The Commercial Break - TCB Coloidal Colada Coolers
Episode Date: March 5, 2025Episode #707: Bryan watched the Oscars, Krissy did not! The Oscars continue to be a snooze fest despite Conan's best efforts. Adrian Brody best his own persona record for longest (and worst) acceptanc...e speech in history. While the producers of the Oscars forgot to make it interesting. Then, Bryan and Krissy decide to get into the drink business with TCB Coolers. Finally, Bryan has a run in with a few ornery tree guys and he runs away. Rev down everyone. Rev down! Watch episode #707 on Youtube Listen to this week's TCB Infomercial Guest, Kelsey Cook! KELSEY'S LINKS: Follow Kelsey on Instagram Kelsey's Tour dates Watch “Mark Your Territory” on Youtube Listen to “Pretend Problems Podcast” with Kelsey Cook & Chad Daniels Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB FOLLOW US: Instagram: @thecommercialbreak Youtube: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast Website: www.tcbpodcast.com CREDITS: Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley Executive Producer: Bryan Green Producer: Astrid B. Green Voice Over: Rachel McGrath To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And welcome back to WSHIT's evening news.
It's news you can use before you snooze.
WSHIT, lean and mean and first on the scene.
An update on the continuing health scare from Donna's Dairy Depot and Delicatessen.
With over 137 people now affected by the ongoing dysentery virus found in the milk and cheese
buffet, authorities have yet to stop the spread
of the illness.
With almost all FDA employees now unemployed, Crabapple continues to see its residents fall
ill with symptoms ranging from violent vomiting and fever to explosive diarrhea and tooth
loss.
The head of Crabapple's health department, recent RFK Junior appointee Dr. Herven Skokol
held a press conference to
address the community and give his advice on the extreme symptoms. Let's
listen now to what the doctor had to say to the residents experiencing
gastrointestinal issues. A flame is going to come out because it will be on fire
and nobody will ever stick a penis in your butthole again. And Dr. Schoeckel
also added that residents should take their daily dose of colloidal silver.
And we wish all the best to our Anally challenged friends.
We'll be back after this commercial break.
On this episode of the Commercial Break.
Listen, if we were in the wine cooler business, that's where it's at.
We're going to do a merch drop.
I'm not even going to say when because then it will never happen, but we're going to do
a merch drop and like Asher and I are talking about it.
And now I'm thinking wine coolers.
Why not?
Wine coolers.
Let's drop wine coolers and then some weird hangover remedy made of beet juice and colloidal
silver.
I like it.
Maybe we should mix our wine cooler with our hangover remedy.
Wow, tasty.
A drink that gets you sober. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.
It's so dirty in the morning!
Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Break.
I'm Brian Green, this is the Mikey to my more Chris and Joy Hoadley.
Best to you, Chris and...
Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Thanks for joining us.
Did you watch the Oscars? We haven't had a chance to talk about it
because this is our first episode
since the Oscars appeared.
Did you watch the Oscars?
I watched a little of it.
The Oscars?
No, I did not watch the whole thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Doing that Conan thing where he takes his hip
and he moves it back and forth.
You don't know the Conan thing?
Yeah, I do.
He takes his hip, he moves it back and forth
with his string.
Oh, I love that.
Yeah, okay, all right, so Conan did the Oscars. I think, you know, he don't know the Conan thing? Yeah, I do. He takes his hip, he moves it back and forth with the string. Oh, I love that. Yeah, okay, all right, so Conan did the Oscars.
I think, you know, he did a job.
He did just fine.
Conan did just fine.
He was a steady hand on the ship.
He did a great, I think, intro monologue.
He did a good job without offending too many people.
He was really funny.
I liked the bit with John Lithgow.
You know, Conan is a good host.
He's done this for a long time.
He did whatever it was, 26 years,
30 years of late night television.
So he certainly knows how to work a crowd.
He knows how to be in front of a crowd,
how to deliver a monologue, how to be funny.
He's got a team of writers.
He kind of never ages now that I think about it.
Conan doesn't age.
Good docs or good genes?
Question mark.
Hmm. Yeah, you're right about that. Conan doesn't
age.
He's been on for that long. He is. But yeah, I haven't seen an age happen.
His first television show, of course, came on. Was he on NBC? Did he come on after the
late night? Yeah, he came on after the late night.
I was after.
After the Tonight Show, I think is what it was.
But Conan O'Brien, you know, from moment one,
was a very skilled comedian and a comedic writer.
Oh, he's really funny.
He's self-effacing, he never takes himself too seriously,
he's humble in the face of all successes,
and then when he got fired from The Tonight Show,
he took over The Tonight Show for two minutes,
and then when he took over The Tonight Show,
he became an international superstar.
Yeah. Not because The Tonight Show did well, it did not do
well under him, but because he got fired in such an unceremonious way and then
that pompous jack-off Jay Leno came back after he promised he was retiring, came
back for another 10 years. You remember that? Yeah that made me... I was never the
biggest Jay Leno fan, but that kind of sealed it for me. I was like that's a
really shitty thing to do
to your quote unquote friend.
But I don't think Jay Leno's friends with anybody.
I think Jay Leno's friends with Jay Leno.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, and his cars.
Yeah, so I say all this to say that I think Conan
is uniquely suited, like Jimmy Kimmel,
to handle the Oscars, or something like the Oscars,
an award show that really needs someone
who can bounce it along, keep it on time, tell jokes in between, improv when necessary when he
sees things happening, do it on the fly, and move to the next one. But it doesn't
matter because the Oscars is a snore fest no matter what.
Kind of seems like that. That's why I didn't really tune in.
It has really become...
I saw when Ben Stiller came up and went like halfway up or something.
Huh?
He was introducing some category.
Oh he was?
Yeah.
I must have taken a pee break during that because I think I watched most of it but I
don't remember Ben Stiller.
Yeah, he came on.
He was introducing something.
Speaking of Ben Stiller, Ben Stiller's show Severance has now become the most watched
stream television show ever.
It's so good.
Yeah. Something like you know 539 million
minutes of streaming watched or something. So 97% Rotten Tomatoes score.
A lot of people don't like it but I do. I think it's very good. I love it. I have a
love-hate with it though because as soon as I watch the latest one I immediately
want to see the next one. Yeah you have to know what the next one is. It's just
they just don't do it like that. I wish they would just dump a season on us.
