Yes, Lord. I've learned a quick prayer. I'll teach it to all of you really quickly. Okie dokie, Lord. Okie dokie, Lord. Here comes that Jack Daniels back up the other way. Okie dokie. I can feel

the Lord in my gut. Oh no. I can feel the Lord in my gullet. Does he turn off? No. Oooky dokey. Rrrr. Lord, I love your heavy drunken glory. Lord, I love it. Lord, thank you, Father, for more of the heavy, weighty, drunken glory in this house today. Look, this guy is like the dude you meet at the local dive bar. Yeah.

He's got the full on 90s goatee. Oh yeah, I mean, it's long too. Yeah, it's long. That's a Jerry Cantrell goatee. Isn't that an actual goatee? Yeah, it's a goatee. Oh, but it doesn't have the mustache. It just stops at the corner of the lips.

I don't know what you call that. You call that a Alice in Chains. That's what I call that. It's an Alice in Chains. It's a sound garden. That's what it is. It's a sound garden. It's a sound garden. It's a sound garden. It's a. It's an Alice in Chains. It's a sound garden. That's what it is. And then he's got the pants

that are riding on the Victory V right there. Oh yeah, they're about to fall down. Yeah. And that shirt hasn't been washed in a couple of weeks. His wife won't let him back in the house. He's just a mess. Favorite little bit of you, Jesus. house. He's just a mess. Favorite little bit of you, Jesus. Oh, is the bliss, is the joy. Isaiah 35. What is that? Is he calling aliens? I don't know. He's having a good time. Calling all humans. Oing oing oing, oing oing oing. We watched a video.

We know how to communicate with the humans. Oing oing oing, oing oing oing. So silly. You will be overtaken by joy. That means taken over by joy. That means possessed by joy. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye.

Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye.

Oh my goodness. Did you have black nails? Thank you, Lord. No, I think that's just the sound. I think that's just the high quality studio TV. I thought he was really trying to be cool with the black nails. That's the sound garden of it. The teaching gift.

Whoa. Whoa. I now have a good gift of getting struck mute in the middle of a service. One of those few guest speakers that you invite in and then you may not be able to speak. Nicole Soule- Is he a guest speaker? That's even funnier if he's a guest speaker. Matt- Hey, Bob, I really like what Joe's doing up there. Sign him up again. He's holding

his stomach like he just had a big steak dinner. He's about to fart. That's how I hold my stomach after Thanksgiving. Oh, we all do. Or Taco Bell. Oh, my goodness. Thank you, Lord. Well, today, just invite, we just thank you, Lord, that we have these little fat fryer tuck bartender angels that travel around with us, and they wheel in the barrels from heaven. Some healing angels that come. What? You're a fat bartender? and they will in the barrels from heaven. What? Some healing angels that come. The fat bartender?

This guy has such a guilty conscience, he can't stop talking about alcohol. He's like, I'm so drunk with your glory. The fat little elf bartender's rolling free bottles of Jack Daniels behind the pew. The Lord's blood. Yeah, the Lord's blood. Tequila.

Little fat fryer tucks, they start yanking on your arms, you better watch out. Fat fryers. We need more help around here. I think it's okay to talk about the angels in the church, amen? Help, we need somebody, help. I mean, we think we can get, oh, just let's just focus on Jesus. Don't talk about the angels. Bring it back to Jesus. Yeah, bring it back to Jesus. Where everything goes bad. In his mind, Joe, you're killing it. You're killing it. They don't know anything. It's

best sermon you've ever given. Exactly. You're the next lens. Right. Oh yeah, he is. Just on Jesus, don't talk about human beings or animals or any other creature the Lord's created. I think maybe we need to learn a little bit more about the spirit of the Lord.

I love this guy. Oh my God, who is this? This is like me 15 years ago at your house on a Saturday afternoon. Oing, oing, oing. All right, don't talk about her. Don't call her. Don't call that girl. Right. Oing, oing, oing.

Oh, thank you, Lord. Whoa. Lord, I want to do it your way. I want to do it the highway. I want to do it the right way. I want it to get done. Oing, oing. Oing, oing. Yeah. Look, that woman in the front is like, yeah, speak and preach. Praise Jesus. Preach. Yeah, preach.

He's our savior. When do they sing the ocean song? Excuse me, question. Is this the church where they sing oceans? No. Oing oing oing. People will believe anything. Oh, yo, yo. People will believe anything.