Dump a season on us, and then I can wait another two years
for the next season.
I'm okay with that.
They can move the production along a little faster.
That would be great.
But I also understand it must be very hard to write this show.
There's a lot of loose ends.
You gotta wrap up.
They don't wanna make it.
And then to film it.
It's like a puzzle too.
It is like a puzzle.
Anyway, we've talked enough about Severance.
I'm a cuck for Severance here on the show.
But you know, I thought Conan did just a fine job.
I think the Oscars is a snooze fest.
I think it's really just become kind of a boring, you know, jack-off show.
And so let's talk about it just for this segment.
And then we're gonna we're gonna move on.
And you didn't watch the whole thing.
Did you know I was getting updates to my phone didn't watch the whole thing, did you? No, but I was getting updates too on my phone
of like, who won?
So there are two moments of the show
that I think were very interesting,
and that was Conan's beginning monologue,
kind of the first 15 minutes of the show.
They did like a very nice tribute to LA and moviemaking
and to the people who suffered horrible things
during the wildfires over there in LA
and the firefighters who of course were very brave
and went in there and tried to save people's homes
and businesses.
So that was very nice.
And then there had been a lot of talk
and of course it came true that Ariana Grande
teamed up with, oh God, now I can't remember her.
Or Vivo or-
Cynthia Arrivo.
Yes, Cynthia Arrivo.
Cynthia Arrivo, they teamed up to do their whole wicked thing. So Ariana Grande came out and she's
saying somewhere over the rainbow. I noticed that she was lip syncing somewhere over the rainbow.
Now, I would imagine this has something to do with maybe her voice wasn't in great shape,
maybe she wasn't feeling good, something along those lines. But I noticed that the music, the actual backing track and her lips were not 100% aligned. The cameras did not show close-ups
when she was moving her lips while she was doing the lyrics. But then I also noticed when Cynthia
came out to do the Wicked song, Defying Gravity, that she was singing. It appeared that she was
singing. You could hear the breaths, you could hear the lips,
you could see that Ariana was singing.
That's like your favorite pastime.
It is my favorite pastime.
I love to determine whether or not someone is lip syncing
and I like to call it out.
Now, I don't have any problem with it
because it's the Oscars
and you don't wanna fall flat on your face during the Oscars,
especially if you have a cold.
Listen, this is coming from the former singer of 33 Penis.
Okay? I'm not saying that I
could do a better job. I'm just sharing with you that that's what I observed. I observed that she
was lip syncing during Somewhere Over the Rainbow and not during Defying Gravity. So Cynthia comes
out. It's mainly a Cynthia song, that Defying Gravity. There's a few lines for Ariana. She fucking nailed it. I mean, 100% chills up your spine, nailed that song, every
note of it. And that to me, I'm convinced she's, that girl has got a voice, such a tiny
little frame and such a huge voice comes out of it. I will share, well, no, I'm not going
to share that because then I'm going to get to comments and stuff like that. Brian, should you? This is one of those moments when Brian goes, should
you or will you regret this 10 days from now when you have a list of text messages beating
you up about what you just said? Okay. I'm not going to share it. Nevermind. You make
your own judgment calls. But Cynthia has an amazing voice. She brought the house down,
everybody standing up.
And I thought to myself, okay, this is a great start
to the Oscars.
Let's keep it going as my children are screaming.
My children doing their own version of Defying Gravity
in the background.
Ha ha!
They're practicing.
But then honestly, it just became a snooze fest.
It was, you know, award after award,
the presentation style was not particularly interesting.
Conan did not, he was not on camera enough, I think, to make a super impact on what happened.
He showed up for a few seconds, made a one-liner, and then went away introducing the next people
who were introducing the next category.
And that, the way that they did it this year, for those of you that didn't watch, and most
of you didn't watch, apparently due to the, because I looked at the ratings, they, five
people, best cinematography, five people nominated, five people came out on stage, and then they
would talk a little bit about that cinematographer. But they wouldn't show the work that they
were talking about enough for you to get an idea of what they actually did.
That's right.
So how the fuck am I supposed to make a snap judgment about who's supposed to win?
Isn't that the fun of the award shows?
It's like, I have no fucking clue what they're talking about.
I didn't see the movie, but if you show me 15 seconds of the cinematography work, then
maybe I can make a snap judgment and be a Monday morning quarterback.
That's what we all like to do.
But they didn't give us a chance to do that because somebody's yapping about them.
And I don't care.
I want to see the work.
If you're going to do best costume, let's see the costumes.
Let's not, please.
What?
I don't understand.
It was a gimmick.
It was a gig.
It was a gag.
And I, I'm not sure it worked to great effect.
That's my personal opinion.
But then there were, you know, all the winners came up, they did their little spiel.
Kieran Colkin, I thought gave a great speech.
Did you see Kieran Colkin's speech?
No.
Okay.
So I'm going to talk to myself.
Kieran Colkin.
Well, I read about it though.
It was something to do with his wife and then the baby, they would have another baby if
he won the two awards.
And it was in an Emmy or a-
Something or a SAG or Golden Globe.
And the Academy Award.
Yeah, if they had two kids, they were going to have a third if he won one award. When he won that
third award, the third kid award, she said to him out in the parking lot, because he had always
wanted four kids, she said to him, you win an Oscar and I'll give you the fourth kid. And he said,
Third. The fourth kid. And he said, the fourth
kid. Yeah. So, yeah. So he goes, he goes, ye of little faith, we're getting working
on the fourth kid, which I thought was a very cute shout out. It was a, it was a very cute
anecdote that he said. And I didn't see the movie that Karen was in, but I don't care.
I've almost watched it a few times, but I haven't. What's that movie? Is it Jesse Eisenberg?
What's it called?
I Am Mine or You Are You?
No, something about pain, I think.
Oh, okay.
I'm gonna watch it when I have time.
Astrid and I had the best of intentions,
the best of intentions to at least watch two of the 50.
Love is blind?
No, I don't care about love is blind anymore.
I'm done with it.
I don't give a shit.
It's too boring.
It's too, this year, it's just too boring. The Midwesterners are not bringing the heat,
and I'm not all that interested in it. I understand that there's some drama going on behind the
scenes, but it's more interesting to read about it on social media than it is to watch
it on the actual show. I know we'll finish it at some point, but we're just like, eh,
okay. We were going to make an effort to watch at
least two of the 50 best motion picture, we're going to watch Enora and we're going to watch
Conclave. We're going to watch those two.
I saw Enora and Conclave.
We have not gotten to either of them.
Well, the thing is I saw that Enora won and it was a good movie. It was not, in my opinion,
was not a movie like, oh my God, you know how some years
there's those movies that win big, you know?
Because it's just like, whoa.
It's that movie.
That is, you know, I see why it won.
It was so good.
Not, that didn't happen for me this year.
So many people are like, this movie is life changing.
And I'm like, life changing, really?
I saw Amy Schumer, like doing a shout out to the Anora cast.
And she was like, this movie was life changing,
life changing in every way.
And I'm like, that's a big statement to make about a movie.
And we've all seen those movies for us personally
that have changed our lives.
Mine is Pink Floyd the wall,
cause I was high on acid.
But anyway, so, you know, it's...
I get it, but is it... Was it really that good?
It only made $15 million at the box office.
I thought it was a good movie, a great movie,
but I wasn't like, oh my God.
This is so good.
You know, so, Mikey Madsen wins for Best Actress,
and she beats out Demi Moore.
I think Mikey is the safe choice for the Academy
and I think Demi Moore.
Her movie, Substance, was good.
I mean, I really enjoyed that.
Here's my take and you tell me that Substance is,
in some ways, a grotesque and weird movie.
It's a weird character that Demi Moore is playing.
It's not like a traditional Oscar winning role.
It's not a traditional Oscar winning movie,
but it was a very good movie and she was very good in it.
But I think the Academy,
who is now a little bit younger in age, right?
They've kind of, they changed a number of years ago.
They kind of put out the old and brought in the new.
That maybe that particular performance is a hard one to move, like to check the box
of, and they go, oh, well, Mikey was really good in, in, you know, the, my opinion is,
is that Demi Moore's, the role that she played was maybe not like an Oscar type of,
it's not a traditional Oscar movie, you know? It's a weird
French film about people crawling out of their skin. Isn't that essentially what it is?
No.
Isn't it about a substance that she takes?
Well, yeah, I mean, for me, it was more about like the take on Hollywood, or just women in general,
like aging, and how if you had the opportunity to go back to being like a younger
self of you would you and so you take this pill, this substance and then through that
there is a younger self that is born out of her body and so that's the grotesque part
is when you see the younger girl coming out of her body.
Coming out of her body, right?
It's like crawling out of her own skin, right? But let me ask you this, like you saw a Nora
and you saw a substance,
which one was the more,
which one was in your opinion was the better performance?
I mean, the substance was more of like a shocking,
you know?
I think that's the point I'm making,
is that like, I don't know that the shock value
of the performance outweighs Mikey playing kind of this vulnerable, edgy, sharp sex worker.
Yeah, she was really good in that movie.
But it wasn't life-changing, I don't think, for me.
Listen, I mean, to each their own.
There you go.
And Demi Moore.
To be Demi Moore for just a moment,
and that moment to be sitting at the Oscars
after all these years, 300 years of acting, or however long she's been doing it.
All these years.
From Bruce Springsteen videos to the Friends, to being kind of called like, you know, a
bit of a popcorn actress, I would say, like someone who doesn't, who can't do serious
roles.
She's just kind of one of these, you know, light on their feet, uh, comedic
actresses who did friends.
What other performance has Demi Moore done that has gotten such notoriety
in such a meaningful way as far as a dramatic actress is concerned?
She's done so many things though.
I mean, officer, I mean, not officer and gentlemen, what we was, um, uh, you
can't handle the truth, but, um but God, what is that movie? I
can't believe it.
Jared Sussman I don't know.
Danielle Pletka A few good men.
Jared Sussman Oh, a few good men. Oh, that's right.
Danielle Pletka A few good men. She was in the bad. She was in Decent Proposal. I mean,
St. Elmo's Fire, Charlie's Angels. She's been in so many things. It is hard to believe
that she's like never been up for a huge award before.
Jared Sussman I can't believe she didn't win.
She wasn't up for GI Jane.
GI Jane?
Wasn't she up for an award for GI Jane
or strip tease or something?
Ghost.
Ghost?
Ghost?
Yeah.
I mean, great movie.
I mean, all of these, you know, I get it.
She's been so much.
I get that they think that,
I get that it's like popcorn actress, right?
I understand what they're saying when they say that,
but she, when you think back on it, she has chewed on a few roles that were pretty groundbreaking.
Striptease made so much noise when it came out.
Oh, yeah.
Uh...
No, and not Ghost, but G.I. Jane made so much noise
when it came out.
Ghost was a huge deal when it came out.
Didn't Whippy Goldberg win an Academy Award for that?
I think she did win for that.
I think she did. I know she did.
I think she won an Academy Award for best supporting actress
in that film.
So to be her sitting in that seat for just a moment
and recognize that the movie that she just made
is essentially coming true in real life,
the whole premise of Substance is happening
right in front of her eyes. The
young lady beats out the older woman who has seen her better days in Hollywood and has
aged to some degree. And it was just like life imitating art in such a weird way. And
I'm sorry, but I know there's a lot of reals going around with Debbie Morris' face when
Mikey Madsen's called out.
I think she handled it as graciously as possible, but you can tell.
She was on a roll leading up to this, and then she just didn't get it.
It just didn't happen for her.
Yeah, I think her daughter posted a post shot of her in a bathrobe with two huge bowls of
French fries.
She was like, whatever. robe with two huge bowls of french fries. Somebody put it so sad that Courtney Cox didn't win an Oscar.
I was like, that's not Courtney Cox.
I get the joke, but it wasn't Courtney Cox.
Okay, Quentin Tarantino did, came out and announced the best director.
I do have to say that Quentin Tarantino.
Isn't he supposed to have a new movie coming out or something?
He's retiring.
He's doing one more movie. Well, that's, but the one more has been supposed to come out for a while now.
Yeah, but that's Quentin all the time.
He's always saying he's making the next movie.
He's writing the next movie.
The thing about Quentin is he's got to have his hands in every single bit of the movie,
which I think makes those movies uniquely Quentin Tarantino.
But he's got to write every line.
He's got to do everything.