Teresa Caputo, Drunken Feature. So, I'll just say, I mean, I like miracles. We were in Cleveland, Ohio, the lady's plastic eye, glass eye, I don't know, artificial eye, she began to see through her glass or plastic, whatever it was. We're in Cleveland, some chick with fake tits. I was able to feel them after a couple glasses of God's love. Oh, you're going, glass, I'll be able to see through it. Oh my God. Please. Oh, you're going class. I'd be able to see please if you still have one good eye

Not a miracle For you a guy wouldn't I mean we see deaf ears open up all the time But this guy with no hole in his ear started to hear right and he still didn't have a hole in his ear He heard but no hole the hole didn't grow. He just got his hearing hearing with no parts The hole didn't grow, he just got his hearing. Hearing with no parts. A couple weeks ago, I'm just gonna tell you a few stories. He's just throwing out.

He's just like randomly, sounds like me. It's like, that's what's out of the commercial. Yeah, no facts. One time I had sex with the City of Shepard. No facts needed. No. They just believe him. Yeah, everybody at the front row.

This happened. It was in Cleveland though, wasn't here. Cleveland. Wasn't here. Just a couple weeks ago, I was, you know, how many of you guys know Jeff, have heard Everybody at the front. It was in Cleveland that I wasn't here Just a couple weeks ago I was you know, how many guys know Jeff have heard Jeff's by location story where he up two places at once The way that that video cut out it sounded like by location story were Jeff shit once to play Let's go back to that. I want you to hear how that cut out just a little bit and how it sounded like it was Jeff shit

Ready? Here we go. Okay, listen to this again You tell you guys a few stories away your appetite just a couple I was you know, how many guys know Jeff have heard Jeff's by location story where he's up two places More than one place at a time show up two you show up, two of you. Two Johnnies, two Jeffs, right? So we've been pressing in for this for a while. Lord, we want to bilocate, revolte. I want to bilocate. I want to bifurcate, I want to bilo-sale high,

I want to bilose, I want to... Can I start over the bilocation program? Sail at Home Depot. I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point. Black Friday, Green Tuesday, not even sure, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. This is what my boner sounds like in the morning. Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing. That's the Lord.

That's the Lord. That's spirit running through me. That's spirit. Spirit's giving me a boner. That means I got a boner. Boing, boing, boing. Just give it all to me. I want everything, Lord God. I want everything for me. Just pour it out. Dump it on, you know, I want it. And so, so, I've been in this for a while. I showed up in Ireland, although I was in Georgia, this just happened a few weeks, happened actually on my birthday in August. Jared Slauson This guy needs mental help. Pete Slauson This guy needs mental help. Jared Slauson I showed up in Ireland and the Lord made me drink all the Guinness that was there.

That's how it happens, Chrissy. That's what happens. It just happened to me on my birthday. Hey girl, speaking of your birthday, what you doing? What you doing next Tuesday? Let's go to Ireland. Let's go to Ireland, girl. Send me this video, do me a favor, don't give it to anybody else except for the New York Post.

Thanks, girl. It's me, Carl. Big Carl, little Carl. Out. Why did I do that? Out. Love you, girl. Love you, girl.

Oh my God. Love you, boy. Fails, never fails. Every single time we talk about a preacher on this show, they're doing whatever they're telling everybody else not to do. Every single fucking time. Drunk with your love. Drunk with your love lord. Drunk with your love. Well, uh, yeah. What else can I say? It was a good day back. It was a good day back. Thanks, Kristy. Appreciate it.

Yes. Good to be back. Good to be back. Good to have it. Everything is right with the world. Great to be back. Kristy and I are going to be at Podfest for the last weekend in May. Yes, we are.

Go to podfest.com. Go to podfest.com. If you want free tickets, I'm going to link it in the show notes. If you're interested in the podcast industry whatsoever, you're a casual observer, you want to get into it, you are into it, go to podfest. You can see Christy and I are going to be there all day on Friday and we're going to be doing a live episode of The Commercial Break as a presentation, which is going to be a ton of fun.

Special guests, lots more to happen at podfest, the good people over at podfest. So that's a live appearance that we're making that if you'd like to join us down in Orlando, please do. Otherwise, you'll have to see us at our next 33p Pea Praster event. Yo girl, what's up girl? What's up girl? Just look for me, V for victory. My My V is more like a, more like a B. Like a B. I look more like, what was that guy's name in your in your video? Pullman, what was his name? Plumlee. I'm more like a Plumlee. I got more of a Plumlee figure than a Lentz figure. I got a rolling B all the way down to glory.

There you go. All right. Roll it on in. Amen, brother. Amen, brother. Here's what you do. You go to tcbpodcast.com. More information about Chrissy and I, all the show notes, all the audio, all the video,

now full episodes and clips every single day of the week. You can go to youtube.com slash The Commercial Break to check that out at the commercial break on Instagram. I love how we've had so many phone numbers. I have to change it on every best of two one two four three three three TCB. Okay. That's it. That's all I can do. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you boy. That's to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time! We always say, we do say, we must say! Bye! Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup.

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