He's got to make the lighting himself.
He's like that Christopher Nolan.
The two of them and James Cameron,
they're like super involved directors.
But I guess the best directors in the world
are the ones that really take control
of every single bit of it.
And listen, I haven't met a Quentin Tarantino movie
that I don't like.
Exactly.
And I got to say that he is just such a cool cat.
Like he comes out on stage and he's talking to people.
Is he talking to the crowd as if it was one person
at a bar and you guys were best friends?
You get the sense that Quentin Tarantino is cool
in any situation and I don't care how old the guy is,
I think he's always gonna be that way.
He's just one of those cool cats.
He came out, he did best director.
Yeah, it's just him.
I just wanted to share that Quentin Tarantino coming on the Oscars made it just a little
bit more interesting than it otherwise would be.
Morgan Freeman showed up to talk about his friend Gene Hackman who had just passed away.
Yeah, I did see that.
Under extraordinarily strange circumstances.
Extraordinarily strange circumstances.
Well, I don't know.
I mean, I guess we're going to find out what happened, but it seems like, and I've talked
about it with a couple of different people, it seems like maybe, I mean, Gene Hattman
was 95.
Matthew Feeney And in failing health, according to some people.
Yeah.
So it seems like maybe he died and then the wife maybe committed suicide with the pills.
And then there happened to be a dog that was in the kennel and it died to of starvation.
Matthew Feeney Yeah, it's nine days, 10 days.
Yeah, they didn't find him for...
Matthew Feeney For like nine or 10 days.
She was mummified.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's nine days, 10 days. Yeah, they didn't find them for... For like nine or 10 days.
She was mummified.
Yeah, I mean, that's a long time.
So at first it was shocking because you're like,
all three of them dead and it seemed like fresh
and it just happened.
But I think the timeline of events may have been different
for all of those things to have happened.
Yeah, I don't disagree with you.
And when I first read about it, at first I thought,
oh, there's something nefarious.
Right, of course.
Like there's a bandit's going around Santa Fe,
New Mexico killing people.
Yeah, or carbon monoxide people were talking about.
Or murder, suicide, or something along those lines.
But then when you hear the, at least the description
of the scene, it appears one died first
and the other one went after because of whatever.
Or she died and she was his caretaker
and he fell on the floor and couldn't get up. Something along those lines. I don't really, obviously, you know, more
information to come. But when they talked about the dog dead, I was like, but the, you
know, Hey, listen, it is not strange for people, older people to die with their dogs in the
house and they get eaten by the dog. And I know blue would be the first one to take a
bite out of me. I know she would. OK?
That's why I don't like Blue.
Because I know that Blue would turn on me in a heartbeat.
She may seem all small and not very ferocious.
But if she didn't have food, that dog wouldn't go three hours.
And she'd start chewing on my penis.
I know it.
I just know it.
All right.
I do have to also share that I liked the,
they did a performance
of The Wiz, which I thought was fine.
Queen Latifah did a fine job.
It was fine.
And Ariana Grande and Cynthia and a couple other people in the front row started dancing,
but the rest of the Academy didn't even bother to stand up and, I mean, it's The Wiz.
It's like, you know, I don't know.
I thought it just showed just everybody in the audience is boring too.
None of them are standing up and dancing in this extremely soulful, you know, catchy song.
Ariana and Cynthia figured it out.
Why didn't everybody else stand up?
You don't have to dance.
You can just stand up and do a little, you know, head bopping.
But they didn't put any other great music in the show.
I mean, you had the Bob Dylan biopic that was there.
There's so much great music
from some of these movies every year.
You could have showcased some of this stuff
and instead you pick The Wiz, really?
I mean, I know that Quincy Jones was winning an award,
but The Wiz was like the only song besides the Wicked song
that made any kind of impression on me whatsoever.
There were only three songs played the entire time.
The other one was,
the other one was, I think it was another Wiz song.
I think they did two Wiz songs.
Two Wiz songs?
The Wiz came out in 1971.
It's 2025.
I get it.
I get why you're doing it.
I get the through line here,
but I think you could have added some pops of music,
something to move the festivities along just a little bit.
Because then in the end, the most boring thing that happened the entire night was Adrian
Brody's insufferable six-minute acceptance speech.
Adrian did this 26 years ago when he won for the pianist and then he did it again this time.
He literally told them to shut the music off while he finished what he had to say and then
he had to say nothing!
Not a fucking thing that meant anything.
Be good to each other.
Okay, that's great, Adrienne.
We already know that.
We get it.
He basically made the same speech 26 years, and just almost the same length. He beat out
everybody else for the longest acceptance speech ever, ever, ever in the history of
the academy, ever. And he only beat himself out for that particular award. He is insufferable,
patting himself on the back and talking about acting is a tough job and it's a fragile profession.
I don't disagree, but this is like, there's millions of people across the world that are
watching you.
Like, I don't know, it just came across as very, like very jerking himself off.
And I didn't care for it.
Adrian's a fine actor.
I've seen him in a lot of stuff and I like him when he's acting.
And I want to watch The Brutalist, but it's three and a half hours long.
It's just as long as that fucking acceptance speech, for God's sakes.
You really have to block all some serious time.
It was so long that Hulu decided to cut off the last 12 minutes of the show
because they had a hard out at whatever time it was, 10.45.
Something to do with Hulu.
Hulu was live streaming it because ABC, Hulu, Disney,
and they cut off the last 12 minutes of the show.
Which is basically where you find out best picture, right?
Where you find out best picture.
Now listen, you didn't miss anything.
I'm just sharing with you. You didn't miss anything.
They could have cut out Adrian's fucking half of his acceptance speech
and probably gotten an extra 30 minutes on there.
That thing went on forever.
Anybody who watched it live knows what I'm talking about. It was insufferable,
incoherent, and irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. I think we should all be good to each other. I get
the message, Adrienne, but honestly, enough is enough. 30 seconds. Fine. Move on to the next one
and play a song that's been made in the last 50 years. All right, we'll take a break and I'll
stop talking about the Oscars. It'll be better.
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All right, I do also have to just say, I promise this will be the last thing I say about the Oscars. Where was the star power for the Oscars? No Clooney, no Brad Pitt, no Uma Thurman,
no, I mean there were like all the regular kind of like, you know, grandfathered in actors and
actresses that we usually see all dialed up, you know, sitting there in the front row, none of them there.
I thought Uma Thurman was there.
I didn't see Uma Thurman there, but I just noticed, and then I read there was a lack
of kind of that, you know, typical Hollywood elite that they're there.
Not that it would have made it any different, but at least you, you know, seeing Clooney
all dressed up, you know, that's a nice thing.
You like to see Clooney dressed up. That's a nice thing.
You like to see Clooney dressed up.
He's a handsome guy.
He is a handsome guy.
Yeah.
You look at the Oscars and they probably show it.
If Clooney's there, they're showing him six or seven times during the Oscars.
He's got that expressive face where you-
Because he didn't really have a movie out.
No.
Clooney hasn't had a movie in like 10 years.
Where did Clooney go?
What's the last movie he did?
Lake Como.
Yeah, Lake Como.
That's it.
Yeah, I guess when you have a private island in Italy,
you don't go many places.
Right, palatial estate.
Oh my God, to be Clooney.
And all you have to do is those coffee commercials
every couple of weeks and you make $100 million.
I mean, he also sold the tequila, you know,
the tequila brand.
Oh yeah, that's right.
So they don't need anything.
Why don't we have a tequila brand?
Why don't we have something that's like of value?
Because the content certainly isn't it.
I mean, I'd like it to be, but that's not making us any money.
Why don't we start a wine or something?
I would love that.
Brian and Chrissy's wine coolers?
TCB lights?
TCB bubbles?
A wine cooler. TCB lights? TCB bubbles? Wine coolers!
A wine cooler! Like a really syrupy, blue raspberry wine cooler.
I like that idea.
TCB! Giving you a headache on a Tuesday night.
You know, like really cheap.
Yes. We'll get you drunk and make you feel like junk.
Why not? TCB! wine coolers for teenagers.
We'll target teenagers for our sales.
We'll get like a Joe Camaclet character going on
so we can target the teenagers.
We'll sell them at the vape shop.
I think due to doge deregulations,
I think you can now market alcohol and cigarettes to kids.
Yeah.
Isn't that true? Yeah, it's gotta be. I don't know. Yeah, listen, if we were in the wine cooler
business, that's where it's at. We're gonna do a merch drop. I'm not even gonna say when,
because then it'll never happen, but we're gonna do a merch drop and like, Astrid and I are talking
about it. And now I'm thinking wine coolers. Why not? Wine coolers. Let's drop wine coolers,
And now I'm thinking wine coolers. Why not?
Wine coolers.
Let's drop wine coolers
and then some weird hangover remedy.
Made of beet juice.
Beet juice and colloidal silver.
I like it.
Maybe we should mix our wine cooler
with our hangover remedy.
The drink that gets you sober.
hangover remedy. The drink that gets you sober. The alcoholic drink that gets you sober. Brian, TCV wine coolers. That's good for the kids. TCV wine cooler. Take the kids. Take the keys
away. Hey, listen, it works for everybody else. You know, I see that Sam Merrill and
his buddy, Mark Norman, and they have a whiskey brand.
I think it's a whiskey brand.
They have a whiskey brand.
And I see them out there promoting that all the time, and they're at parties, and they're
at restaurants, and they're eating steaks, and they're drinking drinks, and they're taking
promotional pictures.
It looks like a ton of fucking fun.
Yeah.
And while I don't drink all that much, that's not to say I wouldn't to become a billionaire. I'd stay drunk for a couple more years. You know what I'm saying? I could deal with my kids if I
had a private plane. If I had a private plane, I could drink wine coolers till I'm blue in the face.
TCB wine coolers.
Nicole Soule- It helps with the kids.
May turn your skin blue. Kaloidal Silver, that's it. Kaloidal Silver, we're making wine coolers and the flavors are going to be Kaloidal Silver,
Homegrown Vaccine, we're going to do a bunch of them.
It's just going to all be weird conspiracy theory names and we're going to mix all kind
of tonics and stuff in there.
Because the content is not making us a millionaire for sure.
We're far from that.
But if we could get some kind of cocktail or something that we could go sell and
then just, we sell it to the bigger liquor distributors, right?
Isn't that how it works?
Yeah, I guess.
I don't know.
I feel like I've known a couple of people that have tried to break into that.
And it's hard.
Yeah, it's really hard.
Yeah, I had a guy. That's maybe why the celebrities do it,
is because they at least have a name to put with it.
Yeah, that's it.
You got to have, like, it's really hard
to convince a distributor to put those on shelves.
And then it's super hard to convince the people who
own the stores to give you shelf space.
And if you don't have the shelf space,
you're not selling the liquor.
Like, it's all, it's really a racket is what it is. But so are cereal aisles too. It's
the same thing. You can't make a new cereal and get into Publix. It just doesn't work
that way. You have to show them that you can sell, convince them to, you know, you've watched
an episode of Shark Tank, you know how it goes. I get all the information from Shark
Tank, okay? Kevin O'Leary. But I will share that I had a friend who started a energy drink business, like an energy drink water.
And they went around to every mom and pop gas station.
We all know the ones, the ones that sell crack pipes and they have a Bitcoin, you know.
And why Brian 3000?
Yeah, why Brian 3000?
They have a Bitcoin machine in the corner, you know, where you could buy Bitcoin by putting
money into the till.
We all know those gas stations.
And they went around to every gas station in the Southeast
trying to get that sold.
And they did.
They would sell like a case at a time or whatever.
And they were doing this all out of the back of their truck.
And this went on for seven fucking years.
They tried to get Coca-Cola to buy it.
They tried to get Pepsi to buy it.
They tried to get distributors to buy it.
They tried to get some kind of help and no one, and no one
would even take a meeting with them. They were like, yeah, get a number. Everybody's
got this same idea and everybody's doing the same fucking thing that you're doing. And
by the way, we can just make our own. Why would we buy yours? We can just make our own.
We already have all the facilities and everything to do it. It's a really, really, retail is
a really, really tough business to get into. But then soda drinks or energy drinks or waters, forget about it. That's really tough.
But since we are such notable podcasters, I mean, we're not number 106 on the comedy charts. So
says we're like number 106 on the comedy charts. I think we could sell a case or two of this blue colloidal silver energy slash COVID vaccine slash drink and I'll get you
sober before you get drunk kind of drink. It's a magical drink. It fixes everything and it's
endorsed by RFK Jr. That's all I got to say. What else do you need? By the way,
not going to talk too much politics here, but you notice that RFK Jr. is singing a new tune
about the measles vaccine?
Yeah, he's realizing that under his watch,
he doesn't want millions of people to die.
So he's like, about that measles vaccine.
That measles thing is scary.
That's very scary.
I know.
I started thinking about it.
I was like, am I updated?
I don't remember when I had mine.
I don't know.
Are you just updated for the rest of your life? Yeah, I got one like 10 years ago, I was like, am I updated? I don't remember when I had mine. I don't know. Are you just updated for the rest of your life?
Yeah, I got one like 10 years ago, I think. I think I got one about a decade ago.
Okay.
When I turned a certain age, when I turned 20, about a decade ago, I did get an update. I got
like tetanus.
I remember getting like an updated tetanus shot.
Like a tetanus and an MMR shot, I think.
Measles, Mumps, and Rubella.
Yeah, that's all we need is Rubella to come back.
What is Rubella and I don't want it to come back.
Measles sounds terrible too.
Measles is like chicken pox on fire.
It sounds really bad.
Yeah, you do not want the measles.
It gets in your brain swells, I think too.
Your brain swells, you get super fevers.
And you don't get rid of it.
No, it stays with your body the entire time.
It's just like the chicken pox virus.
It stays in you dormant, ready to come alive
at the next shitty stressful period in your life
and attack you.
It's not a good thing.
And it can morph, it can mutate.
And that's why in the last hundred years
or whatever they've started the measles vaccine,
there have been few, if any, fatal cases of the measles.
And now there have been six in a short period of time.
And, you know, I think, listen, people can be wrong and then they can be right.
And you got to applaud them when they're right, right?
And so I do applaud the fact that RFK has come out and said,
take the measles vaccine. It does save lives. I do applaud the fact that RFK has come out and said, take the measles vaccine.
It does save lives.
I can applaud that.
But I mean, the damage is already done.
There's like 168 people in Texas that have the fucking measles and most of them are children.
And it's like, some of my kids do not have their full course of vaccinations yet.
And I'm just sharing that I firmly believe in the science and every other doctor that I've
talked to has said so. The only people who have cautioned me against vaccines are people who don't
wear shoes and smell like a dirty rat. Do you know what I'm saying? They're still looking for their
career path at 67 years old and that seems to be following fish in a van. So, listen, whatever it is you personally choose to do, do it.
That's fine, but also there is this community aspect
that is to be considered that if the measles mutates
and becomes something we're not vaccinated
against most of us, then it becomes a real shit show.
And I think that is the concern now.
It's like, yeah, yay, welcome. Round
two. We're all going to, yes, this is Idiocracy Live. It's happening to us live. It's fucking
insane. Speaking of Idiocracy, I'll share a personal story that I, I'm sharing this
as a cautionary tale and I will say this before I get started. I am not proud of the way anybody acted here, except for the innocent
person involved in this.
And I, and then I'll share this.
The other day I go to pick up one of my kids from school, one
of my daughters from school.
And this, her school is in a, um, I didn't even want to say that, it's in a building that is
multi-purpose. So it's not just a school, there are other things that are going on there, but it's
very small. It's not a big school at all. It's probably 70 kids in the entire school. And this
is a, not a regular school, this is like a preschool, right? So there is a decent sized parking lot there and the parking lot is like
every other parking lot you have ever been in in your entire life. And that is two rows
on opposite sides of parking spaces. On one side behind it is the building, on the other
side is a forest, a county forest, okay?
Okay.
And walking trails and stuff like that. But that is also very small.
So, parking lot, two rows of parking spots,
and then a lane for people to drive in.
You understand what a parking lot is.
I don't need to explain it to you.
Yeah, thanks for the visual.
All right.
So, I go in this little traffic circle
to go pick up my daughter,
and then you can either go right into the parking lot,
you can go out that way,
or you can go left into the parking lot, and you can go that way. Two different streets, two different ways
to go, and I like to go left. I could go right, but I like to go left. That's just the way that it is.
When I am approaching the traffic circle, I notice that there are cones in the parking space. If I
was to take that left, there are cones in those parking spaces, and I can see at the corner of
the parking lot, near the exit, is a tree truck. Someone is cutting down trees. It's got the
big, you know, grinder on the back of it. And there are a couple of guys over there
with the yellow vests on and I can see that they're doing some work. Fine, whatever. Okay,
I guess they block off the parking spaces so that in case any tree limbs fall, no one
gets hurt. Or they need the room to navigate. I don't know. I don't care. I don't think much of it. So as I pick up my daughter around the traffic
circle and the middle of the parking lot, and then I go to the left, I'm driving by
where the cones are, and there is a guy that's picking up one of the cones from one of the
parking spaces. I've got my windows down. It's a nice day. As I'm driving by him, he whips around, whips the cone at my car and screams obscenely.
Now, I'm not, listen, I'm not throwing stones in a glass house. I do not have the, I am
not exactly the picture of vocabulary. I often use cuss words in my daily life and I don't
shy away from doing that around my children either.
I think they need to understand how real people talk.
I think we were talking about this with Kathleen Madigan, who will be on next week.
So he goes, motherfucker, did you not fucking see I'm putting fucking cones here?
He's screaming at me.
He's got a hard hat on.
He's probably 20 something years old, long hair, long beard, you know, screaming at me. He's got a hard hat on, he's probably 20 something years old, long hair, long beard,
you know, screaming at me. Windows are down, daughter's in the car seat in the back. And
I was like, no, I did not. And I was like, fuck you, right? Because now I'm pissed. He's
thrown a cone at the car. He's screaming obscenities while my daughter is in the back. That's a
scary thing probably for a little kid, but it's also scary for me
because I don't know what this guy's intentions are.
You know, I see that you have the yellow vest on.
I understand that you're upset,
but I don't know what about.
I don't see you putting cones anywhere
where I'm not supposed to be driving.
The lane is clear.
That's where I'm going.
And so he runs around the car to the side of my car,
grabs on the inside of the car,
and is screaming at me through the window.
You don't fucking see, I'm fucking blocking this lane here.
Can you fucking see that?
And I drove.
I just drove.
That's what I did.
I just said, yup, not even staying here for this.
I am driving.
But as I am driving forward, another young guy, so they're like twins,
right? Long hair, long beard, the whole night, hard hat, yellow vest, the whole nine yards
on, jumps from, so now I'm driving toward the exit and there is a guy there sitting
near the truck and he runs out into the middle of the road and throws his hands up.
Really?
Yes.
And now he's screaming at me, there's a fucking tree coming fucking down.
The fuck you think you're doing, you fucking asshole?
And I'm like, I don't fucking care.
That's what I said to him.
I don't fucking care.
And I drove and he, now both of them, by the way, now the other guy has run up to the car.
So now there's two guys standing there screaming profanities into my window.
And I say, I don't fucking care.
I'm going home.
That's what I said.
And I drove and I drove out of the parking lot.
There was no tree down.
There was, you know, it was, they were feet, you know, 50 feet away from anything that
I didn't see any work being done in the middle of the road.
I wasn't endangering anybody's life, including myself or my daughters. Had I thought that, as embarrassing as it would have been,
I would have backed up and gone the other way. But that was not happening. There was no tree,
there were no tree limbs, there was no, I don't even, those guys weren't even working. They were
sitting there yelling at me. It's like, what are you doing? So, I drove as fast as I could and I
sped out of the parking lot. And as I sped out of the parking lot, I'm like, holy shit, because I'm sure some of
the parents saw that, right?
They had to have.
It's not that far from where the traffic circle is.
Number one.
Number two, I probably could have reacted a little bit differently.
Maybe cooler heads could have prevailed.
Maybe I could have said, there were no cones blocking the area, but maybe I could have
said, hey, do me a favor, stand behind my car while I run over you real quick.
And then we'll make sure everything's okay.
Second of all, it's not a police officer.
It's not like this guy has some measure of control over what happens.
And there's clearly no present danger in front of me.
So if he was going to put cones in the lane so that people couldn't drive there, he hadn't
yet done that.
He was in the process.
But it didn't look like that to me.
It looked like he was picking up cones from the parking spaces.
And he didn't need to scream obscenities.
Yeah, that was uncalled for.
You can see my daughter in the backseat because the windows are down.
Like I can see that, I know that you can see this.
And screaming and yelling like a fool is not helping anybody. The guy simply
could have put his hand up, right, and just said, hey bro, listen, there's a tree
being cut down there, can you back up for me? Right? Now, I also could have just
backed up and turned around, but I just felt like, I just, in the moment,
adrenaline took over. Well, being screamed at, I was gonna say your adrenaline had to have been
totally pumping. Well, he threw the cone at the car too. Like, that's moment, adrenaline took over. Well, being screamed at, I was gonna say, your adrenaline had to have been totally pumping.
Well, he threw the cone at the car, too.
Like, that's a little much for him.
Yeah, that's aggressive, just to start.
Yeah, it's like, everybody is so on fucking edge
all the time that it's really,
it really is a scary time to be alive, right?
This guy was so on edge about someone driving past him
that he was
willing to put people in danger, including himself, in order to get his point across.
But what was the point? The point was what? You know, there was no tree down. There was,
if you really thought that people were in danger, you should have put the cones on there
long before you decided to cut any trees down. Do you know what I'm saying?
Right. That's bad coordination too on their part.
I mean, it's pick up time.
Yeah, it's pick up time.
It's pick up time at school.
Yeah, that's not cut down trees.
Anyway, I'll talk more about it.
Let's take a short break and then we'll get back.
Rachel here.
While Brian takes his old man bladder
to the little boy's room, let's talk turkey.
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Yeah, so there's my Tuesday afternoon. Yeah, it's my Tuesday afternoon. Damn. Yeah, it was, and then it kind of like, it stuck with me for the rest of the day.
Of course it did.
Right?
I'm replaying it in my head.
My daughter is scared.
She didn't like say a word, the attire, we're right home.
And I was like, listen, honey, this is a little hard to explain, but I drove by those guys
asking me to stop because I didn't want to get into any more of an argument with them.
And I'm sorry that you had to see that.
And even daddy probably could have been a little, a little cooler head.
Like 99% of the time, I'm really not that guy.
Like I don't go around yelling at people.
I'm actually quite the opposite.
If you find me in real life, I'm just kind of, I'm just kind of, I'm not quiet,
but I certainly wouldn't be the guy yelling in the middle of a grocery store
or something like that, but man, it just all happened so quickly.
I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I got nervous that my daughter was in the back.
I didn't like the fact that the guys were in my car yelling at me essentially.
And I quickly recognized that they are no state authority that I have to listen to,
get out of here, right?
Right.
Get out of here before it escalates and someone says or does something stupid that you can't
take back.
I mean, whipping a cone in the car is a pretty, you know, it's a pretty extreme measure to
take over your tree job.
You know what I'm saying?
Not that tree job isn't cool.
It's cool.
Tree job.
I know there's, I've had whatever tree guys are tree guys, but it just seemed a little
hot headed for the moment.
Like yeah, it hit the car.
Yes.
He whipped it right at the bumper.
And I was like, wow, you know, what just happened?
Where did it?
Anyway, that was my Tuesday afternoon, Chrissy.
The world is on fire.
Everyone needs to take a breath.
Rev down.
Rev down.
Everybody rev down.
Hey, Tree Guy, if you're listening,
I could have handled it better, but you could have also.
We all could have handled that a little bit better,
and especially around the children. I love that the second guy came jumping out.
The second guy came to his defense. He literally popped out of nowhere and he had his hands up with
that yellow thing. And I thought for a second- Yeah, they really should have locked down that
area way before any school pickup was happening if that was that important.
Absolutely. If you're cutting down trees and you're concerned about cars getting hit,
don't even allow that lane to be open. Close it down. And it wasn't closed.
I didn't run over any cones. There was no like taper or cones or anything in front
of me. I was driving on a clear lane,
which anybody would have done because the part that was closed off were the parking
spaces, not the lane.
Yeah.
If you needed that lane clear for the work that you're gonna do for safety purposes, insurance reasons, whatever, do it like 40 minutes
before you intend to cut down any trees. That's the first action you should have
taken. But no, you thought whipping cones at cars would be a better way to stop
them from from getting around the danger. I don't know, I'm just sharing that with
you. So, tree guy guy if you're listening tree company
We all could have handled that better. I think that's clear. Okay. All right. All right enough
Speaking of you know, let's all rev down Casey. Anthony is back. Did you see this?
I did see this in the news as like a
Educational person or no a defendant wait
She is legal legal Like a educational person, or no, a defendant, wait.
She is a legal, legal, legal analyst.
Yeah, a legal analyst because you've been encased in the judicial system for years of
your life.
Listen, Casey Anthony popped on TikTok and I don't think she's had social media ever.
Okay.
So, or maybe certainly not since, you know, Kaylee Anthony
went missing and then was found dead in the trunk of a car, her daughter. Casey Anthony
comes on TikTok and shares that she has been in the legal field, quote unquote, for 20
plus years and that she is going to now be a legal advocate for those that are missing
or murdered, young children that are missing or murdered,
including her daughter.
Hey, here's a little advocacy work
on behalf of your daughter.
Don't kill her in the first place.
Unbelievable.
Is Casey Anthony like the last person we really need
to come trouncing into this shit show
that we already have?
I'm being dead serious.
Please do not give this lady any air,
like any breath
of air into her social media. There are going to be lots of people who buy into this bullshit,
but I got to be honest. When I saw this TikTok like pop up, it was somebody else's reel that
they were showing, basically saying the same thing that I'm saying. I was like, no way.
Did Casey Anthony just talk to the camera and say she's going to become a legal advocate
for children in trouble?
This girl was out partying while her daughter was missing for 31 days until she called 911.
That's unbelievable.
That's like the worst parent ever.
And now she's going to be a legal advocate for kids?
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
Casey Anthony was like, remember that trial? It was like the
O.J. Simpson trial of the 2000s. Everybody had their eyes on that Casey Anthony trial,
because it was just such a weird thing that happened. Casey Anthony claims that she left
her daughter with some nanny, a Mexican lady. She left her with a nanny
while she went out partying with the guy that she was dating for a couple of days.
And then she came back and the nanny said she didn't know where her daughter was.
Well, it turns out that she was in the trunk of a car the entire time and then she was buried
outside in a plot of land, not too far from her parents' house. And then her parents were strangely like defending but not defending her. Her dad was supposedly, may have covered some
of this stuff up. I mean, the details of the trial are just horrific. And a guy that's
having children, I can't understand for the life of me how 31 days passes before you notify
the authorities that your daughter is gone. That's insane to me. But that's what happened.
And why anybody would ever take legal advice from Casey Anthony is beyond me. It's beyond me. Why
she would have the audacity to think that anybody would want to accept that advice. I hope this is
playing just like it's playing for me. And that is what a terrible fucking idea. But
you know what, Chrissy? There is a dumb dumb born every second. There are a lot of people
on this earth and most of them are not well. And some people will follow Casey Anthony
thinking that she's innocent. Some people may not even know who she is.
I'm sure.
And she will have her moment in the sunlight. And that's the part that drives me crazy.
Just like that OJ Funkin' Simpson. OJ. Funken Simpson. I've watched another documentary.
Oh, I saw that there's another documentary. I was like, not going there.
I am so down the rabbit hole with anything O.J. Simpson and I don't know why. I think because it
consumes such a large part of my formative years. It was like two and a half years of all of our lives
wrapped up and ensconced in nothing but the O.J. Simpson trial, right? And just like everybody
else on earth at the time, we were all big fans of The Naked Gun and all the movies that he was in.
You know, everybody loved O.J. Simpson. And then to think for a second that he would essentially
brutally murder these two people
was a crazy idea at first.
Then the slow chase and then all the drama and then the trial and the backdrop of the
Rodney King.
And it's like, it's a very weird period of time in American history, pop culture certainly.
But that OJ Simpson went twiddling away, free as a bird, and he couldn't even keep himself out of
trouble for like more than 15 minutes. Now he got arrested again.
Yes, for like kidnapping. Vegas or something.
Yeah, he brought a gun to get some of his signed helmets back. I mean, OJ, honestly. If I had one
piece of advice for OJ, if I'm a friend of OJ's, it's like, dude, God just kissed you on the forehead.
Never even think about jaywalking again.
Don't even think about it.
Go to the golf course, make new friends,
live your life, be a good citizen.
Never get in the crosshairs of anything legal again.
And yet, he tempted fate over and over and over again. He did that.
Remember Fox bought that If I Did It documentary? He wrote a book.
Uh...
O.J. Balsey.
Kind of.
Balsey, O.J., wrote a book called If I Did It, and then he wrote how he would do it if he did it,
if he murdered his wife and Ron Goldman. And the crazy part was that it didn't matter because he was acquitted, so no one could
say anything to him.
And he just pretended like, if I had done it, this is how I would do it.
And then Fox bought a documentary that had O.J. talking about how he would do it if he
did it so that they could put it on air.
Fox, a bastion of class and taste.
Ah, Fox. When I think about class and taste. I'm Fox.
When I think about class and taste, I think about Fox.
That's what I think about.
All right.
Well, listen, we're going to be back tomorrow.
Fear not.
Hopefully everything goes okay in the parking lot today.
Well, I'm not going back to that.
Okay, you're done.
I really, I really thought some of the parents might start texting Astrid because Astrid knows a lot of the parents and be like what just
Happened why was your husband in the parking lot screeching away?
I got so nervous and Astrid was like who fucking cares what no one cares, you know, whatever
It's just a thing it happened and I'm like, yeah, but I don't know it felt bad to me
Right. It felt like an exchange of negative energy in a way that I usually don't navigate in the world
So I got kind of upset about the whole situation. I can understand. Yeah, but you know, what are you gonna do?
I apologize to the tree guy for driving around you. So now you can apologize to me for
Being an asshole
You're probably like that all the time
You're probably a jerk off most of the time.
No, I'm kidding. I don't know.
Probably.
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212-433-3TCB.
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And by suitable, I mean you are breathing.
Yeah.
You can talk and you can breathe and you got a good cell phone connection.
We're going to start taking a listener phone calls, Chrissy, if you don't mind, if that's
okay with you.
I would love that.
What else?
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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.
I think so.
But I'll tell you that I love you.
I do love you.
Best to you.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe
Until next time Chrissy and I will sing we do say and we must say goodbye What the f*** am I doing?